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peavhyshy · 6 months

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𝗠𝗢𝗥𝗘 𝗧𝗛𝗔𝗡 𝗙𝗥𝗜𝗘𝗡𝗗𝗦 (oneshot)

Pairing: Sarah Cameron x Reader

Summary: In which you and Sarah share a secret kiss while hanging out alone in your room, complicating both of your relationships with John B.

Warnings: sarah cheats on john b with reader, explicit language, fluff, smut, secret relationship, friends to lovers, this set after ward blew himself up, emotional hurt/comfort, fluff, fingering, oral sex, grinding/tribbing, nipple play

Words: 2,617

a/n: guys is it bad to sleep with your best friend when your boyfriend is being a douche and didn't comfort you after you watched your dad die? but seriously there needs to be more sarah fics on here, y'all sleeping on her

((not proofread because i'm lazy and rereading stuff I write makes me cringe for some reason))

Outer Banks Masterlist | Main Masterlist

The sun had just set over OBX, casting an orange glow across the sandy beaches. Inside the your families beach house, Sarah lay sprawled across your bed, half-watching some cheesy rom-com on the little TV in your room.

"Ugh, I can't watch this anymore," Sarah groaned, grabbing the remote and flicking through channels aimlessly. She was grateful for you trying to cheer her up after the traumatic events of the past few days, but she just wasn't in the mood for happy endings right now.

You glanced over from where you sat braiding friendship bracelets on the floor. "Yeah, I'm not really feeling it either," you said with a sympathetic smile. You tied off the bracelet and scooted up onto the bed next to Sarah.

Sarah clicked off the TV and flopped back onto the pile of pillows with a dramatic sigh. "I just keep replaying it all in my head, you know? Like maybe if I had done something differently…" Her voice trailed off as she stared up at the ceiling fan swirling above you guys.

You reached over and gave her hand a gentle squeeze. "It's not your fault, Sarah. There's nothing you could have done."

Sarah turned her head to look at you, her brown eyes glistening. In the soft glow of the bedside lamp, You looked so beautiful and comforting that Sarah suddenly felt the urge to kiss you. Before she could talk herself out of it, she leaned in and pressed her lips to yours.

Your eyes went wide in surprise before slowly closing as you kissed Sarah back tentatively. After a few seconds, you broke apart, blushing wildly.

"Um, wow," you breathed, biting your lip. "So that just happened."

Sarah let out a nervous laugh. "Yeah, sorry, I guess I'm just feeling extra emotional and impulsive tonight. I've always thought you were really pretty though." She grinned sheepishly.

You laughed and playfully hit Sarah with a pillow. "Oh so that's how it is, huh? Taking advantage of me in my own bedroom?"

Sarah dramatically flipped her hair. "I mean, can you blame me? Have you seen this hair?"

You both dissolved into giggles, the tension instantly broken. No matter what else was going on in your lives, you always had each other. And maybe this was the beginning of something more.

“What about John B?” you asked, putting the bracelet on Sarah’s hand.

Sarah sighed, twisting the new bracelet around her wrist. "John B…I don't know. He's been so caught up in everything with his dad and the gold, it's like he doesn't even see me anymore. I miss how things used to be between us."

She looked up at you. "But then there's this…" she gestured between you guys. "This connection we have. I've never felt this way about another girl before."

You nodded, a worried crease forming between your brows. "I know what you mean. I care about John B, but I also care about you." you bit your lip. "Maybe we should keep this between us for now? At least until we figure things out.”

Sarah considered it for a moment then nodded slowly. “Yeah, you’re probably right. No need to complicate things even more.” She linked her pinky with yours. “This can be our little secret.”

You smiled, hooking your pinky with Sarah’s. “Our secret,” you repeated.

Sarah leaned in conspiratorially. “So should we pick up where we left off before we were so rudely interrupted by your question?” you teased.

You giggled and closed the distance once more, your lips meeting in a soft, tentative kiss.

Sarah lifts your shirt over your head, exposing your bare chest. She runs her hands up your sides, caressing your soft skin as she kisses down your neck. You let out a soft gasp, tangling your fingers in Sarah's blonde hair.

"Sarah…" you breathe out, your heart pounding as Sarah's hands continue to explore your body. You feel a growing heat between your legs, this new intimacy with Sarah awakening desires you never knew you had. Sarah kisses lower, trailing her lips down your collarbone, then takes a hard nipple into her mouth. You moan, arching your back off the bed at the sensation.

Sarah lifts her head to look into your eyes, her own darkened with lust. She reaches behind you to unclasp your bra, then tosses it aside. Sarah sits back on her knees to admire your naked form, a smirk playing on her kiss-swollen lips.

"You're so fucking beautiful," she says throatily before leaning down to capture your lips once more. As your tongues meet, Sarah reaches down to undo the button on your shorts, her hand slipping beneath the waistband. You gasp into Sarah's mouth at the intimate touch, your hips bucking involuntarily. You never felt more alive than in this moment with Sarah, every nerve-ending tingling with anticipation.

Sarah's fingers dip lower, finding slick heat that makes you cry out. She strokes slowly at first, learning what makes you whimper and moan.

As Sarah's fingers work between your legs, you feel pleasure building within your core. Your breathing comes faster, soft moans escaping with each circular stroke of Sarah's fingers over your slick, swollen clit. Your hips rock uncontrollably, pushing yourself against Sarah's hand as your arousal grows.

Sarah watches your face, taking in every flutter of your eyelids, every gasp and whimper. She slides two fingers lower, teasing your entrance before pushing them inside. You cry out at the penetration, panting Sarah's name over and over. Sarah thrusts her fingers slowly at first, then faster as your inner walls clench tight around them.

The coil of tension in your belly winds tighter and tighter until suddenly it snaps, your orgasm crashing over you in waves of euphoria. Your back arches off the bed, a string of curses and Sarah's name on your lips as you come undone.

Sarah pulls back slightly to look into your eyes, her own bright with exhilaration and desire. She runs her fingers through your tousled hair and grins, trailing her hand down your body. She slips her fingers beneath the waistband of your shorts again, raising an eyebrow in question.

You bit your lip and nodded, lifting your hips so Sarah can slide your shorts and underwear off. Sarah tosses them aside, then settles between your parted thighs, kissing a path up your inner leg. You shiver in anticipation, propping yourself up on your elbows to watch. When Sarah's mouth finally finds your pussy, you gasp, your head falling back against the pillows.

Sarah hums in satisfaction at your reaction, the vibration sending sparks of pleasure through you. She uses her tongue to explore your slick folds, quickly finding the sensitive bundle of nerves that makes you cry out and clutch at the sheets. Sarah focuses her attention there, alternating between broad laps of her tongue and tight circles around your clit.

Your soon panting and writhing beneath her. "Oh god, Sarah…feels so good…" you moan. The coil of tension winds tight once more until you shatter again with a sharp cry, your thighs clamping around Sarah's head as you come. Sarah works you through it with soft licks, not stopping until you go limp with satisfaction.

Your moans fill the room as straddles you and slips off her underwear, your bodies coming together in a tantalizing display of desire. The slickness of your wetness creates friction that sends shivers of pleasure through both of you. Sarah's core radiates heat, igniting a fire within you that can't be quenched.

Your hands greedily explore Sarah's sides, eager to feel every inch of her. You grab onto Sarah's ass, pulling her closer, urging her to grind harder against your throbbing clit. Sarah leans down, capturing your lips in a searing kiss that leaves you both breathless. Your tongues dance and entwine, a passionate tango of desire. The taste of your shared arousal fill your mouths, fueling your hunger for each other.

Your hips move in perfect harmony, each thrust bringing you closer to the edge. Sarah's grinding against your clit, your clits rubbing together in a rhythm that drives you both wild. The wetness between your legs acts as a lubricant, allowing your movements to become even more intense, more intimate.

You arch your back, offering your breasts to Sarah's hungry mouth. Sarah eagerly takes the invitation, capturing a nipple between her lips, sucking and nipping at the sensitive flesh. The sensation shoots electric sparks of pleasure straight to your core.

With one final, powerful thrust, Sarah's body shudders with pleasure. She cries out, her climax washing over her in a wave of bliss that crashes through her entire being. Her walls clench around nothing but the air, her core pulsating with every release.

Your own release follows closely behind, your body convulsing in waves of pleasure. The intense sensations ripple through you, causing you to grip onto Sarah tightly, your bodies pressed together in an intimate embrace. You both ride out the waves of your orgasms together, matching each other's moans and gasps.

When you finally break apart your both are flushed and beaming. Sarah's fingers gently stroke your face as you kiss languidly, softly.

"Was that okay?" Sarah asks after a moment, suddenly shy.

You smile, pulling Sarah down for another lingering kiss. "More than okay," you assure her. Sarah grins, nuzzling into your neck.

Sarah smiles contentedly and lays her head on on your chest, listening to the steady rhythm of your heartbeat as it returns to normal. She feels a sense of peace and belonging that she hasn't felt in a long time. Here with you, away from the chaos and tragedy of the outside world, Sarah can simply be. No expectations, no pretending - just two souls connecting on the most intimate level.

Sarah traces lazy circles on your bare stomach as you lay entwined. She thinks about how rapidly her feelings have shifted - from seeing you only as a friend, to suddenly being unable to resist her. It feels natural though, not scary or confusing like her past crushes on boys. With you it just feels…right.

Eventually your lips find each other again, the kisses growing heated once more. You roll yourselves over so you're the one on top, straddling Sarah's hips. You look down at Sarah with hungry eyes as you slowly grind against her. Sarah gasps at the delicious friction, gripping your hips.

"Now it's my turn," you say in a low voice that sends a jolt of arousal straight between Sarah's legs. You reach down and tugs at the hem of Sarah's shirt. "Take this off."

Sarah complies, pulling her shirt up over her head and tossing it aside. You make quick work of her bra too until Sarah is laid bare before her. Your admiring gaze roams over Sarah's body, making her shiver with anticipation, you capture one of Sarah's nipples between your lips.

Sarah cries out, arching up into your warm mouth. As you lavishes attention on her breasts, Sarah is reduced to a writhing, moaning mess beneath your ministrations. This is even better than she imagined as she lets you take full control.

You kiss your way down Sarah's trembling body until your mouth replaces your fingers between Sarah's legs. Sarah closes her eyes, crying out your name as a slick tongue explores her slick folds. She reaches down to tangle her fingers in your hair, urgent moans spilling from her lips.

"Y/N, I'm close…" she pants out. The coil of tension winding tighter and tighter within her finally snaps as she comes undone under your tongue.

You take Sarah into your arms. You exchange soft, languid kisses as Sarah catches her breath.

"Wow…" is all Sarah can say, still reeling.

You grin, kissing the tip of her nose. "I'd say we're pretty good at this secret relationship thing so far."

Sarah laughs. "I'd say so too. But we should probably keep practicing, just to be sure." She wiggles her eyebrows suggestively.

You smirk, pulling Sarah in for another deep kiss. "I like the way you think."

Your lips meet again, both of you giddy with the exciting newness of exploring each other. For now, you’re content to stay lost in your little bubble of bliss, putting your troubles aside for a stolen moment of passion and release.

Sarah sighs contentedly, her body still tingling from her intimacy with you. She strokes your hair softly as you lie tangled together on the bed.

After a few peaceful moments, Sarah props herself up on one elbow to look down at you. "Not that I want this to end, but won't your parents be back soon?" she asks.

You glance at the clock on your nightstand and grimaces. "Yeah, probably. As much as I'd love to keep going…" You trail a hand suggestively down Sarah's side.

Sarah shivers at your touch. "Later," she promises with a grin. She gives you one last lingering kiss before reluctantly climbing off the bed to gather her scattered clothes.

As Sarah gets dressed, you sit up and wrap the blanket around yourself. You watch Sarah wistfully, not quite ready to burst this intimate bubble you’ve created. But the approaching sound of a boat motor outside makes the decision for you.

"Coming?" Sarah asks from the bedroom doorway, now fully dressed. Her cheeks are still flushed, lips swollen from kisses.

You sigh. "Yeah, be right there." As Sarah disappears down the hall, you take a moment to collect yourself. You press her fingers to your lips, Sarah's taste still lingering. Your heart flutters thinking about what just transpired between you too.

With a giddy smile, you get up to get dressed. You rejoin Sarah in the living room just as the front door opens and your parents walk in, loaded down with gear from their fishing trip. If they notice your matching blushes and shy glances, they don't say anything.

"Are you staying for dinner, Sarah?" your mom asks as she heads for the kitchen. "I'll throw some fish on the grill."

Sarah catches your eye, an impish look on her face. "I'd love to," she says sweetly. Under the table, she squeezes your hand, your secret.

The you too sat close together on the worn couch in your living room after dinner, shoulders touching. Your parents had retreated outside to the back deck, giving you some privacy. Sarah turned to you, looking into your eyes. She still couldn't believe what had transpired between you too earlier that evening.

"So…that happened," Sarah said with a small smile, cheeks flushing pink.

You nodded, biting your lip. You reached over and gave Sarah's hand a gentle squeeze. "It did. And as crazy as it sounds, it felt…right."

Sarah let out a soft laugh, interlacing your fingers. "I know, I feel the same way! I mean, I never expected this, but being with you just feels so natural."

She glanced down bashfully. "I know things with John B are complicated right now. But he's been pulling away, and you've been there for me. You make me feel safe and happy even during the worst moments."

You lifted Sarah's hand to your lips, kissing it softly. "You deserve to feel safe and happy, Sarah. I'll always be here for you, no matter what happens with John B. And if this-" you gestured between you too "-is something you want to explore, I'm open to it."

