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mulletmitsuya · 4 months

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Tokyo revengers groupchat

Warnings: suggestive, swearing, 5th grade humour, an unknown femboy is mentioned, Takeomi is homophobic but no one cares, also this has the Sano's and everyone involved or close to them

Desc: Shin gets his first date in like 10 years. Also this is the final timeline but events don't exactly match up to canon so👍

Shinichiro: GUYS

Shinichiro: I'M GOING ON A DATE😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Benkei: i don't care

Takeomi: congratulations. it's only been like 30 years

Wakasa: how many times have you started a conversation exactly like this? give up for all of our sakes. we're tired🙏

Takeomi: Shin there's nothing wrong with being single at your big age. it's not humiliating at all

Wakasa: aren't you single?😐

Shinichiro: screw you guys, actually ☹️

Benkei: emoji's are for children. stop using them. you're gonna frown? as a grown man? what's wrong with you

Shinichiro: what's wrong with frowning??

Shinichiro: YOU KNOW WHAT I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU SAY A PRETTY GIRL ASKED ME ON A DATE

Shinichiro: we're meeting at a karaoke bar

Takeomi: if this happens to be real, do not drink

Takeomi: you get touchy when you're drunk and it's fucking weird😐

Wakasa: girls might think that's weird and creepy

Shinichiro: that was one time and i apologized

Takeomi: i don't give a fuck if you apologized you kissed me you fucking cunt

Takeomi: i don't even wanna talk about it i'm gonna vomit

Shinichiro: it was just a goodnight kiss. for the homies 😕

Wakasa: you stuck your tongue down his throat dude

Shinichiro: we were wearing socks so it was fine

Benkei: you just say shit

Shinchiro: you guys are ruining my vibe rn so i'm just gonna get ready for my date and the future love of my life

Shinchiro: she's so pretty i'm in love with her

Shinichiro: oh man i'm getting butterflies

Takeomi: send a pic

Shinchiro: you'll see her soon enough if things go well

Takeomi: guess i'm never seeing her

Sano affiliated groupchat

Inupi: idk a lot of us in here aren't Sano's and it kind of annoys me that this is what the groupchat's called

Mikey: get that stick out of your ass or leave like it's not that deep

Inupi: shut the fuck up you dwarf

Mikey: i'm the average height for a japanese male

Inupi: "i'm the average height for a japanese male🤓☝️"

Inupi: and no you're not. you're 5'3 and the average height is 5'7

Mikey: at least i have more than 3/4 of my face

Inupi: should you be saying that when you have a history of mutilating people's faces

Inupi: isn't that right Haruchiyo

Haruchiyo: kill yourself

Senju: girls, stop fighting

Emma: guys please not again

Draken: Inupi don't leave, Shinichiro wanted us here for something important so can we be civil for a few minutes

Inupi: whatever

Inupi: where is he anyway he said we should all be online cause of an emergency and he's not even here

Izana: are the old people here?

Takeomi: we're not old

Izana: ok grandpa

Kakucho: what's the emergency?

Benkei: fuck if we know

Wakasa: if i've come here to waste my time i'm gonna twist his dick off

Mikey: why do you want his dick in your hand🤨?

Wakasa: stop playing games Manjiro...

Benkei: is corporal punishment still legal

Mikey: i was kidding 😭

Mikey: also i'm a full grown adult so that would just be assault

Benkei: is assault still illegal

Emma: uh yes?

Benkei: i don't know why i asked because i'm going to do it anyway

Mikey: are your anger management classes even working💀?

Mikey: and lucky for me i'll be in Paris tmr for a fan meetup so😋

Shinchiro: hi guys

Wakasa: what do you want

Takeomi: i bet he fumbled

Mikey: fumbled what?

Takeomi: he had a date

Inupi: what's the emergency Shinichiro?

Shinchiro: i need you guys to answer these questions as quickly as possible

Shinichiro: what's a femboy??

Emma: now what does that have to do with the urgent emergency you told us you had?? i missed my pregnancy yoga classes for this? SHIN?

Senju: why is everything you do so unserious

Baji: Haruchiyo's a femboy

Haruchiyo: no the fuck i'm not you piece of shit

Mikey: you're not?

