#this is probably a me problem im a little fucked
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yeah so im gonna make my silly little commentary posts for we are sometimes but not all the time
he stared at his friend's water and started smiling like a fucking idiot 💀
h2o just makes him giddy like that 🥰
also I genuinely fucking adore Pham and Fang's dynamic, they care about each other so much (I might cry)
I JSUT FUCKING LOVE HIM SO MUCH CAN YOU BLAME ME
im sorry, i cant get over the fact that q fuCKING SANG SOUND’S SONG FROM MSP IN THE THIRD FUCKING EPISODE OF THE SHOW
HES JUST SO SMOL I FUCKING ADORE HIM SO MUCH DUDE
here to pick up his twink
HES JUST SO SMOL THO LIKE CAN YOU BLAME ME???
I JUST WANNA RUFFLE HIS HAIR AND PINCH HIS CHEEKS HES SO FUCKING ADORABLE
i think i just really love satang cos during msp every time sound was on screen i lost my shit and now every time toey is on screen i lose my shit
btw i fully had to rewatch that entire scene, i was entirely focusing on satang’s little adorable fuckin face that i forgot to read and process the dialogue lmao
his expression is like “did you bring me here to do your chores, or are you gonna be honest and just say you want to makeout"
the real answer is just that he wants to spend time with him btu doesnt know how to do that normally 💀
(and also that he wants to make out with him)
WHY IS EVERYONE SO FUCKING SMOL TODAY
HES TINY
HES THIS BIG 🤏
OML IT HAPPENED FOR LESS THAN HALF A SECOND BUT I PAUSED IT AT THE EXACT PERFECT MOMENT
I genuinely adore accidental kiss tropes in bls, its just so unrealistic its fucking amazing
[insert image of phum's friends walking in here (I had to delete some of my screenshots because I can only do 30 and I dont want to do more than one post for this)]
AND THEN HIS FRIENDS WALK IN, CLASSIC
it's so awkward and I am LIVING for it
people in bls always walk in at the WORST possible moments and its AMAZING
THIS WHOLE SITUATION IS SO RIDICULOUSLY FUNNY TO ME
phuwin’s character trying to cook is so me
and also my sister, one time she was making spaghetti bolognese for us for dinner and she put way too much salt, and then to attempt to solve the problem, she put water into the pan to "evaporate the salt" 💀
the best part is I didnt even realise why that wouldnt work until my brother started laughing
anyway, back to the ep
WHAT DRUGS ARE IN THIS EPISODE TO MAKE EVERY SINGLE FUCKING CHARACTER SO BABYGIRL
THEYRE ALL SO SMOL AND ADORABLE AND BBG WHAT IS GOING ON
HES SO TINY
Youre fucking KIDDING
IM SO SUDDENLY INVESTED IN THIS MAIN COUPLE
THAT WAS SUCH A SUDDEN SWITCH BRO
literally last week I was like "yeah okay I like it" and then suddenly im on the verge of tears when they make physical contact???
[insert image of pun eating]
PUN !
MY LITTLE GUY
I ADORE THEMMMMM
oh fuck yes I love this friendship already and it just started
AND CHAIN'S GETTING JEALOUSSSSS FUCK YEAH
they look like tired dads fr
is phuwin just fuckin short or is pond like 3 metres tall cos holy shit
LOOK AT HIM
SMOL BITCHES
EVERYONE'S FUCKING TINY TODAY
woah he really just went for it there
HOLY FUCK HE SAID YES
TAN IS LOSING IT HES SO HAPPY I LOVE HIM SO MUCH
great frame
[insert that entire scene with the jump onto him and the holding hands and the FUCKING CHEEK KISS]
HES MY LITTLE FUCKING GUY
HES SO NEURODIVERGENT AND I ADORE HIM
KICKING AND SCREAMING MY FEET RN
he's jealoussssssss
I love pun so much, I truly would die for him
Welcome back to another episode of Toey Thinks Peem And Phum Are Dating (And He’s Right)
Im gonna be completely honest, if pond looked at me like that, id probably do whatever he tells me to without a second thought
thats all im saying
LOOK AT THAT LITTLE FACE
HES SINGING THE FUCKING ABAAB SONG
IM CRYING DUDE THIS IS AMAZING
ARE THEY JUST GONNA SING SONGS FROM OTHER BLS FOR THE QHOLE SERIES? IM FUCKIN DOWN FOR THAT DUDE
this song is so out of winny’s range tho 💀
so fucking SMOL
also chains hand just always naturally rests on pun’s shoulder
literally all the time
what im saying here is I think they should kiss
HE DIDNT JUST GRAB HIS WRIST HERE HE GRABBED HIS HAND ERIJKGBNREJB HOLY SHIT
Cool! 👍
im glad they finally got there
FUCK YES NEXT EPISODE WE'RE GETTING THE SCENE FROM THE PILOT THAT MADE ME LOSE MY SHIT
PUNCHAIN FOREHEAD KISS AND QTOEY CHEEK KISS BITCHES
okay now I just have one final question before I take my leave: what the FUCK was the song playing in the background of the qtoey scene near the end of the episode
it was just electric guitar and I KNOW recognise it but I cant figure out what fucking song it was (literally I finished the episode at like 1:30 but didnt go to sleep til 3 because I was trying to find the song)
so please, if ANYONE recognises it and knows what it is, tell me as soon as you can cos Im fucking dying
update: a moot is pretty sure the song played over other qtoey scenes earlier in the show (the same way msp did with noelm) so now im fuckin PSYCHED for the new song that’s gonna come out eventually
#genuinely want to open a full official bl-tumblr investigation to find out what the song was#quodekash's side couple syndrome boss fight#we are#we are the series#qtoey#phumpeem#punchain#chainpun#tanfang#fangtan#winnysatang#pondphuwin#marcpoon#aouboom#marc natarit#poon mitpakdee#aou thanaboon#boom tharatorn#winny thanawin#satang kittiphop#pond naravit#phuwin tangsakyuen#papang phromphiriya#tee teeradej
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I loved your Soobin fic 🤭 and I loved it so so much, and I thought I'd request smtn, idk about you but when I see Beomgyu I always think of him as a bratty bottom, so here's what I'm thinking:
・FemDom reader (Like femfem.. No one can tell she's the top.. I don't see enough of those type of doms iykwim)
The scenario would be that reader and Beomgyu are roommates, reader is more on the introverted side so she doesn't go out much unlike Beomgyu does, which makes him think “She's probably haven't sex before” so he'd tease her until one day reader is over it and puts him in his place!