Sarah's heart swelled with affection. She leaned in and captured your lips in a sweet, lingering kiss.

"Then let's explore," she murmured against your mouth. You smiled into the kiss, twining your arms around Sarah's neck to pull her closer.

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ratstwond · 3 months

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Smiling Critters? As if the cartoon show?

Prologue

- Warning: Bad English 😍, traumatized MC, CatNap's stink breath, slight Poppy slander if you squint -

- Tags: Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, no use of Y/N (?), Platonic -

• You never expected you yourself, after experiencing bunch of life and death situations in Playtime.co and having to put yourself in danger, bearing huge responsibilities on your back.

• "She needs you." Ollie spoke through the phone, contacting you anonymously after the crash. Sticking with you through the time at PlayCare. Guiding, leading.

• "We need you." - Poppy said, in the most exasperated tone of voice as she looked at you. Telling about all the tragic stories happened inside the Playtime.co. Either just buying your pity, or she genuinely wants to fix everything.

• Nevertheless, those words seemingly carved deep in your brain, urging you, manipulated you to continue walking, running, to just- continue going deeper in that hellhole.

• You could just had left, left everything behind and live your own life without a heavy burden- This heavy burden to be bear. If you're able to turn back time, you would leave after defeating Huggy, would leave before things get worse.

• You're tired, exhausted. After inhaling bunch of gas CatNap breathed out with his monstrous mouth. You couldn't think properly, adrenaline running out had you slumped on the floor. You didn't bother to put the grab-pack elsewhere, even it makes your back ached painfully.

• Wonder if anyone even bother to find you - you thought, yes, wonder what day is it today? You thought. How long had you been here, fighting for your life?

• You can only huff out a small bitter laugh when you took a glance at your reflection on a broken mirror you had found during the walk. Bloodshot eyes from crying, dark patches under your eyes from having to stay alerted for upcoming dangers.

• And oh, you're definitely stink. Smell of blood and sweat that can send a rat scurrying away.

• Rolling onto your stomach, you laid your head on the hard concrete floor.

• Maybe the only cool things in here are the little critters. Silly murderous little things, you'd love to take one for emotional support if they're not hostile.

• You curled yourself unconsciously, like a baby. The urge to sleep hits you like a truck, immediately your eyes are closed, fell into a deep slumber.

• "Wakey wakey sleepyhead!"

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Note:

+ This were made for shit and giggles so it's short, i ain't gonna be serious allat. Might only do it as blurbs after part 2 🤛

+ Im having a hard time deciding an animal for MC since calling you as "A/N" or "F/A" is pretty weird to me. I'm debating either between Raccoon and Lamb (Suggestions is encouraged:])

#poppy playtime #smiling critters #reader insert #smilling critters x reader #x reader #poppy playtime x reader

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cabotwife · 6 months

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Can you do a fluffy Johanna mason x reader where reader is bipolar going through a depression episode. If you don’t want to that’s fine I am just doing bad and though tha would be a cute thing because 2 “broken” traumatized people healing together is always a cute trope yk

Two Broken Halves

Johanna Mason x Fem!Reader

thank you for your request! i hope you enjoy 💗

warnings: poorly written fluff, not proofread

word count: 787

a/n: this one was a bit hard to write, mostly because i know that my experience with my depressive episodes are not the same thing that everybody experiences. reader is mostly based off of me and Ian Gallagher a little bit.

a/n pt2: if anybody finds themselves struggling, in anyway, or just need somebody to talk to, i want you to know that i am here and my messages/inbox is always open for you. i love you all<3

-> now i'ma take a nap before i start working on the next request

there’s a quiet buzz in the room as you lay in your bed, curled in on yourself. the faint sound of the door closing can be heard, and you know it’s your girlfriend.

“y/n! i’m back!” Johanna shouts, you can hear her throwing her shoes onto the ground.

you stay silent, staring at the wall beside the bed. “y/n?” Johanna’s in the room now, hovering by the door frame as she looks at you, trying to evaluate the situation.

the brunette huffs as she begins changing out of the clothes she had been wearing all day and into something comfier. she glances at you again before making her way over to where you’re laying on the bed.

she’s never been great at handling other people’s emotions.

Johanna bites her lip as she crouches down by your head, “hey baby, you feeling okay?” she says in a quiet voice, trying to be as gentle as she could.

when she still doesn’t get a reply from you she lets out a sigh, standing up. “i’ll be right back, okay?” even though she knows you won’t say anything she still pauses by the door to gaze back at you. she frowns as she leaves the room, leaving the door open behind her in case something happens.

after about a half an hour the brunette makes her way back into the room carrying a bowl of soup. she sets the bowl down on her nightstand before plopping herself down onto her side of the bed. “y/n/n?” she whispers, pulling your stiff form towards her. she positions the two of you so that you’re laying with your head on her abdomen.

Johanna runs her fingers through your hair as she looks down at you.

you’re staring at the sheets of the bed, your eyes are blank, almost empty. it saddens your girlfriend to see you like this.

“can you eat something for me? i know you haven’t eaten today.” she waits for your response, but none ever comes. “y/n please.” her tone is still soft, she’s trying to be gentle with you but she’s growing frustrated.

Johanna stares down at her girlfriend, a sigh leaving her lips. she pulls herself up, moving you off of her.

she stands by where your head is laying, she hits the bed lightly, “come on, you have to eat.”

“’m not hungry.” she hears you mumble.

she stares down at you, her eyes soft with worry. “just a little bit.” she huffs as she pulls you into a sitting position, sitting herself back down next to you on the bed. your head falls to her shoulder as she grabs the bowl of warm soup.

she stirs the spoon around before pulling it out slowly, moving it towards your mouth. you reluctantly open your mouth, allowing her to spoon-feed you.

Johanna smiles as you eat the soup slowly, “there ya go, beautiful.” she hums, continuing to feed you.

once the bowl is empty she places it back on the nightstand before turning back to you.

a grin overtakes her lips as she feels you snuggle against her shoulder.

you both sit in silence, just letting her hold you.

“i’m sorry.” you whisper after a few moments.

the brunette looks down at you, “you’re sorry?” she questions, “for what?”

“that you have to deal with me.” you stare at your hands as you find yourself playing with the hem of Johanna’s tank-top.

Johanna huffs, “i do not deal with you.” you can practically hear her eye-roll in her words. “hey, hey look at me.” she says, her hand finding its way to your jaw so she can tilt your head up. when your eyes meet she can finally see the tears in yours. “oh, sweet girl..” she whispers.

“i’m sorry.” you mumble again, rubbing at your eye to attempt and make the tears go away.

“i love you, y/n, i do.” she places a kiss to your forehead as she speaks, “you mean the world to me, i don’t- you’re not someone i have to deal with. i choose to take care of you, because i love you and you matter to me.” her fingers are running through your hair as the tears stream down your cheeks, “we take care of each other, y/n, we do. some days are harder than others, i, of all people. understand that.”

“i love you, Jo. thank you.” you whisper. Johanna grins, leaning down to place a soft kiss to your lips.

“wanna come out with me tomorrow? we could have a picnic..” Johanna asks gently, trying to probe you into leaving the bed.

you think for a moment before nodding slowly, “sure..” you hum.

#johanna mason x reader #johanna mason #x reader #imagine #the hunger games

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chaotic-iguana · 10 months

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Hello, I would like to request a story about Joel (no apocalypse) who picking up reader from their workplace. However, as the reader is walking towards the car, she experience a hit-and-run accident or another type of accident (you can choose freely).

Joel, who witnesses the accident becomes extremely panicked and protective during and after reader out the hospital. Joel is deeply traumatized and afraid that something bad might happen to the reader. I need fluff and angst Joel and you are excellent at creating it 🥺💖

thank you anon! you’re so sweet, i really appreciate you and the prompt! im going to make this an installment of the husband! joel verse (introduced in tease)

Borrowed time

Summary: Reader gets hurt, and Joel doesn’t know how to deal with it. (no-outbreak! au)

Wordcount: 1.7K

Pairing: husband joel x f! reader (no use of y/n)

Warning: angst, hurt/comfort, near-death experiences, blood, a little gore, allusions to sex

masterlist

Your car had broken down last week, so Joel had been dropping you off and picking you up from work. You’d resisted at first, suggested walking or cycling or even the bus - all of which had been met with the same incredulous expression etched onto your husband’s face, an eyebrow raised at you in amusement. ‘As if, honey’ was all he’d snark at you before shushing you when you tried to argue about the fact that this would add an hour and a half to his route after dropping Sarah off in the mornings and two hours in the evenings, which felt unsustainable for you since your car was at the mechanic’s garage for the foreseeable future. At that, he’d just huff and mumble something about not minding the extra time with you that much, and your heart would just melt again.

The two of you settled into the new routine fairly quickly; Joel chuckling at your sleepy grumbling in the mornings and getting teased by you when he was grumpier and complaining about his aching back in the evenings. “Too far past your bedtime, old man?”, paired with a shit-eating grin as you watched him scowl and shake his head at you, turning back to the road as his lips twitched ever-so-slightly upwards. Enough for you to make iterations of the same joke every evening, just to watch him fight his smile.

On a seemingly normal thursday morning, you’d been slightly distracted by a meeting you had with your bosses. The board of directors, actually, and the anxiety was practically crippling you by the time Joel was ushering you and Sarah into his truck. There was just so much that could go wrong, but if it went right, it would result in a massive promotion with a pretty nifty raise and four-day work weeks. Which sounds amazing, but you were sure it would feel even better. A whole extra day?

Joel rested a hand on your knee to stop its bouncing, the warmth of his palm seeping through your jeans and immediately crushing the wave of nervousness that had been rising in you. “Look at me, sweetheart. You’re gonna crush it. And ‘f for whatever reason you don’t, we’ll go out an’ watch that movie you’d been wantin’ to, even pig out on icecream after. Whaddya call it? Self-care.” His words made you burst out laughing and lean over to kiss his cheek.

“That actually sounds good. And for the record, I call taking a bubble bath self care, not swallowing five pints of icecream at three am. Like you apparently have the ability to.” He mock-frowned while beaming in the rear-view mirror.

“Technically honeymoons are to learn new things about each other. Plus, we’d been fuckin’ an’ passin’ out with damn near no breaks f’thirty six hours at that point. A man’s gotta have some fuel to keep up with that kinda pace, no?” He snickered as he glanced at you with a pointed look. To be fair, you had, in fact been fucking till you passed out for the first three days of your trip to Italy, and you’d both only realised how hungry you were when neither of you had the energy to leave the bed. It was three am, and for some inconceivable reason, most restaurants had closed. So Joel had walked into the nearest grocery and just gotten 5 huge tubs of icecream and some waterbottles. While it worked great as fuel, you and Joel had been forced to spend two consecutive days holding each others’ hair back and eating proper meals, because as it turns out, eating four meals’ worth of icecream on empty stomachs does not sit well.

“Seemed pretty good at keeping up when you fingered me in a full restaurant just because the waiter asked to get some wine for your missus.” You retorted back, shaking your head at how insatiable he’d been, too. It had taken a whole week for the nearl-feral glint in his eyes while referring to you his wife to fade - even then, not completely.

“Never gonna tire of hearin’ that, you know.” Turning the corner to pull up to your stop, he leaned down for a sweet, slow kiss before leaning back to whisper softly. “You’re gonna do well, baby. You’re the smartest person I’ve ever seen, alright? Don’t you worry about a damn thing.” At your wordless nod, he kissed your forehead. “Go get ‘em, honey.” With nod and a parting greeting, you turn and walked into the building.

After a long but extremely successful day, you rushed out of work the second your phone buzzed with Joel’s message, practically vibrating with the need to give him the good news. Brows furrowing, you scanned your surroundings looking for his truck. You caught his wave out of the corner of your eye and returned it with a breathless laugh, striding in his direction and failing to notice the smudge of black approaching your side rapidly. The last thing you saw before your vision went black was Joel’s wide, panicked eyes and the urgency with which he pushed his door and stumbled out. For a second, it felt like you were in the air, limbs flailing. A second of impact; a sharp pain settling in your right leg, before you were out.

Your eyes heaved open, blurry, and you heaved your head to the side to see Joel holding your hand and stroking your head, tears running down his face. You were lying in the middle of the road, surrounded by a crowd of concerned passengers. Joel’s mouth was moving, but you couldn’t hear him- in fact, you couldn’t hear anything except for a high-pitched tone buzzing in your ear. There was blood on his shirt, and before you could ask whose it was, you noticed it coated your hands, too. Looking down, you caught a glimpse of your thigh, flesh ripped open as bone jut out from its side, just before your eyes rolled back and consciousness slipped from your grasp once again.

When you woke, it took you far too much effort to wrench your eyes open. Blinking against the painfully blinding lights overhead, you opened your mouth to call someone, anyone, to explain where the hell you were and why the beeping coming from next to you was so damn loud. Even your thoughts were lagging, unable to piece together why you were in this room that definitely wasn’t your own. Images of your previous waking moments flashing in your mind, you felt alarm building in your chest as your breath began coming in short gasps. Suddenly, something in your peripheral vision moved and suddenly Joel was here, his large hand cupping your face as he urged you to breathe. It took a minute - maybe even more- for lucidity to return to your rapidly-spiraling mind, but he stayed unwaveringly calm as he held you patiently and waited for you to come back.

“W-“ you wince at the dryness of your throat, at how hoarse your voice sounds from lack of use. “What happened?” You tried again, clearing your throat this time. Joel’s soft eyes met yours, lips turned downwards in a frown.

