#this is so true and so well articulated
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What’s your interpretation of Naomi?
oh boy, this one is going to be a ride.
so, you'll notice that i avoid talking about naomi often; i tend to separate her and junichirou when i talk about them despite the tanizaki siblings being intrinsically linked in canon. that's where i draw my fanon.
because i don't think junichirou is a person without naomi. there is no junichirou without naomi. naomi is the reason that junichirou is the "closest to evil" in the agency; because he does not care for human life if it isn't hers. we see even in the first few episodes and such - junichirou is willing to put it all on the line if naomi is hurt. junichirou would've killed higuchi because naomi was hurt. junichirou was willing to assassinate the port mafia don because it threatened naomi's part time job.
naomi does not do things without junichirou; she alters the course of events surrounding junichirou at every turn. naomi is the one who screwed up kunikida & junichirou's plan to get dazai to do the brunt work during atsushi's entrance exam.
whether they're siblings or not - honestly, i don't think they are, like many don't. even if they were, it doesn't change the fact that they are not people without each other. naomi makes decisions; junichirou follows them. naomi is insecure about something - junichirou enables her. whether they're lovers or best friends or something and just lying, it doesn't change that.
they both manipulate each other, to an extent, and we often see that junichirou doesn't have a spine when directly interacting with naomi rather than interacting in her defense.
he doesn't see humans as people because of naomi, and i think she's the same. we don't see her as much as we see junichirou, which is why i'm mentioning him so much, and because i truly do not think you can separate the two while keeping close to canon.
my fanon differs a lot from canon, and i know that, but as far as canon goes - naomi manipulates junichirou as much as the inverse, and at the end of the day, naomi is the one pulling the strings there.
you could argue that he is, too, but even taking the novel she's based on into account - she holds the cards there and she does so for a reason. she's incredibly smart - i think she'd be an excellent strategist if given the opportunity, she keeps a level-head in situations no one else does (like when she got fukuzawa while everyone else was arguing about it).
she also intrigues me - why is she an office worker, and junichirou is a detective? is it because he has the ability? as far as we see, he has no moral inclination toward detective work and he often becomes violent due to naomi following him into the field - why not make her a full detective, give her the protections a detective does, like a gun? why does naomi rely so heavily on junichirou? why does junichirou rely so heavily on her?
there's not a lot we know about her, and i doubtlessly am missing several things, but all in all, i think naomi is an incredibly interesting character and we should see more of her, and that she is, unquestionably, the cause behind all of junichirou's actions. naomi says jump, he says how high.
#and again. the inverse is also true. they're incredibly codependent with each other.#there's a reason i tend to leave her out because they are not people without each other#and i don't. want to get into that without giving it a 20k one shot you know#cherri.txt#bsd#bungou stray dogs#naomi tanizaki#junichirou tanizaki#i hope this is articulated well! it's kind of all over the place so forgive me but this is what i got man
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i’ve got so many unfinished fics in my drive and maybe even one published one where someone calls stede strong and brave for maintaining his softness even when life pushes back.
recently i feel like stede made a choice ed and izzy have both made in the past that they’ve always wished they never did, and stede could have been spared from. at the very least i think it hurt ed to see the version of himself he hates in stede. he probably thinks stede wanted to become that man for reasons other than stede has been bullied his entire life for being inadequate and told a man a bit like blackbeard is a real man.
call me crazy or whatever but i actually think a major thing that should be communicated between ed and stede is something on stede’s end. his trauma and his feelings and his issues. as it stands now, i don’t think ed understands what’s going on with stede. i don’t think he understands the person stede really wants to be. i don’t think he understands stede’s own issues of self-doubt and stede’s insecurities. hell i don’t think ed even has that much of a grasp of how unpopular and disliked stede has always been his entire life. and i think maybe if stede explained himself better, ed would understand more of what was going on. that he wouldn’t be seeing stede as manifesting something he wants to escape from, he would see stede as someone he needs to help escape with him.
