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totowlff · 1 year

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chapter thirty — waltzes and wreaths

➝ no cameras, no pressure. on that night in helsinki, they were just liesl and toto.

➝ word count: 4,4k

➝ warnings: none

➝ author notes: a sweet chapter to a sweet week in my life. don't get used to it.

SEPTEMBER, 2016

The late afternoon sun cast its golden glow on the gardens and the imposing red brick steeples of the church. Gazing up at the green patina of the roof tiles as they glinted in the sunlight, Elisabeth held her nude clutch in her hands. The chilly Finnish autumn breeze ruffled the dark blue dress she was wearing, and a few strands of her hair, loose from her elegant bun, danced in the breeze.

"I should have brought a coat,' she thought, looking down at the aquamarine ring on her left hand. Shifting her feet, she tried to move a little bit, discreetly, trying to warm up a little bit.

— Are you cold, Liesl? — someone whispered in her ear, the heat of their breath making her skin tingle. Elisabeth glanced to the right and saw Toto, a mischievous smile on his face. He was the epitome of elegance in the tailored suit he was wearing, paired with a gray tie.

— A little, darling — she said, tugging at the sleeves of her dress. It did little to project her from the brisk air.

Toto wrapped his arm around her back, rubbing his hand against her left arm in an attempt to warm her up. It made Elisabeth smile as she looked up at him.

— It was nicer inside the church, wasn't it?

— Yes, definitely — Elisabeth replied, leaning into Toto, trying to capture some of his body heat. He continued to rub his hands along her arm, the friction chasing the chill off of her skin. Meanwhile, her eyes drifted toward the imposing dark wooden doors of the cathedral. They were still closed, but it was only a matter of time before the newlyweds, Valtteri and Emilia, would exit the narthex of the neo-Gothic cathedral to greet their assembled guests, who were all waiting for them outside.

Elisabeth was still a little surprised to be in Helsinki, witnessing the couple exchanging rings and vows of love. She’d witnessed the two exchanging rings and vows, and a shy kiss from Valtteri to his bride’s cheek. After what had happened in Monaco the year before, she hadn’t expected their relationship to last more than a few weeks, let alone make it to their wedding date.

The day after the Amber Lounge Fashion Show, she ran into Emilia in the paddock. Her pale eyes were puffy and red. Elisabeth figured that her night hadn't been pleasant. Elisabeth took her out for coffee, and Emilia recounted, her voice cracking, how she arrived at Valtteri's apartment in Monte-Carlo after the fashion show to find him watching qualifying videos. The coffee table in the living room was completely covered in paper, all printed out with graphs and tables of telemetry data. He was completely absorbed.

When Emilia asked why he hadn’t come to the fashion show, he brushed it off, saying he needed to focus on qualifying and the race, not “mindless events”, as he called it. They started arguing about their support for each other, and whether or not he was truly dedicated to their relationship. With tears in her eyes, Emilia said that she was no longer sure if she really wanted to be with Valtteri, as it didn’t seem that he wanted to be with her. Elisabeth tried to help as best as she could, offering a listening ear, a kind shoulder to cry on, advice, and a place to stay if she needed it. Emilia was grateful for it, but never asked for it.

A few months later, Elisabeth was surprised by a message she’d gotten from Emilia. It was in all capital letters. “I SAID YES!” There was a picture of her and Valtteri attached to the message, Emilia holding up her left hand, showing off the diamond engagement ring.

— She's getting married — Elisabeth stammered, zooming in on the ring, incredulous

— Who's getting married? — Toto asked, sliding next to her on the sofa.

— Emilia.

— To whom? — he asked.

She looked up at him.

— To Valtteri, who else would it be?

Toto blinked, surprised.

— I thought they split up after what happened in Monaco?

— Apparently not — she murmured, staring at the photo again.

A short time later, they received an official invitation, confirming the date after the Olympics in Rio de Janeiro, in which Emilia would compete, and two European races, which made it easier for Valtteri to travel. They’d chosen Helsinki, the capital city of Finland. The guest list was small, as both of them wanted to only share their special day with the people closest to them.

In a way, Elisabeth couldn't help but feel honored to be included, given how small the guest list was. Both she and Toto doted on Emilia and Valtteri. However, as Elisabeth sat on a pew in the church, watching the couple sing one of the hymns printed on the programs, she couldn’t shake the feeling that marriage wasn’t right for them, but she didn’t ever bring it up to Emilia — she didn’t want to ruin what was supposed to be one of the happiest days of hers and Valtteri’s lives.

A sound drew Elisabeth's attention to the top of the stairs. The usher had just opened the dark wooden doors, and Emilia and Valtteri emerged. Valtteri was wearing a suit with a gray tie and a white rose pinned to his lapel, and Emilia wore a sleeveless dress, rich with details in the lace. The layers of organza made it look light and dreamy as it flowed behind her. Elisabeth had already seen pictures of the dress. It was designed by a Finnish designer named Katri Niskanen. However, when she saw her in the church, with her hair tied in a low bun and a bouquet of white flowers in her hand, Elisabeth was sure that Valtteri had won the lottery.

Emilia was beautiful.

Upon stepping outside the church, the couple greeted their guests, who applauded and whistled for them. Emilia lifted the bouquet playfully, which provoked a few chuckles among those present. After someone shouted for a kiss from the couple, Valtteri, with red cheeks, gave in, taking his lips to Emilia's cheek, placing a chaste kiss on her.

— They seem kinda shy, huh? — Toto murmured beside Elisabeth. She looked up at him, one eyebrow raised.

— Would you do it differently?

He smiled.

— Perhaps.

— What would you do differently?

— I won't tell you, Liesl.

— Why not?

— Because it's a surprise.

— Surprise?

— Yes — Toto replied, slipping a hand around her waist — A surprise for the day you become Mrs. Wolff.

Elisabeth turned to face him.

— You mean you want me to be Mrs. Wolff?

— Well, only if you want to, of course. Although ‘Mrs. Lauda-Wolff’ sounds more powerful, doesn't it?

— I like them both — Elisabeth replied, watching Emilia hug a woman wearing a hat with a brim that was a little too big, while Valtteri chatted with a couple beside her.

— I think you mean sexier, baby — he whispered in her ear, a sly smile playing on his lips. Tilting her head to look at him, Elisabeth smiled.

— Perhaps, Mr. Wolff — she said, receiving a kiss on the head in return.

It didn't take long for Emilia and Valtteri to approach them to greet them. Emilia wrapped Elisabeth in a warm hug, thanking her for attending.

— It's me… Well, me and Toto who should thank you for the invitation — she said, backing away from Emilia to look into her blue eyes — We are very happy to witness this beautiful moment, aren't we, my love?

— Yes, very — Toto completed, placing a hand on Elisabeth's shoulder — We just think that kiss lacked some emotion, Valtteri.

She elbowed him in the ribs, as she noticed that Valtteri's face was turning a deep scarlet. Toto laughed, squeezing Valtteri’s shoulder, while Emilia took her new husband's hand, smiling.

— I think he's saving it all for the party, Toto — she replied — After the first gin and tonic, I'm sure he'll be more cheerful, won't you, darling?

— Definitely — Valtteri said, looking a little distracted — Shall we say hello to the rest of the guests, Emppu?

Emilia nodded, giving Elisabeth one last hug before continuing to say hello to the rest of the attendees. As she watched the two of them, Elisabeth couldn't help but feel like something was wrong with Valtteri. While Emilia seemed elated, Valtteri looked distant, the few smiles he gave seemed forced. He was the first person Elisabeth had ever seen that didn’t look happy on his own wedding day, and that worried her.

She sighed and crossed her arms over her chest.

— Is everything okay, Liesl? — she heard Toto whisper in her ear. He sounded concerned. — Do you need anything? Do you want to go somewhere quieter?

Ever since the anxiety attack she'd had in Belgium, he'd always seemed on the lookout for any change in Elisabeth's mood, especially in public. She’d had her first session with her new therapist a few days ago, and she felt a little bit better afterward, but she had noticed that Toto was keeping an eye on her, trying to take care of her in even simple ways. Whether it was a kiss on the top of her head, a reassuring touch to the base of her spine or a simple “I love you” whispered in her ear, he seemed to make a point of making her feel safe and loved, especially when they were in public.

