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smimon · 3 months

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The other promised personal post, this one about my self-discovery that I completed last year and in the result gained a weirdly powerful feel, like when Eragon found his true name if you know what I mean

Three main paths: art, brain training, isolation.

1. Art

Art was something I always loved, of course all kids do art but I never stopped. I kept making up characters and settings and stories and theme songs and game designs. I did my first zine at like 6 years old lol.

Living in capitalism meant that the most attractive stories were beyond my reach for financial reasons, so out of disappointment I decided to start telling my own stories, as if that was hard. This was all very early in my life and I believe I was always meant to be an artist and storyteller, and the skills I gained only helped me later.

Like when things started to get more difficult around middle school. When family started demanding and gave nothing back anymore. When the only protector I had left me alone to pursue a career, repeating that if they can handle it, I can too - but I was still a child.

When it was forbidden to talk, feel and hurt, I kept creating. Losing myself in fiction, which years later turned out to be much less fictional than it seemed. Most of my writing was about myself this whole time. I was scared someone might find out so I concealed the message so deep that I alone couldn't see it anymore.

And new stories kept coming, I kept drawing, the XP I gained brought improvement. Never completing anything but always creating something new, finding endless joy in rotating the blorbos in my head. And this continues until today.

Many many times I had doubts if it's all worth anything, a devil telling me I should drop art. And always some inner force pushing me back to the drawing desk. So many times I had to ask myself the question: why do I keep making art? And finally, very recently, I have found the answer.

I am an artist. Artists make art. It's that simple.

2. Brain training

Similar to other body parts, brain can be trained. Solving puzzles, finding patterns, learning, math, there are many ways.

For me it was trying to understand my family.

Recognizing patterns level hard. Predicting what will happen. Inventing ways to protect myself. Teaching myself to do things no one would explain to me but everyone demanded me to know.

School was easy compared to this. Studying gave results in a short term, sometimes it was even fun. Teachers noticed and behaved as if it was their success. Other kids' parents noticed and started bullying their children to get the same results, because if I can do it, why can't they? They were not abusive enough to trigger a similar mechanism, but abusive enough to make their children hate me.

But I haven't noticed. I had a few friends and did not even notice everyone else was against me. This was my elementary and middle school, and then at high school the level was much more even so I could be more invisible.

All the time I tried to figure out my family, and they kept surprising me. All the time I could get good grades, and felt like this is the only thing I am good at.

But as Master's degree approached, I had to accept this can't continue forever, that I am not smart enough to get a PhD. That after graduating I will have to start a job, live a normal life, do things I never learned. I was sure I will die within months, but hey, it's been years already and it only gets easier!

My true victory came just a few years after. I have finally realized there is no way to understand my family because they are simply irrational.

That's it! I am free now! High-fiving all the mathematicians who proved a problem to be unsolvable because hey, that's an accomplishment too!!!

3. Isolation

Introverted by nature, I don't like to spend too much time with people, especially the same people over and over again. Especially my family. Three days is my limit.

And I was tied to them all my life. So when I finally moved out, the sudden experience of freedom overwhelmed me. I did not want to give it away until I get saturated with how good it feels to be alone. Also, gaining distance feom my abusers allowed healing to start. But before that, long hours of remembering and understanding and grieving. Gaining courage to finally meet myself, discover who I am. Forget who I was supposed to be. A journey of self-discovery that brought peace and hope and skill and confidence.

But I am still human. Humans are social animals. I need some contact every now or then or I go insane.

For a few years, I used pokemon go. Going to raid hour every week. But everyone was busy playing so the contact was very shallow.

I started going to fandom conventions trying to relive the same kind of wonder I felt as a teenager. It is different this time, of course. I got used to the fun parts. Nothing seems as impressive as earlier. But even then, I felt like this is my place, and my kind if people. I only needed a way to connect.

Then Käärijä happened, of course. Suddenly I had a thought: the biggest fandom convention in the country doesn't have much to offer for me, but maybe I can do something crazy, maybe I can make this event a bit more me-friendly. I returned to fb after years of break to ask on groups if there are any Käärijä fans willing to meet up.

And they were. It only gets crazier from there.

I started talking to some of them. One suggested a Frank fanclub because we all had some Frank gadgets. I designed a sticker. I designed another one. I organized three meetups, day after day. People came. I made friends. A group chat was founded. Was it me who did it?

Then another crazy idea. Make more stickers. Repeat this at other conventions. And so my convention tour started. With many many stickers.

And then I start a daily Käärijä sketchbook. And then I find friends through the stickers. And then I find friends throught the art. And then the friends warm my heart and break it open and put a foot inside so it doesn't close back too soon.

And I realize I am not alone.

Okay?

So I am an artist, I stubbornly forced my way through my early years and ended up with a pretty cool job, and now I get just enough money and independence to decide how to spend time with people who are in general pretty amazing after all ✌️ still no idea what I want next but I am really happy I made it to here

#diary post #vent post #yeah it's. it's all connected #my biggest accomplishment is figuring it all out #truth does hurt but in the end gives freedom #semira origin story

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angelltheninth · 3 months

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I honestly wonder what Lilith's deal with Adam is. Cause I highly, HIGHLY, doubt she's just chilling while everything else goes to shit. Got any theories swimming?

Oh yeah I do.

So in episode 1 Lute said Charlie was pardoned from Exterminations because of a deal made between Lucifer and Heaven. But I don't think it was the whole truth.

The deal was actually made between Lucifer, Lilith and Adam. Lilith would say up in Heaven, under their watchful eye and in exchange Adam and the Exterminators would not hurt Charlie.

Now why would Heaven want to keep Lilith away? Because she was inspiring Hell. When Lucifer fell he lost a lot of his drive, but Lilith inspired Sinners with her song. Heaven couldn't risk that, they had to keep the Sinners as miserable as possible to:

keep them from rebelling

to punish them

to punish Lucifer and Lilith

to have an "excuse" to exterminate them year after year

Lilith's inspiration was a threat to their order, so when presented with a way to remove her from Heaven they sent Adam, and Lute. After that deal was made Lilith had to leave, and that's where she's been for 7 years. But Lilith also had a deal with Alastor, to keep an eye on the Hotel and on Charlie. Lilith knew Charlie was like her dad, a dreamer, she knew Heaven would try to kick her down just like they did with the two of them. She knew Lucifer wouldn't want that either but she also knew Charlie wouldn't give up. So she sent Alastor as a kind of safety net.

Lucifer only interfered when Adam went after Charlie, because at that point their deal was broken by Adam. After Adam died Lute told this to Lilith, their deal is broken. BUT now Charlie is fair game in future Exterminations. At least she will be unless Lilith goes down there and does something about the Hotel.

The only thing is that she doesn't want that. I suspect she hoped that the Hotel would be successful and that Heaven would change their mind when they saw redeemed souls, bringing an end to Exterminations, the danger to Charlie and her having to stay in Heaven all at once.

But now Lilith, who wanted freedom, went from one cage (Heaven), to another (Hell), and then back to the first one, has her hands tied once again. Adam is dead, but she's not free, because if she were to leave Charlie would get hurt.

People in this fandom are so quick to villainize her because she's at a beach (and cause of how Stella is apparently?). It's Heaven. A pretty cage is still a cage.

#hazbin hotel #charlie morningstar #lilith morningstar #lucifer morningstar #adam #lute #hazbin hotel charlie #hazbin hotel lilith #hazbin hotel lucifer #hazbin hotel adam #hazbin hotel lute #hazbin charlie #hazbin lilith #hazbin lucifer #hazbin adam #hazbin lute #hazbin hotel theory #hazbin hotel thoughts #hazbin hotel spoilers

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astrologydayz · 6 months

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COMPOSITE CHART NOTES❤️‍🔥 - LOVE/RELATIONSHIP WISE

🖤 A composite chart for a couple literally shows us how their relationship dynamic is, how they communicate as a couple/show love, their sexual dynamic, "challenges as a couple", how "content" they are in their relationship basically&their "reputation together"/outside influences etc. It also shows what their relationship's "endgame" is⛓.

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

SUN TRINE/QUINTILE MOON = a real powerhouse. They do NOT need other people's validation, when it comes to anything regarding their relationship. They KNOW they're meant 2 be in this, &won't hesitate 2 cut people out who's trying 2 interfere. They're stable and secure in their relationship, when it comes 2 their differences/"flaws" - they'll guide each other, not mock. They support each other, &will always have each others backs. If they'll ever break up = best friends after, 9/10 times. Won't let one another leave.

SUN SQUARE/QUINCUNX Moon can feel conflicting. They love each others differences in the beginning, but will start 2 point out each others "flaws" later, and make fun of them. "Passive aggressive" comments being thrown at one another, at any moment. It happens without them being able 2 stop themselves. They have these intense moments where they know they want 2 stay together 4ever, but have arguments about every little thing, things that doesn't even matter. They can't let one another be true 2 who they are🙅‍♀️🧡.

🌙 🪐MOON CONJUNCT/QUINCUNX SATURN = restrictions when it comes 2 feelings as a couple. They can feel awkward/weird talking about their emotions together. Like this "bad cloud" hanging over them, every time they try 2 go deep/work out their "problems"/differences with one another. Can also show karmic issues being the reason they can't get "emotionally close". One can have hurt the other one in a past life, & it hinders their connection in this life. Feeling like they can't be 100% open with each other, not knowing why - always a wall dividing them🖤💔.

SUN CONJUNCT/SQUARE Black Moon Lilith can easily have started their relationship while one of them was already in a relationship🖤. A secret affair, or just a really secret relationship, because one of them/or both, got something going on🤨🤔. SUN CONJUNCT MARS shows a very sexual relationship! They have a very passionate, fiery, action oriented, &strong relationship🤟🧡. They hype each others egos up, & feel better together than they do apart. They can have passionate arguments about who should do what &why, or about what they should do together & who should "decide". They can also end up saying really hurtful things 2 each other, in the heat of the moment, so they betta make sure that they give each other the freedom that they both need👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨. SUN CONJUNCT PLUTO is a total power couple! they'll change/transform each others lives forever, when they come together. Feeling of fate being involved here - "not a coincidence". They got loyalty 4 days, and have a very intense relationship that only they can understand. No outsiders allowed "truly" in. They have 2 make sure that they're always truthful towards one another tho, cuz the other person will find out, as everything is seriously analyzed here. They can get into intense arguments/obsess about things the other person does/did. Not "putting it all out there", can seem crazy sketchy2 the other person.