For kinks I'd want to see some overstimulation, slight degradation (or praising degrades), pet names, maybe a mommy kink?, & toys (vibrators)
That's all from me for now 🤭
Hello babe, good? Thanks for the request! I’m sorry for taking so long to post, but today I finally had a day off, and I hope the little longer writing make up for my delay. You guys are going feral over bratty Beomgyu and I’m loving every moment of it so far JSHKSHKS, for sure I’ll try to engage a little of every kink you put here, and here we stand up for FemFemdoms!
Im sorry for any mistake, I’m writing it totally stressed out AND a little drunk
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Bratty!Beomgyu x FemDom!Reader
overstimulation, degradation, pet names, mommy kink, toys (bullet and wand vibrator), a single face slap, hairpulling, no piv sex
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“Sleepless” (aka my fav Dutch Melrose song)
Tired of him nagging your ears off for four hours straight, you put your headphones on, a chill Spotify playlist giving some peace for your overused hearing sense.
At least for fifteen minutes, before your roommate get bored and took them off of you.
Taking one heavy breath with closed eyes, you finally open them again, not fully ready for Beomgyu’s shit talking again.
“…But are you really still virgin?” Asked after straight four minutes of a monologue of “how people over 20 shouldn’t be virgins anymore”.
For fucks sake.
No, you’re not virgin, but what’s the problem if you were? You could be religious, or that could be just your choice. Why is he so bothered by the thought of you having or not sex?
“Not of your business, Choi, now let me sleep”.
“I can’t! I’m now sure that you’re a freaking virgin and you’re just ashamed to admit. How can you sleep knowing that you’re over 20 and still virgin?”
His logic just doesn’t make sense enough for you, so you just fix the hem of your purple dress with a huff. You put him after your bath since your pajamas are on the dryer.
“I know you’re tired, but listen: you never, never, hang out alone or with someone, you’re always occupied ever since I know you, so you can’t possibly had sex before. So, you’re virgin!”
“Yeah yeah, you figured out the biggest secret of my life, now let’s sleep, Beomgyu” your tired voice gave some chills to the boy’s spine, observing you undo the Dutch braid of your hair, your almost everyday hair style. You thought that just agree with him would save you a little mental sanity.
Oh girl, how wrong.
“Ha! You virgin!” he scoffed “Are you waiting for your prince?”
“Guess you want to be this prince, since you’re making it such a big deal” you answered, rolling your eyes.
“Maybe, it would be lovely to make such a damsel cry for my cock” even not looking at him, you could hear the smirk in his voice.
That was the last straw you needed.
Standing up in a hurry, you gave no time for him to make another joke before you slapped him across the face.
He looked at you, too shocked to speak, hand in his red cheek.
Your stinging hand runs to his hair, taking in a fistful of his overgrown locks.
“Listen to me, very very carefully, Beomgyu. Now, you’ll shut your dirty mouth and do exactly what I want, am I clear?”
At first, he was too shocked with the attitude to speak, so, as little reminder of his new position, you tighten the grip in his hair.
“Yes, ma’am!”
Surprised by his sudden politeness into calling you “ma’am”, you hum at his response. You forcefully make him lay on your own bed, leaving him there to make sure the door is locked.
He wanted to ask if you’re that desperate for losing your virginity as a tease, but he already knows better and kept his mouth shut for the first time.
“You’re unsufferable, Choi, I’m worn-out of it. You need to learn your place for now on, so, that’s how its going to work: first, I’m not going to have sex with you, bad dogs like you don’t deserve it, but you feel a little of what I could do with you if I really wanted to. If something gets too much, just say “red”, then I’ll stop, and if you’re feeling good to continue, say “green”. If you don’t say “red”, I’ll stop whenever I feel like it. Ill not tie you up for now, but if you fucking think about touching me, you’ll regret it.”