#ofmd#ofmd s2 spoilers#blackbonnet#gentlebeard#stede bonnet#edward teach#a hint of#steddyhands#but i’m not really going into it#idk if this makes much sense#it’s not super well laid out it’s just a chaotic bunch of prose im expressing myself through#obviously i feel like ed should maybe communicate more of his feelings to stede too#but i feel like everyone is focusing really hard on stede being a dick and needing to apologise#when what really needs to happen (though i doubt it will on screen) is they both need to articulate their feelings#so that they understand each other and stop getting caught up mis communicating#also listen. i don’t think stede did a good thing in that argument#but i do fundamentally believe that ed saying it was a mistake. no matter how much stede might also think that was true#probably genuinely seriously triggered stede and upset him a lot#they were both really hurt in that conversation#but i think that there’s this thing going on where stede has become a man that reminds ed of a part of himself he associates-#-with the version of himself he hates#and in a way that’s happening the other way around too#ed is soft. quiet. gentle. the crew doesn’t respect him#stede sees a version of himself he feels insecure about when he looks at ed now#and it’s fucking with them.#majorly.#i hope they talk but i know there’s not enough time in the show for them to talk the way i want them to
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a lot of my teachers this year have randomly complimented me on my writing even when the class largely has nothing to do with it and tbh??!??! it's really nice and it makes me want to write more?!?!?!!?!?!
#i thought i was bad at it but i think it's just bc i had to write so many academic essays that i stopped having time for creative writing#but i was shocked today because i had a one-on-one with my painting teacher which was basically my final#it wasn't even a crit just a talk basically about my painting#and i had to submit a write-up in advance about what i learned through the process of that class basically#so anyway when i got to the one-on-one the first thing he did was thank me for the write-up and he was like 'clearly you love writing'#'you're a good writer'#and i was like what!?!?!??!?!?#BECAUSE#im not trying to brag SERIOUSLY but i wrote it really fast and i didn't think it was that crazy#but it meant a lot coming from him because he's probably the most articulate and insightful teacher i've ever had#and also he like has a degree in english LOL#and he said i was a storyteller... so anyway..... i almost cried in the club immediately#well anyway. top ten moments#also my art history professor who i deeply respect wrote a very thoughtful comment on my work today to tell me that she thinks#that i 'have a true talent for written visual analysis' and to 'take her word on it'#BOTH OF THESE MOMENTS?? IN THE SAME DAY?!??!!?!#sorry for 18 paragraphs of bragging but i was truthfully floored#i am always floored when people compliment my writing because lowkey i am hugely insecure about it and feel like i can't articulate shit#like so insecure i cant even write lyrics for songs im like 'i have nothing to write about' man stfu just make shit up its called FICTION#anyway....#top ten days of my life
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the rumours of my death have been greatly exaggerated
*it's been 3 months since I last posted* FUCK HAS IT REALLY BEEN THAT LONG???
