#thing i know how to do. so then i realize how ppl actually know very little about me and thats my own fault and maybe just maybe thats the
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i think part of the reason why ppl have a kneejerk reaction to others pointing out that marcille is kinda conservative (besides the usual desire to sand down characters edges to make them Less Problematic™) is that theyre thinking "conservative=republican" rather than similar to like, that girl who will swear up and down that she is SO progressive and 100% feminist and everything but when a girl doesnt shave her legs she says "ugh but its just so UNSANITARY" but at the same time if a guy DOES shave their legs she just "thinks its weird!!!", and if you point out the contradiction there ("didnt you say it was UNSANITARY to not shave? doesnt that mean you think ALL guys should shave?") she will BSoD a little bit and uhhhh i mean uhhh its just that–
or you know, someone who if you come out as a trans to her she'll accept it (after a bit of confusion and a few of the usual dumb cis questions) but maybe thinks that the way to ✨validate✨ you is to go all in on gender stereotypes like okay if youre a woman that means MAKEUP and DRESSES and LONG HAIR and ACTING LADYLIKE and PARTICIPATING IN GIRLY ACTIVITIES and NOT BEING TOO LOUD and NOT TAKING UP TOO MUCH SPACE. and if your a man that means dressing MANLY and HAVING SHORT HAIR and ACTING MASCULINE and TOUGH and BEING UNINVITED FROM THE (GIRLY) WEEKLY HANGOUT SESH
or people who like, will never outright say they HATE homeless people, like if you talk about volunteering at the soup kitchen or donating to the food bank shes like yeah!!! but then she also getting weirdly uncomfortable when it comes to actual homeless people who arent like, the model of 'trying but down on my luck', and just thinking the tents are unsightly and worrying about how if you give someone money on the street if they'll just use it for drugs and being anxious about the vague specter of "violence"
(im not necessarily saying "marcille herself would 100% do these things" but just "when people say marcilles a bit conservative they dont mean rightwing republican they mean like this kinda shit which self-proclaimed Progressives do when they dont recognize they still got shit that they picked up from living in a So Sigh Titty to work thru")
like, listen, a big part of marcille's character is that she is very prideful and sure of herself and her opinions. half of marcille's character building parts are "marcille has a preconceived notion! oh, someone challenges the preconceived notion! marcille is RESISTANT to this! oh my GOD this is AWFUL how could you CHALLENGE HER WORLD VIE- oh. oh wait no. okay you might have a point BUT SHE STILL HATES IT!!!".
she changes and she learns things! but shes kicking and screaming the whole way and kinda annoying about it and even after she has one thing challenged shes still got a whole backlog of other things she learned from So Sign Titty shes also gotta work thru even if she doesnt realize it yet. sometimes she gradually realizes these things on her own sometimes someone basically has to hit her over the head with the Very Special Episode about how halffoots arent children and orcs aren't evil and maybe shes treating falin a bit like a dress up doll and infantilizing her and like thats a problem maybe?
like. its an interesting part of her character! let marcille be a bit conservative. she aint perfect. actually theres a lotta little things she kinda sucks about. but its okay bc she can learn and have her tidy little worldview challenged and its interesting to see her go thru it all!
(and i also wonder if part of the resistance to people pointing out how shes a bit conservative in some ways is also like, refusal to admit "hm maybe i also hold some regressive views". like, the general thing of "wanting to believe you are already a perfect progressive and dont hold any shitty views" is extremely realistic, its defo a trap ive fallen into before! most of us probably have! but like, step one is admitting it rather than putting your foot on the ground and saying la la la i cant hear you)
#buzzy#marcille donato#marcille dungeon meshi#dungeon meshi#also could talk about the way ppl say 'marcille and falin ARE NOT toxic yuri' and like okay they arent TOXIC toxic but they are.#a teeeensy bit?#like#listen marcille has some shit to work thru wrt her treating falin like a child and a dress up doll and denying her agency in gen#and falin has shit to learn about not being a pushover and asserting herself and her own needs#like its not TOXIC by any means but. noooo they arent perfect. and thats interesting! they got issues to work thru why dont we explore that#yet another rambly post whatever#otjer people have said this more consisely and better but WHATEVER
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👉👈 so @silverskye13 i saw this and..............