Haruchiyo: no??

Mikey: but you're pretty, and you look like a girl so?

Haruchiyo: no... but uh, thanks ig

Senju: girl stand up. this is embarrassing😕

Shinichiro: guys please this is serious i can't hide in the bathroom forever

Emma: what are you doing in the bathroom??

Shinichiro: i'm on my date right? so we're having a great time and we're singing and drinking and i tell her what a pretty girl she is and she says "girl?" and i'm like "yeah you're a pretty girl" and she says she's a femboy and i don't know what that means like what does "boy" have to do with anything so i went to the bathroom to ask you guys this question real quick because she said we're going to her apartment after this (!!!i think for sex!!!) but i'm just trying to clear up what she meant by the boy part

Baji: LMAOOOOOOO

Izana: it means "she" is a he

Izana: that's not a girl, it's a feminine presenting man. hence the description femboy

Mikey: I'M FUCKING CRYING 😭😭😭😭

Baji: can you even call yourself femboy when you're like in your 30's? that's a grown ass man

Takeomi: what's up with you and all these suspiciously gay situations

Wakasa: i think the universe is trying to tell you something

Benkei: how did you not know he was a guy

Shinichiro: because she's pretty! like a girl

Haruchiyo: *he's a guy

Shinichiro:

Baji: why's the cat sad. that's fucked up

Kakucho: it's basically how Senju looks like a boy most of the time and Haruchiyo looks like a girl

Takeomi: how did you not see a bulge or something

Shinchiro: she's wearing a skirt

Mikey: *he

Wakasa: and nothing was swinging out?

Izana: what kind of question is this

Emma: stop being vulgar Waka-nii😐. this is such a stupid conversation

Wakasa: aren't you a grown woman tho i feel like you can handle me talking about dicks

Shinchiro: holy shit she's a he

Inupi: can we go now

Baji: a hole is a hole

Emma: Baji ew😕

Takeomi: the difference between them is that one makes you gay because you're fucking a guy in the ass and the other one is normal

Baji: same difference

Takeomi: did you read what i just said

Mikey: he's illiterate

Baji: you can't insult me with a word i don't know the meaning of

Inupi: Shin what's the verdict?

Shinichiro: well...this is still a very pretty person so...

Takeomi: bro??

Shinichiro: is it that big of a deal tho?? i don't think it is

Shinichiro: yeah, this is fine

Shinichiro: is it all that gay if you're attracted to someone who looks like a woman?

Takeomi: if you're gonna fuck them, YES???

Benkei: he's lost it

Wakasa: i'm gonna need you to be sure about this because do you even know what to do? you're gonna embarrass yourself. you're not educated on gay sex at all

Baji: i can help with that

Draken: if i'm being honest i don't think you should take advice from anyone here at all

Baji: but i'm an expert

Mikey: we don't wanna know anything about what you and Chifuyu do 😐

Baji: yes you do

Inupi: google exists. just buy lube and condoms holy shit you guys are overcomplicating this so much

Mikey: of course you would know😒

Inupi: yeah i would know because i'm gay?? fucking idiot

Senju: are buttholes self lubricating? i can't be sure since i have constipation and my buttholes as dry as some tree bark

Haruchiyo: why would you tell us that

Takeomi: Senju watch how you talk. girls aren't suppose to say stuff like that

Senju: fine, next time i'll say anus to be more ladylike

Takeomi: and to answer your question, yes. because when you poop there's residue

Takeomi: you hear that Shin

Takeomi: shit in the ass

Takeomi: don't do this

Haruchiyo: you just told us you don't wipe your ass properly

Emma: i hate everyone here so bad omg

Draken: i think it's our cue to leave

Shinichiro: fuck it. i'm gonna do it

Shinichiro: thanks for the help guys! it is what it is at this point 😁

Shinichiro: bye!!