Little did he know how much that meant to her.

— I'm fine. I was just thinking.

— About what?

Elisabeth pressed her lips together. This was definitely not the place to talk about how cold and distant Valtteri seemed.

— How happy Emilia is.

He looked at Emilia, who was laughing at something that Mika Hakkinen said as they were standing near the car that would take them to the reception.

— She’s beaming — Toto murmured, moving his hand from Elisabeth’s shoulder to her waist, drawing her in closer to him — But you'll be beaming even more when it's your turn.

Elisabeth raised an eyebrow.

— You're talking a lot about weddings today, Toto.

— I'm inspired, I guess. What do you want me to say?

— Is there something you want to tell me?

He chuckled, planting a kiss on her temple.

— Soon, Liesl.

As she watched Valtteri and Emilia climb into the black Mercedes S500 Maybach and drive away to the sound of applause and whistles, Elisabeth couldn’t help but wonder what her turn would be like — what she wanted her wedding to be like.

She definitely wanted a summer wedding. She wanted it outdoors, maybe in Ibiza, near her parents' house. Or maybe in Sardinia, overlooking the deep blue sea that washed over the shores of Porto Cervo. Her dress would be simple — nothing with frills, lace, or tulle. The ceremony would be intimate, limited only to immediate family and very close friends.

She would walk down the aisle to the sound of soft music, escorted by her father, who would obviously be wearing his trademark red cap - even for the most important moment in his daughter’s life. When handing her off to Toto, Niki would probably make some funny comment about the two of them. The ceremony and their vows would be full of laughter After all, it was what their relationship was about: joy.

Well, that’s how it should be, at least.

— Liesl, shall we go to the van? — Toto asked, pulling her out of her thoughts.

— Yes, let’s go — she replied.

The trip to Kulosaari Casino was smooth. They shared a ride with the other guests, who neither of them knew. They didn’t say anything for the entire trip, preferring to sit hand-in-hand, listening to Emilia and Valtteri’s friends chattering excitedly in Finnish.

— Who knew they could be animated? — Elisabeth whispered in Toto’s ear

— I think we’re so used to the way Kimi and Valtteri are — Toto replied, making Elisabeth laugh.

When the van stopped and the door slid open, they had arrived. The building was built in a classical style with a cream-colored exterior. The entrance was decorated with white flowers, the same ones that were in Emilia's bouquet. As she and Toto two crossed the bridge that led to the building, Elisabeth couldn't help but feel awed by the landscape stretching out around her, the setting sun glistening over the waters of the Gulf of Finland.

“Beautiful”, she thought.

They were greeted by an usher, who directed them to go up the stairs towards the hall. The room was beautifully decorated with flowers and lights, with tables scattered around a large space reserved for the dance floor.

— Your names, please? — a man, who she assumed was the maître d', asked them, his English heavily accented.

— Elisabeth Lauda and Toto Wolff — she replied, smiling.

The man led them to a table where Antti, Valtteri's trainer, and his partner, Cristina, were already seated. They all exchanged greetings, and she took the seat marked by a placecard with her name on it, right next to Toto. It wasn't long before he started talking to Antti about Williams' season and Valtteri's consistent results.

Glancing at the woman beside the fitness coach, Elisabeth smiled.

— The decorations are very nice, aren’t they?

Cristina smiled.

— They are. Emilia has extraordinary good taste.

The two began to talk and Elisabeth found herself strangely comfortable talking to the other woman. She had never been one to make small talk, preferring more direct dialogue. However, there was something different about that day. For once, she didn't feel pressured to play the role of Elisabeth Lauda, the businesswoman and daughter of Niki Lauda. For the first time in what felt like forever, she could finally be a normal woman who was attending her friend’s wedding, with no expectations beyond that. She could finally be Liesl.

Some time later, Mika and his partner, Marketa, joined them, sitting in the empty seats at the table. It didn't take long for the former driver to strike up an easy conversation as they were talking about something he mastered like no one else. However, some time later, he turned to Elisabeth.

— And how is your father, Elisabeth?

— He's fine, Mika.

— I imagine he was surprised to hear about you two — he said. Elisabeth looked at Toto, who squeezed her hand lightly.

— Actually, he was expecting it. In his words, he thought we'd get along because we both like the same boring things — she explained, laughing.

— I imagine Niki hasn't made things easy for you, Toto.

— Actually, it was Liesl who made things difficult at first. But, after some talking, we managed to sort it out and we're just fine — he replied, taking Elisabeth’s right hand and placing a kiss on top of the diamonds that decorated her ring finger, his lips warm against the cold metal.

The sun was already sinking into the horizon when Valtteri and Emilia entered the hall to a round of fervent applause from their guests. They settled at the table reserved for the two of them. After they sat down, dinner began.

The trout mousseline with marinated shrimp, fennel, and avocado cream was tasty. As was the porcini mushroom soup, served with a rosemary muffin. A big surprise for Elisabeth was the roast reindeer loin, with potato fondant and blackcurrant sauce — she thought the strong, gamey flavor of the meat was perfectly balanced with the sweetness of the sauce.

While the waiters prepared the tables for dessert, Mika excused himself, getting up from the table. A few other men around the room did as well. Minutes later, they returned with ski masks, heading directly to the bridal table and taking Emilia with them. Then Laura, Valtteri's sister, announced that the bride had been kidnapped and that she would only be returned after the groom fulfilled some tasks.

The tradition was not new to Elisabeth. The “kidnapping” of the bride was quite common at wedding parties in Austria. She had Lukas who had planned one for Mathias and Claire's wedding. Seeing her brother wearing a Real Madrid jersey and singing the anthem of the team he hated so much to get his bride back was something she would never forget.

In order for Emilia to return to the hall, Valtteri had to answer a few questions, as well as sing a song and recite a love poem about his wife. He also had to do some push-ups and drink a generous quantity of Finnish vodka.

When Emilia was brought back into the hall, the couple exchanged a peck, to the sound of applause and whistles from those present. Then, they went to the table where their wedding cake was set up. It was decorated with white flowers and gold details, ocean waves and a Formula 1 car. As they cut the first slice, a sharp tap on the floor, followed by giggles from Emilia, had the guests laughing.

— She's in charge now, eh, Valtteri! — Mika shouted, with a laugh.

After everyone was served cake, Strawberries Romanov, and creme brulee, everyone was invited to the dance floor, where the bride and groom would do their first dance. Surrounded by friends and family, Valtteri and Emilia whirled around the room, a spotlight shining directly on them creating an ethereal atmosphere for the moment. After, Emilia's father and Valtteri's mother were invited to dance with their children, followed by her mother and his father.

Then, the dance floor was cleared for the guests.

— Would you do me the honor of a dance, Miss Lauda? — Toto whispered in Elisabeth’s ear. She looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

— You know how to dance?

He laughed.

— Being the most ill-behaved man in Vienna has taught me a few things.

— And how to waltz is one of them?

— Exactly.

Now, Elisabeth laughed.

— I would love to dance with you then, Mr. Wolff — she replied. Toto took her hand and led her to the center of the dance floor. She stood in front of him as the ambient lights dimmed, creating a romantic atmosphere. Then, with one hand on her waist and the other firmly around her hand, Toto gently led her in time with the music, back and forth, around the room.

Toto wasn't lying when he said he could waltz. It shouldn't come as a surprise, considering he was from Vienna, the birthplace of the waltz. However, at the same time, Elisabeth couldn't help but feel surprised.

She wondered what other hidden talents and tricks Toto had hidden up his sleeve besides knowing how to dance — and the ability to do amazing things with his tongue. Toto released her from his hold, spinning her around and bringing her close to him again, holding her close, their eyes fixed on each other.

There was something magical about that moment. It wasn't just the fact that she was dancing with the man she loved, it went beyond that. It was the first time that they’d been able to go to a social event that wasn’t for work. They were together, for the first time, in a genuine way, without having to pretend that their relationship was strictly professional. Elisabeth couldn't help but feel genuinely happy for the first time in over two years.

It wasn’t that the moments they'd spent together so far hadn't made her happy, but there was always something bittersweet about them, like the picture was incomplete. They were always full of excuses and lies. Full of sad looks and promises that everything would be better one day.

And now, ‘one day’ had finally arrived.

