So, the good news is that physically speaking I CAN get top surgery!

The downside is insurance are being butts and I'd have to pay out of pocket which puts it outside my price range, most likely even if I had help from family.

The quote is apparently good for a year or so, so I'm gonna talk with my family and see some things but my idea is try and push through the jaw surgery ASAP and then, after that, try and switch insurance as soon as is feasible after to a plan that will cover it at least partially.

...The alternative is try and schedule a consult with a fatphobic dick who is consistently rated as shit bedside manner with heavier patients, and that likely couldn't happen until mid next year at the earliest then get rejected and have my PCP write to insurance saying "hey need you to authorize this OON provider" and pray insurance will agree, if they don't then fight with them and depending on how all that shook out that could take months or years if they wanted me to get rejected from every single person in-network even if those people do NOT offer gender services. And I refuse to go to somebody who doesn't do gender stuff but goes "well I guess we could do it for you" because fuck that lmao I don't trust that.

So it's both a massive relief and also a major frustration, especially considering a variety of other factors.

But, as frustrated as I am it's good to know that it's not actually impossible and I DO have a plan of attack.

I also forgot to get the guidelines for their letter of readiness so I gotta call Monday and try and do that, hopefully my usual therapist can do it--she would but IDK if they'd consider her qualified. No way in hell would I have my psych do it she knows nothing about me (yes this means she sucks as my psych, I've seen her a few times and am only with her due to insurance, I do hate it)

I don’t think I ever posted an update since that time my boyfriend told he was lying about knowing his status. But we managed to work things out and I was able to get us apts to get tested that next morning. We both were negative and things have been going amazing since with some hiccups of course.

I enjoy being in a poly relationship cause he gets to do what he wants you know but the fact that he is extroverted and talks to a lot of people is definitely challenging for me. More so in a way I wish I was as confident as him and talked to more people. The one other person I was interested in didn’t really pan out and I’m over them. I don’t feel the need to pine after someone who can’t communicate their feelings.

I woke up today feeling very strange. I came to Mexico last week to get my wisdom teeth removed because in the states I was gonna be charged 400 for each one. It only ended up costing around $75 for both of them here the other day. Being away from him is definitely hard as we really haven’t been away from each other for more than 3 days at a time.

It’s a weird experience especially since my last two relationships I couldn’t stand to be with them for more than 3-4 days a week. Messaging each other every now and again, but not talking with each other at every moment. Compared to being with him almost everyday and wanting nothing more than to talk with him all day everyday.

I have noticed some toxic behaviors from myself and have worked on nipping them at the bud. And doing the work to analyze why I feel the need to do the toxic shit that comes to my mind. I know for sure I’m a bit insecure but I think that just comes from being a trans non binary person and not feeling super attractive or comfortable in my own body. He definitely has a more traditional and sexually appealing body/features. I hate feeling jealous but I understand that it is a normal feeling.

And what is important is what you do when you get those feelings. So I’m in Mexico until next week and I definitely have a shit load of anxiety that it’s the weekend. He is gonna be out and about talking to attractive people. Which is fantastic and I hope he has fun. I’m just feeling some type of way that I’m gonna be stuck inside because I don’t feel safe going to a gay club by myself and my brother is uncomfortable taking me out to one. And even if I were to go out I would just be riddled with anxiety without being able to calm it down because I can’t drink on my antibiotics.

I don’t know I just hate feeling like this. Mexico definitely does something to me I spent 8 months feeling incredibly alone and unwanted when I was living here. So there is still some residual feelings about that experience. Not being able to comfort myself with food because of my extractions or not really having access to the internet in the room I’m staying in to distract myself just makes it so much more difficult.

I really felt the urge to just type away everything going through my mind and posting it to the void which is tumblr. Yesterday night my boyfriend told me his family is planning on moving a bit far from where they are currently staying. Meaning he would either have to find a place closer to his job or finding a new one. Or the possibility of us moving in together which isn’t that far fetched as he pretty much stays at my house the majority of the week anyways. I guess I just feel uneasy about the fact that his family would most likely still require/want him to help pay for their new home.

Personally growing up in incredibly dysfunctional families I have a very skewed view on family in general. And can’t help but feel it’s kinda fucked up they expect that from him. He’s nearing his late 30s but is still so dependent/relied on/in his family. And it’s definitely complicated because of the situation with his father but still. There is also the fact that he isn’t out to his family and they don’t know I exist. It doesn’t feel amazing knowing I’m a secret to such an important part of his life.

I understand coming out is difficult and since I was outed when I was 14 I have a much different experience. I also never had the added pressure of religious parents / being apart of a church which he is very heavily involved in. Which is another big thing for me. I don’t fuck with organized religion. I think it’s fucking stupid and a scam honestly. But I respect peoples need for it so as long as someone isn’t trying to convert me it’s chill. I wouldn’t be opposed to going to church with him because he enjoys it a lot and I love seeing him happy. But like I said he isn’t out so that isn’t an option.

I also feel like it’s fucking 2022 and being gay isn’t the worst thing in the world but people are fucking brain dead. So it actually still is an issue. And I need to respect the hurdles that he is going through right now. Which I obviously am I would never pressure him to come out especially not for me, and I have definitely let him know that time and time again.

Trying to navigate all this being so far away is fucking challenging. I’ll be back this time next week but that just seems so fucking far away. I also don’t have a job anymore so just the added pressure of not having money isn’t helping. I know I have the means of getting one relatively easily when I get back so I’m not to worried. Even if it means I have to get a job doing fast food for a month until I can find something better.

I’m glad I decided to type all this shit out my mind is unclogging itself which is great. It’s something I need to start doing more of again. I also have a therapy session Monday morning so I think reading this during it will help me, help her help me.

long, long health update - tw in tags please read them

I am going to speak very frankly about suicidal ideation; please don't read further if this is triggering for you ;3; but please know that I love you I had my follow-up appt with my neuropsych on monday to go over my results and whatnot. it was virtual, and I was in the middle of a head episode and I told her I wasn't doing well, but within about 5-10 minutes, she was saying I should probably go to the ER lkajflaj I guess it looked pretty bad lmao anyway I told her all the reasons I couldn't. medical trauma, being dismissed b/c I have doctors who manage my headaches, and I know it's not life-threatening even if it is 10/10 agonizing, so why are you here. they're so dismissive. she said that they have medication to possibly help break the cycle of constant migraines but I've been treated with those before and they didn't do shit migraines are secondary to iih. it's the iih that needs to be fixed ._. she said I still deserved to not suffer and that the ER is very strict about keeping covid patients away from other patients and I didn't have the heart to tell her they intubated a covid patient 10-15 feet away from me last time I was in an ER 😭 anyway so the results. she said she wasn't worried about anything going on that was concerning or indicating something wrong in my brain. I DID score quite a bit lower for someone my age on information processing (which is exactly what I said I was struggling with to my two neuros who were both like ehhh) and some issues with memory but they weren't super specific and so it could be something neurological, could be my migraines and constant agony lmao, could be my Emotional State. could be all of them at once, I suppose ;) she went into more detail about some of these things but it was the two questionnaires I filled out that were HNNN. so once all the data is entered from like 300 questions it shows a good look into my personality and perceptions and all that and it makes a cool little graph (OR SO I THOUGHT). the kind that looks like mountain peaks. so she points at the one that is waaay higher than the rest and nearly touching the top of the box and she's like 'do you see this one' me: yeah 😬 her: this is your feelings and ideations about suicide me: 😬 😩 😬 her: when I see a score this high, I stop what I'm doing and I call the police to have them escort you to a hospital me: 😬😬😬😬😬 her: but I didn't do that. because when we spoke in office you told me you felt this way and why you don't do it. you told me it's something you've lived with for a long time and the pain you are suffering is what makes it so bad. and I trust you me: 😭😭😭 okay her: do you see this line down here? this is people who have suicidal ideation recorded on this test. you scored 98% higher on suicidal ideation compared to people reporting suicidal ideation HNNNNNN. she said it probably wasn't surprising to me and asked me if I was safe again and all that. I assured her I was and said in my previous appointment; I've had suicidal thoughts since I was like 12? maybe earlier. there have been very few times in my life not surrounded by abuse and trauma so I'm never really free of it. I've had four traumatic incidents causing increasingly horrible episodes of ptsd in nine years. all through my 20s. still here woo, lol and she said she knew that and had a patient not long after my first appointment who had similar circumstances in their life. and they told her it's almost a comfort having it. cause I was saying it's in the back of my mind at all times and I won't do it, but yeah, it's always there. anyway she said they said the same thing; it's always there, always in the background as 'hey I'm an option!' even though we aren't going to harm ourselves. it's a comfort knowing there is an option even if we plan on never using it? idk it just spoke to me and I felt it in my soul we talked about some emotional stuff after and I cried and it was a thing. it felt really good to speak to a psychologist who, just as she was in the first appointment, seemed genuinely concerned and wanted to help

me. I told her I was ready for therapy and she said she'd already looked for therapists for me lkasjdlkja and gave me a group that I emailed yesterday. I don't think they'll take my insurance but she said to message her through the portal if they don't and she'll try to find someone who does I don't remember if I mentioned it, but since she knew about the head shit before I met her, she dimmed her office lights without asking if I needed it and like as soon as we started the virtual visit, she leaped up and dimmed them and said she should've thought about it before the appt 😭 (I keep my brightness really low on my computer and use the warming feature 24/7 on comp and phone and my apt is really dimmed but it still helped a lot when she did it) she kept saying 'you did nothing wrong. it was the choice of others to do what they did. you don't deserve to carry their choices. you deserve to be able to hand it back to them. you don't deserve to be in pain. you did nothing wrong. you deserve to be free of what they did and you deserve to not suffer in such physical pain' I'm so wary of doctors but I really like her and I feel fortunate to have been referred to her ;3; speaking for a long time and especially emotionally is hard for me, so I might try to do two sessions a month once I find a therapist and see if I'm ok with that. trying to keep everything virtual while delta is out there I read her report and her official diagnosis is uhh really strong for major depressive disorder, severe. and severe ptsd with disassociative symptoms so!!! I claimed both of those on my disability application and the person handling my claim told me when I had this appt to call and let her know because she wanted the info. I signed a release the day I was there when I told my neuropsych that cause MH stuff is different than other medical records. she said she faxed it to the woman handling my disability application but I was gonna call her and ask if she received it and also tell her I have a new neuro so she will probably request his stuff too I called today and her voicemail box is full so lol try again later today's been awful. last night was horrible. got a bill for over $800 from my colonoscopy/endoscopy even though I asked numerous times if insurance was covering it and was told yep, every penny. so I was on the phone with insurance and the surgery center for 45 minutes. insurance seemed confused af but the agent I spoke with got some help from people who handle this stuff I guess finally she told me not to pay it, they're going to send them a letter to get it sorted (idk if this means I won't have to pay it at all or if they're going to try to make it that way. but I think govt insurance, which is what I have, works differently. like doctors kinda have to follow what they say vs. the other way around) and not worry about it for the next 30 days. I'm still gonna worry about it lmao they used a nice scare tactic on the bill that this was the 'LAST AND FINAL NOTICE' despite the fact they've never sent me anything else. my mom and the insurance agent said nah that's just what they do to scare people into paying fuckin love america <3 land of the free. the american dream! greatest country on earth 💜🖕💜 I just don't want it to go to collections and have to fight credit bureaus to get it off my credit so it's not destroyed |: anyway my head hit like 10/10 bad while I was on the phone cause of the talking a lot and trying to PROCESS INFORMATION and stress and also the fucking hold music, which I have to hear in some way b/c I gotta know when they're back on the line hnnnnn bad day. it's 1pm and bad, bad, bad day. bad month all around. I want this shit to stop anyway. I'm sorry about the suicidal ideation talk, but it's important to talk about that stuff. it can get severe but it can also get better. it does, eventually, even if it comes and goes. it always does get better I'm sorry, I also really needed to get this down somewhere. feel like I'm going to explode emotionally AND physically and I need to talk about it. hopefully

soon I'll have a therapist to talk to so I can get a lot of this stuff worked on. got my whole life to chat about so it'll probably take a long time but I'm willing to let it lmao therapy doesn't usually work for me anymore but idk I've had a lot of shit happen in less than two years so maybe it will this time I'm trying! I really am trying if you read this rambling monster, thank you. love you all and please stay safe

Fic: the thread may stretch or tangle but it will never break, ch. 7

Relationships: Lán Zhàn | Lán Wàngjī & Wèi Yīng | Wèi Wúxiàn, Lán Zhàn | Lán Wàngjī & Wēn Qíng, Lán Zhàn | Lán Wàngjī/Wèi Yīng | Wèi Wúxiàn

Characters: Lán Zhàn | Lán Wàngjī, Wèi Yīng | Wèi Wúxiàn, Wēn Qíng, Wēn Níng | Wēn Qiónglín, Granny Wēn, Lán Yuàn | Lán Sīzhuī, Wēn Remnants, Wen Meilin, Fourth Uncle

Additional Tags: Pre-Slash, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Secrets, Crying, Masks, Soulmates, Truth, Self-Esteem Issues, Regret, It was supposed to be a one-shot, Fix-It, Eventual Relationships, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, wwx needs a hug, Nightmares, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Filial Piety, Handfasting, Phobias, Sleeping Together, Fear, Panic Attacks, Love Confessions, Getting Together, First Kiss, Kissing, Boys Kissing, Family, and they were married, Bathing/Washing, Hair Braiding, Hair Brushing, Feels, Sex Education

Summary: A little making out, and family time.