SUN CONJUNCT 5TH HOUSE = This couple is social AF! They have a LOT of friends usually, & LOVES 2 go out with them! Parties, events, dinners, u name it. They can even go on vacations with them! They love 2 have fun as a couple! And it can also show that they met, when they were out having fun with their friends/at a place where u can drink/dance. This placement can also show a couple having a kid together/raising a kid together.

MARS CONJUNCT MC can show a couple motivating each other, driving each other 2 succeed in each of their careers. OR one helping the other one reach an insane milestone in their career. But it can actually also show, that A LOT OF PEOPLE are against these 2being together. People can hate on them, for whatever reason they deem fit. Reputation of helping/supporting one another, career wise/looking “hot/sexy together/fighting in public/their fights being talked about publicly/people hating on their relationship - always commenting on it.

VENUS/CONJUNCT/TRINE/QUINTILE MC is a really fucking good placement. This couple shows their love, and how they love each other 2 the world. "One can't be mentioned without the other"🗣🫰. They typically have material wealth, & a reputation for being a creative/artistic/wealthy/loving - giving couple. They can also be seen as a very beautiful looking couple. They can be known in the entertainment/Arts industry, fashion industry, or they can be socialites. It can even show an iconic couple💋.

URANUS CONJUNCT ASC/OPPOSITE DSC shows a couple having no trouble with showing their "weird sides"/cute quirks - they can't hide it anyway. They're not embarrassed by it. THEY LIVE4IT! They're not gonna pretend 2 be something they're not. They can't hide their forward/original way of living either, no matter how much they wanted2! They're innovative, &will not conform 2 society's way of "living life". People can think of the couple as an "unusual" match/&as unpredictable, but a forward living/creative/out of the box couple. Hating labels = usually a thing here, so they can wait a long time before "finalizing" anything between them. They're not something u see every day! MERCURY CONJUNCT ASC/OPPOSITE DSC can show a couple speaking whatever's on their minds, all the time. "A couple having no filter". They don't care if they're debating in front of people, or alone. It's their thing! It's just how they are/work as a couple. Debating/talking 2each other A LOT, about all kinds of different things, to discuss and then agree, or agree 2 disagree. As long as they both gets 2 discuss their points, It's all good. People can think of the couple as a communicative/talkative/& "open" couple, but sometimes a little 2 open/2ready 2 debate/discuss everything. People can also feel kinda left out, when they're talking with each other - can't keep up with them. MERCURY OPPOSITE MC/CONJUNCT IC usually have really good communication between them, unless their Mercury is really afflicted. They can be seen as kind of "Superficial in public", only really talking about surface stuff. They're really private, when it comes to their problems/debates or fights. If they're fighting, you wouldn't know, unless u know them really well. They do not talk about their issues with each other in public. That's something these two only do behind closed doors. They're very straightforward with each other, & they talk about everything, But only when they're ALONE.

Always look at everything, 2get the exact details! &always analyze both Natal charts, BEFORE analyzing a composite chart! THANKS4READING BABE Appreciate u, always.

#composite chart #astro community #astro notes #astrology #astro observations #astrology notes #venus #mars astrology #astrology community

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utilitycaster · 7 months

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Sean's general self-loathing is well established, but I think the exact nature of it is something I haven't talked about at length or seen discussed in full elsewhere.

At first glance it may seem as though "just fighting squid dogs until I'm dead" and Sean's willingness to go down swinging, throwing himself at most threats, stem from him wishing for a heroic death, but I don't think this is the case. He'd like it - it would give Bee a good thing to tell his mother, for whatever that's worth - but the truth is something he says elsewhere: "No shit. I'm a monster too."

Sean is not terribly worried about harm to himself. It is tempting to assume that his decision to throw the gun down the drain is about wishing to stop himself from using it for suicidal impulses; but I don't think it is. He's worried about using it on others. He throws it away immediately after he envisions the letter in which his mother accuses him of killing innocents and flashes back; later, he acknowledges that had he had a gun, he might have shot Lucas: "I'm not holding a weapon right now, so when my right index finger twitches, nothing happens."

It's helpful to understand Sean in terms of two of the people who come closest to understanding him: Bee and Nathaniel.

Bee, on the surface, has a lot in common with him: both lost their entire family, one way or another, other than each other, Marion, and Peggy (who they did, in a way, lose) and their homes in the war. Bee understands Sean's past - him as a boy, before all of this - in a way no one else can, since Marion was also himself quite young. The difference, however, is that Bee wants to return to that past - and, to be honest, that would fix the majority of her problems. Were Bee's husband to still be alive? Were she to have her home again? That's what she wants! That would be life-changing! And so she thinks about happier times, and urges Sean to go back to a more innocent time, and blames Nathaniel as a figurehead for the war that took this from them.

The problem is that Sean's problem, in the end, is that he went to war and found out he was the kind of person who'd kill things that look like children. He doesn't think they were real children, maybe, but some days he's not sure. His worst fear is that his mother would know precisely what he did with NoMAD, in Ghost company, and he believes she'd hate him for it. If Sean had an apartment? If Sean's mother were out and living in her tenement? Hell, if his brothers were alive? This would not change. It certainly doesn't help, that there's immense loss and poverty on top of all that, but in the end, Sean does not trust himself to make choices, believes it to be only a matter of time before he hurts someone again (to the point that I wonder if this is why he's avoiding his mother, or if it's because that if he spends more time with her she might realize who he is now), and now sees himself, in a way, as, well, kind of like a squid dog - can be tasked to be a protector, but corruptible, easy to turn, and liable to bite those on the same side.

Sean explicitly equates death as freedom from having to make decisions - because he believes he will make wrong ones.

Nathaniel, on the other hand, is much more ignorant of Sean's material losses - he is unaware Sean is living at the chapter house nor does he know about his mother - but what Nathaniel does share, and Bee does not, is that sense of identity shaped by a specific action (or in Nathaniel's case, inaction). Nathaniel thinks himself a coward because he did not save his older brother from drowning; it defines him perhaps even more profoundly than the war (though his response to his officer's pistol indicates the war left plenty of marks on him as well).

Nathaniel might not know the details of Sean's connection to baseball in the same way Bee does (though, notably, they are the only two to engage with it; Jean and Marion haven't). It's not clear if Nathaniel knows quite what happened in Ghost Company either - it's not even stated if Sean came to Echo Company before, or after, though it really only makes sense after. However, he does understand someone who doesn't think they will make the correct choices; he understands guilt and self-loathing in a way Bee does not. He understands being the surviving child and believing your parents got the worse deal out of that. And so it's Nathaniel who understands the importance of giving Sean orders, and the (temporary and false) absolution even an imperfect institution and the identities it confers provides.

Nathaniel's issues with himself are not on the same level as Sean's - he seems to have come to a place of "I'm a coward, and would prefer not to be, but at least I'm attempting to use what skills I have" [ignore whether or not he's actually a coward, that doesn't ultimately matter in this discussion, the same way that it doesn't matter that Sean bought his sick brother a hat with his paltry spending money] whereas Sean is actively opposing any indication that he isn't a monster, or at best a weapon. But he does understand that Sean's issues come from a similar place and how to live with them - which is something Sean does not yet see as a possibility.

#welcome to let's talk about the importance of how a ttrpg character sees their own agency: a meta meta meta meta discussion #critical role #candela obscura #sean finnerty #beatrix monroe #nathaniel trapp

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bloodyjuls-blog · 9 months

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WHAT IF I LOSE YOU (part 3)

(I will fight to not lose you) - Alexia Putellas

There was a moment in my life where I wanted to give up, where everything was beyond me and what can you expect from a girl who grew up in Sutton running around with a soccer ball and who is now a super star? Life has never been easy, when you reach your teenage years and your social life overlaps with training, match day, recovery days? The only thing left was to do everything from home, from parties to drinking. Everything was easier without my parents at home, to be honest I grew up having everything, a big house, money, freedom and what I loved most after alcohol.... Football. When you become a professional nobody tells you the responsibilities and the exposure you bring with that and even if they say that women's soccer lacks attraction then they should have it checked because the pressure I felt playing for arsenal or city was very high and brought with it the expectation of the Barcelona soccer club to bring a star, to speak on and off the pitch. My younger days I remember with the talks with my parents for not being good enough to be in a professional league, which then when I achieved it would break me little by little because alcohol never left me, the faithful companion of my adventures.... Everything became a problem, I drank until the wee hours and made sure I got enough rest to perform the minimum in my club. Then my sister brings us the news of her pregnancy and I don't deny it, I always wanted to be a mother but there was a moment when my world came crashing down and I rejected the idea.

Flashback

It was the decisive league match for arsenal. We were facing Chelsea for the FA cup and the pressure from above forced us to win. But things always go wrong, that day I think I had one of the worst games of my life. I missed a lot of chances, I was always out of position and the worst thing is that my family was watching me from the stands.

At the dinner with my family, my father very disappointed tells me: "daughter I do not understand you, they tell us to come to see you and you play a shitty game" to which I a little upset I tell him: "if you are not interested then do not come, this is soccer" at the end of dinner the mood is lowered but my father there is something that does not fit, since I tried the first shot of vodka has made me bad faces. While I approach to take Ruppert, already 5 years old, my father takes him away from me and tells me: "I don't understand how they can want you in a club if you are an alcoholic, and much less I am going to allow you to take care of your nephews being in the conditions you are, do you think I didn't notice your flash of whiskey you had in your backpack or that you are going back home drunk, if something happens to you don't even bother to call me because I am not going to come and save your ass, you understand? " My tears were falling from my eyes, he had hurt me in a way I never thought he could. After all he was my father and I was his not so favorite daughter.