Toto spun her around again, and Elisabeth realized that she was finally experiencing the taste of love. Not the version with the sour hints of having to keep secrets, but the pure, sweet version that melted on her tongue and warmed her chest.

It was the version that she’d wanted from the moment her eyes first met his.

Facing him again, Elisabeth couldn't wait for the end of the song. Moving closer to his face, she said three words in a thin voice.

— I love you.

The song ended, the lights in the room went back up, and his face became more visible. He looked elated. Then, suddenly, he bent down and lifted her by the waist, the same way he had done so many times before so that their faces were on the same level, Elisabeth's feet suspended in the air.

— I love you more — Toto replied, brushing his nose against hers. Elisabeth's heart was beating so fast in her chest that she thought it would explode, a familiar warmth spreading through her body — Much more than you can imagine, Liesl.

With a soft kiss on the lips, he set her back on the ground just before another, more upbeat song began to play through the speakers. He didn't even have to ask her if she wanted to dance with him again before Elisabeth took his hand and started following the rhythm, a wide smile on her face.

The two danced to a few songs together, Elisabeth's excitement at the first chords of an Abba song making Toto laugh. However, after a few songs, her feet were aching because of her shoes, and a little thirsty after singing Lay All Your Love On Me at the top of her lungs, both of them returned to their empty table.

Elisabeth was about to let go of his hand to sit in her chair when Toto pulled her to him, sitting down and pulling her onto his lap. She couldn't hold back a laugh, wrapping an arm around her neck. Then, he removed the shoes from her feet, gently. A sigh of relief escaped her lips.

— Better, Liesl?

— Much better — she replied, wiggling her toes — I should have chosen a more comfortable pair of shoes.

— Definitely. Not even four songs in and you're already sitting down complaining about the pain in your feet. It was so fun to see you singing all out of tune...

Elisabeth looked at Toto, indignant.

— I wasn’t out of tune. I'm much better than you, by the way.

— I disagree, baby — he smiled.

— You didn't even know the words to Hooked on a Feeling — she exclaimed — And we listen to that song all the time!

— I sang it well.

— If you're referring to the ooga chaka part, then yes, you sang it well.

He let out a laugh, tightening his arms around her.

— I love you, you know that?

— Yes, I know — Elisabeth smiled, placing her lips on his.

They stayed at the table for a while, drinking champagne and talking. They returned to the dance floor as soon as Elisabeth recognized the first few notes of You Give Love A Bad Name. She was already barefoot by that point, and her brown hair was loose down her back. Toto had abandoned his jacket and tie, and his white shirt had the first few buttons undone.

They were exchanging whispers and kisses in a corner of the floor when suddenly, the music stopped. Shouts of elation coming from the middle of the room only ceased when Emilia asked all the women who were not married to go to the middle of the room.

— Should I? — Elisabeth asked Toto.

— I think so, you're not married.

— We are married. Well, half-married.

— There's no such thing as being half-married, Liesl.

— Well, for us there is.

— No, there is no such thing.

— Yes there is. We're half-married.

— Liesl, stop arguing and go — he growled. Elisabeth scowled at him as Toto gave her ass a not-so-gentle squeeze before she went to the center of the room, but not before patting his hand in reprimand.

When she got there, she found several of Emilia and Valtteri's female friends and relatives with anxious looks on their faces. Elisabeth had no idea what was going on, but she saw Cristina standing next to her. Maybe she could explain.

— Why are we here?

— The crown ceremony. It’s a Finnish wedding tradition.

— What happens?

— Emilia will take that wreath of flowers in her hand and, with her eyes closed, will place it on the head of one of us. Whoever she chooses will be the next person to marry.

“Like throwing the bouquet, but without the blood or hair pulling,” Elisabeth thought.

Guided by Valtteri's sister, the women formed a circle around Emilia. In her hands, she had a wreath of white flowers similar to the ones in her bouquet, and her eyes were covered with a piece of white cloth. Laura spun her sister-in-law a few times to confuse her, and told her to hand over her crown.

Emilia took a few seconds to regain her balance before taking a few steps forward, staggering a little, which elicited a few giggles. She started to walk around the circle of women thoughtfully, stopping in front of a few before continuing. However, as soon as she passed in front of Elisabeth, Emilia stopped.

— It's you — she said, placing the crown on Elisabeth’s head, before lifting the blindfold and finding out who she had declared the next woman to walk down the aisle. Amid applause and whistles, Emilia hugged Elisabeth tightly.

— See? It means you deserve to be happy with the man that you love — Emilia said.

Looking back to the corner of the room, where Toto was standing, smiling, Elisabeth responded with just four words.

— And I will be.

After the party photographer took a picture of the two of them, Elisabeth walked back to Toto's corner of the dance floor, a wide smile on his face. As she approached him, he wrapped her body in an embrace, placing a kiss on her forehead, just below where the flowers were perched in her hair.

— I think the universe is trying to tell me something today, Liesl — he said softly, a smile on his face.

— It is?

— Yeah. It’s telling me that being half-married to you isn't enough anymore.

She laughed.

— So you agree that you're half-married to me?

— Don't start with that — he muttered, rolling his eyes.

— But we are. We do everything a married couple does. We share a bed, a house, bills, problems… We just haven’t signed the papers.

Toto snorted.

— Since we're practically married now, remind me that the next time we're in Vienna, we should stop by the Standesamt. That way, we can sign the papers right away.

Elisabeth raised an eyebrow.

— Is this your way of asking me to marry you, Torger Christian Wolff?

— Perhaps — he smiled.

— You must be drunk.

— I'm fine, Liesl.

— You just can't ask me to marry you like that.

— Like what?

She blinked.

— In the middle of a wedding party, completely out of your mind.

— I told you I'm fine, Liesl.

— You don’t seem to be.

Toto huffed.

— Can you stop teasing me?

— Never, my love — she smiled, lifting her face to his.

— Good to know — he chuckled, placing a gentle kiss on her lips.

#toto wolff #toto wolff fluff #f1 fic #f1 fanfic #formula 1 fic #formula 1 fanfic #wlffog #natsversion #f1 x oc #formula 1 x oc #toto wolff x oc #scwlff

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lsgingasblog · 6 years

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Of Transfer Student and Fierce Rivalry

This work I ended up combining 3 days. So spoiling Diana, Anniversary and Free day, of which I went unoriginal with Harry Potter AU.

Again sorry for the length on this one and being so late.

To read in AO3:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/15380559/chapters/35694663

Atsuko Kagari, muggle born witch. Gryffindor seeker. Infamous troublemaker. Unconventional duelist. Entertainer extraordinaire. Loyal Friend. Infectious smile and energy. Girlfriend to part veela Ravenclaw seeker Diana Cavendish.

And this particular Ravenclaw seeker felt pretty bad right now to call herself girlfriend to such an amazing individual as Akko.

Both Frank and I were fulfilling an errand for school, promotion for the tri-wizard tournament that was going on.

It would’ve made more sense if Miss O’Neil, one of the competitors where present, but I suppose the headmistress was aware how unruly she could be. Also O’Neil did crudely blurt out ‘Miss me with the politics, I just wanna beat the other schools’. Miss O’neil once again callously misses the main intent of the tri-wizard tournament, but she’s not the main troublemaker I care to often keep in line if things go too out of control.

I stare at the slumbering brunette in my immediate view and I feel the corners of my lips tugging upwards. Despite my sheer exhaustion, I crouch down to akko, passed out on the biggest couch in the head common room.

She is the epitome of calm and pleasant when like this, although I don’t particularly mind her various facets including her more rambunctious side.

It would seem I really did muck something up here. Glancing around I see streamers, balloons, plastic cups and cake. Lotte, Sucy, Amanda, constanze, jasminke, barbs and Hannah seem to be spread about on head common room floor. Akko wanted to throw me a surprise party no doubt.

I take a gander at Frank for his reaction of our messy shared common room but he seemed to only chuckle and shake his head while heading to his room.

He sends a wave my way mumbled a ‘night’, which I returned and he closed the door behind him. Leaving me with sounds of snoring, breathing and turning around of the various guests.

I can’t blame him. I’m exhausted as well, it’s nearly 4 am after all.

I’m touched by Akko’s efforts though, not only in instances like this but also for the little things she does.