“Fuckin’ idiot drivin’ a car was on his phone, texting when you started crossin’ the road. Bastard didn’t see ya, and one second you were smilin’ so sweet at me, an’ by the next you were on the floor, bone stickin’ outta your thigh. Closest I’ve ever been to a heart attack.” You could fear fraying at the edges of his voice as you moved your hand up to hold his, cradling it to your cheek. “Asshole drove away, too. Didn’t even get his number plate ‘cause I was so fuckin’ scared for you.” He looked away, tears filling his eyes.

Reaching out to stroke his jaw, you nudged him to look at you again. “‘M sorry, honey. Should have been more careful. Think I would have gone crazy if I ever had to see you like that.” You murmured, feeling your heart break at seeing Joel this scared, this frantic. He shook his head.

“Not your fault, baby. None ‘f it, ya hear me? ‘M just so glad you’re okay. Rest up, sweetheart, you need it right now.” You nod, kissing the back of his hand as you lean back in your bed.

The next few days in the hospital go by in a blur, Joel refusing to leave your side for a single minute. His hand is always somewhere on you: holding yours, stroking your face, your hair. Sarah hadn’t come in at your request; you hadn’t wanted her to see you in a hospital bed, unable to move much. When the time to get discharged rolled around, Joel seemed even tenser, his grip on you tighter. It took some time for you to get the cast taken off, which on one hand was an extreme relief, it also meant that you now had to attend regular physiotherapy sessions to regain full mobility.

The real adjustment, however, was the way Joel would straighten and tense up any time you left home after that. The way he grabbed your hand when you crossed streets; accompanying you even to the pharmacy down the block. At first, it irked you. Then, you realised what he had been through. If the roles had been reversed, you’d want to accompany him everywhere too. His fear was very real and very valid - one of his worst nightmares had just taken place in front of him, afterall, and if all he needed to feel a bit better was to walk you to places you needed to go, then you’d indulge him for as long as it took for him to realise that you were safe.

It lasted a few months, but as you returned to normal, so did he. Your car came back from the garage, but Joel still drove you. Not because of his fear, or because he had to, but just to revel in that extra hour he got out of it. He’d learned that time was precious, and he wanted to spend every conceivable second of his with you and Sarah.

hello loves, as always - thank you for reading. comment your thoughts or find me on ao3. stay hydrated and have a great day! taglist: @imherefordeanandbones @theywhowriteandknowthings, @josephquinnswhore AMAZING dividers by @cafekitsune!! absolute god who makes amazing dividers for free!

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juvenillia · 8 months

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~ Death of Peace of Mind ~ Masterlist

Simon 'Ghost' Riley x fem!Reader

photo credits go to very talented @ave661

Summary: After the traumatic past that comes with the job of being a soldier, you change your aspects and ideals. The only bad thing is that there are suddenly four men that totally turn your point of view and things starting to get out of your so well beloved control. Especially one masked man to be honest.

Disclaimer: NonCanon! Even when a few things from the remake timeline did happen. Things can easily get changed or carried away through the story or seem a bit off. If I step a line pls reach out to me and educate me. English isn't my first language, and almost nothing here will be beta read.

A/N: I’m just a needy gremlin for this man, and my weakness is damn slow burn strangers/enemies to lovers 》 Concept post 《 This will be mostly reader inserted but also contains aspects of OC. You'll get a last name, a past and stuff. Hope you don't mind. If you have any idea of improvements and stuff, just reach out. Won't bite.

CW/TW: I'll always give proper warnings before each chapter, but to mention a few: canon violence, mentions of death, loss, guilt, cursing, ptsd, trauma, jealousy, toxic relationships, angst, self-harm, smut, noncon, and more

Songs: Sleep Token - Rain | Bad Omens - Death of Peace of Mind

Status: ongoing | started 13.09.23

Read on AO3 | Last update 11.04.2024 | new chapters irregular, but I keep updating

chapter index:

00: tired [prologue]

01: news

02: too close

03: friends

04: bonding

05: defeat

06: start

07: names

08: dreams

09: change

10: time

11: silence

12: wait

13: call

14: weak

15: teasing

16: lieutenant

17: complicated

18: casual

19: luck

20: cold

21: broken

22: shadow

23: trust

24: lie

Tba

taglist: open

@yyiikes @saffronimagines @originaldeerhottub @illuminwtesz @killergoddess97 @kaelaiscool @spiritndrain @anothersimpsblog @backupgal @hungryhungariann @victoriazynui @ohworm-writes

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murmiss · 1 month

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Headcanons about Yandere Simulator!COD.

Simon "Ghost" Riley

Warning: mention of suicide, mention of alcohol, drugs, mental problems, possibly traumatic moments, etc. My personal vision of the character. OOC?

I think he's perfect for the role of Yandere.

His childhood was disgustingly shitty, and you can't blame him for that.

Born into a dysfunctional family, Simon was doomed to a hard life from childhood. His father was a drunk, a bloody alcoholic who prided himself on being able to drink for weeks and stay on his feet. A dirty man, with filthy and sadistic tendencies taken out on those closest to him. A freak who broke everyone he knew, trampling on his own son, turning the poor child into an unwilling broken doll.

Simon remembered those lonely nights in the old shed next to the house, cluttered with trash and rusty tools, like it was yesterday. The cold wind blew through the cracks between the boards, leaving goosebumps on Simon's skin and forcing him to pull his legs tighter together, curling up in a ball to keep warm. A night in the old barn was Mr. Riley's favorite punishment, a man crashing home after another rave binge to find out his son had gotten an F in school? Late for first period? Or maybe spent his pocket money on some silly comic book? - no matter what, Simon will fly instantly to the Locked Shed. No matter what happened, Simon was always drawn to his older brother, who, unfortunately, wasn't as good as his younger brother would have liked. Tommy was a jerk, that bad boy in high school who publicly cursed the teacher, broke the toilet faucet, and did stupid things. But the dumbest thing in Tommy's life was drugs - this jerk decided to prove once again to everyone that he was cool, not realizing that very soon this addiction would consume him, like everyone else who once got addicted. And Simon hovered between two fires, like a child dreaming of a normal family, like a son who had never seen his father smile and never heard praise. And the mother? Mrs. Riley-a dandelion of God, withering rapidly in her husband's dirty hands. She was a beautiful woman, the only person in that family who cared about Simon, and he loved her immensely, and still does. Mrs. Riley died when Simon was 14. It was a cold Sunday morning when a loud gunshot rang out, waking Simon from his sleep. Feeling an animal fear, he rushed to the sound, recognizing a sight that forever shattered his poor mind. On September 6, Mrs. Riley shot herself in the temple.Haunted by her husband's nightmares and torture, she couldn't take any more of this abusive behavior, couldn't watch her firstborn wither under drugs, couldn't see Simon hurt.But her act didn't make it better, hell, that kind of thing never makes anything better. After that day, Simon withdrew more than ever. Hitting his father was nothing, hunger was nothing, being forced to kiss a poisonous snake was a challenge.

Simon grew up, and with it grew his hatred and repressed aggression towards his father.One day in a club Simon watched his father attack a poor girl. She simply refused to spend the night with him and the drunkard, not confused, began to beat her as if he were a wrestler in the ring Simon could not do anything, just as he could not save his mother, stop his father's beatings or convince Tommy that drugs are evil. And he didn't understand why his father wasn't in jail. They'd find the girl, but when they did, no one would really care what happened. The freak always gets away with it.

After the death of his mother, Simon was forced to work part-time at the local machine shop. Old man Carson was happy to help the neighbor boy, so he took him into his shop as an assistant without any questions or demands. Yes, and Simon was a handy and understanding guy.

Simon started out washing cars, and after working like that for half a year, he was promoted to Carson's apprentice: the old man explained and taught the boy mechanics, letting him stay up late reading books about cars.

The old man was able to replace Simon's father, teaching the teenager simple things necessary for basic survival. For example, Simon, at 16, learned how to fix some appliances and how to use tools. But Mrs. Carson had already taught Simon cooking, laundry, and household chores, and he, as a bright boy, grasped everything on the fly. Simon noticed Mr. and Mrs. Carson had a son, which they never had, for unfortunately Paula Carson was barren.

Simon lived as a two-family household, mostly spending his days at his mentor's house, but when his father began to rage and throw himself at the neighbor's door, Simon would return, falling asleep again in his little room.

The work in the workshop brought quite a good income and Simon, having entered the desired college, was even able to rent a small apartment on the outskirts of the city, and finally moved out of his home, so as not to see this den, and not to put, in Simon's opinion, the family of his mentor in danger.

The old man Carson told him fatherly: "Simon, you'll be happy when you find love. Simon thought so, but he couldn't imagine what that love looked like. He couldn't believe it would happen someday, not just pass him by like it always did.

But one day that day has come. First day of college, Simon is walking toward the auditorium when a stranger suddenly sweeps him off his feet like a small tornado. It was just a moment when he looked into your eyes-- He felt like he was going to drown in them. The way your eyelashes fluttered as you stood there, rubbing your forehead after the blow and babbling something, was in his head. From that day on, he couldn't imagine his life if you weren't there for him.

"Finally, I'll be happy."

But is this how it's going to be? Simon can't contain his anger at seeing you talking sweetly to some cocky kid in the back of the class. And the voice in Simon's head whispered sweetly: "eliminate."

#call of duty #ghost cod #simon ghost riley #simon ghost riley x reader #tf 141 x reader #poly tf141 #fanfic #headcanon

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randoimago · 8 months

Note

May I please request Gwen, Peter B, Pavitar, and Hobie reacting to their S/O(and if I may ask, best friend instead of S/O for Peter pls) being turned into their universe's version of the spot pls?

Please go light on the angst if that's how you wanna write it, otherwise I look forward to your ideas especially for a new fandom because your writing is great!

S/O Becoming Their Version of The Spot

Fandom: Spiderverse

Character(s): Gwen, Peter B, Pavitar, and Hobie

Type of Request: Headcanons

Note(s): I'll do my best to go light with angst, but some of these characters (Gwen mostly) will have some angst!

Gwen

Oh boy does she feel a lot of conflicting emotions when she sees you and what you've turned into. First thing, it's the PTSD from her Peter at seeing that you somehow turned into this. And then it's guilt because, was she the cause of your transformation? Did she fail to save you?

The most conflicting feeling she has is what she's going to do. If the Spider Society learns about your abilities, then what if they want you destroyed or something to stop anomalies? No way in hell is she going to let that happen, but she's also afraid of what might happen if there is no other choice with saving you.

So, for now, she tries to help you with your powers. She tries to see what you both can do to try and gain some control with them. She can't and she won't lose you. That's not even an option to her.

Hobie

Well, your powers would make it a lot easier to break into corrupt government buildings to trash the place.

Joking aside, of course he's worried, but he doesn't think any good will come from showing that he's worried. So he's pushing that aside and thinking up ways to help you. He's seen what Miles' spot did, so now it's time to see what you both can do to prevent that.

Honestly, it's a bit annoying how cool and calm he is about the fact that you're opening holes all over the place. But hey, it's part of the learning process. If you break his things, then it just shows how punk you are (might actually be a bit peeved if his guitar got broken tho).

Pavitr

A very chaotic mix of "Don't worry, we'll fix it!" and "Oh my god, are you okay?!" He tries to be upbeat and optimistic about your condition with you, but he can't help worrying because he's seen what could potentially happen.

Tries not to make it obvious that he's constantly eyeing you, but he's constantly eyeing you to make sure you're okay. Don't even give him the "I'm fine" stuff because he's worried like a mother hen. Even if you are legitimately fine, he still thinks you're putting a brave face on for him.

He does get over his worry but that's when you're the one to help calm him down. After that, he takes several deep breaths and you two get to work with figuring out how to help you.

Peter

Yeah, so no offense but you're not allowed to babysit Mayday like that. He understands if you glare at him, it was a bad joke. Hiding behind jokes due to traumatic events is his specialty.

Will sit down with you and ask what happened, how it happened, and how you can fix it. Serious Peter is on because you're his friend and there's no way he's not going to try and help reverse this.

In the meantime, while he puts his super smart science skills to work, you're going to experiment with your powers. Just little things, but he wants to make sure you can control the basics just to be on the safe side.

#tw arachnophobia #arachnophobia tw #spiderverse x reader #gwen stacy x reader #hobie brown x reader #pavitr prabhakar x reader #peter b parker x reader

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foreverdolly · 1 year

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𝐅𝐀𝐊𝐄 𝐃𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐩𝐭 𝟑| 𝐛𝐨𝐬𝐬!𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐧 𝐛𝐮𝐭𝐥𝐞𝐫 𝐱 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

summary: you absolutely can't stand your boss. after one bad run in with him, you decide that he's office enemy number one. so when your mother breaks the news that your ex boyfriend is bringing his new fiancé to your sister's wedding as his plus one, you lie and tell her you'll be bringing your very own boyfriend along with you to greece. the problem? you don't actually have a boyfriend. so when austin butler, your arch nemesis of a boss, offers to be your fake boyfriend, you have to take him up on it. greece is a beautiful place to fall in love, no?

pairings: boss!austin butler x reader

word count: 6k

warnings/notes: !SMUT IN NEXT CHAPTER! this chapter does mention nonconsensual drug usage, so be warned! austin is a bad ass in this chapter. . . and even hotter than usual, i swear. there's just something so sexy about a protective man, ya'll.