#capri talks#HI GUYS...... teehee. I am indeed Alive it is true#I have so much milgram lore to catch up on but I'm in several rabbit holes of other series/games and they have an iron fist on me#I am very much about to be annoying on main any day now. I have acquired new characters that have forever altered my brain chemistry#I must talk. I am a little chatterbox and I have many a thought about SO many things. But that doesn't have to be right now. Maybe later :]#I'm not doing so well in the health department and am trying to conserve my energy so its difficult to be excited about things and lack--#-- the spoons to fully articulate my thoughts in a post or. art. So yeah I'm going day by day! 🫠👍#*sighs in undiagnosed-but-looking-to-find-out-soon autoimmune disorder symptoms*
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Something that really hits like a gut punch the older I get, as someone whose been actively suicidal the majority of my life, is how fucking. Young Sam is in the original 5 seasons. If it ended as originally intended, Sam never would have made it out of his 20s and I can't accurately describe how sad that makes me
#supernatural#sam winchester#the thing with supernatural is that I can't view it as a complete thing#Or I guess I view it very segmented#Watching s1-5 I can't read any of it as setting up s6-15 bc I know it wasn't trying to set up the later seasons#so it makes it really hard for me to read it as one connected piece of media#and the original story is so devastating to me#The tragedy of it all#Don't get me wrong I like the later seasons and I love that we get to see Sam grow up#Like that's Very important to me#seeing a character live after believing he would die is something that speaks to me on every level#but knowing that it wasn't intended originally and that Sam was never supposed to see his thirties makes me so unspeakably sad#like. that kid we see in season 1 was dies he dies and that's just. It that's it#like even though he comes back in season 6 he still dies ya know?#I struggle so much to articulate my thoughts well but like that Sam s1-5 Sam DOESN'T make it out#his only true chance at redemption and absolution is through death and that's what happens and it just makes my stomach hurt#Sam my babygirl u didn't deserve it!!!!#:V
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Crown of Ashes is very much me going ‘Mary paralleling her father in our universe + some Jane Grey stuff + also being complicated and better/worse and enduring genuine pain for what she absolutely believes is the right thing/greater good and also ruling and also pyrrhic victory’ @herawell
#au: crown of ashes#mary genuinely to me is not the villain in this AU (societal bigotry is the real villain all along!)#(I do not condone her actions but also all the above is true)#(and in so far as the divine right of kings is made up etc she was her fathers oldest child)#(and also sexism)#(and her father even here having legitimate fears about the succession in societal context)#(though actually his method in OT3 verse is…not so cruel like)#I don’t know :hands: if I am articulating this well but#also anyone would look bad next to Tommy (& Mihrimah)!
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“reblog if-“ *scrolls*
#i can’t do it#im so tired of all these guilt trippy posts#it doesn’t matter if the thing is true it’s just kind of#“you’re whateverphobic if you don’t reblog this” please just let people live#i feel like i’m not articulating this very well :(
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no matter how many times i tell a girl im so insane and scarred, she still wants to fall in love. only to realize i truly am broken. only to break me again
#i cant heal this way#i took so much time to be single#i always say i’m not gonna fall in love again#i always say true love won’t hurt#but truly i don’t know#i analyze and articulate everything so well maybe thats why they think im healthy#always calling my emotional intelligence sexy#its just awareness though#no matter how healthy i want to be and how icked i get from being unhealthy#i still have the same tendencies same bad habita#still bleeding over a love i dont deserve#the epitome of love being the epitome of life#hailieshapedbox#😔#and my pain always has to hurt others#i try to take a beating#but i hate to be alone
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Not sure if you’re including my Antoinette ask re. book context but I just meant to say in the book I heard they’re only turned when Lestat is desperate and alone. And what the context was in the episode? And whether you think show Lestat’s feelings for her are supposed to run deeper. Clearly not as in he wants her to take Louis place (HA) but he wants his cake and eat it to (irritating lol). I initially thought his affair with her was a direct result of his feeling insecure in his relationship with Louis and neglected (or at least he felt vulnerable since he thinks he loves him ‘more’ than Louis loves him) but now in light of this most recent episode are we supposed to think he actually cares about her and refuses to let her go? Just interested where other people stand on this cause I’m confused why he’s stuck on his “no ass white girl” 😭😂
hey! yeah i'm not 100% sure on book context because it's been too long but from what i've seen others say he's just desperate for attention and affection and wanted to make louis jealous and that's why he turns antoine, which i fully believe of the show too lol. like there's no way he actually has feelings for her, even louis says it in the episode. i think he wanted to keep her around so he could keep having somewhere to run when he wanted attention and would hopefully Actually kill her if louis confronted him about it but he's also a stupid fucking clown so who knows 🤡 and he doesn't like being told what to do but like. fucking listen for once in your life please you brat <3