For example how she knows I hate it when it hails, because it reminds me of the weather the day my mom passed away and she always does something silly or brings my favorite dessert to cheer me up. Or even that I only ever drink up to half of the butter beer and she usually ends up being the one to drink the rest. Or even how I always have a hair tie that I play with after something snide or callous gets directed towards me about my part veela heritage or past and she promptly intervenes by either cutting the person off or changing the course of the conversation.

I feel so utterly pampered by this lovely individual, yet she also brings a sort of fire out of me and not just the kind of sexual attraction, no, the kind that keeps me on my toes, makes me feel conflicted because I want to outrival her yet also support her.

A competitive energy not only present in Quidditch or defense against the dark arts or even dueling.

No, we even make each other better in areas we aren’t too confident and we dare to explore various facets of our self because our lives have been so involved with one another the last few years.

I crawl next to Akko on the couch and she instinctively moves over and hugs me while mumbling some incoherent words. I could go to my room, but there’s no place I’d rather be right now to be honest.

I will properly thank all of them later today, but now I just want to drift back to sleep and thank the lucky stars the day this girl barreled into my life.

Actually it’s been exactly 4 years from today, that Akko and I became friends.

Our initial relationship was definitely more civility than friendliness and more an intense competitive nature above all else, but looking back I don’t think I would change it for the world, after all it’s the initial skepticism of each other that makes the eventual transition to a more friendly rivalry and irreplaceable friend/ individual in each other’s life that much more poignant.

I had transferred in the middle of my 3rd year at Hogwarts.

I was originally at bauxbottons. Due to various circumstances I found myself at Hogwarts instead.

I got sorted into Ravenclaw. The transition period of starting in the middle of the year wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought it would be.

Strangely enough I felt more at home at Hogwarts the first week even, despite all the conflicting emotions, more so than Baux ever gave me in the years I went there.

The many surprises were the likes of Andrew, Hannah and Barbara being at Hogwarts.

Andrew’s mother and my mother were close and therefore we used to be close friends too in our early childhood, but due to being shipped to boarding schools abroad shortly after our mothers died and just trying to cope with everything around us, we drifted apart and there was a lot of bad air that needed to be cleared up. Besides, last I heard Andrew was attending Durmstung.

Even Hannah and Barbara that went to preparatory baux with me I didn’t seek to contact them after we separated because I assumed the same loss of contact with Andrew would occur again with them and seeing as they didn’t sent any letter my way, I figured I was right.

Making lasting friends or friends in general was never my forte and due to being ¼ veela I’m also weary of people approaching me because they genuinely like me or for my looks or accuse my supposed veela powe to having manipulated them, or worse even because of being connected to Cavendish Medic Association.

Although fat lot of good that will do them, if the association continues the way it is going Cavendish MA will go bankrupt thanks to my aunt’s insistence on lavish living and cutting corners in all the wrong areas.

These past months was busy getting the handle on the school grounds, where the classes were, the library, and the various nook and crannies of the place and I have to admit, Hogwarts is utterly enchanting, not only because of all the incantations done on it, but just everything about it.

I can see why my mother fell in love with it, the year she stayed here for the tri-wizard tournament as a Buax student in her last year.

Coincidentally this is where she met my dad, but I have yet to stumble on any school pictures of my dad. I remember being told he was Gryffindor Quidditch captain, so it’s unusual I have yet to see it.

Perhaps Gryffindor common room? But who can I possibly….? Ooh….of course. I feel a headache come on as soon as those amber eyes and mischievous smile pop up.

Atsuko Kagari. The hyper-active, brazen, incomprehensible muggle born witch.

My complex feelings regarding Kagari were frustrating to say the least.

My first impression of her was that she was juvenile and reckless. Sending paper birds around class and disrupting it. My second impression of her is that she is too fidgety for her own good and lastly she always mettles in places and people that do not directly concern her and its downright infuriating.

Don’t believe me?

Exhibit A.

I knew I had to eventually try to make peace with Andrew, but it’s been over 2 month since that first awkward exchange andrew initiated my first day here with a simple ‘It’s nice to see you again’ passed through means of a note.

I was thoroughly confused because just over 2 years ago at a Christmas function Andrew purposely shut down any conversation I attempted to start with him, worst of all we were sitting at the same table due to my aunt wanting to suck up to Andrew’s dad, possible for more investment capital in Cavendish MA, but with the results of most investment in the last few years not being visible, this whole attempt is rather in vain.

That Christmas dinner solidified my views on the impossibility of anything amicable being had between Andrew and me.

‘It’s nice to see you again’ is definitely not what I was expecting.

However I would quickly find out Atsuko Kagari was the center of this transformation, as she is for most of the eventful occurrences in my life ever since I came to Hogwarts.

Before this I had already gotten declarations from Akko calling me her rival.

This all started in a particular Defense against the dark arts class where it was the monthly dueling class.

Atsuko Kagari is not the most studious alumni, but she’s exceptional in 2 academic disciplines in particular defense against the dark arts and linguistics. Of which despite her more dismal or passable grades for some of the other courses she is top of the class in both of those.

Being used to topping pretty much all classes for as long as I’ve been in school, it was surprising to not be at the top. At first I was annoyed, not because of some arrogance or anything thinking I was owed the spot, because mother told me to never believe the world owes you anything, but rather to work for what you want, no it came from a chilling realization that all I’ve truly had ever since my mother passed away are my academics.

With a family that treats me either like a stranger or a nuisance and my less than stellar track record with making lasting friends I have buried myself in knowledge, because that is something no one can take away from me.

Unlike that dark hailing day my mother was taken from me or the hailing morning 1 week after my Aunt told me ‘Beauxbottons is the alma matar of Cavendish so pack up’. I had to leave the one place I call home in less than 24 hours to boarding school in France. Or even my disappointment when andrew didn’t respond to any of the letter I sent him up to 2 months after he left for Bulgaria.

After the 3rd week at Hogwarts I starting tying for first spot in DADA class alongside Akko and this did not sit well with her. DADA, linguistics and Quiddtich are after all things she feels quite strongly for by how much she talks about each of those topics, mind you this is only from stray conversation from where I sit at the Raven claw table.

Of which she sometimes sits at next to Andrew, but that girl cares little for house separation seeing her group of friends.

This mousy girl Lotte Yanson from Hufflepuff, the robust and kind Jasminka Antonellie and Andrew’s best friend Frank also in Hufflepuf. Then we have her rowdy best friend and fellow Gryffindor Amanda O’Neil that is exasperatingly more of a handful than Kagari. She has Slytherin friend in Sucy Manbavaran as well, at least I think they are. And Ravenclaw with Andrew and this one tiny girl that has a habit of writing what she wants said or having a tiny robot of sorts say it for her, Constanze I believe her name was. For the life of me I can’t seem to remember the rest of her names.

Coincidentally Constanze noticed my sightline one morning while we were both eating breakfast on the Ravenclaw table.

Kagari was surrounded by that big group of friends, she and O’Neil were the loudest of the group and so early in the morning too….

I turn to regard Constanze, this was not my first encounter with her, as I have sat next to her in some classes in the few weeks I’ve been here.

That said she never registered more than fleeting acknowledgment or a nod at best.

She starts writing on the portable board she carries around at times. ‘Akko is special’.

Well yes I was beginning to understand that as well. It’s even more amazing because she only knew of the world famous magician Shiny Chariot, but none of the tradition, basics or anything natural to magic born community and yet she’s so free and doing so well.

I imagine her adaption period must have been stressful, but I admire and respect how utterly her home she has made Hogwarts and building up her unusual, diverse yet sizable group of friends.

Just then Kagari approaches the table and ask Constanze if she wants to join them she merely responds with a nod and walks over to the Gryffindor table where the whole group was bunched up.

Akko walks along but not before shooting me a frown and particular hostile look my way.

And it just makes me annoyed. I did nothing to provoke her and yet she’s behaving like this.

The only words I addressed to her were particular outstanding moments she was disrupting the class for too long and she always sent a glare my way, but I haven’t done so in close to 2 weeks so I fail to understand what warranted that reaction.

Fast-forward to a week later and we have the monthly duel class for DADA.

