#v happy with this.. for myself at least lmaooo
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Carpet #1 - Looped Neutrals
A simple/neutral-ish carpet with 20 swatches!
download: patreon; free | sfs
If you appreciate my cc, please consider donating to my Ko-fi ☕🌿
#ts4#sims 4#ts4 cc#s4cc#ts4 build cc#ts4 carpet#ts4 flooring#alwaysfreecc#mycc#v happy with this.. for myself at least lmaooo#i will hopefully make some more soon!!
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december 11 2022 2:12 pm
i think i got it backwards again. like for a while i was laying around like hmmm how to i attract change cuz i feel happy quite frequently and in general am content but im a bit bored. so i decided to switch up everything, my routine, my habits, my intentions, my affirmations, my mindset and see where that would take me. at the very least i can enjoy the voyage and all the newness. and for a while, i had a blast, lots changed, very interesting times, lots of ups and downs. and ive come back to a place of like stability and contentment, but also boredom again and like a looming concern of stagnancy. like im at a start of a long journey and im making my slow and steady progress but im like antsy. but i know that im at the beginning of something in one part of my life and the end of a cycle in another part of my life. i can feel the the dissonance in my joints and i feel restless. i want to rush to somewhere and get there fast, but i know thats not the right way and frankly i cant speed up the pacing of this voyage. i think i just revealed to myself that i need to exercise to relieve the sensation of wanting to expell energy but needing to redirect it. but thats not what this journal was about. anyways back to the topic of change and happiness, i asked myself again recently if i was happy and i said hmmm not really. im not sad, nothings wrongs but im just kinda going about my business, living life. it felt like i was waiting to be happy, like waiting for something to be happy about, for something outside of my to come along and set off a chain reaction that would bring me the ultimate wish fulfillment. so i went all grind mode, gotta-change-up-my-path-so-i-can-change-up-my-life, and i put my happiness somewhere else, somewhere ahead of me in some distant land. and i left and i lived. and i had a fucking blast lmaooo i put my joy in all those exhilarating moments, in those inconveniences, in that sensation of newness. i had been so anticipating it and finally making it happen and deciding to experience it fully and openly, and then having it all play out in such a fun way, so to have it come to what felt like such an abrupt stop and redirection was kind of jarring. i was still committed to enjoying myself until i could get back to somewhere else but then it continued. and continued. and continued some more. and the longer i spend here (realistically im being v dramstic cuz its mostly been these past few days), the more im wondering when tf im gonna go again lmao. cuz like the people im round rn arent making me happy or bringing me peace. if anything 80% of the time theyre feeding my own anger and discontentment. for a while i didnt notice it but since i noticed it like two days ago, every interaction is becoming an obstacle course as i dodge hooks into aggravating conversations or implicit requests for verbal drama dumps. and it has me thinking,,,, do i even wanna be here around these people!?! i think not! cuz why my day gotta be ruined just cuz urs is? but also at the same time im literally here and i cant escape that reality. so do i wait to be happy again? and i kinda subconsciously determined i would have to wait for another voyage to get my happiness back. but i came across a post a few minutes ago that said something about having “to find happiness in the little things all around you” and that had me pause bc damn yeah my life doesnt have to be bleak “until” anything. theres so many things i enjoy, my own company at the top of the list, theres just no reason my happiness needs to only look like one thing of be associated to one thing. i can find my happiness in this very moment. then it had me remembering the law of attraction and how this is kind of a good hack. if i want to be happy and living in excitement, i need to start doing so now. me being happy and exhilarated attracts. more and more opportunities for it to me, so it can open the doors to the joy im seeking by experiencing it in the now. this us a word salad and idc.
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REVIEW: EVERY MONTH OF 2021
RULES: post your favorite and/or most popular post from each month this year (it’s okay to skip months!) ❣ i was tagged by ali @evelynhugostjames !! thanku sm for tagging me ali!
JANUARY: my most popular post this month was this kieutou gifset which honestly, they deserve it, i loved this clip sm 💞 but my favourite one (and the one i need to shout out skjdskf) is this set i made of skam nl season 1, which... holy shit that took me so long skdjkd i almost quit like 3 times while doing it <3 also special mention to this post which was my first fic ... ever?? so that was cool :D
FEBRUARY: in february i started to rlly get into doctor who so i made this rose tyler gifset which blew up like. Very quickly lmao, so that is my most popular post this month. and this month druck season 6 also ended, and i wanted to make something for that bc i really really loved it, so i made this set :) and honestly it's still one of my faves ive made today! i love fatou sm 🥺💞
MARCH: i finaly started to find some different fandoms to gif for other than skam: this month i made a lotr gifset! which did pretty well for the amount of effort i put into it aldjskd and i do love it but this month i made another super long & complicated gifset for skam nl season 2 akdjskd you'd think i'd learn from the first time... but i love how it turned out so that is a win at least!
APRIL: my birthday month! 🎈 funnily enough i did not make a post for my own birthday but i made my favourite this month for someone else's birthday which... was posted on my own birthday skdjskd dodie is my fav musician and her bday is one day before mine! my most popular post this month (and ever actually!!) was this parallel between doctor who and much ado about nothing - david tennant & catherine tate are such a great duo skdjsj
MAY: alt er love week time!! this was such a fun week and it gave me both my most popular and my favourite post: this elu set was most popular (and also very ugly in my opinion oops skdhsjd) and this druck season 5 one was my favourite!! i really like the colouring 💞
JUNE: this month i made very little content skdjksd but i think even if i'd made more, this skamverse pride month set would still be my favourite. it's also the most popular post this month! which it totally deserves 🌈
JULY: man, u can see that it's summer skdjsd in july i also made v little content, i only had one post this month lmaooo this month i watched the doctor who 50th anniversary special which i loved and i loved clara a lot, so i made this gifset! i do still like it a lot 🥺
AUGUST: this month's posts are both non-skamverse! who am i! lmaoo but for real, i think this month i really got into giffing other fandoms which i am so glad about bc it just opened a lot of doors for me :) so august's most popular post was this twelve/river set (theyre the superior doctor/river pairing change my mind😌) and my favourite was this malina + bookquotes set ⭐
SEPTEMBER: school time again which meant less time for gifsets, but it also meant alt er back to school week!! both posts are from that week: this one of our favourite dumbass lucas lallemant was most popular, and my favourite was this one of liv and isa, which was my first time working with overlays (and it looked rlly well if i may say so myself hehe) ❣
OCTOBER: in october i, again, didn't have time for a lot of gifsets, so this time it's just one: my most popular and my favourite post was the isi inci main character moment walk! this one kinda blew up which i love bc xe deserves it 💜
NOVEMBER: only one post again lmao in november i took some time off bc school was absolutely shit, but i still found some time to gif luckily! and i am v happy about that because honestly, the eva mohn gifset i made this month... might be my own fav ever i love it so so muchhh !!
DECEMBER: this month i did a lot more!! my most popular gifset was a hit with the wlws as far as i know - yaz in her 1900s outfit from doctor who flux... it was terrible to colour but so worth it skfjskdh 💞 my favourite post was this isa keijser set with orla gartland lyrics, two of my fav things and i think it looks rlly good!! plus a special mention to my very first malina fic, u love to see it 😌❣
okay this has become VERY long alsjakd but i hope this will also be fun to look back on later 💞 i'm tagging @ramonapest, @belloves, @lucasotteli, @fatoujallovv and @isiinci!! feel free to ignore and i apologise if you've done it already - i am late to the party as always skjdskjf
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Can you imagine V and Kerry celebrating his 100th birthday? Lmaooo
Hey!!!
oh my god, okay, so, like, we need to talk about this. because birthdays in Cyberpunk are weird, and like, Kerry’s nearly a fucking century old, so does he celebrate his birthday?
part of me says yes. it’s like this big shindig, throws a party, it’s nova. invites all of these industry people. becomes something of a PR moment. fans crowd outside the Samurai gate, paparazzi are there hoping to get a peek at him. it’s more like an appearance or a meet and greet than it is any kind of meaningful celebration.
but all of that is so empty, y’know? so i feel like he wouldn’t bother, really. not now. had too many. he’s been there, done that, owns a closet full of metaphorical t-shirts, he has no... reason to celebrate his birthday. or at least, he had no reason to celebrate his birthday - until V. and then i think birthdays would change for him. i realize i’m going off topic from specifically his hundredth but i feel like Kerry’s the guy who dismisses it all, tells V not to bother, he doesn’t care for birthdays.
but V does. or at least, V cares about Kerry, thus cares about his birthday too, and he wants to do something nice for him. and i just have this image in my head of Kerry coming home from somewhere, i dunno, the studio or... whatever the fuck, doesn’t really matter, all that matters is he’s kind of tired and has no interest in celebrating, like every year.
and then he walks into the house. he doesn’t expect anything, V hasn’t let on a single time that he’s bothered about celebrating either, but he is, and i’m talking like, full romance here. cheesy as fuck. makes you want to punch yourself in the face. endless candles all over the place, rose petals, the whole fucking nine, okay, it’s taken V all day, and he’s got him his favourite dinner, his favourite music is playing (i’m thinking even though Kerry’s a rockerboy, he’s a big blues fan. in my head i can hear B.B King’s The Thrill is Gone, idk why) and it’s just... FLUFFY. okay. i don’t care. i’m going fluffy. all i do is depress myself so i’m going fluffy.
anyway, Kerry’s touched, obviously, because nobody’s ever done anything like this for him before so he has no idea what to say. and obviously V gives him a gift too, idk what that might be, could be a fucking bottle opener in the shape of a guitar but i think Kerry would cherish it like somebody just handed him the Mona Lisa, and he’s all soft when he opens it and then V looks at him and smiles all gently and murmurs, happy birthday, Ker.
and i die happy now, right??? can i die happy? because this is making me happy.
i’m staying in this place. yes. it’s warm here. i like it. and this is so long but i don’t care in the slightest.
xxx
#anon ask#kerry x v#otp: romantic as fuck#seriously the guitar in that song i mentioned#the thrill is gone#is fucking sexy#it's so smooth#so sleek#kerry would LOVE that shit#so yes i think that's playing in the background#something sultry and husky and dark and just#very very nice#yes#absolutely#i'm going to die happy now i've thought of this headcanon#god bless u anon
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I need to scream about RE ID bc like. Did I enjoy it? Yeah, I did. Was it. Just wrapped up way too nicely and quickly? Also yeah. I was a little disappointed by it tho, like the length, and the flashback scenes weren't as clear as I think they should have been? Like I understood what was happening, but it took me a little too much brain power to like keep up with what was and wasn't a flashback lmao
Also I wanna say, I get wanting to keep Jun See alive but god, that did not look fun. Just let him die, dude, no one wants to live like that, smh.
Thank god they kept Leon's one liners tho, like thank you for that at least lol also Claire, my GIRL, I love her holy shit. Honestly she was amazing, like, just perfect. Not sure why she has a gun in the promotional poster, bc she just. Never has a gun throughout the entire show, I don't think? Also can we talk about how she took that guy down with that lamp, and then hopped on top of him just fucking ready to continue to beat the shit out of him? Chris would be so proud 🥲
Okay also, I saw what you said with that flirting scene, and I agree that it seemed like Leon was trying to lighten the mood, but it so didn't need to be put in there at all @ the writers. Like this show could have gotten away with no romance, or just that one moment near the end with Claire and Leon (which, I don't ship them much, and that moment at the v end where she was like "are you ever gonna stop treating me like a kid?" And he responded with "probably not" or whatever kind of ruined whatever was shown earlier? Like it feels like she's had that convo with Chris before too, so I'm like hm no don't imply romance and then imply that he treats her like a little kid every time they run into each other, now it's weird lol) and been fine. None of the story was contingent on any kind of romance between anyone.
Now with that said, can I just say Patrick absolutely wanted to suck Leon's dick? Like he was smitten, and I bet you they at least fuck after all this is said and done, if not date for a short period of time. I thought they were gonna kill Patrick off, I'm glad they didn't tho, he was v wholesome lol.
Also I wanna mention that every serious moment (save a small handful) I just. I couldn't take it seriously, it was too over the top. Acid? Really? That's the self destruct measure? Slowly rising acid? I dunno, that doesn't seem quite right to me, I don't think that's how it works lol
Honestly they should have just made this into a new movie, bc making it a series implies more to follow and in general a longer narrative, but these eps were barely 20 minutes each, so there's almost no point splitting it like that. Did I enjoy myself? Yeah, I always do when Leon is involved, but it could have been so much better.
Also the silly little shipper in me is kind of desperate for more interaction between Chris and Leon, bc as far as I'm aware it's just RE6, RE vendetta, and RE ID (and I think the person who told Chris to save Claire in either code x or Veronica was Leon? Not 100% about that tho lol) where they actually interact with each other, and considering that they're the two main characters of the franchise, they should probably meet up more? Idk, that's just my gay ass hoping for more Chreon content lmao but still.
ANYWAYS yeah, I would rate the show like a 7.5/10? It wasn't amazing but it wasn't garbage, either. Probably my least favorite of the four animated movies tbh, but I will take the Leon content, thank you Capcom. Also it was interesting to see Leon around the time following/around RE4 and RE degeneration, I thought, I dunno.
oh boy I agree 100% it was wrapped up way too quickly in the end. like killing Jason? by just dropping him in the acid? it was way too simple and easy if you ask me. and like, why didn't he yeet Leon into the acid when he had him by the throat? him not killing Leon makes zero sense to me??
asdfg yeah I get they weren't ready to let Jun See go, but I bet Jun See really would've preferred to go...
I am so happy that they kept the one liners!! Leon felt very, very in character which I loved so much. I was afraid they'd tone it down or make him super serious or so, and it was such a relief they didn't. he was so eager to help and so goddamn kind to everyone I don't know if my heart can even handle it ;;;;;
also Claire!! so badass!! I loved the part where she attacked the guy with the lamp (yes Chris would be super proud haha) and THE HEADBUTT seriously, one of the top highlights of the entire series :'D
(but honestly this is gonna get long i'mma gonna hit that read more here)
and the flirting scene, I do think they could've left it out entirely and it felt a little strong-armed in. but I'm trying to look at the silver lining? Leon was super goddamn adorable in it, like, so cute it hurts :'D and Shen May didn't seem bothered really, it was more this joking thing between them. so while yes, it was unnecessary, i'm focusing on the joking feel of it and choosing to interpret it as such :'D
also, can I just say, the "romantic moment" with Claire and Leon near the end didn't feel very romantic to me? I know it's a romcom cliché (or at least a fanfic cliché lmao) how they ended up in a pile after the rescue but ...it didn't scream romance to me? although I do kind of like the pairing! (not a top fave but a cute one)
and yes, the whole "when are you gonna stop treating me like a kid?" "probably never" felt SO much like a sibling moment!! such big brother energy from Leon, and I don't know, that made me super duper happy?? I want them to be friends. I neeeed them to be friends gdi. which is why I am unhappy with how mad Claire seemed to be at Leon in the end and how they left it off like they did. I am hoping that it sets things up for a second season? and they for whatever reason need them on kind of the opposing sides at first? because otherwise it makes no sense to me for her to be that disappointed in him. in Degeneration they already establish they work in different ways towards the same goal, and for that to do a 180 now feels... like a disservice to the characters? idk?
lmaooooo but yes Patrick 100% wanted to suck Leon's dick he didn't even try to be subtle about it :'D idk I would've wanted Patrick to have more depth and screentime too, i so wish they would've made it a longer series and given the characters more development. because I liked pretty much all of the new characters they introduced! but it feels none of them reached their actual potential!
then again that is kind of the whole deal with resident evil in general, they set up awesome characters and end up wasting them half of the time :'D guess i shouldn't be surprised.