#of course i could be remembering what others have said wrong so take it with a grain of salt lol#sorry anon i also don't always answer asks because i'm not the best at articulating thoughts#and don't wanna just talk out of my ass if i'm not sure what i'm talking about#rip#anon#ask#iwtv asks#don't quote me because again i could very well be wrong and just speculating#spoilers#also i think it's hilarious i made a post about lestat using her as a place to pathetically cry about the state of his relationship#and then it was sorta true#i fucking wish it weren't an actual affair though#but the idea of her getting (almost) nothing out of it besides him whining her ear off is hilarious
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reading shimanami tasogare again and tasuku describing his home life at the beginning of chapter 12 came for my fucking throat
#it's that silence is golden bit which is kind of a running theme / question of this volume?#vol3 is really good actually#ithink when i read these chapters years ago i was so distracted by tsubaki's behavior being frustrating that i forgot a lot of the fun bits#tasuku would be like ''i don't get him i'm confused'' and i was just like ''you and me both man''#but i guess those 4 years that passed since then really do account for something bc i feel like i see it all in a different perspective now#this is also the volume where utsumi's old classmate turns up and wow the bits with her are. you know.#this is another thing: when i read this the first time i couldn't quite put my finger on why she made me uncomfortable#like she was being well-intentioned and friendly right? so i thought me being uneasy wasn't justified... at least until the characters-#-reacted similarly and actually articulated what was going on and then i went oh it wasn't just me#but this time around it's so much clearer to me#anyways. i don't like her. i kind of know people that are like her and. yeah#in true shimanami tasogare fashion there are parts that are relatable and it's nice and there are parts that are very sweet/funny as well#and then there are parts that are like. you know that one particular bad feeling/ thing happening? here's a character experiencing it#ugh i went and wrote so much in the tags again instead of in an actual post
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i love the little sounds in trust found baby
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cant stop thinking of that one person i saw that was insistent that, and im paraphrasing here "a real psychologist at the top of their game would hesitate to go one way or another for diagnosing akihiro as a psychopath vs a sociopath because of the brainwashing, and also akihiro cant be a psychopath because he never experiences psychosis" or, like, something like that and theres SO MUCH there to unpack. but its like. please. please. i need you to understand. the only 'real' word you used there was psychosis. a "psychologist at the top of their game" wouldnt diagnose psycho/sociopathy because thats not. thats not fucking real.
#gg og#saneism#its 4am so idk if im expressing myself very well/articulately but i just remembered this a few days ago and#i cant stop thinking about it#THATS NOT EVEN TRUE IM DEAD CERTAIN WE SEE AKIHIRO EXPERIENCE HALLUCINATIONS/DELUSIONS
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z
#I was wonderng why the term ego death was borthering me so much and now I think I can articulate a bit#ego death implies that what you are dies#but what the concept which is titled 'ego death' is actually alluding to is the process of understanding that you are conciousness itself#it is a transformation of the existing self which is unaware of it's true nature into a greater understanding of how life exists#because if everyone is a singular conciousness - ego death is the death of the idea that you are fundamentally seperate from everything#that exists in both physical reality and the 'god' which is life#so it's more like 'spiritual understanding of the nature of reality' rather then 'my personality or grip on who I am is forced to die or cha#change#it's not used clinically like how jung defines it it's used naturally similar to if I was thinking for hours alone in a forest at night#as a caveman or something and then I think about humans and animals and plants and how what is is goverened by the rules of what is and#the conditions of the world of which I who am not my body exactly but am filtered through my body and personality experience and then it is#once you think about quantum field as a thing and everything being made up of energy- then the body mind problem is just one singular thing#ego death' is an enhanced awareness of conciousness vs unconciousness as well as observing the quantum field encapsulated in a single moment#single moment of realization which I do not know if this can be a logical realization or not#I feel things so that's how I got it but I'm sure intellectuals can realize intellecutally and then the processing of that information will#will eventually lead to a belief#'ego death' -> ego transformation and acceptance#back to work
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The Mean Girl Bully Reader x Nerd Loser Yandere story sparked another red flag reader idea I had 😈
Imagine a Bratty Female Reader x Well Mannered Wealthy Male Yandere. Unlike our favorite monster whore gal, and two-faced bully, this new reader insert is super vocal about her distaste in just about everything. Hardly anything is up to her “standards.” She not only complains, but whines too! 🥳
Then her poor beau weirdly loves her despite her horrid personality. I don’t know how, I’ll leave that part of imagining up to you, but there’s my request 🥺
I just like morally grey or blatant antagonistic readers. A lot of times, it’s more fun if the reader is attractive this way to a yandere, than having stereotypical good traits, like being compassionate or respectful 😔
So please, a Bratty Female Reader x Well Mannered Wealthy Male Yandere?
