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starlightomatic · 20 days

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Hi! I saw your tags on unlearning zionism and I was wondering if you've ever spoken about that/the kind of processing you had to do? I think it's... Interesting (for lack of a better word) how this is a sentiment I've seen reflected on pretty much all explicitly non-zionist Jewish blogs I follow, and how much that reflects both how closely entwined the concept and Jewishness has become and the fierce zionism in some people.

Obviously you're free to not discuss this at all, I also understand it's deeply personal. (I'm also not intending to make anyone change their mind, I believe this is a process Jewish people should be afforded on their own terms; I'm really just trying to understand where they're coming from). ♥️

The tl;dr was through talking to people, breaking my rigidities, and being lucky enough to encounter people who were kind, committed to dialogue, and not dismissive.

Longer version under the cut.

In winter 2019 I started dating a non-zionist, so a lot of the early stuff was through conversations with them.

Here are the specific things I recall through them:

They validated my experience of having felt traumatized by a negative experience I had at a protest. I felt very on the defense, and dismissed, as a zionist who wanted to be in leftist spaces and they validated that. I don't know if they were faking it or not, but it felt real, and being heard and not dismissed was super important to building trust and safety. Ultimately, building trust and safety was the most important thing.

They would sometimes patiently poke holes in things I said. Matter of factly, not confrontationally. For example, once I said I didn't like the separation wall dividing Israel proper from the West Bank but that it was necessary to prevent terrorist attacks, and they were like "no, that wasn't the wall, it was a change in PA policy." Another time I was like "I don't understand [West Bank] settlers, if they want to be pioneers and settle more land they should settle the Negev, where they're not encroaching on Palestinians!" and they explained to me more about the situation between Israel and Bedouins and how that actually still would involve encroaching/displacement.

They're very religious, and so they had the tools to poke into my "but just open a siddur! you can see all the references to returning to Jerusalem!" and discuss how that differed from and predated zionism the political ideology. They were able to break through my dismissiveness/derision of Chareidi antizionism and help me understand that it has legitimate religious underpinnings. (They're not Chareidi though.) They affirmed for me that they do feel connected to Eretz Yisrael and they love Eretz Yisrael.

They also explained that indigenous doesn't mean "from a place" but rather describes a relationship to colonialism. It still didn't totally click for me, and they and I have both since come to understand that there are a lot of definitions of indigenous, but what it did help me understand was that when people push back against "Jews are indigenous to EY" they're not always trying to say we're not from there.

In general it helped me break down what I thought an antizionist was. I thought that an antizionist was someone who didn't think Jews had a meaningful spiritual and communal connection to EY, thought we weren't from there, didn't give a shit if all Israeli Jews ended up pushed into the sea, hadn't opened a siddur to see references to return to Jerusalem, etc. I was also pretty rigid in my thinking and had collected a bunch of talking points, mostly that I'd co-created with other members of Jewbook (Jewish facebook). They helped me break out of that rigidity and once I'd done that I was open to learning more.

What happened next is that in fall 2019 is I did a fellowship that, while unrelated to the topic, put me in contact with other Jewish antizionists.

There was one person whose project we visited during an outing on the fellowship, who had discussed their project's antizionism. I was bothered by it and asked them one question: Did they feel Jews were connected to Eretz Yisrael? Did they feel connected to Eretz Yisrael? They responded yes of course.

Another person was my roommate on the fellowship, a leftist antizionist Syrian Jew. For a while one of my sticking points had been Mizrahi support of Zionism -- my thought process here had a few pieces. One, it seemed like white privilege to go against what most Israeli Jews of color believed and wanted. Another was that I felt that a lot of antizionists were dismissive of and racist towards Mizrahim and don't understand or care to understand their needs, history, or motivations (I do still think that's true). I also saw the expulsions from SWANA and the fact that Israel took in the SWANA Jewish refugees as proof of the necessity of Zionism.

So, I think that interacting with a Mizrahi antizionist both taught me expanded perspectives on the issue, and taught me that it's possible to be antizionist and still in solidarity with Mizrahim. I learned more nuance, for example around Israel's taking in of the refugees; I knew they had been mistreated, but I think it helped me connect the dots about what that meant about the entire Zionist project. That was also the year A-WA's album Bayti fi Rasi came out, and when I listened to Hana Mash Hu Al Yaman, I think that's when it clicked for me that Israel taking them in was not some sort of miracle or blessing in disguise but rather a last resort for people who did not want to go but had no choice. The main characters in that song wanted to stay in Yemen which is I think something that hadn't clicked for me before. That may not be the majority Mizrahi perspective but it is a perspective and one I hadn't previously considered.

By the same token, my partner at the time (the one I talked about at the beginning of the post) was raised as a Yiddish speaker, and we talked about Yiddish suppression during the early days of the state, as well as Ben Yehuda's disdain for Yiddish, and the general early Zionist disdain for Eastern European Jewry and "old world" Jewish culture. I was already aware of the New Jew concept (the idea that the old Jew was studious and unathletic, but we should put that behind us to become strong and agricultural). They helped me frame this in terms of antisemitism, connecting it to the vitriol Chassidim receive from other Jews, antisemitism directed towards Jewish men and the ways it's about gender and goyish and Jewish constructions of masculinity, anti-circ rhetoric that depends on the Hellenistic idea of the body as perfection, and Naomi Klein's analysis of the dislike of Yiddish by Ben Yehuda et al as sexist due to their association of it as "feminine" and therefore lesser.

We also talked about the ways that Zionism devalues diaspora culture. I definitely see this in the ways that eg Jewbook zionists used to see the Ashkenazi past in Eastern Europe as simply a time of pogroms and violence with nothing generative or valuable. It seems that zionism posits Israel and Israeli culture as the "right" or "completed" version of Judaism, and discourages us from mourning the loss of culture we experienced during the Holocaust and our subsequent exodus.

I think there is nuance here; there are Israeli Yiddishists, there are people practicing all kinds of diaspora Jewish cultures in Israel, etc. I think this is a case where antizionists take something real and over emphasize it to sound bigger and more harmful than it is. It's not Israel's fault that European Jewry got destroyed and it's not Israel's fault that A-WA's family had to leave Yemen. Sometimes it feels like antizionist project those harms onto Israel and Zionism.

At the same time though, there is a kernel of truth in the way at least that many North American zionists view Ashkenazi culture, thought I can't say how much of that is their Zionism and how much is the legacy of American assimilationism (even among religious Jews).

In any case, 2020 is when I started on my journey to deepen my understanding of old world Ashkenazi culture and history. I started with a day spent in the kids' section of the Yiddish Book Center using the beginner education resources there to start teaching myself Yiddish (I had a lot of familiarity because my extended family speaks it, but I didn't yet). About half a second later the pandemic started, and the chaos from that took all my attention for a while, but by the end of the summer I did a deep dive on my genealogy and spent two weeks tracking down documents and names and towns. At that point my family history was no longer abstract, and I started wondering more about what their lives were like in the old country.

I started watching Yiddish plays on zoom, including a production of the Dybbuk that I fell in love with. I got involved in the shtetlcore movement, which was a social media aesthetic fad that was basically the shtetl version of cottagecore. That spring the duolingo Yiddish course came out and I did a six month streak. The following winter I went to a virtual Yiddish conference. I went again two more times in person, and last summer I went to a week-long retreat where we were only allowed to speak Yiddish. I also do Yiddish drag and burlesque.

With this emphasis and knowledge it's hard for me to accept any framing that the only "right" place for Jews to live is Israel, or that diaspora cultures are lesser-than. At some point I encountered a belief among some zionists (though I don't think most believe this) that the Jewish people's differentiation into a myriad of different cultures was a bad thing, and constituted negatively picking up pieces of non-Jewish culture, and that it's good we're back together in Israel so we can become just one culture again. I obviously strongly disagree and I while I wish we had not had to experience the trauma of Khorban Beis Hamikdash and the ensuing displacement, I think the variety of different cultures we split into is beautiful.

Ironically, Israel is actually a place of great cultural exchange between those cultures. And yes, I do worry there will be cultural loss if everything blends together melting pot style, but that's more of a function of how societies work as opposed to official state policy. And I also think the Jewish subcultures will endure. Also the cultural loss is the fault of the Holocaust, the Soviet Union, and nationalist SWANA countries way way more than it is Israel's.

At this point I've come to view the idea that Zionism is detrimental to Jewish culture as weak, but I still am not a Zionist, and that's because the issue with Zionism is not that it harms Jews but that it harms Palestinians.

In early summer 2020, I, along with many other white people were called to reckon with the realities of white supremacy in the US, and our part in it, far more deeply than we had before. I learned to understand how racism functions as a pillar of the US's underpinnings, how white supremacy morphs to sustain itself, how I as an individual and Jews as a group were being used to maintain white supremacy. It fundamentally shifted how I view these topics and how I understand the way that states function.

It was impossible not to apply these concepts to Israel-Palestine. While it is obviously not a one-to-one comparison and I am frustrated with folks who seem to think it is, the concepts and analyses I learned in June 2020 were very elucidating in understanding Israel as a state, and how white supremacy and Jewish supremacy operate in Israel-Palestine.

One of those concepts is a deeper understanding of power dynamics and the oppressed-oppressor relationship. While that is not the be-all end-all, and it is still possible for an oppressed group to do harm and commit war crimes (as they did on Oct 7), it helped me understand the ways it makes no sense to view Palestinians and Israelis as equal parties or to view Palestinians as "the aggressor" as many zionists do. Riots are the language of the unheard and, yes, so is violence. Do not imagine that I excuse, condone, or celebrate Oct 7, but I understand why it happened.

These past seven months have forced a magnifying glass on Israel-Palestine and I have spent a lot of time thinking and talking about it. I have had many experiences and interactions that have illuminated different things to me, but I'll leave you with this one.

In 1956, a young man named Ro'i Rothberg was killed in Kibbutz Nahal Oz by Palestinians who lived in Gaza. Moshe Dayan came to give a eulogy and in it, he said:

Why should we declare their burning hatred for us? For eight years they have been sitting in the refugee camps in Gaza, and before their eyes we have been transforming the lands and the villages, where they and their fathers dwelt, into our estate.

Which is to say, he is stating point blank that the Nakba happened, and that Nahal Oz -- and in fact Israel -- is built on land that had been farmed and inhabited by Palestinians. The hasbarist canard of "we didn't steal their land" falls away when Moshe Dayan himself admits it, doesn't it?

He is acknowledging, also, that he understands why the people of Gaza are enraged, and why some of them express this rage as violence. He gives his solution: That the Israeli people, and especially the people of Nahal Oz, must always be on their guard. Must never become peaceniks and forget the rage of the people of Gaza. He says "we are a generation that settles the land and without the steel helmet and the cannon's maw, we will not be able to plant a tree and build a home."

His vision is of an Israel that is always militarized and militant, always on its guard, never to know peace. A people who will send their children to the army generation after generation after generation. Never to rest. Never to be able to lower their guard.

And that is awful! Not just for Palestinians, but for Israelis! Dayan lays out here that if the Nakba is not redressed, this will continue forever. He wants it to continue forever; I want the Nakba redressed.

He knew Nahal Oz would be attacked again. And he was right. On the morning of Simchat Torah of this year, 5784, twelve residents of the kibbutz were brutally murdered. A family that my family knows hid there in their bomb shelter for ten hours with their small children until they were rescued. The kibbutz was destroyed.

And Moshe Dayan knew it would happen, all the way back in 1956. And yet did nothing to change our trajectory. I cannot forgive him that.

In the months since the destruction of Nahal Oz, we have seen Gaza pummeled with a terrifying vengeance. For years I have encountered, albeit few and far between, people who have clammored for Gaza to be "turned into a parking lot." I was horrified by them, but did not take seriously the threat they represented. Yet now, their genocidal flowers have borne fruit. Gaza lies in ruins. 60% of the roads and infrastructure are destroyed. The descendants of refugees are refugees again, chased from their homes by the descendants of refugees. The live in tents, they scrabble for water and food. They live under threat of bombing, or being shot, or dying of illness and malnutrition.

And still Nahal Oz remains destroyed. The Jewish dead of Europe remain dead. The synagogues of Tunis and Algiers remain empty. Nothing is fixed, only more and more broken.

Is it to continue this way? Is this the world we want?

I say no. I say another world is possible. And on a quiet day, I can hear her breathing.

#loon.txt #the ending line is by arundhati roy

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quinton-reviews · 5 months

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Hi Quinton!! I have been a HUGE fan of your stuff since a friend sent me the Tobuscus Fallen Titans (I used to watch him back in high school and was like "huh, wonder what happened to him after those allegations") and I gotta say, it is REALLY FUNNY every time my fiancé and I watch the iCarly videos again, because when you cover Gibby's stunt double breaking his ribs, you cut to a clip of The Official Podcast. I used to play D&D with one of the main dudes from the podcast, so when he talks during that clip I do a goddamn double take literally every time.

Anyways, I remember an original Patreon stretch goal being a Fallen Titans on Homestuck! I was really big into Homestuck in my early 20s, and was wondering if that's still on the table at some point? If not that's fine, I understand plans change! I just love Fallen Titans lol, the Fred episode and the Neil Cicierega unFallen Titans are some of my favorite videos of yours!

That's a real funny story!

So here's the rundown on the Homestuck video. When I first started making long videos, they were actually inspired by the relationship I had with other YouTubers at the time. I used to watch, like, H3H3 and Filthy Frank, etc; and I'd always see people obsessed with the versions of creators from the past. Like, "Oh 2015 H3 was the best" and "Oh 2012 Frank was peak." So I had this idea that it would be crazy if H3 posted, like, a video he spent a decade on and you got a new video with 2015 H3 10 years on. (I don't watch H3 anymore ironically)

So the original idea for the "long video" format was that it would be cool if, throughout a long, analysis/review/recap video, you kept noticing someone get older. Maybe my months, maybe by years. That's why I always like to get a haircut when I start one of these videos. If you scrub through and you see my hair get longer and messier as it goes on I think that adds something magical you can't fake.

So... My pitch to the Homestuck video was that it would be funny to work on it just once per year. To record one segment, say "That's it for 12 months", and then come back around to it. And when I was making the iCarly and Victorious videos I actually recorded a few minutes of the video! I think it was two segments in total. But then I had a bunch of personal stuff happen and my work drive has been much lower, so any "back burner" video hasn't gotten much attention since then.