had to make an aron helsmet!!!!!! this was really hecking fun to think about actually like what she'd be like n design (which. is a poke at the rp server she was from actually) and also made me sit down and think more on my other minecraft ocs i have sittin around and why they ended up getting redesigns lkdsfh BUT YEAH i!!!!!!!! aron!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#what do i. tag this as. sdklfjslk#i mean ig since it's like??? she's a concept from it i should???#redstone and skulk#aron#a lotta the stuff aron goes through in her character arc in the rps has to do with like. she has her stuff that she's comfortable doing#and stuff that she's not#and after trying and trying and trying to go outside her comfort zone and help ppl around her in a Better Way#feels like she's just not good at it and should give up and go back to what she was doing before#-only to find out through A Lot Of Events that no she actually was learning even tho she didn't realize it and she was getting better#and she was actually helping#and also. it was. kind of impossible for her to go back anyway. jlsdf.#sO i thought her helsmet would be more of the 'stick with what i know and don't leave that' kinda thing!!!#leaning into her minecraft roots; she was originally a redstoner/demolitionist (i mean she's still a demo but)#so her helsmet would- if following that idea- be Really Hecking Good at redstone#but only stick to redstone bc No I'm Not Trying Anything Else#also aron had a lot of problems trusting people she shouldn't and it really bit her back so there's that aspect too!!!#...also is it just me or does this pic feel very Camish like i don't know what it is about the style bc i tried smth different#and when i finished i looked at it and went 'huh. this looks like camish drew it.'#I WILL ALSO!! make more!! of my other minecrafters!!! i just underestimated how much thought i would be putting into making helsmets sdlkfj#but they are bouncing around in my brain!!! and i will draw them once i can get them to stay still long enough to realize what they are!!!
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the reason i’m not afraid of aging is because i want to be a hot middle-aged man who has a toxic yaoi relationship with another middle-aged man
#u know i used to be so afraid of aging until i realized that i want to be a dilf. now it’s kinda exciting#i realized recently that i could never picture myself living past my twenties until i pictured myself as a man#but like. i want to be a man and a woman and nothing and everything#but like. i’m cool with how i look now for the most part idk if i would want to transition physically at least not rn#and rn i still dress fem enough that everyone goes straight to she/her#and i like she/her but it hurts rn#bc some of my family has switched to they/them or it/its and it’s just so soothing#but family that knows i don’t like it still use she/her and phrases like ‘daughter’ or whatever even more often on purpose#and it hurts bc i don’t really feel the need to change the way i dress/look but i know everyone assumes she/her#when they see me in a dress or skirt. even w how very not-cis my fashion sense is#but also i fucking hate pants which is a separate thing (prob autism tbh) and even if i wore pants they’d still use she/her#thinking of changing my name to something very masc so i can confuse people enough that they’ll stop defaulting to she/her#and i haven’t told ppl outside my immediate family so idc if they use she/her but i’m fucking pissed when ppl in the family do it#anyways side note when i was 12 my ideal gender (b4 i knew about being non-cis) was a floating consciousness w no body#or a plastic-doll-like creation that’s smooth all over#… i still want to be a floating consciousness actually lmao. it would be great#back then i hated being a girl but i didn’t know there were more options and also i was socially isolated (didn’t leave home for like 2yrs)#and my mother was openly transphobic whenever the topic was brought up so that was my only real experience#but i didn’t really internalize it other than the fact that my mother would be rude if i ever happened to be not-cis and guess what? she is#anyways it’s like 2am and also i’m only awake bc i was captivated by a sugar daddy middle aged gay fic for a show i watched like 5 episodes#for 2 years ago#sorry for rambling in the middle of the night lol#gn y’all
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truly just SUCH a typical tumblr experience but like.
Familiar Tumblr Name makes a post that's like: 'you know how fast fashion perpetuates itself by selling us clothing that gets dingy and grody really fast, so we have to replace it yearly?'
me: uh, no, actually—historically i've found that the few fast fashion pieces i acquired long outstayed their welcome, and were perfectly wearable long after i was heartily sick of them! but go on, i guess
FTN: 'let me tell you about this traditional domestic wisdom (implied: that's been lost because of, uh, capitalism) that will fix this problem (that you, too, definitely have) for you!'
me, googling: okay so this residue that FTN said was somehow a Fast Fashion thing is apparently generally caused by like. fabric softener and/or hard water. using discount detergents that skimp on active ingredients. using too much detergent so it doesn't wash out. letting your bedding go too long between washes. letting your washer go too long between cleans. etc. anyway. lots of specific factors here, many of which may in fact not apply to you in particular!
but like. why get specific when instead we could assert You Know This Problem, Right? This Lost Traditional Wisdom Will Definitely Help You Personally!!
