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master-sass-blast · 3 years

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Children of the Gods: Part Three, Chapter Two.

I had to input every single italic you see in this fic by hand because Tumblr doesn’t hold text format when I paste it innnnnn. *pained smile*

Please give this chapter some love, because that was fucking painful to do.

Summary: The aftermath of capturing Allison proves messy -both in dealing with the teen's evident trauma, and in all the skeletons in various closets that get unleashed soon after.

Pairing(s): Piotr Rasputin x Reader, Nathan Summers x Wade Wilson, Frank Castle x Karen Page, and Alexandra Rasputin x Nikolai Rasputin.

Rating: M for gun violence, depictions of death and injuries, depictions of emotional trauma, and gratuitous use of the word “fuck.”

Word count: 8.9k.

Set after “Children of the Gods: Part Three, Chapter One.”

Taglist: @marvel-is-perfection, @chromecutie, @super-darkcloudstudent, @girl-obsessed-with-things, @leo-writer, @emma-frxst, @sadstone-s

“What the hell were you thinking!”

“Ooh, careful there, Doohan,” Wade snarks, head rolling to indicate he’s rolling his eyes. “Get any more agitated and you’ll be saying all the no-no words.”

Scott scowls at Wade. “Stuff it, Wilson.”

“Every damn night, laser pointer.”

A mixture of grimaces, sighs, and groans go up through the crowd.

You’re all gathered in the medical wing of Xavier’s –the X-Force and nearly all of the X-Men. Allison’s off being examined by Dr. McCoy and Alyssa –to make sure she’s stable enough to be taken out of the handcuffs and the suppression band—and Frank and Karen are sequestered in a separate room until it's clear how everything's going to shake out.

Because, naturally, there’s been a wrench thrown in the situation.

Or maybe the whole damn toolbox, you mentally amend as Wade and Scott resume arguing.

“We cannot harbor a mob criminal here—”

“She’s thirteen, Summers!” Wade snaps. The eyes on his mask narrow into slits. “She’s not a criminal –and her parents’ choice don’t automatically make her guilty!”

“Murder, illegal theft and possession of firearms, assault, stalking, kidnapping,” Scott starts listing, ticking off each of Allison’s misdeeds on his fingers.

“She lost her family,” Nathan interjects, voice going to gravel. “Where the fuck were all of you when she needed support? Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do?”

The room goes silent. Many of the X-Men members look away or hang their heads slightly.

“We had no way of knowing that Allison was a mutant,” Ororo speaks up. “Without the proper information, we can’t help. It’s unfortunate, yes, but out of our control all the same.”

“But you know now,” Wade argues. “You knew with Russell. You knew with all the kids at Essex house. You turned your back on him and those kids, just like you’re turning your back on Allison now.” He scoffs, disgusted. “Same shit, different day. You’re all a bunch of cowardly cocksuckers.”

“We do have limits,” Professor Xavier speaks up from his chair. “Russell and the other members of Essex house were considered wards of the state. Legally, that meant Essex house had custody of them until they turned eighteen. We wrote petitions. We did as much as we could to bring attention to the issue. Unfortunately, it got swept under the rug or stonewalled by anti-mutant members of the legal system. As for Allison…” He sighs. “Taking in wards with criminal connections put the school at risk. Not just for fear of retaliation –as would certainly be a risk with Miss Ricci’s connections to the mafia—but also our funding and licensing. As an orphaned mutant, she is certainly deserving of our help—” he pauses to glare sternly at Scott and a few of the more stubborn, self-righteous members present “—but we have to consider the needs of our other residents and students, too.”

“I think we’re overlooking that Allison is here right now,” Jean pipes up. “Whether or not she stays with us is one thing, but we need to decide what to do for at least the next forty-eight hours.”

“She stays here,” you say automatically. “As far as we know, she has no other guardians, potentially even nowhere to go. I don’t think it’s gonna kill us to give her a bed and some food to eat.”

“Absolutely not,” Scott fires back –and, behind him, Angel and Iceman nod. “She’s far too aggressive to possibly put the students at risk.”

“She’s agitated and traumatized,” you reason, “but that doesn’t mean she’s going to lash out at people left and right.”

“Doesn’t she have a guardian of sorts?” Neena pipes up. “Artemis? Has anyone gotten ahold of them?”

“We reached out with the number Miss Ricci gave us,” Xavier explains. “The call picked up, but there wasn’t any verbal response for the duration of the call.”

Well, that bodes well. “What about her attorney?” you ask. “If we can’t keep her here, wouldn’t her attorney be able to arrange some sort of safe place for her to stay.”

“Thus far, we haven’t been able to reach her attorney.”

And that bodes even worse. You fight the urge to sigh or roll your eyes, and instead mentally curse monkey wrenches and whoever thought to invent the damn things.

“For the time being, I’ve contacted some of our external resources” –the glance Xavier shoots at both you and Piotr tells you that it’s your uncle and Alexandra—“to help with matters until the dust settles. They should be arriving soon, so—”

There’s a loud crash from down the hall, the sound of glass shattering, and an angry screech that sounds suspiciously like, “Fuck you, Castle!”

You give into the urge to sigh before booking it towards the sound of chaos and rage. Great. Now it’s an entire toolshed.

***

Subduing Allison this time, at least, is easier for several reasons.

First, she’s still wearing the repression cuff on her wrist. Without her powers –without a way to pop in and out of this existence, specifically—she’s much easier to catch.

Second, she’s tired. It’s not just the bags under her eyes or the sweat glistening at her furrowed brow. She’s stumbling unevenly, panting as she tries to exact her revenge.

Third, Illyana happens to show up at the exact same time with your uncle and Alexandra (and Nikolai as well, though he has less involvement in the “subduing process”).

Alex reacts fastest. She hooks one strong arm around Allison’s waist, then scoops her away from Karen and a hangdog-looking Frank. “Alright, that’s enough.”

Allison, however, doesn’t seem to agree. (Though whether it’s due to general teenage contrariness or trauma-induced rage, the jury’s still out.

…Actually, it’s probably both.)

“You don’t even get it, Castle!” Allison snaps with a manic grin, eyes wide and haunted. “You killed a good man. My dad was getting out! He was going to testify against them—”

Alex clamps a hand over the teen’s mouth, making her cut herself off with a garbled grunt. “I said enough.”

Allison thrashes in the older woman’s iron-clad grasp –to no avail, unsurprisingly. Her face scrunches up, then her jaw starts flexing. There’s a moment where her expression goes slack when Alex doesn’t react, then her nose scrunches up again and her jaw starts working harder.

Alex sighs, then starts carrying Allison back down the hall (she’s astonishingly unfazed by been chomped down on). “Come on. Let’s get you calmed down, malen’kiy.”

At the other end of the hall, Neena pokes her head into the fray. “Someone who calls herself Artemis is at the front door.”

Professor Xavier nods, then says, “Please escort her back to Miss Ricci’s room,” before wheeling after Alex and Artemis.

You look between Neena and the Professor –then, in the interest of going where you’re actually allowed to be (and not being bored out of your mind because you’ll be literally shut out of the room), you head towards the foyer.

…

“Do you think Frank was set up to stop the trial?”

Your uncle shrugs; the two of you have taken up a spot at the back of the room, where you can watch things unfold and gossip like the two old ladies you are in spirit. “It’s possible. It’s also possible that it was retribution for Allison being a mutant. The Ricci syndicate is notoriously… intolerant.”

You grimace. You certainly understand just how far people will go against their own flesh and blood for intolerance’s sake. “Blood and water.”

Your uncle nods, expression equally sour. “You fucking said it, punk.”

There’s not much point in hashing it out any further –both from the standpoint of “forbidden knowledge” and digging up old trauma—so you settle back into watching Artemis go through the mandatory security check.

She’s tall, with broad shoulders. Her hair’s dark, just starting to streak with silver at the temples, and her eyes are deep, intense, borderline black color. Her nose is slightly crooked –comes with the territory in this walk of life—and she’s dressed in black motorcycle wear and combat boots.

She honestly looks so fucking familiar.

You frown, brows pinching together as you try and place her face in your memory. Failing your own abilities at recollection, you lean over and whisper, “Is she one of your team members? I swear I’ve seen her before.”

“Uh –no,” your uncle replies (and it’s too fast and shaky, but you’re too caught up in figuring out whom the fuck you’re looking at to notice). “I mean –everyone has a doppelganger, right?”

“I guess.” You squint at Artemis, as though physically narrowing your eyes will help your brain puzzle things out—

And then Alex strides into the foyer –wiping the hand that Allison bit, and if you look close enough you’re pretty sure you can still see a few bloody teeth marks—and the cloud of confusion lifts from your mind.

“Oh!” you gasp quietly. “That’s why she looks familiar! She looks like Alex.” You look from the Rasputin matriarch, to the other black-leather clad woman, then back again. “She looks… a lot like Alex, actually.” You laugh softly –coincidence is a hell of a thing—then keep rambling when your uncle doesn’t say anything. “Two women who love the color black and carry enough weapons on their person to stock an army. You’d think the universe broke the mold with Alex, huh?”

Your uncle shifts from foot to foot next to you, but says nothing.

“You really weren’t kidding about the whole ‘doppelganger’ thing, huh.” You cock your head to one side, then frown as another epiphany starts growing in your mind. “Actually… she kind of looks like you, too.”

Your uncle makes a quiet, pained choking noise. “Punk—”

“Yeah, she’s got more of your build…”

“Punk.”

“And her lower lip has that weird lopsided curve like yours—”

“Punk—”

You peer closer at Artemis’s face. “Actually, her nose looks like you took yours and Alex’s and mashed them together—”

“Punk.”

You finally look up at him and take in the pale, wide-eyed, tight-lipped expression on his face. “What?” When he doesn’t say anything, you look at Artemis, then Alex, and then back at him—

Oh God.

Holy fucking shit.

You stare up at your uncle, agape. “Wait a second –you and—”

“Okay, shut the fuck up!” he hisses, panicked, before dragging you out of the foyer and into the nearest hallway.

“You and Alex had a baby,” you blurt –albeit in a voice no louder than a harsh whisper. “Artemis is your and her lovechild!”

He winces, then holds up his hands. “I can explain—”

“I don’t think you can!” you hiss. “Why didn’t you tell me that I have a cousin who happens to be my husband’s half fucking sister! Oh God, does Piotr know? Do any of the Rasputins know?”

“I…” He trails off, then cringes. He rubs the back of his neck. “I’m not sure, actually.”

You stare up at him, dumbfounded. “You’re not sure. How are you not sure? Nick knows who you are –what, you think Alex just kept a whole child from his knowledge—”

“I mean, he probably knows that there was a baby at one point—”

“The baby is in this fucking house!” you snap in a quiet growl, arms flailing wildly. “She’s a full grown adult who probably pays taxes and has a 401k going! Why wouldn’t Alex tell her husband—”

“Look,” your uncle interjects, cutting you off. “As far as Alex knows… she thinks she’s… dead?”

You gape. Then, as quietly as you can manage (given the circumstances), you exclaim, “What the fuck!”

“Keep your voice down!” your uncle hisses, gesturing wildly in panic. He looks over his shoulder, then when he’s certain no one overheard you, he sighs and looks back to you. “Look, it’s a long story—”

“I’m sure it fucking is!” You cross your arms over your chest when he winces. “How is it that you know your secret lovechild is alive, but Alex doesn’t? What, did she just abandon her?”

“No, no—”

“Didn’t think so. So what the fuck happened?”

He sighs, shoulder slumping, and runs one hand through his already disheveled hair. “Look –long story short, the people who ‘made’ Alex took the baby—”

“Artemis. Her daughter. Your daughter.”

He purses his lips, but concedes with a nod. “They took her away after she was born and told Alex she was dead –and that’s actually what prompted her to get out, but that’s another story for another day—”

“Okay, hang on a second.” You squeeze your eyes shut and hold up one hand. “Alex thinks her baby is dead –probably one of the most traumatic things in her whole life. You’ve known that she’s alive…” You open your eyes again and fix your uncle with a stern stare. “Okay, how long have you known for?”

He grimaces and shifts uncomfortably. “…well, the US took her, but she didn’t present early, so they turned her loose into the foster system because she didn’t have potential as an ‘asset’—”

“How fucking long?”

He ducks his head, carefully avoiding your gaze. “…tracked her down when she was ten.”

Your eyes widen –and then you slug him in the shoulder. “You fucking colossal asshole!”

He panics again, motioning for you to keep it down while checking over his shoulder. “Shut the fuck up!”

“No! Not only have you lied to Alex for decades—”

“She never asked—”

“A lie by omission is still a fucking lie!” you snap in a gravelly whisper. “So, not only did you lie to her, but you also abandoned your daughter to the mercies of the US foster care system!”

“My life wasn’t safe to keep a kid around!” he hisses back at you. “I couldn’t take care of you, and I couldn’t take care of her! If anything, it was safer for her if the government thought I didn’t know she was alive!”

You sigh, pinch the bridge of your nose, and wave dismissively with your other hand. “Okay –fine. That still doesn’t justify the whole lying thing, but whatever. Does Artemis know that you and Alex are her parents?”

“…Yes. She tracked me down when she was in her twenties and I told her the truth.”

“Well, it sounds like determination runs in the family,” you mutter. “But at least you two have kept in touch…” You look up, see your uncle’s grimace, and sigh. “You didn’t keep in touch with her.”

He shoves his hands in his jacket pockets. “I didn’t know how to handle it.”

“Pretty sure ‘not like that’ is a good answer.” You sigh again, then shrug and put your hands on your hips. “Well, you’ve probably solved your own problem. She’ll probably just tell Alex who she is just to spite you, assuming she got the ‘petty vengeance’ gene too.”

Your uncle’s eyebrows spike to his hairline, and his expression goes through the five stages of grief in a matter of seconds. “She –she can’t—”

“She can and she probably will.”

He hunches over, crouching, and grips the back of his head. “Shitfuckshitfuckshitfuckshitfuck—”

“Myshka?”

You and your uncle both jump, then whirl in unison and give your husband your best convincing, “we’re totally not talking about long lost, hidden family members and other poor life choices” smiles that you can each manage.

(Consider that you don’t look like you just shit your pants, you win.)

Piotr’s forehead wrinkles with concern. “What… is everything alright?”

“Just fine, baby,” you assure him, subtly kicking your uncle so he relaxes. “Just talking about what happens next.”

Piotr nods after a moment, likely picking up on that whatever’s going on right now isn’t life or death and that you’ll fill him in later. “I actually came to find you,” he says, gesturing to your uncle. “Professor Xavier still cannot reach Allison’s lawyer. He has asked for your assistance.”

“Right. Absolutely. On it,” your uncle says with a none-too-convincing smile. He shoots your husband a pair of finger guns, then books it out of the hall and towards the medical wing of the mansion.

Piotr stares after him, then shoots you a confused frown. “Is he okay?”

You shrug. “He’s doing about his usual.” You decide to further sidestep the issue by ambling over to him and giving him a gentle hug. “How are you?” Are doing okay?”

Piotr wraps his arms around you and kisses the top of your head. “I am fine now. Just a little sore.”

“Me too.” You nuzzle your cheek against his burly chest. “We really should invest in that hot tub we keep talking about getting. It’d be great for post-mission recovery.”

“Hot tubs are expensive, myshka,” he chuckles.

“Yes, but we’re not getting any younger. It’d be a good investment in taking care of our bodies.” You tilt your head back and grin up at him. “I thought you were all about that life.”

He sighs and shakes his head, feigning exasperation, but his amused smile is a dead giveaway. “Whatever shall I do with you, myshka?”

You grin wider. “You could kiss me.”

Piotr grins back, then dips his head and presses his lips against yours—

Mikhail appears next to you out of thin air. “Ah. Gross. Big meeting is happening. All hands on deck.”

Piotr rolls his eyes when his elder brother teleports away once more, then looks back down at you and strokes your cheek with his thumb. “Sorry about that.”

“It’s fine, baby.” You unwind your arms from his massive trunk of a torso, then slide your fingers between his as the two of you walk towards the medical wing.

…

“—I am telling you, Charles, not being able to reach this kid’s lawyer is a bad fucking sign.”

You and Piotr walk into a conference room to find your uncle and Professor Xavier locked in a heated argument.

Wade, Nate, and Neena are leaning against the table to watch, occasionally leaning over to whisper bits of commentary to each other (or, in Wade’s case, speak at normal volume).

In the corner of the room, where a couple of armchairs are positioned, Nikolai sits with his two other children; they’re speaking in hushed Russian, but none of them seem too concerned about everything else going on.

“As I previously stated,” Xavier says, words clipped, “we cannot release Miss Ricci without speaking first to her attorney. The X-Men operate as a special law enforcement service, and failure to comply with criminal and civil statutes will have enormous consequences for the Institute—”

“There’s going to be a bunch of fucking ‘enormous consequences’ for the Institute,” your uncle interrupts, growling through clenched teeth, “if you don’t evacuate this building right fucking now! Fuck’s sake, Charles –you hired me as a security advisor; just listen to me.”

Piotr frowns and curls one hand over your shoulder. “What is happening?”

“What’s happening,” a new, strong, feminine voice interjects from the hall, “is that we’re leaving.” Artemis shoulders past your husband –a feat not easily achieved by many—with Allison in tow, then holds up the teen’s arm that has the repression cuff still attached. She glares at Xavier (and God, she really looks like Alex when she does that), then spits out through gritted, bared teeth, “Get this fucking thing off my kid.”

There’s a longsuffering sigh in the hall, and then Alex steps into the doorway. “She has that cuff on for her own safety –as I already told you—”

Artemis whirls, face contorted by a vicious scowl, and snaps, “I didn’t fucking ask for you input!”

(Boy, if that doesn’t just scream ‘repressed trauma and mommy issues.’)

Your uncle looks like he’s about to pass out again, but Alex seems remarkably nonplussed. She merely raises one eyebrow at Artemis, as if to say ‘that’s all you got?’

There’s no way she knows, you think as you watch the two stare each other down. Not with how much she cares about her kids. There’s no fucking way—

“Actually, we’ve got bigger problems,” your uncle pipes up, voice quavering slightly before he clears his throat. “We can’t reach your kid’s shark.”

“They have other clients,” Artemis retorts, upper lip curling in a derisive sneer. Her dark eyes smolder with barely constrained hatred as she tosses a withering glance in his direction (daddy issues, too, this chick won the whole lottery). “Or maybe they got stuck in traffic.”

Your uncle narrows his eyes at that (and now the two of them look so much alike, overcome by ire as they are). “You cannot possibly be that fucking stupid.”

Artemis sucks a breath through her teeth, eyes widening with rage and hurt. “You fucking dick—”

In the corner of the room, Illyana bolts upright before going stock still. Then, she gasps and reaches out towards her mother. “Mama!”

(The way Artemis’s face mars with a pained grimace makes your heart ache.)

Alex tenses, eyes glowing gold as she starts scanning the horizon (presumably checking for heat signatures). “Gde?”

The room goes quiet –and then you hear it.

The sound of engines rumbling –multiple engines—and car wheels crunching against gravel. Doors thumping open and shut, followed by footsteps. Hushed voices.

You scamper over to the nearest window and float up, just enough to see several men clad in black and Kevlar and carrying rifles stalking towards the front door and around the sides of the house in groups. “Guys with guns. Lots of them.”

“Then get down!” Nate hisses before yanking you back from the window.

“Lights out,” Alex orders before hitting the switch herself. “Get everyone to a reinforced room.”

“There’s a safe room at the end of the hall,” Xavier says before wheeling himself towards the door.

Allison clings to Artemis’s sleeve, much like a baby koala. “What’s going on? What’s going to happen?”

“Go with the Professor,” Artemis says. She quickly –but gently—frees her arm, then clasps the teen’s face with both hands. “Look at me. Listen to the Professor, and stay put until I come get you. Okay?”

Allison’s forehead puckers, and her lower lip starts trembling. “But—”

“Is alright,” Nikolai interjects with a kind, reassuring smile. He gently ushers Allison towards the door, then down the hall before she can protest further.

A few doors down, Karen pokes her head out of the room where she and Frank have holed up. She frowns as she takes in the chaos. “What’s going on?”

“Mafia men with guns!” Wade chirps as he half-skips, half-jogs towards the mansion’s entryway. “Tell your boy to suit up!”

“There’s a safe room at the end of the hall,” Neena adds as she runs after Wade.

Frank squeezes around Karen and kisses her temple before falling in line behind the two assassins.

You step to the side so Karen can run past you, then turn and press a hasty kiss against Piotr’s cheek. “Love you.”

He kisses your cheek in return, equally as brief. “Ya tozhe tebya lyublyu.”

And then the two of you run towards the danger bearing down on your home.

***

In all the firefights you’ve been in, there’s always this moment of silence. A calm before the storm. A moment where everything goes still, while both sides wait for the other to make a move.

You duck behind a wall as the mafia gunmen continue hammering away at the front door, tucking yourself in a shadow. Your stomach tenses, breathing going quick and hard as your mind starts putting a plan together. Don’t want to risk collapsing part of the house by doing a pressure vacuum. Best option is to probably knock them to the ground so the others can jump them.

The door rattles. The wooden portal splits on one side, sending jagged splinters poking out into the air.

You slow your breathing, forcing yourself into a calm, focused state. Wait for them to get past the entryway so you can hit as many of them as possible.

In the back of the house, near the kitchen, you hear glass shatter.

They’re in. You clench your fists at your sides, watching as the front door slowly gives way. Three… two… one…

The door breaks open, swinging inwards as the first gunmen step into the foyer—

And then the door snaps off its hinges and slams into the men, taking them out like bowling pins.

Strike, a small, inane part of your brain giggles.

Shouts go up through the house. You can hear the sounds of rushed footsteps, shattering glass, and what sounds like people being bodyslammed through tables (and, given the type of people fighting for your side, it just might be that). Gunfire pierces the air –and is accompanied by the telltale, metallic plinks of the bullets ricocheting off your husband’s armor.

Angry screams emanate from the front step. Men barge in, firing down the hall, towards some unseen target (likely Alex or Nate, given the door trick).

You wait until as many men are piled into the foyer as possible, then send down a downdraft that blows out the windows on either side of the door.

The gunmen tumble to the floor, swearing in a mixture of English and Italian.

Nate, Wade, and Neena swoop in. They descend upon the mafia men like a pack of wolves, breaking bones, dislocating joints, and cracking skulls as they disarm –and, in some cases “un-alive”—the gunmen.

“It’s raining men!” Wade sings as he runs one of his katanas through the gut of one assailant. “Hallelujah! It’s raining men!” He ramps off a nearby wall, then t-bags another man before stabbing him through the temple. “Amen!”

You crouch, tracking the movement of the scuffle. You tense when you see a couple of the men jump Nathan, then charge towards the railing and dive over when a few more try to break past to run down the hallway. You flip in the air, land in the hallway ahead of them, and unleash a blast of wind right in their faces.

The mafia men fly out through the front door. They sail over half the front drive, then bounce off the gravel surface and roll several times before coming to a stop.

You let out a harsh breath, then dart down the hall towards the kitchen when you hear glass shattering and the sound of Frank bellowing angrily.

The kitchen and rec room are a mess. Glass shards from shattered windows coat the floor, glittering before being crushed underfoot. Doors are cracked from having people slammed into them. The rec room couch is overturned –and is sagging suspiciously on one side, hinting at a cracked frame. The entertainment system is shattered, with smoking bullet holes littering the TV, speakers, and media systems.

Frank has one of the guys pinned down over the sink. He’s snarling as he uses the lip of the sink to choke the guy out. There’s blood smeared his lips and chins, trailing back up to his chin.

Another gunman stalks in through the dining room, gun trained on Frank’s head.

You whip a blast of air at the second man, sending him sailing into the wall so hard the drywall cracks.

He drops to the ground, unconscious.

There’s some terrified shrieking –and then a gunman is punted up and out of the basement stairwell. He sails through the kitchen window headfirst, crumpling in a heap in the hedges outside.

Your husband storms up the staircase, teeth bared in an angry snarl. The waning daylight glints off his metal exterior, almost making him look like some sort of avenging angel. He stops short when he sees you, though; his irate expression vanishes, replaced by concern. “Ty v poryadke?”

You manage a smile and flash him a thumbs up—

And then a truck with a Gatling gun strapped to the roof rolls up to the back door.

“Get down!” Frank hollers before tackling you to the ground behind the kitchen island.

The room explodes into chaos. Bullets plow into the walls, sending up spurts of drywall dust in their wake. Wooden doorframes and floorboards crack, unleashing cascades of splinters in every direction. Glass shatters, raining down upon everything in its reach.

Frank positions himself over you, shielding you as fragmented bullets rain down upon your both. He cups your head with his hands, doing his best to protect you from the hellfire.

Over the din, you can just make out a loud, angry bellow –and then the sound of bullets hitting metal. Heavy, deliberate stomps make the floor shake.

The gunfire cuts off. A shriek pierces the air just before you hear what sounds like a car being tossed into a tree.

(As you’ll discover later, that’s precisely what you heard.)

Frank lifts his head, then carefully rolls off you. He crouches next to you and holds out a hand. “You okay?”

“Yeah.” Your ears are ringing, and you’re pretty sure you’ve got glass shards and splinters in your hair, but you’ve been worse. You take his hand, flinching when you hear the sound of more gunfire outside.

Frank peers over the lip of the island. “Reinforcements. At least five more cars headed our way.”

You suck in a breath. “Piotr—”

“Is holding his own for now,” Frank says.

“I’m gonna help him,” you rasp out. “Make sure everyone in the house that’s not on our side… stays down. And that we’ve still got all our people.”

Frank nods, then runs off towards the foyer.

You catch your breath, then creep towards the back door (better safe than sorry). You flatten yourself against the wall next to the doorway, then peer around the broken frame.

Piotr’s facing off against the new influx of cars. He’s got one hand on the hood of one Range Rover, arm extended out like he’s fending off a five-year-old. With his other hand, he flips another SUV over, causing the thing to land on its roof and putting the vehicle squarely out of commission.

Your stomach sinks when five more Range Rovers tear across the lawn, leaving deep, muddy tracks in their wake –and are followed by three more trucks with Gatling guns attached to the roofs. You sprint out the door, take a flying leap over Piotr, then send out a shockwave of air when you land on the ground.

A few of the cars fly backwards, rolling across the lawn like tumbleweeds. A majority of them, however, manage to stay upright or bump into each other and recover.

Your eyes widen when one of the Gatling gun operators aims directly at you. Shit.

Piotr leaps in front of you, whirling so his back is to the gun. He curls his body over yours, shielding you as gunfire rains down on you both.

You grit your teeth, grunting. You can feel the impact of the gunfire resonating through your husband’s metal body. Worry clutches at your heart when Piotr lets out sharp, ragged groans; he’s largely invulnerable in his armor, not to mention his sense of touch is severely dulled, but you know that with shit like this he’s still feeling some sort of pain –and there’s nothing you can do. You’re both pinned down, and as powerful as your shockwaves are, they’re not enough to stop or even skew the trajectory of a bullet—

Blue light washes over both of you. The sound of the gunfire wanes, replaced by warbling, pinging noises instead.

You peer around Piotr’s side to see Illyana standing between the two of you and the oncoming cars. She has her arms outstretched, palms facing the onslaught of adversaries. A shimmering, sky blue shield with various magical incantations floating through it surrounds all of you, stretching into the sky for at least forty feet.

Illyana grunts. She’s being shoved backwards from the force of impact from the bullets. Her feet are digging into the ground, leaving ruts as she tries to hold her stance. “We need new plan!”

“How about ‘stay alive?’” Piotr shouts back as he digs shrapnel out of the grooves on his arms.

Wade, Neena, Nate, and Frank come barreling out the back door, faces streaked with soot and blood. They dive for the ground, covering the backs of their heads and necks with their hands—

An explosion goes off inside the mansion. The shockwave shatters windows on both the first and second floor, blowing out window frames and trim.

Piotr covers your body with his once more. He cups your head with his hand, shielding you from the falling debris and the worst of the shockwave.

You cough and hack as smoke billows out the broken windows and doors. You do your best to make a vortex to suck the smoke away and send it up into the air. Your lungs burn, and your ears are ringing like a bell from all the gunfire and the explosion—

Four more gunmen emerge from the smoke pouring out the back door.

You snarl, then whip blasts of air at them, slamming them into the exterior walls of the house.

One of them goes down, while the other three are merely stunned.

Mikhail comes barreling out next. He lets out a guttural battle cry, then sucker punches one of the men in the back of the head before aiming a blast of rust colored energy at another’s gut.

The man screams as he sails into the air, arcing over the tree line and disappearing somewhere in the canopies.

The third man aims his gun at Mikhail –then staggers and drops to the ground when a beam of golden energy sears through his chest.

Alex storms out of the smoke with Artemis and your uncle trailing close behind her. She glares down the remaining gunmen and cars, teeth bared in a vicious snarl. Blood is flecked across her face and spattered over her leather jacket. “House is clear!”

“Yeah, except now we’re about to be cleared out!” Wade hollers back. “As in, ‘all sales final, no returns, no exchanges!’”

“If we could make plan,” Illyana screams, voice strained with the effort of holding the shield, “would be very great!”

You look over to Alex –and see her eyes widen. You whirl towards the gunmen just in time to see one of them aim a rocket launcher at all of you. “Oh, for the love of—”

The first hit is technically deflected by Illyana’s shield, insomuch that the projectile and the shield both shatter the moment they meet. The force of the magic breaking sends out a shockwave of blue energy that flies backwards into all of you, knocking those who managed to get up back off their feet and stunning the rest of you.

You groan, head reeling. Your vision clears slowly, casting double images when you move too quickly. Shit.

You can make out Piotr, just next to you. He’s lying face down on the lawn, grunting and moving in slow, clumsy movements. He turns his head, brow furrowing when he sees you, and reaches out towards you.

You extend your hand to grab his –but he’s just out of your reach, no matter how far you strain. Your body feels heavy with fatigue and pain; everything inside you is screaming to get up, to fight, to keep moving because death is knocking right on your door, and you’ll be damned if this is how you go out—

Alex recovers first –no surprise there. She shoves herself to her feet, seething and growling like a feral beast. She hurls a blast of energy at one of the cars –and, from the sounds of the carnage, makes a direct hit. She storms towards the sea of mafia men like an avenging angel, hell bound on vengeance and blood.

Audible gasps go up from the amassed assassins.

You lift your head to see several of the gunmen backing away from the mansion and crossing themselves with shaking hands. You chalk it up to Alex being Alex, and make to drop your head back against the ground once more—

And then you see Allison standing in the ruined doorway.

She’s glaring down the gunmen with a viciousness that doesn’t suit the youthful roundness of her face. Her brows are knit together, and her mouth is twisted into an ugly scowl. Her eyes are glowing a brilliant shade of blue and give off little wisps of azure colored smoke. Her skin and hair are smoking as well, creating an aura around her body. Blood drips down from her nose and onto her shirt –which is stained with ash and soot. There are burn marks and indents on her wrists from where the repression cuff and the handcuffs used to be, respectively, but the restraints themselves are gone.

The ground begins to shake. Two patches of cerulean light appear underneath the grass, growing larger until they form swirling vortexes of magical energy. The ground begins to crumble at the edges of the portals, eroding away and growing wider until they make gaping tunnels that channel so deeply into the earth there’s no telling how far they truly go.

You recoil when the smell of sulfur and smoke blenches forth from the tunnels. Shit, did she hit a gas line? Fucking dammit, like this day can get any worse—

Echoing, blood-chilling howls emanate from the tunnels.

Your eyes widen –and then your heart starts working overtime when you see two, then four massive hellhounds (like the ones Allison summoned at the mall) crawl out of the tunnels.

Shrieks of terror sound from the gunmen. Several take off running, while others try to shoot the beasts.

The hounds snap and snarl at the gunmen, then charge at the group. Two of them go off after the runners, while the other two start lunging after the assassins like they’re rabbits.

You stare at the chaos in disbelief –and then a set of strong hands grab you underneath the arms.

“Get up.” You uncle tugs you to your feet, keeping you steady when you stumble. “You can’t be in the flow of traffic for this.”

Behind you, Allison is panting like she’s run a marathon. The aura of blue smoke is growing around her, trailing into the air and floating over the ground. Veins of light spread across her face and arms, glowing the same shade of vibrant blue as her eyes. Her breathing grows louder and more ragged, until she’s growling and shaking with each exhale— and then she screams.

