im not even mad about timeless child/ flux anymore because of the wonderful performance DT gave characterizing how devastating it was to experience that as the doctor.

Here is the first chapter of my thasmin fanfic. (The one that I took the lines from.)

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Dan, Yaz and The Doctor had been on loads adventures since saving the world from being flodded by sea devils. From having a sleepover in a world where it rained marshmallows every night to getting sun burnt on the universe's hostest planet.

They were all tired, and had ran out of ideas for places to go. It had seemed like they had visitied every planet in the universe, it had certainly felt that way.

"So, where do you want to go? We can't just hang around the TARDIS all day." The Doctor exclaimed to the two humans who looked like they weren't bothered to do anything. The Doctor understood how they felt, for she herself was exhausted but knew that they would regret it if they stayed in bed all day. "Come on, there must be somewhere yous want to go." The Doctor encouraged.

They both stood there, looking like they were going to fall asleep, again. Dan's eyes then suddenly widened. "Actually, can we go to Earth, I have been meaning to visit me mum and dad, they must think I'm dead by now." He offered. "Yeah, yes great idea, Dan. She tuned to face Yaz. "Will I drop you off home aswell?" She asked. "It's OK, I don't mind. I'll be back for, say...tomorrow afternoon?" She assured the human who looked like she was about to protest.

"It's OK. I want to stay, plus I am pretty sure it is summer on Earth right now and my family will be on holiday and I also told them last week on the phone that I was in the middle of a police thing so they aren't expecting to hear from me let alone see me for another week, so there is no point in me going." She replied. The Doctor smiled at her, relived that she wouldn't be alone then quickly looked back at Dan. "Right lets go." She walked over to the lever. "Actually, can I talk to you first Doctor?" Dan requested, as she followed him out of the console room.

"What's up?" She asked.

"Can you do a favor for me? Well, it isn't for me, but anyway, can you take Yaz here, after you leave me home, if you haven't got any plans." The Doctor looked at Dan curiously. He took out a slip of paper with numbers on it. The Doctor took it out of his hand and looked at it. "Where is it?" She asked him. "A planet that is deserted, but I don't know why because it is absolutely gorgeous." He lowered his voice so it was a quite whisper. "And it is the perfect place for a date." The Doctor looked up at him, not knowing how to react. She looked back down at the paper in thought. "Oh and don't worry, me and the TARDIS worked together. She made sure to pick a safe planet." The Doctor stayed silent, still thinking. "Doctor, it's obvious how much you two want each other, just do it and stop worrying about it and over thinking it. You don't have to do it, obviously, but I promise if you do, you wouldn't regret it. I promise." He reassured gently.

The Doctor looked up into Dan's eyes. "Thank you, Dan." She said putting her hand on his shoulder. "I'm glad you joined team TARDIS." "Your welcome, you two were made for each other." He claimed. The Doctor smiled at Dan. "Come on, lets get you home."

The two of them walked back into the console, Dan joining Yaz on the steps. "Earth here we come." The Doctor pulled the lever and the TARDIS took off and landed soon after. The three of them walked out of the blue box onto Dan's street. "Wow" Yaz said "It feels like ages since we've been here." She enjoyed the feeling of breathing in her planet's own oxygen again. "Yeah, you're right Sheffield, it does." Dan agreed walking up to his house. "See you here tomorrow afternoon?" The Doctor checked. "Yep, see ya." He confirmed and went into his house.

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Second chapter coming soon, depending on how well this one goes down lol.

Midnight snacks

(A soft Thasmin one-shot)

So I felt bad about all the angst in the last one and I also wanted to write something super soft and fluffy. So here we have my head cannon and the Doctor and Yaz’s midnight snack adventures. We have tea, we have jammy dodgers and we have fluff. Let me know what you think!

It was her thoughts that kept her up that night.

Thinking about the most recent adventures she had been on with team Tardis, how the Doctor had saved her yet again from an alien who was able to make earth quakes simply by touching the planets dirt, and how much she really, really loved the Doctors enthusiasm for life. Yaz could honestly swear that she glowed with it sometimes. It was like watching the earth from a-far at nighttime. A million twinkling lights all rolled up into one extremely hyperactive time lord that Yaz had to admit, was also entirely adorable.

She made her feel things she probably shouldn’t feel simply by looking her way, and whenever she did, Yaz found that she couldn’t quiet control herself. The butterflies that buzzed around in her stomach, her heart beating a million times faster than was generally considered normal for a human, and the horribly awkward avoidances of meeting the Doctors gaze whenever she looked at her with that amazingly bright smile.

They where all tell-tale signs of Yaz’s extremely large crush on the time-lord. Signs that she hoped the Doctor hadn’t been able to pick up on yet.

When Yaz found that despite her tossing and turning, she still couldn’t seam to get any sleep at all, she decided to get up to find something to do.

As she walked down the well-lit halls of the Tardis in her fluffy winter pj’s, she smiled at the sense of safety the familiar environment gave her. The shades of blue and orange and the faint sound of the spaceship brimming with life all felt like home to Yaz now. Even more so than her parent place back in Sheffield.

Yaz yawned and rubbed at her eyes as she found herself arriving at the console room of the Tardis. Thinking that her feet must have taken her their without her own cognition of it, she was about to turn back and head to the kitchen instead, when a voice made her jump and turn around.

“Yaz! Your up late. Everything ok?”

The Doctor, sitting in her usual swing-seat under the Tardis floor, pulled her tinkering googles away from her eyes and looked at Yaz with concern. Yaz froze for a moment, the thought of the Doctor being concerned for her causing those feelings to stir within her once again.

“I couldn’t sleep.” She managed to say as she walked closer to the time lord and watched as she put her tools away and climbed out of the space.

“Nightmare? I hope it wasn’t. their never fun at all. She began to ramble, scrunching her face up in a way that Yaz couldn’t help but to think was cute.

“Oh no I’m fine. Just a bit of insomnia.” She replied.

The Doctor hummed.

“Well, I have just the thing than!” She announced with a finger in the air.

Yaz raised a brow in question. “Oh?” She asked, and the Doctor grinned.

“What do you say, fancy a jammy dodger and some tea?”

Yaz couldn’t help but to laugh at that, wondering how the Doctor could possibly think that a sugar rush would help her get to sleep, but she agreed anyway, not wanting to disappoint the excited alien.

“Sure, sounds great.” She said.

The Doctor grinned excitedly as she gently took a hold of Yaz’s hand and lead them in a half-walk-half-run through the Tardis halls until they found the kitchen.

Yaz tried to hide how much it had affected her, holding the Doctors hand, as she pulled herself up into a sitting position on the kitchen bench.

“How many sugars Yaz?” The Doctor asked as she got to preparing their tea.

“Umm just one please.” She replied, causing the Doctor to grimace.

“One? Are you sure that’s enough? I have plenty to go around!” The Doctor pointed out.

Yaz laughed as she watched the Doctor dump spoonful upon spoonful of the sticky substance into her own cup.

“I’m ok thanks.” She replied, unable to hide her smile when the Doctor was being so cute.

“What’s with the grin?” She asked her as she handed Yaz her cup.

Yaz blinked at her as she tried to think of an excuse. But in the end she had to settle with something close to the truth because she knew that the Doctor would be able to tell if she was lying, and she didn’t want to hurt her.

“Just you. you’re… kind of like a kid on Christmas with the little things in life. It’s one of my favourite things about you though.” She replied, wondering if the pink that tinted the Doctors pale cheeks might have possibly been caused by her words. But the thought was quickly dismissed.

After all, Yaz was only a human, and the Doctor? She was a time lord. There wasn’t a chance in the world that she’d like Yaz.

“Gotta embrace your inner child I always say. Good for the spirit.” The Doctor said as she seamed to avoid Yaz’s gaze, seemingly embarrassed by what she had said. But when she offered her over the jar filled with jam-centred biscuits, and Yaz accepted one, she looked back up at her companion expectantly.

“What?” Yaz asked, her mouth still half full of the biscuit.

The Doctor smiled and shrugged.

“Just wanted to see if you liked them.” Yaz couldn’t help it than, she laughed as she reached her hand out and ruffled the doctors hair.

“Their great Doc, thanks.” She replied, earning a happy grin from the time lord as she pulled herself up to sit next to her companion on the bench.

“We don’t do this enough you know.” The Doctor suddenly broke the silence.

Yaz turned to her with a question in her eyes. “Do what?” She asked, suddenly feeling transfixed to the spot.

“Midnight snacks.” The Doctor empathised, causing Yaz to smile at her as she looked down bashfully, and back up into the Doctors deep pools of brown.

“Than I guess we should make a point to do it more.” She replied, as they both instinctively moved closer to each other, only for the trance to have been broken by Another one of Yaz’s yawns.

The Doctor chuckled.

“Still think you won’t get to sleep?” She asked as she scratched the back of her head and avoided Yaz’s gaze.

Yaz felt warmth run up to her cheeks as she tried not to let her thoughts run rabid about what that moment between them just now was.

“Hmm probably not.” She said in-between another yawn and stretch.

“I have an idea!” The Doctor suddenly exclaimed.

And Yaz looked at her in question.

“I could tell you a story. Those always help me to get to sleep.”

Yaz tried not to think about how nice it would be to lie on the Doctors chest as she fell asleep to the sound of her voice- she gave a nervous smile and shrugged.

The Doctor took that as a sign to continue.

“I’ve got just the one.” She said, and as Yaz sipped on the rest of her tea, she watched entranced as she Doctor began to recite and wildly act out the tale.

It was about spaceships and stars, and planets full of wonderful things. The Doctor lit up with that glow of hers again as she told it, a glow that seamed to fill the whole room with its light.

It wasn’t long before Yaz had begun to feel more tired than she had before, and not even realising it, she had at some point leant her head on the Doctors shoulder.

When the Doctor had realised that her companion was starting to doze off, she took hold of her empty cup and put it on the bench as quietly as she could.

Gently, she scooped Yaz up and into her arms and began to carry her back to her room, smiling to herself at how cute she looked when she slept and hoping that they might make their midnight snacks a nightly tradition.

The cave incident: Kenji x first perspective reader pt. 2 of 2

(Link to part one https://redrosesartcabin.tumblr.com/post/641312472793546752/the-cave-incident-kenji-x-first-perspective )

“Looks like we are stuck here”, Kenji said with a calmness, that however had that kind of underlaying tone that suggests a storm of panic coming soon.

“Hey hey hey: Not so fast. Let’s not give up just yet”, I answered softly, “Maybe if you could stabilize the motorcycle whilst I climb on top I could reach the edge of the cave”.

“Ok”, he said sceptically.

He held the vehicle whilst I stood on top. My fingers reached to the edge, but I was definitely still too far away. I knew that had been the only option, but still I tried contemplating.

“Ok, maybe if you sit on top and I get on your shoulders-“

“Y/n”, he interrupted that thought process bluntly.

“What?”, I grunted

“Stop. This may not be the deepest of caves…holes…cave-holes, but this ain’t a three feet puddle. Face it, we are stuck. We have nothing that could us even close”

“Yeah yeah, ok, you’re right”, I had to admit. Not something I liked to admit, but he was. But I sure didn’t do it without a glare.

“What are you looking at me like that for? Did I suggest riding the motorcycle?”

“Oh I see: now you want to blame it on me! The macho man finds himself in a bad situation and needs a scape goat. Ain’t that typical for you”, I hissed back.

Usually, or especially in the beginning, he would’ve kept on discussing and defending his greatness, but this time, to my surprise he flinched.

The quiet settled in faster than a second could pass.

He sat down on the ground and seemed to space out for a moment. I couldn’t move for a while, that’s how much that reaction surprised me.

Finally my body obeyed me again. I got down on my knees before him, trying to catch his eyes.

“Kenji, are you ok? I’m sorry I-“

“NO”, he interrupted me, “you’re right. I did try to act like I was better. I can’t seem to stop it… It’s a wonder anyone likes me at all”

“Oh hey now: What’s with the sudden change of attitude?”, I asked concerned, “didn’t you consider yourself the charming glue that holds the group together? Where has that Kenji gone?”

He let out a sad sounding laugh, “That Kenji did a run for it. That Kenji did call himself that but … did anybody ever say that about me because they genuinely thought that about me?”

“Did they ever dispute it?”, I asked, trying the lighten the mood, though I was starting to get his point.

He however still didn’t look convinced. I sighed in deeply, “Look: You might’ve started off as a jerk. Maybe even a major one. You might’ve come off as a rich, spoiled child. Which in many regards, is what you are: But you’ve proven, that that was just your outer shell. You’ve proven, that you are compassionate and understanding. And you know it.

We all have flaws. Some more than others. Some appear more undesirable and annoying than others. And especially those are hard to get over, because those have been acquired by default of how you grew up”

“Oh wow”, he simply answered, “I didn’t know you understood me… that well”

“I like psychoanalyzing people”, I answered with a bemused smile before I returned to the appropriate serious expression, “but besides that: I think we connected… or at least I thought so”

“No no … you’re right: We have but… I just… nobody ever even tried to understand me that way so deeply like you have, not even our other friends”

“It’s a gift I suppose”, I smiled, a concerned frown planted on my brows, “but I might have just also taken a liking in you”

“That’s the thing: I have taken a liking in you too. That’s why I realized more quickly this time, that this thing that I keep doing is just such an asshole move. I’m sorry”

“It’s ok-“

“No! It’s not ok.”, he interrupted me. The pain he had in his eyes almost hurt: I had never seen him so serious and broken, “I didn’t want to be like this. Not with you anyways. I know It’s not impressive or great. Yet that has been planted in my brain for so long. Like a tumor you can’t get rid of. And I just don’t know how to be different. How to connect to others my age that way.”

“But you do. You’ve shown who you are. You see: Getting out of a habit is a process. There are high and low points. Moments where you succeed and some where you slip again. But eventually you won’t slip at all. It’s a matter of patience and, you could say, practice. But eventually: eventually you’ll be the version you’ve always aspired to be”

He looked at me directly now. His gaze struck deep as he gifted me the most honest and cozy kind of smile he had ever mustered up, “How are you this understanding and patient with me? How do I deserve it?”

“I love you, that’s-“, I interrupted myself as he stood up in an abrupt motion and stared at me with his eyes wide open.

“Oh”, I whispered, “I slipped”, I said out loud, “that confession was way too sudden. Sorry”

He ignored my blabbering and asked instead, with a voice as quiet as a mouse, “When did you plan on telling me that?”

I chuckled saying, “probably never”, and averted my eyes as quickly as I could.

“So, it took us falling into a cave and an accidental deep talk huh?”, he said, seeming a little stunted at it all.

“I mean: I was afraid. I’ve always been someone afraid of rejection and I didn’t think you’d like me. And you apparently-“

“Do”, he interrupted me. Now I was the wide eyed one.

“I’ve been afraid too. And not even that cave made me slip You just seemed too kind, too smart for me”

“Oh wow”, I could only say.

I stood up as well again now.

The wind was cool down here and with the sun setting. The pink and red hues of the sun set crept down the hole and lay on Kenji like a bright shadow surrounding him making the moment even more surreal. He literally looked like I was looking at him through rose colored glasses.

I had to chuckle. Luckily, that loosened the tension and he laughed back.

Kenji dared to step forward now. He came closer and closer until I could feel his hot breath on my face. I looked up at him curious and expectant. He gave me that look with half lidded eyes, knitted eyebrows that suggested a certain gesture.

I closed my eyes and led myself be led by the motion he had initiated until I could feel soft lips on mine. A moment I thought I could only ever dream of had settled and I felt at peace.

“There you are! Guys I found them, they are more than fine!”, Kenji and me suddenly heard Sammy yell.

We broke apart quickly, a little embarrassed to be caught in the moment of our first kiss, yet very happy to be found.

We looked up where we saw Sammy and Bumpy standing. One second later Ben followed who scratched Bumpy’s head and whispered something I could decipher as “good girl”. Bumpy apparently was the one who had discovered us.

At last, the others came as well, who brought a big rope with them.

“Come on you guys. I fear we got to leave the motorcycle behind, but we’ll get you out in no time”, Yaz said and we kept it at that.

And in a matter of second we were up again, holding hands as we stood before our rescue squad.

Brooklynn smiled, “I knew it”

“I can’t believe I didn’t believe you. Again!”, Sammy had to laugh as well, “but there they were smooching it away”

“We were not smooching”, I pouted

“Wait: You two?”, Ben and Darius asked in chorus.

“Am I really the only one who noticed? Come on guys!”, Brooklynn asked. We all laughed at that heartily.

I had to give it to her: She really had a feeling for people. Not even I had noticed his feelings for me or vice versa.

“And that’s why you are the unboxing girl and not us”, Kenji chuckled.

“Very funny Kenji”, Brooklynn retorted, “but seriously: It took you both to fall into a freaking hole to confess. You both are chicken”

To back up that point both Darius and Ben made chicken noises at which Sammy laughed and Yaz rolled her eyes, but with an endeared smile as she looked at Sammy laughing.

‘Those two should confess too’, I thought but kept it to myself: They’d figure it out eventually.

“Ok enough of us and kissing in a cave…hole…cave-hole”, Kenji announced, “let’s get home”

“Let’s do”, I smiled.

‘Best accident ever!’, I thought, and I’d like to think, so did Kenji…

(I hope you liked it!) (please leave feedback if possible. Also: Feel free to send requests for one shots if there is something specific you’d like to read in regards to Kenji x reader fanfics (though I won’t accept every suggestion if its about something I have little to no experience with I hope you understand <3. With that I wish y’all a great day!)

Institute (13th Doctor x reader) Part 8 (FINAL)

Summary: Gallifrey. The end. Word count: 2.5k AN: Final part, thank so much for all the love and support on everything. I never expected this or anything remotely close to this. Thank you! feel free to stick around to see what I have coming next- got a few 11 things planned. Hope you enjoy -Leo x Warnings: Violence, death Tags: @penguinwithitsarseonfire​ @startrekkingaroundasgard​

(PART 1) (PART 2) (PART 3) (PART 4) (PART 5) (PART 6) (PART 7) MASTERLIST

Gallifrey was warm. The air hung around you, hot and heavy. Everything was burning. 