Now that the iCarly mini-series is done with, I want to focus on some short one-off videos I can make before April. But once that's done with, I would REALLY love to start work on a few more long-term projects which will take months or years to finish. I think returning to work on the Homestuck video, to at least get the first 20-30 minutes done, would be a great idea this summer.

Now, if you want to know my pitch for that video, here it is. The video is not a recap of the creative history of the franchise. I do not get into drama, community hell, lawsuits, or other YouTubers. My idea is this: you always hear about Homestuck as an outsider but you never hear about the actual content. Most franchises on Earth I know something about, even and especially if I've never been interested in them. I can tell you a bunch of facts about wrestling and MLP and the Fast and the Furious simply through cultural osmosis and having friends who are into those things.

I can't tell you the plot of Homestuck, who the characters are, what the themes are, nothing. I've known a lot of people who were into Homestuck but nothing about the series!

So I thought it would thus be funny to make a video about a bunch of people who know nothing about the series starting from the beginning and giving their reactions, even if it's been years since it all started. I call this part of the video the "Homestuck Book Club." So the next step is me picking out the members (who all have to have no history with it) and making sort of a podcast setup. We'd then read and record every six months or so, IDK.

This is why the video has been stuck in production hell! Everyone who wants to work on it and messages me about it already knows the franchise. I don't want spoilers, I don't want people writing for the video who get it already. I want to capture the "what the fuck is this" energy of three dudes just getting in the middle of it.

Also, I think that I really like the theme of the video capturing our lives as they go by, capturing us aging and changing. If you came back from the future and told me this video comes out in five years, I'd say great. If you told me it comes out in ten years, I'd say awesome. Until then, the latest edit will always be on Patreon, even if you have to dig a little.

#homestuck #quinton reviews #long videos

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rawliverandgoronspice · 9 months

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The Dondon Post (or: the bizarre TotK's side content counterpoints to its main quest's immuable binary morality)

Speaking of strange TotK Choices, I think I have one singe post left in me about this game; and it's about the Dondon quest, "The Beast and the Princess".

(and about other stuff too, you'll see, we'll get to them)

More specifically: about how... strange of a thematic point it feebly attemps to make in the larger context of the storyline, and how it seems to be yet another mark of a world that, perhaps, once tried to be more morally complex that it ended up becoming.

Buckle up: it's a long one, and it gets pretty conceptual.

(good gem boys notwhistanding)

The Princess and the Beast

So, a couple of things about the setup. We are investigating potential Princess sightings; but at this point, either because we have already completed a bunch and know the general gib, because we have met a couple of wild Fake Zelda shenanigans, or through the simple fact that we are completing a side quest, we know there's a good chance it won't lead to an actual Zelda information. So when we ask Penn about what is going on and he replies with the ominous "we saw the Princess riding some kind of beast --a frightening one with huge, brutal tusks-- that the princess seemed to control", we get Ideas. Then the sidequest is registered: "The Princess and the Beast".

So. You know me. And if you don't know me, here's what you should know: my brain immediately flared up with the thought there was no way in hell this wasn't some kind of wink towards Ganondorf's renowned boarish beast form, especially given tusks were given so much focus.

My first assumption was: that's a miniboss right? I will get to fight some small boar-like thing that Fake Zelda rides sometimes. Cool! I didn't hold too hard onto my hope that the relationship of Zelda and/or Ganondorf to the natural world, or to each other would be expanded upon, since I had already been burned before, but my interest was piqued.

You have to understand how starved I was for any hint of complexity or mystery or ambiguity at this point. I was extremely eager for the game to throw anything at me that would surprise me, enlighten something pre-established, make the exploration lead to a meaningful discovery or deepening of characters, world or themes (and not just slightly cooler loot, or a bossfight, or a puzzle devoid of emotional context --cohesion and depth is what motivates my play sessions, especially in an open world game that I want to believe is worth losing oneself into). This was about the most intriguing task on my to do list at the moment, and so I plunged in immediately.

After really REALLY misunderstanding what I was supposed to do (I stalked every corner of every forest surrounding the tropical area at night or during blood moons in hope to see something --which was very much the wrong call), I arrived to the other stable, then was guided to the other side of the river where Cima awaits and explains that these creatures are actually a new species discovered by Zelda; that they are gentle and kind and not at all scary ("Dondons aren't beastly, they're adorable!"), and even somehow digest luminous stones into gemstones. They like the company of people and liked Zelda in particular.

I was... I felt two different ways about this conclusion, and I think it's worth to explore both: disappointment and some sort of... "huh!" Hard to describe this emotion otherwise.

I'll get the disappointment out of the way first, because it's the least interesting of the two. While I think the little emotional arc I was taken on was not devoid of interest --I was indeed taken on by the rumor and intrigued by its implications-- I wanted, well. A little bit more. And if the creatures were to be Zelda's pet project, I would have loved for them to be actually terrifying and feisty, and for her to develop an interest for these creatures in particular regardless. It could have been very interesting characterization that veered out of the perfect princess loving the perfect world floundering around her, always bringing her clear, practical benefits from the interaction.

(I have made another post that speaks of my discomfort that Zelda does everything everywhere and everyone loves her for it --I get what they were trying to go for, but it either lacks conflict for me to buy into that dynamic at the scale of several regions, or they went on too hard for my taste, as she is, at once and in the span of a couple of years at most: a schoolteacher, a gardener, an animal researcher, a scholar, a traveler, a military expert, a knower of landscape, a painter, a horse rider, an infrastructure planner, a [...] princess --at some point it begins to sound made up, "Little Father of the people"-esque to rattle the hornet's nest a little bit, especially if it's not shown as either a clearly godly characteristic or, even more necessary imo, a negative trait; another expression of her killing herself at work to compensate for a perceived flaw she's trying to earn forgiveness for, like she did in BotW. But that's another topic, and the clumsiness of her character arc has been well threaded by basically everybody disappointed in the story already.)

But, if I decide to be a little graceful, I'd like to explore my "huh!" emotion, and take it apart a little bit.

I think there's something interesting to have such strong parallels to setting up a story about the relationship between Zelda and Ganondorf ("The Princess and the Beast", like come on guys that's the conflict of over half the series), or at least Zelda and the concept of Evil since Ganondorf pretty much represents it in this game, and then have it go: actually, there was a horrible monster that everyone was afraid of, but Zelda was wise and patient enough to approach it and realize its potential beyond the tusks, what beauty can be brought upon the world if one makes the effort to look for what exists underneath. It says something a bit deeper about the world and about Zelda in particular. It intrigues, at the very least.

Is it a reach? Probably! Is my first interpretation that the quest is actually about "eww you thought Zelda would be interested in *disgusting vile monsters* and not sweet and gentle and human-loving animals that literally shit jewlery when cared for? jokes on you, she never would feel any ounce of sympathy for anything that isn't Good and Deserving" uhhh definitively truer? Probably! But I also don't want to dismiss that the quest made me think about it. If I had completed it earlier, I might have even felt like it was (very clumsy, not gonna lie) setup about the main conflict.

But that's also a good segway into my next section: the arbitrary limitations between the animal and the creature, the monstrous and the human.

And the fact that TotK points directly at it.

A Monstrous Collection

(these two guys are just. doing So Much and being So Valid despite being massive weirdos the game wants us to be slightly repelled by. I, for one, respect the Monster kinning grind and their general Twilight Princess energy.)

So. These two guys. There is so much to say about these two guys. I don't think I have seen the Trans Perspective on Kolton on tumblr, and I would love to get it because. I feel like it's a worthwhile discussion (just, how gender and identity is handled in TotK overall, I feel like it's a very complicated conversation and I have not seen super deep dives and I'd be very interested in hearing more).

Beyond the throughline of voluntary consumption of magical objects to turn into less human creatures being a weirdly prevalent plot point in TotK (Zelda, Kolton and Ganondorf casually transing their entire species for funsies --Ganondorf being particularly relentless with Fake Zelda, mummy/phantom shenanigans, Demon King and then literal dragon), I want to focus on Kilton a little bit.

Kilton is genuinely the only NPC in the game willing to acknowledge the inherent personhood that monsters have (the game does showcase them picking up fruits, mourning their boss if you kill them, being cutesy and happy to identify you as one of their own if you wear the appropriate mask --and that's not even getting into creatures like the Lynels, who seem to really edge on the limit of being a conscious creature with a system of honor and property and many other things). He does encourage us to think of monsters as more than a species whose only worth lie in how fun it is to eradicate them; even more, gameplay-wise, he does give us a reason to interact with them in other ways than just our sword with his museum. He does encourage us to see that beauty for ourselves and then select what we think is coolest/most intimidating/cutest/eight billion ganondorfs in every pose imaginable

The fact that Ganondorf is considered a monster was a great win for this feature in particular, and is very funny, but it's also... A lot, if we dig at it a little more than warranted. Beyond all of the Implications and all of the things of representation and political conflict and values already discussed ad nauseum: when did he stop being considered a human? What does that mean about the flimsiness of what is a monster and what is a creature and what is an animal and what is a person and what is even a hylian, as sheikahs got absorbed into the definition in this game? Especially with the stones taken into account, how profound changes in nature are a huge part of the plot (even when reversed and ultimately pretty meaningless): how easy it is, to make that slip? Who decides when that slip has been made? What is acceptable to hurt without remorse? What is beautiful and worth preserving? What is both at once? What is neither?

And again, in a classic Zelda conundrum (appreciative(?)): who the fuck gets to decide that, when, and why?

The Bargainers and the Horned God

(major shoutout to these big guys for being the sole and only providers of actual depth to the Depths, and for looking cool as heck)

So. Let's move the conversation to the Depths.

Conceptually: what an interesting idea!! And so well executed (initially)!! A mirror world to the surface, dark and hushed and full of unknown creatures; haunted by gloom and sickness and the unknown. Not a first in the series, far from it: from ALTTP to ALBW, and even taking the Twilight world of TP into account, this idea of a Dark World acting as a deforming mirror to Hyrule and revealing many interesting aspects as we get to explore both is always a very interesting take on corruption and envy and fear/weakness and/or some sense of darkness looming under the perfect exterior. I'd argue even the Lens of Truth of both OoT and MM's serve a similar function, both gameplay-wise, but also in terms of theme: not everything is as it seems. In the world of Light, darkness must hide itself; but darkness also possess its own beauty, its own hardships, and will stare back at you without blinking if you go seek for it. It's, in my opinion, one of the series' most compelling conversation about the cyclical nature of fate, the coldness of godhood, and how small one feels in the face of a universe that is more complicated than it initially appears --which is why Courage must be invoked to push forward regardless.

The Depth's otherworldly ambiance is truy wonderful, whether in the plays of light and shadows, the creatures native to the environment we meet there (wish we met more!), the soundtrack, the strange aquatic/primordial plants, the fact that the dragons visit this place and connect them to the outside --invoking ideas of balance and interconnectivity, that the tree branches look like veins. The coliseums, the mines, the zonai facilities and the prisons do seem to poke at many things about what the relationship to the past was to this place; was it ever truly a place? Did it look like this back then? Why was it buried? Why did it come back? But in spite of it all, I think the Depths struggle overall to question or reveal anything about the surface that we couldn't already assume going in (that the only thing congealing there is Ganondorf's gloom, his lonely domain of Wrongness, only shared by Kohga and the yiga --the only naysayers of Goodness and Light, contemptful and blinded by self-importance and rage). The zonite is mined by gloomy monsters --why, what for?-- so any notion of greed and over-expansion that could have been associated to the zonai is now reabsorbed into Ganondorf's general evilness, since it needs to be reminded he is everything and anything bad with the world: darkness and conquest and greed and capitalism and pollution and bad weather and sickness and darkness and violence and war and death and betrayal and fakeness and lies and patriarchy and exploitation. No matter that he never does a single thing with zonite in the game; rather set up elements of conflict that never go anywhere than, for a second, let the foundations of absolute goodness and absolute evil risk becoming shaky --and you coming to this unwelcoming dark place that hates you, killing the miners and taking their resources for yourself is, on the other holy, royal fur-covered hand, utterly legitimate. The resources were once Rauru's after all, were they not?

And this is what I would say, except... except for the dead. The fallen warriors, the poes, and, most important of all: the Bargainer statues.

The Bargainers are, in-universe, godly creatures guiding the fallen to a place of final respite, regardless of moral alignment. The poes are all, fundamentally, cleansed of judgement: they are lost souls whose past reality does not matter anymore, and all deserve that peace regardless. In spite of the heavy paradise/hell parallels drawn in that game, with Rauru/Zelda/Sonia as the guardians of Light where Ganondorf gets to become a Devil-like figure, it is confirmed here that no such thing exists when you actually die in this universe.

It almost feels as if the fabric of Hyrule itself, in a brief moment that refuses to elaborate on its own point, goes: "yeah, whatever is happening here between Light and Darkness, it doesn't actually matter. This conflict is futile and doesn't understand the real nature of being alive, dead, a god, a person, a monster, an animal. The truth lies elsewhere --but you will never be told what it is."

It's: wild.

One of the game's most striking traits of narrative brilliance in my opinion --to the point where I'm wondering whether it's there on purpose or was effectively an oversight since every other aspect of reality breaks its own back trying to reassure us that everything is at its correct place, receiving the appropriate treatment by the universe in a way that is never to be questioned.

Another case of that ambiguity being allowed to exist without being immediately crushed and repressed is the case of the Horned God (interesting parallel to Ganon's actual horns that he develops in this game in case the hellish parallels weren't clear enough already): a demon Hylia sealed into stone and pushed far from humans in a clear case of questionable behavior since, while the Horned God isn't exactly nice, does propose a different philosophy you are not punished for exploring; and yet, a proposal that has seen itself persecuted in a very real sense by the goddess of absolute goodness, patron of hylians, Zelda, and many more. Pushed away from view.

Interesting.

And Yet, Light Must Prevail

Okay, so, after all of this, we're left to ask... What the fuck is up with morality in Tears of the Kingdom?!

What do we trust? These half-breaths in the occasional sidequests that Light and Darkness is just the wrong frame of reference, that nature cannot be this simple, is ever-shifting and can be recalled or reaffirmed by arbitrary forces, and might even not matter at all in the universe's fabric, despite having so much of its lore soaking in the dychotomy? Or... everything else about the game, this insistence that Good must not only be assumed as whatever tradition the kingdom has passed down for thousands upon thousands of years, but remain utterly unquestioned the entire time? That Bad is without cause, graceless and unworthy of investment?