End of the Flashback

Alexia pov

"Hello, Ana. Do you know where y/n is?" I ask through the line in a worried voice. "No Ale, the only thing I know is that she had been drinking and left driving the car, I guess I'm guessing she's already in her apartment" Ana replied calmly. "Fuck this can't be" exclaimed Ale as she tried to call you back. "Ah I know who to call, maybe she has information" she thought calmer.

"Hi Leah how are you? It's Alexia" said Alexia calmly "Hi Alexia, well to what do I owe your call?" Answered Leah quizzically "I was wondering if you know anything about y/n, she called me a while ago and left me a little worried" you could tell from Alexia's voice that something wasn't right. "Ale the truth I don't know where y/n/n could have gone, what I do tell you is to please take care of her, and help with the alcohol issue she is not having a good time, and I am worried that something might happen to her" said a little more concerted Leah. "Of course, come on I'll leave you, I have another call coming in."

She answers the other call....

"Hello, is this Ms. Alexia Putellas?" A calm voice asks on the other line. "Who is calling?" answers a curious Alexia. "Ma'am this is the receptionist at Egarsat hospital speaking, I was speaking to inform you that Miss y/n y/l has been involved in an accident and you are listed as the emergency contact" Alexia at that moment felt tears fall from her eyes "yes this is her, tell me how is she? Tell me how is she?" says Alexia desperately "Ma'am the only thing I can tell you is that if you can, please go to the hospital as soon as possible, the emergency reception will tell you where to go" "thank you" says Alexia with an agitated voice.

Note: sorry I know had passed a couple of month but I'm near to graduate and that makes me full time persone and busy schedule. Love you all loads

#woso x reader #woso #fc barcelona femeni #fcb femeni #woso imagines #woso one shot #alexia putellas one shot #alexia putellas x reader #alexia putellas imagine #espwnt imagine #lionesses #leah williamson imagine #leah williamson x reader

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singingcicadas · 2 months

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I find it super ironic that Cyclonus has this highly romanticized, propagandic view of the Decepticons, because like:

This is him 🔽

And this is also him 🔽

Dude you yourself was a member of the ruling elite of the old order. Even if what you said about the Decepticons were all true, you're a big part of why people needed to be emancipated in the first place.

He was part of Nova Prime's inner cadre during a time when bigotry and oppression was even more predominant. Nova. who's literally the founder of functionism, which flourished and peaked under the so-called Golden Age of his rule. And Galvatron's... Galvatron, I don't even want to talk about him everyone knows what he's like. But Cyclonus was somehow fine with being yes-man to both?

The way he spoke about the Decepticons, it sounded as if he's this super dedicated sjw filled with righteous passion about stuff like liberation and revolution and emancipation and 'the people', when in truth it's shown that he'd never cared about any of those things before that point.

Nova Prime's ideology was literally this:

And Cyclonus didn't have a problem with it during his entire life before the Ark, compared to more decent people like Dai Atlas and Omega Supreme who eventually clashed with their group and got kicked off the Ark b/c they couldn't stand Nova and co.'s lack of a bottom line and misuse of the word freedom.

As a matter of fact Cyclonus still believed in Nova Prime after he became Nemesis - not that he was much of a better person as Nova. Where's his sense of justice against corruption? Nova got turned into a literal demon, surely it's hard to get more corrupted than that. But his only complaint wasn't about what Nova/Nemesis was trying to do, it's about the process being too much of a damn ordeal.

He's super excited over the anticipation of murder and has no scruples whatsoever about killing non-combatants. The same thing happened again at Kimia.

He finally grew enough of a conscience to break off from Galvatron in the end but notice his wording. It's not 'you forced me to hurt people', it's 'you forced me to hurt Cybertron'. He even said Cybertron twice for emphasis.

It's not mind control, he just thinks like that. The guy's obsessed with Cybertron - with what Cybertron once was. The Cybertron he lived in. Nova Prime's Cybertron. The Golden Age. He's shown to repeatedly lament over it in his internal monologues.

It's all about the loss of his 'perfect world.' The infrastructure. the scenery. the Tetrahexian real estate lmao. How about let's feel some sadness for the billions of Cybertronians who once lived on it? When did he ever spare a thought for all the people who died?

The Decepticons worked so hard to destroy this. It's a gilded carcass rotting from the inside. It eats people alive. The rot was already there in his own time. He was complacent in putting it there. But he only had eyes for the beauty and nolstalgia.

In the first panel he lauded the Decepticons for wanting radical change. Well he himself seemed to be dead set against change judging by the way he kept wanting things to go back the way they were 8 million years ago.

Back in the Golden Age he would not have looked twice at a bot like Tailgate. He was part of the people who didn't give a shit about the disappearance of one waste disposal bot. He still wouldn't have given a shit if circumstances hadn't forced them together over and over again.

Looks to me he's enarmored with the grandness of the concepts of liberation and revolution and emancipation for 'the people' in the Decepticons' (theoretical) ideology. The concepts of fighting against corruption and bringing down the old order. Just like how he bought into the concepts of Nova's 'spreading freedom to the galaxy' and the glittering prosperity of the 'Golden Age.' Does he know that the Decepticon ideology is a twisted lie built on terror and massacres and genocide and despotism? Does he know that Nova's idea of spreading freedom and enlightenment is galactical conquest and his beloved Golden Age is built upon a foundation of misery and suffering and systematic subjugation? Of course he knows he's not stupid. He's nose-deep in it, it's virtually impossible not to. But he's able to willfully ignore those ugly truths as well as his role in them by only engaging in shallow romanticism through rose-coloured lens and refusing to delve deeper.

It's either that or imperalist mindset and the endorsement of violence and casual murder resonates hard.

#on one hand Cyclonus would have made the perfect decepticon #he's got the hypocrisy down really well #moral standards align too #but he wouldn't be able to stand them after a while. and they wouldn't be able to stand him #their views about the past are fundamentally different. like class different #let's not forget the fanatic religion. the decepticons hate religion. being religious is enough to get the DJD sicced on you #and taking religion to the extremes is what legitimized functionism in the first place #he's someone who's REALLY good at ignoring thing he doesn't like and brainwashing himself into thinking they don't exist #idw transformers #transformers #mtmte #maccadam #Cyclonus

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insufferableprotagonistpoll · 9 days

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Propaganda why Batman is insufferable:

Always has to be right. Does the most janked up stuff and doesn't care who it hurts. Imposes his will on others to the point of willing to bodily harm them if they do not comply (and yes, this does include his children)

I’ll also support Batman as a candidate because of the slapping Robin meme, which is annoying, and because he is just way too much. Too much all the time.

Has to always be right, regardless of situation. Because somehow the billionaire has knowledge of how middle class people think.

Propaganda why Tony Stark is insufferable:

She’s a hypocrite who is ready to restrict the freedom of others when they make one mistake, but when he makes a mistake he figures he’s able to handle himself

Super long, sorry lol

Thinking about how in Homecoming when Peter accidentally caused that boat to get split in half because the Vulture’s gun exploded and Tony was acting like as if Peter was completely in the wrong for going there just because he did it without his permission. He was acting like as if Peter was out of line and “disobeyed him”, trying to act like his father. And then I remember how in CACW he’s the one who scouted Peter in the first place just because he saw he might be useful against a personal squabble between him and Captain America despite knowing that he was a kid and he’s just now acknowledging how dangerous it is because Peter “acted on his own”

Completely hijacking Peter’s superhero story and trying to control his every move (Training wheels protocol and baby monitor thing he put in the suit), acting like Peter should’ve known that Tony would send someone in despite the fact that he’d been ignoring him for 2 months since Civil War and not keeping him updated on anything!!

How the hell is peter supposed to know Tony is going to listen to him when he treats him like a kid instead of a superhero when it’s convenient for him? And when Tony loses his temper after Peter says he’s 15 not 14 like “the adult is talking” bitch he could literally flatten you without your suit!!!

I guess in a way he is acting like a father but like the absentee kind. He’s more like a sperm donor father trying to act like he has any rights over Peter’s life smh.

It’s not that reprimanding Peter for the situation is bad, but the way he makes it seem as if Peter is irredeemable as if Tony wasn't a literal weapons dealer lmfao. He could’ve said what was the truth about it without completely invalidating him saying shit like “no thanks to you” after Peter asked if everyone is okay when it’s literally thanks to Peter finding a lead on those guys in the first place that they were even noticed and it’s not like the FBI being there could’ve in no way caused a similar situation.

And then near the end of the movie when he’s getting crushed by the building rubble screaming and crying for someone to help him where the fuck is Tony?? That scene just proved that he never needed Tony’s suit in the first place to be Spider-Man since he had to use 100% his own strength to lift it off of him. I know he would’ve found the motivation even if Tony hadn’t been involved in the first place to give him the suit, take it away from him and have the words “if you’re nothing without the suit you shouldn’t have it“ echo in his head. Why did Tony even take the suit away? Like as if he expects Peter to stop being spoderman without it??? Holy fuck. This is why you don’t make it out of endgame /j /srs.

When Tony took this suit away from Peter he was like “God I sound like my dad“ shouldn’t that be a red flag to him? Wasn’t he literally just saying that he wished his dad was better than he was?? Lmfao

Tony is so annoying. When they first meet he straight up bullies Peter into fighting for his personal bullshit, insults and objectifies Aunt May in front of him, spits into his trashcan and is in general being pushy af. He blackmails Peter when he doesn’t wanna come to Germany with him AND HE DOESNT EVEN EXPLAIN WHY HE WANTS HIM TO COME. Uncomfortable vibes lol.

Tony being the one to tell peter “if Captain America wanted to hurt you he would’ve” when Peter was trying to state his case, yet HE’S also the one who put Peter in harms way when he didn’t even want to go with him???