“You’re late,” The master growled “I looked into it you should’ve been here 3 hours ago,”

“The last time I checked I was still alive, nice try,” You smirked. He handcuffed you.

“Just so you don’t get any ideas, and because you dropped yourself off here, we’ve got a long walk. I can’t believe you screwed up your own execution” He pulled the vortex manipulator off your wrist and proceeded to stomp on it, severing your final lifeline. He grabbed you by the face, his rough fingers digging into your skin “I can’t wait to watch her face, as the light leaves your eyes,” He mumbled, dropping his hand suddenly, before yanking your arm, guiding you forward. The panic had then hit you. You were going to die and the Doctor was going to watch, you tried to pull against him, tried to run. Cursing and screaming. The Master’s grip only got tighter, you were crying in pain, trying desperately to pull away. Nothing was working. 

“Look, you can make this easier for you, or harder,” He said, pulling out the Tissue Compression device. So you walked. It could have been hours or moments, time seemed to bend around you. There was a weird glowing patch ahead of you, “We’re going through there when we see her. I need to prove to her I’m serious and that you’re bait,”

“Why did you destroy it?” You asked, monotone, you were not allowing him to win.

“Nothing to with you, humans, want to stick their noses into everyone’s business,”

“I’m about to die, it’s not like I have anyone to tell,” You argued

“Do you expect sympathy? None of them were shown any, and they actually belonged here. More than you can say considering you’re a walking corpse,” He hissed “and shut up will you.” 

 Something moved behind the portal, and speaking could faintly be heard. Without warning you were pulled to your feet, and pushed into it. The ground on the other side of the portal was rock and you discovered that, by falling nearly face first into it. The Master followed behind you closely, pulling you back up aggressively by the shoulder. 

“Now that was a good entrance, right? Right?” He nudged you as he spoke, trying desperately to gain a reaction from you“You should be afraid, everything is about to change,” He growled “Take my hand,” 

“Never, give me back (Y/N),” She hissed

“Not happening. I could just kill her on the spot and drag you through the boundary kicking and screaming after killing all your other little humans too. She’s going to die anyway, why can’t it be here?” He threatened, his tone of voice surprisingly calm

“Ok, fine, I’ll come with you but you hurt anyone of them and I won’t hesitate. I’ll be back soon, don’t worry,” 

“She won’t. Good luck, c’mon (Y/N),” He yanked your arm forward as the three of you crossed the boundary “Look upon my work Doctor, and despair,”

“Why did you do this? Why are you dragging (Y/N) into this? She doesn’t deserve it,” The Doctor questioned

“Not telling you,” He laughed “Well, I’ll tell you a little. Her death is a fixed point, and you’ve kept putting it off. I want to further the plans so to speak, keep everything ticking over. Also because I want to watch you suffer, for everything you’ve ever done,” 

“If you so much as hurt her I’ll-” 

The master cut her off “You’ll what? Kill me? Please. You couldn’t even hurt me when I tried to kill you on that plane. I’m your worst friend, your best enemy, she’s a human. She’ll die anyway.”

You just watched as they argued, you couldn’t run because you’d die faster, he’d just kill you from behind, you couldn’t stay because the master would kill you eventually so you just froze.You dared not cut into the conversation,you felt like child watching two adults fight and you were powerless to stop it.  You went dizzy, the weight of the situation heavy again, The doctor went to steady you, “No! You’re not going anywhere near her. Citadel. now,” 

The room was large, with various platforms around the room, You were dragged onto a smaller one, and the Doctor stepped onto a larger one, light beams curving around her. She hissed in pain, you went to run to her, you shin was met with a weighty kick. You fell to the ground, huffing. 

“Aw, what a sweet moment that would have been. But I think it’s time we begin now,” He growled, you grabbed your neck aggressively pulling you to your feet “any final words?” 

“I forgive you, you will blame yourself for this but I forgive you. Always and completely. I was bound to get caught up in this, the institute was never safe. I love you, don’t let this break you.” You spoke, directed all towards the Doctor.

“I do hate to break up a couple, but I have plans I’m afraid,” The Master smirked. You blinked. Reality slowed. There was pain. A sharp pain. An involuntary gasp. Pain. And so much blood. Pain. You fell to your knees first, then backwards. Pain. You couldn’t hear the screams of the Doctor or the laughs of the Master, only the fading heartbeat in your chest and shallow breaths.You could vaguely see her crying. Your vision blurred as you mumbled one final silent wish to the universe, ‘Keep her safe’.

You were gone. Another death on that distant planet.

Grey enveloped the Doctor. Ruth appeared in front of her.

“Oh great more traps and tricks. The matrix is deciding to mess with me again?” She huffed.

“You summoned me here, this isn’t the matrix,” Ruth replied “I understand it as much as you do.” Her voice was clear and not unkind when she spoke. “Where do you fit into this? Who are you? Are you my past? Or are you my future?”

“I don’t have the answers. Would it help you if I did? That doesn’t change who we are,” Ruth responded

“I mean yes it would-” She blinked. You now stood in front of her replacing Ruth,

“When have you ever been limited by who you were? When have you ever let it stop you?” She looked as if she’d been slapped, she simply wanted to memorise every detail of your face, before it faded and she had to come to terms with everything. 

“I can’t talk. I'm tired. I want to sleep, the field is taking the energy out of me,” She said drifting slightly. 

“Now’s not the time to be tired, old man. You know that. People have died, the city is burning, and you’ve left your friends,”

“I don’t know how to stop him,” She began, she wanted to walk towards you but she couldn’t the field holding her in place, “I've already lost you, who cares about the city? Who cares about anything else?”

“You can and will. Be who you always are, old man. Blow their minds. Be the Doctor,” You whispered “Think of me, from time to time though.” She remembered everything, meeting you, the institute, the cybermen, the trips to far flung planets, your smile, your friendships, your kindness. You.

“I love you, old man,” You pressed a final gentle kiss to her forehead. The field broke sending light everywhere. 

The Doctor was awoken to her friends standing over her and asking if she was alright.  

“Where is she? Where’s (Y/N)?” She asked her throat sore

“Doc, there’s no one else here? We figured the Master had taken her with him, if he hadn’t you know-” Graham responded panic creeping into his voice. She pulled herself to her feet quickly, the world merging into a mess of shapes. Your body had vanished. Time for a plan. 

“Live great lives,” The Doctor said as she backed out of the TARDIS and ran down a corridor. There the master stood cyber timelords circled around him. “I definitely said no plus ones. Where is she?” 

“What do you mean? I left her to rot. I thought it would nice to have a new world start with the blood of a human. A species you're so fond of, especially that one,” The master laughed “The cyberium lives in me now. I’ve won, broken you down”

“You think you've broken me? You'll have to try harder than that. You've given me a gift. Of myself. You think that could destroy me? You think that makes me lesser? It makes me more.” She hissed pulling out the detonator “I contain multitudes more than I ever thought or knew. You want me to be scared of it because you're scared of everything. But I am so much more than you. You took her from me and that’s where you’re wrong, I have nothing left to lose!” As she shouted, the master kneeled, pressing his head against the detonator “Do it, I want the universe to suffer because of you.”

The older man burst through the door, rambling about how he needed to do it and how she needed to go. She tried to argue and failed. The Doctor ran, stole a tardis and made it to safety. As she always did. 

It had been a handful of years since your death. The doctor had dipped in and out of time stream, taking you on dates to relive your time together. She dared to not visit Ryan, Yaz and Graham, they’d ask and she wouldn’t have answers. She sat in the cold tardis, fiddling with the controls as she tended to do now. No one to ramble to other than her ship. Electricity fizzed once again in the air, you materialised near the entrance of the ship. The TARDIS seemed colder than usual, emptier.

“What? Are you doing here?” She asked clearly shocked to see you

 “It dropped me off here- wait, damn, the ring,” You tapped the co-ordinates back into the vortex manipulator before disappearing and reappearing again in front of her.  

“So I’m being haunted now, I just dropped you off home after Cinter - purple planet sky, massive moon,” She explained

“I knew that was the wrong order,” You laughed “Not haunted. Hasn’t happened yet, for me, still on my deathbed, running late, I think, the coordinates keep switching,” 

“You’ll be fine. I’d prefer it if you were late, or even better, didn’t show up to it,”

“Where do I end up and who does it?” 

“It’s on Gallifrey, I presume you can figure the coordinates out. I tried to stop him, I tried,”

“Shhh it’s ok” You held her in your arms pressing a kiss to her forehead, tears welling in both of your eyes

“I saw bits of it twice,” She explained, she was crying now, at the long past memories for her.

“You know it’s a fixed point, I don’t know why you had to go to it twice, that’s weird even for you,” You laughed trying to calm her down

“The TARDIS dropped me off there. Not my idea of fun. Fixed point your death, and she’s drawn to it for some reason, maybe to keep me out of trouble,”

“She was always fond of me, even then,” You laughed, fingers spread on the console, “you know what they say about grief, you need to see things from a different perspective,”

“What do you mean?”

“I think I’ve worked it out- A message from her. This is why she prefers me,” You took her hand “My death is a fixed point, see it from a new perspective,” 

She froze, as you tapped at the time travel device “I love you, old man, and I’m sorry.” You whispered, unable to speak in a volume higher than that, you finally let go of her hand. 

“I love you-” She began. She didn’t finish the sentence before you had vanished from in front of her. The Doctor considered your words for a moment. For the first time in a long time she smiled. “So a new perspective, death, she just has to die,” She swung around to the otherside of the TARDIS pressing more buttons and flicking switches. 

Her tardis was in the citadel, one of the rooms that had been abandoned by the master, stuck in the state of murder. The Doctor’s breath caught in her throat; she did not want to be here. It came flooding back to her amongst the maze of corridors the unknowing the gut feeling of unknowing. She was running up the stairs, running to you. The only certainty left. Rounding the corner she saw you; what was left of you. She saw herself, her face distorting in pain within the truth field, unaware of the events outside it. As gently as she could, she picked up your body, she heard footsteps, the fam. She left the room as quickly as she could. 

The TARDIS welcomed her, encouraging noises coming from the console. She set off before anything else, she couldn’t have the risk of the others seeing her. You lay on the floor, pale, lips parted. If she didn’t know better she would have assumed you were sleeping. A glowing light slipped from her fingers, she gently placed her hand against your cheek, one final loving gesture, “I can’t lose you again. Come back to me, I love you,” She mumbled. There was a second. It felt like a thousand years. The Doctor held her breath the whole time, unable to move, solely focussing on you. Your chest rose slightly. You were breathing

You were kept in the medical bay and you finally woke up after three painfully long days. You wandered into the TARDIS console room, encouraging bleeps and bloops coming from her. 

“What happened? Did we damage the timeline?” Was all you managed to get out before you were tackled to the floor by a strong overwhelming hug. 

“You’re ok, you’re safe, I think I fixed it, you’re ok,” She mumbled into you

“Did I?” You asked the situation blurry

“Yes. I brought you back, I just need to know you’re ok,” 

“I’m fine, not a scratch on me, feeling the best I have felt in a while actually,” You were laughing now unable to contain the happiness you felt when you saw her. You stayed like that for a while, lying on the TARDIS floor a mixture of laughing and crying. 

“Travel with me, please,” She asked, her hand in your hair she asked, still lying next you.

“Of course I will. I’ll quit at the institute. I think it’s about time I took a step back. No more institute, time I lived a life rather than reading one.” You were pulled to your feet, and guided to the console by her, your ringless hand held within hers. She typed in coordinates, and pressed a few buttons “So, you can do the honours,” The Doctor pointed you towards the main switch. You grabbed her hand and placed it onto the switch with yours pulling it down, “We’re doing this. First stop - victorian England. Finally synced Together.”

Stay With Me | Dhawan!Master X Reader

REQUEST: ‘I have a request (with possible smut if you are ok writing it!) Dhawan!Master saves a female reader from something involving the Doctor (maybe the  reader is bait for a monster that the Doctor is trying to take care of or something?) and takes her back to his TARDIS. They both have feelings for each other and at this point the reader is fed up with being at the whim of the Doctor and doesn't want to turn down the Master's advances any more, so she agrees to stay with him.’  (anonymous)

NOTES: Thank you so much for the request, I really liked this one, it was great fun to write, the ideas just came to me with this one so I kinda went crazy. Although there is no smut in this there is some making-out. This is set after The Timeless Children, so spoiler warning I guess. Hope you enjoy xX

WORD COUNT: 1728

WARNINGS: A lot of sadness, mention of injuries, slight mention of death, and some making-out. The gif is not mine, as always.

You had known the Doctor for years now, first meeting them when you were a teenager and they were a dark haired northern man. You never stayed with the Doctor for long, you’d stay for a couple of journeys and leave. But you’d always find yourself coming back to them and going on another journey. You’d seen the Doctors many faces, you’d seen them at their best and at their worst. But you’d never seen her like this.

Yaz caught you up to speed. She told you everything that you missed, spearing no detail. She told you about the Master's return to the Cybermen. From being sent to prison to Ryan and Graham deciding that their time with the Doctor was up. It was a lot, you understood why she was acting the way she was, but you didn’t like it. The Doctor was taking more risks not realising it was at yours and Yaz’s expense. She wasn’t thinking past tomorrow, this was why you stayed with her. The universe needed the Doctor, but not like this. She was also lying more, but that didn’t surprise you much. The Doctor had been lying long before all this, and you could hardly judge, you had secrets of your own.

You had seen the Master since the destruction of Gallifrey, he showed up on your doorstep, hurt and broken. Despite not seeing this new form of his, you knew it was him straight away. At first you wanted to slap him, for Martha, for Bill, for Missy. But the hopeless and painful look in his eyes made you stop. He was more damaged than before, you found yourself pitying him. Despite all you knew about the time-lord you let him into your home and helped him recover from his bruises and scars. He made you promise not to tell the Doctor he was alive, but not with his usual threats of violence. He sounded like he was begging you. He eventually left your home, but he kept coming back every so often. Sometimes he would have something new to say, to get off his chest and other times he’d say nothing, you presumed he just needed the company. As it became a regular occurrence you reluctantly gave him a spare key. You’d talk to him for hours, he was rather good company. Something you never thought you’d say. Over time you knew he was a changed man, he was far from Harry Saxon or Missy. The Master was an entirely different person. He was the reason why you met up with the Doctor again. You had to find out what was going on.

Which brought you here. Stuck on an alien planet, hiding from giant, hairy, flesh eating monsters who had a particular craving for humans that day. The three of you were hiding in an area of long grass trying to think of a way back to the TARDIS, which they happened to be guarding. Of course the flesh eating monsters had to be somewhat smart.

“I’m gonna see if there is another way,” the Doctor said as she army crawled out of sight.

“She’s gone too far,” you said to Yaz, keeping your voice down.

Yaz nodded in agreement, “I can’t keep doing this. But I don’t know how to tell her.”

“I understand,” you wished you could tell her that leaving the TARDIS was an easy thing. But it wasn’t. No matter how many times you had done it, it was always tough. You looked over at Yaz, “You should take Jack’s offer.”

“How do you know about that?” Yaz questioned in a hushed tone.

“Jack texted me about it, he probably wanted me to chase you up about it.”

“I just don’t know if I can leave the Doctor, not while she’s like this.” Yaz looked as if she was about to cry, you placed your hand on hers, to steady her.

“You’ll see the Doctor again, it’s never the end,” you said.

"I just don't think I could do it."

"Yaz, your life doesn't revolve around the Doctor," you said, getting a small laugh from Yaz.

"Maybe you should listen to your own advice," Yaz smiled, it was soft but there was a hint of sadness to it. “How did you leave the Doctor the first time?” Yaz asked.

“The first time I had no choice, the Doctor sent me and Rose home. Rose managed to save the Doctor, but I didn’t see them again till later that year. But the first time I left on my own was when Rose got trapped in another world. She needed some time alone to think.” You and Yaz both had a lot of time together to share stories of your travels, you told her the Doctors whole life story, well what you knew of it anyway.

“You think she needs some time alone again, to heal?”

“Yes,” you muttered just loud enough for Yaz to hear. “She needs to move on.”

The Doctor started shuffling back towards you, her face wasn’t showing any signs of hope. “Do ya want the good or the bad news first,” she said.

You and Yaz shared a look.

“Well, the good news is that I have a way out. The bad news is that it involves using myself as bait.”

“How are we meant to get back to Earth?” you questioned, “We can’t fly the TARDIS.”

“Didn’t I teach you, Y/N?” The Doctor said

“No.”

“I could have sworn I did," the Doctor scratched her head, thinking. "Huh…Maybe it was someone else.”

“Doctor use me as bait,” you said.

“No,” the Doctor looked at you, it was a look of warning. A look you never took any notice of before.

“Well my idea saves more of us and I wasn’t offering.” You didn’t dare look away from the Doctor. You wanted to try and see what she was thinking. You needed to outsmart her, just this one time.

“I just need more time to think,” the Doctor breathed.

“You’ve had hours,” you sighed, looking away from the Doctor so she couldn’t see what you were thinking. “Fine, five more minutes to come up with something Doctor,” you said, sternly. 

You watched as the Doctor placed her fingers on her temple and began to think. You knew that she would probably be counting down the five minutes in that big brain of her as she thought of a solution. Two minutes passed, you looked over at Yaz as you slowly rose up from your spot. You smiled at Yaz, she knew what to do from here. You gave her a wink goodbye and started to sprint towards the monsters. You looked back, seeing that they were all following you. You could also see Yaz, putting the Doctor in the distance. You ran as far away from the TARDIS as you could, only stopping as you heard the little blue box leaving.

“Goodbye Doctor,” you whispered as you turned to face your death.

The sounds of the TARDIS came back, the monsters stopped in their tracks as they heard the sound.

“NO!” You screamed, “You weren't meant to come back! You idiot!”

It wasn’t the Doctor’s TARDIS that landed. Instead it was a little shack. The Master opened the door and didn’t move. He just slowly raised his arm and shot down all the monsters. It happened quickly. You just stood there blinking, struggling to process your thoughts. 

“Are you coming or what?” The Master called out to you. He was a couple hundred meters away, he hadn’t moved from where he stood. He held out a hand, waiting for you to come to him.

You ran to him, you reached your hand out and grabbed his. He pushed you into his TARDIS, kicking the door shut with your foot. 

