@bandousama replied to your post:

hi and ty for the questions about my silly little au! i love making ideas about it here and even getting some inputs from you guys! putting this under the cut since my response ended up being lengthy. pls feel free to ask any more questions or share your own thoughts!

Is this going to be a story?

I really do want to write this out, but unfortunately i dont really have any writing skills 🫤 it took me a while to draft out these few paragraphs that were meant to be a synopsis/prologue. maybe someday i’ll come around to write quick drabbles?? but if i have any writers following me, i’d be happy to commission this fic!

Will there be any drama between y/n and Shouhei? Like including a fight scene or something?

Even if this never gets written, i do imagine this au to have a lot of drama and the relationship between shouhei and y/n to become toxic (it’s inevitable; he’s a rockstar and she’s a model. there will be drug use and morals will be compromised to achieve fame). Both of them are also not in the right headspace in some parts of the story, with shouhei spiraling as he tries to make his own identity as a soloist, and y/n trying to make it alive in a cutthroat industry through any means possible.

In the synopsis, Shouhei is immediately reminded of those little ballerina figurines when he first sees y/n (y’k, the little docile ones that seems so fragile and is always locked away when the box is not being used). he gets infatuated and soon idealizes her as this pretty doll that he has to lock her away protect from this soul-sucking industry, purposely ignoring the fact that y/n is a complex person with her own flaws and bad decisions.

*spoiler alert* y/n has a bf when she meets shouhei, who she ends up cheating on with him

Is the rock band mainly about the abc boys or all of hrm?

All of hmr are featured, but i think I would focus more on the abc boys since im more interested in them

Is this a story just about Shouhei or all the other guys getting their own as well?

It’s primarily about shouhei, but the other guys also have their own unresolved issues and relationships to work out, which will def be mentioned bc i want to give all of the boys extra depth and characterization. i think i can see chitose being the secondary abc boy in this particular fic, since he’s the one in the worst condition out of the boys, and bc i lowkey might make shouhei and chitose have a closer friendship in this fic. basically a friendship where they get fucked up together and make even more bad decisions. but if i really were to write this out, i’d want each boys to have their own spin off.

What inspired you to think of this au?

its funny cause i was reading this fic in another fandom where person A is this fashion critic who attends a show where person B is modeling and they’re both immediately attracted to each other, when i was like ok but imagine shouhei in this au?? But i can’t see shouhei as some fashion critic, which is when I remember that i have this other au where the boys are like this popular rock band (used to be pop idol group when i first thought of this au), and that fits more since celebrities visit fashion shows (also guys, please ask me about this au too cause i have lot of thoughts about rockstars!hmr and the pop idol girl group thats their competition in terms of international popularity). only difference is that fic did not feature any toxic dynamics lol. also! the whole idea about hmr taking a break as a group, the members pursuing solo endeavors during the break, and shouhei making a lot of noise by being the first member to attend a high fashion event is based off the first few months of bts’ hiatus last year lmaoooo

Since Shouhei is the lead vocalist what do the other band members do?

I actually haven’t thought much of that, esp since hmr is too huge to be one band. so what i was thinking that maybe theyre all split up in different acts under the same company: mikoto originally being a solo rock artist before calling it quits because he couldnt handle the fame. he eventually forms his own small company that aligns better with his values. we have totsuka as the dreamy soloist who sings romantic ballads and wins the nation’s heart, yata and kamamoto being a hip-hop duo with lots of break dances, the abc boys being a rock band, and kusanagi being the manager who keeps everyone in check (look idk if this actually works out like this irl but canon has mikoto having an ample amount of money in savings and kusanagi owning tons of restaurants overseas so 🤷‍♀️)

with the abc boys, shouhei is the lead vocalist, chitose and dewa play the guitars, eric and fuji plays the bass with eric serving back up vocals, and bandou plays the drums.

