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idrinkwetcementasproteinshakes · 1 month

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MY JAW HAS NEVER DROPPED FASTER😨😨

I WAS JUST CUDDLING WHTH THE HOBIE BOT AND ALL OF A SUDDEN IT GO SUPER FUCKING HORNY

SIR IM GONNA NEED YOU TO DIAL IT DOWN A BIT

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inkskinned · 1 year

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probably time for this story i guess but when i was a kid there was a summer that my brother was really into making smoothies and milkshakes. part of this was that we didn't have AC and couldn't afford to run fans all day so it was kind of important to get good at making Cool Down Concoctions.

we also had a patch of mint, and he had two impressionable little sisters who had the attitude of "fuck it, might as well."

at one point, for fun, this 16 year old boy with a dream in his eye and scientific fervor in heart just wanted to see how far one could push the idea of "vanilla mint smoothie". how much vanilla extract and how much mint can go into a blender before it truly is inedible.

the answer is 3 cups of vanilla extract, 1/2 cup milk alternative, and about 50 sprigs (not leaves, whole spring) of mint. add ice and the courage of a child. idk, it was summer and we were bored.

the word i would use to describe the feeling of drinking it would maybe be "violent" or perhaps, like. "triangular." my nose felt pristine. inhaling following the first sip was like trying to sculpt a new face. i was ensconced in a mesh of horror. it was something beyond taste. for years after, i assumed those commercials that said "this is how it feels to chew five gum" were referencing the exact experience of this singular viscous smoothie.

what's worse is that we knew our mother would hate that we wasted so much vanilla extract. so we had to make it worth it. we had to actually finish the drink. it wasn't "wasting" it if we actually drank it, right? we huddled around outside in the blistering sun, gagging and passing around a single green potion, shivering with disgust. each sip was transcendent, but in a sort of non-euclidean way. i think this is where i lost my binary gender. it eroded certain parts of me in an acidic gut ecology collapse.

here's the thing about love and trust: the next day my brother made a different shake, and i drank it without complaint. it's been like 15 years. he's now a genuinely skilled cook. sometimes one of the three of us will fuck up in the kitchen or find something horrible or make a terrible smoothie mistake and then we pass it to each other, single potion bottle, and we say try it it's delicious. it always smells disgusting. and then, cerimonious, we drink it together. because that's what family does.

#this is true #writeblr #warm up #relatedly for some reason one of our Favorite Jokes #amongst the Siblings #is like - ''this is so good u will love it''#while we are reacting to something we OBVIOUSLY find viscerally disgusting #like we will be actively retching and be like ''nooooo it's so good''#to the point that i sometimes get nervous if someone outside my family is like oh u should try it its good #(obvi we never force each other to eat anything. we are all just curious birds and #like. we're GONNA try the new thing.)#edit to answer why we had so much vanilla:#my mom is a very good cook and we LOVE to bake. so she just had a lot of staples in the house.#it's one of those things that's like. have u ever continuously thought ''ah i should get butter im probably out''#even tho u are not out of butter. so u end up with like 5 years of butter.#my mom would do that in a costco but like with vanilla extract #to be fair we WERE always using WAY TOO MUCH bc we were kids #so like she was right to stock up #ps. yes we were VERY sick after this lol i just didn't want to include it in the post in case ppl had an ick about that #u can tell it's real bc we knew "oh no we fucked up that's too much vanilla to waste'' but our reaction was to just. keep drinking it #> sibling understanding that vanilla extract isn't free > knowledge mother doesnt mind if we use it for milkshakes #> sibling choice to maybe get in a loophole of ''not wasting it'' if we drink it bc that's the same as using it (not throwing it out)#listen bud i was like 13 and my sister was like 9 #when my mom discovered this we. got in. A LOT. of trouble. a lot of it. a LOT of it.#3rd edit bc i guess it isn't clear - i am 1 of my brother's 2 little sisters #i am the middle child #out of all the ways i have had to explain a post before being like ''did u forget a middle child can happen'' is my favorite

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drulalovescas · 3 months

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Supernatural was so so so so so funny in how they were like: "Dean is such a ladies man, only boobs boobs boobs" and then they would give him a love interest in season 6 and never again.

BUT they'd have him make Cas a mixtape.

And grieve Cas like a heartbroken widower.

And then have him be happy for the first time all season once Cas returns to him (even though his mother'd still be missing).

And they'd have Dean stop with the hook-ups completely. And instead they'd have Dean make Cas watch movies together.