Telling Peter that he should stick to being a “friendly neighborhood Spider-Man” (stealing his thing once again) when that’s what Peter _was_ doing before Tony took him out of his zone and filled his head with grander things to be apart of….bitch? Die. Ohh waaaait (jkjk) but yeah

There’s the usual “he’s a war criminal who only felt bad about it when he realized his weapons were killing white Americans as well as Arab people” reason, and also he’s just super annoying. You had to be there for the original Avengers shitty dialogue a la “we have a Hulk” that had Tumblr in a vicious chokehold. Also he was supposed to FINALLY go away after destroying all his suits in Iron Man 3 but he just… didn’t! Which is bullshit.

Portrayed as a hero because? He chose to no longer mass produce war weapons and bombs after suffering the consequences. Huge hypocrite. Doesn't care about anyone but himself. Will backstab people if they believe in human rights when it's inconvenient to him. Seen as a hero while he's the personification of privileged people saying they're not privileged

>Makes weapons

>Billionaire

>Made multiple AI Surveillance Robots

>Gaslight a child into fighting a super soldier in a foreign country for him

>His fans are annoying

#batman #dc #tony stark #mcu #insufferable protagonist poll #insufferable protagonist tournament #tournament poll

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animeyanderelover · 1 year

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May I request Chuuya, Dazai, and Tendou with an s/o who realizes that their partner is a yandere so they and talk then about an set up so ground rules such as no kidnapping but other then that they are fine with it.

I already did something really similar for Tendou in another request so I left him out.

Tw: Yandere themes, unhealthy mindset, unhealthy relationship, possessive behavior, obsession, clinginess, stalking, paranoia, jealousy, manipulation

This is fine

Dazai Osamu

🤎 Honestly, he gives you credit for finding out since he's fooled almost everyone else so far with his sappy and charming facade. Dazai has a smile on his face for now although it does seem to your knowing eyes fake as he asks you what you plan to do now that you're aware, leans very close to you as both of his hands grab your arms in a tighter grip. You don't plan to leave him now, do you? There's something more malicious brooding behind his grin. One wrong word could lead to Dazai unleashing something no one would want to see. When you instead say that you want to sit down and talk with him about some things, he blinks at you confused before you drag him with you so both of you can sit down. You feel his eyes trying to drill through your soul, trying to read you. His grip on you is still tight, if you try to fool him so you can run away he won't let you.

🤎 When you start talking with him about rules you'd like Dazai to keep such as not killing others or kidnapping you, he's pleasantly surprised by how well you take everything. By the end of it he's chuckling amused, a lighthearted grin on his face. Dazai is honestly just absolutely ecstatic that you love the side of him that could easily crush your body and soul. Sufficient to say that Dazai adores his s/o even more after their confession. He dotes on them even more and starts worshipping them strongly since they accept everything about him. He also starts trusting you more and gives you slightly more freedom although he is still clingly and most of the time glued to your hip. Whether he sticks to your silly rules regarding hurting others or not is a mystery though. Obviously he doesn't want to upset his sweetheart but what you never know will not hurt you.

Nakahara Chuuya

🟠 Chuuya curses himself in his mind for slipping up to the point where his s/o found out although to be fair, he's a little hothead. He tries to brush it off as a joke and attempts to change the topic, distract you so you just forget it. His eyes narrow when you stay firm though, fists subtly clenching. What do you want to do now that you know the truth? Instead of trying to convince you that you're overreacting, Chuuya starts defending his behavior, tells you that he has done everything out of love for you, for your safety. He's about to ramble a bit, scared that you'll try to leave him but instead you just hush him. You only wish to set some conditions with him, a statement that leaves Chuuya baffled. He trails behind you so he can quickly block your route if you try to dash to the front door, his slight paranoia not eased just yet.

🟠 He's even more perplexed when you explain your rules to him. That you just don't want him to abduct you or hurt innocent people but that you're otherwise completely fine with his possessive streak and clinginess. Technically he knows that his behavior is unhealthy but he is far too flustered in that moment by your confession to care. You love him unconditionally for every aspect for him and that knowledge causes his heart to swell with joy. Chuuya agrees to your rules, relieved that everything went so smoothly despite your awareness of the situation. He feels like he can be more open now without having to fear that you'd be scared of him, feels like the connection between you two is more intimate and stronger too. He spoils and loves you even more, tries to keep his short temper in check so you don't have to be sad and disappointed in him.

#yandere bungo stray dogs #yandere bungou stray dogs #yandere bsd #yandere dazai #yandere dazai osamu #yandere chuuya #yandere nakahara chuuya

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nyaagolor · 7 months

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A genuinely shocking amnt of people said they wanted to see my “Apollo backstory but it’s exclusively based on AA4” so huzzah! Self-indulgence on main! It’s under the readmore because I don’t wanna clog anyone’s dash :)

Everything starts with Thalassa because of course it does. She’s part of the Granmarye Troupe but kinda Hates It. Her father gives her very little autonomy, and she feels like they’re treating her more as an asset or employee than family. She's good at putting on a brave face but she has very little autonomy there and is completely miserable, so she sneaks out to meet with the audience sometimes to get a taste of freedom. It’s on one of these little trips that she meets Jove, who she quickly falls in love with. They continue to meet in secret, and Thalassa’s resentment for the troupe only grows. The day she turns 18, she runs away to go elope with him, not leaving a note or any indication of where she’s gone

The two of them are happily married for a year and have a child, but Jove dies in an accident (unrelated to Kuhrain in this version) only a year into their marriage. Thalassa, now a 19 year old single mom with no money and no documents, realizes the only person who can help her now is the last person she wants to see. Desperate, she calls Magnifi, who agrees to help her IF she gives up the kid and comes back to the troupe. He thinks if she still has an attachment to the child she’ll try and run away again as soon as she can (and he’s right!). Thalassa gives Apollo to the orphanage with one of her bracelets and secretly tries to keep track of him— she does plan on coming back for him as soon as she can, Magnifi be damned

Magnifi, knowing that both Zak and Valant are in love with his daughter, actively encourages the both of them to pursue her, hoping one of them will get her to fall in love and give her a reason not to leave the troupe. Zak is the one who ends up succeeding. They have Trucy together and things immediately take a turn for the worse

Thalassa immediately gets very depressed after having Trucy and nothing seems to cheer her up. She can’t stop thinking about being forced to give up her first child and the life she lost and nothing Zak does seems to help. Eventually, Magnifi steps in and says that she needs to get over it and get back to performing. To everyone’s surprise, Thalassa agrees without protest

This is when the “accident” happens. Air quotes here because surprise! It was not an accident at all. Thalassa was tired, desperate, and wanting nothing more than to go scorched earth on the entirety of Troupe Granmarye, so she loaded the gun improperly on purpose in hopes that the aftermath and scandal will bring the troupe down with her. She somehow survives, but only Magnifi knows. Not wanting news of it to escape and seeing an opportunity to hold this over Zak and Valant’s heads, he ships his amnesiac daughter off to Borgnia and tries to wipe his hands of the whole thing

While clearing through Thalassa’s things, Magnifi finds all of the information on Apollo and Jove, which he shows to Zak. Zak, who didn’t know about Apollo, feels wildly hurt by it all. He ends up projecting a lot of his feelings onto Trucy— he still loves her but becomes more distant because he’s grieving Thalassa’s death and “betrayal”

This is how Zak knows about Apollo and why he tells Phoenix about it. Phoenix does try to find Apollo as soon as he learns about him, HOWEVER, Apollo is trans and all of Thalassa’s documents have his deadname on them so they can’t be used to track him down. (By the time Phoenix realizes Apollo is the kid he’s been looking for ((via the bracelet)) he’s already broken Apollo’s trust enough that he doesn’t feel like he can safely drop that truth bomb without scaring him away. By the time Apollo DOES come to trust Phoenix, Thalassa has her memories back, at which point Phoenix feels it’s her truth to tell). Anyway.

Trucy’s story is effectively identical to canon so I don’t have much to say about that

While in the orphanage, Apollo decides he wants to be a lawyer bc he hears about Phoenix (specifically the whole thing about sticking up for people with no one on their side). He goes thru the lawyer track in HS bc that’s a canon thing in AA apparently and tests into a special fast track law program so he can save as much money on tuition as possible

Apollo works his ass off, he has a ton of jobs and works indexing night shifts for the courthouse. Everyone starts to know who he is bc he works every law related job he can no matter how miserable. This is how Kristoph finds out about him

He works all thru law school but basically all of his money goes to tuition so he goes between shitty apartments and crashing at the courthouse / work when he runs out of rent money. This is the OTHER reason everyone knows who he is and how kristoph finds out about him— he’s always loitering around the courthouse. He makes a name for himself as a hard worker, being fast + thorough with paperwork, and having an excellent eye for detail

During internship hunting season, Kristoph approaches Apollo— he greatly values a dedicated hard worker like Apollo and thinks Apollo’s abysmal financials are good leverage for manipulation. I hc that Kristoph specializes in fraud cases, so Apollo’s talents are extremely relevant to Kristoph’s interests. Kristoph’s firm is only himself because of all the illegal shit he does (less eyes less chance of being caught) so he gambles on taking in Apollo. He ends up personally fixing up Apollo’s credit score, ensuring he has proper documents, and gets him set up with a decent paycheck so he can start to develop a savings account. Apollo decides he would die for him

This continues until Kristoph plays a bad hand— he intends on having Apollo defend Phoenix in the hopes that he’ll lose so he can hang the resulting verdict over Apollo’s head to manipulate him. Turnabout Trump happens and Apollo ends up back where he started, broke and with less trust in others than he had before (which is saying a lot). During his internship with Kristoph he managed to get together a tiny rainy day fund and even started to save up for top surgery, but all that money has to be used to cover rent while he’s jobless bc of the Turnabout Trump aftermath. It’s when the money finally runs out that he answers Trucy’s phone call and agrees to work for the WAA

Canon proceeds as normal, but Apollo has extra paranoia because he’s worried all the money and documents and credit that Kristoph gave him were faked. Also, Thalassa doesn't tell Trucy and Apollo about the whole Thing because part of that would be admitting the role she played in how their lives turned out and she is not quite ready to face her demons yet

#ace attorney #apollo justice #mod vex #textpost #headcanons #this is the most indulgent thing i've posted in a while lol

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heliads · 2 years

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I love love love your stories with Newt, thank you so much for writing them, i was thinking if I can request one? Just a simple thing with hurt/comfort and some angst. My idea is that reader does something that threatens her life, maybe she's the one that runs to help Minho in the maze at night (whatever, you decide really). But after that, when she comes back, Newt is furious, because he was SO worried that that was it, that he would lose her; so when she comes back he starts scolding her, but in the middle of the argument his eyes start to get all teary, and he just realizes he's crying after the first tear falls. Then despite him being stubborn and trying to avoid it, the reader just hugs him and holds him tightly until he calms down, this makes him break and cling to her, and he just sobs on her shoulder because he thought he would never see her again. Then just some cute moments and maybe his feelings getting spilled. Thank you, I'm excited to read it, you're awesome 💖

no you're awesome, anon! also i'm glad you like the newt fics bc like five requests for him came in during the last week, so you get a lot of newt content lmao

masterlist

You could spend your whole life wondering if you would never know what it feels like to be alive. Really, properly alive, that is, not this dreary day to day surviving that makes up most of your days in the Glade. You have a pulse, your blood is still good enough to force your heart through yet another set of paces, but it’s not enough. You don’t know that it will ever be enough.