Notes: Soft chapter, but one that was difficult to write. Definitely look up the song Wei WuXian plays on the dizi. There’s a version on YouTube played with the xiao, and it’s lovely. Last week of summer semester, so it might be a bit before I update.

AO3 link

Chapters:  1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6

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Though at first their teeth collide a few times, Lan WangJi discovers that kissing, as with anything else, is a skill one can improve with practice. He is startled a bit when Wei Ying opens his mouth to deepen the kiss, but he finds the sensation of his tongue against his own more than enjoyable. 

He finds it even more enjoyable to be able to finally give attention to the mole under his lip that has taunted him all these years. Wei Ying seems to realize his focus because he laughs, joyous and breathless and beautiful. 

Lan WangJi hooks his arm around Wei Ying to pull him closer, but he freezes at his pained hiss.

Of course; Wei Ying was injured by Wen Ning, and likely hurt himself last night falling to the hard cave floor in his haste to escape the dog spirit.

As much as he would prefer to continue this, Lan WangJi forces himself to stop. He can’t help but remember Wei Ying’s reminder that their union hasn’t been consummated, and that doesn’t make it easier. He has, after all, been waiting since he was fifteen. 

“You are injured,” he says softly, sitting. “And malnourished.”

Wei Ying pouts, but doesn’t protest vocally or move to get up, which tells Lan WangJi he truly is in pain, and judging from the way his eyelids are drooping, absolutely in need of more sleep.

“I will meditate here, and we will have breakfast together when you wake. We should also discuss my brother’s impending visit.”

“Ah, I guess you want to tell him we’re married, then?” Wei Ying says with a sigh. “Can we at least ask him to keep quiet about it until after shijie’s wedding? She deserves better than to have her happy day overshadowed.”

Lan WangJi has not, in fact, thought yet of how he will tell his brother he married Wei Ying all those years ago and neglected to tell him. But he does agree that the news should not detract from the marriage of Jiang YanLi and Jin ZiXuan, though he disagrees with the idea that the their marriage could be a dark thing.

“Agreed, but…”

He pauses, considering how to say what comes next, how not to risk driving Wei Ying away again.

“Please consider telling my brother you no longer have a golden core, if not the circumstances,” Lan WangJi finally says.

He is relieved when Wei Ying doesn’t pull away, only grimaces, but his relief is short-lived.

“You think he’s more apt to help if he knows I’m broken,” he whispers.

Lan WangJi feels his jaw drop, horror rising as he realizes just how deeply Wei Ying’s self-loathing goes. He wishes he could assure him of his own worth, but he also knows it will take time to convince him. But this, he knows, is his fault. He did not help Wei Ying until he knew the truth, when he should have helped from the beginning, should have trusted him.

Does Wei Ying believe he pities him? The idea chafes.

“You are not broken,” he tells him, “and certainly not simply by virtue of being without a golden core.”

Wei Ying snorts derisively. 

“Then what am I? A cultivator who can only cultivate on the crooked path?”

Lan WangJi gently pulls Wei Ying closer until he’s pillowed in his lap, until he can look at him directly, if upside down.

“Wei Ying is Wei Ying. You need be nothing more.”

His zhiji looks away, his eyes shining in the dim candlelight. Lan WangJi feels helpless in the face of his despondency, knows he is in part the cause.

“I haven’t even told Jiang Cheng. He’s going to be so angry.”

He understands; the secret involves his brother, and he has a duty to tell him first, regardless of how long it will be before he sees him next. Wei Ying’s public break with the Jiang clan makes that uncertain, and it is not the sort of revelation that would be appropriate in a letter. In fact, if it were known he sent a letter to Jiang Cheng at all, problems could arise.

Perhaps XiChen could send one on their behalf, though, asking Jiang Cheng to at least visit in secret.

“I will tell no one, Wei Ying. Not even xiongzhang, if you do not wish it. But… eventually you will no longer be able to hide it.”

Lan WangJi strokes Wei Ying’s cheek, hating to have to think about or reference the inevitability of his mortality. Hating that it is an inevitability.

“I ask only that you consider it, nothing more. I will honor whatever decision you make.”

Wei Ying doesn't reply, instead curls closer, shifts until his face is hidden against Lan WangJi’s side, his arms around his waist, his body further in his lap.

“You are not broken,” he repeats, running his hand through Wei Ying’s hair. “You are beautiful and honorable.”

He wishes the rest of the world could see Wei Ying as he does.

In the silence, he has little to focus on, noting the brittleness of his hair, how it seems as unhealthy as the rest of Wei Ying. But Lan WangJi has never had much opportunity to touch him this way—after XuanWu and when he fell after Wen RuoHan’s death notwithstanding. 

Neither are pleasant memories, particularly the latter. The image of Wen RuoHan dangling Wei Ying by the throat over the steps of Nightless City still fills him with dread. He was certain then he was about to witness his zhiji’s death, to watch his neck snapped, to see him tossed aside like a broken doll.

Afterward, in the days he was unconscious, watching the bruises around his throat fade slowly, fearing he may never wake again as his spiritual energy did not seem to be recovering… It did not recover, but it was not, as he suspected then, due to demonic cultivation.

Lan WangJi wishes he realized sooner. He will always wish that he somehow was able to help Wei Ying more, will always feel the sting of having failed him for so long.

Wei Ying’s breathing evens slowly as he falls asleep, and Lan WangJi matches his breathing. Though he has never attempted meditation with someone in his lap, his zhiji’s presence is soothing, and he slips into the necessary trance easily. 

He slips out of it just as easily a couple hours later when he hears footsteps approaching their chamber of the cave. From the sound, very short legs, the pace puttering against the stone and dirt of the cave.

Lan WangJi is unsurprised when a-Yuan enters. The child surveys them quietly for a moment.

“Xian-gege sad?” he finally asks.

Only then does Lan WangJi remember that Wei Ying is asleep in his lap, arms still twined around his waist.

“Mn,” he says with a nod.

Because despite Wei Ying’s happiness at his insistence that he indeed wanted to be married to him, his request regarding his brother upset him. And it had taken far too much convincing for his liking for Wei Ying to believe he was worthy of him. 

“Hugs make me feel better when I’m sad,” the child says. “I can hug Xian-gege, too.”

Lan WangJi nods again, and a-Yuan toddles over and chooses the most expedient way to deliver a hug: flopping onto Wei Ying and then hugging him. 

He resists the urge to scold the child when Wei Ying wakes with a pained grunt, and instead lifts a-Yuan off, settling him on one knee.

“Ah, a-Yuan, be careful,” Wei Ying murmurs, his voice a bit strained. “You’re getting big.”

“Xian-gege needed hugs. And gugu said you need to wake up for breakfast. And popo said you’re too skinny.”

“Popo always says that.”

Wei Ying winces when he sits up, which lets Lan WangJi know Wen Qing should examine him. He hopes he will not injure as easily once he’s in better health.

“She is not wrong, Wei Ying.”

He pulls a face in response, but can’t help but laugh when a-Yuan imitates him. 

“All right, all right. Let’s go eat.”

Lan WangJi is relieved when Wei Ying doesn’t need help getting up, though he doubts very much he would ask if he did. He carries a-Yuan with them, and the boy seems content with being carried. 

“I did not inquire yesterday about bathing facilities,” he comments as they make their way to the communal area.

Wei Ying laughs shortly.

“‘Bathing facilities.’ You’re so proper. We have a river, Lan Zhan. That and basins and rags. That’s about it right now.”

The river was practical, but not in the long term. Perhaps that was something to address with Wen Qing, then, whether tubs could be purchased. Before winter, when bathing in a river would be less than ideal. 

“I know you’re used to better, but I’ll show you where later today,” Wei Ying says. “Honestly, I’m probably overdue for a wash myself.”

“Xian-gege stinky?”

Wei Ying drops back to tickle a-Yuan. 

“Stinky, eh? You just wait, stinky radish. I’m sure your gugu will want us to give you a bath, too.”

“A-Yuan not stinky!” the boy squeals with a giggle.

Wei Ying darts in and makes a show of smelling him.

“Oh, my little radish is ripe. It’s almost time to pick him and cook him up for dinner!”

“No cook a-Yuan!” he shrieks, still giggling, as they enter the communal area.

“Oh? Should we sell the little radish at market instead?”

“Noooooo! Gugu, tell Xian-gege!”

Wen Qing scowls at Wei Ying, but it’s without heat, a sort of play-acting likely affected for a-Yuan’s amusement.

“I swear sometimes you’re a child yourself,” she mutters.

“Xianxian is three,” Wei Ying sings with a grin.

“Brat,” she says, rolling her eyes, her voice fond.

They’re a family here, Lan WangJi has come to see. The closeness of their relationships brings light to the darkness of the Burial Mounds. He is glad they have been there for his zhiji when he has not.

Wei Ying winces when he settles on one of the seats and Wen Qing’s sharp gaze catches it. She looks between them with an expression that looks far too amused, and despite the fact that her assumption is incorrect, Lan WangJi can feel his ears heat.

“Dog spirit,” he explains. “Wei Ying fell.”

Wen Qing’s expression shifts to concern. It’s clear she knows of Wei Ying’s phobia.

“The damn thing came back again?”

Lan WangJi glances at Wei Ying—he didn’t mention it had bothered him on previous occasions.

“Bad dog,” a-Yuan contributes.

“Lan Zhan eliminated it this time,” Wei Ying says, avoiding both their gazes.

Wen Qing shoots him a grateful look. 

“Last time he knocked into the cave wall and almost broke his nose,” she tells him. “Hopefully all he’s got this time is a few bruises, but at least it won’t be back.”

She turns her attention back to Wei Ying.

“I’ll examine you after breakfast to be sure. Cooperate or I’ll make you.”

“Aiya, no needles, Qing-jie! No need to bully me.”

Wei Ying grabs a-Yuan from Lan WangJi’s lap to use as a shield. The boy just giggles, like this is a common occurrence. Knowing his propensity for dramatics, it probably is.

“A-Ning is giving you double portions today,” Wen Qing continues, ignoring his antics. “And I’ll trust Hanguang-Jun to make sure you’re not feeding it to a-Yuan. He’s getting plenty, too, and we have radishes ready to harvest in a few days so we’ll be fine with food for a little while at least.”

She glares at him when he looks like he might protest.

“You’re unhealthy and everyone is worried about you. Popo was encouraging me to use needles and find a way to shove it down your throat earlier. Don’t think I won’t resort to that.”

Wei Ying, thankfully, takes her seriously enough to behave throughout breakfast. He eats enough that even popo, who seats herself at their table and manages to look both sweet and intimidating throughout the meal, seems satisfied.

True to her threat, Wen Qing has popo take charge of a-Yuan and drags a lightly protesting Wei Ying back to the Demon Subduing Cave to be examined. Lan WangJi hesitates, but follows at his zhiji’s pleading look. 

“Sit,” Wen Qing orders when they’ve reached the alcove “I want to make sure you didn’t break anything, at least. You have horrid luck. Where did you fall?”

“Shoulder and hip,” Wei Ying says with a resigned sigh. “But it’s really not—”

He goes silent at her glare, which Lan WangJi has to admit is formidable. 

“Don’t even,” she huffs. “You always lie about your injuries. Strip.”

Wei Ying, to Lan WangJi’s surprise, actually blushes, glancing at him. Wen Qing takes notice, looking between them.

“Ah, you told him, then?” 

She looks almost amused. 

“Wait, you told her?”

Lan WangJi almost winces at the bit of hurt in his tone.

“That he’s besotted with you? Any fool could tell, except you,” Wen Qing snaps.

“I did not tell her,” Lan WangJi confirms.

He is a little concerned when a slightly gleeful look passed over Wei Ying’s face, replaced with one that is utterly fond.

“So I was the first one you told that you handfasted me when we were sixteen?”

Wen Qing makes a noise that sounds almost like a choke, looking at them uncertainly.

“I did not even tell xiongzhang,” he confirms. “I would tell no one without telling you first.”

Wei Ying’s expression turns to one of adoration, and Lan WangJi starts mentally reciting the Lan principles, as he is sorely tempted to revisit their morning activities.

Wen Qing is still staring at them, and Lan WangJi takes pity, explaining in brief what occurred in the Cold Spring cave, with Wei Ying contributing details. He finishes by explaining the meaning of the forehead ribbons in a wedding ceremony and the bow to Lan Yi as essentially an elopement.

“You’re married?” Wen Qing murmurs, her voice hoarse with shock. “Married.”

Her gaze turns shrewd.

“Has it been consummated?”

It’s Wei Ying’s turn to choke. 

“Qing-jie!”

Lan WangJi doesn’t trust himself to answer verbally and simply shakes his head.

To his surprise, she starts pacing, hands clasped behind her back. He didn’t expect her to be someone who paces.

“And you want to be wed, correct?” she asks after a moment.

Wei Ying’s “definitely” and Lan WangJi’s “of course” are simultaneous.

“Good,” she says, her tone surprisingly emphatic, as she turns to them. “So you’ve had quite an extended engagement, and we can figure out what this idiot gave as courting gifts since you bought a-Yuan toys and provided the Burial Mounds with money. I hate to simplify what is obviously a love match to political terms, but you need to consummate before Zewu-Jun arrives, in anticipation of the question of its validity.”

Lan WangJi can feel his ears heating, and Wei Ying’s face blushes more fetchingly than before. Wen Qing looks between them, and her brief look of glee is ever more concerning than Wei Ying’s was.

“Well, since you’re both clearly virgins—” 

She ignores the “hey!” from Wei Ying.