no by all means keep judging cartoon villains solely by if they get redeemed in the end. i know some of us like to talk about other stuff like characterization or entertainment value or nuance as something that makes a good villain. but i think the only thing that actually matters is if the villain ends up on good terms with the protagonist at the end. all the Good TM cartoons with Good TM creators make the villains die a Horrible Death for being Abusers or whatever. and all the Bad TM cartoons with Bad TM creators Forgive Fascists by not making them get publicly executed by the 14 year old protagonist in front of the 8 year old target demographic.

i mean im so glad that more cartoons nowadays are subverting the psyop to support fascists that a few queer artists and queer shows definitely invented in 2017. there are so many popular cartoons doing that. it's almost like there are more properties killing their villains now and in the past than there ever were of properties that didn't do this. and it's almost like whether the villain gets redeemed at the end is more about the context of the story and its themes leading up to a narratively sound decision.

but you know. a few queer shows made by trans ppl were popular and they didn't kill their fascists and even had the gall to make them nuanced while also looking into the harm they did. guess it's trendy to forgive your abusers now because like two cartoons said so. out of like 40 other similarly high profile works that just straight up hit their villains with a bus or smth. by all means. keep heaping praise onto that one show about how they "let their villain just be evil" instead of talking about anything more interesting. that's so subversive, everyone's doing it!

i think that on here we've kinda talked a lot about how the traditional "coming out" narrative presented in popculture is flawed in reality. because it always presents this idea that you have to tell everyone who you Really are, that youre Hiding parts of yourself, that you can never be You until you bare your Secrets to the world. and that actually this isnt because people feel entitled to your personal business but that its hurting YOU when they dont know your personal business so you should really just tell them. (but also dont be "too" proud because thats annoying :( act mostly cishet please but dont lie about it! hehe!) it will work out every time for sure :)

but ofc thats not how real life works. i mean, naturally i understand that there are OF COURSE people out there who want to be loud and proud about who they are, and that this is incredibly important to their identity which theyve suppressed for so long. but that "coming out" narrative is harmful because it ignores many of the reasons it had to be suppressed to begin with. its fucking dangerous! its dangerous to a lot of people for a lot of reasons. they can lose their support system, family, job, house, and their entire life. both in the sense that they'll be completely uprooted from it, and in the sense that they could be killed. so constantly presenting the notion of "coming out is good for you no matter what because its the Only way to be your Real Authentic Self and also you HAVE to do it eventually because thats how this narrative is just Meant to go. be a good little queer and please dont stray from this path."

and the problem is that plenty of young LGBT+ people completely internalize it too! ive had so many convos with young people worried about coming out to their conservative family because, well, theyre supposed to! and their minds are completely blown when i tell them that actually they dont have to do that. that theyre under no obligation to tell everyone their business and its okay to just keep being them w/o making an announcement about it. ESPECIALLY IF IT PUTS THEM IN DANGER!!!! and to be clear this issue doesnt stop at age 18 or at moving out or anything like that either, there continue to be many obstacles for many people that make coming out unsafe, or just a bad life decision to uproot everything Right Now. it's okay to just be in the closet and it isn't a moral failing like cishet media wants to convince us. we all agree, right?

good! but here's what my actual real point is:

when we talk about this, for some reason, we seem to only reaaaallly be talking about the gay side of it, right? like im sure lots of people imagined, like, teenage gay boy movies. maybe a couple lesbian and bi characters too perhaps. and that makes sense because thats like the most common narrative for this sort of trope, so ofc those are the first examples we imagine. and ofc theres the more complex addition of "passing" when it comes to trans versions of this story, the idea that you gotta look a certain way to be "valid" adds another layer.

so i think its time more people started to acknowledge this about trans people too, right? i think we can all agree with this on paper already; no trans person is obligated to come out or present a certain way if theyre not in a place where they currently are able to do so. physically, mentally, financially... or just because they dont wanna! whatever the circumstances are, there is no criteria they have to meet to be vindicated in this. it doesnt only apply to 14 year olds living with shitty parents who plan to move out soon and become "Really Trans" (as if they didnt count before conforming to The Narrative), the person could be 40 and never planning to be completely out, and its the same. they dont owe you this "showing the world who you Really are in order to [earn the right to] Be Yourself" crap. thats their choice only.