Perhaps it’s the lack of freedom that keeps making you feel this way. You certainly have enough exertion in your life to give you probable cause to feel something a little stronger. After all, you and your fellow Gladers are the only things keeping you from certain death. Despite your best efforts, though, you cannot shake the obvious truth that you are in a prison, and that prison will keep you tied down until the day you die. In the life you lead, that may come sooner than you think.

Death is common enough in the Glade, as evident by the small graveyard in the back of the Deadheads. It should be enough to convince you of the merit of your own life, to let you seize the day because you know quite well that it may be your last. Still, your hours peter off into drudgery, and you cannot make yourself believe that any one of your days are worth the effort you put into them.

Shouting voices echo around you like the calls of birds, and you dimly realize that this must mark the end of the work day. Everyone has been released from their shifts at last. Most of the boys head over to their friends, slinging arms around shoulders and sharing what happened to them during the past few hours, all the jokes that have been quietly stewing in their heads now begging to be spoken aloud for greatest comedic effect.

Not all of the Gladers seem so happy to be off work, though. It’s not like they’re begging to be let back into their daily jobs, they’re just more like you, more apathetic. You wrap up the task you were doing before break was called and head out, rambling aimlessly through the Glade in search of something to fill your hours.

You used to be more like the more exuberant Gladers once, but you’ve been here for what’s coming up on three years. Despite all the work it takes to maintain the place, the Glade is small, and you can feel the walls of the Maze bearing down on you, forcing you to stay in place. You made your jokes a long time ago, their fountains of cheer have now run dry. There are no hilarious anecdotes left in you, just a deep, shifting weight of too much time on your hands.

You’re still not alone, though, despite your best assumptions. Soon enough, you’re greeted by your own name shouted aloud, your own friend coming up to grin at you. Newt’s been here almost as long as you have, yet he still finds a way to make his days worth something. There was a time, once, when he couldn’t. Neither of you dare to bring it up, but your eyes still flicker over to his bad leg every now and then when you’re sure he can’t see it.

Newt, in his tenure, has learned to read you just as well as the grounds of the Glade. He taps a hand lightly against your shoulder blade to get your attention.

“What’s up with you?” He asks, frowning slightly. “You seem more tired than normal. Sleep alright?”

You lift a shoulder. “Sleep was fine. It’s just– I’m sick of this place, you know? Nothing ever changes.”

“Repetition keeps us safe,” Newt reminds you, “I’m more worried about what happens when things start changing.”

You sigh. “I know. I’m glad to be alive, obviously, but how long are we supposed to be here, doing all this? The Creators had to have put us in here for a reason, but I just don’t get it.”

Newt nods slowly. “I’ve been thinking a lot of the same things. Guess we’ll just have to wait and see, though. When the time comes and our situation starts shifting, I’ll make sure you’re the first to know.”

He says his last bit with a sort of smile, and once again you’re amazed by how he’s able to stay positive so easily. If there is a pessimistic bone in his body, Newt is able to cover it up with the grace of a master illusionist.

Unable to hold your tongue, you ask him about it. “How are you able to do that? Stay so happy about everything, I mean. Why is your patience still intact?”

Newt chuckles. “I have a fairly good reason to make my days matter.”

He doesn’t clarify on what that means, but his eyes linger on you a second longer than normal. You feel your breath hitch in your throat, but force yourself to glance away lest you think too much into it.

Newt’s not wrong about the changes, though. The next Greenie Day is as normal as they come, even if the latest arrival tries to hurl himself into the Maze the second he appears. Thomas seems like he’ll be a fine addition to the Glade, all up until another Greenie arrives the next day. She’s unconscious, although between the fact that she knows Thomas’ name and comes bearing a note that says she’ll be the last one, ever, you’re not liking your odds that this will be quickly forgotten.

You and Newt spend your hours talking this latest development over with Alby. The three of you have been here the longest, or at least the longest of the surviving Gladers, but even your shared experience can’t come up with much explanation of what to do next. All that remains is to stay calm and hope that an avenue of escape presents itself as soon as possible.

Maybe that’s why Alby was so eager to go into the Maze the second Minho showed up one afternoon, out of breath and talking about having found a dead Griever. It’s another change, and everyone’s already on edge from the new girl’s arrival. A dead Griever could mean many things, but if it even hints at a way out, Alby feels that he has to see it for himself.

In the end, you’re not sure if he was right or wrong to visit the corpse of the Griever. Alby and Minho stay in the Maze longer and longer, to the point where a small group of Gladers starts clustering around the Doors to see if they’re coming or not. Although the gathering starts small, enough people head there after work that almost the entire population of the Glade, minus Teresa and a few others, finds themselves camped outside the gap in the stone walls.

Newt exchanges glances with you, both of you piercingly aware of the fact that Alby and Minho may not make it out. In that case, responsibility for leading the Glade will fall to Newt, but neither of you are remotely concerned with a sudden promotion, more what the loss of two of your closest friends will feel like. Although you hoped for change, this is too much.

Eventually, you see them, two straggling figures appearing around the corner of the far wall of the Maze. The Gladers erupt in shouts and cheers, begging them to have the strength to return home through volume and spirit alone. Even with the added motivation, though, you can tell that it’s no use. The time has come for the Doors to close, there’s no way your friends can make it back in time. Minho is almost carrying an unconscious Alby, he won’t be able to get both of them through the Doors.

It takes the Doors themselves starting to close to convince you of what you have to do. You won’t let your friends die here, not if there’s something you can do about it, no matter how small. You haven’t lived in a long time, too caught up in the monotony of having to survive, so at least now you can die for a purpose.

You look at Newt one last time before you go. He knows what you’re going to do, you think, you can see the flare of panic starting to rise in his eyes. Even Newt’s split second reaction is too slow, though, and you’re running through the Doors before he can pull you back.

The Doors slam shut behind you with a sickening thud. Minho looks horrified that you’d risk your life to try and save him and Alby, but you think that some selfish part of him is secretly glad that he won’t have to die alone. You help him hide Alby in some broken off hole in one of the Maze walls, but after that, the two of you have nothing to do except try not to die.

A few hours into the whole mess, you realize that you were wrong, terribly wrong. Dying will not make you feel alive, even in the midst of a glorious self sacrifice to save one of the few boys you’ve known the longest, it just makes you finally understand how much you’ll be losing.

For once, you want nothing more than to delve back into that safe, sheltered monotony. Let the sun shine on your face once more, let you walk to dinner complaining with Newt about how the Builders can’t seem to stop themselves from causing fights. Even something so simple as waking up in your own hammock seems like a miracle right now.

It’s there in that moment, running as fast as you can away from terrifying Grievers, that you fundamentally change your perspective on life as you know it. Your world does not have to be exciting or dangerous for you to feel like you’re truly living, it just has to be good, and what you had before was indeed good.

You use that bright spark of a realization to power you through the night. You’re getting out alive, damn it, no matter what it takes. You and Minho will survive, even if the odds are stacked against you.

Despite your best words of encouragement, you’re still stunned to see the light of dawn filter across the sky. Making it through a night in the Maze is impossible, it always has been. Yet tonight, you and Minho set a new record. It feels amazing.

The two of you take up your positions near the Doors when the time comes. The stone slabs slide away, revealing a frazzled cluster of Gladers waiting for your arrival. The cheers and sighs of relief when your friends realize that you and Minho are alright is like nothing you’ve ever heard before, and you silently beat it into your mind that this is something worth remembering. This celebration is what living truly feels like.

You only allow yourself to relax once Alby is taken away by the Med-Jacks, and slump into your hammock for some much needed rest. For once, the dreamless sleep is all you’ve ever wanted, and you wake several hours later feeling peaceful, although not fully recovered.

As you pass Gladers and friends throughout the day, you’re met with proud smiles and fascinated whispers. Most of them are amazed that you survived, or simply in awe, although you think some are unnerved by it all. You’re not the only one who’s been waiting for change, although more than a few Gladers are wary of it.

The one reaction you didn't expect, though, comes later. You’ve been looking for Newt all morning, ever since you saw him in that group waiting for you outside the Doors, but you’ve never gotten a chance to actually speak to him. Every time you try, he melts back into the crowds.

Your time comes later in the morning. You spot him walking through the Deadheads to grab more wood, and eagerly chase him down. You hadn’t realized how much you missed him, even in the few hours since you saw him last, but you’re still overcome with a wave of emotions upon coming face to face with him.

Newt, however, doesn’t seem as enthralled as you are. In fact, he looks almost angry. When he sees you, he throws down his load of lumber with far more irritation than you were expecting, making your steps slow in surprise.