#just like. makes me mad as rhetoric bc like. *i* can evaluate yr Dramatic Tumblr Post critically and do independent research abt it#and determine how much of it applies to me#and like. the answer is: basically none but it's a good reminder to clean the washing machine‚ thx#but like. there are loads of ppl in the notes just like. nodding along very wide-eyed#to whom this ALSO may not be applicable but who have lapped up yr sloppy demagoguery#and it's just like. [FTN] admits *in this post* that they don't actually know all the ins and outs of this#and it's just like. then probably you shouldn't be climbing onto your soapbox to explain it to people just yet!!#and telling people to get Righteously Angry that this has been Kept From Them#anyway. extremely specific subtweet and honestly the consequences of blindly taking OP's advice would probably not be too bad#but it's just like. i get really frustrated with these bloggers who want to Dispense Advice#but aren't actually experts themselves‚ don't provide any citations for their assertions‚ and claim that things are Universally Applicable#which is just. never true!! people's situations vary!!!#and like. if everyone were equipped to critically evaluate this shit it'd be fine‚ probably#but they're not! people are like 'oh wow you sound confident‚ okay‚ information integrated into my worldview now!'#and it's just like. i realize the subject matter here is relatively low-stakes but it's like. the KIND of rhetoric here is. weird.#very like. There's Been a Conspiracy and You Should Believe Me Because I Sound Confident and Friendly and Like I'm On Your Side.#Reject the Innovations of Capitalism. Retvrn to the Old Ways.#and it's just like. hm what politicians does that remind me of!#anyway. sorry for this very vehement very specific subtweet i just. idk. genuinely think this strain of tumblr demagoguery is pernicious#and like. lots of it is perpetrated by liberals!! most of it ime! but it's the same damaging dynamic even so
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#wow okay so ive been reconnecting with my friend who i previously hadn't seen or spoken to in months#and we've been chatting again for abt a month now and she came to my house univited and without warning today and we hung out#even though i really wasn't prepared for company. i decided it was a pleasant enough surprise. she brought cupcakes.#and then she tells me. a trans man. that she. a lesbian. is in love with me#and im now very uncomfortable bc i don't want to date someone who sees me as a girl. and i Know that that's the case here#bc she's said some Kinda Weird yellow flag things abt trans ppl (esp in regards to passing) that ive overlooked bc i enjoyed her company#and she starts crying on my shoulder bc she “can't believe im rejecting her bc i think shes transphobic”#and how she “thought i liked her too” bc i go along with her flirting (when she first started flirting w me i didn't pick up and she-#-made a joke abt how she likes to flirt w men bc shes gay but it looks like im too dense for that joke (said it a friendly way no really))#(so i didn't realize she was ACTUALLY flirting bc she would still do this to other guys as a joke)#and she “feels so stupid for letting herself be led on by me” and a bunch of other bullshit#and expected me to comfort her while this was going on#which i did bc i didn't know what else to do#and she decided to take THAT as a mixed signal ig and tried to pet me#so i got away from her and got her some water and asked her to leave after she calmed down#and she started crying more but eventually left#and then like an hour later i start getting texts from our friends saying they couldnt believe i was so rude to her#and thought she was a transphobe and shoved her off of me when she just needed comfort#and so now everyone is refusing to talk to me until *i* apologize to *her*#i literally only have one irl friend now bc of this#fuck this shit#and i have fucking class tomorrow#fuck#this#shit
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#DOMT look at this im still documenting my process on being on the fence about possibly getting diagnosed for autism Dont look#just. realizing things#like. i know its fixations on celebrities but sometimes its people i know in person its not that i need to be with them 24/7 i just#i Have to collect information about a particular person at times#Actually. Now that we are on topic of this i remember having that feeling towards smaller internet celebrities on instagram and#smaller youtuberz#and actually going to very great lengths to research as much information on them as possible#plus mimicking their behavior alot. Hm ash i wonder why#DONT LOOOOK#look i used to be like Yea i dont really collect information about things im interested in 👍#and sometimes its awkward when im in a space where autistic ppl r everywhere and tend to show that#they themselves collect lots of information on their interests (yes the mcr fandom)#but. i literally do have a history of this. two times it being internet celebrities/youtubers and once it being on haircare itself.#i remember telling myself i could probably do anyones hair. Anyone. because i know so much about it and the complexities#rn my special interest is makeup of course. but im studying how it can turn into info collecting + on people itself .#idk ldjsjdhdhdhduwodjsofiowdid i know i am hashtag confirmed autistic a year ago but i need a much more deeper understanding of myself ig
