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hwaslayer · 9 months

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project: make you love me (jyh) | two.

♣︎ spotify playlist | series masterlist

—summary: yunho can’t stand how you’re so wrapped up in the notorious campus fuckboy, park seonghwa. he would gladly love you the way you deserve, despite being shy, awkward and the complete opposite of seonghwa. thus, when he finds himself spending more time with you over literature reviews and random study sessions, he decides to take on the challenge to win you over.

—pairing: jeong yunho x f. reader x park seonghwa

—genre: (18+ - minors dni) strangers/friends to lovers, college au | fluff, angst, (eventual) smut

—word count: 3.6k

—chapter content/warnings: nothing too bad since we're still in the beginning stages of things lol, cussing, friends being supportive, friends being instigators and projecting!!, hwa still being hwa, yunho being shy and awkward but very caring

You scrambled to get your literature review done, almost forgetting that you had to send it to Yunho before officially submitting it to your professor. It's a bit past midnight when Seonghwa decides it's time to drop you off— even if it gets incredibly late, he'd prefer to drop you off at home rather than let you stay.

All Seonghwa's bullshit plans.

You yawn as you quietly step into your shared apartment, careful not to wake your roommates as you pull out your laptop and finish your lit review on the kitchen island in the dark. It fucking sucks that absolutely nothing is coming to you for this review because now, Yunho is probably going to think you're just flat out dumb for not being able to see what everyone else sees.

"Hey." You whip your head up so fast you almost give yourself whiplash. Seungmin groggily walks out of his room and into the kitchen, grabbing a glass of water. "Why are you working out here in the dark? Did you just get home?" You nod.

"Mhm. Forgot I had to finish that literature review and send it to Yunho."

"Forgot already?"

"Shut up, okay? Not my favorite assignment to work on. Besides, I wanna give him some time to review it and chew my ass if he needs to. Rather him than Dr. Nelson at this point." You type away, probably hella nonsense and gibberish about the movie at this point.

"Hm." Seungmin hums as he quickly drinks his water. "Don't stay up too late."

"I won't. Just gonna give this a few more words then send it off." You sigh. God, you almost regret asking Yunho [out of all people] for help. He's super smart and he always knows what he's doing. Was this the right route to go? Maybe you should've just asked Dr. Nelson and dealt with it.

"Mkay. Goodnight then, Y/N." Seungmin yawns as he drags himself back to his shared room with Soobin. You decide that you're gonna take another 10 minutes to finish off the review, giving it everything you can think of right now. If it needs tweaking or any additional details, Yunho can surely step in and help. You feel exhaustion hitting you quickly, giving your review the last bout of energy you have left before you shower and call it a night.

"Done." You say to yourself, sending it off to Yunho as an attachment.

He probably won't look at this until later.

You make sure to double check your emails and assignments, keeping track of everything that's due and needs to be turned in—

Ding.

You peep the notification that pops up on the bottom right of your laptop screen.

"1 New Email from: Jeong Yunho ([email protected])"

"What the fuck?" You mutter to yourself. It hasn't been a whole 10 minutes since you sent the email. You click on the notification anyway, letting it bring you to the new email in your student inbox.

— do you have time to meet really quickly later today? i wanna go over your review with you. cool if you can't though, just prefer to talk to you in person instead of marking up your page without any explanation to back it up.

You sigh and sit there, trying to remember your schedule for tomorrow. You do have a 45 minute break in between your morning classes. Hopefully, he's free.

— sure! i'm free from 10:15-11. does that work for you?

"1 New Email from Jeong Yunho ([email protected])"

— yup, i don't have class till after lunch. i'll be working at one of the booths in the library.

You sit back and respond, feeling a bit of relief.

— cool, see you. :) thanks for your help.

Yunho sits at his desk, feeling a bit awkward and nervous even though you can't see him right now. It's probably a little pathetic at how quick he opened up your email, but to be fair, you seemed like you really needed the help and that's what he wanted to give you. You aren't necessarily writing bad reviews, since you're hitting all the right points. But, he has Dr. Nelson figured out. He doesn't want just the facts— he wants you to think outside of the box, write out the emotions, feelings, outcomes of all the actions, give examples, state what your thoughts are on how this effects the surroundings, other characters. You just need to add that little umph to your reviews and give him more than the bare minimum. Yunho gets it though, it's not easy to tap into that all the time. That's why he's here to help.

He's hoping he can be the help you need.

"Did you come in pretty late last night or was Seungmin sleep walking?" Soobin scratches the side of his head as the two of you walk towards the library.

"No, that was me." You chuckle.

"Did Seonghwa at least walk you to the door? Cause that's late."

"Yeah right." You scoff and Soobin shakes his head. "Whatever though, he drops me off as close as possible to our building."

"Still. He should at least walk you halfway."

"Mm, yeah." Is all you respond with. "Anyway, lunch later? I have to meet with Yunho to talk about this review."

"Oh? You're actually meeting with him? That's new. I feel like that's something out of the ordinary for Yunho."

"He asked if we could so that he could explain better instead of just marking up my review."

"That's nice of him."

"Yeah, hopefully I'm not too much of a pain in the ass."

"Doubt it. You just need a little guidance, that's all. Sure he'll be super helpful." Soobin smirks. "He seems to not go out of his way for people, maybe he likes you."

"Are you serious right now? All because I need help over a literature review." Soobin laughs.

"Just saying. I already like Yunho way more than Seonghwa."

"Okay, I'm leaving. I'll see you later." You roll your eyes and enter the quieter side of the library where the booths are located. It's easy to spot Yunho, especially with that towering figure of his even while sitting. Today, he's wearing a navy and white flannel, with a grey shirt underneath. His hair falls to his face as he leans over to write some notes. He has one finger placed on a page in his textbook, while the other hand is busily writing away. He glances to and from every now and then, only looking up at his surroundings when he feels you approaching.

"Um, hi." You awkwardly stand near the booth with your books tucked against your chest. He simply looks at you before giving you a tiny, pursed smile and returning his attention to his books.

"Hey." He moves his book and notebook closer to himself in order to give you some room. "Sorry, just need to finish this right quick."

"That's okay. Take your time." You slide in awkwardly and set your books on the surface of the table. "Thanks for going over my review."

"No worries." He says softly before finishing up his notes and shutting his books closed. He brings out his laptop and types away to unlock it, pulling up your document before turning the laptop towards you. "So."

"Sorry, I know it was bad." You look at him, a little shy and embarrassed. He tilts his head a bit and furrows his brow while looking at you.

"Huh? No, it wasn't bad, Y/N." He lets out a small chuckle. "You're hitting the right points, Dr. Nelson is just super complex and wants you to use these facts a bit more." He points at a line in your review. "You talk about the characters feelings here after an upsetting moment, which is right. But, how does it affect their surroundings? Their actions, the people around them, what they get themselves into to cope. How does feeling bad branch out to all these things? Why? How does it contribute to their overall attitude, to the overall character?" You nod.

"It seems so easy to talk about, but I don't know why I have so much trouble doing it. I feel kinda dumb." He shrugs.

"You're not. You just have to dig into the details a little more and use those examples instead of staying safe and stating what we know already. It's easy to stay safe because you know what you're stating is gonna be right. Dr. Nelson just wants a little more than that, is all."

"Thanks, Yunho." He gives you a toothless smile.

"Of course. Uh," He scratches his temple. "Let's go through everything else? So, I can be of better help to you?" You nod.

"Only if you're okay with it."

"Yeah. Just wanna make sure I help you out correctly." He lets out a shy chuckle before thoroughly going through your literature review with you. He asks you the right questions, allowing you to edit your own document on his laptop while the two of you continue to converse. He shares his thoughts and the things he's included on his review, making it easier for you to understand what you were missing and leaving out in your own.

Literature was never your favorite. You partially didn't care enough to put in enough effort, hence the lack of patience and understanding with the assignments— the lack of patience and understanding with your own professor.

As 11 closes in, you sit and look at your fully edited review feeling content. You look at Yunho, a small toothless smile on your face while he awkwardly glances around the library to avoid long eye contact. He gently taps his hands against the surface of the table, waiting for you to break the silence.

Which, you eventually do.

Thank god.

"Yunho, I feel so much better about this." You slide the laptop over to him. "Thanks for helping me, seriously. I don't know what I'd do if I had to see Dr. Nelson's comments again."

"It's not a problem." He shrugs. "I um, can continue to look at your reviews if you want?" Your eyes light up as you nod delightfully.

"Really?"

"Sure."

"I have to repay you somehow, that's too much on your plate isn't it?"

"It's not. I wouldn't offer if it was." He chuckles a bit.

"Lunch one day?"

"You don't have to."

"I would like to. Or, if our schedules don't work, we can always meet for coffee and go in on the café desserts."

"Sounds good." He smiles and pulls out his phone to slide it towards you. "Mm, do you think I can grab your number? Sorry, don't mean to be lame about it. I just figured it'd be easier instead of emailing each other. Unless that's what you.. prefer?" You chuckle and shake your head.

"No, this is totally easier. Don't worry." You plug your number in before sliding it back to me. "There."

"That's me." He says after giving you a quick ring so you can save his number on your own phone. You start to gather your things to start heading to class when you hear a familiar laugh come from one of the aisles to your right. You turn over your shoulder to catch wind of the noise, finding Seonghwa deep in conversation with another classmate, another senior girl [actually this one is probably Hyeri?] She seems to be laughing at his jokes, even though they probably aren't that funny. Somehow, the way he looks at her [along with any other female who isn't you] breaks your heart.

Breaks your heart even though there isn't anything else left to break.

Seonghwa briefly makes eye contact with you before his eyes quickly dart to Yunho, then back to Hyeri in front of him. You quietly continue to gather your things and swallow the lump forming in your throat, unsure why you allow this feeling to completely ruin your mood. Yunho takes note, for sure though. Again, he's not sure if he should feel bad because you surely knew what it was like getting tangled with Seonghwa. That was no secret on campus. However, he's an empath, and seeing that you've been kind and calm around him— he can't help but feel bad. A tiny bit sad, upset even, that you continue to let yourself mess around with Seonghwa when you deserve so much more.

Yunho challenges Seonghwa a bit though, letting his eyes linger on him until Seonghwa breaks away first. He checks on you and parts his lips slightly because he wants to say something, anything— he's just not sure what. Eventually, he settles with:

"Are you okay?" It's clear you're not and Yunho immediately feels stupid as fuck for settling with that question.

"Hm, yeah. Just tired, is all." He nods, watching as you slide out of the booth and swing your bag strap over your shoulder.

"Don't hesitate to text me if you need anything else. I'll try and help." When he says it, he's hoping you can catch onto the fact that he's someone who could listen to your troubles. He's not good with words or opening up to people, but he thinks he could at least offer that after seeing the way you sank in front of him. His eyes dart back up to you when you tuck your books back to your chest and smile at him.

"I will. Thanks again, Yunho. Lunch or coffee soon, okay?" You say sweetly before leaving him back to his lonesome.

"How was your date with Yunho?" Soobin asks as he forks his salad and takes a big bite. You glare at him before shaking your head.

"This is how rumors spread, you idiot." Chaery smacks him on the back of the head, making him laugh but slightly wince in pain at the same time.

"I'll whoop your ass if you say that word and Yunho in the same sentence one more time." You roll your eyes. "My literature review session with him went fine. He did help me out a lot, practically added another page to my review from all the edits we made."

"That's good." Soobin says, laughing. "Are you gonna have him review your literature stuff from now on?"

"Probably, it comes so easy for him. Or, maybe I just lack the patience." You shrug. "But, his help would definitely be nice. I need to push my grade up."

"Mhm." Soobin wiggles his brows.

"He's pushing this Yunho agenda so much." You point at Soobin while looking at Chaery and she shrugs.

"I mean don't get me wrong, I'm on the same bloat." You glare at her. "But, I'm on your side more than anything!" She quickly bounces back, making you sigh.

"I give up." You mumble as you rest your chin on the palm of your hand. Suddenly, your phone vibrates off to the side, making you lazily tap your screen to see who the notification is from.

"Better not be Seonghwa." You glare at Chaery once again.

"I'm taking this to the couch." You stick your tongue out before grabbing your phone and walking over to the couch in the living room. Because it's not, and you don't really wanna deal with your teasing friends even more.

yunho: btw, i like this website if i don't really wanna dig too deep into the details

yunho: it's a good website that summarizes a lot of the themes in books, and they have a huge catalog

You smile and respond back, feeling appreciative that he thought of you.

yunho: srry for the triple text, hope i didnt bother

you: you didn't. thank you, yunho :) i'll bookmark this that way i won't have to bother you so much lol

yunho: you're not a bother haha but np. have a good night!

you: you too!

Then, another comes in. And of course it's Seonghwa. But, the message isn't your typical message, no. It's a message that easily rubs you the wrong way because why? Why does Seonghwa like to pull this shit?

seonghwa: since when did you talk to jeong yunho? lol

you: why does it matter?

seonghwa: it's a simple question?

you: you're ridiculous, you know? we're in the lit same class. again, not that it matters .. ?

seonghwa: how am i ridiculous? lol

you: whatever seonghwa

seonghwa: why are you upset, baby? i'm just asking. i don't see what yunho's point is

you: he has no point, he's just helping me out.

seonghwa: okay, sure lol do you wanna come over? could use your company ):

you: not tonight

you: maybe you can call hyeri, or whatever her name is. i'm spending time with my roommates

seonghwa: baby, seriously? i was talking to a classmate. can we not fight over dumb shit again?

you: goodnight seonghwa

You sigh out of irritation, tossing your phone aside. It's a bit close to 10pm, but you feel like getting some fresh air and taking a quick walk around the complex would do you some good.