Are the Bargainer's statues the only thing worth listening to, that morality is a fable the living tells themselves --or should we be moved when Darkness destroys Light, when Light suffers to preserve itself and the world --but not when the Other is rightfully slain?

Was Kilton correct to see beauty in the monstrous? Was Kolton onto something when he let go of his previous form because there is no clear distinction between what should receive an arrow to the face and what shouldn't? Or should we rather focus on Zelda losing her human form as a beautiful and tragic sacrifice --but something that never actually altered her nature as a hylian, the descendant of a lineage of Good Kings meant to rule forever?

Is the Dondon good because it always was, or was it worth Zelda's love in spite of the fear it initially provoked?

Either way, at the end of the game, evil is slain. Ganondorf is, not killed, but --like his angry BotW boar counterpart-- destroyed, as monsters tend to be. He explodes over the lands of Hyrule, freed from Darkness; freed from everything wrong, since the foreign menace that embodied it all was wiped out in one fateful sweep of a holy blade cradled in sacrificial love. Nothing wrong remains. The Sages reaffirm their vows to protect the kingdom forward, and a very human --hylian-- Zelda smiles: Hyrule now forever and ever basked in eternal Light.

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yuikomorii · 7 months

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// I’m making this post, as a result of seeing way too much hate and misinfo regarding every character. Nobody stops anyone from voicing their opinion but the need to degrade a character, while providing BAD reasons or stating incorrect/out-of-context facts about them only for the sake of internet validation, is such a loser move.

We’re all in this fandom to have fun and even if you have something negative to say about a character you don’t like, keep it to yourself or in private with your friends.

Ayato:

“I don’t like Ayato, he’s overrated”, omg you’re just sooo different! Definitely not like other girls/guys!

Everyone is allowed to dislike whatever they want but if Ayato is your least/one of your least favorite DL characters, then your opinion ISN’T valid. This is a franchise full of abusive characters and he’s literally the most heroic love interest. Why would you hate the hero…?

“He’s dumb and annoying”, says the person who spends their time insulting FICTIONAL characters. 1) Japanese fans like dumb characters, since they come off as endearing; 2) Ayato outdid everyone throughout the routes.

He did more good than all of his brothers and saying that X, Y or Z deserves the main role more, is fake fan behavior because at this point you’re just setting up your favs.

Kanato:

No, you’re not cool for calling him ugly. It’s okay if you’re not into that type of characters but his design is not bad at all.

“He had no development”, he does in CL. It’s not major but it can still be visible.

The whole Teddy thing might be annoying to some of you, but his fans get why he acts that way. Let’s not forget that he is a victim of neglect.

Yes, he was sexually exploited too. Don’t forget this x2.

Laito:

“I hate Laito so much, he was so cruel in HDB 😢”; stop living in the past and move on already.

His development shouldn’t be overlooked only because your opinion about him was formed on something that came out more than 10 years ago.

He’s still the most fascinating DL character and I get that he might make some of you feel uncomfortable but don’t project your triggers on a character that’s merely made after a trope.

Shu:

No, it’s not Shu’s fault for the way Reiji acted. Envy is never a good reason to hurt someone.

“Shu roasts the heroine the most!”, I get that it’s rude but his insults are actually funny?? A bunch of people will like him for being brutally honest or a jerk because it’s literally a game for players with masochistic fantasies. They WANT to be roasted by good-looking men. That’s the point.

“Shu is lazy and stupid, he’s the only one who failed his school year”, genuine question: If you were an immortal creature that doesn’t need food or sleep to survive, would you still care about grades? Besides, he’s really smart.

“Shu doesn’t care about Yuma, he just feels guilty”, in LE he sacrificed himself for him and reincarnated merely because he wished to meet Yuma again and get on well with him in another life—

Reiji:

“He hurt Shu and Yuma”, well yeah but he was shown plenty of times regretting it and trying to fix things. Stop reminding this to Reiji stans because that conflict is already closed.

“He is so mean in other routes”, obviously?? If you don’t teach him how to love, he won’t suddenly act nice towards anyone.

Without him Yui would fail her tests and the Sakamaki household would be in chaos.

Subaru:

“W-What do you mean baby Tsundere is not soft innocent virgin boy? 🥺”; he has never been like that, that’s how YOU perceived him. Stop acting so shocked every time Subaru does something bad because he’s still a vampire after all??

Also, why are so many people reducing his character to Kou and/or Yui—? He’s much more than that and has his own interests, struggles, likes, dislikes, and so on.

“He’s irrelevant”; Diabolik Lovers has 13 love interests, they can’t make everyone extremely important to the general plot. Just enjoy a character as it is, it’s not that hard.

Ruki:

The cat jokes were funny when the Meow Meow Vampire art came out but MOVE ON. I hate that scene and Ruki was in the wrong but come on now, that’s not even the worst thing he has done and MB happened in 2013.

I understand not liking Ruki as a person, because he’s mostly not a good one, but this doesn’t mean he’s not a good character.

“Ruki deserved what happened to him in the past because he was cruel towards everyone”; while I agree that Karma hit him, I wouldn’t say any child really deserves to go through that. He was just a spoiled brat, who most likely wasn’t taught by his parents about modesty or kindness.

Kou:

“He was so cruel in MB 😣”, and HE HAD DEVELOPMENT! He’s not the same anymore, nobody is.

“He overreacts”, sometimes he’s not in the wrong and has all rights to be angry.

Kou isn’t afraid of going against Ruki, even if he’s the brother he admires the most, as long as he knows that what Ruki is doing isn’t good.

Yuma:

“He beat Yui up in the MB bad ending!😡😡”, it’s a bad ending for a reason, lol.

Pretty reminder that Yuma always tries to help others with Kou and Azusa, and was even willing to save the ghouls in LE.

“Yuma doesn’t care about Shu”, did we play the same game or…?

Azusa:

“Azusa is so horrible, he threw Teddy in the fire!”; and he only did it to save Yui, it was not intentional.

While not all his actions are good, keep in mind that he never means any harm and is overall such a sweet guy.

“He is too clingy”; I know that might not be everyone’s cup of tea but is it really worth hating a character just for wanting affection?

The Tsukinamis and Kino:

“They were too easy to defeat in DF!”; Dark Fate wasn’t entirely about them to begin with. Most routes focused on the boys’ internal struggles with their trauma and how to move past it.

“Kino is sometimes mean for the sake of being mean”; it’s almost as if he’s the ✨villain✨

It’s dumb questioning the morals of characters supposed to have an antagonistic role.

“Kino hurt Ayato in LE”; out of all characters who have wronged Ayato, at least Kino felt bad and wanted to apologize.

Yui:

“She’s dumb and ugly”; Japanese fans literally love her for being an idiot because it wouldn’t be fun to see the heroine being the best at everything or not making mistakes at all. Plus, her design is definitely not ugly.

Stop creating your own version of Yui in your head and ending up disappointed when she doesn’t act the way you expect her to. No, Yui is not OOC for liking being bitten, having a low learning ability or saying things she shouldn’t in the wrong moments. Nobody is perfect and everyone has their own kinks and flaws.

“She’s too innocent”; she’s not?? If you really want to see her thirsty, go play Ayato’s routes, especially the heaven scenarios.

“She’s weak”, she’s the opposite. Yui is one of the most mentally strong DL characters.

I can’t understand people who hate on heroines when they’re present in all routes and are the most positive characters.

#diabolik lovers #yui komori #ayato sakamaki #kanato sakamaki #laito sakamaki #shu sakamaki #reiji sakamaki #subaru sakamaki #ruki mukami #kou mukami #yuma mukami #azusa mukami #carla tsukinami #shin tsukinami #kino #dialovers #admin

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chemical-killjoy · 7 months

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Eternally Yours

Chris Motionless x Female Reader

Warnings: smut

Word count: 4.4k O_O

Summary: Basically a fanfic of the eternally yours music video, if the reader was the girl in the video

Author's Note: I know I have a bunch of asks, and I'm getting to them, I swear, but I finally finished this after like, 4 months... so... ta da?

It was tough watching the love of your life, your best friend, getting it on with someone you hate. But you soothed yourself with the fact that it was all for the cameras.

Motionless in White were shooting the music video for their new song 'eternally yours', and being his best friend, Chris jumped to have you on the project. You were one of the best light technicians after all... Plus it was fun to work with you. Chris wouldn't admit it, but he missed you.

And while working with Chris was always fun, having a tall, skinny, blonde model (who thought she was God's gift to the world) making out with him... it didn't exactly help your self esteem. He was perfect. So was she. Why would he ever like you? He'd never go for someone like you when he could have Chloe.

Speak of the devil, you thought, as Chloe sauntered up to you.

“Y/N, I need my skinny mocha.” She demanded.

“I do lights?” You said, frustrated and waiting for her to understand.

“And I'm needed on camera. Hurry up.” The blonde walked away before you could argue.

You rolled your eyes and mentally cursed her. Then you heard a thump and a scream.

“No! My ankle!!” Chloe was on the floor, screaming over a mildly twisted ankle and performing the tantrum of her life. “I can't do this stupid job, I deserve better!”

And that was the fastest working karma you'd ever seen... It also came back to bite you on the ass.

“What?! Me? There's no way. I am NOT that pretty, or seductive, I can't do it!” You begged.

“Come on Y/N, please. There's no one else to do it, and you look perfect for the part! Please, we need this video shot by the end of the day, you know that. Plus, there's no one I'd be more comfortable with.” Chris begged you to step in.

“I don't know.”

Chris smiled at you with pleading eyes and you knew you were done.

“Fine. But I'm going to need hair and makeup.”

You looked in the mirror. The reflection you saw, you hated. It wasn't some succubus, it was gross. You hated seeing yourself in such a small outfit. You were too insecure, what were you thinking agreeing to this?! Plus, you'd have to actually kiss Chris. While you desperately wanted to, did you really want it to all be fake? What if it makes things awkward? You were in the midst of a mental spiral when you heard and knocking on the door and a familiar voice.

“Y/N, you decent?” Chris asked.

“Um, yeah. You can come in.”

Chris slowly opened the door, and his eyes widened when he saw you. You hugged your stomach nervously.

Chris made a kind of sputtering noise before mumbling “wow”, which you weren't supposed to hear. The word make your lips turn up.

“Uh, Y/N, you look spectacular.” He said, standing next to you in the mirror, and admiring you. You looked away, blushing.

“No, I don't. You have to say that. You're my friend.”

“Friend...” Chris said softly. “No, I don't have to say that. You truly look phenomenal. Dare I say, sexy.” Chris brushed some hair over your shoulder, turning to face you. Right then, the buzzer rang, summoning you to the set.

You cleared your throat.

You were about to walk out the door when you turned back to Chris.

“Can you promise me something?”

“Anything,” he said, without missing a beat.

“This won't change our friendship right? I just don't want things to be weird.”

A voice called from down the hall, asking you to hurry up.

You walked away.

It took a bit, but after some friendly cat-calls and whistles from the crew, you had the confidence to try to be seductive. You felt a little awkward, walking around the red and blue lighting and just looking around dramatically, but you trusted the director.

Next, you got in the coffin. With David, the director, shouting orders, you got into the part and began to have fun with it, playing model. Your confidence grew and your performance got better and better, until David decided enough was enough.

“Alright, Chris, get in there.”

Suddenly the anxiety returned.

You watched Chris in his suit walk around mysteriously in the lights and tried not to allow a shiver to go through you when he looked down at your lips and removed his glove.

“Y/N, you're the woman, you're not supposed to be so hard.”

The crew chuckled and you rolled your eyes, embarrassed that your anxiety was so obvious.

“Hey, you OK with this?” Chris whispered.

“Ye-yes. Yeah. Just. Out of my comfort zone.” You replied, before raising your voice. “Any directions, boss-man?”

“Just, act like you're a complete whore. You would die to touch him, you need him like oxygen. You're excited, get a little wiggle going on, yes?”

Mentally screaming at him, you nodded your head, and looked at Chris with daggers in your eyes. He couldn't hold in the laugh. Suddenly you were both laughing so hard you nearly fell back into the coffin, and Chris nearly fell in on top of you, making you laugh so hard your eyes watered.

“Oh come on, now your make up is all crinkled, everybody, take five! Y/N, go to hair and make up, and Chris... never mind.” David trailed off, you and Chris still giggling as he helped you out of the coffin. You fumbled a little in the stilettos, but Chris held you around your waist til you got your balance.

“Let's go.”

“David was right, you know,” Chris said, words you thought you'd never hear as you walked to hair and make up.

You raised your eyebrows.

“Not like that! I mean, you just seemed super tense, stiff.” You chuckled at the innuendo. “C'mon Y/N, I'm serious. Am I doing something wrong? I don't want to make you uncomfortable or anything, OK? So just tell me.”

“... I- complete honesty?”

“Always, you know that.”

“I'm scared... I'm scared that if we kiss you'll be disgusted by me or it'll change our friendship and I'll lose you. I don't want to kiss you for the first time in front of cameras and people—I mean, I don't want to kiss anyone for the first time in front of cameras—I mean, your opinion matters to me, and-”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Y/N. Breathe. Yeah?” Chris said, stopping walking to grab you by the shoulders and look you in the eye with a half smile that made you melt. “Would it help if, uh,” Chris looked to the side and nervously rubbed his hands. “If we kiss now, before cameras or anything. You can tell me what you like and what you don't so I don't fuck up,” he said before adding “It'd look better on camera if we're actually enjoying it, right?”.

You bit your lip and stepped closer. Chris brushed your hair behind your head and you couldn't help but turn into his hand a bit as he did, before looking up to his dark brown eyes. He stepped in til your bodies were nearly against each other, and lent down to softly brush your lips with his. You felt your breath catch in your throat as he snaked an arm around your waist, pulling you closer. You looped your arms around his neck and pressed your lips hard against him. The kiss was fire, and within moments you felt Chris's tongue against your lips, asking for entrance. You stood frozen in time, exploring each other as much as you dared before eventually breaking away for air.

You both stood there, entangled and breathing hard, looking away with small smiles.

“Um, so yeah, if you just do that it'll be fine.” You said, with a breathy voice and a little laugh. Chris joined in, and to your dismay, pulled away.

“Yeah, yeah definitely like that.” He said with a wink, before continuing the walk to hair and make up with his hands in his pockets. You stood still for a moment, hand to your lips, before walking fast to catch up.