Newt folds his now empty arms across his chest. “So, you made it out.”

You nod hesitantly. “Yes. Some might consider that a cause for celebration, but you look like–”

Unable to control his temper, Newt cuts you off. “What, like you broke a rule? You did, by the way. Non-Runners aren’t allowed in the Maze.”

You laugh incredulously, a sharp sound. “I was saving Minho and Alby. I did what I had to do to protect them.”

Newt scoffs. “And what about me? What about the rest of us, for that matter? You were supposed to die in there, all for nothing. I thought that was it for you. I thought I was going to lose you, all because you made the terrible decision to be a martyr. I can’t– I won’t–”

His words start freezing up in his throat, and you realize a moment before the first tear falls that he’s crying. Newt drags a frustrated hand over his eyes, but it’s too late, you’ve seen the damage. You’ve seen what you did to him by leaving.

Newt is starting to turn away, but you refuse to let this be the way the conversation ends, so you rush over to him and throw your arms around him. He tries to push you off by impulse, but you don’t budge and eventually he just sighs and pulls you closer to him. He smells the same way he always has, bright sunshine and freshly cut grass, although this time it’s tainted by salt from both his tears and yours.

You’re crying too, you realize, both of you choking on sobs because that is the worst punishment in the end, to have to lose the other. You discovered that when you were running for your life in the Maze, but Newt knew from the moment the Doors closed between the two of you.

You manage to gasp out words in between your tears. “I’m not going anywhere, Newt. Not anymore.”

He laughs, the sound muted against your shoulder. “Could have convinced me otherwise earlier. Just swear you won’t do it again, alright? I need you too much for that.”

You smile, pulling away briefly so he can see the sincerity on your face. “I swear. I don’t have to leave anymore, I’ve got you and that’s all that matters.”

It’s true, you realize halfway through saying it. You’ve got your new reason to live, and it begins and ends with the blond boy in front of you. He is all that you will ever need, and that’s just fine with you.

maze runner tag list: @rogueanschel, @ellobruv, @retvenkos, @neewtmas, @thatfangirl42, @hiya-its-amber, @gods-fools-heroes

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lorelite333 · 3 months

Text

thank you to @sclairereject for the inspiration for the post, because i never have anything to post about half the time. however as someone who does do tarot (i'm spiritual), i wanna put my own twist to this. (ppl have their own interpretations, but the cards still have definitions)

Redacted Boys (includes Alexis) Major Arcana Tarot Cards:

I'd also like to say that these are just my takes, and things that I've noticed and felt. I don't have everyone on here, as I got tired writing this halfway through, so I don't have everyone on here.

SHAW PACK:

David Shaw is the Magician, specifically because he was trying to find his power and voice as leader, in which he did.

Milo Greer is the Chariot, because of sense of direction and will power. He tries his best to do what's right, even if it hurts him in the process.

Asher Talbot is the Strength card, due to his overcoming self-doubt, his compassion, and his bravery in situations. In reverse, this card represents self-doubt, lack of confidence, and vulnerability.

SOLAIRE CLAN

Vincent is the Lovers card, standing by his personality alone, resembling unity, balance, partnerships, and choices.

Sam is the Justice card, associated with fairness, truth, balance, and legal matters. I feel like Sam genuinely cares about what's right, and wants to help no matter what, even if he says he wants to stay out of things. He has this sense to try to make things right, even if things may get rocky. He's a healer by heart, and tries his best to do what's best for everyone in a situation.

William is the Hierophant, it is associated with education, knowledge, traditions, and institutions. I dont really have a reason for this one other than vibes.

Alexis the Judgement card, due to her past actions as well as her personality. This card represents reflection, rebirth, transition, and decision-making. In reverse, this card represents self-doubt, poor choices, stubbornness, blame, and confusion.

Porter is the Tower card. It represents trauma, destruction, unexpected change, revelation, chaos, awakening, and warning. We know that Porter is in fact "The Blade" of the Solaire Clan, and we know that he somewhat regrets it in some way, as well as him having trauma from this and his maker.

DAMN SQUAD

Gavin is The World, as it symbolizes success, fulfilment, and an end of a cycle. I feel like this represents him due to his change with the Freelancer, him being able to open up and enjoy his life with them and his friends. Gavin never really considered Aria his home, but more so just a place he lived at. In his SBW, he talks about how Dhalia has become his home, as Freelancer and the DAMN squad had helped him change his view on it (as well as change him).

Damien is the Sun, mostly in reverse, this academic over-achiever has a little bit of an ego. He's also quite pessimistic and has unrealistic expectations that were set on him by other people. However, the Sun is also associated with positivity, happiness, freedom and vitality. Which I think Damien has learned throughout his years of being friends with the Freelancer, that it's okay to take a break sometimes and just have fun.

Huxley is the Star, as he tries to maintain his happy and positive self for everyone else, turning to inspire others and give them hope with their problems. However Huxley also experiences negativity, hopelessness, failure. I think Huxley somewhat feels like the things in life get too repetitive, and he sometimes loses interest in certain things or just becomes bored with them from a tedious routine.

And finally Lasko, is the Fool, mostly from vibes, however The Fool is an air element card, which represents new beginnings, a leap of faith, and loyalty. Lasko sees the DAMN squad as family, in which he's very loyal to. I feel like during his time at DAMN, he's experienced time after time a new beginning, from Damien and him becoming friends to him and Coworker having a relationship.

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raayllum · 9 months

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something about rayla willingly staying chained (or or least appearing to) for callum (let's be real she only felt shame over her arrest because it was callum)

and

callum giving everything to unchain himself for her.

Yeah, watching 5x01 for the first time the "Rayla in chains + Let her go" (and of course the ocean poem) all felt like set up for later in the season/show, but I didn't wanna get my hopes up, and then... 5x08 happened and delivered.

But I think it speaks to how much 5x01 and 5x08 are two episodes in fierce Conversation with each other. Which makes sense: in a lot of ways, they open and close Rayla and Callum's relationship arc this season, as while they have some sweet moments in 5x09 as well, their relationship isn't a focus.

5x01 deals with secret keeping, doing things you know your partner wouldn't exactly approve of, unconditional love, chains, freedom, etc. 5x08 then builds on all of these themes by flipping them on their head.

Where Callum had all the power in court (he's crown prince and the highest ranking member of the royal family in Ezran's absence), he's comparatively powerless on Finnegrin's ship. Where "Let her go" was an order to Opeli, it was a plea to the pirate. Rayla remains 'chained' and doesn't advocate for herself at all in 5x01 out of her own guilt over her wrongdoing; in 5x08 she actually has to free herself and does so to save her friends, yes, but also to keep Callum from sullying his hands.

(This is a nice parallel, I think in some ways, to how Rayla was going to tell Callum the truth at the end of 5x01 -- thus repeating their pattern of her opening up out of guilt in the face of his forgiveness/unconditional love -- only for him to tell her "don't do it - not again", allowing her to forge a new way forward in 5x04).

Which, of course, Callum gets his new way forward too - the Ocean arcanum - but that also causes its own inverse: dark magic, and now he's the one keeping secrets. But it keeps the literal through line of the poem, Rayla's consistency in his evolution as a mage, and reaffirms the unconditional aspect of their bond.

Paired together, S4 and S5 are very much Callum accepting that Rayla's behaviour & choices are just her being herself (however much it may wound him, and however much he may dislike it) and as of 4x09 with "I know," he's accepted that he fully loves her for her, regardless of if she'll ever change. (Still a little bit of protecting himself by not going after / with her, again, but y'know - growth and regression simultaneously is more than fine.) Which is why when she starts changing in 5x04, it feels like such a big deal, because it's on her and their own behalf. It's her choice stemming from want and trust, not guilt and shame, because he's given her that unconditional base; she may do things that will wound him emotionally, but Callum also knows that Rayla would never intentionally hurt him or Ezran, ever, and that opening up is also still Very hard for her.

But that doesn't change the fact her absence made opening up for him much harder, and that hasn't really changed in S5. He's so much more open and sweet and goofy and comfortable with her, and he opens up in a few places, but he's still not emotionally depending on her the way he was in arc 1, understandably.

Something something Rayla being as true as the tides to him and his love for her being as "the ocean is deep" and To love is to simply know this:

Which like, that kind of love is transformative and good and beautiful and devoted (the real kind of strength, the forgiveness, the trust, unlocking his wings, etc) but it can also be terrifying and destructive and devastating (when you feel helpless, the dark magic uses, a weakness). And I think unlocking Callum's own chains in order to also free her with sky magic is like, a perfect example of that duality? He takes off his own literal chains but takes on a new, somewhat-metaphorical, somewhat-literal kind (now that he knows about the possession) at the same time. He has to accept and fully sit in that dark part of himself and its negative potential even in order to increase in magical power with another primal source in a positive way. It's all double edged sword. Just like her, just like them.

And just like that goddamn cube.

#rayllum #5x01 #s5 #arc 2 #5x08 #analysis series #analysis #thanks for asking #m4rs-ex3 #chains motif #theme: freedom #parallels #theme: duality #subset: salvation and destruction

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ystrike1 · 1 year

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Kimi ni Aisarete Itakatta - Shiruka Bakaudon (9/10)

Reality bites. It rips. It tears. Want to hear the truth? No? Too bad. Becoming obsessed with someone does reflect on you. It usually means you're lonely, or a complete loser incapable of either connecting with or empathizing with others. Love is not something that can be forced. That's the painful lesson here.

These characters do feel like high schoolers, and that makes the tragedy hurt more. Kanae wants approval and love. Her mother is abusive and her little brother blames her for that, because he's too young to understand that parents can be evil. She satisfies her desire for attention with underage prostitution, but that's a lie. It's one of the many lies she tells herself. She really just needs money. Her mother expects her to go to cram school all the time, because she's an idiot. Kanae uses the money she gets by selling herself to get a little freedom.