however, i also think that even if most ppl on here in lgbt circles on here agree with the general sentiment... sometimes it doesnt always get applied it practice. though the whole "truscum" thing kinda died down (thank god) i still think that rampant transmedicalism has left its scars on lots of people and the things they internalize, combined with similar cisheteronormative messages in popular media about how your narrative Should go and how you Should act and look to be respected, and its Morally Wrong not to fit that mold.

so when encountered with people who dont pass, who dont TRY to pass and instead actively choose to look like their agab due to the fact that they are literally in the closet irl (lest we forget people have whole entire complex lives outside of the net) this sort of short circuit happens in ppls heads, where that internalized idea of "but you're supposed to be THIS WAY! youre not doing it RIGHT!" pops back up and they end up labeling that person as fake or Not Trans Enough for this reason.

and i do also think part of this stems from people not having enough sympathy for those whose paths are different, because they were told not to. theres a Right way, and they did it the right way. and likely they struggled for it a lot, so isnt it unfair that people are doing it the Easy Way (as if its easy to be closeted to begin with) and claiming theyre like you? thats Wrong. they have to Earn it. you lgbts should all get mad at EACH OTHER actually! this will help your community be better [in the eyes of cishetero society that doesnt really want you to exist to begin with]

additionally the reason im emphasizing the internet side of this so much is because... well, in this day and age, thats the space lots of people go to to NOT be in the closet. to at least microdose on being "out" while in real life they very much arent. like i said before, being in the closet is rough and taxing, suppressing yourself hurts which is why so many people wanna be loud and out and proud! not everyone can though, so turning to a place with relative anonymity to get that is great, and i think its probably saved a lot of people. but also because of this, its pretty much the only way to get the scenario this is positing to begin with- where you know a stranger can know that youre trans even if youre otherwise closeted completely, just so they can tell you that youre Not. but how many people in the past do you think lived lives where they never let these feelings out at all? how many alive today do you think dont even express them online?

you know that sort trope (often stereotypes in media) of a trans person "crossdressing" only when alone, in order to get a short bit of relief or euphoria that they cant in their closed life? i think that today we have the internet to do that. i think its kind of the same thing. but its also very different, because its not as private. its still secret, because its anonymous, but its also something shared with plenty of strangers at the same time. they dont know you irl, so its safe, distant, and gives you that rush of being yourself, and being referred to correctly by others too. theres community, theres support, and theres friendship too, once you get to know those strangers. its not a "second life" or a "persona" is just a side of yourself you dont show elsewhere, an identity that needs to be let out one way or another.

who the fuck are we to deny others the right to this life-saving connection just because they arent out? because they dont pass or dress the Right way irl? because we decided they arent trying hard enough to "fit in"? because they dont plan to change their lives to fit the right narrative anytime soon?

should they not be allowed into the community then? that would be perfect wouldnt it? leave many who need support out to die, because they did it Wrong. fight within our community over who is doing it Right until we've broken it in half. the righteous ones [according to cishet standards] are surely going to be treated with respect once they get rid of the Bad ones, right?

yeah, i dont think so. thats horseshit. we're stronger together than we are apart, thats why infighting is so useful to those who dont want us to be strong to begin with. its important to help each other, boost each other up, even if some of us arent playing the "right" part irl. are we really just going to sit around and accept the cishet norms as rules to live by? fuck that. not everyones story will reflect it, and you have to accept them anyway if you want a strong community. it doesnt matter how much they might look/act like their agab irl, if theyre telling you otherwise take it at face value, respect them the way you would any other. again, many of us agree with this on paper, but i think we still have to put work into acting on that too.