Dazed, Beomgyu just nods eagerly. Who’s desperate now?
“You’re just a dumb, desperate whore, Beomgyu, ill make it clear for you since you’re too stupid to realize it by yourself.”
He hated the way his cock throbbed in his pants.
“Sit properly” you demand, “and take off your clothes”.
A little troubled, he does what you want, wondering what you going to do.
While he takes his clothes off in no hurry, you went to your wardrobe and take some things from the last drawer. Beomgyu was shocked seeing the wand and the bullet vibrators in your hand.
“You…”
“It’s clean, don’t you worry about it.”
“I would ask if you… When you use it?” for the first time ever, you saw him blushing at his own question.
“You’re always not home, sometimes I need to relax” you answer as if it was nothing. He didn’t answer.
“Why ae you so quiet now, uh?” you tease “Not so cheeky anymore, Gyu?”
The simple nickname made shivers run down his spine. Good.
Is something hard to explain, the sensation of knowing that you’re the one in charge now, also acknowledging that the whole time, you’ll be fully clothed, while he’s all exposed to you. Is something powerful, this kind of dominance.
“Are you okay? Use your words, Beomgyu” is always good to check up on the subbing one, know if they’re mentally prepared to continue the scene, you know it well.
“Yes, ma’am”.
“You know why I am doing it?’’ you asked, walking towards his naked self, sat in the middle of the bed”
Beomgyu didn’t answered, looking away, making you chuckle.
“Soon you’ll know.”
You pretty dress moves with your body while you sit in bed next to him, exposing your tights a little more, drawing his attention towards them.
“Enjoying the view?”
“Very much, actually.”
Here’s the cheeky tone again.
“Lay on your back. I want you to lay your head on top of your hands, arms up.”
This time, he takes a little more time to react to your words, but you let him take his time without pushing too much further, knowing that everything of it is new to him.
He finally obeys, laying on the bed just the way you wanted, looking at the ceiling.
“Not so brave anymore, bitch?”
He huffs, you ignore.
Looking down, you could see his half hard member.
“Is my dumb whore enjoying it? Enjoying being called this dirty things, uh?”
Your fingertips run along his thigh softly and you observe him chilling and his cock twitching. He closed his eyes with a deep breath. You take advantage of it and take the wand vibrator in your hand, turning it on in the lowest setting at the base of his dick.
He let out a strangled, surprised moan, his hands already flying towards you arm for support, but he remembered your threat, putting his hands back to place.
The game was just starting.
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“Mo-mommy, please!”
His fucked-out expression made you hum, holding one of his trembling thighs in a heavy grip, your nails digging a little in his skin while the bullet made his way to his tip after his first orgasm.
“Mommy? What is it now, uh?” you chuckle “Didn’t new you like it, Beomgyu… But mommy will make you feel good again and again, wasn’t it what you wanted? Mommy’s attention, slut?”
That was when his sobbing started, already feeling overstimulated from just one orgasm. With your iron grip – that he was surprised that you even had the strength to hold him in place – didn’t let him close his leg, making the sensations stronger. He never stimulated himself after the orgasm, and the feeling hit him hard.
“Color, Beomgyu?”
He hated to admit, but the agonizing sensation was making he feel good in some way, and know that the moment he wasn’t feeling well you will stop, made it even more pleasurable for him.
“Green! Green, mommy, ma-make me cum, pleasepleaseple-ah! Please!”
You chuckle at his hurry, caressing his thigh.
“Y’know, I shouldn’t let you, you were so, so bad earlier, pup… maybe I don’t let you cum again at all and just stop here…”
Being unfair, you turned on again the wand vibrator in a little higher setting at the base of his dick, not taking off the bullet in his tip, making him squirm, moaning louder that you imagine that he would.
“M'sorry! Sorry, mommy, m’sorry!”
“Are you? Are you really sorry, or you’re just a desperate whore to cum?”
“M’really sorry, I-I swear, m’mmy!”
You could tell that he was using all his self-control to not cum without your permission, and fighting the urge to move his hands from their place he so obediently let them.
“Then you can cum, Choi.”
You almost don’t finish your words when he came with a scream, barely nothing coming out, his body having strong goosebumps and spasms.
But you just took away the bullet.
He cried, and you straddled his thighs, not letting him move.
“Just one more and we’re done, can you do it for mommy, puppy?”
You observe the fat tears running down his pink cheeks, smiling to yourself, he was so pretty fucked out like this.
“What’s your color, Gyu? Speak to mommy”.
Taking away the vibrator to let him talk, he takes some deep breaths.
“I… I-I think I can, mommy… Green.”
“That’s a good boy! Let me know if gets too much”.
You put the vibrator almost in the highest setting, again finding its way to his dick.
He sobs and bucks his hips hardly but couldn’t do much since you’re pretty comfortable siting in his thighs. He could feel your soaked cunt through your panties in one of his thighs but couldn’t do anything about it with his hands below his head, trying to obey you. He tried to focus on your pretty hair contouring your face and the strap of your dress slipping off your shoulder, an image that he will never forget.
