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readychilledwine · 2 months

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Lost Bonds pt 2

Summary - After the second war, an unexpected bond with Y/n Archeron, and repairing all he's lost, Tamlin is shocked with news from the very female Rhys has been protecting from him.

Warnings- cliffhanger because I liked the suspense, angst in a way, unrequited love, one sided fated mates

A/N - I'm going to apologize and ask for forgiveness now. The rest of this is written, but it was uncomfortably long. I broke it into 3 parts, so you all weren't reading a short novella.

Read part one here Pt 3

Winnowing was the stupidest form of transportation, y/n thinks she has ever used.

She sighed as she walked through the woods she found herself in, praying silently to the void that she was still in the Night Court.

It definitely did not smell like home, though. The sweet scent of flowers and petrichor surrounded her like a warm embrace. Welcoming her, relaxing her. Her finally clue she was lost came from looking up once more. The trees were blooming. It was late winter in Velaris. Yet here, small pink and white buds covered every tree she could see. They swayed in a soft, rain scented breeze that almost seemed to tingle her skin.

She sighed heavily, playing with the wedding ring and band resting on her left ring finger. She didn't know if Azriel would be proud or upset. She had managed to winnow herself from the Illyrian Steppes to Spring.

Even new to the world of the fae, she knew that was not an easy thing to do. It explained her exhaustion, the small trickle of blood running down her nose. She continued walking, hoping she would find someone, anyone who may help her.

Tamlin felt someone enter his court uninvited and shifted to head their way. All the High Lords had just received a message from Rhysand regarding her.

Azriel had evidently been training her with her new powers blooming and suddenly appearing out of nowhere. She had been practicing winnowing, and now they could not find her.

It would have been ridiculous to assume an untrained female had made her way all the way down to the seasonal courts, but after Nesta had shown her hand just a few years ago, and Elain after that, it would not have surprised any of the High Lords at this point. He continued moving closer to the border between his court and the human realm, following where the magic was alerting and then pausing.

You stood before him, illyrian leathers clinging to every beautiful curve. He shifted with a heavy sigh. “Come. Let's get you to The Manor so Rhysand can come get you.” The look of relief washing over your features tugged at his heart. The bond had not snapped for you, but he didn't need to feel your emotions to know you were afraid and very tired.

You took his hand, bracing yourself as he tore through the fabric of the world and landed in a garden outside of his repaired estate. “You need food,” he said casually. “We can either go inside so you can eat while you wait for him, or there's a table out here.”

He wanted to beg you to come inside, to see what he had done, to see what your home should look like. He had imagined for years now a life with you. A life where he heard your laughter every day, where you loved him and he you.

He had rebuilt his home with that life in mind. A grand piano sat centered in a sunroom you'd both use for entertaining. A dais where two thrones sat. Rooms for future children if you want them. He rebuilt the manor with love he had buried away for you. And now he hoped you noticed it, acknowledged it even. You belonged here. You would radiate here.

Aside from showing your body, the black leathers of the Night Court did nothing for you. You needed to be in jewel tones, in light colors. He remembered your skin glowing in the gown at the High Lords meeting. He ignored the pain in his chest as he saw the ring sitting on your finger, the one that matched that dress perfectly.

Blue was a lovely color for you. The silver band was plain as if Azriel had not put much thought into the ring. It was beautiful, but his heart rebroke, knowing it should have been rose gold and diamonds sitting on that finger.

You motioned inside, wordlessly avoiding eye contact with him. He took you to the dining room where dinner had been waiting for him and grabbed another plate and cup.

He served you in silence. The familiarity of the situation almost mocked him. “Thank you,” your voice was so soft it had him almost shivering. It had been 6 years since the war ended, 6 years without seeing or hearing it, and it had his soul burning. He yearned for you. His perfect match.

He nodded. “You're welcome.” He summoned a paper, writing a note to Rhysand and the other High Lords that he had found you and where you had made it to. “Rhys will probably come running, so eat quickly.”

You shook your head. “He's so busy with Nyx lately that he hardly cares what I'm up to. He will send Azriel.” His throat tightened. He'd had to see his mate with her husband.