Much like the first confrontation in the cemetery, all those months ago, the scream unleashes a shockwave of blue energy. This time, though, the shockwave is far from a decoy for escape. It washes over you, the X-Force, your uncle, the other Rasputins, Frank, and Artemis harmlessly enough –then slams into the mafia forces and vehicles like the wall of a hurricane.

Alex charges after the shockwave, carefully trailing behind it. She waits until it clears the first line of gunmen, then slams her fist into the face of the man closest to her. She blocks his attempt to strike her, then twists his arm –dislocating the shoulder, which makes him shriek in pain. Then, she wrenches his rifle away from him. She shoots him once in the center of his forehead, then turns the firearm on his fellow men and keeps firing.

Mikhail and Artemis go after the one surviving Gatling gun. Mikhail teleports onto the truck bed; he sweeps the back of one man’s jacket over his head, effectively blinding him, then kicks the other man present in the balls before shoving him over the side of the truck.

Artemis, on the other hand, stops a few feet away from the truck. She uses her telekinesis to rip the Gatling gun off its mount, then yanks the driver out through the windscreen –headfirst, no less—and dumps him on the lawn.

He doesn’t get back up.

“Come on,” your uncle says, pointing towards the further reaches of the property, where some of the gunmen are still trying to outrun the hellhounds. “Let’s give the dogs a helping hand.”

The two of you reach out, creating a wind current that slices through the air and slams into the stragglers.

The men careen into nearby hedges –and the hellhounds have it from there.

The familiar sonic blast of Nathan’s gun rips through the air. The shot slams into the last remaining SUV, rendering the vehicle to little more than glass shards and mangled metal.

The back lawn and gardens fall silent, save for the sounds of groans of pain and the hellhounds chewing on various gunmen.

Mikhail takes a fall off the back of the truck bed. He flops onto the ruined grass below, limbs splaying like a rag doll’s. “Alright. Is time for nap. Wake me… never.”

Illyana scoffs from where she’s sat next to a smoldering bush. She picks up a nearby stone, then chucks it at her eldest brother’s head (and hits her target, no less). “There is still clean up. Bezdel'nik.”

Mikhail flips her off, then groans as he rubs the bridge of his nose.

“She’s right,” Alex lectures her eldest as she picks her way through the carnage. She nudges one body with the toe of her combat boot, then shoots him through the temple when he groans.

“Mama!” Piotr gapes at her, expression scandalized. He sputters, looking between her and the body at her feet.

“Chto? Vy khotite yego zhivym? Chtoby on mog dolozhit' svoim khozyayevam? Chtoby on mog obrushit' adskiy ogon' na etu shkolu i vsekh, kogo vy lyubite? No –no.” She holds up her index finger and stares sternly at Piotr when he tries to argue. “You do not leave enemies on your six o’clock, medvezhonok. First rule of survival.”

Piotr swallows hard, then says softly, “X-Men do not kill.”

Alex shrugs. “And I am not an X-Man.”

“We’ll handle it,” Nathan says. He holds his hand out for Alex’s rifle, nodding when she hands it to him after a moment’s hesitation.

(Wade and Frank are already working their way through the sea of dead and wounded. Frank’s traversing the chaos methodically, sticking to minimal shots to kill the survivors, while Wade’s alternating between singing “Dancing Queen” and getting post-mortem revenge.

“You shot my dick off inside!” Wade gasps as he peers down at a –slightly chewed on—corpse. “Extra bullets for you!” He then shoots the dead body several times before resuming his pitchy serenade.)

“What now?” Allison asks, staring out at the carnage with a slightly shocked expression.

“‘What now?’” Artemis repeats, laughing incredulously. She stomps towards Allison, pulling a pack of tissues out of her inner jacket pocket. “What the hell are you even doing out here? You were supposed to stay in the safe room—”

“They had cameras in there,” Allison says with a roll of her eyes, as if that justifies her decision to join the fracas. “You guys were getting your asses kicked.”

“We would’ve handled it.”

“Yeah, except you weren’t,” Allison fires back. She scrunches up her face when Artemis starts wiping the blood off her face, but otherwise takes the mothering without any complaint.

“It’s not your responsibility to deal with this shit,” Artemis says, voice and expression softening for a moment. She cleans up Allison’s face –then scowls. “And where the fuck are your cuffs? How did you even get out of them?”

Allison shrugs. “I used my powers to short the repression cuff out and ash it off.”

Illyana’s, Alex’s, and your uncle’s heads all snap around to stare at Allison.

“Are you kidding me?” Artemis hisses through clenched teeth. “You could’ve fucking killed yourself!”

“Or caused magical paradox that ripped hole in space-time continuum,” Illyana snaps.

“Ruptured blood vessels in your brain and caused an aneurysm, made the cuff deliver a lethal electrical shock, turned your magic against your own body and rendered yourself to ash,” your uncle continues, ticking off items on his fingers.

“Well, I didn’t do any of that!” Allison snarls, glaring at the others while Artemis keeps cleaning up her face. “And I made sure you losers won the fight –so fuck off!”

“Get her something to eat and drink,” Alex says. “Her blood sugar is bound to be low after pulling a stunt like that.”

Artemis glares at Alex and opens her mouth to respond—

Across the yard, Wade lets out a pained shriek. “My balls are not fetch toys! Bad Fido! Bad!”

Your eyes widen as you watch one of the hellhounds swing Wade around by his legs. You bite down on your lip, holding in a shock-induced laugh.

“Where’s this mutt’s off-switch –hey, hey! No!” Wade wriggles in the hellhound’s mouth, panicking as another beast bounds towards him. “My spine is not a tug toy! Can someone get rid of Fido and Rufus before they rip me in half!”

Allison snorts –then, before anyone can stop her, holds out her hand and flicks her wrist.

All four hellhounds melt back into the ground, disappearing to the depths of hell from whence they came.

Artemis swears under her breath, then catches the teen when she stumbles. She moves frantically, grabbing more tissues as blood starts pouring out of Allison’s nose once more. “You fucking idiot. Why the fuck did you do that? When are you going to fucking learn that you’re not invincible—”

Allison lets out a sharp, hoarse laugh –then passes out.

…

The wreckage inside the mansion is heartbreaking.

You stare at the ruined furniture, the scorched walls, the splintered doors, the ruined rec room and kitchen, and you have to wonder what was the fucking point?

Part of you understands that the mafia came prepared for war; they were going up against powerful mutants, so –naturally—they would want to be prepared. Having the strongest, most powerful weapons available increased their chances of success. Logically –from a strictly tactical standpoint—it makes sense.

Glass crunches under your shoes. You stare down at a litany of fallen picture frames, heart wrenching as you stare at the ruined pictures of graduates, students, and workers inside. We’re just a school. We work with kids. What was the point of trying to wipe us out?

Piotr ambles up behind you. He puts his arms around your shoulders and kisses the top of your head. “Cleaners and repairmen will be here in less than one hour.”

You feel numb. You place your hand on his arm. “That’s good.”

“We have back ups of pictures,” he murmurs. He kisses your cheek. “Insurance to cover replacing damaged items. We will be fine.”

“I know.” You sigh, leaning back against your husband’s chest. “We’re just a school. What… what was the point? Why try to wipe us out?”

“I do not know.” Piotr kisses your other cheek, hugging you reassuringly. “Perhaps they believed we knew information about ‘family business.’ Or that we were protecting Allison for some reason.”

“She’s just a kid,” you argue, voice breaking as your grief and exhaustion wells up and threatens to overtake you. “She’s only thirteen…”

Piotr says nothing, merely holds you closer.

You sigh—

And then a door slams. Hurried stomps echo down the hall. There’s creaking as a door opens again, followed by more footsteps and exasperated shouts.

Allison storms past you and Piotr, heading towards the kitchen. Her jaw is set, fists clenched at her sides.

You and Piotr look at each other –then follow after her, if only to be sure that nothing else is going to explode today.

She slams her hands down on the island counter –and, on the opposite side, Frank and Karen both flinch and stare at her warily.

Allison glares at Frank, jaw working convulsively. Her shoulders heave with each breath she takes. Her eyes shine with unshed tears, making the bags underneath seem darker and deeper by comparison. She trembles, expression flickering wildly between grief, white hot rage, and the neutral mask she’s trying so desperately to hold. She sucks in a breath that sounds more like a pained sob, then stares Frank down and spits out through gritted teeth, “You leave my people alone, I leave yours alone. Deal?”

Frank sighs. He nods, expression heavy with grief and eyes shining with remorse. “Yeah, kid. You got a deal.”

Allison clenches the edge of the island so hard her hands go white. She lets out a strangled, angry laugh as the tears finally start to fall. She ducks her head briefly, then glares back up at Frank. “I fucking hate you.”

Frank grimaces, but nods and says, “I know kid. It’s okay. And for what it’s worth, I’m sorry.”

“That ain’t worth shit.”

“I know… believe me, I know.”

Artemis –who’d previously been watching at the kitchen threshold—steps forward and puts her arm around Allison’s shoulders. “Come on, sweetheart. Let’s go.”

Allison clenches her teeth together, but still lets out a choked sob. She presses her lips together, looking around the room to try and regain her composure, to stop the flow of tears. She manages a deep breath, then takes one last look at Frank and snarls, “If I have to see your fucking face again, I’m ripping out your guts,” before storming out of the room.

Frank, to his credit, doesn’t respond (though you suspect he feels too guilty to even consider arguing). He merely hangs his head, expression that of a kicked dog.

Karen leans against him. She interlocks her fingers with his, murmuring in his ear (likely about how it isn’t his fault, and while it looks like that may technically be the case, you’re glad you don’t have to walk the spider’s silk of a line those facts lie upon).

What a shitshow.

Piotr puts an arm around your shoulders and gently leads you out of the kitchen. “Come on, myshka. Let’s go find spot to rest.”

…

Frank and Karen leave shortly after “making the deal” with Allison.

Allison and Artemis hang back for a bit to talk to Xavier. You don’t get all the gorey details but from what you can tell, it’s essentially an offer to help train Allison’s powers so she doesn’t hurt herself rolled in with a warning to keep her nose clean, stay on the straight and narrow, etcetera etcetera.

The sun’s just starting its descent from the sky before the two of them walk out of the meeting room.

Allison is wearing Artemis’s jacket and looks downright haggard.

Artemis has her arm around the teen and is gently guiding her while she talks to Xavier (though, perhaps the term “talk” is too generous, considering most of her responses are nods or terse, one-to-two word replies).

The rest of the Rasputin family, you, Piotr, and your uncle are all gathered in the foyer to make sure Allison and Artemis leave without too much trouble (or causing more trouble themselves).

Your uncle is sweating bullets and looks like he just shit his pants; he’s glancing between Alex and their daughter so fast it’s a miracle he hasn’t given himself a headache yet.

Now or never, you think, watching him with pursed lips. Tell your secrets before they’re told for you.

Alex kneels down next to Allison. “Are you okay?”

Allison’s gaze doesn’t leave the floor. “The fuck do you think?”

She quirks her mouth to the side. “Not all that good.” Alex ducks her head lower, trying to catch Allison’s gaze. “You remember what we talked about?”

Allison’s eyes narrow. She moves her gaze away from Alex. “Go to hell. I know what I know.”

“Sometimes… it’s better to not,” Alex says. She stares at Allison for a moment longer, then pats her shoulder before standing and walking away.

Artemis stares after Alex, expression morphing rapidly between fury and shock. She sputters for a moment before snapping, “What –that’s all you have to fucking say?”

Alex pauses, turning slightly so she can see Artemis. She raises one eyebrow, otherwise looking unbothered. “Is there something else I should be saying?”

“You don’t have anything to say to me?” Artemis presses, crossing her arms over her chest. “Nothing at all?”

“Is there something you want me to say to you?” Alex fires back, smirking slightly.

Artemis stares at Alex for a long, hard moment. She shakes her head, eyes welling up with tears, then turns her glare onto your uncle. “You really didn’t fucking tell her.”

“What?” Alex’s expression sobers, going wary as she looks between your uncle and Artemis. “What didn’t you—”

“This really isn’t the time or place—” Your uncle tries.

And here it goes.

“I’ve gotta do all the work, then,” Artemis snarls with a vicious smile. “Yeah, I guess that makes sense, considering I’m not your favorite,” she tacks on with an angry glare towards you. She storms towards Alex, one hand outstretched, with a cruel, angry smile stretched across her face. “Hey, mom. How’s it going?”

Alex’s eyes widen. She stares at Artemis, eyes tracking over the younger woman’s face. “What…”

“You fucking heard me.”

Illyana, Piotr, and Mikhail look at each other, then at Alex, then at Nikolai. They explode into confused Russian, gesturing between their parents, Artemis, and your uncle—

Realization dawns in Alex’s dark eyes. Her expression trembles, tears welling up in her eyes as she stares at Artemis’s face.

And then she uses her telekinesis to yank your uncle over and decks him.

#sass writes #piotr rasputin x reader #colossus x reader #nathan summers x wade wilson #frank castle x karen page #alexandra rasputin x nikolai rasputin #love me some soap opera style drama #and frankly so does marvel #and honestly if marvel can have whatever tf infinity war and endgame were i can have this #probably shouldn't have built alex's whole backstory and have it be outside the scope of this series bUT OH WELL #deadpool fanfiction #x men fanfiction

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aforrestofstuff · 4 years

Note

What type of kid do you think the OPM characters were at school? I know not all of them went to school, but what if....

Thanks for the request anon! I’ve basically just written a handy-dandy little high school au for y’all lmfao.

OPM Characters in High School

Tornado of Terror: Absolutely 0 respect for authority. She’s tiny, but she can fucking fight and everyone knows it. For that reason, she’s feared and avoided at all costs. She often feels lonely because of this and finds it hard to make new friends, but she’d rather go through high school suffering alone before she dare let anyone get close.

Silverfang: Tries to recruit his peers into this little club he’s made where he tries to teach martial arts but the only kid that joins is this little shit named Charanko that doesn’t really care at all about what’s being taught. He’s really reliable in group projects and is overall a good student, albeit a little wise beyond his years.

Atomic Samurai: The kid that drinks alcohol under the bleachers during transition periods. He fails almost every class except one. However, in that one class, he is an absolute genius. His talents are few and niche but he really soars when given the chance to embrace his full potential. He’s really dogmatic and almost rude at times, but he’s managed to get himself a small group of friends that are keen on following him ‘till the end.

Child Emperor: Prodigy student. Straight A’s, extracurriculars, extra credit, you name it. He aces it all. Everyone wants to get a peek at his homework and he obliges kindly almost all of the time out of pure politeness. He’s also in marching band because he gets a thrill out of dooting a trumpet (is that an instrument in band? I can’t fucking remember). Overall, he’s very well-liked, although not respected. People kind of walk all over him because they know he’s all-too-eager to lend a helping hand.

Metal Knight: Polar opposite to Child Emperor. He’s a prodigy student as well, but he will NEVER lend a helping hand to anyone. If you’re paired with him in a group project, he’ll just brush you off and do the whole thing himself because he doesn’t trust anyone else with his grade. Teachers get pissed off at him because he’s always correcting them during class. He pushes people around and treats his peers as if they were lesser than him based solely on their intelligence, and thus doesn’t have many (if any) friends.

King: Doesn’t study at all but still gets A’s somehow. He’s got the teachers fooled thinking he’s some sort of prodigy kid, when really he just finds ways to copy off of other people’s work. He’s got a PSP under the table at all times during lectures and sits alone during lunch. People think he’s mysterious and cool but he’s really just an anxious kid trying to get by.

Zombieman: The cool, mysterious kid that skips class and smokes outside. The teachers don’t mind him because he doesn’t cause any trouble. He’s only got a handful of friends, one of those being Child Emperor (whom he’s really close to) and people think he’s just trying to cheese himself out of a failing grade by copying off of CE when he’s really fine all on his own. He’s surprisingly smart and quick-witted, just not in the way that report cards show. Still though, he passes with solid Bs and Cs.

Drive Knight: Set the school on fire once. Blackmailed a principal on the basis that they were having an affair and threatened to release this information unless they extended lunch period. Studies hard and gets good grades only to compete with Metal Knight. Their rivalry is well-known in school and everyone thinks it’s just a joke but Drive Knight is dead serious.

Pig God: The lunch ladies have second servings ready the minute he walks into the cafeteria because they know he eats like a horse. He doesn’t say shit in class and is overall just really quiet and shy. People bully him because he’s the fat kid with no social skills, but he’s really nice to the few friends that he has. Teachers either pity him or join the bullies in picking on him. It’s kind of sad.

Superalloy Darkshine: Football jock. He’s a little dumb but he’s actually the sweetest person ever. People often try to take advantage of him because he’s always ready to help, but he’s got a lot of friends that warn him when that happens. He’s overall just the most supportive, warm-hearted, social butterfly in school and he brightens up every room he walks in to. Nobody dislikes him. The coaches all put their faith in him during the season and he always delivers with winning scores (I don’t know shit about football lol).

Watchdog Man: Does absolutely buttfuck nothing in school. He only does the bare minimum. Like, he’s so close to flunking out that he’s among the bottom 1% in the student body. Still, somehow, he always pulls through just before finals and comes out with a barely passing grade. Every. Single. Year. He has no friends, doesn’t talk to anyone, and never raises his hand in class. People wonder if he’s actually a student or a ghost that wandered in.

Flashy Flash: Track star. Fastest kid this side of the fuckin continent. He put the school on the map by winning so many championships. He’s ridiculously handsome and has a lot of secret admirers too, but he ignores all of that to focus on sports. Even the teachers kiss his ass because he’s kind of a legend. Although everyone wants to be his friend, however, he’s actually quite the loner. He spends his down time during school hours running on the track or sitting alone to read a good book.

Genos: Teacher’s pet. Absolute ass-kisser. He tries his absolute best to study and never wastes a single second not having his nose in a textbook but still only manages to get Bs. It frustrates the living hell out of him. He’s adopted a lot of unhealthy ways to stay awake during the school day because he spends all night going above and beyond on homework, like drinking a full pot of coffee or smuggling energy drinks into class. He follows Saitama around because he wants to learn the secret to getting good grades without actually trying.

Metal Bat: He’s intimidating and mean-looking. Upon first glance, you might think he was a bully but it’s actually the other way around. He doesn’t tolerate bullshit like that while he’s in the vicinity and is not afraid to cuss anyone out should they ever pick on another student, teachers included. He’s been reprimanded so many times for that exact reason and has gotten a plaque in the principal’s office for breaking the district record. He’s a pretty shit student, but it’s not because he’s dumb. He’s actually pretty witty, but due to his terrible dyslexia and devotion to his little sister, his grades have suffered.

Tanktop Master: Best friends with Superalloy. Together, they carry the football scene for the entire school. He’s a bit smarter and quieter, but he’s just as nice. He aces all of his classes and is the sole reason Superalloy isn’t failing because he allows this dumbass to copy his work. He has a crazy amount of secret admirers but disregards them to hang out with his homies on the football team instead (and he always wears tanktops to school lol).

Puri-Puri Prisoner: Theater kid with such a drastic flair for the dramatic that people have actually gotten hurt trying to act out his ridiculous ideas. He’s super huge for his age and people often mistake him as a teacher. He’s one of those kids that have a full-grown beard at age 17 and he doesn’t quite know how to take care of it or shave properly yet so it’s kind of gross and patchy. Also, he’s the resident gay kid. It’s embarrassing.

Amai Mask: Also a theater kid but he’s way better at it. On top of that, he’s a choir star. Whenever there’s an opening for a solo, it always goes to him. There’s an ongoing conspiracy that all of his teachers pick him as favorite despite him being a bit of a dick at times but it’s still up in the air. He’s ridiculously attractive and has an outrageous amount of secret admirers, but he actually makes an effort to humor them and “entertain the crowd”. He’s still single, however, and devotes all of his time to mastering his craft in the ✨fine arts✨ (and singing. Idk if that counts as a ✨fine art✨ but whatever).

Iaian: Kamikaze’s best friend. They do everything together. He’s a bit of a doormat, though. He’s always seen carrying Kami’s books or doing his homework. Despite all that, he still manages to maintain an A-B average. He’s very studious and studies hard while participating in sports, despite only having one arm. The other kids would bully him for it but nobody wants to be known as the dick that picks on a disabled person (and rightfully so. Shit’s fucked up). He’s pretty quiet, serious, and mostly keeps to himself. Teachers always trust him to turn his work in on time and set an example for the rest of the class.

Okamaitachi: Another one of Kami’s best friends. She doesn’t fall for his bullshit though. She’s always seen in ridiculously fashionable outfits and holds a separate bag just to carry her extra change of clothes (in addition to her gym outfit). She always looks her best and does her best, super high energy 24/7. She’s a social butterfly and makes friends easily, especially while doing theater. She’s not as exceptional as Amai Mask, but she’s still talented in her own right.

Bushidrill: Yet another best friend of Kami’s. He also doesn’t fall for his bullshit. Bushi is another one of those kids that has a full beard at age 17, but he actually knows how to take care of it. He’s weirdly wise beyond his years and is everyone’s go-to for advice when they find themselves in a bad situation. He drinks illegally as well but keeps it a secret because he’s not an idiot (unlike Kami). Overall, he just keeps to himself and minds his own damn business despite knowing everyone’s drama.

Fubuki: Networking queen. She was voted “most likely to be a CEO” in the school yearbook. She’s head of the student body and negotiates like a pro. She’ll organize events and get good grades all while still managing to find the time to hang out with her friends outside of school. She’s always go go go 24/7. Nobody knows her and Tatsu are sisters, though. She doesn’t go out of her way to keep it a secret, but she would feel pretty terrible if people found out because she doesn’t want to be compared with anyone else.

Saitama: Does buttfuck nothing in class and never studies but still gets As anyways because he remembers all of the material effortlessly. I’ve said this before in a previous hc, but he was one of those insanely gifted kids that never developed a work ethic because he’s never had to struggle to get by academic-wise. He minds his own damn business and stays out of everyone’s shit but still manages to get caught up in a ton of drama somehow. He shares his lunches with Genos because Genos often forgets to eat. Fubuki has tries to recruit him into student government but he refuses each time. All in all, just an average kid that is always in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Mumen Rider: Studies hard, is a teacher’s pet, and gets perfect grades. His mom packs him really nice, healthy lunches and she leaves little love notes in there so he knows he’s got a good family waiting for him back home. The reason for that being, he gets bullied a lot. There’s no real reason why. He’s a nice kid and there’s nothing wrong with him, but a lot of his peers see him as an easy target because he’s scrawny and wimpy. He does have a handful of friends though. One of those being Saitama, who stands up to those bullies on behalf of Mumen.

Sonic: Wild card. He’s also on the track team and it’s just as good as Flash. They’re rivals and everyone knows it. He and Flash were childhood best friends until they drifted apart sometime before junior high, only to meet again while doing sports at the beginning of freshman year. Coaches often pit them against each other because it’s fun to watch the top two go at it. Academic-wise, he sucks. He’s the dumbest motherfucker in all of his classes and manages to get by solely because he uses his status as track star to get everyone to let him copy their work.

Garou: Another wild card. Teachers absolutely hate him. He’s loud-mouthed, awkward, and doesn’t really fit in. He has a lot of interests and wishes to get into some extracurriculars or clubs but he’s too worried about getting bullied. Like Mumen, there’s nothing really wrong with him. He’s not a dick for no reason, but people just see him as an easy target somehow and decide to pick on him relentlessly. He and Silverfang were once friends, but Silverfang betrayed him sometime before the start of the new year. His grades are atrocious because he can’t focus during class. Someone help this boy.

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thelaurenshippen · 4 years

Audio

oh hey, here’s a playlist from 2017 that I realized wasn’t on my website with the rest of them and that I totally wasn’t thinking about because there’s actually a part two that has never seen the light of day that may or may not be incoming

notes on my website and also under the cut

As I write, I like to build playlists for all my characters and, occasionally, will make playlists as a character as well. These playlists are part of my writing process and I take them far more seriously than anyone should. Sometimes the playlists come together instantly and effortlessly and sometimes I play around with them for months. As such, there are a fair number of cast-offs that never make it onto the final, official playlist. That's what this playlist is.

So here we are: all the songs that nearly made it on to the character playlists but got cut for various reasons. Those reasons tend to fall into one of a few categories:

There wasn’t space / another song was serving a similar purpose

The song was right for the character but not right for the character at the beginning of their story (which is what most of the playlists are)

The mood/genre/tempo of the song was out of place in the playlist

I discovered the song after the playlists had been put together.

All my playlists are very specifically ordered, so adding or removing songs after their publication is more or less impossible. Instead, I would throw songs into this B-Side playlist as they appeared, meaning that, unlike most of my playlists, the order here is random (aka this playlist has NO flow). Here is a list of where they would have gone had they made the final cut. The characters are listed above the tracks, with a link to the playlist in question.

A/N, 2020: These are the B-Sides specifically from pre-Season 4. Back in August of 2017, I did a sticker giveaway to see what folks would guess about which songs were for which characters - these annotations were published after that giveaway and thus, there's some reference to how people guessed!

WADSWORTH

1. “Heavy Metal Lover” - Lady Gaga

This is a Wadsworth song through and through in terms of style and swagger. There just wasn’t space for it.

But would you love me if I ruled the world

DAMIEN

2. “Reaper Man” - Mother Mother

This is a song that was recommended to me as a Damien song by tumblr user kalgalen and I am actively mad that I didn’t know this song before making Damien’s playlist. The style, the lyrics - everything about this song is Damien. And it actually fits perfectly after the opening track but by the time I was made aware of it, it was too late.

Oh yeah, I’m an ugly mess/not in the face, but in the head - regardless of how attractive Damien is, this is something he thinks. God, what an edgelord line this is.

Oh yeah, I got no choice/got no choice/but to love myself - I mean, it’s just all there.

A/N, 2020: this song eventually made its way onto a playlist - my playlist for A Neon Darkness, Damien's book.

CHLOE

3. “Her Morning Elegance” - Oren Lavie

I love that this song really conjures a visceral image to your brain - it paints such a vivid picture. It’s delicate, but determined. I think Chloe sometimes moves through her world separate and observing and that’s what this song is.

There’s also an amazing music video that I think Chloe would watch over and over again.

I got a lot of submissions guessing that this was a song for Sam and I really see that too. It fits well with the aesthetic of her playlist and the theme of fighting for your life everyday definitely resonates with Sam, as does the “Nobody knows” lyric. But the lyrics are also about being out in the world, which is something Sam doesn’t do but Chloe wants to continue to do desperately, despite her ability making it difficult.

CALEB/ADAM

4. “Blue and Yellow” - The Used

This was a song suggested by my sister for Caleb and Adam because of the colors involved and also because The Used was a band we both listened to a lot when we were emo teenagers like Adam. Ultimately, this song feels very dated as early emo and didn’t quite fit musically on any of their mixes, either in-universe or not.

And it’s all in how you mix the two/and it starts just where the light exists/it’s a feeling that you cannot miss/and it burns a hole/through everyone that feels it

5. “Stupid for You” - Waterparks

This is another song that was recommended to me, this time by a tumblr user and it is absolutely perfect. I didn’t even realize that there was pop punk being made like this anymore, so I was delighted.

You’re yellow, I’m natural blue/let’s get together and be green like my insides - I mean??? Couldn’t have said it better myself

Also, the refrain of “stupid for you” fits perfectly with the “I’m the guy who’s been so stupid about you that it broke my fucking super power!” I mean, I clearly ghostwrote this song.

ISO: the tumblr user who suggested this song. I have scoured both of my blogs to find the ask to no avail so if it was you, please raise your hand.

Both of these songs would go on a Caleb/Adam ship mix if such a thing existed. But in fact, both their mixes are in-universe and, while one of them might put this on a mix now, it would have been way too vulnerable of a thing to put on one of those earlier playlists. I've linked to their second in-universe mix - the quite lovey one that Adam makes for Caleb.

MARK

6. “Time Machine" - Robyn

This definitely felt a little too on the nose for Mark, so I went with “Hang With Me” instead. But Mark loves Robyn and would love the DeLorean reference in this so it was very tempting. It’s also a song all about making impulsive decisions, which Mark definitely does a lot, but in classic Robyn style, it’s such a bop despite the serious lyrics. That balance fits Mark perfectly.

7. “F U” - Miley Cyrus

I know this song is about someone cheating, but it is such a good angry-fuck-you song that I can’t help but think of it in the context of Mark’s feelings towards Wadsworth. Having missed the heyday of pop borrowing from dubstep and the increasing use of internet slang, I think Mark would have gotten out of The AM and fallen hard for this song. I imagine many an afternoon before Joan gets home from work just angry dancing around the living room singing along to this.

SAM/MARK

8. “Someone to Fall Back On” - Jason Robert Brown

This is 100% Sam singing to Mark about being his knight in shining armor. Sam is hard on herself - doesn’t realize her own strength - so the self-deprecating lyrics really work for her. It didn’t make it on the playlist because it felt like it was a little further down the line in their relationship - somewhere around Episode 40.

I’ll take your side/if I’m the only one/I’m used to that/I’ve been alone/I’d rather be/the half of us/the least of you/the best of me

I got a lot of guesses for Frank on this one, which completely fits. He’s quite a bit more confident in his abilities than Sam - if he thinks he can be your knight, he’ll say so right from the get-go.

9. “Can’t Get Started With You” - Ella Fitzgerald

This is pretty self-explanatory. It didn’t fit with the very particular structure that I created for the Sam/Mark playlist and it also felt like a later stage of their relationship. That playlist was them falling in love and wanting to be in the same time; this song is getting close to that but then getting pulled apart again, first by Damien and then by the difficult realties of actually trying to have a relationship. If the previous track is end of Season 3 for them, this is a Season 4 song.

A/N, 2020: it certainly is a Season 4 song, because it actually ended up going on their Season 4 playlist.

DAMIEN/MARK

10. “Elvis Ain’t Dead” - Scouting for Girls

So…this is a reject from an as of yet published playlist. I know - not fair. Think of this as the free square on a bingo sheet. In the course of writing Season 3, I was motivated to make a playlist for a relationship that was becoming increasingly interesting to write. While this playlist could certainly be seen as a ship playlist, I have no intentions to ever put these characters together in a real way, but their dynamic was so compelling that I wanted to explore it. I will eventually release the playlist because it’s one of the best I’ve made, but I didn’t want it influencing anyone’s reaction to the end of Season 3. Loose lips sink ships.

I wish it was me you chose/Elvis ain’t dead/and you’re coming back

Okay, okay, I won’t leave you hanging because a few people actually guessed this one right - it’s from a Damien/Mark playlist. This is actually one of three unpublished Damien mixes - for whatever reason, music is the fastest and easiest way for me to connect to him. He really brings out the playlist-making skills in me.

A lot of people guessed that this was Agent Green which I absolutely love. Poor Owen.

A/N, 2020: I didn't link to the playlist originally, but it exists now! To this day, I think it's some of my best work.

ROSE

11. “Carolina” - Harry Styles

This was mostly rejected because I felt stupid having two songs called “Carolina” on one mix and Sara Bareilles trumps Harry Styles (as much as I love him). But in style and content, this really feels like a Rose song.

#playlist #playlists #b-sides #the bright sessions #man elvis ain't dead still really slaps

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fortheloveoffanfic · 4 years

Text

Lullaby

Keanu Reeves x Reader (Chapter Summary- The woes of family getaways and spontaneous vacations might be the key to finally bringing Y/n and Keanu together.) (A/n- The necklace mentioned, if anyone wants to see it.)

Chapter1 Chapter2 Chapter3

Chapter 4

Los Angeles Family vacations. They were great, they brought siblings together, encouraged everyone out of their comfort zones and all in all, they could be pretty fun. But, they were also pretty hectic; there was always one person who was a bit despondent with the location, another who’d have to join everyone else a day later and finally, someone who was late despite promises for otherwise. That day, the one late person was Keanu, by no fault of his own.

Okay, maybe some of it was his fault.

For the first time in a long time, he had slept way past the sounding of his alarm clock, jumping awake just as his racy dream slipped though the cracks of his subconscious. After that, Keanu had hurriedly scrambled out of bed, skidding into the walk-in shower and having the fastest shower of his life. Their flight was at seven am- it was quarter to six. Between the length of the ride to the airport and the time he’d have to spend going through security, Keanu would either have hurry up or miss his flight entirely. Hopefully he could do the latter.