“I’ll ask again; why am I doing it, Beomgyu?”
“I-I was- humph! I was bad to you, mo-mommy!”
“Right! You were very bad and nosy, Gyu, but is okay, mommy will teach you how to behave properly. What do we say when someone does something good for us, Beomgyu?”
The buzz of the vibrator was inebriating both your senses.
“Thanks, thanks for making me le-learn, mommy, thank you, I’m sorry!”
“What a good boy, already learning! You can come when you’re ready, baby, so good for mommy…”
Not a moment after, Beomgyu came, nothing coming out his slit, just spasming uncontrollably below you, tears streaming nonstop from his closed eyes, sobs and hiccups coming out his beautiful shaped mouth. You turn off the tool immediately and get off his thighs, shushing him.
“There there, baby, you did so good for me, so good for your mommy, I’m proud of you, bae.”
You run your fingers in his damp hair, comforting him after what he would say later as the strongest orgasms he had ever had.
“M’sorry, mommy…”
He says after a while with you calming him down.
“I know baby, is okay, mommy is not mad anymore, you did so well for me.”
You smiled and kissed his forehead.
“Can I eat you out?”
He sounds so sudden and innocently shameless, that you had to laugh.
“Not today, baby, I’m good.”
“But, mommy, please-“ he was ready to whine about it, but you cut him off.
“No, Beomgyu. Want mommy to scold you again?” he pouted and shook his head “So, listen to me. I’m tired, and I can bet you’re exhausted. Maybe another time. Just a minute, babe” you rolled your eyes playfully when he whined again when you get out of the bed to take some wipes to clean him.
You clean his chest, lower belly and, of course, his cock. He hisses, but you were fast, so he didn’t complain a lot.
“I’ll get you some water, okay?”
He nods with a small smile while you walk away, looking you up and down. He loves this dress.
When you came back, he was already fast asleep in your bed with his mouth slightly open, drained out of energy. You chuckle to yourself. Maybe he never learns, but its alright, you’ll always remind him his place.
#sub!txt#txt#sub!idol#txt drabbles#sub!beomgyu#dom!reader#request#fem!reader#fanfic#beomgyu x reader#beomgyu imagines
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btw wtf kind of combination "touch starved" and "hates pda" even is. brain what do you expect me to do
#i only feel comfortable with affection (esp physical) if noones watching. what am i supposed to do.#am i supposed to schedule meet-ups at my house specifically for hugging#ramble#this is probably a me problem im a little fucked#but anytime im given pda i feel eithat like 1) im showing weakness (bad) 2) im being objectified/treated like a pet or 3) im being shown off#none of these are objectively true but im still viscerally uncomfortable for some reason#//edit: wtf is 'eithat'
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i like him
#somebody needs to keep me 8 metres away at all times or else ill start chewing on him#i just want everyone to know if i end up making a character who happens to resemble harvey in any shape or form#it probably wasnt a coincidence 😐and it will happen again#if i remember maybe ill try getting stardew when it goes on sale.. my friend showed me her farm and she named her chicken after doja cat#or maybe it was nikki minaj i cant remember. and she also said smth about monsters and passing out if you stay out after a certain hour#idk how accurate tht is all i know is the funny fucked up grandpas bed#i read somewhere that harveys supposed to be in his early to mid thirties and i dont have a problem with it but i think itd be very funny#if hes actually younger than he looks hes just a med school postgrad lmao. idk how well that headcanon would hold up since ive#never played the game and idk how often ppl talk about his age or if itsjust an implied thing. i just think its really really funny#im trying to get into the habit of drawing poses so im using reference images to try and build up muscle memory#i found some cute pictures of two ppl playing by the sea shore and it reminded me of xin and sailor so im gonna draw em like that#i havent drawn em in so long..... maybe i should update xins reference since i changed their lore quite a bit#myart#my art#doodles#stardew valley#stardew#sdv#sdv harvey#kinda wanna see him whimper a little bit. as a treat
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serious question, are there ANY (wired) headsets made today anymore that have seperated plugs for audio and microphone??
usb ones always cause trouble and the only other ones i can find are those with combined audio+mic into one plug, which i dont have the ports on my PC for.............
i tried looking through adapters but the only ones i can find are those that combine seperate ones, id need the reverse (if thats even possible)
(visualization bc i feel like i am losing my sanity trying to explain what i mean, am i stupid? did i halluzinate the two jack/plug thing???? do only cheap garbage ones have this??? is that one of the gaming chair things??? like oh you want a GAMING headset- that means either combined or usb haHA???)