-👘
I was wondering if I should just incorporate this into the Yandere CEO draft I have, but I had this sudden idea for a downright shameless relationship between a beloved, well-respected politician and a perverted, needy brat of a Darling. (I don't like politicians but alas, I needed a high-stakes public profession for this)
Yandere! Politician x Bratty! Reader
Mr. Politician is a true rarity in his field of work: well-mannered, articulate, and most importantly, genuine in his dedication. He works tirelessly for change and improvement, earning the adoration of the people. There's only one exception to his loyalty: no country ever comes before his Darling. And what a demanding Darling you are...
Content: female reader, older yandere, NSFW, some exhibitionism
Many would describe their interactions with Mr. Politician as follows: he's disciplined, confident and resourceful. A natural born leader, you can tell within seconds of meeting him that he is a man to rely on. He's spent many years in the game, and nothing can shake him out of his signature calmness. He keeps everything in pristine order, and nothing escapes his scrutiny.
There is, however, one quirk only few select people know about. A detail no one dares to discuss. It is common knowledge that Mr. Politician has a partner, yet the particularities of it are kept private. His beloved is a much younger girl, rotten to the core. It is unclear how this pairing came to be; the day Mr. Politician won his place in his prestigious office, he showed up with the mysterious feminine figure at his side.
What's certain and obvious to all witnesses is that his vocabulary quickly discards any meaning of refusal whenever he's dealing with you. It almost feels like the man worships you. He's never alluded to being religious, most likely because that role's been taken already. His eyes soften whenever directed at you, gleaming with raw adoration.
Splurging on expensive things is a given. Money has never been an issue for someone of his status. In fact, it's a handy and convenient tool he frequently uses to dampen the damage of your tantrums.
"Disgusting", you spit between your teeth, pushing the plate away and crossing your arms. The renowned chef of the Michelin star restaurant can only stare in horror before Mr. Politician intervenes with a chuckle. "Not feeling it today, huh?", he coos at you with loving strokes. "May I ask that you bring everything else from the menu?" he says in a sterner voice to the employee. "E-everything, Sir?" the waitstaff questions. "Well, naturally. I can't let my Darling starve."
"I'm bored. Let's leave now", you mention bluntly, standing in front of the heavily ornate table with a huff. "Are you sure, Darling? It's an important meeting for the country", Mr. Politician tries to plead. Around him, the other men sit baffled, observing the outrageous exchange. "Now!" you conclude louder. Before anyone can protest, your boyfriend stands up obediently and reaches out for your hand. "Then allow me to guide you, love."
A paradox. His earnest work is put to a halt if you require anything from him. Somehow, he has until now managed to juggle the two with little effort, and to his credit, there have been many instances requiring nerves of steel. Such as you paying him an unannounced visit to the office, and disliking the fact he was unavailable due to a meeting. So, you marched over to the window and promptly flashed your chest against the glass. Everyone else was focused on the opposing whiteboard; he was the only one who immediately noticed your arrival. "As you can see, the expected result is irresistible", he continued with a professional smile, tapping the graph with a marker.
Everyone knows Mr. Politician is fervently devoted to his principles. Take his last public speech, for example. Knuckles white from gripping the podium, he'd nearly choked during an eloquent -but passionate - conclusion. His face was red, his jaw tightened. He needed a moment to recollect himself, and the public waited with bated breaths, visibly emotional. Of course, they couldn't tell the outrageous truth: that you were shamelessly kneeling at his feet, pumping and teasing his erection until, at last, he let go all over your face.
