Whumptober Day 12: Self harm

tw: bodily self harm, non-suicidal self harm, minor cuts, minor burns, intrusive thoughts, distorted thoughts/way of thinking, trauma, harmful inner dialogue, triggering imagery

It started with small cuts on the hand, easily disguised as papercuts. Whumpee had been getting into reading again; Caretaker would understand. Dragging one's finger on the edge of the knife page was so tempting. A few days and bandages later and it was like it had never happened at all. Caretaker and Whumpee could just forget about it. The urge got stronger. Whumpee went about their day as normally as possible, healing from cuts their time with Whumper and getting used to a new life with Caretaker. It weighed on their mind constantly, and the mask of being okay was becoming hard to stay on. Whumpee enjoyed their time with Caretaker. Caretaker was always willing to help them and to try and fix the broken pieces of themself. They can't fix this. They could tell Caretaker anything. Not about this. Caretaker would help them through anything. So why not tell them? Whumpee wanted Caretaker to be happy. Soon, it included standing in the too hot shower or holding their hands under the scalding water. Burns are less messy than cuts. Then Whumpee would remember what happened with Whumper in front of the fireplace, and would get scared and turn the water down. Why do you do this? Whumpee wasn't used to not constantly feeling some degree of pain. It's comforting, I know pain. There were many things Whumpee wasn't used to, but they wanted to get better. I feel like I'm getting worse. Caretaker had a nice job, and was able to provide for the both of them. The temptation grows stronger while they're away. I'm safer when they're here, but they can't be all of the time. Whumpee thought it might be nice to get a job of their own and to get out of the house, even if just part time. Who would want somebody so broken? Whumpee remembered their job before everything that happened with Whumper, and while the work was tiresome, their coworkers were fun to be around. What would they think of you now, you pitiful thing... One day, when Caretaker was at work, Whumpee decided to try baking something. Before they could start, they had to tackle the pile of dishes in the sink. Be careful not to "accidentally" grab a knife by its blade... Whumpee started on the task, moving slowly and carefully. There were a few knives at the bottom, of various sizes. Whumpee picked them up and started to inspect them. No harm in doing that if you're not harming yourself. Whumpee inspected the tips of the blade, how heavy they felt, and checked for any chips along the blade. They put the knives in the diswasher and started the cycle. While they waited for the dishes, Whumpee went to read their book, but instead headed for the bathroom. Just in case, I want to make sure Caretaker has adequate first-aid supplies. They opened the cabinet under the sink and found bandages, gauze, burn cream, and individually wrapped pads soaked in rubbing alcohol. You wouldn't be looking here unless you wanted to do it. Give in already. Whumpee left the bathroom and tried to read their book, but they couldn't concentrate. Eventually the dishwasher chimed and Whumpee went to dry and unload it. Don't think about the knives, they can't hurt you if you don't let them. What if I want to let them? Whumpee pulled a box of cake mix from the cupboards and two pre-filled piping bags. They were going to make a bloody mess some cupcakes. Caretaker would be delighted when they came home! Not at the sight of your blood, only Whumper would like- Whumpee pushed the thought away and turned on the small radio Caretaker kept in the kitchen. They found a station of current pop hits, which wasn't their thing, but it would help keep them distracted. From what? Your own mind? You can't get away from that. Baking, frosting, and decorating the cupcakes went smoothly, and Whumpee enjoyed getting to make something with their hands and bopping along to the radio, even though they didn't know the words. They put the cupcakes in the fridge to let the frosting set up, and would take it out before Caretaker got home to place on the table for them to see.