↰ previous part | next part ↱

“No, no- I can tell.” Emily’s lips brushed against your ear as she leaned forward, the music pounding from the countless overhead speakers. You could feel the techno beat in your chest, and it was hard to differentiate between the music and your own racing pulse. The dance floor was absolutely packed with bodies, all pressed together, swaying along to the beat. You were having a hard time remembering which club this was or when you had gotten there. Your sister had wanted to go bar hopping, so her maid of honor had reserved a table at a couple of the more popular joints in the city.

You looked down at the drink in your hand, shaking it sadly once you realized all that remained of it was ice. How many drinks have you had? What did you and the rest of the wedding party eat for dinner? It was like you had finally pulled your head out of the drunken haze and grounded yourself.

“Um. . . What exactly-”

“I see the way he looks at you and the way you look at him. I know you’re over Alex.” Your sister was slurring her words, but she seemed competent enough.

Your older sister was a tad bit taller than you, but always has had the tolerance of a sixty year old Irishman- who just so happened to also be a sailor. She could drink anyone under the table. Emily was the type of person that wanted to take shots before choosing to nurse a drink. There was no such thing as “working your way up to it” whilst in her presence. Slowly you turned back around to look at the dance floor, your eyes nearly bugging out of your head as you watched Stephanie, Emily’s childhood best friend, climb up onto the bar. Emily cheered loudly from her spot at the table, and you watched with a slack jaw as she began dancing drunkenly. You had half the mind to get your phone out of your purse, but you didn’t want to embarrass her later. She was a pediatric nurse, and you doubted she’d look back on this night too fondly tomorrow morning.

“Wait. . . why are we talking about Alex?” You were confused as to how you both got on the topic. To be completely honest, even the thought of the man panicked you. No matter how many years passed, you would never forget how Alex had traumatized you. It wasn’t that you wanted to get back with him, rather it was the countless complexes he had triggered. He had broken you into a million little pieces and left you like that for the next person to try and put you back together.

Austin.

What had you been blabbering about? Had you let something slip? Surely you hadn’t “spilled the beans” about the fact that you and Austin were just colleagues. You weren’t that drunk. You slapped your palms down onto the table, watching your sister intently as she pumped her fists into the air, showing Stephanie’s drunken display support. You needed to get her attention. You needed to know whether or not you’d somehow fucked up massively tonight.

“E-Em!” You called out to her anxiously. She faced you, glossy lips parted.

“Somebody just sobered up,” She shot you a knowing smile before taking a gulp of her brightly colored beverage. “I was just checking up on you. I know that seeing Alex after so long was probably really upsetting, but you told me that you were completely over him. And hey! I definitely don’t blame you. I mean. . . just look at him and Austin. There’s no comparison.”

She was right. Alex looked like someone had tried to draw Ryan Reynolds from memory.

Blindfolded.

And drunk.

Austin was a work of art. You tried to beat off the butterflies, but they continued fluttering away in your chest as you came to the realization that later tonight the two of you would see each other again.

Sleep next to each other again.

Ah, now the butterflies had turned into slight nausea. You scooped an ice cube out of your drink and popped it into your mouth, thankful for anything that might help with your current case of dry mouth.

“It’s not just his looks though, Emily.” You reminded her.

She seemed to be on a tangent though, her eyebrows furrowed as she recalled how much she disliked her soon to be brother-in-law. “I mean. . . He must have felt like absolute shit when he walked in and saw Austin all over you. He probably cried himself to sleep that night.”

You weren’t self righteous enough to be opposed to shit talking. At least, not about people who deserved it. You let out a loud laugh, nearly choking on the ice cube as you pressed your face into your sister’s neck. She laughed right along with you, giving a small shrug that you felt.

“I mean- come on! His fiance is nice, but she’s nowhere near as hot as you either. It’s sad! I almost feel bad for the guy. You and Austin look like supermodels standing next to each other,” She saw the incredulous look you gave her and gave your back a supportive pat. “I’m being serious.”

It was sad that you really couldn’t be upfront with Emily about your newfound feelings. You could really use some sisterly advice right about now. She thought that the two of you had been together for over six months, when in reality you two had spent an entire year tossing insults at one another.

You understood where she was coming from. Austin was beautiful, but that wasn’t the best part. Austin was a surprisingly sensitive person who genuinely seemed to care about you and your feelings. He was intune with your emotions, and never tried to pry information out of you. Because let’s face it, you weren’t the type of person that was upfront with their feelings. You had been hurt so many times in the past that you found it hard to express yourself in fear of rejection. Austin had patience, and he didn’t look at you like you were some kind of a project.

You weren’t someone that he could fix. You were just you.

And he. . . he was just Austin. Nerdy, infuriatingly perfect, socially awkward, and surprisingly protective Austin Butler.

You stood up abruptly, making your sister blink up at you in surprise. “Are you gonna throw up? Need me to come with you?”

You shook your head, reaching down for your purse so that you could grab your phone. “I just want to go outside and check on Sophia.” You’d texted back and forth a little once you had first landed in Greece, but you hadn’t filled her in on any of the details. You needed someone to talk to. Now. Or else you were positive that you’d explode. Emily’s eyebrows furrowed, but she shooed you off regardless, standing up herself so that she could join her friends.

“I’m gonna grab another drink. We’ll be on the dance floor, alright?” She called out to you once you were on your way towards the front door.

Pushing through the tightly packed crowd of people reminded you of why you didn’t party anymore. There was a period of time in your early twenties where you went out constantly with your friends. That toxic cycle repeated itself directly after your big break up as well. You were at a different bar every weekend, drowning your sorrows in alcohol and meaningless sexual escapades that you regretted immediately after. Adulthood was growing out of all of that. You’d much rather stay the night at Sophia’s house so that the two of you could get wine drunk while watching reruns of Vampire Diaries.

You gulped down the cool night air, pressing your back tightly against the cool brick building, your eyes flickering up and down the street to make sure that no one you knew was in sight before hitting the “call” button. You’d have no one to blame but yourself if anyone overheard you talking about the complexities of your own lies. The familiar voice picked up on the second ring, seemingly out of breath from running from her cubicle and into the stairwell. You could hear the familiar echo as she hurriedly spoke into the phone.

“You haven’t called me since you got there. What’s going on?” Sophia’s voice was rushed and slightly out of breath, though she was keeping her voice as low as she possibly could.

For a second all you could do was stand there, licking your lips as you tried to wrack your brain for some sort of response. How in the holy hell were you supposed to fill her in on everything that happened? You worried your bottom lip between your teeth before finally deciding to spill your guts.

“I think Austin and I are officially dating, but I’m not certain.” There was silence on the other end, and if it wasn’t for the heavy breathing, you would have thought that she might have accidentally hung up on you.

“I-I think I must have missed a couple of chapters here. What in the ever loving fuck has happened in the last twenty four hours, babe?”

After making sure that the coast was clear once again, you told your friend the entire story, being sure not to leave any details out. You started off with the confusing plane ride, the awkward lunch with your parents, and then the goddamn dinner where the two of you kissed. Sophia kept quiet, save for a couple of gasps and squeals of excitement.

“A-And now I’m at this club with my sister, drunk off of my ass, and all I want to do is see him.”

“I knew this was going to happen.” She said smugly, the shock of the statement nearly putting you on your ass. You stumbled forward, the heels of your boot catching on one of the uneven stones on the street. You were quick to throw your arm out, placing your hand against the brick building so that you wouldn’t fall forward onto your face.

“What do you mean?” You gawked, trying to make room for other patrons of the club who stepped outside for some fresh air and a cigarette. One handsome man with stubble and kind brown eyes gestured his own pack of smokes towards you, which you swiftly denied with a kind smile.

“I mean. . .” Sophie trailed off before cursing softly under her breath. “For the love of all things holy- there is no way you couldn’t see this coming. I’ve been telling you for the past six months that he has to like you. It took the poor man telling you point blank “I like you” for you to finally realize? There’s been rumors about you two dating ever since he first started working at the office.”

You had detested Austin for the better part of six months. Never once had you read too far into anyone else’s little comments about the nature of your relationship with the boss. If anything, you thought that it was a way for them to poke fun at you, Sophie included. Now it was as if someone had pulled the wool from your eyes, the truth laid bare in front of you.

Austin Butler, your boss, has had a thing for you this entire time. You were just too stubborn and blinded by your own personal vendetta to see it. You felt like an idiot.

“I mean. . . should I call him? Maybe I should-”

“Tourist?” You blinked up at the man speaking to you, eyebrows knit together in confusion as you realized that it was the same guy that had offered you cigarettes just a minute ago. You were in the middle of having a mental breakdown and didn’t appreciate the interruption.

“Hey, who is that talking to you?” Sophie whispered on the other end of the line.

“Some guy at the club. Hold on one second.” You whispered into the phone before pivoting to fully face him.

He wasn’t bad looking. If anything he was a very conventionally attractive male. Someone you definitely would have loved to talk to normally- however nothing was normal anymore. Austin must have ruined you, because the very handsome man in front of you appeared to be average at best now. You weren’t about to ruin your shot at happiness by chatting him up, so you were quick to cross the arm that wasn’t holding your cell to your ear against your chest, closing off your body language.

I’m not interested.

“I’m not a tourist, no. My parents live here.” You weren’t about to let the man know that you were largely unfamiliar with the area you were in. You had seen enough episodes of Forensic Files and Dateline to know better. You said a silent ‘thank you’ to Chris Hansen before narrowing your eyes at him.

You were many things, but you weren’t gullible. You lived in New York City for heaven’s sake. There were few things in life that you trusted less than a man, and the predatory glint in his eyes didn’t go unnoticed by you. Taking a few steps back so that you could flatten yourself against the brick wall of the club, you tried your best to put even more distance between your two bodies. After a few seconds he appeared to give up, flashing you a small smile before disappearing back into the building. You let out a small aggravated huff before pressing the phone back to your ear.

“Anyway- I’ll just call you tomorrow, alright? I know you’re at work.” After a mumbled ‘I love you’ and a whispered ‘goodluck’ on her part, you hung up the phone.

Being out in the open like this was slightly terrifying. You were used to living in the city, and rule number one of being a girl was to never allow yourself to be alone like this. Anyone could snatch you, and you weren’t about to become yet another statistic. The constant pulsing of the music vibrated in your ears as you pushed past the hot, sweaty bodies that crowded the dancefloor. A few women tried to grab at your clothes, urging you to dance with them, while men simply smiled or nodded in your direction. An idiot’s mating call.

You continued off in the direction of your sister, seeing her warm, drunken smile beaming at you from across the club. You shot her a small wave before pointing a thumb towards the bar. You needed another drink. Gone were the days of being a habitual drinker. You were freshly twenty-one, finally able to go out with your friends and party until dawn. That was back when you were still with Alex, and though he sullied a lot of memories that should have been joyous during your youth (purely because he was a part of them), you didn’t let him ruin the memories of those nights. Sloppily singing karaoke with your college roommate until dawn and falling asleep with her on the couch while watching reruns of “I Love Lucy”.

New York, despite the unending stretch of niche bars and taverns, didn’t inspire a need to drink in you. You’d gotten too old for partying by the time that you had moved out of your hometown.

You’d mellowed out in your mid twenties, which was a feat that you were proud of. Tonight, however, you were planning on getting absolutely shit faced. You tried to convince yourself that it was to celebrate your sister’s wedding, but you knew deep down that you needed to numb yourself from the confusion that the last two days had brought you. It was also to dull the longing ache in your chest. You missed Austin.

Missed him and his stupid wavy blonde hair and big blue eyes. Missed his small smiles and sarcastic jilts.

Oh, how the tables had turned on you over these last two days. To think- just last week you had nearly clawed your eyes out over the fact that you had to sit beside him during one of the monthly meetings that Jeff held. Back then you had seen the glances that he snuck at you as judgemental, but now you saw them for what they really were.

A man that had a crush on a woman that he worked in very close quarters with.

“Can I just get a tequila sunrise?” It wasn’t your normal drink of choice, but the cocktail menu at that specific club was tiny. You weren’t exactly in the mood to be picky either.

The pretty bartender merely nodded her head, asking for the name that your tab was under before skillfully mixing your drink. Out of the corner of your eye you could see the man that had approached you outside making his own way to the bar. His arm brushed against yours as he squeezed through the small gap in the crowd. You grimaced, moving your arm closer into your side before grabbing your drink. You turned your head in the direction of your sister, but froze as he smiled at you one last time.

“I promise I’m not following you. Just grabbing a beer- you have a good night.” He told you gently, flashing the beer as if to prove it.

You instantly felt guilty for your behavior, realizing that he must have seen the way you recoiled from him. He probably just found you pretty and wanted to try his luck. It wasn’t uncommon to bump into the same people multiple times, especially if you’re spending hours in the same building. Maybe the city had ruined you. Maybe you were just overreacting. You nodded stiffly, flashing him a small smile of your own.

“Thank you. You too.” And then you were off in the direction of your sister.

The next few minutes were a blur. You remembered taking three sips of the drink, just listening to your sister and her maid of honor talk about the honeymoon. The world felt like it was tipping out from underneath you. You tried your damndest to listen to what the two girls were saying, you were too preoccupied with what was happening to your body. Did you just have a horrible case of the spins?

No. . . you’d been pacing yourself all night. That couldn’t be right. Sure, you hadn’t drank to this degree in a couple of months, but you knew your limits. This certainly wasn’t your first rodeo.

“What do you think? Your outfits are always adorable, so I care about your opinion.” Your sister turned to face you, beaming widely.

“I liked the red shoes you sent me a picture of,” You had to force the words out of your mouth. It felt like you were wading through water, your eyes becoming heavy lidded. “Matches better with the dress.”

You placed a steadying hand on the table in front of you, eyes wide when you realized that something wasn’t right.