“—and I am familiar with all forms of sexual hygiene as a doctor, I’ll go ahead and explain exactly what you’ll need to do to make it a safe and enjoyable experience.”

Wei Ying’s jaw drops. Wen Qing gestures for Lan WangJi to sit, and he’s honestly grateful to as she starts talking. She brusquely yanks Wei Ying’s robes from his shoulder to check his injuries as she does, and Lan WangJi has to avert his gaze from his zhiji’s milky skin to avoid reacting to it.

He cannot deny he has thought quite a bit about what he wanted to do with Wei Ying very often almost since first meeting him. Wen Qing’s very detailed and blunt explanations make those imaginings far less fuzzy than they were before. She even includes a discussion of aftercare, advising they keep a basin of water and rags nearby for the “mess.” By the time she’s finished, Wei Ying’s very red face is buried in his hands, and Lan WangJi has to avert his gaze as she pulls his trousers away from his hip, revealing the curve of one bruised buttock.

“And I guess I’ll have to send Merlin-yi to market for the oil,” Wen Qing says as she wraps up both her lecture and her examination. “I’ll send a-Ning, too. Even if we can’t provide a proper banquet, a marriage deserves celebration. You’re family, Wei WuXian, and we’ll do our best.”

“Qing-jie,” Wei Ying whispers, sounding touched.

She offers him a smile and shoves his robes at him.

“If we could afford red silk, we’d throw a whole wedding. You don’t mind the others knowing, right? They’ll be very happy for you.”

Lan WangJi glances at Wei Ying, careful to keep his eyes on his face—he may be wearing trousers, but he might as well be naked and it’s terribly distracting. The look on his face assures him he doesn’t mind, so he nods affirmation to Wen Qing.

“It’s just some bruising, thankfully,” she assures them. “I’d put on salve, but I heard you discussing bathing at the river, so I’ll leave that for later. It’d be a waste to apply it twice.”

Wei Ying pulls his robes on, still red in the face.

“Right, a bath.”

His gaze is shy when he looks at Lan WangJi, who is trying to imagine how they’ll get through bathing together without engaging in some of the activities described by Wen Qing. 

Some of that thought must have been apparent to Wei Ying, because his face flushed again. 

Wen Qing snorts. 

“Not so shameless after all, are you? We’ll be sure to give the river a wide berth.”

Wei Ying’s response is to hide his face in his hands again.

“We will bathe separately,” Lan WangJi states, pulling Wei Ying to his feet.

Wen Qing just laughs at them.

When they reach the river, which is a short trek from the settlement, Lan WangJi insists Wei Ying bathe first, pulling the fragrant soaps he uses for his body and hair from is qiankun pouch for him to use. He knows they are likely a luxury, and he is happy to share it with him.

He plays his guqin while his zhiji bathes, starting with “WangXian” and moving into “Cleansing,” infusing the latter with spiritual energy. He is pleased when the resentful energy in the area eases, and hopes it helps Wei Ying as well.

When Wei Ying returns, clad in fresh robes, he takes his own turn to bathe. The water is chilly, but not inordinately so in the summer heat. He is pleased when the notes of a dizi fill the air, playing “WangXian” as well. Though he composed the song with the guqin in mind, the rendition Wei Ying plays on ChenQing is lovely. Lan WangJi is glad it has brought him comfort.

The notes shift into what he recognizes as “Plum-Blossom in Three Movements,” a song he rather likes but didn’t know Wei Ying knew. Lan WangJi has heard xiongzhang play it on the xiao and can play it on the guqin, though it was originally composed for the dizi. But he shouldn’t be surprised; Wei Ying is a master of the six arts and has displayed such with references to literature and poetry even in his playful moments.

The plum blossom is an apt symbol for the resilience of life on the Burial Mounds and for Wei Ying, who always endured despite the hardships he faced. Perhaps the song is an expression of Wei Ying’s hope, his faith in Lan WangJi. He wants to give his zhiji hope, longs to ease his hardships. 

When he has finished and dressed in fresh robes, he rejoins Wei Ying and asks if he may comb his hair.

He uses his own sandalwood scented oil, giving it the proper treatment.

Wei Ying is swaying slightly when he finishes, the pampering lulling him nearly to sleep. Lan WangJi longs to style his hair, to put it in the GusuLan style as though Wei Ying was marrying into his clan. But he is not, and so he refrains. 

Instead he brushes the hair from the nape of his neck, leaning forward to brush his lips against the soft hair there.

Wei Ying shivers and turns to him, pulling him in for a proper kiss before taking the comb and hair oil from him to return the favor. 

Lan WangJi didn’t expect the sensuality of his husband brushing his hair—husband. They’re married. Wei Ying’s deft fingers make short work of his tangles, gently spread oil to treat his hair, grazing his scalp in blossoms of sensation, love in every touch.

Wei Ying braids his hair, his fingers weaving the locks with care, and Lan WangJi lets him. He is not in Cloud Recesses, not required to wear his hair in GusuLan style. When it is finished he turns to see a flourish of red, Wei Ying having used his own ribbon to tie off the braid.

And so it is natural to braid his hair in return, to weave the sacred ribbon that usually rests on his forehead in his hair, leaving the cloud symbol at the top, adorning the top of the braid like a jewel. 

“Your forehead ribbon?” Wei Ying asks, startled, when he catches sight of the very pale blue ribbon tying his hair off.

Lan WangJi cups his cheek in his hand, moving forward until their noses are almost touching.

“Airen, you may touch it.”

A soft smile blossoms on Wei Ying’s face, and he rests his forehead against Lan WangJi’s.

“Airen. I like that,” he breathes.

They stay like that for a while, basking in each other’s presence.

Level 28

Why are there so many chapters! What is happening!? I hope you guys are at least enjoying them all! 

Tagging: @loudartanimeeclipse and @ihavenotfallenyet

Master List

Warnings: none?

Happy reading! Hope you’re all well honey bees!

Level 28

With all of your documents now added neatly to the file Ieyasu had provided yesterday, you marched yourself from your lab towards the meeting room outside the BMT offices. Laptop in hand, you quickly set the place up and made sure your connection was excellent; the last thing you wanted was any technical difficulties.

Dr. Tokugawa and Dr. Togo arrived right on time and took seats that faced each other but were still in line with the screen. You started with a greeting that was largely ignored and kept on rolling with the critical information. A vast majority of the info Ieyasu and Mariko needed to know was about the markers being used. If even one of them were potentially affected by the drug study, you’d have to add a tube of additional markers to the assay or revise one of your tubes—neither of which you wanted to do at the moment.

“Very well done (YN),” Dr. Togo complimented, “the marker combinations work out perfectly. I especially like the addition of thirty-eight and one twenty-three to a few of the tubes.”

“I’ll agree, it’s very comprehensive and takes most of the drug studies available into account with your choice in markers.” Ieyasu followed his colleague.

“Ah, for that, you’ll have to thank the hematopathologist team. They picked the markers.” You deferred, making sure to give appropriate credits.

“Either way, that gating strategy is yours, is it not?” Ieyasu quirked an eyebrow as he stared you down.

“It is, I was trying to make the data points easier to differentiate, so I chose gates that pulled the monocyte and myeloid populations apart from each other and the rest of the lymphatic cells.” You answered.

“It’s wonderful.” Mariko smiled at you from her spot across the table. “I’m hoping you had time to read over the drug study information?”

“I did go through it last night.” You nodded, “It’s an interesting paper.”

“We’re hoping to start enrolling patients as soon as possible. How long do you think it will take to get this specific test validated?” Ieyasu pressed.

“That depends. Since we’re currently in the process of validating it, I’ve been running split samples. Could we start off by acquiring samples for me to run? I can cross-check them with the results from other institutions who’s tests are already validated.” You paused, “If we do this with each patient who has an AML diagnosis, I should get enough data for the pathologists to look at by the end of the month.”

“Sounds great, we’ll look forward to hearing from you soon then.” Mariko grinned as she made a motion to stand.

“We’ll meet back up in a month.” Ieyasu nodded in your direction, following his co-worker out of the meeting room.

You guessed that meant it was over? Breathing a sigh of relief, you sent a message to your supervisor before unhooking all your equipment and leaving the meeting room. That hadn’t taken very long, but sometimes that was a good thing. They knew what they wanted and needed, which meant you had unambiguous instructions for once. Excited, you shot off a text message to Yoshimoto and hustled back to the lab to fill Rose in.

→ Got a new work project! → Excited to tell you all about it :) Wonderful news. I look forward to hearing about it. ←

The excitement faded though the more details you gave Rose, you didn’t understand why it was such a big deal that you were working with Dr. Tokugawa. Your not a date, date crasher, as Rose fondly referred to him. Markio Togo was also on the project, and you’d already had more correspondence with her than your current date’s supposed love rival. First, you’d been annoyed, but not the only thing you were worried about was that Yoshimoto would be upset? Why would he, though? Ugh!

Groaning to yourself, you took an angry sip of your water and waited for your date to arrive. This would never have been a problem if you hadn’t talked to Rose, it’s like she enjoyed pulling you out of your comfort zone. YOu were so wrapped up in thought you didn’t even notice when Yoshimoto sat down.

“I thought it was good news?” He tried, leaning towards you cautiously.

“AAHHhhHh!” you yelped, nearly spilling your drink as you apologized frantically to all of the startled dinner patrons throughout the restaurant. “Don’t do that. You scared the crap out of me.”

“I can see that.” Yoshimoto chuckled as he gently folded his hands on the table. “So, news?”

“Oh, right. So, I uh, our lab got picked to run tests for a new treatment drug.” You started.

“That’s fantastic; I assume that’s going to keep you busy at work?” Yoshimoto shared a genuine smile.

“It should. It has been. They want to use the assay I’ve been working on for the past year to look at disease levels in patients.” You explained.

“If it’s good news, why do you look so sour?” Yoshi pressed on.

“Eh, it’s just sort of weird? You spend tons of time developing a test and working on getting it validated, but when people ask to use it, or you get to see it in action doing a cool thing, it makes you feel a weird mix of pride and horror.”

“Oh, do explain.” He cocked his head to the side and listened.

“Clearly I’m smart enough to navigate my way through assay development, but sometimes you just sit there and wonder why they let you do stuff that’s as important as this. Yanno?” You posed the question, not expecting an answer.

“Well, I can assure you I’m more apt to trust something a friend recommends. I’m sure your test is magnificent.” Yoshimoto complimented. “Besides, they wouldn’t have picked it if they didn’t see some practical use for it.”

“That’s true, Dr. Togo and Tokugawa know what they’re doing. You don’t become experts in a field by poking around doing nothing all day.” You sighed, body relaxing a little after the pep talk.

Though the roles seemed to be reversed now, where you had been able to relax, Yoshimoto seemed to have been wound a bit tighter. You cursed that Rose had been right and tried to play it off. If you kept going and tried your hardest not to be awkward, it wouldn’t get awkward. Right? Wrong.

“Dr. Togo? Dr. Tokugawa? Are you going to be working with them closely on this project.” Yoshimoto asked.

“Probably, though, I don’t know why I’d see them any more than I already do, though, maybe for development updates and data review meetings.” You shrugged, sensing the weird atmosphere. “They’re a weird team, but they balance out nicely, where Ieyasu falls short in most social situations Mariko picks up the slack. Meetings are interesting, but productive.”

“Ah, I see.” Yoshimoto was short, but his tone was light as he continued to listen to what you had to say.

“I’ve been tasked with getting the test validated by the end of the month, so as long as I have enough samples, they plan to keep me busy.” You chuckled, rubbing at the back of your neck.

“A shame, I had planned to ask you to several engagements.” Yoshimoto stated.

Was he pouting? It was literally going to be a month, and it’s not like you were going to take up living in your lab while you worked on the project, so why was he acting super weird? Was it just because you had mentioned Ieyasu? Suddenly you were agitated all over again, this wouldn’t have been a problem if Rose had kept her mouth shut and hadn’t told anyone who you’d been crushing on, but you also didn’t understand why it was a big deal in the first place. You’d been going out with Yoshimoto hadn’t you?

“You can still ask me about those engagements, you know.” Your face fell, and your voice showed your agitation.

“I don’t believe it wise to get in the way of your work.” Yoshimoto sensed the change in mood and moved forward, trying to close some of the space.

“It’s not your job to decide what does and doesn’t distract me from doing my work. It’s never been a problem before, why would it be a problem now?” You asked, tone cold.

“Right you are. Shall we order then? I’ll let you know about the events as they come.” Yoshimoto smiled, but you were too over the conversation to return it.

“Whatever.” It was the last thing you remembered saying the rest of the meal.

Heartlines, a Kingdom Hearts fanfic, chapter 22--Forget Me Not

Twelve years ago, Xemnas betrayed the royal court of Radiant Garden to his father, Xehanort. Prince Ienzo flees to another city and begins university in the aftermath, hoping the anonymity will protect him from eager eyes with ill intent. The darkness spilling across the country, as well as an individual from his past, cut short Ienzo's new beginning and bring new conflicts to light. Strained between the desires of his magic and his heart, Ienzo's choice will change him forever.

Modern Fantasy AU, Soulmates, Zemyx. Updates Fridays until it's done. Normal updates will resume 10/16.

Chapter summary:  An unexpected ally helps Ienzo leave the castle.

Read it on FF.net/on AO3

---

The press conference was easier than Ienzo thought it would be; that, or he’d completely dissociated. Either way, he said all the right things, beat for beat. The smile on Xehanort’s face seemed very genuine.

He could not stop vomiting for the rest of the day.

