#tubalcain alhambra
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Millennium headcanons: One thing they never shared with anyone
The major: Cannibalized a dead soldier's arm once. They weren't even out of food and desparate or anything, he just wanted to know how it tastes.
The doctor: Went out drinking once, blacked out and woke up with his septum pierced. He hasn't been out drinking since
The captain: Is perfectly capable of learning german and speaking, he just doesn't want to.
Rip Van Winkle: Insists she only likes opera and classical music, but likes jazz too. No one must ever know.
Zorin Blitz: Knows all of the things in the list because she likes snooping around in people's memories.
Schrodinger: Actually hates anime but has to be quiet about it because his loser fathers would disown him.
Jan Valentine: Is the one who pierced Dok's septum. It was a dare by Luke that earned him 5 dollars and a cig.
Tubalcain Alhambra: Everyone assumes he's an older gentleman, but his appearence is mostly the result of bad habits. In other words, physically he's 28 but looks 40.
Luke Valentine: Has successfully infiltrated several conspiracy groups (flat earth, fake moon landing, chemtrails etc.) for shits and giggles, but actually became quite notorious in the scene.
#hellsing#hellsing ultimate#hellsing headcanons#hellsing major#herr major#hellsing doctor#herr doktor#hellsing captain#the captain#hellsing rip van winkle#rip van winkle#zorin blitz#hellsing schrodinger#schrodinger#jan valentine#luke valentine#tubalcain alhambra#can you tell im super bored rn
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He is my fave.
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Crack Millennium headcanons because nothing is serious and they all deserve to be mocked like the fools they are:
Major Montana Max: an idol stan. His fav is Love Live and his fav generation is Mu's. He has multiple instances of the rhythm game app and has spent literal houses worth of money to win his favorite gacha pulls.
Doc: runs the anime bathtub wiki and can identify anime girls by their feet.
Captain: probably has an OnlyFans or influencer level Instagram where he works out and sells his bath water to fund all his furry commissions because all of Millennium's funding goes to Montana's gacha addiction.
Zorin: is a reigning champion on the hit reality TV show Naked and Afraid. She has almost killed and eaten her partners because they were useless and she didn't want to see a dick for a month.
Rip: is a Disney adult. Her room is stuffed with merch and when Frozen comes out everybody in the base learns the words to Let It Go.
Schrodinger: is given access to the equivalents of those 1950s chemistry kits and has a copy of the anarchists cookbook. He's about halfway through all the recipes.
Jan: is The Man to consult on dick pic composition. Surprising understanding of lighting, pose, and frame content. Regularly consults with the Captain on how to maximize thirst traps.
Luke: most definitely catfishes people on dating apps as a hobby. His longest running is an LDR going on 2 years.
Tubalcain: has a thing for cougars. Regularly goes out to his local casinos to pick up old tourists and get pampered for the night.
Bonus Dark Walter: goes to various slam poetry nights exclusively to dunk on the poets. He has an Oxford education and does nothing with it beyond being a Mean Girl to the point he's regularly kicked out if venues. His own edgy ass poetry is surprisingly good.
#mun rambles#hellsing shitpost#hellsing ultimate#millennium#major montana max#hellsing doc#captain hans gunsche#zorin blitz#rip van winkle#schrodinger#tubalcain alhambra#dark walter#jan valentine#luke valentine#crack headcanons
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How They Like to Cuddle Part 2
Rip Van Winkle:
She personally likes any position that she can hug you in. She is very affectionate towards you and tends to get a little bored after sitting around. You normally cuddle at the end of a very long day and have her as the little spoon, she loves the feeling of her favourite person holding her after a long day! She'll complain and ask to move but will pout if you let her go. On the other hand, if she is in the mood for cuddles she will not let you go at all. It will start at any time in the day, she'll simply seal you away and make you cuddle with her all day or until she's had enough. When she wants them the two of you assume the positions of the spoon in which you are the little spoon and she is big.
Jan Valentine:
Jan is also a very hyper man but loves having you by his side, he especially loves your touch. He typically keeps you on his lap and has his hands firmly planted on your ass. On his off day when he doesn't feel too good or he's pissed off because Luke scolded him for having fun, he'll come to you and the two of you will cuddle. He likes to be on his knees hugging your waist while he lays his head against your chest and listens to your heartbeat.
Luke Valentine:
It's hard to get him to settle down with you and cuddle because he takes his job more seriously than his brother does. The times when you do get to cuddle he can't seem to get enough, he steps off his high horse and begs you to cuddle him or really to just spend time with him. He'll open his arms wide and kiss your neck softly as you stay in this warm embrace, it takes a while before he gets in bed and most times it won't happen. Since he's a vampire he works all day and night.