#ganondoodles talks#personal#issue being that the new headset i bought is usb only and- of course- has a background noise that probably only ppl like me hear#im super sensitive to sound#like i hear bats and dog whistles you arent meant to hear#old headset (not the broken one) has a slight static and trouble with very silent sound which it cuts out#hence i got the newer ones (the now broken one) which didnt have that problem but well .. it broke after little use#new one has a weird beeping chirping in the bg#im so tired#(new one is the razer kraken v3- its usb only and any other plugs they have for other models are the damned combined one)#my computer isnt even that old but i literally cant find a single headset with those plugs seperated when i dont have that port#will i ever find a headset that fucking works with no drawbacks????#(wireless isnt an option bc i hate wireless anything that isnt a controller you can also use wired)#i know it may sound like its not working right but i am 100% certain its one only people like me can even hear#also i got no nerves to try and send anything back to amazon ... for once i bought it there....#or am i just stupid or did i miss some shit that made it standard to just call it differently or sth#like my pc has an audio port at the front and a mic port- two ports#the plugs (jacks???????) i see are the ones that have it in ONE#and i dont have it
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Scenes in the McLaren garage after Fernando faked having engine problems:
+
#THANK YOU TO MIN FOR ENCOURAGING ME#i cant stop fucking laughing im actually so proud of these 😭😭😭😭#i wanted to make a meme after seeing that post abt nando faking problems#but i didnt know who else to put next to jense#BUT THEN I REALIZED FUCKING RON DENNIS CAME BACK TO MCLAREN DURING THE JENSE-FERNANDO YEARS 😭😭#can you imagine being ron dennis and you leave mcl in 2009 and youre like well thank god im dome with that#having had your biggest controversy in 2007 with that fucking maniac Fernando Alonso#and then you come back to Mclaren in 2014 and you end up signing Fernando the very next season#ITS SO HILARIOUS TO ME 😭😭😭😭#they're both probably like 'oh god not this guy again'#also the amount of ron dennis pics i had to save to find the perfect one is truly sickening#like min said even one ron dennis pic on your phone is probably too much#f1#formula 1#fernando alonso#ron dennis#jenson button#we do a little bit of f1
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i dont wanna be a dick and act like i have no responsibility in this but after a point dont u think if all you ever say to ur friend is Omg you never make it out why dont you ever come out with us you bail all the time youre such a flake etc. dont u think that person (me) is like. not gonna feel so inclined to. be there
#like. yeah i was bad last semester i get it. and probably i shouldve tried at least once or twice to push thru#but i was so exhausted. and every time they would bring up hanging out it was on my longest days#and when i casually brought this up they were just like Well we have long days too. Okay!#and i love and miss these friends and i know for the most part. or at least think. theyre just teasing#i hate being seen as the flake like any time i do have to be like Oh i cant make that or Shit im sorry i have to bail#i try to offer an alternative???? and they never compromise on that. how is that fair like im not just outright rejecting u all the time#not to mention most of the time last semester it was always gonna be somewhere super easy for them to get home and far from me#im not like constantly holding this against them btw but i feel like they're holding it against me and i dont have any more apologies in me#anyway. that said. if theyre somewhere really expensive and far from me tn and i get out of work early#i. probably will not make it. lol! if theyd be willing to come a little closer to my place to one of the dives or some shit thatd be great#and like im not doing much today until class and work so really like. i WILL try. but i think they could sometimes not go for the most#expensive and inconvenient option as well. and these r all things ill say if it becomes like a problem problem or smth#but rn im not gonna be a dickhead and shit on their plans#but also! ok whatever im not gonna keep going on i just feel shitty im not 100% better from being sick and im just frustrated#about having to fuckign grovel over and over and over. i meant it the first few times now im just like#u could try not to be an asshole to me for five seconds too. like. i am very clearly not someone trying to secretly stop being friends#w yall. things happen#abby talks#and maybe this is an esp sore spot bc like ive certainly had some of you bail on me or be flaky or whatever before. and i didnt throw#a fucking fit to your face about it. probably bc it actually did feel more mean spirited sometimes#OK im sorry im not trying to make my friends sound evil and its mostly just the one and like im working on forgiving her for it cause it#was years ago but also like christ!
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Went skimming thru late trimax For Reasons, got caught up reading the Legato fight, realized things about the fight that I never had before & went WOW, I kind of want to write an analysis post right now!
Felt the same kind of insanity grip me, however momentarily, that fueled all my analysis posts however many months ago. Too tired to actually word things coherently right now, but...
I May or may not have a full(ish?) analysis of the Legato & Vash fight a la style of This post analyzing the Trigun: Multiple Bullets fight that got unexpectedly kind of popular. People seemed to really appreciate that one, & I even had some ppl saying it could be cool if I did that for others?