"I wanted to see if you'd stumble on your words", you explain afterwards, wiping the sticky liquid off with a damp cloth. "That would've been unpleasant", he responds with a shiver. "It was live on national television."
He does not seem too bothered by the potential risk of being caught. Truly, his nonchalance knows no bounds when it comes to you. Or perhaps it is part of the charm. There's something quite depraved yet tempting about this perpetual contrast.
To return your daring favor, he gently places you onto his desk and spreads your legs, leaving trails of kisses along the inner surface of your thigh. A quick glance down confirms his suspicions: your bare bottom lays on top of confidential, rather important documents he dutifully signed hours ago. How thrilling of a feeling! He already smiles in anticipation, picturing himself as he hands over the folder to the oblivious party. He's not breaking any rules, now, is he? Nowhere in the book of etiquette does it state you mustn't fuck your beloved on top of official papers.
You gaze at the disheveled face underneath you. "One day I'll get you in trouble", you blurt out between whines. "Me? Oh, Darling. You know I always have everything under control." He lifts himself up and gives you a quick, desperate kiss. "Including you."
#yandere#yandere x reader#yandere x you#yandere x darling#yandere headcanons#yandere imagines#yandere scenarios#male yandere x reader#yandere politician#yandere smut#yandere oc#yandere oc x reader#male yandere#older yandere
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i don't have the words to articulate it at this moment but there's something about the way that people have specific expectations for "authenticity" and will dismiss anything that falls outside them as a mangled, anglicised version of the thing when actually that is the older and more traditional form of something, it just doesn't match their expectations. obviously in my personal experiences i'm mostly talking about medieval literature here especially medieval irish literature
sometimes this is as simple as spelling – i've had people argue that the name "finn" is anglicised and it should always be "fionn" to be Really Irish, but "finn" is an older spelling, glide vowels are later, if you wanna go real far back it'll be "find" (nd in place of nn is an older spelling pattern). or they'll hear someone say "ogam" and assume they're mispronouncing "ogham" due to lack of knowledge of irish and not consider the fact that medievalists tend to use the older form of the word. or they'll Well Actually you about "correct" terminology which wasn't standardised (and/or invented) until the 20th century
a lot of this is defensive and the result of seeing a lot of people ACTUALLY get this stuff wrong and have no respect for the language. in that regard i understand it, although it becomes very tedious after a while, particularly when people sanctimoniously declare something "inauthentic", "fake", or "anglicised" without doing enough research to realise it's not trying to be modern irish and is in fact correct for older forms of the language
more often however this search for the projected "authenticity" is ideological and has much larger flaws and more problematic implications. "this can't be the real story because it's christian" well... that's the oldest version of the story that exists and it postdates christianity in ireland by about nine hundred years, so... maybe question why you're assuming the only "real" version of irish stories can't be a christian one? this is especially true when it comes to fíanaigecht material tbh, but in general there seems to a widespread misapprehension about ireland's historical relationship with christianity (i have seen people arguing that christianity in ireland is the result of english colonialism which took their "true" faith from them... bro. they were christian before the "english" existed. half the conversion efforts went the other way. please read some early medieval history thank you)
however i also saw someone saying this about arthurian literature lately which REALLY baffled me. "we'll never have the Real arthurian stories only the christianised versions" and it was in the context of chivalric romance. buddy you are mourning something that does not exist. this "authentic" story you're looking for isn't there. that twelfth century story you're dismissing as a christian bastardisation is as "real" a part of this tradition as you're going to get
#in general if you do not want christianity in your medieval literature maybe arthuriana is not the best choice#it is. so fucking christian#as for fíanaigecht. did they think st patrick was there by accident#the arthuriana comment took me out though.#the christianised versions. of chivalric romance.#YOU MEAN THE CHRÉTIENISED VERSIONS?? IS THAT THE PROBLEM?#anyway this is not a pro christianity statement this is a pro historical accuracy statement#medieval#medieval literature
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HELD BY YOU, FELLED BY YOU ┊ TODOROKI SHOUTO
tags: GN reader, developing relationship, physical affection, touch starved shouto, loneliness, hugs + hand holding, fluff, only a little angst, obliviousness, pro hero shouto, reader works at hero agency
wc: 1.4K
series masterlist: 1/5
It is 4:03pm on a Thursday afternoon. The skies are grey, and the rain is so light it’s practically a wet fog. You have not touched Shouto in any meaningful way since Monday.