THE SLOWLY RISING ACID PISSED ME OFF lmaooo c'mon!! it doesn't seem like a good self destruct measure. especially since ...you'd need different acid to dissolve organic matter and to dissolve inorganic matter if we're being nitpicky. and how would it be plausible for them to store enough of it safely to even do this?? they should've just detonated the whole place and blown it to smithereens or something, the acid was. stupid.
i agree, it feels like a movie. but I think @tirsynni is probably right when saying that it was sort of a test run to see if they should make more? which I am so hoping for. because even with the complaints I have of this, I DID enjoy it, a lot!! and I do want more! and maybe this time we get Claire and Leon actually working together for more than fifteen seconds! :'D
also I definitely would not say no to more Chris and Leon interactions. (yes it was Leon who told Chris to save Claire :) at least that) it... in general makes no sense to me how capcom seems to think friendships work? like how Sherry is all "Leon and Claire are my best friends" and then they imply they haven't met in years? if not more? idek it's. weird. it's like their characters go into storage containers in between their missions to be stored away so they can't even accidentally have personal lives or friendships or anything. weird.
(what I said about having amazing characters and ending up wasting their potential? yeah)
for me, personally, it's... well, my score for the show would depend on whether I just focus on the characterizations and what I liked, or if I try to actually take the plot and all into account too :'D but I did like this more than Degeneration! already the fact that Leon has actual facial expressions is enough to put it way above that one. (and for the record, I don't hate Degeneration either, I do like it, but... Leon is such a cardboard cutout with zero personality in it, it's super frustrating)
idk I think I need to still process this a bit to see how I will like it in the end :'D there are things i'm super hyped about in it, and things i'm disappointed in, let's see how they'll weigh in the overall experience eventually.
#idutr#replies#ask and i shall answer#re answers#infinite darkness spoilers#spoilers#infinite darkness
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05 | gangsta ; sweet pea
Notes:
A warning ahead of time. I’ve got 3 parts to this already written and I fully intend on posting them today, if possible. Also, things are starting to heat up just a little here pretty soon, so there’s that.
I realize that nobody asked for more of this ( i’m saying that because after chapter 1 I don’t think anybody kept reading lmaooo), however.. I’m having a blast writing it, so whether anyone asked or not, you’re getting it, lmaooo.
Also, new header thing for this because I can.
Warnings:
non canon compliant - this is the biggest warning, so if you’re into things that follow exact canon plot you are... definitely not going to like this. angst & slow burn, heavy sexual tension starting in the next part - this is just so everyone who started reading this thinking the smut would transpire in a hurry knows that apparently, it is not. violence / swearing & fighting, possible underage drinking and other shenanigans - look.. it’s high school. shit happens. also apparently, my ofc Alyssa uses the word fuck like all the time?... eventual sexual content - this one is self explanatory. yes, i plan to write a smutty chapter in this at some point. when? i don’t rightly know. it’s got a while before we get there.
Pairing:
Andrews!Sibling OFC, Alyssa x Sweet Pea
Other Parts:
[ one - two - three - four - soundtrack ]
Other Stuff:
[ faq - tag list doc ]
Tagging:
@brithedemonspawn is the only person on my Riverdale tag list. If you’d like to be tagged for this story by all means.. Please let me know. It’d make me super duper happy!!!
F I V E.
My door was being pounded on. I rolled over, pouting at it. Honestly, the last thing I was prepared to do was go to school and face everything. My dad had told me the night before that I could miss one day.
“I’m sleeping.” I barely called out.
My bedroom door creaked open slowly.
“How long are you going to hide out in here?” Toni asked the question from my doorway, a hand on her hip as she stared me down and tapped her foot.
I sat up, looking at Toni. Shrugging.
“I don’t want to see him. I’m so angry I just want to choke him.”
“So, get up, get dressed and let’s go choke him.”
I eyed her, laughing. Managing a weak smile. Shrugging. “It’s not worth it. I mean… I should’ve known he had some kind of ulterior motive to begin with.”
Toni’s brow raised and she shook her head. “Meaning?” she questioned, an expectant gaze fixed on me.
My dad called up the stairs, “She alive up there?”
Toni answered, “She is.”
Cheryl came jogging up the stairs, flopping onto the other side of the bed.
Holding the one eyed stuffed rabbit that I’d given her in kindergarten because she was upset when her mom and dad couldn’t be bothered to show up for a play we were in.
“I come bringing gifts. Whiskers.” she presented the rabbit to me and I took it, hugging it against me for a few seconds. Holding it back out to her. “He was supposed to protect you, Blossom. You keep him.”
“You’re the one who’s hurting right now.” Cheryl insisted.
“I’m not hurting, I just… I don’t know.”
“You’re upset. And it’s okay, even if I swear to my dying day that Reggie Mantle is not worth it.” Toni coaxed.
I nodded.
“So are you coming with us or are we going to have to drag you out of bed, hm? You know I’ll do it.” Cheryl teased, giving me a soft smile. “You’re tougher than this, okay? I’ve seen your snapchat stories from Chicago.”
“Wait.. What’s that mean, hm? What am I missing?” Toni eyed Cheryl, awaiting explanation.
“For the record, Cheryl, it was only four fights.” I glanced at Cheryl, going quiet and shrugging. I wouldn’t have ever gotten into any of those fights if I hadn’t had a damn good reason. Okay, so maybe one of them I would have because my temper got the best of me.. But the other three? Wouldn’t have happened.
“Four fights that you won, Al.” Cheryl smirked.
“You’ve gotten in a fight? Since when?” Toni eyed me, shocked.
“That’s one of the big reasons I’m living with my dad now. One of many...” I admitted, trailing off and going quiet while shaking my head and laughing. “What? Did you really think I was some actual good girl?” I teased, poking out my tongue at her.
Stifling a yawn as I stretched. Trying to burrow down between the two of them.
“Girl if you don’t get out of this bed, I’m going to open your window and yell for Fangs to come in to crush you.” Toni laughed.
She and Cheryl shared a look and the next thing I knew, they were getting up.. Going to the bottom of my bed. Raising my black bandana stars and moon print comforter. When they started to tickle my feet, I caved pretty quick.
“Okay, alright, fine.”
Toni was already digging through my closet, Cheryl grimacing at the astounding amount of black shirts and band merch. Ripped jeans. Toni turned to look at me. “Girl.”
“Yes?” I was pulling myself out of bed now, stretching. Giving myself a once over in the mirror on my vanity and cringing. “Yikes. I look like death.”
“ So you mean to tell me you have all this stuff and you’ve been wearing all that other stuff?” Toni asked, gazing at me as she held up a cropped Metallica shirt.
I nodded, shrugging. “I.. wanted to try actually not giving my father a thousand heart attacks since that’s apparently Archie’s thing.”
Toni nodded, laughing. “I always felt like you weren’t really you.. The whole cardigans and sundresses thing. I mean, it fits you but it doesn’t. Not like this stuff, at least.”
She tossed a pair of black jeans at me, and one of my shirts. And then Cheryl eyed the box sitting on my window seat. “What’s this?”
“Pretty much anything Reggie gave me or every note he ever wrote. I was going to throw it all out or burn it later… Probably burn it because of the fact that I get to play with fire.” I sighed, grabbing the jeans and the shirt.
“Hey, Toni? Do you see a red and black plaid shirt? It’ll be towards the back. It’s really old looking. Can you hand it to me?” I asked as I grabbed for my favorite pair of boots, slipping my feet into them.
Toni found my dad’s old shirt and eyed it. Held it up to her nose, smelling it. “Why’s this smell like old guy cologne?”
“Probably because it’s my dad’s old shirt?” I gave her a laugh. She laughed and smiled. “You’re such a daddy’s girl, Andrews.”
I shrugged and smiled. “At least he’s dependable.”
“Hey, there’s toast if you three want any.” my dad spoke up from the doorway, glancing at the three of us.
“Yeah.”
“Awesome.”
“Thank you.”
After we’d eaten some toast and scrambled eggs, I grabbed my bookbag and just as I started out the door, my dad stopped me. “I’m glad you’re listening to what we talked about. Being yourself?”
“Me too.” I smiled, stopping to give him a hug. “Hey.. I don’t have practice after school. Is it okay if I come and hang out at the site? Maybe I can even help a little…”
My dad mulled it over. Smiling. “Yeah.”
I pushed out the front door just in time to see Fangs wandering our way. He chuckled, nodding to me. “I see you guys did actually get her out of bed.”
“We did say we were going in there with one goal in mind, Fangs.” Toni snickered. I tensed a little when I noticed Sweet Pea lingering up ahead, leaned against the streetlight, his arms folded over his chest.
For some reason, the fact that he probably knew everything that happened just.. Bothered me. Way more than it should’ve.
I stopped. My gaze torn between the path to school and my father’s house, getting further behind me with each step. Suddenly not too sure I wanted to or I even could face the fact that if Reggie and Chuck made the bet then everyone I once thought of as a friend probably knew already.
And spent the entire time I was bending over backwards just to make myself fit in laughing behind my back.
The anger kicked up in me and I took a deep breath.
“Oh come on! The best way to handle this is to show him you don’t care and it doesn’t bother you, Al.” Cheryl coaxed. Toni nodded in agreement.
I took a few shaky breaths and started to walk to catch up with them again. Letting the anger brew instead of just pushing it back down like I seemed to be getting good at doing to a lot of things lately.
If I was going to face Reggie and all our friends, I was going to need that anger. I was going to need one hell of a shiny spine. Because being passive and letting it go just isn’t who I am. And maybe my dad’s right. Maybe it’s time I started being more me.. Without all the crazy and wild stunts I pulled back in Chicago.
“Are we meeting to have our little goodbye fire after school?” Cheryl asked. I bit my lip, mulling it over. Finally nodding, as much as it hurt. The sooner I get this out of my system, the better I’ll feel, hopefully. “Yeah. I’ll get the box and we can do it in a trash barrel at the construction site.”
I almost had to laugh at the irony. Not even a week ago, I’d been contemplating breaking up with Reggie because I couldn’t take the fighting or the tension anymore. The only thing that stopped me? Not wanting to hurt him. Because I knew what he was going through at home. Because I could see the teeniest sliver of a good and sweet guy buried deep down beneath all the cocky swagger.
And today, we were over and he’d been the one to hurt me. He’d been playing the long con the entire time.
The sound of a car revving on the road next to the sidewalk we were all walking on had me glancing over. Grumbling when my eyes settled on Reggie’s black Charger.
“What the fuck does he want?” Sweet Pea snarled to himself.
“A fight, if we’re fuckin lucky, man.” Fangs chuckled, opening and closing his fists.
Reggie rolled down the passenger window. Called out to me.
I pretended not to hear him, turning my attention to talking to Cheryl and Toni instead.
“I know you hear me, princess.. C’mon. Please? At least give me a chance to explain?”
He kept at this for almost a minute until I finally got annoyed. I finally just couldn’t deal with him lingering. Trying to push me into talking things out. What was there to talk about?
He’d had a bet going about getting into my panties.
“Explain what, exactly?” I eyed him, a hand on my hip.
Reggie bit his lip and his eyes roamed over me. He sighed quietly, nodding to the passenger seat.
I shook my head no. “Which part do you need to explain, Reggie? The part that you made a bet on taking my virginity or the fact that you’re an actual fucking pig? I can’t believe I fell for your shit.”
From beside me, I felt Sweet Pea tense a little. Fangs grumbled and shook his head, muttered under his breath, “ I always knew he was a fucking douche.”
“I deserved that.” Reggie muttered. Pleading with me again to at least let him explain.
“You deserve a kick in the balls.” I retorted, starting to walk a little faster. “Don’t you have a bimbo to fall back on?” I asked when I realized he wasn’t pulling away and driving off. “Stop trying. It’s not like you tried that hard before I found out what you were really about.”
He eyed me, his mouth opening and closing.
“What’s that mean, huh?”
“ If you can’t figure it out, it’s not on me to explain it.” I rolled my eyes. Tapping my boot against the sidewalk impatiently.
“I’m gonna prove you wrong, princess.” Reggie bit his lip, gazing at me. “I’m gonna prove just how wrong you are and how much I care.”
“You can start by leaving, meatball.” I rolled my eyes, waving a hand dismissively as I hurried to catch up with the rest of my friends. Reggie drove off and I watched his tail lights fading. Taking a few shaky breaths because it felt like I’d just ripped a bandaid off an open wound.
“That went well.” Toni muttered, eyeing me. “You okay?”
“I’m fine.” I muttered.
We were standing at the edge of the parking lot in front of Riverdale High by now. I gazed at the building. For a few seconds, I thought about bolting. Instead, I took a few long and deep breaths. Walking into the halls with Toni and Cheryl. Holding my head up. Ignoring the stares and the few whispers.
Cheryl leaned in to mutter against my ear, “Ignore them.”
I nodded, even though every single part of me was now wishing I hadn’t chosen to come today.
When I got to my locker, I found a single red rose taped to it. I tore it off. Grumbling to myself as I found a trash bin and threw the flower inside, giving Reggie a pointed glare as I walked right past him.
Chuck elbowed him and said it loudly enough that I could hear, “You can do better, Mantle. Find yourself a girl who cares enough to put out.”
I rolled my eyes. Spinning around before Toni or Cheryl even realized that I wasn’t walking with them anymore. Backtracking down the hall and stopping in front of Chuck.
Gazing up at him as I retorted, “Oh?”
Chuck eyed me, snickering. “Somebody’s feisty this morning.”
“Correct me if I’m wrong here, but didn’t you like… lie about half the girls you claim slept with you? I mean hey.. I can’t help it, some of us have actual standards, dude. Wasn’t there a whole ass scene between you and pretty much every single girl in Riverdale High? In this same hallway? Might want to keep your mouth shut, Chucky.”
His fists clenched.