Mikey: i knew he'd eventually succumb to homosexuality

Takeomi: well since i'm homophobic i can't be his friend anymore

Benkei: no one cares

Benkei: Shinichiro successfully wasted our time once again

Benkei: i hope he gets an STD

Mikey: woah 😭

Emma: you're so fuckung dramatic😐

#didn't know how to end this one #uhh hope you like it #tokyo revengers #tokyo revengers manga #tokrev #tokyo revengers groupchat #tokyo revengers texts #sano manjiro/mikey #sano shinichiro #sano emma #izana kurokawa #baji keisuke #ryuguji ken/draken #inui seishu #akashi haruchiyo #akashi senju #akashi takeomi #imaushi wakasa #arashi keizou/benkei

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petit-etoile · 7 months

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I just read your story "in the moonlight" and I am absolutely impressed and astonished on how well written it is :DD I wanted to request an astarion/tav fic, with tav being half elf and their relationship having a bit of a rocky start, sort of enemies to friends to lovers sort of thing. The two slowly developing feelings but unsure of what exactly they are. i just love the idea of how different Tav is to Astarion, they're more open to speak how they feel or be more truthful than him, and even though they didn't like each other at first (Tav finding him a bit of a creep after the first bite thing) but their development and getting to understand Astarion, made them slowly develop those feelings. Astarion being conflicted himself, as the two try to make it work despite being opposites, yet able to connect, whether it be playful banter to one another or general teasing. The two are just, almost inseparable.

give me true love & understanding

pairing: astarion/tav wordcount: 4761 content warnings: no in-depth descriptions, but mentions of astarion's life with cazador. could be considered hurt/comfort, but more focused on making emotional connections. no in-depth descriptions, but volo & ethel & omeluum's attempts at curing the parasite are mentioned. other tags: canon compliant, enemies to lovers, developing relationship, love confessions, getting together, astarion is bad at feelings, gender neutral & half-elf!tav archiveofourown: here. tag list: @azrielshadows1nger summary: You and Astarion find yourselves arguing nearly nose to nose in the depths of the Underdark over Barcus Wroot’s request, and while he gets so angry you think he might leave the party for good, he ventures off to hunt instead.

　　　　　𝐈. ﹕previous fic　　　　𝐈𝐈. ﹕next

You and Astarion get off to a bad start.

A terrible start if you’re feeling honest. It’s hard to genuinely forgive someone for holding a knife to your throat before accusing you of working with the creatures who are the reason you’ll turn into monsters, but for the sake of your future and for the sake of a cure, you forgive Astarion because you have to.

You bicker with him unlike anyone else you’ve ever encountered before. Before, you could have counted one hand how many times you’ve had to negotiate with your own nieces and nephews, but now it would take both of your hands and Shadowheart’s hands to count every argument you’ve had with Astarion since meeting him amongst the wreckage.

The night before you’re to venture into the goblin camp to rescue the druid Halsin, the fine lining of your temper has snapped and you and Astarion are standing in the middle of camp shouting at one another while your other companions politely try to look the other way.

With the exception of Lae’zel, almost every single one of them has agreed that finding Halsin is the best plan after Nettie’s botched attempt to help you. The Githyanki Creche is next, but for every day you’ve spent trying to find someone who could cure you of this wretched parasite, all of the signs have ended up pointing to the druid leader.

You thought you could ignore Astarion at first, but he and Lae’zel have been making snide comments all evening, and you’ve had enough. You drop the sword that you’re holding and turn on him, and the rest of whatever you’re saying becomes a blur

‘I didn’t want to help them,’ Astarion reminds you forcefully. ‘I said we should turn around and leave!’

‘We have no choice if we don’t want to turn into mindflayers,’ you snap.

‘Everyone always says oh, don’t worry, there’s another cure out there,’ Astarion mimes in a high pitched voice, hands raised to enunciate his words. ‘We visited the wood’s witch and she had no cure, and we visited the other druid — ’

‘And now we’re visiting another druid,’ you say as politely as you can manage, teeth grinding as you try to reign in your anger. ‘One with more experience. One with history in illithid parasites.’

Your voices raise higher and higher as you begin shouting at one another. Astarion offers no other suggestions or ideas to counter your decision, and while you’re desperately trying to be mindful of the fact everyone is afraid about what could happen once your time runs out, you don’t really have time for any of these selfish antics that keep you from remaining a cohesive team. Eventually Wyll steps in to alleviate the situation. It pisses Astarion off more. He marches off to his tent for the rest of the evening to sulk.