With his hair still dripping wet and his skin barely toweled off, he pulled on a comfortable pair of jeans, the closest t-shirt and threw on a coat over his untidy ensemble. As Keanu grabbed his bags from the corner of the closet, he, or at least, he tried to, put his shoes on, nearly falling over. Within fifteen minutes, he was collecting his keys and wallet, and thankfully, before he had gotten dressed, Keanu had taken a couples minutes to call a car.

Before his watch, which still hung by the band from his fingers could read 6:05 am, Keanu was locking the front door behind himself, activating the security system. The black SUV already sat patiently on the curb at the top of his driveway, the engine humming idly. When he got it, the driver wordlessly peeled away from the sidewalk, speeding up the street, eventually melding into the thin early morning traffic.

Greece When Y/n awoke, pressing up from the pillow, tangled in a thick duvet, it took a minute for her to register that she wasn’t at home, the persistent swaying of the boat a little confusing. Though, by the time she sat up, taking in the room, she quickly remembered her location.

The ultra modern, luxurious yacht, which had been on loan by her parents, had been anchored at an exclusive bay, bobbed gently in the water. Warmth filtered into the cabin from the large windows to her left and when Y/n quickly tapped a switch next to the headboard, a series of little bulbs embedded into the ceiling came on at their dimmest setting, the central light source; a sleek chandelier remaining off.

The familiarity of the room was barely there, but Y/n had stayed in it before; huge and impressive, though not quite as luxurious as the master bedroom that her parents usually stayed in. Hints of navy blue and pale hardwood fixings complimented bright white in a welcoming mix of contemporary design and homey comfort. The cabin was one of two nestled on the top deck, with the other guest cabins being located on the second.

The vessel was an unnecessarily large one, sporting eight bedrooms as well as a pool, a sizeable kitchen with a large living area and a dining room. And, though Y/n’s family rarely used, “The Heather“, affectionately named in honor of her mother, it was always staffed and ready for guests. The kitchen and bar was kept stocked and the facilities were kept running, presumably for impromptu vacations like the one Y/n was taking with her friends.

Shaking off the covers, Y/n pulled on her silk robe over her loose, matching nightgown and headed to the ensuite bathroom. It was significantly smaller than the bedroom but its décor not lacking with cream marble floors and walls.

Lazily, Y/n went through her morning routine before joining her friends on the main deck for breakfast on the poolside. Jillian was the first one to greet her, standing from the set table, pulling Y/n into a short hug, “Loving this,” she winked at Y/n’s outfit; a white, chic, strapless, crochet maxi dress paired with braided sandals.

“Thank you!” When they released each other, Y/n reached for the French press and a delicate looking ceramic cup to pour herself a cup of coffee when Catharine quickly hurried over, switching out the empty tea cup for a mimosa with an orange slice wedged to the rim, “Isn’t it too early?”

“It’s eleven am,” Catharine argued, tucking a lock of blonde hair behind her ear as she sipped her own drink, grey eyes hidden behind dark designer sunglasses, “And we’re on vacation.”

“And it’s like.....one am at home,” Mathew interjected from his seat at the table, “So really its.....”

“Still early,” Tracy rolled her eyes. There were seven of them, and she was the only one drinking coffee, but considering the fact that there was a bottle of whiskey hidden in the cluster of food and dishes laid out, it was probably spiked, “I didn’t realize you were still a dumbass Matt,” she joked dryly, taking a long sip of her coffee.

Mathew scoffed, stuttering uncomfortably; searching for a comeback, only managing, “Didn't realize that you were still a bitch Trace,” he frowned and she just snickered.

“I’ve always been a bitch,” she smirked.

“Okay,” Jillian turned to Y/n setting down her slice if toast and taking Y/n’s fork from her hand, “While these two get sexy with the foreplay,” she teased sarcastically, receiving jeers of objection from them both, “We should go see the town.”

“Oh, I’ll go too,” Amanda agreed, excitedly followed by Catherine.

“Sounds fun!” Y/n determined.

It was his first actual day on vacation in Greece, Keanu and his family, despite being barely in time for the flight, had landed just as the sun had set on the previous day. They had slept in late, but the next morning, after breakfast at the hotel, he and his sister had decided to go into the small near by city to look around, though, they had ended up parting ways when she stopped at small boutique, informing him that they could meet back at the hotel

Keanu was strolling through a flea market that had dominated a side street, with booths selling everything from fun clothing items to handmade arts and crafts. The aroma of spices from inviting dishes wafted up and down the mile long street, tickling his senses. Surrounding vendors called out persuasively to potential patrons and sometimes Keanu would stop at an interesting booth, standing under the homemade tents as he picked out little trinkets.

His eyes scanned the his surroundings, really only looking for possible buys, when he caught a glimpse of someone seemingly familiar. She looked ethereal in a white dress that went down to her ankles. Parts of her legs, the ones he had dreamt of touching, kissing, were visible through spaces between the delicate crocheted pattern. Her hair flowed in soft waves, stopping at her shoulders, highlights more noticeable in the sun. A pair of large sunglasses shrouded her identity, but Keanu thought he could recognize the confidence in her gait anywhere, because even if he had only seen it in person once, it had haunted his dreams every night since then.

At the sight of Y/n, Keanu stood frozen in his place in front of a booth that sold hand-woven baskets, debating his options. Should he call out to her? Approach Y/n and her friends or just pretend that a golden opportunity to speak to the woman who had dominated his sub-conscious for two months was something he could ignore?

Though he went to and fro with his options, Keanu didn’t really have a lot of time to think on the matter, make a hurried decision of even hide like a coward, for, the minute Y/n spotted him in the crowd, she whispered something to the ladies that had accompanied her and then they made their way over to him.

Maybe he shouldn’t have been staring.

“Keanu?” Y/n called as she and her friends drew nearer.

“Y/n,” he smiled despite himself. As she approached, Y/n pushed the sunglasses up a top her head, offering him a bright smile. Much to his surprise, she pulled him into a one armed hug, the other staying at her side, holding her handbag, “I haven’t seen you since-”

“The party, yeah,” she said, her hand lingering on his forearm as they broke. Their stance resembled that of old friends, and Keanu wondered if she’d still greet him with the same friendliness if she knew what crude actions followed the thought of her when he was in private. “What brings you to Greece?” She inquired politely, “Business or pleasure?”

“Pleasure,” and when he said it, her brows raised knowingly, her smile suggestive. Clearing his throat awkwardly, Keanu shook his head, his hands slipping into the pockets of his jeans, “Family vacation,” Y/n’s mouth morphed into an unsounded ‘oh’ and he nodded. “What about you?”

“Same, I guess. We’re having sort of a spontaneous getaway,” for a couple minutes, they just stood there; he didn’t know what to say and Y/n looked as if she’d prefer whatever she was thinking to be kept just between them. After a breathy, deflated sigh and a falter in her smile, Y/n was the one to speak up, “I guess I should let you get back to your family.”

Chuckling quietly, Keanu ran a hand through his wind tousled hair, “My sister and I actually split up a ways back. I’m flying solo for now.”

“Oh!” Y/n chortled, and barely thinking of her next words, she thoughtlessly suggested, “Why don’t you walk with us?”

Before Keanu could even process her offer, a blonde girl, who Keanu only noticed when she spoke, interjected hurriedly, “Or better yet, Y/n,” she put her hands on her friend’s shoulders, “Why don’t you two walk together? Since you have so much catching up to do.”

At that, Y/n turned back to her friends, wide eyed and tight lipped, “I....I thought we were shopping together. And what about-”

“Shhh,” another woman spoke, she was a little taller than the other three, hair dyed red and cut short in a stylish pixie cut. She could have been a model, or someone that Keanu should have recognized easily, but her face was hard to place, “Just go babe, we’ll see you back at the boat.”

“Are you sure?” Y/n glanced at the only other person Keanu recognized from the party, a young lady who he had mistaken for Y/n’s sister, though, a quick internet session had proved that they were actually cousins.

“Yes,” Jillian encouraged, “Go, just text us if you need anything. And take good care of her,” Jillian turned to Keanu, offering him a warning stare.

“Will do,” he chuckled, making a cross his heart motion over his chest.

After quick goodbyes and cheek pecks, they separated and Y/n and Keanu set out on wandering the street together, their hands hanging at their sides, her shoulder barely grazing his bicep. Neither of them spoke for a while, but when Y/n did, she didn’t seem as cheery as she was before. Her tone was softer and more inquiring, “So, what have you been up to?”

Keanu shrugged uneventfully, looking around, trying to not show the effect that her presence had on him, “Not a lot. Just work.”

“Filming?” She probed as she stopped at a ceramics booth, admiring a painted vase. Her hands were so small, barely able to go completely around the curved neck. Keanu wondered if her questions were building to a point, maybe to a bigger one where she’d confront him about not going to her house, or maybe she was just being polite. He couldn’t tell.

“No,” he replied, short and brisk, only going into a bit more detail when they pulled away from the booth, the formally admired vase now Y/n’s, secured in a bag. “At Arch, we’re preparing for a show early next year.” Y/n nodded in silent understanding, “What about you?”

“Me?” Y/n returned with a shrug, “I’ve just been working,” her face was turned away from him as they continued, her eyes scanning the products of different vendors. “You know how it goes; booze, boredom and disappointment,” her words seemed so careless and completely unrelated to their dwindling conversation yet they stuck him so readily, as if it were her intention.

Maybe she had actually wanted him to come the day after the party, dare he say she was offended by his decision to ultimately not go. Apologize, he told himself. Though, right before the words could not so readily leave his lips, because, after all, he didn’t really know what to say, Y/n took his wrist, dragging him into a pub that initially appeared to be nothing more than a hole in the wall. “Come on,” she encouraged excitedly.

“Why are we in a pub?” Keanu questioned, more confused by their location than the fact that Y/n’s fingers still lingered on his hand.

“For the.....what do you call it?” Y/n snapped her fingers, reclaiming her hand, eyes squinted in concentration, “Ouzo! I’ve never had it!”

“Never?” Keanu asked curiously as they sat at a corner table. It was a small one, meant for just two people and she sat on the other side, just an arms length away. They were secured near the curve of the wall, away from the other patrons and the dim lights that hung over head.

“Nope,” Y/n confirmed. A waitress came shortly after, placing in front of them what they had ordered at the bar; two glasses, the ice water added before serving making the clear liquor turn milky white, and a small platter of meze. “The last time I came here, it was my parents, and I was like ten.”

What was Keanu doing when she was ten? The thought was enough to remind him that even though Y/n sat across from him, looking more beautiful than he remembered, she was still very young. He shouldn’t think of her the way he had grown used to, dreaming of her like that. She shouldn’t have been the object of his arousal; the face that got him off. She was someone’s daughter, and though every other woman was too, it was plainly obvious with Y/n’s age. Twenty-three was too young, it was perverse, he thought, scolding himself.

“Do you like it?” Keanu grinned, after Y/n took a lengthily initial sip.

Her pretty eyes widened with enjoyment, her smile growing, “That was amazing,” she breathed, popping a piece of cheese into her mouth. As she chewed, Y/n’s smile turned to a grimace and when she swallowed, presumably to be polite, she downed more of her drink and part of Keanu worried that she might be drinking too fast. Little did he know, she had started earlier that morning, “That was goat cheese,” she frowned, “I hate goat cheese.”

��It’s not that bad,” Keanu argued, though when he ate a piece himself, he had to scramble to wash it down with half his drink, “That was not as good as I remember it.”

The rest of the afternoon went by and neither Y/n nor Keanu paid any attention to how long they stayed at the pub, or how much they drank, but when the light filtering in from outside started to dim and Keanu suggested they leave, they both stood with a wobble. After a short to and fro about who should rightfully settle the bill, they ended up splitting it before spilling out drunkenly back onto the street.

The sun had almost completely sunk into the unseen horizon and majority of the vendors had long packed up, with only those selling food still open. More emboldened by alcohol, they joined hands as they walked aimlessly though the picturesque night life of Agios Nikolaos.

Warm, yellow artificial lighting washed the narrow streets , coming from the homes that sat on top of family owned business. Sometimes, Y/n wondered what it would be like to come from one of those families; the ones who didn’t have thousands of employees, who were totally dependent one each other to keep their livelihood a float. They must have been close, she often thought when looking on at homes like theirs, they’re relationships might have significantly paled the one she had with her parents. Y/n hadn’t even spoken to either of them since she had her friends left a couple days prior.

As if sensing her sullen mood, Keanu slowed their leisurely pace, looking down at her, “What are you thinking about?” He nudged her shoulder.

“Nothing,” Y/n waved off his question with her free hand, “It’s just, this place is really beautiful,” she gestured around them, hoping he’d believe her lie. The small, sea-side town really was a gem though. As they walked further and further, more small business mixed with aged villa styled homes lined the pleasantly worn streets. The place was like a chuck of history or maybe even vintage beauty saved in time, a treasure for those who would choose to look for it.

“It is,” Keanu hummed in agreement, “I’ve never been to this part of Greece,” he went on absently, “But my mom suggested that we come, and I can’t say I regret it.”

Y/n smiled at the mention of Keanu’s mother, just remembering that he had come with his family. When was the last time Y/n went on vacation with hers? They had stopped travelling together for pleasure when she had gone off to college, and after, she’d only take trips with them for events that her mother had been invited too or business trips with her father.

They continued in comfortable silence, their frames close together as they followed the road. The air felt cool against her skin and the alcohol flowing through her system was the only thing keeping Y/n from shivering. Keanu’s hand seemed to swallow hers up in comfortable warmth and occasionally, she’d steal glances at him, admiring his handsome profile, quickly turning back when she’d suspect that Keanu would notice.

As they walked, something to her left caught Y/n’s eye, causing her to pull Keanu towards the darkened store front of an antique shop, “Where are we going?” He chuckled, “This place is closed.”

“I know,” she frowned, “But look at this, it’s so beautiful,” Y/n pointed out a handmade piece that stood out among other fine pieces of jewelry; set in dark silver, a sizeable pearl dominated the center with other, smaller pearls around it, and finally, even tinier ones to fill the spaces. The round pendant hung on a thin silver chain that looked as if it were shined daily. The price was hidden in the velvet cushion that it laid on, but Y/n was right; it was gorgeous. “It looks Bayzantinian,” she mused, “I wonder if it’s real, and if it is, what’s it doing here?”

Keanu had recognized the necklace’s historical connection from the minute he saw it, asking himself the same questions she had vocalized, but he was a little surprised with Y/n’ s knowledge on it. Needless to say, he hadn’t expected that from her, “How did you know that?”

It took a minute before she turned to look at him, a soft smile still ghosting her lips, “Huh? Oh, when I was in college I.....knew,” dated, “This History professor. He was also an archeology junkie, and had this kind of stuff all over his house.”

Y/n explanation fell off her lips as if it were nothing, as if it were normal for her to just hang out with older men. Surly this professor in question would have to be one; not a lot of men in their twenties or thirties collected replicas of ancient artifacts - or taught college grade history.

Before Keanu could press the issue any further though, Y/n was pulling him along the side walk again, and he tried to shake off his tumultuous thoughts.

When Y/n and Keanu got to the beach, it was late and most light came from the string of beach houses and hotels a distance away from the shore. Having stopped at several other bars in their attempt to be bar hopping tourists; they were far drunker than they had been before. Keanu thought that his eyes might be playing tricks on him and Y/n didn’t think that she could trust herself to get back on the boat without falling into the water.

“We go should in!” She suggested excitedly at the thought. Without his consent, Y/n was already pulling Keanu towards the water.

“Okay, but only our feet,” Keanu tried to sound stern, but hadn't realized how slurred his words were. Despite his drunkenness, he faintly remembered that swimming whilst drunk wasn’t one’s safest move.

Clumsily, they hastily kicked off their shoes, cold water reaching their just above their ankles as they went in. A shiver racked Y/n’s body and Keanu felt goosebumps raise on his skin. Still, they stayed in and at some point, Y/n’s hand had slipped out of his and she had gone a little deeper in, until the water was at her knees. “You shouldn’t go in that far,” Keanu warned.

“Oh yeah?” She challenged with a smirk, “What are you gonna do about it?” Without giving him a minute to respond, Y/n bent forward, her hands going into the water, arms rearing back. The whole thing happened so fast that in an instant, a wave of cold, salty water was hitting Keanu in the face, soaking his hair and making his grey button up cling to his chest.

“That was not funny,” he tried to maintain a serious expression, failing miserably.

“I thought it was funny,” Y/n shot back, splashing him again, “But if its not, then maybe you should do something about it,” laughing, her expression illuminated by only the light coming from at least half mile away, Y/n took another step back. Her dress, by then, had started to billow up in the water, and instead of hanging down to her ankles, it was floating around her, waves shifting it how they pleased. Her chest was wet too, and he could see that the dress, much like the one she had worn to the party, didn’t warrant the need for a bra. It all clung to her skin in a way that was so distracting.....and arousing. After another wave hit him in the face, Y/n drunkenly suggested, “Maybe you should John Wick me.”

Keanu threw his head back in rumbling laughter, “John Wick you? What does that mean?” He questioned, taking a few steps forwards, accepting that ‘dipping their feet’ had turned into something far from it.

Y/n shrugged, her hands threaded the water around her, but she wasn’t moving, “I don’t know. But I do know that he wouldn’t just stand there and let me do that, especially if he thought it, ‘wasn’t funny’,” Y/n’s lips morphed into a teasing pout, “But you’re all bark no bite,” she continued taunting him.

Rolling his eyes, Keanu scoffed, knowing that Y/n was just trying to push his buttons. Again she splashed him and her eyes almost shouted ‘I dare you to make me stop’. Without think about it, Keanu was closing the space between them, tackling her, sending them both underwater.

Instinctively Y/n’s arms went around him, their fronts pressed together. He could feel everything, from the rise and fall of Y/n’s chest with each slow breath, to how hard her nipples had gotten from the cold and the softness of her legs on his calves. There was hair in both their faces and even as they regained their composure, Keanu still held her in his arms.

Swallowing tightly, Y/n reached to tangle her thin fingers in Keanu’s wet hair, urging his face down towards hers. That time, she didn’t wait for the air to push them together, for someone to interrupt them or for things to just happen naturally. No, instead, Y/n smashed her lips to Keanu’s. His resistance was all but existent and in a beat, he was kissing her back, his tongue slipping past he barrier of her teeth.

It was just a kiss. The kind where his hand slid down her back, holding her close, where she gently tugged on fistfuls of his hair. Y/n melted against him, crashing waves nearly pushing them down, cold, gentles breezes threatening to break the warmth they offered each other. It was just a kiss, but as Keanu groped and kneaded her behind and Y/n moaned against his touch, it was turning into so much more.

********

Tagging- @baphometwolf666 @a-really-bi-girl @paanchu786 @harrisongslimited

#Keanu Reeves #Keanu reeves x reader #Keanu reeves x you #Keanu reeves fanfiction #Keanu reeves fanfic #lullaby #lullaby chapter 4 #fanfic #fanfiction #john wick #john wick x reader #john wick fanfic #chapter 4 #ff

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spikeymarshmallows · 4 years

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alright bitches, saddle up. it’s headcanon-ing time.

inspired by this post.

Specifically this section:

The standard urban fantasy female protagonist dating a werewolf who is not an alpha. Bonus points for it being a cute beta werewolfess who thinks her girlfriend’s perpetual posturing as the ‘baddest bitch on the block’™ is the most adorable thing ever. Extra bonus points for fuzzy baby werewolves and adopted babies. (Because actual wolf packs? Exist to raise children. They’re family units, focused around rearing cubs.)

#werewolves #queer wolves #werewolves as the foster parents of the supernatural world #if there’s a kid so much as sniffling in their general vicinity they’re going to get adopted #the fae discovered that they could straight-up hand off changlings to werewolf packs #no deception needed #magic using children of mundane parents who can’t handle it? #every pack has a dozen of them #fic ideas

okay this is one of the cutest reblogs I’ve gotten. imagine it werewolves just going YES FAMILY GOOD and adopting everyone and making sure they get attention and food and understand that it’s fine to be who you are and that you’re not alone, you’re pack now

Okay, I tried to do the Tumblr aesthetic thing, but it turns out, it takes more effort for me *not* to use capital letters, so fuck that.

Okay, but just imagine. The kids are all 13. Five has not yet fucked off into ye olde apocalypse. Reginald has caught Klaus wearing eyeliner and dancing around in one of Vanya’s skirts, because Allison rumoured him into doing 300 pushups last time he was caught in hers, and Vanya has no spine. So Reggie’s just shoved Klaus in the mausoleum, and as soon as he’s been let go, a sobbing Klaus sneaks out of the house.

He’s hiding in the alley outside the house, one of many probably, and is crouched on the ground, sniffing wetly and wiping furiously at his eyes. The eyeliner is long since smudged, but it’s stuck around because, hey, it’s not waterproof but it’s that shitty 90′s eyeliner that takes an insane amount of effort to get off. And he’s rolling a joint, but his hands are shaking.

And this queer werewolf couple happen to be walking by, and super-hearing etc etc, hear a kid crying.

And one of them is all “CHILD. CRYING. MUST PROTECT”.

“Maggie, ffs, you can’t just walk up to strange children and adopt them” “WATCH ME”.

And so this lovely werewolf couple, who are young, and haven’t been able to have kids of their own yet (but have a lovely pack back home) go and talk to a crying Klaus.

And Reginald has taught the kids loads of useless shit, but teaching them stranger danger? Nahhhh son. Sure, Klaus could put up a good fight, but why would he want to fight this nice couple?

And so, through tears, Klaus talks to them, and Maggie is like, looking up at her partner, Sofia, with these big earnest eyes. Because Sofia was like this, trapped with a shitty family who wouldn’t accept her for who she was. And Maggie is like “CAN WE ADOPT HIM” and Sofia is “...you can’t just take a kid off the street and adopt him” except Maggie basically did it to Sofia when they were both seventeen, so it’s not an effective argument.

And Klaus is crouched there, still in his damn skirt, his knees all bruised and filthy from being in the mausoleum, and his hands are grimy and a little bloody, and he can’t fucking roll this joint, and Sofia is just “he’s thirteen and smoking weed? THIS CAN NOT GO ON. MUST. PROTECT.”

And god, it does not at all take much convincing to come home with them except--

“I can’t leave without my favourite brothers 🥺“

Cue Klaus racing inside, trying to grab Ben and Diego to drag them off to his new family. And honestly, they’re not that hard to convince to leave either although they wonder if Klaus has lost the fucking plot, because he’s rambling and raving and not entirely making sense and he’s filthy and--well, he’s Klaus.

But Luther is very “No, we cannot split the team up >:(” and Klaus is just “Okay. Come with us, dipshit.”

And where Luther goes, Allison follows. That said, Allison had been listening from her room and is intrigued at the idea of an adventure.

And Five, who thinks they’re all a bunch of idiots, is just... “Ugh, I’m coming with because it’s me who will need to get you out of trouble when you inevitably land in it”.

And Five (and Ben) don’t like to leave Vanya out, so as soon as she’s back from her violin practice, they sneak her out too.

And that’s the story of how this lovely queer werewolf couple went on an afternoon stroll and adopted seven kids.

Because, hear me out if you’ve made it this far....

It’s initially a bit weird. The kids are used to competing for love and attention, for any skeric of a compliment. There are tiffs, really fucking fast. And Mom’s are like “Kids, this isn’t good pack behaviour”.

Luther’s ears pricking up because... “...does... does this mean we get to do Pack Bonding????”

Yes it does.

There’s no competitions here! Not any more than friendly ones, anyway. No competing for attention or love. It’s just lavished upon them because there’s a pack! Lots of parents!

Imagine one of pack members taking Luther outside to study the night sky, and teaching him all about moon cycles, and different stars and constellations. Some of these werewolves are as strong as him too, and he can spar without having to hold back!

Imagine some pack members saying “hey, Diego, let’s see who’s the fastest!” and Diego just *heavy breathing*. And of course, they let him win, but not in an obvious way. Just slowly building this kids confidence up, piece by piece. They don’t care about his stutter, and they show him love in loads of cuddles, and he learns to howl at the moon.

Allison is just... sisters. She’s always liked being the centre of attention, and so it’s an adjustment to be here with so many others. But she still gets attention. She’s shown that she doesn’t need to hold the limelight to be loved and valued and cared about. She doesn’t need to Rumour anyone because her opinions are actually allowed to be listened to. Why Rumour someone when she can just state why she wants to do something, and it’ll probably be allowed.

And they got to Klaus before his addiction spiralled out of control. They take him through graveyards during the day, not to make him control his powers, but to show him that he's never alone when facing his demons. Maybe they take him to a family crypt or something and introduce him to great grandmas and shit like that. It's hard to be scared of the dark and of demons when your parents run through the forests and howl at the moon and you have friendly ghosts on your team to talk to you when things get hard.

Some pack members are super smart, and for the first time, Five isn’t the smartest in the room. He weirdly relishes it. His thoughts and opinions and desires are listened to as well, and whenever he’s told no, he actually listens to why that is. Instead of treating him like a little asshole, they encourage his love of learning.

And then there’s Ben... Werewolf Parents: Now, Ben, we all have difficult things inside of us to control. Let's work on that and, also, on loving that beast inside us. 😌 Ben learns to control the Horror and it becomes like a giant swing and like, all the pack kids wanna be swung around by the Horror.... Cue pictures of the Horror with little ribbons wrapped around its tips or some bizarre and soft shit like that.

And finally, Vanya. Vanya, who is still Ordinary, at least at first. The Pack doesn’t mind her being on her meds, and don’t mind that she’s quiet and ordinary. There are other humans in the pack too! And they all love listening to Vanya play... Even when she’s just practicing, she usually ends up with a few people sitting there, delightedly listening in. And as time goes on, she thinks “hmm, maybe I don’t need these things for my nerves anymore... Maybe... Maybe I will be okay without them?” and Mom’s are like “well, there’s no problem if you need to go back on them, but if you want to try, we support you : )” And RUH ROH, there are powers??? HOLY SHIT. She’s mad as fuck, but instead of it being disastrous, she has loads of love and support. Like Ben, like al of the siblings, she has people there to help her learn how to manage her powers, and her emotions.

The kids are just totally loved upon and cherished and have someone there for them all the time.

And let’s not even get started on pack cuddles. actually, no, let’s.

Reggie used to be a real cunt about the kids and their need for contact. I mean, sure, they still tried to sneak into each others rooms for platonic cuddles all the time, but they sure as hell paid for it. And now?? Now, they can cuddle as much as they fucking want. Oh, Ben, Diego and Klaus wanna snuggle together every night? No worries, kids! We’re just gonna get you all a bigger bed and we can turn one of the bedrooms into a study or something. And slowly, there are just... entire pack cuddles. Allison has a bad day, and Klaus tugs her into the pile. And Luther sees and... Snuggles up behind her. Vanya, who is getting better at not being left out, who is more confident in herself, doesn’t fight when Allison brings her in. And Five? Five pretends he’s only there for Vanya, but they all know it’s a lie.

But they don’t call him on it.

Anyway. I’m just very here for a nice pack of werewolves adopting my babies, and them growing up happy and well-adjusted, and loved, and-----*record screeches to a halt*

DIEGO LOVES HIS NEW MOMS. BUT HE MISSES GRACE SO MUCH T.T

....So the Umbrella Academy band together for one final mission: to Mom-nap Grace.

It’s all very dramatic. I haven’t seen Spy Kids since I was, what, 13, but I’m gonna pretend it’s like that. They Mom-nap Mom, and she goes happily because she’s missed her babies and she gets to join the snuggle pile too. She loves helping out her new family too! And she learns new recipes and shares some of her own! Mom is happy too because LET GRACE BE HAPPY.

Anyway, they grow up happy, and well-adjusted.

And still as incestuous as fuck.

Like, that still happens in every universe.

And the wolf pack are like *chinhands* because like. Whatever.

/END

#spikey headcanons #long post #hmmmm not gonna tag it on the original...

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disinvited-guest · 4 years

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3/9/2020 Detroit

The venue staff were much better for this show, primarily because they were able to chill out just a little. I’m not sure if they had gotten a sense of how harmless tmbg fans were from the night before, or if Flans, who had seemed a bit peeved at how uptight they were, gave someone an earful. Either way, they still were a bit strict about some things, but much more relaxed than they had been.

As with the previous night, I was able to hear all of the soundcheck while waiting in line in the bar. They were practicing a bunch of songs I hadn’t yet heard on the tour, all of which they did play during the show. I heard Authenticity Trip, Memo to Human Resources, Number 3, and Man It’s So Loud In Here, and I just got more excited for each and every one. The soundcheck changed to just individuals trying different things out for a while, and then that stopped and they started soundchecking With the Dark.

The rest of the wait was relatively uneventful, and soon we were let inside. To change things up, I found a spot squarely in front of the drum riser. I think the security fence was set slightly closer to the stage than it had been the day before, but the added distance actually worked to my advantage today, as I could see more of the other side of the stage. I always forget how much I enjoy shows from this side of the stage until I actually get there. It’s different from over on the larger side of the stage, but that just makes it another type of wonderful.

Once again, the first set was the same Flood set from the last several nights, so the recap of the first set will be slightly shortened. I have a few general notes before I begin. Fresh was wearing neon doce socks, and once again had his hair in pigtails. This show was the first since Milwaukee where Dan was able to get through the first set without switching to his backup guitar. Marty was absolutely on fire the whole set. There were also a series of cold breezes coming from multiple directions towards the end of the set.

Coming onstage, Linnell was doing his wavy-armed walk to get up to his keyboard. During The Might Be Giants, Flans was apparently having a problem with his guitar, and desperately trying to get the crew’s attention while singing. Eventually, towards the end of the song, he started singing “John Carter look at me” in place of the actual lyrics (the repeated “they might be giants” at the song’s conclusion). It must have worked, because Flans stopped wildly gesturing offstage after that.

After We Want a Rock, Linnell took the task of welcoming us to the show, before Flans made it up to the mic to tell everyone that it was an exciting day for him, “If you came to the show last night, you’ll notice that I just got a haircut.” He called it one of the few perks of staying in the same city for two nights before launching into a detailed account of the event.

Apparently, his barber asked him what he was doing in town, “and, reluctantly, I told her the truth.” He then told us that usually he lies, and that when a cab driver sees his guitar case and asks if he’s in a band he tells them “Yes, I’m in Fountains of Wayne.”

He continued, saying that he has a “whole fanfiction thing going on” to explain why he doesn’t show up in photographs.

“When it turns out the cabbie is a Fountains of Wayne fan who’s like ‘I didn't see you on the album cover’” Linnell interjected.

“Yeah,” Flans agreed. “I’m just covering my tracks for the inevitable Google Search after.”

Getting back to his haircut story, Flans said “I told this woman I was in a band. She did not ask me the name of the band but she did tell me the entire plot of the movie Queen.”

This got a huge laugh from the crowd, but Flans wasn’t done yet telling us his story. The plot of the movie “lasted just about the entire haircut length. Which was great. I’ve gotta see that movie.”

He then moved to to explain the setup of the show, telling us they had put two songs from Flood in the second set “so that the friends that you dragged here will stick around.”

When Flans asked Linnell about his day, Linnell replied promptly “I’ve just been goofing off.” He then told us that every other time they come to Detroit, he checks up on the city, and this time he found a lot more “boutique-y” stores downtown “and we’ve been informed that that is both good and horrible.” He concluded that he was “excited and disgusted” to see how Detroit comes along.

Flans told us that they were “standing in judgement” from 450 miles away. Linnell agreed, but said the crowd was welcome to judge New York as well.“

But only from 450 miles,” Flans told him. “Those are the rules.”

Introducing the next song, Linnell told us it was off the Flood album, and that it was probably the second shortest song on the album.

“No spoilers, John!” Flans interrupted.

“No?” Linnell continued “And here’s another spoiler: it contains unlicensed samples. OOOH!”

“Now I beg you to shut up!”

“You guys ready for this?” Linnell asked, and they launched into Minimum Wage.

I think it was during Particle Man that Danny, backing up towards the drum riser while playing, bumped into it and sat down with a bit of a thump. He stayed sitting there for a few measures before he got up again.

After Hearing Aid, Flans came up to the mic and, without preamble, told us “So, then Queen fired their manager, and they had the opportunity to do Live Aid. Which changed everything for them. Because they rehearsed.”

Moving on to introducing the next song, Flans repeated his preamble from the day before about playing songs backwards, then told us they were embarking into uncharted territory “where the entertainment value is very low,” and that he hoped that our “thresholds of pleasure are set very finely tonight.”

