I luckily haven't been subjected to this brand of fan with my own eyes in a while, but it's hilarious to me how many IDW Megatron fans there are that hate the shit out of IDW Optimus (or any Megatron/Optimus in general) especially when they themselves are MegOP shippers. Like they'll be like "errrrmmmm Optimus is a cop fuck him he's literally evil" babe your fave is a literal dictator and a colonizer who didn't even treat his own Decepticons respectfully but IDW OP being a cop is so unforgivable? Or are we selectively applying the standard of "this is bad IRL therefore any fictional character who is X is also bad"? Megatron said he was sorry and regrets what he did but I guess you didn't read the parts where Optimus was also sorry/had regrets for what he did so that means it doesn't exist?

That or they do some crazy ass mental gymnastics to be all like "oh uh ermmm Optimus is evil because he said something mean to someone and punched them [casually fails to mention or explain the context at all]" but then with Megatron they'll turn around and be like "here's how Megatron colonizing planets was actually just him doing what needed to be done to ensure the survival of his race, also when Megatron becomes an Autobot here's how the people on the Lost Light are actually oppressing him for telling him to stop being a fucking asshole" [paraphrased versions of takes I have seen with my literal own eyes]. Like idk I feel like it's only-reads-MTMTE syndrome striking again or something? People probably don't read enough about Optimus to know the context of what he did AND they're laboring under the MTMTE illusion that Megatron was only kind of a bastard but was really good at heart, so in combination they just decide to be absolutely unhinged and say shit that isn't remotely true? Idk

Like damn you people are weak and your takes are trash. If you're gonna defend or hate a character at least do so based on accurate information from canon instead of making up weak bullshit on how Optimus sneezing on someone by accident makes the Autobots evil incarnate and how Megatron doing unspeakable crimes was just a little oopsie/him doing what had to be done. Couldn't be me.

maxwell and sammy are all mine and i love them like my children but its pretty hard to divorce them from fnaf enough to make them straight up ocs. sammy especially bc hes technically not my oc, even if i made up every aspect about him except his name and dead twin sister

im thinking so loudly about ibuki and fuyuhikos friendship. i think i will explode

i dont see it ever really talked about honestly, they had so much potential together as a duo. even after everything fuyuhiko had done, he genuinely showed remorse for everything (by the whole slitting his abdomen open especially) and ibuki knew that, she understood it, so she went as far as to throw him a whole party for his recovery because she cares, she believes he can be a better person bc she is STUPIDLY optimistic about everything. fuyu must've thought he didnt deserve all that kindness

iirc, i even think at some point in dialogue, ibuki says to hajime she was gonna go find fuyuhiko to bug him, and GOD i love the thought of that. fuyuhiko just going off alone often thinking about shit (you know, The Horrors) cause its not like he had anyone— but then ibuki finds him and follows him around because she doesn't want him to be alone.

i think theyd slowly become really good friends just unfortunately off screen. i think ibuki would personally and deeply understand his kind of feeling of loneliness and not really fitting in/being normal, though it may be in different ways, ibuki must've had a tough life as well, so she would cheer him up about it. theyre both a little fucked up and silly, its what ties their bond

and dude you cannot tell me fuyuhiko didn't try to help the others while they were sick during ch3, but most notably ibuki in this case. she had done so much for him with the party, he wanted to return the favor, he wanted to keep her safe especially with how she was wandering out her room

but his efforts failed in the end. when she died, that mustve fucked him up so badly. like. for a while

he'd lost peko and natsumi, everyone hated him, but he didn't let it stop him from trying to be better. but now, he lost ibuki, just when they were getting close (AND hiyoko, who he was trying to make up with, AND mikan which hurt him too bc i think he cared deeply for her too and tried to help her overall during the disease ordeal to give back as well, but thats a whole other post), its like everyone was being taken away from him right at his feet. i feel like he'd just try to avoid people permanently from that point on. (which didnt work obvi bc akane and hajime flicked his forehead and said Hey Bitch I Love You) but anyway. god. it was too early for those three to go dammit

god i want more of ibuki and fuyuhiko i eat it up sm. their friendship is everything to me. i think ibuki would stick around with him in the restaurant at breakfast, and they'd run around the islands (fuyu would be as slow as a snail bc he's still healing lol), fuyuhiko would put up ibukis hair for her, and theyd perhaps even spend some time in the music venue just jammin to the same rock music.. god. just let them be together

Le sign... speaking of the server,

dirk is encouraging me to be more firm on my own thoughts for my comfort

i've seen ppl talk about it in stream a lil which im always like I Don't Care when it pops up but i've had Enough and i want to talk about the topic bc it's itching at my brain follicles.

since we're pretty strider-oriented, this had to happen at some point: strider cest/strilonde cest/in cest wont be allowed in the main server. if other people don't care, i might make a separate server.

-"hey why is that ^ something you would allow? pretty insane." / "are you a pro shipper then??"

no

"so you're an anti?"

also no

i dislike this argument as a whole bc i don't 'get it' i guess because im audhd. neither side is fully correct nor fully wrong.