He’d tried to subtly weave in his own messages for his family, but it was hard to tell how much would be edited out before it was formally released. He was aware he was going from something like an urban legend to quite literally a traitor. He’d deliberately likened the situation to the theater in his speech, that they “all had their own parts to play” in order for the country to move forward. Would Even pick up on the hint?

Lydia was unusually stony towards him for the rest of the day. He’d been too convincing. Finally, just after dinner, he reached out to touch her elbow as she took his (still quite full) tray. “Trust me,” he said softly. “That wasn’t me.”

She pushed her glasses up her nose.

“I have a plan.”

The look in her eye softened. “Of course, your highness,” she said. “Of course.”

Ienzo did not pay any attention to the news; it made him feel too sick. He had to focus instead on the thought of his daughter, on Demyx, on getting down into the lab. It would be endgame soon. He just had to let them know before it was too late.

This morning there was a note tucked under his breakfast tray. The china was different than usual, hyacinths painted around the rim; the note was a scrambled mess. Ienzo picked up the hint and undid the substitution cipher quickly--

Little stunt of yours might have been too successful. Rioting in the streets. International specialists are all claiming you have stockholm syndrome, or you’re a fake. But the outcry is real, and we might be able to use it to our advantage.

Couple people owe me a favor… might be able to get you out for a few hours. In case you want to clear your name to the most important.

Scribbled below that was a set of numbers that Ienzo had a hard time decoding until he realized they were coordinates. He pulled out an old map of the city, wrote down the rough placement. The clothing he’d been given was a little too nice and noticeable for this sudden idea.

When she came back for the tray, Lydia again had a bundle of laundry. “This is lovely china,” he said. “I didn’t know we had it.”

“Remy thought you might like it,” she said.

Ah. So the chef was in on it too. “Send him my thanks, as always.” He paused.

“Of course, your highness.”

“Call me Ienzo.”

She smiled a little, and nodded. She left him alone again, so rather than stew in the guilt of his own betrayal (despite it having a larger purpose), he decided to put his clean things away. But something was new. A black sweater. Boots. A jacket with a long hood.

It seemed all he had to do was wait.

Xehanort called him in to discuss their “media strategy.” Despite his darkness being the world’s worst secret, he hoped to announce, at some point, what they had been up to in his experiments. As sweetly as possible, Ienzo asked, “since the public would soon know anyway,” if he might have some more insight into all this.

“I suppose it is time,” the old man conceded. “One of the only good things that fool Even instilled in you was a love of science.”

“Yes,” he said pleasantly, though his heart was thumping hard.

“But before that. I’m not sure if you’ve read much of the news lately--Xemnas, remind me to start sending Zexion the papers every morning--but there has been a… response , to yesterday’s press conference.”

Ienzo wondered if he was imagining the slight tightness in Xemnas’s jaw as being ordered about so. “A good one, I hope?”

“Well, for the most part. Though some of the… independents claim I’m brainwashing you.”

Ienzo forced himself to smile. “Can’t I simply issue a statement stating the opposite?”

“You could,” the youngest son said boredly. “But they all have in their minds this image of an innocent child who doesn’t know any better. They’d think you were told to do that.”

“...Perhaps that is apt.”

Young Xehanort smiled widely. “Don’t you feel like we’re taking a step in the right direction? We’ll all be better off for it, I’m sure.”

Ienzo swallowed. “...Quite.”

“The best thing to do would be to get you in front of more people. So you can prove it’s not all an act.” His gold eyes glinted. “What is it you said-- “we all have our parts to play”? Or something like that?”

He felt a stab of fear. “I’m sure you are right.”

With lunch was another note, this time decoded with the primroses on the plate. Meet me in the library alcove 8:15. You know the one.

He assumed it was Braig sending these notes; who else would it be? Ienzo waited for the time to pass, pacing back and forth until his legs ached. He might get to see his daughter, his family again. His heart beat slickly and he was sweating so much in anticipation he had to reapply deodorant. He got dressed in the clothing he’d been given, and when it was about eight that evening, he slipped out the door without another word. He was so anxious he was dizzy. What if he were caught? All this work would’ve been for nothing. He shouldn’t take this risk, he should just try to ride it out until his plan had been carried in full--

But if something happened to him, and he would’ve never gotten to say goodbye?

It hurt too much to miss them.

Ienzo darted almost silently through the hallways. At least he had his magic back in full use, could disguise himself if need be--but the hallways were cleared of their usual guard. He paused. Was this a trap? Or had this been laid out for him? He could no longer tell, and the hesitation sparked his anxiety further.

The library, too, was completely empty of people. Ienzo felt a though he couldn’t process anything he was seeing anymore, so focused on that moment of reunion--

“...There you are.”

The voice was not one he expected to hear. Ienzo stopped dead in his tracks. In the shadows, dressed similarly in black, was Xemnas. “This… I thought…” All he could think to stammer in this moment of vulnerability was “this isn’t what it looks like.” So much for brilliance.

Xemnas cocked his head. “You can let the mask fall, Ienzo. It’s alright.”

He felt he could not catch his breath. It had been a long while since his last panic attack, but it was immediately familiar.

Xemnas placed both of his hands on Ienzo’s shoulders. “Take a breath, little one. It was I who left the notes for you.”

“A trap, then.”

He sighed. “No trap.” He looked over his shoulders. “Come. We’ll be late.” He guided Ienzo towards the door.

“I don’t--understand--”

“I can see why you’d have trouble,” Xemnas said. “Why should you trust me at all when--”

“You’re the one who put us in this situation in the first place.”

He nodded sadly. “But thirteen years is a long time to think. To change.”  A pause. “You’ve seen how my father treats me. How he… doesn’t even see me. He’d rather humor my brothers their crimes against humanity, their pets. Forgetting all the while… who gave this to them in the first place.”

“So you’re doing it out of bitterness?” Ienzo asked sourly.

“That was how it started.” He let out a breath, his stoic expression cracking for just a moment. “They’re all willfully in denial. But the repercussions of this will be many and far-reaching.”

“The darkness?”

“Kingdom Hearts. Now come . We don’t have time for chit-chat.”

Ienzo followed. Xemnas took him deeper and deeper into the bowels of the castle, through dank musty passages which were doubtlessly no longer up to code; through the laundry, again oddly empty; down a dozen flights of stairs until finally there was just sky, and sea, and a narrow rocky staircase leading to an old service dock. A wooden rowboat bobbed slightly in the winter surf, and Ienzo shivered. A small hooded figure was waiting for them. “She’ll take you where you need to go,” Xemnas told Ienzo. “Change of guard is at midnight. You’d best be back by then.”

“Like Cinderella,” Ienzo muttered, and he heard a small, feminine laugh from the hooded figure. “Xemnas. We need to--”

“The time for talking is later. Go. ”

Ienzo climbed into the small rowboat. It felt odd to entrust his fate to a child. “Could I help you row?” he asked.

“I like doing it,” she said. “I hardly ever get out on the sea.” She was powerful for her size; she didn’t even sound breathless.

“What’s your name?”

“Xion.”

“Shion? Like the flower?”

She laughed a little. “With an X. Like “sh.” Though I guess Lord Xemnas found it funny. He loves puns.”

“...An X.” Ienzo swallowed. “Xemnas gave you your alias?”

“Xemnas gave me my name .” Her next stroke seemed particularly violent. “It’s, uh, a long story.”

Ienzo looked at her again. Hard to tell exactly with the poor lighting and her hood, but she couldn’t be older than fourteen. “I understand if you don’t want to tell me.”

“No, it’s okay. He told me to start speaking out more, so.” A sigh. “I was a failed experiment. He… saved me from… euthanasia.”

“An… experiment?”

A pause. “First prototype in an attempt to… make Keyblades.”

It took Ienzo a long moment to put the pieces together. “You’re a--”

“Replica. Yep! Not human.” A wry laugh.

If Ienzo saw Even, he could at least tell him that his research had created sentience. “But you seem so normal,” Ienzo said, in an attempt to comfort the girl.

“I had too much… free will.” She pulled the small boat up to a dock and grabbed a length of rope. Effortlessly, she hopped out and tied it to a pole. She offered Ienzo her small hand, and when he took it, he was surprised at the strength he felt when she heaved him up. “I’ll wait for you here.”

Ienzo strained to remember his coordinates. “You’ll be alright, by yourself?”

“Heartless don’t care much for me,” she said, with a shrug. “I’ll just hang out and enjoy the moon on the water. Just… don’t be too late, okay? He was really nervous about doing this.”

Ienzo took a breath. “I’ll try.”

Ienzo could barely take in the streets of Radiant Garden. His heart was beating so hard all he could hear was the fluid whooshing in his ears, and he was dizzy. Amalia. Amalia. Amalia.

He found himself in a maze of abandoned buildings, searching for the telltale signs of wards. After what felt like much too long, he was in front of an old apartment building. His hands shook as he opened them wide enough to get through.

The reaction was immediate. A large dog--no, a wolf --bounded down the stairs, teeth bared, snarling, only to see him.

For a long while he and Isa just stared at each other. “I can…” Ienzo’s mouth was so dry. “I can explain everything. Please just let me see my daughter.”

Isa approached him slowly. Ienzo did not know what to make of the wolf’s body language. Why wasn’t he transforming back into a human? He paced around Ienzo slowly, sniffing him. He must’ve passed snuff enough, because Isa just bounded back up the stairs.

Ienzo followed. His knees felt like jelly and he found himself glad he’d been unable to eat dinner, because otherwise he would’ve gotten sick. He couldn’t recall ever feeling so nervous, though these were the most important people in his life. Why wouldn’t they trust him?

The wolf waited by a door on the fourth floor. Tremblingly, Ienzo reached for the knob, only for it to open. “Even,” he said numbly.

The man seemed not to know what to make of him; he’d gone very pale.

“Even. I promise I have a plan. I promise. It’s not--I would never --”

For a long moment he just stared at him. Then, after much too long, he drew Ienzo into his arms, and Ienzo could not help but sag into the embrace, all of his months of fear and loneliness and acting hitting him at once. He’d never truly noticed how comforting another person’s touch could be, their smell. He breathed in Even’s detergent and shaving cream and tried not to outright sob.

Another voice, behind Even-- “who is it?”

“Your son.”

Ienzo was loath to let go, but he did at last. Ansem was standing there, looking just as stricken as Even had. “Father. Please. I’m not--I…”

But all Ansem did was reach past Even to embrace him as well. “I know,” he said. “I never doubted you for a moment.”

For just a second, Even’s expression belied the opposite. “I’ll tell you everything--I only have a few hours--I--” His head was spinning. “Where are they?”

“Demyx was trying to get the baby down. I’m sure he’s still in there.” Ienzo started towards the door, but Even stopped him. “Let me get them.”

For a tremulous moment, it was just Ienzo, Ansem, and the wolf, who watched Ienzo warily with those wide gold eyes. “Ah--Isa’s human form is waylaid during the full moon,” Ansem said haltingly.

“...I see.” He swallowed. “I had to… I had to act that way to earn his trust, father, I didn’t want --”

“I know.”

“Do you? Even looked like he’d--”

“Ien...zo?”

Ienzo felt his heart surge, tears prickling in his eyes. He didn’t recognize Demyx, not immediately, though not necessarily due to the new hair and the glasses. His eyes were sadder, flatter, his posture more defeated. He’d lost weight; they all had. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m so…”

He stumbled over his words for a moment. “I guess Xigbar… told you we were here.”

“Actually… someone else helped me get out. Someone really unexpected.” He took another small step forward; Demyx flinched. “I’ll tell you, it’s just that I need to--I need to see her.”

“Right… um… our room is through here.”

Ienzo didn’t know what he’d expected--not the crying, emotionally charged kissing of movies, for sure--but not this strange distance between them. He followed Demyx through the small apartment to a bedroom at the back that faced the sea. A small lantern with warm light was still on.

“She likes seeing the water,” Demyx said, leaning over a makeshift bassinet. Ienzo strained to see. He hefted her up, his back still to Ienzo. She snuffled indignantly. “I know, Li-li, but it’s important.”

She looked nothing like the squish-faced four-week old Ienzo had last seen. She blinked sleepily, her blue-green eyes slowly coming into focus. “She’s so big,” Ienzo whispered.

“Seven kilos. Even thinks she’s going to be taller, like me.”

“She’s got your nose.”

“Oh--you think?”

“Her hair is so long.” The tears pricked again.

“Almost time for a cut, I think.”

“Could I--” He reached out towards the baby--she pressed her face against Demyx’s shoulder.

“I’m just not sure if she--”

“Please.”

“--Remembers you, Ienzo. She was only a month old.”

“But she… she has to.” He was aware he was only a few hairs away from losing his composure, all of this becoming too much. “She…” He swallowed, feeling the lump. “Let me try.”

After a long moment, Demyx finally brought her over to Ienzo; she began to struggle and cry. “It’s alright, sweetie,” Demyx said to her. “It’s alright.”

And Amalia slid into his arms. She was so much heavier than he remembered, and he nearly stumbled under the weight. She cried louder and thrashed against him, him, a stranger .

“It’s okay,” Demyx said over and over again. “It’s your daddy, Li-li. He won’t hurt you.”

Ienzo tried to give her a kiss, but she squirmed in his grip, to the point where Demyx reached out in case she fell.

“Maybe I should--”

“No,” Ienzo said. “No. She has to get to know me.” He reached out with his magic, blinking away the tears, finding her field at last, and something seemed to click; she stopped trying to struggle out of his arms. Feeling her energy almost eased that awful hole he felt in his being.

The baby, if anything, cried louder, not out of fear as before, but anger . Betrayal.