He explained that they weren’t just flipping the chart, but playing what the sound recording backwards would sound like. “So if one was to reverse the live performance in front of you right now-if you could do that-it would reproduce the actual song, incredibly effectively. If you could do that. But you can’t, so we’re just gonna tell you that.”

He concluded “We’re not sure why we’re doing this, but we practiced it, and we’re committed to it, so we’re going to play it.”

He then introduced the members of the band individually. We were asked to scream for Marty, and then for Danny, who Flans pointed out especially to the ladies. He introduced Dan as “on the electric guitar, with his eyes glued to the chart he made himself.” While we cheered for Dan, Danny lifted his bass and pointed the neck of it at Dan as Flans continued “perhaps the finest electric guitarist in They Might Be Giants.”

“This song is called… Well it doesn’t really have a title,” Flans told us, and they started Stilloob. Maybe it was that they were getting more confident with it, but I do believe that this was their best performance yet!

Afterwards, Linnell responded to the crowd’s applause by saying thoughtfully “We should get you guys applaud before we play it, if we’re doing this correctly.”

“That was really the best applause that song has gotten thus far,” Flans decided. “You are really on the vanguard.” He then predicted that in the future, when all songs are backwards, Stilloob will be seen as the ‘Rock Around The Clock’ of the movement. He then imitated a person form the future explaining their musical tastes “I’m not into songs, man. I’m into songs that are played in reverse. I like digital, I like CD’s. I like the sound of CD’s in reverse. It’s got digital harshness, that’s what I like.”

Someone in the crowd shouted something, and Flans answered back that “I want to hear every word you’re saying, but part of me is saying we should resist that.”

Linnell introduced the next song as being the fastest sung in their entire repertoire (Letterbox), and Flans agreed, saying that they had officially entered the “stunt part of the program: stunt songs.”

After Lucky Ball and Chain, Flans admitted he was curious how many people had been to the show the night before. Finding one person who had been he said directly to them “I just want to tell you that the second set is almost completely different. But this part is music under glass. We’re gonna tell the Queen jokes…”

“As you know,” Linnell continued when Flans trailed off, “we’re doing the exact same raps, including what I’m saying right now. As we said last night.”

“I’m getting my hair cut every day,” Flans agreed.

Apparently this reminded Flans of their conversation from the start of the set, because he asked Linnell if he really hadn’t gone to a museum or something that day.

Linnell responded that he really had just goofed off but “A mystical thing happened to me.” He then explained that he had a can of Faygo “my very first can of Faygo.” This got laughs and cheers from the crowd, and Linnell responded “I know. I can feel the clown makeup just starting to grow on my face.”

He tried to continue with his story, but Flans had gone upstage and grabbed a can of Faygo that had been sitting there, which he was now holding up, causing the crowd to start cheering once again. He started to say something about it, but Linnell interrupted him “Let me finish the story, before you start in with your jokes.”

“It’s taking too long, John,” Flans argued, “It’s taking too long.”

Linnell replied “Alright. Let’s just play the next song, forget it. Nevermind. It wasn’t that interesting anyway.” The crowd reacted instantly, demanding the rest of the story, so Linnell finally got his chance to continue. He had set the can of Faygo on a table and fallen asleep, then “I was awoken by the sound of it falling to the floor, but it was still upright. And I thought, ‘I don't’ know what just happened, but there’s something special about this beverage.’”

“Do you think it was the ghost of Insane Clown Posse?” Flans asked, finally free to ‘start in with his jokes’, “Reaching out from before the grave?”

Linnell responded that, from what he knew, ICP wasn’t reluctant to spill Faygo so that didn’t seem likely. Someone in the audience asked him what flavor it was, and he responded that it was Root Beer.

This got some cheers and a lot of shouted responses from the crowd. Flans, trying to get things back on track, seemed slightly annoyed by the shouts, and responded sarcastically “please, talk amongst yourselves for a little while.”

They played Hot Cha, then brought the topic right back to Faygo, with Linnell announcing “Hot Cha, ladies and gentlemen, sponsored by Faygo Root Beer.”

“I always thought that Fayo was like a cocktail put together by the Insane Clown Posse,” Flans admitted, once again holding his can of the stuff. “Then when I saw this I was like ‘Man, they are ripping them off!’ Lawsuit!”

He put the can down and then continued “But I guess it’s just… they really like soda.”

That, apparently, was the wrong thing to say in Detroit. A few people in the crowd cried out “Pop!” “It’s pop!” Other members of the crowd took up the cry, until the room buzzed with it.

Nobody on the stage had any clue what was going on, but realized the crowd was upset. Flans tried to smooth things over, obviously confused “Understand...understand…”

“We are on the outside of this discussion,” Linnell chimed in, coming to his aid. “You guys know what it is…”

Flans, inspired, thought that the anger might be some sort of defense of ICP. “I just want to make it clear,” he said, in a misdirected attempt to smooth things over, “that we are down with the clown.”

This got a laugh from the crowd, and a visibly relieved Flans continued “After that whole FBI thing, I was nervous they didn’t have enough representation.”

That might have been the end of the Beverage Wars, but a few determined people in the crowd started up the “Pop!” cry again, with a few people even beginning to chant it.

Flans, interrupted once again, looked out over the crowd and determined “It seems like fights are breaking out in the audience now, John.”

This stirred up the crowd even more. Flans tried again to calm the crowd while still not sure what they were angry about “Guys, guys, guys…”

He was interrupted by Linnell, who had finally grasped what was going on, “Okay, okay, I get it!” He explained to Flans “They say pop, we say soda. It’s a different language.” As soon as Linnell said the word ‘pop’ emphasizing the final ‘p’ as if it was completely foreign to him, a huge cheer rose from the crowd.

Flans immediately turned this new information into a joking lecture on the cultural differences “We’re from New York City, that means we’re gonna get on stage late. That’s the way it works! People are different, everybody’s got their own thing.” This was all said in an overly-patient voice. “We would change, if we knew how to.”

Linnell, who seemed genuinely amused, chimed in with his thickest Boston accent “But you’ll be cryin’ when we’re havin’ our victory party later on.”

This got laughs from the crowd and Flans cracked a smile, replying in the same voice “At Boston Garden!”

“That’s right!”

“When I put my thumb in my eye.”

Linnell responded with a stadium-organ style scale from his keyboard. There was a beat and both looked a shade embarrassed. Eventually Linnell, recovering, said “Alright, here we go. Another song,” and started them into Women and Men. Linnell switched the words shipwreck and beachhead, singing them in the other’s place.

After Someone Keeps Moving My Chair, Flans stepped up with the picture disk in hand and asked Saul for a “big white spotlight you can throw on me.” He told us he had forgotten to do this yesterday, but was reminded by their new t-shirt person and he promised us that if we bought the picture disk “you could make your money back on ebay right away.”

“We have been asked on social media if it’s true that picture disks don’t sound as good as regular vinyl records,” Flans continued. “And my first thought to write back is like ‘well what do you want it to sound like?’” He admitted that picture disks didn’t sound quite as good but “they have PICTURES on them, which is I think the larger point.” He then introduced the zoetrope on the back, saying they had sweetened the pot with it and promised us “a beautiful visual effect that will remind you of psychedelic drugs.” He concluded by promising that this was “the best sounding zoetrope you will ever see.”

After Whistling In the Dark, Linnell stopped them from moving on because “I just have something to say about that last song.” He told us all that they do a lot of Flood songs slightly different from how they are on the record, and “I was reminded on this song that we completely changed where the big smash sound happens, ‘cause I saw someone in the audience doing it where it happens on the RECORD, and I was like ‘Oh NO! Eugh, no!’”

He then assured us that the live version was the correct one “We did it wrong on the record, and now we’re doing it the right way.”

Flans chimed in with his own observations on the live version of the song, saying that playing familiar songs “at less 4-cup-of-coffee-in-the-studio tempos” gives him “the distinct impression that people just think we’re tired. But there’s no explaining it.” He then did his best impression of the part of the song in question “But it goes ‘Whistling in the dark BOMP, whistling in the dark-”

“It should do that, yeah,” Linnell interrupted.

“It’s a more musical way of doing it, that’s our best explanation” Flans continued.

This reminded Flans of the difference between the album and live versions of another Flood song. Without telling us the title of the song, he explained that they had left out a verse when recording and “didn’t have enough juice, or whatever the term is, to tell the producer people, like ‘we have to redo it.’” Explaining that he sang the missing verse in the live version of the song, he told us that during shows “People will be singing along and then when it gets to that verse, they just stop. ‘Cause nobody knows those words. But we will, uhh-”

Flans had been distracted by a guy in the crowd shouting out the song’s title (Road Movie To Berlin), and responded “No spoilers, man! No spoilers!” The end of this scolding was muffled as Flans lost the battle to keep from cracking up, then moved away from his mic stand for a moment.

Linnell gave him time to recover by promising us “Just bear in mind , we’re older and smarter now than we were then, so this is the right version.”

“You came to the right show, people,” Flans agreed. “We know it’s disorienting when the bass drum is on the opposite beat.”

After Birdhouse, Flans turned Linnell’s accordion mic around to face the crowd. “I just realized the song I was talking about is coming up next,” he told us all. “So I’ve turned the microphone around to you so we can slightly amplify the parts you can sing along to, to which we encourage! And then don’t be afraid of the parts you don’t know. It’s just a little bit different.”

People really took the invitation to sing along to heart, which made it all the more hilarious when, of course, they petered out during the King of Liars verse.

Nothing too noteworthy happened between sets, although I finally was able to successfully pinpoint the end of the new cue song. They used the Godzilla Intro once again, with Linnell speaking over the end of it in his best creepy-TV-narrator voice “Hello...And welcome back.”

Flans introduced Marty on the electronic drums “nothing says unplugged better,” and then made the claim that “In the world of drummers, Marty is Faygo.”

Flans was about to start the first song of the set, when he stopped and decided it needed a better introduction. At this point, I was expecting the Quiet Storm to be identical to the others so far on the tour, so I was completely shocked with Flans explained “This song is the full-length version of a song that a fragment of it was on the album The Else, and we’re gonna perform the entire song called With the Dark.”

And then they performed it. Even though I’d heard strains of them soundchecking it earlier, I hadn’t known it would be this version, or that it would be so beautiful to witness firsthand.

Moving back to more familiar ground, they played 2082 and then Flans introduced Wicked Little Critta, “Ladies and Gentlemen we are now gonna move to the place where John and I first met. It’s a song about New England and it features the Keyboard Stylings of Mr. John Linnell.”

Finishing out the Quiet Storm, they left the stage to a projection of the Gudetama’s Busy Days video, which was a welcome change from Underwater Woman, which they’d used at the last three shows I’d attended. The guys were all onstage before the video ended and Dan, who was apparently raring to go, started Damn Good Times the moment after the last note of the video had finished. Flans didn’t make us sway along to Dan’s solo this time, but he did introduce him as the “King of Pop” beforehand, and demand a “sea of hands” midway through.

This began a truly amazing set. The guys were all at the top of their game, and clearly enjoying themselves as well. They also played a lot of songs I hadn’t gotten to hear yet on this tour, starting right after Damn Good TImes as they went straight into Man It’s So Loud In Here.

Afterwards, Flans started to introduce the next song, claiming that it was on a compilation album of things they’d done during their 2015 Dial-A-Song year. Pausing, he decided “No, it was before that.... It was on an album…that we made...What?” This last bit was directed at Danny, who had come up next to him. Danny said something urgently into his ear, likely the song listed next on the setlist, and Flans responded with a quiet “Oh..” As Danny returned to his spot, Flans grabbed the mic with both hands and whispered into it “Fuuuucck.” Raising his voice out of the whisper, he continued “I don’t even know what song we’re doing.”

Recovering his stage presence and pivoting topics, Flans said, as if he was picking up a story he’d just stopped telling a moment ago, “So, at a certain point Queen realized that if they wrote songs they could do WITH the audience, that it would be like a whole new way of getting everybody involved. And that’s why this song was written.”

This was clearly meant as a graceful exit into the next song, but Linnell had more to say on the topic. “Except… I think he wasn’t wearing the fake teeth in the real story, right? I’m pretty sure.”

“That mustache didn’t look real,” Flans told him.

“I saw the movie, actually,” Linnell admitted.

“Ohh,” Flans was a bit disappointed. “How was the mustache?”

“I-You know- That guy’s a good actor,” Linnell replied, evading the question.

“And he’s a REALLY good singer,” Flans added.

Missing the sarcasm in Flans’ voice, Linnell said “He’s a good singer. You’re not joking around.”

“I actually was joking around,” Flans told him.

“No-no, he’s good.”

“It’s Freddie Mercury,” Flans said flatly.

“But I think the guy can sing,” Linnell insisted. “The robot… The robot guy.” This drew laughs from the crowd, which Linnell stoked by declaring “The robot guy!” once again.

“My acting friends thought that the Oscar should go to Freddie Mercury,” Flans said, as the crowd quieted.

“Oh really?” Linnell asked, “ To the….the robot guy, or to the real Freddie Mercury…”

“No, no, ‘cause he’s lip-synching along to the thing,” Flans clarified.

Linnell answered with a non-committal ‘oh’ and then, after an awkward moment of quiet, brought up that “I hate movies where you’re instructed to like something because members of the audience in the movie are going ‘This is good.’” He completed his impression with a thumbs up and a nodding head. “It drives me crazy. I don’t need a proxy on the screen, I can decide for myself if something is good or not.”

This got a cheer and applause from one solitary member of the crowd. Linnell pointed him out and thanked him for applauding, then Flans declared “This show is dedicated to that guy applauding,” they then finally got around to introducing the next song: Wearing a Raincoat.

From there they played Authenticity Trip, which is always an amazing song to watch live, with Flans roaming around the stage to sing. Introducing Curt as he came on the stage for the next song, Flans told us all “During the break, Curt informed us that in Oklahoma, where he grew up, they refer to all soda-pop...all cola... they refer to everything as Coke. So you just say, like ‘You want a coke? What kind? Orange?’ That’s how it works there.”

This got a reaction from the crowd, who grumbled at the term coke, and even started yelling out a few states where they used the word that way. Flans concluded “There are regional differences everywhere ladies and gentlemen. We’re just ambassadors of disinformation.”

“Which is a way of saying, you were hurting our feelings when you were yelling at us before,” Linnell explained, amused.

“When we saw there was a clamor, we just assumed it was Insane Clown Posse fans,” Flans confessed, “Your mind jumps to that in rock music. We didn’t realise it was the whole pop versus soda thing.” He then started growling deep in his throat in what I can only assume was an imitation of what the upset crowd had sounded like to them.

After watching Flans do that a few times, Linnell moved on with another story about crowds and pronunciations. “I can’t remember if I’ve told you this,” he said, looking over at Flans briefly before addressing the crowd “but I had a solo act about twenty years ago and I had a song. The name of the song was ‘Oregon is Bad’ and I played it in Oregon and people were not offended by the title of the song. They were really offended that I mispronounced the name of their state. That was the- that’s why I had to leave in a hurry. So, you know, I get it!”

“Somebody threw a bottle of Faygo through your windshield,” Flans added.

“Yeah, yeah,” Linnell agreed with a laugh. “So here’s another song not off of Flood.”

This led into Turn Around, and from there straight into Spy. I absolutely love the intro to this song, especially during shows like this, where Curt feels like showing off a bit. The ending was pretty standard for this tour. Linnell used his ‘Take It to the Limit’ sample opposite of and over the band, at normal and slowed down speeds. Flans did a bit of stuff with playing his guitar pressed up against his mic stand opposite the band, and worked in the crowd relatively successfully. At one point, Flans started to indicate the band, but changed his mind part way through and stopped his hand. Marty played anyway, which made some other members of the band play with him. Everyone soon realized what had happened and all looked over at Marty, who must’ve been a bit distressed, because Flans indicated it was his bad at the time and actually went over behind the drum riser after the song to apologize to Marty.

While Flans was dealing with that, the crowd became a bit restless and a few people started to shout out songs. Flans, coming back up to the front, let them go on for a bit. Once the crowd had gone quiet, he commented sarcastically “I was just gonna wait here until someone requested the next song.” This led to another flurry of requests, which Flans quashed with “Guys, guys, guys. We really are from New York City. People don’t- that whole request thing…”

People were still shouting out requests, but Flans ignored them. “It’s like, you know, feel good to a certain extent and then you draw the line. Here’s a song about that. It’s called Memo to Human Resources.” Confession time: I actually cried a little during this song.The song holds a very special place in my heart, and the live experience of it is overwhelmingly emotional for me.

They followed up with Don’t Let’s Start, which is always super fun to watch Flans and Danny spin around during. Dan and Curt returned to the stage and Flans, introducing them, tried on his announcer voice “CAESAR’S PALACE IS PROUD TO PRESENT…”

“That was the thing we did in Chicago, where the guy was like ‘I’M COMPLETELY SINCERE!’” Linnell explained, “I’VE NEVER HEARD OF ANY OF THESE ACTS!”

“I’M YOUR DAD’S ALCOHOLIC FRIEND!” Flans shot back “PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER FOR HEY MUST BE GIANTS!”

This got a mix of laughter and applause from the crowd, which Flans responded to, still in the voice “KEEP IT GOING! FOR AIN’T THEY GUNS.”

Seizing on the moment of quiet after that pronouncement, Danny began the intro to Museum of Idiots. Four songs from Spine in one night! Afterwards Flans briefly introduced Dan, and everyone else stepped back to let Dan begin his intro to Istanbul. After a few fake endings, with some of Dan’s electric and a lot of Curt’s amazing everyone, Dan and Marty left the stage. Flans thanked everybody for coming out and introduced the final song of the night as “the song I thought ended the first set for the last four nights,” Theme From Flood.

(Note: I had no idea of this at the time of course, but Flans’ goodbye had a bit more emotion in it than is typical, and I’m guessing that at this point they were already rescheduling the rest of the April shows.)

Coming on for the first encore, the crowd was a bit rowdy, and Flans made the comment that “I once saw a guy defeated by a mic stand,” before they started the first song of the encore: Number Three! During this song, Marty just plays his kick drum. Danny, coming to the side of the drum riser, looked over at what Marty was doing and began copying his leg movement. It looked more than a bit silly, especially since Danny was grinning hugely up at Marty so he would notice.

“Mr. Dan Miller will be playing the keyboard on the next number,” Flans announced

“Mr. Dan Mil-Ler,” Linnell repeated, with a bit of a call back to the announcers voices they had tried out earlier.

“YOUR DAD’S ALCOHOLIC FRIEND IS ANNOUNCING MR. DAN MILLER ON THE KEYBOARDS,” Flans added, liking the idea.

“MISTER DANNY MY-LER,” Linnell claimed. Dropping the voice with a bit of a laugh, he started to ask “What was that thing where-”

Flans cut him off with a “DANNY MY-LER PLEASE MOVE YOUR CAR!”

Undeterred, Linnell continued telling us about their sometimes trombone player Dan Levine. Apparently, when he was playing in Frank Sinatra’s orchestra “he played that famous trombone solo in You Make me Feel So Young at which point Frank Sinatra said- this is the only time he’d ever called out our trombone player- ‘JOHNNY LEVINE!’” Watching the crowd react, he concluded quietly, “you know, it’s the thought that counts.”

They finished out the first encore with “a song that we do” Doctor Worm. I think Dan finally had the keyboard settings figured out! Just before the trumpet's final bit that ends the song, Linnell called out “Johnny Ramm!”

Coming back onstage for the second encore, they went right into She’s An Angel. I hadn’t realized before, but Marty puts a tambourine on top of his hi hat for this song. They went from Angel to The Guitar without any more of a pause than it took for Linnell to switch from accordion to keys. Flans sang “is it Johnny Levine/ I don’t think so” during the first verse, and introduced Johnny Linnell and Johnny Ramm for an especially interesting and extended Future of Sound. Everybody onstage was really going all out the whole song, including Dan doing what I can only describe as prancing while he played, and as they finished Flans thanked us all for coming one more time before leaving the stage.

The rest of the band quickly followed him as the house mix began playing. Except Danny that is, instead of leaving right away, he grabbed his setlist and walked over to me. He had to step out onto the amp and lean across the aisle for me to reach it. I took it with a big smile, which he returned before heading offstage.

#tmbg #recap

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selfcallednowhere · 4 years

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February 3, 2018 Dallas, TX

They opened with "James K. Polk." This surprised me--I expected them to keep doing it during the Quiet Storm section cos that was what they did the previous two nights. I'm honestly feeling pretty burned out on this song live after seeing it a million times--seeing it done acoustically during Quiet Storm was different enough to keep me interested, but when it's just the normal arrangement I am yeh rather sick of it.

Next they played "Damn Good Times," the second song all three nights on this trip, which I very much am not sick of even though I've seen that one a bunch too. It's one of my favorite live songs, actually--it's just SO FUN. "Hey, Mr. DJ, I Thought You Said We Had a Deal" was next and also superfun, even though the presence of Curt would've made it way better.

After that Flans said that this theater was "the box that rocks," and then, gesturing at the balcony, told us that we'd be meeting our accusers one by one and then all our verdicts would be read.

After "All Time What," Flans that it was time for the "fastest-singing portion" of the show, and that they were going to try to sing together. Then John said that this show was like a re-enactment of the instore they'd done earlier in the day cos so many of the same people were there. Then Flans said that he'd gotten our verdicts and we were all guilty.

I didn't really try to think about what song has them both singing really fast and singing together when he said it, but if I had I probably would've been able to figure out what the song was: "Letterbox." I was really excited to see it again, cos it's one of my top top top favorite songs.

After "New York City," Flans said that the show was "going too fast." Then he made them turn the house lights on for a "beard assessment." He said the beards looked "shockingly natural," and ordered a "round of beards" for everyone.

John said that they were going to be playing a lot of new songs and it was "a burden" and "a weight pressing down and crushing everything." I don't understand why they kept acting like we were going to hate seeing the new songs so much--I loved it and actually wished they would play more new songs.

Then Flans said that what they were aiming for was volume, and "as Bob Dylan said, there's just too much sound." Then they played a little bit, and Flans said if you buy I Like Fun you can get "all your favorite classical themes in one set."

Then they played "Mrs. Bluebeard." John really mangled the lyrics when they played it for the first time two days prior to this, but then the next day he did a lot better and only screwed up a couple of times and I was proud of him! But this time he was back to screwing up all over the place again. I was amused because afterwards he said "That's how it goes!" NO IT ISN'T JOHN. (Yes, I of course understand that he knew that too and that was the joke.)

Next they played "Music Jail, Pt. 1 & 2" which is one of my fav Glean songs, so I'm glad that one is still in the set.

After "Particle Man" and then "The Famous Polka," Flans said that they were playing two sets, which gives plenty of time to email and text.

Then:

JL: We're playing a lot of new songs, so bear with us. JF: No one likes the new songs, John. But we've already locked the doors!

Then there was this really obnoxious and probably drunk woman screaming for "When the Lights Come On," which they were most likely going to play anyway because they'd already played it at every other show on the tour. They said they weren't gonna play it and she just kept screaming for it. Then Flans said that they were gonna play it but now they weren't because of her, and then she started yelling "BUT I LOVE YOU," which made Flans tell a story about how they played at Bonnaroo which "is like being on the surface of Mars, you want to be anywhere else, and we were getting paid," and he met someone who told him how TMBG meant so much to them "and by the way, I love '500 Miles.'" Then the obnoxious woman went back to screaming, and I guess Flans figured there was no way to get her to shut the fuck up besides playing the song, so he asked John if he wanted to play it and John said "Sure. Fuck it." So then they played it and it was COMPLETELY AWESOME like it had been the other times I'd seen it, but also I was just happy to not have to hear that woman screaming anymore, and I'm sure all the rest of the crowd and the band and well anyone else in the building actually were too.

After "Your Racist Friend" they played "Nothing's Gonna Change My Clothes," YES YES YES. Even though I'd just seen it the day before I was ecstatic, since it's one of my fav songs and I've only seen it live a handful of times.

Next came "Cyclops Rock"--I'm really happy that's one of the Mink Car songs they've brought back into the set. It's great live--SO ROCKIN'.

Afterwards, Flans asked John about the current political climate.

JL: It's awesome! JF: Who needs nightmares when you have daymares? Things are gonna be great...later.

John introduced "The Mesopotamians" by saying that when he was a kid in 3000 BC there was a TV show about them.

Then came the set break and then Quiet Storm, the first three songs of which were the same as the previous two nights: "Older" and "I Like Fun" with the contra-alto clarinet, then "Tippecanoe and Tyler Too" on accordion. Before the third Flans said they were "Tres Might Be Giants" and made Marty give a sample of what he can do with the electronic drums.

After that there was something that really upset me:

JF: How are you, John? How are you doing with that accordion? JL: I'm ok. The accordion...just have to deal with it.

This is definitely not the first time I've witnessed him complaining about how much he hates playing accordion these days and I'm sure it won't be the last, but it still really upsets me every single time because seeing him play it is pretty much my favorite thing.

Then Flans was talking about the storm sound effects--he reassured us that they are in fact not just fans blowing in mics.

Then they played MY THEME SONG. Nothing is ever going to be as special as seeing it for the first time the day before, but I was still unbelievably excited to see it again.

After that they played something they hadn't played either of the previous two days: "Meet James Ensor." So that was an unexpected surprise. I love that song, and I thought it worked really well in this format.

Then the band came back on stage. Flans introduced Dan as being "the finest guitarist in They Might Be Giants."

Next they played "Istanbul." I'm so unbelievably sick of this song live, but I do at least like the crazy jam session at the end of it. Flans jumped up on Marty's drum riser for part of it and it was silly.

Afterwards, Flans said he was sick of that acoustic music and that it "reminded him of his folkie days." Then he asked whoever was in charge of the A/C to turn it on (he was right, it was for some reason really warm even though it was chilly outside). Then he said that the next song they had to play "out of contractual obligation to our band."

The song was "Number Three," which is superfun live. It's become one of the Pink songs I've seen the most cos they've been playing it a lot the last few years, but I always really enjoy it.

Afterwards Flans said that they wanted to thank "the guy holding the beer perilously close to the end of his fingertips."

Then:

JF: This next song is from the album Glean, everybody. JL: That's right. JF: All the way back to 2015! JL: Not a song that we have to do. A song that we get to do. JF: Think about the good old days. 2015. Things seemed so...so normal then. No dystopian...hellscape.

They played "Answer," and then John put his accordion on and Dan came over to the keyboard. Flans said that he was getting on the keyboard "where he belongs," and I was like "Ummmm how does the keyboard player feel about you saying that?" But HEY if you ask me John does belong with his accordion on, not behind the keyboard.

The next song was a major show highlight for me: "Put Your Hand Inside the Puppet Head"! This is a very special song to me, it was my very first fav TMBG song (in other words the one I'd most rock out to as a 5-year-old hearing my dad play his cassette of Pink), and I still love it dearly now. I've only seen it a handful of times, so it was a big deal.

Next they played "Doctor Worm," which wasn't as big a deal since I've seen it a million times, but still really fun as always.

Flans was mentioning where the next few shows are going to be, and said if we know anyone in those places we should tell them to come to the shows.

Then:

JL: If you don't know anyone in those towns...the first letter of each city...backwards spells out...an important message. I know it seems like a random tour where you like...it's like drawing a star on the map. There really is a reason for it. JF: Our booking agent is keeping it a secret from us. JL: Yes, he hasn't told us what the message was. We haven't been able to figure it out. JF: But it appears the letters spell out some kind of swear word. JL: Yes. Something very harsh. JF: It seems to be some kind of swear word and then the words "you guys." We're not sure what it means. It's impossible to know what that message could mean. JL: Before we get off-track here. Apparently--there's a thing called the Kessler effect. [The name of the venue was The Kessler.] And I believe it originated here. What it is, is when stuff in space starts smashing into each other and...all of space is destroyed. Do you guys know about this? And I don't know why but this theater is the very first part of that chain. The Kessler effect. JF: I first heard about it when we were described as the Kessler effect of bands. JL: I mean, yeh. We've smashed into, um...Soup Dragons, I believe.

(I thought he might've been making this whole thing up, but my friend Ant, who's very knowledgeable about space stuff, informed me that no it's a real thing, it actually is when stuff in space smashes into other stuff and they break apart, and it can actually be really dangerous. The "all of space is destroyed" part I'm pretty sure he made up though!)

Then they played "The End of the Tour," which is so good live (though I do think it works best as a show closer).

Next came "Spy," lots of fun as always. At each show I'd been to John played a sample of something as part of his improv part--this time it was "Here Comes Santa Claus," which was silly. I also managed to scream during the parts when Flans was trying to get everyone in the crowd to scream, even though I was feeling almost weak from excitedly singing along with every song and screaming after they played songs I particularly loved.

Then they played "I Left My Body," which was the last I Like Fun song of the night. I really loved all the new songs I got to see them play, but I just wish they'd played even more!

They closed out the main set with "Twisting," which was, as always, COMPLETELY KICKASS. For some reason Dan was singing the "she wants" backing vocals instead of John--I'm not sure what was up with that and I didn't like it.

They started the first encore with "Let Me Tell You About My Operation." This is my current favorite Flansong, so I love seeing it live.

Flans said that the next song was their new single, which I was confused by because they'd already played "I Left My Body" (which wasn't a single exactly, but the closest thing the album had). But he was just joking--it was actually "Why Does the Sun Shine?", which is of course very much not a new song. John informed us that things that are a gas on the sun included Fiestaware, which he held up his red mug when he said (holding tea instead of coffee this time, I noticed, as evidenced by the string and tag sticking over the edge). He paused for a long time before the list of things that the heat and light of the sun are caused by the nuclear reaction between, but finally it was "Stuff! Things! Items! And objects!" He is so silly!

The first song of the second encore was "Wicked Little Critta," and they closed the show the same way they did the night before: with "Birdhouse in Your Soul." A perfect close to a perfect night.

John continued on his "stripey shirts, nothing but stripey shirts" streak, so he was 3/3 on this particular show trip for me. This time it was a black and white stripey t-shirt that I don't think I've ever seen him wear before.

#tmbg #show reviews

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crusherthedoctor · 5 years

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Sonic & Tails: Beyond the Stars - Chapter 4

Chapter 4: Mountains and Molehills

"Sorry for the mess..." Amy apologised while she rubbed the back of her head, in reference to the state of slight disarray in Lutrudis' castle. Some of the curtains in the hallway had been pulled off by well-meaning Chao, while others had somehow gotten paint all over the walls.

"Don't sweat it," the horse casually dismissed with a hand and a smile. "There's a lot of these little guys to keep track of. As long as they're safe, I can live with a bit of mess. Where's Cream?"

"Oh, she's in the library. I figured you wouldn't mind if she looked around in there...?" The pink hedgehog put her hands behind her back, and she paced her leg to and fro ever so slightly. "She wanted to read the Chao a story."

Lutrudis didn't say anything to that. Her smile simply grew warmer.

"So uh, what's next?" asked Sonic, as he tapped his foot. "Where's our next destination?"

They all went silent. They contemplated where Eggman could possibly be targeting next, or at the very least where there could be heavy robot activity. They still hadn't seen that mysterious monster since their initial encounter either...

"I just thought of something," Tails spoke up, as a lightbulb metaphorically lit up in his head. "When I read the brochure for Viridonia, there was mention of a mountain that contained crystals. Could those crystals be connected to the ones Lutrudis showed us...?"

"The mountain in Zephyr Valley?" Lutrudis questioned. "I've never been up there myself, cause... you know..." She sheepishly motioned towards her fragile body. "But the idea's certainly worth pursuing. And come to think of it, I should have a book about that mountain somewhere in the library..."

"Then what are we waiting for?" Sonic rubbed his hands excitedly, with a grin on his face. Evidently, he couldn't wait to get back to the adventure, and teach that Eggman a thing or two.

"Yes, of course, right away." With that, everyone followed Lutrudis as she directed the way to her library. Despite the mess caused by the Chao, they couldn't help but be charmed by the crude paintings they discovered along some of the walls, even if they couldn't necessarily understand what they were supposed to represent half the time.

"It's just in here," Lutrudis held the fancy door out of courtesy. As her three friends made their way in, Sonic and Tails took a moment to take in the scene, while Amy went to check on Cream. Lutrudis' library was quite possibly the biggest they had ever seen. They were sure they had seen public libraries less sizable than the one they were in right this moment. Tall rows to the left, tall rows to the right, and there was no slacking in the decoration department either. The maroon walls created a fitting atmosphere, and the potted plants dotted along the perimeters added an extra bit of colour to the surroundings.