The end of this story is at the beginning. Kanae becomes obsessed with a baseball player who is a rising star. His shoulder gets injured, because of her. Eventually they do get together, and Kanae says he doesn't need his passion or baseball. Only her. It's pretty obvious that his life falls apart when they start dating. In the end he stabs her, even though he loves her obsessively too, and he doesn’t seem to know why.

In the beginning Kanae is so desperate for validation that she joins a group of friends....with no soul. None of these girls really care about friendship. Ichika is the ringleader, and she's obsessed with romance. Her parents are rich and she has a good life. The only thing she needs is the perfect lover. She wants Hiroshi. He's a baseball ace who is likely going to go pro.

Hiroshi saves Kanae while she's out with a pedo. Yes. Kanae is aware that the men are pedos. Hiroshi recognizes her from school and he leaps in. He's nice to her and then she lashes out. After that Hiroshi reaches out again, and she realizes that he really is kind.

Ichika forces Kanae to back down. Ichika is a seriously bad person and I mean that. Ichika tells the other girls to hit and bully Kanae. They do it, because Ichika is the ringleader. The most popular one. The group betrays Kanae. They start saying she seduced Hiroshi with her big boobs. They say she has no personality or charm outside of her boobs. Kanae is deeply insecure about this. She feels like an empty shell, because she doesn't have the freedom other students enjoy.

The chapters that take place in Kanae's home are beyond disturbing. She lives in a poor place full of gangs. Her mother thinks she is lazy, useless and stupid. When Kanae defends herself against bullying her mother....drags her outside by the hair and makes her daughter sleep outside. In her eyes fighting at school is shameful and yet another sign of laziness.

Kanae has a jar of savings. She gives it to her friend Narumi. Narumi is a junior member of a gang. He is also Kanae's only real friend. He loves Kanae. Alot. She doesn't even see him as a guy. Reality is harsh. Narumi can't "save" her from poverty and reality like her perfect Hiroshi can. So, she only ever sees Hiroshi as a man. All other men are just tools to dump her trauma on. She likes Narumi, but there are hints. Kanae vents to Narumi constantly, but they hardly ever talk about him.

Kanae tells Narumi to gather his gang and beat up Ichika.

They do more than that. Ichika waits for a prince to save her, but it doesn’t happen. Kanae secretly films the whole thing, so she can use the footage to keep Ichika away from Hiroshi. It's heartbreaking. Ichika is not a nice girl, but as a reader you have to be conscious. Look at reality instead of the revenge fantasy. Why is this happening?

Kanae is committing this crime to protect the ideal version of Hiroshi in her head. The one who is only nice to her. In reality Hiroshi is a normal popular dude with ex-girlfriends and friends and a future he worked hard for.

Narumi snaps. Kanae finally admits that she loves Hiroshi. Narumi finally admits that he was being nice to Kanae because he wanted her. He wanted to live happily with her, but the popular baseball guy took her heart the day they met. Narumi at this point is also traumatized. He didn't want to hurt Ichika. He wanted to make Kanae happy. That's why he sacrificed all of his morals, and now he doesn't even get a reward for that.

Being a yandere isn't a character trait. An obsession happens under certain conditions. Helping Kanae made Narumi feel happy and strong, when he was being violently initiated into his gang. So, he started to feel entitled to her. Hiroshi is nice to everyone but he has a hero complex. He enjoys saving Kanae from her panic attacks and drama. His best friend warns him and tells him she's toxic, but after his injury worsens he's too vulnerable to care. Ichika wanted an unrealistic romance and a group of forever friends that would never betray her. She got a group of sociopaths and Hiroshi thought she was creepy and pushy. Then she ended up alone because her disloyal friends left her for the next shiny popular thing.

He hits Hiroshi in the shoulder with a wrench. This is what eventually tanks his baseball career. Hiroshi's wonderful but blunt best friend saves him....but even that's cruel in the end. Hiroshi is just crippled enough to pretend to be ok. A full beating would have been better, but he's just healthy enough to be in denial. He also starts trying to date Kanae, which ruins his life completely. After his wound gets worse Kanae says she'll love him without baseball. He gets trapped in a toxic and clingy relationship. Kanae starts hurting the people around him. He loves her. He stabs her and then he goes down in history as an abusive, murderous asshole.

Even though he was the nice guy all along.

Obsession isn't pretty.

#yandere #male yandere #yandere male #yandere boy #recommendations #recs #rec #recommended #manga #Kimi ni Aisarete Itakatta

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vivisection-and-vampyrism · 5 months

Text

Home Sweet Home part two

Content Warnings: burns, muzzles, restraints, general threats of violence, Stockholm Syndrome, captivity, escape plans, rats, spiders, pet whump, vampire whumpees, human whumper, vampire hunter whumper

Chapter summary, brought to you by TV Tropes (I'm so so sorry for this) 1 2 3 4 5

"We need to find a way out of here," Odessa said. "I know you won't really help us. But you can at least tell us how to get out of this basement."

"You can't," October said. "We're solidly underground. The only door is solid silver, including the lock and hinges. The only way out is to earn enough trust to be let upstairs, then hope you can get out from under Falkner's direct line of sight."

"Fuck you!" Odessa's burnt and blistering face contorted with rage under her muzzle. "I want to go home!"

"Shouting isn't helping," Pavel said. "Do you want Falkner to come back down here?"

Odessa took a deep breath before snapping at October, much quieter now. "Put on a shirt, won't you? You're distracting me."

Despite the highly limited amount of blood in its veins, October still managed to blush. Years had passed since it last gave thought to concepts like modesty.

But its initial embarrassment was soon replaced with anger. What gave Odessa, of all people, the right to talk like that? She was new. No better than a guest in October's home.

"Eyes to yourself then," it snarled. "I don't owe you jack shit."

"Leave it alone," Pavel said. "We have bigger things to worry about."

October quickly changed the subject. "If you guys promise to behave, I can call Falkner down here to untie your hands. No promises about the muzzles."

"We won't make any progress with our hands tied," Pavel argued, sensing his sister's hostility towards the idea. "If you can keep your mouth shut, we'll stand a better chance at freedom."

"Fine," Odessa said. "I'll sit still and look pretty for a few minutes. But that doesn't mean I'll like it."

October plopped down on the anvil again. "First, I want to tell you a few rules. You'll be punished less if you can follow them."

"Sure," Pavel said. "Thanks a million for trying to help us."

Odessa remained silent, but her disapproval was as obvious as the muzzle obscuring half her face.

"I know this'll be hard," October said, knowing how painfully bad of a start it had chosen, "but you've got to be respectful. If you lash out, Falkner is just going to beat you into submission. And no, he isn't bluffing about putting you out in the sun. It hurts like a bitch and takes weeks to heal. I don't want you going through that."

"I'm scared," Pavel admitted, staring down at his lap.

"You should be scared. This is a dangerous situation. Fear will keep you alive." It cleared its throat. "Besides, this is home. At least, it will be. Years of captivity will wear down on you. After half a decade, you won't even want to escape."

"Then we'd better escape before we end up like you," Odessa said resolutely. "I'm not giving in. Not for a fucking minute. You hear me?"

"Listen to the rules then, if you want to stay alive long enough to achieve your little pipe dream."

"We're listening," Pavel said. "Keep going."

"Falkner lives upstairs. He hardly ever leaves, except when he's out hunting or on the occasional date. He lets me hang around with him sometimes. But that's because I earned his trust. You won't be out of this basement for a long time."

"Why does he bother with letting you up there?" Odessa asked. "If you're supposed to be a prisoner."

October considered its response. It had never been able to confide in anyone before. But now that it had the opportunity, it found the truth hard to force off its tongue.

"He likes spending time with me," it said. Not quite a lie, but only half-truth. "He's grown fond of me over the years we've spent together. I'm his most beloved pet, don't you know?"

"I'll buy that," Pavel said, before his sister had a chance to respond. "But why is he keeping you down here, if he loves you so much? It's hardly prime real estate."

He stood up and gestured around the unfinished basement that had grown so familiar to October over the last eight years. It had once hated the place, but now it felt right at home within the mold covered walls and uneven concrete floor.

"No bed," he continued. "Or any furniture for that matter. An infestation of rats and spiders and every other filthy thing. I don't even see a source of water. The place reeks of decay. How do you live like this?"

"The rats are my pets," October said. "Spiders too. So you can stop being rude. And Falkner doesn't always keep me down here. I spend nights at a time upstairs with him. But he's always kept me here. I like it. If I want a bed, I'll sleep in his. If I want water, I'll ask him for some. They're privileges that I've earned."

"You're crazy," Odessa said, now shocked rather than angry. "Here I just thought you were a bootlicker, turns out you're an overqualified maniac."

"I was trying to help you. Why are you complaining so much?"

Odessa ignored this question in favor of her own. "How'd you end up here? I think we deserve to know. You're awful docile for someone who's been held captive for eight bloody years."

"You know what they say." October gave Odessa a crooked smile. "No good deed goes unpunished."

"And what's that supposed to mean?"

"I saved his life. Didn't realize he was a hunter. He showed his appreciation in a way I hadn't expected. Is that enough for you?"

"Plenty."

"Is there anything else we need to know?" Pavel said. His main strategy for avoiding conflict seemed to be awkwardly changing the subject of conversation. "I really appreciate you trying to help, October."

"Well, some things you'll just have to learn as you go. The way I did. He doesn't just plop down a list of rules and ask you to read them. But I can tell you that he doesn't like there being any noise when he's trying to sleep. And that trying to fight him is a damn good way to make sure you get left in the sun for a week. Got it?"

"Got it."

"I think I'll be more cooperative when my wrists don't feel like they're on fire," Odessa complained.

October took the hint, and walked up the creaky stairs leading to the upstairs. It was careful not to burn itself on the silver door, but stood as close as it could before calling out.

"Falkner, I'm sorry to bother you, but they want to talk. I think I've convinced them to cooperate."

It heard Falkner's heavy footsteps, and stayed perfectly still on the stairs, its head bowed for a show of submission.