“I know,” Ienzo found himself repeating. “I know. I didn’t want to leave you. I’m sorry.” He tried to bounce her a little, but the hurt was felt deeply. He kissed her wet, hot little cheeks. “I’m sorry.” He couldn’t help but cry too.

Demyx reached forward to stroke her hair. This seemed to calm her somewhat, until finally she sagged weakly against Ienzo, her cries more like gasps. Ienzo sat down on the small, lumpy bed.

“I didn’t want to,” Ienzo whispered.

“I know.” He sat in a small chair and rested his head against his hand. “So… are you, like…”

“I’m earning their trust so I can mine information to pass along to the resistance.” He cleared his throat. “I’m hoping that… eventually, I can…”

“How long is eventually?”

“I don’t know, Demyx. I’m making a lot of progress.”

“Weeks? Months?”

He looked down at his baby.

“Because--I don’t know. Showing up out of the blue is just going to confuse her.”

“This has hurt me too, every day I’m not with her I swear I--”

“We’ve been running, Ienzo. We’ve been running for six months. And all of a sudden you show up on the news saying you’re with him? ”

“I need to earn his trust. It’s the only way this whole gambit will work.”

Demyx raised an eyebrow. Ienzo did not like how defensive he seemed.

“People are already rioting. International leaders are voicing their outrage,” Ienzo said.

“Yeah, because you’re making yourself look like a traitor.”

“Because I am a poor, poor abuse victim on state media, saying what I’m told to say or else. ” He held Amalia closer, breathing in that sweet scent of hers.

“And what will that accomplish?”

“...I’m going to turn the tide.” He swallowed. “And stage a coup.”

Updates from my bedroom floor:

17.03.2020/23:16

Last week was quite literally hell for me. The worry and stress and general depression in anticipation of results had turned me into a zombie more or less.

Well, results came out yesterday. I didn't do bad. "Not bad" is how I'd put it. I could've done better, I guess, but it's done I guess 🤷🏻‍♀️

Just intend to make the best of this situation right now. I haven't really been able to study at all over the past 10 days or so. I really really really REALLY hope to get back on track now that the whole anxiety and stuff is over and done with.

I think I'll redo 100 days of productivity from tomorrow! A LOT to do and not much time left so I this would be an apt time. 😊

Soooo Broccoli

Apparently the boys over at Brocc decided it was a good idea yesterday to drop some big news on us and then ,like they are apt to do, walk out of the room and leave us a speculation NIGHTMARE Fortunately for y’all...I’m here so we are going to go over the items that Broccoli mentioned and things are going to be interest going into the next DECADE and there is a phrase we need to learn the meaning of So in the immortal words of QUARTET NIGHT at the beginning of “The Dice are Cast” READY... SET... GO!!

10th Anniversary focus So according to a translation I have from a tweet here they said they will be focusing on the TENTH Anniversary which is next year.  I don’t THINK they are gonna leave us hanging on the 9th because that would be pretty bunk but the big anniversary is 10 years so they are going to want to put a focus on that.  If we don’t get A LOT of big time announcements this year I don’t think we need to be too upset (Like I was last year when it was all music related) but what will they announce for this Anni? WELL New Mystery game and console decision So its been announced that they have a new game coming out which...is interesting and its even MORE interesting because the console/device has not been decided. To sort of understand this we have to go back almost THREE YEARS to when Broccoli announced “Dolce Vita”.  This is important because remember at the time when they announced the game on the SIXTH Anniversary the characters that would be in the game are the Senseis ,Shining and then QN and STARISH respectively right? Well when 7th Anniversary happens it gets announced that they were making an update to the cast and that update would BE...Raging Otori and the 7 “Renegade Princes” from HEAVENS so there was THAT announcement.  Remember though that this was in 2017.  For two years there was no update or even a screenshot for the game and I want to say when we got close to 2018 it would be announced that the VITA was stopping production in Japan.  THIS is a big deal because of the fact that the game was to be on that system AND there was supposed to be a “port project” where all the games UP TO DOLCE were supposed to be released in sequential order starting with Repeat and ending with After Secret. SPOILER:  That project got abandoned Well...there was a good reason...kind of We have to remember that around August in 2017 Japan was starting to get Shining Live.  That game would end up coming out IN ENGLISH in 2018 in January.  I remember that because it was around then that I had to get my current computer when it completely crapped the bed on me which sucks but what can you do right?  Now this still led us to a situation because in 2018 we still didn’t get any update on Dolce right? WELL... 8th Anniversary becomes a thing and when it happened it was focused solely on the music (which DOES kind of make sense since the series’ literal translation is “Prince of Song”) but we hadn’t heard much about Dolce and at this point we are at 1 year since the HEAVENS announcement and 2 years since the game was announced AT ALL...what was going on? To be honest I don’t know but if I had to completely speculate what happened with the game it was a # of things and one was writing and recording HEAVENS’ parts (not sure about routes) for the game.  Well during the time they were doing this Sony announced stopping the VITA and the game card production outright. Because of THIS I think this caused them to pivot and they started to figure out if they were going to take the project and move it to a console or just outright scrap it!  I THINK when we get to 9th Anniversary we might learn the fate of Dolce and I think it has to do with this new game.  If I HAD to hazard a guess the console it was going to be on...THAT’S TRICKY! See the PS4 is on its way out (or at least games will slow production probably for 2020) so the idea would be to put it on the PS5 when that releases BUT they also could drop the game on the switch and make the game the first that I think would be on a Nintendo system (NOTE:  There WAS a theme for the 3DS but no actual games were made for a Nintendo console I don’t think) so we have to think about that.  I think it would do Broccoli well to put the game on the PS4/5 AND the Switch because UtaPri has been a staple in the Sony library in Japan so if it just up and left then I don’t know how fans in Japan would feel.  It would also be an interesting situation for HEAVENS fans because ,if we assume that this game will have them in it, then how many fans will get it for the switch beit domestically OR Internationally (NOTE:  The Switch is NOT Region Locked so importing is easy to do) so that is something to look at.  There are a lot of questions to deal with JUST on this subject and its why it took a bigger bulk of this post because of ambiguity but I am going to guess we will learn more at 9th Anniversary and I think it WILL RELEASE before the 10th Anni! Now another interesting part of the notes is that they are going to be focusing on Seiyuus and Lives...not sure what that means yet but we will find out in time This next part is SUPER IMPORTANT After the 10th Anniversary they will focus on making UtaPri “Everlasting Contents” Alright...I THINK I need to explain something I forgot to at the beginning here So when this tweet came out that someone was kind enough to translate EVERYTHING I am mentioning here was going UP TO 2022 so that’s a little over 3 years or so from now right?  Things have started to get more interesting here! So NOW the question becomes this “What will the plan be as far as an Anime goes?” If I am 100% honest...I don’t know...I know what my plan would be for 2021 and 2022 if they wanted to put one final bow on the Anime and wrap it up with one more 2 season arc but MY IDEA would be drastically different probably than that of the fandom...but I’ll share it in the future. You know what’s crazy about all of this as far as the timing of the news goes? THIS It had recently been announced that ,at the showing for “Maji Love Kingdom” (Or I guess more appropriately now called “Maji Love LIVE Kingdom” if you saw the second PV) they will have the cast there for a special talk...usually when something like that is gonna happen some stuff is gonna go down and IT MAKES ME WONDER if there isn’t something behind this...could we get a 5TH SEASON ANNOUNCEMENT or could it just be for a social thing?  If there is one thing I have learned about Broccoli’s methods in the years I have watched what they do with April Fools and so forth I wouldn’t put it past them to do that...it should ALSO be noted that at this time (and for the past 3 years) the 4th season website is still up!  There is a part of me that STILL BELIEVES if they were done with the Anime Project they would have outright taken down the website and used the official site to redirect to the movie...that hasn’t happened yet! Now someone will say (and I can see this in a reblog ,reply or message already) that “Doing a 5th season AFTER doing the Tokyo Dome in MLKingdom doesn’t make sense from a story perspective” and I hear that...but not quite right! IF we are to assume that I’m right and they do one more two season arc what could they do? WELL I’ve been told there is a place BIGGER than the Tokyo Dome called “Nissan Stadium” and so they could do THAT but if they did THAT then the idea would be “Well next for them would be a world tour” and then you run into the idea of “Do we do ANOTHER TWO SEASON ARC (although that might be 3) or do we finally put the Anime to bed?”  Remember the current plan is for AT LEAST 2022 but they ALSO want to create “everlasting content” too right? I have wondered this Since the “STARISH Solo Series” was announced was that Broccoli’s way of “closing the book” on that group?  If it WAS (and I don’t think it was objectively speaking) then you could do a two season arc with HEAVENS and QN and the STARISH boys could make cameos?  Hell I think I proposed an idea once where Otoya took over the school from Shining and then QN would become HEAVENS’ mentors but that part requires HEAVENS to break off from Raging and I don’t know if that would happen considering that the universe is currently built to have two different Agencies so...there IS that! Here is another interesting tidbit that might interest you I once looked up the largest stadiums in the world and like EIGHT OUT OF TEN OF THEM ARE IN THE US!  YES KIDS IF YOU WANTED TO DO THE BIGGEST STADIUMS A BUNCH ARE HERE?! Gets better too because like a bunch of them were College Stadiums...ponder that! (Although real talk:  I wouldn’t mind seeing UtaPri in America for an episode...THAT’D BE COOL!) So now we have to ask this question at the end of ALL OF THIS “Alright Joshua...WHAT do you make of all of this?!” Here’s my answer Broccoli has like ZERO intention of killing off the series!  I know the plan is up to 2022 but I have a feeling in the next 3 years they are going to really work on building it up even more and making the Lives that they do reach farther beyond the boundaries of Japan.  I think that was their plan from the start when they announced “Expanding the world of UtaPri” and they knew that was going to take some work.  They are just revving up the engines and stopping it cold NOW would make a lot of people upset as far as fans IN JAPAN and OUTSIDE of the country.  Broccoli HAS to know that their properties are getting popular outside because it wasn’t that long ago that they took off the lock for their YT channel in the US!  I think they are starting to see the value in expanding to the west and they are now looking at what to do to keep the “Foreign Market” interested. I will also say this DON’T be surprised if the next game gets some kind of localization with how SL has done outside of Japan.  Okay its about 100K people that downloaded the game in the US but that might have given Brocc some pause and go “Wait a second...maybe we got something here” And who knows...MAYBE they have a plan to get the game over here!  We probably WON’T KNOW until maybe a little past 9th Anniversary but I’ve been surprised before Alright alright one more thing With Idolish7′s second season looming in the distance and with I-Chu getting an Anime Adaptation soon I could see that as a big reason that Broccoli DOESN’T want to kill off the Anime Project yet.  They know their stronghold that they have and giving up the spot of “King of the Idol Anime” is NOT something you do without a fight and by God they have a plan to do it and now we are going to be in for one of the craziest 3 year periods (and beyond) in the history of a genre that I stepped into back in 2014 and now here we are in 2019 and its looking like a good fight kids...I’m just happy to have a front row seat! NOW...Imma ask you guys and gals Based on the announcements we got from Broccoli now what directions do you think UtaPri could go into and where do you WANT to see it go?  I got a lot of ideas in my dome for sure but the question is...what say you Oh and I almost forgot to link the tweet that was the source of all of this so do be a friend and check out the tweet...here’s the link https://twitter.com/ohayaho_news/status/1117801981517627392 take care lads and lasses

So my brother apparently has a pet opposum now...

Below the cut because this is a long one, folks.

Let me preface the story with this: he lives in an urban area, although it’s across from the city park and the city is very small (in upstate NY). He and his gf own a triple decker and live in the basement apt., which has front and back doors.

Apparently a few months back a momma opposum decided their apt. was the perfect place to leave one of her offspring; they saw both opossums in the apt. at one point, but now it’s just down to one.

That, of course, doesn’t make this opposum (we’ll call it Terry from now on) an official Pet(TM). Frankly, they don’t really want another official Pet(TM) as they currently have 4 cats. Cats, I might add, who are completely indifferent to this new householder.

Have they tried to get Terry out of the house? Why yes, of course! They have a small dog carrier they keep by the back door and were able to lure Terry inside after a while by putting cat kibble and a bowl of water in it. They then took Terry to the very back of the yard and released Terry, hoping Terry would climb a tree and find a new residence.

Fast forward a few months and suddenly their cats have fleas. Yes, some of the cats are indoor/outdoor cats, but they are regularly treated for fleas. They would treat the fleas and the fleas would come back. That’s when they discovered that (you guessed it) Terry had returned to the apt and was once again living in the walls. (Old building, basement apt., unfortunately many paths of egress and safe spots to hide.)

So they set up the dog carrier again and were prepared to trek into the park to release Terry a bit further from home when they reached their first check: Animal Control had to be involved or they might be fined. So they contacted Animal Control and recieved their second check: no one was available. They advised my brother and his gf to keep it in the dog carrier until someone could come and get it. When asked how long that might be, they were given very vague, runaroundy kind of answers. 

Not a problem, you say; just keep the animal in the dog carrier and keep pestering Animal Control till they come out!

Yeah...let me tell you about my animal-loving, soft-hearted, easy-touch of a brother. He loves animals more than he likes people. He is very very good with animals. When he was a kid he could get the squirrels to eat out his hands - and I’m not talking super tame, amusement park living squirrels like we saw in Busch Gardens in FL that one time. No, I’m talking your standard, run away when humans are near squirrels that would rather fling poo at you than come more than 20 feet near you.

