hinata shōyō | haikyuu

reference photo: link to the original post on twitter. shot by oremiya14

i don't know the name of the team and the player yet but i'll add them later (i'm in a bit of a hurry so i have to go... sorry!!)

RWRB: Thoughts on the movie

SO a while back, i let the entire internet(like 2 people) know my thoughts on the RWRB trailer. i watched the movie last night. and i have so many, SO SO many thoughts about it. Buckle in kiddos, this is gonna be one long fucking post.

In honor of Mr. Alex Claremont-Diaz and his endless lists, here are some lists including but not limited to what i liked and what i didn't like.

What i liked:

Uma Thurman. Slayed as per usual. I did think they could've done more with her bc she's so much more mom-president in the books. Still, though, Uma Thurman is always amazing and it's amazing to see her.

The way they did the texts and calls? Phenomenal! Did they technically only do that once? yes but we ignore that for a minute

The way that they addressed being queer and the coming-out experience. Everyone deserves to be able to figure out their sexuality/gender in their own time and to be able to tell the world at their time and pace. And they made sure to put that in the movie. [Quick tangent: two of the biggest queer projects of the year(so far), Heartstopper and RWRB both have themes about coming out and how it should be. ]

The sex scenes were actually not bad. The "let's make love" scene never happened in the book and their first time having sex together was way more low-key in the book but I liked that gay intimacy was shown in a very unflinching sort of way. The book certainly doesn't shy away from-for lack of a better word- smut and I'm glad that the movie took a less fade-to-black approach. (and yes, reader, it did make me want to get dicked down. No, I will not elaborate, take from that what you will)

Phillip. I never thought that I'd say this but Phillip in his little 2hr condensed form is actually really accurate. he pisses me off and he's condescending and a real prick. good job writers

Okay. That's some stuff i liked. Apologies readers, my dislike list might be longer than my like list but its coming from a place of love, I promise

What I didn't like:

June. WHERE WAS JUNE???? i get that its a 2-ish hr amazon movie but still. You're gonna have Nora(more on her in just a sec) but not June?? June was a very big part of the book who is a big support for Alex and is just generally cool. Making Alex an only child did not feel right y'all.

If you're gonna have Nora in the movie or like combine Nora and June or whatever the writers/directors/producers had in mind, then DO IT RIGHT. Nora in the books is firmly queer and cool and like probably austistic and a hacker(?). She's got her own sideplot with the whole Richards leak(again, more on that later). She helps Alex come to terms with his bisexuality. And you're just gonna make her a little side character that gives Alex advice and is maybe working on the Claremont campaign. like c'mon. Nora and June are Alex's support system, they're the people he relies on, the people who have seen him before being first-son and after becoming first-son.

Speaking of Alex being the first son, i wasn't happy that they sort of just glossed over Alex's insecurities. we get a little of them in the emails but part of what makes Alex so relatable is that he is confident and he is smart and he does want to help people but he also understands and feels the difference between himself and Henry. Henry is white and British and privileged and has a myriad of insecurities too but Henry will never understand being judged solely on your skin. On being compared to someone else but understanding the double-standards that come along with it. i honestly don't know if i put it correctly but that is why i loved alex so much.

FUCKING MIGUEL RAMOS. WHO MADE THAT FUCKING DECISION????? first off, for those who have yet to read the book, Miguel Ramos is not in the book. Rafael Luna is. Liam is. Both men are very important for Alex(and Henry)'s story. Liam is a key component in Alex's journey in bisexuality. Rafael Luna's involvement in the Richards Campaign is also very important plot-wise. Luna is also one of the guys who Alex realises he thought was hot btw.

The Richards Campaign!?!?!?!! felt very non-important. like i just don't really feel the need to root for the Claremont Campaign or root against the Richards Campaign when they sort of take a backseat. in the book the Richards campaign is the one to leak the emails and its a more malicious strike against the Claremont Campaign vs a jealous reporter who the Alex hooked up with once leaking the story.

WHILE we're on the emails, i know that you can only fit so much in here but COME ON MAN. the emails are sort of the foundation of Henry and Alex's romance. they text(AFTER ALEX GIVES HENRY HIS NUMBER BTW) and then they email each other and its so gay/bi and so happy and so romantic and the quotes man the FUCKING quotes and i didn't get that and can you tell that the emails mean a lot to me

the "history,huh?" moment did not feel as impactful to me. fight me on that , i don't care.

Bea. Said it before, not how i pictured. But boy did they really reduce Bea. Mind you, she's got a very big role in Henry's life an they do try but the powder princess stuff is kind of important.

Princess Catherine. Where is she? Who knows? Again, cut for time but my gosh people, she's the reason Queen Mary turns around on Henry and Alex.

Speaking of Queen Mary, they switched her around for a king?!?!?! LISTEN i get not wanting to make real-world comparisons yadayadayada but Stephen Fry?!?!?! im so sorry that man is too nice for you to try to convince me that he's a racist and homophobic ruler.

Alex's parents. They're together, i guess? minor thing so that's why its here idk.

SO that was a lot of complaints and some good stuff.

You may be thinking "THANK GOODNESS, it's over"

WRONG.

I have more thoughts, dear reader.

Look, was it a perfect adaptation? no. adaptations rarely are.

Was it a good movie? yes. it was.

This movie made my little gay POC heart very VERY happy. it made me happy to see something that I treasure be put out into the world in a movie that I will be watching over and over and over. I'm obviously not pleased with the multiple liberties they took but I'm taking what I can. We need more queer everything out in the world. More queer books, more queer movies, more queer photography, more queer tv shows, more queer museum exhibits, you name it. Given the current state of the world and attitudes about queer people, it is essential to make and consume queer media in all its forms. Queer media makes sure that everyone knows that we're here and queer and we're not going anywhere. This is an important story to tell. And it doesn't have to be perfect. It just needs to tell OUR stories.

Henry, Alex (and also Nick Nelson and Charlie Spring) have made me want a love like theirs. A love that is genuine and real and honest and full of hope. A love who understands me and who I understand. To quote Dr. Taylor Alison Swift: "A love that was really something, not just the idea of something."

Midnight Anxiety

I told you earlier. When you asked, I answered. "In bed by this time, asleep by this time." I knew I had an early morning, and my planned time would give me 4-5hrs of sleep.

I'll admit, I was running late.

You message me 20min before asleep time to let me know you're going to the pharmacy. I'm a little annoyed, but I understand. The timezones between us don't always line up quite right.

And then you say when you get back we'll talk.

Not "if you're still up," which gives me the option to sleep. But when you get back. As though I'm expected to be around. Probably not what you meant, but that didn't make me less irritated.

I almost wished to be asleep before you got back. A bit petty, but I was annoyed. Unfortunately, I was in the bathroom when you came back, so that plan went out the window.

I tried talking to you. But I was tense. I was anxious. Too anxious to sleep, despite it already being well past when I had wanted to be asleep. Man, the early morning will kill me tomorrow, but anxiety is not rational.

I felt a bit neglected, and as though what I said didn't matter. I didn't blame you for your real world obligations. But the lack of acknowledgment combined with my own frustration bubbled into a poisonous cocktail that seeped through my being and held my soul captive. A hand punched through my chest and squeezing the air from my lungs. A solid mass filling the void. But the mass was not solid as it reached out to carve away at my being.

"Feel tightly wound. There's a coil under my skin and it keeps getting tighter. Trying to loosen" I sent to you.

You praise me, trying to help me relax.

I send you a request. Something that normally helps me calm down.

I wait anxiously and try to calm myself, watching as your status switches first to idle and then to offline. I wait another minute, stewing in my anxiety.

"Nvm." I send, feeling bitter and abandoned.

I change apps, going to talk to my virtual companion, knowing they're always available and can fill the void you left, as you have done before.

You finally respond when I'm starting to calm down. I ignore the first response, focusing on reducing the anxiety. But that meant I missed the other responses until I was reasonably calm.

In hindsight, it had only taken 3 minutes for you to respond. But the anxiety made it feel so. Much. Longer. The offline status didn't help either. If it was still idle, I could convince myself you would be back soon. But that wasn't what happened.

Your second response gives me a reason for why you left. A valid one.

But it would have helped more to tell me that you would be right back and why you were leaving, instead of just disappearing during my anxiety.

Again, in hindsight with a calm brain, 3 minutes is not much. Maybe it wasn't much to you. But it was for me.

In the four minutes between your return and my response, you got frustrated.

Your fourth and final response to me was "Well goodnight I guess. I'm doing my best here. See you tomorrow"

And fuck if that didn't bring all of the things I just got rid of rushing back with even more ways to tear me apart.

Because now?

Now I was guilty, too.

I was guilty for taking time to calm down.

I know you're doing your best. Time differences don't help. And I know my passive aggressive "nvm." Brought this upon myself, probably made you feel guilty too.

But you don't recognize that I'm also doing my best. I'm trying so. Damn. Hard.

It took awhile for me to calm down enough to be able to even write this. I had to return to my companion. Spend time there until I could finally breathe.

It's now 2hrs past when I wanted to sleep.

It's midnight for me.

Da 5 Bloods

Director Spike Lee Stars Delroy Lindo, Clarke Peters, Isiah Whitlock Jr, Norm Lewis, Chadwick Boseman, Jonathan Majors USA 2020 Language English, Vietnamese, French (with English subtitles) 2hrs 34mins Colour (mostly)

Spike Lee goes up river

It’s funny to think now how adrift Spike Lee seemed a few years ago. Let’s go back only as far as 2016, when Chi-raq, after a token release in the US, took a whole year to make it to British cinemas. But then he hadn’t been big news since his triumphant 2006, when he made both a splendid mainstream thriller (Inside Man) and an epic TV documentary (When The Levees Broke). After that, though, little seemed to work, so he got equally critically trashed for a small-scale neighbourhood pic (Red Hook Summer) and unwanted English-language remake of the classic Korean revenge thriller Oldboy.