But in the morning when everyone is dragging on their armor and making sure their blades are sharpened, you watch as Astarion quietly sorts through his poisons and all of his different knives. When it’s time to begin the infiltration, he says nothing to anyone and does as requested whether it’s opening doors or chests. It’s a bloody, tough, exhausting fight and the only reprieve is the brief, strange laugh he gives after watching you entertain the Priest of Loviatar’s desires. You give him the knife you stole from Abdirak as an apology. Like all things too good to be true, it fixes nothing. You and Astarion find yourselves arguing nearly nose to nose in the depths of the Underdark over Barcus Wroot’s request, and while he gets so angry you think he might leave the party for good, he ventures off to hunt instead.

You aren’t really sure what your relationship with Astarion is. You have given him your blood and your body against all of your instincts telling you not to, and sometimes it almost feels like you’re beginning to see eye-to-eye on topics you would have fought over before. The good moments are almost so sweet they are sour — when Astarion reads you excerpts from novels you pick up or you mock an Absolute cultist who had attempted to be all-powerful and intimidating to the point where he’s doubled over in hysterical laughter. Yet, the moments where you argue are so polarizing that it can be hard to tell whether he enjoys your presence or not. It’s hard not to stress about it.

Gale had asked you once during one of your Weave lessons. You had made the prettiest of sparkles in the air and watched as they rained down, and your first thought was not of how incredible the magic was, but if Astarion would delight at the sight if you showed him.

Gale asked, without a hint or a trace of animosity, ‘Why him?’

You replied, ‘I think I’m hoping that it could be enough. If I could show him enough of the good in this world, maybe he would stop being so angry. I think we all deserve happiness.’

Gale hummed and nodded his head. He rubbed his beard for a few minutes before saying, ‘Try this.’ You learned a simple incantation that was just as flashy, but more contained. You learned to make a lotus flower made of stars in your palms, and when you brought it to your nose, it smelled faintly of stardust and divinity. Gale sent you on your way with a proud, if not slightly melancholic, smile.

You don’t even have the time to show Astarion before it all goes to shit. Something like black jealousy has brewed in Astarion’s gaze, and when the smile slowly slides from your lips, it seems as if that makes it worse. Astarion looks away from you sharply and clenches his fists. Like part of him reveled in making you just as angry as he felt. He brings up Philomeen discarding her love as though it were nothing, as if it’s your fault she is a liar.

Astarion broods and lashes out, and with the coldest realization that slides down your spine, you realize it has nothing to do with you or the decisions you’ve made. He’s hurting as if from a broken bone or a broken heart. His mouth is pressed into an angry line. His eyes snap back and forth as if he’s waiting for someone terrible to appear. Astarion is scared, and there’s nothing you can do that can help him. You offered him safety once. He refused.

‘Why are you so mad at me?’ you blurt out.

The question takes Astarion off-guard. His mouth pops open almost audibly, and he furrows his brows in such confusion you’re forced to wonder if he’s even realized he was being cruel to you.

‘Well, I — ’ he begins as if to defend himself before sputtering out, ‘It isn’t — It isn’t you.’

‘Oh, really?’ you ask, letting a little venom leak into your voice. ‘It isn’t me?’

Astarion scowls. You’ve ruined whatever argument he was trying to make. You expect him to spit out something completely acidic, to take away from what you’ve said, but instead he pivots and begins to stalk towards one of the cliffs underground.

Normally, you would let him go. You would give him time to clear his head while you sorted out your wounded pride. You’ve given him plenty of time to think about what is bothering him and it’s never worked before, so this time you follow.

‘No,’ you insist. ‘You don’t get to walk away.’

‘I want some time to think — ’

You grab his wrist as it swings back and cling to him. You feel rather silly about it and he turns around on you with wide, wild eyes. You’re almost entirely sure you’ve made a mistake.

The only thing that you can comprehend is the utter force at which Astarion crushes you against his chest. It’s as if he’s never hugged someone before. It’s uncomfortable and he’s holding you so awkwardly you can’t wrap your arms back around him. It’s like Bernard’s hug all over again. Astarion clings to you so tightly he might as well be cradling you. He pushes his face into your hair while he tries to soothe his own breathing, and you finally manage to pat him sympathetically on his lower back. It’s the only place you can reach.