Before it had worried about Falkner preferring his newer pets, but after meeting them it felt more secure than ever in its place as his favorite.

Taglist: @sulnusoup13 @heavenlyeden @kira-the-whump-enthusiast @excessive-vampires @pigeonwhumps

#pet whump #vampire whumpees #vampire hunter whumper #Whump #Pet whump #pet whumpees #nonhuman whumpee #whump writing #Whumpblr #Whump series #Stockholm Syndrome

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makethosenarratorsfight · 10 months

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UNRELIABLE NARRATORS; SIDE C

*NOTE; Gideon Nav propaganda below Narrator's, as poll maker decided to cut some under Read More for post length

The Narrator Propaganda:

Just... Just listen to the "unfunny" clip, what's more to say, vote for the gay old guy

Depending on the ending, he can be

Spoilers I guess??? He's always trying to guide Stanley to the outcome HE wants, which is a very, very small chunk of the game where the player just obeys everything and doesn't experience anything else. Obeying Narrator to a T will win you the "Freedom" ending, where Stanley can finally leave the office building, and Narrator will wax on about how Stanley's "happy" and "finally free to live at last". ...exceeeept, on completion, Stanley will spawn right back in the building as though nothing happened, restarting the adventure all over again. The truth is that Stanley will never be free, regardless of what the Narrator says. Stanley is trapped in the building and will stay trapped no matter what. This truth can only be acknowledged if you're defiant, and even then, I may be mistaken but I'm pretty sure the Narrator never fully admits this??? The museum ending has a WHOLE DIFFERENT narrator explain their mutually fucked circumstances. The dishonest factors can increase in other ways from the player's input (for example, the Narrator might say "Stanley walked through the left door", but the player can use their input to defy this statement and go through the right one instead, therefore making the Narrator's statement inherently dishonest and the Narrator will get pissy about it, changing the outcome for that path). Sometimes he'll misdirect when he's petulant, especially if the player is directly defying his instructions, which makes the game feel like a game of tug-rope for control at points. I want to say there are times where he directly attempts to trick the player but admittedly I can't think of an exact instance. Plus you know, the Narrator has a large ego and always talks big about things like his importance and integrity and whatnot so who knows how much of that is even sincere and how much is a sad veneer, but that's getting into overanalysis territory and my fingers hurt so let's leave this here. I hope this was coherent.

he quite literally rewrites the story whenever he has issues with the direction stanley starts to go in, i do not know how to explain it better than that

He is literally the narrator, and he constantly tries to mislead and lie to Stanley through the narration to get him back on the story’s proper path

He constantly narrates what Stanley is feeling as if it is the truth, when it is not. He speaks as a authority, and while he is one, he is definitely not reliable.

Gideon Nav Propaganda:

(Spoilers for Ht9) She just. Fully ignores most of the magic plot happening around her in the first boom to be a dyke. In the second book it’s even less reliable and it’s fully fucking insane. It’s first person but she’s telling YOU (harrow) what is happening and it’s impossible to decipher. The appearance and personality of every character is fully morphed by Gideon’s mean dykishness.

MASSIVE spoilers. Like even mentioning that this is a thing is a huge fucking spoiler. I normally don’t care about spoilers that much but I legitimately feel awful for anyone with even a passing interest in reading these books who has this spoiled for them. Anyway. Yeah turns out the second-person narration is actually a first-person narration by the dead girl living in Harrow’s head whose death traumatized Harrow (and the entire fandom) so badly that she literally lobotomized herself to forget it and give Gideon a chance at not having her soul digested.

constantly adds her own commentary, does not pay attention to the interesting moving parts of the plot bc she's too busy looking at pretty girls, cannot be trusted to read her own intentions correctly never mind anyone else's. I love her dearly

she just doesn’t notice or doesn’t give a shit about a ton of plot-essential information. Harrow and Palamedes are talking about a necromantic theorem that would blow open the entire story if we could hear them? You can instantly feel Gideon’s eyes glaze over and her mind wander to the nearest available hot girl, and our attention goes with her. It’s handled so smoothly that you might not even notice it happening until a second or third read.

More Propaganda under cut!

Gideon Nav is all but useless as a narrator, and we love her for it. So first of all, she knows absolutely nothing. She grew up under a rock. Almost literally. When the plot is happening near her, she almost never tells us about it. Politics, history, and the magic system are boring. Let her know when there's something she can FIGHT. She also has very selective emphasis and focus that can change a scene completely without ever actually lying. She can tell the same story—to us, in her third-person narration as a factual recounting—and in one version the incident will be a schoolyard scuffle, while a later telling will reveal it to have been a near-homicide. She'll confidently interpret other character's motivations and emotions, only to later be proven wrong. But the thing that makes her REALLY unreliable? She lies to HERSELF constantly. She will tell us in her narration that she doesn't give a shit where someone disappeared to, and then spend the whole day searching for them. She'll say she hates someone, when. Well....

okay so i am actually going to do one segment about her own book and one about harrow’s so many apologies and also many spoilers ahead okay? okay so in gideon the ninth it’s a well known thing that she’s an unreliable narrator on two fronts: she lies to herself and therefore us about how she’s feeling and what she’s thinking, and also she isn’t paying attention to the plot at all. the only things she pays any attention to are hot girls, swords, and hot girls with swords. at one point she watches their only way out be sealed off and is so bored about it that she goes to sleep watching it happen, taking absolutely no note of “oh hey they’re trapping us here”. later someone asks IN FRONT OF HER “hey where did all our shuttles go” and shes like “😌😌😌😌😌😌😌😌😌” and still does not make the connection. babygirl. but THEN!!!!! in HARROW the ninth (MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD) gideon is the narrator the ENTIRE TIME (except for the revised canaan house parts) and not only does she editorialize, she also straight up lies about events and motivations! partially justified by her being inside harrow’s head, but like. babygirl. beloved. the interjections of “holy fuck” and “pommel” and othersuch things is so important to my mental health and wellbeing. thank you. thank you for lying to us so so much.

#unreliable narrator battle #unreliable narrators #polls #side c #the narrator #the stanley parable #gideon nav #the locked tomb

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vashtijoy · 11 months

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something i think about literally all the time is how goro's powers with loki are literally the opposite of what the phantom thieves do. the phantom thieves free people from their distorted desires. call of chaos either gives people the freedom to or forces them, depending on your perspective, into giving in to their distorted desires. he's such a good foil to them it makes me insane.

and by nature of what he's doing, it provides him yet another rationalization for what he's doing, because well, they *wanted* to do this anyway. these people already desired to hurt people, goro just gave them a little push. he's not making people do anything they didn't already want to do on some level. the fact that people have these desires in the first place proves the corruption of people and of society.

but the truth is that he is, just like the thieves are, brainwashing people to his own ends. he's doing the same thing they are but from the opposite direction. he's creating chaos by revealing the worst parts of society by forcing the dark underbelly to the surface, and he doesn't care because every time it works it proves him right that society is beyond saving. people don't deserve anything other than the chaos he creates.

Yesss. All of this. *armwaves* Oh, Akechi, my dude, my guy....

... you little hypocrite, lmfao.

Akechi 第一、人の心を無理やりねじ曲げるなんて、人間が一番やっちゃいけない事ですよ。 dai-ichi, hito no kokoro o muriyari nejimageru nante, ningen ga ichiban yaccha ikenai koto desu yo More importantly, you should never forcefully change a person's heart. [lit. Most of all, a thing like twisting somebody's heart out of shape by force - that's the thing that most of all, a person should never do.] Most importantly, twisting someone's heart out of shape to suit yourself is the worst thing you can do.

ねじ曲げる nejimageru suggests twisting something hard out of shape, like a pretzel is twisted. It's another word that can translate as "distorted", though it's not the yuganda of "distorted desires". And Akechi is emphatic—he says dai-ichi... ichiban yaccha ikenai koto: "most of all... that's the one thing you should never do".

But nothing he says here is in terms like "change of heart" that the PTs would recognise. Instead, Akechi is describing a violent assault, in terms that perhaps clarify a bit more of Ryuji's hostility.

He is, in fact, describing exactly what he, himself, does.

but in the third semester

Akechi: And you assume we'll buy into your brainwashing and just live in the palm of your hand? Akechi: Honestly, that sounds absolutely revolting.

Akechi obviously believes what he's saying in the third semester; his whole arc centres on it. Again, it's that freedom to be who you are, no matter the cost; to choose for yourself, without anyone twisting you out of shape, forcing you to act a certain way.

It's this parallel to the third semester that suggests Akechi means what he says on 6/10—that his objections to the PTs are real. Remember, he does tend not to lie outright—he prefers to find some way to use the truth. Which leaves us with a number of possibilities regarding how he rationalises that one:

he has other objections, such as the risk to his plan, the risk to the Metaverse, or the Metaverse belonging to him alone. For sure.

he doesn't care about his victims. Almost certainly.

he views it as something you should never do, and does it anyway. Almost certainly.

he views his victims (and anyone else affected) as deserving what they get. Likely.

he views Call of Chaos not as an attack, but as a liberation or a gift, as him just giving them what they want. At some level, IMO.

he views it as unfortunate but necessary collateral damage. Probably in the middle somewhere, but IMO not at the start, and not at this point.

"you should never do this to anybody" means, specifically, you should never do this to me—and probably not to Shido, either. Definitely IMO.

and lots more exciting, varied possibilities!

conclusions??

Call of Chaos really is so fascinating, in the way it's described as an unchaining, as being out of control; in the way it suggests Akechi may have started out thinking he was the only one without these repressed desires. Because no shadow, right?

Later on, I think he knows a bit better, and is probably a bit spooked at the idea of what the PTs could do to him. But he still views those distorted desires the PTs arbitrarily dispose of as inherent to who someone is: someone's right to choose badly is a core part of their right to choose at all.

He's probably not exactly wrong. It's just that actions have consequences. Or they ought to.

#asks #persona 5 #p5 meta #goro akechi #call of chaos #i hate the marukiverse

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