Your husband, who was probably worried sick, who probably had been searching as far out as he could. “Then you should definitely eat quickly. Mother knows how desperately he probably wants his wife back home.” Tamlin clocked the way your eyes grew sad, the small frown that formed.

“Yeah. I suppose.” He didn't question that sadness, allowing you whatever space you needed to process it alone.

You were so comfortable next to the male who had ruined everything for you that it was almost laughable. Tamlin, to your shock, was warm. He was being kind. He seemed to know what you needed before you even asked. You had pictured Tamlin as this monster for so long. A cruel male with a heart of stone, but his mere presence had something glowing in your chest, sending warmth through your body. “I thought the manor was destroyed.”

Tamlin's green eyes looked towards you, spoon held halfway to his mouth. “I had a reason to fix it, along with the whole court.”

You nodded. “It's really pretty.” The walls were lined with Vining floral, marble floors dancing with natural stone veining. Soft green curtains veiled the large floor to ceiling windows. "Elain would love all the flowers. She used to make me work in the gardens with her. I miss it sometimes."

He seemed to blush at the words. “Thank you. And if you truly miss working gardens, there are plenty here that would love attention." Your lips twitched up, but you two fell back into silence.

Tamlin was unsure of what to say to his mate. A piece of parchment appeared beside him, elegant script gracing the page. “Rhys will be here in a moment with Azriel.”

You nodded before caving and asking the question that had been on your mind since you first met the male in his beast form, breaking down the door to the rundown shack you all called home. “What was the significance of killing the wolf?”

He turned to you, brows raised. “Feyre didn't tell you?” You shook your head, staring at the tea you were holding. “I was cursed by one of Hyberns former generals. In short, I had to make a mortal who hated fae enough to kill one fall in love with me in order to break her spell and free the lands. That wolf was one of my closest friends.” The last sentence was barely audible. “Feyre killing him made her the only one who could break the curse.”

As your face fell into confusion, darkness appeared in the manor, gathering in the corner like a void until Azriel and Rhysand stepped out. “Tamlin,” Rhysand greeted smoothly. You couldn't help but to laugh at the High Lord, covered in paint, hair ruffled, eyes tired. “y/n, are you okay?”

You stood nodding, and Azriel moved quickly to you, arms around your waist as he picked you up and held you close. Once he set you down, you turned to Tamlin. “Thank you for sheltering and feeding me and for the invitation to play in your gardens."

“Of course,” he and Rhysand were locked into a stare down, one Rhysand clearly had every intention of winning. “She is unharmed, Rhysand. Just tired and needing rest. You're allowing him to push too hard.”

Rhys narrowed his eyes, looking to you then back to Tamlin before nodding. “I will consider your opinion. Let's go, y/n. Nyx was distraught when he heard you were missing.” Any chance Tamlin may have had of convincing you to stay faded instantly. You moved to Rhysand, letting him take your hand and examine your face for any injuries. “Azriel, let's go.”

The shadowsinger nodded and spoke coldly to Tamlin. “Thank you for caring for my wife.”

Tamlin hid a scoff behind his wine and nodded. “It wasn't for your benefit, spymaster.” The two glared hard towards each other before Azriel smirked and walked towards you.

A feeling of guilt sat in your stomach, lingering there as Rhys began to summon his magic. “Wait,” you pulled your hand away from Rhys and took a step closer to Tamlin. “I'm sorry.”

The Lord of Spring arched a brow feeling the conflict in you from the bond. “For?”

You took a heavy breath, hands shaking as you subconsciously reached for Azriel's hand. You needed his familiarity, possibly his protection. You were about to tell Tamlin something that may have made everything he had gone through feel empty, like his love for your sister had been for nothing. You took a deep breath, looking up and sending a silent prayer to the Mother.

“Feyre didn't kill the wolf," the faces of all three males dropped, the secret finally coming out and being brought to light. “I did."