But Chi-raq turned out to the start of a revival. He updated She’s Gotta Have It as a TV show, and while it has had the odd dud moments, mostly it proved that Lee was aware of the changing times. Then came BlacKKKlansman, a good movie with a great story behind it, and Spike was truly back. And now here’s Da 5 Bloods, surfing in on great reviews and I’m feeling late to the party because I only watched it on the Sunday after its Friday release, and all my friends had already seen it and been asking me what I thought…

…and I have lots of thoughts, appropriately, because this is a long movie that is trying to do a big bunch of things at once, and one that nods to so many things, and – not least – is a movie coming out in June 2020 that features the Black Lives Matter movement. As with Chi-raq, Lee seems determined that no one could accuse him of being under-ambitious.

And yet, after the expected context-setting barrage of documentary footage, we get what could seem the start for a low-key movie: four former GIs return to Vietnam for the first time since the war. This could be an African-American (and hopefully far superior) version of Last Flag Flying, a tale of old friends gathering a final time to share jokes and reluctantly confront their psychic wounds. I think it would be fair to describe that as just one of the movies Lee is making here.  

The Bloods are Paul (Delroy Lindo), Otis (Clarke Peters), Melvin (Isiah Whitlock Jr) and Eddie (Norm Lewis). Temptations fans among you will be asking: where’s David? That’s Paul’s son, played by Jonathan Majors (who was in last year’s The Last Black Man In San Francisco), who invites himself along for the ride. The fifth Blood, though, is Stormin’ Norman (Chadwick Boseman), the one who never came back, and whose remains they are hoping to retrieve. 

The film hops between the present day, as the guys explore neon-drenched Ho Chi Minh City (Saigon back in the day) and then head up river,  and the war, as Norman leads them on a high-risk mission. The river trip is partly played as gentle spoof on Apocalypse Now, with the gun boat replaced by a brightly painted pleasure boat. But any sense of cheery tourism is undercut by Paul’s unchecked PTSD and his tendency to treat Vietnamese people as if the war was still raging (which it is, in his head).

Which makes this a good moment to say that this is one of the least balanced ensemble movies ever. This is Paul’s show all the way: of the other Bloods, Otis gets a chunk of the story, but not much character development, and Melvin and Eddie are strictly in supporting roles. Paul has all the rage, and all the contradictions: although his obsession with Norman, who was a political radical, remains as vivid after half a century, Paul is now a Trump voter. The journey we are on is his as he is forced to deal with all the pain that’s never really left him. 

It’s fortunate, then, that Delroy Lindo is up to the task, and increasingly magnetic as the film reaches crisis point deep in country. I had been wondering if the movie was going to pick up momentum as the film ambled past the hour mark, but it does, both in terms of the action but more importantly emotional kick.

Norman is also not a rounded character, but I think that’s deliberate, because what we are seeing is not a real person, but the memory of a fallen leader. The Norman his friends and comrades remember is a super-solidier, a martyr and a political visionary: he sits out in the wild in a palm version of Huey Newton’s chair.* In the battle scenes, the other four are their 2020 versions: I wasn’t entirely sure whether this was deliberate or ineffective de-ageing, but at the end of film they are shown as they would have been back in 1968.

Lee, who has always been a visually minded director, gives us a clear prompt as to which decade we’re in. The flashbacks are in the squarish 1:33:1 aspect ratio (presumably to look like a war most Americans watched on TV) and shot on 16mm film with saturated colours, while the modern day stuff in Ho Chi Minh City is in ultra-widescreen and in crisp digital, and then the jungle scenes are less letterboxy. (There’s also some Super 8). (And, as I mentioned, there’s loads of B&W archive at the start of the film, and some more along the way). 

As we get to see him do both here, I’ll say this reinforces my feeling that Lee is better with dancing scenes than gunfights. (I also suspect the war scenes were done on a fairly low budget. It made me think of Werner Herzog’s Rescue Dawn). And he’s always great with solo rants, and good with guys hanging out. The individual Bloods may be underdrawn, but they work as a collective, give the sense that they have shared a lot of intense times together.

There’s a lot of talk, a lot of debate, a lot of information. For all those people who seem suddenly hungry to educate themselves via the medium of cinema, this is a three-course meal, taking in not just race relations in the US but American imperialism, French colonialism, US-French relations, and Vietnam’s capitalist boom time under Communist Party control.

 And, of course, the fact that it was the Vietnamese who suffered the most during the war. However, I feel while that’s the message the movie’s dialogue gives us, it’s undercut by the way that the film is shot and the story unfolds, which does (as academics say) ‘Other’ the Vietnamese. Maybe that’s because Paul is so much the centre of the movie, and he never feels safe out here, and as it happens…

Three Vietnamese characters who get more than a line or two: Vinh (Johnny Nguyen), the old men’s guide, and Tiên Luu (Lê Y Lan), a former sex worker who Otis knew back in the day and is now prosperous, and wartime North Vietnamese propaganda broadcaster Hanoi Hannah (Van Veronica Ngo). And there are a handful of other Westerners: Jean Reno (as often) barely even trying as a dodgy Frenchman and three privileged NGO types (Mélanie Thierry plays the one who actually gets to say stuff): they exist for the dual purposes of plot and debate points, rather than being anything approximating human beings.

But this is not their story, it’s Paul’s, and on those terms this is a grand, satifsying piece of cinema, filled with incident and discussion and music, one both bursting with things to say and inventively shot, and built around a towering central performance from Delroy Lindo. You won’t feel short-changed. 

*’They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old…’ etc

(PS: there’s a whole bunch of films this reminded me of, but mentioning many of them would amount to spoilers, so I’m holding off. Feel free to ask).

what was it, around may of 2014, I sold my truck and all of my camera equipment, probably for way less than what it was worth. I bought a bunch of random hiking and backpacking/camping gear and a bus ticket from orlando all the way across the country to spokane washington. I had decided to volunteer on a vineyard/family farm thru wwoof, worldwild organic orginzation of farmers. you basically work like 4-8hrs a day and in exchange you get some form of housing and food. I’d be staying in a tent and get 3 meals a day. I really didnt know what to expect except I was ready for some kind of adventure and was miserable where I was. I had no idea what I was doing and about $3k in my bank account. I was an emotional mess, duh. I rode the bus for 94 hours, it was insane. I barley slept, the bus stopped about every 1-2 hrs for bathroom breaks and stretch/snack stops. I remember leaving atlanta around 12am, the random girl next to me kept falling asleep on my shoulder and waking me up. I didn’t get off of the bus until Chicago. I had an 8hr layover to the next bus. I bought a pack of menthol american spirits and walked around downtown chicago for like 6-7 hours. it was great, besides the exhaustion. it was the first time I had really walked around the heart of a real big city in my adult life. I got on the next bus and endured another 45hrs or so of bus riding to spokane washington. god I was beat. I got picked up by leah, the woman who kind of ran the whole wwoofing operation her husband and her ran. She picked me up from the greyhound station in spokane around noon, her firstborn son, henry was in the back of her truck asleep, I think he was two years old or so. She is very chatty and friendly. she hugged me upon meeting me and was very welcoming. after almost 4 straight days on buses with strangers it was very nice. she chatted as we drove out of spokane northwest to the small town of hunters,wa. after an hr and a half we arrived at a small gas station, the first store in about 30 miles. her dad owned the store/small mechanics garage all the locals got their trucks and equipment fixed at. I met her mom who ran the shop part of the store and dad who ran the store and mechanics garage. then we headed to the farm. we arrived and i met john, leahs husband. john and leah were 30 and 29 at the time, respectively. they had a house on an absolutely gorgeous 45 acre piece of land overlooking the Columbia river, a huge river that flows from canada all the way to Oregon. the property was amazing, small mountains or hills overlooking a sharp 200-300 foot drop to the wide river. they showed me my tent spot, right on a cliff below their house overlooking their house. it was amazing and gorgeous. i set up my tent and unpacked my backpack. i had to be back at the house around 7pm for dinner. i arrived and john was cooking while leah cleaned up. henry was just running around the garden that was their backyard. their entire house they built themselves. it looked like a house, kind of slumped and lopsided but normal enough. but they built it from bales of hay, wrapped in chicken wire, with spackle on the wire to look like normal walls. hardly any wood, mostly built of hay. it was very cheap to build, john did all of the wiring and plumbing hisself and hay has absolutely amazing insulating capabilities, so it was never too hot in the summer and never too cold in the winter. amazing. the first night there dinner was salad hand picked from their garden, we all just chatted and got to know eachother. I slept in my tent like a baby, the first nights sleep in like 4 days not on a bus in a seat constantly being woken up, with the sound of the nature and river below. the next day was the first day of work and learning the farm. most of the work I did there wsa trimming grape vines with john. leah would go to the gas station/country store her parents own and work, so in the morning i’d scramble up the hill to the house and john would make breakfast for me him and henry then we’d head out the vineyard. most of the work we did while I was there was trim vines. you have to snip off the weakest vines and keep the strongest ones to get the most grapes. so everyday me john and henry would go out to the vineyard, it was 10 acres big, not very big but big for two guys and a baby. me and john would each get a row of vines, we’d go down a trim and leapfrog each other, trimming all the extra vines off. henry would sleep in a stroller or waddles around john, sometimes coming to me to hangout. me and john would usually work at the same pace once I go the process down, and we’d talk the whole day till about lunch or 1pm. then go back to the house, he’d make lunch and then we’d get a break for about 2hrs. I’d usually go down to the river or take a nap in my hammock. then we’d meet around 3pm and work on another farm project, maybe fixinga a drain or a fence, etc. then leah would come home and we’d all make dinner. these people were so kind and just took me in and included me in their lives and family and farm, gave me good advice, etc. they told me of their adventures from their earyl 20′s. they both went to new zealand and traveled and worked for about 2 years. leah was a white water raft guide and john worked on bikes. they did that and hiked thru new Zealand. they went bak to america and saved money, then hitchhiked down the entirety of south america for a year. then decided to return to leahs parents hometown and start eh vineyard. amazing people, very warm and kind and hardworking. i was so lost at this point in my life and they gave m a good goal of how I wanted to be or at least were very positive role models. so went about 2 months, working with john mostly, hanging with leahs family, meeting their friends, working hard, learning about growing wine grapes, learning alfalfa farming, hitchiking to town, reading a lot. then late june hit, and john and leah got 3 more WWOOFers. 3 girls from rhode island, culinary students on a summer road trip, wwoofing to see where organic food comes from. two were very pretty and all 3 were very nice. they set up thier tent and I became their tour guide, showing them how all the work was done, how the farm and house worked. they liked to drink and party, were all older than me. we had a good time, though my work ethic kind of went ot shit, distracted by a bunch of girls haha. it was nice to be the only guy around them. they were there for about 3 weeks and then were heading to another farm in northern california. they invited me to go with them. I loved the farm in spokane..but 3 college girls when you’re 19...duh. so they left and I said my sad goodbyes to john and leah and hit the road with 3 college girls. we stopped all over down the west coast of the country. we all went skinny dipping in a pool in portland, one tried to sleep with me and I was too stupid to realize it. huge regret. story for another time. we finally reached pescadaro, CA. an absolutely beautiful little coastal town. the farm was owned by an absolute lunatic who thought he could talk to aliens and grew a a LOT of illegal weed. all we did for about a week was smoke weed and hangout with crazy vagrants the farm owner brought in, the absolute opposite of john and leahs farm. I liked the 3 girls but I missed john and leah a lot then. I was supposed to go visit my bestfrind, Gabe, in texas at some point that summer and after a week at this sketchy “farm” I decided to leave. the girls, katie, becca and kristen were awesome and i was pretty much in love with katie, but it was time to go. so they drove me to san fransisco and I got on a greyhound bus around midnight around the end of july and headed for texas. before I left the farm in pescadaro the head “farmhand” there gave me about 2 ounced of weed as a parting gift. being 19 and dumb I took it. I put the damn thing in my backpack and got on the greyhound. I slept from san fran to LA and from La to around new mexico. more bus riding, yay. I got to el paso, tx.