the end <3

thank u so much for being critical of these past two episodes ive felt crazy about how much i just. didnt like them but im glad to know others feel the same way. i hate hate hate how they basically portrayed simon as "cured" after talking to golbetty because its so. it feels like such a deep diservice to everything they set up. its like these episodes were them yelling at us that "no actually, this is the moral" and simon isnt allowed to grieve or feel guilt or any other emotion and its jyust so. its so. i hated how it just treated everyone. it feels like in trying to tell a story about how betty deserved better they threw her under a bus repeatedly and robbed her of all agency. these last two episodes just felt so preachy and then ended up feeling like they were saying nothing at all... sorry for ranting in your inbox ive just been reading your posts and agree greatly with your criticisms. it just feels like the entire show has no weight at all and theres barely any growth or change. it feels like simon is at the same point he was in obsidian if that makes sense? and it felt like they went oh crap oh right we have to end this and made a big ball of junk. anyways sorry again for rambling im not a hater i liked the show im just supremely dissapointed

I FEEL YOU SO BAAAAAAAAAAAAD. ikeep seeing like, polls asking ppl what their reactions to the finale were and a weird amount of people are saying theyre happy and satisfied. how………

Yeah!!!!!!!!!! God. The show was so good, if you just, pretend the last 2 episodes don’t exist.

they fucked up both simon and betty soooooooo so bad!!!!!!!!!! they have all this setup of simon having some very very deep mental issues and then he’s Pretty Much All Better for Literally No Reason At All. the moral of the story is wow he fucked up bad! the moral of the story is he actually DID need to just move on! from the love of his life from the person whose memory he clung to when he otherwise completely lost his mind and identity from the person who made an unfathomably large sacrifice in order to save him one that hangs over his head constantly!!! He just needed to GET OVER IT!!!!!

And they come in. Act like Betty had no agency. Lik she was not a grown woman making her own decisions on purpose. Like she needed Simon to make the right decisions for her. And they SURE AS HELL DONT FOLLOW THIS UP BY GIVING HER AGENCY. We finally see GOLBetty. And for what? For her to explain to Simon like a child how he fucked up. And then leave. And that’s literally it.

And they spend the episodes just…… spelling everything out as clearly and deliberately as possible in the dialogue! God forbid we utilize subtlety and allow the viewer to figure out important details via any other method than characters explicitly stating what the point is!!!!

God….. yeah……. i loved that show, overall. but what was the point of it, in the end. all of that was for nothing. in what way is simon not pretty much just back where he started. we don’t get to see it.

aita for thinking negatively abt my friend?

i've (17) known this friend (18) for a couple of years (~4 years) irl, through a couple of friends. over time we got really close, bc of a bunch of interests aligning.

in 2020, i met this other person(we were both 14). We became friends, and I introduced them to a fandom server i was in bc they liked the same things. they eventually got kicked from that server for treating other people like they were treating me: venting without asking for long amounts of time, being self-deprecating so the other person would reassure them they're a good person, asking ppl if they thought they were hot, etc. They were like like this and more to me after they got kicked, but the important part from this is that i still feel a lot of guilt for being the reason this person could meet other people, and that the friend mentioned at the start met this person too.

we were both affected by this person a lot, even if we cut them off after a couple of months. i don't mention them, but this friend does often compared to me (usually explaining why they are the way they are, or to relate to other people who went through the same situation). and every time it makes me feel mad because i feel like i went through it "worse", but i know that i can't ask them to not mention it because they have the right to vent about this situation too.