So. Legato fight. Maybe. Feel free to remind me later if u see no mention of it again for over a week lol
#speculation nation#ive been wanting to go back into reading the manga again#ive only slowly (VERY slowly) been puttering along with where i am in my fic#for research purposes with the fic.#i do want to go back through the manga bc i STILL havent done a full reread of it#ive just reread so many different parts of it for assorted research that im probably getting to some 10 or so reads total lmao#i wanna reread it in full tho front to back to sort out any stray details and remember any timeline things i might have slightly skewed.#the problem with reading the manga though. is that every fucking time i look at it. i am consumed by a drive to research EVERY little thing#so me reading turns into 'hm thats interesting. that reminds me of this thing that i know happens in volume 8. let me just check that now--'#and i end up so dreadfully distracted every damn time. bc i end up with all my wires crossed and my attention pointing a million ways#it's exhausting. and so i havent been reading the manga outside of random research dives.#im very good at that. i know every volume of the manga and can find Anything within 1 or 2 mins (at the Most)#which is also kind of the problem lol. fingers in too many pies. so many things to think about.#if i get back into Actually rereading the manga tho you can bet ur ASS ill find more things to make posts about#every time i open up the manga i find new things that i could analyze.#i just havent. bc i dont have time. but. ykno what. maybe i Could get back into it...#remind me later. this is one of my favorite fucking fights with my favorite Fucking panels#and i realized smth about the shit Vash is doing that was making me lose my MINDDDD#later tho. ive been sleep deprived today. and it is time for me to rest.#& yea yea ITNL is still the main focus. but idk i have such a mind for details and i remember So many things about the manga#i wanna show that off to people again. and thus. Analyses!!! :D#later. goodnight for now
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pros of new hyperfixation: dopamine :)
cons of new hyperfixation: i cannot focus on school work all i want to do is read trigun nothing else is interesting rn
#i have so much classwork i need to do but all my brain can do is go 'hehehehehe vash :)' and i cant do Shit abt it#I HAVE *THINGS* TO DO#last time i fixated this bad was dsmp and i literally failed a math class bc of that#and like. logically i know i should be doing stuff. i know this is probably gonna make me crash and fail. however.#entire rest of my brain is in fact still going 'hehehehehe vash :)' and i Cannot Do Anything About This Other Than Read More Trimax#shut up virgil#anyways. hehehehehhehehehheheheh vash :)))))#i started reading trimax ofc and i am fucking in love w/ the black/blonde hair he looks so cute dude#i really liked seeing nightows artsyle improve so far too#love the early art still ofc but its a little inconsistent in quality? + the text placement was SUPER confusing at times#like. it was just hard to figure out who was talking#that was like the main problem ive had reading it so far#but like thats been gettin progressively better and the art has gotten INSANE and im barely into maximum#also. that one page. where wolfwood tells vash to shoot him. yk the one.#that is all.#trigun :))))))#actually no that is not all that entire interaction has been rotating in my brain nonstop#holy shit its such a good scene#i really love wolfwood man#hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh this series is going to fucking kill me#/pos#this motherfucking hyperfix is here to stay apparently esp w/ stampede and the influx of new fans#like if this happened when i first watched og trigun i wouldve just been digging through old content and fan content#and probably wouldve drained it of dopamine pretty quick#but theres NEW content? that i can watch while its AIRING??? im not going to shut the fuck up!
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1. it’s my 24th birthday today, so my goal of being published by the time i’m 25 is now a one year looming monster, but i never specified what kind of published and am currently looking in various literary magazines that are recommended for writers who have yet to be published, so i’m surprisingly confident that i can make it work? and tbh even if whatever i write isn’t officially published before my 25th birthday, if i have someone in the process of being published then i’ll be happy!! no matter what though, i’m gonna try to be proud of myself for at least giving it my best shot!!
2. i honestly love that my birthday is on the ides of march because the ides of march meme shitposting is only a thing on tumblr but it also being my birthday makes it easier to like. be excited about the ides of march outside of tumblr. like even in person i can be like “it’s my birthday! i’m an ides of march babe (:” and if someone is like oh what’s that? or if they say something along the lines of oh like julius caesar? i can be like yep!! and even if it’s a small thing outside of tumblr it brings me immense enjoyment and amusement being able to bring it up off of tumblr
3. transportation situation has been very rough since june 2023 when i totalled my car, my gap insurance are being assholes and i ended up putting my foot down on the phone with them yesterday which i’m pretty proud of because i am NOT a confrontational person (something i’ve been working on this past year, so seeing some improvement with my ability to hold my ground and not be a pushover yesterday was very cool!!) i was told i’d get a response from them by friday next week no matter what, and if i don’t then friday of next week i will continue to wreak havoc upon them. but my moms car which i’ve been using since my accident broke down yesterday, hopefully it’s fixable but my parents were saying it might be done for, so trying to think of how i’m gonna get to work next week is kind of stressing me out lmao, but for now i’m just gonna focus on enjoying my birthday the best i can because i don’t want to start off being 24 with an overwhelming anxiety for something that won’t be a potential issue until monday. plus i already messaged my boss today to let her know that i’m going to do everything i can to make it work out but just so she’s in the loop and knows of the potential of me not being able to make my morning shifts (one of my coworkers said she’s more than happy to give me a ride for our afternoon shifts which does help relieve some of the stress!) and i told her i’d let her know for sure sunday so that if necessary she can have time to figure out someone to fill in for me in the mornings!
overall: life is weird and i ended being 23 yesterday with a shitty situation but a positive outlook and i am going to enjoy my first day of being 24 no matter what because honestly i fucking earned it. happy friday everyone, i hope it’s a good day for you and me both!