“She shouldn’t have done this,” he began saying, his eyes searching your body for any injuries.

“It’s just a few cuts and bruises, Mas—”

“She really shouldn’t have done this,” he cut you off. His hand let go of yours, as he walked towards the kitchen and began rummaging through the draws. You followed him, jumping up onto the counter to sit down. He grabbed your arm again, putting plasters on your wounds. Even the small scratches.

You looked at your arm, now covered in plasters and back up at him. You raised an eyebrow.

“Too much?” He asked.

“Too much,” you confirmed.

He looked at you, contented, you could feel his warm breath on your face. You gave him a small half-smile.

“Thank you,” you said quietly. Your hand found his, your fingers touched his.

“It’s the least I could do,” he took your hand, his thumb gently traced the palm of yours. “Stay with me,” he said softly, “travel with me.”

“You want me to travel with you?” You were shocked. “What about my life back on Earth?”

“We both know you're addicted to this life,” the Master said the thing you could never admit to yourself. You always struggled to settle down on earth for a reason, it was the reason why you kept running back to the Doctor.

“I’ll think about it,” you said. You kissed the Master’s cheek, it felt like the right thing to do. You pushed yourself off the counter, your intention to leave the room.

“Y/N,” the Master grabbed you by the arm. He pulled you back. He looked at you for a moment, his eyes full of lust. He pulled you closer and then crashed his lips onto yours. You fell back in to the counter, while the Masters hands found their way to your waist. You thought about pulling away, never in a million years did you expect you’d be doing this. But at the same time it felt so right, like something you wanted for a long time. So, you placed your hands on his shoulders.

You eventually pulled away, both panting for breath. He pulled you into his chest, his chin rested on top of your head. You took in his scent, it was warm and calming. Your worry for the doctor slowly disappeared from your mind.

“I guess I could stay for a trip or two,” you said into his chest. A small smile appeared on his face as he planted a kiss on top of your head.

Unlucky in Love ~ Dhawan!Master x F!Reader (PART 2 to ‘What’s My Name’)

~ So after people enjoying Part 1 of this fic, I decided to write a Part 2! I hope the Master isn’t OOC, I tried my hardest to keep him in character and true to cannon. Hope you enjoy! ~

Part One - https://oswildin.tumblr.com/post/190143436190/whats-my-name-dhawanmaster-x-freader

Summary: After finding out her best friend is actually the Doctor’s oldest enemy, things become complicated... She’s given a choice...

Warnings: Possible spoilers.

~

(Y/N) opened her eyes, a red glow lighting up her face, as she felt her head swirl.

“It’s alright, it’ll wear off in a second.”

She recognised the voice, it was a voice she was used to hearing. It was the voice that brought warmth to her body as she felt calmed by it. She blinked a few times, steadying herself as she took in her surroundings.

“How’s your vision?”

Her eyes began to focus, as she saw an outline of someone in front of her, extremely close. She felt hands on her waist as she was being held up. She quickly began to realise who it was as she felt a surge of anger rise inside her. She instantly reached out her arm, slapping the man around the face as he released her. He held his cheek as he laughed to himself.

“Seems ok to me.” He commented as he regained his composure. “Oh, never knew you had that in you. Full of surprises you are.” He smiled at her darkly.

“Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!” She exclaimed, shaking her head. She felt her heart beat increase speed as adrenaline ran through her veins.

“That’s it, let it all out.” The Master smirked, enjoying the show in front of him. “Hit me again if you like.” He smirked. “Truth be told, I kind of enjoyed it.” She let out a sigh as she felt her head swirling still, but this time from all the information she had just learnt about her friend.

“You lied to me.” Her voice cracked, as her eyes were sad. “You got close to me... all for... all for this?! To get back at the Doctor?!” She cried, her hands clenched as fists.

“Well, how else was I supposed to keep an eye on her?” He asked casually. “I was already pretending to be her little friend as Agent O, helping her out a few years ago. So I knew I needed to up it. I knew I needed to go one step closer.”

“And that was me.” She confirmed, she felt her heart breaking.

“And you were so good.” He complimented, a sick smile on his lips. “So good.” He placed a hand on his chest. “You didn’t really think it was all coincidence did you? Me being your best friend-“ he spat, “and an MI6 agent? I mean-“ He began to laugh manically. “Really?” He shook his head, clapping his hands. “Bravo to me. I did so good.” He grinned. “You should’ve seen your faces.”

(Y/N) felt her breath shake as she learnt against the table, she realised they were back in O’s home. Which she realised must have been the Master’s ship.

“What about my friends?” She asked quietly. “Where are they?”

“Well, they’re a little caught up at the moment. They’re going on holiday, don’t worry it’s all inclusive, death included.” He said lowly, gesturing with his hands as he spoke. “They’ll be landing soon.” She swore under her breath.

“The Doctor will stop it. She’ll save them.” (Y/N) reassured herself, her eyes narrowing at the Master.

“How can you be so sure?”

“Because I know the Doctor, and she wouldn’t let any of us down.” She sneered as the Master laughed.

“That’s what you think?” He raised his brows. “Oh so much trust... humans. So loyal, trusting, gullible.” He zoned out on the last word, almost like he was remembering something.

“Yeah well it’s better to be that than bitter, twisted and hopeless.” She spat back as he chuckled at her words.

“Oh, keep going.” He bit his lip. “You’re really flattering me.”

She hated herself. She could still see him as Mason. She wanted so much to hurt him. Hit him. Scream at him. But she couldn’t. And he knew it.

“I should hate you.” She said quietly. “But every time I look at you... I see him.” She shook her head, laughing sadly. “I’m just waiting to wake up and for this to be a nightmare. Cause the man I knew... that man I grew to...” She swallowed the lump forming in her throat, cutting herself off. The Master watched with intense eyes, staring into her own. “The man I knew, was wonderful.” She stepped towards him. “He was kind, caring, funny and a pain in my ass.” She laughed breathlessly. “But this man, stood in front of me now... I don’t recognise him at all.” There was a moment of silence as the Master gritted his teeth.

“Wow, I really fooled you well, didn’t I?” He took a breath as he turned away, grinning manically. (Y/N) wasn’t having it.

“No.” She said, causing the Master to stop in his tracks, turning.

“No?” He repeated, questioning.

“No.” She confirmed. “No one can fake being that for so long. We’ve known each other for months. Months!” She walked up to him, staring up into his eyes. “You could’ve left me on that plane... but you didn’t.” She couldn’t read the Master’s expression. She went to turn away as she got no response from the man, but to her surprise a hand grabbed her by the throat, pinning her against the ship wall. She gasped from shock, as she cowered under his stare. He wasn’t holding her neck hard enough for her to struggle to breathe. It was like part of him wanted to, but the rest of him couldn’t. “Go on.” She tested. “Master.” She hissed out. “Do it.” She wanted to push to see how far he’d go. What she didn’t expect was what happened next.

The Master leant forwards, closing the gap between them as his lips crashed to hers. (Y/N) didn’t know what to do. Half of her wanted to push the man away, but the other half, wanted to believe for five seconds... wanted to believe she was with Mason. Almost as a goodbye. A closing of a chapter she never got to finish.

The Master finally pulled away, staring into her eyes once more before pushing himself away. He turned, kicking something nearby as he growled.

“This wasn’t part of the plan.” He snarled, leaning on the console, slamming his hands down on it a few times. “Stupid ape!” He hissed. (Y/N) blinked, shock still on her features as she watched in slight fear.

“I think you enjoyed being Mason.”

(Y/N) spoke bravely. Her voice confident.

“You didn’t have to worry about what the Doctor was doing. You didn’t have to worry about who was after you or, or, what move of attack to make next!” She laughed lightly. “You were comfortable.” He stayed with his back towards her, as she wore a sad smile. “It’s ok.” She reluctantly placed her hand on his shoulder as he tensed. “Truth is...” He turned to look at her, hesitating before looking in her eyes again. “I always did like a bad boy.” She joked, causing the man to smirk.

“This doesn’t change anything.” He said sincerely. She gave him a small smile.

“I know.” She paused. “But we had some good times didn’t we?” She felt tears well up in her eyes. “The Doctor will stop you.” She told him truthfully, knowing the outcome of all of this mess wouldn’t get any better. “And if you hurt any of my friends... I won’t hesitate to kick your ass.” She poked him in the chest as he wore a restraint smile.

After that, the Master continued on with his plan, after dropping (Y/N) back home. She knew she had to find the others. She had seen the news reports, making them fugitives. As she was watching the report, she also saw her name and picture had been added to the list. She swore under her breath as she shook her head. Her phone buzzed as she received a text from the Doctor. She knew where she had to go.

(Y/N) had changed from her suit, tying her hair back and wearing a hoody to hide her identity as she made her way to where the Doctor had text to meet. She knew the Doctor must have worked out that the Master didn’t hurt her. Perhaps she had even worked out why.

(Y/N) arrived at the bunker, running into the building as she saw her friends.

“Yaz!” She called as her friend turned seeing her. A smile grew on her face as she was relieved to see them all ok.

“(Y/N)!” Ryan called, smiling back as she approached them. “You’re alright!”

“Yeah, will take more than an a man having a tantrum to stop me.” (Y/N) smirked, as they all ensured each other were ok.

“Move away!” A voice boomed through the bunker as the four jumped, turning to see the Master, looking angry. “Now.” (Y/N) stared at the man, noticing he had more of a beard and a change of clothes since she last saw him. “I've just had the most infuriating 77 years of my life.” He sighed. “Have you any idea how hard it is to live through the 20th century? The places I've escaped from...” He inhaled deeply. “Still just in time to... watch you all pay.” He smiled tightly, as (Y/N) stared at him. He almost looked broken, desperate even.

“What’s the machine?” Ryan questioned, taking a protective stance in front of (Y/N). He acted like an older brother to her.

“Conversion and transmission.” He informed them. “We're transmitting Kasaavin energy around the world all at once into every device, hitting every human being and erasing all their DNA simultaneously.” He walked round the machine, looking at the silver lady.

“Why?” (Y/N) asked, stepping forwards. He paused, turning to look at her.

“Why not?” He retorted, raising his brows.

“Yaz!” Ryan exclaimed, causing everyone to turn to see a blue light coming from the iPad, grabbing her arms.

“I can’t let go!” She exclaimed, panicked. (Y/N) shook her head, running up to the Master.

“Please. Stop this.” She pleaded, her eyes begging as he glanced down at her before proceeding.

“First her.” He snarled. “Then you two. He pointed to Graham and Ryan. “And Then you.” He looked down at (Y/N) her eyes sad as she looked in shock at the man she had spoken to only hours ago. The man she thought she began to understand more. How stupid of her. Suddenly the machined stopped as Yaz was let go. The Master growled in annoyance.

“Sorry.”

Everyone turned to see a familiar face as the Doctor finally reappeared, joined by two females close behind.

“I think that might have been me. And I'll admit, it was close.” She smiled, glad to see all her companions safe. They four returned her smile as they felt relief wash over them.

After the Doctor explained how she had managed to stop the Master and Barton and their plan. The Kaasavin began to appear all around them.

“You're going to have to explain yourself to them, Doctor.” The Master commented, as the Doctor raised a brow.

“Am I? Listen, you lot, I've rigged the Silver Lady to exile you back to your own dimension. This planet's off-limits.” She argued, causing the creatures to glow brighter. (Y/N) looked over helplessly at the Master. She was torn. She didn’t know what to do.

“Oh, and you know that deal he made with you?” The Doctor played the recording of the Master explaining his plan.

“Barton and these creatures do the dirty work, and once they're done, I get rid of them, having destroyed your precious human race in the process.”

“Win-win-win.” The Doctors smirked, as Yaz, Ryan and Graham smiled with her. However, (Y/N) didn’t smile.

“Oh...” The Master realised the outcome, his face falling.

“That's your name. Don't wear it out.”

(Y/N) turned to the Master, walking towards him.

“You can change.” She told him, her eyes pleading. “You can be better. You could come with us.” She held out her hand. “Please. Don’t leave me.” She begged. “Not again.” She felt tears well up in her eyes as he stared down at her, a sad smile on his lips.

“I’d rather die.” He said casually, causing (Y/N) to shake her head as the creatures reached out to him.

“(Y/N)!” Graham called, drawing her out of her trance as Ryan pulled her back.

“No!” She cried, watching as her once best friend disappeared. She felt her heart sink as Ryan comforted his friend. She felt defeated.

The five ended up back on the TARDIS, as (Y/N) sat on the steps of the console room, the others questioning the Doctor about her life.

“Is he dead?”

Everyone went quiet as (Y/N) finally spoke.

“I know you may not care, but he was my friend. At least, I thought he was.” She said quietly.

“I don’t know.” The Doctor answered honestly. “Probably not.” She walked over to her companion. “He tends to escape death.” She gave her a small smile. “It’s his thing.” (Y/N) nodded. “I’m sorry.” The Doctor said sincerely. “It was my fault he even knew you in the first place.”

“You know...” (Y/N) started. “The crazy thing is... I wouldn’t change knowing him.” She laughed lightly. “He was there for me. He was a good friend.” She spoke fondly. “Even though it wasn’t him, I’d like to think some part of him enjoyed my company.” She shrugged. “You know what they say... Lucky at dice... unlucky in love.” The Doctor gave her one last sad smile as she turned back to the console, ready to drop the companions home.

(Y/N) walked into her flat, sighing to herself as she threw her keys down on the hallway table. What a day. Or week. She couldn’t tell anymore. Time was all moving so quick with the Doctor. She entered the lounge as she threw herself down on the sofa, looking over to see the box of Operation in the coffee table in front of her. She smiled at it, before going to pack it away. As she moved it, something fell from the box. She looked down, confused as she saw a small device. She picked it up, holding the cold metal in her hand before pressing a button on it. Suddenly a hologram appeared from it, projecting in from of her a 3D image of the Master.

“It’s not in my manner to leave things open ended.”

He began as she stood, staring at the hologram with wide eyes.

“Chances are the Doctor foiled my plan. Saved the day. As always.” He spoke with a monotone voice. “There’s not many things that I regret.” He paused. “But not telling you the truth was something that I do regret.” He tightly smiled. “I’m not going to say I’m sorry. Because I’m not.” He spoke truthfully. “It’s in my blood. I won’t ever change. I enjoy being bad too much.” He smirked. “What’s that earth saying? A leopard never changes his spots.” He laughed lightly. “Rest assured, I will be back.”

(Y/N) stepped forwards slightly towards the hologram.

“And I will succeed and destroy the Doctor.” He added. “But until then, you have a choice to make.” (Y/N) furrowed her brows, confused. “It’s me, or her.” He told her seriously, his eyes boring into her own. Even though she knew he wasn’t really there, she could feel his intensity like he was in the room with her. Like she was cornered. “I could promise you... so much...” His smile turned manic. “Fun.” He smirked. “Times on the clock. Tick tock.”

The hologram disappeared as she took a breath, not realising she had been holding it. She felt her heartbeat increase as she heard her phone buzz.

It was the Doctor.

She peered down, seeing something sticking out from the box. She reached down, grabbing the papers that were lodged inside. She furrowed her brows in confusion, seeing a file with ‘THE DOCTOR’ written on it. ‘CONFIDENTIAL MI6’ was also stamped in red on the front. She knew what it was. She knew it was files from O. Well... the Master. She swallowed hard, taking a deep breath as she placed it down on the table...

She had a decision to make...

~

Taglist: @wonders-of-the-multiverse

I do it for you - Chapter one

Dracula is nearly over and I’ll be posting chapter two soon. I've added the current tag list this time.

Chapter 1  - Timelords

Travelling through time and space with a mad woman in a blue box was the best distraction could have ever asked for. The Doctor and yourself clicked the moment you met, it was almost as if you had known each for years. It felt nice to find someone like that. Along with the fam, the lot of you were a close group of friends. Well, as close as possible. The Doctor apparently hadn't told them much about herself, and they had come to you for answers, but you wouldn't share everything. There were some aspects to the Doctor even you weren't familiar with, despite how long you had known her.

Like, about an old friend of hers, for instance.

You told them about yourself, happily. They opened up about themselves and you felt yourself becoming closer to them. Life in the TARDIS was good. You never wanted it to end.

There came a day where your life changed further. It was all very unexpected and weird. Weird in so many ways.

Recently the Doctor had been quiet. The fam told you she had been this way since she meeting an old friend of hers, someone you hadn't met. You had tried to ask questions, but all you got from them was his name: The Master.

One day while the Doctor was hunched over the controls of the TARDIS, she suddenly jumped back in surprise, startling you all. She hadn't said anything in a good long while, so it took you by surprise to hear her yell out.

"What is it?" Graham asked.

"I found him." She didn't look at the group, but she did raise her gaze from the screen in front of her. "I found him."

"The Master?" Ryan asked.

She turned her head sharply to the group.

"Yes. I have to go." She said. "You all need to stay in the TARDIS while I talk to him." She ran around the console. The group got up from where they were sat.

"Is that  good idea?" You asked. "I mean, I don't know who he is, but from what I've heard, he's bad news."

The Doctor turned on her heel and faced you.

"I've known him a long time. I need to see him, it's important. You stay here with the others." She turned back around and began to work at the console again. You turned to the rest of the group.

Yaz put an arm around you as you got close to her and you both sat down again.

"Doc, I don't think you should go alone." Graham looked at her. "Remember what he did last time?"

"That's why I need to go alone. This is personal. Really personal." She looked him in the eye. He could see clearly how she was feeling through her eyes. She was silently pleading with him. "I need to go."

The TARDIS landed.

Graham glanced at the door.

"Just tell if you need us." He said.

The Doctor offered him a small smile and glanced over at you.

"Don't come out at any point. No  matter what you hear, don't come out." She looked at everyone, but her gaze landed back on you. You furrowed your gaze at her, but she just turned away and headed for the door. You watched as it closed behind her.

Everyone got up and rushed to the console, looking at the screen.

"What's that?" You asked, pointing the building the Doctor was standing in front of. "His house?"

"Something like that. That's the Master's TARDIS." Yaz explained. "Looks like he wanted to be found."

The Doctor was looking up at the house. He had made it obvious for her. No one came out, so she went in. Everyone remained watching the screen kn case something happened.