General Taglist:

@hnyclover @glitterypirateduck @slytherinindisguise @mischiefmanager @bloodicka @starsinyourseyes @the-sweet-psycho @mariahoedt @rinalouu @sarawritestories @starryhiraeth @starswholistenanddreamsanswered @cumuluscranium @loneliestluvr

Lost Bonds Taglist:

@impossibelle

#acotar #acotar x reader #tamlin x reader #tamlin x y/n #tamlin x you #tamlin x archeron!reader

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calamitysaturn · 2 months

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A little bit of art and personal story time,

I got out of a very bad relationship that went on for 5 years and honestly it was 5 years too long, he was pretty horrible and regretfully I eventually started fighting fire with fire, frustration from getting into the same arguments constantly with no change whatsoever just made me so tired and I'm not very proud of how cranky of a person that made me,

The first person I text this news to is the man who would end up being my boyfriend today, he drops everything he was doing, he was literally about to do Uber deliveries but stopped everything so he could listen to me Sob and mumble about everything that happened while I wandered around my nearby Walmart, I didn't realize it before but I found myself very comfortable with him, we had a rocky start to our friendship but he ends up being my rock,

I wasn't trying to find a new relationship, if anything I wanted to avoid it, after five years I was both crushed and then humiliated me, romantic feelings was the last thing I wanted to get, but about a week later we're hanging out daily, I looked forward to coming home from work to play overwatch with him, one night we get off of overwatch, I had work the next day and was trying to go to sleep, I couldn't help but lay in bed awake, thinking about him, he's just such a sweetheart, not to mention passionate about the things he loves, and the things he works on,

I do everything to push back and deny any feelings, not only because of what happened to me recently but I also don't want to make things awkward, the more I tried to deny it the harder things got, I couldn't get him out of my head, and I'm not that good at hiding things either, we were still hanging out a lot as well, feelings weren't going away so I tried to ask him out in one of the most stupidest ways possible, I tried to slide up to him and say he should date me, probably one of the dumbest ways to confess to someone but the fact I was able to confess at all was a miracle by itself,

The confession doesn't go perfectly as planned he's originally not sure, he's not sure about a relationship and respects me, he does not want to somehow hurt me, however him and his friends would happen to be where I live, there's a lot to do over here a huge spot for tourism, he wants to meet me during this trip, he's never met any of his online friends before and wishes to see me, so when the day came to see him I got all dolled up in this sleeping beauty themed dress that I just loved, and the night before I haf done my hair up as nice as possible and I set out, it started when he offered to hold my hand on a ride and he just didn't want to let go and I just remained glued to him, there wasn't exactly another confession from either of us or anything we just knew we were dating now, it's been over a year since, we've actually been pretty steadily taking trips to see each other typically every two months after I first visited him in February for Valentine's Day, we also had the opportunity to celebrate our one year anniversary together I flew out to him and we went out to Vegas, we're actually currently planning on moving in together at the very end of thid month as well,

Kind of odd to go on about it's so hard to share all the fine details but I have never shared this story I haven't even shared it on my tiktok yet and I do a lot of personal story time there, hopefully the cute art is at least nice to look at lol

#art #artists on tumblr #digital art #original art #story #storytime #personal

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alligator-spaceinvader · 1 month

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I miss you. Big love. Hope you’re okay.

TW: anxiety, depression, disordered eating habits, panic attacks, mention of self-harm, mention of suic!dal ideation, mention of alcohol abuse

I'm guessing you're either Harper, Harrison, Asya, Michael, Sable, Becs, Katherine, or Megan, (maybe even Kara?) and whichever one of them you are I need you to know that I love you so, so much. And I miss you (all of you) so deeply it hurts. If anon isn't anyone I just listed, that's ok too and I still love you anyways for caring about me.

In terms of whether or not I'm okay... it's a complicated answer, because on a day-to-day basis, I am usually okay overall (like, mentally), bc I've been communicating w/ all of my family members literally every day, which (shockingly) helps me feel more emotionally tethered to the world. Also, I just got done with the first college course I've ever actually completed in my life (3 CREDITZ BITCHESSS!!!:D), so that tiny step towards self-empowerment & independence has me feeling very proud and determined to continue (I enrolled in a summer course last week!).