"fiction affects reality." and "fiction is not reality." are two different thought processes that can and should coexist in the same space.

look. fiction can affect reality, but it IS also possible to separate from it. you can para or whatever responsibly. tag it. try to make sure people who don't want to see it don't have to see it. and if minors are getting sent your shit, make sure its clear that this should NOT be happening in reality. if you're a child, keep that shit blocked. it's NOT for you and you should not be actively consuming it. (please listen to this advice bc i grew up on the internet barely supervised, from a very unhealthily early age [7-8] and then developed into a fucked up hypersexual.) (seeing something fucked up and being like AUGH my eyes! is normal because that just. happens. thats life. you deal with it afterwards in some way. talking to someone you trust etc. you do not go back for more i am begging.) (if someone is showing you these things on purpose then please read this website all the way through for me ok?)

you should not be looking at an adult exploring/enjoying fucked up shit

videogames are not going to make you or me more violent by having violence, gore, and murder in them. but videogames DO make some people violent. those people should not have access to these things. but we (you and i) cannot control that beyond making sure content is labelled and set aside. i like playing games where i assassinate people. i am not an assassin. someone could play the same game and get terrible ideas they act on. this is not my fault for playing the game.

and, if you're an adult who likes fucked up shit (me too) tag your shit or have it listed somewhere on your about that it's something you post about frequently there. and maybe reiterate that it's not real. its just toys. and should never be followed irl. yeah, it fuckin sucks that we gotta do this shit, but kids are unfortunately on the internet, with the inability to differentiate grey from black and white. your shit might be the first exposure. which sucks!! so it's our responsibility to try and mitigate harm on both sides unfortunately until we can convince parents to start parenting their children again. which sucks. i just wanna post shit in peace but the buzzing around from very loud teenagers makes me anxious. i get it.

it fucking sucks!!! but we can't control other people, especially if theyre malicious

but you control what YOU see on the internet. block anyone. (i blocked someone back in the day for disliking johndave. be free.) and help people do that (control what they see) by making it very clear. you aren't evil for not wanting to see it, and other people aren't evil for enjoying fucked up content.

also some of yall on BOTH SIDES do some truly vile shit in the name of this argument when your energy could be spent elsewhere doing shit you like or even doing things that are actually. Helpful.

so i don't like either label i dont want to be associated with either of the sides but if you want to call me one or the other then . Whatever i guess? thats your business, not mine. just know you are not a failure or a freak for not constantly reinforcing and reassuring everyone that you think adults doing their own thing in fictional spaces with little toy dolls (that theyve been doing since the 70s-80s) is gross. you can just think that like. in general and look away because the dolls are dolls. but don't go posting doll horn-knees untagged. that's rude as fuck.

hi this is "That Thing". he probably has a name but everyone just refers to him with various vague and slightly rude terms. he thinks this is funny so he doesn't correct them. if youve ever seen me make a post/tag a post vaguely mentioning someone and its "Formatted Like This" its most likely about him. the average charlie princesable follower doesnt know about this guy which is funny because if youre in a server with me you are Painfully Aware He Exists because i love making people look at him.

his entire bit is that i thought it would be really funny if there was a guy who had no positive traits. no redeeming qualities. what if there was a guy who was so sucks and he made it literally everyone around hims problem. you'd get this guy. he's supposed to be extremely one note and lack basically any character depth because it's really funny to me to have a cast of characters i have put so much thought and effort into to make sure act like Actual People and then just dump in this dude who kills people for fun and thats it thats his entire character.

as previously stated yeah he just kills people. thats his gimmick. he shows up and kills people crazy style. no one takes him seriously because he's like. Cartoonishly Evil. so theyre all like. oh this guy cant be serious. there is no way a real human person would act like this. unfortunately there is. he sucks so bad and unfortunately he is having a great time being here.

everyone also hates him because hes an asshole and well he loves this. he loves that everyone hates him. he thinks its hilarious. any attention is positive attention or whatever.

he shows up during chapter 2/part 2/watever the fuck because twitch (pretend you know who that is) is like hm. you know its been weirdly difficult trying to kill sherwin. because that is the plot of charlie game. i wonder if that guy down the street still kills people. and theyre like hey do you still kill people? can you help me a kill a guy. and hes like. yeah thats what i do. extremely riveting i know.

he had a completely normal childhood he literally just did a complete 180 over the course of a single night and only one person is actually concerned about this.

^ yeah what this guy said. ignore how he's my discord icon. thats not an exaggeration btw it was literally A Single Night.

other fun facts i want to mention that dont need their own paragraph: his hair is naturally black but he dyes it orange exclusively to piss his younger sister off because she has orange hair. he has two swords because thats the most extra shit i could think of. he genuinely never stops smiling it’s infuriating. his associated animal is a rabbit. all of my friends hate him. i hate him. he's existed for 2 years and has unfortunately had a massive impact on the plot. he's the only charlie game character with a fancam. i like to think his the culmination of me growing up watching 2010s animation memes. i would say we should kill him with hammers but unfortunately that is exactly what he wants.

tldr: everyone thinks sherwin is the worst person alive and its just because i never talk about This Guy. i am accepting questions and concerns at anytime.

i am concerned.

So like. As amazing at the tma has been about fat acceptance and love and has been absolutely vital to a lot of my self acceptance as a fat trans man, because this fandom actually talks about fat people (as opposed to other fandoms where fat characters and hcs are nonexistent), it means it’s also exposed me to the most and worst fatphobia of any fandom. I genuinely don’t even gaf about the actual discourse discussed in this fandom, it’s generally the people who negatively react to discourse of ppl complaining about fatphobia. The initial problems are usually ignorable to me, but it ends up bringing up peoples voices that make it incredibly clear what their true thoughts about fat ppl are. Idrk why I thought I should share this with you, ig just seeing if you have similar experiences.