"Now, where could it be..." Lutrudis muttered to herself as they slowly analysed each row one by one. Books of all kinds could be spotted, fiction or otherwise, though it seemed the horse had a particular preference for bold tales of exciting adventure. Having a fondness for reading himself, Sonic was suitably impressed by the vast selection, though he kept a watchful eye on one book in particular that involved a king named Arthur...

Tails was even more dazzled. He said nothing, but his frantic head turning and wide smile said it all for him.

"This is the one where I store all my info about this place," Lutrudis pointed to the row in question, with her other hand on her hip. She was about to bring out that intriguing gold whip once again as she walked up to the row, but Tails was two steps ahead and used his namesake to help her reach what she was looking for.

"Heh, thanks," she said sweetly, before she turned her attention to the books in front of her. Her eyes slowly moved from left to right, observing a bunch of info logs about the many areas in Viridonia. The deserts, the beaches, the north...

"Ah, here's the one," her eyes lit up as she pulled out the appropriate book, before Tails gently lowered her down. Sonic, upon noticing they were ready, quickly hid the book he had already started reading while they were doing all that behind a cushion.

"Well?" he asked.

"Going through it riiiiiight now." Lutrudis put the book on the nearby table and opened it up, breezing through the different pages involving Zephyr Valley's climate and points of interest. She was almost as quick at turning pages as Sonic was at running, much to his and Tails' bemusement. After a few seconds of quick page turning, she suddenly stopped at a certain page.

"Here we are. Zephyr Mountain." Her finger trailed along the text she was reading aloud. "Known as one of the tallest mountains in the world, Zephyr Mountain has gained public interest over the years for not only its impressive scale, but also its materials. Though few have been daring enough to climb the peaks, those who have, and lived to tell the tale, have reported sightings of crystals within the mountain's deep caverns. Of these stories across the decades, one description shared among them is that the crystals radiate an aura of power should one be in close contact of them..."

"That's it then," Sonic stood up. "They must be the same kind of crystals as the ones Trudy has. And there's no way Eggman doesn't know about them."

"At least we know for sure now," Tails added. "Guess that's the next place for us, huh?"

Lutrudis walked past them and around the corner, and discovered that Cream was reading a book to a small group of fascinated Chao. Cheese was resting on her shoulder, and another Chao was inexplicably resting on her left ear... not that she seemed to mind. Amy was quietly leaning against the wall beside her, smiling at her friend's narration. The girls caught sight of Lutrudis raising her hand slightly, as if to gain permission to interrupt the story. The Chao all glanced at her in near perfect unison. Some of them looked rather annoyed at having their story interrupted.

"We've planned our next course of action, and we're headed to Zephyr Valley." She paused out of what appeared to be slight frustration with herself. "I hate to ask you two to stay with the Chao again, but if Eggman or one of his robots ends up coming here while we're away..."

"Oh, it's okay Lutrudis!" Cream smiled politely. "We understand."

"Yeah, Eggman's not getting his hands on a single one of these cuties." Amy stroked the head of the Chao beside her. "Not on our watch."

"Thanks, girls," Lutrudis replied, and clasped her hands and held them close to her chest as she began to walk backwards. She eventually turned direction. "We'll be back as soon as we can."

"Well yeah," Sonic interjected with some sass. He pointed at himself with palpable pride. "Fastest thing alive, remember?"

Lutrudis simply rolled her eyes with a charmed smile as she and Sonic made their way out of the library, followed by Tails. After they were gone, Cream went back to reading her story to the Chao... but not before showing a bit of confusion on her face upon reading a certain page, which was then followed by her turning to Amy with that same look of confusion.

"What's a Darkspine...?"

---

Zephyr Valley Zone

ZV Act 1: Alpine Campgrounds

Lutrudis' Badnik Logs: Madmole - “Out from small holes come these metallic moles, to throw rocks and give you a... not so much a bad time, but rather a mildly odious one.”

Iwrecks - “Don’t let the superficial innocence of these goats fool you. They may frolic along, but they’re every bit as likely to make a shish kebab out of you with those horns.”

Scaramander - “Those lizards have awfully long tongues! Better swerve with caution if you want to avoid a saliva-dripped swipe... ugh.”

The sun is still setting, and stars are beginning to twinkle in the sky. The perfect backdrop for a relaxing spot of camping... if it weren't for all the deadly traps, and the killer robots, and the urgent need to stop a madman from doing unspeakable evil. That'll probably lower it to three stars in the tourist reviews.

Still, you've gotta admire the setting. The green hills are teeming with glittering lakes, and deep woodlands. Tents of all shapes and sizes can be found throughout, some of which you can actually enter (and get shouted at for invading the owners' privacy). Though it's far from winter, you can spot a bit of snow on the faraway peaks... Too bad none of those are the peak we're after. Be careful not to get too distracted by the view, or else you might find yourself legless after walking straight into one of Eggman's cleverly placed bear traps... for hedgehogs... and foxes... and horses... they're all the same species, apparently.

Of the enemies here, Scaramanders are the worst, as it's very easy to underestimate just how far their tongues can reach, let alone how quick they are. That said, don't be too careless with the Iwrecks either, as they're fast in their own right too. They tend to hide behind beautiful waterfalls as well, the sneaky devils.

Halfway through, you'll discover a huge concert that's pretty bangin'. Inconvenient as it may be, you'll have to make your way through the crowds upon crowds of ambiguously inebriated individuals. Watch out for flying beer bottles, and the sneaky Madmoles hiding amongst the crowds. Hope your eardrums aren't too sensitive, cause the music's pretty loud in this concert. Music sounds familiar though... something about living life...?

Sonic: Pretty neat concert, eh?

Tails: If it weren't for Eggman, I wouldn't mind listening to a few tunes!

Lutrudis: Could do without the stench of alcohol though...

Hilariously enough, no one actually notices that Sonic the Hedgehog himself is in the audience, as these excitable music enthusiasts are much too focused on partying till the day is over... and questioning themselves on their knowledge of the band currently playing.

"Did these guys do His World, or was that another band...?"

Little do the heroes know however, that one member of the crowd is actually the disguised form of a certain eccentric nemesis, who is keeping watch on their progress. If it weren't for everyone else's intoxication, they might have noticed their fellow mate transforming into a top hat-donning robot...

You'll know you're nearing the end of the stage when you reach a small town boasting impressively-sized windmills. Far from the bustling hijinks of the concert, this town is perfectly tranquil, though you have to wonder if anyone in town complained about the noise. You can use the windmills as additional platforms, but be sure to keep watch of your footing, lest their slow turning forces you to fall off.

And voila, you've made it to the base of the gargantuan Zephyr Mountain. Now it's a matter of scaling it... which will prove to be easier said than done...

---

ZV Act 2: Zephyr Mountain

Lutrudis' Badnik Logs: Grounder - "A miniature titan of pointy proportions, these deadly drillers love to use the element of surprise for a quick ambush."

Ack - “If I didn’t already know the answer, I’d wonder who names these beasts... In any case, these yaks are fond of headbutting particularly fragile walls, which in turn results in an onslaught of debris from above.”

Returning Enemies: Madmole Iwrecks Scaramander

Get ready for a climb. This mountain ain't regarded as one of the biggest in the world for no reason, and many have sadly perished in their own attempts to scale the structure. Sonic may like the thrill of adventure, but could this be too much even for him?

...No, probably not. But it's still perilous all the same.

The terrain alters a little depending on how high up you are. In the lowest parts of the mountain, there's still grass and trees, which those accursed Scaramanders have a tendency to hide behind. As you go further up however, the grass starts to disappear in favor of hard blue rock, and rickety bridges that look as though they could give way at any moment. Not to say it isn't nice to look at though, as proven false by the crystal clear waterfalls you see near some of the bridges.

You'll also explore inside a few airy caverns here and there. Don't get your hopes up though, there are no crystals in these caves. But there are waves upon waves of Grounders to make your day miserable, as well as heart-pumping boulder traps. (Though if you're cunning enough, you can just make it over oncoming boulders with Tails' flight.)

Sonic: Ha ha! Isn't this great?

Tails: ...No?

But the worst obstacle comes when you're suitably high up. One of the most notorious video game gimmicks makes its presence here... wind physics.

You might think this should be no trouble at all for someone who can run at the speed of sound, and in some cases, it's not. But that doesn't mean you can afford to be careless, because the wind has a tendency to be at its strongest exactly when you're near the edge of a cliff. Failure to keep caution will result in you falling down, bumping your head, and Jill tumbling after. And you still need to deal with the other dangers on top of all that. Acks in particular can be a nightmare during sections with heavy wind, as the rocky debris they summon can distract you from keeping your footing.

When you're roughly halfway up the mountain, you'll suddenly be ambushed by a huge metal boulder busting its way out of a stone wall. Upon closer inspection however, it's not a boulder... it's a mecha armadillo.

BOSS: Killerdillo

Name says it all. It wants to kill you. Don't let it. You've got so much to live for.

Like the Paindozer, you're the one being chased rather than the one giving chase. The Killerdillo will spend most of its time spinning, not unlike your very own spin dash. It's pretty fast for a big bot too, and when put together with the narrow cliffsides and the weak bridges it's chasing you along, the odds do not appear to be stacked in your favor. And if that wasn't bad enough, it has a pair of laser cannons on its sides that can not only sweep the ground near you, but also strike the walls and cause an avalanche of rocks. And it doesn't stop in place while using its lasers mind you, it keeps rolling.

The best course of action? The trail occasionally has bombs for you to contend with. Evidently, they were put there to get rid of you, and you can get hurt by them, but you can also use them against your enemy. When you're far away enough to have time to do so, quickly spin dash a bomb to send it flying towards Killerdillo. The bomb will explode, and Killerdillo will stop and get dizzy, because Eggman decided dizziness was necessary to program into his creations. Give its confused little head a whack, and it'll howl like a metallic banshee.

You're not expected to do much more than that in this fight, due to its already hectic nature. But of course, the difficulty ramps up with each hit. Bombs become less frequent, avalanches and lasers become more frequent, and more sections of the ground start to give way and crumble into nothing. On the other hand, you'll also notice that Killerdillo's shell gets more cracked with each bomb. Keep up the bomb and whack routine, and eventualy its shell will fall apart completely. It'll valiantly try to roll at you one last time anyway, but at this point, you can easily deflect it with your own spin dash, and it'll get sent flying off the cliff and into the tree-filled depths below. It would almost be tragic, but luckily for us, robots don't have souls... right...?

---

"Man, this mountain really is as big as they said," Sonic remarked as Tails carried him over the dangerous gaps. "You'd think we'd be at the top by now, sheesh... You okay there, Trudy?"

"Yeah," she answered as she used her whip to pull herself up a couple of ledges. After the incident with the giant crab, she was getting better at using it creatively for life-or-death situations.

"You know we can pull you up too, right?" The hedgehog pointed up at Tails.

"I know. But I like... doing." She used the whip on another ledge. "I don't want to inconvenience you when it's not necessary."

"It wouldn't be an inconvenience..." Tails mentioned out of concern.

"Yeah, you're not in our way or anything," Sonic added in a friendly tone.

"Well, I suppose it doesn't matter, since we're here now..." They had reached a large section of flat ground, which Tails set Sonic down on. The wind was getting more chilly, and appropriately enough, they could see a few mounds of snow in the vicinity due to how high up they were.

"Eggman's definitely doing something up here," Tails pointed to the metal structures from a distance away. Up above, higher up the peak, more structures could be seen, and giant drills were burrowing through the white blankets. There appeared to be a mining operation at work.

"As if that's a surprise, he's always trying to mess up Mother Nature," Sonic muttered with a clenched fist... His ears suddenly pointed upward, and he paused for a moment, as if he realised something he'd rather not.

"You know..." he started, sounding slightly embarrassed. "We could have made it up here in no time with the Tornado."

An awkward silence briefly ensued between the three of them.

"Yeah..." Tails rubbed his ear sheepishly, clearly having never thought of that idea either.

"Where did you leave the Tornado?" Lutrudis questioned as they walked along the increasingly snowy ground. "Is it still in the shore?"

"Yes," Sonic and Tails bluntly answered in unison.

"But what if it's not there when we return?" She tugged on her ponytail a little. "What if some ruffian tries to make off with it?"

Tails simply smirked to himself.

---

Meanwhile, the Tornado remained parked in the same spot in Lime Shores. A chimp wearing black and white stripes walked up to the plane whilst he let out an innocent whistle. He looked to his left, and to his right, to make sure the coast was clear... He rubbed his hands in glee, and put his hand on the vehicle.

BZZZT

"Oooh, aah!" The chimp waved his hand frantically after experiencing the unexpected jolt. He gave it another bold attempt.

BZZZT

"Oooooh, aaaah!" he shouted again, waving the other arm in a frenzy. Frustrated, he kicked the plane in anger.

BZZZT

"Oooooooh, aaaaaah!"

---

"I wouldn't worry about that," Tails confirmed, trying his best not to look too pleased with himself. "Let's just say I took some precautions."

"Well, we've already made it this high up, so let's keep going!" Sonic motivated his friends with a thumbs up. Tails nodded in approval, and gave a thumbs up in turn.

"Yes, let's," Lutrudis beamed, and sighed happily as she wrapped her hands around the back of her neck. "I know it's silly, with all this danger and urgency, but I like being out here. I never dreamed I'd actually climb this place in my life!"

"Scared of the height?" Sonic nudged her playfully.

"Well, maybe a little bit... But it feels good! No, great even! it comes with feeling so... alive, right?" She turned to Sonic, her smile still there.

Sonic looked at Lutrudis for a few moments. Despite all her differences, it seemed as time went on that she was more like himself than he initially realised. Perhaps it was her isolation that made her craving go stronger. Or maybe she would have expressed this sentiment one way or the other. Whatever the case may be, he took notice of her own apparent love for exploring the unknown.

"Yeah," he answered with a gentle smile. "That's the spirit."

Unbeknownest to them, the top hatted robot was still watching them from not too far away. Their hands continued to shake rhythmically.

---

ZV Act 3: Zephyr Peak

Lutrudis' Badnik Logs: Heaveman - “Careful with these ones... One foot on their flipper is all it takes for them to flip you off a cliff. They're fast, too... but not as fast as you, of course.”

Yodel Pawn - “Well they certainly look the part, and they sound the part, but these white Pawns would much rather make short work of you with their pickaxes... Is that better or worse...?”

Returning Enemies: Madmole Scaramander Grounder Ack

No, this is not the snow level. That zone will come in due time. But let's not get ahead of ourselves.

You do nonetheless have some frosty aesthetics to work with on the final stretch of the mountain. The cliffs are still blue, but now they're partially coated with snow. Surprisingly, you can still see a little bit of grass here and there among the snow. The lowering sun is reflecting beautifully off the peaks, and the clouds don't seem to be that far from your position either. If they were solid, you'd almost want to try and touch them. The stars above the sunset continue to shine proudly.

But it's not just visual smoke and mirrors. With the presence of snow and ice comes the expected gimmicks. Mercifully, you don't have to deal with wind physics anymore, but you do have to deal with something even worse, something that makes many a grown man weep out of fear... ice physics. Since Sonic and Co aren't your typical platforming heroes however, you can deal with it a little easier than most of your kind. Just keep control of your speed, and you'll be golden.

The operations found all over the peak are predictably a major hazard. Drills can be found everywhere, as can the Yodel Pawns and their dreadful singing.

Sonic: Pfft, talk about a swan song, am I right?

Tails and Lutrudis: *No reaction at all because they can't hear him over the drills.*

During the instances where you climb along the metal towers, sawblades will come back and forth. But by far, the most worrisome of the threats are the Heavemen. Do you want to get chucked off the mountain, and be forced to climb the same sections all over again if you're not already dead? Then don't fool around with these guys. Deal with them swiftly and efficiently.

Towards the end, you start to see... lava? Not a huge amount granted, but somewhat troubling to be sure. Don't ask me how the lava doesn't immediately melt the snow right beside it, I'm not a video game geologist. At least the lava is fairly calm for the moment, but it does indicate the increase of volcanic activity due to Eggman's operations. In any case, as another famous hedgehog would say, don't touch it.

Congratulations! You made it to the top of Zephyr Mountain! Not many people have done that, so be sure to give yourself a gold star when you get home. But we're not done quite yet...

---

ZV Act 4: Mountain Minery

Lutrudis' Badnik Logs: Bat Brain - “Beware the bats emerging from the shadows, for when they awaken from their slumber, they waste no time in fiendishly... flying around for a bit. I suppose they're annoying if you're in a tight area.”

Toasty - "Heaven knows why the doctor saw fit to give welding torches the gift of life, but they're all very willing to roast you all the same."

Returning Enemies: Grounder Heaveman

It's kinda dark, but there's more than enough bulbs and torches for you to see the way. Inside the mine are your trickiest challenges yet. A few lone mushrooms decorate the entrance, as do a bunch of wooden gates that you can easily slice through. The mine looks as though it were abandoned a long time ago... but it can't be abandoned because Eggman's robots are right here, doing their thing... Something doesn't seem right...

Conveyor belts have piles upon piles of crates stacked on them, delivering who knows what to who knows where. The crates are adorned with the famous Eggman insignia...

Sonic: Good thing he signed them. We wouldn't have possibly known otherwise...

Stationary crates can also be found all over, some of which you can knock over onto unsuspecting robots if you're feeling school bully levels of vindictive. The fans that are used to clear the thick air can push you into bottomless pits if you're not careful, and since the volcanic activity has increased, that means there's lava indoors as well, albeit still not enough for it to be a full-on fire stage.

Along the brown and purple walls are markings, not unlike the ones you saw in the Gleaming Meadows. One marking in particular is hard to make out due to the dark environment, but you can see what looks like several people gathering round... and a huge round object floating above them... Are they worshipping something...? Are they in fear of something...?

Mine carts can also be found, and yes, you get to have a go on them. You can switch to different rails with the simple push of left or right, and you can jump over sawblades, wooden blockades, and oncoming Egg Pawns riding their own mine carts. If you're lucky, you can slam into them from the side and send them flying out of their carts, complete with flailing arms and comedic hollering.

After a lengthy trek through the tunnels of flickering lights, dusty crates, and evil welding torches, you'll start to notice the very crystals you were looking for. Sure enough, they look just like the ones in the cave below Lutrudis' home... only they're all completely grey, with no other colour to speak of. Also, are those fossils on those walls...?

Before you can think more about what you're processing, you suddenly hear a cry. A very happy, very excited, very loud cry.

"YAAAAAAAAYYYY!"

Lutrudis: What was that-

Sonic: I know that-!

Right on cue, the ground starts to give way. Do your best to escape the growing abyss, lest you never see the light again. As you run through another tunnel, you can see a reflection of a purple robot wielding a mace that looks twice as large. They're also riding a certain type of ladybug...

Rider: HURRAAAAYYYY!

BOSS: Heavy Rider

Uh oh, the adrenaline junkie's here, and I don't mean Sonic. This is gonna be a crazy one, not just because of who you're fighting, but also due to the haywire surroundings. Rider, with the help of Jimmy the Motobug, will stop at nothing to get a thrill, and that largely involves making things very inconvenient and fatal for you. It's nothing personal, she doesn't hate you... she just gets very into the action. Like when you're in a cowboy movie, but you use an actual gun and risk a prison sentence to make it more authentic. That's her. That's Rider.

You and Rider are breezing through the shadowy tunnels, and the rock formations are shaped for the benefit of you and her. With slopes, you can gain momentum, and she can attack you from above. With steep declines, you can build up speed, and she can drag her mace along the ground, creating massive fissures in the process. Her mace may be a single tool, but it's a very versatile one.

If you're behind, she'll swing her mace round and round, each swing further than the last. If you're in front, Jimmy will leave behind trails of fire with his engine. And all the while, rocks are falling everywhere, and everyone's bouncing and tumbling over... just the way Rider likes it.

What's the strategy? Well, you're older now. And what can you do now that you're older?

That's right.

Grind.

See that chain connecting the mace?

...Yeah. I think you get my drift.

When Rider swings her mace directly at you, quickly jump onto the chain and grind along it, and top it off with a ball of blue fur (or orange fur) to the face. This will knock her off Jimmy and send her plummeting... but don't think it's a one hit kill, for the brave and loyal Jimmy will use its new rockets to fly down and pick her back up.

Rider: HA!

Rider favors excitement over sound battle plans, so her actual methods barely change throughout the fight. It's the environment that will throw curveballs your way, with different slopes, pits of lava, and some mine cart manning Egg Pawns for good measure. That said, Jimmy's flame trails will gradually get bigger with every two hits. Nothing too unavoidable though. Not with your speed.

With eight hits, and one last scream of robo-ecstasy, both Rider and Jimmy will crash through a wall, and they won't come back out. Heavies have proven to be persistent and resilient though, and I'm sure we'll be seeing them again soon enough...

---

"Everyone alright?" Sonic took a moment to stop as he checked his pulse. Amazingly, the fastest thing alive sounded as though he was nearly out of breath.

"Yeah..." Tails barely let out after huffing and puffing. Lutrudis wasn't even able to catch her breath, as she was looking straight at the ground with her hands on her knees in complete exhaustion. She was at least able to muster a thumbs up.

"Now Sonic, I don't quite appreciate you stopping this operation!"

"Eggman...?"

The doctor floated down in his Egg Mobile, along with Orbot and Cubot. Despite seemingly not being pleased about Sonic's actions, his spirits were still remarkably high. "You've always been quick to catch on to my activities, haven't you? Can't even take a bunch of lovely little crystals without your interference."

"So you WERE planning to take the crystals!" Tails accused with a pointed finger.

"Well duh, I just said that." Eggman glanced at Orbot and pointed his thumb at the fox while shaking his head sarcastically.

"What are you using them for?" Lutrudis inquired, hoping that the doctor would fall for the trap and blurt it out. Her tail flicked a little aggressively.

"Don't fall for it, boss," Orbot whispered in his master's ear.

"I wasn't going to," Eggman muttered out of annoyance, and crossed his arms. "Find out for yourselves if you're so curious... If you survive, that is."

"Huh?"

Sonic's ears spiked up, as he noticed a strange mist. Black mist. Very familiar black mist. It emerged from the shadows of the mine, and swirled around Eggman slowly. Eggman himself showed no fear, and was in fact grinning widely. A head began to form above the defended scientist, and it took on a reptilian appearance... just like last time. Only this time, it looked different. It now had black spikes poking out from the sides of its head, which were connected together with dark green liquid of some sort, creating the illusion that it had frills. Its horns were also larger, and longer.

"I trust you've met my newest associate..." Eggman commented gleefully.

"Yeah, we have. And we'd like to know what its deal is." Sonic stretched his arms out, ready to fight. "Another monster you freed? Like THAT'S ever gone well for you."

Eggman simply laughed. It was a quiet, dark laugh, not at all like his usual diabolical cackle. His opposition all felt uneasy by this. So did Cubot.

"I've learned my lesson this time," he explained, still grinning all the while. "More than you know..."

"What do you mean-"

"Now then!" Eggman clapped his hands merrily, like a kid getting ready for Christmas. "Let's see how you fools do against... the Wraith!"

"The Wraith...?"

With a mighty roar, the dark beast lunged at all three of the heroes, and crashed into them so hard against the wall that it broke apart completely, sending them falling out of the mountain's caverns entirely.

"And this... is only the beginning..." Eggman muttered to himself, staring at the hole in the wall where his enemies once were, with a demented display of his perfect white teeth.

"Beginning of what...?" Cubot asked absentmindedly.

"Big adult matters," Orbot helpfully explained as he pat Cubot on the head. "You wouldn't understand."

"Oh... okay!"

---

Sonic, Tails and Lutrudis were all plummeting towards the ground, where rocky cliffs and metallic pipes were waiting for them. They tried to control their fall, but to no avail. Even Tails couldn't control his fall enough to start flying, for he was tumbling over and over so aggressively.

"Can you fly, Tails?" Sonic called out.

"I'm trying...!"

"Don't panic! We'll make it out of this!"

"Guys!" Lutrudis called, having spotted a narrow piece of rock below. "Grab onto me!"

With a little effort to fight against the wind, they grabbed onto her, and she unleashed her whip on the thin strand of rock. It latched onto the rock with no problem, and it caught them just fine... but the sudden jolt of movement caused Tails to slide down and catch Sonic's leg, who in turn caught the unfortunate Lutrudis' ponytail, resulting in her facing upside down. Despite the obvious pain and slight embarrassment she was currently in, the horse kept her iron grip on her whip, and gripped it even further with her boots. After a brief moment of them collecting themselves, Sonic chuckled out of relief.

"Heh," he said lightheartedly. "Can't get any worse than that, right?"

Cracks immediately began to form on the rock.

Everyone's faces went very sour.

"This is gonna stink," Lutrudis muttered with resignation.

And with that, the rock broke apart, and the three friends fell once again. This time however, Sonic was the one who was quick to react, and pulled himself to one of the fractured pieces of rock. He planted his feet on it, and used his momentum to land with it on top of the snowy cliffs. Tails took notice, pointed at this turn of events for Lutrudis' sake, and she got the message. With some struggle, they eventually grabbed their own pieces of rock, and used them accordingly. The three of them were now snowboarding.

"Ha! Great job, guys!" Sonic gave another friendly thumbs up to them, along with a wink.

"We're not out of the woods yet!" Lutrudis pointed ahead fearfully. "Look!"

Sonic turned back around, and to his horror, the monster was emerging from the cliffs. Its dark colours contrasted strikingly with the blanket of snow it came out of.

---

BOSS: The Wraith

Well, this is different from your usual snowboarding section, isn't it? Luckily for you, the controls for snowboarding are the same as they've always been... when they've been at their best, that is.

Anyway, despite being considered a boss, it's really more of an endurance test. You simply have to reach the bottom of the mountain without getting kiled by the Wraith. But obviously, it won't make that objective easy for you. Among the usual obstacles like pits, trees, and rocky structures, you also have to deal with the Wraith's own attacks, which include unleashing pillars of dark energy, firing giant lasers from its mouth, and causing terrifying shockwaves. It can also lunge straight for you, because it just wants a big hug (of death).

Despite this, it may seem fairly simple at first. But halfway through, you remember something... the mountain is only covered with snow at the top. It's about to run out on your way down.

Sonic: It's gonna get bumpy from here...!

The snow is exchanged for uneven rock, and unfortunately for you, this presents a problem. Your controls remain the same, but now you're going all over the place because there's no even slopes. The Wraith also decides now would be an opportune time to bring more attacks to the table, like firing two lasers at the same time, launching an onslaught of dark fireballs, and summoning thorny strands of energy that emerge from the ground out of nowhere. Keep a cool head, and you'll make it. Towards the end, things get a little better as the rock is in turn exchanged for grass. But the increased amount of trees make it difficult to avoid them, and some of the Wraith's attacks now have the side-effect of sending them crashing down on you.

But make it till the end, and one of the trees will crash down on the Wraith itself, to which it turns back into mist and flees the scene out of - presumably - rage. Bit of an anticlimactic end, eh? At least we've escaped its clutches for today.

---

The three comrades continued to slide down the base of the mountain, until they finally reached the very bottom. They used their body weight to stop themselves in their tracks. Sonic checked to make sure the other two were okay, to which they both nodded.

"Well..." he stated, as he rubbed some sweat from his forehead. "That was something."

"Eggman must have took some of those crystals already," Tails acknowledged with worry. "Who knows what he plans on doing with them. And we may know that... thing's name now, but we still don't know where it came from, or why it’s working for Eggman... AND we don't know why he wanted to destroy the town by the meadow, or poison the jungle, or cause a flood..." His ears drooped out of frustration. "There's so many questions about all this... I'm not used to Eggman being this coy..."

"Hey," Sonic put his arm around Tails, with a comforting smile. "Baby steps are still steps, right? We're making progress. Eggman will fail miserably and hilariously, like he always does."

"Yeah, you're right," Tails smiled in return. His ears slowly rose again.

"I guess we should head back to check on Amy and Cre-"

Sonic cut himself off in alarm, as he noticed that Lutrudis was holding her hips with an expression that implied she was in great pain. She was gritting her teeth to fight off the pain she was experiencing.

"Trudy...?"

"First time snowboarding... not compatible with it..." she said through pained breathing.

Sonic immediately felt guilty, and he glanced at Tails, who could only shrug out of sympathy. He turned back to Lutrudis while he rubbed his arm.

"I'm sorry, I should have known-"

"No, it's... it's fine," she collected herself as the pain began to die down slightly. She smiled weakly at Sonic. "We didn't have much of a choice up there."

Sonic's concern did not leave his face, but he decided not to argue with her reasoning. He turned to Tails again, and he simply shrugged again. Even after being told by the horse herself about her condition, there was clearly still a lot for them to learn.

"So are we heading back then?" Lutrudis asked, though she still sounded fatigued.

"Let's wait for you to feel a little better first," Sonic put his hand on her shoulder. "You did a lot today."

Lutrudis blinked, and turned to Tais, who nodded approvingly with a gentle smile. Her gaze went back to Sonic's. She looked troubled.

"Listen, if I'm slowing you guys down-"

"No," Sonic cut her off firmly. He was staring straight into her eyes. "We're not going anywhere without you. That condition you have... it's just a condition. It's not you. You're our friend, and I've never left a friend in the dust before. Why start with you?" He gave her a cheeky smile. "You don't think going fast is all I care about, do you...?"

Lutrudis stared some more into Sonic's green eyes, and a smile slowly formed on her own face. After what seemed to be a hint of hesitance on her part, she gently embraced the hedgehog. Sonic was slightly taken aback by her hug, as evidenced by his puzzled expression.

"Thanks, Sonic," Lutrudis muttered with contentment. She turned her head to the fox. "You too, Tails," she added happily.

Tails gave her a joking salute with one of his namesake. He tried to hide his own amusement upon noticing the look of bashfulness on Sonic's face.

---

Back to Chapter 3...

To Chapter 4-5 Interlude...

#Sonic & Tails: Beyond the Stars #Crusher's Fanfiction #Sonic the Hedgehog #Fanfiction

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vgckwb · 5 years

Text

ML: Are They Worthy? Chapter 16: Face My Fears!/Re: Silencer

Juleka couldn’t believe it. Standing before her was her father. She had not seen him in person since he moved to England after the divorce. She was just talking about him today, and here he was. Was it magic, or just coincidence?

She remembered the conversation she had with Vlad earlier. “Hey, can I talk to you about something?” she asked

Vlad was intrigued. “Sure” he said.

“So, on Alya’s blog, she mentioned that you were gay, and from the way you’re crushing on my brother, that seems true” Juleka said.

“It is” Vlad said.

“How did it go after you told your parents?” she asked.

“Are you worried about what’ll happen if you tell yours?” Vlad asked.

“No” Juleka said. “I’ve already told them. But…”

“But what?” Vlad said.

Juleka sighed. “A month after I told my parents I was a lesbian, my mom came out as a lesbian as well. My dad said that his job was moving to London. They said that everything wasn’t working out between them and that they were getting a divorce. I blame myself.”

“Well that’s crap” Vlad said.

“Huh?” Juleka said.

“Like I told you, that’s crap” Vlad said. “You coming out had nothing to do with that.”

“But what if it did?” Juleka said. “What if I’m to blame for my parents getting a divorce?”

“Look, they're your parents. They would never do anything to hurt you, right?” Vlad said. “Unless, did they?”

“No. Nothing like that” Julkea said, smiling the fastest she smiled after talking about this. The thought of her parents hurting her in any way was ridiculous to her.

“Then I don’t see the problem. If they love you, they wouldn’t blame you” Vlad said. “Every family’s different. Your parents are different. It sounds like they had some problems before.”

“But they didn’t tell us until after” Juleka said. “And they seemed to get along well enough.”

“Look, if you’re really concerned, you should just talk to them about this” Vlad said. “The worst thing you can do is keep it bottled inside. It will destroy you. Trust me on this. The six months it took me to come out to my parents were some of the hardest times for me.”

“But what if they do blame me?” Juleka said.

“That just sounds like ‘but what if they kick me out?’ to me, and you don’t need to worry about that” Vlad said. “You were brave enough to confront them when coming out, and they accepted you. You have to be that brave again. Understand?”

“Yes. Thanks Vlad” Juleka said.

“Anytime” Vlad said.

Now her dad was right in front of her; as if fate that brought him here. No matter the circumstances, Juleka had to be prepared. She had to be brave.

Luka left to get his mom. “Mom,” he said. “Dad’s here.”

