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marjansmarwani · 1 year

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the thing I keep going back to is the fact that Carlos was on the phone with his mother when Gabriel was shot. which means that he heard the gunshot, he heard his mother screaming, he heard her crying, and even though he didn’t know what was going on, he knew.

which leads to thinking about him, back at the loft, shifting from a casual phone call with his mother to that; and the fear and panic and him pacing the living room as he yelled into the phone, and TK trying to get him to tell him what was going on so he could tell 911 because whatever it was if it is making Carlos act like this it is worthy of 911 dispatch, and whatever it is that’s his family too, and he needs to make sure they get the help they need. he needs to do what he can to help, as small as it is. because right now he’s feeling pretty powerless, but so is Carlos.

and then there’s Gabriel. how he was so happy and content, trying on his tux for his son’s wedding. how he was home with his wife and they were smiling and laughing and how everything he did in that scene just oozed with love. his love for his wife, his family, his son. and then he opened his own front door and had no more than a fraction of a second to react. but it wasn’t enough time. and even though he has to know that this is probably it and he feels not just the pain from the bullet in his chest but also the pain of his wife’s frantic yelling and obvious fear, how he is at peace. his family is happy and safe, they all just had a beautiful night together celebrating his son and his new life. and though he hates that he won’t be at the wedding he is dying in his tuxedo, a physical representation of his shift in his relationship with his son who he spent so long on uneasy ground with. but he knows that’s all in the past and that Carlos both loves him and knows just how much he is loved in return. and he’s able to die in peace, without any regrets; knowing that his family will be fine.

#this was not meant to be this long #but I have a lot of feelings about this part in particular #gabriel reyes #carlos reyes #tk strand #andrea reyes #911 lone star #911ls spoilers

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jamespottersmixtape · 9 months

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september 12: iced 1,742 words @rosekiller-microfic

Barty really needs caffeine. Evan works at a small coffee shop.

It's an incredibly average Tuesday when Barty manages to make a fool out of himself and fall in love on the same day.

Well, the whole thing isn't as dramatic as he makes it out to be, but he isn't known for being subtle with his retellings.

Barty had thought he'd be fine—running on two hours of sleep was perfectly reasonable for sitting through a 3 hour business lecture, right?

Did he mention that he was a fool?

Whether by luck or fate or the incessant blaring of Barty's alarm clock, he had managed to crawl out of bed early enough for his 9am class—calculations and formulas and useless information on the status of the economy still swirling through his brain from the night before.

However, what his sleep deprived brain had failed to remember was that Barty lived off caffeine. Nothing would get done in a day if he hadn't downed at least 2 cups of coffee or the strongest black tea he could find. Dorcas always told him it was an addiction; he never listened.

So at 8:50 he trudged across campus and sat down heavily in the back of the lecture hall, mentally preparing himself for 3 torturous hours of his professor's monotonous voice, with absolutely no caffeine in his system. A mistake on his part.

It wasn't until he awoke at 11:55, the feeling of someone nudging his shoulder enough to rouse him from a dreamless sleep, that he finally realized this mistake. He had slept through the entire fucking lecture.

And it wasn't him dozing off halfway through, fighting diligently not to nod off. No, as soon as his professor began speaking Barty's head was on the desk, drool pooling in the corner of his mouth as he slept soundly on the uncomfortable wood. Frankly, he was mortified.

That brings him to now, briskly walking through the sea of students milling about between classes, his finger scrolling quickly through the selection of local coffee shops.

He still has two more classes, there's no way he'll survive without something helping him stay awake.

His eyes scan his phone screen, looking at distances and reviews until he settles on a place not too far from the North corner of campus—Twin Flame Coffee & Co.

He supposes it'll do.

Barty arrives in record time, his long legs carrying him faster than average. The building is quaint but lively, cream walls with colorful chairs out front—Barty's surprised he hadn't found it sooner.

When he pushes open the door a small bell rings overhead. There's not too many people, a few students with their laptops and an old couple sharing a pastry, but there's someone ordering and he can't see the register.

He scans the menu just long enough to make sure they serve the drink he wants, and only looks down when it's his turn.