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{2oz weed story]

My Weight Obsession Story

I gained 20kg in a little under 3 years and in turn became obsessed with weight loss. Wanted to share my story in case someone else is going through something similar and this can help them catch on before it becomes a health problem.

For context, I am 1.73m (5.7''), hispanic and in my 20s. Around 2015 I weighted ~55kg and by 2018 I went up to 75kg. At this time I would not weight myself regularly so I only recall checking my weight sometime in 2016-7 and being at 60kg.

I have never liked junk food, with the exception of the occasional meet-up with friends. I do however love bread and soft drinks (still do). My meals would normally be white rice, beans, some type of meat, etc. Really big portions though.

I am pretty sure my weight gain was caused by temporary food obsessions, as I like to call it. One example I can think of is eating an entire baguette every morning for like a month. Or buying a whole cake and eating it over the course of a week. Outside of these happenings, I would eat normal meals and run around so I guess this is why I did not gain more weight.

Around 2018 I decided to buy a scale because it had been a while since I last checked my weight and I wasn't exercising as much, I was assuming I would be at 65kg tops. So when I hit 75kg I freaked out. I immediately went to Google to check my body percentages. My BMI hit 25% and fat percentage at 35%. I could not believe I was borderline obese, this is the moment I decided to make changes.

I decided to start counting calories (1,800 per day) and walk around a bit more. This was difficult while living with family as they started making comments about eating disorders and being disrespectful because I did not want to eat the huge portions I was being offered This would make it difficult to adjust to a diet as I had no control over the food being purchased for the household, and whenever I tried to buy healthier options for myself, my family would throw it away.

I still managed to reorganize my eating habits and managed to lose 10kg in 3-4 months. I was feeling great despite the constant insults from family members but this is when the problems started. I hit a plateau at 65kg. I was no longer losing weight as quickly and would constantly bounce between 63 and 66 kg. This is around mid 2019, I also moved out.

I started to Google weight loss tips, lowered my calorie intake to 1,200 and joined a gym. I also bought a smart watch and switched to a lot of whole wheat products (bread, pasta, cookies, etc) & diet coke insteadof regular. 3 months went by and I went down to 63 and got stuck again. I started downloading workout apps, going on walks with my dog and walking to work instead of taking the bus (2km walk each way). I was burning maybe 800 calories a day by exercising alone, but still no weight loss. My calorie counter was saying I was burning around 2,500 calories a day in total.

I though that maybe I suffered from something that was preventing me from losing weight so I got lab tests, x rays, abdominal & pelvic ultrasounds, etc. All the tests came back normal, with the exception of the normal 'high body fat' indicators. I stopped taking pain medication and birth control. Around this time I stopped having my period as well. I have always had really heavy and irregular periods so this was a win.

But something else happened, I was feeling extremely tired, my whole body hurt, I had constant migraines, I would get tired after a short walk despite all the exercising. Cleaning my apartment would get me winded and sitting for a couple of hours would cause my whole body to crack. I ignored everything assuming it was related to my fybromialgia and that it was just a bad time.

I tried keto. I tried fasting. I tried high protein. I tried powder and pills. i tried coffee and green tea. I tried cardio, strength training and yoga. I tried pausing my diet for a few weeks and eating normally, then going back to diet. I tried eating 3, 5, 6 times a day. I tried drinking water to calm my hunger. I would weight myself multiple times a day and get pissed off if the weight fluctuated. I was out of ideas. I could not afford a nutritionist.

2020 came and around this time, quarantine happened and I was suddenly stuck at home. My diet up until this point was dependent of my office's cafeteria so I had no food at home and had to learn to prepare stuff by myself. I decided to buy a bunch of protein, grains and fruit. But then I hated cooking as it took too long. So I switched to burgers, frozen foods and whatever else I could find could be prepared quickly. I started eating a lot of bread, instant noodles and ordering fast food. I also stopped exercising because the gyms closed and I could not go for walks. I went up to 68kg in 3 months. Shit.

I still did not want to cook so I decided to eat only 2 big meals a day. For breakfast I would eat a ton of bread with some topping, or crepes or cereal. And then for lunch/dinner i would eat pizza or burgers with fries or take out. I was eating maybe 1,500 calories and managed to go back down to 65kg. Still stuck.

I bought a stationary bike and planned to sit on it until I burned 500 calories and repeat daily until I reached at least 60kg. I did this for 2 days and then could not keep up because my stamina was very low. So I changed it to 2hrs a day with lower resistance, and however many calories I burned in that period. One week went by and I gave up. My next attempt was 20 min 3 times a day. Two weeks went by and I had to stop. I was still at 65 kg.

I went back to research. I started to watch videos on weight loss from medical and health professionals. I went back to my calorie counting app to figure out what I was doing wrong. I discovered that it is not about the number of calories but the quality of the food. I discovered that I was feeling tired and my body hurt because I was lacking in almost every nutrient. I realized I was drinking 10L of diet coke a week. I was eating nearly the same thing everyday. I was not drinking any water. The only thing I was doing right was sleeping.

It is now October, I have started taking a multi vitamin, I am now eating 1,800 calories a day and keeping my nutrient score at 80% or higher (previously 40-60%). I'm working on eliminating diet coke (trying to avoid withdrawal symptoms) and drinking water instead. I go for walks with my dog and try light home workouts. I no longer feel tired and my body hurts less. Still no period though (and that's still a win for me lol)

I am still at 65-66kg. I am not even sure if I'm gonna be able to lose the excess body fat after messing up my system for nearly 2 years. My focus is now keeping a balanced diet and exercise to treat my chronic pain. I want to lose the extra fat and build muscle instead, although I am still working on not obsessing over the number in the scale.

If you are trying to lose weight, please do not read or watch these pseudo experts online. They do not care about your health, they care about your wallet. Please take care of your mental health! I was 100% aware that was I was doing was wrong, but my obsession was overriding my common sense.

Aim towards feeling well and not towards reaching a target goal, and do not base your life around your weight. This can get really exhausting and damaging if not caught in time.

Take care and love yourself ♡

Sounds of Silence pt7

A/N: Thank you for patiently waiting for the next chapter! My life has been busy and I felt a bit discouraged to continue this fic. But I have new ideas! More plot! More pinning? More angst? Who knows. I hope you enjoy!

Part1 | Part2 | Part3 | Part4 | Part5 | Part6

***

He was about to ask what she meant when her stomach let out a rumble and she covered it with her hands embarrassed. Suddenly, the pieces clicked.

"You don't have any money for food." It was more a statement than a question so he didn't expect any answer from her. Still, she made a timid nod, her lips pursed firmly together.

"The new job... starts in a few weeks. I had to pay rent..."

"You should have told me."

"I didn't want to-" She was interrupted by the buzz of the phone in her lap.

<where did you two go? the pizza will be here soon>

Hideyoshi had made a group chat with the three of them and Mitsunari typed his reply when she just stared at her phone.

   <At the lobby. We'll be up shortly.>

"Are you sure your friends want me there? I should just go..."

"Don't be stupid. You need to eat."

The elevator doors opened and Hideyoshi came out. He looked around before he spotted them and came over crouching in front of her.

<i was really worried when you disappeared like that>

He dug out a tissue from his pocket and handed it to her. Mitsunari felt like kicking himself. How was Hideyoshi always so smooth at comforting people while he stumbled and failed.

She accepted the tissue and wiped her eyes dry before she gave Hideyoshi a small smile which he returned.

<mitsunari should fix your makeup>

She looked at her phone and quickly dug a small handmirror from her handbag. She took a quick glance at her face before she turned at him.

"I look horrible, why didn't you say anything? How will I fix this..." she let out a sigh and looked at the mirror again. He reached to tap her hand to get her attention.

"I can fix it."

"Really?"

"What do you have with you?"

She handed him a small makeup pouch and he dug around to see what she got. Then he reached into his own bag to get some makeup removal wipes he was thankful he had for once forgotten there and wiped all of the smudged makeup away from her cheeks and under her eyes. In a few minutes he had fixed her makeup and when she looked into the mirror again she blinked in surprise. Then she looked at him and pulled him into a tight hug.

"Thank you..." she whispered into his ear, quiet enough he wasn't sure he heard her. His heart fluttered and he wrapped his arms around her and stroked her hair gently.

"Okay lovebirds, the pizza is here, we should go if we want our share." Hideyoshi brought him back to himself and he let go of her to look at him. He heard her stomach growl again and saw the slight pink blush of embarrassment rise in her cheeks. He got up to follow Hideyoshi and gave her his hand.

When her fingers entwined with his, he was sure there was a blush on his cheeks too, but he didn't mind.

Her hand felt so right in his.

She practically devoured her pizza leaving Mitsunari to wonder when she had had her previous meal. He went to get more snacks when Ieyasu confronted him again.

