"You're a fool then, Quincey Harker," Hyde hissed at me, "That serum can't fix what's wrong with Larry Talbot," He withdrew his cane and leaned back, studying me with a curious expression.

"I know it was made with the intent of separating man from his evil nature but that's not what it does and that's not what's wrong with poor Larry in the first place," he elaborated and I must confess, seeing Edward Hyde so grave and quiet was somehow more unnerving than his hideous laughter. It was almost as if he was grieving, an emotion I would not have attributed to someone as vile as he was.

"Didn't it separate you from Dr. Jekyll, though?" I asked, perhaps a little foolishly.

"It did, but not in the way you think, and not for the better," he replied turning away without further explanation.

I watched him go, stunned by the transformation in his character until he called back to me.

"Mr. Harker, if I ever catch you in my things again I will bash your pretty head in and string your teeth for necklace. You hear?!"

"Yes, Sir," I said quickly, instantly reminded who I was speaking to.

"There's a good boy,"

And with that he was gone, leaving me to clean up the mess he'd made of my room.

......

Continuation of a previous post x

Colorized

This AU takes place 20 or so odd years after the events of Jekyll and Hyde and while Hyde survived their suicide attempt Jekyll seemingly did not.

Hyde has.... a lot of feelings about that, not that he's going to be unpacking them any time soon.

So ya'll

I'm gonna fucking end up relapsing into some ehavy self harm and I'm tired of existing so I'll prob be MIA for a bit.

Situation is,

I can't pay for my phone.

My whole family is turning against me.

If I put up a gofundme it could fuck my ssi.

i DONT HAVE A CLUE WHEN I CAN START WORKING!!! NOTHING HAS BEEN SAID!!!

MY MOM IS LEGIT THREATENINT OTAKE MY PHONE OFF THE PLAN!!!

SO I'D NEED TO RESTART A NEW PLAN NEXT MONT HFOR A HUNDRED+ DOLLARS!!

WE'RE HAVING A GR8 TIME YA'LL.

gonna be that female representation those suicide stats are missing 🙌💃💄🏆

I don’t know about you, but I’ve been feeling overwhelmed a lot. With all of the seemingly extraordinary events going on around us, this came up in my recent reading. It seems so much at the center of what perhaps we are all experiencing, that I wanted to share this excerpt.

...