I snickered quietly. “Anyway, that’s not what I came over for. It just occurred to me, Chuck.. I never bothered to ask how much my virginity is worth to an ignorant swine like you. How much was the bet, hm?”
Chuck raised a brow. Reggie tensed. Trying to butt in, trying to tell me to let it go and plead with me to just talk to him later when I’d cooled down.
But I was past it.
Chuck smirked. “You, princess? Twenty bucks. Now.. if you were actually hot like say… Betty Cooper or Veronica Lodge, even Cheryl over there or her pretty little friend.. It’d have been a hundred bucks easy.” he folded his arms over his chest. Waiting on his words to hit some kind of mark.
Thinking that I gave a shit. Or that I wasn’t already well aware that I wasn’t supermodel hot like most of the other girls and totally fine with it.
“If you’re waiting on me to be hurt, it’s not gonna happen. But here. Here’s your fucking money, you prick.” I dug around in the pocket of my jeans, finding a twenty dollar bill. Tossing it at him. Nodding at where it settled on the floor.
“Pick it up.” I repeated firmly.
“How about you do it for me, princess?” Chuck smirked, gazing at me intently. Nodding towards the fallen twenty.
I shook my head. Stepped closer. “Go on.. Pick it up. Unless you’re afraid...”
Reggie cleared his throat. “Princess.. You don’t have to do this. None of this matters...” he tried to reason with me. Tried to get me to calm down.I whirled around to face him. “ My name is Alyssa. You don’t get to call me princess or baby girl or anything like that anymore. Are we clear, meatball?”
Chuck cackled at that. I turned to face him, nodding to the money. Bending to pick it up. “Guess you don’t want to get paid.” I shrugged. He reached for the twenty and I drew it back out of his grasp, clucking my tongue.
I held it up, as best as I could to keep it out of his reach. When he went for it, I threw it on the floor again and spat in his direction. “Next time you decide to bet on somebody’s virginity, asshole, just remember how many girls shot you down. Remember that you’re actually not hot shit.”
I shoved through the crowd, walking back over to my locker. Throwing it open. Ignoring the shocked looks on my friends faces as I calmly switched out my books for the morning classes.
XXX
He couldn’t stop replaying the whole thing in his head. Smirking about it a little in pride because he honestly hadn’t ever thought she had all that in her. He found himself stealing glances at her while she had her nose buried in the textbook, reading and not paying anything going on around her any sort of attention.
From behind them, Reggie was hissing her name. Sweet Pea rolled his eyes, annoyed because the guy had basically gone this entire time without a backwards glance at her while paired with Mandy, and now, suddenly, he couldn’t leave her alone.
The jealousy that surged had Sweet Pea clenching his fist. Shoving it in his jacket.
When Reggie tried to pass a note to her and it settled on his desk instead, he turned and smirked. Speaking up so the teacher caught onto what was going on.
“I”m flattered, Mantle. Really I am. But you’re kind of not my type, man.” Sweet Pea smirked as Reggie practically growled at him and shook his head. The teacher hadn’t caught on yet. Reggie kept nodding to Alyssa and Sweet Pea chuckled to himself again. The urge to embarrass the guy was just too strong to pass up.
“Oh? You want me to pass this note to Alyssa?” Sweet Pea barely hid the smirk when he said it loudly enough that he knew their teacher had to hear him, plain as day.
The teacher glanced their direction, stalking across the room to snatch the paper out of Sweet Pea’s hands. Unfolding it as he started to read it to the entire class.
Alyssa grumbled under her breath, whirling around in her seat.
“Pig.” she called out before turning to face the front again. Sinking down in her seat just slightly. Shaking her head as she muttered to herself quietly, “Where was this energy when we were actually dating, I ask?”
They reached for the textbook open between them at the same time and Alyssa glanced over at him, biting her lip. No matter how much he tried, Sweet Pea couldn’t drop his gaze. His eyes were locked on hers. He repositioned the book so that they could both see it clearly. And maybe just so she’d have to lean in slightly in the process.
“What’d you say to Chuck in the hall?” He whispered after a few seconds.
“I threw his fucking money at him. And reminded him that most of the girls he supposedly got with actually didn’t and wouldn’t touch him with a ten foot pole. I was hoping he’d bend down and get his money though because I was totally about to knee him in the face.”
“Nah. I don’t see you doing that.” Sweet Pea chuckled, shaking his head at her and locking eyes all over again.
Alyssa eyed him, an amused look on her face as she shrugged. “Whatever you say, Sweet Pea.” before going back to reading their assigned part of the text.
Sweet Pea found himself staring at her. Probably much more than he should have if he were being honest about it.
She leaned in to turn the page and he coughed abruptly. The cotton candy scent of her favorite body spray wafting up. Making him bite his lip over the knee jerk reaction he was having to the way she was slightly leaned against him. She must have caught on to him staring at her because she glanced up, licking at her lips. Muttering an apology in haste and moving away a little.
He leaned into her and muttered into her ear, “It’s not that big a deal, cherry.”
She nodded, but she didn’t look up at him or anything.
When it happened at least two more times during the class, he wound up having to shift around in his seat a little. Trying to appear neutral when every little accidental brush of her side against his was overloading him a little more each time.
XXX
“Okay, I got matches.” Toni or Cheryl called up the stairs from the living room.
“I have the lighter and the box.” I answered, jogging down the stairs to meet them. We stepped out of the house and I locked the door behind me. Stopping by the fern to make sure the spare key was still hidden inside the pot just in case Archie didn’t have his key.
We set out for the construction site but Toni remembered that she had to stop by her grandfather’s place to grab something.
The crowd gathered outside was angry. Panicked. Toni shoved her way through the crowd her neighbors made, up and onto her porch. Coming back with a bright orange piece of paper that had been stuck to her front door.
I happened to spot Sweet Pea as he stood on the porch three trailers away. His jaw set firm.
Cheryl snatched the note from Toni and as soon as she realized it was an eviction notice, she was hugging Toni.
“I can’t fucking believe this. They can’t just throw out everyone.”
I swallowed hard. Locking eyes with Sweet Pea from across the lot. Every part of me wanted to walk over to him. But I didn’t dare.
He tolerated me at best.
I could just see this only driving his defenses up even more. Fangs wandered over, a similar note in his own hands. Swearing and angry.
“There’s absolutely no way, this is bullshit.”
“They can and they did, Cherry.” Fangs grumbled. Cheryl and I shared a look because neither one of us really knew what to do or say in this case.
“Yeah, I don’t think so. I’m gonna skype my mom tonight and ask if this is legal at all.” I took Fang’s notice and took a screenshot of it. He shook his head. Muttered calmly and quietly, “No use in bothering with it, Cherry. We all know how this is gonna play out.”
“It doesn’t have to, though.” I answered, shaking my head. Cheryl did the same. Hugging Toni as she tried to console her. Offering to let her stay at her place.
Sweet Pea punched at the post on his porch and jumped over the rail, wandering over to where Toni and Fangs stood with Cheryl and I.
“You see this shit?”
“Yeah.” Toni answered in a flat tone.
Fangs just nodded. Pacing. Angry.
“This can’t be legal.” I muttered.
Sweet Pea gazed down at me. A sneer forming. “I hate to break it to you, Cherry. This is real life. And there’s nothing any of us can do about it, either.”
I tensed at his tone. I get where his anger was coming from, but the fact that it was directed at me right now was both hurtful and kind of irritating.
“What? You think I live in a fucking ivory tower?” I snapped before I could stop myself, storming off.
Cheryl caught up to me halfway down the block.
“There has to be something we can do. Anything.” Cheryl spoke up as we shared a look.
“I’m calling my mother. If anyone can stop this bullshit, it’s her.”
“I can try to buy it back.” Cheryl mused.
“That fucking snake Lodge wouldn’t ever allow it and your mother would end herself before she let you do that. Not to mention what she might do to get even with you for even thinking it.” I sighed as I gazed at Cheryl. The wheels in my mind turning. Same as hers, I could tell.
“We just have to think. I mean, we know who’s behind all this. I wish there was some way I could fucking pin him and make it stick.” I grumbled, shaking my head again.
“Something tells me there’s more to your dislike for Veronica’s father than merely the way he’s making our friends homeless.” Cheryl studied me. I nodded, answering quietly, “The man got out of prison, discovered my brother was dating his daughter and decided to take a wrecking ball to my brother and my father’s relationship. You know how close they were, Cheryl. And you know how much I hate change or tension. And it’s been so tense between them since I moved back I… I just feel like the walls are closing in sometimes. But my mom told me to let them figure it out. To focus on figuring myself out. But I can’t because I love them both and it’s frustrating the hell out of me, ugh!”
Cheryl nodded. The rest of the walk to my father’s construction site was quiet. Both of us thinking. Trying to come up with any form of a solution.
Toni caught up to us, putting her arms around. “I’ll take you up on staying at your place.” she muttered, brushing a kiss to Cheryl’s cheek as a thank you. I smiled at the two of them and then spoke up.
“I’m seriously going to call my mother tonight and ask if Mayor McCoy can do this. Every part of me wants to go fill her gas tank with sugar but then I remember, Josie’s actually pretty okay and I don’t want to get on her bad side. Besides.. Pretty sure her mother didn’t come up with the idea to do this on her own. Pretty sure she had a little monetary persuasion.”
Toni eyed me as I kicked over a garbage can nearby.
“It’ll be fine. F.P’s already offered sanctuary at the Wyrm for everyone.” Toni spoke up. I nodded. Feeling a little bit of relief, because I’d been so fucking worried.
I knew Fangs probably had places he could go. Other family.
Sweet Pea, I wasn’t entirely sure he had that. And I knew he’d literally rather die than ask anyone for anything.
Even though if I thought for a second he didn’t have a place to crash, I’d been fully prepared to do something. Anything.
I shoved the thought out of my head.
“What’d you mean by monetary persuasion?” Toni asked.
Cheryl filled her in on my five minute rant that she’d missed. And Toni studied me intently. “And now the way you keep your distance and go quiet around Veronica and your brother totally makes sense.”
“I want to like her, I really do, but.. Her father and this fuckery. Because we all know none of this started until that man came to town.” I rubbed at my forehead. God, I was so done with this day.
My father’s construction site came into view and my dad caught sight of me, making his way over after he finished talking to one of the contractors.
“Everything okay, tiny?” My father asked, giving me a gentle look of concern.
“Fuck no.” I grumbled, shaking my head. Trying to put my thoughts together and be calm about it.
“Hey! Language.” My father scolded in a gentle tone. He eyed me and waited. I took the eviction notice from Toni’s hand and showed him, shaking my head. “I swear to God, that jerk Lodge should’ve stayed in prison.”
“Agreed.” my father muttered. He handed Toni back the eviction notice and rubbed his chin thoughtfully. I could tell it bothered him too. His jaw set firm, just like it always does when something’s upsetting him or making him angry. I get the trait honestly.
“I’m going to call Mom tonight and ask if it’s legal for Mayor McCoy to do that. I mean she can’t. Unless the place is condemned.. I wouldn’t think.” I explained.
“I dunno, kid. The world’s not always as black and white as we see it. Kind of where your mom and I butted heads a lot.” my father answered, hugging me. Glancing at Toni. “Do you have somewhere to stay?”
Cheryl smiled and nodded, speaking up.
“She’s going to be staying at the Manor with me, sir.” she beamed as she held onto Toni’s hand, giving it a squeeze. My dad chuckled and raked his hand over his head.
“If Cheryl’s mom starts anything, you’re welcome to stay with Alyssa.” my father told her. Toni gave a soft laugh, nodding. Thanking him quietly.
My dad caught sight of the box in my arms, nodding to it. “What’s all that?”
“All the crap Reggie gave me. And the notes and pictures.” I answered, shuffling my feet.
“You’re not gonna keep that?” my dad questioned. “I know it hurts, but memories.”
“Nope. I have zero interest in anything to remind me I was ever stupid enough to date Reggie Mantle.” I shook my head, vetoing the suggestion.
“Yikes. How bad was this fight you two had, exactly?” my dad asked again. He’d been trying to get me to tell him but I just couldn’t. Not knowing my dad would definitely try to murder the guy.
Cheryl started to speak up, she started to tell my father what actually happened, but I gave her a gentle elbow in the side. My father eyed me and I sighed.
“It wasn’t exactly an argument. We just broke up. Well, to be honest, I dumped him.”
“If you want to talk about it..” my dad offered.
“Oh, I’m pretty sure you’d try to murder him and I love you too much to let you go to prison.” I answered quietly. “Trust me, daddy.. You don’t want to know. Let’s just leave it at me dumping him, please sir?”
He eyed me, but he let it drop for now.
As soon as we found a barrel we could use to burn the contents of the box in, we made our way over and I turned the box upside down, letting the pictures, letters and the stuffed animal inside settle in the bottom of the barrel.
After striking the match, Cheryl passed it to me. I tossed it in and we stood there, watching the fire quietly. All of us lost in thought.
At one point, Toni spoke up.
“Sweet Pea shouldn’t have gone off like that.”
“I don’t blame him. I get it. It’s fine.” I shrugged. “He’s right. I am kind of sheltered. I mean I know what the real world is like, I just.. I got lucky enough that I don’t have to face a lot of it’s challenges.” I mused, shaking my head. It still hurt, the way he’d snapped at me so harshly. ,, ah well, I thought to myself, another good reason why he’d never want to be with someone like me and a very good reason why we wouldn’t work out and I just need to forget whatever.. this.. is that I am feeling towards him lately.”
“Is there any reason you haven’t told your father the real reason you broke up with Reggie?” Cheryl asked the question after we’d all fallen silent again. I leaned back in the chair I’d dragged over and gazed up at the sky. “Because I know my dad will try to kill him. And no matter how much Reggie deserves it, I don’t want it to happen.”
“Oh, I’m petty enough I’d tell him.” Toni answered. The three of us shared a laugh and I went quiet. “Was Sweet Pea okay when you left? I know the eviction notice pissed him off.” I asked, grabbing a stick to poke at the fire. Pouting because it was starting to die down. The flame licked at the corner of the first note Reggie ever wrote me and I stared at it a few seconds, lost in thought.
Sweet Pea’s throat cleared. I looked at him.
“You can ask me yourself.” he answered quietly. Fangs nodded to the dwindling fire. “Damn. I missed the closest I’ll ever come to lighting Mantle’s ass on fire.”
I laughed before I could stop myself. Then I stood to go lug a hose over to put out the fire. It was dying anyway, there wasn’t any sense in just letting it keep burning.
“We could move this to Pops. I gotta pick up dinner for me and Dad tonight anyway, because Archie is apparently going to welsh on his turn to cook. Because he’s with Veronica, of course. Doing god knows what.”
“The sex.” Fangs teased, wiggling his brows suggestively.