The Captain:
The Captain is nothing but a gentle giant when it comes to you, because of his superhuman abilities he is too scared to actually let himself hold you at all. Instead of him holding you, you hold him, and he will slide down low on the bed and rest his face on your chest while that, or if you really insist he will hold you close to him. Your face turned to look at him, hands gently placed against his chest as he plays with your hair.
The Major:
The Major initially thinks that it is a waste of time, why would he cuddle his beloved when he could be planning another war or waging against multiple countries? When you finally manage to get him to stop and drag him to your private chambers for some relaxation, he finds that this is the best thing he can do with his time...besides waging war. He gets many devious ideas when he is laying with you so he will occasionally come and lay with you for a few hours while he tries to get over his creative block. You sit in his lap and rest your head against his chest, he will occasionally give you kisses if you stay still or give him good advice.
Schrodinger:
This scornful energetic kitty loves cuddling with you, he definitely prefers you over The Major. Besides, you are much more entertaining than the kitty's boss. He likes to lay on you, his head on your chest, body splayed out on top of you. When you are on the move in a place he can't just lay on top of you, he will rest his head on your lap silently requesting that you let him between his ears.
Tubalcain Alhambra:
He is one arrogant mother fucker so he never takes any small position, point, blank period. He holds you and even carries you around nearly everywhere you or he goes. Not much to say when it comes to him, he is the big spoon, he is at the bottom of the snuggle pile, and he is the one holding you close. This is more because he needs to keep you safe, he loves you too much to let you get hurt.
The Doctor:
I am genuinely surprised you kept him out of his work long enough for him to consider the thought, let alone to actually lay down with you. You're his first so he is a little awkward when it comes to doing anything so domestic like cuddling. He is very basic, he just spoons you and lets you relax in his arms, he feels rather embarrassed when you hold him but he supposes it's a little nice to get away from his work.
Zorin Blitz:
Zorin is the type to pin you down in bed, she'll lay on you or hold you in a tomb-like hug while you lay on your side. She knows exactly what you need at any specific time so she very happily obliges, all she wants is for there to be a smile on your face. She can get a little antsy but if you haven't had enough time with her, she just picks you up and lets you hug her from behind while she carries you around.
Hope Ya liked this! Please send in any requests you have and check out my list of things that I write for!
#zorin blitz#jan valentine#luke valentine#the captain#hellsing#hellsing fanfic#hellsing fanfiction#Schrodinger#headcanon#millenium#luke x reader#jan x reader#fluff#tubaclain#tubalcain alhambra#tubalclain#the dandy man#vampires#cuddles#rip can winkle x reader#alucard x reader#hellsing alucard
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ATTENTION ALL 16+ HELLSING FANS!
My friend and i made an 16+ Discord server for Hellsing!
#hellsing#hellsing ultimate#hellsing fandom#luke valentine#jan valentine#alucard#integra hellsing#major max montana#the major hellsing#the doctor hellsing#schrodinger#hans gunsche#seras hellsing#hellsing rip van winkle#zorin blitz#walter c dornez#tubalcain alhambra#enrico maxwell#alexander anderson#hellsing iscariot#discord
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Zorin : I dreamt that I used a tank like sex-toy.
Rip :
Captain :
Tubalcain :
Luke :
Jan :
Doktor :
Major :
Schrödinger : And it was fun ?
#zorin blitz#rip van winkle#the captain#Hans Gunsche#Tubalcain Alhambra#Luke Valentine#jan valentine#doktor#the major#schrodinger#hellsing#Millenium
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Millennium Edition
The Major- Willy Shakes
Doc- Jawn Keets
The Captain- Jane Awesten
Zorin- Ernie Humming
Rip- Em Dicks
Alhambra- Lord Bye Ron
Luke- Tenny Son
Jan- Oscar Wild
Dark Walter- Ed AL Po
#hellsing#hellsing ultimate#millennium#the major#doc#the captain#montana max#avondale napyeer#hans gunche#zorin blitz#rip van winkle#tubalcain alhambra#the valentine brothers#luke valentine#jan valentine#dark walter#walter c dornez#meme#shitpost
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Is Captain ever seen wearing casual clothes? What's his fashion choice and fashion sense?
“EHEYYYY! ‘Dere he is! And ‘jou brought along little maluca, ehh?”
Alhambra’s rolling voice was a rare one to hear, even while stationed in Brazil. So long it’d been since Captain had seen the outside, he barely remembered the massive tarp that now lay over the proud Nazi visage of the Deus Ex Machina. That thought was torn from him by the forceful grip of the ever attentive Frau Winkle.