#aritalks#i did cry a little bit when i first woke up because i dont really know what to do about work and also i hate not having a car i can use#not only because of the work aspect but also getting my license when i was 18 gave me a freedom i didn’t have before#and i don’t like having to rely on other people just to like go to the fucking store or something yk#but then my best friend/roommate messaged me happy birthday and i was like fuck it! today is going to be a good day!#the stressful uncertainties can wait until tomorrow#also one of my best friends who hasn’t said happy birthday to me the past two years#(not intentionally im p sure they were just busy on my birthdays the past two years#and then had that moment of ‘oh shit i didnt send a message fuck i think its too late now’ which i totally get bc anxiety things yk)#was one of the first people to message me happy birthday!!#i’m also hoping to still be able to go see my mom and then stay the night at my dads tonight#so i can see both my parents and also my baby siblings for my birthday#my dads working today but after he texted happy birthday i sent him a text asking if he thinks we could still make it work#my mom is asleep still i think (she called me at midnight and left a voicemail singing happy birthday!! but her sleep schedule has been all#over the place recently so i’m waiting until 11:30 to call her which is in like 30 mins)#but she said something yesterday about driving out to me to give me a hug and also bring me my diabetes stuff that got delivered#(her house is my mailing address because i know it’s not going to change bc it’s my great grandparents house that she’s partially inhereting#when my great grandpa dies but since i have moved out of my dads my address has changed twice and i didnt have a mailbox at my last place so#just for the sake of consistency and not having to worry about important shit getting sent to the wrong address i’ve had her house as my#mailing address since i moved out of my dads at 19)#so i think i’m gonna ask her if she can just pick me up instead so i can go to her house w her and hang out with her#and hopefully my dad will be able to at least stop by with my siblings so i can see them too#i’d like to stay the night with them but if we can’t make it happen then i can also stay the night w my mom and hopefully tomorrow figure#out the car situation. might have to rent a car for a week if i can afford it? best case scenario is my moms car can be fixed but i still#dont know whats wrong with it ik there are two potential problems and one is fixable the other is not#the fixable one would cost like $150-$400 to fix depending on if we get a used part or a new one#if its $150-$200 ish i can probably afford to pay for the whole thing or at least most of it#but if its more than that hopefully my dad or one of my family members can help#and i can just pay them back in like $50 increments with my next few paychecks#just realized i said i wouldnt worry abt the car thing today and also i think im at tag limit to i’ll stop now lmao xoxo gossip girl ❤️
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not to vent on main again but i'm in so much fucking pain rn
#i dont even really have anywhere to vent abt this so. sorry putting this here#//cw joint problems probably described a bit graphically#so im in the mountains with my dad. i was a bit anxious abt it considering my joints but dad said he kept it in mind when planning#well. yesterday i got dragged on a 16km/10 mile hike. most of it uphill and on hard terrain. 5 hours of non-stop hiking.#by the 3 hour mark with every step i took it felt like my femurs were being pushed out of hip sockets. but i couldnt say anything bc-#-he'd be mad. and its not like anything could be done. i STILL had to walk back home. noone would just magically bring me there.#complaining would be pointless. so i pushed on#it was agonizing but i managed to get home (then went to sleep immediately). i only voiced my issues/injuries when we got there#and today was meant to be lighter. we werent supposed to walk much#but plans changed. did 10km today. with a lot of stairs (exploring a fortress). my knees AND hips are fucking destroyed#and tommorow its another hiking day. its already planned and cant be changed now#i dont know how ill manage#im honestly a little scared. rn even walking a few steps hurts like a bitch. idk how ill manage a hike without complaining and beingannoying#vent#personal#yippee i love having marfan syndrome SO much
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#let me express to u perhaps The frustration of my life#i like to learn. it is perhaps my favorite thing. new information. more more more constantly#but. my fucking brain is the fucking worst. because im not fucking stupid if i can focus and process the words being said i can understand#many things. i like to learn about math and physics and chemistry and biology and anatomy... ect concepts#but the focus and the processing of words is where we have problems. because i cannot focus for more than like 5min#i blink and suddenly ive been spaced out for a sec and need to reorient. i cant prioritize what to do 1st and im constantly bouncing betwee#tasks so nothing ever gets done and im too intimidated to start learning things. and when im trying to learn we habe the processing words#problem. like my reading comprehension is so fucking bad. like i will read a book on paper and maybe retain 25% of the info if im not#hardcore trying. for a class where i had to do a ton of paper reading. i had to read everything out loud to myself. highlight important#info. write myself a summary based on the highlights and then read the paper again before i could even begin to feel comfortable in#discussions. it was so fucking frustrating and miserable. ppl will give me physical books and im like thanks i cant fucking read sorry#too fucking dyslexic. read and listen they say. u have to read and listen at the same time bc i cant pay attention and i cant read#so if i do both then maybe the info gets in. thats y i have to read aloud but i hate it and still get distracted#i mean. i probably just have an attention problem. its also really annoying that my short term working memory is so awful#bc in order to make things make sense i have to draw or write them out. i cant judt go off the top of my head or i get stuck saying thr sam#thing over and over and over. its like my ability to think is extremely shallow. but thrn i read papers and recognize concepts from classes#i took years ago and im like. fucking y cant i know what i know? my