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i just think that maybe if your reason as a professionally diagnosed autistic person for hiding that diagnosis is that you don't like when other professionally diagnosed autistic people call something ableist... it's less that the thing itself isn't ableist and more that you probably have some internalized ableism to work through
#this is about the same person who said i was 'xesplaining' autism to them. completely ignoring the fact that i am also autistic and fully#misunderstanding how actual mansplaining works#also i'm very sick of the autistic people who get upset that other autistic people don't have the same experience as them and immediately r#resort to swearing and yelling and occasionally straight up bigotry Very Directly against other strangers on the internet#i realize i'm vagueposting abt an autistic person with a different experience from my own here but as a general rule i do try to be underst#understanding. it's stuff like the immediately going from 'i disagree' to 'YOU'RE AN AWFUL PERSON AND THIS IS WHY I DON'T CALL MYSELF AUTIS#AUTISTIC' or other things i've seen that just. really grinds my gears. the whole thing about being autistic is that it's a spectrum. ppl ar#are gonna have different experiences from yours and still be autistic and that's okay!#jumping from 'i disagree' to actively bashing on them as well as the community as a whole is a massive red flag#i don't know why i'm upset about this. it's been like a month since this happened and i immediately blocked the person#so like it's not like it affects me#but idk it's bugging me rn
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redditors will read a post where someone does something vaguely mean and immediately the comments are filled with armchair psychiatrists diagnosing everyone with borderline personality disorder because apparently the only symptom of bpd is when you’re mean to others
#i hate reddit so much sometimes#i honestly didnt even realize people had this many negative connotations surrounding people with bpd until i joined reddit#now i hate admitting i have bpd bc everyone immediately assumes im evil and i simply want to hurt everyone around me like thanks guys :)#mental health awareness rocks :)#if u think bpd = Mean Disease you are wholly unaware of what it means to have bpd#and then these people get so defensive whenever i try to say that actually sometimes my bpd can be a good thing#because yes my emotions are REALLY intense but it works both ways you know. i feel love and happiness and joy so intensely#when im in a good mood im the most supportive person u will ever meet#and these decrepit self-hating crones come at me like NOOOOOO YOU'RE ACTUALLY INCAPABLE OF BEING KIND AND CONSIDERATE TOWARDS OTHERS#YOUR BPD PREVENTS YOU FROM BEING A KIND PERSON! YOU'RE ALWAYS ON THE VERGE OF HURTING PEOPLE!#full offense but choke <3#also they act like ppl with bpd are incapable of learning coping mechanisms too lmfao#like yes when im in a bad mood its VERY bad but im also grown enough to keep myself away from people when i get to that point#i know how to pull myself away from situations where i feel like i'll split? a LOT of people with bpd know how to do this??? like what#why do they have to assume that literally every person with bpd is unstable and constantly lashing out at others when that just isn't true#if i could i would fight every redditor with my big fucking fists
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Ok now that I think abt it that was very shitty of Diane to do
#Bojack Horseman spoilers? I guess? It's been over for a while but this is late in the season-#ANYWAYS it bothered me not bc of how it affected bojack (I would kill him over it tbh) but it just felt weird#And I had the realization that it took a real genuinely shitty thing he did and made it into an event in a show#Plus even if he is shitty (which I believe) its VERY GROSS to thrust him into a position where he is kissed (and has to reciprocate) withou#Without warning. Like acting yeah but usually you can prepare for that.#BESIDES THAT it makes it seem. Idk less like a bad thing that happened to a person but rather just a nebulous Bad Thing?#Like it erases penny from the narrative and just makes bojack the center. And he deserves consequences but... not like this.#Also the way she made something that should obviously be seen as traumatic (only we the viewers really saw the actual reaction Penny had)#But also it should be Kind Of Obvious. You know??? If you're able to realize it's That Bad you should realize She Suffered. And it's really#Gross to take a person's actual trauma and repurpose it for fiction in what? A revenge fuelled haze??#And it kinda circles back to. Yeah ppl who do bad things deserve consequences but that shouldnt come before helping the people they hurt#God I think Diane is a good character who isn't always meant to be seen as right but also it gets played up so much and I just wish she'd#Idk get more called out for some of it? Maybe she does. But sometimes I get annoyed by her tbh#(Also not helped the fact it feels like she was written by white people? I know she has a white VA which :/)#Much to think about. Also she should have called Mr penutbutter out harder bc while it's not The Same it's a very similar issue and it's#Honestly A Little Weird she just let it slide like that? Anyways yeah she has a problem w caring more abt how she looks that how the actual#Ethics and morals of the situation turn out.#Wheeee