Making me grimace and pretend to gag while plugging my ears as he did so. “Ew, gross, why the fuck would you put any of that… imagery in my head? She’s kind of a friend and he’s my brother and now I’m going to fucking hurl, sir.”
“Fuck it, why not. Pop’s it is.” Sweet Pea grumbled, pulling himself off the ground. As we walked towards the diner, I found myself fenced in beside Sweet Pea when Fangs chose to walk on the outside of the sidewalk. My side brushed against him every few steps and I couldn’t help but be painfully aware of it. Of him. I shoved it out of my mind immediately. I was barely managing to get the guy to warm up to me as a friend. And right now, I needed to breathe. To get my own head on straight. Enjoy being alone and free to do whatever. Without any obligation to anybody or expectations.
,, besides, look at him… do you really think he’d ever go for you? Not a freaking chance. Literally the only reason Reggie Mantle did was just to see if you’d give it up so he could win some fucking bet... You’re always second choice, the sooner you accept it and stop fighting to be chosen first, the better...” the thought surfaced, taunting me.
When I saw Reggie’s car rounding the corner, I swore to myself and tensed up slightly. And next to me, I felt Sweet Pea tense just a bit himself. He glanced down at me when our hands brushed on accident. Biting his lip. Our gaze lingering on each other, distracting me from Reggie’s car slowing to an idle on the street as he tried to get my attention from inside of it.
I don’t know why I did it, but I curled my pinkie around Sweet Pea’s. Giving a careful squeeze because it kind of calmed me down.
“Pound sand, Dog.” Toni called out as soon as Reggie had the window rolled down. I laughed and called out to him calmly, “What my best friends just said, meatball. Pound sand.”
“Give me a chance.” Reggie pleaded again.
“What I’d like to give you is a swift kick in the nuts.” I retorted.
Reggie sighed. Called out calmly, “I’ll give you a little more time to calm down. Then you have to talk to me. Please? I.. I love you, okay? The last thing I wanted was everything to come out.”
I swallowed hard, gazing at him. Really weighing the fact that it took him getting caught like he had to make him actually say the words and actually appear to mean them. I dragged my fingers through my hair. Trying to think about it all.
Deep down, I knew that it was already over before I even overheard the conversation about the bet he’d made with Chuck. I’d already been thinking about it.
He’d just done me a favor and sped up my decision making process.
“Go away, meatball.” I called out. Reggie rolled up his window and drove away and I shook my head, going quiet. Thinking about everything.
We filed into Pop’s, filling up a booth. I guess I was too quiet, because Cheryl cleared her throat.
I glanced over at her and she smiled. Gently but firmly reminding me that Spirit Week was upon us and I needed to be in my best form. I nodded. “I’m trying.”
“Don’t try. Do. I can’t have my tumbler moping all over the place. And if you’re going to pull off that stunt you’ve been practicing, you have to have your head in it. One wrong move and it won’t be pretty.” Cheryl reminded me.
I took a sip of my milkshake and nodded again. “Oh trust me, I know.”
“What stunt?” Toni asked, looking from me to Cheryl.
Cheryl explained it. The gist of it was that I was going to do my usual bit on the pyramid, a back tuck basket, hopefully come out of that into a back handspring.
“Are all gymnasts super flexible?” Fangs asked, making all of us laugh and groan as he shrugged, “It was just a question. I mean they’re always doing all those flips and all that other shit.”
Cheryl giggled at the question, nodding to me. “She used to put her legs behind her shoulders when we were in grade school.”
“Until you triple dared me once and I fucking got stuck like an actual human pretzel.” I pretended to pout at her from across the booth. Cheryl laughed. Toni laughed and I pouted at them both. “Glad you find my embarrassment entertaining.”
“Oh come on! I’m just wondering if it’s like that afternoon we were messing around by the quarry and you tried to cram yourself into that pipe.”
“Again, fuck you both.” I quipped, taking a long and noisy sip of my milkshake.
“Yeah, what is it with you and spaces you don’t need to be in?” Fangs questioned, chuckling as I stuck my tongue out at him and shrugged.
“I climbed into a dryer once on a dare. I think honestly, it’s just the simple fact that I hate being told I can’t or shouldn’t do something, because that’s how the dryer dare all started...” I trailed off, drumming my fingers against the tabletop.
“Wasn’t that one on your Snapchat stories?” Cheryl asked. Digging for her phone and going to the app. Going through my stories until she found it.
I laughed as I heard one of my old friends in the background going “And it was in this moment that Allie knew she’d truly fucked up.” just as I started to realize I might or might not be stuck and started to panic a little. Yelping about “Errors were made. Oh no. This is.. How am I explaining this to my mother, Lexy? Oh god, she’s going to have a cow…” as I laughed hysterically and tried to wiggle myself free. “Suddenly, this doesn’t seem like a good idea. Stop filming me Raya and help, shit!”
“Dramatic?” Sweet Pea chuckled, catching my gaze.
“Eh, maybe a little.” I shrugged, sipping my milkshake. Trying to drop my own gaze first, but unable to do so for whatever reason.
“What’s the thought process behind cramming yourself into a dryer though?” he questioned.
“I was told I shouldn’t or that I wouldn’t. Then dared to do it. So I did it...” I answered. Gazing over at him. A puzzled look on my face because he was kind of staring at me. Intently. Lost in thought for a few seconds.
“A dare, huh?” he eyed me as he asked.
I held his gaze because try as I might, I couldn’t seem to stop myself from doing it.“Mhm.” I muttered, finally managing to break our little stare down. Glancing down at my french fries and shoveling a few in my mouth.
After we left Pop’s, I made my way back home, flopping myself across my bed. Cheryl was sitting at my vanity with her legs propped against it and Toni was sprawled out on a giant beanbag chair that sits in the corner of my room, flipping through a magazine.
“So.. Is there some reason you and Sweet Pea keep staring at one another?” Toni’s question drew me out of my own thoughts. I glanced over at her, shrugging. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“You noticed too?” Cheryl asked Toni. Toni held my gaze, smirking at me as she nodded yes to Cheryl. “You know exactly what I’m talking about, Cherry. And for the record, you definitely didn’t look at Mantle that way.”
“I don’t look at Sweet Pea in any certain way either? I mean.. I don’t think I do?” I questioned, confused. Wondering why I kept getting asked the question or accused of doing this.
“You do.”
“It’s like you’re starving.”
“Or thirsty.” Toni teased, the three of us bursting into laughter. I actually had to stop and think about it.
And found myself confronted with the fact that maybe… possibly… I did think Sweet Pea was hot. I had since my first run in with the guy, right after I moved back to Riverdale. I just.. Didn’t make it a point to actually stop and think about it or dwell on it.
But I found myself wondering.. If my best friends noticed any looks I may or may not be giving him… Did that mean he had?
Somehow, I doubted it. And that relieved me.
“All I’m going to say is he’s hot. But that’s it. And neither of you better say a word! That’s all the guy needs, his ego getting so big he can’t fit a room. Besides… even if I did… feel an attraction… there’s the small fact that guy absolutely cannot stand me. He only tolerates me because we’re friends.” I admitted. Going quiet. Letting the thought sink in. Trying my best to process it.
Or forget it. Because that was pretty much my only option here. Shove these pesky thoughts and any attraction that I’d been feeling as deep down as they’d go.
Otherwise, this was going to get awkward. Fast.
#sweetpea fanfiction#sweetpea imagine#sweetpea fanfic#sweetpea imagines#sweetpea fic#riverdale fanfiction#riverdale fanfic#riverdale fic#my writing ; sweetpea#my fics ; sweetpea#my fanfiction ; sweetpea#// so far this has been kind of a flop. but it's the most fun i've had writing a flop in ages#// so i'm honored to write a flop i guess lmaooo
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@vorhersage said: 3, 12, 18 for all of them thanks › oc creation questions ( accepting )
3. how did you choose their name?
carter: i remember scouring baby naming websites for the most obnoxious sounding rich people names. i wanted something more ~modern frat bro-y but with a touch of old money™ too, so in the end i went with lewis montgomery carter which imo already sounds extremely annoying so i’m happy. lloyd was.. just a vibe... but also lloyd bank, no correlation but a vibe.
marty: marty was acc a really stupid one, because i first made him on forums where you have to sign up with the character’s name... very funny story for a different day but i just wanted to make an account so i could work on the site, so i just picked any random name that i thought sounded cute. i think i was thinking of back to the future? only after that we came up with an rpg concept and i started creating an oc... who wasn’t very marty mcfly-ish at all? but i decided to stick with this fresh nickname and give him an eccentric real name...... that’s why it’s a stretch from artemis to marty when he literally could’ve been arty but that’s not a vibe at all. his middle name is aurelio bc it’s cute and lighthearted but i realized it’s almost a c/mbyn mood which .. puke.. also all his siblings have a. a. names so 8) graves just sounded nice and dark academia-y, plus because it was a fantastic beasts-ish rpg concept i was thinking of claiming p.ercival graves as a distant relative oop. when i removed marty from the hp setting i thought the last name still fit v well with his new lore so i yoinked it from fb and now it’s mine uwu
pandora: i have no clue how i came up with pandora, i just thought it’s funny to give her the nickname bread bc ‘big bread’ was somewhat of an inside joke but i couldn’t make myself give her the last name grande... also all my central american friends have like 7 names each so i wanted to give her at least one middle name and two last names ... i went with belén like bethlehem because it doesn’t fit her AT ALL hehe and then for a last name i really liked olivar.. bc of plant imagery and it sounded like bolivar... anyway...
holden: very non-deep i found it on a baby naming website and vaisey is a golden trio era side-side-character so i just thought i’ll make an ancestor ... stonks! 8)
margaret: i really really liked the nickname muffy and so i looked up for which names it’s a nick name... mary and margaret just happened to be on the list, which perfectly matched her background hehe 8) barr is actually kind of an eva-ism, i asked her if i should name my character after a.aron burr or c.atherine parr and she said yes <3 so i did 8)
conan: conan means little wolf babey!!!! r.emus l.upin who!!!!!!!!! irish werewolf all the way!!!! and hm mcloughlin just struck me as irish™ idk it sounds nice!
sunshine: haha... i didn’t have a name for her for the longest time, i just knew she was a hippie gal with a pure heart and uwu attitude so eva and i just called her ‘sunshine rainbow baby’... and then when it came to actually naming her... i didn’t :) it’s just the right amount of tacky and in-your-face so i kept it ayyy
emily: she just was emily .. i didn’t choose the name it was just there and i accepted it.. sorry... for her last name i looked at japanese name meanings that sorta fit her vibe and i liked all the kuro- ones bc kuro means black which... hello... and kurosawa just sounded really fitting!
12. what have you found to be most difficult about creating art for your oc (any form of art: writing, drawing, edits, etc.)?
carter: the fact that he knows shit about american politics and icba to look that up for every reply. plus the fact that his political opinions disgust me .... also i changed carter’s fc once and that kinda messed up a little how i picture him physically, esp with art and edits i... still don’t know if he rly has curly hair or nah.. have stopped thinking about it...
marty: the fact that he’s so cringey and his vocabulary is bigger than mine.. also he has read walden and i refuse to... generally his obsession with classic literature is a big yikes for me bc the canon is so str8 white cis male heavy oof
pandora: her lore? i am very lazy with her lore... also finding the balance between whirlwind and Chill.. i know she’s there i just gotta find where exactly...
holden: trying not to make every reply sound the same but he only has 2 emotions ( angry, a little less angry ) so it’s hard.
muffy: not so much difficult as interesting but i find out more and more that muffy is actually... kinda dark? idk man i don’t wanna see her snap. ( but actually.. i do.... )
conan: it just hurts man.. everything about him.. i want happy endings for my characters so bad but i wonder if he can ever be happy without being sad :/
sunshine: her whole inner monologue lmaooo i have no idea what i’m writing i’m just winging it??
emily: i’m yet to find out babey 8)
18. what is the most recent thing you’ve discovered about your oc?
carter: how whiny he is rip :/ i knew he kinda was.. but oh boy he’s terrible...
marty: his relationship with Evil people and that he actually... would rather follow charisma than ideology which is a big oof ://// .. not that he’s into breaking the law at all but his moral compass is so weak and he usually thinks about other things and he is so easily peer pressured that he could high key be manipulated into doing bad stuff :/
pandora: she’s a coffee person!
holden: that he spits on kids
muffy: that she’s kind of a slytherin?
conan: he can’t sit with his back to the door..
sunshine: she could be kind of an adrenaline junkie? not in a dangerous way she just... is the person who says ‘ i wanna go again! ’ after getting off the roller coaster hehe
emily: that she swears oop
#long post /#vorhersage#( oop you sent this like a month ago haha anyway here u go )#( collective hc tag )#𝐨𝐨𝐜. › answered › i can’t read :(
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MICKEY MEETS FC BAYERN (PART 1/4)
for the entire houston clownery experience click here
psa: excuse my face and the pic qualities. up until this happened i haven’t really taken pictures of myself (less than 10 in the past two years for family and work purposes and NEVER selfies) and when you meet people you’ve only seen on TV in a very unexpected circumstance, then don’t expect your brain and motor functions to work 100%.
okay. i posted part 1 of this a few days ago but i’m gonna redo it again to flush out the details. before i start, know that i arrived in houston wednesday afternoon. my original flight back home was scheduled sunday after the game (i booked my flight and lodgings months before like a good binch) but since bayern clowned again and announced the full detailed schedule really late, and put ALL the major fan stuff on SUNDAY, i grudgingly rebooked and extended one more day. how much that one extra day cost me will haunt me for a while but hey, it was more than worth it! of course, i didn’t know it would work out like that at first...
the hotel reception was around 6:30-7 pm on friday so we went there a few hours earlier to get good spots. met up with The Niko Thirst Gang (big shoutout to @screamingoranges, @saquonbrkley, and @simplyirenic! it was great meeting y’all hope we could do it again sometime) and waited patiently in the houston heat and humidity outside the hotel. finally the team bus arrived and got my shirt signed by boa, fiete, benji, leon, and thomas! made a post about it here and i also have the full reception video if y’all wanna see!
but being the greedy thirsty binch that i am, i wasn’t satisfied at all. thiago and niko weren’t there. the coaching staff were the first to go down and hansi flick, dr. broich, and even Witch Doctor™ müller-wohlfahrt were there, but NOT niko. after the bus left and all the other entourage cars were off, i was about to rage outside the hotel bc i was really banking on seeing niko that day and taking a pic with him there (my blood pressure had been raging for 4 hours and then to be let down just like t h a t...). apparently he and thiago went straight to nrg stadium from the airport for a press conference. and guess what? NRG STADIUM WAS JUST DOWN THE ROAD FROM MY PLACE 💀💀💀
anyway, come saturday and it was game day! i was so pumped since my seat was five rows behind the bayern bench! y’all know what that means: unlimited firsthand access to peak drama!!! i also had this huge ass sign asking for niko’s bottle sdhfsdjfh. the game was great (bc we beat madridies and it was just really exciting all the way) and i saw stuff that we normally don’t get from TV (e.g. ALL the angry niko antics, leon changing into his kit on the bench, etc.) at one point niko finally looked at my direction while drinking from his bottle and i’m pretty sure he saw my sign but he just kept on drinking sultrily from that goddamn bottle sjadhksfksdfdk i hate him!!!!!!!