“. . . Honey? Are you okay? Hey- sis. . . look at me,” Your sister grabbed your cheeks in her hand, marveling at your flushed cheeks and panicked eyes. “What’s wrong?”

It sounded like Emily was miles away despite the fact that she was now pressed right up against you, pushing your hair back and off of your face to get a better look at you. The lights were too bright, the music was too loud, and you couldn’t speak. Your tongue felt thick and numb in your mouth.

You opened and closed your mouth a few times before shaking your head. Your sister knew you well enough to understand that whatever was happening to you. . . it was bad.

Emily reached into your purse, riffling through it to find your phone.

“I’m going to call Austin to come get you, okay? Just hang on, girl. Do you need to puke?” She looked through your texts, clicking on the number saved under the name “Austin Mc-jackass” and putting the phone up to her ear. Thankfully she was too nervous to ask about the nickname.

You groaned softly, your head lolling back onto the plush pleather booth.

“Austin? Hey- it’s Emily. We’ve got a bit of a problem.”

“What all has she had to drink?” He questioned quickly, sliding into the booth so that he could wrap an arm around your slumping shoulders, pressing your body against his.

The way that you were entirely limp in his arms was a huge red flag, and it had his heart leaping to his throat. He’d drunk enough in his college years to know that this wasn’t normal behavior, even if you had pushed past your limits. Emily’s eyes were wide with concern as she tried to recall every drink that she’d seen in your hand over the course of the night. Sure, you couldn’t drink as much as she could, but just ten minutes ago the two of you had been deep in conversation. You were perfectly coherent before this last drink of yours.

“Two mixed drinks and three shots. That’s no-”

“Nowhere near enough to have her acting like this,” Austin finished for her, nodding his head in swift agreement before turning his head to face you. “It’s got to be something else then.”

You could barely keep your eyes open, and your head kept lolling forward. His heart was racing a mile a minute, and before he could stop himself he placed a warm, comforting kiss against the bridge of your nose, and mumbling a quick “I’m sorry I didn’t get here sooner” against your temple. He needed to stay calm and try not to think the worst.

“Did you see her take anything?” Austin knew that you weren’t the sort of person that would do heavy drugs, not even on a night out in a foreign city. He tried to recall if he’d seen any medications in your travel bag that might be dangerous to mix with alcohol, but came up blank. He’d never seen you take anything at work before either, aside for some antibiotics a few months ago when you had gotten sick. He felt a little bit stalkerish for remembering something as trivial as that, though he supposed it would be useful eventually.

Emily was quick to shake her head, eyebrows furrowing. “She wouldn’t have taken anything. You know her- she’s a control freak. Party drugs aren’t her thing.” The blonde could tell that your sister was trying hard to sober up to better take care of you, and was growing frustrated with herself as her words came out slurred.

Austin attempted to shoot her a small smile, one that felt incredibly fake given his internal panic, when something on the table caught his eye. A half empty drink was on the table in front of you, the ice not melted even in the slightest- it couldn’t be more than twenty minutes old.

“When did she get this drink?” He asked, pointing at it.

Emily turned her own focus to the drink, looking over Austin’s shoulder towards the bar. She pointed towards the female bartender who was currently taking care of a large crowd of patrons.

“Fifteen minutes ago.”

Austin nodded. “And when did she start acting like this?”

Emily’s eyes widened as she finally realized what Austin had been thinking all along. Despite her drunkenness she was still quick to put two and two together. The music continued to pound away at the speakers. Someone popped a bottle of champagne in the booth beside them, and Austin grit his teeth in annoyance as the group of friends cheered. He detested places like this. He slipped the glasses from off of his head, placing it down on the table before reaching for the drink.

He brought it up to his nose, sniffing the liquid to see if anything smelled out of place. It was one of those sugary, flavored cocktails that he found absolutely repugnant. It smelled like pineapples, tequila and. . . something chemically.

Something that sure as hell didn’t belong in a tequila sunrise.

He set the glass down on the table with enough force to have the liquid spilling over his hand, his blue eyes burning with rage.

“She’s been drugged,” He was shaking now, his arm tightening around your body as you tried hard to say something. You were mumbling, forcing your eyes open so that you could try and talk to them. You knew that they needed to know who had done it, and you had a pretty good idea, but the words weren’t coming out.

Everything looked blurry, and you forgot what you were trying to say the second that you opened your mouth. Austin, underneath all of that anger, was terrified for you as you continued to babble. He couldn’t remember a time in his life where he had felt this level of panic. He was shaking as he clung to you, long fingers tangling into the fabric of your shirt.

“Who was it, baby? Tell me who you think did this.” He was patient with you, holding the back of your neck so that you could look up at him.

You couldn’t even hold the weight of your own head. You felt pathetic.

“Blue shirt,” He was having to pick out certain words, almost as though he was listening to a toddler speak. “Brunette.” That was just about everyone in this place. He began searching the area, picking out certain brunette men wearing blue shirts on the packed dance floor that might look a bit sleazier than others.

None of them caught Austin’s eye- not until one of them turned around, looking directly at you. It was obvious that he wasn’t people-watching either, knowing exactly where you were sitting so that he could stare. Meaning- he’d had his eye on you throughout the night and knew where your booth was. Austin, without tearing his eyes off of the man, ushered Emily closer.

“You wrap her arms around her and keep her sitting up. If anyone comes up to talk to you two, even if they work here, turn them away. Alright?”

Only once he felt your sister’s arm weaseling past his around your waist did he let go of you, standing up from the booth and making his way down the steps. He wanted to beat the man to a pulp and leave it at that. Toss him out into some back alley so that his friends could find him later in the light of day, but that didn’t seem like enough. Austin used to be that kind of guy. The kind of guy that resorted to violence the second that someone even looked at him wrong. The death of his mother had mellowed him out though. Changed him. Beating the creep up would feel really good, but it wouldn’t help in the long run.

He was sure that the local police wouldn’t take kindly to men slipping unsuspecting tourists daterape drugs. He could threaten the asshole’s life later. Right now he had to jump into action. You were still incapacitated at the booth, and he doubted that Emily was strong enough to fight off a man. He could still try and drag you outside and to whatever car he had no doubt waiting for him.

Over Austin’s dead body.

He didn’t doubt that this wasn’t the guy’s first time doing something like this. Austin was there to protect you, but most girls didn’t have that. Something needed to be done.

He was quick to push past people in line at the bar, not bothering to mumble apologies before leaning over, ushering over the female bartender. She started to glare at him, thinking he was just some impatient asshole cutting in line, but the hard look on her face fell once she saw his anger. His urgency.

“Someone just slipped rohypnol into my girlfriend's drink at your bar,” The girl’s tanned complexion paled, the glitter on her face catching the overhead neon lights as she looked around the handsome blonde towards the booths.

She must have seen you because she quickly grabbed his hand, pulling him around the bar and towards a small door with a large sign that said “staff only”. The music quieted as the heavy door shut behind them. She dropped his hand so that she could jog towards a group of men who were sitting in a far corner. Austin appreciated how quickly she was acting on this.

The men were sitting in front of a few computer monitors, speaking lowly to one another in a language that Austin didn’t understand.

The girl’s accent was thick as she breathily called their names.

“A girl was drugged at the bar. I need you to call the cops and check the cameras.” Before they could ask where it had happened, she added to the story. “I’m the one that served her.”

Austin thanked the bartender before pointing towards the door. “She’s with her sister, and I don’t want to leave them alone. I’m going to get her home, but I’ll give you my cellphone number if the officers need some sort of statement from us.” And after jotting down his information on a sticky note the man began to hurriedly make his way back into the heart of the club.

The blonde had helped to pay his way through college working in bars back home in California. Most of the time he worked the door and security given his tall stature, and thankfully he’d only seen something like this happen a handful of times during those years. Still, he knew that it was a far more common occurrence than most people would expect. His eyes scanned the dark room skillfully, trying to find the face of the man that he suspected. After just a few seconds he realized that he was no longer inside, having tucked his tail between his legs and ran the second that he noticed Austin was probably getting help. Turning on the heels of his boots Austin jogged his way to the door, pushing past other club goers to peek his head outside.

There, in the distance, was the man in the blue shirt. He wasn’t alone- there was one other guy who was so small that he could probably still be in his teens walking alongside him. He didn’t dare call out to them, not wanting to give them the opportunity to run. Instead Austin clung to the darkened stoops of the local shops, his arms swinging beside him as he ran. Maybe it was the fact that he had been stuck with Alex all day that had him rearing for a fight. The man-child had been taking little jabs at him all night, and Austin was smart enough to know that he was being baited. He was being backed into a corner, and the second that he snapped?

Well he’d look like the asshole territorial boyfriend.

He hadn’t deluded himself into thinking that he was here for any other reason aside from playing the part of a doting new beau, and the last thing he wanted to do was make himself look bad in fear that it would fall back on you somehow. He was here to make you look good, not like you were being held hostage.

“Hey,” Austin grabbed the back of the man’s shirt, watching as the male whipped around to face him. The small male that he was with froze, knowing exactly where this conversation was going. “So you think it’s cool to drug a girl’s drink?”

The brunette bristled, sizing Austin up before turning his chin up. Recognition flashed in his eyes, having seen Austin taking care of you at the booth just a few minutes ago before trying to find help.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” The male tried, taking a step back to free himself from Austin’s grip.

The tall blonde didn’t relent, instead tightening his hold on the cotton fabric.

“I knew that you had to be fucking stupid to try something like that, but there’s no way you’re this dumb. She pointed you out to me- and we have you on camera slipping the drug into her drink. Are you ready to confess now or did you just want to make yourself look like an even bigger asshole?” The brunette’s olive skin paled.

Sure, Austin hadn’t actually seen the footage yet, but the other male’s reaction told him everything that he needed to know. His assumption had been correct. He tried not to imagine exactly what he would have done with you if you hadn’t been there with an entire group, because Austin wasn’t sure whether or not he would be able to keep his calm. He had to remind himself that you were safe and with him now. He had to settle the icy rage that was threatening to overcome his rational mind.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought,” Austin spoke through clenched teeth, tugging him closer to him. “You’re coming with me and waiting for the cops.”

Now that they were practically nose to nose, the height and size difference was beginning to settle in for the bastard. Despite that, he still tried to wrench himself out of Austin’s grip.

At the mere mention of police, the smaller of the two ran off into the night, disappearing around a building. He wasn’t the one that really mattered though.

The more that he struggled, the looser Austin’s grip became. Austin could feel the shirt beginning to rip, and let go only to slide his arm up and around the man’s throat, using his other hand to hold his wrist in place. The perpetrator bucked and kicked- even clawed at Austin’s arms- which only made him tighten his grip even harder.

“If I have to drag your unconscious body back over towards that club, I fucking will. It’ll be embarrassing for you, bud.” He spoke into the guy's ear, already hearing a crowd beginning to gather around them.

Two bouncers from the club broke through the crowd, calling out to Austin to hand him over to them. That the cops were going to be there soon. He could hear the sirens somewhere in the city, getting closer and closer by the second. Austin only loosened his grip when he felt a hand on his shoulder. With a great amount of self restraint he let go, taking a few steps back from the man.

Austin could easily take advantage of the perpetrators weakened state, what with his hands being braced on his knees as he gasped for breath, but the blonde merely took a few deep breaths and made his way back in the direction of the club. He could have beaten the fucker up. He could have had his fun with the guy until the cops showed up, but the thought of you being scared and on the verge of losing consciousness made him walk back into the club in search of you.

He felt like everything would be okay the second he saw you again. The second that he had you back in his arms everything would be okay. You settled his storms, calmed his nerves and made life feel good again.

That’s just how love works.

taglist: @knoxvillesshoes@cosmorant@ol1viam@simply-sams-things@haim80s@gabbcabb@8hgel@slutt4him@busy-bee-angel-misska@kaitaesupremacy@dazedshoon @4rt3m1ss@cryingabtab@kittenlittle24@austinsrealgf@austinbutlersgirlfriend@clearbolts @dark-as-love@anni-secret-account-75@ab4eva@starcatchxr @julietamidala @obbsessivereader@gwuide@blurredcolour@the-little-red-haired-girl@meladollsims@poppet05@shrekstheloml@randomwriter888@idc123sworld@vane28282@mirandastuckinthe80s@girlblogger2002@rockerchick05@screechingstrawberrysong@simpforevery1@girlabirla@dre6ming@obetrolncocktails@fairyjanes@jensenswinchester@lo-bells @in-my-body-bag@fxntxsix@petrparkrslut@eliseinmemphis @lelifesaver @screaching-cookie@fantuhsise@areuirish @bcofl0ve@mslizziesblog@shynovelist@ssstrangersblog @harrysthecraic@hangmanswhore@jyvnho@mymamalife @melodydior @18lkpeters @memphis-mania @rjmartin11 @artlover8992

and the big daddy crew: @powerofelvis @ggwritesstuff @woundmetender @eliseinmemphis @polksalademma @flwrs4aust @headfullofpresley @cryingabtab @austinbutlersbaby @lindszeppelin @rosaminny

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zalou · 6 months

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As for some reason this whole episode was extremely controversial (and I dunno why, the players know these characters much better than us, they are just doing what their characters would do, whether it is the “right thing” or not), here are my thoughts on C3 E78.

I think every reaction of the characters was just a valid emotional response to something stressful that happened. Even if hypocritical (others have also lost control and done stupid shit etc), it is logical to be angry/stressed/scared because your friend almost blew himself up. Or DID blow himself up. We saw that happen, that is incredibly traumatic. And I think the reason why everyone is more emotional this time around is because they were almost completely helpless and having to watch Ashton do this to himself, (at least in their eyes) voluntarily.