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Oh yeah..... midnight gospel be hitting.... sitting in my bed fuckin. Crying. Get a grip girl
#Its the trudy ep which is actually the episode that made me keep watching#I love love love this episode.....#Something about how.......... idk.... its a very profound ep that I can't explain and it's a nice cry#This ep kind of shaped my outlook on life especially after finding out about my friend dying#All the regrets and things left unsaid.... I make my peace daily by being really straight up#If I love and care about ppl I tell them... I say they are appreciated and cared for man#I am always thankful for people and I *love* people as a whole#And as long as the people around me intrinsically know that they are loved and cared for and cherished.... like that's it#That's the end game truly#I will never ever be sorry for that. This was THEEEE episode.#There's a lot of nuance behind my feelings best described by revolutionary girl utena#But still. I'm deep enough in my tags bc I'm crying over my s/o but not in a bad way#Fml I am so grateful to him as just an entity. As a person in my life even if our lives only intersect for this brief period of time#He hasn't been texting me much and we didn't talk much at work and I didn't even get a goodbye (rude lol)#But I know he was having a rough day. I know he needs a bit of tlc.#He could be on a downswing because I am certainly on an upswing#So I'm kind of like trying to focus on doing my own thing rn without worrying about it#Because I can't do anything about it so I might as well continue My Thang#But as I sometimes come to terms with us never talking again (gotta be prepared at all times to be ghosted)#I also come back to terms with needing him to really understand#how many people in his life depend on love cherish and admire him#And im not just talking about me... he has a lot of siblings and a not great mom. Two kids he loves.#He has always taken care of everyone else in his life#He deserves to really know and idk. It makes me think of this moment.#Realizing how much I dont ever want to question if he knows#I don't want to question if I could've done more or tried harder etc. I did my very best and didn't lie cheat steal or whatever#I am so grateful to him for letting me have that. Even if nothing can come from it in the end#Even if we should be torn apart!!!! Take my revolution!!!#Anyways. Here's wonderwall#Banger of an episode. Worth the rewatch
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🦋
#sometimes i get really sad about my life you know? like. really sad about it lmao. for various reasons.#like it would be really cool to be normal. very often i just wish i was normal lmao.#but then i remember meeting this guy while i was homeless&he had everything that i late 20s/early 30s college grad would want#stable&well paying job in the field he actually went to college for#rented part of a banging a duplex that had a yard allowed dogs&was a five minute walk from downtown bar crawl area#had both one of my fave motorcycles-- an r6--&one of my all time dream cars-- a 6speed cts-v.#i presume a dating life from the tampons that were in his bathroom.#&yet. he was miserable from what i could tell lmao. &it was weird bc it was like he didnt realize that#until he met us lmao. i would be more annoyed by that. i was v annoyed by it at the time lmao. the amount of weird jealousy i dealt w while#fucking homeless+sick is disgusting&ill never forgive fucking anyone for it&a part of me will always be dead+rotted bc of it lmao.#but for him it was different in the way of. i could kind of understand it lmao.#he had come from a rough background from what i understand&was a success story.#&yet he clearly felt trapped in his own life. clearly felt like he was surrounded by things he should be more grateful for while none of it#filled the hole in him ppl like him are PROMISED success will fill. being apart of the status quo but on the good end will alleviate.#he had been in one accident&never rode his bike again. when i asked why he lied&told me the bike was unrideable bc he didnt know me lmao#&when i asked if there had been any damage past the obvious dent in the gas tank he got red+quiet+changed the topic.#he worked at some big bank&didnt bother trying to brag bc the one thing he DID know about me is that i am v anti bank+leftist lmao.#he considered himself a leftist too until he talked to me&realized he was actually v centrist in basically every view he had#&that centrism came from a desire to keep his privileges as a cis white straight man-- something that made him openly embarassed.#he used to deal thru college&when i met him he couldnt keep up w one round of dabs w me something that also obviously embarassed him.#he had surrounded himself w ppl just like him&was jarred upon meeting anyone outside of that bubble who wasnt a far right asshole.#&he didnt like what he saw about himself. &that was really obvious.#when we left his place after the brief week we were staying there he was literally in tears about how much he wanted to come.#to help&see where we ended up or whatever idk lmao. i guess im still actively annoyed by it lmao.#but i still get it on some level. when you reach the top&realize youre not fucking happy where do you go from there?#will a house do it? will moving to a different location for your same bullshit job do it? will meeting a girl exactly like you do it?#&when i want to be normal so bad it physically hurts i remember him&i think maybe things arent so bad lmao.#like it could be worse i guess lmao.