Anarka was confused. She went to the deck to see her ex-husband. “Richard?” she said.

“Hi Anarka” he said, nervously.

“We should get going” Marshall said.

“Yeah” said Micha. The brothers and the dance troupe left.

“Ivan, you promised me to take me to Andre’s tonight” Mylene said.

“I did?” Ivan said. He realized what was going on. “I mean, I did. Yes.”

“Marinette, you should leave too” Luka said.

“Are you sure?” Marinette said.

“Yes. We’ll be fine for now. We just need to sort whatever is happening out alone” Luka said.

“OK” Marinette said. “Just call me if you need anything.”

“We should go too” Vlad said. “Adrien, I’ll keep you company on your way home, how does that sound?”

“OK?” said Adrien.

“Great! Let’s get going” Vlad said, dragging his friend off of the ship. He looked back and gave Juleka a thumbs up and a wink, signifying everything will be OK.

“Juleka, are you sure you’re going to be OK on your own?” Rose said.

Juleka looked at Rose. They girl of her dreams. She had always wanted to ask her out, but she never had the courage to. Juleka promised herself that if she could tell her parents how she felt, she would ask Rose out. “Yes. I’ll be fine. Just wait for me at school tomorrow” Juleka said.

“OK” said Rose. She left the ship.

Adrien and Vlad were walking to Adrien’s. “It was nice how you helped Marinette like that” Adrien said.

“Yeah, well, what are friends for?” Vlad said.

“You two have gotten awfully close” Adrien said. “I’m almost jealous.”

“You’ll get your chance” Vlad said.

The two continued walking. “So, why’d you wanna walk home with me?” Adrien said.

Vlad smiled. “Because I’d like to get this over with sooner rather than later.”

“Get what over with?” Adrien said.

“There’s someone I’d like you to meet” Vlad said. Beyyo flew out of his pocket. “We had a deal, right?”

Adrien was surprised. “You’re Judgement Wolf?” Vlad nodded. Adrien giggled. “I should have known. That’s such a you name.”

Plagg flew out and confronted Beyyo. “Hello. BEYYO!” he said, menacingly.

Beyyo backed up. “Whatever you want, can’t you tell me farther away?”

Plagg was shocked and offended. “HEY! You can’t speak to me like that after… How many years has it been?”

“It’s been too long and not long enough” Beyyo said, plugging his nose.

“Plagg, maybe you should cut down on your Camembert intake” Adrien said.

“It’s not that” Beyyo said. “You know that I can smell other kwamis? Well Plagg perpetually smells like something rotting. I have long since given up on determining what it is that’s rotting.”

“What are you doing popping up here now?” Plagg asked.

“Well, ever since Hawk Moth first showed up, I’ve been hanging around Paris” Beyyo said. “I’ve tested a few people to see if they were worthy, but none of them were. Then I sensed something on a train. A kindred spirit. Vlad. I tested him, and he passed. He told me he was moving to Paris, and you know the rest.”

“If you were here this whole time, you could have said hi” Plagg said.

“Yeah, but I didn’t have an owner until recently” Beyyo said.

“I guess that’s fair” Plagg said.

“You two seem to know each other well” Adrien said.

“Beyyo tells me he knows all of the kwamis rather well” Vlad said. “He just doesn’t get to see them as often due to their opposing natures.”

“And in Plagg’s case, his smell” Beyyo said.

“You don’t have to be rude about it” Plagg said.

“Wait. This means you know who Ladybug is!” Adrien said, excitedly. “Do you think you can help me with her?”

“Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh” Vlad said. He did know who Ladybug was. He also knew that Ladybug had a crush on Adrien. BUT he couldn’t just give that information away. It just didn’t feel right. “Maybe you should just give up on Ladybug. Maybe someone else might be more your speed.”

“What are you hiding?” Adrien said.

“It’s complicated” Vlad said.

“Complicated, or stupid?” Beyyo asked.

“Both” Vlad said.

Adrien sighed. “I’ll figure it out eventually” Adrien said. He started walking again.

“I somehow doubt that” Vlad said, following soon after.

Meanwhile, back on the Liberty, Anarka said “It’s been so long. What brings you back here?”

“Well, my job transferred me back to Paris” Richard said. “So, I’m just back. I wanted to see the kids. And I think we need to have a talk.”

Anarka nodded. “Well, come on in,” she said. Richard stepped onto the Liberty

“Oh, before anything else, kids, I got you something” Richard said. He gave his children each a different signed CD of one of their favorite British artists. “And something else” he said, pulling out an authentic British chocolate bar for each of them.

“Thanks dad” Luka said.

“Thanks” Juleka said.

“Well, it’s getting late” Luka said. “If you and mom need to talk, I should probably just go to bed.”

“Alright son” Richard said. “What about you, sweetie?”

“Well…” Juleka said. “I’m going to go to my room too.” She left.

“Alright. Take care” Richard said. He was alone with his ex-wife. “Sooooooooo. I guess we should just get started.”

“Yes” said Anarka. The two also went inside the ship.

Vlad and Adrien arrived at Adrien’s. “Well, I gotta get going” Vlad said.

“Hey, why don’t you join me?” Adrien said.

“As much as I’d love to, I gotta test Viperion” Vlad said.

“Oh yeah. Why is that?” Adrien asked.

“I gotta test everyone who wields a miraculous. Not just you and Ladybug” Vlad replied. Otherwise, Beyyo would leave me.”

“And you wouldn’t be holding yourself up to your own standards” Beyyo said.

“That to, but what I said is more dramatic” Vlad said.

Adrien laughed. “You certainly have that dramatic flair. Wanna take all of my modeling work?”

“No way. I’m busy enough as is” Vlad said.

“How do you think I feel?” Adrien asked. The two friends laughed. “Alright, I guess I’ll see you later.”

“Yeah. Seyya ya” Vlad said. “You know, you should be more real at school. Maybe you’ll find what you’re looking for.”

“I’ll keep that in mind” Adrien said. The truth is, he wanted to, but he was afraid his father would get mad at him. He just let him have more freedom. He didn’t want that taken away from him. He figured he’ll ask about it eventually, but for now he’ll take what he can get.

Meanwhile, Vlad pulled out his phone. “Whatcha doin’?” Beyyo asked.

“I’m searching the Ladyblog for any mention of Luka” Vlad answered.

“Good. I was worried you wouldn’t because of your little crush on him” Beyyo said.

“I’m dramatic Beyyo, not an idiot” Vlad said. “Besides, while I like him, I don’t know if he’s boyfriend material. Maybe this’ll help me understand.” Vlad came across a post about Silencer, who was Luka when he was Akumatized. He read it in depth, and he got his idea.

Back on the Liberty, Richard and Anarka were talking. “So, you’re back in Paris” Anarka said.

“Yeah” Richard said. “I just got back today. I wanted to see the kids first thing. It became the third thing after getting everything into my new apartment and eating.”

“I don’t think they’d blame you for that” Anarka said.

Richard smiled. “I was walking up to the ship and I heard a band playing. I could tell immediately that Luka and Juleka were involved.”

“So, what do you want to talk about?” Anarka said.

“Well, since I’m back, I want to see the kids more” Richard said. “I was kind of hoping we could talk about that. What this means, and what might occur.”

“Sounds reasonable” Anarka said. “Do you think we should get our lawyers?”

“Maybe, but I wanna talk about some preliminary stuff before they get involved,” Richard said. “First, I agree that the kids should stay with you. But I still want to get them sometimes.”

“Of course” Anarka said. “I wouldn’t mind talking to you more either.”

“We’ll see about that,” Richard said. “I just hope May is OK with that. And that the kids like her.”

“May?” Anarka asked.

“Sorry. She’s my girlfriend” Richard said. “I met her in London. She’s moving to Paris with me. You’d like her.”

“Hopefully not too much. Otherwise, I might steal her from you” Anarka said.

Richard laughed. “This is what I missed.”

Juleka was staring into the room her parents were in. She knew she had to confront them. Still, she was scared. “Juleka” Luka said. “You alright?”

“Yeah” Juleka said.

Luka put his arms on his sister’s shoulders. “Remember what I said when you came out to them?”

Juleka nodded. “‘You always have me in your corner.’”

“Those words are still true” Luka said. “If you need anything, don’t be afraid to come to me with it.” Luka went off to his room.

Juleka opened the door and faced her parents. They were surprised to see her. “Juleka” Anarka said.

“Is something the matter sweetie?” Richard asked.

Juleka focused. She took a breath, and faced her fears head on. “Mom. Dad. Am I the reason you got divorced?”

The two parents looked at each other. “Of course not” Richard said.

“What makes you say that?” Anarka said.

“It’s just… a month after I came out, you came out, and you said you were moving to England” Juleka said. “I know it sounds crazy, and I know that this was for the best, but I keep thinking that none of this might have happened if I hadn’t come out at all.” She started to tear up.

The parents looked at each other again and nodded. They then went over to their daughter and gave her a hug. “Of course it wasn’t your fault sweetie” Richard said.

“We’re sorry that we made you think that” Anarka said. “Truth be told, I came out to your father a week before you told us.”

“And I heard that my job was moving to London around that same time,” Richard said. “We had already made the decision to separate.”

“We didn’t want to upset you right away, so we held out as long as we could” Anarka said.

“We had no idea you felt like this,” Richard said. “And we’re sorry.”

“It’s going to be OK” Anarka said. Juleka started bawling in her parent's arms. She was happy that she didn’t cause her parents to divorce, and sad because she spent all of this time blaming herself. She let it all out. Her parents kept holding onto her to reassure her that everything was OK.

Meanwhile, Judgement Wolf snuck aboard the Liberty and made his way to Luka’s room. Luka was asleep. Judgement Wolf remarked on Luka sleeping “He’s so cute, even when he’s sleeping. Alright. I gotta focus. Wolf Mist!” he called out.

Luka was in the TVi studio. He was Silencer. He had Ladybug and Cat Noir’s Miraculous, and had gotten Bob Roth to confess to his theft. He looked around and saw Marinette. “Marinette. It’s OK” Silencer said. “I got Bob Roth to confess. Nothing can stop me now. We got exactly what we wanted.”

“I never wanted any of this” Marinette said, frightened. She ran away.

Silencer looked on. “Wait! Marinette!”

Luke then woke up. He sighed a sigh of relief. He was just dreaming. Ever since Silencer, this was his recurring nightmare. However, he felt something in his hand. He pulled it out over the sheets and found a box. It looked like the box his miraculous was in “Sass?” he said, opening it. Out popped a red kwami with black spots. “You’re not Sass.”

The kwami shook her head. “My name is Tikki. I’m Ladybug’s kwami.” Luka then cowered at the corner of his bed. He remembered now. Silencer did win. But as soon as Hawk Moth showed up, he lost Ladybug’s miraculous. Hawk Moth took away his powers until the miraculous was found. He then realized everything he did and got frustrated with himself. He found Ladybug’s miraculous and decided to take it home with him. He’d figure it out in the morning.

“What-What have I done?” Luka said to himself.

“Calm down Luka” TIkki said to him. “You still have the chance to make this right. Just return me to Ladybug, and she can fix everything.”

“You’re right” Luka said, calming down.

“Or better yet, we can give the miraculous to Hawk Moth and gain our power back” a voice said in Mr. XY’s voice. Luka and Tikki then looked and saw Silencer.

“Please tell me you see this too” Luka said.

“Yeah” said Tikki.

“Come on. Let’s just go pay Hawk Moth a visit” Silencer said. “After all, what makes you think I could use the miraculous anymore?” he said in Ladybug’s voice.

Luka grabbed the box and started running. When he was in the street, Tikki asked “Um, where are you running too?”

“I don’t know. Away from there though” Luka said.

“Silly Luka” Silencer said, gaining on him. He then switched it up to Roger’s voice. “Do you actually think you can escape me? After all,” he switched to Cat Noir’s voice “I am you.” Silencer was now in front of Luka.

“You’re not me,” Luka said.

“Oh, but I am” Silencer said in Mayor Bourgeois’s voice. “And soon, I will be all that is left of you.” He threw a punch, but Luka dodged and ran the other way

“Tikki! What do I do?” Luka said.

“You can’t keep up with Silencer at this pace. You have to transform using the ladybug miraculous” Tikki said.

Luka thought about it for a minute. “I can’t” he said.

“Why not?” Tikki asked.

“Because I made this mess by becoming Silencer. I’m not worthy of Ladybug’s Miraculous. She’s perfect” Luka said.

Tikki shook her head. “Believe me. I work with Ladybug all the time, and she’s not perfect” Tikki said. “She’s just a regular person like you. And like you, she makes mistakes.”

“Really?” Luka said.

“Yes” Tikki replied. “But she fixes her mistakes. You have the chance to do the same.”

Luka looked at the kwami. “Time’s up” Silencer said.

Luka quickly put the earrings on. “What’s the phrase?” he asked.

“Tikki! Spots On!” TIkki said.

“Tikki! Spots On!” Luka said. He transformed into a male Ladybug.

Silencer switched to Ladybug’s voice. “You think you can defeat me now? Pathetic.”

Luka then took out his yo-yo and called out “Lucky Charm!” He received a mirror.

“You want to defeat me with a mirror? The real Ladybug couldn’t defeat me with a vacuum!” Silencer said.

Luka looked into the mirror. “I don’t need to defeat you,” he said.

“What?!” Silencer said in XY’s voice.

“You’re right. I am you. And you are me” Luka said. “But there's a difference between us.” He started walking forward. “You’re only a part of me. The part I hate about myself. My anger and frustration. My cowardice and fear. But you’re not all of me. You’re not my joy. My calm. My fighting spirit. My love. You’re none of those. I have to accept that you’ll always be a part of me. You’ll never go away. However, you’re nothing without me.” Luka then walked into Silencer and Silencer disappeared into Luka. Luka threw the mirror up and called out “MIraculous Ladybug!” The Ladybugs fixed all of the damage that Silencer caused. Luka then used the yo-yo to travel across town.

Luka, back in his civilian attire, knocked on a door. A figure bathed in white answered. “Luka?” she said.

“Hi Ladybug” Luka said. “I believe this belongs to you.” He handed her the box containing her miraculous.

Ladybug took it. “Thanks. I was wondering where those ladybugs came from that gave me back my voice.”

“I’m sorry I couldn’t get back Cat Noir’s miraculous” Luka said. “And that I caused this mess in the first place.”

“It’s alright” Ladybug said. “You’ve clearly learned from your mistakes. That’s what counts.”

“Thanks Ladybug” Luka said. The world around him then disappeared before him, leaving a white area surrounding Luka.

“I expected no less” Judgement Wolf said.

Luka was surprised. “So, this is how you test people?” Luka said.

“Yup” Judgement Wolf said. “And you passed.”

“Hm. By the way, thanks for helping out earlier” Luka said.

“You’re welcome” Judgement Wolf said, nervously. “Well, my work here is done. Goodnight.” Judgement Wolf jumped out of the Wolf Mist and Luka fell back asleep.

Luka woke up the next morning and got out of bed. He saw his sister looking more cheerful than ever. “Morning Juleka” he said.

“Morning Luka” Juleka said. “You look well.”

“So do you” Luka said.

After breakfast, the two of them headed off for school. They passed by a flower shop, and Juleka stopped and looked inside. “You go on ahead Luka, I’ll catch up later” Juleka said.

At school, Rose was talking Alix and Marinette when she heard “Rose!” She turned around and saw Juleka holding a bunch of pink roses.

Rose walked over to Juleka, Juleka handed her the flowers. Inside the bouquet, there was a note. Rose took the note out and read it. “‘Will you go out with me?’”

“I know you have a thing for Prince Ali,” Juleka said, “and I know I can’t compare., but ever since the first time I laid eyes on you, I can’t stop thinking about you. I’ve always wanted to say this, but I never had the courage before.”

“What are you talking about?” Rose said, hugging Juleka. “Of course I’ll go out with you! I mean, Prince Ali is great, but you’re my everyday Prince Ali. You’re kind, caring, sweet. You’re everything I ever wanted.” The two girls looked into each other’s eyes and gave each other a kiss.

“How romantic!” Marinette said, tears welling up in her eye.

“I know someone who could learn a thing or two from Juleka” Alix said, looking at Marinette. Marinette blushed.

“Isn’t love amazing?” Adrien asked, looking on.

“I had a feeling this would all work out” Vlad said. “Oh by the way, don’t you call Marinette your ‘everyday Ladybug’?”

“What are you getting at?” Adrien asked.

“I’m just saying, if it works for Rose, maybe you should try it” Vlad said.

Adrien looked over at Marinette. “Maybe” he said.

Luka looked on as his sister was kissing the girl of her dreams. He smiled, knowing that she faced her own inner demons last night as well. They both came out the other side better.

#miraculous ladybug #miraculous ladybug fan fic #Marinette #Vlad #Juleka #Beyyo #Tikki #Plagg #Adrien #Rose #Anarka #Luka #Mylene #Ivan

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topweeklyupdate · 6 years

Text

TØP Weekly Update #56: I’m So High (7/27/2018)

I’m still adjusting to Twenty One Pilots once again being a regular part of my day-to-day life. Just when things look like they might be settling down, Tyler Joseph jumps back onto our timelines with more Quality Content to carry us through to the next album, the next tour, and whatever else is on the horizon for our favorite band. Let’s pick apart this week in Twenty One Pilots news together, shall we?

This Week’s TØPics:

“Nico and the Niners” Video Drops

Tickets to the Bandito Tour Go Straight to the Secondary Market, the Clique is Real Sad About It

“Jumpsuit” Soars to #1 at Alternative (and Other Chart News)

And More!

Major News and Announcements:

The biggest news from the last week was yesterday’s surprise release of the music video for “Nico and the Niners”, which came out with no dmaorg.info buildup or any other cryptic nonsense to prepare me for how much I had to write last night.

Announced as the second of a trilogy of music videos telling the Trench storyline, this video depicts Tyler inside of Dema itself. Shot in what appears to be Taras Shevchenko University in Kiev, Ukraine (not coincidentally the first concert date on the Europen leg of the Bandito Tour), this video gives us our first clear picture of the community that Clancy’s been telling us about for months now.

As Reddit detectives discovered two weeks ago in the background of a few shots in “Jumpsuit”, Dema is nestled in the middle of that gorgeous and wild Icelandic countryside. The walled city is laid out (more or less) exactly how the dmaorg.info map suggested. It looks run-down and exceptionally gray (matching the clothing of all its non-bishop denizens), with the only direct light coming from strange florescent strips and tubes. These light sources seem to be created by the bishops themselves in weird religious ceremonies involving glassblowing and waving their arms around in an impression of Michael Phelps getting really lost on dry land. One important note: it seems like the bishops are making much more than just weird art installations...

The video narrative depicts Tyler in his small Dema apartment packing up his belongings (notably the yellow flowers from “Jumpsuit” and the red beanie and white sunglasses of the Blurryface Era) and preparing to escape Dema with the help of the torch-wielding Banditos. When the group meets up, Josh removes his mask; Tyler and Josh smile at each other like gosh darn angels and perform the full secret handshake, marking the first time that we’ve seen the duo physically together outside that single promotional photo since 2018. I’m still crying about it.

The Banditos set up a drum kit and hand Tyler a microphone, and the band perform the song, literally starting a concert that draws the bishops out of their weird little church service. The Banditos flee through ad underground tunnel, with Tyler leaving his jumpsuit behind so two Dema children can find it and be inspired by the sign of yellow. As the band marches into the light, the Banditos attach more yellow duct tape to Tyler’s clothes, demonstrating that the costuming is a deliberate choice and not just the results of cutting costuming budgets.

The Clique has asked a lot of questions about where precisely in the timeline this video falls and what it means for the Trench storyline as a whole. It is pretty easy to read this as coming directly after “Jumpsuit”, with Tyler being rescued by the Banditos he met in that video. However, others have suggested that this is set before Tyler’s failed escape attempt due to the lack of a cut on his nose, leaving open the possibility that Tyler did in fact die in the “Jumpsuit” video, gripping onto a wild flower that reminded him of those he had previously collected by other means within the city. I honestly don’t know how much I buy that- How would Tyler have gotten separated from the other Banditos by the events of “Jumpsuit”?- but I’d be very excited to see if the third video in this trilogy fills the gap and explains how Tyler wound up lying unconscious in the middle of Trench.

The other pertinent question is how this entire narrative relates to our boy Clancy. Tyler appears to be acting out the distraction Clancy described creating several weeks ago, which would make sense if this was a prequel to “Jumpsuit”... but it also doesn’t make sense, because Clancy described the distraction as a signal for attracting the Banditos into the city in the first place, not something that they planned themselves. This discrepancy could just be choked up to an error on Tyler’s part, but I’ve known this kid too long- he cares about his art too much for those kinds of errors.

My theory? This is set before “Jumpsuit”- and also set before Clancy’s escape attempt. Perhaps Tyler initially sought out Dema as a place of temporary refuge, was forbidden from leaving, and then was rescued by his friends and family? Perhaps the band’s performance and them leaving behind their instruments/ jumpsuits alerted Clancy to the possibility of escape in the first place? Maybe Clancy is the kid, or one of the parishioners? I don’t know, man, but I’m pumped to see where this story leads when we get a new video (and a new song) in just a few weeks. (Just please don’t make us wait until Trench comes out.)

In other, potentially less exciting news: this time last week, tickets for the upcoming Bandito Tour were just going on sale. Now... they’re pretty much all gone, at least from the direct-from-source market. Thousands of fans logged onto Ticketmaster at 10 am to grab some tickets priced from $60-$80, waited in a virtual line for half an hour, and were left with only a few scattered seats in the nosebleeds priced at Platinum rates of as much as $500. Even while several sources tried to spin the news of near-complete Day One sell-outs as pointing to the passion of the fanbase, it was pretty apparent to everyone that the vast majority of the purchased tickets did not go to people excited to see their favorite artists, but rather to bot accounts set up by scalpers- StubHub, Seat Geek, and similar websites are filled to bursting with secondhand tickets being offered at double or triple the original listed price.

In all honesty, I’m not sure how we fix this problem moving forward. Ticketmaster and concert promoters truthfully have no incentive to say no to guaranteed sales of all their tickets; if anything, it just encourages them to continue to raise prices. The only way scalpers would stop investing their resources in huge shows like this is if the US followed the lead of several European countries and passed legislation banning the practice or if scalpers had reason to believe that they couldn’t resell most of the tickets for at least slightly-above market “value”. In major markets, there are certainly 20,000 folks rich enough to drop a couple hundred dollars on a night out, so the latter seems unlikely; Twenty One Pilots will keep getting bought out until Josh’s nightmare of only fifteen people in the crowd really comes true.

Another way things could change is if multiple A-list artists really put their foot down on a populist stance that $80 a ticket will make everyone plenty enough money and that they won’t work with companies that don’t invest in defending against bots. And, no, that’s just never gonna happen. Perhaps Tyler and Josh could one day expand the pre-sale program so that every die-hard fan who wants one can access and afford a ticket before bots can get to it, bu that just carries the problem of potentially excluding people based on their fandom instead of their bank account. Sadly, that’s still the only hope I can see on the distant horizon.

If you did not get tickets, be on the lookout for giveaways and keep watching for the secondary market prices to drop to more reasonable levels as the show date nears and the scalper becomes more desperate to recoup their investment. Godspeed.

Chart Performance:

After their return last week was slightly dampened by the mid-week release date, the band continued to see their new tracks rise up the Billboard charts. With a full seven days of sales and radio play, “Jumpsuit” rose up to #1 at Alternative, the fastest a song has reached that peak since Green Day’s “Know Your Enemy” nearly a decade ago. “Jumpsuit” gained at most every chart save for sales, which we already knew would be front-loaded in the modern marketplace. In its first full release week, “Jumpsuit” gained airplay and moved up to the third most streamed rock song (passing all of the band’s legacy tracks from Blurryface). All this allowed the song to move up ten spots to #50 on the overall Hot 100 (coincidentally the same position the track debuted on the UK charts last Friday).

That’s not to imply that “Nico” didn’t get any action prior to the release of its music video. It also predictably sunk in sales and still isn’t getting significant radio play compared to its brother, but it was still the fifth best streaming rock song of the week (again passing “Stressed Out” and company) and managed to ride those seven full days of data to a #79 debut on the overall Hot 100.

So what can we take from all those numbers? I’m still entirely not sure. I can’t emphasize enough how important having the full week of data has on the songs’ performance. Chart forecasters projected last week that “Jumpsuit” would rise far more than ten spots on the Hot 100 thanks to all those extra days, and it’s hard to not see it as looking a little front-loaded. However, seeing concept rock songs as decidedly non-mainstream as these two tracks on the Hot 100 is both a huge breath of fresh air and a definite accomplishment in itself. I can’t imagine anyone at Fueled By Ramen headquarters being displeased with securing an Alternative #1- the band is still unquestionably the crown jewel of the label’s current lineup.

I don’t believe “Nico” will stick around on the Hot 100- it’s definitely really weird- but “Jumpsuit” still has a few weeks to gain traction, and the steadily improving radio play seems promising. We’ll just have to wait and see how the songs do next week.

Power to the local dreamer.

|-/

#twenty one pilots #tyler joseph #josh dun #trench #jumpsuit #nico and the niners #top weekly update

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saturnsovereign · 6 years

Note

all the numbers

aight, i got nothing else to do. i’ll try to keep them less than a paragraph short tho.

1: Talk about the first time you watched your favorite movie.First, I’d have to decide my overall favorite movie, but I don’t have a Favorite ya know. But if I had to pick some, my default answer is Beauty and the Beast and Treasure Planet. I don’t really remember watching Beauty and the Beast but I do know that I loved their soundtrack. Treasure Planet, I’d seen some clips on youtube and one of them made me cry so I thought I’d check it out and man I loved it bc of the adventure and space and pirates. :D

2: Talk about your first kiss.My first kiss happened the summer of my Sophomore-Junior year of HS and its what set up the drama for Junior year. Anyway, confused feelings had been in place beforehand and I had gotten with and broke-up with my ex-bf in a little more than a month due to conflicting feelings that I realized during our band trip to Disneyland. Fast forward a few months, my friend confessed her feelings for me first over text, and I said I felt the same way. She invites me to her birthday party which was a sleepover. Once everybody fell asleep I kissed her on the cheek and I thought that would be it, but she pulled me back for a kiss on the lips… and then we had a makeout session for like the whole night. Then a few weeks pass and she dumps me. :/ What made it worse was that she held it over me for the rest of the school year since we were on the same team together.

3: Talk about the person you’ve had the most intense romantic feelings for.This one is easily my girlfriend. I’ve told the story about the prank and our fake dating shenanigans, but lord I fell for her so hard. I have a thing about touch, and I don’t really like it when people touch me all the time or without permission. But with her man.. her hugs–I’m shorter than her so she basically envelopes me and like I still think back to the first day I came back after That Day which was band camp weekend but man that was a good hug and we weren’t even dating yet. Sorry, I digress, but I found her so much easier to trust than everybody else I’d been with. Like with my ex-bf I was always holding back my actual feelings/pretend everything was ok and with ss I always had to watch my language, and like with both of them I never got around to fully trusting. But with her-my gf-I trusted her before we started dating and I trusted her so much more after we got together. I trust her still to this day. And with the romantic feelings bit, I’m not afraid of being a dork around her and flirt with her and hold her and god. She’s so beautiful.

4: Talk about the thing you regret most so far.There’s a lot of things I regret. But I think rn, the one I can tell you is that I didn’t work hard enough in high school bc I never thought I’d make it through high school.

5: Talk about the best birthday you’ve had.This last one actually. Heh. I got to spend my day with my gf :)

6: Talk about the worst birthday you’ve had.I don’t really have bad birthdays, I just hate my birthdays bc I don’t like having been born. :/

7: Talk about your biggest insecurity.Idk what exactly is my biggest insecurity but I’ll talk about all my other insecurities. I think I’m a horrible conversationalist, being all awkward and highly introverted. I don’t complain about my body too much but I certainly don’t celebrate it. I hate my laugh and my voice, and I don’t think my face is really anything to look at I used to think everybody just talked to me because they had no other choice but to. I feel easily replaceable and forgettable. I feel like I’m dumb af bc I’m not exactly the quickest thinker and sometimes I can’t hear people. I feel like I’m always doing the wrong thing and I stand out but not in a good way. I just feel like a good annoyance in general.

8: Talk about the thing you are most proud of.I’m proud of being able to graduate high school. :/9: Talk about little things on your body that you like the most.I like my calves, they’re the only thing that show I have some muscle. I used to like my biceps too but they’ve deflated and there’s like no muscle there anymore. I like that my ears can do the little wiggle thingy. Also my hands can type medium-fast speed.

10: Talk about the biggest fight you’ve ever had.The biggest fight I’ve had is with myself ever since I wanted to kms. But if you want an external fight, its probably the one between me and ss since that shit lasted hella long.

11: Talk about the best dream you’ve ever had.I don’t remember dreams unless they’re really weird.12: Talk about the worst dream you’ve ever had.Idk if you’d count it as a nightmare bc it was just super weird but I remember a dream about people getting turned it leaves, and witches, and Professor X and idk its all just a mess.

13: Talk about the first time you had sex/how you imagine your first time.The first time I had sex was in the guard room. And like it was weird bc I’ve never masturbated and stuff so I didn’t know how anything felt down there. I’ve never used a tampon by then so I’ve never had anything inserted there. Also I was pretty unaware where tf my clit was… So. My point is, there was a lot of confusing sensations but I didn’t really mind bc it was my gf who took my virginity.

14: Talk about a vacation.I went to Lake Tahoe with my gf and her family and we did like hella romantic shit. Like we went on a stroll on the beach at night with all the constellations and we did stuff in bed and we went to an arcade and we swam and man that was a lot of fun. I was on my period tho for most of it, which sucked but. 🤷🏻‍♀️

15: Talk about the time you were most content in life.I just really think about the times my gf would hold me and I’d focus on her heartbeat and the feel of her and nothing else. 16: Talk about the best party you’ve ever been to.idk about this one. With parties, I usually get peopled out. 17: Talk about someone you want to be friends with.I don’t have anyone rn since school hasn’t started yet for me and also I’m pretty anti-social. :/18: Talk about something that happened in elementary school.I was known for being the most aggressive girl/team member in gym floor hockey during PE. So like, picture this, from 3rd graders to 6th graders all being in the same PE class since there were so little of us. Now imagine smaller me coming up behind a taller, older boy and ramming them into the wall in order to get the hockey puck. Also imagine smaller me, sprinting–and I was the fastest girl in my grade for a while–and practically charging at you to get that hockey puck. Needless to say, people liked being on my team. 19: Talk about something that happened in middle school.I was in 7th grade, and I had just transferred into my new school. I had been sitting alone at lunch, minding my own business, and reading a book when three girls come up to me. They introduce themselves and invite me to sit at lunch with them. They really helped.

20: Talk about something that happened in high school.For my final english project in senior year, we had to do a live acting of Romeo and Juliet. I was in the odd ones out group and it had a bunch of people who would never be in a group together unless they were forced to- which we were. I had done all the preparation for the script, it was like two days before the final date and we agreed to meet at the park’s ampitheater to do a final run together. I had just come back from performing at a parade and lord I was tired. We were fighting about how things were supposed to go a lot.

21: Talk about a time you had to turn someone down.During 8th grade, I got transferred into another PE class since I signed up for creative writing and there was only one period of it. I don’t remember how, but I eventually became friends with this scrawny kid named Tiger.. no joke. Anyway, I distinctly remember one time we were sitting inside on some bleachers and there were those jerk-y middle school boys behind us and they started picking on him. I remember looking at them and like telling something along the lines of back off. Anyway, skipping to 8th grade dance, I was with my friends when Tiger came along and asked for me to slow dance with him. I did. He was the second person I slow danced with. After a few slow dances my friends were making fun of me for it, but like not bc of him, more that someone asked me to slow dance and they were like poking harmless fun. Thing was, I knew he had a crush on me but I really didn’t return the feelings. Moving on to freshmen year, he calls up my mom due to bowditch directory, and asked me to go to the movies with him. I had to turn him down. 22: Talk about your worst fear.My worst fear, there are a good few fears that tie for that spot. My first one is my fear of abandonment and like disappointing everyone to the point that they just realize its better to go on without me. To an extent, its my fear of being forgotten. My second one, the fear of myself, or rather my intrusive thoughts, and being faced with all things I’ve done and thought, knowing everything that’s happened is my fault and getting confirmation of that. Fear that I’d hurt someone because of something I did. The third one is losing everything that matters to me.