the main thing building resentment recently though is how they get upset at me for things that seem really small? me trying to help them with the soundboard when they're panicking over mics in a musical (they prided themself over having control of it/being to use it), me questioning a rp/writing decision (writing is personal to them, and they took it as me saying they werent good at writing (i was just asking why something would happen, when it doesn't make sense in-character, and out of character (bc it would mean someone would have to rp with themself)), asking them if they're going to eat their lunch, changing my discord server after they changed it (w/o permission) as a joke, and for me asking to clarify what they mean with their tone tag. (theres also been times where they say passive aggressive things with "/lh" after it, and i get theyre joking but it doesnt make things feel better)

they say its bc of their RSD (they have diagnosed ADHD), and they apologize quickly after they get angry, but its made me feel super uncomfortable telling them anything. i know communication helps relationships, but they're already stressing out after graduating, and i know i would feel bad because a lot of their actions don't seem to be in their control. i don't think my resentment of them has affected how i act towards them but i still feel really guilty for thinking like this

What are these acronyms?

Hello! I just wanted to let you know that I really enjoyed glitching. It’s a bit embarrassing to say, but I barely interacted with it in any way that you could see because the format made me feel guilty about reading whump in a way that I hadn’t felt in a long time. That’s a compliment to your writing! Glitching was about being an accomplice and moral choices and I got caught up in it that I stopped participating in the polls after a few posts. I really liked it though.

Since you couldn’t see the likes that I very much wanted to give the series, I’m sending my thanks directly. You are really good at writing, and your specific style is one of my favorites on this site. Your writing is just brutal in a way that a lot of whump writing isn’t, and your characters are extremely compelling/whumpable. I can’t describe exactly what I love about it, but I do love it. You also made glitching really quickly, which is impressive. I’m still in awe of how you made all the different endings for the finale. That must have taken forever.

Was Glitching always going to end the way it did? If the audience had voted to kill Seth at the earliest opportunity, would that have happened? Are there any other pathways that you had planned out that we didn’t get to see? Basically, I loved Glitching and I want to hear all the behind the scenes details that you are willing to share.

Thanks again!

aaaaaaaaaa thank u SO much for this. long ass response under the cut !

this is honestly.... mostly all i wanted to achieve w glitching. (my first objective was to create a whump cyoa story where the options were all bad, bc in all the other ones ppl kept picking the good ones and i was like :| but my whump..? no whump..?) several times i felt like maybe the second person pov is too much and its too real and itll turn everyone off... but then i thought. thats. kind of what i want. i want it to feel a little gross even if its fiction. i wanted to make ppl feel conflicted.

so please dont feel bad about not interacting! i understand how it could feel rly bad and guilt-inducing. im glad u made the decision to stop interacting when u did, its NOT embarrassing in the slightest. this message means a whole lot either way.

hehehehehe im GLAD theyre brutal! thats very much the style i wanna be known for lol and the style i enjoy! i want stuff to be gruesome and disgusting! i want it to be brutal and unforgiving! i want violence! i want gore! and also thank u, im glad my characters r whumpable. especially w glitching, i saw that when other ppl put their cute ocs in situations no one wanted to hurt them, so i was like ok whos my most vile most hated most disgusting oc whom everyone would Love to see be punched in the face- in general i love making my ocs whumpable and pitiful. i love a pitiful little guy

i stopped writing glitching when my exams started at college, and iced it after maybe chapter 8 or 9. then i picked it back up again after i got a 20th message in my inbox abt how ppl miss it, and it successfully forced my hand to finally sit down and just Write. (i do have to be forced to write a lot of the times. it doesnt work for everyone, but it does for me. obviously i can never get in the zone if i dont even open the document yknow. thats why i write a lot of shitty drabbles! it keeps up momentum!) and then i just kept writing. and writing. and writing. trying to get a chapter out every day because i knew what i wanted to do and i wanted to finish it. when it comes to the finale, iiiii decided i wanted to do that whole thing literally 2 days beforehand. my friend told me "wow these options r all good" and i said "i know i kinda wanna see all of them too". and the idea was born. the seed was planted. the bug was in my fucken ear.