after the game i was feeling pretty let down and desperate bc i know sunday was the team’s last full day in houston and i didn’t want my extension to be for nothing. the practice session and paulaner bbq were invite-only events (ugh) and the mall meet-and-greets won’t have niko or everyone else in them. so i set my alarm, went to bed, and decided to try my luck by randomly going to the hotel again to see if i can get something. i had no idea if it was gonna work or not. it was a shot in the freaking dark.
sunday morning. 8:30 am. i went out armed with a sharpie, my cardboarded jersey, a pack of gum, and two bottles of water.
my uber drove me to the hotel entrance and i even got the whole five star welcome sjdhfsjdfbjkds
hotel staff: ”hi! welcome to the post oak hotel!”
me: “oh lmao i’m not actually a customer i’m just here to see if the team’s still here. have they left for practice yet?”
hotel staff: “oh no problem at all. they’re still here they just finished breakfast i think”
me: “oh cool i’ll just wait here then”
hotel staff and some guy in a bayern audi fcb tour polo shirt: “it’s so hot here, though. don’t you want to wait inside?”
me:
me: “............i can do that? am i allowed in?”
bayern guy: *shrugs* yeah sure. i’ve seen you around before anyway (nice guy talk for: i know ur stalking them lmao)
just like that.
i’m in. i made it.
u n s u p e r v i s e d. totally no barriers whatsoever. with full blast A/C too!
cue happy lil me, relieved to be out of the houston heat, entering the hotel and chilling in their nice plushy seats. (if y’all have cash to burn, it looks like a real good hotel too if you get to houston sometime). i kept on looking over my shoulder bc i still can’t believe they just let me in like t h a t. i tried to make myself look as harmless and innocent as possible and saw some of the training staff milling around and chatting in german (for a moment i thought i was back in munich it was so surreal). at some point, a very sleepy and very casual javi martinez in slides came up to the reception and i nearly passed out. he looked over at me and i waved and said hi and raised my shirt (signal if he wants to sign). he shook his head no and gestured to reception and i was like “oh sure no problem!” (i was trying not to freak out even if i was sad ok)
i’ve been trying to kill time by screaming here on tumblr until about 10-15 minutes later i heard the huge ass team bus pull up out front. a few moments after that, it all started.
i saw the kitmen carrying stuff to the bus and greeted them “guten morgen!” they were so cheery lmao (idk if it’s bc they just had breakfast or bc i greeted them in german). then i saw dr. broich and hansi flick come out in their training gear (both looking hella tanned sfnsjfjsdfn) and greeted them both again. dr. broich waved, said hi, and went straight to the bus but i was able to flag hansi down for an autograph. in my excitement (he was my first catch of the day!) i forgot to ask for a pic ugh but oh well
me: “thanks hansi! and welcome to bayern!”
hansi: *handing me back my shirt and trying (and failing) to put my sharpie back in its cap* “oh, thanks so much!”
after hansi went on his merry way, i saw dieter nickles (the press conference guy) and asked him for a picture and autograph too.
me: “hi dieter! can i please have a photo and an autograph?”
dieter: “are you sure? i’m not a player...”
me: “haha i know but if it’s all the same to you...”
he seemed pretty chuffed that i knew him and happily signed and took pictures (score #2!)
that was it for a while (they were the early birds) until giovane elber himself came out. i freaked (i love him) and tried to keep my voice from shaking when i asked him for the standard photo and autograph. in my haste, the first was pretty blurry and against the light but giovane, angel that he is, was like “oh no that’s bad. let’s try again” and maneuvered me to another angle. success! i luff u, giovane ;__;
then The Voice of the Allianz Arena himself came out. i semi-shouted “stephan!” and startled him that he nearly dropped his coffee snbfsdbfsdfsb. while he was signing my shirt, i asked him if he could give me a lil soundbite and HE DID! he sounds exactly the same as he does on TV during games omfg
the younglings started to come out too. i missed a few of them because they went out in a group so i was only able to flag down sarpreet and ron. oh well! they cute af! go bayern babies! grow up and save us from clownery!!!!!!
(ignore the pen in my mouth i was multitasking lmao)
after that, the ground started to shake (just kidding) bc Big Uncle Nik was there! after i got his autograph (a very simple N.S. lmaooo) , we tried to take a picture. i say “tried,” because i’m 5′3 (and 1/2....on a good day) and he’s built like a fuckin skyscraper. in the end, since he was so nice and realized it was hopeless, he bent down to my level so we could both fit in the frame sdhfbsdjfsbdfjd COME ON SÜLEEEEE
then Pure Angel Baby Fiete came out! i already got his autograph and had a pic with him in the hotel reception, but hey, one more can’t hurt! lemme tell y’all: he looks like an angel, and IS an angel. he’s always so game for photos and even said thank you after we took the pic and i’m like “um???? no, thank YOU!!!” he laughed and i cried lmaooo
also, javi finally showed up again. i raised my pen and phone and he was like “oh sure! yeah!” my brain was fried from Beautiful Athlete Overload that i forgot NOT to take a pic from that cursed angle. javi looked like he was in a hurry though so i didn’t even try to ask for a better pic. oh well, at least here he looks like he came down from heaven (he really looked like he did huehue)
(tumblr has this stupid 10 photo per post limit thing so stay tuned for more pics in part 2!)
#i finally got these out LMAOOO i'm still shaking and heaving!!!!!!#fc bayern#bayern munich#javi martinez#niklas süle#fcb#*my crappy shit#mickey meets fcb#hansi flick#dieter nickles#giovane elber#stephan lehmann#sarpreet singh#ron thorben hoffman#jann fiete arp#sorry for typos and everything i tried to do this as i recalled it before i forgot the deets lmaooo#they were all so nice tho ;__;#and i didn't get arrested!#that's such a surprise for me shdnfbrnmsdbfrmsd#ANYWAY STAY TUNED (i gotta let all these out)
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My thoughts while TGD 2x18 “Trampoline” aka a long ass post because I started out with no expectations and got everything I freakin wanted oh my god I’m still freaking out 😭😭 my thought process was a whirlwind lemme tell you
So a little stressed and worried about tonight’s ep with shea probably crumbling for good and shaun being in the hospital and melendaire going down the drain *sigh* but I just need to remind myself that I didn’t get so into this show and become active on tumblr because of the ships but because I love the characters and the storyline and shaun overcoming challenges of being autistic and fighting against ableism and need to remember that and remind you all to in case you’ve forgotten as well
-reliving shaun being upset was heartbreaking omg
-shaun bby no where tf is the bartender
-😂 v blunt lady and omgggg Lim making jokes about it I love her also why do I feel like this is either a hint with the “subservient” thing saying melendaire will never happen :// BUUUT why can’t it if they just have the same review/hr going going over it as well I also don’t have to have my melendaire while Claire is still his resident but I would still like moments between them OKAY?!
-🤮🤮 I’m disgusted I knew this moment was coming a dramatic kiss omg wtf I’m done already and this is so awkward omg
-yes Claire give them that look realize you LIKE MELENDEZ
-lmaooo damn morgan throw park under the bus but omg yes she DIDNT DENY BEING GAY OUTRIGHT GIVING ME HOPE OF HER BEING BI/PAN PLZZZ 🙏🏼🙏🏼
-that’s a fucking lie han, Melendez and Andrews have both challenged him and and our now backing up their boy and believe he can do it at least fucking Andrews is which is surprising because god knows Melendez has hardly interacted with Shaun or stuck up for him this season despite them having that moment in the finale last year
-a shaire moment fuck yes 😭 Claire being compassionate and inspirational as always
-I’m so in love with Claire Browne and I know I’m reading into ships too much but Claire saying she wants to fall in love after seeing l*mlendez isn’t a coincidence right?? Or is it a shaire hint which I’m not COMPLETELY opposed to if I can’t have my melendaire but if shea doesn’t work out I think Carly should come into the picture more 👀👀
-omg 😭 shaun wants to be a dad
-This shaire acting out interaction is giving me so much life oh my good it’s cuteness freakin overload
-what the fuck what the fuck glassman you’re proposing what the fuck
-I’m just looking into everything because that seemed like a parmorgan moment with him being young and can still have kids 😂 also why does Park suddenly look v young in this ep
-shaun being blunt as always I love it and so does Carly
-😂 morgan is such a kiss ass I love her and did Neil have that face because of her doing that or because he’s not secure in his relationship with lim 😏😏
-oh shaun honey why are you lying please get checked out and Claire please press him more for info
-and yes I fucking love Carly backing up shaun and doing the test for him
-really shaun is going to get in trouble for how he talks to patients but we have fucking park saying shit like that to an old woman and Morgan has done the same too in the past like really?!
-Fucking tell him lady and I can’t believe morgan is being more compassionate then someone else for once
-shaun finally opening and telling people how it is like yes let him be sad and angry before making him move on
-and shaun bby nooo the collapse has come
-what the fuck why isn’t anybody else in the room for/with shaun besides Claire isn’t anybody else worried
-gdi han hitting Andrews where it hurts he hates looking like a fool but I’m still hoping Andrews will override him like he wants and bring shaun back like I’m still so shocked he’s fighting for shaun like this
-aww finally Melendez showing care for shaun and not wanting to risk even 1% chance of him getting worse 😭
-that’s so adorable Claire getting into character for shaun and getting camera angles and movements like he does for his epiphanies and visuals
-omg Claire asking for a step stool to be Shaun’s height 😂
-ok Lea don’t say yes because you feel guilty and like you have to
-YESSS I FUCKING LOVE CLAIRE IM IN LOVE SHES SO ADORABLE AND SMART AND FIGURED OUT WHAT SHAUN SAW
-ugh shaire is being so cute tonight separately and together shaun being happy Claire figured out the diagnosis
-and this old lady was a fucking trip what the hell
-please don’t let me down Andrews like you’ve done before
-I love you Daniel dae Kim and wish your character wasn’t an asshole so you could stay but sayonara my dude
-I literally just yelled oh shit and oh my god and I still want to yell ASSHOLE ANDREWS IS NO LONGER GOING TO BE GIVEN THAT NICKNAME EVER AGAIN I CANT BELIEVE HE JUST FIRED HAN TO TO KEEP SHAUN FUCK YES OH MY GOD THIS IS AMAZING AND SO MUCH DEVELOPMENT AND SO FUCKING AWESOME FOR SHAUN TO HAVE PEOPLE BACKING HIM LIKE THIS OH MY GOD
-so now chief of surgery is available so I’m hoping from this l*mlendez moment they’ll break up or will have have tension now and Melendez will go have a moment with Claire 👀
-oh my god this is the best moment fucking ever oh my god I don’t even care that Neil did that for Audrey (which is hella surprising in my opinion) BUT THEYRE BREAKING UP OH MY GOD YES THIS IS IS LITERALLY THE BEST EPISODE AGAIN AFTER THE SHIT SHOW THATS BEEN HAPPENING AFTER THEY SLEPT TOGETHER OH MY GOD MELENDAIRE GROUP CHAT WE WERE RIGHT YALL IM FREAKING OUT SO BAD AND MY HANDS CAN HARDLY KEEP UP BUT WE WERE FUCKING RIGHT AND THEY BROKE UP BY THE FINALE
-WE KNEW THIS SHIT WOULDN’T LAST FUCK YEESSSS DUDE
-The fact that I can finally use this gif 🙌🏼🙌🏼
-oh my god yes shaun please tell me you’re going to Carly and Lea don’t have regret idk how I feel it’ll be a twist if it’s a love triangle with Shaun, whoever he’s going to ask out and Lea
-aww glassman and Debbie it’s actually cute especially since they’re real life husband and wife but y’all should already know that
-and this is not the wedding I thought I’d be getting but I ain’t mad
-omg yes yes yes yes it’s Carly YESSSSS I’m freaking out and cheering like shaun is
-HOLY SHIT THIS EPISODE WAS ACTUALLY SO FUCKING AMAZING AND ENDED BEAUTIFUL 😭😭😭
-can I just say I’m so glad Carly is back and I so fucking called her and shaun happening blessss 🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼
-honestly just forget what I said at the beginning of this about ignoring ships because right now mine are sailing so I’m sorry if yours aren’t and imma die happy rn ok
-brb tho gotta read the 350 texts the group chat had during the ep
#brb yall dying#melendaire shippers come cheer about ot with me in my ask or comment on the post#the good doctor#tgd#claire browne#neil melendez#melendaire#shaun murphy#2x18#trampoline#morgan reznick#shea who#what is carly and shauns ship name#alex park#audrey lim#marcus andrews#you wonderful man 😭#fck you han#aaron glassman#lea dilallo
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Favorite Sohma’s
Hi yes, uh, I needed a space to rant about fruits basket because I am still very broken so yea
Disclaimer that this is just my opinion and I still love them all very much, just needed to get this out of my system ayee. Also I will include a song that reminds me of them because I am that invested in this so yeaaaa
14- Kagura Sohma
Boy by Little Mix - “I know what you’re worth girl, you know what you got”
I rank Kagura as my least favorite just for the fact that I cant really relate to her I guess? I mean, she is okay, I think she is cute and all but I don't think violence is the way to go about her struggles and she is so much more worth than she gives herself credits for. In the end, I dont think I full understood her big struggle as much as the other characters and thats why she is at number 14, although I want her to be happy and full of love and support like the others ;w;
13- Akito Sohma
My Eyes by Neil Patrick Harris and Felicia Day - “But it’s plain to see, Evil inside of me is on the rise”
Akito is a complicated one for me man. Of course, in the beginning and throughout the manga you learn to really dislike her because she did some terrible things, specially to my baby boi Yuki and eye-.... But then when we learn more about her and everything she has gone through we start sympathizing with her but i..... cant just forget everything she did. I get she was traumatized since she was little, she became dependent on the zodiacs because of her father’s words and mother’s behaviour thus becoming a broken person with this big responsibility she didn't ask for. It really ticks me however, how much pain the others underwent through her, and even though its a healing process, the traumas and everything they suffered is still there which is why I cant place her higher. I do not hate her by any means, but she isnt my favorite person on this list either. I do ship her with Shigure and I think they help each other out, and they grow from the other.
12- Shigure Sohma
Used to the Darkness by Des Rocs - “Now would you pray before you twist the knife? Yeah, would you take my hand and take a life?”