"Chaery, can we take a walk?" She looks at you and nods.

"Sure."

"What about me?" Soobin asks with a mouth full.

"You're eating."

"I can take it with me."

"It's girl talk." He cringes a bit and shakes his head.

"Nevermind. Be safe, come back soon." You chuckle just as Chaery walks out of your shared room in a hoodie. She has one of your jackets in your hand, handing it over as she gets closer.

"It's a bit cold tonight. Jacket?"

"Thanks." You smile at her as you throw it on and zip it up, sliding into your slippers before walking out. Chaery is right; the air is colder, crisp. It has a little bite, especially against your skin. Chaery wraps her arm around yours, pulling you close for extra body heat.

"What happened, babe?"

"Huh?"

"You told Soobin it was girl talk." You laugh a bit and nod.

"Oh yeah, right. It is." You sigh as you hold her close. "Nothing, it's just Seonghwa. He texted me just to ask when I started talking to Yunho and what his point was. Got on my nerve."

"Ew, what's his problem? Y/N, seriously. You can do so much better than him. I know it's not easy, and I know he has his moments with you. But baby, you deserve someone who is always sure about you and who will be happy to flaunt you off."

"I know." You sigh. "It's like every time I think about leaving, he does something to keep me close."

"But, it shouldn't be this way, you know? You shouldn't have to wait for these moments. It should happen every day if he really cared about you."

"Yeah." Is all you can say because what can you say? It's hard to break it off with Seonghwa because this is your routine, something you've gotten used to— his presence is something you've gotten accustomed to. Even if it he isn't necessarily the best, he keeps you company. The kind of company that you like.

"How was meeting up with Yunho? Did he help you with your review?"

"A lot. He is super helpful, and he offered to keep helping me."

"Aw." Chaery giggles. "That is so sweet of him."

"He's actually really kind, and patient. I offered to take him out for lunch or something one day."

"Cute. Yeah, you should! Get to know him. Maybe he just needs a little pushing out of his shell, you know? You could probably help him in return." You shrug.

"Maybe? He's still—" Suddenly, Chaery's eyes shoot up to the figure ahead. She does a little gasp before making a cute noise and dragging you closer.

"Yunho!" She says, waving at him. He looks a little startled, but he stops in his tracks and waits with his hands in his pockets— a shy, small smile creeping at the corner of his lips. "Wait, oh my god! I didn't realize you lived here, too! I mean, so does the majority of campus, but still!" You sure as hell didn't know either, and you feel a bit bad that you just probably never noticed.

"Uh, yeah. I just live over there." He points at his building.

"Who do you live with?"

"Kang Yeosang." Chaery nods.

"Ah, cute. What a pair." You give her a look before shifting your attention back to Yunho. He quietly waits for the next part of the conversation, his eyes softly gazing over you.

You're cute.

"What are you doing out here this late?"

"Could ask the same for you two." He chuckles and nervously scratches at the nape of his neck. "I, uh, can't sleep sometimes. The walk kinda helps."

"Ah, I see. Makes sense."

"So.." He awkwardly says, shifting weight from one foot to another. "Also couldn't sleep?" You shrug.

"We just needed to get out and get some air." Chaery cuts in for a follow-up to avoid any Seonghwa talk. Though, she knows Yunho wouldn't do that to you.

"It's getting late though, and pretty cold."

"We're just gonna walk to the end then walk back."

"Hm, okay."

"It was nice running into you." Chaery smiles. "I hope you can get some rest tonight!"

"Hopefully. Have a good night." He looks at her, then you; he gives you a very tiny, very subtle nod of acknowledgement. With that, the two of you walk past to continue your walk, Chaery praising how gentle and good-looking Yunho is until the end of the walk. Yunho knows the community is safe, but he cuts his walk short just to head up to his building and get a better view of yours. He hangs over the railing near the stairs, catching sight of you and Chaery. He watches as you circle back around to your building, slowly heading up the stairs. He can hear your laughs from where he stands, and he's glad you seem to be okay tonight.

It's good that you have great friends by your side.

When your figures disappear into the hallway, Yunho feels content, relieved— knowing you've both made it safely home. He turns on his heel to make it to his own apartment, greeted by a dark living room with echoes of Yeosang yelling at his PC.

At least you're okay.

At least you're not outside, waiting in the cold.

At least you're with good company.

♣︎ taglist: @s-nsanshine @soupbinlily @tyongff-ff @jiminiscricket @g1g1l @staytinyinmybpack @woomyteez @gfksz @bitchwhytho @savluvsmingi @thisisntmyrightera @hyukssunflower @miriamxsworld @tmtxtf @kuromibabe04 @lmnhead @carrietwrites @tournesol155 @persphonesorchid @txt-yaomi @marsattacks @mxnsxngie [bold = can’t tag 😭]

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piratefalls · 4 months

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i emerge from my pile of blankets in the freezing midwest just long enough to drop this. there's all kinds of fun stuff this week! and, despite being housebound because of subzero temps, i'm so far behind on reading it's not even funny, so it's a little shorter than usual.

masterlist.

None of my love will go to waste by @kiwiana-writes

Alex had pulled away at the sound of the door opening, is the thing. He’d looked up at Henry with wide eyes and spit-slick, swollen lips, and Henry knows intrinsically that he will never be rid of that mental image. He’ll take it into the shower later, into bed tonight, into the rest of his natural life; if he hits his head tomorrow and winds up with some medically implausible form of amnesia, the key to unlocking his identity will be the enduring memory of a beautiful mystery man and his perfect cock-sucking mouth. Because Alex was—Christ, he was— Or, Henry has made peace with the fact that he's in love with his straight roommate. When he walks in on said "straight" roommate with a man, though, he may need to re-evaluate.

wake and shake by weather_stained

Alex wakes up to find Henry indulging in some...classical literature.

until you're sick of me by rizcriz

Henry hasn't seen his roommate in nearly two months. Alex left for Austin shortly before Thanksgiving for two weeks, and Henry left for London the day before he was set to return. They’ve had the odd facetime call, and several hundred text messages to help them tide their time apart—but that didn’t take away from the fact that Henry fucking missed him. And after three delayed flights, he’s finally standing outside their apartment door, and he’s resigned himself to the fact that it’ll still be several hours before he can finally see Alex again. He sighs and sets down his bag to dig out his keys, carefully tucks the key into the lock, and quietly opens the door, turning his back to it to pick up his carryon and grab his roller bag. As quietly as he can, he scoots backwards into the apartment, flinching as the roller bag bounces off the door frame. -- Or, surprise, it's a love confession

check-in closes at too-early p.m. by coffeecatsme

A passenger plane, even if he was in first class, wasn’t going to wait for the former FSOTUS to stop making out with his boyfriend so they can fly. Or, 5 times Alex misses his flight and 1 time he doesn't.

sometimes we break so beautiful by Anonymous

It’s his own damn fault; Alex knows this. It’s his fault for having everyone over for a small birthday party only to spend the evening whispering filthy things to Henry when no one was looking. (And when they were looking, because it’s his goddamn birthday and he can be as inappropriate with his boyfriend as he fucking wants to be.) It’s his fault for pushing Henry, for bratting off with antagonistic words like ‘what are you going to do about it—give me birthday spankings?’ and ‘do you actually think you could put me in my place? Because I’d like to see you try.’ It’s his fault for taunting Henry by suggestively licking the birthday candles, for doing anything he could possibly do to bring attention to his mouth, to his ass, to his fingers. It's his fault that he’s now on their bed, lying on top of Henry, arms stretched out in front of him on either side of Henry's head and wrists tied to the headboard.

There's Something Missing in My Heart by allmylovesatonce

When Alex goes to London to tell him he loves him, Henry sends him away. How do both of them react to being without each other and what happens when their emails are still leaked?

Waffles & Conversation by clottedcreamfudge

“I’m fine, I swear. I just need to give it a proper clean and I’ll be fine.” Ellen isn’t convinced. “Okay, but you’re letting Henry look at it later.” Alex grits his teeth for what must be the thousandth time today and tries to keep his voice level. “No, I’m not. He’s a vet, mom.” “And he’s the closest thing to a doctor we have coming tonight,” she says firmly, letting him take his hand back and raising her eyebrows at him. “It’s that or the ER, honey. Your choice.”

Keep Me Waiting (Give Me More) by bleedingballroomfloor

Alex rubs his face with his hands. “You’re telling me,” he says slowly, “that you got a guy off three times — three fucking times — without even touching his dick? I don’t even think that’s scientifically possible.” Henry’s wine-drunk grin grows a little wider. “Would you like me to prove it to you?”

Sweet, Like Sugar by everwitch

After Henry dates a series of certified assholes, Pez has had it and signs Henry up for a sugar dating app. Henry doesn’t expect much at first, but that’s before he connects with Alex; obscenely wealthy, devilishly handsome and unexpectedly sweet, Alex sweeps Henry right off his feet. But what does Alex expect in return for his extravagant generosity? And why is he so secretive about what his life looks like outside of his intimate conversations with Henry?

even sleeping you astonish me by accol

The utter irony. To be at a climate conference and have a storm descend upon the proceedings was perhaps poetic. To have the storm be intense enough to flood half the hotel and cut off transportation to the mainland was concerning. But to have it all culminate in Henry having to share a room with Alex Claremont-Diaz was as if Mother Nature herself was having a laugh.

9 to 5 by smc_27

Henry is Alex’s favourite colleague. By a fucking country mile, to be honest. He’s intensely competent, has an insane memory for process and policy, and is kind to everyone. Also? He’s fucking pretty, and Alex might be new to bisexuality, but he’s not that new. He knows what he likes, and what he likes are men with pretty eyes and kind smiles and nice cheekbones and English accents. Other men, too, but like. Be serious. Henry’s top of the list. Unfortunately, Henry lives in London. Alex lives in New York City. They work closely together and meet once a week, if not more, and Slack one another almost every day. Alex is on the legal team, and Henry is in business operations, and the second Alex met Henry for the first time, he knew he was truly fucked.

before the first light by stutteringpeach

“I don’t feel anyone. And I’m not going to feel anyone. Because I don’t have a soulmate.” Alex looks confused. “What? Everyone has a—“ “I don’t have a soulmate,” Henry tells him with a sigh, “because I don’t have a soul.”

Song In My Head by MayQueen517

Henry is an explorer and finds himself in a different situation entirely. === He’s restrained. By vines. His wrists and his ankles are encased in the surprisingly soft vines and around him is the scent of blooming honeysuckle that had charmed him so the night before. Henry groans, tilting his head back and he’s aware, briefly, of the vines gently supporting his head, as if they’re concerned over his comfort.

learning to love (without it having to hurt) by viciouslyqueer

Alex nods. “I get that.” He pauses. “You know you can talk to me if you need to, right? If things aren’t great.” Henry’s face softens, his shoulders relaxing a bit. “I know,” he murmurs. “Thanks.” He turns back to the television, and Alex forces himself to do the same. He tears his gaze away from Henry’s profile and focuses on their Star Wars marathon again, refusing to acknowledge how cuddly Henry looks in soft pajamas and fuzzy, mismatched socks. Alex’s heart leaps in his chest anyway. He knew having a crush on his roommate would be confusing, frustrating, and borderline heartbreaking. None of that stopped him.

address me properly by headabovethewater

25. Royalty kink

Pitching a Tent by cmere

Henry looks Alex up and down appraisingly. Alex feels heat rising in his neck and wills it to stop, burning with curiosity about what Henry’s going to ask. He finally says in a low voice, “Are you a serial killer?” Alex smirks. “Even if I was a serial killer, wouldn’t I just say no to get you alone?” “Dammit, you’re right,” Henry says, grinning. “I guess I’ll have to take my chances then.” “Live dangerously, sweetheart.” - or - “our mutual friend dropped out of this trip at the last minute, so hi i guess we’re spending the weekend together” AU!

take my hand if you can take me as i am by anincompletelist

It would hurt less, Alex guesses, if he wasn’t head over heels for the guy he’s supposed to be fucking through an ancient one-sided sex curse with that was partially — a lot, actually — his own fault. But. It’s not like there’s a fucking handbook. Alex has looked.

'till the gravity's too much by IndestructibleHeart

He’s been pacing the length of the house for the better part of an hour now, restless after 48 hours of involuntary confinement. The blizzard outside is unrelenting, to the point that city officials have recommended staying indoors until conditions clear. It’s actually a “suggestion” that Alex might’ve tested if a) Henry weren’t taking the ‘sTaTe oF eMeRgEnCy’ so seriously and b) if not for the fact that their door has literally been frozen shut. “Baby,” Alex says, deliberate and slow, because he knows it’ll earn him the long-suffering, utterly helpless expression it always does. “I’m crawling out of my skin here. Can you just… distract me?”

a quick study by @whimsymanaged

Alex is new to bisexuality, and he turns to a friend for some guidance.

where every wish comes true by HypnosTheory

“Locked out?” “I forgot my keys,” Alex says with a sigh, leaning against his door with a muted shiver. He was planning on a heated Uber ride to June’s apartment, not standing out in the cold ass hallway. Alex hugs his coat closer to his chest. “My friend has my spare.” Henry nods, leaning against his own door frame. Alex isn’t sure what the man does outside of going to grad school at NYU, but it must be bench-pressing horses based on the size of his biceps. Henry reaches up to push his glasses higher on his nose and Alex swears he wasn’t that bisexual when the day started. “Would you like to wait in my apartment for your friend?” -- Alex gets locked out his apartment on Christmas Eve. He's forced to take refuge in his neighbor and occasional fuck buddy Henry's apartment, and together the two get into the Christmas spirit with the help of a festive costume and a silk ribbon.