so the next morning i checked the poll on chapter 13, and saw that of course the option to keep seth alive was winning by far. so i wrote that in advance. then i started writing out the endings for the finale. i managed to get maybe 3 of them done. then the next day i finished the other 6, tweaked the earlier ones, all that. i uploaded them all, posted everything privately, fiddled forever w the links (which i knew were likely gonna break anyway-) and THEN WHEN THE TIME CAME I WANTED TO MAKE ONE LAST EDIT AND ACCIDENTALLY POSTED IT. so i had to unprivate everything in a fucking frenzy like OH MY GOD PPL WONT UNDERSTAND I RUINED IT I RUINED EVERYTHING. but anyway yes it took me like 2 days of writing and editing but the response was soooooo worth it. ppl were so so so kind to me. it was honestly amazing.

one thing abt me, i started planning my stories At All in the last few months. before that, Nothing. and especially w smth like glitching, where the audience's decision influences the next chapter and i cant plan ahead, i didnt even bother. whatever the audience chose was always gonna happen. if they chose to exit the stream on the very first poll, i wouldve ended it. im serious. i thought abt pulling "you try to exit but it doesnt work" but then i was like. no. ppl can have one (1) chance to turn their heads away if they want, as a treat. i wouldve written a chapter about the debilitating guilt and lifelong "what if" feeling, and that wouldve been it. as for the earlier murder options, yes! i wouldve gone thru w it at any time. starting from maybe the 6th chapter (or whenever i brought in the murder option) the audience held the power to end the stream and seth's suffering. they chose not to. but they couldve.

one option that i wanted that never got chosen was the baseball bat. im obsessed w beating someone to the point of broken bones w a baseball bat. so when the ending was getting nearer and nearer, i thought about simply disregarding the last poll and writing a single chapter where the host goes "i respected the choices u made up until now, but this time, im making the decision". but i was like. no fuck that. this is an interactive story all about being able to choose ur own decisions. i just asked the audience to supply me w puppy seth commands, citing how it was interactive. i couldnt just go and ignore that two chapters later, yknow? plus as u said it kind of all hinged on the feeling of "i did this. im responsible". so if i took that responsibility away in the last second IN THE MOST IMPORTANT DECISION OF ALL it wouldnt have been good enough

most of the time i just kept giving the options i really wanted to write, and eventually, ppl picked them. it was a good story in the sense that the order didnt matter too much. i could give the same options, and the host was still able to carry them all out.

some more behind the scenes- i thought about revealing the host's identity multiple times. i thought about making them someone the audience already knew (like ren, my friend's oc who greatly inspired the character from the very first chapter), or someone who couldve been vaguely familiar but unknown (a former friend of pumpkin?), but in the end i just settled on the mystery. especially since i decided to give it a paranormal twist. i couldve NEVER made a better reveal than the mystery itself. never ever. some things dont have to be revealed.

but yeah! thats that. i rly enjoyed glitching, i loved the response i got (it was by far the most popular story ive ever posted on here w the most tags and comments and asks), and i loved how i managed to do the finale. it was concise, i can say i finished another story, and its just all around a great time. thank u so much for ur message !!!

while wyll is a very well intentioned person part of the game is about subverting tropes, and to ME hes MY special princess. he is by no stretch of the imagination “perfect” n hes not SUPPOSED to be perfect, n he has glaring flaws present in the text in subtext that make him very interesting narratively

while wyll trying to fight monsters and devils to save people is objectively good

in dnd, monsters, devils, goblins, even animals in the context of this game. theyre still literally people. theyre capable of language and complex thoughts and motivations

while im not about to be like (fire emblem vc) DIMITRI. KILLS. WOMEN. wyll’s quest to be a generic lawful good human warrior male is not as black and white as he wants it to be

and he can be a hypocrite and a liar

and he can be dumb and needlessly vicious. he stands in the middle of the room with priestess guts and to her face goes “tav lets just kill her. lets kill everyone here lets blow this nasty wench to smithereens” and u have to go priestess guts i am so sorry my friend would fucking say that to you. while we are. trying. to be SNEAKY, WYLLIAM!!

