the joy i feel when i check the chrollo tag and see your username >>>

(seriously!! you capture chro’s yandere chivalry so well)

gasp!! he's back in grease jail for a little bit but i promise...... HE'LL RETURN!

to be honest i'm very new with this kind of stuff. i'm still learning bits and gizmos when it comes to writing (and even outside of that), but that's life, i guess. there is just so many possibilities when it comes to writing, especially in the thriller/horror genre (though i wouldn't really call the stuff i write really scary per say.......). the human psyche still has plenty of traits that our pre evolved selves did, be it literal with science (for example, being scared of closed spaces, aka claustrophobia, which can be hereditary) or in a more figurative sense (with self-discovery, facing your fears, all that jazz). writing things that make readers uncomfortable, at least in my opinion, is at least somewhat based in psychology studies. for example, the oedipus rex complex with norman bates from alfred hitchcock's psycho. even though sigmund freud is still public enemy #1 in my eyes........ the man did indeed spring up my love for psychology in the first place because his research goes into nature vs nuture (which i find one of the most interesting topics to read about), as much as i want it not to be true. but alas. we win some, we lose some.

i feel like mr greasehead over here is also just interesting on a psychological level. he has no sense of self whatsoever, so he always molds himself to fit whatever situation he is in. until he can't take it anymore... which is a concept horrifying in of itself. but mainly he keeps his composure, which makes for an interesting combination with a darling that A: wears their heart on their sleeve, or B: also tries to keep their composure and acts in a way similar to him most of the time. for the latter it turns into a cat and mouse game of sorts. the question is who the mouse is and who the cat is when it comes to mind games. unfortunately for a manipulative darling, chrollo is always the latter. for plot reasons.

hier encore darling is always on her toes for a reason, after all.

You feel an invisible pressure on your neck. It’s just a knot in my throat, you think to yourself, closing your eyes. The sight of his stillness gifts you a veil of comfort so thin that if anyone were to touch it it would tear. I’m not going to die. But you can’t breathe.

Your heart tells you otherwise. You can feel, no, hear blood pulse to the very tips of your fingers. Your feet tell you otherwise. They are cold. They hurt. They are adhered to the ground. Your arms and legs tell you otherwise. There is nothing but pins and needles all over. This is your chance, the little voice in your head says with blind reassurance. Who knows when you will ever get this chance again? Do it now, and be quick about it. But you can’t breathe. You can’t breathe, and you have to try your hardest to stop the hand holding your espresso from shaking and falling on you. 

babygirl is not okay. nuh uh. she'll return eventually though. much is planned for her, whether they are good or bad things. only time will tell if she gets a happy ending. very mean of me, i know.

back to what you said though, chrollo is many, many things. being genuinely chivalrous is not one of them. respect? he doesn't know her. he can be disrespectful when he wants to be when he's picking at darling's brain or when he snaps. he can pretend though. he can indeed pretend. even if darling calls him out on his bullshit, he'll never actually admit to it. smug asshole. unless he can push the blame to darling, whether that is subtly or not at all subtly. he knows that the human mind while isolated can be desperate and believe anything if broken down enough. that's where the real scare is, i believe. anyone can be broken down if the breaker is trying hard enough. be it yan chrollo with his darling, or poor darling unintentionally pushing him past his limit.

for now, all i have planned for him (aside from the yan chrollo requests that i'm working on) in a sort of analysis for him (it's very long sob sob). it will be broken down into the parts shown below:

introduction

darling character analysis

yandere MBTI (courtesy of god ddarker-dream's yandere MBTI)

unique qualities

strengths

weaknesses

daily life

punishments

quotes

conclusion

hopefully it will be done by mid to late january. but he has to wait for now. hence why he's back in jail. don't worry, he has feitan to keep him company. they'll rot away together. <333

As part of a two-part reverse bang-bang, here's some more Valentines art to which @probablytoooldforthis wrote an amazing fic, Sweets for the Sweet! Please go check it out, I promise you won't regret it, and keep your eyes peeled for the second chapter - and artwork, of course - coming out on White Day aka the 14th of March!

Also, I this is an unrendered version, the finished version will be posted within about a week's time (hopefully) since I don't have access to digital drawing at the moment YuY

merthur and the evolution of a relationship strained by secrets and tragedy

merlin bbc, s01 e01 / the predatory wasp of the palisades is out to get us! by sufjan stevens / merlin bbc, s01 e11 / seesaw by bts / round&round by sad brad / midnight rain by taylor swift / merlin bbc, e01 e10 / justus knecht / merlin s04 / ‘some reminiscences’, joseph conrad / crucified by army of lovers / merlin bbc, s05 e13 / never love an anchor by the crane wives / water lilies (series), claude monet

i love my oc eve so much but unfortunately to do anything with her, as a byron replacement, it means actually engaging deeply with the first half of season 5 after spending years forcibly forgetting it. this is why i do nothing with my oc eve who i love so much.