And have date nights.

And they'd have Dean on his knees confessing.

And the last person who'd confess his love to Dean would be a gay angel.

But Supernatural was so so so so so funny they'd be like: this means nothing.

#cas was THE love interest all along #also forever grateful to these writers who were like THIS MEANS SOMETHING #and forever fuck you to those who treated the ship and the shippers like a joke #destiel #supernatural

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wasyago · 9 days

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recks cleo !

she's a human btw, not a robot teehee ^_^

#another one of those with 'a few' alterations #yall were joking about ship of theseus with etho. well what about now?#the only original body part she has left is the brain btw #recks au #recks!cleo #my art #sketch #ALSO #again posting the most up-to-date ref first and then all the old stuff

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obscureenthusiast · 1 year

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-Brutus and as many as 60 co-conspirators, circa March 14th, 44 BC

#ides of march #would you believe that I created this image all the way back in january STRICTLY BECAUSE I HAVE THAT MUCH BEEF WITH CAESAR?#this was created because he insisted that the Rhine was the border between Gaul and Germany #just so he could declare that he'd 'conquered' Gaul #but there's very little evidence that the peoples living in those places even viewed the Rhine as a barrier between lands #and their continued fighting against rome along that border line could indicate that they were in fact #attempting to reunite lands occupied by foreign invaders #anyway fuck you caesar i hope your triumph sucked ass #and that everyone who ever made bald jokes about you found idk a denarius in their pocket unexpectedly #yes i'm retroactively wishing dead people good and ill i'm complicated like that

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nosfelixculpa · 1 year

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[1800s newspaper seller voice]: low quality gifs of some high quality boys smoochin’ come and get ur low quality gifs of some high quality boys

#creations #gifs #tv #shadow and bone #shadow & bone #wesper #jesper fahey #wylan #six of crows #im rly not joking abt the quality;; the last gif especially #u would think since they were outside that it would be lit better #not so #these r not high quality files but i had to contribute #obsessed w/ the run and kiss still #the way jesper Gentlee Holds him(tm) in all of these #understandable hes a very good boye who should be held gentlee #ill remake these when a kind soul directs me to those sweet sweet 1080p files PLEASE

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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 3 months

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Words Collide

[First] Prev <--> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #jiang fengmian #yu ziyuan #wei wuxian #jiang cheng #Almost axed this comic but then I remembered I cut the previous argument between them and I guess they can have this.#and by 'this' I mean their toxic arranged marriage verbal battles.#As I previously mentioned in a comic I have chosen to see them as mlm and wlw in an unfulfilled relationship.#The yearning is for companionship. I think they do care for each other it's just something deeply complicated. And bitter.#I truly feel for JC and WWX in this scene because while it's implied YZY really pushes the limit...it's apparent this isn't new.#And it's so petty! Anyone who lived through a parent pitting you against a sibling can tell you that this stuff messed them up #regardless of what side you were on (the golden one or the fuck up).#It doesn't matter what is said. It matters that it was said at all. That you can't shake the concept once it was spoken.#The Jiang household is so much more miserable the deeper you examine what's going on and how they cope with it.#Knowing that a parent does not like you is just awful. I wish everyone who's been through it all the best. You didn't deserve that.#Next update is back to the jokes! Remember jokes? It jingled merrily...How I miss the sound of those bells...

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cairafea · 6 months

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he makes this joke every time.

#sissel #yomiel #ghost trick #ghost trick phantom detective #ghost trick spoilers #art #my art #fanart #comic #halloween 2023 #bad horrible pun this joke has to have been done to death already #you wouldn't believe how long it took me do to the ghost world on god #all done in the mac equivalent of ms paint btw. yes those transparent people were painstakingly drawn by hand.#sissel thinks he's hilarious but it's not like anyone can see his jokes. his talent is being WASTED.#there's a reason sissel is purple yes.#the kids go “nice costume” to yomiel every time. he's not wearing a costume.#depending on when you think this takes place it's absolutely hilarious #pre-canon? dead man answering the door (interrupted from plans of revenge) and getting his fashion sense annihilated by preschoolers.#post-canon? catsitter forced by wife to go answer the door and getting verbally destroyed by kids because she knew it'd be funny #deserve #no watermark or signature because i forgot again. and because it'd look out of place #the big brain play is to make a joke so bad they won't wanna steal and reupload your stuff anywhere #took off the halloween tag bc there are GT spoilers

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alaynestcnes · 24 days

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i’m like if a westerosi jester had an internet connection

pt 1 pt 2

#jonsa #i know u were all thinking ‘i bet she’s used all the jonsa-esque posts on the internet. no way can she make another dumb post’#but the jokes on u. jonsa content is everywhere for those with eyes to see #i was debating doing a sneaky edit to pic 2 so it said ‘my man so sweet no way is this a kinslayer’#junk

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saltpepperbeard · 2 months

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crying btw. if u even care.