You Are Not Alone -Jack Kornfield Every life is filled with change and insecurity, and every life includes loss and suffering and difficulties. When we encounter difficult times in our lives, often our initial strategy is to simply run away. But we find that our troubles follow us. Paradoxically, one of the best ways to heal is to turn toward that which is injured within us. It is important to remember that the healing journey is not always about overcoming the difficulties we’re experiencing or about getting well, at least not completely. We all have the capacity to heal, but we have to discover what form that healing is to take. One of the most difficult things about hard times is that we often feel that we are going through them alone. But we are not alone. In fact, your life itself is only possible because of the thousands of generations before you, survivors who have carried the lamp of humanity through difficult times from one generation to another. Feel yourself as part of the stream of humanity walking together, finding ways to carry the lamp of wisdom and courage and compassion through difficult times. Several years ago I was giving a talk on compassion with Pema Chödrön in a large hall in San Francisco filled with at least 3,000 participants. At one point a young woman stood up and spoke in the most raw and painful way about her partner’s suicide several weeks before. She was experiencing a gamut of complex emotions, such as agonizing grief and confusion, guilt and anger, loss and fear. Pema had her hold it all in compassion. As I listened to her I could also feel her loneliness, and so I asked the group when she finished, “How many of you in this room have experienced the suicide of someone in your family, or someone really close to you?” More than 200 people stood up. I asked her to look around the room at the eyes of those who had gone through a similar tragedy and survived. As they gazed at one another, everyone in the room could feel the presence of true compassion, as if we were in a great temple. We all felt the suffering that is part of our humanity, and part of the mystery that we share. If you have lost money or faith, when you are sick or a family member is suffering from illness or addiction, even when a child is in jeopardy, you are not alone. You are sharing in the inevitable trouble of human incarnation. On this very day, hundreds of thousands of others are also dealing with loss of money, a new diagnosis, or holding their sick child. Breathe with them and hold their pain mindfully with yours, sharing in your heart a spirit of courage and compassion. For thousands of generations we humans have survived hard times. We know how to do this. And when we sense our connection, we help each other. Two women in nearby towns in northern Canada were forced to venture out on a fierce winter night. One was taking her pregnant daughter to the hospital; the other was driving to take care of her ill father. They made their way along the same road from opposite directions, through hurricane winds and pelting snow. Suddenly each was stopped on opposite sides of a huge fallen tree that blocked the road. It took them only a few minutes to share their stories, exchange car keys, and set forth in each other’s cars to complete their journeys. As you open beyond the self, you realize that others are part of your extended family. Sylvia Boorstein, a colleague and wisdom holder, tells how in Jewish synagogues there is a yearly memorial service for the survivors of relatives whose death dates are unknown—men and women who died in the Holocaust or are buried in unknown graves. Many people will stand for the Mourner’s Kaddish prayer. In temple on this day, Sylvia writes, “I looked at the people standing and thought ‘Can all these people be direct survivors?’ Then I realized we all are, and I stood up too.” “We are not separate, we are interdependent,” declared the Buddha. Even the most independent human being was once a helpless infant cared for by others. With each breath we interbreathe carbon dioxide and oxygen with the maple and oak, the dogwood and redwood trees of our biosphere. Our daily nourishment joins us with the rhythms of bees, caterpillars, and rhizomes; it connects our body with the collaborative dance of myriad species of plants and animals. Nothing is separate. Unless we understand this, we are split between caring for ourselves or caring for the troubles of the world. “I arise in the morning,” wrote essayist E. B. White, “torn between a desire to save the world and an inclination to savor it.” A psychology of interdependence helps to solve this dilemma. Through the loving awareness of mindfulness and meditation we discover that the duality of inner and outer is false. We can hold all the beauty and the pain of life in our heart and breathe together with courage and compassion. Excerpt from [book]: A Lamp in the Darkness: Illuminating the Path Through Difficult Times

Hi! 🤍

BACKGROUND

6, 12

Thank you so much darling for the questions, I'll answer you immediately💕💕

TW: Suicide mention

Background

6)If I had to describe Eden's childhood I would say very sad. Apart from her father Andrew and her grandmother Helen living with an alcoholic mother who hated her led her to hate herself so much that by the age of 8 she was already suicidal. However, with time she tried to become stronger and face her inner demons.

12)The biggest lesson I think she learned as she grew up is that she doesn't have to keep anything inside, that anyway her friends and Ghost are always there for her. And that still love can also heal.

Retail Hell Story

Oh look another retail hell story from me. This one is upsetting me that is why I post about it, to process it. But there is another trans coworker. And a man walked past them and told them to kill them self in our store. So they obviously came to us on checkout upset, because of course they were. But we all defended the coworker and said the person is horrible and that is wrong/messed up. Honestly why can people not just be kind.

Also I

a) a bag of bean bags exploded on me and b) I also broke the closed sign on the checkout too.

"DIE YOUNG"

Isn't it funny how many of the streets you see on the news look the same?

You've seen the street corners, the traffic lights, the big-box stores… And you see what they've made of them.

Liquor advertisements, Threats of hell, Gambling- that new soda flavor, "Join the Military."

And you drive back home, flick on the T.V- Liquor Advertisements, threats of hell, gambling- "Join the Military."

And you see that same street corner, lit by a flurry of lights, decorated in blood with an orchestra of screams.

12 weeks paid vacation, National Tragedy.

You drive past the streets, same as the news- Liquor advertisements, Threats of hell, "Join the Military."

How long has it been?

You drive home, the same ads repeat: Liquor, Gambling- Hell and soda, "Join the Military." You watch the T.V: Liquor, Gambling, Hell and Soda, "Join the Military." The street's still covered in blood.

Drabble so brain can settle down

-/-

"Bah, you're even more like Seba now."