Before this week Shouto was certain that he must have been absorbed into a long-standing state of neutrality and apathy as a child. He didn’t long for anything, atleast, not in the way his friends claimed to. Whiny professions of loneliness, lamenting over romantic relationships and sex or lack thereof, dreamily recounting their passionate escapades. It didn’t appeal much to him.
Shouto had what he needed to survive—to live his day to day and climb the ranks without disruption, and it seemed that affection was not one of those things. The Todoroki household had never been particularly affectionate anyway. After his mother was admitted to the psychiatric hospital touch became less associated with comfort and happiness, and more of a thing to avoid altogether.
Shouto never actually voiced an aversion to touch. He held hands with crying children as he walked them back to their parents. He rubbed the backs of countless scared victims, he let them wrap around his arm and squeeze until his fingers grew numb. He offered his left side to elderly folk in the colder weather as they waited to be loaded into an ambulance.
But these small instances were always initiated by him, and his well-meaning friends decided to leave the ball in his court sometime during highschool. It never really left.
Until—
“Can I hug you?” you blurted. Your expression quickly twisted into a sheepish grimace. “You look like you could do with one, is all”.
At that moment Shouto had been sitting in the infirmary half covered in soot and picking out the bits of rubble that managed to get inside his suit’s ventilator. He stared up at you and wondered what that would even look like on himself, lifting a hand to feel his face and finding it relatively normal.
The sound of his heart flooded his ears and he frowned at the reaction. You weren’t a new friend by any means, but Shouto scarcely made new friends so you are newer than the others. You’ve never tried to be physically affectionate but he’s caught you gazing at him fondly sometimes, when you think he’s none the wiser, and he likes it.
Shouto nodded. Why, he doesn’t know. To quell your anxiety and get rid of the awkward atmosphere, he reasoned. Then your lips pulled into a soft, pleased smile, and he felt it like the sun on his face.
You stepped forward as though approaching some skittish animal. Shouto made no move to stand. He had only watched with trepidation as your hands lifted. A breath caught in his throat as they extended to rest on his sloped shoulders. “I’ll get you dirty,” he murmured dumbly in afterthought.
“That’s okay,” you replied, barely above a whisper. Your arms slipped around his back gently, and soon tightened to a secure hold when no objection came—there could be none, because the instant Shouto’s cheek pressed against your soft stomach, a rush of adrenaline speared through him and swept away all conscious thought.
To Shouto touch was like skipping a rock through the cavity in his chest; doing it only ever made its presence more obvious. But you cradled him there for what seemed like hours and he felt warm in ways he couldn’t articulate. Your fingers danced aimless patterns along the top of his spine, sometimes pausing to curl the wispy hair at his nape around them, and he sank.
True to his word, Shouto had dirtied your clothes. He apologised when you pulled away because it was all he could do not to whimper. You didn’t spare your shirt a glance—you just smiled at him again, and said you hoped it helped.
Helped? Helped?
The weight of your embrace had lingered for hours, cloven to the forefront of his mind, clinging to the memory before it became too obscure. Only now the memory hurt him to think about, and the pervasive ache for more intensified as the days passed.
Just this morning he’d wrapped his bedsheets tight and drew them around his shoulders to simulate that same feeling. Closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, picturing you there. Your sweet, purposeful touches. Your comforting scent. Your chest rising and falling. Your voice rumbling against his cheek. Heat filled his body, like you’d reached inside and turned the spigot of his heart.