Whumpee had an hour left to themselves and needed something to do. They could try to read their book, but what if they couldn't concentrate again? Thinking of books made Whumpee think about the crisp edges of pages, and how it felt to run their finger along them. It's not pages you enjoy... They found themself opening the knife drawer. "Just to inspect," but you can't use that excuse now that you've already done that today. Whumpee took out the smallest of the knives, with a blade the length of their thumb. The butcher knife looked rather inviting, but it would have been too much too soon. They ran it along their thumb, and then moved down to their wrist, then arm, with never enough pressure to commit. They wondered what Whumper Caretaker would think of them. They imagined what they would say, "Whumpee, I-I'm so sorry you felt the need to do this to yourself- here, let's clean you up..." before taking Whumpee into their arms as they both cried. "Ha! I guess I don't have to punish you anymore, clearly you can take care of that!" or even worse, Whumper standing behind Whumpee, placing one hand over Whumpee's, the other supporting Whumpee's arm, guiding the blade along their arm as they made Whumpee do it themself... No. Caretaker didn't deserve this. Whumpee didn't deserve this. It was so tempting, too tempting, but Whumpee wasn't going to give in. Whumpee put the knife away and put back on the pop station, though they were blocking most of it out. They paced around the kitchen until Caretaker got home. Caretaker opened the door and was immediately greeted by a tight hug from Whumpee. Caretaker returned the embrace, then a second later was being rushed into the kitchen, where a tray of freshly baked cupcakes sat on the table. "Whumpee, this is amazing! T-thank you! I'll go put my things away, and then we can dig in!" Whumpee was beaming with pride, and admiration for Caretaker. You're safe. For now.

(x)

So spent the last couple of days working on my FNAF recap/repair comic. And I’ve made a BUNCH of progress. So I figured I’d take a short break and doodle some random stuff before getting back to work.

So this post is just a huge mish-mash of random things I drew on my break. Well, at least these are the more coherent ones- <XD

yeah so. i saw an artist draw lamb with these flat but numerous teef and i was like. yes. yes thats lamb thats my guy. too many teeth. none of them sharp i love.

gloomy !! gloomy !! gloomy idol ~!

the time loop chapter is so fucked up i think about it every day and reading the manga its worse because there’s certain dialogue that was cut out of the anime (presumably to make it acceptable for kids)

Like ok. im gonna give a play by play from Saiki’s POV. so you can For a second imagine how much stress Saiki had to be under.

Imagine walking home from school and out of nowhere you get trapped in a time loop, already bad, but you can get out of it easy- except uh oh! now you are in ANOTHER time loop. ok, fine, get out of that. It goes on so long that you eventually stop being able to process anything around you but whatever, its fine. EXCEPT UH OH! A THIRD TIME LOOP! This time you are trapped in a loop of watching your best friend run into traffic to protect a small child, and the only one able to save them from dying brutally is you. You save the day, great, Unfortunately this is a time loop and now you’re trapped in this hell, watching your best friend dive in front of a moving truck. You need to have an empty mind to leave this, but thats hard because you also have to keep them from getting flattened. You’re getting more and more exhausted, but thats fine. You watch them get brutally killed in various ways thousands of times, over and over and over and over again, but thats fine. it’s still looping. you keep failing to save them. it’s still looping.

Rather than emptying your mind, Eventually you just disassociate, its gone on so long that your body is moving on its own. You are so tired, and you’ve seen your best friends organs on the road now probably a couple hundred times at this point (seriously Wtf Asou) and so it’s all just blended into the background.

You disassociate so hard your mind is empty. Your body moves on its own to save them. The Time Loop is finally over. You went through this 16,785 times.

1 | 2 | 3 | 4

Swap!Five Eccentrics!!

This took me absolutely forever but I'm very proud of it,, If you count the number of stars (not dots) in each of the rectangles, there are a total of 5 in each; one big one above their head, and four small ones scattered around them, in reference to the other Eccentrics

(angst version under cut)

! contains potentially triggering imagery of: blood & suicide-related images. nothing graphic, everything is meant to be symbolic !

explanation:

Mayoi's heart breaks when Leo is turns down his script that would let the Eccentrics win the war

Rinne is silenced by fine

Nagisa isn't allowed to perform at the final live, and is instead forced to watch from the background and choose someone else to be executed

Leo volunteers and purposefully looses the final live to end the War

Sora was attacked and targetted by the student body at the beginning of the War

Bellow the cut there’s a QSMP fanart that displays violence, blood and trypophobia, it’s all fictional but if any of that makes u uncomfortable feel free to skip it

This took me about 7 hours to make and im so fucking tired. There was so much delay bc i had ENEM (the brazillian version of the SAT’s but harder) and it took over mu life this past few weeks.

The trypophobia tag is bc of the way I painted cellbit’s fire/explosion scar, when i realizes it could be a problem i had already finished his face and was halfway through his arm

Also, this is based on the artwork “Judith beheading Holofernes”, the Artemisia version, not the Caravaggio one

Daisy and Basira's relationship is such a sweet agony, because at its foundation it's so transparent, so honest. They both know what they're doing, however much they pretend to lie or hide it. Such is the situation they're in that there's no choice but to cling to eachother.