Ok ok ok I'm not Tryna start discourse but bluestars prophecy was my first ever warriors book and bluestar will always be my favourite so I'm gonna make some counterpoints to you about her being a Smajor character

bluestar has always been led by an intense loyalty and dedication to those she loves and cares for - this includes her mum, her sister, her clan, eventually Firepaw when he joins the clan, and she has a VERY strong moral compass when it comes to doing the right thing - when she sees thistleclaw teaching tigerpaw to hurt a then baby scourge she very much discourages it and is against it

Afaik scott is Not like that, he doesn't have an emotional or love-driven moral code, he does things because they're smart decisions in the long term or because he wants to. Granted I havent seen a ton of his stuff but I have seen his limited life and 3rd life perspectives and he is very much a singular team player there, there to look after himself and well if people align with him that's great he's got allies (jimmy and Martyn) but he won't go out of his way to care for them

Bluestars defiance of starclan in the first series is BECAUSE she gave herself to them and what the warrior code demanded so much - yes she broke clan rules by having kids with crookedstar but she did everything in her power to make sure they'd have a happy life and felt terrible that thrushpelt was willing to say they were his to save her reputation. She didn't do it out of a selfish want, she only ever wanted to help her clan and those she loved, and her becoming clan leader is emblematic of that want. When she rejects starclan so wholeheartedly in the first series it's because THINGS KEEP GOING WRONG WHEN SHES TRIED SO HARD TO STOP THEM FROM DOING THAT - starclan has never cared about the sacrifices she made to keep her loved ones and clan safe, she lost her mother, her sister, her kits, her mate, literally everything, and things STILL KEEP GETTING WORSE. it's not a demand that she deserves to have everything good, it's a cry for help that shouldn't something go right after she's tried so hard???

C!Scott isn't like that. He puts himself above others and inherently believes he will get the best if he just plays his cards right, and he is good at it, he's very competent at lasting a long time in life series and getting what he wants - the ruthlessness of gem driven by desperation kills him in secret life, Martyn's complete fucking about face kills him in limited life, and I'm pretty sure it's etho who gets him out in 3rd life by luck. He doesn't plan to look after the ones he cares about, because he cares about himself first and foremost. Yeah you can argue when he doesn't get what he wants he gets annoyed, but his is less of a 'why don't I get this don't I deserve it' and more of a 'oh fuck this didn't work. Ok new plan double down on getting what I want by appeasing to people cos they're easy to read and therefore account for'

I don't doubt Scott would make a bluestar adjacent character if he made a warrior cats oc BUT his character would honestly be closer to darktail or ashfur than bluestar and that's that on that.

(sorry you activated 13 year old me's unskippable cutscene sjdjsjsjja this isnt meant to be a serious argument I just love bluestar a lot and love talking about her)

OKAY 1. this is fucking awesome thank you 2. i am going to do something new and exciting (advocate for scott instead of beating him to death with sticks) because unfortunately this bluestar info has only made me believe she is a smajor character even more.

As a general note when I talk about smajor characters as a collective here I’m referring to characters more in the realm of esmp/traffic/rats/pirates/etc, less vampire scott or necromancer scott who are intended to be villainous.

Scott characters tend to operate under a “If I am not a Good Person I may as well die” rule, and consequently abide by a strict moral code to keep themselves feeling clean. For instance: traffic Scott will never go back on his word, he will avoid dishonesty, and he won’t take from others unless he is sure that he can repay them. He will never betray his seasonal primary ally (even when they betray him first), and will often give people things just because they asked him nicely. He stakes a lot of his own identity on this, because it is through being a “good person” that he justifies his superiority (and, by extension, his own existence); in his mind he deserves the best and *is* the best because he is such a good person. When things don’t go his way, he thinks he doesn’t deserve it because he has been nothing but good, so he tries to place a reason. He often assumes that somebody must “have a vendetta” against him, even if this somebody is the world (see: him asking if limlife episode 1 boogeyman is some kind of joke played on him for not giving in to the boogey curse in Last Life.) which is very Bluestar to me, convinced that her misfortunes are a divine punishment.