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i feel like not enough ppl are factoring in the cultural clash between laios and shuro and the many micro agressions shuro faced while being in their group. literally the name 'shuro' in itself is one
his name is toshiro 😭 lets also not forget that he has his own communication issues, in the opposite way that laios does- thats literally a factor in their argument, that his envy for laios's ability to express himself sincerely manifested as part of his distaste for him.
ig all this to say like, was their fight heart wrenching, especially when reading laios as autistic? absolutely. anybody whos ever been in laios's position knows how much it hurts to realize someone you thought was your friend doesnt actually like having you around, especially when they didnt tell you and you had no way of knowing due to not understanding their cues. but im begging yall to step back and see the nuance of this situation cause im gonna be real a lot of you are kinda just brushing over it acting like everything is toshiros fault and that hes a terrible person when in reality hes an average guy who really, really clashed with laios and it led to a very long misunderstanding due to their supremely opposite methods of communication. even laios and toshiro, after letting everything out in their fight, were able to come to an understanding and start a foundation for an actual friendship built on better communication
ok yknow what Edit: i shouldve made it even more explicit at the end of this post, i hadnt thought i would need to since i started the post with this, but i think a few too many people are missing my point so i just wanna clarify. i shouldnt have said 'really clashed' and left it at that because yeah they did, but it wasnt just their opposite methods of communication, it is also very much that toshiro was experiencing microaggressions via laios. it may have been unintentional on laios's part, but it still happened and wore him down, made it harder for him to communicate on top of both the more subtle social cues that he was raised with and his own communication difficulties. i also want to say that the fandom reaction to toshiro and the complete ignorance of this point is also racist tbh or at the very least ignorant. i understand that the anime did not cover this panel, and neither did the manga, as this was an omake, but im gonna be real with you guys. there are enough context clues within the story to clue you into this. if you didnt pick up on it thats ok, but i think this is a good lesson in picking up subtext in the stories that youre watching and/or reading. kui shouldnt have to explicitly say 'by the way laios was racist to toshiro' for this point to be understood, and at the very least, when the author portrays a character in a sympathetic light (as kui clearly does) it should make you question Why they are doing so and what makes them sympathetic, rather than youre immediate and only reaction to be 'well i hated what this guy did/said so i hate them and they suck'. idk exactly how to finish this, just. idk. question your biases and gut reactions to things you see in media and stories, and think about whether or not theres subtext that youre missing.
#dunmeshi#dungeon meshi#shuro dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#toshiro nakamoto#dont get me wrong i understand relating to a character and hating whoever wrongs them cause youre protective or you relate really hard#but i think toshiros been getting the short end of the stick for a long time now 😭#even his love for falin is misunderstood#he literally states all the reasons he likes her#and none of them are superficial#but hes so closed off and has such difficulty expressing himself that instead of asking her out or smth he just#proposed to her out of the blue 😭#leading a lot of ppl to just assume that he went 'white woman spotted' and proposed#do Not misunderstand me i am#a HUGE farcille stan#obviously#but i dont think toshiros feelings are surface level and i think theyre absolutely crucial to understanding him and his motivations#as a character in this story
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if me not being fake nice all the time is the reason ppl generally avoid me then whatever. id rather not walk around with a liar as a face.
#omigosh janet thats so good thats happening for you !!!!!!!! my many exclamation points dont totally make it seem like im joking#being fake nice means you can never be direct which means all communication is passive aggressive.#and i really dont have time for that shit#im like very done with passive aggressive people. if youve got afucking issue fucking say it you bitchmade motherfucker#its why i cant be around Certain types of gays.#like its all drama LITERALLY just bc no one can be direct with one another. lmao.#and it looks so fucking solvalbe to me all the time and no one ever wants to hear it like dawg#you HAVE to communicate your issues w people otherwise it builds up into reset=ntment.#but then the problem w these types of gay friend groups is since no one is direct- when you're the first to be direct they decide its you#being an asshole when its like... im literally saying the thing you're too much of a bitch to say to the person..... stfu...#anyways im over the catty bitches sorry.#me when i think never speaking up about wanting food will get me fed#and then being passive aggressive in secret group chats about it#when i couldve fuckin said something.#its the reason these friend groups fall apart ALLLLL the time.#a. bc usually they're the type of friend groups that just really loooove finding people within it to secretly hate and slowly ostracize#till they leave. but also because if any of them actually DO learn how to communicate-#they're all gonna realize they actually fucking hate eachother and only hangout bc theyre the only queer ppl you know in your town#that actually tolerates you.#so you'd rather hang out with these miserable ass ppl you dont even really like than be alone.#and personally i cant bring myself to do that.#i really do think id rather be alone than be around ppl i dont like or relate to in any way.