Anything You Want by somuchworse

Alex rubs his thumb against the stubble on his chin, a soothing balm to the fire melting it’s way through Henry’s bloodstream. “You can tell me, baby. Whatever it is, I won’t care. I won’t judge you. Nothing. I’ll just listen.” And that helps. Henry opens his eyes, and his blood cools just enough to let him speak as he peers up at Alex through his eyelashes. “I’ve never had an orgasm. I’ve tried on my own, and with other people, and I always get close… But then it disappears. So, yeah. Never had one.”

I did one thing right (starry eyes sparking up my darkest night) by theprinceandagcd

"Sighing happily, Alex focuses on the feeling of Henry’s arm around his back. The tips of Henry’s fingers are brushing featherlight up and down his spine, and Alex can feel goosebumps rising on the flesh in their wake. It’s so fucking tranquil that Alex is pretty sure he could die right now and be perfectly content with his life, except – 'We should get married.' 'Pardon?' Oh. Fuck. He said that out loud."

like strawberries on a summer evening by Anonymous

He saw something wiggle in the blanket pile, and then Alex’s face appeared under a mop of messy curls, frown stuck firmly onto his face. “Ugh,” he said, from his spot on the bed. - Alex is having a rough time, and Henry is concerned, like any good boyfriend would be.

even though we know it isn't true by matherine

For so long, academics had been the one thing Alex could count on when everything else in his life was falling apart, the one thing he had always been good at. It didn’t matter that his parents were getting divorced as long as he could figure out how to factor an equation, didn’t matter that June was moving out to go to UT-Austin as long as he could analyze Jane Eyre, didn’t matter that his mother was on the campaign trail more often than he ever saw her as long as he could balance lacrosse with his position as valedictorian. But now, every time a paper comes across his desk marked to within an inch of its life, bleeding a C – or even worse, a D scrawled in bright red ink, his chest grows a little tighter, his breathing a little quicker. Thankfully, he’d not yet managed to fuck up spectacularly enough to get himself a real, honest to God F. He’s not sure he’d survive it. He’s already not sure how well he’s surviving. Alternatively: Alex is failing a class. Henry learns how to help him cope.

Twice the speed (of you and me) by @myheartalivewrites

“Hey. So, you know Pez?” Alex asks bluntly. No easy way into this, he’s decided. Henry looks up from his phone, frowning. “My best mate?” “Yeah, that one.” ——— Alex has an idea.

Don't Quit It by inexplicablymine

“And goddamn last but not least on my Hit It and Don’t Quit It list would be the Saracens rugby player Henry Fox. That man has great depths, and he could so easily plumb my depths, if you know what I’m saying. An all-around fantastic player, but also someone who is ridiculously smart off the field. And we all know by now that everyone on this list features my mile-wide competency kink. Henry, if you are seeing this, we could play around with some balls that aren’t just in play.” Fuck fuck fuckity fuck fuck. Alex has just accidentally outed himself to 6.7 million people. And according to the comments section, they seem to be all too aware. Or... Announcing your crush via viral TikTok... that's one way to get his attention ;)

Hall of Fame by politics_and_prose

“It is an unbelievable honor to be inducted into the New York Mets Hall of Fame. If I could tell the eight year old boy sitting in the stands at Shea that we would end up here, I don’t think I would. This journey has been … it’s been everything to me. Thank you, New York, for loving me as much as I love you. Thank you.”

Sip You Like Cosmic Juice by @sparklepocalypse

“There’s this… charity rugby match in Windsor next month that my mate, Percy’s foundation organizes. I, um… I was wondering if you might want to… be my guest.” Here’s the thing – Alex knows that Henry is athletic and strong. He’d felt and, to some extent, seen evidence of this in the way Henry’s hands had gripped at his waist and back in the Red Room, the ease with which Henry had manhandled him onto the sofa in his bedroom, and in how solid Henry had felt beneath him as they’d tumbled into the supply closet at London Children’s Hospital. And Henry’s a royal – being sporty seems to be a baseline job requirement for modern royals. So yeah, Alex knows Henry’s got some muscle, and as he walks toward the stands that line either side of the rugby pitch in Windsor, Alex thinks he’s prepared. He finds a seat in the stands among spectators wearing the colors of Henry’s team – red, white, and blue – then scans the pitch for a familiar head of blond hair. It’s probably for the best that he’d sat down first, because when his gaze alights on Henry out on the field, Alex promptly swallows his tongue. (Movieverse; what if everything's the same, except the charity sporting event is rugby?)

if you ever want me to tag you, let me know!

tagging: @starkfridays @stilesgivesmefeels

#rwrb rec list #rwrb #rwrb fic #rwrb fanfiction #firstprince #red white and royal blue #alex claremont diaz #henry fox mountchristen windsor #do yourselves a favor and mind the tags!

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roboneco · 28 days

Text

Who sent the email to Sam?

It was "from Jon" as Sam said, or at the very least it seemed like that. It is only a name. Could be "him". Could be fake. But why the name Jon, specifically?

First, all we know about the email is that it was sent with a name, an address, and from an internal email. The name and address being of Gerry specifically, and not of Gertrude because she's not who Sam asked for. That's it.

Here's where I got confused. Why exactly did Sam ask Gerry about the magnus institute?? From this alone, this shouldn't occur to him. Maybe he researched the name and ,as he claimed then, found a list of the kids who were there.

But...well... while Sam is competent & of course he was always obsessed with the institute after what happened to him....if he had a way to find the list himself, do you think he would have waited until someone sent him an email to go look for answers??

Of course not! He'd have already checked every single name on the list! Or at least looked for better leads than just begging people to trauma dump on him. I think someone else gave him the list. Or really the idea to ask about the list.

(I for some reason can't upload pictures so I'll settle for copy pasting the parts I want).

SAM: Right. Of course. I was wondering if you knew anything about the Magnus Institute?

SAM: I was on one of their gifted kids programs and – um – I got hold of a list of a few of the other kids, and thought it might be nice if we could get in contact, swap stories and that…

GERTRUDE: I see. Well, I’m sorry, but I don’t think Gerry can help you –

GERRY: (casually) Yeah, I barely remember any of it.

SAM: Oh, so you were a candidate?

To me it sounds like Sam was winging it. He hesitated before mentioning the list as if he wasn't sure it existed. he then seems almost surprised when Gerry confirms he was in the institute.

My guess is he never saw the list! My guess is whoever sent Sam the email had heard about his connection to the institute, and sent him a lead vague enough not to cause suspicion to who may have sent it & THEN personally planted in his head the idea that the lead & institute were connected.

Now, who do we know that: knows of the name Jon, interested in the magnus institute, and Sam trusts enough to listen to their advice about something he already wanted to do?

Bingo. It is Celia. Celia is the one who sent the Jon email & I have more proof.

1- this exchange right after leaving Gerry's house:

SAM: …Thanks for coming with me, Celia. I know we’ve only been working together a few weeks.

CELIA: Hey, it was my idea, remember?

hm? Your idea you say. good to know, bestie!

2- it makes sense for her to use any name really. I don't think it matters. But we should remember that when she listened to her first case (by Chester) right after that Sam got his email. Literally in the same episode.

3- she was in a podcast with Georgie in this world (as far as Sam & google know at least) so it makes sense for her to be able to search & find the list!!

4- this is weak but well.... She works in the OIAR... She has an internal email and could make another one (or hack her way through or something).

I am sure there are other things that I just can't remember right now but anyway that leaves some questions

Why did she take the painting?

Why Gerry? I understand how she could find the list but why choose him? I doubt either Melanie or Georgie mentioned him before. Was it random? Plot reasons? Or maybe her target wasn't Gerry, but Gertrude.

She could know about Gertrude. She was the last archivist after all. But she wants a reason to go without someone suspecting her personally. So after some research (stalking) figures out she has a roommate. And hey would you look at that. The guy's name is in the list of kids experimented on by the magnus institute. And oh? Who is also on the list? Her new coworker. Now isn't that a funny coincidence! It would be a shame if someone were to.... Maybe.... Use this opportunity for totally, definitely ethical reasons.....such as sending Sam a little email & connecting him with an old friend!

I think of this because Celia is the one who asked Gerry if he lives alone. She directed the conversation to ask about Gigi.

Anyways I had maaaannny more thoughts about this. Alas, I am tired & going to bed.

Have I mentioned that Celia lives I'm my head rent free. Sorry, wanted to say it, in case it wasn't obvious.

#the magnus protocol #tmagp #tmagp theory #celia ripley #samama khalid #sam khalid #This should have been posted along time ago #But I needed to articulate my thoughts #Into something semi comprehendable #The Magnus protocol theory

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thru-the-grapevine · 1 year

Text

We Might Be Stupid

Pairing: Yeo Hwanwoong x reader

Summary: Your best friend apparently thinks it’s the nineties. You call him to straighten things out.

Word Count: 1.8k

Tags: idiot besties to lovers, resolved mutual pining, implied college au, fluff, humor

Author Notes: this is my first work for the Oneus Trope Bingo hosted by @oneusficevents! I’m using it for my “mutual pining” square. A little nervous about it but it was loads of fun to write, so I hope Oneusblr can enjoy it <3

It isn’t quite acceptable barging hours when you barge into your roommate’s bedroom that morning.

“I—huh?” Your roommate mumbles, startling awake at the sound of the door.

“I need to borrow your phone,” you say, pulse racing. “Please. Since mine isn’t being fixed until this afternoon.”

Your roommate frowns, eyes still closed. “What?”

“Please. It’s important. Please. I need to make a call.”

Your roommate’s eyes blink halfway open and gaze at you, only half-conscious. Your desperation must really show on your face, because they say, “Sure. Uh, you okay?”

“I don’t know,” you breathe, unplugging the phone from the charger and tapping in their passcode. “Probably. I don’t know. Thank you. Be right back.”

You find the phone app and dial the memorized number, putting it to your ear. You glance back at your roommate’s alarm clock as you take your leave and try idly to do a calculation of what time it is abroad, deducing that he won’t be asleep and he also won’t still be working. Pick up, pick up, pick up pick up pick up pickuppickuppick-

The ring tone cuts off early and the line clicks on. “Uh…hello?”

Something about hearing Hwanwoong’s voice soothes the sting of the panic in your heartbeat, even as your pulse continues racing. “You. You sent—you and your—an email?”

“Oh,” you hear him say brightly, recognition in his voice, and then, flustered, “uh—hi. I, uh, I can expl—”

“An email?!”

“I panicked!” Hwanwoong blurts. “You—your phone, it’s broken, I can’t text—can’t call either, how are you even calling me by the way, whose phone is—I didn’t know how else to—”

“Is this 1999?” You ask him, incredulous, pacing, and you can’t help a flutter of laughter. “You tell me you have feelings for me in an email?! I’m checking my email to make sure my stupid philosophy paper was turned in on time and I see you sent me something with the subject ‘Help’ and then a confession?! That could have sat there for who knows how long—”

“I only sent it, like, eight hours ago,” he protests, then splutters, “n-no, really, your phone is broken. How did you get my number?”

“Yeo Hwanwoong,” you sigh in exasperation, “I have had your phone number memorized since we were fifteen.”

“…Oh,” he says, then laughs. “God, I love you.”

“Yeah!” You exclaim, stomach fluttering with something giddy at the words. “And you said it in an email, like this is a Tom Hanks movie or something!”

“I’m—listen!” He defends, “it hit me out of literally nowhere, hard, like, think hit-on-the-head-with-a-cinder-block hard, and it was overwhelming, like what the hell? What am I supposed to do with this? And I panicked and usually I just call you when I’m panicked and I would have but your phone—”

“My phone is broken, yeah,” you say, pulse finally winding down to adagio. Your deep breath is still shaky. “Well, I’m here now. Talk me through it.”

“Out of nowhere,” he says darkly. “Truly. I was just wondering what the hell you saw in that guy you’re talking to right now, anyway, the one you keep asking for advice on, and why he keeps bothering you all the time, and then I tried to be all, ‘well, what would I see in them if I was trying to date them’, and was like, ‘I mean, sure, they’re cute, anyone with eyes can see that, and sure they’re funny, but in the smart way which is even funnier, and also they’re thoughtful and also they’re a good listener, and and and’ and then it just hit me and, I mean! What the hell, dude? I don’t even know how long I’ve felt like this? Is this normal??”

“You get used to it after a little bit,” you tell him, head spinning. Hwanwoong just called you cute. “But yeah, it’s kinda overwhelming at first, right? And scary?”

“Terrifying, oh my god,” he groans. “Like, you’re my best friend, what the hell am I supposed to do now? What if you’ve noticed the whole time and have just been staying my friend to be nice, or something?”

“I didn’t notice,” you tell him, dragging your toe along one of the cracks in the floorboards, “or I didn’t want to get my hopes up, anyway. But you’re right, that’s the vibe, for sure.”

“And like, what if telling you is a bad idea? What if you’ll feel weird now about it, and we can’t hang out and make jokes and get bubble tea on weekends and—hey, wait. Got used to—get hopes up? I—WAIT.”