However, I've been dealing with some extremely intense self-imposed social isolation (and not just the covid kind, obvi) for multiple years now. Part of this is due to my inability to drive (also I technically have my learners permit now!) but mostly this is due to my own emotional issues that I have to work through in therapy. I don't feel empowered or secure enough to place or enforce boundaries, so I rarely feel able to assert my own social wants/needs and actually act on my desire to see my friends again. I've been getting some truly ass-kicking, ER-worthy panic attacks on the rare occasions that I DO try to go see one or a couple of my friends, and it usually results in me cutting the meeting short so I can rush home and descend into a really dark mental place full of adrenaline-soaked doombeliefs & crushing depression (not suic*dal ideation anymore, thanks to my trusty ol' escitalopram!) that renders me physically unable to eat or drink water for like 15 hours, even after I've taken my prescribed anxiety medication. I've alienated myself so hard that I'm terrified my friends will just eventually get sick of being constantly rejected and avoided and will be hurt and grow to resent me for my constant, deeply sh!tty behavior towards them.

My biggest thing i'm dealing w/ and stressing over right now is that one of my best friends is engaged and will be getting married in the future-- and since I already missed my other best friend's wedding due to this neurotic mental illness & soul-destroying inability to stand up for myself, I'm more determined than ever to NEVER let that happen again-- so I've been trying to gather the documents i need in order to renew my passport (bc I'm assuming the wedding will be in canada). i got my replacement ss card in the mail the other day and now all i need is to find my birth certificate at my dad's house. If I miss one more friend's wedding because of the stupidest reasons in the world, I will be so crushed and defeated, I can't bear the thought of not being there (another reason I'm desperate to not miss it is that the wedding might be one of my only chances to see and apologize to my first friend whose wedding I missed, and I really really don't want to blow this chance)

Oh, also *nervous laugher* I had a ~sliiiiiiight~ ED relapse recently, which is tbh totally exacerbating every single stressor in my life to the degree that I've returned to my former habit of dissolving into tears and hyperventilating multiple times a day, every day. so far, it's not bad enough for me to feel like i need to hide it yet, but i'm familiar enough with this whole dreadful process by now that it I know it's never really in my control at all, at least not in the way I keep deluding myself into believing. lol.

and lastly, the greatest stressor in my life right now is that my mother's been struggling so badly w/ her mania and depression lately, she flippantly stopped taking her antidepressant and I feel literally sick to my f*cking stomach with the choking fear that she'll act on her suic*dal ideation one night and that I'll suddenly find myself in the world without my Momma. She's resumed self-harmnig and has been drinking heavily. "terrified" doesn't come close to describing how intense & heavy the oppressive fear of losing her is hanging over me every second of my waking life. (And also while I'm asleep. I literally have horrifically graphic, haunting nightmares of her k!lling herself in different ways, multiple nights a week, and I'll wake up soaked in sweat and start my day off with a nice session of dizzying hyperventilation.)

So, overall, I'm "okay" in the way that I'm able to take the time to comfort myself and practice self-care at home, w/ my partner and my doggle, and prioritize communication with my immediate family members (which has pretty much never happened before in my life), and I've been doing school and I'm all set up to continue college classes, and I've been taking steps towards renewing my passport...

however, I'm also not doing ok in the way that i miss my friends so much it physically burns in my throat, chest, all the way down to my solar plexus and i find myself incapable of responding to their repeated efforts to reach out to me again and again; i'm so concerned for my mother's health and safety that i'm in a near-constant state of sheer panic and preparation for dashing over to her apartment in case I need to break down her door and save her; i've noticed a concerning reappearance of e@ting- dis0rdered behaviors that i haven't engaged in for literally years; and i'm too mentally ill to socialize w/ any of my friends, literally at all, w/o it triggering a days-long meltdown :\

Thank you anon for reaching out to me. Whoever you are, I love you for caring about me and missing me. I'm so deeply sorry I haven't gotten my sh!t together by now. I swear to god i'm trying every day to get stronger and more assertive. i'm very, very grateful that all of you haven't given up on me yet

(please let me know if I missed any TWs in the tags)

#tw mental illness #tw mental health #tw disordered eating habits #tw ed #tw anxiety #tw depression #tw suicide #tw suicidal ideation #tw self harm #tw self harm mention #tw sh #tw eating issues #tw eating disorder #friends #personal #tw alcohol #tw alcohol mention