He means to step forward but the movement gets halted as soon as his eyes lock on the person working. In front of him is a boy about his age, wispy blonde curls and bright eyes, a winning smile directed right at Barty as he waits patiently for him to approach. He has freckles scattered loosely across his face and neck, disappearing beneath the tank-top he's wearing. Is that even work appropriate? he thinks.

There are at least a dozen tattoos littering his arms—nowhere near the amount Barty has, but enough—and his skin looks soft enough that biting it would leave a mark. Suddenly Barty's throat feels impossibly dry.

"How can I help you?" the boy says, and oh Jesus fucking Christ he sounds like heaven too. Barty is a goner.

Suddenly his brain is on high alert, catching up with the fact that he's been staring at this guy for at least 5 seconds. He shakes his head and approaches the register, his legs shakier than before.

The boy's smile is unwavering, yet he seems amused at Barty's slow uptake. Barty swears his eyes flick up and down Barty's figure, but quickly pushes that thought aside.

"Hi," Barty says flatly. He's lucky his voice doesn't crack but god, could he sound any more unapproachable?

"Hi," the boy says, levity clear on his face now. "What can I get started for you?"

"Uh, can I just have a large latte?"

"Large latte," the boy repeats, punching something onto a screen. "Anything else?"

"No, that's it," Barty replies. "Thank you," he adds, trying his hardest to remain calm.

He tries to smile but it definitely looks strange. Their eyes meet briefly and he has to physically restrain himself from doing something very fucking stupid. Like telling him he's pretty. Or begging for his number.

Yeah, he's fucked.

"Okay, can I have a name for that?"

"Um..." can he even remember his own name? Probably not. He wants to learn his name but can't see a name tag. Damn. "Barty," he finally gets out. "My name is Barty."

The boy laughs, his face becoming even lovelier in the process. Clearly, Barty's repeated blundering is funny to him. "Alright Barty, that'll be ready on the side for you," the boy flashes him another smile. Barty pulls out his wallet to pay, disappointed at the short interaction, but as he's inserting his card he notices the boy grabbing a cup for hot drinks.

"Shit, sorry," Barty starts, unprepared for any further conversation. "Did I say hot? I meant iced. Large iced latte."

The boy's hand stills from where it was prepared to write Barty's order. "Oh! That's fine, it's the same price."

He grabs a clear plastic cup instead, scribbling on it before passing it to a girl with similar colored hair. They look related, Barty thinks.

Barty pulls his card out, payment finished. This is where he's supposed to walk away and wait for his drink like any other customer. But, well, there's no one behind him, and he really wants to find out this guy's name.

"Sorry about that," Barty scratches the back of his neck awkwardly. His stomach swoops every time he looks at the boy's face. He really is gorgeous. "It's been a weird day."

"Hard classes?" the boy asks, placing his hands on the counter, drumming his fingers.

Barty's eyes widen, taken aback that he was asked a question. He clears his throat. "Nah, not really. I slept through my entire first lecture."

"Wow." the boy deadpans.

"Yeah," Barty huffs out a small laugh. "3 whole hours of sleep. At least it was a good nap," he shrugs.

The boy laughs again, louder this time. Barty really wouldn't mind making it happen again. "3 hours? I guess you really need this latte."

Barty groans, rubbing his hand over his face. "Tell me about it. I forgot to make coffee this morning."

The boy purses his lips, "Glad we could help then."

Barty stands there awkwardly for a moment. He wants to stay and talk, he wants to know everything there is to know about this boy—his name, for starters. Ten minutes ago he was blissfully oblivious to his existence, but he's enlightened now, and there's no way he's forgetting him.

Maybe he's a fool, it's been said before.

"I've uh– it's my first time here. It's nice, I can't believe I've never seen this place before."

The boy hums, nodding. "Well, my sister and I," he gestures to the girl making drinks, "We only opened this place a few weeks ago. It's gotten a fair bit of traction, so that's been nice. But it's new, so don't worry, you haven't been missing out for too long," he shoots Barty a wink and he swears his heart nearly stops.

"Oh," Barty chuckles, his voice higher than normal. "Well maybe I'll come back then." He's testing the waters, trying to read if this guy even cares about his existence outside of an obligation to his job.