Your pulse jump-starts into high gear again. “Uhhh. Suddenly I have, um, things to do—”

“Don’t you dare hang up!” Hwanwoong exclaims. “Yah! I’ll call you again! Or whoever’s phone this is—it’s your roommate’s, right? Your roommate will get sick of me! Don’t you dare! You—I—what do y—how do you know how this feels?”

“Um.” Your heart is going to ricochet out of your ribcage. “I…maybe this is, uh, not new? For me to feel?”

Hwanwoong is quiet for a second, then, “About who?”

“Dude, don’t make me say it,” you groan. “It’s already embarrassing enough to talk with you about—”

“Is it that guy? The one you’ve been talking to? Because if it is, he’s kind of an idiot and he doesn’t appreciate your sense of humor nearly enough but like, I can take it, I’ll support you and the mediocre boy, it’s okay if—”

“You! It’s you! You dumbass!” You cut him off, shrill. “You’re the idiot! God! You are absolutely unbelievable! I am hanging up the phone!”

“No, please! Pleasepleasepleasepl—”

“Unbelievable,” you mutter, slumping down onto your bed. “I’m not hanging up, you can calm down.”

Hwanwoong sighs, sounding winded. “What are…why are we like this.”

“Beats me,” you mumble.

“You…have feelings for me?”

His voice is gilded with hope. You want to melt into the bed and die. “I…yeah.”

Hwanwoong sighs again, shakily, but you can hear him smiling. “How…when did you figure your side out?”

You close your eyes and pinch the bridge of your nose, embarrassment prickling under your skin. “….like, two years ago.”

There’s a long, excruciating silence on his end.

Panic bubbles up in your throat. “But like, in my defense, that was the year you suddenly were, like….a man? I-I mean, something…happened, because suddenly you weren’t just a kid my age, you were, like, attractive. Which, like, how dare you, by the way? You were supposed to be my cute little bestie forever, but nooo, you had me helping you post thirst traps, and shopping for clothes you looked hot in, and like, what was I supposed to do? So yeah, I thought I was being painfully obvious and that you were just being kind. But no, you’re just an idiot, but like, I guess I was too—”

“I love you so bad,” Hwanwoong interrupts. “You were in….dude, since two years ago?”

“If you think you get to make fun of how long I’ve loved you when you sent me an email—”

“I’m not making fun of you, I’m, like, pissed,” Hwanwoong says, but he’s laughing. “Like, doing the math, connecting the dots, it’s…yeah, I think I’ve felt like this about you since then, too, which is dumb as hell. All that time, and we could’ve…”

“Ugh,” you say, emphatic, dropping your head back against the bed and glaring at the ceiling. All that pining for nothing.

“We…might be stupid,” Hwanwoong says, still snickering.

Hwanwoong is in love with you. Holy shit. You can’t stop grinning. “You, uh. Wow.” You turn over on your side and grab your laptop, which you’d left open to his email on your bed when you rushed to call him. You begin reading aloud. “‘So in the weirdest turn of events I didn’t see coming, I think I may be, like, really in love with you somehow’. You don’t say. You simp for me that bad, huh.”

“I—you—I don’t—” Hwanwoong starts, then sighs.

You laugh.

“Wait, wait, oh my god, is this why I caught you checking me out all the time?” Hwanwoong asks.

Now it’s your turn to splutter. “I—I didn’t—I wasn’t checking y…uh. Well. Maybe.”

Hwanwoong snickers. “Busted.”

You sigh. “How much longer are you away again? Semester’s almost over. It’s been, like, eighty-four years.”

“Um, lemme check,” he says, pausing for a few moments, and you can picture him lifting his phone from his ear and tapping over to his calendar. “….ugh. Another week and a half.”

“Ugh,” you agree. “Too long. You need to come home so I can go full Spanish Inquisition on you about this.”

“Same,” he says. “When are you getting your phone fixed? It’s been killing me this week not to talk to you like normal.”

“The appointment’s today,” you reassure him. “Should hopefully be back to normal by the time you wake up tomorrow.”

“Thank god,” he groans. “Never drop your phone in the washing machine again, dumbass. I have too many important things to say.”

“You’re always welcome to say them over email now, if you want,” you say, smirking, and Hwanwoong grumbles playfully while you laugh.

“Hey.”

Your roommate is in the doorway, looking freshly showered. “I’m leaving soon, I’m gonna need that back.”

You pout but nod. “I gotta go, ‘Woong, roomie needs the phone back.”

“Yeah, I should probably go to bed soon, anyway,” he says, then pauses. “I, um….”

You don’t prompt him, glad that he sounds as shy as you feel.

“…thanks. For not, you know, freaking out. Well, actually, you did freak out, but, like, not in the bad and annoying way.”

“Thanks a lot,” you groan, and he laughs again, the sound soft in a way that sits comfortably in your heart.

“I….I really do. Love you, that is. God, this is awkward.”

You’re grinning ear to ear. “Yeah, it is. It’ll get better with practice, I bet.”

You pause, then add, “I love you, too. Dumbass.”

“Gross,” your roommate says from the doorway, and apparently Hwanwoong can hear them, because he laughs at that, too, and the sound is so joyous. You miss him a lot, miss seeing how his eyes crinkle when he’s happy. You can’t wait for him to get home from abroad.

“I’ll text you when my phone gets fixed, okay?”

“I’ll be waiting. Tick tock.”

You smile.

“Love you,” he says again, and the way he says it makes warmth zip through you.

“Love you,” you breathe, meaning it, then hang up before you get too embarrassed.

Your roommate is smirking when you hand the phone back. “I’m glad my phone could help you two idiots finally figure it out.”

“Shut up,” you mumble, shoving their arm playfully before going to make coffee. A week and a half. How are you going to survive that long?

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depressedhouseplant · 2 months

Text

🔞 Just Fucking Write - Day 76 🔞

Prompt: Camboy Wooyoung & his biggest fan Yunho

A/N: This is going to be in multiple parts so here’s part 1 ✌🏻 Also it’s Yunho’s birthday in Korea so we’ll finish when it’s the 23rd in my time zone

“You’ve already got 50 applications,” Jongho announced when Wooyoung came back into the living room after his post stream shower.

“Fifty? I ended the stream half an hour ago,” Wooyoung sat next to his roommate / manager.

“I guess there’s a lot of guys who want a chance at sticking their dick in you on camera,” Jongho replied.

“Thank you for that astute observation,” Wooyoung stuck his tongue out at the other man. “Any good candidates?”

“Not so far. Mostly too small,” Jongho told him.

“Their dicks or the rest of them?” Wooyoung asked.

“In some cases both. Don’t think I don’t know exactly what you’re looking for,” Jongho said.

“What about him?” Wooyoung pointed to a thumbnail of a guy who looked massive.

“Let’s have a look,” Jongho clicked on the file. “Jeong Yunho, username GoldenRetriever99, age 25 -“

“GoldenRetriever99?” Wooyoung interrupted.

“Yeah,” Jongho confirmed.

“He’s one of my best tippers, if not the best,” Wooyoung told him.

“Let’s see what he’s got,” Jongho clicked on the video file and it started playing. Yunho was shirtless in a bathroom.

“Hi,” he waved at the camera. “I’m Yunho. I’ve watched your channel pretty much since you started it. I’m not, like, 100% sure what you’re looking for, but I thought I’d send you something. Also, I’m really nervous so sorry if I talk too much or it takes me a little longer to get off.”

“Awwww he likes you,” Jongho teased.

“Shut up,” Wooyoung punched Jongho’s arm. They watched as Yunho talked himself through jacking off on video. He was everything Wooyoung was looking for even if he was nervous.

“Him. I want him,” Wooyoung declared when the video ended.

“Do you want me to set it up or do you want to do it?” Jongho glanced down at Wooyoung’s lap. He was hard again. Usually it took him several hours to recover after a stream, especially if he’d used one of his bigger toys.

“I can,” Wooyoung said.

“I figured,” Jongho replied.

Yunho was absolutely not obsessively checking his email when a reply popped up to the “audition” video he sent. It was a rejection. He knew it. He braced himself like he was expecting a car crash when he opened it.

Congratulations!

You’ve been selected to be my special guest for my anniversary livestream next week. Please provide the information below and we can arrange a time to meet in person.

XOXO,

Wooyoung AKA WooU

Yunho read the email 3 times before it started to sink in. Wooyoung had picked him. He’d actually picked him. Yunho scrolled through the information Wooyoung wanted. He’d have to get tested because his current results were too old. No big deal. He’d probably eat his own arm if Wooyoung asked.

“Holy fuck,” he said to himself.

#just fucking write 2k24 #minors dni #ateez fanfic #wooyoung x yunho #rarepair #jeong yunho x Jung wooyoung #Ateez yunwoo #ateez smut

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legendsobsessions · 6 months

Note

okay so you went to archaeology school for anthropology right? spill the tea. what's the best, worst, and weirdest lesson you've had? what's the most cursed fact you've learned that's fundamentally altered how you interact with society? what's the most blessed?

I went to the University of Veilstone, as a matter of fact—they have a very good anthropology program, I even was lucky enough to be invited to teach a class on mythology once as a guest professor. Can't speak for anything else, my roommate in undergrad was also an anthro student.

Best lesson: One of my professors in undergrad really did not feel like lecturing one day, so he decided we were going to take a field trip to the meteorites. Strictly speaking not anthropology, but still very cool, and quite relevant for the city's early years!

Worst lesson: A particular professor who shall not be named spent an entire lesson ranting about one of his colleagues who was getting more academic recognition than him. It was, however, within the first week of classes, and I was delighted to discover that the colleague he'd been complaining about had a couple open seats in a class during the same timeslot.

Weirdest lesson: Professor came into class, looked at his lesson plan, then gave a lecture about ghosts and Ghost-types. Two minutes after the lesson ended, a classmate happened to check their email and discovered that the professor had in fact been sick and apologized for being unable to attend... it was a fascinating lecture, regardless!

Cursed fact: One way to tell the difference between rock and bone is to lick it. Bones tend to stick more because they're porous.

...Yes, I have licked both before.

Blessed fact: Ever been to the Solaceon Ruins? I'd recommend the trip; the Unown tend not to disturb visitors so long as they aren't particularly loud (and, for the love of all you hold dear, DO NOT LITTER, THEY WILL NOT LIKE THAT) and the inscription there is, regardless of which translation you prefer, a particularly powerful one.

The two main translations, in no particular order, are: All lives touch other lives to create something anew and alive. When every life meets another life, something will be born.

I personally think that both translations have their own merits, but the debate is an ongoing one in academia.

#ooc: I licked a bone for this post #ooc: method-acting #pokeblogging #pokeblog rp #pokemon irl #rotomblr

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faegoddessog · 10 months

Text

Seventy Two Hours of Bliss Ch. 38/41

Chapter 38: Letters from the Ice

Chapter Warnings: Explicitly mature content, 18+ only, talk about masturbation, separation angst,

Series Masterlist

Series Summary:

You are neighbors with Austin Butler on the Gold Coast of Australia just prior to shooting Elvis. You become just friends because he is taken. However, after he is single again, you both find out just how attracted you are to one another and things get unrelentingly hot.

SERIES WARNING: Explicitly mature content, 18+ only, here there be lemons.

Authors Notes: I started writing this while remodeling my kitchen, so that informed the slightly quirky narrative. It starts slow, but once it heats up, it is on fire. I have tried to pull facts from RL as much as I could, but obviously there are some assumptions and flat out dreamy wishes involved here.

Chapter 38: Letters from the Ice

8.25.2020

Hey babe!

So, yay email! Hopefully this will work for us. :) But the internet is SO SLOW. Even with barely anyone here it took 10 min for my email to load. I am told by the winterers that trying to upload a video is all but impossible. But a picture *can* go through. Thank the local deity that we don’t have to super old school it and use carrier penguins! Yay! Well we finally made it to McMurdo. I can’t believe it’s been a whole month since I’ve seen you, well except for the phone calls in Christchurch. It feels like the band aid is really ripped off now. I’m just trying to breathe through it. I hope you are staying busy or at least distracted. I am excited to finally be here after 5 days of delayed flights as is the rest of my group. We’ve taken to calling ourselves a flock. I have no idea why. So I’ve got a room all to myself right now, but we’ll see how many people show up for the mainbody season in October, I may or may not have a roommate. So, there I was trying to get settled and I opened my big suitcase and found the books and the dark chocolate and the candles and the little bottle of essential oil blend. Fuck it smells like you. It made me cry and smile at the same time. Thank you baby. This is a classic pic me in front of the station sign. It looks darker than it was, but we only had 4 hours of sunlight and there was a storm coming. Wow, I thought I'd been through blizzards at home. This was nothing compared to what they got here! I’d send you a photo. But it’s literally just white.