"So, who is he?" You looked at the group. "You said they were old friends, but he's bad?"

"Yeah, he tried to kill us." Ryan said. "On a crashing plane."

"OK.... there is so much you haven't told me." You looked at him, concerned about what they had been through. There was so much you wanted to ask them.

"We'll tell you about it later.... without the Doc." Graham said, not removing his gaze fro, the screen.

The Doctor remained in the Master's TARDIS for quite some time. The lot of you were concerned with what was happening in there. There didn't seem to be any sign of danger, so no one left the TARDIS, but everyone was thinking the same thing. What were they talking about in there?

Eventually the Doctor came back out. She walked about halfway before turning around and facing the other TARDIS. You could now hear her.

"If I do this, you have to keep to your end of the bargain."

The Master had not stepped out of the TARDIS, but you could see the door open.

"Don't rely too heavily on that." Was his response.

"No. I mean it." She told him.

"I won't stop. Not until I know the truth."

The group all look at each other, confusion written on everyone's faces. If only the Doctor was more honest with them. She had so many secrets, it wasn't fair. You could tell how much this bothered the others. You had hoped she would be open with you, but she was treating you just the same.

The Doctor turned around and came back. Everyone moved away from the console quickly, pretending they hadn't been watching.

You kept your gaze in the Doctor was she walked over to the console.

"Everything alright?" Yaz asked.

The blonde looked up at you all, her eyes sad.

"There's something I need to do. "I need to take you home, just for a bit."

"Why? Why can't we come with you?" You asked.

"It's dangerous." She turned to you and sighed softly. "You haven't met him, you don't know him like I do." There was a strange look on her face. It was brief, but you noticed it. "I can't ask you to come with with me."

"We're your mates. We want to help." Yaz said, stepping forwards.

"You lot make it really hard to say no to." The Doctor turned around. "I'm not arguing, I'm taking you home."

You all looked at each other.

"I refuse." You said. "If he's really that dangerous, let us help."

The Doctor didn't say anything.

"Well?" A voice called through the console. It was him, it had to be. Judging by everyone's reactions you knew it was him. That voice made a knot form in your stomach. The voice of a dangerous lunatic who could kill anyone when he wanted. A shiver ran down your spine.

"I'm taking my friends home and then we'll go."

You missed the way the Doctor glanced at you, too busy returning to Yaz's side. You asked of it was alright for you to go back with her when the Doctor dropped you all off. She nodded.

"Fine, but be quick about it. I don't want to waste too much time." He hissed, annoyed with the Doctor. Whatever this was about was really important to him.

The TARDIS landed outside Graham's house first. You all followed him and Ryan out. Everyone had seen that the Master had landed near by. His TARDIS blending in to the street.

"How long until you come back?" Ryan asked, turning to the Doctor.

"I don't know. Wait for me. I'll come back as soon as I'm done with the Master." She glanced at you again.

"Why do you keep looking at me like?" You asked her.

"Like what?"

"Like that."

The door to the Master's TARDIS opened and he stepped out. Only the Doctor had noticed. She grabbed you by the shoulders and kept you from turning around. She looked worried.

"Go inside with Graham. Now."

"What?"

"Just go, please." She begged. You tired to turn around and see what she was looking at, but she just pushed you towards Graham carefully.

It was a bit too late though.

"Can we go now, Doctor? I haven't got all day."

Everyone turned around to see the Master had come over. This was the first time you had seen him. The others took a step back, Graham taking you with him as he had caught you after your little push.

"Right." The Doctor shifted nervously on the spot. You caught her glancing at you again, but this time you didn't say anything.

The Master intended to only glance at her friends before urging her to get a move on, but he couldn't look away.

It wasn't possible.

How were you here?

Had you been with the Doctor all this time?

No you couldn't have been. You weren't with them the last time. You couldn't be here. This had to be universe playing a cruel sick joke on him, but he knew what he was looking at.

"Y/N?" His eyes were wide, his lips parted. He couldn't believe what he was seeing.

"No!" The Doctor jumped in. "This is... uh.... (fake name). She's the newest member of our group." She put on a smile.

You were so confused. How did he know your name? You haven't seen him before. Ever. Why was the Doctor trying to cover this up?

The Master hadn't taken his gaze away from you.

"I'm not a fool, Doctor. Don't treat me like one." He was angry she would even try to lie.

"Let's not discuss this here...." She said.

"No. I want to know why Y/N is here, how she is here. Why you didn't come back to me." He looked at you with sad looking eyes.

"I don't understand." You replied. "I've never met you before."

If didn't know any better, you would say you had just broken his hearts. His expression changed entirely and he looked like he was having a hard time processing those words. The Doctor rushed to his side and grabbed him before he toppled over, unable to stand any longer.

"You lot go inside." She looked at the group.

Graham placed an arm around your shoulder as you looked at the man now sitting on the ground. The Doctor knelt down and made him look at her. He looked angry, sad and lost all at the same time.

You went with Graham inside.

"How come he seemed to know you?" Ryan asked, coming to sit next to you.

"I don't know. I've never met him before." You replied.

"Not so sure about that. He seemed to really know you." Said Graham.

You sat there silently wondering what was going on. You had only been travelling with Doctor a number of months. Before you met her you lived in a small flat by yourself, you worked in a flower shop and had very few friends.

You know you have never met him before.

How did he know you? How?

Outside, the Master looked up at the Doctor after you had gone inside.

"Explain to me, Doctor. Why doesn't she know me? After everything..."

The Doctor sat down beside him, she looked so upset.

"I bumped into her a few months back. I recognised her right away, but something was different. When I told her who I was, she didn't know me. I think... I think he made her human so you wouldn't have anyone left. This is punishment." She spoke softly, her hearts aching for her old friend. "I'm not sure though. I know everything has been taken from her. She doesn't remember me, Gallifrey, you... everything you two had."

The Master was silent. He stared at the road in front of him.

He thought he couldn't hate his people any more than he did now. They have lied to him, to the Doctor and they have taken the one good thing he had from him.

"I want to see her."

"I don't think that's a good idea..."

He instantly turned the blonde beside him, glaring.

"I want to see her."

The Doctor got the message and stood up. She told him to wait out here while she went inside to get you. He stood up and straightened out his coat, standing in front of his TARDIS waiting for you.

When the Doctor came in everyone went into a frenzy, asking her all sorts of questions. She looked at you.

"He wants to see you."

"Why? Doctor, I don't understand. Who is he? How does he know me?"

The Doctor came closer to you and knelt down in front of you. She took your hands in hers and looked you in the eye.

"Everything you think you know is a lie."

The gang looked at each other. They had heard the Master say the to the Doctor the last time they saw him.

"What do you mean?" You squeezed her hands. She squeezed back, trying to reassure you. You're not sure it was helping. You were so confused.

"You're not who you think you are." She whispered. "You're a Timelord, like me and.... him. We used to be good friends, quite a long time ago. I thought you had gone with the rest of Gallifrey. I had no idea they had put you on Earth, taking all your memories too."

"Doctor... I'm not a timelord. I'm human." You placed a hand over your heart. "Just one heart." You felt it beating under your hand.

"At the moment. You have another, but they made you human, taking away your regeneration energy. Only one of them is working." She told you. "Which is fine while you're like this, but really hurts when you're like me." She chuckled softly. "They will have contained that energy in something, I did it once with a fob watch."

"I'm so confused."

The Doctor got up from the floor and pulled you into her chest, hugging you.

"I know you are, but he wants to see you. I think you should." She said softly.

"Is that a good idea?" Ryan asked. "He tried to kill us last time."

"Trust me, Ryan. Y/N is the last person he would ever think of hurting." She pulled away to look down at you.

"Why? Because I'm supposedly a Timelord?"

"No, because he's in love with you." She said. "He always had been."

You stared at her wide eyed.

"I don't know him." You muttered.

"You don't remember him."

You glanced at the window. You could just about see him. He was looking at the house, waiting.

"Go." She whispered.

"Come with me?"

She smiled and took your hand. The Doctor told the others to wait in here until she said so. The pair of you went outside, you still confused and slightly frightened. You didn't believe a single thing the Doctor said, no matter how much trust you had in her, but you couldn't deny this slight pull towards him you felt.

You stepped outside.

He looked up at you. You couldn't read his expression, but his gaze seemed to light up a little bit. You let go of the Doctor's hand and neared him a little bit, not getting too close.

"It's good to see you." He muttered, still unable to believe you were here in front of him.

"I don't... I don't remember you... but the Doctor tells me we were close." You elected to ignore how she worded it.

"Yes." He glanced at the blonde who had remained by the door. "If I had known they would do this, I would have found you sooner."

You shifted on the spot.

"I don't remember anything."

There was that look of his hearts breaking again. It made you feel awful to know you were the cause of that look.

"Doctor, I've changed my mind. Forget what I said before. There is something else I want. Something much more important." He looked at his old friend.

"What is it?"

"I want to get my Y/N back. I want to find out what they did with her memories." He looked back at you. "This isn't fair."

The Doctor nodded and went inside. She was not going to shut her friends out this time.

You looked at the broken man in front of you.

"I must be really important to you..."

"You have no idea." He told you.

Life was unfair and cruel. He remembered every moment he spent with you. He was going to spend the rest of his life with you, but that was all taken away from him.

The gang came outside.

You looked back at them and prepared to get into the Doctor's TARDIS with them, but the Master stopped you.

"Actually, will you travel with me?" He asked.

You turned back to face him. He was holding out a hand to you.

You glanced back at the Doctor.

"You'll be alright. Trust me when I say you will be safe with him." She told you.

You looked at the Master's hand. You walked past him towards his TARDIS. The Master clenched his fist as you walked past him. He could never expect you to trust him when you couldn't remember him.

The Doctor looked at him once more before going inside her TARDIS.

This had been unexpected for everyone. There was a lot of explaining to be done, but you would see soon enough. The Master was determined to get your memories back.

He would not lose you again.

Tags:

@awyr @fandombeehive @charmed-asylum  @sigynbandraoi-blog @procrastinatingmurder  @sitkafay @koschei-taylor @zelda2248 @aliisa-jones  @enchantersnight @imthedoctorlove @welcome-to-the-chaos-of-my-mind @diyosku @malkaviangirl @nerdonpluto @snake-cutie

Chris Chibnall ruined Doctor Who

Doctor Who sucks now. I’m sorry for starting this off with such a blatant statement, but we all know it’s true. And this angers me so, so much, because it used to be one of my all-time favorite shows, and now with a female lead it had so much potential, lost in shitty writing. Here we go.

I have to admit, I used to be one of the people against changing the Doctor’s gender. I thought it would be weird, that they were only doing it for PC reasons, etc. I changed my mind since then, but needless to say, I remained disappointed. I think that a female Doctor would have been a refreshing take on the character, it would have shut up people (like me at the time) and it would have made a lot more people take interest in Doctor Who. Jodie’s era could have been amazing, magical and revolutionary. But alas, here we are.

Jodie Whittaker’s first episode was watched by a little over 14 million people if I recall correctly. But why did the show fail in keeping that number? Simple: the writing sucks. Chris Chibnall is not a good showrunner. He took elements he knew of Doctor Who and tried to copy them, without understanding what made them special.

Let’s start with character development. The Doctor. There was a moment in Spyfall when Yaz says: “what would the Doctor do?”, and for the longest moment I thought… “what would this Doctor do?”, which is NOT something I should be thinking this far in Jodie’s run as the Doctor. It’s all been oh’s, wow’s, unnecessary exposition and not a single truly emotional moment, one that makes me feel like I know or relate to this Doctor. I feel like they tried to make a sort of female Eleven without everything that made him special. Jodie said multiple times “yeah, I can play an alien”, and of course, she could have. But the problem it’s not just about playing an alien. The Doctor is an extremely complex character, with extremely complex emotions. Emotions we are yet to see from her. And I am not saying she isn’t a great actress. I absolutely loved her in Broadchurch, a show that was also run by Chibnall. She is capable of showing emotional range. So why hasn’t she? Shitty writing. My guess? Chibnall is scared of criticism saying that this Doctor (a woman) is too emotional, criticism that wouldn’t have existed in previous Doctors' incarnations. Which is bullshit, and also leads me to my next point: the companions.

Having three companions may have sounded good in paper, but the reality is that none of them has had enough screen time to properly develop as characters. My guess? In the eyes of Chibnall (and probably the BBC, I don’t know), a team would lessen the controversy around the new Doctor. But they didn’t bother with them.

If someone asked you to describe Yaz or Ryan’s personality, what would you say? …Exactly. The only one worth watching is Graham, and even he hasn’t had a proper storyline. They tried to show more of their struggles in Can You Hear Me?, but here’s the thing. It is far too late in their arcs for this. At this point, it just felt way too forced. As someone with depression, It would have been great to see more of Yaz’s struggles with it, but just one episode is not nearly enough. Also, she connected with a police officer who we are never going to see again! Don’t you think it would’ve been better to see this development in her relationship with the Doctor? NONE of them have a strong friendship with her. They just say she’s amazing because she takes them places and shit. Not because they actually want to spend time with her. What are Yaz’s reasons to be there? She wanted to be more than just a cop that gave tickets, she wanted to help people, yet she just…left? And she has mentioned being a cop like, once since then. How does this make any sense?

Ryan was supposed to have dyspraxia, which hasn’t been mentioned since the bike thing, I think. It would have been great to see this being an actual part of his character and seeing him coping with it whilst traveling around in space and having dangerous adventures. But nope, they completely forgot about it, as well as his Youtube channel. Also, what are his motivations, his ambitions? Why is he there? In Can You Hear Me? we learn about his friend’s struggles with mental health, but again, shouldn’t it have had more impact coming from Ryan? A character we are supposed to care about at this point?

As for Graham, like I said, he’s the one with a more formed personality. He’s a goofball, he worries about the “kids” of the group, he’s a father figure. Great. But the problem is they presented him as wanting to travel with the Doctor to get over his grief, but they hardly show any of it. And there wasn’t any hint throughout the first season of him having any sort of thirst for revenge, so him wanting to kill Tim Shaw just came out of nowhere. But my biggest problem this season, was when he was opening up with the Doctor about his fear of his cancer returning and she just… said: “I’m sorry, I’m still socially awkward”???? WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL? There’s been plenty of times that we’ve seen this awkwardness. It is ALL we’ve ever seen from this Doctor. This was NOT the time to say this. This could have been a beautiful way for them to connect, to show more of the Doctor’s emotional side, yet what we got was a “suffer in silence bro, I’m so awkward lol”. REALLY? The Doctor has always shown compassion. Even if they don’t understand what their companions are going through, they are always there for them. Why would the writers think this was a good idea? It’s infuriating. 

I’ve been watching a LOT of Youtube videos talking about why Chibnall’s run has been a disaster. I really liked one called “Is the Doctor a hypocrite?”, by B-WHERE. In the video, they essentially say that this Doctor’s moral compass is a mess. In Arachnids in the UK, for example, she somehow thinks locking up all of the spiders and letting the queen die suffocating is more humane than just killing them quickly, which is what the villain does in the end. Ummm? Okay? Listen, the Doctor has always faced difficult moral decisions, even scary ones, like in the Family of Blood two-parter. But as the video says, they’ve never claimed to have moral superiority. And maybe this could have been a more distinctive flaw in the character, a flaw that maybe her companions saw and disagreed with. Like Ten’s wake up call at the end of Waters of Mars. But no. Again, it’s just plain shitty writing.

Ok. Now... The Timeless Children. Jesus Christ. There are so, so many reasons this was the worst thing to ever happen to Doctor Who, but y’all are probably wishing for this rant to be over, so I’ll just mention two.

In over fifty years, we’ve NEVER needed an origin story for The Doctor. The show is called “Doctor Who” for a reason, the question that should never be answered. And they just go and shit all over one of the most beloved sci-fi shows of the twentieth century in a single episode. Again, this is mentioned in several videos, but I thought the same thing right after watching the episode: making the Doctor another “chosen one” goes against everything the show represented. The Doctor was an ordinary alien who was not very good at the Academy, ran away with a stolen TARDIS because he disagreed with the Time Lords way, and couldn’t even control where the TARDIS would go at first. The Doctor is an idiot in a box. The Doctor helps because he wants to; because it’s decent and kind. ANYONE could be like the Doctor. And now, it turns out he’s always been special. The Doctor is the reason why Time Lords regenerate. The character is basically a god now. Why is this a bad thing? This changes EVERYTHING, and yet, it WILL CHANGE NOTHING going forward. Ruth’s Doctor says so herself, it doesn’t change who the Doctor is. Oh, but it does. It changes who the Doctor WAS. None of it matters now, none of their sacrifices, it meant nothing. That’s what makes this so heartbreaking. And I had so much faith in this season. I actually enjoyed a few episodes, like Nicola Tesla’s Night of Terror. I thought they were going down the right path. But Chris Chibnall has ruined my favorite show in just one episode. My only comfort is that there’s still plenty of Classic Who episodes I haven’t watched. Those will be the ones I’ll look forward to. 

(Also, that’s nOT HOW REGENERATION WORKS! IT DOESN’T BRING TIME LORDS BACK TO LIFE! IT HEALS/PREVENTS THEM FROM DYING WHEN THEY’RE IN PHYSICAL DANGER. GOD, CHRIS, WHY ARE YOU SO STUPID!) Okay, rant over, deep breaths. Thanks for reading!

Sigh. Chibnall.

Jodie Whittaker and demographic realism

So I want to make clear that I have no problems whatsoever with Jodie Whittaker’s performance - the character seamlessly kept walking across the screen, she has great energy, love the steampunk goggles. 

Honestly I’ve always believed that giving existing characters a demographic change is not really as revolutionary or helpful as ppl think; New characters and stories (esp. told by writers of those samedemographics) solve the problem much better. Keeping specificity is often better than losing it, and the character still has a background (from an “advanced” civilization that used to do dirty deeds and is still kind of uppity attitudes, a character who’s decided to be against that attitude but still needs to be knocked own from the occasional uppity moment; It makes sense for them to look like a british dude, and they have the freedom to go wherever problems like sexism and racism don’t exist so... ), and will be linked to its origin.  But at worst something that will look dated in a few years like the 80s outfits, the show’s done dated and crowdpleasing before; There’s no hard reason not to do it and I expected no quality dip. 