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how do you have unshakeable confidence?
hey loves! i know i've made plenty of posts talking about confidence, but after going through one of the worst mental health patches i've had, i've come back with a lot more to say. i've always been pretty thin skinned and after seeing the judgement that a lot of ppl were going thru, it made me feel like i needed to fit into an acceptable box, to please as many people as possible.
defining your beliefs. i think it's important to know what things for you are a non-negotiable. like find things that you believe in deeply and things that you wouldn't care being judged for.
setting your priorities. this really helps me- i think about what is really important to me and what is not. i'm not striving to be the smartest person on the planet, so if someone thinks im dumb then whatever.
having confident role models. some of my relatives from Massachusetts are like very stereotypical 'massholes' and they just all have so much confidence about everything, so i like to think about them. or chloe sevigny. honestly just anyone who is true to themselves and radiates that sort of vibe is good to look up to.
putting yourself in new situations. i've had so many instances where i worry about something, and then when it actually happens it's not even bad. and i think the more times this happens the more you realize how much we build up fear.
seeing the good in others. when you become a critic of everyone else, eventually you'll start doing the same thing to yourself. stop thinking that you would do better then someone in every situation.
i think of my faith in God. if youre not religious then you can skip this, but personally i remind myself that in the end it won't matter how people judged me, but how God did. stop pandering to people.
of course there's all the other things i've talked about. consistently thinking positive thoughts, taking care of yourself physically and mentally. all that put together will improve the way you see yourself.
#also by the time ur seeing this im prob taking the ap chem test or driving to school to take it#self improvement#queenofcoquette#that girl 2024#that girl#it girl#self care#pink pilates princess#coquette#healthy habits
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chuuya dazai and fyodor when reader tries to remove the hickies they gave reader the next day OHKYIGOAHSS
a/n: hiii everyone i have crawled out of my void to offer you this post !! ty to the anon who came up with this wonderful idea. i've missed posting omg and we somehow are so close to 3k despite my inactivity??? slay. shall open reqs again once we get there mwehehe
warnings: slight nsfw
(Chuuya, Dazai, Fyodor) When You Try to Remove Hickeys
Chuuya
he's gonna be the most chill about this tbh
it's your body and if you don't want ppl seeing that on you then that's ur choice!!
however
hiding them is one thing, but that doesn't mean he wants to see you removing them
so yknow that hack where you take a whisk and like,,,twist it over the mark to get rid of it?
yeah so you tried that...and it was actually working until chuuya barged into the room and demanded to know what you were doing
bro is not happy to see the hickies he'd proudly left on you last night being somehow removed by a WHISK
grabs that mf thing and throws it across the room
chuuya's not angry at you, more so frustrated and insecure?? cuz like why would u wanna get rid of them
he's lowkey gonna start pouting tbh. won't say anything else but will glare & give u silent treatment
won't stop until you admit the only reason u removed them is because it was too visible with your work uniform and u didn't want everyone staring smh
insist that he should give you more in areas that people won't see and there's no guarantee y'all won't be late to work <3
Dazai
oh lord
so dazai really loves to mark you up
and last night was no different. your neck was black and blue with hickies
deadass to the point where you nearly had a heart attack when you saw it in the morning
"how am i gonna go to work like this?!" you practically sob to him while he LAUGHS
his only advice is "then don't go" as if both of y'all don't need to have ur asses at the agency in 20 minutes
you check ur phone for the time and when u see this you panic and sprint to your shared bedroom
you try everything you can think of to cover them
first you hastily layer concealer on your neck, to no avail as the marks were too dark
then digging through ur closet for clothes with a high enough neckline to hide it, to which you found none
whole time dazai is leaning against the doorframe, watching ur meltdown with an amused expression
he approaches and helps u up from the floor where u had collapsed with all the clothes strewn around you ☹️
"allow me to pick out something for you to wear" ….oh god
u guys are beyond late at this point so you sigh and accept defeat, to which dazai picks a shirt that of course displays all the marks on your neck
you got lots of stares that day to say the least
Fyodor
surprisingly fyodor doesn't usually leave too many marks on you to begin with
he's got that old fashioned take where it's like "other people don't need to see that and be in our business" if u know what i mean
however, he is also a very possessive man
^so when he gets worked up and does leave hickeys on you, the last thing he wants to see is you trying to hide or remove them
which is exactly what he walked in on u doing today
you were trying the good old "rub an ice cube on it" hack before u had to work
now this mf thinks you have some hidden agenda as to why you wanted them gone
"are you seeing someone else" 💀💀
PLS u didn't realize he had been watching from the doorway and this scares u so bad u drop the ice cube down ur shirt
u start frantically trying to get it out of ur shirt while yelling at him like "i have to work, wtf are u talking about???"