This is all to say that Scott does have a strict moral code and deep sense of loyalty. Being a “good person” and devoted partner in the ways he understands it are so ingrained into what he is that I think he definitely has the capacity to be a Bluestar if he were raised being taught clan values, even if his internal systems are often built around never letting gross emotions be fully felt rather than what those emotions compel him to do.

Regarding the "showing off" ask, it is kinda funny how so far everytime MC acts like a badass in a fight, no one is there to look, Clem was passed out against the big monster fight, and in ch2, everyone was dealing with their own fights to notice MC fighting. Maybe only Lea knows because of working with MC for years.

don't worry, while everyone was mostly occupied, they still saw enough 👀

but yeah Lea is definitely aware of the hunter's abilities, and it's mentioned briefly in game but at the start of the two of them being paired together, they were very competent; their partnership only started deteriorating after an otherwise relatively successful first few years.

.

omgomgomg okay. ralbert dickensian era au where albert is the son of a rich family and race is a street kid

so i'm thinking when they're both young, 13 or so, race pickpockets this expensive watch or something from albert's dad and nobody sees him do it except albert

albert has an extremely rocky relationship with his parents and hates how restricted and tied back he feels being forced to live in high society. he has a singular kind-of-friend finch, who's the son of a family friend but is nice to him and seems to understand him. so as he sees this random street boy's hand slip into his father's pocket and pull out the most expensive item he has on him, he meets this kid's eyes and they have suddenly this unspoken moment of solidarity

and this memory follows albert everywhere as he grows up, even though he never sees race again. because the idea that someone who he's always been told he's supposed to scorn and look down on was able to so easily fuck his father over gives him hope that maybe he's not as trapped in this life as he feels.

(also he always remembers the way they seemed to click together when their eyes met. he hasn't ever really been exposed to proper free interaction with other boys, but for some reason this just felt right)

fast forward to when albert turns 18. his parents are sending him to university and on the day he leaves, he has a huge argument with them. so the second he gets off the carriage and arrives at college, he just goes for a walk to clear his head because everything just feels like too much

and as he walks down the street he bumps shoulders with someone who's walking with their head down, and he feels their hand slip into his pocket and grab the pocket watch that his little sister smalls gave him. he yells at the person, but they sprint off before he even gets a chance to see anything except a flash of blond hair. he's heartbroken that he lost this object, and his bad day just got worse.

only that night he hears a knock on his window, and when he goes to investigate he sees none other than the person with blond hair who robbed him earlier, who he suddenly recognises as boy he met all those years ago. race holds out his hand and in it is the pocket watch - he tells albert that he only recognised him after he stole it, so he followed him back to return it. 'i couldn't just leave you, it's been years since that day and i ... i just wanted ...' the 'to see your face again' goes unspoken.

race finds himself knocking on albert's window more and more. he doesn't really mean to, but he can't stop himself from going back again and again and again. both he and albert see a lot of themselves in the other, and as they get closer and closer (and fall in love) it feels like they were made for each other.

unfortunately when the two bullies of the college, oscar and morris, discover albert's relationship with this street boy, they take great delight in letting his father know personally. of course, since this is set when it's set a lot of people are super homophobic, and albert's father is definitely included in that, so he immediately pulls albert out of his university studies and brings him home, giving him a very angry and probably physical telling-off about how he's brought shame upon him. albert knows that if he stays put and goes along with it, he won't ever have agency over his life, so he wastes absolutely no time in locking his bedroom door, grabbing the few things he needs, climbing out the window, and going to find race, before taking him to finch's house, who hasn't seen albert in several years but was always kind and is now able to pass them on to jack and davey, who help them disappear. albert and race are able to escape, running off to a different country where they are able to live privately, finally happy in their lives.

they finally feel like they don't have to run anymore. albert's family erase all record of his connection with them, and he can't really bring himself to care. finch visits albert and race from time to time, and they actually become really good friends. they're safe and happy ... and they all live happily ever after 👍

areyoumakingmoreredvsblue updating is making me feel some kinda way

sending laser beams to my professor with my mind. kenneth you said midterm grades would b up by this afternoon. it is officially TONIGHT and guess what? kenneth i would love to not be clenching my teeth in my sleep tonight. kenneth i will be sending you a bill in the mail. yes i know its probably a TAs responsibility but i blame you personally. i hate school

Went to a castle n they were flying the pride flag 💕🏳️‍🌈

Wait, I'm confused... do you like the Fence novels or no? Because your first review sounded positive and happy with the fun humor, and then every other thing I've seen from you about them is most pointing out the (very prominent, very not-good) flaws with them.

fair question! I had a Journey with the Fence novels and it was hellish. First, please keep in mind that I am unhealthily fixated on Fence and that does impact things all along the way.