Kagari challenged me to a duel and in all honesty the less than amicable looks my way were not appreciated, especially since I have no idea what set them off. I admit it was extra irksome because Akko never shows prolonged annoyance to anyone, partly due to her attention span not allowing that, but also she’s been known to get along with everyone, so not only was I miffed but a bit hurt and confused as well why this particular negative attention was directed at me.

I ended up beating her best 2 out of 3, but the various things she throws at you from flying squirrels to jack and marbles was frustrating, especially since I did fall during the marbles one which is why she soundly won one of the rounds, despite my embarrassment I have to admit her reflex and quick-thinking is admirable although she gets too full of herself easy which ended up being her downfall.

I tried commenting this for a point of improvement and she gets angrier and declares she doesn’t want pity from her rival and she will beat me next time. I was left perplexed and annoyed. This girl is incomprehensible.

However this was not all.

Shortly after this, Andrew and I were bizarrely put in situations where we were stuck in various places together for a prolonged amount of time.

I was furious because I know it was her doing after the first two.

However as much as I disliked being misled one of those sessions did end up with Andrew and I both apologizing and starting bit by bit to rebuild a friendship.

The issue with Hannah and Barbara got resolved with almost the same methods, although the relationship with those two is still a bit sore, but it’s making baby steps progress, so that’s the best I can hope for.

Also Barbara seems to have made fast friends with Lotte. I don’t think a Slytherin and Hufflepuf such fast and close friends is something that is seen often. Although I suppose that vapid book series is partially to thank for that. Leave it to akko, even if it was an indirect effect.

Andrew told me to hang out with them, but despite Akko’s many help she still glares or frowns at me, and I do quite understand where I stand with her and part of me feels annoyed to be so indebted to the girl.

She makes tons of messes that I sometimes get asked to clean up due the teacher’s knowing my role as a prefect of sorts in beaux, since they start at an earlier year than Hogwarts.

And yet she cleans up the messes I’ve made that I was either to afraid or incapable of doing so, until she forced me to face them.

Actually another thing that probably made me hesitant to join Andrew and the others was Exhibit B, Quidditch.

While the ravenclaw seeker was already chosen since I came in the middle of the 3rd year, sometime in March the seeker stepped down because of wanting to focus on his NEWTS, since it was his last year.

The backup Ravenclaw seeker had dragon pox and since professor nelson has seen me in a baux quidditch match last year when she came to visit a friend, she knows I play.

And so I got roped in to play my first game as a Ravenclaw seeker against Gryffindor.

At this point I was half tempted to let Akko win, a part of me wanted to join that colorful group of friends without having to feel bad about it, because the one they all appreciate, Akko, isn’t too keen on me.

However Akko got angrier when she called me out on not trying hard enough. I realize after her outburst that I wanted to fight her earnestly as well.

We were neck and neck but at the very last moment I won out and ravenclaw beat Gryffindor that match.

I was half expecting Akko to be angrier but she burst out laughing and then become serious.

“As your rival I swear I’ll beat you next time Diana!” all the while pointing her finger at me and proceeded to storm off.

Well actually I suppose that one wasn’t too bad in hindsight.

Actually I’m just searching for excuses to not get sucked into Akko’s pacing, but everything she does is both heartfelt at times and/or utterly nerve-wrecking and she thrives on a chaos that I am wholly unfamiliar with.

My last point of this, exhibit C if you will, although at this point I’m unsure what I’m even trying to convince myself off any more….

A few days before today Slytherin and Ravenclaw Quidditch teams were getting ready for the match today.

Some slytherins though weren’t happy with me playing, saying my veela powers would be used to distract them and therefore I wasn’t allowed to play, which was absurd, although this is sadly not the first time I heard such asinine excuses or snide remarks being made in regards to my progeny.

The Slytherin that were angry tried ambushing me and I was managing fine on my own but they became 5 against one. Just when I was being pushed to a corner then Andrew and Akko showed up too and fended them off alongside me. They heard wind of this from talks at the common room area. So they decided to come find me.

Akko mentions jokingly she does get the whole “Cavendish is distracting part”. I get annoyed and flustered. I start playing with my hair tie around my hand and decide to dismiss myself after thanking them.

Akko is an enigma. She claims to be my rival and while I enjoy the thrill and excitement of our duels and fighting on the pitch, more than anything I wanted to get closer to her. To be part of her inner circle. That very desire though scares more than anything else.

I came to Hogwarts partially hoping for a transformative change for me, and Akko is about as literal as a personification of one if I ever saw it. And yet part of me was resisting this. Telling myself it’s fleeting or it’s all happening so fast. I was scared what a Diana that actually lets go of parts of herself she has clung on to would even look like.

However right now where I’m at, with a bruised ankle, possibly sprained hiding behind a big tree while having an invisibility and magic cloaking spell in effect. All of my earlier notions of fear of change seems rather silly.

How exactly did I end up here?

Short story some Slytherins weren’t happy I didn’t get replaced or taken out of the game, so they came up with a plan to teach me a lesson.

The morning of the game I looked outside and it was dark and hailing. The one weather I absolutely loathe because of how all my most misfortunate moments happened in that weather.

Akko came to do her usual rival declaration and saying don’t let anyone else but her beat me, I unreasonably snapped at her and for probably the first time I didn’t get an indignant response back but she looked hurt said ‘fine’ and just walked off.

I was starting this game in the worst frame of mind already. It is for that reason that after repeatedly having to dodge the bludgers sent my way by the beaters when someone from the crowd threw something at me when I was nearby when I just swerved to miss the bludger, I caught it.

I noticed too late one of the boys yesterday I was fending off threw me the item. I feel the tug of teleportation and as I crash on the foreign ground I notice the sky even more impossibly dark, even more hail and in the darkness of the sky moving figures. Dementors. It was a portkey.

I’ve been running and fending them off but patronus charm is something I’m no good at, can’t seem to make a strong enough one to create a corporal animal.

Maybe that’s why I’m here right now thinking back to scattered moments in my short 4 months in Hogwarts.

I heard getting your soul sucked out by dementors is immensely painful.

I already feel weak because by pure luck I managed to escape when 5 ambushed me.

I think back to my mom and I can’t imagine she would ever wanted to be reunited with me quite so soon.

Or how I failed to verify the legend of the 7 words of Arcturus she confessed to me a few months before passing is a key to something greater and might not only help Cavendish MA, but both the muggle and magical world.

And yet despite all of this my thoughts come back to Atsuko Kagari.

She, who has managed to change to indifferent Andrew. She, who has managed to make the mean spirited and at times haughty Hannah and Barbs friends or at very least civil towards people in different houses.

They who were stuck with class segregation, sure they are still a bit snooty, but the progress they have made is noticeable.

Akko is utterly vibrant and I can’t deny she has begun to change me too and despite being constantly out of my comfort zone around her I’m not upset, rather she excites me and makes me feel lighter.

Actually, earlier I said pure luck that I escaped the dementors earlier but that isn’t true, it was brief but the moment her face and wide teasing infuriating smile popped into my head I made a corporal patronus. It seemed like a horse, but I didn’t stick around to watch and took the opportunity to make a mad dash to possible safety.

I’m not sure if I can do the same though, because my one regret is that we never stated we were friends.

Sure we were rivals, but I would never admit that to Akko’s face. More than anything I want to be considered among the people she treasures the most, it’s silly given how I tended to react around her, especially at the start.

Additionally I had shot her down before the match today when she just wanted to give the usual rival speech of only her being able to beat me, But given the weather and where my thoughts were going back to I snapped at her and I didn’t apologize because the match was starting.

My power is waning, the invisibility and suppression spells are gone. I close my eyes. I couldn’t ever imagine this would be my end. I don’t want this to be it for me, but I hear something approaching. I decide to fight one last time, at least I will go out having tried my hardest. I open my eyes.

“Diana!” I am onslaught by an exuberant embrace. It’s Akko. She seems to be crying and holds me even tighter.

I am unable to form words. Akko pulls me away to inspect and I already miss the warmth she provided after all the dark clouds and hail provide little as means to keep warm.

“Diana….listen I went ahead but professor Ursula and headmistress Holbrooke should be heading here, we’re going to get out here, promise” Akko gave me a worried look while she was holding both my shoulders.

“I’m sorry I snapped at you akko” my exhaustion is starting to catch up with me.