They don’t understand why he did what he did and their emotions react to the conclusions they subconsciously make about Ashtons motives. Of course Laudna thinks it is a betrayal, a voice in her head has been talking about it to her non-stop. Of course FCG thinks it was a selfish action, because he doesn’t understand how Ashton’s insecurities and anxiety manifests (and of course he doesn’t, because Ashton hasn’t talked about it). And of course everyone was angry, because Ashton apparently (in their eyes) thought leaving them, possibly dying, was worth taking the risk on this unstable power. And I think none of those things were actually Ashton’s intention, but that is what the stressed-out emotional response was in the other characters around (to the best of how I can unpack it, at least).

And yes, Fearne definitely has partial blame for what happened but that doesn’t mean her emotional response to being scared out of her mind is invalid. She was scared to death because of almost having lost Ashton because of something stupid they did (keep in mind, Fearne is bad with consequences so she probably didn’t even think of how bad this could all turn out) and her reaction to that fear is “how dare you almost die on me, I’m gonna kill you”, which I think is a valid reaction (not the killing of course, but the overwhelming anger and aggression yes). She might have to be just as angry towards herself as she is towards Ashton, but her anger in itself isn’t invalid. And I think she is also angry at herself, that she let this all happen.

And for how emotional everything was, I think some of the characters managed to defuse the situation pretty well. They got emotions for everyone down pretty quick and made a rational decision on how to move forward now trust has been broken on many sides. So I think all of our bells hells are going to be fine after some conversations.

Anyways, I think the role play was fucking great (I missed Liam, he would have shined here). For the characters (and us) to understand where all these reactions came from, they are just gonna have to have a big talk about it. Do some development in their relationships. Get more emotionally mature. Hopefully this nana morri resort is gonna give all of them some time to work this out. A lot of mistakes were made to let all of this happen, and to make sure they don’t happen again these idiot characters I love so much gotta TALK TO EACHOTHERRRR. TALK ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS YOU LOVABLE IDIOTS.

Anyways, that was my little (long) piece on the situation.

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sysmedsaresexist · 1 month

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We Aren't A Mistake.

Getting it out of the way right now, I don't believe that plurality should be pathologized. I agree with that statement. The idea that having the presentation of multiple selves is somehow inherently medical is actually already covered in the DSM as not-a-thing, and there's plenty of understanding in medical fields that the mere existence of a weird brain thingy is not inherently disordered.

However. I think OP is forgetting a few very, very vital facts.

First and foremost, there was a very legitimate (and still is a fairly legitimate, if quieter) call to demedicalize DID. The issues with this are numerous, but I think it best to hone in on the fact that pushing for plurality to be completely depathologized is... rough, particularly for those DID systems who don't understand what's happening to them.

Just imagine: you're young, you've discovered that you're plural, and you're struggling. But everyone around you is saying that it's possible to be plural without trauma, and yes, that is accurate, but what about you? You don't remember any trauma, but you're struggling. And everyone around you says, "If you pathologize the existence of your plurality, we do yourself the injustice of implying the existence of your other selves is a mistake."

I don't know about you, but I would never admit I had DID if that's what I had. And that's an issue when admitting it is what got me to actually recognize my abusers as what they were.

And this is where we get to my second point: What in the ableism??? Because now you've turned from "Plurality shouldn't be pathologized" to "Pathological plurality is inherently a mistake."

How have we slipped back into the disordered = broken world so, so quickly? Have you maybe considered just. Trauma processing? Have you considered acknowledging that traumatized people are survivors who can continue to survive, who can thrive, so long as they get the support they need -- which, yes, for some CDD systems, means pathological approaches to their plurality.

When you post things like this, you inherently push CDD systems away from the care and help they might desperately need. I should know, I was pushed away by shit like this constantly, leading to years and years and years of further abuse and further trauma.

Disordered isn't bad. DID isn't anger and hatred and misery. And for fucks sake, traumatized alters aren't mistakes. They're survivors. They're your brain saving you, doing its best to prevent you from getting hurt, protecting you with every single neuron it can spare, however it can.

Don't post this sort of thing if you don't understand that people are people, not fucking mistakes, regardless of what's happened to them.

#Mod Quill #syscourse

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six-of-cringe · 1 year

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I think that one of the reasons why people misinterpret Wylan's character and arc, among others, is because they misinterpret the relationship between him and Kaz. This post has kind of mitosised off from the BFWP (Big Fucking Wylan Post) I'm writing because it's a bit of a different focus and constitutes its own post.

A lot of people talk about Wylan's character and development as though it's meant to match Kaz's - starting out as a nice kid who the city forces to become amoral, indifferent to violence, and well-versed in crime. These qualities are usually talked about with a weird reverence as an irrefutable symbol of "badassery", as though it's always a positive development for any character regardless of the story's narrative, which annoys me but is not the topic of this post. That's part of the BFWP's job.

Following Kaz's exact development is not the point of Wylan's character. The point is that Kaz and Wylan narrative foils - very similar in many ways, but with a fundamental difference that creates the "broken mirror" effect/shows how they could have turned out if they'd chosen differently. I think that difference is how they respond when they climb out of the harbor after their respective betrayals. Narratively, Ketterdam represents a very harsh system that presents the people struggling there with very few options. You can either choose to ditch decency, play by the Barrel's rules, and live, or you can hold on to decency and die.

When Kaz returns to the streets after Jordie's death, he chooses the first option. He copes with what happened through ideas of revenge, and to survive long enough to see it he quickly turns to thievery and violence. He thinks to himself after he robs a kid for money and food that it was much easier to survive when you've left decency behind. He survived through violence, creating the Dirtyhands persona around himself for protection.

When Wylan has to fend for himself, he choses the second option. He finds "honest work" at the tannery, where they exploit workers and expose them to toxins. He wonders if he'll live long enough to use his savings to leave the city, or if the chemicals would kill him first. He was smart enough to steal and survive, but he chose decency, and with it, he chose death. There are a number of reasons why he chose differently than Kaz despite their similarities - his older age and thus more developed moral code, having no one to avenge but himself when he believed himself worthless, his more privileged upbringing, and his relatively low drive to live. Alone, he would have died.

Then Kaz steps in. Kaz's role in all the crow's lives is that, intentionally or not, his ruthless rule of the Barrel creates a sort of haven that allows them to survive where they would have died had they stayed alone. Wylan is a really clear example of this, and though Kaz's intentions were at least partly self-serving, his involvement both kept Wylan from dying of exposure or street violence as well as prevented him from needing to do the more terrible things that it takes to survive in the Barrel. Throughout the books, we see Kaz kind of taking the brunt of enacting violence in Wylan's place - traumatizing Smeet's daughter, killing the clerk on the lighthouse. Wylan could get by making explosives in the workshop rather than having to shoot or stab or beat the life out of people. And at the end of the series, Kaz sees to it that he never will have to. Of course Wylan did bad stuff to survive when working with the Dregs, it's the Barrel. But the extent is greatly lessened because of Kaz's involvement.

Wylan's arc was never about becoming comfortable with violence, or becoming just like Kaz - the way people characterize him as some sort of ruthless murder mastermind is inaccurate and redundant with Kaz's character. He isn't nonchalant or celebratory about crime or death or violence by the end of the book. He doesn't HAVE to become like Kaz, because Kaz himself gave him the space to continue being decent, intentionally or otherwise. Understanding that dynamic is important to understanding what Wylan is like as a character and as a person. If you assume Wylan's trajectory is to become "Kaz 2.0", then you're going to mischaracterize him. I've seen posts about how Kaz was the Jordie that he didn't have to Wylan, and I think that makes a lot more sense. Because Kaz is willing to do the horrible things in his stead, Wylan has the third option otherwise impossible in the Barrel - maintaining his decency and surviving.

#Kaz really do expose ppl to the horrors of the world but simultaneously protect ppl from losing themselves to it #sorry guys. wylan likes math and puzzles and his friends he does not like crime. crime is an unfortunate byproduct of surviving #'we could wake them up' Mark my words you stupid quote i'm coming for YOU this week #does this make sense. does this post Sense???#wylan nearly blows his cover just thinking about a terrible guy kaz killed in front of him. THIS is your ruthless killer?? lol #one thing about me. i like characters with Hope and Gumption. thank you wylan sixofcrows #wylan is a bitch but only when standing up for what he thinks is right. especially against kaz. GUMPTION. the GALL.#glad you didn't bite it in the cancer factory you funky little genius #this pairs nicely with my jesper analysis. he enacted violence but unlike wylan he Refuses to Think About It #wylan van eck #kaz brekker #six of crows #soc #tgt #soc meta #soc analysis #bfwp #crooked kingdom spoilers

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strniohoeee · 7 months

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Revenant

Pairings: Matt Sturniolo x Female Reader(y/n) its friends to lover-ish, feelings are expressed but they are both just friends!

Synopsis: In which y/n is suffering 7 months after her tragic accident, but something’s not right with her, and Matt can feel it. Thats when things start to get a little weird🤔

Warnings: There’s no warnings! It is a spooky imagine just in time for Halloween, but nothing crazy! I suppose ⚠️supernatural and ghosts?⚠️

Songs- Magic Hour- Jhené Aiko

Remember- Jhené Aiko

Stay ready-Jhené Aiko

It’s been a solid 7 months since the accident. 7 months since my life was forever altered. The memory of it all is so fuzzy yet so vivid and painful. I was left feeling empty and wondering for 7 months.

I remember the days leading up to the event, I remember the exact moments before it happened, but I can’t remember anything after that. Why was I struggling so badly? It had been a beautiful sunny day in Boston, and Matt had texted me telling me that his brothers and himself were going on a hike to enjoy the weather, and had asked me to join. I agreed and immediately hopped into my car, rolling down the windows and letting the nice breeze blow through my body. Grasping my face and twirling my hair around its fingers as I drove down the main road. I had Magic Hour by Jhené Aiko blaring just completely embracing how amazing my life currently was. That was until it wasn’t. I turned a corner, and immediately everything went black. The immediate tenebrosity was all I could feel, engulfing me in all its glory grabbing at my body trying to swallow me whole. I fought that I remember I fought, clawing my way out of nothingness, feening and scratching pleading to be let out.

All of a sudden I awoke completely confused and angry at the tons of bright lights and beeping sounds as my vision began to clear up. Was I dead?

I awoke after two weeks of being in a coma. I had suffered blunt force trauma to my head. That pain I immediately felt: they had shaved a portion of the side of my head to remove the bleeding in my brain, and that pain I was feeling as I was coming to my senses. My leg had been broken and 4 of my ribs were fractured and had punctured my right lung. That agony I felt as I tried to breathe.

When I fully came to my senses my room was flooded with people….who were these people?

“She’s awake” said one boy who was sitting directly ahead of me. All I could do was furrow my brows, why is he so familiar?

Everyone else had looked my way with red swollen eyes and a sad face. Who am I?

An older woman and older man had immediately called for a nurse

“y/n you had me so scared I thought I lost you” the blonde hair boy said. I’ve seen him before. Who is he? Who am I?

All I could do was look at them confused, really fucking confused.

The nurse had came in immediately taking my vitals

“How are you feeling y/n?” The doctor asked looking at me

“Who?” Was all I could say, as I looked around everyone’s face dropped filling with hurt and concern

“It’s all right you were in a really bad car accident two weeks ago, and your memory will be really bad for a while but with the help of your friends and their parents you should know exactly who you are shortly.” The doctor had said giving me a small smile

Who am I?

In a coma for two weeks? I’ve been stuck in total darkness for far longer….Who am I?

My severe accident was 7 months ago, and I was still struggling to this day trying to remember things and be my true self. Oftentimes Nick would bring up a memory we both shared, and it took some explaining before I could truly remember the exact memory. And when I did remember it was a faint memory almost like it wasn’t mine?

The boys showed me nothing but patience with helping me, after all I did suffer from a traumatic brain injury. The doctor had told them and myself that I may never be the same again. But I gave them hope when I would bring up a memory, or laugh at our inside jokes or even remember a memory either of them had brought up without needing an explanation. But that never lasted long. This feels wrong.

About a month ago I was cleared to travel. The triplets were so sweet staying in Boston for 6 months to make sure I made a full recovery when they could’ve left me to go back to LA. They only left for LA if absolutely necessary, and even then Mary Lou and Jimmy would watch over and make sure I was always okay. It was greatly appreciated but I felt so bad being a burden to their parents when I was just their friend.

We had just arrived in LA, and everything felt so new to me like I’ve never seen California before. But I kept that to myself acting like I’ve been excited for this for the past 4 months when in reality I have no idea why we’re in LA. Matt had been extra careful with me sitting with me on the plane and in the Uber to their house. I greatly appreciated him being so kind to me, but I felt this hurt and pain everytime he was near me trying to help me. This would result in me staring at him trying to read his face, and understand this weird feeling I got with him. There were these faint blurry memories of us, but it feels weird and I can’t really see them, but when I think back to them I’m filled with anxiety and hurt. I never let them know this though I painted a pretty good picture of being my old self…..but who am I?

Upon entering the triplets house I felt strange. I felt weird like this was not where I was supposed to be, but given my injury I brushed that feeling off. I walked into the living room as Nick, Chris and Matt brought the rest of everything in. Instantly I felt a weird sensation causing my back to straight and goose bumps to form all over my body. Almost instantly I heard “upstairs” faintly in my ear. I jumped a little bit and looked around. Matt took notice to this

“Hey are you alright?” He asked, looking at me a little confused. This caused Nick and Chris to turn back and look at me as well.