I struggle here because i don't like to feel like i am attacking other artists. i'm a hater and i love to complain but i know i have my own short comings. but when it comes to the fatphobia in this fandom im always left not knowing how to talk about things because people will come to me and tell me why my complaint about someone thinning out a fat character is wrong or bad.

do keep in mind i dont really engage with the tma fandom as much i feel very much on the outskirts so this is jsut what i feel like i see on my end and i'm sure theres way more going on i simply dont know

in recent months we have had a newer influx of artists in the fandom who have come in with their own interpretations of the characters which is all fine and good. its jarring sometimes when we become so used to these formless characters looking a certain way that when new people enter the fandom with different ideas it feels wrong and like an attack.

the biggest issue has been people drawing a thinner martin. and while of course everyones welcome to their own interpretation and martin expressing that he's not exactly the smallest guy has multiple ways to be interpreted it is extremely frustrating to see people take that as giving him the most bare minimum extra weight. especially when having a fat character as desirable and as a love interest and such a Fun character is so far and few between

i could go on and on about how each time a popular artist posts a thin martin it gives everyone who looks up to them the excuse to do the same and it's why it's become such a prevalent thing lately. i don't think popular artists should have to worry about being good role models or anything in a fandom i think if youre making art you should do it for fun but it sucks to see when someone becomes so influential and are creating a problem. i deleted like three paragraphs on this alone so i'm going to move on.

i think what i see in the fandom most in regards to fatphobia is a skill issue. people don't know how to draw fat characters. but it also feels like people are barely trying. the artist i have in mind who i would consider to draw skinny martins DOES add a bit of roundness to him. i can aknowledge theyre doing SOMETHING. but you can't come to me and tell me that i can't criticize their art because culturally that's fat to them... like sure it could be. but it's also definitely a limitation of their art style and ability and instead of defending them and patting them on the back for doing good enough shouldnt we encourage people to grow and improve? what an amazing asset to be able to draw people of all size and variety. thats an AMAZING abillity to have in youre tool belt. i wish i had more resources for drawing bodyfat but unfortunately i do not. i have learned from looking at people and luckily having a lot of large loved ones in my life i've learned from as well as you know.. my own body to learn from. and learning to draw bodyfat and drawing characters i love with it has done wonders for my body dysmorphia.

i went on a rambling tangent and idk how coherent all of that is but the end point is that fatphobia sucks it has no place in this or any fandom and we need to practice our skills instead of erasing something that has made this fandom so wonderful to me.

here's some resources

i posted some clips on youtube (idk if i did on here) but it was essentially just dnp's actual statements on privacy which were "i want to keep some aspects of my life private so that i have room to fuck up without worrying about my public image" and "i dont want to open the door to my private life because it can be a hard one to close if i need to". i clipped them specifically in reference to people on tiktok who were phannies in 2015 and recently had begun to hear about them again (pre dapg return btw) and the only thing they would talk about was "well are they fucking or not lol they should just say so already."

my problem with that kind of behavior is that this was clearly coming from people who dont care about dnp and dont care about any of their recent content and only want the tea or want to feel like "they were right" or whatever. fans that have stuck around and have actually listened to what they have said already know that dnp will PROBABLY never make an explicit statement and that it's completely okay for them to not make an explicit statement because they already show in every other way imaginable just how much they care about each other without having to stamp it with an exact word.

i think unfortunately, the common thread under the comments of those clips is, "i am so ashamed for having been a cringey teenager who shipped them and wrote theories or fics about them, and other people who still do that or still speculate should also feel ashamed." that wasn't what i was trying to say and that wasn't what dnp were trying to say either. all they said was they're never going to make official statements about it because they want the room to be able to keep some of it to themselves. thats not the same as saying "fuck fic writers and fanartists you people ruined our lives" and nowhere did they even imply that. i just wanted people who clearly didn't care about what dnp were putting out now to shut up about how "well if they dont say that theyre fucking then theyre pushing back the lgbt movement" (PARAPHRASING BUT REAL SENTIMENT SOMEONE HAD ON TIKTOK LMAO)

hmm havent been rvb posting much..... time to talk about simmons and caboose! cause a while ago i saw a post saying that simmons and caboose are on "opposite ends of the autism spectrum", which is SO true and i wanna talk about the different ways theyre each autistic coded.

[apparently i am incapable of writing a reasonable length post, sheesh]

bc like. simmons is what people typically think "mild" autism looks like. textbook "aspergers". theres a reason im using terms that arent used by the autistic community, and its because autistic people arent the ones who make these kinds of distinctions. this is autism as seen by neurotypicals: socially awkward, smart in one area of expertise but talks about it a little too much, annoyingly pedantic at times.... you get the idea. and while these are autistic traits that i can relate to, i feel like caboose is a better representation of what it feels like to actually have autism. like, he has an easier time making friends with robots than people, he never understands whats going on except for the time travel in season 17, where hes the ONLY one who understands it. he doesnt understand figurative language, constantly misses obvious social cues or breaks unwritten rules that everyone should know, and has a very hard time lying, deceiving, or keeping information from people.

and i think the reason caboose is more relatable even though simmons is more "textbook" autistic, is because caboose is written as DISABLED. he has a hard time following simple conversations. he cant understand things that should be obvious. everyone around him is constantly frustrated because "why cant he just DO it??" so even if his symptoms dont line up exactly with autism (especially since the way hes written changes over the course of the show), at the end of the day, autism is a disability. so personally, i relate a lot more with him and his struggles than someone like simmons, who is awkward and "weird", but doesnt really seem to struggle with day to day life.

in short: simmons is what masked autism (especially if you have a useful special interest, like computers) looks like from an outside perspective. a little awkward, talks too much, but smart where it counts. generally "useful", and mostly "normal". but caboose is what it feels like to grow up with autism. always confused, everyone treats you like youre different and you cant really do anything about it, cant seem to get along with anyone even though you just want to be friends, and no matter what you do, you screw up everything you touch.