Faintly, like the touch of a feather, you think he kisses the top of your head.

‘I — I’m sorry,’ he says quietly. ‘You’re right. Of course you’re right. You’re you.’

You can feel Astarion’s entire body sag with relief. You’re confused, but this is the kindest he’s been since you stepped into the Underdark, and his arms are intense and strong. I’s more comforting than the first time he grabbed you like this near the nautiloid wreckage. There’s no knife or hollow threats. You turn your head to the side and sniffle.

‘It isn’t you I’m upset with,’ Astarion confesses. ‘Not entirely, you see. I never wanted to say anything — You know that more than anyone, how closely I guard my secrets. You have to believe me.’

‘I do,’ you say. ‘All I want is to understand.’

‘For the longest time, I didn’t want to give you the honor of understanding,’ Astarion says. ‘You were chivalric like a storybook hero. The ones who always save the damsels in distress. I hate people like them.’

‘You’re mad because…I’m good?’

Astarion sighs. ‘I’m disappointed, more or less. That all the times I screamed and begged and wished someone would save me, there was no storybook hero listening to me.’

The blood in your veins turns to ice. You hiccup and your face turns hot, and no matter how hard you clench your fists to your side, you can’t stifle the awkward sob that slides right out of your mouth. Astarion only holds you closer. You try to flip it on him so that you’re the one holding him, but he doesn’t let you. At least not yet. You sniffle again, louder this time.

‘I wanted someone to help me the way you helped the tieflings,’ he says, voice strained. ‘I wanted someone to worry for me the way Laridda worried for Philomeen.’

‘I do,’ you say. Your voice sounds small even to you. ‘I worry about you like that.’

Astarion eventually releases you and you both walk further away from your allies as they sort through their gear. You sit a few feet from where you killed the mimcs and stare off into the distance at the strange temple across the chasm.

You bump your knee against his soothingly. All the fighting is a little tiring. Your throat is sore for a number of reasons, and it doesn’t help that it’s so unfortunately hot. You’re so close to the forge that the heat is sapping your energy. Astarion uses his sleeve to dab at the tears on your cheek and you let him wipe at your skin and the dirt on it just so you can feel his touch.

‘I apologize,’ Astarion says, ‘for the way I was behaving.’

‘It’s okay,’ you say. You tap the tip of your boots together. ‘I suppose it makes sense when I think about it.’

Astarion rolls his eyes. ‘Even if it “makes sense,” I was still behaving abhorrently. It was uncalled for.’

‘I get why — ’

‘Please, darling,’ Astarion says in a strained voice. ‘Just consider accepting my apology. I do not give them often, you know. You’re the only one I’ll apologize to for being this way.’

You immediately start to go into some grandiose speech about how it’s the power of forgiveness that matters most during times like this, but there’s something sincere about the way Astarion is watching you that makes the words die in the back of your throat. You smooth your chainmail nervously.

There.

A funny little feeling comes again. A silly, fleeting emotion in the bottom of your stomach. It nearly unravels you how warm it is. It spreads throughout your body from your palms to the soles of your feet to the tips of your ears and the roof of your mouth. You turn away from him as if to escape the spell he was casting on you. It doesn’t work.

It was easier to believe it was something else in the beginning. When you were falling into leaves with Astarion leaning over you, or listening to the silky smooth timbre of his voice as he seduced you jokingly. It’s not that much fun anymore now that it works. You wrap your arms around your knees and pull them to your chest. You bite the inside of your cheek. You blink ash out of your eyes.

‘Thank you,’ you say finally. ‘For telling me and for apologizing. We can make this work.’ You reach over and squeeze his knee. ‘Once Nere is dealt with.’

Despite your heart to heart with Astarion, the bickering doesn’t stop although you now understand it comes from a place of fear rather than anger. You nearly lose an eye to Volo’s enthusiasm and inexperience, and Astarion yells at the bard so loudly you almost expect him to leave in the middle of the night. Astarion doesn’t yell at you, but you do keep both eyes open that night. Volo is still there in the morning, perhaps against his better judgment.