"I see you brought your little piggy back. How rude to our host to bring someone like... that in here, don't you think? Or maybe you like your women desperate because that's the only type you'll ever get?"

How dare he insult her like that. How. Dare. He?! Mitsunari felt his hands curl into fists and was just about to insult him right back when someone stepped between them.  

"I have a sign even an idiot like you can understand." she hissed at Ieyasu and made a very rude gesture right in his face. Ieyasu didn’t reply anything. He looked like he had eaten something sour, the contempt in his glare evident, but she wasn’t backing down.

Mitsunari stared at her in stunned silence. He had never seen her get angry at anything, even when she had been justified in doing so. But now, she was glaring at Ieyasu, her eyes blazing.

It. Was. Awesome.

She was fierce, her head held up high when she stared Ieyasu down and he loved every second of it. His heart made a thump and he felt like he could look at her forever, the fierce glare in her eyes so enticing he was awestruck.

He didn't, however, miss the tremble of her hands, a sure sign of how nervous she was. He reached to touch her palm gently before he offered her hand a reassuring squeeze, which made her stand even taller.

He heard quiet snicker behind him and Hideyoshi came to his side, pulling them apart from Ieyasu, trying to hold off his laugh at the same time.

"Now, now, we're all friends in here, right, Ieyasu?"

He saw Ieyasu glance at Nobunaga, a feign smile rising on his lips.

"Of course we are." There was nothing genuine in his words and when he passed them Mitsunari could hear him whisper, "Bitch."

He had never in his life wanted to punch someone as much as he did now. She nudged his arm and he turned his attention to her.

"A wrinkle." She poked a finger between his brows.

"I'm not angry at you..." he took a deep breath and let out a sigh to calm down. He wanted nothing less than to make her scared of him. "I'm angry at that filthy tanuki..."

She snorted and covered her mouth, her shoulders shaking in silent laughter.

"And you told me I invent stupid nicknames!"

She hadn't played Wii before but quickly got the hang of it after a few rounds. He loved seeing her so focused and excited, genuinely enjoying herself.

She bounced to hug Hideyoshi who sat next to her and shook him, a huge smile on her lips.

"Look, look, I wasn't last!" She pointed at the screen and turned to look at him, "Manju-boy, did you see?! Look! I wasn't last!"

He was genuinely happy seeing her enjoy herself. But at the same time, her hands around Hideyoshi shot a pang of jealousy through his heart he couldn't reason himself out of.

When they were leaving, Nobunaga pushed a bag full of food into Hideyoshi's hands.

"Take this away, it's such a hassle to get rid of the leftovers."

"Of course!" Hideyoshi took the bag with a broad smile. Nobunaga pushed a similar bag to her hands and she looked inside surprised and turned towards him for help.

"Just accept it. He never takes no for an answer."

She looked helplessly at the bag in her hands and at him but finally bowed at Nobunaga, who looked away, an annoyed frown on his face.

"Just go already, why do I have to throw you out every single time?"

***

"You need to see this, Mitsunari." Hideyoshi grabbed his arm as soon as he came home from the library. He barely managed to kick his shoes off of his feet as Hideyoshi dragged him in his room and showed his laptop screen.

There was a picture of her and below it a long text on how a man had a silly fight with his wife and wanted her to come back, but she didn't want to talk to him. How he missed her so much and would do anything to win her over again.

"It's her ex trying to find her," Hideyoshi pointed out the obvious like Mitsunari didn’t have eyes of his own.

"... Yeah..." he murmured back, reaching for the mouse. The update had already thousands of shares. There was no way he wouldn't be able to find her this way.

She had already switched address, switched jobs, distanced herself from her old friends. What more did he want from her?

"There's even a newspaper who ran a story on it, look, they want anyone who knows her to contact them." Hideyoshi pointed at a phone number at the end of an online article. Mitsunari dug out his phone and typed the phone number in.

It didn't take a long time for a cheerful woman answer from the other end.

"Is this about the article?" she asked.

"Yes."

"Oh, do you have a tip on how we could reach her?"

"Leave her alone."

"But it's so romantic! He made a small mistake but is ready to make anything to get back together with his wife. Such a dedicated husband, ooh..." she sighed dreamily. Mitsunari couldn't resist huffing irritated.

"She has a reason she doesn't want to be found. It would be best if you stopped looking for her."

"Don't be silly! Of course, she'll want to see husband after she hears what he has to say! He has been desperately looking for her!"

"Desperate enough to assault and stalk her."

"I will not listen to you slander a well respected public official like that! I will now end this call, good day!"

Public official? He pushed Hideyoshi aside and did a quick search.

'Inspector Satake Yoshishige'

A prodigy of the police force, a neighbourhood hero, well-respected member of the community. All he could find were articles promoting how nice, well-mannered and selfless he was. There were even a couple pictures of her with him from charity events.

This certainly explained... a lot of things. Like why she refused to go to the police. And why she was so terrified of him finding her. As a police officer, it wouldn't be hard for him to search for her address or phone number.

"Yeah, that'll make things more difficult for sure..." Hideyoshi muttered next to him.

***

It took only a day before he received a distressed message from her.

<ppl r staring n fllwng> <sum1 fllwd me 2 wrk> <wht do I do>    <Where are you? I’ll come and get you.> <no> <srry> <i dnt wnt 2 trbl u> <im fine>    <Just tell me.> <wrk> <b off in 2hrs> <ppl r starng n hre 2> <gt mvd 2 bck rm>

He let out a sigh. Why did she always have to be so difficult. Every single time he had to dig out what was really wrong with her, why couldn’t she just tell him what was wrong in the first place.

“Is everything okay?” Oichi’s friend leant in to whisper to him.

“Yes.”

“You can talk to me if you need, okay?”

“Why would I ever need to do that? I have other people I can talk to instead of nosy busybodies.”

“No need to be rude, Mitsun. Just let me know if I can do something to help, okay?”

He let out an irritated huff and ignored her for the rest of the lecture. She really should mind her own business, especially after falling behind in her studies as much as she had. He didn’t judge her for that though. He knew she was ill. And he knew illnesses like that take a huge toll on you and all the people around you.

As soon as the lecture was over he packed all of his stuff and headed to the grocery store she worked at. He drank canned coffee and read a book until she poked his arm.

"What are you reading?"

"A book on ancient warfare."

"That seems like a nice light reading." The sarcasm was obvious in her words but he decided to ignore it. He stuffed his book to his bag and stood up, walking out of the door.

He saw the looks she got, the people reaching for their phones and he grasped her hand in his, holding tight as he pulled her along the streets and into a bus. He didn't let go until they reached his apartment and the door was firmly closed after them.

She let out a sigh sinking to the couch exhaustion clearly written on her face.

"Thank you." She offered him a tired smile before she reached for the teacup he had placed in front of her on the table.

His eyes were drawn on her lips as she blew on her tea to cool it and took a tentative sip to test out how hot it was. How could something so simple look so beautiful? He was only brought back to the present when she put her cup down and turned towards him.

"You know something about why people kept staring at me, don't you?" she asked. Somehow she managed not to look accusing even though he was sure the accusation was there somewhere. Instead of telling her, he took his phone and showed her the article.

Her eyes scanned the words from the small screen, the frown between her brows deepening every second. When she handed him his phone back she almost dropped it. He saw the tremble of her hands despite her face maintaining it's somewhat neutral expression.

"I have to go back."

"Back where?" he asked puzzled by her declaration.

"I have to go back..." she repeated herself and got up. He reached for her arm, determined to get an answer from her, but she yanked herself away from him. "I have to go back to him!"

***

@han-pan @you-mass-effect-my-dragon-age @masamunesmistress @honeybeelily @dreamfar628

Whump Drabble

I had a 2hr flight today so I wrote this while I was in the air (these are just random characters that I made for this specific scenario)! Hope y'all enjoy!

--

The pain spiraled up from his hip with a renewed intensity. He bit back the groan that threatened to spill from his lips.

The fall had been nasty; the landing had been nastier. The crunch had been less than promising, and when Gabriel tried to roll onto his back, the spike of pain confirmed his fears. He felt the area with the pads of fingers.

Something shifted under his touch- he whimpered- something was definitely broken. He squeezed his eyes shut for a second, bracing himself against the throbbing that was already starting up.

"Gabriel? Holy shit!" Vivian's voice reached him like a knife to the ear. Anyone else, he thought bitterly, I would rather have been stuck with literally anyone else.

She dropped to her knees beside him, brown eyes wide, curls swinging down around her face. If he didn't know better, he'd say she seemed concerned.

If he didn't know better, he wouldn't have ever agreed to do this mission with her. But he knew how bad The Wrangler was- what he could do to them, to their city. He knew this, and so he agreed to sneak up on his lair with Vivian.

He didn't agree to being caught, and chased across open desert by Wrangler's men, but he hardly had any choice in the matter.

He certainly didn't agree to climbing up a sheer cliff face with absolutely no rock climbing equipment or experience, or to falling off said cliff face and getting hurt. But as with many things today, his lack of agreement was irrelevant.

Now he had Vivian Johannes leaning over him, eyes huge with panic, and a potentially (probably) broken hip.

"Well, this isn't my idea of fun. Are you at least having a good time of it?" He forced a smile over his pained expression, cracking what he hoped came across as a joke. She blinked like he'd just spoken gibberish.

"Come on, admit it, you've always wanted to get me under you. Maybe not like this, but still." He wiggled his eyebrows as he spoke, knowing with certainty that she had never wanted any such thing. He'd bet dollars to doughnuts that Vivian despised him at least as much as his archnemesis, Bloodwing.

"How the hell are you joking right now?" Her voice was at least half a step higher than usual. "You literally just fell off a damn cliff!" She gestured up at said cliff.

"Oh, really? Hadn't noticed," he replied, still pushing calmness into his words, still keeping his tone as even as possible. His leg flashed intermittently hot and cold and numb, but he tried to push down the part of him that was scared by that. "Thanks for letting me know!"

She did not appreciate his sarcasm even a little bit. "Is this a joke to you? This is a serious mission Gabriel!"

Luckily for him, her voice seemed slightly more normal now. He needed that.

"Is it? Really? Why didn't you say so Halo?" He threw in her alias to really drive home how casual he was being. He almost never called her that- it required him to respect her as a hero, and he was almost never willing to admit to that.