It certainly worked as as attention grab, the premiere drew a lot of attention but that only lasted as long as it took for the reviews to go sour. But one of the main good things its proponents said could come of it was to help the lack of female anti heroes. So far she really didn’t get to anti hero much; It’s not Whittaker, it’s the scripts. 

I want to make this clear: Varied demograpics are good; 

This is why I kind of hate the term “diversity” is one of those vague euphemisms if you mean “demographic representation”, “social equity” or “demographic realism” just say that. 

In a way this is a good thing, it used to be only the best boldest writers who could get away, noadays it has become acceptable to have varied casts. And that’s how it should be artshouldn’t have to have to pass some arbitrary quality standard to simply reflect reality. But as the rebootverse and star trek discovery should’ve proved realistic demographics can’t replace good writing. Sometimes lack of realistic demographis is associated with bad writing because both come from play-it-safe more-of-the-same consummerism focussed sameyness, often someone who goes against the formulas has a solid vision which makes them good, and focussing on ignored topics and perspectives can yield new ideas (consider stuff like Wonder Woman, Get Out, Black Panther... which were just good, novel movies) but you could have a super interesting memorable story where everyone is a medieval european monk, but the characters are differentiated by personality, attitude, beliefs, or something where the cast ticks all sort of all demographic boxes but the characters are 1D and the story trite and predictable

On the one hand you get those gamergate adjacent fanboys who make “diversity” and “good writing” out to be enimical opposites and then you have the purists/antis who treat any critique of writing to be founded in having something against realistic demographics. You need both! 

Series 11

There were good things about it: An attempt at leastto do more of your classic thought provoking space operas or going back to the shows’ pulp fiction roots, covering some historic periods/topics other than the classic historical fiction tropes (they got a pakistani writer, had Yaz and Ryan discuss social topics among themselves etc.), the emotional story centered around this family coping with a loss, having Ryan sort of be the “main” companion and the one the rest of the team is protective of

But overall the reason I didn’t rush to watch s12 as soon as it came out is that it was a bit... bland. The team interacted mostly with each other; The Doctor had more charge with one shot characters like King James or the Solitract than she really did with the companions. Graham was such a missed opportunity. Remember how everyone loved the dynamic with Wilfred? No attempt to strike a bond over how they’re the older party members, or the professional xenophile trying to nudge the bilbo baggins like reluctant hero? We’re told the Doctor really likes Yaz, and I believe it cause she always liked people like that, but are we shown?

For all that Moffat and RTD were very different writers with different strenghts and weaknesses, both were very character-driven writers, and that was really missing here a bit. 

Some ppl said they didn’t give Yaz enough screentime or personality - but the thing is, they did try. They just failed. They let her make little remarks here and there about her homelife, they just never really assembled into a whole beyond buzzwords and inspirational platitudes and the Standard Companion Traits. I didn’t get a read on what she’s about or who she’s like until the pakisan episode where she unlike Barbara, Donna etc. immediately accepted that the past can’t be changed. Ah, I finally thought, she’s a very responsible dutiful person.

Everything lacks edges and defining moments. 

So far, I didn’t sweat it. I though, ok, not everything can be the high-concept character driven spec fic epic type of story that is my personal favorite. Every time there was some addition to the mythos in any way someone cried ruined forever. When the time lords first appeared. When the time war was introduced. 

The classics too were lower on the character driven ness; Still good pulp fiction content. (imho the character concepts themselves were often pretty good, just not used to the fullest and some of the actresses were treated crappy backstage)

I thought “okey, it wouldn’t be good to break with the tradition of making the sussequent incarnations contrasting”

I did think that there was much liberty with the additions which the others did do only towards the end when it feltmore earned, but, the addition of say, sisters, isn’t too disruptive

Series 12 and the Timeless Child Nonsense

The frustrating thing about this is that it COULD have been good. 

The Master teaming up with the cybermen to try and take over Gallifrey is precisely the sort of story the classics would’ve done. 

“Your society is founded on a shady secret and exploitation of the innocent” is a good plot twist especially in these times. The Master finding that secret and using it to his advantage - also very him. 

Imagine what it could have been like if it had been approached from the perspective of someone who, for all that they were a rebel, still sort of profited from being part of that society, someone who wants to take responsibility for that past and would maybe have to make some tough choice to let the exploitation victim go because it’s right even if it has cosequences for themselves and their civilization. 

but then you ruin that by immediately taking the protagonist out of that society. They and they alone are the victim. 

like this plot could have been good except for the twist that the Doctor and the timeless child are the same. 

Not connecting it to existing lore about the earlier war game days, everything with Omega and Rassilon, that bit about the Time Lord becoming what they were through exposure to the untempered schism... that might be forgiven. Even if it does stretch the suspension of disbelief that every single piece of sci fi scanning equipment in the show didn’t pick anything up; Not to mention that it destroys the stake on every heroic sacrifice or death prophecy plot, every time a companion or oneshot character took the bullet, the whole “out of regens” plot...

This is not me being mad about things being added or changed, but this being done in such a way that undermines the philosophy, the whole flavor... 

Yes, the MC is mysterious, the 7th Doctor arcs did a lot with this etc. but doesn’t spelling something out this clear not deplete rather than add to that? It#s a definite answer even if the final origin isn’t clear. 

But they’re so much else.

The trickster hero accomplishing great deeds with planning, guile, improvisation and duct tape, the implicit value that ressourcefulness trumps raw power. 

The rebel, different because they chose to be or made themselves to be such through their adventures, sticking to their own values in a close-minded society - who embodies & encourages thinking for yourself in every situation and universal plot, who battles enemies like the Daleks and Cybermen that represent comformity

Yeah they have many names yeah they take out gods... but all this was the result of their actions & path in pursuit of knowledge, and also, as Moffat once stated, the funny part is that behind all the fearsome reputation is wit and duct tape. 

The fish in a small pond who started out a misfit, failed their tardis driving exam... etc. and often made a point that they didn’t want immortality or endless godlike power. That’s meaningless if they had it to begin with. 

The explorer who wanted to see more than their corner of the world. 

The ANTI HERO that’s made alltogether too tragic here, too absolved from their uppity civilization

All that is wiped away if they were this special creature to begin with.

Where WAS the philosophy, rly? The big humanist speeches that made me love the show. 

Going Forward

So I think - I HOPE - that this in particular will be treated like the “half human” thing from the TV movie or the now josses additional origin stories from the audios, or be handwaved under the “you cant get it wrong cause everything is in flux” carpet

It’s the Master effing with her to pay her back for the half broken chameleon arch thing. 

It’s possible the Child actually existed, long dead or trapped somewhere - again, dirty mystery at the bottom of a stck-up society is a good twist. but this shouldn’t be more than another maybe in the multiple choice past not a definite answer. 

Also, i hate this line of thought but I can’t stave it off: Why is is now that the MC looks female that we get this vulnerable, passively victimized tomato surprise rather than something with an ugly but definite choice in it. 

I will probably ignore it - parts of me resents this cause “your civilization is based on a lie” could be such a good plot twist (then again the existing twists to that end from the classics and End of Time do enough rly) but if i have to choose between that and the basic meaning of the character....

Doctor Who (2005) Fic - The Goldilocks Vacation Conundrum

Title: The Goldilocks Vacation Conundrum

Author(s): Fangirlshrewt97

Fandom: Doctor Who (2005)

Pairing: None

Characters: Thirteenth Doctor, Yaz Khan, Ryan, Graham

Rating: General

Warnings: None

Banned Together Bingo Prompt: Alien Weatherman

Additional Tags: Crack-ish, Prompt: Alien Weatherman, Banned Together Bingo 2020, Humor, The Doctor does not know how to pick human appropriate vacation spots, Poor Graham keeps falling because of the Doctor’s poor TARDIS parking skills, Post Season 10

Summary: Essentially, a semi-crack-ish fic where the Doctor tries to suggest vacation spots to her companions, and misses the mark. Until she gets it right.

After all, third time is the charm.

Excerpt:

The Doctor swiped through a few more potential vacation spots, this time, Ryan joining them. There were several that caught the eyes of the crew, but each time that Graham asked for the dangers, there was always one.

Tentacle monsters, giant crabs, Multiple-headed monsters, noxious gas, acid-spitting monsters, poisonous fruits, monsters with giant horns, unfriendly natives, evil tyrannical rulers that were wary of tourists. What was with all the monsters, honestly?

By the end, Ryan and Yaz had joined back on the steps with the Doctor standing in front of them.

 Link to A03: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25314952

                                                          /// 

The TARDIS fam were sitting on the steps next to the central console waiting for the Doctor to return. She had said she would only be a moment and for them to stay.

“I just need to grab this one thing from a friend, I’ll be back before you know it. No need for you to follow me!” she had said, bouncing around the console as the TARDIS landed on another planet, nearly sending Graham to the floor from the abrupt stop.

“But doc-” Graham had started to protest only for her to already be halfway out the door, coat in one hand, and an extremely long rainbow scarf in the other.

“Five minutes at most. Just wait here!” was all the humans heard before the door swung shut.

Graham sighed. “Well that is not going to happen.”

“Who wants to bet she will get stuck on an adventure?” Ryan had asked, mischievous glint in his eyes.

Yaz barked a laugh. “What kind of a naive idiot do you take me for Ryan? The bet should be the kind of adventure she goes on. My guess is tentacle monster.”

“You’re on, I think it is alien species that wants to conquer the planet.”

“Ohhhh, good one, damn I want to change my bet.”

“No way too late!”

“Graham, what about you?”

“I don’t know about the doctor, but personally, I am going for an adventure to the kitchen. I want tea.” Graham had said, waiving off the groans from the other two. He did press the pedal to get a creamy custard biscuit as he walked by though.

That had been almost four hours ago. In the meantime, Graham had had his tea and biscuits, finished his book, taken a small nap, and wound up back in the console room, playing poker with Yaz and Ryan. The younger two members of the ship had tried to venture out of the ship, only to find they were parked at the top of a very steep cliff with no houses or identifiable signs of civilization in sight. And rather than risking getting lost, had ventured back into the ship.

Graham was chuckling as he won the hand for the fifth time in the row, collecting the candy they were using as betting markers when the Doctor burst into the room, tracking mud throughout the entrance as loud bird screeching followed her. She quickly barricaded the door with the bar she kept next to the door and ventured inside.

“Well fam, sorry for the delay, but I see you kept yourselves entertained.”

“Say doc, have you ever actually run an errand where things didn’t go tits up?” Graham asked as he opened one of the mints from his winnings. From the corner of his eye, he saw Yaz passing some money to Ryan.

“I resent the implications Graham, I will have you know I have had plenty of successful errands where nothing went wrong.”

At the silence from the three humans, she looked up from she was fiddling with the console controls again. “I have!”

Graham scoffed as Yaz made an empathetic noise and Ryan rolled his eyes fondly.

“Sure you have Doctor.” Ryan said as he stood up.

The Doctor’s comeback was interrupted by a piercing cry and the distinct sound of claws (or talons) against wood.

“Whoopsie, looks like we have overstayed our welcome!” The Doctor said before pulling down the lever. The trio of humans just managed to brace themselves before the ship took off, shaking like a teacup during an earthquake.

After a couple more minutes, the wheezing sound faded as the ship managed to land somewhere.

“Hey Doctor, where are we?” Yaz as as she peered into one of the monitors on the console. It was still displaying that odd (but beautiful) circular writing the Doctor had called Gallifreyan, but she could also make out a landscape. It was a flat field, with what looked like medium height grasses (green), under a clear sky (purple, which weird but cool), and a scattering of trees that almost resembled pine trees but had normal leaves.

“Ah, thanks for asking Yaz! Welcome to Brosha, in the Aresa galaxy. I figured I owed you guys a proper vacation, and this place has the best food this side of the Andromeda galaxy made from corn. Well, it is actually eir but tastes very similar to Earth’s corn. Looks similar too!”

The three humans were not looking at her as impressed as she was hoping. Her smiled dimmed a bit. “No?”

Ryan answered. “Doctor, that is really nice of you, but none of us are really big fans of corn. Also you are hiding something from us.”

“No I am not.”

Yaz chuckled. “Yes you are. You have a tell.”

“I do not!”

“You do too!”

“I do not!”

“You do too!”

“I-”

Graham cut off the childish squabbling. Honestly one was an officer of the law, and the other was a two thousand year old alien. It was undignified. “Alright enough. Doc, this sounds nice, but what’s the catch?”

“There are, rarely, every once in a while, stampedes of these huge moose like things. But honestly the chances of that happening while we are there are-”

“Sky high. Doc, we tend to always be around for the once in a blue moon situations. How about elsewhere?” Yaz said gently.

The Doctor pouted, but turned and fiddled with her monitor before brightening.

“Oh, I got one. What about Brakem in the Uccas galaxy? Hot springs filled with healing crystals, soaps and scents from around the universe. Never really rains, two suns, three moons. Gorgeous orange skies.”

“And?” Ryan asked, a wicked smirk on his face.

“Doc, this would be easier if you just mentioned the catch too.” Graham added.

“Average temperatures outside of the resorts are about 40℃.”

No way in hell. Mainly cause it sounded to be about the same temperature. “Next option Doc.”

The Doctor whined but looked at her monitor again. Graham went to sit on the stairs, he had a feeling they’d be there for a while.

“Ok, fine. How about, um, no not that one, ooh that would be, no nevermind, oh! No.” The Doctor muttered as she swiped at her monitor. Yaz went to stand beside her, watching her flick past some amazing landscapes. One in particular caught her eye, and she must have a sound because the Doctor looked at her. “Yaz?”

“What’s that?”

“This one? This is Chebara.” On the screen was a massive lake, extending seemingly to the horizon. The sky was so purple, but so clear she could almost make out stars and other planets in the photo. To one side of the lake she could see a massive hill rising from the ground, clouds covering it from about midway. In the middle of the lake, giant trees that seemed to be floating?

“Are those trees floating?”

“Oh yes, they are Ubal trees, their fruits produce dyes that don’t fade even after a thousand years. Very valuable.” The Doctor explained, glee filling her eyes again.

“Is it safe?” Graham asked. He loved the Doctor, but safety somehow never made it into the woman’s priority list.

“Graham, where is the fun in that?” The Doctor asked, only to be met with a raised eyebrow that would not be swayed. She sighed. “There is a small chance we may encounter the giant alligator-hippos that inhabit the lake.”

“No.”

“But Yaz wants to go!” the Doctor protested.

“Actually Doctor, I think just the photos might be enough. We have had so many adventures, and I would really like a vacation before we head back to the fray.” Yaz said, apologetic.

The Doctor’s shoulders slumped. “Back to the drawing board then.”

The Doctor swiped through a few more potential vacation spots, this time, Ryan joining them. There were several that caught the eyes of the crew, but each time that Graham asked for the dangers, there was always one.

Tentacle monsters, giant crabs, Multiple-headed monsters, noxious gas, acid-spitting monsters, poisonous fruits, monsters with giant horns, unfriendly natives, evil tyrannical rulers that were wary of tourists. What was with all the monsters, honestly?

By the end, Ryan and Yaz had joined back on the steps with the Doctor standing in front of them.

“Guys come on, I promise, the vacation will be fine, I’m sure the bad things won’t happen, they are all statistically very unlikely.”

Graham stood up and walked to the Doctor, laying a sympathetic hand on her forearm. “Doctor, I am sure you have noticed, but let me point it out again. We are kind of one-in-a-million central here. All I want is someplace to put my feet up, a nice cuppa, maybe a chance to tan.” Graham said. Beside him, Yaz and Ryan nodded in agreement.

The Doctor stood in front of the three humans, arms crossed, and cheeks puffed out like a squirrel. Yaz internally squealed at how adorable this couple thousand year old alien could be.

The Doctor tapped out a distracted pattern on her forearm before brightening. “I know the perfect place!” she said.

And then, without waiting for the companion’s response she went back to the console and pressed a few buttons before pulling the lever.

The TARDIS’s wheezing sound was heard before the ship rattled and transported. Graham, who had been standing on the stairs still fell hard on his butt. Ryan and Yaz managed to stumble forward and brace themselves on the console.

“Ow Doc, a couple more rough landings, and you are going to owe me a new hip!” Graham complained as he rubbed the small of his back. Ryan came to his side, helping his sit up against one of the columns around the console.

“Sorry about that Graham! I just thought of the perfect place for a lovely holiday, and wanted to get us there ASAP!”

Ryan and Yaz exchanged glances before looking at her hesitantly. “So…”

“Where are we?”

If possible, the Doctor’s grin got even wider, her eyes alight with delight. “My lovely fam, welcome to Earth, third planet in the solar system, in the outskirts of the Milky Way galaxy. We are in present day Sheffield, the temperature is a pleasant 23℃, there is a humidity of 65%, and chance of rain is 7%!” The Doctor said as she clapped her hands once in delight. Ryan shook his head at the antics of the Time Lord and began to chuckle.Yaz started to giggle before the Doctor waggled her eyebrows at her, at which point she burst out laughing, using the console edge to keep from falling over. Even Graham had a grin on his face as he continued to rub his back. He used the column to brace himself and got up.

“How long will we be staying then doc?”

The Doctor swayed back and forth on her toes and heels. “Up to you guys. How long do you want to stay?”

“Wait, you are staying too right?” Yaz said, squinting at the Time Lord.

The Doctor brought up her hands in surrender. “I’ve got a whole universe Yaz!”

“And I’ve got a spare room with your name on it. Come on, just stay. I know we don’t have crystal pools or floating trees, but Charlie’s pub down the block serves some of the best falafels in the country.”

The Doctor bit her lip, but looking at the hopeful faces of her companions, she gave a single nod.

“Alright, why not.”

She turned and pressed a couple buttons, dimming the lights of the main area of the TARDIS. “There, she is in hibernation. Let’s go enjoy Sheffield.”

With a cheer from the humans, the Doctor let herself be led outside by her fam. Yaz dragging her by the wrist as Ryan lightly pushed her from the back, with Graham closing the ship doors behind himself.

Sometimes, the best vacation from a life traveling was a little bit of home.