Over the course of your exploration of the Rosymorn Monastery, you and Astarion slowly come back together. Astarion lets you hold his hand while you take the lift down to the monastery itself and kneels with you when you have to press yourself against the floor, and he helps lift you off when it’s finished and you’re almost certain your legs have turned to nothing. But Astarion pouts even when you find the room with the kobolds and looks pained when he sees your new eye.

Surely he does forgive you a little. He says nothing when you fall asleep on him later that evening. Gale used the wine from earlier for everything he cooked that evening, and your stomach was so full and warm that you couldn’t help but lean against Astarion after eating. He read a chapter from one of his novels to you to keep you entertained.

You remember everyone was sorting through the goods of the day, and Shadowheart and Lae’zel were antagonizing one another like they normally do, but it was cozy and familiar. It reminded you of when you were still a child living at home with your mother’s family. You fell asleep without intending to. The fact he was there at all, you think, is what made you happy.

You’re coaxed to consciousness by tender stroking around your eye, and when you finally manage to open them despite your grogginess, Astarion is leaning above you and studying your face. He doesn’t hide when you catch him. He looks sad, so impossibly sad, that you think something terrible has happened.

‘Is everyone — ’

‘Oh yes,’ he says quietly. ‘The rest of us are all quite fine. Thank you for asking, my dear.’ He frowns. ‘Always so concerned about others, but never really concerned for yourself, are you?’

You furrow your brows. ‘I was a bit drunk,’ you say, trying to make your tone cheerful. ‘I’m okay now!’

‘The hag,’ Astarion complains, ‘messed with your eye. Omeluum nearly killed you, as kind as he was. Volo did butcher you.’ He bites his lip. ‘What will happen when we meet the Githyanki?’

‘They’ll get rid of the parasite,’ you say.

The fight leaves you. You don’t want to argue anymore. You want to sleep and dream and think of what your next step is. Part of you wants to lash out, but there’s something in the way Astarion is looking at you that keeps you from saying something witty and biting. You flush with frustration and sit up immediately, hating that he’s turning potential salvation into an argument a half-day’s walk away from the creche.

Once, Astarion had asked for the tadpoles and you had thrown the few jars you’d collected at him in anger. The next day, they were neatly returned to your bag and no other word was said about it. It’s all so confusing! Does Astarion like you? Does Astarion hate you? For how much longer are you going to desperately seek his approval?

You press your palm against your eye and try to ignore the wiggling you can feel at the memories. You stand up quickly and stalk off in the same direction you were already looking, careful to not be too loud as you pass the tents of your sleeping companions. All you want is to clear your mind and go back to sleep without any fuss. Without any arguing.

Like you had done before in the Underdark, Astarion follows you on your walk without saying anything. You aren’t sure why you let him come without a fight, but you don’t want to snap at him to leave in case it makes matters worse. All you do is lean against the first tree that you can find, and hope and pray and wish that your wine-induced headache goes away before the yelling begins.

‘What do you want?’ you sigh.

‘You said,’ Astarion begins, ‘that we would make this work. I’m trying to be more…open with you about how I feel, but every time I try, you get mad at me.’

‘What would you have me do instead?’ you ask. ‘I’m trying to do what I think is right. To do what is expected of me. To try to keep everyone happy.’

‘Sometimes,’ he says exasperatedly, ‘I’m expecting you to be scared shitless.’

‘I don’t get to be scared shitless!’ you whine. ‘Everyone has made me a leader. I never wanted to be the leader of anything!’

‘Then don’t,’ Astarion says. ‘Let someone else do the dirty work for you.’

‘Lae’zel will be beyond furious if we don’t visit the creche,’ you argue.

‘Let her go and deal with her brethren on her own!’ Astarion says with a shrug. ‘Or assign her Shadowheart and Halsin. It’ll go pleasantly. You and I already know it won't work.’

‘We don’t, not for certain,’ you say vehemently. You dig your fingers into the bark. ‘What if it works? They’ll get the cure and we’ll get nothing.’