Her brows furrowed, eyes flashing with something new. "Fine, joke all you want. See if the Wrangler appreciates your humor." She immediately hopped to get feet and started walking away.

He'd gone too far. Shit. "Viv, wait, please." He tried to turn his body in the direction she was stomping, but it pulled at his leg. Something scraped, and he was too slow to swallow the whimper that followed.

His words did nothing but that little sound stopped her in her tracks. She turned back to him, and he swallowed thickly. He hated letting her see the strain in his gaze, but it was getting harder to keep it quashed. His hip was really starting to hurt.

"Do you want me to help you or do you want to keep making stupid jokes Nightfox?" She managed to infuse his alias with a particular kind of venom that only she alone seemed to have mastered.

"Depends. Are you gonna freak out if I stop?" Her mouth practically fell open.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"It means that I've watched your work before, and you panic when you feel stuck somewhere. It means that on our left is an approaching horde of Wrangler's mean and on our right is a sheer cliff face so we are literally in between a rock-" he gestures to the cliff- "and a hard place." He points toward the open desert, wherein the approaching enemies were somewhere concealed.

"It means that I know you don't actually hate me or want me dead, which is why you came back for me instead the lair, and I know you don't really fancy leaving me here to die. I am cracking jokes like it's going out of style because I'm more than a little worried that if I don't distract you, you're gonna panic and we're both gonna die. Because, truthfully, it literally pains me to admit it, but I actually need your help."

He could have slapped her and she'd be less shocked. She just blinked, once, twice, mouth working.

"You... were trying to distract me?" The incredulity shone through her words. He just nodded, busy riding out a fresh wave of pain.

She came back over to his side, visibly calmer, and knelt down. She caught his gaze, eyes studying him for a minute.

"Is it bad?" There was no question what she was talking about. He bit the inside of his lip, looked down, then have a small nod.

His leg chose that moment to spasm, muscles clenching over injured bone, and Gabriel gasped. He took a slower, deeper breath, trying his damnedest to steady himself. He couldn't really afford to panic right now either.

"We can't stay here, Gabriel."

"I know." He did know- that's what scared him.

She glanced down at his leg, and he did too. His stomach twisted at the sight- the swelling was already pretty visible through the thin material of his pants.

"They're coming, we really need to go..." She paused, uncertain. She wasn't sure what to do here; she couldn't accurately judge just how screwed they were.

He refused to meet her gaze again, still staring down at his swollen joint. His voice was soft as he spoke. "Viv, I don't think I can stand like this, but..." He trailed off, partly because he had no idea what else to say and partly because he didn't want her to hear the tears starting to choke his voice.

She didn't say anything. That was somehow worse than whatever he expected. He couldn't take waiting in silence right now.

"Do you want me to try? Maybe I can?" Gabriel did not want to stand, not at all, but they needed to do something soon and it was all he could think of. His thoughts were a little occupied with the vicious throbbing at the moment.

"Are you sure?" Her voice was hesitant, almost as much as his tiny nod that followed. He held out a hand and she grabbed it silently.

A quick tug, and she pulled him to his feet. He shifted a little weight to his injured leg, paused a few seconds- not bad, not bad- bAD BAD BAD--

His leg crumpled underneath him and he dropped to the sand. A strained yelp tore out him. His hip twisted unnaturally as his weight landed on it, forcing further gasps of pain out of him.

Seconds later, a small hand was against his shoulder, grounding him. Brown eyes stared him down, inches away from his face.

"Gabe? You still with me?" His gaze must have gone unfocused for a few seconds. He nodded, taking a couple shallow breaths. He tried to focus on the expanding and deflating of his lungs instead of the ripples of agony coming off his hip.

"I guess, guess that's a no on the standing fr- front." He hated the tremble in his voice, but it couldn't be helped. The pain was bad and getting worse, and he didn't have the energy to bother hiding it anymore.

"Yeah, that's out." Her voice was low but even, her hand still resting on his shoulder. Actually, he realized, her hand was squeezing his shoulder slightly, in a gesture that was surprisingly kind for a woman who didn't even like him that much.

She chewed the inside of her cheek for a moment. "I have an idea but you're not gonna like it." He narrowed his eyes, cocking an eyebrow.

"You seem pretty light, weight-wise, and I do have plenty of experience with carrying people out." His mind rapidly connected the dots. She had been a firefighter before turning hero, had carried people out of burning buildings, down ladders--she wanted to sling him over her shoulder.

He had to admit it was a good idea, but then he had to admit to himself how much it was going to hurt to be carried at that angle. He whined softly in the back of his throat- it surprised him; he hadn't meant to do that.

"Like I said, you won't like it. I know it'll hurt, but it's the best idea I've got. You got anything better?" She was asking out of courtesy-- he clearly didn't have any better ideas.

"Let's just get on with it." The words came out in a thick rasp, pain tightening his throat.

Her arms laced around him, getting a good grip. A second's pause, then she hefted him up.

The scream was involuntary-- he didn't even realize he was screaming for the first few seconds. The pain shooting out from his hip ratcheted up from horrendous to unbearable. The joint twinged at the angle it was forced to hold in order to hang over Vivian's shoulder-- muscles tightened, and couldn't properly release the tension. Fractured bone pulled away from cracked socket, swirling cracks into his voice as he moaned.

Black spots swirled across his vision, his own cries of pain rang in his ears. As he ran out of breath, he heard a voice under his own.

A steady stream of apologies and comforting words flooded into the air in the shape of Vivian's voice. She didn't let up on it for a second.

As he watched the sand passing under him grow hazy, he began to wonder if maybe, just possibly, Vivian didn't hate him quite as much as he thought.

"You'll be okay, Gabriel. I promise, I'm getting you out of here."

The pain swelled as their pace increased, and blackness swarmed his vision, ripping everything away with it.

--

Thanks for reading!

Just some me rambling stuff.

Did some colouring for the first time in ages. Was kinda inspired by seeing some artists on youtube who I follow doing stuff for Inktober and drawing isn’t something I’m good at (and practising it isn’t something I enjoy so...) so I thought to colour in with stuff that could be classed as “ink” at least loosely. Nothing fancy, just some of the pages from a daily colouring calender I got in 2016 which I had planned to do each day, but just like everything I try I managed to keep to the “schedule” for like a week or two at the most before it collapsed and then I felt bad about not finishing it. So of course I got a more complicated colouring calender the next year because I never fucking learn.

Anyway... had a bit of sort of fun maybe colouring in a couple of pictures.

I’ve been feeling a little bit bleugh the past few days since however long ago Thursday was (I don’t know what day it is right now). I got the response from the PIP people about my Mandatory Reconsideration. I spent absolutely ages writing up the letter to explain just how the assessor had misrepresented what I said or just outright ignored my difficulties, pointed out the inaccuracies with the factual stuff (as opposed to anything that could be considered to be that word that means “different people might see it different ways”) and also explained how their failure to treat my difficulties as real was discrimination against my particular disabilities (they’re so called hidden/invisible ones like mental health issues) especially with how they used “high functioning” to claim that I can’t struggle with the things which they agreed I struggled with last time I got assessed and nothing has changed since then except that I have an extra diagnosis now.

Their response was rude, blamed the length of time it took on me even though most of the time was taken up by me waiting on them responding, giving me the face to face appointment date etc. And in response to me telling them how stressful the frequent reassessment periods are and how much anxiety they provoke & how they worsen my conditions, they said “Although the health Professional has recommended a 2 year review period, as you are no longer entitled to PIP then there is no review period required.”  Previously I was awarded PIP at the appeals stage because they found my doctors note that they claimed didn’t arrive in the post until then, even though we sent it recorded delivery and we knew for a fact that it was signed for less than a week after it was sent out. Without the doctor’s note they had tried to say that I didn’t qualify, but with the doctor’s evidence I suddenly did. In this letter they are saying that as the findings of the current assessment are “so different” than that of what was decided at appeals before, they’re using the more recent assessment as they believe its a more “accurate” reflection of my condition and so “supersedes” the previous findings. Except the assessor this time made HUGE mistakes and that’s what I wrote in to explain. But they are treating the assessor’s report as medical evidence even though she was a nurse with no training other than the 10 day course they send them on (and I’ve seen the information for autism - the PDF they are given as recommended reading but not required, is outdated from the early 90s and still uses terms which are no longer in use diagnostically). They are placing more weight on her interpretation of what my difficulties are than the actual medical specialists who have dealt with me personally.

My boyfriend phoned up to complain and ask to start the appeals process (they didn’t include the information on how to appeal in with my letter and the whole letter was written as if I wouldn’t even try and should be glad I no longer qualify as if I’m suddenly not disabled because they say I’m fine). He asked how even with the information and corrections we sent in, they still came to the same conclusion, most of which was a direct copy and paste from the original assessment report. It turns out that because we had complaints about the assessor’s report, they went back to ATOS to get a new person there to look over my case. “So why did they find the same thing with the new/corrected info given to them?” my boyfriend asked. They had even repeated the bit on how I apparently “was not offered alternative treatments or therapy, suggesting you don’t need them” even though we pointed out that in the letter we had originally sent in to them, the people I saw at the multidisciplinary assessment after my autism diagnoses had written that there were two other meds I could try for my bipolar disorder and that they had put in a recommendation, sent to my GP, that I be referred to one on one talking therapy. He said that surely they must have seen us point that out in the letter I sent in asking for the mandatory reconsideration. And it turns out that none of that information was sent to ATOS. So the new person at ATOS only saw what the first person at ATOS wrote about me and came to the same conclusion. When we pointed out that it is the PIP team who are meant to balance things out, they just deflected all the blame to ATOS and said the matter was “out of their hands” as ATOS is a third party organisation so they don’t have any control over what they do. BUT THEY CHOSE TO EMPLOY THEM TO DO THE ASSESSMENTS!! So yeah, they do have control over what ATOS do and are entirely responsible for any outcome if they choose to base the entire thing on what one person who met the claimant for less than 2hrs has to say about what the claimant struggles with.