*big sigh* Shigure is also a complicated one for me. It may be my big dumb energies showing but I didnt fully get a grasp on his character? I know he was doing everything for Akito’s sake to liberate from the curse and be with her so she is finally a “woman” but he always acted a bit shady xD?? I would have love to know more about his backstory, we dont get much from his motivations and character other than the perverted aspect and that he loves Akito lmaoo. I do think he is hilarious and I love the dynamic he has with Hatori and Ayame lol
11- Ayame Sohma
Starships by Nicky Minaj - “Starships were menat to fly, Hands up and touch the sky “
To be honest I am pretty neutral about Ayame’s character. He is hilarious and I love how Yuki insults him every tike he gets the chance lolll. I like how throughout the story he tries to change to become a better brother to Yuki and person even though he is pretty extra most of the time about it. He has a good heart and even though he made some mistakes he owns up to them which in my opinion, makes him a good character <33 I love his friendship with Hatori lmaooo they balance each other out sooo well
10- Kureno Sohma
Taking Chances by Celine Dion - “Never knowing if there's solid ground below, Or a hand to hold, or hell to pay”
I really like Kureno! He has gone through quite a bit and he needs a hug. I am sad thinking how most of his life he lead it pretty similarly to Yuki’s, apart from everyone and super enclosed to his relationship with Akito due to him breaking the curse and feeling bad about it. I do wish we would have gotten to know more about his personality and story, if we did I would have definitely ranked him higher! He really reminds me of Tohru’s father and I think Uotani is perfect for him <33 would have love to see more about the two of them and hopefully they expand upon it in the anime
9- Ritsu Sohma
Waving Through a Window by Ben Platt - “On the outside, always looking in, Will I ever be more than I've always been?”
Okay okay so I have a lot of thoughts on Ritsu. Manga Ritsu is okay, I really dont have much of an opinion on him due to him appearing only in a few chapters, I feel like from the Sohma’s, he is the one we get the least information about. But then the anime episode came out where they presented Ritsu and I thought they gave him so much more life and rounded personality where, I get to relate a lot to him? I am someone who is constantly apologizing for absolutely no reason and seeing him be all anxious and stressed about others interactions is big relate to me and I stan. I also think the whole dressing as a woman plot line is better dealt with in the anime and I hope we get to see more about his insecurities and troubles in the future because he is truly a very interesting character! I stan my one (1) anxious monkey.
8- Kisa Sohma
Mean by Taylor Swift - “But you can take me down with just one single blow, But you don't know what you don't know”
Cinnammon rooooooolll. Kisa is such a cutie. I dont have much to say other than my mood every time I think about Kisa is hugging her like Tohru does because she is babyyyy. Also her bullying story is one I think many viewers and readers can relate a lot to and such an important topic I think they covered pretty well and I loveee. Also her and Hiro are one of my favorite ships because they work so well and asdfgh in this household Kisa is a queennn.
7- Isuzu Sohma
Take me Home by Jess Glynne - “Came to you with a broken faith, Gave me more than a hand to hold”
I really like Isuzu!! I am pretty bummed we wont get to meet her in season 1 of the Anime reboot but hopefully in the nest season! She is quite a complex character that I didnt really understand at the beginning but once we see how much she loves Haru and all that she does in order to protect and keep him save she really went up my list. She has gone through so much, from her shattered reality from her parents, Akito threatening Haru, her being locked up withour given any food.... Isuzu is so strong and one of the best build characters in the series and I am super excited to see her in the anime!
6- Hiro Sohma
Time to be a Man by The Airborne Toxic Event - “And it’s time to be a man, Tell me how does that go?”
My bastard childdd <33 He is such an asshole and such a sweetie at the same time. His whole inner struggle of not feeling like a good enough man for Kisa is so heartwhelming and I think it really makes sense to the type of person he is. The flashbacks of him telling Akito how he loves Kisa and the feeling of uncertainty and impotency when seeing the girl he loves being hurt by his actions and wanting to be good enough for her even though he is more than enough sdfghjasd. I am also a softie for older brothers who love their families *cough cough* spoiler alert: Momiji *cough cough* that I love me one angry boi
5- Hatsuharu Sohma
4 Seasons by Rex Orange County - “I saw myself as less and you so high above me”
Cow boil! apart from the fact that I love love loveeee Haru’s design, I think he is also such a well build character! He is not only supportive of everyone (aka the loves of his life, Rin and Yuki xDD) but he is so interesting! His split personalities give him a cool trait (even though dark Haru doesnt appear much in the end of the manga) and I love how he helps everyone and makes sure those he loves are protected at all cost and happy. He is Rin and Yuki’s fan club stan leader and I am co-leader so we been stanning aye
4- Hatori Sohma
Fireflies by Owl City - “I'm weird 'cause I hate goodbyes, I got misty eyes as they said farewell”
Boooooy the next four to come are my absolute favorties and I would die for their happiness and love so *takes big breathe* I LoVE hAtORi sOhMAAa. To be honest when we first meet him I didnt like him much. I thought he was your usual dark deep character who doesnt talk much because he is too cool for everyone (which, he is) and that was that. But boi was I in for a riDE. His story about having to erase the memories from the woman he loves is one of the ones I cried through the most. I put myself in his shoes and wonder if I had to erase the memory of the person I loved the most, make them forget they ever met me, all our happy times, sad times, angry times.... No matter what its one of the most saddening moments and the whole scene is heartbreaking, which makes me love Hatori even more for the fact of how strong he is and selfless. He puts himself before others and he need to know he also deserves happiness and I am glad in the end he got it because homeboy needed a break ;w;. I also adore Ayame’s relationship with him xDD, he is like his idol and big same.
3- Kyo Sohma
This song saved my Life by Simple Plan - “Sometimes it feels like nobody gets me, Trapped in a world where everyone hates me”
Top three babyyyy. We have now my angry cat boi™. I mentioned it before but going into the reboot firsthand without reading the manga nor watching the first anime, I thought Kyo was going to be my absolute favorite character. I knew he would be the angry boi who was soft inside and probably had a tragic backstory™ that made him act the way he did and I am a sucker for those types of characters. And I love Kyo, I really do, specially when we find out more about his struggles and past. The exclusion he felt throughout his life for being the cat, the abandonment, feeling like he had no one and was ready to die because he didn't have any source of genuine happiness (well, apart from Kazuma ya know but stillll). Then he finds Tohru, the girl he promised to protect, the one that reminded him of the woman that helped him out all those years ago and I just.... poetic cinema at its finest. Kyo and Tohru make one of my favorite couples and I love how flustered and In absolute l o v e he is with her and Kyo is great man....
2- Yuki Sohma
Nandemonaiya by RADWIMPS - “Crying even when you're happy, Smiling even when you're feeling lonely”
THIS WAS ONE OF THE HARDEST DECISIONS OF MA ENTIRE WEEB CAREER SO EXCUSE WHILE I SCREAM. Yuki Sohma won my heart and entire soul throughout the series. I liked him from the start but he wasn't my favorite favorite at the beginning you know? I thought he was isolated and thats why he didn't have much friends and he was perfect and what not but boi was I wrong and happy about it. I think one of the reasons Yuki is one of my favorite characters in fruits basket is how much I can see myself in him. Having the constant need of perfection while also wanting to connect with others but finding it hard is something I personally struggle with and every time we learned a little bit about his backstory my heart broke. Everything Yuki had to go through, the rejection, the isolation, understanding that you are loved and not a burden, falling in love with someone, finding that figure of a mother/friend he always yearned for.... The complexity of Yuki’s character is astounding and I love my rat boi so so much.... When he joins the student council, finding his little group of friends and opening up to a more carefree and true Yuki, forgiving those around him and going and eye- YuKI IS MY BABY RAT BOI AND STAN HIM OR PERISH FROM HERE ;w;
1- Momiji Sohma
Eine Kleine by Rachie - “If I were to go through life living just to take somebody else's place, Then I would rather have been born as a pebble, living out my peaceful days “
*Clears throat* *trumpets sounds intensify* *stands on podium* I LOVE MOMIJI SOHMA WITH ALL MY HEART AND HE MUST BE PROTECTED AT ALL COSTS. Thats it. Thats what I want you to get out of this post. I don't know if this is maybe an unpopular opinion-ish but Momiji’s backstory of his mother rejecting him, saying awful things, him having to accept being forgotten by his mother and sister whom he loved, not even being able to live with his family, is one of the most heartbreaking ones of fruits basket. Maybe its like what I said with Hiro and I am a sucker for big brothers that love their families, the sad smile of Momiji, my baby, angel, perfection when he sees his family and not being able to be with them, him loving Tohru but letting her go and be with Kyo because its her happiness that matters to him and I am-..... The selflessness of Momiji and how much of a sweetheart he is, his heart of gold and always being there for those around him, that moment where Akito was looking for Tohru and he got hurt trying to defend her.... Momiji is one of my all time favorite characters. He is a precious bean and I will never not shut up about my love for ma boi <333
Anyways that was long and ramble but I just needed to shout this somewhere because I've been missing they //rip
#anyways uh spoilers#but I love they#bye read fruits basket and come back to me later#t h e m#fruits basket#anime#manga#fruits basket spoiler
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Yo you should answer all of these scene questions👀👀
:OOO
you think so lad???? shit dawg i was thinkin just a few at a time but if that what u want my dear nonnie i will supply
1. wats ur scene name?
i was thinkin maybe ‘gods mistake’ would be a good one but then. i found a way to make it both danganronpa related, and, even better, a fucking pun as well. ‘kamukura kamukura jasqueen’, or just ‘kamukura jasqueen’ for short is good k thxxx
2. describe ur dream outfit!
oooo gosh this ones trickyy!! there are so many good outfits out there, especially in the scene community!! but it’d have to have a few tiny elements of dr cosplay to add a lil of my dangan-weeb culture in there ofc! more specifically, id really love to get one of kazuichis jumpsuit and just wig out and add shit like this just because i could:
(id just rlly love going out in all those glowy/shiny things at night like all that haha..and yes the shoes would probably kill me/my fuckin feet if i tried to walk in them but shut up i love them theyre cute as fuck)
3. describe ur dream haircut!
oo another tricky one!! i do like my regular hair, and honestly id be lying if i said i didnt love ibuki’s hairdo too but id defs have to go with something like this!!
yaaaassss, so pretty and spikeeeey! maybe id dye my natural hair colour black and/or add some funky colours if i ever actually got this style down!
4. describe ur dream room!
i have a lot of ideas for dream bedrooms actually, but heres a visual image of one of them i found!!!
MIKU ROOM MIKU ROOM MIKU ROOM MIKU ROOM
(this specific idea arose mainly just for the aesthetic but i also find it super cute and a good environment to be in general hhhnnggg)
5. if u could make anything out of kandi, wat would u make?
oh you mean those colourful beads and bracelet things??? i love those man!!! theyre so visually appealing to me aaaaa…id probably just make a fuck-ton of those and most probably use the little letter beads to say random words/phrases like ‘aubergine’ and ‘despacito’ knowing my shitposter self lmaooo! id definitely make a sansmaeda themed one too thoo fr
6. wat would u write on ur shoez?
it’d probably range from things like a simple kaomoji doodle to something randum and stupid like ‘seesaw’ bc yes asjnd
7. wat kinda piercingz/tattooz do u hav/want?
i dont think i rlly want any real piercings (at least not atm) but id totally go for those fake stick-on gemstone lookin’ ones! and as for tattoos, i cant rlly see myself gettin one of those rn either, but id want something like a mario power-up, preferably the bell one/cat suit powerup!!! its my favorite powerup and its sooo cute!!!
8. fave genrez?
i dont rlly have a specific genre, i like most kinds of music, but i rlly like energetic music that i can dance tooo!!! >w
9. fave bandz?
im a big fan of gorillaz and botdf!!! i like p!atd as well but havent listened to it in a while.. gatta catch up loool
10. fave songz?
my favs alternate a lot, but atm im super into ‘slow dancing in the dark’ by joji!!! so much emotiooon quq…also rlly hooked on botdf and jefree star’s ‘sexting’ tooo lmaooo
11. fave lyricz?
‘The world keeps spinning Among this sinning Oh what a cruel and disgusting place The purest moonlight Is bloodied by plight And screaming resonants But somehow I know That it’s all for show The world will reveal it’s true beauty soon And we’ll all reach towards the moon ‘
its so deep but its from a fucking kaito momota fansong and i love that asnkjdnefe
12. hav u evr been to a concert?
not in a damn long while my lad,, rip australians not havin many artists they like from other countries tour there ;-;
13. do u wanna be in a band?
ive always thought thatd be pretty cool ngl!!! tourin around with ur bandmate friends, makin awesome fuckin tunes, people lovin u and ur music, just livin the dream in general,, nice
14. wats da best soda/energy drink flavour?
havent rlly had any as of rn my lad so i wouldnt know :/
15. wat do u miss most abt old internet?
i loved that we could all just be ourselves and act like the kids we are inside without bein reprimanded at all.. it aint rlly that much of an issue for me but i still think itd be a lot nicer if it was like that again sometimes,,
16. wats da best old meme?
ooohhh there are so many i still miss man! numa numa ermagerd and doge still remind me of the glory days…when old animeme was good and you could still haz ur cheezburgers in peace. also rage comics! rage comics were good what happened
17. best place 2 buy clothez?
i dont think theres any hot topics in australia but if there is. i will hunt it down you hear me
18. wat r ur fave accessoriez?
OH THERES SO MANY GOOD ONES??? as i stated b4 i rly love kandi bracelets and other glowy/led things!!! also rlly love ties with cute and fun patterns and long colourful and/or ripped socks like ibuki’s too hehe
19. wats ur best tip fr ppl that just got into scenecore?
im not rlly the best at advice, but my main point would be-just hav fun here dudes!!! dont let anyone else bulli u abt it, we’re supportive people, u can talk to me or anyone else whos willin to listen an/or help for reassurance ofc
20. opinion on furbiez?
oOH MY GOD YES. FURBIES. MY BABIES I WANT 10 OF THESE CHILDREN…I ACTUALLY HAVE A FURBY HE LIKES SLEEPING IN HIS SPECIAL DRAWER AND HIS NAME IS TINGLE I ADORE HIM I’LL POST A OF PICTURE LATER MAYBE
21. opinion on funko popz?
i like em and ive seen lots at eb games, but i dont buy em much..i do have a megaman pop with a broken arm tho loool
22. wats ur fave pattern? (zebra/leopard print etc)
i looove a lot of patterns but not gonna lie im always a sucker for rainbow checkerboard patterns yknow hehe!