anyway im not saying that simmons isnt autistic, or that hes "less" autistic (bc that isnt a thing lol). simmons just masks a lot better than caboose. thats what an autistic person pretending to be "normal" acts like (its certainly how i act around other people lmao). but because hes not written by an autistic person, they write him like thats all there is to it. which is kind of unfortunate because it feels like theres a whole other side to him that we never really get to see.

now, the fact that the writers set out to write a nerd and wrote an autism stereotype, and set out to write a dumbass and wrote someone who is clearly disabled..... that is a whole separate conversation that im not gonna get into. especially since i dont really know much about rooster teeth, aside from the fact that the fandom seems to have wholly rejected them, and of course what i can see just from watching the show. but i think its clear that its not exactly good representation.

anyway, i still hc them both as autistic, and if/when i write them, i hope my interpretation reflects that while still being true to the characters. it actually works out great for me that theres one autistic person on each team, because whenever im thinking of dialogue and i have an idea thats a little too autistic (like saying something really blunt or picking up on a pattern most people wouldnt notice) i can usually give it to one of them instead of writing it out entirely. which works out really well for caboose especially, because he tends to be quiet during exposition unless hes addressed (bc he cant follow it). so having him make autism commentary can break up all the "blue team problems" nicely. plus having him innocuously call people out when theyre being ambiguous is WAY funnier than "haha caboose doesnt know whats going on" imho

Early MCYTblr Interviews: nibbleinephym

our interviewee is @nibblelinephym (known in 2020/2021 as severely-nearsighted). here is a copy/pasted transcript of the questions and answers!

(if these posts are too long, please let me know, and i'll incorporate a cutoff in the future!)

Q: What do you remember most fondly about ‘Early MCYTblr’? (2020-2021)

A: i think im most fond of how tight-knit the community felt in the 'early days' honestly? dont get me wrong seeing it grow and new creators bring even more people in has been wonderful but theres just something about a smaller fandom that feels nice. we were never by any means a Small fandom but we're a Lot bigger now than we were just a few years ago!

Q: I understand that you were the face of Silverfish2020 (winner of the first MCYTblr elections). What was your experience in the elections themselves like?

A: first, clarifying; unfortunately silverfish2020 was Not the winner of the first election; that was quotes2020, represented by mcyt-quotes (who i believe has since changed urls? apologies but im not sure what their current one is or if theyre still active at all ^^;) by exactly four votes -- for me the elections were a lot of fun! when they were first starting up i wasn't sure if i wanted to join, since there were a Lot of people involved already and i hadn't really solidified myself as part of the community yet (i think i was still almost exclusively a musical blog back in the first days of it, not multifandom, which is so wild to think about tbh). im really glad i did though, i met some truly amazing people through the event that i still talk with to this day :] everything felt very fast paced at the time, especially since the discord was almost always going at blink-and-youll-miss-it speeds; you had to be Constantly in there if you wanted to participate in conversation. i remember whenever someone joined the server there would be a mob of people from different parties trying to convince them to side with theirs. surprisingly, that tactic worked pretty well for a lot of parties. i vividly remember that there was usually a pause of activity in the general server when results were being posted and a boom when they were all out. it was overall just a generally pretty positive environment from what i remember

Q: You were also a contestant in the MCYTblr ‘Friend or Host’ for Paint (adhddream). What do you remember of it?

A: friend or host was great! i wasnt in the competition long (iirc i was one of the first five out??? i dont actually remember how many contestants there were for the round but i know i was pretty early ^^;) but paint seemed really chill, it was just a nice little thing that we did for fun at love or hosts peak. i remember the discord stream of it didnt exactly go very well -- there was an issue with the visuals i think? so it might have been only audio. but im not entirely sure about that, it didnt really stick in my mind as well as other things from that era.

Q: What was the roleplay for Silverfish2020 like? 

A: the silverfish roleplay was very,, im not sure what the best word for it would be. chaotic maybe. there were a lot of things going on there just because there were a lot of things going on in the elections roleplay as a whole. we really leaned into the cult thing when the jokes started and it just kinda spiraled from there. in the beginning we toyed with the idea of a chestburster type thing living inside of the party members but it never really went anywhere despite how much we talked about it in our private discord,, instead we just focused on the party being a sort of hivemind. they lived in a stronghold under a dead forest and would try to get others to listen to 'the buzz' (like. insect buzzing. except if you listened to it long enough youd start hearing promises of a new family and respect and power and shit like that). one of our party members, shard (@shardofsun) was very thorough with all of her lore, going so far as to make detailed plans in a notebook of hers. the roleplay extended throughout the other elections as well (if you ignore the third and only through past lifetimes in the fourth) and is still partially going on now!

Q: You’ve been consistently keeping a list of all ‘kinnie’ (content creator imposter) blogs. Which ones stood out to you?

A: i think one of the imposter blogs that stood out most to me was definitely iamdreamwastaken (who eventually moved to tmblrdream) just because they were very interactive and took all the shit we sent them in stride. i also really liked the timedeo imposter despite never watching any of timedeos stuff. just thought they were cool. honourable shoutout to the eret and nihachu imposters too they rocked

Q: What are the biggest blogs you can remember? What was your impression of them?