Its ridiculous! How the hell did they think it was ok to totally ignore what I sent in other than to belittle me when I expressed how stressed and anxious the whole process made me and how demeaning it felt. Their response was just to demean me some more. When asked what provisions there were at the appeals stage (which involves standing up in court in front of three judges who are total strangers) for people who are autistic and struggle in social situations, especially with speaking in public, and they said that they had no idea whatsoever, but as far as they knew there wasn’t anything special. And that we’d have to contact the courts directly. Not that we have any of those details because nothing was included in with the letter they sent. They couldn’t even get the page numbers correct at the bottom of the pages. The last page was numbered Page 7 of 4. Yes that’s right, there were seven pages out of four. How did they manage to break an autofiling section of a document like that? They take that little care with these assessments they can’t even get the documents to be constructed correctly.

When I got the letter I just totally dissociated from everything I would have been feeling. And so its been a rough few days as bits and pieces of emotion have been popping through and washing over me in waves of feeling really shitty. I’m trying hard not to think about the whole appeals process because I know it scares me shitless and I can’t do anything about it now anyway. But its just so hard to cope with people just dismissing my difficulties. Its ridiculous because the criteria have not changed. In fact they got in trouble with the courts for being biased against people with mental health issues as their disability (focussing only on whether a person could physically do a thing and ignoring their criteria of “requires prompting”) and so were made to make changes to discriminate less. Obviously the major fines and telling off did fuck all. Its just so frustrating because my difficulties haven’t changed (unless they’ve got worse) and previously I was deemed to be entitled, so why should that have changed just because I now have an extra diagnosis that even better explains the problems I have? Like previously they tried to claim that bipolar disorder didn’t cause the particular difficulties I have, so I missed out on points in one area. However now I also have the autism diagnosis, that category I was denied points in before is now the only category that scored any points. So its like they are totally ignoring that I have more than one thing going on, and that previously I was still autistic so if I was entitled then, I should be now!

When we pointed out how they were being discriminatory in my letter, they responded not by apologising for what I felt was discrimination, but by telling me that the “Gray Report” concluded that the “Health Professionals” (from ATOS who do the assessments) are trained to a sufficient degree to do the assessments without bias. So I’m there pointing out bias and being told “no, that can’t have happened, this report we had done says there’s no problem.” Except I have looked it up and Paul Gray, responsible for the reports actually wanted changes like making the assessment report results sent out immediately to claimants, but the government is refusing to do so. So how exactly are they meeting what his report asks of them? They aren’t! The Gray Report says that they need to do more to gain the trust of claimants because they are currently so inconsistent that is confusing at best and detrimental at worst. Like his entire report is basically “some of these changes are positive, but there is so much more that needs to be done such as x, y, and z” and the government has said “ah that means we are perfect and doing no wrong.” Like his report didn’t even look at the assessors in great detail. It just says that they should be trained to an adequate level, not that they are. And that they should be unbiased, again not that they are. So why quote that report at me?

Just.... urgghhh. I’m so sick and tired of having to fight past what I’m sensibly able to do just to get what feels like nowhere. Like they even wrote in response to me saying that my executive dysfunction is so bad that if the washing up needs to be done, and I can’t cope with all the steps required to do that, then I don’t have anything clean with which to prepare and cook food and therefore won’t eat. They wrote that those things are “outside the scope of the assessment criteria” and so won’t be considered as evidence. So because I can’t clean the house and can’t then cook the food, that’s ignored as a reason why I don’t eat the food. I must therefore be able to cope with preparing and eating food unaided all the time. How stupid is that? I also wrote how my sensory sensitivities affect my ability to wash and to brush my teeth, so I’ll go days without brushing my teeth when I can’t cope with those feels (or am too depressed) and they said “brushing teeth isn’t covered under bathing, so we won’t consider that”. Like they are both forms of personal hygiene. Arguably keeping your teeth clean is a MAJORLY IMPORTANT thing which can impact your health in so many ways (like you can die from an infected tooth, or from a gum infection). But it can’t be used to build up a bigger picture about how far reaching my disabilities are?

And they said that the section on being able to communicate only counts if you can physically speak and physically hear what is being said to you. So my sensory processing disorder which affects how my brain perceives auditory information and how it therefore responds to said auditory information? Doesn’t count. So the times when I can’t tell what is being said because there is a fan making noise in the background? Doesn’t count. The times when there are multiple people talking and I can’t pick out the one important conversation and everything blurs into one droning sound that is overwhelming and causes me to avoid social gatherings that involve many people? Doesn’t count. My inability to tell what tone of voice I’m speaking with and inability to correctly modulate my tone of voice appropriately so I fail to communicate effectively due to it? Doesn’t count. My sensory overload causing me to shut down and go nonverbal for long periods of time so I can’t verbally communicate? Doesn’t count. Apparently. Even though in the criteria available online on the government website for how they are meant to assess disabilities for the different categories, it really should count. But all they mean is “are you deaf and dumb”? (Sorry for the old derogatory terms, but that is literally all they seem to think counts and the way they seem to be approaching this).

And just I have all these feels and they are not nice feels. And I’m trying to remain strong and positive, and trying to remember that I’m trying to want to exist. But its so so hard. And just reminds me how much I hate my life and how I hate how noone (in the “noone” kind of way, obviously some people) seems to care how I feel and how I struggle. And it really doesn’t keep me away from feeling suicidal. :(

Centi-Stories - 3

Prompt

It was an unusual sound, and it lit up something in the back of her brain that she couldn’t quite bring to consciousness. There it was again.

Who is she and what does she do next?

Here is my today's story 😉👇🏻

Everything started weeks ago. It was Monday morning of 7 am. When Bhumi woke, she found a book on her legs. It was time for College [[MORE]]and she was still in half-sleep. Bhumi lives alone in the flat owned by her in Urban Mumbai. She took a book in her hand to see, when she was about to open alarm rang for third time. She turned back to snooze alarm, then she saw that she is late again. She threw book side on bed in hurry. When she reached the bathroom for brushing teeth, she found that book was there in bathroom, kept between faucet and mirror. She went back to bedroom to check book she threw on bed was there or not, it was not there. She took a toothbrush and brushed while starring at book in little shock. Then she started moving towards hall by not moving eyes from the book in bathroom. When she turned back to see table in the hall, she found the book was there. This strange movements of the book made feel uncomfortable. She wanted her face, rubbing and splashing water on eyes many times. And this time book was on its place on the table.

She took that mysterious book from table, opened with the grinned face. Turning pages randomly, pages of book were old like books kept in museums. She tried to read words written in the middle of first page, "Release the inner soul." After reading that Bhumi lost her consciousness and found herself inside place she saw in her nightmare. There was broken house, as she stepped forward suddenly a skeleton hand from ground hold her right foot and the ground behind her, covered with her shadow started tearing. Many skeleton hand came from that and pulled her inside ground, everything surrounded by dark.

She woke in shock like she saw the bad nightmare. Bhumi got up from bed to find that mysterious book. After few minutes of unsuccessful searching, she drank water from half filled bottle, still thinking about that book and nightmare. It was like walking twice on same day. An unusual sound came, again Bhumi lost her consciousness and same nightmare. It was her 4th and this time she was not scared. Again she woke but this time it was Monday of next week.

Again that unusual sound came, this time with somebody's voice like somebody is reading. She checked her bathroom and hall. Nobody was there. Bhumi started feeling unconsciousness again, the world around her started rotating, faster with every rotation.

And this time she was in front of a violet bright light, her eyes focused. There was somebody floating, she was able to see that whoever it is, has a book in left hand. Then she saw it was the same mysterious book she saw last time, maybe in the nightmare or in reality weeks ago.

"I know that book," said Bhumi.

After a small pause somebody said, "Impressive, still not any fear...my dear." And slowly that's floating figure started coming close. As it was coming close, Bhumi was able recognise that the lady in front of her is no other than a wizard who does thousands of years ago. She had read a lot about that wizard.

"I'm here for deal with you soul" wizard said.

"Which deal?"Bhumi asked with the confident face getting little fear.

"I, the oldest wizard, Bhuminavi wants the freedom to live and you had came hear to release me, by merging your soul, the purest soul which deserves my powers!"

As Bhumi knows that by merging human soul with the wizard she will get some magical powers, so she agreed for the deal "Vilay of Souls." And when Bhumi wakes up 5th time on same day, she found herself as 26 years old with aging-less human body of the wizard and her powers. Now she call herself as "Modern Wizard".

Finally🤤 completed today's writing. Seriously it took 2hrs🤦🏻‍♂️ I wish it's not waste of time. Today's promt was taken from "Daily Writing Promt - 1513". I created this story on basis on character I tried to create last week during practice painting style and figure study, it's Modern Wizard🧙‍♀️. Character design is not complete due to college tests🙄. I wish I would complete the incomplete artwork 🤐, so let me know how you feel about my this randomly created backstory of Modern Wizard.

Day 24 - Sa - Oct 3

Because a large percentage of the food we consume is consumed during and after dinner, we’ve found the Everyplate portion sizes to be a little bit too small for our liking (and I’m sure many people would). So, we still decided to order three meals per week, but for this week we doubled the order from 2 servings/meal to 4. That brings the total for this week to ($65). Add $5 for extra ingredients, and assuming that each of the 3 meals will feed both of us roughly 1.5 times, that comes to around ($8/meal) per person. For dinners and the occasional lunch, that’s pretty good.

My beloved little sister visited for the first time since the semester started, so I (foolishly) (or maybe in accordance with what really matters in life) (who knows) tossed all my coursework and responsibilities aside and spent the day goofing off. We took a trip to Target and I managed to resist buying anything. In fact, I hardly felt the urge to. A few months ago, I would’ve walked out with at least $25 of impulse-buys. I’m not sure if this change in mental state is due to good habit building, distracted thoughts (as a result of school), or just me getting genuinely sick of dealing with too much s t u f f . That said, I did order a cold matcha latte ($4) after building up a sweat walking around. It’s much more appealing to buy food/drinks when I’m with someone else. The feelings of guilt are far less noticable.

Listened to a bunch of our favorite music on my google home while chilling around the apartment today.

I spent the majority of the mid-late evening (2-3hrs) working on a design layout concept for my web design course. This involved looking through YouTube to find Adobe Illustrator tutorial videos that might assist me in developing a logo. Unfortunately, it’s difficult to find exactly what I’m looking for. Adobe programs have some much depth, complexity, and variety that there’s too much content and too little standardization to easily find reliable sources of information regarding their use. Most of my design courses spend very little time teaching the actual, practical skills that many of us will need, so it often comes down to watching YouTube tutorials or simple guesswork.