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guzaarysh · 3 years

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6, 7, 8, 11, 19, 22, 25, 28, 30, 35, 42, 43, 50

(i'm proud to say that i know the answers(i think) to almost all the ones i didnt ask ^_^,bye ily!)

sana i- 😭😭😭 i can't stop laughing at the number of questions you've asked ily

6. describe your dream house.

i have an entire pinterest board for this so i'm gonna link it here. basically mid-century modern, lots of sunlight and indoor plants, greens and whites, woodwork here and there, an entire wall filled with paintings and pictures, a kitchen with tiled walls, two balconies and a sitting space in one of them. preferably an apartment cuz i feel safer in them.

7. who are you jealous of?

honestly i don't get jealous all that much so at the moment, no one?

8. what's your favourite show to binge?

currently derry girls and young royals.

11. if you could teleport anywhere in the world right now, where would you go?

amsterdam cuz i loved it when we visited the last time and i've always wanted to go there again (but without my parents this time thanks).

19. if you could change your name, would you? what would you change it to?

i think no? i really like my real name but i do quite like "ry" as well so if i had to, i think i'd change it to ry.

22. tag someone you think is hot.

@ughlantsov :))) self love baby.

25. describe your perfect friday night.

sleep over with you and @wreckache where we watch movies and stay up all night to talk about shows and books and life and stuff. i miss the two of you so right now this is all i want.

28. who is the funniest person you know?

one of my irl besties. we met in 11th grade and we were partners and we'd spend hours on end laughing at the stupidest shit.

30. tag someone you want to talk to but have been too shy to message.

honestly for the most part i have no problem approaching people on tumblr so i'll tag my most recent mutual cuz they seem really cool and i haven't had the change to interact with them just yet: @eifhames

35. do you have a crush on anyone?

nope, unless we're counting celebrity and fictional crushes cuz then i have many (nikolai lantsov being the most important among them).

42. describe the hottest person you know.

male, 6'1", dark hair, dark eyes, british, 39 y/o, has the cutest laugh, is a big dork, is also very sexy, sings, dances, acts, ben barnes, i'm describing ben barnes.

43. what’s your guilty pleasure?

watching old barbie movies (like early 2000s rapunzel, princess and the pauper etc).

50. what’s your favorite kind of weather?

light rain while it's sunny and warm and there are grey clouds scattered in the sky.

#ry's asks #sana <3 #ask game

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ircnego · 5 years

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"I'm so proud of you. You did what no one else could." Sure, Carol might not know Tony intimately but she is proud of him regardless for doing something that brave, even if it risked his own life. He won the war for them and she is grateful for that.

He asked for no one to come into his room. he wanted to be alone. It’s been weeks, after the fact — and he still wasn’t himself. Tony was tired, he was feeling that pain, and his thoughts wherein a million one places and he just didn’t want to move from his bed. But somewhere in the middle, someone was going to have to get his ass moving. Tony isn’t himself —- and who can blame him? this man might have saved the world, but look at what happened to him.

He lost his arm and the burns where horrifying. Though he knew what needed to be done, and he couldn’t help but feel good on hearing those words, but — at the same time, his back was turned to the woman and all he could think about is how — no one can understand the type of mental help that was making him crazy.

he wanted out of this bed. But he couldn’t stand on leaving it.

He wanted someone just to tell him he was going to be okay. but everyone else avoided him.

He just wanted to feel better about himself, but these thoughts won’t let him.

Tony move, to lay on his back for the moment. placing a hand on his stomach, and inhale deeply for a moment. He hasn’t said a single word before his eyes turn to look at the woman who was standing in the middle of his room.

“ If you were in my shoes, would you have done it? Knowing you might have died? I might be one of the smartest men alive, but even I thought doing that was the stupidest thing, but yet – it saved everyone. But look at what is left. A very Broken man. How can anyone be proud of this? I Know what I did was good —- yet here I am, I can barely pick myself out of my bed, I’m scared to.”

Tony couldn’t help but inhale deeply, moving that hand onto his face, and cover his eyes for a moment. Why did he start his, this woman might be proud, but she didn’t care. He was alone on this, and that is how it’s going to be.