"Sir?" Larten asked, curiously glancing at Evanna's father. While he still held a strong dislike towards the small man he owed him his life...not thay Mr.Tiny every brought it up again.

"You were more fun when you were suicidal."

Larten's breath froze.

It wasn't the first time Mr.Tiny had made that comment. The few times Larten had bumped into the smaller man Mr.Tiny would complain about Larten no longer being an amusing act to watch.

The first time he said that, Larten had just brushed him off. If pressed for more information he's snap at whoever asked to mind their own business.

Gavner already knew. And when pressed for more a quick click of his tongue got the yoing man to drop it.

It did not work on Darren, though, stubborn boy.

From the expression on his assistants face Larten knew the boy heard.

He really did not want to have this talk with Darren.

"Mr.Crepsley..."

"It is neither the appropriate time, nor place. Disregard what you have just heard."

Mr.Tiny smirked at him.

Larten glared.

"The boy won't stay innocent for long, Larten. Gavner didn't."

"Gavner is not like Darren, and vice versa. Now I believe you came to talk with Mr.Tall?"

Mr.Tiny just laughed before leaving to go find the owner of the Cirque du Freak.

Student and mentor waited for him to leave before breaking the silence.

"...What did he mean by that, Mr.Crepsley?"

"It is an event long passed, there is no use dwelling on it."

"Mr.C-"

"Darren!" Larten snapped, causing the boy to jump. Darren braced himslef for a lecture when, to his surprise, his mentor's face softened.

"Please. Drop it."

Darren nodded.

If it was bad enough to make Mr.Crepsley say please...

Okay so “redeemer” PALAYE ROYALE

I feel like this song is about Remington when his mental health was really bad (when he wrote the song)

And any time I listen to it I just imagine like a super angst fic where he’s about to kill himself and he’s calling people and he finally calls reader and they pick up and are like running to Remington and freaking out because they love him and need to help

Maybe like for some reason they don’t know where he is but idk 🤷🏼‍♀️

Personally I think all of my tattoos being homages to the fact that I haven’t killed my self yet is VERY sexy of me xx

You know, you can always destroy whatever you have, it's so easy to do, especially for you? Isn't that right? Everyone can and will leave you, the more effort you put into trying not to destroy it.

of course i can. its not like deserve the tavern, or chronos. im better off just killing myself or running back from where i came from. but everytime i try to leave, chronos stops me. its quite odd.

eldar

What are Adam’s thoughts concerning Victor by the time your AU takes place? Why didn’t he kill himself in the Arctic?

Oh, Adam tried to kill himself, it just didn't work (Adam is very difficult to kill in my story) and the second time he tried he lost his nerve because he realized it wasn't likey he'd manage something quick or painless.

By the time Adam reached the au he deeply regretted his actions and realized revenge had not satisfied him. He was also bitter over Victor’s death because it meant he was truly alone. In some way tormenting Victor had given him purpose and a broken, twisted connection to someone based on hatred was better than being totally alone. He mourns Victor and even 100 years later wonders if the outcome could have been different.

Man so.

May 13th 2019 I tried to end my life.

I found tweets on my old twit.

I had taken 4-5 days worth of medication w/ alcohol.

was at a BIG point in my ED.

It's amazing to see my progress of 4 years looking back. Thank the stars I'm still here. I'm so proud of myself. For being in recovery from self harm and an ED. I haven't really tried to end my life since, and it's been WAY worse than back then. I'm proud of myself.

This is YOUR post to remind yourself you CAN GROW.

AND YOU WILL. Stay here w/ us. If you're thinking of ending your life tonight this is your message to say THINGS GET BETTER.

I moved out, stop self harming and I'm in RECOVERY for anorexia.

I am clean of over 2 years for an ED and ED behaviors.

YOU CAN GET BETTER.

The thoughts STAY they FLUTTER ABOUT.

THEY DON'T EVER 100000% LEAVE I'M NOT EVER SAYING THEY WILL. BUT IT /GETS BETTER/.

This was my fucking wake up call.

My proof I'VE GROWN

IT GETS BETTER. DON'T FUCKING GIVE UP.