It was mortifying. And exhilarating.
Shouto stuck his hand out from the shelter of the awning and let the rain lick at his fingers. Overturning his wrist, catching them on the shallow of his palm, he contemplates how he can get you to touch him again.
Last time you said he simply looked like he needed it. Too frustrating and vague, not to mention Shouto has been needing it all week. You could have meant his grimy post-battle appearance, but he didn’t really think this should warrant being thrown from another high rise building. Maybe he has to earn it this time.
You’re standing beside him, too preoccupied by the emails on your phone to notice his dilemma. Things have been fine. No awkwardness on your part, which he should probably be pleased about, but his mind keeps veering beyond rational conjecture. Nothing had changed. Everything had changed. It all felt too one sided.
Shouto gives you a sidelong glance. You might be the only person he knows that can look alluring in the dreary afternoon light. With a sigh he lets his hand drop to his hip and wipes it on his dry suit.
Your thumbs move fast across the screen. “Sorry, Shouto. I promise I’m not ignoring you—just need to reply to this intern,” you tell him. “God, have I ever mentioned how much I hate the email software your agency uses? Because I do”.
He hums, “You have”.
Whatever you hear in his voice has you looking up. There’s a crease etched in your brow, expression open and apologetic. Your gaze flickers to the hand held to his front, where he’s working out the static in his knuckles.
“Are you cold?” you ask, pocketing your phone. It’s a silly question. He is a walking furnace. But Shouto is statuesque as you reach to cup his distinctly bigger hand with your own. Heat prickles under his skin. The staccato of his heart kicks up. You lean down to exhale a warm breath over his fingers, and stroke your thumb along the dips and peaks of his knuckles.
Shouto sends a mental apology to Kaminari for the halfhearted response he gave after a long, lovestruck monologue about his girlfriend’s hands. He thinks he gets it, now.
Your lips curl into a satisfied smile. “Better?” you scan his face and the smile falters. “Shit. Sorry, Shouto. I should’ve asked,” then you’re retreating again and—
He reflexively grabs your wrist. It’s a loose grip, enough for you to free yourself from. You pause. “No,” a puff of steam billows out from his mouth and he has enough presence of mind to be embarrassed by it. “…It’s fine. You don’t have to stop”.
Your concern dwindles into amusement as he wafts it away. “Alright,” you say placatingly. The tension alleviates, and when your fingers slip against his you immediately twine them together, taking the ache in his chest with it. “Is this ‘fine’ too?”
Shouto nods, not yet trusting his voice or his quirk.
“I wasn’t sure if I crossed any lines on Monday,” your eyes dipped to stare at the pavement as you continued. “I know you aren’t touchy feely like the others. They were… surprised when I mentioned the hug”.
“I didn’t think I was,” he swallows, flexing his fingers to squeeze your hand. “I liked it”.
You squeeze back, “You did?”
Shouto squeezes harder, and can’t stop the smile coming unbidden to his lips. “I did,” he says.
You meet his gaze. He’s pinned by that fond look you always try to hide from him. “Do you want another one, then?”
“But I didn’t do anything”.
A litany of emotion passes over your face at his response. There’s determination in the purse of your lips as you step into his space, entangled hands caught between your bodies. Wrapping an arm around his waist, you tuck your nose into the hollow where his jaw met his neck.
There’s a clumsiness to his movements as he follows your lead and slips his arm around your back. Head suddenly too heavy for his neck, he rests his cheek on your crown, melting into the embrace.
“You don’t need to earn my affection, Shouto. Not now and not ever”.
“Oh,” Shouto breathes. “I can just ask?”
“You can,” you laugh softly.
Why hadn’t he thought to just—ask. That is far more reasonable than being flung from another burning high rise.
“What?”
Ah. He pulls you further into his chest until you’re pressed together like the pages of a book. “Nothing”.
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