“ I’m sorry— I am just tired. Can you please, leave.”

as much as he didn’t want that, it might have been the best for everyone involved. His mind was screaming that he was better off alone. He needed to go back to keeping everything bottle up – he just can’t yell at a random person, not like this.

|| @beautifultragedics

#beautifultragedics #v;; 𝐼 𝑎𝑚 𝐼𝑟𝑜𝑛 𝑀𝑎𝑛.... ( 𝑒𝑛𝑑𝑔𝑎𝑚𝑒 𝑣𝑒𝑟𝑠𝑒 )

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crazybishthoughts · 3 years

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Holy fuck ... 😳 6 years clean an serene today !!! Just wow... if you would of told me 6yrs ago that I'd be happy, healthy, loved, an most of all clean, I would of responded with "Not in this lifetime" .. yet here I am, working it an doin the damn thing an livin the best life I can now.

I no longer wake up dope sick with body aches, hot cold sweats that make your whole body shiver, I'm not instantly jonesing as soon as I open my eyes .. no more body aches that make me wish for death or a syringe... i no longer experience pain of withdrawal, and the mental struggles, including cravings. No more worrying about getting money or selling my body to get well. Absolutely no more fear of getting sick or of dying ..

Instead.. I wake up in a home that I've built an created with a man an children who love me. I wake up energized an happy to face a new day of possibilities, I wake up excited to see another day an to feel the sun on my skin as it comes through the house. I wake up proud that my children have a mother who is doing her best, proud knowing my kids will never know that sick an twisted side of me. I wake up with hope every day. 😁 but of course it's taken LOTS OF WORK, PROGRESS AN PERSEVERANCE AN THE WANT TO BE BETTER AN TO FINALLY ACTUALLY DO THE DAMN THING TO STAY CLEAN!!!

But what I wish people understood is how much I wanted to stop, how much I hated what my life had become. I think people assume that there is a lot more choice involved than there is. But I don't think anyone really chooses to become a addict. I chose to start getting high initially but something changed in me where alcohol wasnt enough and I compulsively sought better ways to get my mind to stop. By the time heroin came into the picture it was too late, I was already gone. Heroin does not sound like a good idea to a rational human being and some people can use other recreational or prescribed drugs and remain rational. Those of us who become junkies are people who are rendered incapable of making good decisions when mind-altering substances are introduced to our bloodstream. You might call it a slippery slope, the regression from casual partying to heroin but it's really a very slow process of accepting different levels of normality.

The first time I knew of one of my friends shooting up I was disgusted, but it gradually became less foreign and one day just didn't seem like a bad idea anymore. After that point it is a quick downhill to rock bottom. The first time I shot up I had just turned 15 an my girlfriend at the time helped load me up an hit myself for the first time..

there's this funny thing about heroin... the first time you do it, you throw up, you feel sick and you can't move. you lay on your back and your head spins and your body flips... you say to yourself, this is the stupidest drug ever. only the dumb of the dumb would ever do it again. heroin, once it became my friend, became like a warm blanket on a cold night. now i couldn't imagine living with it

from that point on I dreamt of heroin every night, And while I knew it was a bad idea, I knew as soon as I got more, I was going to do it again, just one more time. I spent the next three years waking up every day with the intention of getting clean but a few hours into the day I'd think, just one more time, then tomorrow I will do things differently.

It's hard to explain to anyone who's never been through it and I can see how it would be hard to understand because it doesn't make sense, but there was no choice. Even now, I have to keep reminding myself because it doesn't make sense to me anymore either. I have been clean for six years and am happy an loved. I, no joke, have 2 small children and a nice home an drug free life.. Most people don't know and would never assume that I spent any time living in a tent by a the river using dirty needles and rainwater to inject heroin in between my toes so no one would notice... as if they couldn't tell by my sunk in face, an weight loss. So that's the other thing I wish people knew, and really believed, is that we change. We Hate ourselves as much as society hates us but we don't have to stay that way forever, we can change into amazing beings. We don't have to be prisoners to our addiction. We can do an be better, we just have to truly want it for ourselves.

#recovery #addiction #opiates #positivity #wedorecover #cleananserene #addictionawareness

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