I do have a confession to make. You remember that freakin’ hot phone sex we had during my quarantine? Yeah… um.. I recorded the audio, yup, every time. I’m gonna listen to your amazing voice telling me to touch myself. I think I’ll lube up my butt plug you gave me and push it into my ass imagining it’s you. Fuck I miss you. I miss your body next to mine at night and your cock in me in the morning. I love you Aus, I miss you. All the kisses for you. ~Your Kitten

8/26/20

Kitten!!! I’m so stoked that we still get to keep in touch. Even if only over email. That pic of you in front of the sign feels surreal. I can't even tell it's you with all the layers! The landscape looks so desolate. I’m so glad you found my gifts, that’s just stuff I don’t like to live without, kinda like you. I’m not liking living without you. Although I’m STILL finding post-it notes. You little fiend, putting them in all my clothes. Makes me smile and cry too. I did get some exciting news though. Baz, as you know, has been checking up on me since you left. I really love him, he is such a marvelous soul. Anyway he told me yesterday that we will start rehearsals next week and filming is slated to start up again in mid to late September. Thank God, I gotta have something to focus on other than this empty apartment. I’m just waiting for the rest of the crew to get back in country, then I’ll be too busy to think. Also, I’m gonna talk to your Uncle Roy this week and make sure I can still stay here. Baz says the studio will give me a stipend for the apartment and I’ll just pass that along to him. That reminds me, Kate said she had not seen anything related to us from Marissa’s channel and that she would be willing to have a meeting with her, but she won’t make any guarantees. I have a confession too, I went and developed those couple rolls of film we'd taken. It was so fucking sad that you weren’t there to play with while I waited for them to dry. Anyway, You know how I wasn’t sleeping in our bedroom yet? Well, I put the photos I took of you up all over our bedroom and it finally let me sleep in there alone, although I might’ve cried myself to sleep just a little. When I woke up hard I had those gorgeous pictures of you in that black dress to jerk off to. Fuck you are hot and fuck I miss you so much. Oh my god, just reading that you are fucking your ass with my butt plug has me hard, you are such a naughty Kitten. I might have to keep track of how naughty you are and punish you accordingly when I see you next. I wish you were here to suck this hard cock right now. I think when I finish I’ll stroke myself while looking at those closeups of you and imagine your luscious lips wrapped around me. I’d send you a pic of it, but I’m terrified it could get out somehow. I love you more, I miss you terribly, only 187 more days to go.. Roughly. ~Your Aus

9.20.20

Hello my love, So how’s things? Are you ready? I’m so excited for you to start filming again. You got this babe! I believe in you! (forehead kisses) There were satellite issues again when I tried to call you last night. I’m so sad we keep getting hosed on our phone calls. Soon you’ll be too busy to take a call from me! We are pretty solidly in the groove of our workday, that’s 6 days a week. I’m on the day shift right now and it’s been a bunch of maintenance checks and rebuilds on buildings and answering calls for service. There is a big build that got delayed due to covid, but we will be starting on that pretty soon. The food is surprisingly good. The galley really loves their themes. Taco Tuesday, Asian Nights, Sunday Brunch. The pizza is pretty good too! It’s not a woodfired oven made by the hands of angels good, but when you want pizza, it’ll do. Made a good group of friends, though we are all weird misfits here it seems. Do you remember when people had to talk to each other instead of stare at their phones? It’s like that here, since there isn’t wifi, not that it would work right. It’s amazing how old school it feels, it’s kind of wonderful. Probably sounds like torture to you my shy, introverted darling.

Most of the people here are guys. It’s like 70/30. I’m the only woman in my department, not like that’s new to me. The first day I showed up for work the foreman asked if I was in the wrong place. They tried to give me shit at first until I out-hammered them all in a nailing race. Just a dumb little competition thing. But it stopped them from fucking with me. Yeah, I know my stuff assholes! Lol! Now we are all good. Except for Joe, I do not like Joe. He just rubs me wrong and won’t let the girl thing go. We may have to have a little come-to-Jesus meeting during which I emasculate him with the claw on my purple hammer! The other women I’ve met have also been surprised by the overall disappointing behavior from some of these guys. There is a saying on the ice- “Antarctica: Full of badass women and mediocre men.” This is true. Not all the guys are that way though, some of them are nice and those are the ones that get laid. Yeah, there are a lot of hookups happening and there are free condoms, like, everywhere. No one here is as interesting or as sexy as my man though. Plus, you spoiled me with not having to use condoms. I miss your skin on mine, I miss your lips on mine, I miss your cock in my mouth. Since I don’t have a roommate yet, I think I’ll light your candle, put on the sexy music playlist we used to fuck to and add some of that EO to my wrists. I’m going to suck on my dildo. I’ll start slow just licking the tip, I’ll imagine your hand in my hair and your sky blue eyes watching every flick of my tongue. I’ll make sure my lips are good and wet before I slide it down my throat. And I’ll be fucking myself with my vibrator, the one that's curved. The only thoughts I'll have in my mind are ‘it’s your cock in my mouth, it’s your hand on my pussy, it’s you, it’s you, it’s you’. I’m gonna cum so hard, moaning around your imagined cock in my mouth, I may have to do it twice. God I miss you. Tell me more about how you jerk off to pictures of me, that is so damn hot. I’m just imagining you stroking yourself, playing with the tip a little. Damn. ~Your Slutty Kitty

9/22/20

My bad, bad Kitty, I do not know how you do it, but are you aware of how fucking sexy you are? Even just via email you get me so riled up. How do you take the mere 26 letters of the alphabet and make them into these sexy fucking pictures in my head?! I miss my cock in your mouth too, I miss you laying out on the bed with your legs wide and my head buried between them. I don’t have anything to lick and pretend is your pussy, but I promise I will make up for it when I see you next. Oh lord I gotta go take care of this massively hard co

9/22/20

Hey love, Sorry, I hit send without meaning to! You got me so hot I wasn’t thinking clearly. It didn’t take me long baby, I used that coconut oil from just before you left. The scent totally put me right back there with you on your knees devouring my cock. That reminds me, I need to get that dress dry-cleaned… It’s stopped smelling like you now so… I suppose it’s time. I’m ready- ish, the last 6 months made me feel like all the Elvis sunk into my bones. I’ve been working like a fiend with Baz and Polly and Irene and Erik. They have all commented on how it’s different now, more natural. My day is so full of Elvis again it’s hard to think about anything else. I’m so nervous all over again. I’m waking up at 3 again. I miss you. Not just for the sex baby, but you. You make me better. Please keep trying to call, my PA on set will have my phone when I don’t. I put one of your pics up in my trailer, btw, one of the clothed ones. I kiss my fingers and touch it every time I leave and say hello to it when I come in. People that see me do it still don't know who you are, (Baz and Tom are good secret keepers). That last article with the pics of you and I at the airport really threw them all off. I think Kate told me that the paps were searching the passenger lists for all outgoing planes to Europe that day to see if they could figure out who you were. It's fun to keep them guessing. I totally get the hooking up, happens on set too. People are people. I’m not worried about you Kitten. How’s your demon though… she doin’ ok? Getting out of hand at all… pun intended! Ok, early call in the morning. I love you so much. 160 days +/- ~ton Roi

10.11.20

My darling man, FUCK I am still riding the high from talking to you last week! I can’t believe I caught you in your trailer too! I’m sorry I couldn’t play sexy games back with you because the phone was too public on my end. I loved you telling me how you were stroking yourself though and how you came on your stomach. I went right back to my room, to rub one out. Damn. Luckily my new roommate was at work. She asked me when she moved in why I had a pic of you and me on the wall by my desk. I told her I was in love with you. It was so funny, she sat down on the couch and started talking about you like we were in middle school. ‘ He’s so dreamy and I hear he broke up with his girlfriend and is dating a French woman!’ “was that the only time you met him?” Oh my god, it was all I could do to not laugh in her face. I’m sorry baby, I had to tell her. I hope you aren’t mad! I still don’t think she believes me, even after I showed her pictures of us (appropriately clothed of course). I appreciate you asking after that sexy bitch in my head. She is doing fine, staying on her lead. None of these people would satisfy her anyway. She’s too far gone for you. :) My daily horniness level has chilled out since I’ve not been getting fucked by you on the regular, though there are times! Oh and fun news! I’m going to be setting up a few field camps in a couple weeks, so I won’t be in touch much after halloween -ish. But I WILL be out on the literal ice. Think warm thoughts for me! At least I will get away from Joe! He is still a dick.

~your naughty Kitten (for different reasons)

10/12/20

Kitten, Of course I’m not mad! Once you are back I want the whole world to know that you are mine and I am yours. Also, Kate set up a meeting with your cousin Marissa. I talked to her and got her info when I talked to Uncle Roy. (He still refuses to let me pay him.) Kate was impressed by her and is planning on offering her a paid internship. Love you baby, go conquer that ice! ~Aus

(Please read the following letter with a deep southern accent of yore) Twenty fifth day of October in the year of our Lord two thousand twenty My darling Austin, I pray that this electronic mail finds you healthy and hale. I have been feeling dashed about by the trials and travails of my good work here on the deep continent. We no longer are a sleepy little hamlet of a mere 200 people. Oh no! A veritable influx of learned people hath arrived, swelling our little cold town to over 800! The light has arisen indeed as we currently receive a joyful 15 hours of sunlight each blessed day. My dear roommate Tabitha seems to have accepted the love that exists between us, my dear Austin, since she overheard our delightful conversation on the telephone a scant few days ago. Indeed it seems she has spread our information to the other members of the kitchen staff as one of the good ladies asked me about it the other day as I procured my nourishment. The person in question didn’t know you, but was happy to know I was dating someone, since apparently the rumor had been circulating that I was a person uninterested, sexually that is. The very idea! My darling Austin, I shall be leaving in two days time for my quest on the ice. It will be my pleasure to erect structures providing temporary shelter from which the good men and women of science may illicit new and exciting information about this oft times perplexing world that humanity calls home. And before you query, yes, I must confess my dear Mr. Butler, I have been imbibing in the devil's drink and yes my loins still burn for you. Pray for me, dear man, that I may endure such hardships that may come and be delivered forthwith into your awaiting arms. With all my love and tenderness. Miss Kitten P.S. Sorry about drunk-as-fuck girl up there, she is just being silly. Can’t wait to fuck your brains out again! Love you -She Demon

10/26/20

Kitten, You are so weird. I fucking love it and you. I’m so glad you are mine. Filming is so far so good. I barely have time to think, which is perfect. Also, I was eating a mango in the kitchen last night. You know how you cut the side off and score it then turn it inside out? Well, I decided just to eat it off the rind like that, instead of cut the chunks out. And all of a sudden it was like eating your dripping pussy. I am slightly ashamed to say that I dropped my pants right there and jerked off with the coconut oil. The juice was dripping down my chin and chest and onto my cock. Oh, My. God. It was the best one yet. I’ll have to do it for you (to you?) when you get back. Needless to say, a whole new world has opened up to me. I WILL be buying more mangoes. I may not be able to see one without getting aroused from here on out. I think I’ll go have the other half now…

Good luck doing bang! bang! construction things on the ice! Stay safe and warm. I’ll talk to you when you get back. Forever yours- Austin

10.27.20

Aus- Oh, Mangoes… Damn. Now I fucking want mangoes. Freshies are like currency down here, I haven’t seen a mango though. Just so you know, that last letter was a bet between me and Tabs. We did karaoke that night and I got a little sloshed and started talking in accents. She didn’t think I would do it. Lol! I tried calling you a few min ago, but no answer. I’m leaving in an hour. I’ll email and try to call when I’m back! Oh and come to find out that Joe thought he was flirting with me the whole time, he likes me. Was about to pull my pigtails, I suspect. Boys are so weird. I confronted him and he confessed he was crushing on me pretty hard. I told him about you ( not by name) and that I wasn’t available (plus I would fucking break him). He seems to have backed off and will hopefully treat me like a person. So yay! Growth! Love you tons, Tally ho! Kitten

10/28/20

Darling, It breaks my heart that I missed hearing your voice. I really needed it too. We filmed some gut wrenching stuff this week and I just needed you. I love you, I love you, I love you. Austin 124 +/-

11.22.20

Sweet, sweet man, I love you too! I’m sorry you had a tough week and I wasn’t there for you. I promise after this, I will never be more than a text away from you again. I hope it’s gotten better! I’m going to try calling tonight when I get off work. Thank god I’m back though! We had a crazy, crazy time. We got caught in a freak storm at Amundsen-Scott. We were supposed to be there for like a day to get supplies and such. We ended up there for 5 days! But after that things cleared up, it was amazing. We set up 5 different camps. Everything from simple temporary polar escapes on wooden platforms to actual shelters that will have to stand up for the rest of the season if not longer. One was at a penguin rookery! They were adorable and came right up to us! Miss you love, hopefully we will talk soon! ~Kitten

11/23/20

Babe, Those pictures with you and the penguins are unreal! I can't believe they just walked up to you. It blows my mind that anything can live down there. How are things with Joe? Did he actually change his behavior? I would say ‘do you need me to come down there?’ but I know you got this, my amazing, strong sexy beast of a woman. I hope I can pick up when you call next. Missing hearing your voice broke my heart. ~Aus 98+/- (Why is this taking so damn long! You should be in my arms.)

12.14.20

Dear darling Austin, Thank god we got to talk last week, I was really worried about you. Digging into the pain about your mom… I just wish I was there to hold you tight, like she would’ve been. I know I didn’t know her, but from everything you’ve said, I know I would have adored her. (hugs, hugs and more hugs) I got your package yesterday! I opened it without thinking, thank god all the things in it were wrapped! Except for the mangoes… fuck baby. They are perfectly ripe right now, if a little frozen. I’m gonna go eat some mango pussy. Would you like that? watching me eat pussy….