You re-filmed the start of the shot after talking with Chris about what you were comfortable with (“well, we're in character, right? Just go for what feels right, and if I'm uncomfortable I'll stop you. Same goes for you.” to which Chris replied “You better let me know, I never want to hurt you.”). Chris walked up to you, and took his glove off. The look in his eye sent a shiver down your spine as you arched your back and lent across the coffin, convincing yourself you were leaning into the part and not Chris. But instead of kissing you, Chris brushed the hair from your face, and placed his head against yours, shutting his eyes. The tension was too much for you to bear as he lent down and rubbed his face against yours, kissing you without doing so, breath against your neck sparking electricity through your veins. You returned the motion, nuzzling into the man. But where Chris's hand had been around the back of your neck, he shifted his hands to be around your throat, lifting you up for better access to surprise you with a fierce, open-mouthed kiss.

It was like the man was trying to torture you. Or ruin you in the best way. You lent further into the kiss, deepening it.

“And cut! Perfect, we'll get all the kissing done at the same time to not waste the lipstick, yeah?” David said, ruining everything.

Chris helped you out of the coffin and you prayed you wouldn't slip and suffer the same fate and Chloe (not that you'd let a sprained ankle stop you now), and David guided you both to an empty area with a few blue lights around.

“OK. Now. I want you guys to make out. Just go for it. Chris, I want you to ravish her.” David directed.

At this point, you looked at Chris and just shrugged. He laughed and pulled you flush against him by the waist, both of you with cheeky grins.

“You ready to start filming?” Chris asked, an air of mischief in his voice.

Before David even said yes, Chris's lips were on yours again. It started a little sloppy and silly, but turned slower and more passionate fast, your hands cupping Chris' cheek, his arms around you only drawing you in closer, impossibly so. Chris broke the kiss and whispered in your ear.

“I'm going to do something, if you don't like it, just stop me, OK?” he spoke in a low whisper, and you didn't have to pretend to be turned on.

“I trust you.” You breathed back.

Then suddenly Chris was kissing your neck, then your chest. You arched your back to grant him better access, and stroked his neck as he sucked on the soft skin of your collarbone. It was all you could do to hold back a moan. When he pulled away and looked up at you, you could have died. Suddenly you felt too tense to kiss him again, scared you'd convey how much you need him, as Y/N, not the character in the music video. You turned your away, and then it was time to touch up your lipstick and a break before once more getting in the coffin.

You were drinking icy water and trying to calm yourself down from the growing heat and anxiety within you. You tried to compose yourself. You didn't want to be a creep, it's not exactly like he's consenting to you getting off from his acting. And that's all it was. Acting. Just... really convincing. You tried to reason with yourself and prepare yourself for the sex scene.

There was another knock on the dressing room door.

“Come in.”

Chris walked in, immaculate in his suit, but a concerned look in his dark eyes.

“What happened?”

“What do you mean?” You responded, feigning innocence.

“Did I do something wrong? I thought everything was OK. Did I cross a line? You know you can always stop me Y/N, I know you've been through shit and I don't want to ever hurt you, I'm really sor-”

“Chris, Chris, it's fine. You didn't cross a line or anything. I just. Um. Fuck,” you looked away, a blush spreading across your face. “I- Look, you did nothing wrong, OK? You did everything right. Maybe too right, if you get what I mean? I guess I just kinda froze up. But trust me, you didn't do anything wrong. You're... perfect.” You looked back up at Chris with imploring eyes, only to be met with a cocky smirk.

“Too right, huh? Man's got moves.” He laughed to himself, and you rolled your eyes with a smile.

“Don't get all proud of yourself,” you said and walked past. “Show time.”

Once you two opened the coffin and climbed in, it was up to you.

“I have one direction. Make me feel something. Action!” David boomed.

You started simple, Chris climbing on top of you, but you decided to take control. You lent back and put one heeled foot on Chris's chest, pushing him down slowly. He looked up at you with such an intense lust you could have moaned from that alone. You kissed for a moment before sitting up and helping Chris to take his jacket off. His eyes never left yours, piercing into your soul. The world didn't matter; nothing was real but this moment.

The pair of you moved in time, shifting seductively as Chris whispered to you, hand in your hair.

“Would it be too far if I,” he slid his hand across your face, and you understood his gesture. When his thumb slipped into your mouth, you sucked, fully getting into it. You were determined to make him as desperate as you were. He held both sides of your face and was about to kiss you, but you wrapped your arms around his wrists and tried to pull him down. But Chris was not one to obey. He pulled his hands away and brushed some hair out of your face, before pulling you up against him. Chris scooped you up, one hand cradling your neck delicately, the other gripping your ass for stability and control. You felt immediately how badly Chris wanted this when he grinded into you. The thin fabric of your costume and his suit was not enough to conceal his arousal. You gasped and grinded back as Chris lent in for a kiss that felt like fire. He guided you down into the coffin, as you felt his tongue slip past your lips. After just a moment of kissing, Chris sat up, both of you coming up for air, and double checking consent.

But you just grabbed his shirt and pulled him down. He kissed you lips, your neck, down your chest, even kissing your thigh, then lifting your leg up to caress as he kissed you deeply and passionately, grinding occasionally and trying to control himself. After a few more kisses, you broke apart.

“Perfection! Now we just need to close the lid.” David stated.

“I'm sorry, what?” you asked.

“We're going to close the lid. Well, Chris is. Make it extra dramatic, that's the ending of the video. Two lovers in their final bed.”

Normally you'd fight this, as the idea of being shut in a coffin—even for a moment in a music video—gave you anxiety, but in your current state, the idea made a shiver go through your spine.

The last scene was shot, you snuggled into Chris as he looked up into the camera and closed the door. For just a few moments, you remained just like that. Head on Chris's shoulder and hand on his chest, his arm around you and hand on your ass. You looked up at him and though you couldn't see it, he was looking down at you too.

Chris cleared his throat and tried to find something to say.

“Wow.” He stated, eloquently. You laughed quietly, knowing the camera was still filming.

Before you could lose your nerve, you reached your hand up to find his lips. You heard Chris breathing harder as your fingers found his lips. You just started to shuffle closer when you heard a voice.

“That's a wrap for tonight guys. Everyone fuck off home, it's going to be another big day tomorrow.” David said, walking off and dismissing the crew. The crew (most of whom your were friends with) thought it would be funny to leave you both in there rather than helping you out. Which meant you had to untangle yourselves and find a way out.

Someone tapped the coffin twice.

“See you tomorrow guys!” the voice was Ricky. Then, quieter, “Don't have too much fun.” You could feel the smirk through the coffin.

“Motherfucker!” Chris yelled, and only get a distant laughter in response.

You heard nothing but Chris' heartbeat and your head rested on his chest.

For a second, you just looked up at Chris, unsure what to do. You wanted to tell him, but you were scared. You wanted to kiss him, but what if he freaked out, what if it was only for the video, and he was just another actor? But could you live with yourself if you didn't take the chance? Before you could do anything, Chris tried to pull his arm out from under you to push up on the lid of the coffin, and in doing so ended up half on top of you. Chris breathed in sharply as you felt what was most definitely not his leg pressing on yours.

“Ah, sorry, I just, uh, you know,” Chris laughed nervously before looking into your eyes, “You were too good too.” He meant to joke, but his emotions leaked out through the words.

“Trust me, if I was a man, I'd be apologising for the same thing,” you laughed, trying to ease into talking again, and letting Chris know it was all OK. “I mean, when you pulled me in and like, thrust into me? Fuck, I know you said you have moves but damn, you really have moves!” You joked—or tried to make it seem that way.

“I mean, I'm happy to show you more, if you want.” he said with a wink, leaning into it in a joking manner.

“Bold of you to assume I don't want that.” you returned. The joke slipped out, challenging him, but you weren't expecting his facade to drop as he looked at you with total sincerity.

“Y/N, I—I need to ask you something. Was this, ah, was this just for the video? Cause I could swear I felt something real, and I'm hoping it's not just because I want there to be.”

“I- Thank God I wasn't imagining it.” You smiled and pulled him in. But this wasn't like when the cameras where on you. This was soft. Hesitant. Fragile and delicate but determined to push yourself. Because you couldn't let this slip away. Him slip away. While you were aiming for just a short kiss, a peck, wordlessly checking it was OK, Chris had other ideas.

Suddenly his hands were in your hair, his lips on yours, and instead of passion, there was a soft declaration of love. Just taking time to memorize the feel of your lips. But you were both still worked up, and then the heat came in moments, the kiss like fire. As your tongues danced, Chris slid a hand down your body, stopping to squeeze your ass as he grinded into your leg. You moaned into the kiss, rocking your hips against his.

“Chris,” you moaned, as he started to grind his cock against your clothed core.

“Dammit, how do you get this thing off?” He asked, tugging at your costume, and you laughed.

“Fuck, this stupid costume, we're gonna need to get out of here to get it off... Dressing room?” You suggested.

“I don't know,” Chris said darkly, breathing against your ear. “I was looking forward to fucking you right here in this coffin.”

The statement sent a shiver down your spine. Chris didn't miss this.

“I knew you thought this was hot too,” he said, voice low and leaving a hickey on the small of your neck. Chris slid his hand down to rub against your heat, and you bucked your hips into his hand immediately.

“Fuck, you're a lot darker than I gave you credit for, kitten.” Chris' low voice forced a whimper out of you. Then he stopped. “If I go too far, stop me, OK? I don't want to hurt you... well, unless you want me to.”

“Chris, if you stop now, I will fucking murder you.”

“Can't think of a better way to go.”

“Chris!”

With that, Chris tore the fabric connecting the top and bottom of the costume, sliding your panties off at the same time. Before you could even register the destroyed costume, his thumb was rubbing circles on your clit and you cried out.

“Yes! Just there!” You moaned, and Chris slowed his pace. You were about to protest when you heard the zipper of his of his pants. You reached down and pulled his cock out of his pants, and he groaned as you pumped him slowly.

“Shit, I'm not going to last if you keep touching my like that, Y/N,” Chris moaned airily as he thrust into your hand.

“I'm only teasing you back, baby,” you smirked, letting go and kissing him harshly.

“Uh, I don't have a condom, are you OK with that?” Asked Chris, ever the gentleman.

“I'm on the pill, just fuck me, please.” The last word slipped out before you could stop yourself. As hot as this was, you knew your friend would never let you live this down.

“'Please?' Don't tell me,” Chris said, melodramatic, “you're a sub!”

“Chris, don't make me do it, don't ruin the moment.”

“I'm not ruining anything, all I'm saying is-”

“No,”

“that you have to beg.”

“I am not-” You stopped as Chris rolled on top of you, grinded his cock against your wet core, and bit the spot just below your ear, causing you to let out a high pitched whimper.

“Are you sure about that, darling?” Chris asked in a low voice.

You whimpered more as he rubbed circles on your clit with his thumb.

“Please Chris, I'm begging you, please fuck me!”

With that Chris thrust his full length into you without any warning.

You cried out in a mix of pleasure and pain, the later only making the first more intense. Chris was far bigger than any other guy you'd had, both in length and width, and the stretch was perfection. You could've cum then and there when Chris hammered into you without waiting, groaning into your ear. The noises that man was making could drive you insane. Each thrust was deeper, and took you to a new level as you ran your nails down Chris's back, legs wrapping around him for more, more, more. You were in such a state that neither of you could even feel or hear the coffin jolting with each thrust. You wished you could see more of Chris, but the darkness of the coffin only heightened your other senses. Each thrust felt more powerful, as Chris hit your g spot without fail each time.

It wasn't long before you Chris stopped kissing your neck to groan into your ear, slowing his pace.

“Y/N, I'm gonna cum,” He warned, asking without words what you were comfortable with.

“Cum in me,” you said without missing a beat, and you could've sworn the man whimpered a little. “Please.”

With that, Chris returned to his brutal pace, kissing your lips like he needed you like air. He pinched your nipple, and as a gasp escaped, Chris used this to his advantage for further access. After a moment, you felt his thumb toy with your clit again, slow circles getting faster, and as you felt yourself clench around Chris, the tightness in your stomach released and you felt ecstasy as you bucked wildly, desperate to stay in this moment. Just as you started to come down from your high, Chris released into you, losing control. You couldn't help but climb higher as the man you'd die for moaned into your ear, holding your hips and just losing himself into you.

You two cooled down, breathing hard against each other, the scent of sex heavy in the coffin. Though you could hardly see it, you could feel Chris looking into your eyes. Then his hand brushed some hair from your face and he kissed you sweetly, still inside you. You wrapped your arms around his neck and kissed him lovingly. When the kiss ended, Chris slipped out, and let out a sigh.

“You have no idea how long I've wanted you, Y/N. How much I need you.” Chris's voice was soft and gentle, a stark contrast what took place mere moments ago.

“I feel like I could say the same. Chris, I-” You stopped yourself before you could say how you feel. Because even after all this, the fear remained. But Chris wasn't going to let that get in the way.

“You what?”

“I've liked you for the longest time.” You chickened out.

“Well, I've loved you for years.”

Even in the dark, you looked over at him.

“What?”

“I wrote this song for you, actually. I'm eternally yours. If you'll give me the honour of being so.”

“I love you.” Was all you could say before your lips crashed to his once more in the beautiful blackness.