u immediately stop tho when he storms up to u and grabs your face to make you look at him
his face is so cold and unreadable omg it's scary
his eyes shift to the marks on your neck as he traces over them with his fingers
"leave these alone" he says lowly, then adjusts the collar of your shirt so they are partially covered
neither of u will say anything more about it after that, but fyodor sends sigma to secretly follow u to work to make sure that's where ur really going 😓
taglist: @deadmitochondria @miycutie @chuuyasboots @shy-socially-awkward-intovert @beandaifuku @stygianoir @sonder-paradise @irethepotato @serenareiss @ashthemadwriter @mrsdostoevsky @creamygojo @mianqo
#bsd x reader#bsd x y/n#bsd x you#bungou stray dogs#fyodor headcanons#fyodor x reader#dazai smut#dazai headcanons#dazai x reader#dazai imagines#chuuya headcanons#chuuya x reader#bsd chuuya#chuuya nakahara#bsd dazai#fyodor bsd#chuuya x y/n#fyodor x you#dazai x you#dazai x y/n#chuuya x you#fyodor x y/n
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4:44 am late night thoughts under cut bcs i want to talk so much but tags reached way above cap c:
#🤍#🌙.thoughts#GENUINELY I'M DOING GOOD RN. DEFINITELY. /gen#i just have a lot of thoughts. i find myself rambling a lot every time i start writing in tags oh dear#these r very intimate thoughts of mine at this very late hour#i don't mind though. here online. maybe to whoever may read it they could see some part of themselves in it#i've always loved the ways n possibilities of how we may influence each other in this world#one reason why i write. & why i share. is to make my own opportunity of that possibility w others#sometimes actually w my attunement for these deeper intricacies in life i wonder if i'm even. idk normally fun to be around#but i've had ppl say i'm funny. i've made people laugh n smile. maybe that's proof enough for me that my existence#was loved in those moments. even now maybe for just. being who i am. maybe it really is true.#i find it hard to believe i don't think such beauty is meant for me.#but i think. ultimately. i do deserve the same things that. i think others deserve. i deserve it too.#yeah often i feel like i don't belong in this world but this is enough to keep me going. me. & you.#everything in my worlds. in this universe. & everyone in my life. yeah. life goes by far too fast for hesitation and regrets.#i think it's so beautiful how in a way. you n i. we're so similar yet so different. i wnt to learn sm more abt everyone/everything around m#i think i wna make a sideblog for stuff like this. i realize at heart i'm genuinely a person fond of sharing their thoughts n emotions#i've rambled to myself a lot before in threads in discord servers w friends. in my own discord server. & in tumblr tags#i'm not used to people interacting to it. or being necessarily listened to. or knowing that i am read and seen but i don't really need that#i live like this for me. first and foremost. this is one part of my own inner world#oh god usually i definitely don't talk this much though but it's really really late at night ( early morning )#i'll try not to delete this when i wake up bcs even if i get shy or embarrassed then that'll change nothing deep down#n it's not like it'll directly impact my life yeah? i should have nothing to fear#that ffxiv friend i spent time with earlier today said they'll challenge their shyness#motivated me more to do the same. it's hard n it gets uncomfortable at times n i will experience drawbacks but#i will work hard to challenge myself & become a better person. to forge ahead as i always have.#this is part of who i've always been & part of who i'm growing to be.#why should i hide? in hindsight i will definitely learn to manage it better bcs i should keep my life more private to be safe but#rn tonight i don't think i'll worry. not now. THAT SAID THOUGH i will actually sleep vvv soon fr now c:#oh my god last thought though but i'm rlly rlly curious of others too.... but that's enough thinking for tonight. i will sleep Soon ><
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