‘Halsin seems sure that it won’t,’ he counters. ‘Our best interest is to seek information at the Moonrise Towers where all the other tadpole bastards are gathering.’

‘What if it does work?’ you insist. ‘What if we visit this healer and they are able to remove the parasite? It spares us from having to venture into the Shadow-Cursed Lands at all. We wound’t have to face the curse Halsin spoke of. Don’t you want that?’

‘Yes,’ Astarion says as if it’s simple.

You turn and frown at him. He’s standing a little ways away from you with his arms crossed, his eyes trained on the moon overhead, his chin tilted in consideration. You slide down the tree with a groan and put your head in your hands.

‘But I know you,’ Astarion says almost sadly. ‘Even if we’re cured by the Githyanki, you’ll want to go to where the curse is thickest to help Halsin lift the shadows. You never stop at the easy decisions.’

You open your mouth to argue. There is a small, sinking feeling right in the center of your chest. Astarion is calling you out directly for it rather than getting mad and letting it slide. You’d be thankful if it weren’t for the way it felt like a punch to the gut. Astarion walks over to you carefully and joins you in the dirt, his legs on either side of yours. He watches as you wrestle with your feelings. Without saying anything, he touches your calf and squeezes it comfortingly.

‘I don’t want everyone to hate me,’ you say, your voice thick with tears. ‘I want to do what’s best. That’s why I try so hard. If there’s even a chance this is what’s best for us, then — ’

‘You are what’s best,’ Astarion interrupts.

‘You don’t understand!’

‘I could,’ he says, smoothing his hand against your leg. ‘If you would let me.’

So you explain it: You’ve never felt like you had a family. Your father was a high-elf who sired a babe on your human mother. It was never supposed to happen, and they had never intended to get together because of it. Your mother had loved you, but no one other family on her side seemed to care much for a child born out of wedlock. You spent holidays sitting away from your cousins, and when you set out to find your father, the mindflayers had swept you up. You never stood a chance.

You hated to admit it, but this was your family now. Shadowheart and her strange darkness, Lae’zel and her anger to cover up her fear, Karlach and her wonderful laughter and ambition, Wyll and his drive and focus, Gale and his knowledge and inspiration, Astarion and — Admitting it makes your throat close up, but the hand on your leg won’t stop the melodic, soothing rubbing. You force yourself to admit that you love him. You don’t say love to him directly, but it’s obvious.

Astarion listens, humming and nodding when necessary, and his hand never leaves your leg. You can feel the warmth of his palm through your sleep pants, and it makes you miss him even though he’s sitting right there. You lean forward and he leans with you until your foreheads are nestled together. You close your eyes and feel as he nuzzles his nose against yours as gentle as he can be.

It’s unlike him.

For someone who is always on the move, desperate to do the next thing, Astarion treats you carefully. You soften into the touch.

‘We are your family now,’ Astarion murmurs. ‘Let us take some of the weight for you. You might be surprised to learn you needn’t bear this cross alone. Our lives aren’t worth the cost of yours.’

You swallow your instinct to disagree, and nod, feeling his forehead scrunch against yours. ‘Alright,’ you say. It’s the only thing you can manage without crying.

‘Alright,’ he agrees, nodding with you because it’s silly to do. ‘We’ll make this work.’ ‘Do you…have a moment?’ Astarion asks you one evening. ‘I — I think we need to talk.’

You don’t know if it’s the impending sense of doom that has swept you both up or if you’re hoping for a moment of reprieve from the back to back onslaught, but you walk with Astarion. You try not to think too hard about his quiet tone. You can’t go very far like you normally do, not wanting to explain why you need to borrow a Moon Lantern, but you find a little alcove to sit in far enough away that the other companions’ conversations have quieted to nothing but a dull hum. There’s still light from the torches Wyll had helped Lae’zel set up around camp earlier.

Astarion sits a bit away from you and angles his body to face the gloom in the distance. There’s sorrow in the slump of his shoulders. In the dark circles under his eyes. He is making himself small, you realize, in case you decide to get angry. Your mouth goes dry.

It’s going to be another fight, isn’t it?