“Jaaaaa! Herr Major vas zo hard to convince, but I ‘ave him now~!” Another plight to humor Rip’s ever-constant need for camaraderie. He could tell by his body language when asked that Major had no care for it. But in the times they’ve interacted, Hans wished he could tell Rip how much he enjoyed her joyful brevity amongst the crew.
“Alright, so we gonna’ get ‘dis man spruced up or what? I’m a very busy man, maluca…” Tublacain murmured the last half as he lit a fine local cigar that bounced between his teeth.
Rio. It’s so bright…
“Ei cara, o chapé- tch, ‘de hat. Lose ‘de hat, man…” Alhambra spoke up to Hans with a slight head gesture toward the back seat. “‘Jou gonna learn ‘dis is tourist city…” Hans never considered his totenkopf-branded hat could bring eyes upon him. Quietly, he left it under his seat, to which he looked up to see Frau Winkle with gloved hands on her chin turned completely around. It was always his silver hair…
Stepping into a local shop with exposed bulbs in the lettered sign, Alhambra talked amongst Günsche privately whilst Rip opened up her parasol and went elsewhere; this was a gentleman’s shop, after all.
“Alright, look at ‘jou. Big, strong, mighty~! ‘Jou meed something, cara, with some… ‘ow do ‘jou say ‘Show de Bola’!” The gist of what he said fell flat upon Captain, which Tubalcain recognized, clicking through his teeth and thinning his ‘stache between two fingers. “Look, jus’ pick what ‘JOU want, Entendi…?” He said plainly, pulling his sleeve to check his fine watch.
Something… He wanted… Did it actually matter…?
Van winkle returned to the shop, arms lined with bags that sent Alhambra through the roof— gesturing and scolding, too lost in his Portuguese tongue to make her understand. But through their rambling, Hans’ footsteps made their presence, and the two immediately held their theatrics.
Fine brown dress shoes with an aggressive point, and firmly-pressed slate dress pants. Above, a deep green and tight button up shirt overlapped by beige suspenders; he liked the form fitting shirt cause it hugged his physique, something he barely got to show. To top it all off, a likewise slate tie to bring it all together— at least to him.
“Buh- Wh-…. I mean…” The Dandy Man walked around him, plenty of expressions to be had at such… a look. “Ei, if you think ‘dat’s ‘Show de Bola’, who’s to say ‘jou’re wrong? OI, AMIGO! meu parceiro vai levar isso!” He shouted to the man behind the desk to check them out, wandering off to do business. Meanwhile, Rip could not hold her excitement and couldn’t refrain from touching and adjusting his outfit; she was practically playing with his suspenders.
“Mein freund, schau dich an, mein gotttttt~!” Followed by several little giggles in there. Hans saw a completely different person than the huntress who’d usually waltzed among Millennium. He wanted to smile, but a slight stretch of the lips would do. Somehow he could tell Rip herself was clinging to this minuscule moment for dear life.
Besides, they both knew by the time he got back, he’d never wear this again…
#hellsing rp#hellsing#hans gunsche#hans günsche#the captain#rip van winkle#tubalcain alhambra#ask#iscariotnoyumi
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Millennium headcanons: Their parents and life growing up
Since yes I do have thoughts on that
tw for multiple counts of unhealthy to abusive parenting, patricide and matricide, fratricide and talk of nazism (without endorsement)
The major: Inspired by his Coyote backstory but not so similiar. Was raised by his mother, who was part of the early national socialist political scene, before it rose to power. Unfortunately, she died when he was around 12 years old. Max was taken under the wing of one of his mom's "friends" from the political circle, but wasn't particularly close to him. His closeness to the "higher-ups" of the nazis would fortunately grant him some privileges later on in life.
The doctor: Was raised as the only child of a middle class family. His parents were people driven purely by logic and void of emotion, which led to them verbally and occassionally physically abusing him under the guise of "motivating him". This greatly impacted Av's mental state, and his own parenting style later on. He would eventually be unable to take it and would sign up to fight in the first world war, still as a teenager, just to get away from them.
The captain: Grew up in a small village, circa the middle ages. I imagine his childhood was more or less normal and happy. He was the oldest of many siblings, and to this day sees some of them in Schrodinger. When he was of age, he left home to pursue finding a job. He still misses his family, and hopes they lived an easier life than him.