Have you ever been in that sort of situation? The type where the closest person to you is deeply morally flawed and you're realising just how in the wrong you are, but their hand is the only one to grasp. You see the claws along their fingertips and you turn your head and hold them close.

On many occasions Basira talks about the wrong Daisy's done, she knows where Daisy's kill spot is, she figured that's where Jon would be. And yet she never tries to convince everyone that she's capable of fixing daisy, because she knows she's not. Daisy knows this just as well, and perhaps it's a foundation of their trust.

To be loved is to be changed but to be changed is to be hated; a relationship where you accept each others flaws is a commodity, and a rare one at that. Whether those flaws are mundane or deeply damaging, these kinds of connections have a tendancy to grow beyond the point of return.

To know that you're in the wrong together is a comfort. It's not good, nor is it right, but it's a place you can sit. A place you can stay. And as your comfort grows so does that leeching wrongness you protect, and in the end it may just eat you up.

To continue the way Daisy and Basira did was what drove them towards their end, but even at that last painful moment there was a tenderness, a rose in the thorns that makes the wounds worthwhile.

Pmatga Apocalypse AU

Infected Pac-Worlders Reference Sheet

Finally after a few weeks of work, I present the reference sheet for the infected Pac-Worlders for my PMATGA Apocalypse AU, and for my story, PMATGA: Not Only Ghosts Are Dead!

Trigger/Content Warning:

●Blood/Large Amount of Gore

●Disturbing Imagery

Continue At Your Own Risk!!

First Image: Blurred Version

Second Image: Unblurred Version

You can find the link to PMATGA:Not Only Ghosts Are Dead, Here!

@sorrowsick continued from here

It is true that the Goddess seethes. It is dangerous for someone with so much raw power to veer to the very precipice of no longer controlling it. That is what consumes her now; the containing, the placing of wet sand around a wildfire burning far too hotly for anyone to approach. Zahrosa risks herself here, for she steps close to it, into it, and offers herself up to be burnt and consumed. Artemis wants to hurl petty insults and declare her stupidity in volunteering for such a thing, to be hurt in the most painful, creative of ways—but this ire is not reserved for her. It never is.

In the blink of an eye, Artemis' hand has grabbed Zahrosa's, just hovering over her skin. Were she to squeeze any tighter, perhaps the black stone would crack and crumble to dust. She ached to try it, just to see, just to feel.

"Unwise," Artemis threatens, but her voice has multiplied like a dizzying mirage, a reproduction of how many lives she has lived, like a Leviathan reborn. She stares at Zahrosa, through Zahrosa, walking the witch backwards until she has cornered her like a rabbit trapped in its burrow, twisting the arm like doll's joints till she shoves her against the jagged face of the mountain side, her front pressed to Zahrosa's back.

Artemis inhales, like a wolf tracking a scent. She has Zahrosa's. "I could dissect you. Peel your skin from the frame, chew on the sinew." Her free hand grasps where the burn scars licked up her thighs. Nails dig in so deeply that crimson runs already—there is no consideration, here. "Scorch you until all of you matches. Body and limb, an inky black. Begging for mercy, for empathy, for death—and I will serve you none, just pain."

Even through these brutal words, she exercises extraordinary restraint. She could have unceremoniously ripped the woman limb from limb, but she cannot. Zahrosa is special. Zahrosa deserves her most devoted attention, not a sloppy, ill-fated ending.

this was inspired by the anon ask a few days back :)

i was gonna make a whole comic but got bored 4 panels through so i made this instead

Painted gore under the cut

Actually I guess I could just make a post about it for anyone who ends up seeing this could we all agree to tag anything with the big red eye for this event with scopophobia related tags ^^;; We're pretty good at avoiding it on stream itself since we can scroll down while it's onscreen but it'd be a nice thing to do for people to tag it on Tumblr especially since there may also be people who have the trigger that aren't watching the event but are following people who are!

I’m always nervous showing my art but thought I’d share this one, it’s not finished but I’m sooo happy with the way it’s coming out. I think it looks so pretty 🥰