head feels so empty but info is in there somewhere#its just so fucking frustrating that i love understanding systems so much. complex annoying little systems that fit together like a puzzle#and my fucking brain refuses to accept the information im trying to get in there. so i return to a remark left on my dyslexia assignment:#intelligent when not constrained by language or time. thanks. unfortunately language is how ppl communicate#also i freak out under time pressure lol. anyway ive just been reading papers for fun this weekend and remembering y i dont: bc its agony#but also i fucking love the concepts so much and i need a good understanding of photosynthesis before August when i join a photosynthesis#lab lmao. ugh. i love learning but my brain was not buildmt#built for it. if only if only someone could podcast about the obscure things im interested in while reading directly from the source#unrelated#also its like 105 degrees plus. its too fucking hot out#thats like 40 degrees C. the sun is like a death ray
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ohh I do want to pass away why am I so stupid
#mine#🎸#why am i such a terrible person 😇 genuinely what the fuck#me when i want to cry and tear my skin off over a minor mistake ufhdshdjfjg can i stop being fucking stupid for once#crying over a mistake right NOW actually everything is so difficult i dont know what im supposed to do in these situations!!!!!!!#i get in trouble for not knowing what to do in social situations then i have to apologize and i didnt know THAT either.#bashing my head against the wall violence maiming killing death torture bloodletting slicing tearing defenestrating murdering annihilating#me anmd my epic autism powers. shouldnt i know better why csnt you understand!!! who is at fault here! i dont even know#ashshsjdksjfklsfke im wanna cry so hard everything sucks right now im too busy for this shit. for Emotions#why are you punishing me do you hate me?! did you never even like me at all are you trying to make me mad!!! why#im so tired and frustrated i want everything to go perfectly but its not nothing can be perfect in this terrible world he is going to hate#me now. hell why do i have urges like this it always ruins everything im being so selfish arent i aren't i arent i !!!!!!!! why cant we#be FUCKING compatible and perfect snd everything what is the problem am i the problem?!?? why cant you understsnd what im trying to tellyou#maybe it really would just be better if i died nothing good has happened or is going to happen to me since he probably hates me and#my life sucks!!!!! my face hurts from crying i cant cry properly it hurts it feels so hot why cant it end already!!!!!!! why cant#we be perfect like we are supposed to why cant you UNDERSTAND it seems easy to understand to ME whwueh i am mortified my throat hurts#my head hurts i hate this world why couldnt i resist why did i have to be vulnerable id be better off if. well i dont know#i do want to crush bones and flesh beneath my hands to be honest i dont KNOW i thought it was going well i thought it was good#the thread i am hanging on by is quite thin actually why do i care so much why do i care so little im going to explode right meow!!!#my mood is so ruined i dont know if im even used to this whole thing i cannot get in particular moods im so. rgrhrhggr none of this post#is going to make sense i just need to say words while crying then itll be fine probably#this is just another one of god's little tests i think that everyone will hate me no matter what in the end so i have to enjoy it while#it lasts. no matter how hard i try everything always ends up the same way. all this started because of my mistakes and itll end with them
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the worst part of having Weird Body Moments is that i have to stave off paranoia about it and i cant even look up anything about the symptoms bc the smallest, even non-dire, medical description can make my body go into panic lightheaded mode
#i just cant do discussions about bodies. i threw up in third grade when we were learning about the body and i havent gotten any better since#anyways i keep occasionally feeling my heartbeat in my left ear and im very very very bad about feeling heartbeats so </3 im suffering#its probably nothing serious. but my brain likes to be like. well little body things can sometimes INDICATE much bigger problems!!!#and im like. shut your fuck!!!!!! itll probably go away soon leave me alone
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Love waking up in the middle of the night and then being awake for Hours (despite my best efforts to fall back asleep)
Insomnia's a bitch sometimes
#speculation nation#i gave myself 9 hours to sleep and i probably got like... 5 or 6. :)#made even better by the fact that im going to be working with the Problem Employee today#she is so... fucking frustrating...#i just remembered we r gonna have to do samples too 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#im too tired to worry about that shit. pls just let me sleep for another 5 hours#1 day off a week is not enough lmfaoooo#once we get more employees back i am gonna ask to be scheduled at least a Little less 😭#we r so short staffed rn it's ridiculous#god save my fuckin soul lmao
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yes kick me out to go stay at my dad's house (where i have absolutely NO material possessions) the night before i have two tests and a HUGE project due. that is perfectly fine with me yep.
#im crying about this right now hehehe#i dont own ANYTHING at his house#i'm going to have to try and pack up all of my textbooks and laptop and clothing and toiletries to take over#(which is why i don't ever stay over on school nights by the fucking way)#and then stay in the same room as my little sister even though ill probably be up till 3am studying and working but whatever doesnt fucking#matter. then wake up way earlier than her so that she can bitch at me all morning for waking her up#and my dad's doesnt have a coffee machine#i am so fucking stressed about this i kind of want to break down. i have TOO MUCH SHIT to do tomorrow night to be displaced.#so that my mom can have a ''night alone'' i stay in my room fucking alone and uninterrupted half the time#is me staying in my bedroom doing homework with the door closed a fucking problem???? really???? are u shitting me#sorry i am so angry right now. i am so upset#i need to stop crying but i am not going to actually#hello world#vent in tags
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