Taglist: @fedorable-killjoys @horrorolson As always if anyone wants to be added or taken of the taglist please let me know! <3

If you read this and liked it, please reblog!! Or if you reeeally liked it, here's my kofi <3

#chris motionless #chris cerulli #motionless in white #miw #chris motionless x reader #chris cerulli x reader #chris cerulli smut #chris motionless smut #chris motionless x reader smut #eternally yours #motionless in white fanfiction

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clownhara · 25 days

Note

is there like a jester ocs 101 i do wanna learn about them

Putting these under a read more because this might get long

My family :)

Edward Roberts-Rosales: I made too many jokes about this bastard being my dad and now he's my dad. High key wants to fuck plants. Evades taxes like no ones business. Kind of a shit guy but it's funny to watch him mess up everything so we keep him alive for that alone Max Rosales: My better dad. Can really do so fucking much better than Edward but he settled </3. Is a plant man. Likes baking. Is the dad that actually loves me. Heron Rosales: I don't do to much with her but I'm trying to do more. Max's trans sister. Wants Edward dead and honestly, we don't blame her. Average chronic pain haver tbh please get her some Ibuprofen. Boaty McBoatface: My brother who is a boat. Edwards favorite son, despite being terrified of being on boats after he was the sole survivor of a ship wreck. I fuckinh hate this thing

Project Moon adjacent ones

Despise Domek (Or just Des): Local Enkphalin hooked rat. Goes by it/they but people close to it can call them she/her. There are two remaining people who can call them she/her. Steals things from people it likes to keep a piece of them, so don't invite them to your house. Things WILL go missing. Says the phrase "Well it didn't kill me so I'm fine" way to god damn often. Ambrose Domek: Not actually related to Des at all his parents just stole Des's parents last name. We heart religious fanaticism to the point of self harm!!!!!! Has two boyfriends and has convinced himself neither of them like him. Him and Des are besties :) Keith: Real Jester-heads remember Keith. I made this bastard before Ruina came out and he keeps fucking staying relevant to whatever game is out. How does he do it. Lobcorp him is Geb and Myo's adopted son, a Rabbit, and had a complex where he's gotta prove himself 24/7 and ends up getting his leg ripped off. Ruina him is trying to find Gebura again after the whole Library situation happened, and is wildly distraught after learning Myo's whole deal. Limbus Keith is content, much older, runs a weapons shop, and is gay married to Heathcliff. Jesus Christ I made him before the new translation of Lopcorp happened I think HOW LONG HAS HE EXISTED WHAT THE FUCK

Damien Domek: Also not related to Des, just took it's last name because he liked it. They are qprs though. Also is broke as shit but mostly stays out of the Rat lifestyle by just old fashioned robbing people. Loves lying to people for fun and profit, but he is honestly a pretty nice guy. Minus the lying

Randos

Arlo: Disgusting rancid cyborg scientist who needs to bathe and touch grass. I adore him though. Ellie: Arlos little sibling. She/they user. Kills people for money and feeds the bodies to the eldritch horror that follows her around Hector: The eldritch horror that follows Ellie around. usually just looks like a dilf tbh its easier for Ellie to explain. Can't actually speak so he usually just talks telepathically while making a bunch of hums, chirps, and clicks to mimic speaking.

Oleander: Local unethical scientist that unethicaled a bit too hard when trying to revive his even worse older brother and turned off most of his emotions manually to avoid coping with the mental toil. Sad! Many such cases. Can't feel any emotions other then joy now. Kinda sucks but he certainly doesn't seem to upset about it :)

Simon: Oleadners brother. Kinda. Moreso a robot piloting Oleanders brothers body. Fucking hates Oleander but after Oleander lobotomized himself Simon begrudgingly takes care of him now. Despite his complicated feelings, he's wildly overprotective.

Cybel: A robot Oleander made! They are meant to gather as much information as they possibly can in case some horrible event happens that kills off humanity. is quite literally indestructible. Likes ice cream.

Octavius: I made this guy to be a danganrompa villain back in high school and I succeeded too well. I fucking hate this fake ass bitch

Tabb: This fucking guy. Trapped in a time loop but he doesn't know and its technically not a time loop. Met his (now) husband ages ago but died shortly after meeting him, so he revived Tabb, then the two got married, then Tabb died again so Halt (the husband) revived him again but he lost his memories then halt died and Tabb revived him the Tabb died again so Halt revived him but he lost all his memories so they dated again and got remarried then Tabb died again and you get the idea. Very nice guy, a bit anxious, perfectly normal minus the dying thing. If it wasn't for him losing all his memories and Halt tampering with shit so he was in love with him i uh. Don't think he'd actually like Halt all that much tbh

Halt: Just wants to be happy with his husband :(. Sad he unethicaled all over that science. Hey are you noticinga theme here. Also he's a cat boy but thats really not relevant to his depression issues

Urge: Halts kinda milfy twin sister. Really sick of all of this loop bullshit because she gets to watch her bestie Tabb die repeatedly, so she packed up her bags and left. Can't be in the same room as Halt without them getting into a fist fight. Do you see the themeing with their namesan d their ideals. Halt is kinda halted in place but Urge keeps pushing forward because she has the urgeto move on. Do you see it. It is almost 1 am

Russel: A kid that got roped into this whole mess because he walked in on a Tabb revival tube without permission. Sticks around Urge most of the time. Had a bad homelife to put it mildly, so Urge took him in.

Theres way more of these bastards but these are the most relevant ones. I am going to bed now. Goobnight

#asks #scp-168 #ocs #my ocs #I'll probs pop this in the queue like 90 times so it circulates for a while.

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mixelation · 2 months

Text

(a)sync rotating

so in attempts to not have this drag on forever, i think i'll have minato fall for tori relatively quickly. after she nearly kills him, i have part of a scene written where he tracks her down and

tori obviously noticed his body disappeared. she is HOPING he just teleported away to die of his injuries, but she does quickly realize she may have just pissed off THE most lethal ninja in history. and she no longer has the "i'm just an innocent, harmless civilian :)" disguise

she's like: oooooh no. oh fuck. and she goes into Seal Development Turbo Mode

when minato DOES show back up, they end up at a stale mate where she traps herself in a barrier

minato is like "well that HAS to have a time limit" and then he goes through all her stuff

she's in seal development Turbo Mode so she has a bunch of her notes out, which is both like phylogenies she copied because she's trying to figure out if chakras are more similar in more related taxa, but then also like "results f attempting to flash-fry a rat in project Flash Fry the Yellow Flash"

minato: wtf why do you keep trying to COOK me?

he ends up just leaving her because 1. he doesn't have clear orders from Konoha on this; it's mainly a personal research project, so he'll do what he wants (he is..... very bad about this). 2. he thinks she's interesting. 3. he gets her to explain wtf she's doing and she actually DOES have motives and logic he finds sympathetic: she's trying to get away from war, and even if she's selfish, she doesn't like ninja harassing civilians and she'll intervene when given the opportunity. 4. plus she's like

and this logic speaks to him. minato is "a good guy" in that he's a loyal friend and he largely respects the rules of society (harassing people bad! etc), but he's also basically never once been like "oh, murder of an enemy is too harsh a punishment!!" like yeah, if someone is threatening you or your comrade, you just kill them? duh???

so minato leaves her and has upgraded her in his brain from "interesting potential enemy" to "person i just think is neat." and he's not like I AM NOW IN LOVE but he IS like "i am bored all the time now, and i think having her attention would be fun and interesting and we could get along, so i'm going to try flirting" except she just GETS MAD AT HIM???? and jiraiya has a bunch of very bad suggestions

so minato goes and does his monthly Track Tori Down field trip (tori is always like HOW ARE YOU DOING THIS??? and will switch up her behavior to be weirder and less predictable, it's SO cute) and she's at a bar chatting up some other ninja. minato will NOT admit he is jealous but also, if she wanted to talk to a ninja, he's more famous, superior at every single ninja skill, nicer, smarter, more charming, AND better looking?!

@waffliesinyoface suggested Plasticity lore character Batta of Grass, so that's who Tori's target is. minato reflects on jiraiya's advice and is like FINE I WILL MAKE HER JEALOUS and saunters over and hits on Batta HIMSELF. obviously batta is more interested in talking to him than to tori and abandons her. except now.... now minato is talking to this random unimpressive ninja he doesn't care about and NOT the person who WANTED to see?

batta: (bragging about killing TWO ninja in one fight)

minato: (internal screaming) that's SO impressive (best most resilient fake smile)

and tori looks scandalized for like five minutes but now she's just smirking at him from across the bar. minato is silently begging her to bail him out.

not sure how the batta part of this ends (with him dying in some comical way, maybe?) but i want the fallout to be

tori is like "you are so fucking stupid, i was trying to get him to go kill some road bandits for me bc they're making travel basically impossible"

minato is like "whyyyyy didn't you just ask meeeeee i have been dropping SO MANY HINTS THAT I LIKE YOU"

tori is like "no, you treat EVERYONE like that. you just sat around for two hours treating batta like that even though you don't give a shit about him"

debating if she tells him he's met her TWICE before the boiling incident here, or if it's better to have another mirrored conversation later where instead of "minato why are being dumb" it's "tori why are you acting insane." kind of leaning toward the latter option maybe with them confronting the fact that tori WILL kill minato's allies and he doesn't want her to do that?

minato: ......you could minato: you could ask ME to clear out the bandits

he wants to show off so he takes her down the ENTIRE trade road and clears out every bandit, plus some ninja sitting around

tori IS incredibly blushy and flustered by this!! flirting successful :)

#asynchronicity #toriverse

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ohbo-ohno · 5 months

Note

i had an idea watching blair witch project, but imagine an au where soap, gaz and reader here some old legend about a forest and decide to go camping to explore around.

and when its night and they get creeped out and are shouting and talking, they don’t know there’s a cabin they hadn’t noticed and ghost, who has been retired and decides to just mess with them a bunch, but when he sees them he just wants to take them, especially since he feels so lonely since being retired.

so he decides if he takes them one by one each night, he knows he can not only successfully tale them but also scare the shit out of them.

idk if this is good i just had an idea lol

i gotta be real, ghostgaz doesn't do much for me so (but poly141 does) so the exclusion of price here throws me off, but i love the vibes

i love the "one character is tormenting/getting ready to torment the other and they don't even know" trope in horror. one of my favorite scenes to write ever was all of soap's inner monologue in dlmliyh chap 1. getting to describe how he'd been plotting to betray her from the beginning, how he didn't even really feel guilty... i loved it

you could do smth fun with that & blair with au based on the theory that the guys in the movie were actually just fucking with the main girl and lured her out there to murder her! like soap and gaz playing at comforting her, meanwhile when she's huddled so close to kyle at night johnny is out spreading fake bones around their tent to scare her the next morning

maybe Actual Evil Entity Ghost realizes what they're doing and is like "oh it would be so fucking funny to turn the tables on them". manages to get gaz and soap to turn on each other, both of them becoming convinced that all the pranks they definitely didn't agree on are being pulled by the other

idk... maybe the idea is like, ghost is a manic spirit who drives people insane in the woods. johnny and gaz kill each other, you die from exposure to the elements, and he gets to keep the three of you safe in his forest forever (and let johnny and gaz fuck with new campers)

#btw this is good!!! everyone's ideas are good as long as they excite you!#even if smth doesn't work for me personally don't let that stop you from enjoying it and trying to Create for it #asks and answers #poly 141 x reader #price is Father Forest in this btw

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genericpuff · 6 months

Note

Hello, I want to say that I enjoy reading Lore Rekindled. I used to try and get into Lore Olympus back when it was starting, because I'm a huge Mythology Nerd, especially when it comes to Greek. But, even though the comic had so much potential, I really hated it. The art style was very inconsistent and messy. Like I see why it was appealing because it was striking and unique for the time on Webtoon, but it strained my eyes because it was hard to tell who was who half the time. The writing was all over the place with so many plot's that were supposedly to exist but were either settled in an anti-climatic way or just never were addressed at all. And the characters... by gosh, they act more like fake celebrities' and cardboard cutouts than their actual counterparts. It's so laughable when people say "I can relate to Persephone" like... the girl doesn't have any set traits, she's just a self-insert with no actual flaws! And the fact LO labels itself as a feminist retelling, while it pits women against each other, labels them as objects for men and vilify them for having justifiable concerns... yeah that is a laugh. And I'm not even gonna touch on the Apollo plot... you know the one. But when I heard about Lore Rekindled from Dazzling Kate on Youtube, I decided to check it out because I figured a fan version could not be any worse than what Rachel herself created. And holy Hades, I can see the un-to god effort and care this comic has! This is the complete opposite of LO: it has consistent character models with stunning backgrounds and art, the plotline makes way more sense and is easy to follow with no unnessearcy subplots, and the characters actually have separate personalities! I know Lore Rekindled is still in it's early stages, but already it has shown more promise and potential than what Rachel has created in the last six years! This is why ghost writers and fanfiction have a special place in my heart, because they care more about the stories than the authors themselves! Seriously, what you are doing is incredible! I really hope you continue with Lore Rekindled and I will be following the story because you have sparked my interest! It takes a special kind of talent to turn something that an individual like myself loathes, into a piece of work that I can find joy and entertainment in.

On that note, because I really love your story so far, I wanted to ask your permission on something. I have a YouTube channel, it's a small one but I do a bunch of things there like voice dubs, reviews, theorizes, and writing advice. So if it is alright with you, would it be okay if I could do a review of your Lore Rekindled Series and maybe potentially do a comic dub of the story as well? I'll be sure to credit you, I just want people to see this story that you worked hard on.

Ahhh I'm so glad you like it! Everything you mentioned about LO's missed or lost potential was exactly why I set out to make Rekindled, so it always brings me so much joy when people tell me it connected with them, means I gotta be doing at least something right LOL Though I've had to adjust Rekindled's update schedule to make room for other projects and priorities in my life, there's still loads left with it that I wanna tackle.

If you wanna do a review or any sort of video content with it, by all means! DazzlingKate's review took me by surprise (in a good way) because I had no idea it was happening until someone linked me to it after it was posted haha It's a little nerve-wracking sometimes to see it breach outside of Tumblr, but so far all the occasions of such have been generally fair game without any issues so I don't see why not! ~ <3

Thank you again, I hope Rekindled continues to entertain you and bring you joy ( ´ ∀ `)ノ～ ♡

#lore rekindled #lore rekindled ama #ask me anything #anon ama #anon ask me anything #ama

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onyourhyuck · 1 year

Text

Dive. | K.JW

— Prologue: “What I’ve always dreamed about, diving into you.”

— Summary: It’s not easy being rivals with Jungwoo in a competitive music industry workplace. You’re both striving to be the better one.

— Genre: Romance office setting. Office smut minors dni. Jungwoo is always hating on y/n here. Y/n is trying to be civil. There will be a lot of angst + y/n has little traumatic fear of being yelled at. There is little fluff and wholesomeness between them later on. Mutual masturbation over call? Y/n cries at one point in the fic. They hook up later on. Dom!jungwoo. Jungwoo’s actually very whipped for Y/n he just has a hard time showing it.

— Notes: Prompt idea from @yujuvly

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You’re rushing out of your car not even properly dressed your clothes being half on you and half off you. You couldn’t look in the mirror because you’re late to work and today was the day you get a partner to work on a project of your choice. You work for a music industry music company where a bunch of song writers produce lyrics to certain boy or girl groups, even solo musicians such as Eric Nam. You’re very talented because you have an unique imagination but what you lack was time management.