When Striking Distance was announced, I was as excited as anyone, though wary because Pacat was handing it off to someone else to write. Still, I was hopeful--and more hopeful after reading In Other Lands because, despite the disturbing sexism that squicked me tf out, I really enjoyed that book! And so I was very eager to get my hands on Striking Distance. So I went on an absolute quest to get an ARC...and I did! It took a lot of dead ends and desperate tries, but remember that I'm insane. So I got my hands on an advanced copy by emailing the editor assigned to the book (who has since left the position). And as is custom with ARCs, he asked me to send my review when it went live.

Reading Striking Distance was such an experience dude. I wanted to love it as much as I loved the comics--remember that at this point, we only had up to issue 12 and the characterization therein. I love the OG 12 issues, and they'll always hold more sway in my understanding of the characters, but when reading SD, it was very clear that I'd read the entire comic completely fucking wrong. Remember my unhealthy obsession? Yeah. Trying to come to terms with Fence being something so opposite of everything I really loved about it and the fact that my reading of it was so wrong was really hard--like mental breakdowns level of hard. I wish I was joking. But I tried to force myself to love the reality of Fence anyway, despite kind of hating the novel, which I absolutely would not admit to myself because disliking any part of Fence felt like SUCH a betrayal to it, and I really really really didn't want to hate the characters I'd spent so much time bringing to life in my mind, because selfishly I didn't want to have to divorce my idea of the characters from canon, I just wanted to be able to love the canon characters and add onto them a little the way I'd been able to with the comics up until that point. So especially right after reading Striking Distance, I was insistent on liking it, and even as I slowly started to acknowledge that there were parts of it that made me want to scratch off my skin they made me so uncomfortable (see: the steak scene), I was really hell-bent on understating my dislike/criticism of it.

So when I went to write my review for Striking Distance to send to the really nice editor who sent me the ARC, I didn't want to betray Fence, I hadn't really processed my issues with it (and was--and honestly still am to an extent--worried that I was just being an entitled baby because my stupid fanfictions/interpretations were so fucking wrong), I didn't want to upset or hurt the feelings of the man who did me this HUGE favor, and because I wanted a chance to get an early copy of a possible sequel (because hating the novels didn't lesson my Need for early access to them. i know I'm unwell about fence jdhfa), I pulled out all the nicest thoughts I had about Striking Distance, exaggerated them and stretched them and sugar-coated everything else to provide a review that was nice and non-hostile.

Obviously, the longer I sat with Striking Distance and processed some things about it and about me, the more I started picking apart all the aspects that I hated and found I was able to produce reasons for each piece I disliked and was also able to pinpoint in the OG comics where I got all the pieces of the stories and characters I loved. So I did have to divorce my idea of Fence from canon if I wanted to keep loving Fence. And when I decided to keep loving Fence for all the reasons I used to instead of feel sick looking at/thinking about the franchise and characters, I was sort of free of the things holding me back from speaking about the things I didn't like, and so I started to analyze and essay and post about the novels and my untangled, truthful thoughts about them.

So I don't like the novels--there are maybe 3-4 things total that passed the vibe-check for me in both novels. I never liked the novels, and I lied about liking Striking Distance...but I was lying to myself about that one as much as anyone. And I haven't changed that review because, at the time, that was where my feelings were about it. So up it stays.

Here’s my fun little list of some of the places I've explained my dislike of the novels if you're curious, but yeah these are the real thoughts, the SD review was a carefully crafted lie <3

My full review of Disarmed

Autism representation in Seiji

Seiji in general

Eugene

Eugesse as a concept in Disarmed

Eugesse interactions in Disarmed

Nick's bisexuality

Coach Williams and sexual harassment

the washer/dryer in our building appears to just destroy socks, not so quickly that you notice immediately but enough that they get holes about 10x faster than i ever noticed happening before moving here

we’re experimenting with hanging them to dry in case the dryer is the problem. that occasionally leads to situations like today, however, in which all of 🌸’s socks they washed last night are still wet, and that set contains the set “all of 🌸’s clean socks without holes”.

currently they are wearing socks with one single perfect hole over the left middle toe and every time i see it i have no choice but to exclaim sympathetically about how pathetic and tragic they are, with their single exposed toe, just like a dickensian urchin, or some kind of deprived redwall mouse. they super love this obviously

Nothing Compares by Sinead O'Connor (RIP)

made both my brother and husband depressed by beating them in go fish most heinously

(thinks about faust) excuse me for a moment (screams)