A: the biggest blogs i can remember are probably gnfkitten [braveboyhalo] back when cat was the only one on the blog, adhddream, hearty-an0n(maybe not a Big one?? but very active and in a Lot of peoples inboxes from what i saw) and wooteena. there are definitely more urls i remember like georgeeehd (i think?) and wormweeb but i dont think i followed georgeeehd and i cant remember a whole lot of wormweebs stuff apart from the infertility post so i cant accurately answer for them ^^; wooteena was an acquaintance of mine; we didnt talk a whole lot but we were mutuals for a while. they were always pretty chill, despite the fact there were people out there shipping them with a friend of theirs?? ive always had huge respect for them just because they had the energy to deal with shit like that. i was friends with gnfkitten and hearty-an0n, at the very least in a 'wave at each other on the street' way, and i have really fond memories of the both of them :] hearty is still active, they post about sports these days from what i see on my dash, but im not sure if cat is despite gnfkitten being active as a group blog. adhddream always seemed really cool! my memory of their blog isnt super clear but i know i really liked seeing them on my dash back in the day. since this is tumblr i have no way of knowing if any of these people were actually Big Blogs but it definitely seemed like they were to me at the time haha

Q: What was the most insane piece of fandom drama you can remember from early MCYTblr? Did you participate?

A: i dont actually remember a whole lot of fandom drama from that time honestly. i tended to stay in my bubble of mutuals and other people i followed so it rarely ever crossed my dash. i was like ,, 15-16 at the time so fandom drama stressed me wayyyyy out, i tried my best to avoid it. the only stuff i can really remember at all was people fighting about whether or not it was okay to ship the characters from the dream smp and if shipping the characters was the same as shipping the players, but i never participated in any of the discourse from what i can recall

Q: Is there anything else you want to mention or that you want to be written down and remembered?

A: nope! though im happy to clarify on anything stated here if needed or answer any other questions that may arise :]

izuru is so interesting to me conceptually. like i know in canon he’s kind of nothing unfortunately. at least in game canon, he shows up right at the end, says some eugenics-y shit, voices hajimes intrusive thoughts, and then hes gone, but. the concept of him, as hajime, but with everything that made him Hajime Hinata stripped away and buried under so much conditioning and bullshit that he cant reach it, is so. its SO. yknow.

its the whole argument about what makes us the people we are, right? if you take a person, and then erase literally all the memories they have of their own identity, are they still that person? have you taken away everything that makes them Them and made them a completely different one? how does that change, and pardon the philosophical question, their soul?

and the thing about izuru is that you can not tell me the memory repression was perfect. you can not tell me that hopes peak academy perfected the art of lobotomy so well that they completely erased every speck of hajime hinata that existed inside izuru kamukura. that boy felt what was missing he knew there was a hole the size of the fucking ocean in his head and he felt every centimeter of it. did he care? up for debate. izuru didnt seem to care about anything, really (which… i have some thoughts about his eugenics conditioning by the academy in regards to that but thats maybe another post). but i definitely think given enough time, some of that would have started to come back. maybe even after the events of the first game, when the school was open again, and junko was dead, and izuru was able to actually explore the place he was held and experimented in and look at the files, and discover his old name. something like that would definitely trigger some memory recovery, or at least a moderate breakdown of some kind.

i dont know. people have said before that izuru is kind of an interesting metaphor for depression if you think about it, and theyre right, he is. he doesnt care enough about anything in life, he doesnt care about hygiene, nothing is going to catch and hold his attention because he thinks he knows how everything in the world works so whats the point in even trying? but he isnt just a metaphor. thats who hajime was during that time. now im definitely one of the people who thinks hajime was a pretty depressed kid anyway, unable to fulfill what he thought he needed to be, constantly pressured to be something he wasnt and couldnt be. but izuru was so much worse. they gave that boy fucking. ultimate depression. super high school level depression. i definitely think the only reason izuru didnt ever do anything drastic about how utterly miserable he was is because. a lot of it was background noise to him? his brain was just blocked off so those triggers were unable to fire? and because. to be honest. thats truly so much work. especially with the reflexes and instincts and empowerment the experiments gave him. and junko’s despair was just intriguing enough to keep him moving

its just something i think about. if someone had been willing or able to just. talk to izuru and offer him a hand. understand that he was hurting and that he didnt have to be. that just because there were holes in his identity didnt mean he couldnt create his own pieces to fit into them. i truly think that if he’d had that kind of presence during the tragedy his brain would have unlocked itself. maybe not all the memories would come back, but he’d be able to feel stuff again at least. and thats… something.

RE: MASH: I keep hearing about The Hauntolgy and the Time Loop Theory, and I wanna torture myself a little by reading more but I can’t seem to find any tags or anything on the blogs I’m following, and we all know search is broken.

Any ideas? I know these are pretty popular AUs/concepts.

oooo yea these are both pretty big within the fandom here. ill be the first to admit I havent looked at a ton of the time loop theory stuff, but I do think its a fascinating concept. my personal favourites are the ones that involve Henry being the one who's conscious of the time loop, or the ones with it being Radar