(He was once accused by another kid of being the one who abused some ducklings at a park once and even though my brother was CONSTANTLY in trouble for one thing or another as a kid, my mom laughed out loud at that one and said try again. There’s no way he would abuse anything - he’d be more likely to punch the snot out of the kid that did it and be absolutely unremorseful about it.)

So, that’s the kind of person my brother is. So the idea of leaving poor Terry locked up in the carrier till Animal Control got off its collective rump and took him somewhere else was just not happening.

Instead, he keeps cat kibble and a bowl of water for Terry in the (opened) cat carrier. This has the advantage of keeping him fairly isolated from the cats, so the flea problem has abated. It has also had the advantage of my brother being able to observe Terry up close and to discover that Terry, like a raccoon, washes most of his food, and also washes himself using the water (my brother has put in a larger bowl now that he knows this, and changes the water frequently during the day - he works from home).

So Terry is still being accorded the status of “temporary inhabitant” while they try to get Animal Control to come take him away.

But wait, there’s more! My brother phoned me yesterday to let me know two additional things about Terry that make me suspect Terry would much rather remain a pet: a) Terry has, at least on two different occasions, snuggled up in my brother and his gf’s bed with them at night, and attempted to do so on other occasions but was caught in the act and shooed out of the bedroom; and b) Terry is apparently now using the cat’s litter boxes to poop in.

Yes, you read that right: Terry the Opposum has apparently litter trained himself.

I suspect that if they could get the flea situation under control, Animal Control would never receive another phone call.

There it is, folks, my long-winded account of Terry the Self-Domesticating Possum. If I receive any updates I will share them with you.

Wanna Bet? Pt. 3

Author: stephobrien25

Pairing: Dylan X Reader

Warning: teasing, smut, dirty talk, slight spanking.

Word count: 3,228

A/N: I think an apology is in order...I know it me a while to update the third part and to actually write it tbh, and I’m soooo sorry. BUT in my defense it was midterm season and I was studying and catching up on school work. So, wait no more! Here’s the third part of the series and they finally get down and dirty ;). There’s a slow build up to it and a bunch of small teasing. And I want to apologize for my little to none baseball knowledge.

Anyways, please let me know what y’all think! I would really appreciate any feedback and let me know if I should do a part four or leave it like this. And happy international woman days to all my strong and beautiful ladies out there  <3 Enjoy!

READ PT.1  PT.2

When I wake up the next morning, I can’t stop the huge smile that appears on my face. After closing last night with Miguel, things had more or less calmed down outside, and Dylan decided to leave saying t was going to a long ride home. Although, he didn’t leave without giving me another to curing kiss and his address and number for today. Miguel didn’t stop teasing me for the rest of the night.

Getting up, I looked at the time and saw I had about four hours until having to head over to Dylan’s. “What the hell do I wear?” Looking in my closet I realized everything was either dresses or tops for going out. And all my jersey’s were soccer related.

An idea popped in my head and I quickly grabbed my phone from my nightstand. Before I could chicken out, I dialed the number. After three rings that seemed like an eternity, a sleepy voice answered, “Hello?”

“Oh my god, did I wake you up? I’m so sorry.”

“Nah, I was lazying around in bed, no worries love.” Though his yawning made me think otherwise. “What’s up? Everything okay?”

“Yeah, yeah everything is fine. I just, well um, I was wondering if you have an extra jersey?”

“You mean a Mets jersey? Oh, I have plenty, why?”

“Well I wouldn’t want to wear the wrong jersey….you know like a certain someone I know…” I snickered.

He chuckled, “Yeah wouldn’t want that. But, sure I can lend you a jersey,” he paused. “It’ll probably look better on you than on me.”

I blushed and was thankful he couldn’t see me, “Don’t doubt it Dyl. Alright, I’ll see you soon then.”

“Can’t wait.”

After riding various subways and a long travel that seemed to take forever, I was finally in front of his building. My nerves were getting the best of me and my hands felt clammy. I couldn’t help but wonder if it was going to be awkward between us. Or if things were going to be different. A million scenarios were passing through my mind while I stood there like an idiot.

Suddenly, my phone buzzed with a message. Opening it, I saw that it was Miguel.

Miguelito: I can practically feel your nerves all the way in Queens. Suck it up and get your ass up to his apt.

Smiling at my phone, I couldn’t help but think that, it was times like these in which I absolutely adored Miguel. Taking a deep breath and wiping my palms against my shorts, I stepped into the building.

Reaching his door, I closed my eyes and knocked on his door, before I could even second guess. A few seconds passed and I heard the door and I opened my eyes. With just one glance at him, I started getting butterflies, if it was possible he looked even better than last night. He was wearing khakis, a white buttoned Mets jersey and a different cap. I just stood there drinking him in and he was doing the same, his eyes slightly darkening as they lingered on my legs.

Clearing my throat, I quickly looked away, “So.”

That seemed to snap him out of his trance, “Oh shit! Sorry, um come in.” Dylan nervously laughed and scratched the back of his neck.

Stepping into his apartment it looked like just any other guys would, except it was cleaner and spacious. “Nice place.” The TV was on a sports channel and they were showing commercials.

“Thanks. I moved in a couple months ago. You want something to drink? I have water, soda, beer.”

“A beer is fine, thanks.” I smiled.

Following him into the kitchen, I sat on the barstool. To try and clear the tension I asked, “So, at what time does the game start?”

Handing me the beer he replied, “In about twenty minutes.”

“Hmm,” I took a sip from my drink. “You ready to pay up?”

“What do you mean?”

“Oh, you know. I’m pretty sure I’m going to win this little bet we have.” I teased.

Dylan leaned towards me. “I find that a little hard to believe,” he smirked. “Nena.”

The way the pet name rolled off his tongue made me involuntarily shudder. I hate that pet name, but the way he said it made my eyes widen. Shaking the feeling off, I glared at him, “You didn’t.”

He laughed. “But I did. I looked the word up yesterday on my phone and when I realized it meant ‘baby’, I figured nena fits you better.”

I stood from the stool and made my way to him. “How do you figure?” I looked up at him with my eyebrow arched.

His hands went around my waist and he pulled me closer to him, “Well for starters the word in Spanish just sounds more exotic than just ‘baby’.” Dylan lowered his face near my ear and whispered, “And I have a feeling that you’re just as exotic.”

I felt my legs turn to jelly and I nuzzled into his neck breathing him in. His hand went to my chin turning my face up, staring into his eyes I saw them sparkle with lust and mischief and I just wanted to swim in those whiskey colored eyes. Dylan’s face started getting closer and my eyes closed, I could practically feel his lips near my own, and then…….. nothing. He pulled completely away from me, my eyes opening in confusion, until I saw his smug smile.

“C’mon, you still need to choose  jersey to wear,” he turned around and headed towards the direction of his room. I just stood there gawking at him not believing what just happened.

“That’s how you want to play? Well fine,” I was still mumbling and cussing him in Spanish as I followed his steps. An idea formed in my head and as I entered his room, I had a huge smile on my face.

Dylan was walking out of his closet holding a couple of jerseys in his hand as he saw me enter his room. “What are you smiling about?”

“Nothing,” I grinned wider at him. He looked at me puzzled and looked like he was about to say something else but decided against it.

“So, these are the ones that I have.” First he held up and orange jersey with the number five on it. The second one had buttons like the one he was wearing, except it was blue and had the name ‘Wilmer Flores’ name on the back. I was about to pick option number two, until he showed me the third jersey. It was also blue and had buttons, but had the number 24 and a name I’ve never heard of.

“I may not know much about the Mets, but since when was there a player named O’Brien?”

Dylan actually blushed, “Well, that’s actually my last name. My family knows I’m a die hard fan, they customized a jersey with my favorite number and our name. It’s actually my lucky jersey.”

I smiled, “Well then I guess, I’m wearing the lucky jersey. Might give me some luck for winning this bet.”

He rolled his eyes but couldn’t from smiling, “We’ll see.” He threw it at me and I caught it mid air. “Well, I’ll step out so you can - “ He stopped mid sentence as he saw me take my shirt off. Smirking slightly I pretended not to notice his reaction, which was exactly what I wanted to happen. His eyes were glued on my laced bra as I put the jersey on. At the other side of his room, there was a full length mirror, and I made my way towards it, swaying my hips slightly. Looking in the mirror, you could totally tell the jersey wasn’t mine. It was too big it felt like I was swimming in it, but I felt comfortable and it smelled like him.

“Not bad. Blue’s kinda my color, don’t you think, O’Brien?” Dylan walked over and stood behind me, our gazes met in the mirror and his eyes were so intense I felt my panties dampen a little.  

His hands were on my waist again and I couldn’t help but think that I really like the feel of them there. “Yeah, blue is a perfect color on you.” He rasped.

Turning around in his arms, I placed my hands on his hard chest and smiled up at him. “I think something is missing though.”

Dylan furrowed his eyebrows, “What?”

Quickly, I snatched his cap, got out of his grasp and put it backwards on my head. Laughing at his reaction I said, “Too slow, Dyl. But what do you think?” I did a little twirl and squealed when he suddenly grabbed me and threw me onto his bed.

He was looming over me, as he huskily told me, “I think I like my jersey on you, but I would absolutely love to peel it off of you.” I bit my lower lip as he said those words. “See that soft skin of yours, feel it, kiss it, leave marks on it.” A small whimper escaped my lips, if my panties were damp before, they were definitely soaked now. Dylan’s face lowered and he pecked my lips once, twice, leaving me wanting more. And then we heard it.

“Oh, Allen, what a beautiful day to go to a baseball game. This is the Mets fifth game of the season and they’re doing so well. Let’s see how today goes.”

“Indeed Bob, it is a beautiful game and I can feel it’s going to be a great game.”

In a flash Dylan was off of me and running back to the living room saying something along the lines of “I can’t miss the first pitch.”

Meanwhile, I was still laying on the bed trying to catch my breath. I sat up and huffed, “Boy, really likes his baseball.”

I quickly went into the bathroom to freshen up a bit, before heading back out to the living room. Dylan was already on the couch looking intently at the TV. I chucked and wondered to myself if that’s how I looked like when watching soccer. “Want another beer?”

“Yeah, please.” He replied without taking his eyes off the screen. Rolling my eyes I took out two beers and made way over to the couch. “Thanks,” he smiles at me as I handed him the bottle.

Settling in next to him, I could practically feel the excitement coming off of him. “Who are they playing against?”

“The Atlanta Braves.”

“That’s my dads favorite baseball team.”

Dylan turned to me with wide eyes, “What?!”

I couldn’t help the giggle that escaped my lips at his astonished face. “Don’t ask me why.” I shrugged. “They’ve been doing bad these last couple of years, but he’s as loyal as ever.”

He nodded at me, “I can respect that. The same thing goes with my Mets, win or lose they’re always going to be my favorite.”

“To being faithful fans,” I cheered holding my beer towards him.

“To the Mets,” he clinked his bottle against mine.

It was almost the seventh-inning stretch and the game was tied 2-2. Watching Dylan’s reaction was better than watching the actual game. I almost lost it when he got mad at the umpire for calling a foul play on the Mets. “Motherfucker couldn’t see a foul play if it hit him in the damn face.”

I had to stifle my laughter behind my hand, Dylan glanced my way and glared. “It’s not funny.” My eyes widened at his tone.

“Oh, I agree. I don’t think it was a foul play either. But, I wasn’t laughing at that, I was actually laughing at your reaction.”

“Oh yeah? Well, what about you? Last night you cussed so much that you put a sailor to shame.”

I put my hands on my heart and grinned, “Why thank you. I’ll take that as a compliment.” We both hollered in laughter.

Glancing back at the game I noticed that Flores was up to bat, “Look! It’s Wilmer!” That gott Dylan’s attention. First and second base had Harvey and Matz.  Wilmer got into position and lifted his bat ready to swing, the pitcher from the Braves threw the ball in what appeared to be a curveball and I saw Dylan hold his breath. Wilmer swung and,

“HOMERUN BABY!” Dylan jumped up from the couch, “That’s what I’m talking about!” The game was now 5-2.

The crowd was going wild on the TV and the team members hugging Wilmer and jumping from excitement. At that moment I decided to stand up, to get another bottle of beer, when suddenly I’m in the air being twirled around and then I feel myself falling. I hear a grunt and when I open my eyes, I’m on top of Dylan.

“Oh my god! Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Good.” I smacked his chest.

“Ow! What was that for?!”

“For scaring me like that! You can’t just do that to a girl!”

Dylan had the audacity of laughing, “I’m sorry! I just got super excited.” I glared at him started to move around him to stand up, but he held me down.

“Uh, Dyl?” His eyes were closed shut.

“Don’t move,” he groaned out.

Confused I was going to as why, but then I felt it. And my god did it feel huge. I bit my lip and looked down at him, “Seems like something else got excited too.” Dylan opened his eyes, and this time his whiskey colored eyes were dark with only lust.

“Nena, I’ve been this excited since I left the bar last night. All I could think about was taking you right there on the bar, not giving a damn if anyone saw. Then you show up today wearing shorts and the only thing I can think about is them being wrapped around my waist or my head.” His hands went to my ass and he squeezed hard, making me grab onto his shirt. “And now here you are wearing my favorite jersey, and all I can think about is taking it off your sexy body and do so many naughty things to you.”

With my heart beating fast, I lean down to where our lips are almost touching and I whisper, “What’s stopping you?”

He groan aloud before grabbing onto my head and crashing his lips onto my own. Unlike the kiss from last night this one was rough with pent up lust from the both of us. His mouth was deliciously bruising my own and all I could do was moan into his mouth. Taking the opportunity his tongue entered my mouth and completely dominated my own, it was like he was trying to consume me with this kiss. And honestly? I would’ve let him, if it wasn’t for the fact that we both needed to breathe.