Rip Van Winkle: Was the youngest of three sisters (inspired by a fairytale trope). I headcanon her family is descended or related to a knight bloodline, and was quite wealthy. Not aristocratic but definitely upper-class. Because she took after her father way more than her sisters, she was daddy's girl, but her relationship with her mother was more difficult, especially as puberty settled in. She also had a turbulent relationship with her sisters, because they sided more with her mother and viewed her as the "rebellious, delusional airhead" of the family. Her ultimate "rebellion" would be when her father helped her secure a job as an SS officer.
Zorin Blitz: Was abducted as a baby by a witch. The witch would call herself Zorin's mother, and would raise her as her apprentice, along with several other girls in a middle of nowhere rural area. Her environment growing up would be extremely "kill or be killed" and she would watch her "sisters", those who weren't strong enough to keep up, die one by one. She realized that eventually, it would only be one of them who would survive, and she would have to make sure it would be her. So she started strenghtening herself, deceiving, lying to the others, pitting them against each other, and killing them off herself until she stood alone. She killed her "mother", freeing herself from her control, and went to pursue something better.
Schrodinger: Was created in a test tube, as the ultimate weapon against Alucard (haha get it. hellsing ultimate). In his younger years, he was isolated from the rest of Millennium, even kept as a secret to most, and raised primarily by Dok. When he was eventually let around the other members of Mill was coincidentally around the time his "unruly" phase kicked in, which sent Dok spiralling and essentially flip-flop between blaming himself and blaming everyone else for "corrupting" him, when all it essentially was was a normal phase for a child. Schro never had friends his age, only adults, so he would have a hard time communicating to other teenagers, I imagine.
Tubalcain Alhambra: If there's one thing I'm clueless about it's the state of Brazil circa the first half of the 20th century. But I like to think he was born into some-semi influential family (perhaps one who owned establishments like hotels, casinos, etc.), and grew up a socialite. Maybe he's not even brazilian by origin, his name sounds more middle eastern than anything to me, maybe he just happens to reside there. He probably has the skills resources to control the government and the media at least to some level. Probably to the level that they don't care about his family housing literal nazi refugees on their property. Yes that is my headcanon. Tubalcain was Millennium's landlord and you won't convince me otherwise.
The Valentine Brothers: They aren't biological brothers, but their parents were both single with a kid and got together, so they're step-siblings (valentinecest still sucks stfu). Both of their parents were absolutely terrible, terrible enough for the brothers to set their house on fire when Luke was 18 and Jan was 15, to make the authorities think they died along with their parents, and go pursue a life of crime instead.
#hellsing#hellsing ultimate#hellsing headcanons#hellsing major#herr major#hellsing doctor#herr doktor#hellsing captain#the captain#hellsing rip van winkle#rip van winkle#zorin blitz#hellsing schrodinger#schrodinger#jan valentine#luke valentine#tubalcain alhambra
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👤 + Alhambra
“Want to see a magic trick?” The well suited man asked, holding up one of his cards inbetween his fingers. “Nein, i’m busy.” Rip huffed, keeping her nose stuck in the book she was reading. Alhambra sighed with a frown, putting his hand down, slipping his card away.“Come now, you barely have any fun, you always have SOMETHING to do when i come around. It’s like you’re trying to avoid me, yes?”
Rip paused and turned to look up at him. “I’m not trying to. You just always catch me at the wrong times.” She shut her book which was labeled “Grim’s fairytales”. She did like the man, he was fun to be around…but sometimes he was just up her ass sometimes with wanting her attention, and this was one of those times. He was like her semi-annoying friend that she did enjoy but would catch her at the wrong times.
Alhambra rolled his eyes and started for the door. “Fine, maybe later i can show you. I think you’d be most impressed Ms. Winkle.” He snickered, before shutting her door.
#rip van winkle#hellsing#hellsing rip van winkle#roleplay#hellsing roleplay#hellsing rp#hellsing ultimate#roleplay blog#ask van winkle#tubalcain alhambra
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Thanks for help with idea generation @rotten-hearts-sharp-teeth and @aristocraticpeasantgirl
#hellsing valentine dump#hellsing ultimate#hellsing millennium#captain hans gunsche#hellsing doctor#major montana max#zorin blitz#rip van winkle#tubalcain alhambra#schrodinger#somebody has to simp for doc and by God ari's gonna do it
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Hello. Can I request Alucard, Luke, Jan and Tubalcain with S/O, who is very awkward and clumsy when it comes to love?
Sure thing anon! Coming right up, sorry if they seem a little out of character but I did my best! Hope you like it, and feel free to request any time.