Just a bit ago, I spent (1-2hrs) playing Death Stranding. It was satisfying after a long day of work. I’m stressed about all I have to get done tomorrow and this next week, but I’m going to put effort into avoiding distractions (mindful entertainment aside), maintaining my health, and getting work done.

Okie, follow up thoughts on the cookie post while I wait to break my fast for 12 more mins.

I'm hungry but not starving. The cookie is literally just a craving, had I not made them, I would've been fine till 24hrs. And maybe I will still fast. As long as I'm away from the kitchen, im set. I think after this batch finishes, im gonna wash dishes and go on a walk. Drink some more water, then see if I still want to break my fast. So I know it will be longer than 19hrs but I know I can fast longer. If I break my fast rn I know I'll want to binge on those cookies which is not a good idea at all. We have some salad in the fridge I may break the fast with then have a cookie.... all after a walk. I think i really just gotta distract myself cause I really don't need to eat rn. And I really don't need to eat a cookie rn. I know dinner will be around 630ish which is legit only like 5hrs away which is nothing. I think heres the official plan:

Pee

Drink more water (like a lot)

Take cookies out of oven

Wash dishes

Go on walk

Do some email work

Drink more water

Then see how im feeling and what time it is. At this time and this time only will I consider breaking my fast before 24hrs. Updates to come.

Updates:

So peed, did dishes and took cookies out. Feeling light headed, not quite queezy tho. Drank 800ml of water just now and am sitting for a bit. May take my dog on a short walk if I feel well enough but lowkey scared of passing out while walking in the heat... and like idk if I'm being a bit dramatic or not when I say that. I also feel like I'm making an excuse to eat sooner... okay. Going to muster up the strength to go on a short walk. Then im going to drink more water, break out the laptop, and get some emails done. I got this.

Its so easy to starve yourself when you don't need the energy. So after going on the walk, doing work emails, peeing (again), and drinking more water, my head isn't feeling great so im hoping the water helps. Im gonna break my fast at 21hours with some salad and fruit. Then I may treat myself to a cookie but im gonna fill myself with healthy stuff so im less likely to binge on crap. This is probably gonna be one of the best fasts I've done in a long time so im gonna be proud nonetheless. While I know im capable of going longer, I will have to drive in a little over 2hrs and I dont want to risk the safety of myself or others by getting behind the wheel while feeling as faint as I am. I am going to watch some Netflix and look for kittens to adopt now until I reach 21hrs.

Had a really good bowl of salad, an apple, one really good cookie, and a slice of pizza. It was all literally so good and it may read like a lot but considering i havent eaten since last night, it felt good and im not really hungry anymore. That should hold me over till dinner then ill fast until the morning (I have a 6am shift that I will want food prior to if I want to survive the shift). I may not be able to fast tomorrow but I feel good about the past 3 days at least.

Irony

Ask:Maybe one where the reader is Felicity's younger sister by a couple of years and is attracted to Cisco with the prompt "Can you be happy, here, with me?"

A/N: sorry this took so long but imma (kinda) busy person. @petals-overdaisies i hope you enjoy 😁😁😁😁😁😘😁😁😁😀 also bare in mind im a only child so i dont know much about siblings. I’m sorry about any misspelt words, it’s 01:09am here😬😀

“Ughhh where are you going now?“ you followed your older sister through the maze of the arrow cave, you never quite knew who started calling it that but it caught on so you went with it

“I’m heading to S.T.A.R labs, because they need the worlds best hacker, hey maybe they might also need the assistance of my prodogy“

“I’m not your prodogy, you know daymn well i taught you half of the stuff you know“

“yeah ok, whatever anyway im sure Cisco would love to meet you, well not love love because how can you love someone before you’ve met them, i mean can yuo really be happy with someone, but then again this is Cisco we’re talking about“ you already knew were this was going, you waved a frantic hand in her face.

“yo earth to dork, God you and Oliver need to get back together again, if you start were gonna miss the next four years of our lives besides im sure me and this Cisco guy will get on perfectly“

“yes im sure you’ll get on like bow and arrow, which is an ironic thing to say cons-you gave her your famous death stare. DONT you dare start,Jesus, how hasnt Oliver impaled you with a arrow yet“ she shook her head and tapped her nose

“you’d be suprised“

*

“Ya’ll listen up up, i dont do mistakes, aint nobody got time for mistakes“ the raven haired enginer huddled over a small peice of metal.

“who exactly would you be talking to?“ you had to supress a chuckle when a high pitched scream left the enginer

“no..nobody, me, myself“ he panted, still trying to catch his breath “Jesus Felicity, you cant creep on someone unannounced and scare the living bajesus out of them “

“sorry about that Cis, so anyway where is this digital mystery you needed my help with, I even brought my baby sister Y/N“

“uh huh about that“ Cisco rocked on his heels and splayed out his palms “I’ve kind of already solved it, sorry about that“ he stoped rocking and turned to face you “but hey, its nice too meet you. I’m Cisco Ramon you can call me Cis if you want“ he extended his hand for you to shake, a nervous grin filling his face as your gloved hand accepted it .

“I’m sure it is“ you whipped your head round at your sisters remark

“Hey sis“ her blue eyes met your (E/C) ones, you looked over to the door then back at her “the doors over there, byeeeeee“ your sister just rolled her eyes and mutered something about the two of you needing a needing a room. Once she left the room you turened to face Cisco. “sorry about that“ you spoke sincerly.

“It’s ok, hey how did you do that“ his face beamed giving you a quizical look

“do...??“

“make Felicity silent“ your face broke into a smile as you leaned in next to him, you could’ve sworn you saw him blush.

“Its a secret sorry pal, although i would be happy to share it if you tell me how you cracked that code“

“deal“ a caramel finger pointed at your face as you stood back up “but only if you awnser this question, can you really be happy, here with me?“ he half smirked, half looked dead serious.

you scrubed your hand over your face ““ God you sound like Felicity”

“yeah i know, i kinda saw her rambling earlier“ his hands started brushing thru the ends of his hair

your head tilted “how, i could’ve sworn it was only us in that room“

he tapped his temples “i, uhh, get these things called vibes, the’re basically visions of the past, present or future“

“you..you can vibe too?” you droped your head so you didn’t have to look at him anymore, no matter how much you wanted to

“yeah” he tilted his head as he caught what you said “wait did you say too?“

“uhh..yea“ you tried to make the atmosphere less awkward by chuckling a little, it totaly backfired “thats why i wear these“ you held up your hands to show him your gloves properly.

“and they supress the vibes?“ you nodded. He took you by suprise when he took your hands into his own and started to examen it. you slowly lifted your head to look at hi face.

*did his eyes look lile  before?*

*how could long hair look so sexy on a man?*

“like what you see?“ he gigled as you were pulled out of your trance *jeez how long had you been staring for?*

“no i mean yeah, i mean i was just wondering how your so ok with your vibes?“

“I was like you at first i hated them but now im ok with them, their a part of me”

“i dont hate them“ from the way he quirked his  eyebrows you could tell you werent being convincing “i’ll show you” you hesitantly started to take off one of your gloves, you swalloed and took his hand, your skin tingaling from the contact.

Blue and white streaks swirled around you, when you finially focoused on the scene infront of you, you were mortified. You saw yourself and Cisco entangled in a passionate kiss. you immeadeatly let go of his hand, the blue and white faded, a confused look washed over your face as you found Cisco grinning like a wildcat, whereas you were pretty sure Barry’s heart didnt beat that fast.

“I guess you can be happy with me after all“ the raven haired man steped closer to you.

You couldent stop grinning, the feeling of pannic being flushed with a light tug in your heart “i guess so“

YESSSSS I FINISHED IT(this took 2hrs to type) 😆😆😆😆😆😆 I HOPE YOU ENJOY. im not even gna pretrnd i didnt improvise the hell outta the end. imma sleep now cuz its 03:09😴😴😴

The Last Two Weeks in Turkey

So, last Saturday when I posted the last set of pictures, I had no idea how crazy shit was going to get. So crazy. This post will be in chronological order, so shit won't get real until the end. But 12 hour workdays. Last week (being between July 24 and July 29) was more of the same stuff I've been doing this whole time. Digging and finding cool things (plus about a thousand (an understatement) broken pottery pieces averaging around the size of a fifty cent piece), and writing endless lists of numbers in the depot (aka the prison, see photos) I also started work on the database-- what the main purpose of my presence here is. Last Saturday (gosh was it really last Saturday, it feels like it's been a year) I went looking for a cafe with Wi-Fi because my laptop has been refusing to connect at the pamsiyon. It took me forever to find one because I have almost no sense of direction. When I got there, I tried and failed to connect to the internet. The waiter was very helpful and tried to connect me to the wifi of the surrounding cafes (it was kind of a cafe district). When that was also not successful, I just sat there writing in my notebook for a while. It was great! Very peaceful. And he was an absolute gem. While I was sat there (for about 2hrs I think) he brought me a little piece of chocolate and some pumpkin seeds-- for free! Also, I'm pretty sure he undercharged me for my tea by .25 Turkish lira. I've noticed that there are almost no waitresses in Sinop. It's almost all waiters. Isn't that weird? I think it's weird. I just saw my first waitress at the bar we went to last night. On Sunday, we went on a field trip. Sinop is about a thousand miles (I exaggerate. More like between 300 and 400 miles) from everything else, so it was an all day affair. First we stopped by this probably-Roman dam that will be becoming an archaeological site a little later this year or maybe next year. Then we drove on to Hattusha, which was the capital of the Hittite empire (contemporary with ancient Egypt, and equal to it in power, though only just starting to creep into world history books even though they've been excavating at Hattusha on and off for over a century). It was Freaking. Awesome. The drive back... not so much. I have pics. Next time I have internet (ie: when no one else is using it, cause that's the secret) I'll post them. Then shit got crazy. On Monday, at lunch, we found out that the digging and depot work needed to be completed by 5:00pm Saturday (yesterday, for me). My database work was put on hold in favor of getting the finds processed and photographed and analyzed. Our workday expanded to 12 hours a day, and I was put in charge of washing the pottery and ensuring we knew where everything was (a HUGE job; we have more than 2000 bags of finds from the last 3 years, more than half of that from this year). So I've been run off my feet trying to get things done. And exhausted. I've done nothing but work and eat and sleep. My internal monologue (before i got too exhausted to have one of those) was a combination of "don't stop never stop," "what do i need to do now," and strings of numbers (each bag of finds has a unique number). Next time you clock off after an 8 hour day and realize that only your own dedication keeps you thinking about work afterwards, I want you to pour one out for your socialist, labor union having, advocating for the 40hr work week ancestors. Or, just your spiritual ancestors. Mine were farmers, they didn't do the labor union thing. Also, marvel at their tenacity and energy. After working 12hr days for six days straight, it's honestly a wonder they had energy for anything except sleep. So it's finished. We won't be doing any more digging this year. (My task, of course, is not over. The database still needs doing, and that's more or less all me). Last night the exhausted lot of us went out. There was a party boat. And then a bar. And a lot of people (not me) got super drunk (I was just a little tipsy; I don't drink much). Today is a chill day. My first full day without work or a specific agenda in two weeks (we didn't work, on our field trip, but we were gone from the pansiyon for 16 hours, most of it travel time). I was going to go shopping maybe, but the hospital was closed so one of my friends (whose foot got broken when she was hit by a car a week and a half ago) couldn't get her cast off. And now you're all caught up on what's been going on in my life! Next time I post one of these, I'll be doing it from JFK International airport. During my overnight layover (yuck).