23. fave color combo?
i dont have one rlly…soooo many possible comboooos…cx
24. sumthing u liked as a kid dat u still like?
im still going on girlsgogames and recently, ive finally mastered sues beauty machine!!!! its so good and fun all of ya’ll should try it my dudeeees
25. wats ur most used emoticon? 0w0
as most of ya’ll probs alredy know i spam ‘:O’ a lot, but one of my bigger favs is actually ‘x3′ and my fav kaomoji is ‘ଘ(੭ˊ꒳ˋ)੭✧’ (both of them are so kyooot >w
26. wats ur fav typin quirk?
i luv talkin like dis, but i dont rly do it that often loool…i awso wuv tawking in ‘owo’ speak wike dis >//w//>
27. do u wish ur fllwrz talked 2 u moar?
hellz yeaaa!!! i luv followr interaction my dudee! it makes me super happi when u all talk to me heehee! x3c
28. tag ur fave scene blawgz!
:O !!! oh gawd!!! i dont know many atm but heeereee!
@xxadam-antidotexx (op of the ask meme)
@glitchkichi (not sure if this counts but their stuff’s rlly cool >v
@otonashi-banana (scene boyf…wuv im more than anythin >///w///>
29. wat got u into scenecore?
i dont remember exactly how it happened but i’d always sorta wanted to go back to the glory days that was the old web and the scene era, and that, coupled with a bright, colourful aesthetic that i could really enjoy, drew me in like a moth to a neon colored flame ig looollll
30. how long hav u been scene?
i’ve only been officially apart of the community for about a few months now (at time of writing) i reckon so some things are still a lil new to me ig ^^;;
31. wats da best thing abt being scene?
the freedom of bein able to express myself 4 one thing, and its just so fun being so ‘out-there’ yknow???? it feels so great really
32. do u hav a fursona?
i…actually used to but ive moved on from the furry fandom and ive grown more attached to my human sona anyway sooo :/
33. r u in sum “cringy” fandomz?
YEA man!! i dont rlly think dr is inherently considered ‘cringey’ but undertale is and im in that one for sure!!! i also kinda technically never left the skylanders fandom(?) so theres that too ig??? oh yeah and who wants to let me draw my old moshi monsters characters COWARDS
34. do u liek plushiez?
YASSSS QUEEEN!!!! i have HEAPS of them in my room on my desk with my gonta shrine
35. do u liek stickerz?
also a big yaaassss from me dawggg!!! i love them and i love those ones that you stick on your fase like this!
its so cuuute!!!
36. do u hav a friendproject?
i dont, not at the moment a least, actually! didnt even know what it was til recently but it looks kewl haha
37. do u hav any other scene account?
well, i haz this one, and i also have an emowire account for shuichi if that counts!!
38. do u make art? (drawingz, blingeez, etc.)
YES!!! i love to draw and i also make blingee edits sometimes!!! ITS SO FUN XD !!!
39. wats da most scene thing? (anything!)
hmmm, weeell…i think the most stereotyped thing would be that kewl, suuuper big hair like this;
its really prettyyyy, and i love all that colouuur!!!
40. ask ur own randum question!!
hm, oh wowie, since the anon didnt specifically ask this one…POTATOES!!! X3
phew, finally done, that was a lot of typing! this was so fun to do though, so thank u nonnie!!! :3
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Japan Expo Malaysia Closing Ceremony (28th July 2019)
For the closing ceremony I arrived at the venue 45 minutes earlier than schedule since I wasn’t gonna risk losing my usual spot which I have now dubbed as ‘the lucky spot’. When I arrived, Kousuke Atari was doing his performance. About Kousuke, he is a self-trained musician, and performs in the difficult shima-uta (island-song) style of his hometown. He had a really gentle voice and one can feel calm when listening to him sing, and feel the nostalgia hit. Most of his songs were Japanese, but there was one song that he sang in Chinese, which surprised and impressed me. While his singing was not my cup of tea, but that did not mean I couldn’t appreciate it, and judging from his facial expressions, he was clearly feeling it. Respect to this man. For those who appreciate slow music, this man is the one for them.
After his performance, they showed us the highlights from Day 1 and Day 2, and man did I go all hype when Naachan appeared in the video sequence lmaooo. Aki and Austin then came out and called for all of the artists who had come. The first one was ZIPANG (whose concert I attended on Day 2 for a little while), then Himika Natsume, WIN=W1N (whom I will say had a really cool T-shirt by the way), 0TU1, ToumeinaKankei SampunSanjubyo, Sorgenti (whoooo!), Banzai Japan (yaayyy!), Yoyogi Jyoshi Ongakuin, KiREI (YASSSSSS!!! Okay, I will not hide the fact that I immediately screamed Hanapii’s name, and seriously what luck was bestowed upon me that they stood close to me *seriously this spot really is the lucky spot*), Kiiyama Shouten, *Chocolate Bomb!!, cosmic!! (they stood closest to me ohmygodohmygod *pant pant*). When cosmic!! came out I remember I cheered for them and I think that caught Hanapii’s attention and she spotted me and started waving heartily! She’s just so amazing! I love her so much! After cosmic!! Harupiii came in (whooo!!) and since they needed more space for other artists to stand on stage, KiREI members had to scoot closer to cosmic!! members when Riona was called in. Right when Kousuke was entering the stage, Mianyan saw me and waved at me too! OH GOD! At this point it was really hard to focus elsewhere since the girls were standing so close! Not to mention the cosmic!! boys were also having a blast and started dancing so close to me pahahaha! I tried to film elsewhere but my body seemed like it had its own brain and it was right! Cuz when I focused back on Hanapii, she looked at me again, waving and giving the heart finger as she was leaning forward. Funny yet endearing thing was, Chori-chan next to her followed along and now she saw me too! I loved the fact that when she really realized it was me, she tapped Hanapii’s arm and pointed at me. Oh for goodness’ sake, my heart couldn’t take this much happiness (I’m tearing up as I’m writing this down TvT)!
After all the artists were in, it was time to call the organizers and the important people for photo taking and some speech (I feel bad I didn’t focus on this). Soon after there was a countdown, and five seconds later, the confetti blower started blasting. But here’s the thing I didn’t realize it was there, and I don’t think KiREI members knew either cuz poor Hanapii was startled more since the blast was right in front of her (^w^”). The hype was exhilarating; all the high tension from the artists, the audience and the beat of the blaring music, it was all just so great to be there! Then Hanapii once again turned to me and waved, and I knew I had to use this chance to communicate with her. With just one hand I tried to convey that I was really grateful they came here, and that I was sad that they were about to leave (I used my finger to trail a tear on my cheek lmaoo and she clapped her hands together while nodding). I should mention it was so cute that she kept responding with the same hand gestures that I gave to her. I should also mention that one of cosmic!! members, Tomi started to dance vigorously, and I just couldn’t help but laugh considering our small distance lololol. I kinda wished that I talked to their fangirls to ask more about them ahahah. After a while the artists on stage were called down to the floor, to interact closer with the fans. Sorgenti came first and man Hiroshi’s smile was so wide it was so cute! Trust me when I said my heart was beating so hard even though I wasn’t expecting anything (more like I didn’t want to hope much in order to avoid disappointment lmao). BUT! KiREI members actually came to my side first! HOLY MOTHER OF ALL THAT IS HOLY! As I said before, I CAN’T HANDLE THIS MUCH HAPPINESS!!! Chori-chan was filming with her phone while Hanapii and Mianyan focused on interacting with the fans, and I was so joyful Hanapii took a few seconds to once again look at my camera (gosh I love her!). And Chori-chan had so much fun immortalizing the moment in her Instastory lolol!
Next, *Chocolate Bomb!! came and I’m really a sucker to good-looking people cuz I got enticed by their flawless looks (^v^”). They trotted past me and right behind them was Hiroshi (Sorgenti) and he was walking straight at my way and started passing some tickets (I honestly don’t know what it was) and I thought he was gonna give one to me too but he ended up giving it to the people around me lolol. After going around passing the tickets he came back at my area and looked straight at my camera. I thought he would put some distance between us, but holy crap! He came so close that I was like “Chikai! Chikai! Chikai desu! (Too close! Too close! You’re too close!) But hey, I got lucky to get nice shots of him, yeeeee! From up-close, you could tell that this guy is a chill guy and fun to hang around with. After Hiroshi, the Banzai Japan girls came and I’m glad they did since I really liked their cheery energy. They didn’t really reach me cuz another girl group came in, ToumeinaKankei (for short). They were SERIOUSLY close that I thought in panic, “Girls, girls, too close! Please think about your safety! You don’t know what kind of maniac could be lurking around here!” At least what I respect about these girls were the fact they went to every bit of every corner to reach out all the audience on the floor, making them feel appreciated to be there and for that I was really touched. The girls from Banzai Japan did the same, but with an extra level, in which one of the members crouched in front of two little girls next to me, so there was barely a distance between us and again, I was like “Guuurl, please be careful!” while flutteringly took pictures lolol. Soon after, the cosmic!! members went back on stage and noticed me and started posing for me, SO ADORABLE AND COOL! I need to mention that I STILL HATE MYSELF FOR GETTING BAD QUALITY PICTURES OF THEM (I’ll learn how to use DSLR cameras better after this)!
Okay, by now the artists were slowly climbing back on stage one by one and made their way to the backstage stealthily and I thought that was enough pictures and videos for the night. I couldn’t really see KiREI members since they were being blocked by other artists but I was content with that and I hoped they could get some rest real quick, and wished for their flight to be safe (I didn’t know when their flight was, and I assumed it would be on the next day lolol). So, while at that I was enjoying myself with cosmic!!’s funny antiques and random dances. Just when I thought nothing was gonna surprise me anymore, and I seriously did not expect this because I’m just a regular visitor who happened to really like Hanapii, she totally surprised me by peeking in between Harupiii and Riona, AND THEN STARTED WAVING AND GIVING ME THE FINGER HEART SIGN!!! I swear I’m not making this up, you can actually find this scene in a video on YouTube (I’ll share the gif here). And I don’t care how much I’ve said it, I LOVE HER SO MUCH!!! Right then and there I just, I just cried, like there was no way I couldn’t use my towel right then and there. But before letting the waterfall happen, I responded back to her as much as I could until it was time for them to go. I had to leave the crowd and just took a bit of time to take a breather. I then ran to the backstage to see there was already many people gathering and all the artists had a group photo. Knowing that there was no way I could squeeze my way into the crowd I left the venue. Honestly, I don’t know how to end this report, cuz that’s how it ended. I only remember that I walked to the exit with tears and tried to keep it low.
I will say that, my experiences with KiREI were so much more fun and exciting than my experience with AKB48. I know, to be fair, I spent more time with KiREI and even had direct conversations with them for 3 days straights, in comparison to AKB’s limited one-day visit. If I had to put the satisfaction in numbers, I’d say my experience with AKB48 was 70-80%, while with KiREI it was around 150%, mainly because of the eye contacts with the members during performances and the way they interacted with me during the meet-and-greet sessions. Chori-chan and Mianyan were very very sweet and charming and I wish I interacted with them more. But that’s just how I roll I guess, the first person who charms me will get me first lmaooooo. I will never forget that first and only wink that Hanapii gave to me which had indefinitely fished me towards her and forever turned me into her fan. So, as a KiREI fan, I’m here to spread their name as much as I can, considering they’re not a mainstream idol group, and they deserve more recognition. I know it’s not easy to follow an underground idol group, but it’s not impossible. Especially when they’re going to perform in Mini Tokyo Idol Festival in Bangkok on October. So please follow their Twitter accounts and discover the other 11 members who are attractive and charming in their own ways. Follow them on Twitter, Instagram, watch their Showroom, subscribe to their mail services, go to their live performances, buy their merchandise, but most importantly, show them your support and appreciation and spread their motto “I want to make everything beautiful”.
I’ll make it easy, here are some links for you guys (Their Instastories are LIFE).
KiREI: Twitter || Utaten (Mail services)
Tanaka Hana: Twitter || Instagram
Konatsu Mia: Twitter || Instagram
Miyadera Miho: Twitter || Instagram
Day 3 report is here!
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going to pile some answers from last replies hehe,,
i do understand korean but very little :3 started learning it the same year i got into kpop (2017) but then gave up at double consonants (bc as a kid i didn't ever need to study anything, understood everything with just attending classes so now i do not have patience to put myself through studying 😭😭😭 )but over the years listening and watching dramas i can understand at least 65% of words and small phrases and piece things together. have to say vlive ones are easier bc it's always same thing dhjdkd "did you eat?, i ate this today, went to practice/schedule today, how are you, hope you are doing well" i get what they're talking about just not in the details </3
drama recs!!
I'VE BEEN DYING TO TELL YOU THIS,, our blues starring shin mina ( lead actress of hometown cha cha cha) is going on air in april <3 i've been waiting so long for this. she's so cute 🥺 i really loved her in homecha. also woo bin is gonna be in it too dhdjkd been waiting for him to come back since ages. the only drama of his i've watched is heirs 😭 it was so long ago and i didn't have the best taste in dramas hdjdkd so im very happy i'll get to see him in new light. heirs was my 2nd korean drama dhdjkdkdkd
for now i'm watching 2521 and business proposal jdjdkd both are very different. you can say 2521 is similar with nostalgia, romanticism towards life like homecha with adding the coming of age factor in too. (some do have problem with the age gap but i don't think there has been any kind of predatory/grooming behaviour by yi jin. but i also can understand why they are uncomfy as 19 and 22 isn't the best combo out there,, drama would've been perfect if they had brought in the time lapse of them turning 21 and 25 a little earlier in storyline) mora than that it showing different form of friendships, parental love, hardships and solutions is v comforting
alsoo i forgot to ask are you going for the power of love movie?? i really want to :( but im still afraid of going to movies in midst of covid,, that's why i've been avoiding movie teasers hddjjdkd 😭 idk maybe i'll see if can make myself go
i'm more focused on the full album we are going to get <3 waited so long for this other than that trying to adjust in new area of old city <3 applying for 9 to 5 jobs <///3 been watching dramas to fill the void usually svt fill hdjdjd also been thinking about getting tattoo this year ( do you have any? if you don't mind me asking djjdkf)
hope you get to rest :( and uni work lessens, also hope at least there are some classes which make you look forward and help tolerate other ones and if not i hope this sem quickly ends for you 😭💙, also plsss don't hesitate to drop literally anything in my asks 🥺🥰 it's always open for you <3333 sending the bestest vibes your way yza <3333
ok wig u are so valid JFDJKFDKJFD the double consonants really get u into the tip of the iceberg lmao 😭
ALSO SUPER RELATABLE DFKJFDJF i feel u momma :/ we should destroy the schools. AND YEAH ABSOLUTELY!! you really do pick up stuff here and there after being exposed to them for quite a long time
WAIT OH MY GOD?????????????????/ i didnt hear of anything abt this until now, and woobin and minah in one drama,,,,,,,, those r THE BIG STARS. this must be something good omg thank u for tipping me off abt this NOW IM EXCITED TOO!!!!!!! AND NAURRRRRRRRRRR FDKJJFKDJKFDJDF there is no such thing as superior taste we can like whatever we want to like <3
AND HELP MEEEEEEEEE I WAS JUST GONNA TELL U ABT THESE TWO AS WELLI SHIT U NOTTTTTTTTTTT FDJKJFKDFKJD i kept seeing them around, and i.. like nam joohyuk so KFDKJDF LMAOOO ALSO THE WOMAN IS OLDER???????/ i literally have not seen many details abt it, just gifs and the occasional tiktok vids so now im even more intrigued. i thought they were the same age based on what i was seeing fkjjdfk as for a business proposal.. HAVE U SEEN HOW THE WEEBTON CHARS LITERALLY LOOK LIKE THE CAST IRL 😭 the casting was insane, props to the team tbh
i also am very wary of going to the cinemas tbh :/ i don't think it'd be a smart move especially considering that the pandemic is far from over.. and for that fact alone i dont think i will go lol. love the svteenies but yeah :/ i'm also hoping they release it as a dvd as they have had for the past online cons....... if not, hopefully we wont miss out on too much lmaoo 🤷♀️
ALSO U ARE SO RIGHT OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!111 it's gonna be my first full album era w them <3 ok but on a similar note... people say this might mean a tour...... which, u know, good for them, but also.. not really sure how i feel abt it?? ik other artists are currently going on tour with the restrictions being eased and all but like.......... idk babes covid is still here 😭 i prob would be dying inside to JUST GOOOOO if they had a stop in my country, but i'm honestly not sure if i'd be going for the same reasons i stated w the movie earlier :/ how about u? would u be receptive to a con?