//tw: suicide mention

Minor explanation as to why I haven't replied to much

As most of you know, I went on vacation/a con about a week ago or so. And yeah,I had loads of fun. Especially since it was just my twin and I. we both..so needed it.

But when I got back home, I found out that a LOT of things were moved around. Including my antidepressant bottles. I take like two different kinds.

Now, I did look and moved things around,even asked where they were placed but of course, no one knows anything. So, I end up having to call up the doctor's office and ask them for a refill for them..and long story short..I was told to to the pharmacy and ask them about it.

I would've done it sooner but, I needed to rest like..so badly. Having the chronic condition of Fibromyalgia,sucks. And I did loads of walking at the con. My broken ass isn't used to walking so much. Lol

Then..towards this past weekend, half of the house,myself included, got food poisoning. So, I didn't even take my pills most of those days..which fucked me up.

Fast forward to the 7th of June...and it had been literally a week since I had taken said pills I had been missing. I was getting pissed off at the dumbest shit. I tried to calm down..but stupid side comments just made me lose it. And...I happen to unintentionally piss off so many people at home, I ended up storming outside just to break down crying.

Right then... the weight of not taking them hit me pretty hard. I wanted to die in hole and apologize for even living and causing strife to my family. Even was seriously considering in ending my life..like..no joke. There are so many dangerous places where I live..it would be so fucking easy to do.

But...I was lucky enough to have my twin sister come outside, give me a hug and help calm me down a little. She walked with me to get my meds, and was a super sweetheart to get us some chocolate milkshakes. Which was nice.

Sadly,while we were enjoying our moms, my mom was basically..making me feel bad for wanting to die and that 'oh I live that nightmare every day. Deal with it'. Like.. really? I'm sorry your life sucks too..but um not helping.

So, I just turned my phone off and spent some more time with my twin. We picked up some games to distract ourselves later. And I eventually took my meds.

Right now? I feel a little better. But..I'm still pretty down. Not at the stage of 'fucking kill me now!' but more like..'yall got any spare hugs..?'

It's gonna take me a few days to get back to myself again. So just hang tight,yeah? I really apologize if I triggered anyone but...it's better for me to be up front with this shit then not saying anything.

I posted my discord for anyone who wants to add me. And I don't mind answering messages. I just hope I feel better before the 17th. That's gonna be my 30th birthday. Makes my ass feel old as fuck.

Vent Post

I've spoken before about how awful my local doctor's practice is but more things have happened which I need to scream into the void.

I've been called up for jury duty, I received my citation letter around the start of the month. In that time, I have been trying to contact my doctors office. Now, on top of the usual anxiety, I also have something going on with my attention and memory. I don't know what because the doctors are reluctant to send me for assessment (pretty much all of my stuff fits with ADHD but could also just be my depression which I've been trying to get sorted for 10+ years with this doctors office). So I'll set an alarm, it will go off and I'll see it and think "I should do that task" and then I either don't do it, get distracted and completely forget until the alarm goes again the next day, or I put the online consultation form in but don't hear back. With the online form, you're supposed to hear back the next day at most but the service is unreliable and eats forms.

It got to the point where last week I sent in a consultation form and never got e-mail confirmation which is when I knew something was up. I would have called in sooner but anytime you call the practice, they literally tell you off for not using the online service, they won't even take calls for prescriptions or administration, their first thing is to very rudely say about why call and then tell you to use the form. It's annoying because as I said, the form is unreliable. But, I phoned because the form I sent in on Monday did have e-mail confirmation of appointment but nobody got in contact on Tuesday and jury duty is now the next week.

I called them and the woman I got was very helpful, told me that she can make me an appointment with my doctor on Thursday as he only works Thursday and Friday. I thanked her and then e-mailed the jury duty people but they said their office is closed Thursday and Friday for the jubilee holiday. I phoned the doctors office back immediately so that I wouldn't forget and asked if I could get a different doctor sooner as it was time sensitive. It was a different woman but she was very understanding and told me that if I put in an online form they'll mark it for the doctor and they'll speak to me the next day (Wednesday). I thanked her and she cancelled the appointment for Thursday and that was that.