An oath to Hope

Doctor who human au fanfic

Chapter 1: I think I met a shooting star.

“Park Hill enter D, presumed TWOC with IC1 (‘individual of white skinned European appearance’) female”

A junior officer with dark brown hair in a tight bun turned her head expectedly to her colleague, a lean man with messy brown hair and an as well messy beard who winked at her. He was her senior for her training and couldn’t help but smile at his antics.

“Patrol 7 on it.”

PC Khan asked “What is TWOC ?”

“Well… It is… mhm. I guess it is when someone lose their car keys and try to jimmy their way in. In the dark of the night ? Something like that.” Kenny said with a thick Scottish accent.

“So it’s vehicle theft ?”

“I mean… We can’t assume thievery right away, it is a presumed Taking without owner’s consent ! And who need cars nowadays ?”

Yasmin chuckled “You would be surprised on how many would contradict you sir.”

“By the way, isn’t Park Hill where you live ?”

“Oh my stars ! It is ! We got to go very quickly !” She exclaimed quickening her steps to the car. “I am driving sir.”

“Alright but no need to call me sir !” He said throwing her the keys .

As Yasmin Khan drove them to the potential crime scene. Her senior started to lean in his chair ignoring seatbelt and his legs unto the tabletop of the car. Rambling about the nightshift hours and it made his skin itchy that it could be his alleged time sickness, it only made Yasmin roll her eyes in silence.

Arriving to the Park Hill estate illuminated by the yellow light of many street lamps. Yasmin quickly made her way on the parking lot searching for the thief. Be it was quiet, it looked like nothing.

Agent Coinneich Tàileach or better known as Kenny ran by her side.

“Why are you running PC Khan ? You know this TWOC might be just ten racoons under a coat ?”

“A what”

“Racoons. Or a ghost … who knows ?”

“It is definitely not ghost” Yasmin pointed out to a Pontiac blue car with the highlights on, illuminating another car, trunk and hood opened, wires spilling out with a short woman arms full of sludge, blonde hair tied up in a lousy ponytail.

Yasmin knew that car, it was her neighbor’s and she pulled out her flashlight directed to the woman’s face.

“Hi ?”

The woman turned her head toward Yasmin and to be plainly honest she got a quite beautiful face.

“Hi !”  Oh scratch that ! Now the woman smiled and she got now a way more pretty face and Yaz could feel her face burning up.

“What…” The junior agent turned to her senior who seemed quite interested about the whole situation and wasn’t about to help with it. “What are you doing ma’am ?”.

“I. AM. UHM. NOT. CARJACKING.”

“Sounds like you are.”

“No ! I am repairing ! The car it made a sound like RATATATATATATA for quite a while !” she made wild gesture while making the sounds as loud as possible.

“Madam you need to quiet down a bit, it is 2 a.m.”

“Who ?”

“You.”

“Oh ! Madam is me ! Alright yeah ! I will shhhhh” she made the motion on her lips, her smile still so beautiful.

Yaz made a few step toward the woman, noticed a grey coat lying on the ground next to O’Brian’s car. The blonde woman was jittery and not making eye contact.

“Anyway, car was making a noise and the man who drives it seems to not want to get her to a mechanic soooo I brought a mechanic !”

“Who ?”

“Me ! It could have been bad ! Maybe explosion bad ! Like BAM no mister Graham ! And yeah, we don’t want that !”

Yasmin frowned at the mention of mister O’Brian name but didn’t pursued, instead looked at the mechanic, she was a little gaunt, didn’t seemed to have slept in while.

“You know, you could let the car alone for tonight and I know mister O’Brian” Yasmin said while motioning to her chest. “I will tell him about the car and we will get it fixed. Alright ?”

But the woman didn’t listened. She went right back into the car, mumbling to herself. “No, no, no I can do it myself, I am able to do it. I can fix it. No more sounds !”

Kenny looked at Yaz and encouraged her to keep talking to the mystery while he called to the station to inform of the lack of thievery, pretending that it was neighbor being an asshole. Yasmin walked beside the mechanic whose hands kept shaking. She won’t be able to fix anything.

“Hello, my name is Yasmin.”

The woman kept her eyes down to the motor, making a fist to hide her weakness.

“Hi, I’m Nadzieja.”

“So what is wrong with the car of the old man ?”

It made her smile. “Well, the sound is because the serpentine belt is getting loose and it if breaks it would… Just break everything else.”

“Alright, it seems like a big problem, how can I help ?”

She looked at her like Yaz said some kind of magic. “Oh I love you, you sounds brilliant !” then proceeded to instruct to her how to change the serpentine with clear instruction which Yasmin tried to follow with a lot of mistakes. But she  learned a whole lot and finally succeeded when the morning started to show.

“Oh my bloody stars ! We made it ! We saved the car !” Nadzieja screamed in victory when the motor roared with a bloody sound.

“Yeah !” Yasmin smiled, tired, sweaty but victorious.

The scream made birds fly away and woke up the poor colleague who was trying to take a nap. He made a weak fist bump into the air in support. They slowly cleaned up their mess, the mystery woman’s hands weren’t shaking anymore and Yasmin felt like she made the universe a little more brighter.

“So do you wish we accompany you to your home ?”

“Uh ?”

“Your home ? Do you live in the estate ?”

“Oh no !” She said while putting off the highlights of the blue car. “I sleep in there !”

“In your car ?”

“Yeah ! I travel a lot ! So… “ she slapped the wheel of the car “That is my home.”

“I… ok ?”

Nadzieja nodded to her wildly. “That being said officers ! I wish you goodnight !” and laid down in the back seat, holding a yellow blanket to her chin. Not bothering with the smudge and the sweats. They both looked at her sleeping with strained smiles. Before going back to the police station with heavy steps.

Kenny took over the driving this time around having benefited from his little nap. PC Khan kept thinking about the woman, how tired she seemed, stressed out, she wanted to do right by someone she didn’t know about, shouldn’t know about.

“I have address of some woman shelters if you want.”

“What ?” Yasmin asked.

“For the surprise mechanic lady, when you go back home, you could give her address of shelter or association so she can find some housing.”

“Oh yeah. Thanks ! That’s a great idea !” pulling out her note pad, taking down the addresses.

“You are welcome my dear padawan.”

They returned to the station, putting back their equipment and the senior agent got called in the S.O. office to explain why the hell they were away the whole night. Yasmin wanted to explain but Kenny told her that he could handle it.

Yasmin Khan returned home exhausted but hoping to see her again. Reaching the parking lot she spend an hour in it, searching for the fated blue car. But the car was gone and she was gone to Yasmin dismay.

Yasmin was welcomed home by her family slowly waking up and the odor of fresh coffee, she decided to go directly to sleep, anxiety toward the woman she barely knew gnawing her insides. Her mom kissed her forehead seeing her worried but the magic of a mom kiss didn’t helped with the sleep. The beautiful woman was gone probably dealing with her issues on her own, definitely had it handled, like she couldn’t handle the car motor engine with her shaky hands or the lack of sleep or eating. What if she got into a car accident ? What if she got hurt and no would know her name. Would someone help her if needed ?

“Gosh darnit”

In any case sleep eluded her so she decided to spend the rest of the day, to her parents dismay, searching for a Pontiac blue car in the town of Sheffield. Hoping, dearly hoping to find her. At least see her safe.

The blue car was parked in front of the old building next to the hospital. The sight of it made the blonde woman shiver. But it wasn’t why she was there. She stared at the front door and saw a tall woman in a blue and gold dress getting out. She seemed well and healthy. Nadzieja followed with her eyes, the woman leaving and sighed in relief. One day she will be able to talk to her.

She searched everywhere, on her sister bike, wandering the streets like a madman. Asking florist and people at the counter of coffee shop, she even went by the aforementioned women shelter and yet nothing. No leads, no trace. The woman vanished. Hours went by and her body couldn’t handle much more exertion. She returned home with quiet sob of frustration.

It is only when she reached the parking lot that she saw, the beautiful blue car, standing exactly where she left it. She approached nearly throwing to the ground the bicycle seeing through the windshield, the older woman writing through what seemed to be a diary. She was so pretty.

She softly knocked on the window, blushing. Nadzieja looked at her with surprise and a smile.

“Hi !”

“Hi. I was wondering if you wanted a cuppa of tea ? I live nearby.”

She was dreading a negative answer, after all she was only a stranger who met a few hours ago and she must look like hell with the lack of sleep and her hair… Gosh she forgot to fix her hair !

“You are Yasmin ! My brilliant assistant ! I remember you.”

“oh !”

“You seems like a wonderful person and I would love to drink some tea at your place !”

Yasmin beamed, to hell the little information she was supposed to share with her, to hell duty or sleep. All she wanted now was to be with this beautiful shooting star.

13 x Reader: Home

Notes: Wow this took forever! It’s entirely too long but hopefully still an enjoyable read; I couldn’t find a good way to split it up. I really enjoyed this request and it’s been stewing in my mind for a WHILE, which is where most of my first drafts are usually written. I have another one or two fics planned that will probably also be around this length (or longer), but I’m really focusing on making the majority of my requests more concise. lmao we’ll see. This is also gender neutral for the reader!! Yay! As always requests are open so long as you understand that I’m slooooow Summary [anon request]: Could please you do an OT3 fic with Thirteen/Reader/Yaz, (Ryan can be there too but as a friend) where they just finished a really messed up adventure and they all have to reassure each other they're ok and it's all fluffy and maybe some angst? Warnings: None WC: 5500 oops