“Yeah I’m fine I’m just taking this all in. So glad I’m able to be back here with you guys….I didn’t think I would make it” I responded giving a weak smile

“Y/n were so fucking glad you’re feeling better we missed you so much” Chris said running over and engulfing me in a hug. This made me giggle

“CHRIS STOP put me down” I told him laughing loudly. He put me down laughing himself. I walked over to my bag and picked it up heading upstairs when Matt stopped me

“Y/n where are you going? You sleep with Chris” Matt said looking at me a little confused.

Why didn’t I remember that?? I just smiled at him “oh I know I just want to see your podcast room. I remember it wasn’t finished when I was last in LA” I told him. He just gave me a half smile and nodded.

I walked upstairs to the podcast room and immediately the hair stood up on the back of my neck. I felt like I was being watched. I looked around the room, and of course there was nothing there, but why did I remember this room so vividly? I was drawn to the blue seat for some reason, and once again as I sat down I felt shivers up my spine like someone was behind me. God my brain is so fucked from this accident.

Matt’s POV

“Dude something’s not right. Our podcast room has been done since before she went back to Boston.” I said to Nick and Chris

“Matt she suffered blunt force trauma to the head her brain will not remember some of these things. Just how she barely remembers very blatant core memories we’ve all shared with her” Chris told me grabbing a Pepsi out of the fridge

“Yeah Matt it’s slowly coming back to her maybe while she’s up there she’ll remember” Nick told me leaning against the sink

“No guys something’s off that’s not y/n” I said, shaking my head rubbing my eyes and letting out a sigh.

“I promise you she will be okay,” Chris told me, giving me a nod. All I could do was give a half smile and nod my head

Y/N POV

I’ve been napping in Chris’ room for about an hour when I started having a vivid dream of Matt and I.

Matt and I were in the kitchen as I was cooking something for him and his brothers. Him and I both crying laughing at some corny ass joke he said.

“Matt you’re so fucking stupid” I responded holding my stomach and wiping my eye trying to calm myself down

“Dude like why in the fuck would Chris say some shit like that to a girl” he said trying to calm down his laughing after he just made fun of Chris.

“Hey how much sauce do you want on your pasta” I asked him getting ready to put it on a plate for him

“Oh actually I’m going on a date tonight, so I won’t be eating” he said blushing a little bit

There’s that pang of anxiety and hurt in my stomach. Those are the memories

I immediately jumped out of my sleep gripping the side of my head that had been operating on. I just got a sharp stabbing pain and all I could do was squint my eyes shut and whisper “fuck” lowly. I decided to get up and head to the kitchen to eat something and take Advil. When I got up it was about 7pm, and I walked into the kitchen to a box of pizza with a note on the side that said

We went to film a car video and do some stuff at the warehouse! We didn’t want to wake you so we got you some pizza. See you later it read

I just sighed and opened the box taking a slice and grabbing some water and an Advil. I decided to go back to Chris' room and watch tv till I eventually fell asleep again.

2 AM Matt’s POV

I had been sitting on the couch scrolling on tik tok when I heard something drop in the kitchen. Instantly my head shot up to see nobody there. I decided to walk over to the kitchen to see what had dropped, and it happened to be an empty Pepsi can Chris left on the counter. Weird but not weird enough for me to get scared. That is until the kitchen sink turned on and off within 5 seconds. I just stared at it, and told myself I’m just tired and to go to bed. As I turned around to go upstairs Y/N was standing right behind me

“Holy fuck you scared me” I told her clutching my heart

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to scare you” she said walking over to the kitchen table and taking a seat. She was off….very off

“It’s alright I scared myself a bit I thought I was seeing shit” I told her taking a seat across from her

“You weren’t see things” she told me avoiding eye contact

“Did you see it too?” I asked looking down at my phone as a notification went off

“I did it” she said now looking into my eyes

“I may be tired but I’m not fucking stupid. You didn’t do that I was looking right at the sink” I told her rolling my eyes

“I’m not sure who I am” was all she said as she looked at me once again

“Dude you’re really fucking scaring me, so if Nick or Chris put you up to this to freak me out then they won” I told her getting up to grab a water bottle

“You know she was right. I’m up there standing by the gum ball machine” she told me back looking down at her painted nails. Confusion plastered on my face until I remembered

Earlier today we did a podcast with Padi, a woman who’s able to speak with the dead. She had told us there was a female energy standing by our gumball machine watching us, but that she didn’t know who she was or how she got there. I wasn’t buying it at all. It's so easy to tell someone there’s a ghost in their house and make them believe it, but now I was getting a little concerned.

“Y/N I’m not sure what you’re getting at, but I think you need sleep” I told her getting ready to get up

“I’m not Y/N” she said furrowing her brows. Looking hurt

“Well then who are you” I asked her playing into this stupid game Nick and Chris probably made her do.

“Revenant” was all she said looking right through me. I went to speak but she cut me off.

“It’s what you become when you’ve been trapped for so long” she said giving me a weak smile

“I’m not following along, and this needs to stop you’re not revenant you’re Y/N” I told her getting frustrated

“You know something: she really likes you, and you hurt her. She kept feeling this awful hurt and anxiety anytime you were near her because she couldn’t remember these memories, but when I’m with her I see those memories clearly. These are not my memories, and when I’m out of her body tomorrow she won’t remember a single thing” Y/N said to me

“I’m confused” I told her getting a little stressed out

“These things I’m seeing right now these aren’t my memories these are hers, but when I’m in her I see the memories vividly” she repeats again taking a sip of my water

“How can you see memories that are hers, but she can’t see these memories” I asked genuinely confused

“I’m not too sure. I feel as one when I’m with her” she told me shrugging her shoulders

“ I think you should bring Padi back, she might be able to help us” was all she said before she blinked and a very confused Y/N was staring back at me.

“When did I come out here?” She asked looking around very confused

“The joke is over Y/N I’m not scared go back to Chris’ room and go to sleep I’m not feeding into this bullshit” I told her getting up and slamming the chair to the table

“Matt? I’m confused why are you upset with me” she asked with a sad look on her face

I just scoffed at her and went up to my room

Some time had passed a good two weeks, and weird things kept happening to me Y/N had kept her distance except at night when she would come to me in the kitchen as “revenant” and tell me things about my Y/N

I decided to call Padi and tell her I’m experiencing some weird issues to see if she could come back and help us figure out this Revenant/ Y/N issue.

Third Person POV

Matt had gathered Chris, Nick and Y/N to the podcast room after Padi had set her stuff up.

They all sat down, all very confused.

“Okay so Matt what’s the issue” Padi had asked smiling at the young boy

“Well about two weeks ago Y/N had come to me in the kitchen claiming her name was Revenant and that she was the ghost from this room inside Y/Ns body. At first I thought it was some sick joke between the three of them, but when Y/N wouldn’t speak to me during the day but then “revenant” would speak to me at night I was confused.” Matt had told the older woman

“Matt what the fuck is reallt going on” Chris and Nick both said

“Listen Matt whatever this bullshit is pertaining to me is fucked up and has to stop” Y/N said

“I agree so let’s see what Padi has to say about all this to really make sure yall aren’t in on some weird joke” I told them

Padis eyebrows raised and she immediately had something to say

“She’s here with us” Padi said looking around

“This is fucking crazy” Chris said rolling his eyes

“Yeah I fucking agree” Nick said a little annoyed and scared

“She’s saying her name is Revenant which means Ghost because that’s how she’s been living her life for some time now” Padi said

“Guys this is fucking insane” Y/N said laughing at how stupid we all looked

“She’s saying she had an instant connection with Y/N because in her body she was able to see these memories that Y/N couldn’t remember. Is this correct?” Padi asked us

“I mean I can remember, but it takes some convincing” Y/N said

“You heard something that night when you came up here. You heard “upstairs” in your ear” Padi told Y/N. The color immediately drained from her face

“That explains why you said you wanted to see the podcast room. Our podcast room had already been done before we went to Boston, and you had even filmed a mock podcast with us in here” Matt said looking at Y/N

“My brain was scrambled from the injury” was all Y/N said

“You heard it and you sat in that chair when you felt something standing behind you” Padi told her

“I mean I did, but I’m not following along” Y/N said now sitting up and closer to the table

“Y/N you can’t remember many things because these memories aren’t yours. You’re fighting for something that never happened. You had feelings but you couldn’t remember” Padi said

“Every times I’m near Matt I feel hurt and anxiety, but I could never see our memories” Y/N said glancing over to Matt

“Revenant says she gave you a dream showing you when that hurt happened” Padi said looking over at Y/N who now was trying to avoid eye contact with everyone

“She says she showed you the day you and Matt were in the kitchen laughing about a joke he made about Chris, and when you went to offer him food he told you he had a date. She describes how you felt hurt and like all those times you showed Matt how you truly felt it went over your head. She tells me you really like the kid and that’s why you’re sending anxiety and hurt” paid had told Y/N. At this point Y/N was looking down in embarrassment and Matt felt a blush creep up on his cheeks.

“She did show me that dream, but that’s not my memory I don’t remember that” Y/N said finally looking up at everyone confused as ever

Padi looks at Y/N in a questioning way, and then almost instantly has a light bulb moment.

“Would you let Revenant take over and talk for you” Padi asks, Y/N just slightly nods and looks down. Instantly her head snaps back up and looks around.

“I love doing that” Revenant said

“In her body what do you see” Padi asks

“I actually can not believe this is happening” Nick said shocked

“Shut the fuck up” Matt and Chris both said

“In her body I see everything. Every single memory is clear as day and this unconditional love for Matt, and this brotherly bond with Nick and Chris. This is why I like taking over her body, so I can chat with Matt because she won’t she’s scared, and when I talk to him I feel at peace” Revenant said who was actually Y/N?? Man who knows what’s going on right now

“I think I know what’s going on here” Padi said, smiling brightly. “Nick ask her a very specific question, maybe a memory that you’ve told her but in the past she couldn’t remember” Padi said looking at Nick, he nods and looks over at Y/N

“Do you remember last summer you came over, and you were balling your eyes out? Last time I asked you this was 3 months ago, and you told me you couldn’t remember, and I had to fill you in and then you did say you remembered, but I know you didn’t. Do you remember now what you were crying about?” Nick had asked looking at Y/N, instantly her eyes lit up and she nodded her head

“Oh this is embarrassing. I ran into your arms crying because I told you Matt would never see me the way I saw him, and all he did was rub it in my face how many dates he went on, and no matter how much I would do for him he just didn’t like me back” she said almost wanting to cover her mouth after

“Holy shit” Nick said looking back at Padi

She nodded and asked the same of Matt. Matt then said “Do you remember when you came back from that date, and I was being really mean to you and telling you that I hoped the relationship wouldn’t work out” Matt had asked

“Yeah I do, and once again I ran to Nick sobbing into his arms and asking him why you hated me so much” she said, eyes getting glossy as she looked down.

“Well I never meant that I was actually super jealous of the guy and so really wanted to go out with you instead of that loser” Matt replied back to her, her cheeks got so read and she flashed a big smile

“Well if it makes you feel any better I actually got stood up, but was too embarrassed to come home, so I stood out for an extra hour” Y/N said to Matt. But instantly everyone’s head perched up

“WAIT!” The three boys said in unison.

“What do you mean I, you just swud I? But you’re a fucking ghost” Chris said freaked out, and to this Y/N shrugged her shoulders and looked at Padi

“Well you see what happens is when two people are losing their lives and their souls are trying to get back to their bodies, sometimes the wrong soul attaches to the wrong body. This would explain why Y/N was never able to fully recover or remember anything that happened, and why she felt so attached to this podcast room” Padi said waiting for the boys to catch on

“So??” They all said

“Well you see while Y/N was in her coma her soul was fighting to get back to her body, but instead another dying soul ended up attaching itself to her body, and well Y/N actual soul came back to a second place she calls home which is this house! Although this was 7 months of her being here, to her ghost it would feel like eternity. And after a while you start to realize you’re probably dead therefore giving herself the name Revenant which is another fancy word for ghost ” Padi said to the four stunned people

“Now there is a way to get Y/N back to her actual body, and set that random soul inside of her free; because that soul probably doesn’t have its real body to go back to” she adds

“Well what do we have to do” they all asked

“Mmm you’re not going to like this idea and it may never work which means you’ll be stuck with a random soul who doesn’t know you, and Y/N will truly be dead forever” Padi said. They all looked at each other thinking of what to say

Matt started “I think we’ll…..”

To be continued

Pt. 1 this is kinda based on Layla by Colleen Hoover<3

HIIII everyone this was my first imagine after not writing for like 6 years, so please be nice to me🥹❤️

I love writing so much, and I hope yall enjoyed this I know it was a long read😙😙

#sturniolo #sturniolo fanfic #sturniolo x reader #sturniolo triplets #matt sturniolo #matthew sturniolo #Matthew Sturniolo X reader #Matt sturniolo fanfic #Matt Sturniolo imagines #sturniolo triplets imagines #Spotify

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theonevoice · 7 months

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Rumination n. 7 - The Stain

I am about to say something outrageous, but this scene is haunting me and I need to take it out of my obsessive brain.

We all have been thinking about the (not so) slightly maniacal, sphinx-like smile that appears on Aziraphale's face at the very end of e6 end credits, and how it seems to suggest that something is brewing inside the angel's head.