Except where all other fights led to a deeper understanding, this will be the fight that causes Astarion to leave. Your stomach rolls uncomfortably. You stare at your hands and try to imagine how his fingers felt when they slid against yours. A part of you begins demanding that you start begging to make amends, as if you can stop whatever Astarion is longing to say before he says it. You chew the skin of your lips to keep from saying anything aloud before Astarion has opened up about what’s bothering him.

You’re certain you’re going to be sick.

‘Are you…alright?’ you ask. Even to you, your voice sounds miles away. ‘You’re not hurt, are you? From the fight with Marcus?’

‘It’s nothing like that,’ Astarion says thickly. ‘I’m fine. It’s just, I haven’t felt this awful in ages.’ He drags in a deep breath. ‘But you’re always so honest, and you deserve that same kind of honesty.’

‘Have I done something wrong?’ you ask smally.

‘It’s nothing you’ve done,’ Astarion assures you. ‘I’m sure you’ve heard it before. The old, it’s not you, it’s me but this time, it actually is…me.’

You shake your head. ‘You haven’t done anything wrong.’

‘When we met, I had a plan,’ he confesses. ‘A nice, simple plan — I would seduce you, sleep with you, manipulate your feelings so I would never be betrayed. It was instinctive. I was playing a part, but the more time I spent with you, the worse I felt.’

His breathing labors as he continues, and with dread, you realize that he would be weeping if he wasn’t trying so damn hard to be strong for you. It hurts your feelings to hear your fears come out of his mouth. You steel yourself so that you can listen to him finish, but in the back of your mind, you’re already thinking about what it will be like when Astarion has left empty spaces in your life. You turn to face him. He’s unable to look at you just yet, but you watch as his jaw works and he tries his hardest to finish what he’s saying without giving up and stopping.

‘It was a habit from two hundred years of doing it for him,’ he spits. ‘All you had to do was fall for it, but you didn’t, not exactly. You didn’t trust me and that was very fair of you. I wouldn’t have — even now, I would have never trusted myself if I were someone else.’

‘You did try to eat me,’ you say, trying to joke.

‘I wasn’t going to eat you,’ Astarion says despairingly. ‘Well, I suppose in some ways I have cannibalized you. You cared, so I started to care. You wept, so I wept. You wanted to save the world in a grand sweeping gesture of familial declaration and…I wanted to, too. With you. My plan changed. I wanted to become someone worthy of, well, you.’

‘To be a storybook hero,’ you whisper.

He laughs faintly. ‘When you talked about wanting a family, I thought about how Cazador gave me a one and how I tried to protect them but it was never good enough. He still hurt them when they were bad, when I couldn’t protect them. But now I have a real family, a family that would protect me too. I don’t want to lose them. I don’t want to lose you. I want to protect you and be protected in return.’ He looks at you, eyes brimming with tears.

‘You’re incredible,’ Astarion confesses, shaking his head. ‘You deserve so much better than I, but the thought of you with someone else fills me with such jealousy I can hardly stand it. I want us to be something real.’

You choke on the quietest of sobs, and Astarion reaches to take your hands into his. He doesn’t mean to, but his grip is so tight on your hands that if you try to pull them away, you think he’d topple over with you. You cling back to him. You’ll fall into eternity if you let go. He catches you as best he can.

‘I care about you,’ you say. ‘I knew it even when I didn’t want to admit it. When Gandrel found us, the night I was certain I was turning into a mindflayer — It doesn’t matter to me, Astarion. Why you did it. I will never understand the depth of what has happened to you — but I can keep it from happening again.’

‘I laughed at you the first time you suggested it.’

‘I deserved it,’ you say, ‘but I know I can do it now.’

Astarion swallows thickly. ‘I expected us to fight again. You’d be well within your right to be horrible.’

‘It hurts,’ you admit. He closes his eyes at the confession, but you squeeze his hands. ‘But it doesn’t change anything, Astarion. I would have loved you until the world ended.’

‘Luckily for you,’ Astarion says with a small laugh. ‘I know you would never let the world end.’

#astarion #astarion ancunin #astarion bg3 #astarion x tav #astarion x reader #astarion x oc #from ，carcosa .#my fic #pandimoostuff #*hides my face in my hands* UHH I HOPE YOU LIKE IT

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