Henry's is really just a beautiful and painful tragedy with the idea of him trying to escape his death but he cant. the idea of him trying to go home so many different ways but it always ends the same, and when he wakes up right back where he started. @thebreakfastgenie has a post about it thats great, I know ive reblogged it at least once so ill see if I cant find it quick and reblog it for ya anon

in terms of Radar's I dont remember any specific post but I think its an interesting take on his more clairvoyant-like moments. being able to predict what people are saying, apparently being able to read minds to some extent, etc. its a fun gag in the show, but putting him in a time loop setting and having it be that he seems to have clairvoyant abilities because he's already done all of this before... its a fun take and also it hurts <3 im not sure what id have Radar's time loop be centred around, what he would be trying to escape or change, but its definitely interesting to think about

then there's the haunting which I have looked at quite a bit more and have talked about here a couple times, though thats usually in tags. there's a lot I could say about hauntings and MASH because the show itself is just... haunted. everybody's haunted by something, the entire narrative is haunted. the ghosts of the deceased, ghosts of the loved ones they left behind, ghosts of the ones who left, ghosts of their failures, etc. my personal favourite way to look at it is through how each character's loved ones back home float around them, influence them, haunt them in their waking moments and in their dreams. theyre not dead, but theyre not there. they exist only in pictures and letters, maybe the very rare phone call just so you can remember the sound of their voice

I remember there was a post listing the best haunted episodes of MASH with like, explanations as to why each episode was haunted and by what. I dont remember who OP was unfortunately- it might have been @variousqueerthings but I could be mistaken. I think Follies of the Living is my favourite episode for this, the episode's take on ghosts is fantastic, and that last shot just really stuck with me. its one of my favourite episodes in general tbh, this desperation and then this quiet sadness of a ghost hanging around camp, watching but unseen, listening but unheard. makes me wonder how many other ghosts sometimes hang around

Feel free to ignore this but i need a place to let this out cus im not active on tumblr much but with the current events ive been checking the tags and today ive noticed multiple posts (that gained a lot of traction unfortunately but are we surprised?) from zionists that basically call Palestinians antisemitic bc some use the word “jew” when they talk about israelis and i need to make some things clear: all these Palestinians have ever known their whole lives is jews who want to kill them. What exactly do these people expect?? Is it the fault of the Palestinians that their oppressors and killers are all jews??? What kind of fucked up logic of blaming the victim is this? They’re calling them jews bc thats what they all are!!! I’m Palestinian and have grown up around this language and know for a fact that when Palestinians use the term they dont mean Literally every single jew, or even the religion itself, they specifically mean the jews who are targeting and murdering them and making their lives a living hell, the word jew also most often than not goes hand in hand with the word zionist so we say “zionist jew” but even when the zionist part is dropped in day to day conversations its still subconsciously acknowledged. People on tumblr who have never set foot in occupied Palestine or ever interacted with a Palestinian simply do not get to police the language Palestinians use. They dont have the right. Palestinian Jews (yes, they exist, even if they’re a small percentage) also know and acknowledge this, they know they arent included in this. Its a word that gets used because we grew up around it basically. (And again, we grew up around it bc they literally are all jews! AND the israeli government and israeli settlers make a huuuge deal out of the fact that they have a right over the land BECAUSE theyre jews and its their “promised land” but Palestinians are supposed to gloss over that??? Over the fact that these murderers are using their religion as an excuse to murder us??) I also need to emphasize that this has been a tactic of Israeli propaganda to shut down any conversation around Palestinian oppression for decades!!! They’ve always been playing the antisemitism card whenever it serves them (whenever the oppression of Palestinians is brought up) when in reality they couldnt give less of a shit about actual jewish struggle

People refuse to put things in their context. They also refuse to acknowledge the horror of colonialism. Nobody but the colonized know how bad it is how horrible and violent it is. Nobody but the colonized know the breaking point when dying fighting is just a better option than anything else. Everyone can understand the horror of colonialism in a moral theorical way if they educate themselves but only the colonized understand the real horror.

People outside of Palestine need to be careful with the terms they use I will always correct them. But for Palestinians? I won’t tell them which words they should or shouldn’t use because there’s a context. Palestinians use the term Jews in the context of Palestine because that’s what they live what they grew up around. The people oppressing them, killing them, stealing their land happen to ALL be Jewish and they happen to claim to do it in the name of Judaism.

It’s also a settler colony situation. It means that every single settler is making a choice. There’s no such thing as a “liberal settler” or “liberal zionist” or an Israeli ally. A settler who actually cares about Palestinian will leave the fuck out of stolen colonized land. Some did already. They realized how the situation was horrific, they realized how the education system was raising their children to be racist supremacists and they came back to Europe.

Just take a look at the videos of Israeli leaving out of fear… compare them to historical images or refugees fleeing war and to colonizers being kicked out of a land that doesn’t belong to them. I can assure you that it looks much more like the second rather than the first.

Last thing. Israel encourages and feed that confusion between Jews and Zionists. Israel and Zionists are the first ones who use the term interchangeably and pretend they are synonymous. They are the one telling Jews in the rest of the world that they are targets too despite the fact that the Palestinians resistance didn’t not threaten Jews worldwide they threatened their colonizers. Calling out Palestinians without addressing that is ignorant at best, at worst it’s an hypocritical diversion meant to put on the same level the illegitimate racist unprovoked violence of the colonizers and the legitimate violence the colonized use to defend themselves.