23: Talk about a time someone turned you down.Let’s just talk about my “breakup” with SS during Sophomore-Junior summer bc it was kinda shitty. The reason its in quotations is bc is it actually a break-up if you were never officially together in the first place. Like, the details get muddled up but she essentially told me over text. I remember this because I was just coming back from working on my drum major routine over the summer, I was on a bridge when I got the text. Something along the lines of her parents and her religion and stuff. It really sucked bc it was before I would leave for guard camp and the people who were going with me had shipped both me and her together. :/

24: Talk about something someone told you that meant a lot.There was one time in Brentwood and one time after SCVC camp. But thats between me and her.

25: Talk about an ex-best friend.For the 4th time today, I’m talking about SS. Like c’mon universe really? Anyway, she was a best friend but honestly man, she wasn’t even the best of my friends. She was a close friend, but she wasn’t the best friend. It didn’t help that I had had a crush on her for half the time before our really bad and long ass fight. 26: Talk about things you do when you’re sick.I just realized I haven’t been properly sick in a while like sick with a fever so I actually have to stay in bed. Like I’d usually get like sniffles and a cough but I’d be okay for the day. So like, I like piling myself in blankets and hide from the world really.

27: Talk about your favorite part of someone else’s body.The eyes will always get me. Take that and add a smile, and bruh. Thats beauty.

28: Talk about your fetishes.Forgive me, but I had to search these up bc I didn’t know what exactly counted as a fetish. So like if something isn’t a fetish just like.. tell me or something. So like BDSM like light bondage and blindfold and stuff. Strap-on. Dom/Sub stuff and like orgasm control/denial? Are hickies considered a fetish? I’m reading here something about being bitten but idk if that means voyeurism or like vampire roleplay or if they mean hickies.

29: Talk about what turns you on.My gf ;) But like kissing. Neck and ear biting/nibbling. Dry humping. Hair pulling- moreso bc of my haircut. Teasing. When my gf is being really dominant. Also when my gf is being really submissive and her moans. ;D

30: Talk about what turns you off.Those gifs of porn when you’re searching up a tag on tumblr and like bruh, I just wanted to see a pic about like puppy i didn’t need to see some bondage gay puppy roleplay like c’mon!

31: Talk about what you think death is like.A rest from the thoughts in your head. Quiet. The final escape. Maybe you get a second chance. That the next universe you experience, you’re in control, that you get to relive your life but better the next time around.

32: Talk about a place you remember from your childhood.I remember the first time I stepped foot in the Post Office in my hometown/childhood city. It looked different from the PO in place where we used to live. It was made of bricks and it looked really cool. I’ve only gone in once or twice but I remember all the PO boxes and the wooden shelves and getting to learn how to send a letter. Idk why exactly I remember this but yeah.

33: Talk about what you do when you are sad.Depends how sad I am. Sometimes I try to distract myself, sometimes I just stew in those thoughts. If its night, then I have a good chance of crying myself to sleep.

34: Talk about the worst physical pain you’ve endured.Idk when I get leg cramps in the middle of the night. It used to happen all the time during Sophomore and Junior year and I’d feel it throughout the day.

35: Talk about things you wish you could stop doing.Living. heh. Procrastinating and being depressed.

36: Talk about your guilty pleasures.ml and pr. shhhh

37: Talk about someone you thought you were in love with.5th time. Hopefully my last time talking about her. The reason that what happened between us hurt so much was bc I thought I was in love with her once. That’s why every time she’d shove a crush of hers in my face or something that I’d forgive her. But I got tired of it and waiting for her. I moved on. And it was a good decision bc I now have someone I really am in love with. But she didn’t like it, and apparently she had still “loved” me by letting me go, but thats just bullshit. That’s just bullshit.

38: Talk about songs that remind you of certain people.I have a whole playlist for my gf. And then there’s No by Meghan Trainor that my friend really hates XD

39: Talk about things you wish you’d known earlier.That I’d make it through HS and graduate. Maybe I could have built something up rather than assume I wouldn’t make it.

40: Talk about the end of something in your life.It was my birthday, so it was the end of me being that age I was before.

#Anonymous #lord this was long #personal #ask #message #reply

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rustleandeddy · 7 years

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Chapter 10

Myra swam through the cool darkness of the sea, heading out for the open water. Merfolk were as varied in their culture and behavior as any of the surface creatures, a fact that was not only unavoidable, it was essential. The sea was a vast place, but the places a merfolk village like Barnacle could be founded were comparatively rare. A proper village was one resting on a stable stretch of the sea floor. It should be deep enough in the sea for the mermen to be comfortable, but not so deep that the mermaids wouldn’t be comfortable there. That described a wide range of depths, but only a tiny slice of the sea floor. Few places, mostly clustered along shorelines, actually remained within that range of throughout the day and throughout the year. What of the rest of the sea? And how did cities trade with one another over distances far larger and with far fewer stops than trade routes across land?

With any luck, Mira was within earshot of the answer.

Mira raised her conch shell to her lips and blew through it. She had never quite gotten the knack of producing the proper note. The sound was a ragged squeal rather than the sonorous wail of a well-executed call. She hoped it would still do the job.

Nearly a minute later, she heard exactly the sort of sound she’d been trying to produce. Two long, low blasts on a similar shell. She immediately darted in the direction of the source. In no time at all, forms began to emerge from the murky water. There were dozens of smaller shapes and one enormous one. Little points of light, various illuminated shells and jellies, traced out interesting patterns. The water out here was much cloudier than back home, so she was practically on top of them before any real details emerged.

The group of nomads were thirty members strong. By far the most notable aspect of their group was the creature at its center. A whale, larger than the cluster of homes where Mira lived, swam smoothly along between them. Large bundles had been affixed along its sleek, rubbery body. They were skillfully attached with wide straps of woven fronds. Faintly glowing streaks of fluid traced out shapes in smoldering orange and cool green. They were artful and specific markings, the symbols of this particular band of nomads.

“Hak, hak,” called one of the merfolk, lightly tapping the whale just above its eye.

It obediently allowed itself to drift to a stop. Mira looked over the nomads, more than a bit uncertain of how to proceed.

At birth, nomads were physically identical to Mira and the others who had more permanent homes, but one would never know that by looking. A life of endless travel had forged them into something very different. Most wore much more clothing, essentially carrying their every possession on their person. Males and females alike wore snug, sleeved tunics littered with shallow pouches that could seal tight against the body to keep them streamlined. They also wore long garments wrapped tight against their tails, something between a skirt and an apron. Everything had a handmade look, a good deal closer to the original sea creatures that had given their hides to make them than the sort of outfits the people of Barnacle wore. Patches were so common one would be hard-pressed to know what the color of any garment was when it started. The one exception to the obvious care in keeping their bodies streamlined for travel was jewelry.

The mermaids wore rings on every finger. Their hair was braided, long strings of beads woven into it. Earrings abounded. The mermen wore everything the mermaids did, but added piercings to both their fin-like ears and the ends of the tail fins.

They were a formidable bunch, hardened by their endless travels into lean, muscular physiques that were evident even hidden beneath their garments. An older mermaid, the matriarch of the group if the sheer quantity and quality of her jewelry was any indication, swam up to Mira and gave her a measuring look. She had much darker skin than Mira and carried a short spear strapped to her back with a length of rope coiled at its end. A shorter, blunt-ended scepter hung at her side, also tethered to a cord.

The matriarch sniffed. “You want to do business? Not much business to be done with just one shore-lover.”

Her accent was as patchwork as her clothes. The rest of the nomads rumbled with something between laugher and agreement. Mira crossed her arms. This much she’d anticipated.

“Seems to me like a bunch of flotsam like you should be happy to get what you can get,” she said.

They murmured and chattered more loudly. Rather than malice, they seemed pleased. Mira breathed a sigh of relief. Doing business with nomads was always a gamble. One band of them could be as different from another as one nation was from another. But they all seemed to enjoy testing each other with a bit of verbal sparring before getting down to business.

“You hear this? Stuff like this is why we skip Barnacle,” the matriarch jabbed. “You are from Barnacle, right. I can hear it in your accent.”

“I am.”

The matriarch nodded, then furrowed her brow. “Felt like quite a tremor not so long ago. You folk get hit bad?”

“We did, but no one was hurt. Not in the city proper, at least.”

“That why you’re so far out here? Someone outside the city get hurt?”

“I don’t know, and I want to find out. I wonder if I could hire some of your men. I need to check my brother’s farm, down in a rift, and I’ve misplaced my spellbook.”

“Bah. Spellbook. You spit in the eye of Mer when you use that stuff. She gave us the boys for heading to the floor and the ladies for heading to the surface. Floor work is men’s work. Leave it to them. … If we like what you’ve got.”

Mira pulled out her satchel.

“I’d like two… no, three men. I’ll take you near to the farm. Just go down and tell me if there is any damage.”

“That’s it?”

“That’s it. Unless there is damage.”

“What then?”

“Then I’ll need you to help find and rescue my brother.”

The matriarch nodded. “That’ll cost you more. Not much more. Hard to charge for saving someone trapped, but we’ll expect gratitude.”

“Of course.”

“We prefer to take our gratitude in the form of precious stones.”

“You’ll have all I can spare.”

“How far from here is this place?”

“A few hours.”

“A few for you? Or a few for people who know how to swim properly?”

“It’s at the far end of Droomla’s Rift.”

“Droomla’s Rift…” She turned her head. “Frish. Droomla’s Rift.”

One of the comparatively brawny mermen swam up and tugged a folded roll of cloth from one of his many pockets. After a moment, he handed it to her. She shook her head.

“A few hours? I thought I was joking about you not knowing how to swim properly. This time of day, that’s against the current. No sense heading there now.”

“Please. I can make it worth your while,” Mira said, holding up the satchel of gems.

“We’re due for a meet-up with Casta’s Drift. We don’t get to meet with her but twice a year. Big trades happen. That bag isn’t big enough to make it worth our while if we miss out on that.”

“I don’t need all of you! Just three strong men.”

“We do our own trading. No one bargains as hard for her friend as she does for herself. And we’ve all got our deals and bargains set up from last time. The wrong person shows up, they don’t get what they bargained for.”

“Please! It’s my brother! I’ve got a terrible feeling. It’s probably nothing. Just help me to be sure it was nothing.”

The matriarch looked Mira in the eyes. If she was moved by Mira’s plea, it certainly didn’t show in her expression. When she spoke, it was with a raised voice, addressing those lingering around her.

“Bult! Sitz! Cul! Up front!”

Three mermen emerged from the crowd of nomads. They were substantial specimens, to be sure, and they looked to have seen their share of rough times. The first, Cul, was missing an eye, or at the very least had chosen to cover one with a scallop shell. He was also as dark of skin as the matriach, and had a bulkier build than most merfolk could boast. Sitz's hair was trimmed short along one side. The roughness of his scalp and the sorry state of his ear suggested it was a consequence rather than a choice. Bult smiled, revealing broken, serrated teeth. Again, they weren't menacing, but something about their demeanor didn't give Mira the warmest of sensations.

“What's your name?” the matriarch asked.

“Mira.”

“Mira, I'm Trendana. These boys are the fastest we've got. If anyone's going to check on your boy and catch up in time to earn their living, it's them. I feel for you. Had a brother of my own. Made some bad choices, that one. Ended up on the wrong end of a spear. But I don't feel for you so much that I'm going to order these boys to risk missing Casta’s Drift. So it’s up to them.”

The three mermen looked to each other, then to Mira, then to her sack of valuables.

“What's in the sack, eh?” Cul asked.

“Yeh. You got something I want, I'll take a look for your boy,” Bult said.

“Gotta be some good stuff, though. I missed Casta two years back. Still haven't made back what I'd have made if I'd been there.”

Mira tugged open the sack and poked about for some careful selections. Cul snatched the whole bag from her and rummaged through himself. Trendana swam up and thumped him on the back of the head with her scepter.

“Who raised you? Snatching the young thing's goods. Each of you are doing this job for one gem or pearl or what have you. Just one. Until we find out if she’s going to need more than a look around.”

“Worth more than one pearl,” Cul said. “Pearls are barely worth the trouble. Gotta make a deal with one of the ladies, get her to go up top and sell it to one of the sailors. And then you lose whatever she decides her cut should be.”

“Then pick something that isn’t a pearl. But be quick. Now it’s you that’s wasting our time, not her,” aid Trendana.

They passed the bag between them and, with the eye of a jeweler, plucked out the three most precious gems Mira had. Cul handed the bag back.

“That’ll do for a quick look, I think,” Cul said.

“Fine. Get what you need. We’ll be listening for you once the tides are right for you to be swinging back,” Trendana said. “If we don’t hear from you by the time we’re swinging back after doing our trade with Casta, we’ll ride the current along Droomla’s Rift and see what’s become of you.”

“Thank you. You don’t know what this means to me,” Mira said.

“Best not to talk it up too much, girl,” Trendana said. “Otherwise these boys are liable to expect a little more gratitude when the time comes.”

Mira felt a twinge of concern at the advice. Something about the phrasing suggested that gems might not be the only form of gratitude favored among the nomads.

“Hold on,” called a reedy voice from among the nomads.

An equally reedy figure darted out from among the others. She was a younger mermaid, barely out of her adolescence. Everything about her suggested she was just beginning her life as a nomad in earnest. She had relatively little jewelry. Her outfit was light on patches and seemed to boast more empty pouches than full ones. But she had a fiery, feisty look to her, and made up for her lack of gold with three large knives with sharpened onyx blades hanging at her sides. Her skin was just one of many ways in which she bore a resemblance to Cul.

“I’ll tag along,” she said.

“You and your sister,” muttered Bult to Cul.

“Cora, she needs boys. The problem’s at the sea floor, and Droomla’s Rift is well down below where the ladies can go without getting hurt.

“Sure, but what’ll Mira do while you’re down there? Just float in the sea waiting? Big fish out there. Nasty things. And her with just the one blade.”

“It isn’t the number of blades, it’s how you use them,” Cul said. “You having three of them isn’t going to do much if you don’t know where to stick a shark if it comes along and doesn’t decide to mind its business.”

Cora put her hands on her hips. “Well you’re my brother, Cul. Maybe you should have been teaching me. And two is better than one, besides.”

She turned to Mira. “Let me see the bag.”

“I’m not sure I need you Cora,” Mira said.

“There’s a lot of dangerous things out there in the open sea,” Cora said. “Looks like you get a lot of sun. Probably you spend most of your time going in toward the shore rather than out. I hear those surface folk can be a handful.”

“They can be. If you find the wrong ones.”

“But if they start making trouble, you can just head down and they can’t follow.”

“That’s true.”

“The same can’t be said of some of the wrong sort out here. Sometimes you have to head up. Sometimes they’ll be faster than you.”

Mira considered her words, then held out the satchel. Cora picked a small, rough garnet.

“Come on. Quickly,” Mira said.

She darted off toward where she knew the rift to be. Behind her, the nomads went on their way. Those she’d hired to help her followed. For all she’d heard of their fabled prowess at traveling from here to there, they quickly fell behind.

“Come on! Quickly!”

“You go just as fast as you want, lady,” Cul called after her. “We’ll see you soon enough. Well before you get to anything you’d need our help with.”

Mira gritted her teeth and worked her tail. She didn’t know precisely what she would do when she reached the spot above the rift without them. But it burned at her that they didn’t seem to have the urgency she had. She redoubled her efforts and rushed into the murkiness ahead.

Rustle had been flying with his eyes shut for almost an hour. He was just above the surface of the water, navigating by the flow of the wind and the distant point of focus that he hoped was the spirit he was seeking. Shutting his eyes was partially to help filter out the distractions, but it was the lesser of two reasons. Now that he was beyond the portion of the cavern that was riddled with tunnels, there was little but black stone and rippling water, neither of which were terribly distracting. What was distracting, and what his shut eyes helped keep at bay, was the terrible realization that the water level was getting awfully high. Once it reached the roof, there was likely to be plenty of pockets of trapped air, but his movement would be much slower, and the risk of being caught somewhere without a way to breathe would be much greater.

Such precious ignorance cannot last forever, alas. He reached a point where, no matter which direction he went, the distant point of focus only seemed more distant. This was the place, or as near to it as he could get without dipping below the surface of the water again.

He opened his eyes. The tunnel itself didn’t seem much different. It was a bit deeper here than elsewhere, perhaps. Otherwise, if he hadn’t been keeping careful track of his movement against the gradually more familiar curls and sweeps of the wind, he would have imagined he’d barely moved at all. He flared his personal glow as bright as he could manage. It penetrated just deep enough to reveal the mouth of a narrow tunnel. It was the only tunnel in sight. It could only be the one leading where he needed to go.

Rustle thought back to their time dealing with the other prison chamber and weighed the risk. If it was a similar distance to the chamber itself, he would probably be able to reach it by taking a deep breath and relying upon his fairy nature to make the very best use of the air in his tiny lungs. But if he was wrong, it would be the last mistake he made. If he was going to hedge his bets, he was going to need enough air with him to sustain him through whatever unforeseen trials lay ahead.

“If I was a better water fairy, this wouldn’t be a problem,” he moped. “Great Grandmother can stay under the water for as long as she pleases. And if I was a better air fairy I could probably conjure my own air wherever I please.” He crossed his arms and indulged himself in a bit of feeling sorry for himself. “It isn’t fair that I need to be better at everything in order to get better at anything.”

He huffed a breath.

“Enough. I am what I am. Eddy’s somewhere down there, and he needs my help. I… I don’t know if this is the right thing to do, but it’s the only thing I can think of.”

Rustle clenched his mind around the air around him. The natural affinities all fairies had to air came without any training. His watery nature was more of a choice made by the tribe. All of the mysticism of that element was learned. It was something like learning a second language, though. Until he became fluent, he always fell back the familiarity of his mother tongue.

He buzzed his wings and felt the wind gradually acclimate to his will, like a cool suit of clothes warming once slipped onto the body. He was anything but a skilled practitioner, so the amount of wind he could force to yield to his will was very limited. He held it tight and fluttered his wings, dipping downward. The surface of the water dented beneath him for a moment before he sprang back. Another quick dive caused a hemisphere of water to displace around him before ejecting him again. He buzzed his wings even more powerfully and thrust himself downward. The water spread, arched, and finally collapsed over him, held at bay on all sides by the air he’d dragged with him. In essence, he was at the center of a bubble. Keeping it with him was difficult, but if the contents of his lungs could be made to last an hour, the contents of the bubble would last him ages.

Rustle plunged downward and began to navigate the tunnel. The air wanted very much to force him to the surface. He let it, floating up to the roof of the tunnel. The bubble flattened into a dome and rolled along with him until, to his combined relief and anxiety, he came to a grating precisely the same as the one outside Stuartia’s prison. He didn’t bother wrestling with the lock. The gap in the grating was quite large enough for him to slip through. The hard part was coaxing the wobbly orb of air to squeeze through with him.

He finally got it to slurp through the grating with him and ended up bouncing up to the roof of the prison chamber. It was different than the other chamber. For one, the ominous glow of the crystals in the roof of the chamber was entirely absent. There were still gems, and there was still a carving, but aside from his own glow there wasn’t a flicker of light. That should have worried Rustle. There was reason to believe that a place so devoid of any sign of magic would also lack the sort of help he required. For better or worse, he was far too terrified of the evidence to the contrary.

In Stuartia’s chamber, he’d felt the presence of focus without will. Here, it was almost the opposite. There was a will, a mind. It was dagger-sharp and tightly coiled. He could almost hear its voice in the back of his mind, muttering to itself. It was rumbling with anger. But for all of its intensity, it seemed unaware of him, and unable to reach out.

He forced the bubble down with him as he quested toward the floor of the chamber. There he found the shallow dish of an altar, just the same as in Stuartia’s prison. He tried to steady himself with a deep breath. It did no good. No amount of slow, calm breathing was going to wipe away the fact that he was about to perform a blood ritual to a foreign god, to awaken the trapped spirit of a powerful wizard. There was nothing to it but to do it.

Rustle ran his finger along the edge of the digging claw until he drew a drop of blood, then crouched and smeared it against the surface of the bowl. Power welled and surged, though not to the degree it had for Eddy. Perhaps, like the magic, this place was only really meant for merfolk. But a blue glow pulsed and breathed in the gems around him. They illuminated, gradually offering a better glimpse of the carving on the domed ceiling.

If Eddy were here, he would have been fascinated. The mural was very much like the one in Stuartia’s chamber, though rather than the massive behemoth lurking behind the other shapes, there was the same insect-like shape repeated in an interlocking pattern. It repeated thousands of times, and even those spaces between individual insects appeared to simply be another insect in another position.

He’d only started to make sense of it when a radiant form finally resolved in the center of the chamber, directly above him. As before, the shape was indistinct aside from the broad strokes of arms, head, fins, and eyes. It was a merperso. If he were pressed, Rustle would guess it was another mermaid. The will sharpened only slightly as it wavered into view, but it was enough, at least, for the voice to finally form words.

It was different than with Stuartia. The words didn’t come as simple understanding. This was language. It was as though he could hear her smoldering, rage-filled voice in his ears. Certainly female. Certainly intelligent. And completely incomprehensible. It was the language of the merfolk.

He floated up to eye level and drifted back until he was beyond the perimeter of her prison. She looked at him through narrow eyes.

“M-Merantia?” he asked. “I’m sorry, but I need your help.”

The voice lashed out in his mind again, but he couldn’t make sense of it. From the tone, he suspected she couldn’t understand him either.

“Of course,” he said. “If the water-for-air spell has failed, why wouldn’t the language spell?”

The glowing eyes narrowed further and the voice made a demand. Rustle’s mind raced. It was bad enough he didn’t know how he would ask her for help. The last thing he needed was to have awakened a wizard only to infuriate it with his inability to communicate.

“Uh… Uh… My friend! He… He looks like this!”

Rustle coaxed the bubble around him to pinch and tug, to elongate around him until it formed a passable approximation of Eddy’s form.

The eyes looked with a degree more interest. He heard a single word in his mind now. He imagined he was being asked to continue.

“He’s trapped! Trapped at the bottom of a tunnel…”

Rustle continued telling his tale, shaping the bubble of air around him into forms that he hoped would make his point clear. A falling stone, a mound of rubble. He pantomimed his inability to breathe, this inability to understand. He even attempted to produce Stuartia’s form and explain that he’d been told the story.

That last bit may have been a mistake, because the semblance of Stuartia caused the feeling of rage to surge around him, and a flurry of words that had the edge of profanity, even if he didn’t understand them.

“I just need help,” he urged. “The spells he cast are failing. The breathing spell stopped working. I need to help my friend. I…”

His voice trailed off as a dull but very real sensation of pain began in his ears. It was the same pain he’d felt periodically when he and Eddy were traveling down toward the sea floor. The bubble around him seemed like it was squeezing tighter, succumbing to the pressure that a now failing spell had been holding at bay. His time was running out.

“Please! Please! You’ve got to do something. I can’t help him. I can’t help you. I can’t help anyone if you don’t help me! Please!”

With this final plea, he darted past the perimeter of the spell that imprisoned her. The pain was growing more intense. Soon it was difficult for him to think. The glowing form before him looked at him curiously. His vision began to dim. She placed her glowing hands on either side of the bubble and gradually the pain eased.

The voice in the back of his mind took on a different tone now. It was lilting, almost like it was murmuring a lullaby. With each cycle of its lyrical chant, he felt it probing deeper into his mind. Word by word, the song began to make sense to him. And as each word became clear, his own thoughts became murkier.

“Listen, listen. Hear and know. Think only of what I say…” she crooned.

Soon, these words dominated his thoughts. They crowded out logic, dedication, and fear. If not for the upwelling of magic around him, he likely would have lost control of the bubble of air he held in place.

“Good… Good… That is better isn’t it?” Merantia said as Rustle wavered before her.

He was transfixed. The voice of the mermaid was the most soothing sound he could imagine. All he wanted was to hear her speak, to luxuriate in her words. He drifted close to her.

“It was good of you to awaken me. I am so very grateful to you.”

“You are welcome, Merantia…” he said, his lips curled in a vacant grin.

“But you have no place down here, do you? The water is trying to squeeze and bruise my precious little helper. Let me see to that…”

She stirred the water around him with her glowing fingers, causing the bubble to flutter and wobble. Instantly the pain of the pressure dropped away.

“Thank you, Merantia…”

“You are a surface creature. Such a good and clever helper to bring your own air…”

She poked at the bubble. It wavered and rippled.

“Tell me. The air is a long way away. How did you bring it so far?”

“It isn’t far… Just beyond the tunnel…”

The glow of her eyes became more piercing.

“I see… so that is how they hoped to keep them captive…”

Rustle squeezed his eyes shut and tried to remember what had brought him here.

“My… My friend Eddy. I need to help him.”

“Oh, my dear little helper. You needn’t worry about your friend. Wouldn’t you rather help your dear Merantia?”

She ran her hand around the edge of the bubble. He could feel little sparks of power filter through to him.

“… I would do anything to help you, Merantia.”

“Just as a little helper should.” Her glowing lips curved into a smile. “And why do you want to help me?”

“Because you are power and beauty. Because you are wisdom and grace…”

The words barely seemed to be his own. With each passing moment Rustle felt his own thoughts floundering beneath a sea of devotion.

“What would you have me do, dear Merantia…”

“You have spoken to Stuartia. I can feel her influence upon you…”

“We did, dear and wonderful Merantia…”

“And I imagine she sent you here to destroy me.”

“I would never dream of hurting you. You who are as sweet as the wind that carries the scent of honeysuckle…”

“Wind? Honeysuckle?” She seemed displeased. “Oh cruel fate to send me a know-nothing creature of the surface as my first follower in death… You don’t know how to worship me properly. No matter. I have made more from less. Have you encountered the Thieves?”

“I don’t know. I have encountered Stuartia, and I have encountered a thing with a face like the head of a round eel with no mouth attached to the back half of a tuna with a skirt made of legs.”

“… I believe my helper may be broken… Listen, helper. Here is what I wish you to do. First, you must find where they have hidden the thieves and release them. Then you must find a way to get rid of all that nasty air that you say is so near. Then you must banish Stuartia.”

“The water in the cave is already rising, oh magnificent and majestic Merantia.”

“Splendid work! Then you have just two tasks remaining.”

“How shall I perform the other tasks?”

She sneered. “I don’t know… If they have been able to lock me away, and Stuartia as well, then they have used enchantments unknown to us.”

Merantia reached out and ran her fingers along the edge of the prison. A red gleam followed her finger as she tested the edge of the barrier.

“This feels like it has holy magic. The work of both Tria and Tren.” Her smile widened. “Ah, yes… I remember now… Surely Stuartia spoke of this.”

“Please tell me in your own words, my beauteous and merciful Merantia…”

He had been drifting steadily closer, his eyes locked upon hers and unblinking. Now he was nearly face to face with her. His expression was that of someone hoping for the chance to steal a kiss.

“Ugh. Back,” she said.

A motion of her hand thrust him away, bouncing him and his bubble off the far wall like a flicked insect.

“As even the simplest mind should understand, the gods are forbidden from clashing with one another. They are simply too powerful. The world would not survive.” She smiled broadly. “It seems when Stuartia and I tested our skills against one another, we approached the same level of destruction, at least in the eyes of the other gods. We are, thus, very nearly gods ourselves. Not that, of course, I was not already fully aware of my might.”

“You are a goddess to me, Merantia.”

“And you are delightfully susceptible to my mystic wiles, little helper. But please, I am speaking. The same rules that prevent the gods from clashing with one another prevent them from imposing their will entirely upon the mortals below. There must always be a way for us to undo their workings. Anything less would be to rob us of our will, and then what purpose would we have to exist? More to the point, what purpose would they have to create us?”

“Tell me, oh brilliant goddess Merantia.”

She looked sharply at him. “There wouldn’t be a reason. The question was rhetorical. All you need to know is that everything the gods have inflicted upon us must be reversible by us. Us, in this case, indicates the merfolk, though I will include strange, simple-minded surface creatures as well. And most importantly of all, they will have left the knowledge of how to undo their work. You shall search until you find the proper incantations. They will be inscribed in tablets or upon the walls themselves, in places of great importance.”

“But I cannot read, dear Merantia.”

She glared at him.

“… I would be hard-pressed to find a more useless pawn to serve me. Try to clear your mind. It seems that is a task to which you are very well suited.” She shut her eyes. “Listen, listen. hear and know. The language of the sea…”

Rustle felt his thoughts stir. Symbols and shapes flooded into his mind. They came in pairs, first a symbol, then a thought. They layered atop each other, flashing with dizzying speed. Some twist of magic or flex of will kept the images from slipping away. In the space of a minute, the entirety of Merantia’s knowledge of her written language found its way into his mind. His head ached terribly when she was through.

“Now go. Search. Find a way to free me, destroy Stuartia, and unleash my precious beast. And do not return until you have succeeded.”

He buzzed rigidly before her and all but saluted, filled with the bone-deep need to satisfy her orders. He ushered his bubble back to the gate, squeezed through and began to navigate through the tunnel. As his distance from her grew, the edges of her influence frayed. It was slight, but enough for him to realize a few key things.

“Wait…” he said. “I went to her to try to get her to fix me so I could find Eddy. She fixed the pain from being so deep, but I still have the water for air problem.”

He turned, preparing to go back and request to receive that blessing as well, but he hadn’t drifted more than a few inches when he was stricken with doubt.

“Oh… but if I go back to her so soon, she will be disappointed. I cannot disappoint my dear and wonderful Merantia. She who is like the sun in the sky!”

He reached out and dabbed his finger at the water held at bay by his magic.

“I suppose this is working well enough… I just need to be mindful. That is all. I need to refresh it at every opportunity. You can do this, Rustle. This is your time. This is your time!”

He buzzed off down the tunnel, infused with the sort of confidence and dedication that only an enchantress can inspire.

#mermaid #merman #fantasy #The Book of Deacon

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silkling · 3 years

Text

A Rocky Predicament

Blurr glanced over at Bumblebee, one of his ears flicking back. “So, you wanted to race, did you?” he asked, his heart already starting to speed up in anticipation.

This was going to be fun. Whisprites from the Mountain Networks were known for their speed, and Blurr was the fastest of them all. Before he’d met Bumblebee, no one had ever even come close to matching him. And then he’d stumbled across the small sprite racing against himself in one of the racing caves, and he’d been shocked. Bumblebee wasn’t as fast as he was, but he was still fast. Much faster than other Networks Whisprites Blurr knew. So as soon as the littler sprite had come to a stop, Blurr had sped to his side and demanded a race. Bumblebee, hotheaded and eager to prove himself, had agreed. He’d run, or rather, flown, himself into the ground by the time they’d stopped. Literally. It was only after Blurr had retrieved water and some snacks that Bumblebee had admitted why he’d pushed himself so hard when he realized Blurr had been beating him.

He was a runt, and his wings were much smaller than they should have been for his size. The fact that he was slightly smaller than most Networks Whisprites wasn’t the issue. The teasing remarks about his size didn’t bother him the way the ones about his wings did. Bumblebee had apparently been mocked for most of his life by his age mates for his wing size, despite the fact that even with that against him he was still he fastest of his age group. It never seemed to matter. So he became determined to become the fastest Whisprite in the Vale.

Something in his story had made Blurr’s chest ache, and he remembered how he himself had been mocked by his peers. Only, he had been mocked for his abnormal height. After all, Networks Whisprites were known primarily for two things: being the fastest in the Vale, and being the smallest and most compact. Blurr was definitely the fastest...but he was not small or compact. He was long and lithe, tall where most of his peers were shorter and just a little stockier. He also only had a single horn, whereas most, if not every, other Whisprite in the vale had two. It had made him stand out more than a bloodstain in snow. So when he’d learned that the smaller Whisprite had also faced the mockery of their brethren...he’d felt an odd sort of kinship establish itself. He’d shared his own story with Bumblebee, and offered to help him increase his speed. After that, they’d become friends. Now, Blurr couldn’t imagine life without Bumblebee in it.

Today, Bumblebee had asked for a race. Apparently, he had an idea he wanted to test out. He didn’t know what is was, but his little friend was clever. He had a feeling it’d be interesting.

“Yeah!” Bumblebee chirped in response to his question. “I was thinking, if I could concentrate my magic to my wings to boost them, then what would give me a speed upgrade, right?”