You couldn’t help it. Last night you couldn’t sleep and you went to bed late because of that now you’re rushing on your way to work. Your hair was done but covered by the wind outside messes it up and all your hard work on your hair went down the drain. You hold your high heels you wear to work in your hand, your blazer and trousers were properly zipped up. You fidget in the elevator picking the number ten.

Looking in the elevator mirror you fix the roughed up crinkle clothing on you, cussing gentle and breathing heavily out. You brush your hair with your fingers as it’s the only thing you can do to fix that hair problem — next you take off your trainer shoes and put on the heels.

When the elevator opens you get off and walk to the music song writing department which is you. Your ID card around your neck scans access opening the door department and you walking in caused so many people to go and stare at you.

Your boss mentally slaps himself seeing you walk in and you bow down to your boss hoping he will forgive you this once for your mistake.

But you had a feeling someone else wouldn’t forgive you.

“I’m sorry for being late boss.” You said out genuinely terrified but your boss seems reluctantly with you for once he weren’t screaming at you. He looks up giving you the meeting details in one singular file. “Forget it. Go to your new partner, you’re meant to come up with a song good enough for the biggest company in whole of South Korea.”

Your eyes widen. “SM Entertainment?”

“I know you’ve been my star employee for a few months but Jungwoo has more experience. He might help you out. Now leave my office get to work.” He nodded and you slowly turn around looking at the file as you left his office. You sit down at your desk and shockingly gasp out wanting to pull your hair. ‘Why am i paired up with Kim Fucking Jungwoo?’

The devil himself appears at your desk not impressed nor glad to be paired up with you. Jungwoo sat down next to your desk slamming down the files and staring at them but his mean disliking voice that did nothing to hide his disappointment with you speaks to you and your shimmering confidence.

“You were late. How are you still allowed to walk into this building without being under the impression that you’re probably the worst worker here?”

You turn around trying to be kind as possible but today it just wasn’t going with your mood. You weren’t feeling as kind as before and today wasn’t exactly your best day.

“You’re going to keep being like this just because our boss likes me better and prefers my song writing to yours.” Your fake smile could boil Jungwoo down a large cauldron and he wouldn’t even notice how your sarcasm was there.

Jungwoo is a young handsome man working in the same company as you. He is your work rival, work nemesis, work enemy. You name it anything against you and he’s exact definition of that. He had it out for you ever since you joined. Ever since the first day you arrived to this department he made it clear he disliked you and wanted nothing to do with you. You hate that you don’t dislike him though you just find him unbearable to deal with because he’s using all his energy to hate you everyday. You come to work and all you see was Jungwoo demanding you do this right or he disagrees how your work style is different from him and now I’m appearing to be the wrong one. He acts like he’s better than you.

He was handsome though and you couldn’t lie about that the first day you met him you deem him to be a cute man who looked kind, he had this sweet alluring aura about him on his face. He was quite pale but he looked smooth and innocent. His large doe like eyes were almost like puppy eyes constantly and you found yourself staring at them a lot. He was tall surprisingly very tall. He’s the tallest out of you and the rest of your coworkers.

But the moment his mouth opened it was quite the legit opposite of whatever cute was or handsome will ever be. The first thing he said to you was “I don’t like your outfit today. Please don’t wear this colour to the office again. You’re distracting everyone from their work.” You wanted to tell him that’s absurd. You wanted to tell him ‘Girl it’s legit navy blue how is it..’ but you didn’t. You stayed respectful! You stayed the kind one and the wiser one stepping down.

He glares not liking that you hit where it all was soft and mushy in his heart. Ever since you came to the company he wasn’t star employee and you got the attention unlike him. He was the best till you came and now he’s got a freaking rival to deal with. He’s constantly fighting to be no.1 but you’re in the picture all the fucking time. It’s starting to feel like you’re here to punish him. But instead you don’t understand why he’s like this to you.

You don’t even understand why he’s so mean to you all the freaking time, you just assume he is like that to everyone. You don’t care though he can do whatever he wants, you’re going to stay on top because you’ve worked hard to get here. Your hard working can’t go down the drainage like this.

“I don’t need to be like this because of that. I just don’t like you and your attitude towards the work is mild and lazy. You’re work to this company has done nothing. I don’t want you to be my partner because you will take all the damn credit.”

You wanted to roll your eyes at him when he said this. Seriously ‘Take all the damn credit?’ What does he take you for a Freud? A con artist? You couldn’t believe your ears but Jungwoo truthfully disliked you because he just did and you can’t help it but slam down your keyboard.

The loud slam in the office coming from your keyboard as you stood up from your chair. Jungwoo flinched suddenly wondering why the heck did you do that until you face him announcing loudly.

“I’m going to get coffee.” You stare blankly turning around tiredly of his bullish tone and his bullying words. Jungwoo glares murmuring. “What a psycho… geez does she need to vandalise the building.” He whispers as you left to make your own coffee in the staff room.

You don’t think you can survive being partnered up with Jungwoo. There are way more cons than pros to this but you hope and pray that the pros can out weight the cons and therefore it’s not going to give you a bad performance rate.

You need this promotion. You need it. You also know Jungwoo needs it. You won’t let him have it however so no matter what you’re going to try your hardest.

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It’s officially the time where you might reconsider leaving the department because Jungwoo being your working partner was the worst decision ever you might feel like this might start a whole new war between you both and you don’t need that on a pile of him being your nemesis, enemy and rival all in one. God he doesn’t need another factor to become your reasoning of death either.

It’s been two days since working together and when you say ‘working together’ you mean segueing an argument about every song you’ve wrote opposite wise. You both have different music tastes for SM entertainment you’d want to use and you can’t submit two you have to submit one that you both produce together. Together. Yes together and you’re not doing that exactly. You’re working separately because you both refused to.

“Look maybe you need to stop writing and let me do all the writing and all the producing and all the everything and you can just sit there and look like a dumb lost child.” Jungwoo snapped.

You sit there rubbing your hands through your hair unbelievable of the man in front snapping at you when you’re at your wits end with him. You can’t do this anymore and you just turn around with your child very slowly paring your dagger pushing eyes into him.

You try to be kind no matter what. You respect him. He isn’t respecting you. But you know very well you can’t snap at him because you don’t have the meanness in you to do something like that to him.

“Jungwoo that’s not working together.” You say back and Jungwoo looks away scoffing. “It is. Your name will be on my piece of work isn’t that enough for you?”

‘What a jerk.’ You thought.

“Is there anyway i can help i don’t want to sit back and do nothing. I’m also working here Jungwoo.” You look back at his song writing sheet grabbing it from his desk, the man turns around twisting to grab it back but you held it with your hands. “Here how about i make your ballad bridge better? That way some of my work is on there.” You said with a smile looking up.

His gaze didn’t change but his eyebrows twitch in annoyance grabbing the paper off your fingertips snatching it away and him turning around scowling, rudely pulling at your attempt towards his work. “You can’t do anything to help. You’re bad at song writing alright, just go home or something.” He urges.

“You’d do me so much more good if you left and stopped distracting me.” He says and you stand there feeling useless and completely beaten down by his horrible words to you.

Your gaze sadly looks over closing the computer and standing up grabbing your jacket and bag. You don’t say anything until you sigh looking at him.

“Suit yourself. Call me when you’re done.” You say blankly not fighting with Jungwoo anymore. You’re tired and it is what it is. You can’t work with him because he refuses, so might as well join em if you can’t change them.

You left the night hours where your attention goes on to the phone contact calling. ‘Honey’ and it was your boyfriend. Tonight it’s date night at his place usually it’s your apartment but tonight he was convinced by you to have it at his place.

You were suddenly feeling slightly happy to see your boyfriend of few months. It might be only four months but you’ve been enjoying your time with him and these days after work he was the only good thing coming out of a horrible day with Jungwoo.

You manage to drive to his place and you park it outside the lot getting out. You held your hands in the pockets until reaching the doorstep you lift the door matt and underneath was the spare key he would always tell you to pick up. But as you did you unlock the door and entering in to see a young woman and man giggling in a dark setting living room with candles lit up and rose petals on the flooring.

You crush your eyes at the ideas running to your head and you refused to believe it was for you the moment your hands push the living room door to see a man and young woman that wasn’t you snuggling to his chest.

You tilt your head entering. Your so called boyfriend saw you and he jumped up still in his boxers and half naked. He was shirtless and embarrassed on his face.

“Y/n! You… left work early.” He trails confused and how to fix this deal and situation. In other words he’s trying to lie to you and you could see it on his face. You were so dumb wondering why he would be so refusing to let you stay over at his place.

The woman looks back at the man and you. “Honey who’s this woman?” She looks back at you pointing your voice at him. “What are you doing here with my husband?”

You widen your eyes at him. ‘Oh I was the side chick.’ You let out wondering what the heck happened now. Zero from a hundred your pain felt worse now that you possible home wrecked a relationship you didn’t want. A marriage you had no idea about. God you feel so awful about yourself and feeling so bad that you believed this man wasn’t married.

“Your husband was cheating on you with me. I had no idea he was married.” You blankly trail looking around opening your phone screen with his contact name and his number. The woman was equally shocked and turns around to the man and you again.

“You mean you knew he was married?” She spat and you look at her widen eyes. “No I didn’t know he was married. I wouldn’t of dated him if he was.”

She scoffs. “Sure, every side chick uses that excuse.”

You clench your eyebrows together scowling. If she refused to believe you that’s up to her but you couldn’t help but feel defensive. You don’t want to be painted as someone who was fucking behind the scene with a married man, that’s the worst trait anyone could have on their profile. You’d hate that.

“Your husband is the problem here.”

He comes up to you pushing you out of the house. “No! You manipulated me! I don’t even know you. God Honey these woman keep on coming trying to separate us.” He urges you and you shout pushing him. “Don’t touch me you cheater.” You croak out walking yourself out of the house.

You spit on his door in disgust and shame. “Have some respect for women asshole none of them would want a man balding in his thirties.” You tell him walking away.

The man angrily runs to you grabbing your hair and slapping you but you held your ground and through watery tears look up. Your high heels step on his bare foot on the ground and he grabs falling backwards and holding them tight.

“Don’t touch me again.” You say feeling disgusted.

You couldn’t believe you were easily fooled by a married man and you found yourself feeling stupid. More stupid than before. God you were so wrong about many things and you’re always wrong you feel; at this point you feel like you’re never doing anything right. If your work department isn’t going well and your love life department isn’t either your whole life was going to collapse. Maybe it’s already collapsed but you’re now crumbling since it’s your turn.

You drive back to your apartment very late. You drove back to Seoul and you couldn’t help but break down the moment you enter your apartment closing the door. You take off your jacket throwing it loosely on the couch. Your heels slowly come off but you felt loose on motivation to do anything and all your heart could take was breathing, but even that felt like a chore to do. You had no one to turn to.

You sat on the couch drinking soju you kept on your fridge for special occasions — now they’re just used for sad occasions you have today.

You had your mother but you don’t want to burden her any longer than she could deal with. After all your mother has to be the least person to see you struggling you can’t let her know the truth behind your happy work and happy life façade. You can’t do that. You break down when you open your phone unable to take it anymore.

You didn’t want to be here standing anywhere. You wish you were somewhere else. Perhaps someone else. You wish you were Jungwoo who looks like he has it all in life. He has everything he could ever want you wish you were your damn rival; the one who hates you.

No he doesn’t hate you. He is the one who despises you; because if you were him you’d probably hate yourself too. You would also hate you if you were someone else and that’s what makes you completely unworthy of having that job. Jungwoo said it and you’re starting to believe him.

Your phone opens the contact of Kim Jungwoo. You felt so stupid but you wanted someone to tell at you and be there for you. However Jungwoo was the least person to provide you of that you called him anyways.

The moment he picks up the soft lingering voice was there asking who it was calling him. “Hello Kim Jungwoo speaking?” But the minute your voice heard his sweet voice you were on your way down sobbing midway.

“Jungwoo… how are you so fucking perfect all the time.” You trail as you take a large sip from the soju. Jungwoo’s eyes widen hearing you sound so different from the way you left the office.

Many things rang in his head. He thought at first what are you on about, but then he heard you crying and he stopped working. The way his brain shuts down all his purposes when hearing you cry on the other line of the phone and he was worried for once, he really was. You’re not the type to cry. You’re not the type to call him unless you really had to do he knew it was serious when he heard it’s you.

He trails in a broken sentence. He wasn’t sure what to say to you honestly but he was worried. “Are… Y/n what are you saying. What happened to you?”

“I’m agreeing with what you’re probably thinking.” You say putting the soju down. Slamming it on the table rather. “I’m useless. I’m so stupid for believing him. I cant even keep a relationship, nonetheless a freaking job.”

He looks around his bedroom late at night before you called he was working on the song Dive he was going to call it. He couldn’t help but think perhaps you were drinking and maybe you called the wrong number but no, the next minute you kept chanting his name in all sorts of cute noises. He couldn’t believe he was this much on your mind it made him think perhaps you were admiring him but at the same time hating him that you look up to your rival this much.

“Jungwoo… Jung…. Woo… why must you be so mean to me… what did i ever do to you? If i did something… tell me Kim… Jung… woo…”

You were getting more tipsy than you first thought you were getting and planning. Jungwoo smiles uncontrollably behind the phone hearing you speak and say his name. In reality he never once hated you, in fact he never once disliked you.

He found you someone that he was envious of but he never once said he hated or disliked you. He just disliked the way you were talented and he couldn’t bring himself to say it to you because of his horribleness behind the pride he has. Nonetheless he was looking up to you. You looked like you had your life together something which he has not. You were beautiful too, probably the most beautiful woman he’s ever encountered and he can’t lie anymore.

You were drunk and he could feel himself being the real him to you. The nicer version, the one that actually fell for you at first glance but he was scared so he put on a terrifying persona to keep you away.

The ironical distinction was that Jungwoo happens to have a muse which was you. You were the muse to all these sudden romance song writing he was doing in the spare time and they were all about you. In fact this song Dive was about you.

It’s why he was so persistent about keeping it and letting him do it because he wanted this song to be about you. He wanted this song to come and go from his imagination the way he imagined you. You’re someone he would dive in and take a taste of. All these imaginary scenarios he has of you, he can imagine you drip dropping if he was there with you. You’re someone he loves from the sideline.

Where you least expect it.

He slants back answering you cutely. “You didn’t do anything Y/n. I don’t hate you.”