NOW comes the bad part. NOBODY phoned me on Wednesday. I stayed in ALL day, didn't walk the dog, didn't even shower because I didn't want to miss this call. I waited all day and then phoned the practice when it became apparent that nobody would be calling. The woman I then got was called Karen and let me tell you if I wasn't on the verge of a panic attack I would have found it funny, she embodied the name. She informed me that the doctor (the head of the practice) does not believe in GP Letters as it does not align with his personal beliefs. She says it goes against his principles. I didn't know what to say but I asked why nobody contacted me even to say that and she informs me that he moved the appointment to Thursday for a different doctor. I then informed her that Thursday would be too late, hence why we changed the appointment. She couldn't understand how the days events would upset me. I told her that I asked for a sick note, and if he would be comfortable writing one of those and note a letter, she then tries to say I did not ask for that?? She also tells me that I said they could contact me on the 06/06 which is the date I have jury duty. When you fill in the online form, I always get them to e-mail a copy of my consultation to me. I had my answers on a PDF in front of me which was e-mailed to me after sending in the consultation, I could see exactly what I wrote. In my answer, I wrote "contact BEFORE 06/06" and "sick note". The woman was getting huffy with me and began speaking over me as I answered her to inform me that jury duty folks don't accept sick notes for exemption and she knows this because they handle a lot of these. I told her that it says sick notes on the website and the citation letter as well as the e-mail conversation I've had with a member of staff. She continued to talk over me (bearing in mind I was in tears at this point, panic attack incoming, anxiety and stressed just the whole works because I was jerked around by the doctors office).

So when she talked over me again I told her to "let me finish" she then went full blown outburst on me about how I can't say that and not be like that with her. I wrongly assumed doctors office receptionists had to have some understanding of mental health situations, be able to deal with panic attacks, emergencies etc but apparently not they can just be assholes to people in panic mode. So, she tells me to wait and she'll phone back after asking the doctor about sick notes rather than a GP letter.

She calls back and tells me he still will note write even a sick note as it is against his principles/personal beliefs. I was speechless, because they'd utterly screwed me over and I didn't know where to go from there. She then tells me it was "unfair to only give them two days notice for a doctors note and I shouldn't have expected it anyway". I very politely informed her that I had been trying to get in touch for quite some time at this point. She very rudely again told me that "other patients have gotten in touch". I didn't know what to say to that either and was just shutting down as that's what I do at this point, but she then adds "you managed to get in touch today". So I thanked her and hung up the phone. On top of the anxiety I have of just having to call the place (which we are told not to do) I had to deal with that nonsense. Now I have to wait for my regular doctor to call today (hopefully) and then take the note with me on Monday and hope they accept it which I was told was my only other option by the jury people via e-mail.

This place is hell and I'm changing practices as I cannot keep going to this place it will kill me. I've debated reporting the issue with the receptionist and perhaps the doctor but I don't know if I should. I really wish I'd reported the last incident but my mother talked me out of it. The doctor I had back then left the practice (she was a temp as people are constantly leaving the practice) and I was on medication and a waiting list for mental health services. I had to find a new doctor for my medication after she left and the doctor I spoke to after basically listened to my symptoms and how I felt suicidal and told me "I don't really think you're depressed, you have a cushy life" she then told me to get back to work and stopped my medication without renewal for lowering the dosage which meant I was sick for a time after since I stopped a high dosage I'd been taking for months in a day. The place is shocking and I'm still not sure what to make of it.

Bring me to the water. Let me feel the waves. Bring me to the water, before I go down to my grave. Sit by me in the water, smell the sea and the sand. Bring me to the water, the salty breeze in my hair. Hold me in the water, wanna feel like myself again. I wanna float in the water, feel weightless again, I wanna drown in the water, wanna die by my own hand. Send me to the water, let it soak into my skin. Let me bathe in the water, let it wash off my sins. Wanna be in the water, let me be dragged to the deep. Wanna lie in the water, wanna drift off to sleep. Bring me to the water, where the sea is my friend. Bring me to the water. Let me have my own end.