Blurr paused. That...wasn’t a bad idea, actually. Whisprites, like all sprites and other fae, had unique magic. One of the most common ways in which a Whisprite utilized their magic was by concentrating it to either their wings, their muscles, or their horn, or even to a combination of the three. Concentrating magic to the wings allowed granted a large speed boost, concentrating to the muscles allowed for a massive strength boost, and concentrating to the horns caused them to be engulfed in an energy that did massive damage on impact if a Whisprite head butted something or someone while doing so. So really, Bumblebee’s idea was sound. There was just one problem.

“You know that’s not allowed in official races, right? And it’s not actually a good way to make yourself faster long term. It just boosts your current speed for a short time.”

“I know, I know! But it might help!”

Blurr hummed, unconvinced, and shifted to stand on his hind paws before he fell to sit back on his haunches, one forepaw coming up to tap at his nose while the other folded into the crook of his opposite elbow. Bumblebee wasn’t exactly wrong. It would help. But it wouldn’t do anything to make any permanent improvements to his speed, either. It was...what was the human term? A band-aid solution, at best.

“You know, Bee.” he said slowly, forcing his words to come out much more calmly and deliberate than his usual rapid-fire verbal tic. “I don’t ever use magic to boost my speed. Not really. I reserve that for genuine emergencies.” he said carefully. Something occurred to him then, and his ears, which had lowered backwards as he’d gotten lost in though, abruptly snapped straight up and forward. His forepaws lowered and curled into his chest, and his nose twitched rapidly.

“Bumblebee, you’ve seen me in my official races, correct?”

“Of course I have! You’ve invited me to most of them since we’ve met!”

“Then you’ve also seen how I occasionally manage to put on a burst of speed.”

Bumblebee stopped, blinking slowly. He sat back on his haunches, then lowered himself fully to the floor and tucked his forepaws under his chest as he stared at the ground and thought. “You know...” he said slowly. “I actually have seen that. How do you do it?”

Blurr grinned. “I make my wings buzz faster.”

Bumblebee visibly blanked, staring at his friend for a long moment. “...what.” he stated. “Is that even possible?”

Blurr nodded. “It is!” he chirped cheerily. “It’s rather difficult, as it takes immense concentration, and it takes a lot of training and practice to be able to do it in the first place.” he explained. “It also takes up a lot of energy, which means you have to train up your energy reserves too.” he hummed.

Bumblebee frowned, tilting his head. His small ears twitched on top of his head. “That sounds hard.” he said dubiously.

“It is. But it’s possible. You’ve seen me do it, Bee. And I think you can do it too.”

The smaller Whisprite perked up, rising to sit up and stare at his friend. “Really?”

“Really.” Blurr said. “In fact, I believe you could be better at it than me. I have natural speed over you, but you have natural stamina over me. If you and I were to ever race at a set, equal speed, you’d beat me.” he stated. “That’s why I think you could do this. If you learn how to pull it off, you could probably maintain the boost for longer than even I can. Not only that, but I’ve found that in the process of learning to do it, your natural speed increases quite a bit too as a result.”

Bumblebee was grinning now, his small, fluffy tail wriggling in excitement. “Then let’s do it!” he cheered.

Blurr found himself grinning as well, his friend’s joy infectious. “I have an idea. I’m going to get some Maz Fruit. They’ll give us an energy boost and make this first lesson easier on you.” His wings buzzed to life, and he flew up to hover in the air in above Bumblebee. “You wait here. I’ll be right back.”

And with that, he zipped off through the network of tunnels that made up their home. He came into one of the many caves where Maz Fruit grew, his long tail swaying in pleasure. Maz Fruit were popular among Networks Whisprites because they gave whoever ate them a massive boost in energy. They were also extremely tasty. The downside was that the fruit weren’t all that nutritious, and for all the energy they provided they didn’t fill one’s belly very well. It meant you couldn’t really make a meal out of them, since to eat enough to fill yourself up you’d have to eat more than us actually healthy for your body to handle.

What that meant was that it wasn’t safe to eat more than one or two at a time, since any more and a Whisprite’s body just wouldn’t be able to handle the strain of that much energy. Blurr had even heard that some who had eaten too many Maz Fruit had had their hearts simply...give out from the stress. It was a trade-off, he supposed. Tasty, helpful food, but with no nutritional value and you can’t actually eat too much of it. He reached out, forepaws closing around two of the fruit, and plucking them free of the craggily bushes they grew on. The fruit were bright red and curved, and each one had a single, thin leaf growing in a long spiral from the tip.

Job done, he turned and sped off back towards where he left his friend. As he approached, he heard a massive crash, and he froze in the air for a moment. Then his mind roared back to life, and magic flowed to his wings. He flew through the tunnels, too fast to even see, until he came to a sudden stop where he’d left Bumblebee. The smaller Whisprite wasn’t there. Whimsy still charged with magic, he flew in the direction he’d heard the crash, only to once again come to a stop once he saw what it was.

His magic fizzled out, and unbidden, a laugh was torn from him.

Honestly, why was he surprised?

Blurr just laughed again, his tail curling and uncurling lazily in a repeated motion as he hovered by the wall. Bumble had, somehow, gotten his head stuck in the wall of the cave. He didn’t know how his friend had managed it, but it was enough to make the blue sprite snicker in amusement.

“Quite the predicament you’ve gotten yourself into, my friend.” he chirped. “How did this even happen?”

A muffled growl. “Talk later, just get me out of here!” Bumblebee howled, his voice dampened by the rock he was struck in.

Blurr shrugged, flying down to set the Maz Fruit on the ground, then fluttering back up to where his friend was stuck. He hummed, tilting his head and thinking for a moment. How to get Bee out, he wondered. He didn’t want to hurt his friend, but he needed to be quick about it. Suddenly, an idea occurred to him and his ears flicked up and forward.

“Hold on.” he called. “I’m going to see if I can turn the wall intangible for a moment.”

Whisprites were creatures of magic. They could use magic for more than just boosting their physical capabilities. They could also use it for larger, more impressive feats. Blurr just...wasn’t the best at more complex magic. Still, he had to try. He took a breath, concentrating, and felt his magic buzz under his skin. His eyes slid shut, and his markings began to glow with his power. He flew in closer, and his tail reached out to tap the wall. It shimmered...and Bumblebee dropped to the ground with a yelp. Immediately, Blurr let his magic ebb, and he shook his head to clear it of the oncoming ache before flying down to land beside his friend.

“Are you alright?” he asked, concerned.

Bumblebee groaned. “I’m fine. I just have a killer headache.” he complained.

Blurr snorted. “Oh, I bet.” he deadpanned. “So? How’d that happen?” he asked, grabbing the Maz Fruit and flying back to the start of the track, gesturing Bee to folllow as he did.

The yellow sprite hurried to catch up, slowing to fly next to him. “Well, I got bored of waiting.” he said, sounding sheepish. “So I thought I’d fly a few laps and see if I couldn’t make that trick work. Only, I guess I did it wrong, cause I think I accidentally boosted my wings and horns with magic. Next thing I know, I don’t make a turn in time and BAM! I’m stuck.”

Blurr snorted. “You really need to work on your patience.” he said dryly, landing at the starting line.

“I know, I know!” Bumblebee whined. “But I was just excited.”

The taller sprite could only roll his eyes, and he tossed one of the Maz Fruit at his friend. “Here. Pulling that trick with the wall took more out of me than I thought. Magic really isn’t my strength. And you look a little drained too. How about we eat up and then go check out the medics’ cave? We could both use it, I think.”

“Yeah, probably.” Bumblebee agreed with a laugh, only to wince as it seems to cause his head to throb. The fruit smacked him in the nose, and he jerked back with a yelp. The smaller Whisprite picked up the fruit, shooting his friend a lock of mock offense, before he bit into it.

Blurr followed suit, taking a bite and chewing. He swallowed after a moment, then smirked as he watched Bumblebee devour the fruit in a few quick bites. “Well, at least we know putting your head through solid rock isn’t enough to damage your appetite.” he teased. He laughed at Bumblebee’s noise of outrage, darting into the air and flying away as the other sprite gave chase. He ate his fruit on the go, leading the impromptu game of tag to the medical cave.

Yes, Blurr was very glad he had stumbled across Bumblee that day. His life would certainly be much more dull and lonely without the bright little Whisprite as his friend.

#tfa #transformers animated #tfa bumblebee #bumblebee #tfa blurr #Blurr #fanfic #tfa art #original species #Whisprites #whisprite AU #this is gonna be a thing now huh #oh well #who do y’all think I should do next?#bumblebee is a chaotic dumbass #Blurr’s just along for the ride #someone help them please #they’re a bad influence on each other #maccadam

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culturespark · 5 years

Note

Can you pretty please write something about Pietro taking y/n on a romantic date to the pier💗 also your writing is amazing ilysm💗

I’m so very sorry it took me forever to respond! I hope you like it :)

I didn’t know if you wanted a male of female character so I did gender neutral.

In the crisp Autumn air, y/n wanted one thing and one thing only; a hand to hold- someone to call “mine”.

Days that weren’t spent making things run smoothly at the Avenger’s Tower were spent whining in a top floor apartment over how long it had been since their last date. This weekend in particular, however, she was needed at the tower.

“Sorry to call you in on a weekend Y/N, but we are swamped over here.” Ms Pepper Potts loosely explained seeing how they had caught each other at the door.

“No trouble at all, Pepper. It’s my job.”

Their casual conversation spilled onto the elevator, slowly dying down as people went in an out. Just as they thought they were alone for at least a few floors, Pepper asked,” Any plans you had to cancel?”

“I wish,” Y/N replied just as Pietro entered the elevator; without thinking, Y/N continued,” My life has been pretty much work these days. But I’ve been dying to go to the pier. I realised that in the two years I’ve been here, I’ve never gone.”

“I’ll take you.” Pietro chimed in.

“You’ll take me?” Y/N replied skeptically.

“Why not. I have nothing planned for today. What time will you be done?”

Y/N looked over at Pepper expectantly.

“I’ll try to get you out of here by five.” Pepper smiled.

With that, Y/N and Pietro exchanged phone numbers outside of the elevator doors, and then went off on their own ways for the day.

Y/N didn’t even have a chance to think about the pier with Pietro for the rest of the day- her mind being so preoccupied with her work. Time flew by until the last piece of paper was filed away and they finally sighed, “ Done.”

The clock read exactly 5pm, prompting them to quickly check their phone.

Hey, It;s Pietro. Still want to go to the pier - 4:55pm

Of course! Just got done here. How did you want to do this? I’d like to change out of my work clothes before heading down... - 5:00pm

Alright. I’ll pick you up at 6? - 5:01pm

I’ll be ready :) - 5:01pm

So Y/N rushed home, brushed their teeth, changed into light wash jeans and a berry coloured sweater. By the time they were done with their personal hygiene, it was 5:50pm. They packed their bag with a water bottle, chap-stick, gum, and their favorite personal items. Just as they slipped on their shoes, there was a hesitant knock at the door.

Y/N opened it to reveal a Pietro they’d never seen before. He wasn’t wearing spandex work out gear like he always did and his signature Nike’s were missing. This Pietro wore a wool grey v-neck sweater, with black jeans; but the weirdest part of all was the bouquet of flowers in his left hand.

“You know,” he started,” for the longest time I really believed you lived in the tower.”

“Nope,” Y/N smiled, “ I live here.”

“It’s nice.”

“Would you like to come in?”

“Sure...Not before I give you these,” he gestured to the flowers,” I didn’t know what flowers you liked but I figured I couldn’t go wrong with roses.”

“They’re perfect.”

The pair made small talk about Y/N’s apartment and her work at S.H.I.E.L.D. whole they put the flowers in a vase. When they walked out the door, Pietro opened it, then proceeded to also open the car door. The mood in the car shifted- it was different than what it was in the apartment. Y/N felt Pietro become a little distant and shy.

But nonetheless, when they got to the Pier, he used his super speed to rush to the passenger side and open the door again, he also payed for wrist bands, lemonade, cotton candy, carnival games, nachos- everything.

At one of the booths, Pietro was desperately trying to win Y/N a stuffed animal, but 15 dollars later he was still coming up empty handed.

“Pietro, I have no idea where I would even put it, let’s just ride some of the roller-coasters.” Y/N begged.

“Fine,” he let himself be dragged by them,”But that game is rigged, there’s no way I missed so many times.”

“Keep telling yourself that, hotshot.”

They found themselves in line for the biggest roller coaster on the entire pier; with only four people in front of them, they knew they’d be on the next ride. Y/N couldn’t help but notice Pietro constantly shifting from side to side, cracking his knuckles and clearing his throat.

“Don’t tell me that the fastest man alive, the big, strong avenger, is afraid of a roller coaster.”

“ You think I’m big and strong?” He smirked

“ I think you’re changing the subject.”

“We all have our weaknesses okay...” He balled up his fists and stared at the track.

“We don’t have to-”

“No!” He interrupted,”I really want to.”

“Okay fine.”

When the ride stopped right in front of them, and the new set of people were filing in, Y/N reached for Pietro’s hand and interlocked their palms.

“You’re okay.” They whispered.

Pietro and Y/N held hands the entire ride. They let go to exit the ride but before they even stepped out off the platform Pietro had reached out for them again.

“Let’s do something a little more calm okay?” He suggested as they stood under the ferris wheel. To which Y/N smiled and nodded.

Apparently they had gotten the perfect spot, because they stopped right at the top. From a distance they could see the entire New York horizon, including the Tower. Y/N couldn’t help but notice that Pietro was staring at them instead of the view.

“So why did you offer to bring me to the pier? I’m sure you had other plans on a Saturday night.”

“Well actually,” he scratched the back of his head and looked away sheepishly,” I’ve liked you for a long time now, but I could never find the way to even talk to you. And you’re so smart and pretty, I honestly believed you’d say ‘no’ if I did.”

“You have no idea how wrong you were, Pietro. I think you’re very handsome and kind; the way you protect Wanda- that’s how I’d want someone to treat me.”

Pietro took both of Y/N’s hands in his own; while they both looked at their clasped hands, he whispered,” Then let me.”

Y/N nodded, allowing them both to lean into each other.

That moment made Y/N’s heart melt, and everything after that got a little fuzzy.

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gyrlversion · 5 years

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The 78 wildest lines in Donald Trumps epic ABC interview

I went through the whole thing — and pulled out the best lines. They are amazing(ly) odd.

1. “Good event. Nice event. … (inaudible) ethanol in there. Great crowd, great people. Great people.

Inaudible Ethanol would be a good band name. And away we go!

2. “But caucus is different. People walk in. You talk to them.”

[Opens PoliSci textbook, flips to “caucus” section, reads]: “Caucus is different. People walk in. You talk to them.”

3. “These people couldn’t get in. Great people. It’s a lot of — look at the — look — look at the people. They can’t get in, George.”

Trump is forever obsessed with how many people come to see him and how even more wanted to come see him. Always.

4. “Feel great about I think virtually every state that we’re competing in. I think Iowa’s great. I think Ohio and Florida, North Carolina, South Carolina. Pennsylvania, I feel really good about.”

” Trump campaign fires multiple pollsters after unflattering numbers leak”

5. “Yeah, well, we’ll be announcing that in about two months.”

Trump is talking about the health care plan that no Republican elected official wants him to announce. Take special note of his timeline…

6. “You’ll see that in a month when we — when we — introduce it. We’re going to have a plan.”

…because it just changed. So, according to Trump, he will be announcing his new health care plan in mid-July, roughly two weeks before Congress heads out of town for a month on its annual August recess, er, district work period.

7. “With respect to trade, we have a lot of power. And — we have great numbers. The companies are very strong. They’ve very liquid.”

Which companies? All of them?

8. “He’s my pick. I agree. But, you know, we also have people in there that weren’t my pick. But he’s my pick. And — I disagree with him entirely.”

Trump’s referring to Jerome Powell, his appointee as chairman of the Federal Reserve. Who is Trump’s pick but not his guy. If you get my meaning.

9. “And I inherited almost $21 trillion in debt. I inherited that.”

It’s true that President Barack Obama grew the national debt at the fastest pace ever. Know who’s second? Donald John Trump. Also: “I invented the piano key necktie. I invented it!” — Jacobim Mugatu

10. “We’re close to being very, very strong. We’re close to being stronger by far than ever before.”

Very, very strong is good, right?

11. “People don’t understand tariffs, but I understand them. And I also understand the power of tariffs.”

” This is not how tariffs work: A fact check of Trump’s misinformation on trade (among other things)”

12. “I had a case of it recently with The New York Times where they’re writing things knowing it was wrong. Knowing.”

It’s not exactly clear what story Trump is referring to here. But the idea that The New York Times published incorrect information knowingly is very hard to believe. And by “very hard to believe” I mean “not possible.”

13. “I don’t call it tweets. I call it social media.”

Same.

14. “And it’s not tweet. It’s social media.”

No, I have no idea why this distinction is important to Trump either. Thanks for asking!

15. “I put one out this morning. And as soon as I pressed the button, they said, ‘We have breaking news.’ Every network, every station. ‘We have breaking news.’ They read my tweet. Why is that bad?”

This explanation is the best one I’ve seen about why Trump uses Twitter so much. He loves to be able to drive news cycles — even if the news cycle is unfavorable to him. The power to do it is intoxicating to him — someone who spent his whole life trying to get coverage for himself from what he believed to be a biased media. Now, he can make the news with a single tweet. And he loves it.

16. “Nobody’s ever been treated badly like me.”

Nobody? Ever? [Consults first page of any history book eve.]

17. “Although they do say Abraham Lincoln was treated really badly. I must say that’s the one. If you can believe it, Abraham Lincoln was treated supposedly very badly.”

This is accurate — especially if your definition of “treated supposedly very badly” is “was assassinated.”

18. “Nobody’s been treated badly like me.”

Yeah, I think most peoples’ “Americans treated very badly list” would go something like this: 1) Trump 2) African slaves 3) Native Americans.

19. “We’ve gotten great poll numbers recently. Tremendous poll numbers.”

” Fox News Poll: Democrats want a steady leader, Biden leads Trump by 10 points”

” Top Dems Lead Trump In Head-To-Head Matchups, Quinnipiac University National Poll Finds”

20. “I wanted to say, ‘I’m running. I’m running. I’m running.’ But I wasn’t running. There’s a big difference when I run and when I just say, ‘Hey, I hope you vote for somebody.'”

“I’m not on the ticket, but I am on the ticket because this is also a referendum about me. I want you to vote. Pretend I’m on the ballot.” — Donald Trump, October 2018

21. “But Rasmussen– well, I don’t know c– Quinnipiac has never been accurate for me. Rasmussen was the m– one of the most accurate polls.”

According to 538’s pollster rankings, Rasmussen received a C+ for its work in the 2016 campaign. The pollster had a 1.5 mean bias toward Republicans.

22. “And, you know, for women — as you know, I did very well with women last time. I was hearing I wouldn’t have. I’d say, ‘Why? Why? Explain.’ I did very well with women –“

[Narrator voice] He didn’t. Trump lost women 54% to 41% to Hillary Clinton.

23. “Well, I got 52%.”

He didn’t actually get 52% with women. He got 41%. He got 52% with white women. Which, well, draw your own conclusions.

24. “I think that — hey, Hillary Clinton focused on women, and I did phenomenally well. Many, many, many points above what they thought.”

Trump got 41% among women. Mitt Romney got 44% in 2012. John McCain got 42% in 2008. George W. Bush got 48% in 2004 — and 44% in 2000. So if 41% is “phenomenally well” then I did “phenomenally well” in Calculus in high school.

25. “I think we’re going to do tremendously now with African-Americans, with Asians, with Hispanics because they have the lowest unemployment numbers they’ve ever had in the history of the country.”

Trump’s job approval among non-whites was 23% in the latest CNN-SSRS national poll.

26. “We’re doing the best job that anybody’s done probably as a first-term president. I think I’ve done more than any other first-term president ever.”

It’s starting to dawn on me that Trump may not be a huge student of presidential history. Or, like, history more generally.

27. “Mueller comes out. There’s no collusion. And essentially a ruling that no obstruction.”

Nope! Robert Mueller made quite clear — in his special counsel’s report and in his public statement earlier this month — that if he had been able to declare Trump innocent on obstruction of justice, he would have done so. And he didn’t.

28. “George, the report said no collusion.”

From the report: “We understood coordination to require an agreement — tacit or express — between the Trump Campaign and the Russian government on election interference. That requires more than the two parties taking actions that were informed by or responsive to the other’s actions or interests. We applied the term coordination in that sense when stating in the report that the investigation did not establish that the Trump Campaign coordinated with the Russian government in its election interference activities.”

29. “Probably I average four or five hours or something like that.”

“How does somebody that’s sleeping 12 and 14 hours a day compete with someone that’s sleeping three or four?” — Donald Trump

30. “Uh I’m not a breakfast guy at all, fortunately. I like the lunches but the dinners is what I really like.”

My meal rankings: 1) Dinner 2) Breakfast 4,627) Lunch

31. “That’s why if we can take over the House, we will have things done like never before.”

“Vote for me, and all your wildest dreams will come true.” — Pedro

32. “I have the biggest people — yesterday I had some of the biggest business people in the world in my office and they have beautiful offices perhaps more beautiful than the Oval Office, although to me there is nothing more beautiful because of what it represents.”

Eloquence, thy name is Donald Trump.

33. “You didn’t have flags to any great degree. You had an American flag, but for the most part you didn’t have flags. Uh, it’s quite a bit different than President Obama.”

Donald Trump’s contribution to the Oval Office? Flags!

34. “It’s very comfortable, and back there I have a tremendous amount of work. In fact, you’d see it’s a much different uh, effect. You can’t have — every time we have pictures everyone wants a picture, you don’t want to take all things off your desk so I have a desk back here that I actually use much more.”

Trump has been criticized for having an empty desk in the Oval Office. So, he makes sure to tell Stephanopoulos that there’s a “tremendous amount of work” behind the desk. That’s like when my parents asked if I had done my homework as I was playing video games and I said: Oh yeah, it’s all done — it’s in a big folder in my backpack.

35. “And the heads of royal companies and car companies and other presidents did not make the Oval Office easily available and I do.”

Ah yes, the well known “royal companies.” Are they related to the Golden Company?

36. “I opened it and I saw the letter I read it and I thought it was very nice and I have it. Uh, right there that’s more judges I’m signing, we’ve signed a 107 judges since I’m in, and I’ll get a 145 plus two Supreme Court judges which we already have and the numbers should be quite a bit higher than that.”

In which Trump goes from talking about the letter Obama left for him in the White House to the number of federal judges he will get confirmed. Without a pause. Or a break. Pure stream-of-consciousness stuff here.

37. “Because we’ve given the biggest tax cut in history.”

38. “It’s actually phony polling and I believe it’s suppression. They suppress, they want to suppress the minds of people so they don’t bother going out and voting.”

This is not a thing. What Trump is saying is that the polls aren’t good for him and, therefore, they must be fake.

39. “I think it’s probably, uh, I want them to think whatever they think, they do say, I mean, I’ve seen and I’ve read and I’ve heard, and I did have one very brief meeting on it. But people are saying they’re seeing UFOs, do I believe it? Not particularly.”

Word salad! With a side of UFOs! Delicious!

40. “And some of them really see things that are a little bit different than in the past, so we’re going to see, but we’ll watch it. You’ll be the first to know.”

The President of the United States on the possibility of aliens: “We’re going to see, but we’ll watch it.”

41. “I think I have the greatest base in the history of politics because they are not believers in false things.”

42. “For instance, on Good Morning America today they had that phony polling information. I explained to you last night that it was phony, but you didn’t do anything about it. You should have, but it was late in the evening and perhaps you didn’t get a chance.”

Your regular reminder that Trump watches a LOT of TV.

43. “I like the truth. I’m actually a very honest guy.”

44. “George, I know he hates me. And then he puts 18 people on who are Democrats.”

Donald Trump’s evidence that Robert Mueller hates him is because he knows Mueller hates him. Which all makes sense! Oh, also, Trump said that Mueller acted honorably in the probe in March. Good times.

45. “Because nobody has any idea how corrupt the media is. They are corrupt. Not all of it, fortunately. But the media is corrupt.”

Read “corrupt” here as “unwilling to write only positive stories about me.”

46. “When you will see my financial statement, at some point I assume it’s going to be released, you’ll be very impressed by the job I’ve done. Much, much bigger, much, much better than anybody.”

Remember: Trump is the only post-Watergate president not to release a single page of his past tax returns.

47. “If you’re going to cough, please leave the room. You just can’t, you just can’t cough. Boy, oh boy. OK, do you want to do that a little differently than uhh-“

White House chief of staff Mick Mulvaney coughed during Trump’s answer about his “fantastic financial statement.” Two thoughts: 1) Trump is a noted germophobe and 2) He is effectively trying to executive produce ABC’s interview of him.

48. “I look forward to, frankly, I’d like to have people see my financial statement because it’s phenomenal-“

So, I think Trump is talking about his tax returns when he keeps saying “financial statement.” Of course, if he truly wanted people to see his tax returns, he could, you know, just release them.

49. “But they’re asking for things that they should never be asking for, that they’ve never asked another president for.”

Trump is the only post-Watergate president not to release a single page of his past tax returns.

50. “No, people hate Obamacare.”

In the May edition of the Kaiser Family Foundation’s tracking poll, 49% had a favorable opinion of the Affordable Care Act while 42% had an unfavorable view of it.

51. “Do you agree with the cough? I hate to have a cough in the middle of a (inaudible). … No, but don’t you agree with that?”

Yes, the cough is the key thing here.

52. “My life has always been a fight.”

His father gave him a “small” loan of $1 million when he was in his twenties.

53. “The campaign, the Trump campaign rebuffed them. We had nothing to do with Russia.”

“At least 16 Trump associates had contacts with Russians during campaign or transition”

54. “I’ll tell you, you talk about collusion, take a look at the collusion with the Democrat Party and Facebook and Google and Twitter. That’s called collusion, that’s called real collusion.“

The “real collusion,” in Trump’s mind, used to be between Clinton’s campaign and the Russians. That seems to have changed of late for Trump — as he has moved on to alleging a broad conspiracy against conservatives on social media sites. He has yet to provide any compelling evidence to back up this claim.

55. “And [Rusian President Vladimir] Putin, I will say this: if he had it, it was up to him. He would much rather have Hillary Clinton be president right now.”

We know from the Mueller report that Russians interfered in the 2016 election to help Trump and hurt Clinton because they believed Trump would be better for their country’s long-term interests. Also, Putin said flatly that he wanted Trump to win after the two men’s summit in Helsinki.”Yes, I did,” he said. “Yes, I did. Because he talked about bringing the US-Russia relationship back to normal.”

56. “I would guarantee you that 90%, could be 100%, of the congressmen or the senators over there, have had meetings — if they didn’t they probably wouldn’t be elected — on negative information about their opponent.”

Trump seems either incapable or unwilling to understand the difference between negative information a campaign unearths about another candidate and taking information from a foreign power. The first is business as usual in politics. The latter is a clear attempt to influence the outcome of another country’s sovereign elections.

57. “I don’t know, I stay uninvolved. I stay totally uninvolved.”

Trump is talking about his dealing with the Justice Department and its ongoing investigations. And yes, this statement is beyond laughable.

58. “Not only — not only wasn’t he charged, if you read it, with all of the horrible fake news — I mean, I was reading that my son was going to go to jail — this is a good young man — that he was going to go to jail.”

It is true that Mueller did not charge Donald Trump Jr. It is also true that Trump Jr. agreed to meet with Russians at Trump Tower in the summer of 2016 on the promise that they had “dirt” on Hillary Clinton. It is also also true that Trump Jr. replied to an email promising dirt on Clinton with this now famous/infamous line: “If it’s what you say I love it especially later in the summer.”

59. “I’ll tell you what: I’ve seen a lot of things over my life. I don’t think in my whole life I’ve ever called the FBI. In my whole life. You don’t call the FBI.”

This is from a 2017 BuzzFeed story: “According to a 1981 FBI memo, Trump offered to ‘fully cooperate’ with the bureau, proposing that FBI agents work undercover in a casino he was considering opening in Atlantic City. FBI agents even prepared an ‘undercover proposal concerning the TRUMP casino’ that senior agents and Trump planned to discuss, according to the document.”

60. “The FBI director is wrong because, frankly, it doesn’t happen like that in life.”

Trump is saying that FBI Director Christopher Wray, who he appointed to the job, is wrong about politicians needing to report entreaties by foreign powers to the FBI. Trump, as you may know, is not in fact a law enforcement professional. Here’s what Wray said on the subject last month in testimony to Congress: “If any public official or member of any campaign is contacted by any nation state of anybody acting on behalf of a nation state about influencing or interfering with our election, then that’s something that the FBI would want to know about.”

61. “I don’t — there’s nothing wrong with listening. If somebody called from a country, Norway, ‘We have information on your opponent,’ oh, I think I’d want to hear it.”

Truly stunning stuff here. What Trump, who is, reminder, the President of the United States, seems to fail to grasp is that a foreign county would almost certainly have a motive for passing along negative information about Trump’s opponent.

Think back to what we know about Russian interference in the 2016 election. They sought to interfere to help Trump and hurt Clinton because they thought Trump would be better for their interests. Trump’s blindness — willful or otherwise — that other countries would pass along this information as part of an attempt to manipulate an American election to produce their desired results is scary — especially when you consider that we have another national election coming in 17 months.

62. “It’s not an interference. They have information. I think I’d take it.”

It is interference. There is a reason that we only let Americans vote in elections. Because Americans should be the ones who have the only say about the future leaders of America. I mean, come on. This is 7th grade civics class stuff.

63. “Barron’s doing fantastically. He’s here. He likes soccer. He’s doing a great job.”

Me on my sons: “They’re here. They like soccer. They’re doing a great job.” Weird, right?

64. “He– w– when you say ‘me,’ not me. … Because I didn’t know him at that time. That was a very different deal. But here’s the bottom line. I ended it.”

This is how Trump responded to Stephanopoulos’ question about whether North Korean leader Kim Jong Un asked the United States to pay for Otto Warmbier to be returned to the US. So yes, he did.

65. “I think that Kim Jong Un– and you’ve heard many bad things about him, but you’ve heard from me different things.”

This seems to suggest that Trump doesn’t believe Kim is a bad guy — and that many of the reports of the atrocities by Kim are, uh, “fake news?”

66. “[Kim] could have almost an instantaneously wealthy behemoth.”

My college jazz fusion band was named “Instantaneously Wealthy Behemoth.”

67. “I say a lot of nice things about a lot of people that are very soft and nice.”

Real quote.

68. “Some might be nice, and some might not be nice. But I’ve done a great job.”

Honestly, same.

69. “The story on that very simply, No. 1, I was never going to fire Mueller. I never suggested firing Mueller.”

Trump denies here that he directed then White House counsel Donald McGahn to fire Mueller. Worth noting: McGahn has testified under oath Trump did exactly that.

70. “I don’t care what [McGahn] says. It doesn’t matter. That was to show everyone what a good counsel he was.”

Oh, it matters. Especially because, again, McGahn was under oath. Which Trump isn’t in this interview.

71. “Because he wanted to make himself look like a good lawyer.”

OK. So, McGahn lied under oath to make himself look like a good lawyer? The logic here is truly mind-boggling.

72. “But Don McGahn thought he did a great favor. And maybe he even believes it. But that never happened. And I have people that will tell you it didn’t happen.”

Which people?

73. “A president can run the country. And that’s what happened, George. I run the country, and I run it well.”

This was Trump’s response to a simple question: “So a President can’t obstruct justice?” I mean…

74. “I answered a lot of questions. They gave me questions. I answered them in writing.”

Trump refused to sit down with Mueller in person despite repeated attempts by the special counsel’s team to make that happen.

75. “They do societies that are so false. Everything — I mean, almost everything. They do so many false.”

“So many false.” — Donald Trump on the media

76. “I would say that he certainly must have known about it because it went very high up in the chain. But you’re going to find that out.”

No big deal here — just the current president accusing his predecessor of being aware of a Justice Department-led conspiracy aimed at keeping Trump from the White House!

77. “No collusion, no obstruction.”

Not what Mueller said. Here’s what the report said: “(I)f we had confidence after a thorough investigation of the facts that the President clearly did not commit obstruction of justice, we would so state. Based on the facts and the applicable legal standards, we are unable to reach that judgment. … Accordingly, while this report does not conclude that the president committed a crime, it also does not exonerate him.”

78. “Somebody that did a really great job for the country.”

Donald Trump on his legacy. This feels like a good place to (finally) end.

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