You crawl off the couch getting up and slowly walking to the bedroom flopping on your bed. Your clothes shift off your body and you slightly moan out drunkly.

Jungwoo felt himself go red hearing you and he sat up. You let out a long straining huff out feeling your face become warm thanks to the alcohol flushing your cheeks bright red.

“why are you… so mean to me then…” you lay there on your bed undressing with Jungwoo on the other line hearing you change your clothes.

He gulps but turns away trying not to imagine all sorts of things this late. He didn’t want to perv on you. It was clear you weren’t well and you cried to him for comfort. He should at least do that to you.

“I’m jealous of you Y/n. It’s what jealous people do. They hate on you because you’re better than them.” He whispers and you lay there crawling under the covers, sniffing with your wet nose because of how much you bawled your eyes out.

“Why were you crying Y/n?” Jungwoo would ask you this time you felt yourself twist around murmuring in broken tones.

“I just found out my ex boyfriend was married… and I felt like an awful person not knowing he was.” You lay there staring at your ceiling with the phone close to your ears. You could hear Jungwoo’s soft tone become slightly more intense but he still kept this comforting warm hug around you almost even though he was not there physically in your apartment.His words felt like a warm diving hug from the virtual screen.

“You deserve better Y/n.” He lingers laying back. ‘You deserve to be with me at least…. I’m better than that asshole who broke your heart.’ It’s what he wanted to say but he couldn’t.

You close your eyes. “I don’t know… I feel frustrated. I was hoping our date night would end up well… I even dressed up nicely for him today…” you couldn’t feel anymore stupid realising the things you’ve done prepping that perhaps after the date you could sleep with him but no. He was married.

“You did look pretty today.” ‘You always do.’ Jungwoo thought clearing his tongue tight so he couldn’t let you hear his obvious thoughts.

You felt your cheeks go warm because of a rare compliment from your rival, Jungwoo, on the other line of the phone. You felt maybe it’s the alcohol playing you but you could feel that maybe it was not.

“You thought I was… pretty today?” You repeated.

There was a lingering pause from Jungwoo but he was soon getting the courage to agree with you. It was a cute and wholesome thing he said for a long time, maybe the first time, you can’t remember a time where Jungwoo was nice to you at work or outside of work.

“Mhm i did say that.” Jungwoo told quietly.

You couldn’t believe it but something made your heart race unexpectedly fast you thought you were getting sick inside but all you were was Jungwoo’s puppet falling for his romantic tactics. His sweet words possessed you like a doll and took away your mind from that lingering breaking up sadness. Somehow you aren’t drunk on alcohol you’re not drunk on Jungwoo’s praises.

You gulp stuttering out shyly. “How about we call on my laptop and do some… more work… i wanna see your work that you’ve done.”

Jungwoo looks at his laptop on the side next to where he sat opening his song he written and he hums looking at the time. He could spare a few hours with you if it meant he could listen to you blabbering more and more.

“Okay call me then, I can spare a bit more time for you.”

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As much as it pains you not being able to do much song writing you felt a sort of relative knowledge about how good Jungwoo was at making lyrics seem so real and romantic. Unlike you your lyrics have a different vibe and feeling to it making the lyrics mean something else that wasn’t romance. He went for a romance that was hidden from someone.

The lyrics were beautifully well written it felt like a secret admirer who wouldn’t want to be discovered. You wonder if he wrote this from a perspective of someone or if he wrote it from a perspective such as his own and if there was a person that makes him feel these feelings that the lyrics portray.

You hate to admit but you loved the song. You were glad you didn’t do anything to it. When Jungwoo saw your face becoming satisfied reading the lyrics analysing each one from the other you were exposed and Jungwoo wanted to let you know how he feels through his songs to you.

You hum. “I love the song. The lyrics are meaningful and melancholy almost. I never understood how you get the inspiration from. I could never write things like this.” You tell him looking at the camera through your laptop. Your cameras were on and you were sitting at the same position in your bed both in your pyjamas which made this somehow more comfortable and less formal.

You were speaking casually together and nothing rude came out of your mouths. You were just relaxing and discussing work, as if you were friends. Not rivals.

You discuss more songs you got end up having on the album because the company arranged a young boy group debuting from SM to be the group with that title track Dive song. However you suggested adding more and Jungwoo suggested afterwards that you should write something for another song they could perform to.

You were happy to be able to write a song finally to your liking and Jungwoo let’s you surprised you knowing he was very against you becoming a writer. But he was fine as long as you leave Dive as it is.

You work in silence for a while until it became very late. You both were on the verge of nearly sleeping midway working and suddenly you saw Jungwoo has fallen asleep on his bed softly facing the camera away and you couldn’t help but smile watching the soft boy sleep away. He must’ve been tired, you called him up to do more, he was probably meant to be sleeping a while ago but he stayed up for you.

Nonetheless you continue working until you found yourself getting sleepy again. You need to wake yourself up somehow but you couldn’t think of anything. Slapping your face together with your palms wasn’t doing the job.

And the suddenly a thought crossed your mind and your eyes widen at the idea that could easily go wrong if you aren’t careful. You hesitate moving your laptop up front and moving the camera away so you you were out of the view a little. You pull yourself apart and slowly start to touch yourself in ways you couldn’t imagine if you were on a call with someone from your work or anyone actually, but something in you was emerging you were somehow liking the idea of it.

Your fingers pleasure you a little and all you were letting out was swallowed breathes that became heavy or soft depending how far and soft you went with your fingers down at your aching pussy. You couldn’t believe you were doing this but the shame dies down and you engulf yourself with a little self pleasuring energy,

Until a voice broke you off.

“Y/n are you moaning?” The voice was rasped. Jungwoo couldn’t believe his ears but he woke up to heavenly sounds of you and his urges made him now unable to sleep.

He was rock hard from only hearing you and your shake came back twicefold because now you wanted to bury yourself alive and panic. However what Jungwoo said next made you solely believe that he was twice as loose screw as you were, he wanted you. He wanted to see you and he wanted to help you out with equal amounts of parts.

He darkly demands staring into the camera. “Move your camera down so i can see you, Y/n.”

You gulp and slowly found your body doing as he said moving the camera down revealing your lower pyjamas taken off as well as your panties letting you expose your beautiful body in sight resting on your bed there and your fingers apart from the view. He could drown on your beautiful body and face he could drown at your scent at work so without a doubt he would want to Dive in you.

He leans his head back suddenly stroking himself in the camera. One look of you being naked in the camera has made him feel so many sensations it’s been edging him everyday at work seeing you and now his dream is happening. Was this a dream? It certainly felt real but everything that has happened in his dreams is now happening right in his eyes.

You ache out. “Jungwoo…”

He looks down at you humming. “Yes? Do you want me to lead you on?”

You couldn’t help but nod at him. You knew what you were doing when he wasn’t looking and now you’re overwhelmed by his stare you forgot how to move. He smiles slightly seeing you look so confused and he motions to your hand through the screen.

“Grab one finger and push it inside you slowly. In and out.”

You do as you were told putting in one finger letting your single digit going in you very slowly becoming tight and tighter when you go pull it out and in. It left you letting out a small wet dripping sound through the video call Jungwoo couldn’t help but get drunk on it to hear you dripping and dropping endlessly.

None stop too, he stroke his cock watching you at the same speed as your fingers, very slow and gracefully. As if you were made of porcelain fragile glass you were treated like you’re easy to break. Jungwoo knew one touch from him would have you melting and he knew damn well you would have him go on his knees for you.

Heck, he was losing his mind to you all this time and you haven’t even realised it.

He’s obsessed with you. He needs to breathe you.

“How does it feel y/n?” He asked you deeply wanting to hear your voice, your moans weren’t enough. He needs to hear you talk until you can’t anymore.

You voice out when Jungwoo lets you add another digit to the single one. The two fingers stretch your whole out and Jungwoo was addicted seeing you so stretched he could just imagine how tight you feel round his entire shaft he was in need to have you right here physically. It was unbearable.

“It feels good…” you couldn’t help but think that his fingers would be so much better you wanted him to have you stretch out like you were made up of nothing but soft clouds and cotton candy. You wanted to wet his fingers and you wanted his mouth the most to be on yours.

Jungwoo was practically delusional on you straight up watching you pleasure yourself and become a moaning mess was not enough for him he had to meet and touch you. Speak to you and tell you all his feelings he’s been hiding from you all along. That he doesn’t hate you he was just envious and all along those romance songs were about you. He was coping with writing about you, and you weren’t aware.

“I wish it was my fingers deep inside your cunt, hitting your g spot so quickly…” oh how badly it was hurting him and you to imagine these things it really messes your perceived image of Jungwoo from before. Maybe it wasn’t so bad after all, but he certainly has your body having a mind of its own. You fit your hips forward chanting.

“Jungwoo… Jungwoo please tell me to go faster… tell me what to do… what should i do for you?”

‘God you lost your sweet innocent mind.’ Jungwoo pleads for mercy because he hung forward watching you lose your own self and you were chanting all sorts of things for him to take. He grips his swollen rip pushing his thumb on it and gripping it tight the entire long length and he pauses watching you.

He won’t come without you. You have to at least come two times before he can come with you again he wants you to be the one pleasured and fucked out on the camera.

“Go fast and don’t stop. But you can’t come without my permission.”

He was mercifully taken off you and you couldn’t tell if you were punished or if you were pleasured, perhaps it was both. You wanted fast but you wanted to come more and now you won’t be able to last much, yet he’s asking you to not release without his own permission of your body. You strain yourself mentally ignoring the burning warning sign of your abdomen wanting the orgasm to happen.

Your fingers were fast on your clit watching the swollen redness become more and more apparent to your fingers rubbing it quicker. He enjoys watching you get yourself off, he enjoys hearing his name come out of your mouth, he enjoys watching your face squeezing tight when you were close but you couldn’t release yet; the way your messy hair was flowing on your shoulders but away your face. It’s your fingers digging in and out of you, but also overstimulating you. You knew what you were doing, but you wanted someone to lead you. It aroused him.

Your simple actions arouse him beyond anyone’s comprehension of this world. He was down bad for you and you were the thing he hates the most because of how much he wants you. How much he needs you makes him despise you and it’s a conflict war between the mind and the heart.

You hoarsely missed out on your voice nearly. “P-please can i? Can I come… please… Jungwoo… may i?” It was a pleading battle between you and your pride wanting to stay still and do as you were told but to see you begging was something Jungwoo never knew he needed to hear.

His cock twitched with every stroke he did to himself but your voice made him twitch out of control hearing you speak so lowly and quietly, in a hushed moan fucked out voice.

He darkly gazed at you. Without realising it he was diving in your mind like a floating ocean made him swim around with a forward stroke, each paint of his voice took over your mind making a hole in your brain, mind, heart and spirit. You felt yourself loose a part of yourself in the best way possible because he was tugging on your strings. He awoken something inside you just as much as you’ve awoken him.

Something ready to drip out, Jungwoo was measly diving in enjoying your worn out body sweating with beads upon beads of water your body producing a little smoke just like how hot you looked. You were feverishly staring at him, obediently waiting for an answer like the good girl you were. Jungwoo roughly looked at you and you enjoyed seeing his gaze that he was staring at you with.

You were spreading towards him wider enough to make his dull dry heart feel your midnight rain soaking it up. He was changing to you. He was falling for you, deeper and deeper. You didn’t know until you were seeing the way his eye crease half lidded with emotion behind those black eyes.

You’re the sweet rain coming to him like a wave he couldn’t control or tame down so he simple lets it overtake him, harder and harder watching you please yourself on his voice you could go hours on.

Precum drenching his cock thanks to your voice filling his brain to a brim of you and only you. It was a comfortable silence between you that you couldn’t put a finger on. You were in a longing quiet place between where no talk was happening but your breathes were like one. You breathe out heavily and so does he, your hands move in one motion and so did your beating hearts in your thumping chest.

Without hesitation he would dive into you. You knew that the moment you met eyes with him through the screen.

“What I’ve always dreamed about, diving into you.” He lets out sultry voice groaning out more and more than you could handle to hear.

His voice sections lingering. “Deeply, deeply into you.”

Your brain caught on a few seconds later he was saying his lyrics of the song Dive he wrote and you couldn’t help but smile out with your feverish face and your steady eyes hitching your stomach into your body. He growls out a few words such as ‘You can come, come with me’ and you felt rewarded like it was the most prized thing you’ve wanted all year and finally Christmas came and you finally got it. It felt exactly like that, a wonderful release you needed and begged for since a lifetime.

And then you release together. Jungwoo had the pleasuring experience of watching you get off like a freaking water park. You had the most thrilling orgasm out of you two his was quick and clean while yours was a dripping mess he always imagined it to be. Just like he wanted it to. It was perfect, you were perfect. The water coming out of you was nearly touching his screen but you put the laptop further to make sure it didn’t get hit. You gave him a show and he was happy, like a massive weight has been lifted off his shoulders now that you knew he didn’t hate you.

He liked you. He was hiding it was all behind that mean persona he always sought out to end you.

And just like storm ends after the the sea the calming ocean goes to sleep and goes into sleep land but none of you wanted to go yet. You both were watching your faces through the video call after you both cleaned up and no endless stream can compete to you and Jungwoo’s rain you both shed. It comforts your hearts to me in this mutual silence that you were both happy hearing. Your eyes spoke enough words for today and you only wanted Jungwoo by your side now.

You never once thought you’d want Jungwoo to sleep next to your bed, and wish he wasn’t in a computer. It makes you laugh thinking that aloud because you always thought you would never see eye to eye. You guys sorta do now.

Jungwoo pulls your head away and makes you look up to listen to him and wondering what he has to say to you, winds your heart like a marionette in a box.

“Together with you, I’m dreaming of this moment when i can dive into you again.”

You cheese at how sweet he could be asking in other terms, when can you both hook up for real. Jungwoo had a way with romanticising things and you found it fascinating. Kind of cute too.

“Anytime you want, you can Dive.”

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@onyourhyuck please refer from translating and copyrighting my work thank youu!! Please reblog and follow me for more updates it helps a girl out <3.

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sassylegshayne · 1 year

Text

marry me, idiot.

AH ITS HERE!!!! I will say, like I've been saying, I'm still in the really early stages of this fic. like this has been edited twice where as every chapter of sylcd is done three times over so. I really have no clue when the next chapter will be out as I haven't finished it yet; might be during sylcd's final chapters or it might be after. 3.2k words let me know what you guys think!! enjoy mwah xx

series masterlist

"Okay, we have a slight issue." You heard the voice beside you clear as day despite the headphones that sat over your ears.