Did you get my package yet? It might be a bit silly. But you can open it when you get it. :) We have been digging into this new building since I got back. The guys worked on all the steel pieces and I’m lead on the framing team. It’s definitely different from what I’ve been used to doing. But I’m finding that all my skills are actually helpful because I know the pieces that come next, so I don’t let the crew fuck things up for the electricians and plumbers and drywallers that will be coming behind us in the future. I miss you baby, I know we keep saying that to each other, so much that it’s like saying something over and over again and the shape of it feels odd in your mouth all of a sudden. But even though I have made great friends here and am in a routine that pulls me from day to day, it would be perfect if you were here with me. With you on my arm, no one would try to pull my pigtails! Love you with all my heart ~Kitten

12/25/20

Baby Doll, Merry Christmas!! Babe, I did get your package, and I didn’t open in until this morning. Why would you say it’s silly? It’s amazing. You painted this? I am going to take it in and have it framed so I can hang it up. Wow. If you ever wanted to stop doing construction, you could be a professional artist. Tom and Rita have invited a bunch of us up to their place for dinner. I’m about to go get ready but just wanted to tell you that yes, I get it. Saying it gets old, but it doesn't mean we don’t feel it still. Yeah, mom would’ve adored you right back. I fucking miss you. I fucking love you. And holy fuck yes on watching you eat pussy, mango or otherwise.

66 days +/- (can we make time move faster?) ~Your own personal elf- Austin

12.25.20

Dear Austin, Merry Christmas!! I loved your gifts, they are perfect for here! Lip balm and sunscreen and the warmest, silliest socks. That mini humidifier is sitting on my bedside table as we speak! The running gloves for under my big ones are going to be a game changer! Now I can do fiddly bits without my fingers getting cold! Although it’s a ridiculously balmy 25 degrees Celsius out there right now. I don’t even bring my red parka out right now! Today I joined the Antarctic Polar bear club. Yup I plunged into barely above freezing water in my underwear, no not the unicorn ones, I actually had some polar bear ones I brought just for this! I was nothing if not on theme! It was fucking cold. And exhilarating! But I’m not sure I want to do it again. Luckily we went right into the sauna to warm up! Love you ever so much, give Tom and Rita my love! ~Your Xmas Kitten

1/1/21

My sweet Kitten, Thank you for the phone call, oh my god I needed it. I’m feeling so worn out, even though we kinda had this week off and I’ve been just sleeping as much as I can and going to the beach with other cast members, it’s just not the same without my best girl next to me. (that’s you, btw) I wish I had you with me last night to kiss. I did end up kissing Olivia, but it was just a new years eve peck thing, plus it’s not like we’ve not kissed on set. Is that weird for you? I’ve never asked you about it. Love you so much, it hurts. I def need a kiss on my heart. 59 days +/- ~Yours, Austin

1.3.21

Austin, When I see you, you are gonna get all the kisses on every part of you. Real talk babe: where I’d like to be there to remind you what my kisses are like and reap the benefits if you get turned on, kissing on set doesn't bug me, that’s just part of acting. Didn’t Elvis kiss like all the girls in the audience? Super-spreader much? Ha! TBH, I pecked a few people too when we counted down to midnight. How do you feel about that? Wow, that looks super passive aggressive. I’m def not meaning it that way. Just wondering cuz we’ve never talked about it and I don’t think our games with Loki or ‘the guy from Brisbane’ count as talking about it! Now actually making out with someone like not for work (that’s a crazy sentence right there!)… that we’d def have to talk about. I mean… mostly because I would want to be a part of something hot like that. FOMO!!! On a different note, I sang in Icestock last night. It’s the annual McMurdo music festival. There were comedians and skits and mini plays and bands and a chili cook off! I sang a bunch of stuff with some guys, we had to rehearse on our off time but it was super fun! I had my buddy video it. I’m gonna put it on a USB stick and send it to you, just for fun! There is some other stuff on there too, just for you, including my polar plunge! God we needed a party too. The grind was getting to us all. Yeah we have 24 hours of daylight, but I never knew I’d miss the stars so much! We are about to head into Vessel Season, that means extra people in town, mostly Kiwi and US military, to help unload the massive supply ships. From what I understand we will be pulled to help. I love you baby, soon hunny, soon I miss YOUR kisses ~Kitten

1/8/21

My darling love, Happy Elvis’ birthday! He would've been 86. We had a huge birthday cake on set today. I don’t really care about pecks like that, plus you are too French for me to get up in arms about that. I do feel the same way you do about making out. If you are gonna make out with someone, I want to be there too. If it’s a girl, I def want to be there. That would be hot. We filmed a kissing scene today between young Elvis and younger Priscilla. It really made me miss you so much. I definitely channeled our first kiss into the work. Remember, on the couch? This might be weird to say, but no one kisses me like you do. Love and miss you, 52 days +/- ~Aus

1/25/21

Kitten, Honey, I have a confession. We were rehearsing one of the big shows where Elvis goes into the audience and kisses all the girls. I had to talk my own demon out of taking home an extra and fucking her silly. She looked just enough like you and she was staring at me all dreamy eyed when I was on stage. Then I had to kiss all these women in the audience and I was all worked up. I’m sorry babe, know that I didn’t do anything or even talk to her. But we talked about being honest with one another and I feel better with you knowing. No I’m not asking if I can do anything with her, it was just like a perfect storm to turn me on. Honestly I’ve been too exhausted and terrified to really feel horny lately, so it kinda took me by surprise. I’m so sorry if this makes you mad. Know I love you and I’m not gonna do anything to screw up what we have. ~Austin 35 days +/- (I can wait, I swear)

1.26.21

Babe, Love you, not mad. Will respond more when I have time! ~Your best girl

1.31.21

Ok my love, First of all, I’m sorry this took so long to reply to. It’s been so busy here I’ve not had time. Secondly, I’m not mad. You are human, despite your intrusive thoughts to the contrary. Being attracted to people is just a part of being human. It actually feels really good that you were comfy enough to tell me how you are feeling. Thank you for trusting me. I have this ideal thought in my head that I’d want to be cool with a sorta semi-permeable relationship. Like yeah, making out with a women with you would be hot… fuck I think making out with a man with you would blow my fucking mind. (would you be down for that? Kissing a guy?) But I know I’m not cool with either of us just fucking others at will, at least not when we are this far away. How could you reclaim me, or I you, when these miles exist between us? Share someone with you? Sure, but we need to actually sit down and talk about it face to face. When I'm back and we’ve talked and you and I have had our fill of one another, if that girl is game and we get along… I’m down to try it out, baby. If you are even interested in that. There are a few cute Airmen here, but my demon seems to be slumbering. Remember, the less I get the less I want it. It could also be the fucking 10-12 hour days we’ve been putting in! Which is VERY different from fucking 10-12 hours a day. Remember our first 72 hours? Damn that was amazing. I love you baby, now and forever, Your lover- Kitten

2/4/21

Amazing woman of my dreams, How are you so fucking cool, do you know how hard I had to work to get my other gf’s to be cool about kissing on set, let alone talk about sharing a person. This whole thing makes me love you even more. How do I feel about kissing a guy? I think it depends on the guy. But it doesn’t squick me out or anything. Honestly right now, if it meant getting to hold you in my arms, I’d do it and more in a heartbeat. And for the record, I don’t think I could ever ‘get my fill’ of you babe. I love you so much, 25 days +/- (is that fucking real, only 25 days???) Devoted to you- Austin

2.25.21

Babe, Oh my god! I am so done helping unload and reload ships! Give me my fucking hammer and let me pound something! So I have some shitty news. Y’know how, on the phone we were talking about my departure date being end of February and being back with you by March 1st. Well, I got my departure date, it’s not until March 10th, and I can’t move it up. They even offered me a bonus to stay overwinter, but I declined. As cool as it’s been I need to get off the ice and into your arms. So I won't be back on the Gold Coast until March 12th at the earliest. I don’t know if I have to quarantine. I have to arrange for my stuff to be shipped to Greece in that time as well. You say you have to leave for London mid March. I’m freaking out that I might miss you. I’m gonna try to call tomorrow so we can talk about it. Fuck this sucks, Love you so much ~Kitten

#Austin Butler #Austin Butler smut #Austin Butler x reader #Austin Butler fic #Austin butler fanfic #@purejasmine #@slowsweetlove #@richardslady121

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seasononesam · 1 year

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thoughts about sams first few months at college?

gonna try to respond to this without basically rewriting @spneveryseason's amazing post on the subject that everyone should read! also like everything I write this is gonna be all over the place no organized thought process we die like men.

oh that's a good question, I love thinking abt stanford era sam (disclaimer I did no research for this I started college in 2018 and very much did not go to a school anywhere near the level of prestige as stanford but ANYWAY) ...I definitely think there would be a lot of mixed emotions and a lot of stuff he had to figure out on a practical level (like registering for classes and paperwork that would be really hard to fill out since he went to so many high schools and doesn't have his fathers support). I go back and forth on dean trying to contact him, I think it's canon that john never did (beyond checking up on sam without his knowledge) so I can't really imagine dean reaching out but maybe they had a few awkward emails in the first few weeks.

I think he'd feel lonely and out of place for a while, it would be the first time he was around a large group of people for an extended period of time since he switched schools so often. and although he went to public schools growing up so he wasn't as sheltered as he could have been, he obviously grew up in a very different environment than most people and would have to learn how to behave in such a new setting. I made another post about this but pre law isn't really a major that you can get a degree in, so I personally think sam was undecided for a while (even if he knew he wanted to be on the pre law track at least) bc there were just so many options before finally settling on something in the humanities by the time he had to declare. I also go back and forth on his general emotional state bc while I understand the concept of him possibly struggling with feelings of depression and anxiety (and like I 100% think he did) I also think he was overall happy there once he started making friends and getting involved in things (which brings me to my side tangent about his line in skin where he says deep down he never really fit in at stanford- I think he was telling the truth about that, both because of general feelings of never fitting in anywhere, added to his upbringing but I also think part of him wanted to make dean feel better, especially after the shapeshifter made the comment about how everyone dean loves leaves him if that makes sense??? so yes he knew he would never truly "fit in" but he still tried and found a lot of good things about being at school and did genuinely love his time there). I think he'd be so interested in everything the school had to offer and take full advantage of it, from the dining hall to clubs to the library. he'd love exploring campus and learning new things and just feeling like he could make his own choices for once in his life. and actually have his own space even if it's a small dorm with a roommate like it's such a small thing that most college students take for granted or actively disdain bc dorm life kinda sucks ass but for sam it's the most amazing thing ever bc it represents a new life and a new world.

in conclusion we should have gotten some flashbacks of his time at stanford like I know the show would probably butcher them but alas thanks for coming to my ted talk.

#yet another ask i answer like a week later SORRY #but also thank you :3 #answered #saintedcastiel

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headspace-hotel · 2 years

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nice story about medical stuff from a fellow medically anxious person:

i've had really bad anxiety around needles since I was little. (I even did exposure therapy for it to try and make it more bearable, which... tbh just sucked.) it sounds like what you go through is pretty different than me, though, because while I have slightly elevated anxiety levels around basic check-up type stuff, its not enough to cause me problems unless needles are involved.

anyway, this can be in issue because yknow, vaccinations are important and I take them seriously. when the covid vaccine finally became available I was resigned to the fact that i'd need to get it, despite the huge amount of fear I felt about it. I emailed my campus vax clinic ahead of time about possible accommodations, and they immediately assured me that they'd set aside a private area for me to get the shot and that I could bring my roommate. I was surprised they were so willing to help, and I was glad I'd asked.

I was so nervous on the way there that I thought I was going to collapse. when I walked in, though, the nurse I'd emailed quickly pulled me and my roommate aside and showed us where I'd be. it was private and felt safe, away from all the other people getting their vaccines. I sat at a table (anxiously) while the tech chatted with me and got ready. it sucked and I almost passed out afterward, but everyone was very kind and brought me juice and an ice pack. the nurse was so sweet and understanding and reassured me that I could email ahead of any campus vaccine clinic and they would help accommodate me.

the second dose went even more smoothly with the same accommodations, since I knew id be taken care of, and my roommate was there to help me again. when I had to get my booster at a different location/org, they were also more than willing to make special arrangements for me, even without advance notice.

it sucks being so anxious about this stuff. I don't know anyone else who gets this bad about needles. but there are good and kind people who are willing to help you get through some of the rough spots. navigating this stuff has helped me with my anxiety- I still get anxious, but I feel like I can get through it a bit easier now.

sending good vibes. <3

I hope you find peace friend.

If anything, it's the opposite for me—I got vaccinated for Covid at the pharmacy expecting panic attacks and the Abyss of Death but it turned out that needles are not the bad part, it's going to a doctor that'a the bad part. Like I was nervous but it was okay. Idk.

I think phobias and fears of needles are pretty common, and bad experiences with shots as a kid really frequently are traumatic enough to seriously interfere with seeking medical attention as an adult.

Being able to exercise a little bit of autonomy about it is helpful. I brought my best friend with me when I got my first dose and just the fact that I was able to be like "here is something I am choosing to do that will help" made it better

#needles tw #medical tw

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transgendz · 2 months

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I got an ask this morning that I've taken some time to consider. I will not be replying directly to it, because its an anon, and someone claiming to be a mutual for years so if they wanna talk they can dm me, but this can be a more full breakdown than an ask can reasonably get.

I've posted proof of the cost of my roommates last ($500) appointment within the past two weeks. If anyone wants to dm me for more proof, I really don't mind.

Those who have been following me for years probably remember why I don't feel safe sharing much info outside of dms at all. It's stalking and abuse, but if anyone needs more details, I dont mind answering that either.

We have been in various stages of getting out of homelessness and seeking treatment for disability for a while now. Fought for my roommate's legal documents for years. A lot of this stuff has been going on for years before we ever asked for help online or otherwise. We got evicted as soon as the rent moratorium ended, and not long after, we got covid that almost killed us. That left me permanently more disabled and left my roommate with a brand new disability on top of the existing ones. For a point of reference, even before the pandemic, I was his full-time caregiver. I still am.