ALSO OMG <33333333 has your new place been good to you? i hope u are getting to enjoy your time there, although i def get that being in new situations def can be stressful. hoping that u get that job soon!! AND WIGGGG what kinda tattoo are u looking into? and where do u wanna place it? <3 i kind of have been thinking abt getting tattoos but i have commitment issues LMFAO
there definitely are classes i get to enjoy, so thats something at least!! my semester is ending in june, but i think we have a two week break on april??? end of march?? so that's AWESOME for me hehehe. thank u for always being so kind and for being a friend 🥺 hope i am being the same for u <333 lov u, u are also always welcome here!! receiving the best of vibes and returning it back to u w flowers 🌻💐🌷🌸🌹🌺💮 MWAH ILYYY hope youre taking good care of urself!!
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personal epic highs and lows of 2020
apart from 2020 being a coo coo crazy bonkers year for the entire world it has also been like. a year for me personally so i jsut want to write some things down so i don’t forget abt them:
- got my first real job in january
- broke it off with a guy i didn’t even like and he got very sad and upset abt it and i felt shit even though it was the absolute right thing to do. he was sweet in an idiot kind of way but he also projected his own insecurities onto me which in turn made me even more insecure so. no thanks
- went to a dj gig from my flatmate, first and last partying experience in berlin, had a great time and i remember thinking “wow this is what it’s gonna be like this year, partying with friends being drunk and high dancing” so lmao
- had sex for the very first time in february with the bassist of a band i like (i matched with him on tinder, he put me on the guest list for the event, i got to chill backstage with musicians and got free drinks, and he was honestly v sweet and although i was drunk as fuck and he was drunk and exhausted from the gig and the actual sex was... just ok it was a good experience, unreal even, very out of character for me but i feel like the universe was giving/showing me something with this and i’m proud of myself for doing it)
- took finnish classes!
- got my phone stolen out of my pocket in june at the kotti which sucked sooooo bad but there was a nice girl that helped me call my mom and i cant help but think abt how when push comes to shove most people are nice and willing to help
- went on a couple of dates that led nowhere. sometimes i still think abt ostblock (may) because i think we could’ve worked out but maybe also not. obviously not
- was sexually harassed on the ubahn on a monday morning omw to work. nothing happened to me thank god it was just a crazy dude who started palming himself through his sweatpants while looking at me. i pretended i didn’t notice. he left two stations before i got off. fucking insane
- had a short summer fling (july/august) with a dude from florida who was shorter than me so maybe i finally got over myself. anyways he gave me the biggest fucking hickey, i haven’t had a hickey in 4 years, very embarrassing. walked around with a turtleneck for a week in summer. anyways had sex with him once which was nicer cuz i liked him at least. he ghosted me afterwards which not good for my self worth and general mental health
- went on more shitty dates, shout out to the elon musk fan boy and the ig model that got pissed when i said it's creepy that drake only fucks girls that are like 18 and tried to explain that behavior with biology lmaooo
- absolutely lost the rest of my mental health to the two papers i had to write. worst weeks of my life. cried so much cuz i hate(d) uni and myself. drove around on my bike a lot tho
- saw two dead rats, one had a bullet hole shot through it so that was unreal. i think that was july too
- walked in on my flatmate having sex with his girlfriend (i swear 2020 was just the most embarrassing year)
- had a one night stand with a finnish dude who was insanely handsome but holy fuck. that messed me up bad. sex was ok but i got bored at some point.
- went on a date with a canadian dude who was too hot for me but a lil dumb. i behaved very crazy on that date just bc so i had a lil main character moment there. anyways he got pissy when i told him i wouldn't fuck him which was entertaining but also disheartening generally
- spent a lot of time with my flatmates obviously. i like them all a lot and i am very happy they’re the ones i spent the lockdown with. also very thankful for pauli. i wouldn’t want to live anywhere else
- baked weed brownies on my own for the very first time ever and they turned out great in october
- accepted that i am currently living through puberty 2.0 regressive boogaloo so i started a spn rewatch and you know what? it’s been a lot of fun! i’m havign fun! that’s good!
- i created a lot of art during this year, more than in the last years combined i think and it's good. it's fun! a mostly like what i make! and i am training myself to get more comfortable sharing what i make with others whom i am close and less close with!
- finally. finallllyyyyyy started seeing a therapist after only thinking about it for like 5 years. 2020 really was the breaking point for it and it’s the right, healthy thing to do. proud of myself for that one really
- saved up a Bunchhhh of money. all while also paying my own uni fees and extra stuff. i know it’s only possible bc of the support of my parents but nontheless. i worked. i earned money. i tried to be money savvy. and it pad off and as soon as i can travel again. i will
- will try lsd today for the first time (nye)
so i guess that’s it. it really has been a year. on to the next one
#if anybody bothered to read this i wish you a happy new year#if not then i still wish whoever reads these tags a happy new year regardless
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feeling kinda sad and irritated
the main 2 pieces of feedback I get ab how I am in friendships are
1) I don’t respond quickly/often enough to msgs/txts/calls
2) I'm way too enthusiastic and go from 0-100 & love too fast
SO like the fuck am I supposed to do?? lmaooo I get told im too much so I dial it back....but then that’s not enough so I go hard...and then that’s too much...so I dial it back...and it’s just like... im SO sorry the WORST things about being friends w me are that I either dont respond exactly when u want me to OR I love d u too much too fast LMAO HOW AWFUL!!!!!
I wish it didn’t hurt my feelings but it does bc idk how else to be and I want to make ppl I care about happy but...not at the cost of myself?? but it often seems v much like ppl I care about would rather me be unhappy but be a version of myself they want me to be than to do right by myself - which...isn’t friendship. jsyk.
& like I don’t like even thinking mean things but I am. & they’re things that wouldn’t even have crossed my mind to think ab if I didn’t feel so judged ab like...a not super intense problem tbh?? like it’s fair to be upset by my behavior I'm not saying it isn’t but..idk. and part of why im thinking mean things is bc I can’t defend myself against something that’s true. just gotta be like “yup. I know. I too am frustrated by me regularly” cause while those are p opposite criticisms they are both 100% true. no denying that. so my brain goes to...well, ok but YOU xyz... and isn’t that worse? which isn’t fair at all but it’s the only defense I feel like I have for myself is THINKING mean things lmao
****and THIS IS NOT about people who have had real adult conversations with me about friendships, expectations, how these things make you feel - that is NOT EVER A PROBLEM and I feel like I've actually gotten a ton out of those conversations & learned a lot and the 2 ppl im thinking of re: those conversations r 2 of my fav women on earth and ily 100% <3 this is VERY important. I do not want anyone who has taken the time to really discuss friendship w me to take this post personally. I promise on the lives of my rats that this is NOT AB U!! talk to me more ab all ur feeling and thoughts!!! this is rly just general feelings ab something that comes up a lot for me!
this is like when ppl call me annoying (while demanding more interactions with me?? lmfao pick a thing) or..just not even saying anything to me directly but making sure I'll find out how they feel?? lmao like..we sure I'm the issue here? if it’s so awful...straight up just go away or grow up and talk to me- not call me annoying, a real conversation. I'm working on my stuff. this is the best I got rn and if it’s not enough or too much THAT’S OK, leave!!! you have every right to up and go, so do it. just dont try to twist me into a version of me for yourself. I'm tired of twisting myself into knots over people who frankly don’t give a fuck ab me or at least not nearly as much of a fuck as I give ab them. it’s exhausting & I'm done. the too loving and intense I can work on more, for sure & I am! the not available whenever anyone wants me to be..is not. & frankly calling me annoying or making demands of me...does NOT make me want to respond any faster I promise u that. so that’s that on that.
#gotta start cutting ppl out of my life again#I get too excited and open my doors up and let my loving nature take over#and it's dumb#and I learn that it's dumb over and over#and then do it again#cause I wanna make friends w every cool woman ever#but that's not only unrealistic#but it's torture also lmao#me?#overdramatic?#never#I should maybe only have like 3 friends#and not try and keep up w so many ppl#bc then I can be more consistent#but I like talking to all diff ppl!#there's so many interesting wonderful women in the world!!!#I should just go to sleep lol
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I got rlly fat like i got a big belly now which is soooo weird and i feel uncomfortable about to the point i hate my self ....
Like what the fuck is that huge belly omfg like im pregnant and its disgusting. Im so ugly RN i hate my self sm
Also i tried to eat fitness food n its disgustingly tasting that i regretted eating it in the first place
Its so bad to the point tge sweet potato is better tasting than strogonoff what
I feel overly full to the point its uncomfortable and rlly othering me and my face got super fat to the point i dont want to ever go out again
I never felt this ugly since 1 year. This is the most ugly ive felt in one year and i rlly hate myself i wanna kms like i can barely look at my disgusting reflection . I look gross. Im grossed w my self which is unbearable
Like im p sure this is beyond my watwr retention cuz of period i probably did get fat and its disgusting. I cant look at myself
I hv sm fat in my stomato the point i feel like vomiting when i hv to shower it bothers me to the point maybe thats all ill think about until I lose this fat
I got fat to the point i can't u look and until I lose i won't talk to ppl anymore
My skin got super ugly lately too i bet its bc of that meds I hate it sm I look so disgusting i can't even look at myself anymore I want to burn this body alive lmao
I want to die so I dont hv to look at my reflection. I need to lose weight
My face looks so ugly I want to smash it w a hammer .. i think abt dark things lately.... like harming my self n shit like that
The other day I couldn't not self harm cuz I was having such a hard time the entire of July so I had to self harm to de stress and now i wanna cut my self more and more like I need to do some harmful thing cuz I hate this body lmao
I hate every minute of now and ever since I got fat I've been trying to lose weight cuz I want to reach my goal. I want to be skinny and thats the only thing I think about since I got fat. I also say fuck to the world cuz i only want one thing n thats losing this fuckong weight n fats i wanna be skinny again and that is my n1 goal and concern like every thing else is second to that. Idc about med achool or any school right now my main goal is losing this weight and more and more I want to be skinny again like in 2013 when I was happy . Fuck med school or any other stupid mission I only care about one thing.... i hate the reflection in the mirror it is so disgusting. I want to punish my self for getting this fat. This look ain't it and the clothes look ugly on me now i hate my self. I hope whoever haunted me last month gets super ugly n fat. I look so disgusting its gross to exist in such an ugly body n face i hate my looks now more than ever but I've been low-key dissatisfied with my appearance since sometime in june or Smth I hated my getting fat since June and I feel like it is so gross and I need to vent out abt it
If I end up binging and starbing cicle again I know that i can give up any dream cuz my life will be it, binge and starve ... this is all I do when I'm in the bad place. My entire life is math in my head abt what I ate and how much and counting the numbers weigh in measures and math here n there and thats so mind consuming thats the only thing I think about and nothing else can fit in lmao this is the life of some ed community girl... sucks but that's all we have. I do feel like purging but I've never been good at it but I hate the feeling of food sitting in my stomach and I hate the feeling of full and I hate it with so much passion that I come out lmao and I know unless I lose this weight that food and weight loss is all ill be thinking about so bye-bye med school.
I even hate the feeling of fat in my calves cuz i feel it got fat and I can feel it and my thighs never looked so gross i hate my own body right now and since June I neen low-key hating it lmao... welp
I rlly never felt worse than this... since last june lmaooo I want to kill my self and I'm determined to do it bc that's all I have. I want to be free from this hell.
I have the most violent thoughts for the past weeks and I'm in the i wanna kill mode . I want to harm whoever did this to me whoever disrupted the peace I worked hard to get whoever disrupted it i wanna m*r*** them so much tbh I want to shake it off but the thought of causing as much harm as they caused me keeps coming to my mind I want to kill so much ... lmao I wan awake everything from them bc they rlly ruined my life that was hard to begin with.
i got the need for an ed blog again cuz my ed is woken again lmao fuck my life. seems like its back i feel my ed waking up for the past months... its BACK i feel sometimes physically stronger as i used to be when i had my ed... even at my lowest weight i had some abnormal physical strength for a girl and now its back my ed... lmao fuckkkkkkkmy ed is strong and has such a darkness, dark mind and violent... idk how will i keep it under control cuz its very hard ... but at least my ed seem to protect me from some stuff... when i become very traumatized it seems to cause it to wake... whoever they were they woke up my demons.. thanks u scum vermin, u ruined the work weve been doing on putting it to sleep for over 10 years and u ruined its work it took 10 fucking years to out it to sleep... now its back and lively as always... why would anyone want my demon to wake why... my ed makes me physically stronger so its super easy to know when its here... lmaoooo im soooooo fuckedddd now ill pray i dont get in trouble much thats it
whoever was that kept pushing her to remember her traume woke the demon now they will have to pay for it
when i was only abt 40kg i had like sm physical strength and i only found out why years later... yeah... idk now what am i going to do
i actually do love my demon despite all and were good friends... but sometimes it gets out of control.. its like having a pet tiger or lion tbh its v cute but it needs to be tamed... lmao also why did they disclose my demons name but not my angels lmao.. puzzling it is...
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