What are your thoughts on Prideful Cinderella by Pinkshuchan

ooohh prideful cinderella..... again gonna leave the link to the fic here please show the author some love <3 ill try to keep linking to the og fic like this if i get any more asks like this hah

i remember reading it a loooong time ago when it first came out. and then i actually read the first several chapters of it recently again because "hey i havent seen it in a while. and i dont remember much about it" so i gave it another go out of curiosity and i got to around ch4?

but yeah i did enjoy reading it!! not sure if ill continue it soon but it was pretty solid. the writing style is very - formal, i'd say? a little flowery? but anyway the writing style is very well written. it gives the fic a super nice atmosphere which i think fits the whole point of the story - a cinderella inspired, fairytale-esque fic thats made a little Off on purpose just because its pride if and pride if is Understandably. you know. off the rails. yeah i think my favorite part was exactly that - the atmosphere and style was very nice to read through, imo. its just the perfect combo with the premise, as i said, and the setting of this ball and the fact that a certain doomed by the narrative duo reinsuba are having their drama HAH.

and also that antagonist is so. hes so hateable but that seems to be the point. and also he Definitely feels like someone you could come across in real life (unfortunately). so big kudos to the writer for that!!! the part where the antagonist states his viewpoint on women and how theyre like Flowers is so chilling. and also a perfect counterpoint to reinhard, whos 1. genuinely fond of gardening 2. not horribly misogynistic and 3. his family has this. Motif. with flowers.

and also i know its been a small detail so far (at my uhh. around ch4 mark hah.) but reinhard drinking and not getting drunk because of his dps has gotta be one of my favorite details of this fic. theres already like small little bits of details in canon regarding reinhard and his thoughts on drinking (other than the fact that his dad is an alcoholic but lajfls), but yeah. i think reinhard purposefully trying and failing to get intoxicated is interesting. and the whole reinsuba drama and this taking place in pride if is all very interesting as well. the author does a good job of establishing the premise of the fic (cinderella inspired) and making it Make Sense with rezero's setting - its not forced at all i think!!

also i liked the julius reinhard friendship moments <3 (i am someone very normal about their friendship (lying through my teeth))

other than that i do have like. a few criticisms but theyre more a matter of personal taste. like the formal writing style is wonderful with the narration and with dialogue from people like julius or reinhard. it does however feel a little stilted with subaru just bc i Personally cant see him talking like that Unless hes putting up an act (which he does in this fic to be fair!!! but even when hes not he sounds a little too formal for my taste). and also i have General tastes regarding pride if subaru characterization which 1. will of course be a little different with other people and i am welcome to people criticizing my own pridebaru characterization hah and 2. yeah my opinion with prideful cinderella is that pridebaru is a little too nice at times? yeah. hes just a little too nice at times imo despite the fact that this is post-pride if arc 1 and post-subaru joining the witch cult. so i do wish stuff like his hatred of reinhard was more pronounced bc i feel like it Would be at this stage.

but i do get that pridebarus One Line he wont cross is like. people like regulus mistreating his wives and the antag of this fic sure is a bit similar so ig that makes sense? :o and also i did enjoy a lot of pridebaru moments and lines in this fic otherwise (the detail of him rbding to practice his disguise for the ball and him casually going "yeah i did it like 30+ times lol" in his own narration was SO good). i think the characterization of pridebaru just had some moments that i Personally didnt like and others that i Liked A Lot so a bit of a mixed bag to me personally. i liked everyone elses characterizations though!! the witch cultist lackey was also an interesting take yes.

yeah so thats my thoughts on it!!! overall its a good fic just had a few things that werent to my taste but thats perfectly fine!!

since you made a post wanting to know people's funny stories, what are some of yours? <3

uhh funny stories. when was this sent to me

okay okay anyways

the first story that comes to mind is when i lost my fingers. my pinky and my ring finger on my left hand. had my ring finger reattached but pinky couldnt be saved unfortunately. i was working on a dirt bike with my cousins when one of the dumbasses decided to get on and take off when i was adjusting the chain. uhh dont really know what he was thinking, but he was just a stupid lil kid so cant fault him much. i was a stupid kid too. a bunch of young teens left unattended with a machine they're determined to fix-- not a good idea. dragged me only a couple feet by my fingers till they popped off. cousins found my digits, i was in shock, my dad was pissed at me. drunk like he usually was. mom was at work cause my dad was a deadbeat and didnt give a fuck about his kids. he called my mom and made me sit on the front steps to wait for her with my hand in a rag. guess its not really a funny story, but it is to me cause now i get to make up crazy stories on how i lost my pinky. i got my boss' kid convinced a gator bit it off. i told him and he was deadass shocked. kids in their santa and tooth fairy stages are so funny. theyll just believe anything LMAO. (no i don't just feed children lies. theyre just funny stories. if you can tell a kid that santa is real, i can tell them my finger got ate by an apex predator ty.)

uhh another one. i was with a group of friends in lousiana, hog hunting. illegally. pretty long story so to sum it up. police showed up, we all scattered, i ended up camping in the woods with my dog for the night. returned to our trucks, found out everybody was gone except for one other dude who had the rest of the dogs with him. rest of the crew returned to pick us up, they had mcdonalds. informed us they'd just been pulled over and received a speeding ticket. but yeah, broke a whole bunch of laws and came out with just a speeding ticket.

lots of other hunting hiccups.

my dad used to lick my mom's eyeballs to fuck with her before he went off the deep end. pretty gross.

i once threw a football at a girl's face because she was talking shit, and it fucked up her braces. uhh another time when i threw a football and jammed a kid's thumb. and then that time i accidentally broke one of my teammates noses with a football. i throw footballs way too hard i guess?

lots of bottle rocket fights. give me and my brothers fireworks and we're gonna shoot them at each other. surprised we haven't lost any eyes. same way with paintball guns. me and my older brother are both grown now and we still do that shit. lots of roughhousing. our love language is beating each other up. theres 3 of us, youngest is 15. we cant go out in public together cause somebody would think we're gonna kill each other, and call the police. also happened before.

still laugh at this time i was putting up drywall at church and this kid, lil dude who was there cause his dad was workin with me blah blah-- he squirted hand sanitizer in his eyes and thats the funniest scream ive ever heard. he was fine, we got him fixed up and bought him a happy meal, but shits still so funny to me and i dont even know why.