“What? Ooh don’t worry about that. Come on Diana I’ll help you up and lean on me, one of you ankles seems pretty bruised, I’ll help you walk.”

I accept her help but I’m confused “Why did you come here?”

She sighs and looks at me from our position of having my arm draped over her shoulder.

“What kind of question is that even Diana, you’re my friend so of course I would come for you.”

My throat feels like it has something stuck in it, because I’m overcome with a feeling of relief and gratitude right then. I don’t trust my usual tone, but I respond anyway.

“I thought we were rivals” I croaked out, barely holding back being a crying mess.

Akko sends a beaming smile my way. “So you do admit we’re rivals!”

“No, I’m merely using the words you frequently and enthusiastically direct towards me” I look away from her gaze. I’m unsure why exactly I’m getting flustered at this.

“We can be both!” I glance back at her and she gives me a soft smile.

I chuckle wholeheartedly.

We continue walking a bit more, it’s going slower than I would like, because of my ankle.

We hear rustling again it’s a hoard of dementors, 10 maybe, not at least 20 or 30 even approaching from a distance.

Akko pulls me close by the waist as a response for having held on tighter to her shoulders. We both have our wands at hand.

I’m beyond exhausted, but I refuse to die here. Not after the elation I felt when finding out I’m one of Akko’s treasure people or finally warming up to the idea of accepting change in my life.

I think I have a moment that might finally be strong enough for a patronus charm.

So I close my eyes and we both yelled out at the same time. “Expecto patronum!”

A majestic bird came out of the tip of akko’s wand and I notice mine wasn’t a horse, but rather a unicorn.

We keep at it for a while and driving away some, but more keep heading towards us.

We keep at this for quite a bit and I have sadly reached my limit. My knees buckle next to akko and I see her crouch down next to me while still holding out her wand hand with the activated patronus charm. My eye lids are growing heavy and the last thing I see are the beads of sweat on her face and the tired look as she finally stops the patronus charm, with a hoard of dementors still storming towards us.

I wake up and I’m staring at a white ceiling. It smells of antiseptic and fresh linen.

I turn around to see akko with her head resting on the side of my bed in a chair.

“Her neck is going to wake up stiff”

I’m startled by the voice that just came from the opposite side of me.

“Andrew” I announce hoarsely. I shift myself to a more upright position and notice how sore I am.

“I’m glad you are awake and looking better Diana” Andrew regarded me with a smile. I return the gesture.

“Miss Kagari is truly an indomitable force, wouldn’t you agree Diana?” as I was about to respond we both turn our attention to stirring.

Akko rubs her eyes and sports a wide smile once she notices I’m awake. “Diana!” and she proceeds to enthusiastically hug me. I inwardly groan from the soreness, but a hug from Akko is totally worth it, even if I’m not used to such affectionate and frequent displays of appreciation and care.

Andrew sends a knowing smile my way almost as if to say ‘See, did we ever stand a chance against her?’

I’m inclined to agree, with such an indomitable force as Akko Kagari it’s near impossible to remain completely unaffected by her mere presence and I can’t say I mind it too much.

I wake up in a wonderful mood. Akko has drooled on my neck again and her leg is completely draped over my legs, with her one hand pressing me lightly against her and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I decide to get up however, because unfortunately Holbrooke asked me to report to her how the tri-wizard event went.

I try to slip away but Akko merely holds on tighter. “Don’t go”

I could remind her of how headmistress is expecting me, but seeing as Frank’s door is still closed, I relented and decide to relax again in the hug.

Akko opens her eyes and lifts her face from my neck to look at me “I missed you”

“I missed you too, sorry about not making it back in time” I respond softly and apologetically back. Akko smiles and shakes her head.

“Don’t worry I had a back-up plan all along. You’ve had the crown for throwing the most extravagant and thoughtful parties for you girlfriend for too long. I will usurp you today!”

I chuckle. It’s ridiculous how we still compete with each other. Stronger even instead of being less, like one would expect we found new silly, creative, exciting and adventurous ways to find something to challenge each other with. It’s never a dull moment with my lovely girlfriend.

To be fair she already did an amazing job. While I was away on the tri-wizard trip to 2 different place, of which Akko knew some people there and asked for their help.

She managed to do an elaborate scavenger hunt of which she knows I’m weak for and if that wasn’t enough on the trip back home I had people, some I knew some I didn’t hand me various kind of flowers with a lovely note written on each one.

Who knew Akko would be such a romantic, then again we’re both fairly hopeless for each other in all honesty.

“I think you already won love, with the scavenger hunt and the flowers you outdid yourself. Shall I hand the crown now? Or would a later time be preferable?”

Akko grins and buries he head back on the crook of my neck. Her muffled reply sounds out “Not until after later today”

I’m left curious what else she has in mind, but before I could ask I notice her breathing has changed.

Ooh well. I will give her the win this time she’s more than earned it, but I already started planning her upcoming birthday since last year, so I will get the crown back soon enough.

Its Sunday luckily enough so no classes. On top of that we already had a testing period just now. So nothing urgent at hand.

For now though I let out one more content sigh as I drift into a blissful slumber once again.

#diakko #dianakkoweek #dianakkoweek 2018 #I'm late as usual for this week

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piahautea · 6 years

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Appreciation Post: My Lovely Barkada

I’ve always been the stick-to-one type of friend.

Back during the first two years of junior high, you’d only see me with just one friend. One lunch buddy, one fair week constant, one automatic partner, one let’s-go-to-the-library-during-intrams-instead co-lazy bum, one companion and one everything. But never really the more meaningful ones like: a confidante, a tell-me-your-secrets-they’re-safe-with-me type of chill, a laughing comrade or a wingman /pagdating sa mga crushes na iyan/. That was until I met each of the cartoon people above.

This post is dedicated to them. The not-so-small barkada I never thought I’d have. They've also been so supportive of my blogging ever since and I want y’all to meet them! Somehow you may also try to see a part of yourself in them with their little intro’s /but that's only if you want to/.

A little disclaimer by the way: Their art banners are filled with silly deets about them while their actual descriptions are a lot graver; although, it's still sounding a lot like silly Pea wrote them, aye.

This is Leila. Leila’s been one of my best friends since 10th grade. I never thought we’d be in the friendship situation we have now because I only thought surface-level bros were all we'd ever be. But, nah. What are those for anyway? She was the quietly-acing-my-way-in-the-honor-rolls type. And, well, I was trying so hard to be that student. But we just randomly sparked up a convo about my blog and her love for Niall Horan and then she became my confidante in an instant with her shipping me so hard with a Tumblr boy that I used to like. In the things I thought highly impossible for myself, she believed I could turn them around in my favor and she stood there behind me with her hand on my back. She’s the best. I still wish she'd become a doctor, even though she's already faced towards a different track.

This is Margaux. When she spots you and you tickle her fancy, she’d probably talk to you. Basically, that's what happened to us. We were just batchmates in the same baking class. That changed when we bumped into each other at a charm store; she saw me first, tapped my back and said, “Hi!” like it’s nothing. Post the little meeting and the year after, we became classmates. And then I knew that smiling was her best asset and her laughter was her best type of music. She’d made me cookies and a chocolate-mint birthday cake for my 18th because that’s her. You hear little words and phrases like pastries, being top-level artsy, beauty queen pageants, genuine grins, dressing up for fun and you got it. That’s still gonna be her.

This is Froilan. If you know me well enough, you’d know that this dude’s been one of my constants since the beginning of time /‘di naman haha since 9th grade lang siguro/. You'll see him almost everywhere I go and part of almost everything I do. We’ve also been constantly teased by past classmates about us having that chemistry and that maybe we were already secretly a couple. All I can say is, nope. We’re merely bros. I love him, though. In the gayest way possible. He’s amazing in general. He loves getting and slaying the D so much. Drawing, dancing and designing *wink wink*. I’m never afraid to be myself when I’m with him and for that I’m eternally thankful. He’s also my punching bag hehe he enjoys the force of my knuckles kissing and smashing his fudge brownie skin /poetic/.