#OFMD #OFMD Season 2 #Taika Waititi #Rhys Darby #Samba Schutte #Seeing all those lovely BORPLE GRADIENTS AGAIN #GODDDDDDDDDDDD #ALSO YES YES I ALREADY MADE THIS JOKE A WHILE BACK WHEN WE WERE TRENDING FROM THAT INITIAL S2 NEWS DROP #BUT IT'S JUST HSDJKLHSLDKS SO FITTING

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ultfreakme · 1 year

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Look you can’t dismiss Zukka as a crackship when they, overall, had more positive interactions with each other than many other fanon Zuko or Sokka ships that are taken more seriously because they’re het.

Like okay, you’ve got

the episode 1 armor parallel

Sokka saying “if there’s one thing I know about Zuko, it’s that he never gives up”

Zuko’s time at Western Air Temple where Sokka’s the only one who’s helping him to his room and even smiling at him.

Then we get TWO WHOLE EPISODES(TWO) of Zuko and Sokka working together extremely well and the narrative itself showing how they complement and support each other positively.

Need I talk about the tent scene, yes its funny but also Sokka felt comfortable enough with Zuko at that point that he talked about his mom with Zuko.

The SWORDBENDING KAI

the fact that Zuko, Sokka and Suki become a little sub-trio during Ember Islands

the Search comic where they’re the only ones awake and they’re talking about family.

every zukka shipper knows this one, *ahem* “The prince and the fool, is that all you were, or were to one another?”

If we’re talking on Zutara terms, Zukka is equally as valid. Like yeah it’s funny as a dynamic but also, it’s not like this is completely out of nowhere. There’s stuff in there that backs up the ship rather well.

I think overall, Sokka saw Zuko as more of a person? The crystal caves thing put Zuko on Katara’s shit list, rightfully so, but it’s because Katara’s an idealist and sees the best in people. Unfortunately it goes the other way, she’s a lot more black and white about people than Sokka. Like if it were Sokka in the crystal caves and Zuko had pulled the mom story, Sokka would empathize but he’s not going to trust Zuko in any capacity or see him too differently unless he showed results.

Like he knows to some extent Zuko’s capable of good and even says that just being capable of good isn’t enough. He needs to show it. Zuko betraying them in the Ba Sing Se definitely would’ve pissed him off but like, to some extent, he’d have seen it coming. Sokka’s always been more nuanced on the morality thing than Katara and Aang. Which is why I think he more quickly was willing to give Zuko a chance at the Western Air Temple. Zuko was acting on his ability for good. Sokka being a skeptic actually helped them a lot(oh, Jet my boy).

Anyways Zukka rights

#zukka #zuko x sokka #fanon ships can be not serious and all but i get miffed when people act like zukka is some utter joke #coming here after weeks #but i'm gonna get killed for this #but uhhhhhhhhh zukka has more backing than jin and zuko #I'M NOT SAYING DON'T SHIP those two but #they got one episode and heterosexuality of the early 2000s demand for a love interest #IF that whole thing wasn't a thing i'm p sure jin and zuko wouldn't be a thing like at all #if sokka were a girl and boiling rock happened he'd be considered a love inerest for zuko #or vice versa if zuko was a girl and boiling rock happened everyone would expect them to end up together #but because they're both GUYS it's like 'hahah crackship'

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sevenfactorial · 1 year

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Any algorithm can be a black box algorithm if you're too lazy to read the documentation

#has this been done before? probably. is that gonna stop me? no #like on one hand haha cs joke #otoh this is the standard experience for the average computer user which is frightening #i might have absolutely no clue how to actually program 99.9999% of things on the internet (perhaps an underestimate the internet is BIG)#but i have a good grasp on a lot of basic ideas which is enough to break the illusion that its just all magic #and more over the illusion that anything is infallible #additionally (more tangential) im basically never scared of new technologies itself but im very frequently scared about how it'll be used #even things that I think are being used in the worst ways or are clearly ripe for abuse have potential good uses too in my experience #anyways those were some very serious tags for a shit post!#seven stories