On that note, he spent most of this time last year in and out of the hospital. I am still his full-time caregiver. He still has thousands in unpaid hospital bills. Again, dm me, I do not mind providing proof of all of this. I have his medical records and permission to share them if I remove the super sensitive info such as social security number.

My posts are generally phrased similarly or the same because if I think I phrased it correctly the first time, I will phrase it that way again. I am autistic, and people who talk to me enough to get to know me know I speak on scripts, and I am very repetitive. The people in my life irl remark on it. I don't really know what else to say, except I'm far from the only person on here who does that. I'm not even the only person who does that for the same reasons. I update my posts when I get a notification, and I check my email frequently most days. I do not thank every person who helps us, and I'm sorry. I try, and will keep trying.

Food is our biggest cost due to me and my roommate both having life threatening allergies to dairy, soy, and gluten. I don't know if you can understand how expensive that is until you live it. We are trying to reduce costs though. We have a garden, are expanding to that daily, as well as a greenhouse that was already here when we moved in which we have filled. And fruit trees and berry bushes.

And pretty importantly, all of the supplies have been given/loaned to us by a family member. A lot of the plants were previously planted and came out of dormancy in the last few weeks because it's currently spring. If half of what we have planted now does well, we will be fine on food. If anyone wants proof of all that, I would actually be overjoyed to share about our progress in that. I am really proud of our plants.

I have been looking for a job, I've mentioned that in posts before, but I am still applying. I am a full-time caretaker of a disabled person while also being disabled. I am limited to online work. If anyone has anything I can apply for oh my god I would appreciate it. I will be doing yard sales now that its warmer to help unclutter that previously mentioned family member's house of antiques and collectibles, and I'll get money from that. I do commissions at my art blog @theartistrans I have been doing gig shit and trading labor for goods and dogsitting. I don't have a regular 9-5, but I work.

And I do have a second roommate. She just largely takes care of her own for now, although that's been on and off some in the past as major things happened in her life.

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sageofmagic-squeaks · 3 months

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Eh, Imma throw a vent here because I need to put it somewhere.

Speaking with my parents is like a gamble of 'will this conversation make me miss them' or 'will this conversation make me thankful I was paid by internet friends to move across the country' and OH BOY did a conversation the other day hit the latter. To the point where after the call was done, said internet friends who paid me to move across the country came out to CHECK ON ME. And I was caught off guard because 'oh actually this is how normal conversations go with my dad. Did it really sound that bad??'

The conversation itself was stupid. See, over the past MONTH I've been trying to move out of my flooded, uninhabitable apartment that was growing black mold. A pipe burst in January from our neighbor's unit and our first floor flooded and second floor started leaking. Since then I have had to balance driving between hotels and our apartment, fighting with said apartment over a new place to live because they needed us out permanently and they literally sold one place they offered us within the hour to someone else and then tried to offer us a place with a severe rat infestation, packing up the entire place, filing insurance claims, dealing with their unannounced maitanence visits, still working...it's a lot.

And on top of it all my dad kept. Texting. And emailing. Wanting me to do my taxes.

No acknlowledgement over my situation, just wanting me to stop everything and do taxes. I explained I no longer had computer access anymore and still got bothered over taxes. So now that I moved into a dry place in another city I called him to end this whole thing about taxes and instead got unrelated lectures on how I spend my money. According to him, I'm perfectly healthy and won't have health issues until I'm 60 so I should stop putting money in a health savings account and instead be applying every cent to paying off a bank loan he set up for me over 10 years ago for school. Thing is, I am paying that stupid loan. The interest is so high that it basically stagnanted at 10k for the past 4 years no matter how much of it I pay off. It's been an auto bill as far back as I can remember having my own bank account. And he was picking a fight over me dropping a few dollars of my paycheck into a health savings account for emergencies. There's barely enough in it to cover an ambulence if I needed one. And then he needled further implying that I am rich (HAH) and should pay off the 10k right then and there on the phone with him.

And again, I just had to pay to live in a hotel while still paying rent for a black mold apartment AND also rent for a new place we managed to sign the lease for in addition to paying movers and buying boxes and having to eat out instead of cook. My bank account is weeping and my roommates and I had to ask for help. But he mocked me saying I'm not poor and could pay it. I don't understand how serious it is. I gotta pay it.

Again like I don't already send a chunk of my paycheck towards the stupid loan already. Last time I paid off the OTHER bank loan he badgered me for I was barely scraping by because it took everything and he seems to think paying off bank and student loans is all that my work money should ever be used for.

Oh and also I found out I'm not getting mail regarding said loan because he set it up with all his information and won't let me change it to mine! Actually he's still upset that I changed the passwords for my bank account so he can't track my spending :) because who doesn't love buying a smoothie when hanging with friends and getting a call that night about wasting $8 that could've gone to stupid loans.

And people thought I was choosing to be depressed and negative on purpose back when I was in rp groups while living with my parents. Nope, I was just having my entire being micromanaged to every degree.

Anyways vent got away from me but like...I haven't lived with my parents in 6 years. I've had to work so hard to undo damage to have opinions of my own and interact with people normally and I can damn well manage my own money so calling my dad and having him blow off a major, stressful life event and demand I do what he says to pay off a loan that I'm already paying has been pissing me off.

Also no health issues my ass. I have adhd, cant stay awake and my spine is bent OVER 60 degrees. Not to mention the time I walked on a fractured leg for months because oh weh, medical bills expensive and how I'm still feeling that pain years later e_e

#vent #despite this I do still love my parents and have good memories with them but like #I absolutely have to keep distance for my own sanity

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anyalovesu · 4 months

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tolerate it.

iv. lay the table with the fancy shit.

— “they told me multiple times that it shouldn’t be that hard, i’ve been with him for longer than i am not but i fear that there’s one thing that they’re overlooking. he is not the same person anymore. i was sitting in my dining table with a complete stranger. i don’t know who this person is anymore.”

If it’s what she has to do, then it’s what she’ll do. Eli has spent the rest of her life abiding by the rules that were given to her and as much as she hates it, she’s grown too used to it to unlearn it.

So here she is, cooking what she remembers to be Leon’s favorite meal in hopes that she could lure him out of his den. She stared at the pot of sinigang as she turned the stove off. It was crawling under her skin once again, the feeling of pity for herself for how desperate it is to cook for someone just to get them to talk to her. She never even cooked for herself ever since she had roommates unless it was completely necessary, but here she is… looking for bowls to plate what she just cooked for someone that’s supposed to be her best friend.

Every move she did only made her think how desperate she was in trying to do what she was told to do. Who would’ve known that at the age of 22, given her status and background, she would be setting up the table with the fanciest shit she could find with new porcelain and cutlery, even lighting up new candles, hoping that he would show some appreciation because from the looks of it, it seemed nearly impossible to get a reaction from him.

To say that it was wishful thinking that Leon would break, was a foolish attempt to make herself think that she wasn’t the problem. If she was honest to herself, the past years since their falling out only made her think more and more of what she could have done to make him ditch her that easily. Isaac was there to distract her from that void inside of her heart that used to be filled by Leon, but now that Isaac is gone, who is there to distract her from it? Now that the answer to that void is living under the same roof as her but still refuses to break and talk about their fall out.

Eli’s phone dings from a notification that she just received. Expecting it was an email from a client that she and Ynes had taken a few days back, she scurried to unlock her phone and check who had sent her a message. As if the feeling couldn’t get any worse, disappointment washed over her when she figured that it wasn’t the client, instead it was Amina Park’s assistant, emailing her and Leon about the pre-made appointments that needed to be done for the wedding.

In hindsight, maybe it was one of their ameliorations to manipulate them into thinking they are still in control of their lives after what they just did. As for Eli, it was already way too late for her to think this way. No one is in control but their parents. Nothing is as important as their decisions. And any attempts to go against that would only lead to them being strangled in harder situations than the ones given at first hand.

from: Chelsea Alcantara ([email protected])

to: Ruby Elijah Yang ([email protected]), Leon Abel Park ([email protected])

Good evening, Mr. Park and Ms. Yang.

I am Chelsea Alcantara, Mrs. Amina Park’s personal assistant. I am tasked to inform you about your appointments regarding your wedding day this upcoming May. Listed below are the dates and specific appointments that you have to attend to in preparation for your special day. Mrs. Park is asking for your compliance among the following:

Amina Park’s assistant had sent them the schedules for multiple agendas regarding the preferences for the wedding.

Months ago, Eli never even saw herself getting married this early. She and Isaac have never even talked about it before as Isaac was only stepping into medical school and it would be too much of a hassle if they wanted to get married sooner. She never visualized herself getting fitted into wedding dresses or picking out colors that would look great for her guests… even what flavor of cake she would want was never even on the table because she never loved cakes in the first place.

Elijah wanted to be obliterated at that point. In a span of a week, she was being bombarded with so much change on top of constantly being requested to understand and try to help Leon warm up to her… it was all beginning to be overwhelming.

In an attempt to ground herself from an impending panic attack, she managed to find 5 things she could see, and unfortunately, one of them was the vintage white grandmother clock that Ynes had managed to scour over the internet to find, which told her that it was already approaching 8PM and they haven’t had dinner yet.

Shit.

Elijah, who seemed to have had her feet glued to the floor at that point, managed to pull herself together and find her way in front of the door that is supposed to lead to the master’s bedroom.

“Leon, dinner na,” she called carefully after knocking three times

No response.

“Leon?” she knock three more times.

No response.

“Leon, I made dinner. Lumabas ka na d’yan. Kailangan pa pagusapan ‘yung in-email ng assistant ni tita,” she called one more time, voice a little louder the previously.

“God, magintay ka! Palabas na!” He said with so much hate in his voice as if her mere presence, even behind the door annoyed him.

The door opens harshly which reveals to him a very startled Elijah who flinched slightly when the door opened. It was so quick that if he didn’t know Eli any better, he would gaslight himself to think that it never happened. He knew that look. The same exact look when she’s about to fall apart.

Has he been causing this?

“Oh shit- Sorry–” He tried reaching out for her, out of impulse, perhaps guilt as well that he was able to put this much distress on her on the first night, perhaps maybe even a part of him knew that he was being a complete asshole since he got there.

But as quick as she covered up for the slight flinch she did a while ago, Elijah stealthily steps back to avoid him.

She looked at him blankly, eyes starting to gloss as she tried to regain her feist. He is one mean motherfucker, that’s for sure.

“Lalamig na ang pagkain, kumain ka na,” despite how loving it must be to remind someone to eat before their food gets cold, Elijah’s tone was flat. To be fair, saying it again was against her will. Everything in this entire ordeal is against her will but at the end of the day, she’s just one of the puppets her papa plays with strings.

It did not seem to bother Leon anymore. As if he snapped back to his usual mean self after her cold response.

—

“May food tasting this coming Friday, sa Sunday Vine, 10:30AM. Doon rin natin makikilala ‘yung mga kinuha nilang organizers.” Leon felt like he was listening to a robot enumerate what the email contained. To be fair, Elijah was done being nice and trying to show feigned enthusiasm over their situation. She has reached the point where no amount of optimism could save this asshole for a person and only did what she did best, reciprocating what Leon could give her. “Then Saturday, make sure your schedule is free kasi kailangan tayo sa sarili nating engagement party apparently. That’s going to be in Batangas.”

“Dadaanan pa ba kita?” He asked, though he was lowkey hoping that she’ll say yes, his pride managed to take over and continued, “Magssite visit kami ni kuya around 9AM. Baka hindi kita madaanan.”

“I don’t need you to pick me up,” Eli replied to him, without sparing him even a glance, only looking at her untouched food in front of her. “My car would be back bukas. Wag mo na isipin.”

They sat there in complete silence for a good half an hour before Leon spoke. At this point, Elijah was already expecting it to be one more of his indiscretions, but it turned out to be related to their topic beforehand.

“May gusto ka na bang kulay?” He asked, but Eli just shrugged, still refusing to look at him. One glance and she’ll break. She’s been hyper aware of that for the past hour for her to even attempt to see if her conclusions were right. “Red would look nice on you.”

That’s what he remembers to be Eli’s favorite color. It was her name after all, Ruby. It matched the pigeon blood-colored ruby that sat daintily on her left ring finger with a gold band that had diamonds encrusted all around. He never even had to go down on one knee. It was just casually given to her to wear that night before they left the restaurant. A ring never looked more beautiful in someone’s hand, he thought. Though the thought made him guilty to think about because he used to think that way for Margot, it was something he couldn’t deny anyway.

“I don’t like red anymore,” she replied, shortly, not bothering to follow it up with anything.

She had changed her favorite color not very long ago. It was one small thing, but it pained her to realize that she has not been friends with Leon for that long for him to miss the moment she lost her interest in her favorite color. It was so childish, but maybe Leon was right. She was childish. Never too mature. Never acted old enough for her age.

“Tapusin mo na ‘yan,” she mumbled quietly, getting up after finally taking one bite of her supposed dinner.

“Maupo ka,” Leon called, sternly. “If you want this to work, we should eat our meals together. Kung hindi mo ako kayang tiisin, at least be civil sa harap man lang ng pagkain.”

“Wala ka sa posisyon na hilingin ‘yan sa akin,” she replied bluntly, finally gaining the guts to look him dead in the eye. “Not when you treated me like shit the entire day.”

“Sit down.”

It was a stare down right then and there, waiting for someone to break and submit to the wishes of the other person. Neither wanted to break eye contact. They stayed like that for a good moment before Leon finally stood up and sighed, holding both of Elijah’s arms to get her to loosen up. She had that same expression again, and god knows what will happen if she does end up falling apart.