This is Nesli. She’s the first friend I’ve ever made in our circle. We’ve been together since the 7th grade and mutually sworn to be each other’s best friends during 8th grade. She’s also one of my confidantes. And the one who’s literally seen me in the good, the bad & the ugly and has still loved me no matter what. She has a heart large enough to fit in giraffes, all her favorite Filipino & European dishes, historical fiction books, her family, her art, her hoes and all her other friends. She’s my happy pill, tbfh. She’s going to make it big in the animations field or in any other field because she’s that flexible. She can write, draw, paint /in both the common mediums/, care for wildlife and humanity vividly. It's such a cakewalk to believe in what she's capable of because when she dreams, she dreams with her eyes open and with stellar passion running freely in her veins.

This is Brian. He’s one of my sister’s former tutees. I’ve heard stuff about him being sassy and loud /which he was/, but our friendship was a bit like of a plot twist. An unexpected thing. Although believe me when I say this: my sister predicted that we’d be the best of friends in the future. And she was right about it. 9th grade and I can still fondly remember it all. We’d sit in a corner where people weren't around to sing Defying Gravity because it was his fave and I was his fave duet partner, too. Sooner or later, we begun that singing routine. He easily became the person I’d always wanna sing with and now he’s worked his way to get into theater by switching schools for both SHS and college. I love my theater geek friend /who apparently knows how to get wasted now/. And I miss having to deal with him and his antics everyday.

This is Gia. Being friends with her was also an unexpected one. She’s quiet and was only the closest to Cather /you’ll get know her later/. We’d never really had those talk-talks until the final years of junior high. She lent me her copy of To Kill A Mockingbird and it opened me to widen my reading choices. We also discovered each others’ love for indie/alternative rock music. She loves Nirvana, blink-182 and The Killers and it killed me. I’d also boast to those who love her brother’s band from the indie OPM scene that I’m friends with the vocalist’s baby sister because Hello? it’s not everyday you get to be friends with someone who has blood thick and rich of musical notes and art. She's an epitome of those two things.

This is Mika. Mika was Froilan’s friend first. And then she randomly talked to me in class and we became instant friends who loved hugging each other. She’s the type to get crafty and make you keychains or little drawings of your favorite things for Christmas or your birthday. She’s the sweetest soul and she likes to share stories with you; it doesn’t matter how long you’ll chatter with her. She’s also super smart! She helps me with all the Math help I needed back when we still had to take Math. You would just never see an honor roll without her in it. And yes, she had a phase with Big Time Rush back in junior high. But now, it seems like she’s also been bitten by another Kpopper /probably a friend from outside the circle/. She's the kind of treasure I'd like to keep with me anywhere I go.

This is Carmela. This one’s another plot twist kind of friendship. Like Margaux, she’s also extremely loud and friendly. Like randomly-popping-into-your-face kind of friendly. She’s chatty but it’s a reasonable kind of chatter. She also dances like a pro. I envy her grace on the floor and the flat stomach she'd cultivated out of that. We may not have the same amount of time as we had before but we see to it that no matter how busy we are, we’d never fail to exchange short stories and warm hugs when we see each other. Also, yes, she is my co-bully when it comes to Froilan. Everything she does to put him in artless misery cracks me up every time /that’s how we roll/.

This is Seline. I’ve only known her this year but since then, she’s already been one of my closest friends in class. We just vibe well and we could talk about anything in the pop culture spectrum or just anything Tumblr and art-related. I love how her mind just works like a charm and concocts puns real quick. I love how she'd update me and tell me stories about her dogs and their newborn puppies because we share the same love for these critters and it just makes me giddy every time. Because of her, I’m starting to rethink my stances on animated films /because I’m not big on those/. She makes some of the greatest digital artworks I’ve ever seen and I can’t wait to have more cafe adventures with her and our other amigos and to visit her in Benilde by the time we reach college.

This is Cather(ine). Like Nesli, we’ve been friends since 7th grade and best girls since the 8th. She’s the cutest /next to my spot/ in the group and makes equally-adorable reactions to everything she sees. It kind of takes her a while to do almost everything she has to do but it adds up to how she handles anything with the utmost love and care not anyone would ever spare time for. She's also loud whenever she opens her mouth to speak /e.g. when we're in the car and it's quiet, she would completely ignore the silence and start a quickfire with her words but that's okay because she can never be irritating to me at all/. I love her that much. I hope she’d find solace in the fact that she’s a bright, bright kiddo who would slay any scientific fate she’d choose. I’d always have her back as she's always had mine.

When we met, it suddenly just made sense to meet altogether, too. It wasn't like our personalities were so similar with the other that we just had to gather around a campfire and talk about starting a tribe or something. Our personalities differ; but in such a way that we complement each other, filling gaps that needed a little something of this or that. But about the tribe thing, yes we do gather. Annually. For Christmas. And it has to be in a different house each year until we get to be in everyone's humble abodes.

Ladies & gents, this is my second ohana. My very own battle cohort. Top 1 in my small list of kada’s. My most favorite non-blood related people in the universe. I used to be a stick-to-one kind of person. Now, I'm mostly a stick-to-ten.

#friends #personal

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wherethewildjinsare · 7 years

Text

Don’t Burn the Coffee - Ch. 2

It was just going to be one of those days…until Suga walked in.

Word Count: 2,622

Now where to go? The closest place to here is the One World Trade Center, probably. We’re closer to that than Korea Town or Little Italy. I swallow the remnants of my drink and join Suga outside.

“You’ve ridden subways in South Korea, right?” I say, trying to ignore the awkward exchange from inside.

“Of course,” he says, avoiding a group of walkers as they rush by on the sidewalk. “But New York subways are a different animal. I want to see it.” He pulls out his backpack and removes a camera from inside, one with a nice lens.

“Oh yeah,” I say.

“What.”

“Nothing. Come on, I think we can take the N or R from here and transfer. I think.”

“Here,” he says. He pulls out a pocket-sized map of the city written in Hangul and opens it until he finds their location. “Yeah, you’re right, nice.” He closes the map and replaces it inside his bag, holding the camera slung around his neck out of the way. I try not to, but a tiny laugh escapes my mouth.

“What,” he says, looking back at me.

“You’re the epitome of a tourist right now.”

“That’s what I am. Better be prepared than lost. But also, a tourist who looks as good as I do isn’t a bad thing, that’s a contribution to society.”

I shake my head, trying not to smile. “Come on.”

We leave the daylight for the sweltering heat of a subway station. Suga takes a bit of time to get his card and then more time to swipe it. On the third unsuccessful attempt, I hold out my hand from behind him expectantly and he gives me the card. I lean forward, almost touching his shoulder with my cheek as I swipe the card through successfully in one go. He looks back at me, his face unreadable as he walks through. He stands looking at the signs right in front of the turnstile, so I grab his arm as I come through and gently lead him toward the wall, others quickly passing through where we’d left and one person giving us an unapproving look.

Suga looks at my hand on his arm as I lead him away, and I quickly remove it.

“Sorry,” I say. As I turn to head down the hall, I catch him rub his neck and smile.

As we approach the trains heading toward Brooklyn, I begin to jog, seeing the N has just arrived and people are filing in. I look back to see Suga following suit, and we both just barely make it on before the doors close. I smile and pump my arm slightly in victory, a habit from when I originally moved to the city and caught my first last-minute train. I remembered Suga and hope he hadn’t seen, but when I look over he’s smiling from ear to ear, revealing his teeth. I pretend I don’t know what he’s grinning about and look for a seat. Seeing none, I grab onto a bar by the opposite door just as the train starts moving. Suga latches onto a ceiling bar next to me in the center aisle.

“Here,” he says, handing me an ear bud. I look at it and take it from his hand, blowing on it and putting it in my ear.

“My ears aren’t that dirty,” he says, looking at his phone and swiping the screen. Gradually the sounds of a song come through. It’s hip-hop with a strong beat I begin to feel in my chest as I get into it, pushing the earbud to hear better. I lean my head against the bar, trying to ignore how awkward I still feel about this whole situation and how weird it is. The thought that I need to email my work when we get off the subway fades as I let my brain get caught up in the beats and loops of the song.

I’m not one to get passionate about music outwardly. But this time I do close my eyes. It’s not my favorite song, but it’s a relief, and even though the words are in Thai, I think, they have a comforting feel to them.