Dylan was intoxicating, he was my personal drug and I couldn’t get enough. I needed to taste him more, to feel his hands roam my body, to feel his mouth on my skin. My body was burning with need and I couldn’t wait anymore. His mouth was on my neck and I was writhing above him moaning his name like a prayer.

“I need you. Dylan please, I can’t wait anymore,” I panted into his ear as I began to grind my hips into his groin,

“Fuck yes. I need you too, let’s go to my room.” He started to sit up, but I pushed him down.

Dylan looked at me with wide eyes, “No, I need you now.” I sat on to top of him and took my jersey off and by some miracle managed to take off my shorts and panties. I felt him get even harder if that was possible as I unbuttoned his pants and lowered it along with his boxers. As soon as his dick popped out my mouth watered. Grabbing it with my right hand I slowly pumped it up and down and relished in the sound of Dylan moaning above me.

“God, your dick looks sooo good. I can’t wait till I have it in my mouth, but right now I need you inside me.” I softly kissed the tip and propped myself on him again rubbing my soaking pussy against his hardness.

“You’re so fucking sexy. And so fucking wet, is all that wetness for me baby? Jesus, you’re practically gushing.”

“Dylan please.”

“Please what nena? Tell me what you want.”

“I need you to fuck me.”

Dylan growled as he grabbed onto my hips, “My pleasure.” And he slammed into me, making me scream out his name. “Yess, that’s right. Scream my name, fuck you're tight. That’s right baby ride me, show me how much you want to cum on my cock.”

“Fuuck Dyl.” His dirty talk was spurring me on as I rocked back and forth on top if him, creating a delicious friction against my clit. His hands were gripping my hips so hard, there might be bruises tomorrow. My hands were on his chest grasping tightly onto his jersey. Reaching behind me I quickly unhooked my bra, spilling my breasts free of their confines and to Dylan’s hungry eyes.

“You’re tits are amazing. God you’re so beautiful wearing nothing but my cap,” his left hand left my hip to grab onto a breast and I gasped as he pinched a nipple.

“Dylan, baby, your cock is sooo big.” I felt my pussy muscles clench as he pinched my nipple harder than before. “Holy shit.”

“You like that? You like it a little rough, don’t you?” His right hand suddenly slapped my ass and I let the dirtiest moan out.

“Yess, oh my god yes.” I started to bounce faster on his cock, needing more. I could feel my toes going numb from the pleasure and feel it coursing all through my body. “Dylan, holy fuck. I’m going to cum soon.”

Dylan suddenly sat up and the different angle made me mewl at the new sensation. His mouth was on my breasts, leaving marks in his wake, “C’mon baby, I need you to hold on a bit longer.” I whimpered in his ear while tugging on his hair.

“Please, please, oh fuck please.” Everything was too overwhelming. It was too much to handle and I needed to cum badly. “I need to cum Dyl, please.”

Dylan kissed me hard, swallowing the rest of my please. “I’m close baby, so close.” He grabbed onto my ass again before saying, “Cum for me nena.” And slamming me down onto him. That was my undoing.

“DYLAN!” I yelled out his name and pulled on his hair hard as my body exploded in waves of pleasure. I heard Dylan moan into my ear as he came inside me, filling me up.

We both landed on the couch again just as the game finished announcing that the Mets had won. With my head on his chest and my eyes slowly closing on themselves I managed to ask, “So who won the bet?”

He chuckled as he took his cap off my head and began to rub my head, “I think it’s a tie.”

“Hmmm,” I yawned. “A tie. I like the sound of that.” I snuggled into his chest and fell asleep.

Tags: @blackinnon-paradise @minhosmeanhoe

Friday, August 24, 2018

last day at work!! :’(

post #228

main points:

- prepare for presentation in the morning

- run through with mentor

- actual presentation 11:30-12pm

- lunch with my mentor at a hunan cuisine place

- attempt to submit one last PR (trying to submit since yesterday) but still not working. it was unrelated but seemed to block despite a force push flag

- went to company demo session, saw karl and vishal’s demo. tried to work on a fix for the PR in case somehow i was the one to break the two tests? turns out it wasn’t me though

- go to happy hour with harvy and roberto. harvy helped fix my flag -- i used an enter instead of a space, causing the flag to not register correctly

- hang out at happy hour with harvy, roberto, alex, jp and grace. meet up with andrew and jess briefly to say good bye. also say good bye to vishal 

- go upstairs to play melee with shang, eric, ivan, mansfield. say good bye to all of them one by one :’( 

- harvy swung by after the gym at the melee setup to say good bye one last time, i felt sad :( 

- played melee with john, he got back from a doctor’s appointment. we played one last final round of shine thief + 150cc race. picked up some swag

- ubered home and ate leftover food from the hunan place for lunch + rice i picked up from sunny sushi in the shopping plaza 

- pooled with dan by accident (again), said good bye

- got home, reheated the food, then just watched the office and went to sleep by 12am

(writing this on wednesday august 29, finally catching up)

today i:

- woke up at 8:30am. ubered with karl to work. it was my turn to call the uber. my last uber to work :’(

- we got to the office. i grabbed some breakfast with karl. one final meal in the cafe :’(

- went up to my desk around 10am. mentally started going through my presentation stuff. tried to submit my PR that i was unable to submit yesterday. tried to force push with a flag but that also didn’t seem to work. was kind of confused and would worry about that later

- i did a runthrough on my presentation with my mentor from 11-11:30am. he said my presentation was solid, just some small things to update on two concepts

- went to do my final presentation 11:30am-12pm in a meeting. i did my presentation/demo for about 15 minutes. around 11:50am, another team member (jennifer) did a demo on her work which looked cool

- harvy treated me to lunch at a chinese restaurant in milbrae. it was at wonderful, which had some authentic hunan cuisine. it was absolutely delicious food. but also pretty spicy. we chatted a bit about my plans for and after the semester. harvy also gave me some career advice in terms of location and working at HQs. we ordered so much food 

we definitely couldn’t finish all of it. he said i could take the leftovers and eat it for dinner later :D 

- went back to work and tried to submit that last PR. it unfortunately still wasn’t working. i started wondering if maybe i did indeed break something

- around 3pm i went to a company meeting to see karl and vishal’s intern project since they got a time slot to demo there. they weren’t going until the very end but it was my first time attending the meeting so i figured might as well check it out before i leave. while i was in the meeting, i worked on the PR, thinking that maybe the two tests were failing because i actually did break something. after working on it for 20-30 minutes, i still ended up with the same error message. welp. i guess the error wasn’t my fault

i also saw karl and vishal demo their project, it was SOOOO cool!! 

- after the meeting, i went back up to my desk to ask harvy what the issue might be with the force push flag, since it didn’t seem to go through and the issue wasn’t my fault (now verified). before we went to happy hour, he came over and took a look. it was cause i used a newline/enter character instead of a space before pasting a link... so the flag wasn’t getting registered. i’ve been trying to submit this since the end of wednesday... LOL. derp. glad i could get it submitted on my last day!

- went downstairs to happy hour with roberto and harvy. i had to return my badge cause they’d be closed by 5. so i walked around with a guest badge as a guest for harvy LOL. it was my last happy hour :’( i tried some mixed drink with tequila and pineapple flavoring... it was... weird. then noticed that roberto got cider and went to grab one of those. i love cider :D harvy then also grabbed one and we sat down just chilling. there was a performance going on out on the patio. we were also joined by alex and grace. it was a nice way to relax

i got a message from andrew in the breaking group chat and went to go say good bye/chat with him for a bit. jess was also there with this really cute dog. then i went back to harvy/roberto/alex. JP came by and we chatted with him for a bit. the whole summer i never formally met him until my last day LOL. he seemed really cool

then alex suggested we go up to play some melee. cause in the group chat some peeps were playing upstairs. we went up around 5pm, i went to say good bye to andrew/jess then vishal/rabia and karl (though i’d see karl back at the apt)

- went upstairs to drop off some stuff and had a brief conversation about amazon with grace, harvy and roberto. then went to play melee with alex, shang, eric, ivan, mansfield. shang left first so i gave him a hug. he made some funny comment like “this is the first time our bodies have touched”. then alex left so i said goodbye to him. then i played some games with mansfield while eric played ivan. then i played one last game with eric before he left, and then said goodbye to him. then mansfield left to catch the shuttle at 6:30 and i said goodbye to him :’(

finally it was just me and ivan, who i’ve heard about but never played with the entire summer cause he had been busy with work. 

- harvy swung by after he went to the gym. we finally said good bye and i felt really sad :/ he was a really good mentor and wholesome dude. i felt like he was really patient with me in my project. hopefully i’ll see him again sometime in the future

- i played a few games with ivan and then he left. by then it was like 7pm. i was ready to head back up to ask john where he was and then bumped into him in the hallway. we were like yo let’s play some games. cause he went to a doctor’s appointment so i wasn’t sure when he was coming back

- we did one final thing of our circuit. we played like 5 melee games. then shine thief in mario kart. then a race in mario kart. and then that was it :’( 

- we walked over to where the swag stuff was. i picked up a t-shirt and some pop sockets. i knew the swag was there all summer i just kept forgetting to get some. john also grabbed some too

- we went back to our desks and i cleaned up my desk, making sure everything was cleaned out. then, john headed out. we said good bye :’( 

i put my laptop and everything back. grabbed the leftover hunan food from the fridge. then i put in an order from sunny sushi to get 2 orders of white rice (to eat with the hunan food)

- walked over to pick up the white rice, then called an uber express pool

- happened to call one the same time dan did. this was like the 3rd time this summer we overlapped and got pooled together LOL. we chatted on the car for a bit. he was telling me about a zombie game he played on campus, it sounded epic and fun but also scary. he got dropped off first and we said good bye

- i went back home, reheated some of the food. chatted with one of the airbnb guests who was visiting and took damien’s room (since he moved out). then i watched the office (not sure which episodes) and crashed by 12am

it was a sad day :( but i’m really glad i got to spend the summer working here. it’s been a great experience. i hope i’ll see some of these peeps again

the end

(finishing writing this up on saturday september 1)

Bitcoin (BTC) eased volatility into Oct. 6 as BTC price downside preparations returned.BTC/USD 1-hour chart. Source: TradingViewBitcoin keeps liquidations limited amid long, sh "squeeze"Data from Cointelegraph Markets Pro and TradingView covered a flatter 24 hours for BTC/USD after a failed retest of $28,000.After lingering in a narrow range around 1.5% lower, the largest cryptocurrency was again pushing toward the $28,000 mark ahead of the Wall Street open, yet fielded fresh concerns from market participants over potential losses to come.$BTC / $USD - Update I remain just in my long from $26,000 for now, but will be closing that and entering a short if we lose $27,200 support below us. Alerts are set and i am on standby pic.twitter.com/mcS9Zcp5zN— Crypto Tony (@CryptoTony__) October 6, 2023 Popular trader Daan Crypto Trades eyed an ongoing tussle between two key moving averages (MAs) on one-day timeframes.“Whether the Daily 200MA (Purple) or the Daily 200EMA (Blue) gives in first, will likely determine the trend for the rest of October if I had to guess,” he wrote alongside a chart in an X post on Oct. 4.“$27K & $28K. The battle continues.”BTC/USD annotated chart. Source: Daan Crypto Trades/XDaan Crypto Trades subsequently flagged increasing open interest (OI) across exchanges, this apt to cause a squeeze of shorts followed by longs, respectively. “This has usually been a short squeeze (up) into long squeeze (back down). We saw this yesterday again. Good to keep an eye on this region,” he suggested.#Bitcoin Open Interest hit the 8.7-9.1B region again where we've recently seen a lot of squeezes occur. This has usually been a short squeeze (up) into long squeeze (back down).We saw this yesterday again.Good to keep an eye on this region. pic.twitter.com/yojcBHSGzk— Daan Crypto Trades (@DaanCrypto) October 6, 2023 Data from montioring resource CoinGlass showed overall negligible liquidations across both long and short BTC positions through Oct. 6. BTC liquidations chart (screenshot). Source: CoinGlassLack of lower BTC price levels "surprise"Monitoring resource Material Indicators meanwhile turned its attention to whale trading behavior over the course of the week.Dividing whales into volume-based cohorts, it showed different “classes” of whale making contradictory moves. Orders worth between $100,000 and $1 million — the class Material Indicators often says is the main driver of spot price action — have increased exposure, but failed to spark a broader uptrend.“This week, purple bought aggressively and sold the local top. They then stared buying dips for a NET +$13.8M in market orders on @binance over the last 7 days,” it explained.Data further showed other whales net selling to the tune of nearly $60 million over the same period.“We could speculate whether or not that’s part of the FTX liquidation,” Material Indicators added, referencing the potential liquidation of assets from defunct exchange FTX. “Doesn’t really matter who it is, but if there is any surprise, it’s not that price hasn’t gone higher…it’s that it didn’t go lower.”BTC/USD order book data for Binance with whale activity. Source: Material Indicators/XOn the topic of exchange-based setups, popular trading account Exitpump likewise spied a potential liquidity grab being prepared below $27,400.“Price always likes to do multiple kisses into resistance block forming a top,” part of recent analysis summarized.$BTC Possible run back to 28k. Good amount of bid liquidity below 27.4k on Binance spot orderbook.Price always likes to do multiple kisses into resistance block forming a top. pic.twitter.com/ZvUVEeqULY— exitpump (@exitpumpBTC) October 5, 2023 This article does not contain investment advice or recommendations. Every investment and trading move involves risk, and readers should conduct their own research when making a decision.