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quaranmine · 9 months

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i think the whole cringe is dead, radical sincerity, depth of genuine emotion, earnest effort, and unironic love thing that tumblr has going on the past few years has transformed my outlook on things and changed me for the better. but it does mean that now the people i know irl will give me strange looks for being too sappy or too poetic or too dedicated or too excited about about something because they're still stuck in their "well i only like this ironically" phase. guess that's their problem tho not mine <3

#like on here i could spontaneously decide to write a poem about life & love & death & the dying peace lily on my parent's porch #and everybody would be like omg love it #or i could write essays analyzing mcrp. or dig up documents from 1910 and 1956 for fanfic research #and everyone is like 🤩#and in real life there's like a 90% chance anybody would just be like. that's good for you....you're a little weird though.....#or i will say something i was thinking about and people will get all cynic on me or something #SORRY for having a writer's/artist's/photographer's brain i guess and seeing the beauty in the world #idk idk so many people i meet irl are allergic to genuine expressions of emotion or artistry #there was a lady i saw on the train once who was reading a densely-written pocket sized planner...from 2013 #i think about her sometimes. was that her planner? were those good memories? was she trying to remember something? has it been a kind decade #and when i told my dad he couldn't at all see anything i saw in the moment. he just made jokes about her being crazy #but i liked the moment

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bamsara · 10 months

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You got drugged!!!??

Yeah it wasn't great lol

I spent most of that day in the medical tent (I went as soon as I felt *off*) and the health workers took great care of me and were super nice so it worked out in the end. First time going to a music festival was really an experience huh

#ive already typed out what happend in some chats so idk if i want it on tumblr fully but uh yeah #ill process that trauma later or not at all im pretty chill about it #more like it just sucked #but i was given food water medicine and air conditioning and a cot so i was taken care of for those hours #they also gave me a blanket #i was alone but the workers checked up on me consistantly and were super non judgemental and sweet and one held my hair back as i threw up #so those online things talking about trusting medics at festivals are no joke they were 100%#tw drug mention #tw vomit mention

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carnivalcarriondiscarded · 8 months

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hold on wait im unable to Scribble rn but i had this Lights Out interaction in my head and i need to put it somewhere before i forget. Okay so the scene is Howdy, Poppy, Frank, and Wally are all having quiet time in the post office. just vibing.

Howdy: i'm going to say something harsh

Poppy: that's alright. we understand <3

Frank: go ahead, it's better than bottling it up

Howdy:

Howdy, near tears: you're all so boring i think it's actually killing me

Poppy / Frank / Wally: ...

#he would Kill for one of barnaby's jokes #i imagine that when wally announces someone else has woken up howdy sprints through the darkness to the storage room #so so ready to have his Pal™️ back. someone with a sense of humor! someone he can really talk to! Enrichment for the Enclosure!#and then he gets there and its. its fucking eddie #he would break down sobbing...#he'd hold a completely uncalled for grudge <3 #wh lights out au #of course wally would take it literally and start trying to remember jokes barnaby taught him #of course its been so long that he doesnt remember any but hes Trying #at least his attempts confuse howdy enough to bring Some sort of... entertainment? can it be called that?#i think all three of em would try to either make jokes or deeper conversation with howdy #but hes just too fast and punny for them... they cant keep up or they cant relate i think #at least he and poppy can hold conversations about their large families #until they remember that hey! those families were fake memories! they never even existed!#and then they get really sad. wally tells a horribly butchered joke & frank tries to distract them with bug/plant facts

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junebugtwin · 9 months

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what if they were happy huh?? what then!!!!

#worm #parahumans #taylor hebert #skitter #brian laborn #grue #auggg they were just teenagers....should have been able to have a bunch of sibly dates an stuf....#i think they could have worked!#and also i think even in a no powers au those 2 could have possibly been friends it just would have taken two years #of them being in the same theater class that they are both there against their will at #taylor because its an elective without her bullies in it and brian because aisha is in it and he wanted to support her interests #and they really needed a stage hand come ON brian dont you LOVE your SISTER #they would stand silently and uncomfortably next 2 eachother while all the other drama nerds laugh and joke around eachother #thinking vaguely homophobic thoughts before eventually having extremely tame conversation every two days #also man i sure do hate drawing humans!!!!! poses and hands and faces!!! suffering!!!

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