why is having your ocs be your special interest unfortunate? please tell us about them!! (curious, friendly tone)

It's unfortunate bc theres not content for them that exist without my own effort 😔(outside of a couple friends) so i cant reblog posts about them like i would for like critical role or something. ive got a variety of "main character" ocs and most of them started out as ttrpg characters that then got their own non-rpg "canon" in a story universe im making with some friends that may or may not end up turning into a series of books. (overarching "plot" of it is that the birth of a new deity ends up connecting people and politics of several planets in different universes)

so like my "main" characters for that are vyma, claysen, and yianni. vyma also has an equally canon ttrpg incarnation for a game thats still ongoing, but claysen and yianni started out as ttrpg characters but now their "canon" is just their storyverse incarnations. i put actual character descriptions under the cut

ima talk about vyma's storyverse incarnation for this, since theres Spoilers for her ttrpg canon that players who follow me dont know yet (but like, the core personality is the same between the two so yeah). but anyway, her full name in storyverse is Vyma Bapp-Matieyepa sip-Sabapak, which is kinda long bc cultural naming conventions include familial last name, chosen/official clan affiliation, and familal-but-not-official clan affiliation (if someone has that). She's one of the unofficial leaders of a revolutionary/resistance group (other leader is one of @cosmemery's characters Naki) that funnels political prisoners to freedom and tries to counteract the imperialism of the country that subjugated theirs and the harm from their own gov that tries to meet the imperialists in the middle. Vyma is pretty tall, pretty butch, and pretty ace. She's got lowkey disabling hyperempathy, but this gets paired with an autistic flat affect that makes her come across unintentionally blunt, monotone, and insensitive at times. she's kinda overcompensated for social issues by using her hyperempathy and just general problem solving to get really fucking good at reading people/figuring out how people are feeling. this unfortunately does not make her any more conversationally adept, and in some cases makes her kinda preachy instead. her flight response (like the trauma response, not just the general fight or flight) is through the fucking roof and she would and prob will grind herself into dust in an attempt to make what she considers a positive impact. she's chronically sleep deprived and refuses to talk about her feelings in a way thats not dodging the question. she likes to bake, but hasnt been able to in a while.

Claysen Hishari (birthname Jarren Claysen Vidravalsh) is like lowkey highkey kinda of A Lot in terms of stuff he's got going on. id like to think i do a decent job not being Edgy (TM) with him but like,,yeah. He's a formal noble who escaped his shitty dad after his mom died and ended up being blackmailed into becoming a spy/assassin. He also technically has emotion/identity-influenced magical power equivalent to at least a minor god, but hes repressing that and its only almost killed him once. His appearance is altered via illusion magic almost constantly. He's more visibly autistic and uses a trade sign language to talk fairly frequently. When he's not signing, he has a very specific speech pattern, and often pauses in the middle of sentences while he figures out how to make words work. At the start of the story, he basically hasn't had goals or ambitions or strong personal convictions for A While, and a lot of his growth is Growing A Fucking Spine and Learning To Act On Things. A lot of his other growth is self acceptance stuff (both autism and the whole emotionally volatile magic thing bc por que no los dos). He has a pretty fuckin codependant relationship with @cosmemery's character Kay, and even before they actually become romantic, theyre platonically flirty with each other to a kinda obnoxious degree. hes bi, super reserved but has a certain air of competence/force of presence to him despite that, and has a special interest in spiders and bugs in general

And apparently tumblr has a word limit for asks or somthing bc it wont let me add my last characters paragraph onto this so im gonna just reblog it with yianni's stuff in a sec

Hey, I just found your blog and saw your post about OCD. I was wondering if you could talk some more about it 'cause I went through it when I was little, untreated and with no support, and I rarely do see anyone talk about what OCD is like internally. Those intrusive thoughts do come back every once in a while and scare the crap out of me. Thank you

hi! sorry i didnt answer sooner i literally never check my inbox lmao.

im definitely not the most educated person on OCD on tumblr, but im happy to share some things ive learned/thought about since my diagnosis.

1. i learned that my mom has OCD around the same time i did, which makes a lot of sense. i seem to have been the only one in my immediate family who knew she'd been dealing with severe anxiety for years, but whatever lmao. i think a large part of my OCD obsessions stem from my mom's. she wasn't aware that her feelings were abnormal, so i guess im not mad at her for that, but i picked up on a lot of it as a kid and have the anxiety i do as an adult. i think this is unfortunately a very common experience: growing up with mentally ill parents who eventually give u the same mental illness thru a combination of genetics and abuse/neglect/bad parenting/parents needing therapy.

2. mental compulsions need to be talked about more. i suspect the reason my OCD went undiagnosed for so long is because my compulsions are almost entirely mental, so no one, including myself, knew what to look for. mental compulsions include: saying/repeating words or phrases, counting words, letters, numbers, or objects, making lists, ruminating on past and potential future situations with "what ifs", trying to figure out the meaning of internal experiences like thoughts and feelings, trying to figure out the meaning of life, and even replacing an obsession with a different image/word. sorry for the long list, but i listed all of these bc i do a whole lot of them, but didnt realize theyre compulsive behaviors until recently. how are people supposed to heal when they dont even know what symptoms they have?

3. if u have intrusive thoughts, particularly ones related to bigotry and pedophilia, i want u to know that u arent those things. your thoughts dont make u a bad person, there is no morality associated with your thoughts. your actions are what determine how good of a person you are.

thats about all i can think of atm, but if you or anyone else has any specific questions feel free to ask!!