COVID19 Updates: 07/27/2021

US:   WHITE HOUSE SAYS IT HAS NOT BEEN DETERMINED THAT IT WOULD BE ILLEGAL FOR FEDERAL GOVERNMENT TO MANDATE VACCINES FOR EMPLOYEES, BUT NO DECISION HAS BEEN MADE

US:  U.S. COVID update: More than 90K new cases as many states post weekend backlogs - New cases: 90,292 - Average: 56,008 (+4,685) - In hospital: 35,521 (+1,317) - In ICU: 8,978 (+297) - New deaths: 289

Japan:  NEW: Tokyo reports 2,848 new coronavirus cases, more than double from last week and the biggest one-day increase on record

Indonesia:  BREAKING: Indonesia reports 2,069 new coronavirus deaths, the biggest one-day increase on record, and 45,203 new cases

Massachusetts:  Almost 4,000 fully vaccinated people in Massachusetts have tested positive for COVID-19 | Fox News LINK

RUMINT (Arkansas):  Good morning, everyone. Arkansas worsening. I'm hearing a lot of medical helicopters. My kid was supposed to have a medical appointment today, to their credit they're doing it virtually. They called me to make the change. Medical offices adjusting. It seems we're right back where we started.

US:  BREAKING—CDC reverses course—CDC is expected to recommend on Tuesday that people vaccinated for the coronavirus  resume wearing masks indoors. The change follows reports of rising breakthrough infections with the #Deltavariant.  ABOUT DAMN TIME! #COVID19 LINK

Florida:  Baptist Health Jacksonville: Number of COVID-19 patients rise by 32 over 24 hours LINK

RUMINT (US): Sister in Law is an RN here & had a vaxxed covid patient yesterday...Holy cow, this is scary.   Apparently, the 44-year-old man received the J&J vax in June. The guy's fiancee said he went to work yesterday morning, like normal then on his lunch hour he just disappeared, he left & never came back ( he is a supervisor). A few hours later The cops were called by people at an apt complex because he was wandering around the dumpsters & had blood all over himself. The cops got there & the guy is totally catatonic, won't communicate. They bring him to the hospital thinking he is injured but upon further inspection, did not have a scratch on him (wtf). He started coming around but would not answer questions clearly, just kept saying that something was wrong in his head. Then all of a sudden he just started raging. They had to call security to restrain him & it took 4 of them to hold him down. They gave him a large dose of sedatives & it did nothing to him. My sister-in-law said he was like the exorcist on the bed, broke the end of it off completely. The interesting part of the story is that they did a routine covid test on him upon admittance to the hospital, and guess what....POSITIVE. He was asymptomatic but had encephalitis. The DR commented to her in private that covid was making people go crazy, altering their brains. Except, I had covid, it did nothing to my brain... it is the vax & spike proteins that are doing it. Most of us already knew this, though. And This was not the first time the DR had seen a patient come in like this. Not good.

Florida:  COVID-19 cases in NE FL continue to climb, projections from Mayo Clinic show no flattening of curve

Saudi Arabia:  Saudi Arabia will impose a three-year travel ban on citizens traveling to countries on the kingdom’s “red list” under draconian new measures, state news agency SPA has said;

Indiana:  Up again ... Indiana exceeds 1,000 COVID-19 cases for the first time since May 7, according to IDOH's updated dashboard.

US:  Rolling seven-day average of new U.S. covid cases, per The Post Three weeks ago: 12,696 Two weeks ago: 25,694 Last week: 37,936 Today: 55,986

Canada:  Fifth resident dead at care home outbreak in Canada. 97% of residents were fully vaccinated. Doesn't make clear if the deaths were in the unvaccinated or vaccinated. The home on Upper Middle Road has a resident capacity of 144 people, says Schlegel's website. It is unclear whether all of those spots are currently filled. LINK

Florida:  The mayor of the Florida county that's home to Disney World and Universal Studios is sounding the alarm on a spike of Covid-19 cases in the area, saying the county is now in "crisis mode" as it grapples with its worsening infection rate. LINK

California:  #BREAKING: Students, faculty, and staff will be required to vaccinated against COVID-19 to access @calstate 's 23 campuses this fall. LINK

US:  Some internal news: All @washingtonpost employees will be required to show proof of covid vax “as a condition of employment,” per new memo from publisher Fred Ryan (exceptions for documented medical conditions and religious concerns). Plan is to return to the office by mid-Sept.

California:  Higher COVID Rate Found In Some Counties With Higher Vaccination Rate – Why, And What It Says About The Delta Variant LINK

US:  CDC Director Dr. Rochelle Walensky says "new data" shows "breakthrough cases" of vaccinated individuals can have as much virus to shed and spread as an unvaccinated person. (so, no reduction in viral load?)

World:  A study found that heavy wildfire smoke could be linked to an increase in COVID-19 cases LINK

US:  Biden is considering a vaccine mandate for ALL federal employees because of the surging Delta variant LINK

Canada:  Passengers getting off international flights at Toronto Pearson International Airport will no longer be separated into queues based on their vaccination status. LINK

Israel:  Israel COVID update: Nearly 2,200 new cases, biggest one-day increase since March 11 - New cases: 2,195 - Average: 1,497 (+101) - In hospital: 243 (+32) - In ICU: 33 (-) - New deaths: 0

Florida:  NEW: Florida reports biggest one-day increase on record in number of people hospitalized with COVID-19

US:  NEW: Number of Americans hospitalized with COVID-19 tops 38,000, highest since May

Saudi Arabia:  Saudi Arabia to Impose Covid-19 Vaccine Mandate LINK

Arkansas:  The situation at Baxter Regional is critical. We have 43 COVID-19 inpatients, with 10 in ICU and 9 on a vent. Our ICU is full, with both COVID-19 and non-COVID-19 patients. We are weary, concerned for our community and desperate for this pandemic to end.

Arkansas:  Hospitalizations statewide now exceed 1,000. ADH says 1,025 people are currently hospitalized with COVID-19, up 45 from yesterday. There are 205 people on ventilators, up 33 from Monday.

Florida:  Colombian COVID Variant Hits Florida LINK

US:  CDC warns COVID-19 may be a few mutations away from evading vaccines LINK (It already does)

Louisiana:  Louisiana reports the biggest one-day increase in COVID-19 hospitalizations since March 2020

US: Op/Ed:  The 'worse' is how they're trying to spin the fact of the vaccine being an epic fail to prevent Covid at all - which is what they've led the population to believe all this time. All they're doing now is trying to play the ole scapegoat the unvaccinated shell game which only rallies psychotics, but does nothing to hide the fact the population has been bamboozled. The disaster unfolding will be compounded by the businesses following along with the political whims as they institute mandates and completely destroy their businesses altogether, causing even more social chaos as destitution spreads even more. It's a precarious situation.

US:  U.S. COVID update: More than 100K new cases, including backlog from Florida, amid surge in hospital admissions - New cases: 106,084 - Average: 62,411 (+6,403) - In hospital: 39,288 (+3,767) - In ICU: 9,851 (+873) - New deaths: 426

Alaska:  562 COVID-19 cases reported in Alaska over the past 3 days LINK

I guess I never updated my status after yesterday morning lol but if anyone wants an update I’m back home in nj now whooo \o/

I decided to say ‘fuck it’ to waiting for my package (last I checked this afternoon it still hadn’t been delivered yet #rip) and left my apt at around noon yesterday. drove for almost 3 hours probs? before taking a pit stop right after I entered ny to rest my legs. got home around 5:30 - annual tradition for the winter solstice is to eat dumplings and oh my god they were so good I wanted to cry. mom’s cooking is always the best cooking aaahhh

it’s so nice to see my family again ;-; we put up the xmas tree this afternoon. my mom was like it’s the pandemic there are no presents this year and yet. we have a very full tree lol. yummy delicious homemade food for both lunch and dinner. fresh fruit fully peeled and sliced 24/7. god I feel so spoiled but man, this is the life.

oooh an update, because y’all aren’t gonna get many more from me (recall: i’m leaving this hellhole after i graduate, please feel free to follow me on insta - link on my page - or on twitter at ottercorg)

first half of last week i had a super flat affect and it was most definitely freaking me out, but turns out it was just new hormonal symptoms, which is. fun. it wore off on wednesday and by thursday i was a hot MESS

like i went from not caring about literally anything on monday to crying in the car thursday night with my friend because like

i know i need to meet people, i know i need to boost myself out of my comfort zone, and im perfectly capable of like...imagining myself doing so, and i recognize situations in which i’d be apt to meet people

but then the moment comes and i freeze and get anxious and chicken out, only to cry in disappointment with myself later lol it’s wild

i have counseling tomorrow so i’ll debrief that and maybe feel better

i had a job interview yesterday for a local humane society. i feel like it went well and they seemed to like me, i should hear back within the next week. i also just started working as a freelance transcriptionist to help get some extra cash which should be interesting

tomorrow morning i have a phone interview regarding my puppy (step 2 of the application process!) and i’m very nervous but remain really excited

i graduate next saturday and today’s mood is: bittersweet. because everything is moving fast and i fear i don’t have the time to spend with people that i want to, even though i have virtually nothing preventing me from doing so. but that’s life i guess

i think that’s it. had my last ever band ensemble performance. that was weird. i can’t wrap my head around it

thanks for listening

week 2

day 8: it feels good to be productive even though I really didn’t do much, had an hour phone call with my professor to go over my essay and he went into too much detail lmao and I really wanted it to end starting halfway through, watched hp 2&3 with my bro, spent two hours on refactored, am wearing a new sweater and socks I haven’t worn before and it’s nice, they’re moving forward with my background check so summer isn’t cancelled still as of now! hallelujah

day 9: jeremy released a new song, watched both hp 7’s today, watched wheel of fortune, sent refactored emails, played piano, forgot for like two minutes what day it was and thought it was wednesday, got a call from my recruiter and she told me they’re having a meeting tomorrow to decide what to do about the program eeeeeep, wore a new sweater today with my cat socks, kristina said she’d give me a list of questions but they never came so now keith is winging it tomorrow, texted keith if he was busy and if we could call later and then we did and I was less nervous this time about asking even though he never got back to me on what movie they ended up watching if they ever ended up watching which I don’t think they did and he just needed to get off the phone but it’s ok bc he was honest this time (update: he actually watched jerry maguire with his mom and that comforts me)

day 10: idk why but I can’t figure out how to make oatmeal at home? the two times I’ve done it now including today is not as good as when I made it in my apt kitchen, played piano and uke, asked my bro what day it was bc I’m starting to lose track of time :(, worked on refactored but didn’t work on my slides yet and was highly unproductive, potato salad at dinner, need to get a drug test lol, keith called me and it was work related but I like hearing his voice in any capacity, called Cat and got wrapped up in myers briggs again lmao, looked up my compatibility again and it said I’d have difficulties with jenny’s type lmao which is also jaja’s type, oh and I saw a real cat in this catastrophe! she let me pet her and everything. plus she looked like my aunt’s cat and it was very lovely after my run 

day 11: my mother woke me up this morning to drive her but it was unnecessarily early bc I didn’t even have to pick her up more than an hour later, finally left my neighborhood even though it was only for like 10 min it was still nice to fucking get out, my oatmeal this morning was actually good finally, spent like three hours curating a playlist oops, there’s like nothing in the fridge and it upsets me bc I want an actual meal but I’ve literally just been eating rice and bread for lunch this past week and it’s not working, played piano and uke, my supervisor emailed me and said they’re gonna pay for the past few days even though we haven’t been working! but I’m locked out of the time period so idk, saw the kitty again, texting :), filed my taxes which is the only thing I’ve really accomplished today but does that even count as being productive? lol I don't think so. also I haven’t done any school work in literally 16 days holy fuck I really need to get my shit together. but also I feel like I’m finally adjusting to this mess and trying to enjoy the moments I can

day 12: had a zoom meeting with my supervisor and I think I might pick up extra hours, peed in a cup, my mom finally bought groceries and there’s so much more fruit in the house and carrots! I can finally eat my hummus again, started watching the tv shows I keep up with again meaning I’m finally adjusting I think and not obsessing over the news like I did the first week, played piano, worked on refactored slides but it’s taking a lot longer than I expected bc I am procrastinating but also my kids did not do a good enough job and I have to pick up their slack, organized my google calendar so hopefully now I will finally stick to a schedule, my mom finally made a good dinner with our new groceries, got a free book yesterday bc there was a table giving them away and they were all suspense themed which isn’t typically what I read but we’ll see if I like the one I picked out, was gonna go to bed early but ended up watching harry styles tiny desk concert oops

day 13: watch svu today, practiced uke a really long time and I think I’m finally confident with two songs lmao. it’s taken me a really long time to learn them but I’m excited to try party favor next, rescheduled Iceland officially, I’m enjoying maggie rogers tunes, worked on refactored slides for fucking hours and still haven’t finished, called Cat, my mom is paranoid

day 14: I slept so fucking well this morning. it was so bizarre and I hadn’t slept this well in like more than a month and it may have been bc of a stupid reason, practiced uke, FINISHED THE FUCKING SLIDES, I sent this nytimes article to my environmental econ prof from last sem like three days ago bc it was talking about vsl and he got back to me today! cool, I think I may be going a little crazy ahahahahahha I need social interaction and segc is holding an update meeting tomorrow so I guess I’m looking forward to that, still have not worked on my essay and I probably won’t be tomorrow bc I gotta do cti work ugh. this essay just does not want to be written