"I hope so, would be a shame if this was the last time I saw you," the boy says, leaning forward on the counter. And what? That had to be flirting, right? Right? The boy's eyes rake over his torso in a much more obvious manner, taking time to fully appreciate his appearance.

Barty wants to say something but he finds he's too incoherent to string words together. "Yes," he says lamely. "Yeah, yes. I'll definitely be back."

"I'm looking forward to it," the boy replies, flashing him another grin.

"Here," the girl—his sister—says, passing her brother Barty's drink. The pair seem to have an entire conversation with their eyes, never saying a word out loud. At the end of the exchange, the boy lets out a frustrated sigh. She offers Barty a quick smile before turning swiftly on her heel and disappearing behind a curtain.

The boy holds his drink out. "Here's your iced latte."

Barty's cheeks flush at the reminder of his mistake, taking the coffee and straw from his grasp. If their fingers brush and Barty's face glows pink, nobody has to know.

Barty sticks the straw in the cup, taking a quick sip and practically moaning right in front of the poor man. "Fuck, that's good coffee. You'll be lucky if you don't see me here everyday."

"The coffee's the only reason, huh? It's that good?" the boy asks, raising an eyebrow.

Barty smirks, shrugging as he takes another sip. "Among other things," he says, noticing a faint blush creep up the boy's neck and cheeks. The color reminds him of a rose.

The bell above the door rings faintly, signaling a new customer. Barty spares a quick glance at his phone, the time signaling he only has half an hour before his next class. He reluctantly takes a step back towards the door. "I should probably head out."

"It was nice meeting you Barty," the boy tells him, offering another dazzling smile. Barty has to bite the inside of his cheek to stop from smiling back like an idiot.

"You too. I'll see you around, uh..." he hesitates, praying to all that is holy that this infuriatingly attractive boy will finally give him his name.

He rolls his eyes, but Barty can tell it's amiable. "Evan," he fills in. "My name is Evan."

Barty can't help it, a painfully lovestruck grin splits across his face. Evan.

Evan, Evan, Evan.

He likes the way it sounds in his head. Likes it even more when he tells him, "I'll see you around Evan," and walks out the door.

#this WAS NOT meant to be this long #was anyone shocked?#I wasn't #COFFEE SHOP ROSEKILLER #something we need more of #barty's a total loser I love him #evan's just pretty but we knew this #barty “whipped from first sight” crouch jr.#rosekiller #rosekiller microfic #barty crouch jr #evan rosier #barty x evan #evan x barty #rat's silly microfics

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happy-snake-noises · 8 months

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Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: The Legend of Zelda & Related Fandoms, The Legend of Zelda: The Ocarina of Time, The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild/Tears of the Kingdom Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Malon (Legend of Zelda)/Time (Linked Universe), Time & Wild (Linked Universe), Mentioned Time & Twilight (Linked Universe) - Relationship, Saria (Legend of Zelda) & Time (Linked Universe) Characters: Time (Linked Universe), Wild (Linked Universe), Saria (Legend of Zelda), Malon (mentioned), Twilight (Mentioned), Look all the others boys are mentioned Additional Tags: Time (Linked Universe)-centric, Temporary Character Death, I don’t wanna give away the entire fic but i feel like I have to tag it, Wild and Time are a great pairing, i love writing about them, Time (Linked Universe) Needs a Hug, Wild (Linked Universe) Needs a Hug, No hugs are given but it’s not sad, Whump, Whumptober 2023, Hurt/Comfort, Freeform - hurt/comfort, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, That’s a big maybe, it doesn’t end badly, No beta we die like Wild, these are the least serious tags I’ve ever written Series: Part 3 of Whumptober 2023 Summary:

The first thing Time noticed was the emptiness. The rolling fields for miles and miles that seemed to stretch as far as the sky was wide. The sky itself was clear and dark, dotted with stars he didn’t know the names of and somewhere to the south was an empty circle where the moon would have hung.

The air was still, the breeze didn’t brush through the grass, it didn’t carry a hum.

Everything was still.

And Time was alone.