“Look, sorry, okay?” Leon mutters defeatedly, realizing that he has yet another responsibility in his hands. “Maupo ka at ubusin ‘yang pagkain mo. Pagusapan na’tin yung iba pang nasa e-mail.”

So he read it.

But he made Elijah seem like she was explaining the entire thing to someone incapable of understanding because of how cold he was being.

Nonetheless, Leon guided her back to her seat and waited for her breathing to slow down. Eli was close to hyperventilating but she was too upset to notice the changes in her own body, which that alone is fucked up… but that needing to happen for Leon to show an ounce of concern is even more fucked up in her head.

“Okay ka na?” with much concern, Leon asked before filling up her water goblet that was daintily decorated with lilies of the valley on its short stem. It was only when he gave her the glass of water did he finally think of how much effort and time did she put into putting this house together, that even to the tiniest details of the porcelain and the water goblets matched the theme of the house.

“So kulay,” he said. “I’m not the best in colors.”

“Obviously.”

“Kaya, ikaw ang magdecide.”

“Blue.”

“Something blue?” He asked. It surprised Elijah that Leon had a clue on what that meant. He didn’t seem like the person to know things like that.

“Yes. The guests, they are my something blue.”

“One more thing out of the list, no?”

Then there’s silence again. Leon seemed to want the conversation to keep on going so he continued asking. “May idea ka na what kind of wedding dress ang gusto mo?”

“Wala,” she replied curtly. “Wala pa naman akong balak magpakasal before so I never thought of it.”

The fact applied to them both. Their parents’ plans worked so well because of that. None of them wanted to get married yet when they were forced to do this. Leon hasn't even thought of buying an engagement ring because he and Margot haven’t even reached the first year mark yet.

“What about yung mga bridesmaids mo?”

“Sila Ynes lang din,” she replied. “Bianca too, if gusto n’ya sumama.”

“As long as hindi kayo iinom on the bachelorette, that’s okay,” Leon shrugged. “It’s her first time na pupunta ng kasal na hindi flower girl.”

Eli sighed fondly, remembering Bianca’s sweet face looking at her this afternoon. “She grew up so fast.”

“I know.”

“Ikaw? Covey na rin ang groom’s men mo?”

He nodded. “P’wede rin si Kuya Santi at Cielo kung gusto nila sumama.”

“You could ask them,” she said, before glancing at her phone that lit up with a notification. It was their family group chat, it seemed like her Papa was going to go ballistic again on asking updates, so she set her phone aside for the meantime and carried on with their finally peaceful conversation.

“Do you want to get married sa simbahan?” He asked.

Elijah slouches back to her seat which gives Leon the answer he was looking for. “Right, what for 'di ba? Magsisinungaling lang rin naman tayo sa harap ng Diyos.”

“Right.” Elijah answered.

“So saan mo gusto?”

“I don’t know, basta anywhere na hindi simbahan.”

“Noted. Anywhere na hindi simbahan,” he tries to pull a tight-lipped smile before breathing heavily. “Kumain ka na muna. Tas magpahinga ka na. Ako na ang bahala dito.”

“Wag mong basagin ang plato ha,” Elijah scoffs at him. “I know you don’t like me and all but mahal yan. Lalo na yang mga baso.”

“Oo na,” Leon jokes.

Elijah only scoffs at him again. “Seryoso ako. Pati si Ynes hahabulin ka kapag binasag mo ‘yan.”

“Alam ko. Hindi ko nga babasagin.”

It was petty to think that he wouldn’t do what he just said. Leon had broken too many things to believe that. That included her ability to trust and to believe that he is saying the truth when he promises. Eli was never fond of trusting strangers, which made contracts a very helpful tool for her in her line of work. And the person in front of her is someone as good as a stranger to her now.

Especially after he did what Leon had promised his entire life to protect her from.

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･ characters ⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

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#enha angst #sunghoon angst #angst #sunghoon #jake #jay #heeseung #ni-ki #sunoo #jungwon #forced marriage #forced proximity #filo!enha #enhypen angst

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insectsinsects · 5 months

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December is always really vivid to me. I hadn't had a memorable July till this year but winter months seem to carry everything and more about a year. Maybe to it's detriment? It's overwhelmed with thoughts and greetings and travel and metamorphosis? I wonder if those guys who don't use the Gregorian calendar are forced to feel it too. Just the majority of people worrying and smiling and maybe it's a regular Tuesday for them?

Anyway 6 Decembers ago was my first Christmas away from home. I'd spent the summer carelessly and I was tired from boarding school. I think I've always been reckless and volatile, though I feel I am perceived as a stable element. Careless summer was spent driving around my hometown with a funny girl who I knew from choir and we were twitter mutuals. The brutal semester was spent with a person who'd patiently sit down with me and share the ways in which they loved physics. And of course, my parents came down and I hadn't been 4 months separated from them but I was used to their presence after 16 years so it was actually nice.

5 Decembers ago I was unknowingly allied with a future friend's enemy O_O She'd sit on my couch in my dorm and played the role of a wise confidant, as an upperclassman. I hope nothing was ever malicious but oomf did come to hate her next semester for fine reasons so? 😭 Her birthday is tomorrow, and I've always remembered that Saggitarian... And honestly by sometime that year I had begun avoiding physics person (on brand..) and I wrote a time capsule email about it (to myself in 5 year's time!) because I didn't have a blog and because I wanted to see if I could possibly get over it (I did!!!) I was a bit afraid of spotty wifi in the Philippines, so I submitted college apps 3 weeks early LMAO Victoria was waiting on a job offer from her boss who we'd come to learn was a little terribe, but that same night she was confirmed and moved to DC a week after we came back from that trip to the motherland.

4 Decembers ago?! I had met the newest crop of friends I was going to make. New York was so fun. Everything endless and memorable. Flying back used to be tough! They only introduced nonstop flights to Oklahoma like last year😑 But I flew out early and away from my beloved suitemates, my terrible roommate, my friends on other floors, classmate-turned-oomf, and so much more.

3 Decembers ago I'd been attending a different university since NYU was being stingy😭 OU actually treated me so well omg and my classes were fun. I guess by December I was wrapping up but I took a class on film music and I would joyously write an essay about some movie music each week and my professor just littered it with happy comments. I think she was glad I read the textbook and was enthused to learn. Also two weeks later, I got my whole head bleached and my hair was pretty long (not really, but Rapunzel-like to ME and probably if you've only ever known me with a bob/wolfbob). Also (2) I was in the Gensh*n pits (I don't want it in the tags...)

2 Decembers ago! My sister and her now husband were engaged and the three of us went on a mini-roadtrip to Dallas 😭 I like Garrett, he's like if a father figure was considerate... and Kathryn's got 17 years of light parentification on her belt ☠️ Garrett and I got XL Blizzards from DQ and almost died finishing them. Oh they also saw me get my roots done :O Barber cut it way too short but maybe it was cute. Junior year was so funny and cute💖 I worked hard and I was back home pretty late due to a stats final (Bombed)

Last December I spent my last week with my last set of randomized roommates and my friends! This was a funny time of year. I did a crazy amount that last week and in many ways it was a bender (Avatar in 4D cocktail☠️) but I do know oomf (yes you!) was the last person I saw. We played Minecraft on your Xbox after I obtained a second controller over Thanksgiving. We drank tall boys? I checked into my flight easily and I went home anxiously. I wonder if I could've seriously applied to school back then (Because it was lowkey not that serious lol) [actually I should be forced to reckon with my tantrums and the many times per week I was like IT'S OVER..] but I hadn't applied to school! And I was nervous to tell my parents that though I was a big investment, I was a failure. I cut my bangs too short on December 18 and hid it under a hat for a week till it grew a little more. I felt weird having red hair in Oklahoma, though it was cool to my contemporaries? My mom was sad knowing how much grief the thoughts were causing me. She told me I should rely on her more and talk to her. It's taken me all of the ensuing year to really be good about that advice. It's just easier to fail myself. I had tunnel vision— the potential for shame was only accompanied by a sense of pity and contempt. I genuinely couldn't believe my family would continue loving me. I drank with my dad so we wouldn't talk about anything real, and I painted with my mother to divert from the chaos.

#long!!!

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dprpnshmntlf · 8 months

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Money was a bit tight this year because I quit my job to go back to school. We decided to find a roommate to help us with the rent. Little did we know we’d be getting more than we bargained for.

We went through several candidates, but it always fell through for one reason or another, until we received an email from a stern looking gentleman, old enough to be our dad. But he met all our criteria and he said he could move in right away, so we invited him to move in with us.

For the first couple weeks, everything went s you’d expect. He’d stay out of our business and our conversations were limited to brief hellos in the common areas.

One night, he came out of his room at around 12am to find me on the couch, as I normally am at that hour. He paused and stared at me for a moment. “What are you doing still up, young man?” His tone was different. I’d never heard it before. Not angry, but firm.

I explained that I’m always up this late. He shook his head and told me that was an unacceptable answer and that I needed to watch my tone. I gave him a weird look and tried to wave him off, deciding that this conversation was not one I wanted to be part of anymore. He decided that I did need to continue this conversation.

He walked over to me and said, “Young man, your bedtime is 9pm on a school night. And I will not tolerate you breaking rules, nor giving me attitude.”

I decided this guy must be crazy or going through some kind of mental break, thinking I am his kid or something. He continued, “If you’re going to give up working, like grownups do, to go back to school, like children do, then you will be treated as nothing more than a little schoolboy. And that means you will be subject to the same discipline as they are.”

I wasn’t sure what he was getting at, but I started to feel that he wasn’t crazy. He knew exactly what he was saying and he was dead serious. Without a word, his large hands reached under my armpits and effortlessly lifted me off the couch. I tried to struggle, but he had a grip like nothing I’d ever felt before. He sat on my spot on the couch and set me down on his knee, still not letting go at all.

“Young man, I expect to see improvements in your behavior. You will show me the respect I am owed and you will go to bed on time from now on. It’s for your own good. And in order to make sure you learn this lesson, you’re gettin’ a spankin’ over my knee.”

Without even a pause, he flipped me over his knee, yanked down my pajamas, and started spanking my diapers. I couldn’t believe it, but there was nothing I could do to stop him. He spanked me good and hard until I was kicking and crying akin to the naughty little boy I was dressed like.

I obviously did not enjoy it and wanted it to stop, but it had a cathartic effect on me. Getting those tears out released some kind of angst in me and by the end, I was quietly sobbing, but felt more at peace than I had in years. Something about surrendering control and submitting to a father figure gave me tremendous relief.

When he was done, he sat me back down on his lap and held me for a minute, explaining that he didn’t like doing that, but I needed it and he would not hesitate to do it again. I responded with, “Yes, sir.” I couldn’t think of anything else to say and I didn’t need to.

He told me to go to bed, without letting me pick up my pants that had flung across the room amidst my flurry of kicks. I was normally too embarrassed to go to bed with my diaper exposed, but tonight I didn’t have a choice.

My wife somehow slept through that whole first incident, but was treated to a front row seat the next morning, when I approached the breakfast table, only to be stopped by him. “Let’s get this diaper checked.” My wife was surprised by this statement, only to be shocked when he easily lifted me from the back of my diaper’s waistband, suspending me in the air in front of him with only a single arm. He then used his other hand to feel and squeeze all over my diaper before pulling my butt up to his nose to give me a thorough smell check. I submitted to this, as I now recognized him as the dominant man in this house. He finally said, “Young man, it’s a responsible thing to wear a diaper in case of an accident, but it’s another thing all together to actually use it. This thing is soaked. Schoolboys are too old to be wetting diapers. You know what’s coming.”

“Yes, sir,” I could only look down, too afraid to even think about looking over to my wife. Without any resistance, he guided me over to the couch, and laid me down on my back, lifting my legs up in the air, not dissimilar to a child getting his diaper changed. In that position, I couldn’t really move and really had nowhere else to look except right at my disciplinarian. He began administering another round of punishment, applying firm swats to the seat of my diaper.

After several minutes of smacking and crying, he stopped and said, “Son, I’m going to ask you a question and your spanking is not going to stop until you get the answer right… Who’s your daddy?”

“W-what?” I could barely blubber out through my tears. Another swift set of smacks occurred. “I said, who is your daddy?” I remained silent for a second, contemplating the implications of my answer, before another bout of spankings began. I succumbed to the pain and cried out, loud and clear, “You! You’re my daddy, you’re my daddy! Please stop spanking me, Daddy!” It was hard to get me to say it, but once it was out, it felt like a perfectly natural thing for me to say. Like I secretly wanted to say it all along and finally could. “Good boy,” was all he said in return, before patting my butt a couple more times.

This whole spanking occurred right in front of my wife. She watched her husband, a grown man, wearing nothing but a diaper, bawling his eyes out, while getting spanked by another man (his daddy apparently), in what could only be described as the most childish spanking pose imaginable. Needless to say, this marked a huge shift in our relationship.

I wasn’t sure exactly what my wife’s reaction would be, but I was surprised that it was complete and instant agreement. While I was standing, facing the corner following my spanking, my wife began chatting with him about him spanking me. She actually thanked him and asked if he’d be willing to do it again at her request. He agreed.

From that day forward, my misdeeds were met with a, “Just wait til your father gets home, young man.” I am spanked almost daily. I’d be lying if I said I loved it, but it would also be a lie if I said I wanted it to stop. Schoolboys get spankings. It’s the only way they learn.

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