But this is not the scene that is haunting me. It's this one:

Now, like many of us, I've been toying with possible scenarios involving the Metatron and the threat of the Book of Life, and I want to take a moment to say something up top: I have mixed feelings about the Book of Life as a thing. Not just because we don't know anything about how it actually works and, if we want to be punctilous, we don't even have undisputable confirmation that it exists and it's not in fact a myth that the Heaven-regime has spread in order to keep everyone in check (that Heaven has regime-like strategies for controlling its ranks, possibly even before the Fall, it's clear by the appalling callousness of the Metatron saying "For one Prince of Heaven to be cast into the outer darkness makes a good story", meaning a story that works as an effective cautionary tale). But most of all because this all-encompassing Book of Life seems to me like the kind of overpowered magic-object-ex-machina plot device that can really break a narrative, and I am willing to accept it only because I trust Neil Gaiman entirely. Also, I have a feeling that, on a metaphorical level, the prospect of being "erased from the Book of Life" has already happened, in a way (but that's matter for a different rumination).

That said, I am wondering if it's Aziraphale the one we should be worrying about. Mr "I would always know the stain was there", aka fixing something is not enough, the preferable solution is to make sure that the bad thing never happened in the first place, so its memory will not haunt you, its remaining smudge will not darken the perfect picture that you want your existence to be.

I am wondering if that creepy smile means that he is planning to steal the Book of Life, like several metas and fics imagined, but not to keep himself and Crowley safe: he could be planning to steal it in order to undo the Fall.

And sure, that would mean erasing the 6000 years of his and Crowley's history together, and nobody in his right mind would do that - but is Aziraphale in his right mind? When he steps into the elevator, he is as broken as Crowley is, and possibly more, because in addition to their relationship crumbling into dust, he also has to deal with the pull of his desire to bring into reality the idealized version of Heaven that he has always hoped for.

He is shattered. He has lost Crowley, has lost his bookshop, has lost Earth. He is involved against his will in the Second Coming plans. He's hyperventilating as the elevator goes up, shoulders and chest struggling to find air - is on the verge of a panick attack. He is in the mindset of someone who is feeling his entire existence slipping away under his feet at lightspeed, not knowing how or why, not a split second to realise what is happening.

It's not impossible, when you are in such a state, to shut down and cling to one and only one thought: how do I undo this?

It's not impossible, if you are in the middle of a traumatic response, to fixate on finding the single, cursed, wrong turn that sent you down the path that lead you in this place of devastating pain and fear, obsessing over the idea that if you can correct that one error, everything will be fine again. Because you just cannot process the idea that what happened is destined to stay "happened": it's just too big and too wrong and too unthinkable to become a part of your biography like all events before that - as per the definition of trauma by Judith Herman.

You cannot reconcile it with the rest of your life, you enter in a state of mind that denies reality and treats it like a a gamer would treat a mission that he messed up between to saving points: yes, it sucks, but nothing to worry about, you just go back in time and this time do things the right way. You just need to identify where you went wrong.

This is, I think, the place where Aziraphale's mind is in the final scene.

"What have I done wrong? Where did I do the wrong thing? When did I say the wrong word? What incident brought us here? How could this happen if I love you so much? Why would you shout and be angry at me if I love you so much? What evil force could prevent you from seeing that I love you so much? This is all a mistake. How can we not be together right now if I love you so much? How can the fact of us being separated exist in the same world where I love you so much? This must be a mistake. What is it that I need to undo to save us, our dream? To make the error and all this pain go away? If only I could find the mistake, the single bad thing that threw a monkey wrench into our happiness..."

But he cannot find one single moment in their long history together that stands out as "the" mistake to blame for what just happened, and he keeps going back and back and back, looking for "the" thing that ruined their plans.

If only we were not on opposite sides.

I think that, right now, in Aziraphale's head, the one original error that lead him to lose the love of his life is the Fall. It's the initial irreparable fracture that ripped in half the angelic population of the beginning and made impossible for the two parts to be together ever again.

Of course Crowley did and could not want to be "restored" to his former angelic status, he can see why, he's not blind. And probably he's more than ready to recognize that Crowley is right in refusing that offer. The proposal was wrong in the first place. The solution to all their problems isn't making Crowley not a demon anymore, it's making sure that there were no demons to begin with.

"If I'm in charge, I can make a difference."

I can make a different ending for this scene that just went horribly wrong. I can make a different reality where this horrible moment could never happen.

And if this is what is going through his head, his next task - and Crowley's mission - will be to accept that sometimes there is no undoing. You can either find a way to patch things up and find the right path again, or stay broken and astray. But either way you will have to come to terms with the fact that some mistakes cannot be undone, and the bad things that happened cannot be erased. You can only learn to live with them, accomodate their painful memory in your existence, accept the presence of a stain that will always be there, underneath.

#good omens #good omens 2 #good omens thoughts #good omens 2 spoilers #go2 #go2 spoilers #book of life

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imyourbratzdoll · 1 year

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𝒉𝒆 𝒎𝒂𝒅𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒇𝒆𝒆𝒍… 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈

hello everyone, okay so. I wrote this from my own personal experiences and pasts. it's something that I deal with. I don't feel anything pleasurable unless it's from a toy, nor can I put anything inside because it's painful. I also can't feel anything emotionally, when I first began to write this, it started off like how my life starts, but I realised I wasn't writing a story for you about my depression. I was writing a story about what I go through with men. I hope you enjoy it and know I'm always here for you if you go through something similar- the part with johnny is a true story, but the part with ari is sadly not. I apologise if this is bad.

summary - you meet a man who brings security into your life, making the men in your past no longer matter.

warning - angst, slight smut but not really, graphic in some sense, mentions of blood and pee, hint to a traumatic experience but nothing detailed, emotionally cut off, depression, slight fluff.

18+ only please, the gif and header aren’t mine.

Warnings and Reminders - Please do not plagiarise, copy, repost/republish, adapt, or translate any of my work on any social media platforms, apps, or third-party sites. The only platforms I post my work on are: Tumblr and Wattpad. I do not own any character of any franchise (Marvel etc.) All my works are fiction and may be dark or triggering content: READ ALL WARNINGS BEFORE PROCEEDING.

Maybe there was something wrong with you.

Because there lying between your legs was a gorgeous man, doing everything in his power to please you, but you felt no pleasure. You could feel how his tongue swept across your folds, probably trying to locate your clit that not even you could find. You always thought that maybe you weren’t gifted one when you were born, but that couldn’t be possible, right? Because when you brought out your toy specifically made to vibrate that little button. You felt everything and more.

But this beautiful, god-like man is thrusting his tongue inside your not-so-lubricant hole, and you felt bad because you could tell he was trying his hardest to make this about you, but unfortunately, you would never feel the pleasure he wanted you to feel. And when your eyes meet his pretty blues, you offer a soft smile because you can’t let that fake moan you let others hear fall from your lips for him. He was too kind and precious, and you dread the day he realises you feel nothing because then he’ll leave, and you’ll be back to being alone and broken.

Your head falls back, and your mind begins to drift as this takes you back to the same thing that happened years ago.

You finally turned eighteen and thought you’d give men a shot again. So you downloaded the dating app everyone else had in hopes of finding a relationship that could last. You swiped through men, chatting with some but slowly drifting away because you didn’t know how to communicate with them anymore. They seemed to want something you didn’t want to do again.

But then you found him. Johnny Storm, oh my. What a dream he was. You were stupid. You thought that the conversations you had meant something, thought that when he said he only wanted casual, he’d changed his mind when you two hung out. You were a naive girl who had already been through hell yet still wanted a fairytale ending.

You remember when you decided to meet Johnny.

You got yourself all dolled up, dressing in a short sundress that didn’t fit your body well, but no one ever told you. You made sure you were shaved and smelled lovely. You were excited because you were stupid.

Meeting Johnny was… Fun. You could remember everything. You could remember the colour of his car. His face, everything he did and said. You could remember the pain.

You didn’t feel pleasure when he went down on you. The feeling felt like a cat’s tongue. You could remember that he didn’t even see if you had finished before climbing on top of you and covering you in his cum. But you were stupid. At the time, you didn’t see that as a problem.

You felt pain when his finger/fingers went inside you, even if they were covered in lube. The feeling hurt. It felt like someone had shoved so many knives inside of you. But you didn’t say anything. You pretended it felt good, you faked those moans, and he didn’t notice. Not even when he saw the blood on his fingers, but you remembered it all. You could still feel the stinging pain when you tried to pee. You remembered the blood and the doctor saying there was a tear. But that didn’t stop you because you were stupid.

The pain got worse when he slid his cock inside you. It never subsided, and the pain was never replaced with pleasure. But you faked it because you didn’t want to hurt his ego. After all, you thought there was something wrong with you.

You remember going to the doctor and asking what was wrong with you. Only for them to reply that everything will continue to hurt because your mind and body weren’t comfortable, all because of your trauma. You should’ve followed orders when your doctor said not to have sex until your mind relaxed. But you didn’t listen because you thought he would leave you if you stopped giving him what he wanted.

Johnny never noticed. He kept reminding you that this was casual and that he didn’t want a relationship. And you should’ve listened. Instead, you continued until one fateful night.

The two of you were lying next to each other, a tv show playing in the background as you talked. Somehow, you got on the topic of your weight.

“I’m fat.” You pout, looking down at your stomach. It was playful but also the truth, but you guessed Johnny didn’t get the memo.

He looked at you smugly. “You’re not fat.” You looked up at him, hopeful. “Just a little overweight.”

Your brows furrowed. “That’s fat. You just admitted I was fat.”

He shakes his head, “No. I said a little overweight.” And he kept repeating the word like it would make things better. But it never did after that. You got into a fight, and he left. What hurt the most wasn’t the physical pain or that he left. It was finding out he got into a relationship the moment the two of you stopped speaking.

“Y/n. Y/n, baby.” You blink, sucking in a breath as your eyes connect with those pretty blues again. Ari smiles, “Hey, where’d you go?” You desperately didn’t want to disappoint this man, so you kissed him. One hand rests on his chest, and the other grabs his hand, guiding it to your entrance. Even though in the back of your mind, you know it’ll hurt.

Ari was confused. He felt like something was wrong when he was between your thighs, and it was confirmed when you seemed to zone out, but now, Ari’s unsure of what was happening. He pulls back and looks you in the eyes, “Are you sure? We don’t have to, little dove.” You nod, eyes wide as you look into his. He watches your expression as he slowly pushes a finger inside, barely being able to with how tight you are. And he stops, pulling away from you when he hears the pained whimper.

You lie there with your eyes tightly screwed shut. Not wanting to see the one man you’ve felt something for, leave.

Ari slowly moves closer, grabbing a blanket and covering you. “Y/n. Open your eyes.” His voice is so gentle, so caring that it scares you. His hand softly strokes your cheek, and you can feel your heart breaking when he pulls you closer to him. No one’s ever treated you so kindly before. “It’s okay. I’m here if you need me.”

You felt lucky, silently thanking the universe for sending Ari your way. You met Ari on a whim, deciding to give the dating app another go but as a more hardened and cold person. You thought you’d see how an older man would treat you, and there were some you didn’t like but Ari. Oh, he was beautiful and so kind. He never mentioned sex or anything dirty. Instead, he wanted to get coffee, but only if you felt comfortable.

So you met him, and when your eyes connected, you felt safe, something you’d never felt before. He stood and greeted you, pulling your chair out before offering to pay. Ari didn’t pressure you, and he didn’t make you feel awkward for not knowing how to continue a conversation. He was so patient, and that one meeting turned into more. You had only kissed a few times, but he’d never take anything further.

Today was different... You wanted to give Ari the one thing you thought he wanted. But now, you ruined it. Because you couldn’t fake it with him, you couldn’t push through the pain and discomfort. You couldn’t make him believe he was pleasuring you when you felt nothing.

You slowly open your eyes, connecting with his again, but yours are both filled with sadness this time. “I’m sorry.” Ari could feel his heart breaking at the whisper of your voice, not knowing why you were apologising for something you didn’t do. “I’m a disappointment… I’m so sorry. If you want to leave, I won’t blame you.” Even as those words fall from your lips, you feel nothing. You feel empty, but there’s also a little warmth inside that you know will disappear when he does.

Ari’s brows furrow and his hold on you tightens. Your words ring in his head, and Ari can feel tears building up in his eyes. He’s already aware that you are shut off emotionally, but the way those words roll off your tongue, he knows you’ve been hurt so many times that it’s become normal for you. Ari clears his throat, holding back the sobs that desperately try to escape before he lifts your chin, your eyes connecting again.

“Don’t apologise. You didn’t do anything wrong. You aren’t a disappointment, and I’m not leaving.” He practically growls. He leans forward and presses a rough but loving kiss against your forehead. He stares at you with so much passion that it scares you. You can feel goosebumps rise from his touch. “I won’t force you to do something that hurts or makes you uncomfortable. I’m a grown man, Y/n. I can either wait until you are ready or live without it. Because I am not letting you go, I told you I was all in. I’m not letting something like this break that promise.” His words are so full of passion that you swear you could cry.

“A–Are you sure? Because I will understand and won’t blame you. I know there’s something wrong with me.” You roll over as you speak, hesitantly resting your chin on his chest while looking at him.

Ari’s hands curl into fists, wanting to kill those who made you think this. “There’s nothing wrong with you, little dove. And if anyone ever tells you otherwise, I will kill them.” He pulls you flush against him, your face close to his. “We will take our time. We will go your pace, and you will not rush and harm yourself just because you think I’m disappointed. Understood?”

You nod, your mouth opening and closing as shock fills you. “Understood…” The word falls from your lips in a soft whisper, never having someone put you first.

Ari nods. “Good, now come here.” And as those words leave him, he pulls you into the most passionate and loving kiss. And you swear…

You felt…

Something.

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