OR Time isn’t doing so hot, doesn’t know where he is. Wild is there

Whumptober day 16 - Gurney | Flatline | “Don’t go where I can’t follow”

#linkeduniverse #linked universe #lu #rem writes #whumptober 2023 #whump #angst #Time is not having a good time #time-centric #lu time #lu wild #linked universe time #linked universe wild #temporary character death #this was not meant to be this long #nor was it planned #mild injury #same wild as ‘dead forest spirit?’#but like they’re only there at the end

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elumish · 2 years

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My shipping by race and gender essay is 2079 words and counting, and I am nowhere near done.

#elumish writes #oh no #this was not meant to be this long #for my substack to be clear

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captainjonnitkessler · 4 months

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You know I used to think "tumblr's absolute refusal to actually engage with the Trolley Problem in favor of insisting that there must be a third, morally pure option that doesn't require them to make a hard decision and anyone who asks them to make a binary choice is just a short-sighted idiot is really fucking annoying, but I guess it's not actually doing any harm".

Anyway that was before we asked tumblr at large to decide between "guy aiding a genocide but making progress elsewhere" and "guy who would actively and enthusiastically participate in a genocide and would also make everything else much, much worse for everyone elsewhere" and the response was that there must be a third, morally pure option that doesn't require them to make a hard decision and that anyone who asks them to make a binary choice is a short-sighted idiot.

#there is not a third option. it is either trump OR biden #and one of those will be much MUCH worse for palestine #i'm really really sorry that these are the options. i wish they weren't.#but WHAT third option are you trying to take here? what on earth is your proposed outcome #that will actually make things better for palestine?#because letting trump win the election is NOT going to help them #i'm sorry but you need to set aside your feelings and take the option that will lead to less harm to palestine in the long run #you talk such a big game about how people need to be willing to make sacrifices to help palestine #but you yourself aren't even willing to hold your nose and vote to stop things from getting worse?#or did you think 'sacrifice' only meant not getting mcdonalds for a few months?#us politics

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shadowtraveled · 3 months

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"mithrun is the only real monsterfucker in dungeon meshi" is objectively the funniest bit you can get out of his everything, but in all seriousness i think his attraction to his love interest is deliberately overstated—and that makes sense, because romantic jealousy is a classic and digestible motive, which is explicitly what kabru was aiming for in condensing mithrun's backstory, and also because until chapter 94, mithrun wasn't willing to admit to the true nature of his desires.

but because romantic envy is both classic and digestible, it probably isn’t a unique enough or complicated enough desire to tempt a demon’s appetite. mithrun’s wish, as far as we can figure from kabru’s reduced retelling, was to have a life in which he had never become one of the canaries, and that carries like 3857 implications and desires within it. that’s delicious. his love interest acts as sort of a red herring to his motivation for making it, though. (side note: i'm saying "love interest" here because, keeping in mind that i barely speak japanese on a good day anymore, "想い人" is something i'd usually take as just kind of an old-fashioned and romantic way to refer to a lover, but in context i wonder if both the connotation of yearning and the vagueness are intentional, and i think this phrasing gets those aspects of it more effectively. anyway.)

mithrun considered his love interest to be untrustworthy. there was a minute where i thought that comment might be about a similar-looking elf (yugin, one of his squad members), but comparing the two…

the "sketchy" arrow is definitely referring to the elf we know as his love interest—the bangs go toward her right, she only has the one forehead ornament, and, most notably, her ears aren't notched.

every time she’s given a full-body depiction in his dungeon, she’s drawn as a chimera, with the body of a snake from the waist down. (side note: the “what if a dungeon has chimeras before reaching level 4?”/“then the dungeon lord is unstable” exchange just being mithrun grilling his past self alive is so funny. he’s so. but anyway) there are a couple things about this.

first, the snake part of the chimera appears to be modeled after some species of coral snake mimic

which, in the biology-for-fun manga, i… doubt is a coincidence, especially with the added context of the “untrustworthy” comment. the dungeon’s conjured illusion of mithrun’s love interest was a harmless copycat of a venomous original. for whatever reason, he felt this person was a threat and made up a "safe" version of her to be in a relationship with, and while it’s definitely possible to be attracted to or even love someone you find to be toxic and/or intimidating, when you take that into consideration alongside the configuration of her body, you get some interesting implications.