Jan:
Jan thinks it’s really cute but at the same time he’s also pretty clumsy when it comes to romance. You both fumble around asking each other things, the first time you nearly had a panic attack asking him to take you out somewhere nice. He took you out to the club and you both had a good time but Jan was internally freaking out. Of course when you got home his brother told him he was an idiot and that you should’ve been taken somewhere fact but you told him it was perfectly fine. When you try to give him things he gets flustered and you mistake that for him not liking it, you both have a lot to figure out.
Alucard:
At first, he thinks that you're just kidding around with him, but when he figures out that you truly are a mess when it comes to romance he intends to take full advantage of it. He teases you when you get him things or when you fumble over your words and mix up gifts. If you get upset about it he’ll make sure you know that your efforts however clumsy they are, are very much appreciated. When you try to set things up for him they often go awry but he still appreciates it all the same.
Luke:
Unlike the others he really tries to teach you how it’s supposed to be done. Jan laughs at the way your dynamic works, he’ll take you out and you’ll try to give him a compliment but it really comes out as a bad pick up line that manages to make you both cringe. He appreciates your efforts but has taken the job of being the romantic one. He really wants to take you on dating lessons. But he loves you, romantic clutz ir not.
Tubalcain:
He find it funny seeing your reactions as you two trade smooth and big so smooth one liners to each other. He has made you choke on your wine more times than you would ever admit. You stumble over your words and mix up your sentences and even accidentally break the things you’ve made for him. He keeps you away from all of his equipment on such romantic endeavours because you’ll end up hurting your self.
I hope this is what you meant, I wasn’t really sure. Have a great day!
#Jan Valentine#Luke Valentine#Hellsing#alucard x reader#hellsing alucard#fluff#tubalcain alhambra#millennium Hellsing#x reader#hellsing x reader
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How would the characters of Hellsing react to an OC who's being an absolute troll while they interrogate the OC, like this:
Integra: So what were you doing last night?
OC: Your Mom.
(Tw: mentions of torture)
Hellsing
Alucard would find it funny, but also frustrating. I believe that he would find it funny with how they’re trying to cover up their tracks.
Integra would be ABSOLUTELY annoyed. Like she wouldn’t look it, but when she leaves the room, her brow would be twitching, or her lip would be bleeding from biting it.
Seras would take it seriously, and get frustrated at the person. “Nice try wiseguy! C’mon just give something!”
Walter wouldn’t take that shit, he would probably already have his wires out. 💀
Millennium
Major would kinda laugh it off but everytime they would say some smart ass remark, they’d get tortured or smth.
Dok would be PISSED LEMME TELL YA! He would take great pride in probably torturing them if they kept making dumbass shit 💀
Rip would probably be sadistically smiling, already pointing her musket at their head. Anddddd they probably won’t survive for long, she’s already annoyed.
Zorin would just kill them. Straight up
Jan would laugh at them and probably continuously burn them with his cigarettes, or shoot them in the leg.
Luke would shoot them in the leg, the man is already fucking annoyed at this smart ass. Reminds him of his brother who does that shit.
Captain probably strangles them, he’s not a jokester kinda guy…
Tubalcain would be annoyed and would most likely slice one of their limbs off with his playing cards of doom. He does not take that shit.
Iscariot
Alexander would find it annoying and would probably stab them in the hands or something until they finally squawked out the truth
Enrico would be furious 💀 THIS MAN WOULD BE YELLING- “DAMN IT JUST TELL ME YOU FILTHY SWINE!”
Yumiko would be absolutely annoyed, asking Heinkel “Can we kill them already??”
Heinkel gets frustrated and says “Why can’t i kill them already???”
#hellsing#hellsing ultimate#hellsing fandom#luke valentine#jan valentine#alucard#rip van winkle#alucard hellsing#seras victoria#sir integra fairbrook wingates hellsing#the major#the doctor hellsing#captain hans#tubalcain alhambra#zorin blitz#hellsing headcanons#iscariot#millennium#walter dornez#they’re all just annoyed plz
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Millenium and the manual
Doc : Right, everyone, take your manual
Major : *smiles*
Captain : *read her manual*
Schrödinger : "Doctor ! I believe that I lost my manual..."
Zorin : "Really ? We use a manual for to do the war ?"
*in the hell*
Rip : "Wait ! There had a manual for to do the war ?!"
Tubalcain : "He exists a manual for to do the war ?!"
Luke : "They use a manual for to do the war...?"
Jan : "Who is fuck this Manuel ?!!!"
#Millenium#hellsing#doktor#The captain#schrodinger#zorin blitz#rip van winkle#tubalcain alhambra#luke valentine#jan valentine#the major
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