The song comes to an end, and another more upbeat tune with less passion and more of a dance beat comes through to my ears. I open my eyes to find Suga is also leaning his head against the bar I’ve been supporting my own head with, and he’s looking at me. I stare back, not really sure where else to look and feeling a bit challenged. I’m about to try to make some kind of conversation when the train lurches to a stop and the doors open once again. A flood of people pushes me further into the door. Before I know it, Suga’s pressed up against me, the crowd forcing us closer. I’m suddenly very conscious of my breathing and try to limit my movement. I realize he’s just a few inches taller than me, and I also realize our chests are touching. I clench my eyes unconsciously and I hear him chuckle.

“Seriously, relax. You’re fine,” he says quietly in my ear. I swallow and breathe out. We stand like this, me watching the pulse on his neck throbbing as the train moves. He looks down at me, cocking his head, and gently puts the earbud back in my ear, blowing it off again before he does so. I smile at the gesture and look down at a blank spot on the floor before leaning my head back against the door as he presses play. This time it’s in English, an indie-rock band I’ve never heard of. I can feel the heat from his body as we stand there moving and realize I feel safe. As the music fills my head and I see Suga standing there, I feel the pressure that often squeezes my brain release. My mind stops wandering and rests here, on the train and this music and the blunt person in front of me, who is either looking at my forehead or at the reflection in the window. I’m avoiding his eyes, so I can’t tell. We roll into the next station, our stop, and I distance myself from Suga’s body, handing him the earbud as the door we’ve been leaning against opens.

I walk briskly to the E, and Suga walks casually behind me. I stop when we reach the platform and lean against the wall. “Are you sick,” Suga asks as he catches up to me.

“No, why do you think I’m sick?” I say, looking at him quizzically as he leans against the wall next to me.

“You’re very uncomfortable.”

“Oh,” I say. “Sorry. I’m usually pretty laid back and friendly. I think I’m just taken aback. And,” I hesitate. “And I’m not the greatest with guys. I grew up with a younger brother, but somehow that didn’t give me an edge. I’ve only had a handful of good guy friends. The one boyfriend I had in college I dumped after a month because I couldn’t deal with it.”

“Not the right guy, sounds like,” Suga theorized. “I’ve lived with a group of six guys for a big chunk of my life. If I talk to girls, millions of people freak out, so I don’t go out of my way to do it very much, aside from people I work with and staff. I get it, it’s awkward. I’m not going to jump you, so if that’s what you’re worried about, don’t be. You’re cute, you seem like a nice person, despite the fact you might be a liar and a reporter. If you relax I might even find I enjoy being around you, so do me a favor and chill.”

I don’t say anything at first, trying to reorder my brain, and exhale. “Give me the earbud again,” I say, reaching out my hand. He complies, and begins playing his music. We stand there, waiting for the train. When it comes, we manage to find seats and continue in silence, letting the music act as a sort of third person to our otherwise awkward party.

We arrive at the World Trade Center station and hop off. I lead him through the crowds, across the streets and to the spot where the impressive memorial sits, two holes in the ground with water flowing down, postmodern fountains where the structures used to stand. Single roses have been placed on the monuments here and there, their stems stuck into the deeply etched names of victims from the terrorist attack.

“Do you know much about what happened?” I ask, breaking the silence between us.

“Not much, but I know the general history book short description. Did you know anyone who died?”

“An uncle died, yeah. I had a friend in school who lost her mom.”

Suga nods and doesn’t say anything. Instead he leans against the monument, scanning the names. Not that I can tell if he can read them or not. It doesn’t really matter. It’s a lot of names no matter what language they’re written in. I glance at a couple across the way on the other side of the memorial. The man places a rose stem in one of the names and stares at it, grabbing for the woman’s hand. He fumbles for it, so the woman holds his arm with one hand and glides her other hand into his fumbling fingers. I tear up. I didn’t know my uncle really, but I knew my friend’s mom. She was a lovely person. It was the first time besides the death of the family cat that I had to really confront the idea of dying, death and the empty spaces left by those absences. The uncertainty beyond that chasmic unknown, the brief point between dying and dead that lasts as long as a single breath.

“What?” Suga’s voice interrupts my stream of thought.

“Nothing, sorry.” I shake my head. “Just thinking about something.”

“Well obviously. It doesn’t mean you have to keep it to yourself. If someone asks they probably want to know.”

“You don’t want to know.”

“I just asked didn’t I?”

“It’s morbid.”

“So what?”

I purse my lips. “Just thinking about dead people and death. It’s not a fun conversation.”

“Conversations aren’t all fun. I haven’t had anyone die in my life but it doesn’t mean I’m not afraid of it. Those emotions and that fear are part of being human. That’s why people write music and make art, right?”

“Yeah, I guess so.”

“It’s a part of life. And it’s sad. I’m sorry you lost people.”

“Thanks.”

He turns around and puts his elbows up against the monument, supporting his weight, then leans toward me to the side. “See?”

“See what?”

“It’s not so bad talking to people. Just don’t expect so much. I didn’t run away.”

I smile. The whole conversation seems trivial now.

“Want to go up?” I say.

“Up where?”

I point to the top of the New World Trade Center. He smiles and nods at me. Grabbing the sleeve of his T-shirt, I lead him to the end of the line for people who don’t have tickets.

“It’s gonna be a long wait,” I say, mostly to myself but still in Korean.

“I don’t mind,” Suga says, sauntering up next to me in the line, which has just taken a promising few steps forward. “Are you one of those people who’s lived here your whole life?”

“Me? No, I grew up in Connecticut, which is north of the city. I went to a private school there, a pretty tight-knit group of friends. Uh, I did yearbook all four years and was at most events because of that. It was fun. Then I came into the city for college. NYU for a communications major and a minor in language. You can guess which one.”

“Why Korean?”

“Well, there was this Korean barbeque restaurant in the town I grew up in. Technically it’s a city, but it’s small and doesn’t feel anything like this. And I would go there with my friends from high school a lot because it wasn’t a place we ever saw adults we knew and the food was good and the atmosphere was fun, and on Friday nights they had these shows they’d do for free that youth were allowed to see. They didn’t card you. And, I don’t know, I just sort of loved the language I heard coming from the mouths of the waitresses and the owners. It was sort of smooth and soft but harsh at the same time, I don’t really know how to explain what it sounded like to me. It was versatile and seemed both full of humor and elegant at the same time, I guess.”

Suga’s smiling at this point, watching the ground next to me as he listens and takes steps with the crowd as it progresses. When it comes to a halt again, he turns his chest toward me as he looks at me again. “Do you think you’d ever live there?”

“I’ve thought about it. It’s not out of the question. I’ve put off looking into it more than casual searches on Google because the idea of that kind of change and leaving behind my friends and family for long periods of time with no promise of being able to see them more than once a year, if that, is kind of terrifying to me.”

“But would it make you happy?”

I pause, thinking, and shrug my shoulders. “I wouldn’t know unless I did it.”

He nods approvingly and looks up, inhaling through his nose as he stretches his shoulders. “Ah, yes. Always the problem isn’t it. Obligations, fear, uncertainty, guilt.” The line moves forward.

“I guess that’s what you’ve had to deal with, having gone against your family to do your music.” It strikes me that, just because everyone knows about this, maybe it wasn’t something I should have brought up. It was common knowledge amongst his fans, but it’s not like the person, Min Yoongi, automatically wanted to talk about it just because everyone knew.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t bring that up,” I say quickly, looking at the ground and inch a bit forward to give myself something to do, even though the crowd’s not moving at this point.

“No, it’s ok. It was hard. It’s still hard.” He takes a breath. “It’s better than it was. It’s better. But I still feel like,” he pauses. “It’s like, if I go back for birthdays or holidays or just to visit, it’s like I’m a visitor. They treat me like their son, but I feel like I’m so separate from their existence and their life now. And I still resent them sometimes, and I feel guilty about that too.”

“I’m sure they’re proud of you now though. You showed them something they didn’t think would happen. It’s not about proving them wrong, but I bet they have a lot of trust in you now.”

“Why do you say that? I left.”

“I mean yeah, there’s that, but you did what you said you’d do. Times 10. And that says a lot for a person. I don’t do that half the time, following through. I’m sure it’s still hard though. Your trust in them and theirs in you is more complicated than that, I know.”

I didn’t realize the line had been moving at such a pace, but we’re now at the front, so we wordlessly enter the doors, buy our tickets, and wait in the throng to get up in the elevators that will take us high above the city.

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