which brings us to our second point: if we assume that mithrun was not in fact fucking a snake, then sexual attraction, at least, was so far removed from his idea of a relationship with this person that he did not even bother to keep her dungeon copy human enough to maintain the illusion of the option of a sexual relationship. this is somewhat echoed in the depictions of their interactions, which also imply a frankly unexpected romantic distance. she kisses his cheek and he doesn't seem to react; she's at the edge of a narrow bed with only one set of pillows, on top of his blankets while he's underneath them.

the kiss is particularly interesting because it seems to contrast the text. kabru's narration tells us this was everything mithrun could have asked for, but mithrun is there looking unreadable to pensive, likely because this is right before the panel that makes it clear things in the dungeon are beginning to go wrong.

walking through this backwards for a minute, we have the physical barrier of his bedding and the spatial separation inherent in a bed made for one person, the emotional barrier of his mounting anxiety getting in the way of his ability to enjoy the affection he sought, and... the snake, which historically carries the connotation of temptation, yes, but also mistrust, barring physical intimacy. okay. ok. if a dungeon reflects the mentality of its lord, all of this might suggest that mithrun was not able to have any real desire for a relationship with this person. his unwillingness to be vulnerable or let another person in was insurmountable. but in that case, why was she such a focal point that she remained to the end, after his dungeon had stopped creating iterations of his friends to come and visit him? why would he get so upset over her meeting with his brother that he became lord of a dungeon about it?

well. mithrun's brother was also interested in her, probably genuinely. and mithrun had to win.

you have an older brother who your parents completely ignore, probably in part because he is chronically ill/disabled and almost definitely in part because he received a ton of recessive traits that resulted in rumors that he was an illegitimate child. you are aware, most likely because those same parents fucking told you, that you actually are an illegitimate child. but they keep you around because you had the good fortune of looking just like your mother. what can that possibly teach you but that you, like your brother, are disposable?

it's utterly unsurprising that mithrun, under these circumstances, developed a pathological need to be better than everyone around him. people don't keep you otherwise. i'd argue this is also why he says he looked down on everyone he knew while milsiril claims his dungeon reeked of feelings of inferiority—he sought out people's worst traits and prioritized them in his mind to protect his already extremely fragile sense of self-worth, and all the while he tried to be as likable and high-performing as he possibly could be. his parents disposed of him anyway, but even then he tried to keep up the performance. he was kind to everyone. he never once lost to a dungeon.

when he saw his "love interest" meeting up with his brother, what he saw was himself being replaced by a person his parents had always treated as worthless, and if that was what they thought of the child they'd kept, what value could anyone possibly see in the bastard they'd given away to die? mithrun and kabru tell the story like he wanted to win this unnamed elf's heart, but it was never about being with her. it was about cementing his worth, proving that he didn't deserve to be thrown away.

and so it's particularly cruel that his demon discarded him, too. but maybe it's also particularly gentle that, in the end, there was someone who refused to even consider giving up on him.

kui laid it out in three panels better than i could hope to.

yeah. it's love. you wanted to be loved, even when the only way you were able to understand it was through the desire to be wanted, and you wanted that so badly that the idea of being consumed felt like the promise of finally mattering to someone.

#dungeon meshi spoilers #mithrun #dungeon meshi #this has been rotating for a while but i wanted to check my evidence before getting into it thanks user angelspenance for posting that meme #half of this is just the text and the other half i'm sure has been said before but it's making my brain [radio static] so here this is #someone did for sure mention this but i do find it very cute that in his fucked up conjured world meant to portray his ideal reality #his teammates came to visit him. like part of the fantasy was then explicitly that they cared about him and were his friends. even though #he says he tried to see the worst in them.#hm it does feel important to note that i do also believe 100% in mithrun suicidality--his desire to be eaten does seem to focus a lot on #wanting it to be Over. wanting not to be left incomplete and empty anymore.#but that loops back around a bit to the hole in your heart that appears when you feel unloved. it's many things and the same thing at once #snakes #long post #severe problems #meshy

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