It hadn’t hit you, not at first. There hadn’t been time initially; there so rarely ever was. Not when there was so much going on, so much to do. And even after, when you had slammed shut the doors of the TARDIS and left the planet behind, you were still riding the wave of exhilaration. It was that particular brand of adrenaline utterly unique to traveling with the Doctor, and it kept your mind focused on moving forwards, with nothing more distant than the here and now. It was glorious, chaotic, intoxicating. It was survival. It kept the awareness of even bodily injuries from distracting you, because it didn’t matter that you couldn’t make a fist with your left hand, or that Yaz’s shirt was more blood than anything else, or that the Doctor could only draw in measured, shallow breaths. The only thing that mattered was the next step, the next breath drawn, the next moment unfolded. Surviving. And when you had survived, when you leaned panting against the doors of the TARDIS and watched while the Doctor flew around the console, her hands a blur and her voice a continuous counterpart of conversation to the groaning of the timeship as it took flight away, away from there- that was when the wave was at its peak. It flooded you with triumph and coloured everything golden, bright. It was a sort of pride that said yes, we did it, another adventure completed, another win. So no, it didn’t hit you right away, the impact of what you had just seen. What you had just done. The choices you had made, the consequences you had watched unfold. It wasn’t till you stood swaying in the console room and watched as the Doctor and Yaz moved away that you started to feel it. To understand. Horror trickled through you, slowly at first, but building. Between one breath and the next, it was a flood. Your face felt cold even as your injured arm began to burn, and you couldn’t stop remembering, couldn’t stop seeing, not even when you closed your eyes- And then, nothing. Your mind had carefully and firmly blanked. At some point you had ended up in your room, sitting on the floor. You weren’t sure if that was by choice or not. It didn’t matter. You sat and stared at nothing, safer by far than closing your eyes. Your wounded arm was not exactly numb; you were aware of the pain. It just didn’t touch you. (You were also aware, distantly, that you should probably have followed Yaz and the Doctor to the medbay, but you hadn’t. Had just stood there, alone in the gently humming console, until your feet moved on their own, took you away.) It was Yaz who eventually found you, sitting against your bed with your knees drawn to your chest. She might have spoken to you, or she might not have. It was only when you realized that you were warmer and turned your head that you noticed her, settled down next to you on the floor. You shook your head slightly; you got the impression that you weren’t keeping track of time in an entirely coherent manner. You blinked slowly, realized belatedly that Yaz had said something. “What?” “I don’t want to be alone,” Yaz repeated, and paused. “Do you?” The words were raw, scraped too thinly over exhaustion and pain to be in any way gentle. But they were for all that kind. Kind, and sincere. Because they were coming from Yaz. What she said, she meant. “No,” you whispered, and leaned your head against her shoulder. Your hand found its way into hers without conscious effort or choice, or perhaps it was her hand that found yours. You both sat that way for a while, with clutching hands and distant eyes. You were still in a conflicting state of numb fog mixed intermittently with flashes of horror, but it was easier with Yaz there. Or if not easier, at least… better. She had seen the same things, had made the same choices, was living with the same memories. Eventually, a separate thought floated to the top of your mind, and you mumbled it into Yaz’s shoulder: “What’s the Doctor doing?” “Wondering why her friends are hiding on a floor, and not in the medbay where they’re supposed to be.” You felt Yaz jump, and you lifted your head, looking over the edge of your bed to see the Doctor framed in the doorway. Yaz leaned around the edge of the bed to look for herself, then settled back against you with a released breath. “She really loves making a dramatic entrance,” Yaz muttered, and despite everything, your lips twitched in an approximation of a smile. It was true. “I heard that,” the Doctor said as she moved into the room. Her boots appeared in your field of vision, followed abruptly by the rest of her as she crouched down in front of you and Yaz. You blinked, focusing on her face and noting idly how her ear-cuff glinted in the dim light as she turned her head from you to Yaz. Her lips were pressed into a thin line, and her eyes were narrowed. She looked worried. Tired. “You didn’t follow us to the medbay,” the Doctor said, and you realized that she was looking at you again. “Weren’t you hit by one of those blasters?” Her tone was neutral, but her eyes were flickering with a restless, almost angry tension as they moved down. You looked down as well. “I- didn’t think about it,” you said truthfully, looking blankly at your left arm. You felt Yaz move. “That looks bad,” she said, and the genuine concern in her voice reached you even through your hazy disinterest. “It’s not, but it does need tending,” the Doctor said, though she was looking at your face as she spoke, not your wound. “I didn’t think about it,” you repeated, your voice hollow. Something in the Doctor’s expression shifted, and you struggled to elaborate. You wanted to appease that look in the Doctor’s eyes, but it was hard to find words when emotions themselves eluded you. “I just- I- I didn’t-” you were trying to articulate, but you could feel those emotions (your pain, your memories) welling up in your chest, in your throat, and they were choking you. Yaz tightened her grip on your hand, and the Doctor’s expression shifted again. “Hey, alright, it’s fine, you don’t need to explain-” she began, soothingly, but the memories were still rising, building, and something had to give, something had to give. “- and I can’t- if I try- I can’t make it stop-” “Can’t make what stop-” “They’re… even when I- I close my eyes and I- I see it all again, again and again-” you shuddered and fell silent as you choked on your own words. Yaz was also silent, but tears were running slowly down her cheeks and her own gaze was glazed and distant with remembered horrors. The Doctor’s lips had parted slightly, but as her gaze moved from you to Yaz and she saw the tears, her lips flattened again, pressed tight over words she did not say. They were present in her eyes, though. The Doctor was tired, hurting, and now she was angry too. Angry for the pain she saw in her companions, for the damage done. But her voice when she spoke was absent of that anger. She was good at that, at misdirection. Only her eyes ever betrayed her true self when she let her guard slip. But you weren’t looking at her eyes, or anything else. Nothing in that room, anyways. “Oh,” the Doctor said softly, “oh, my poor fam. Come here, you lot.” Leaning forwards, she pulled you both towards her and into an embrace. You closed your eyes as your face pressed up against the fabric of the Doctor’s coat and inhaled the familiar scent (vanilla, with hints of machinery and something else, something distinctly her). You could feel Yaz next to you, your hands still entwined. It was an awkward, precarious embrace, huddled as you were on the floor and with only four good arms to go around for the three of you. Yes, it was awkward. It was also suddenly as necessary to you as air, as the next drawn breath. You shuddered again as the Doctor spoke, her voice still gentle and absent of the storm that lurked in her eyes. “I’m sorry you had to see that,” she murmured, her head bent over you and Yaz. Her own eyes slid closed, and you could hear the exhaustion in her voice, the way it rasped slightly. She had taken damage too, you remembered.  Anger stirred in you, a sharp jab that pushed away some of your numb fog. You lifted your injured arm and wrapped it painfully around the Doctor, holding her to you as tightly as you could. “Are- you okay?” you asked the Doctor, your voice muffled by her shirt and coat. The Doctor made a quiet sound, something not quite a word, and you felt her shift, pulling you more fully into her arms while her head bent closer over yours, her nose resting in your hair. You could feel her heartbeats against your own chest, and unconsciously you began to match your breathing to hers. “Oh, yeah. You know me, I’m the king of okay.” The words were almost (almost) convincing, falling breezily from the Doctor’s mouth with what was close to her normal light, irreverent tone. Close. She obviously heard the discrepancy too, and cleared her throat. “Have you seen anything like that before?” Yaz asked. “Have you- done that-” she trailed off bleakly, and the Doctor was silent for a few moments. “I’ve been traveling for a long time,” she said finally, quietly. “I’ve seen the worst of the universe, in so many forms and species. Death and famine and war and senseless, needless cruelty, selfishness and fear…” her arms tightened around you and Yaz as she spoke. “But I’ve seen the best of the universe too. People who leap to protect others without even a thought, who stand in front of those in need and go above and beyond to make the universe a better, kinder place.” She pressed a soft kiss to your head, then did the same to Yaz. “Does it get easier?” Yaz asked. “Having to see the- the worst bits?” Again, the Doctor was silent, and this time the moment stretched just a little bit too long. “Come on then,” she said, and she had layered her words with that breezy cheerfulness again, avoiding Yaz’s question. “Enough moping around on the floor. How about some tea? I love tea-” she was moving as she spoke, extricating herself from the embrace and standing. She helped up Yaz, then held out a hand to you. You started to reach up with your injured arm, then dropped it with a wince and proffered your other hand. “Mmm,” the Doctor said as she pulled you up, her eyes sharp on your bad arm. “But before tea, you need patched up.” She had kept a grip on your arm, eyed it critically while moving it gently back and forth. You blinked slowly. The presence of Yaz and the Doctor (and the touch of their skin on yours) was an anchor, but you were still drifting as your mind tried to shield you. To forget. “I’ll start the tea,” Yaz said, wiping surreptitiously at her cheeks. The Doctor’s eyes moved to her briefly and her expression softened, though she did not comment, only nodded. The three of you left, Yaz vanishing in the direction of the kitchen while you trailed after the Doctor (who couldn’t seem to make herself walk slowly to save her life) into the medbay. It didn’t take particularly long to clean and bandage your arm (the wound was largely superficial, if painful) and soon you and the Doctor joined Yaz in the kitchen. True to her word, Yaz had started the tea, and when you came in it was to the sight of her straining to reach some mugs, her face tight with frustration and pain. “I got it,” the Doctor said, stepping forwards quickly. For someone who was by the most generous of estimates barely an inch taller than Yaz, the Doctor nonetheless rarely missed an opportunity to flex her superior height. You rather suspected that Ryan and Graham had begun storing items in higher and higher places, and for precisely that reason. (You were for example sure that the coat hook in the console room had been stealthily and consistently adjusted until it was several inches higher, and counting. One of these days the Doctor was going to try to hang up her coat and find herself to reach, and then… well, you weren’t sure what would happen but you doubted popcorn would be out of place.) You’d been meaning to broach the topic with Yaz and brainstorm possible counter attacks against Ryan and Graham’s mischief… perhaps the TARDIS could be wheedled into lowering the door frames? You accepted a mug of tea automatically from Yaz, your gaze distant as your thoughts pieced themselves together sluggishly, disjointed. Ryan and Graham… you looked up suddenly, and met the eyes of the Doctor. She’d been watching you, and there was a crease next to her left brow. “Are you- are- Ryan and Graham?” you said haltingly, not sure why the words were so reluctant to form. “Yeah, we should probably be picking them back up soon?” Yaz said, though her tone made it into a question as she too looked at the Doctor. “You know how Graham gets,” she added with a faint smile. “Right you are,” the Doctor agreed, setting down her tea. Her eyes flicked between you and Yaz, and her lips pressed together again over more unspoken words. “I’ll just be a mo,” she said, and slipped away. A vacuum of silence was left in her wake, and you and Yaz looked at each other. The memories seemed somehow brighter, more real in that ringing silence. As if they filled the room with a swelling, tangible presence and left no room for you and Yaz. She must have felt it too, because after a moment she stepped to your side, and her free hand found yours again. Not long after the familiar groaning wheeze of the TARDIS filtered into the room, followed by a brief silence and then muffled voices, growing louder. You had one of those sudden painfully clear thoughts that cut so sharply through the fog, and realized that you were not prepared to talk to Ryan and Graham. Yaz’s grip on your hand was suddenly tight, or perhaps it was your grip on hers. You clung to each other, silent in solidarity and apprehension. The voices grew louder, then suddenly muted as another voice spoke over them. It was the Doctor, and though you couldn’t hear her actual words, you could hear the cautionary tone of her voice. There followed a few more exchanges, more subdued, and then a brief silence. When the Doctor stepped back into the room, she was alone. She lifted a hand and brushed hair out of her eyes as she approached you and Yaz. Though her face was drawn tight with exhaustion, her eyes were as sharp as ever as they focused on the two of you, and she noted immediately the way you were clutching each other with pale, wan faces. “Oh,” she said, and there was something so deeply, painfully sad in that one quiet word that you felt as if it shivered in the air, in your heart. You were too raw for it, and closed your eyes- no! You opened them again, afraid of what you saw when you closed them, when you shut out the distractions of the world, when you let yourself still and think and- There was a tug on your hand. You blinked, and realized that the Doctor had grasped Yaz’s other hand and was pulling her away, and you with them. You followed as they moved to the library. Partially because following was easier than resisting, but mostly because when all else failed, you had that, had them. You would follow those two women into anything. “We’ve got tea and biscuits,” the Doctor said, sitting down on a sofa next to Yaz. You had just settled on Yaz’s other side when the Doctor had snapped her fingers and leapt back to her feet. “I know! A fire, we should have a fire. That’s proper cozy, just what we need.” She took off her coat and tossed it over the arm of the sofa before moving to crouch in front of the fireplace. She muttered all-but inaudibly to herself for a few moments as she poked around (you thought you heard a flippant ‘this should be fine’ which didn’t inspire an awful lot of confidence). A few experimental buzzes on the sonic however produced a very respectable fire indeed, and one that didn’t seem too likely to burn down the room. “There,” the Doctor said in a satisfied voice, rocking back on her heels and dusting off her hands. “Cozy.” She placed her hands on her knees and glanced briefly over her shoulder at you and Yaz. Her hair had fallen across her face again, and strands of it were limned in gold by the light of the fire. You stared at her, crouched, disheveled, tired, shadowed. Yet she glowed. She glowed. She caught your eye and smiled, pushing some of her hair out of her face. “You’re going to stay with us?” Yaz asked, moving over as the Doctor resettled herself on the couch between you and her. “‘Course,” the Doctor said easily, leaning back against the cushions and crossing her legs. She reached out and grasped one of Yaz’s hands, then yours. Her fingers curled gently around yours and she gave a soft squeeze. “For a bit, anyway. I think we should be together after… after that. And,” she added, an attempt at sternness as she looked between you, “this seems better than huddling on a floor.” The sternness was somewhat undercut by the way she squeezed your hand again, however. You leaned your head against her shoulder, staring sightlessly into the fire. On your other side Yaz copied you, and the Doctor made a quiet sound, dropping quick kiss on Yaz’s head, and then yours. “My fam,” she said softly. “I’ve got you.” “We’ve got each other,” Yaz corrected, and you nodded in agreement, feeling the Doctor’s hair brush across your face. “Right,” the Doctor said, and her voice sounded odd. She cleared her throat. “Do you… want to talk about it?”  Your breath seized. The shard of bright, unflinching memory pierced your fog, tore it to shreds like damp paper. You stiffened, clutching convulsively at the Doctor’s hand and turning your face into her shoulder, away from the light. Your chest had tightened at the thought of- at the thought- and your arm jerked as it gave a sullen pulse of pain, as if the conversation had woken it. “Or… maybe we just talk, about any old thing,” the Doctor continued. She was looking down at you, and for a moment the reflected firelight was nothing compared to the fire in her eyes. You couldn’t see that, though. You could just feel her warmth against you, and her gentle hand around yours. Yes, it was only her eyes that ever betrayed her. “That sounds good,” you heard Yaz say faintly. So that’s what you did, the three of you. You talked. Mostly the Doctor, spinning stories of past adventures and regenerations and friends. The stories often brought up more questions than than they resolved, but that was okay. You had long since accustomed yourself to the Doctor’s whimsical and rapid-fire method of speaking, the way she blended the ordinary and extraordinary with effortless, capricious casualty. She was youthful and brilliant; she was ancient and utterly mad. She was both the raging storm and the anchor that kept you safe, and as she spun her stories in that quiet room you felt your mind finally begin to quiet. Not all the way, not even close, but… a veneer of normalcy crept over you, and you relaxed. Eventually, impossibly, you fell asleep. You hadn’t wanted to, knowing what you’d see when you closed your eyes with nothing left to confront but yourself. Those thoughts, those memories. But you weren’t alone, and the Doctor’s familiar voice (along with her presence, and Yaz’s) slowly suffused you with enough peace that your mind quieted. And with the quiet came, blessedly, sleep. Your head was in the Doctor’s lap at that point. She had draped an arm over your side, and the gentle circles made by her fingers had been a countermelody to her voice, another anchor. At some point Yaz drifted off as well. She had moved to the floor (she said she liked her feet toasty, though the Doctor suspected that in truth her shoulder was aching) and dozed with her back against the sofa and her head just touching yours as it rested against the Doctor’s thigh. The Doctor stopped talking, eventually. But she did not sleep. If you had been awake, if you had seen the fire reflected in her ancient, solemn gaze, you might have wondered if she too was afraid of what she would see behind closed eyes. So there was silence for a long time. Until- “How are they doing?” The Doctor looked away slowly from the hearth to look at Ryan. She gave him a tired smile as he lurked in the doorway; his posture was worried, unsure. But at her smile the young man stepped farther into the room, his gaze moving between you and Yaz. The Doctor followed his gaze, her eyes fixing on Yaz in the flickering firelight. Yaz always managed to look worried when she slept, so that at least wasn’t new. But the Doctor felt that the policewoman’s face was more stark, the skin more tightly drawn over her bones than normal… and the heavy bandaging on her shoulder didn’t do much to help dispel the image. The Doctor’s gaze moved to the side, followed slowly by her head and her hair fell partially across her face as she looked down at her other sleeping companion. You. It was less normal for you to look so harried, so upset when sleeping, and the Doctor’s eyes might have tightened as she stared. But her hand that rested on your side remained soft, gentle. Protective. “I don’t know,” she answered finally, and even she could hear how tired her voice sounded. How helpless. “Not worse.” “That’s something, then,” Ryan said, though his tone lacked conviction. The Doctor looked up at him and managed another tired smile. There was no joy or happiness in it, but there was genuine appreciation for Ryan and his kindness. “Yes, it is.” “If you want a break or anything, I can sit with them-” “No.” Guttural, low, raw. The word was an instinctive reaction that left no time or room for softening, and even the Doctor was startled when it left her lips. Just one word, but it had been torn from a primal place of raised hackles, bared teeth, flashing eyes. “No,” she repeated, more gently. “I’ve got this.” Her voice was still ever so polite, and it didn’t match her eyes even a little bit. Ryan nodded cautiously, his eyes moving from the Doctor’s left hand (which had moved to cup your head, fingers splayed as if to shield) to her right (which had dropped to Yaz’s un-bandaged shoulder). The gestures were small, but there was nothing subtle about them, and Ryan was wise enough not to push. Not when he saw the cracks in the Doctor’s composure, confined though they were to her eyes (and to that one devastating word). For someone normally so open and upfront with her emotions… it was more alarming than if she had shouted. Those bared fangs and flashing eyes lurked just beneath the surface of her familiarity, a familiarity which suddenly seemed so thin, so insubstantially draped over the ancient, feral thing that she truly was. Ryan had to remind himself again that this person, this friend of his, was not human. But she was his friend, and he did not fear her. So he nodded again, and he did what friends do. He offered his help once more, even in the face of her pain and rejection. “Well, if you do need anything, Graham and I are around, okay?” “I’ll keep it in mind,” the Doctor said, and the wildness had receded from her eyes as she watched him move to go. (Receded, yes, but it lurked. Always, it lurked.) “Ryan-” he turned, looked at her, “thank you. Really.” Ryan nodded, because he heard the tacit apology, because he understood. He left the Doctor alone with you and Yaz, once again staring into the depths of the fire with unreadable eyes while her hands remained as they were, draped protectively over you both. Keeping you to her. When you woke a while later, for a moment you thought she had gone. Then you heard the soft sounds of murmured voices and stifled weeping. You opened your eyes slowly, forgetting for a moment where you were or why there was such a heavy, cold weight in your gut. Then you remembered. You lifted your head and blinked blearily. The fire had died down to sullen embers, and the light in the room was muted, somber. You realized eventually that you were looking at the back of the Doctor’s head, and she was sitting on the floor cross-legged next to Yaz. “-nothing to be ashamed of,” the Doctor was saying. Yaz wiped almost angrily at her face, and you realized she had been the source of weeping. “I’m not,” Yaz said, her voice low and miserable. “Or- well, maybe I am. I mean, I have training for this kind of thing. Trauma and violence, and that sort-” “Training isn’t meant to produce apathy,” the Doctor interrupted firmly. “Training means you can still act and handle yourself in a tense situation, not that you’re unaffected by it, especially after.” “Well, yes but-” “And,” the Doctor continued, slightly louder, “I doubt training for the Sheffield police covers intergalactic warfare, hm? More parking tickets, fewer bio-morphic super-weapons, possibly?” Yaz smiled despite herself and ducked her head. “You did brilliantly,” the Doctor added, quieter. “That was-” she hesitated. “Horrible,” Yaz whispered, and the Doctor reached over, grabbed her hand. “Yes.” There was a lengthy silence, and though you couldn’t see the Doctor’s face, you could see when she took in a deep breath and tensed her shoulders before speaking again. “I can take you home,” the Time Lord said softly, as if the words didn’t tear at her as they left her mouth. But even you could see how rigidly she held herself. “If you want-” “NO!” The Doctor actually winced as you and Yaz both shouted at the same time, turning to look at you with a scrunched nose as you shoved yourself upright with your good arm. “No,” you repeated. “Absolutely not,” Yaz added, and despite the recent tears her voice was steady. The Doctor looked between the two of you. Her expression was serious, determined; she fully intended to take you and Yaz home if asked. But you could see the burgeoning hope in her eyes. The relief.  “I can’t promise that this is the last time,” she warned. “It could happen again. It probably will. I would understand if you wanted to go home-” “We said no,” Yaz interrupted. She was still holding the Doctor’s hand, and you slid stiffly off the sofa so that you could crouch on the Doctor’s other side and grab that hand too. “We are home,” you said. You might have tilted your head, gestured at the room. But your eyes remained steady on the two women. Home. “But-” “We are home,” Yaz repeated, firmly. “We’re a fam, right?” The Doctor was uncharacteristically silent as she looked from Yaz to you, then down at the chain made by your linked hands. You saw her throat move as she swallowed. You met Yaz’s eyes, and then the two of you leaned over and enveloped the Doctor in an embrace. Your face rested somewhere between the Doctor’s neck and shoulder, and you could feel the delicate flutter of her pulse (as well as Yaz’s hair tickling your nose). It wasn’t even remotely comfortable, that embrace. You were all of you stiff (injured, exhausted) and your arms and legs met in a lumpy, disorganized, awkward jumble. And you wouldn’t trade it for the world. Yours, or any of the others you and seen, any you had yet to see. This was home. The three of you remained that way for several quiet, fragile moments. Even the Doctor was silent, and you could feel the hitch in her breaths. It might have been from the smoke inhalation, from her injury… but you didn’t think so. You could still feel her rapid pulse, could still feel her hand gripping yours so tightly. Could still remember the fear in her eyes when she spoke of leaving you... and the relief when you refused. Several moments of fragile silence, that stretched into the shadowed corners of the room and to the stars beyond. Then you felt the Doctor stiffen, as if remembering something. Her chest rose as words made their way to her mouth, and some sliver of premonition (or perhaps more accurately, past experiences) made your lips twitch into the beginnings of a smile before her words were fully formed. “How do you lot keep ending up on the floor?! There’s furniture, proper furniture, and yet once again I find you like this- funny, is it?” the last words were delivered to Yaz, who had begun to giggle. It was infectious, and you began to as well, you face still pressed against the Doctor’s neck. “You two started it,” you pointed out, your voice somewhat muffled. “No, Yaz started it,” the Doctor said automatically, as if scoring a point. Yaz lifted her head and gave her a dirty look. “I- hey! It’s not like either of you had to join me-” “But you did start it,” you replied, giggling again in response to Yaz’s indignant sputter. “That’s- hang on, you started it! Back in your room!” “Well, then you’re both copy-cats who have no one to blame but yourselves,” you said loftily, and were rewarded when both women made sounds of outrage. It only made you laugh harder, especially when an exasperated Doctor tried in a grand gesture to stand up, but utterly failed to escape the tangled embrace. Eventually the noise attracted Ryan and Graham, who poked their heads cautiously into the room. The apprehension that had lined their faces shifted into confusion, and ended up somewhere between amusement and exasperation. “They’re mad,” Graham observed, absently taking a bite out of sandwich that Ryan didn’t care to guess the contents of. Ryan was silent as he watched for a moment longer, taking in the gasping, arguing, laughing pile that was the three of you. Your arms were still entwined, and Yaz had her head thrown back against the couch as she giggled. The Doctor was still making an effort at standing (and was unsurprisingly in the midst of delivering what appeared to be a lecture, though it was largely undercut by the amused curve of her lips) but was thwarted, both by Yaz’s entangled legs, and by her coat which had slipped off the soft to drape across all three of you- indeed, your face was completely covered by it, and Ryan could only hear muffled sounds of laughter and protest coming from beneath it. “Reckon so,” he said finally. Graham noted with some surprise that he was smiling. “C’mon, let’s leave them be. They’ll be fine.” And he was right.  It would take time, of course. All things do. But you all had each other. You were, after all, a fam. You would be fine. There was still so much of the universe to see.

Spyfall part 1 (spoilers)

Ok so.

I was pleasantly surprised.

I really was.

I thought this was going to be another disaster ( which for me watching a chibs ep means: I am stewing in frustration during and afterwards I think what in the heck was that,  it doesn’t make ANY sense)

I appreciate how the trailer (the good one) was almost completely taken from this first episode - that was well done. I’m not as happy that the motorbiking was much more fun and cool in the trailer than the episode in which it didn’t really involve any stakes only reinforced by all the bullets hitting the motorbikes - harmlessly??

I have to say - that twist. Uh.............???? All I could think was, really? REALLY?? Already? Huh?? I couldn’t believe it. I literally was like - surely not. You’re not now implying this. How can you reboot Missy after ONE series break? That’s really...like, it did not feel right. And I’ll be honest, I was just straight up disappointed by a male Master. Then I thought, well, maybe we’re going to get a worthy opponent for the Doctor.....? :/

However, I like the actor. He gave O a lot of humanity - interestingly. Like O as a character - bit sad he doesn’t exist.

I actually liked the directing, i noticed that the very, very up close stuff - it now really gave a little more subtle panic vibe. The music was.

The pace seemed high to me - so check. Chibs fixed a big problem of mine.

Lots of character moments. Check. Though not being a native speaker and having no access to subtitles i had to really listen very VERY hard for those interactions. I liked the ‘iced tea - possibly.’

We briefly get to find out how the companions are dealing with travelling in combination with their regular lives. Check. Alright then. Graham even discusses it - the temporal disorientation.

The companions are PUT IN DANGER. check, fuckin hell finally. There’s just a bit of suspense in this.

Loved the decided focus on Yaz and Ryan. Check. Ryan being a normal kid not trained for this shit and Yaz smoothing the conversation, taking risks, asking sharp questions, modelling herself after the Doctor - I really like how they contrasted that.