"Is the issue something you caused for us?" You turned to your best friend with a brow quirked.

"That's extremely rude but very true, yes." Spencer nodded as he took a sip from his cup, spinning his chair to face you. Spence and you had been close for a while, you joining the crew only a few months after Spence had, the two of you spending countless hours editing beside each other. The two of you grew close after a couple of longer projects. The two of you leaning on each other for advice and well needed breaks from time to time.

It has become a joke around the office about Spencer being your work husband; he had a knack for picking you up an drink on his way in, or grabbing lunch for the both of you, or Spencer's ability to pause anything he was working on at the snap of a finger for you. He was pretty much head over heels for you, and you were the only one blind enough to not see it. It's funny to think that you felt the same exact way, and everyone but Spencer could tell.

"So, remember when we started here and we became friends and we made that joke about when we turned thirty."

You stared blankly back at your best friend, the joke about marrying if you're both still single by thirty a distant memory in your mind by this point. It crossed your mind once recently. Last year, you spent your entire 'Dirty Thirty' party that the office threw for you clinging to Spencer.

You made a habit of keeping him alongside you for every big moment of your life since you'd met. You wanted to look back on these moments, that were destined to be great already, to include Spencer.

"Okay, so you do remember, that's great." Spencer clapped his hands together as he grinned at you.

"I saw a TikTok about the wedding gifts you get from inviting companies and rich people, even if you don't know them and I want in!" Spence argued, wiping his sweaty palms off on his pants as he worked his way towards the problem with this rambling explanation.

"I think it's unfair that just because two people are getting married they get to have all that stuff. With all my info had, I made some quick wedding invitations and sent some out, fully expecting PR packages to come back." He trailed off as

"Charles Spencer," You quietly chastised, wanting to not believe a word he was saying, but knowing deep down that Spencer was being truthful. "You are insane, I can't believe you did that!"

"T'm sorry, okay. Listen, Y/N, I thought it was gonna be a funny joke to give you a bunch of fake wedding gifts for our fake wedding on your real birthday! I didn't expect people to accept, but I know that is my fault for inviting some people that actually agreed."

"Charles," You started, using his legal name yet again. He wasn't usually worried about you using it, it wasn't some secret he was keeping it anything, but the tone in your voice told him that you weren't happy at all. "Who all accepted?"

"I'm sorry, I know I'm never gonna say that enough, but it was only a few people!" Spencer knew his voice was just getting higher and higher the more you two spoke, his anxiety spiking.

"Yes, okay, Rhett and Link accepted," A gasp left you as Spencer cringed, knowing his mistake. "Kathy Bates politely declined but sent an autographed headshot!" He removed the framed photo from his backpack before setting it beside your monitor.

He grinned worriedly, gesturing towards it as you let your forehead meet the desk, groaning.

"Besides the people that own the company we work for, who else said yes?" You asked through gritted teeth as Spencer looked to his phone, finding the note that held his list.

"Rapid fire, Tana Mongeau, Carrot Top, and Rob Schneider. It's not that many people, Y/N, we can just call it off." Spencer placed his hand on your back, rubbing softly as you groaned again, completely shocked by just how royally fucked this whole thing was gonna turn out to be no matter what you did.

"I'm so, so sorry, Y/N but. will you marry me?"

"emergency meeting at my desk in ten please need advice bc Spencer's an idiot"

"That's was very rude and I am plenty offended." Spencer quipped, setting his phone down on his desk after reading the group chat message you'd sent out. You shot him a glare, all argued out for the day after spending the last hour trying to convince Spence to let you tell your friends, hoping they'd help you figure out the story you'd make up in place of a wedding.

He finally caved, feeling terrible about the mess he had drug you into, allowing you to explore different ways out of this mess. In no time, Courtney, Damien and Shayne accompanied the two of you at your desks, various stolen chairs offering comfort to your friends.

"What did Spencer do now?" Damien asked, causing Spence to scoff and shake his head.

"I'm starting to get upset that everyone just assumes that I really fucked something up this bad." He defended himself as he leaned back in his chair, practically able to hear your eyes rolling.

"You did, though. You lied to people and now we're getting married." You stayed simply, eyes wide as you began to argue with your future better half yet again.

"You're already my work wife, we're pretty much married." You rolled your eyes once as Spencer countered you, reaching his hand towards your mug of coffee, being stopped as you lightly slapped at him.

"l'm sorry, I don't know if l'm missing something and everyone else is up to speed but, uh, when did y'all get together long enough to lead to getting married?" Shayne questioned, pulling your attention from Spencer as you took in the looks from those around you.

Damien's face held a mix of confusion and excitement, Courtney was rendered speechless and it seems like Shayne was using every last braincell he had to piece together this puzzle.

"Okay, phew, wow, that is what this meeting is about, honey." Spencer cooed as he grinned goofily at you, wrapping your left hand in his as he held your palm to his chest.

You tried your best to hid the smile that so desperately wanted to grace your lips, taking a deep breath as you closed your eyes, the feeling of a migraine quickly approaching.

You took your time explaining through the story, Spencer chiming in when needed but mostly stuck to nodding along as you spoke.

"Spencer," Damien pointed his index finger at the shorter man, both with brows raised at each other. "You're an idiot, my guy. Why did Rhett and Link seem like a good idea? Why did any of this seem like a good idea, but especially our bosses."

You sighed, resting your head in the palm of your hand as you awoke your monitor. You sat up as an email sat at the top of your inbox labeled important.

"Congratulations to Y/N and Spencer!"

You couldn't tell how long you spent staring at the desktop, the company wide email from the Mythical Management staring directly back. The noise of your friends chatter drown out as the words in the letter repeated over and over in your mind.

You had to go through with this, or you had to hide behind the arrangement and a shitty excuse of a prank. No other options popped into your head.

"Y/N? You okay?" A warm, familiar hand rested on your shoulder, giving you a gentle squeeze.

Spencer's eyes worriedly searched your face as his brow furrowed at your slumped frame. His gaze followed you, his heart sinking as he Scanned over the email.

"I'm so fucking sorry, Y/N..." He trailed off, running a hand through his hair as he leaned back once more.

The other three moved, all looking over your shoulders to read the message. Gasps and murmurs broke out between them as they say back down.

Your small group sat in silence for a moment. You thought you'd have more time to find a solution, a couple of days at least, but now you couldn't leave this room without some semblance of a plan.

"Let's get married." You still sat with a blank stare at the computer, your mind running a million miles a minute. You slowy explained your thoughts as thoroughly as you could.

Spencer and you were known as each other work spouses, even fans making memes about it. The two of you have talked about the agreement in the podcast, on an episode of Board AF, and in an upcoming reddit video with Shayne.

The fans always reacted well when the two of you were together, engaging with the content. There's countless edits of the two of you, even with the small amounts of videos you've been in together.

You can blame it on the arrangement you'd made, pull lan and a few of the other higher ups aside, presenting the idea.

Spencer and you would get married; you could make the content last up until next April, as planning a fake wedding would take some time anyways. That would mean an announcement video, probably a celebratory video with others in cast, even the process of picking out different parts of the wedding for Pit videos if they really wanted to milk it. Maybe even a TNTL gauntlet with your bridesmaids and groomsmen.

The one thing you wanted to thank Spencer for was the convenience of sharing one braincell. You could release the wedding video, the big finale in which the joke is revealed to the audience, playing it up as a fake relationship until April 1st. Spencer had thought it was funny to put the wedding date on the invitations as April Fool's Day, but it worked perfectly.

You took a deep breath, nodding your head as your eyes darted around your friends, anxious for their thoughts.

Spencer quickly wrapped his arms around your shoulders, kissing your forehead before he grinned at you.

"You are a fucking genius, lan's gonna love this idea. We can say we were prepping for the video, getting our invitation letters together accidentally sent it out. We can use whatever stuff we get as presents for the bogus invites for another video, too." Spencer added, looking to his friends as he chewed on his lip.

"I hate how quickly the two of you worked this out. We weren't needed." Shayne laughed softly, shrugging his shoulders.

"So it's not a stupid plan?" You asked, quickly distracted as the office door opens, lan's head peaking inside.

You lock eyes, offering him an awkward smile. He entered, coughing softly as he stuffed his hands in his pockets.

"Hey, uhm, can I talk to you guys in a little bit? Probably like twenty minutes, in the conference room." lan spoke, a tight lipped smile on his face as he looked between you and the man seated beside you.

You felt a pit in your stomach growing rapidly as you swallowed, nodding your head. This was horrific, it felt like you had disappointed your dad but he wouldn't admit it yet.

And the conferernce room? There was no doubt in your mind that if this wasn't happening in lan's office then it would be bigger than you expected. Lisa would have to be there, maybe Daniel, if they were that concerned; Rachel would probably be forced into it, no matter how much she wouldn't want to be involved. n nodded before promptly exiting, barely acknowledging the cast members.

You groaned loudly as the door shut, Spencer copying you.

"This sucks and I hate you." You shoved at his shoulder, huffing.

He rubbed his arm, pouting a bit.

"It does and I hate me too." He chuckled as a smile appeared on your soft lips.

Spencer felt like the boundaries between the two of you were figured out very early on, never set prematurely, always discovered naturally. Kissing your cheek was okay, forehead was okay, drunkenly kissing your neck was okay sometimes. Hand holding was very normal and platonic and something you two did constantly. Cuddling and spending the night together was normal, but you two wouldn't sleep in the same bed.

He knew that, so far, this system had worked If that didn't happen soon, things might get nuddy, feelings getting involved. Spencer knew his feelings on you, he had since about two years into your friendship.

For six years now, he's known just how much he cares about you with every fiber of his being. He knows he really would do anything for you, anything to be with you. He respected every boundary you set.

Spencer had a thing for constantly taking advantage of the things he could have. You were always greeted with some sort of kiss, never once on the lips. Your fingers laced well with his, especially when you were on his left side. He constantly sat close beside you, tossing an arm around your shoulders, resting a hand on your knee, giving your thigh a gentle joy in excitement.

Spencer yearned for you for so long that he'd learned to accept it. He didn't want to cut you out of his life to get over his feelings, he cared too much about you, so his only option was to accept his feelings and keep close to you. You two were best friends, where one was, the other wasn't far behind. You loved him, so fucking much you loved him. He knew this, but he also knew that you didn't love him in the way he wanted you to.

Your group is quick to disband, giving the two of you some space before your meeting. Spencer let the two of you sit in silence before he decided to pack his bag for the day, despite it barely even starting. He could feel your eyes on him, his back to you.

"Packing because figure they're gonna send us home today, no matter what they decide. Give them time to think it all over." You smiled, enjoying just how well he knew you. His words settled in, prompting you to follow suit.

As you zipped your bag shut, it hit you that in just a few minutes before you were supposed to face the consequences of your best friends well intended actions. It was a toss up over which of you was more nervous, the both of you with pounding hearts.

"I love you, dude." You mumbled as you wrapped your arms around Spencer's waist, sighing softly.

"I love you, too, dude." He chuckled, rubbing your back as he kissed your forehead.

"C'mon, champ, let's go knock 'em dead." Spencer winked as he held the door open for you. You took a deep breath before leaving you little editing room bubble.

The room was much, much more packed than either of you had expected it to be. The people you expected to be there were indeed, but alongside them sat Kiana, Selina, and Lizzy.

Spencer thanked his lucky stars when neither Rhett nor Link joined the lot of you. He found himself sitting back a bit, allowing you to take the reigns of explaining your bullshit reasoning for the situation you'd found yourselves in.

Three hours, three scarily long hours later and you finally stood from your chair, your feet tingling and your head pounding. Spencer and you said your polite goodbyes to everyone before heading back toward your office.

"I think that was fine." You stated, arms crossed as you stare down the hall ahead.

He chuckled, nudging his shoulder into yours.

"That went really well, you heard Daniel. It's gotta go through if he liked it that much. It's gonna work out."

You nodded your head, a smile tugging on your lips as you both grabbed your bags.

"Wanna hangout or, uh, give me a ride home? Shayne drove me this morning." Spencer smiled heepishly as he followed you into the parking lot.

"If I'm your fiancee now, I think you should tell me if there's something going on between the two of you." You poked as you both got into your car.

You scooted your chair away from your desktop as you rubbed your eyes, now realizing just how long you'd been sat starting at your screen playing Minecraft with Spencer.

You smiled softly, feeling a tug at your heart at the sight before you. He sat slumped into your couch, eyes focused and brow furrowed as you cat napped on top of the cushion behind him.

Craig and Spencer had a love hate relationship, both of them usually eager for your attention at the same time, causing them to butt heads. Your cat and your best friend were both horribly stubborn.

But then there'd be moments like this, or when Craig curls up with Spencer on your couch, or when he follows Spence through your own house, even if you're still right where your kitty left you.

You stretch, taking off your headphones as you rise and stretch, catching Spence glancing over at you, smiling softly.

"Oh shit, you're still here?" You questioned as you walked past the couch, heading into your kitchen, yawning softly. You check your watch, catching it at just past five in the afternoon.

Spencer chuckled, watching as his eyes followed your every move as you danced around your small kitchen, seemingly opening every cabinet to find what you needed.

"Check your email, Charmander." You mindlessly called out to him, the nickname leaving him to roll his eyes as he dug into his pocket.

"You are the absolute worst with nicknames, need you to know that. Just call me Charles at this point." He laughed as you flipped him off as you turn, spoon in your mouth.

You join him on your couch with two peanut butter and banana sandwiches on one plate, sitting it on the space between you. Spencer nods a thanks to you as he grabbed his, taping your sandwiches together as a toast.

He loads into his email, refreshing it as you take your first bite. His wide eyes cause you a bit of stress, making you sit up straight.

"Good or bad?"

"Uh, good, I think. My schedule got changed." Spencer quickly switched over to his calendar, it had to be good; they don't just switch the schedule halfway through the month.

His eyes scanned over the new or changed parts, reading the first one he saw.

'Engagement Shoot' scheduled for tomorrow at 10AM.

"We did it, Joe." Spencer turns to you with a grin, quickly pulling you into a tight hug. You groaned and rolled your eyes, before quickly squealing as you wrapped your arms around him, bouncing in your seat.

They got what they wanted, right?

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