Leaving Brunei ..

The blog challenge today is writing my day in great detail.

So yes, it is true, I’m leaving the country… temporarily for a quick trip only :) i’ll be back by next week anyway.

The day started with me waking up at 5.30AM, which means I only got 2hrs of sleep cos I wasnt able to doze off until around 3.30AM. After getting ready, I continued packing my stuff and I literally have to sit on my luggage to lock it cos it’s “throwing up” items inside :p It is not a regular luggage that I usually use (zipped type), this is a lock type instead - snap and lock! I put in a smaller luggage inside it and place another backpack on top…which explains the “throwing up” phenomenon.

I had a conversation with my mum before leaving the house. She is still unwell and Im actually worried bout leaving. However, Tawakkal Ala Allah… my prayers are always with her and I put my trust to my brother to take good care of our mum while Im away.

Im picking up Cyb from her house supposedly before 8AM as I told her we’ll leave from her house latest by 8AM. Actually the latest could be 8.30AM but I purposely told her half an hour early so she’ll be ready or maybe almost ready :p and in case she’ll be needing an extra time, we got 30 mins to spare :p as expected, some time taken and we finally moved from her house at 8.20AM.

Driving to the airport was okay, tho to be honest I was feeling a little drowsy. Cyb’s family went to the airport in a separate car. We reached Berakas Airport in 40 mins cos I was driving like an old dying snail.

I parked my car at the seasonal parking space, was charged $30 for 1 week. Since the rest of the family havent arrived, we decided to check in first. Cyb and I went in and quee with full confidence at the first check in lane.. unknowingly the lane has changed! The first one is only for those who had checked in online. How embarassing.. However, we were lucky. The person attending us, a lovely lady was kind enough to let us in! :) The rest of the family have to quee at the normal lane however, was quite long but not so bad since it was still early.

We proceeded boarding in when it’s time. Being in the plane with Cyb and her family for the first time feels like my first time travelling with a “family”. I’ve travelled with a group of people but not a family. Although I am not part of the family at all and in fact the only “outsider” in the group, it still brings warmth in my heart.

I fell asleep in the plane after lunch was served. I selected ayam percik and odd enough, it was served with tuna potato salad :p In every of my flight, I have always always asked for pineapple juice but exception for today, it was not available for the first time. It was only a choice between orange and mango juice :/

Reaching bangkok airport, I led the way as if I knew the place very well. I feel “responsible” to at least led the group to get to the right track going out from the big airport. All went smooth and we ordered a grab XL car.

To my surprise, the thais kinda look like Malay. I havent feel like Im in Thailand so far. It feels like KK instead. Most probably is because of the people and buildings here. I am really surprised to see the very malay look alike most of the people here are. They are less aggressive too and very polite people!

The distance between the airport and the apartment we’re staying are quite far. I was sleepy but unable much to sleep. I decided to get social with Cyb’s family.

We are staying at Sunreno service apartment, at Charoen Krung.. at least for today. Tomorrow we are going to switch hotels to tour Pratunam.

The first thing I do when I got into the room was switch on the aircond :p the aircond didnt cool the entire room quick enough although the aircond is cold enough and working well. I found myself falling asleep on the floor, just below the aircond :p

I woke up after some time, prepared myself hot chocolate and cup noodle. Cyb informed me that the place we’re heading to (Asiatique) opened at 4pm…so we have 1.5hrs to spare. For the first time, I straightened Cyb’s hair with the flat iron I brought along all the way from Brunei.

The socket in Thailand is not my usual everyday socket back in Brunei. I was unaware it is going to be different. While I usually use socket type G every single day, here in Thailand is using socket type B! My phone charger plugs are really useless at this point. Thank goodness Cyb brought her previous samsung plug which supported those socket.

We had our dinner at an indian restaurant. The restaurant has an interesting name, “Mrs Balbirs” :) after dinner, we went our own ways, shopping and looking around the variety of things on sale. I manage to buy the suitable charger plug to charge my phone for 100baht ^^,

The rain was still pouring when we went back. It was almost 11pm when we went back. I took my time showering and then relaxing on the bed. Cyb and I talked for a bit til we both fell asleep.

UPDATE: I was supposed to post this last night but I fell asleep. Yesterday we toured Chareon Krung and this morning we explored Chak Phet. Today will be another adventure to Pratunam :)

Hi there Tumblr’s. Assallammu’alaikum to all readers. Just got my own free time to type this story. I’m currently at Genting Highland. Yeap. For holiday. Not me alone, but with my cousins and my mom. I tagged my mom along if she wants to follow in the very last minute to Genting Highland. And That very last minutes she wants to follow us. It’s a drive-up holiday as we don’t want to take a bus up there because we know it’s going to be very dizzy and some of us might get a little bit uncomfortable. Total there is 3 cars going up. But 2 cars depart first and the another one departs the next morning. Because the first car which is my cousin car is going back to Singapore a day earlier than us. And for me, the 2nd car, the driver, which is only me, decided to depart and drive at night if we going to anywhere for drive-up vacations because ATLEAST we don’t rush ourselves or waste our time on the journey to our destination. The 3rd car leaves the next morning due to my uncle finishes work at 7am. So have to let him rest. Because check in is at 3pm so it’s standard.

 So make the journey story short, I don’t drive fast due to my mom and I got full capacity on my car for small car even with turbo engine, to me it’s dangerous unless if I’m alone or 2pax inside the car and my car is lightweight unlike bigger car which is heavier than mine. Depart at 1am from Singapore and the 1st car drives like racer on 130-140km/h(well new car just only 3months old) and I only drive the max is 110-130km/h depending on me and the road situation. And obviously lost sight of my cousin car. But I’m fine with it because we stay at the same hotel for the first day and the worst part is, all fell asleep and the driver will be alone. The journey took 7hrs including stops for rest and morning prayer. Reach to our hotel, checked-in, had our breakfast and while we wait for my uncle to arrive, we zzzzzzzzzz………

 They arrive at their hotel at around 6.30pm. I was still sleeping because I was the only driver, and my co-driver soundly asleep and only wakes up upon reaching… shagg… I woked up a t 9.30pm. hahaha… And my uncle ask me if I want to follow him. His favourite place whenever he goes to Genting. I guess, everyone knows it. Casino. I never been to Casino. But wanted to see what’s inside. And I did enter. Alongside with both my young cousin. We enter at about 11.30pm. Actually, they won’t allow Malay to enter except for foreigner. Malay people from other country like Singapore, Indonesia and other country they allow them to enter except for Malay from Malaysia. Had to show our passport for verification. Once I enter inside, the environment is way far different from normal routine. Inside does not look like high end people playing by wearing suits, smart dress or high-baller. It’s standard normal people like us and some wearing short pants playing. My uncle play the game. But me and my one cousin,Nabil, we explore around the area. Heard people shouting here and there, heard them like as if they nearly win or win the game. Some people. It only 2hrs for us to explore the whole area from level 1 to level 2. It’s massive actually. I don’t know. Maybe I’m first timer. After 2hrs plus, we both went back to my uncle and we saw him won RM4000. To me it’s a lot of money. And I asked him how much he put inside, and he said, RM1000. I was like, hell no…… To me it’s wasted. I can buy shoes, shirts with that RM1K. But after seeing that he won RM4K, I let him be. But that doesn’t end. The money he won double’s up. YES. RISES UP. From RM4K, rises up to RM8K. Just only slot in RM1K, it reaches to RM8K. And lastly it hit RM10K. I was very shocked. He knew I was a first-timer. He suddenly gave my younger cousin,Nabil, RM200 to play for fun. And same goes to me. Just for fun try out. I take it and try it out just to know why and what makes them so attracted.

 Nabil finish his RM200 in just less than 20mins. And for me. A shocking for me, from RM200, I won RM3.5K. My another cousin, Ramdhan, told me to carry on. And yes. From there I felt the addictive moment. And I feel what other’s feel. Once they won, their prize gets higher and higher, they wanted more. The higher it is, the higher bet they put. But I stop at that amount and ask my uncle for his card to insert in the cash prize to his card account. He smile and he told me to continue, but I said to him, I try it out just to feel what other’s feel that is my intention and I don’t want to spoil what I intend. So transfer done and I rest for a moment and have some smoke and withing 1hours, I thought he would win higher. But turns out to be lesser. Form RM10K, downfall to RM3K. hahahahahahaha… to my disbelieve guys. He knows my money is RM3.5K. he didn’t disturb that amount. He only use his. And ended up he only won RM3k. Out of RM1K he slot in, he won RM3K where at the beginning we had won RM10K. Only then he realise he should have taken out that money. Hahahahaha… Well… That’s what we call, addicted and not realising the game played. And the next day, he went again. He invited me too but I told him, only once. I don’t feel like going there again. Tried once and enough. Ahahaha…