I suspect Ryan casually noticing the weird statue in the glass case is going to be relevant however. (if not - sigh)

Really really liked how Chibs really worked at NOT undercutting the Doctor -  giving her clear moments of authority and genius and unaffectedness as the Doctor is supposed to get.  ‘i got an upgrade’ and having the Doctor chewing people out, interrogating them, negotiating with them - WITHOUT getting self-conscious or self-deprecating - lots of confidence - all of that helped along by multiple special agents coming for the Doctor - implying the need for more force, C mistaking Graham (i like that lil moment) but losing his argument to her, O being such a fan, and the Doctor sassing so much - he really worked on rendering her authority.

He only put in two moments:  ‘I don’t understand’ and ‘I think it’s laughing at you Doc’ - ‘I know that!’ which was so similar to the Tsuranga Conundrum I guess Chibs is going to buckle down on this specific stuff (and I can see how the Doctor sometimes simply admitting to not knowing might be a deliberate and interesting choice) - well if it’s balanced like this it’s alright. NOT so happy about this RANDOM SPY DUDE telling her to go back inside - which is clearly something Chibs wanted to emphasise AGAIN because that bit was completely isolated, that she should listen to other people - always just your regular self-sacrificial well-meaning men!!! (turns out lol they always get killed if she listens to them but the narrative doesn’t acknowledge that.) And i Hate it.

Also actually, that ‘i don’t understand’ was about multiple earths, and she’d just heard that the aliens were going to conquer the ‘universe’, implying they were from somewhere else. Like, if the very normal viewer (me) can see the writing on the wall, then why the fuck can’t the Doctor. I just wish Chibs would stop emphasising his need for his character not to figure out the plot at that moment - at great cost to the character and accompanying power fantasy.

Most of all, I thought the acting was great. Jodie built in a LOT more calm and authority (the script explicitly allowed her that) but also lots of quirkiness. Graham really got a wonderful supporting role dynamic with the Doctor as he does at his best - emphasising her go go go attitude and genius, and Yaz got to have a near-death experience. Bit weirded out that once again, it’s not the Doctor who deals with the fallout of a mission which she’d explicitly sent Yaz on. I also got some VERY ominously heterosexual vibes from Ryan and Yaz there....mostly because of the sister angle.... hmmmm

I liked the topicalness of ‘VOR’ and the dependence of national governments on their expertise and resources but I have no idea where it’s going or whether Chibs just wanted to point out: yeah tech giants (esp google) are powerful. kay. true.

Liked the Doctor doing some computer stuff bc it tickled that women programming narrative.

Loved Graham and Ryan bantering. Loved the moment in the TARDIS with the creatures getting in and Yaz pulling Doctor to attention. Loved the moment that the Doctor was playing a totally different game from blackjack extremely seriously. hahaha. strangely enough loved the moment between O and Yaz in the casino as well though I don’t know what it means. Maybe nothing. (MAYBE YAZ BECOMES THE MASTER)

Anyway as a viewer who’s not super good at theorising - i was like.....????????

A lot of stuff is uh - strange. e.g. Why can the scanner identify 93% human dna but not the 7% alien (or whatever it is) dna? Not sure why Yaz would be able to wipe the camera images of them from a distance (???) but then Barton got them recovered no probs. The car stuff took a bit too long but eh. I also in retrospect have no idea why they’d try to assassinate them via car. Also let’s not talk about everybody sprinting at the same speeds as a plane during take-off.

Anyway. The ‘monsters’ sure are - not exactly scary - but a bit typical. I liked the implication of them not being from this universe bc it’s a bit different. But if the Master is in league with them it’s uhhhh well it’s quite typical. I enjoyed this episode riffing on the spy genre. That is to say, they carried it off - watching the preview i was like...why spies??? but they asked the same question and it worked.

I feel like it would have been possible to make this a little bit more scary, just a little bit more scary. I appreciate that them playing with the lights was supposed to be  that - but surely there’s a more scary way to represent creatures not from this universe - for horror purposes? there is such a primal fear you can tap into.

ANYWAY

the Master literally spelling out ‘everything you know isn’t real’ or whatever makes me feel hopeful about this being not just the face of it all. Multiple universes, multiple masters?, and Yaz got hella zapped and then zapped right back into the midst of the team? interesting huh....

what a weird episode to start off a season with and whether he makes it work or not - that IS quite brave.

forgot to say: they really love instantly killing off their famous guest actors. think Fry did quite a good job with what he got.

also one more thing i LOVED; the Doctor threw herself against the door of the cockpit when the bomb went off in some sort of attempt to protect her companions. wanted that from the Sonic Bomb in Tsuranga (it just fit) and glad i got it here.

when part 2 gets here i might still think: what in the heck that didn’t make ANY sense.

The Weight of It All

https://archiveofourown.org/works/18279092

The Doctor threw open the doors wide, "Welcome to the wardrobe" She cackled at their faces. Jaw dropped all around and the effect never fails to delight as she watched them wander in stepping over crates and piles.

"Lord, this is a right mess," Graham whistled.

The Doctor frowned, balancing precariously on a box,  "I'll have you know I can find exactly what I need at a moment's notice here it's completely organized!"

"This jacket is hideous," Yaz grimaced holding up large patchwork coat.

"Oh! I wondered where that ended up! It's been years!" The Doctor jumped down over a pile of clothes to grab it from her.

"Completely organized," Graham said aside to Ryan who snickered.

The companions shuffled around aimless, showing off to each other increasingly terrible clothes until they stifled back giggles as the Doctor flew from one side to the other, tossing items into the center of the room.

With a shrug at each other, Graham coughed and yelled as the Doctor jogged past him, " So you wanna share what we're hunting for?"

She stopped in her tracks and spun around, "Sorry... yes! Fashion show in London... about 2015? Fall? No, Summer. Wait…" she held her head, face tight in a hard frown. " Its fall clothing but they have it in the summer. Very confusing." She returned to her rummaging.

"Wait... so we have to find... good clothes in here?" Yaz laughed.

Ryan shook his head, "Could just go shopping ya know."

"Yeah probably could scrounge plenty of cash if we check all these pockets," Graham nodded, searching in a green velvet coat in hand.

The Doctor threw a dress, and it smacked Graham in the face.

"Oi!"

"Sorry!... Mostly. Was meant for Yaz." She shrugged and Graham handed it to Yaz.

It unfurled, bright yellow chiffon yellow with a long point star print covering it. Yaz found the tag and gasped. "This is Diane von Furstenberg!" The men raised an eyebrow. She frowned, "Don't look at me like just because I'm a cop doesn't mean I don't read Vogue."

The Doctor slapped suits up against Ryan and Graham's backs and they yelped. Screwing her mouth up, she swapped them and tossed them over their shoulders.

"Everyone get dressed!" Rooms at the corners." She grinned, hands on hips.

"What about you?" Graham asked, moving his suit to his arm.

The Doctor scoffed, holding her jacket out open, " I think I look perfect, thanks."

But the looks across her team's face told her otherwise. " Really?"

"It is a fashion show after all, high standards... and all... right?" Yaz advised, wide eyed and signalling for the guys to follow what she meant.

Ryan coughed, "Yeah I mean we got suits, and she has a dress maybe you can find something designer for yourself?"

The Doctor shrunk into herself, but with a sigh she threw her hands up in defeat. "You all get changed, I'll find something."

Graham patted her shoulder, offering a warm smile. " That's spirit. It's like fancy dress, right? All part of the disguise."

The Doctor warmed at the gesture and grinned as they left for changing rooms.

She searched along the wall but she froze as her eye lit on a rack of clothes in the corner.

She meandered toward it, checking crates but her mind focused on nothing else but it.  Each one burdensome with memories private. The TARDIS groaned soft as whisper, and the Doctor winced, knowing what she said to her.

"I know, old girl. I know. I thought you hid these. I thought she took them with her," she sighed, eyes fluttering as her fingers caressed down the fabric of a slick green gown.

Memories flashed hot behind her eyelids and she forgot to breathe until it burned in her chest. She pushed dresses back and spied a leather jacket hanging in between. She helped it fall off the hanger with its weight, and she held it up, fighting the urge to lift it to her nose. It'll just smell like leather anyway. Her hands looked so new and young on the blue black leather. So different than those fingers so old settled on her back when River wore it like armor. Her mind drifted to a softer memory as she slipped her coat off and into the arms of the jacket. These inexperienced fingers stroked the leather, and heavy zipper, still bright but damaged her nails scraping and  pausing at the chips and breaks. Her hands appeared if the Doctor shut her eyes tight enough.

Her fingers traced the zipper line, relishing the tactile memories in the leather and cold metal as she laid the jacket on a table.

"Those thoughts are dangerous."

"Dangerous is sneaking up on me."  She feigned all seriousness in her voice but he chuckled like always.

His arms wrapped around her from behind, "We both know that is impossible to do."

A laugh caught in her throat as he pulled her tight to him.

"Thinking about a run?" he whispered in her ear and she shivered.

"Like you never do," she scoffed.

Something burned from her core, a dim fire seeking air to climb higher. The heat from him like embers set on her paper skin.

"What do we do with this desire then?" she shuddered out as his bottom lip caressed the tip of ear.

"The night is still ours... and all its choices." His hand left her stomach and rose to her chin to cup it. Slow but deliberate he turned her face toward him.

Those old eyes, and hers too but ages less.

"One day this won't suffice. One of us will need to run." she breathed, shutting her eyes tight.

"It's only 24 years, let's challenge ourselves for once," he attempted a grin.

"Only…"

His face scrunched up, every line creased

"Not only… I," he stammered.

She pulled her head out of his hand. "It's alright. I know. I shouldn't but I knew years ago. Spoilers. Never could resist them."

"If it reminds you of what we are giving up, you can hide it somewhere," he murmured.

River's eyes squinted, fighting something she couldn't explain. She stroked the blue black leather once more.

"No…" She turned and embraced him, laying her head on his shoulder. "Sometimes we need to be reminded."

The Doctor gasped when she opened her eyes. Rubbing her chest eased the ache but other voices took her out of the emotion.

"I look absolutely blood ridiculous," Graham sighed, stepping out to the surprised faces of Yaz and Ryan.

Graham sneered at his shiny green suit and hot pink shirt.

"Give us a turn, Gramps," Ryan laughed.

Graham frowned but obliged with a small pivot.

They smirked at each other and broke into song again, "Walk Walk fashion baby—"

"That's enough of that!'

A giggle, then they continue "work it move that bitch crazy"  and danced.

"Good god, where is the Doc?"

"Here I am!" She jumped out exaggerated arms, pushing darker musings away..

Yaz's brow furrowed, "That's it? That's all you're doing?"

"Leather jackets are cool." The words tasted off in her mouth, a phrase of a past self ghosting in and her face twitched at it.

Yaz spoke with caution, "Well yeah, but you aren't…"

"Cool" Graham said, arms folded.  Yaz and Ryan shot him a look.

Ryan laughed, "Like you are—"

"I ain't ever said I was," Graham chuckled. "But I do have this suit so we'll let the fashion world judge."

The Doctor shrugged in the jacket, its weight awkward on her small shoulders and loaded in ways she didn't imagine.

"Ghosts are heavier than people think."

She realized she said it out loud as all their eyes turned to her, concern shining bright from each of them.

She swallowed hard as she glanced around wide-eyed. Yaz frowned and Ryan dropped his gaze to his feet. And Graham, always him with that look of shared pain, she mused.

"Doc…" he sighed, unfolding his arms.

She shook her head violently, ignoring the sudden burn in her eyes. "No... just…" she held her hand out as she dropped her chin to her chest. "I'm wearing it. No other questions, ok?" Her voice cracked, and she huffed out a breath when the burning calmed.

"Looks great," Yaz smiled, a soft hand on the Doctor's shoulder. "Maybe let's change boots to match, I think I have pair you can borrow... and some makeup?"

The Doctor nodded with a gulp, fidgeting with the zipper on the arm, "Yeah, might need some help with that."

Graham clapped and rubbed his hands together, "Hey, once that's done, let's get out of here, get some air. Tea and biscuits? If we're headed in London, maybe we can get some afternoon tea somewhere fancy?"

"Always with the food, Graham," the Doctor snickered, appreciating the mood lightening.

"Yeah let's be posh. I look too fit to waste my time in here," Ryan grinned, buttoning his suit jacket, making an exaggerated model face.

Yaz laughed as she struck a fashion pose as well and sang " I'm so fancy…" and Ryan joined in before Graham interrupted groaning pushing them to the door.

The Doctor fell behind the group, shutting the doors.

"Please hide it all somewhere next time, old girl," she gritted through her teeth.

Fireworks

The TARDIS landed with a soft thump, one of the Doctors smoother landings you thought to yourself. “Right then, here we are.” The Doctor said with a small grin as checking the the monitors of the TARDIS. 

“You sure we’re definitely in the right place this time? I’m not gonna go out that door and be attacked by a face eating alien or something am I?” asked Graham with the facial expression of someone who was only half joking.

“Yeah!” The Doctor exclaimed a little too enthusiastically for any of her friends to fully believe. You couldn’t blame them for their questioning of the Doctor, this was the third time she has tried to drop you home. The other two you had found yourselves in 14th century Italy and another planet that went by the name of Earth that was apparently 30 million light-years away, both trips ending in typical TARDIS team adventures.

You smiled to yourself and looked at the doors of the TARDIS at the thought of being home, you loved travelling in the TARDIS with the others and especially the Doctor so much but the thought of being home, on Earth (well, your Earth), to have just a little familiarity back brought you so much joy. You turned your smile to the Doctor and as you catch her rechecking the monitors out the corner of her eyes she immediately darts her gaze back to you giving you a slight nod that you took as confirmation of finally being home. 

You had only come home to collect some clothes and because if you were being truly honest with yourself, you had been travelling for 3 months and had started to get a little homesick but all of that faded when you stepped out of the TARDIS into the cold evening air. As you exited the TARDIS and the other filed out behind you, you asked a passerby for the date and found that it had only been an hour since you had left with the Timelord and her friends. 

You felt a rush of excitement as the stranger gave the group a strange look and continued on with his journey. “The 5th of November” you uttered, repeating the words of the stranger as you turned towards the group huddled behind you looking at you expectantly, you gave them a wide smile, “Well, that’s our plans sorted then.”. The group looked to each other obviously confused. “fireworks?” you say hoping for one of them to finally click. “Oh, of course it’s Guy Fawkes night.” exclaimed Yaz. Graham and Ryan letting out a simultaneous “aw yeah” while the Doctor stood, still looking bemused. 

“Sounds good but can we please get somewhere warm now I’m freezing.” whined Ryan and he had a point, the cold air was biting. “C’mon then” you excitedly said turning to return home, enjoying being in charge of the group for once as the others trailed behind.

It was strange and exciting inviting the others into your life, showing them where your favourite shops, cafes and places were on the way to your home, although there was a certain anxiety you felt showing the Doctor where you had come from and your home, you didn’t see her as a judgemental person but looking around you couldn’t help but notice how mundane it was in comparison with her world that she had invited you into and how different they were. You had been surprised to see The Doctor taking so much interest in your over excited ramblings considering your currently location, no monster or aliens, (that you were aware of) just home. You had been slowly developing a crush on the Doctor for a while now, every time you went to tell her or say anything to her about it this difference in your worlds had always held you back. 

You all decided to head down to the local park to see annual fireworks show and even the large crowds on the short walk to the park couldn’t dampen your high spirits, you had always enjoyed bonfire night, the beauty of fireworks as they light up the sky, you never could understand what about them made them so mesmerising but you loved it.

The closer the group got to the park the busier it got and as you entered the park the lights that had previously been lighting the park went off and plunged it into darkness, the only light provided came from a firework a few seconds after the lights went off by which point most of the group had been pushed in other directions by the crowd trying to get into the park in time for the show beginning. You see out the corner of your eyes Yaz, Graham and Ryan being pulled in another direction. You look to the Doctor on your right, you think she spots the fear in your eyes at the thought of being separated from the group and ending up by yourself and grabs your hand.

As you get a little further into the park the crowd around you starts to dissipate and you find yourself with more room to move, although you still cling on to the Doctors hand driven both by the fear of ending up on your own and from enjoying the soft feeling of her hands and warmth radiating off them keeping your own hand warm. You both make your way to spot fairly out of the way of the crowds but in a good enough position the see the fireworks clearly. 

“Do you think we should try and find the others?” you ask the Doctor pushing yourself onto your tiptoes and attempting to look over the silhouettes of the crowd to see if you could spot any of our friends. 

“Nah, I’m sure they’ll be fine” the blonde said turning to look at the fireworks “They were all together when we got separated, better looking for them when the lights come back on.” She continued and you silently nod you head, reassured that they’ll be ok. 

Once the worry is over though and as you begin to silently watch the fireworks one by one heading into the sky and bursting with light the reality of the situation you were in begins to dawn on you as you realise that your still holding the Doctors hand. 

Slowly you look over to her watching her warm breath escape her lips and noticing in the light of the fireworks that curious and excited expression that she wore so much that you loved.

She turns her head to you and you’re grateful for the poor lighting as the heat rises in you cheeks. Trying to take away from the fact that your clearly staring at her you blurt out “I bet they’re nothing compared to what you’ve seen”. 

The Doctor lets out a small chuckle “Y’know, you’d think so.” She pauses, clearly working out how to word what she was going to say next leaving you both confused and anxious. You watch as she looks up again to the fireworks and then back down to you. “but they bring you so much joy, and that makes them the most important thing in the universe right now.”

You stand, dumbfounded, not entirely sure if this was real or not looking into the Doctors eyes trying to figure her thought processes out.

After a few seconds you realise that you were now both stood looking into each others eyes, the Doctors filling more and more of what looked like fear with every second that passed. 

You somehow found the strength to pull yourself from the shock and lean forward into the Doctor to kiss her, you worry for the first second when there is no reaction but she then begins to kiss back easing all of your anxiety as she moves her hands to the side of your jaw to pull you in closer and you rest your arms on her waist, her movement slow and soft. 

You’re both suddenly pulled out of your moment when you both hear a loud “UGH, wish we hadn’t found them now” accompanied with disgusted face coming from Ryan, a sweet smile from Yaz and Graham clearly trying to look anywhere else. 

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Hope you enjoyed! This is my first imagine/fic thing I’ve ever written so sorry if its off the mark. If anyone has any feedback please do send it my way, hopefully it’ll help. Thanks.