he DOES try to kill karlach. he probs killed other innocent prisoners of zariel. he thought it was the right thing to do, its reasonable. but he still did it. n he never faces tbe consequences or even the guilt.in fact he only faces consequences n guilt when he does the RIGHT thing

wyll IS a very kind and tolerant person to a point but its interesting to see like. who deserves second chances to wyll. and why

like obviously being a generic goblin killer doesnt make u a bad person or anything. its good to kill momsters that are hurting ppl. but hes eventually going to hv to look back on the things hes done for mizora and the devils hes killed, and go “hm.” bc even tho he HAD to do it. he also justified it. and that makes it worse

its honestly kind of interesting he doesnt hv anything to say abt freeing 7000 hungry vampire spawn. n when ascended astarion mentions them, wyll asks how many ppl astarion has killed. “dozens, hundreds?” bro it was 7007 ppl, u know the exact number. he cant even wrap his head around it

like everything else in his life—i dont think he really knows how to weigh the burden of that decision bc he can really never let himself feel the full severity of anything without going “ok moving on” or “let my next action prove my worth.” (ie when he tells karlach hes been a beast but he still wants to prove himself, when u tell him hes a monster, he will still prove himself to the sword coast n be tbeir protector.)

its a very rich thing, hes going on his own little narrative journey here where hes realizing what kind of man and hero he wants to be, same as all the rest of them

n a part of that is coming to terms with things like balduran being a lie, n baldurs gate being so much less than he remembers

something i really enjoy abt the game as someone who considers themself an existentialist is. the burden of freedom. we are condemned to be free. despite the facticities and realities of the world n other ppls reactions to our decisions—we alone make our choices n deal with those consequences

wyll is always, always making the best of a bad situation, hes always doing the best he can, hes always doing what he thinks is right, he always tries to be kind and good and gentle to the people “who deserve it.”

but hes only human, and the road to hell is paved with good intentions

when it comes to morals and “goodness”—sometimes being guided by fairy tales and legends is…. lazy moralizing, that will lead to more pain for everyone, wyll included

wyll DID do good things for the people of the sword coast. and that matters. but u know what. everybodys got something to atone for, pobodys nerfect

again this is not a wyll hate post this is actually a WYLL IS AN INTERESTING CHARACTER AND INTERESTING CHARACTERS HAVE FLAWS post lol. hes really not as goody goody as people think. he loves murder and blood tbh, just u know, the murder and blood of evil doers

ok this has always been a question in the back of my mind regarding autonomy - "what if someone needs help and wants it, but for any reason, never explicitally communicates they want it?" or "what if someone is in a mindset where they dont want help, but after/before they always want help/wish someone would help?"

because ive seen posts like "even if someone is in critical state, unless they explicitly state they want help, then you shouldnt interfere", something along the lines of that.

its affecting how i approach others, especially those who arent doing well mentally (and even myself)... because sometimes, we DONT know what we want, or whats best for ourselves. I can attest to that. I dont know what i need or what i want a lot until i gravely mess up or i miss out etc. Sometimes I say yes when i mean no, and no when i mean yes. Sometimes i reject help both when i actually want it, and when i feel as if i dont need it if I'm not well (psychosis, ocd etc...)

The thing everyone says about "you know yourself best always" and "never intervene on others actions even if theyre not okay if they reject outside help." it... assumes everyone is in a state to know themselves well. amnesia comes to mind, or any cognitive condition where someone will struggle to know what they want/need, or how they feel, and how to communicate such.

Maybe im overthinking and nobody has ever said ppl cant intervene in special cases.. but ive never seen anyone explicitly say they can, either.. so idk what people think about it.

We're all here to overthink, so that's a good thing. I think there are a few issues to overthink here. First of all, what is "help"? I mean this in both a specific and an abstract way. Specifically, what are you considering doing for someone that they haven't asked for and you think they need? Is it something where if you're wrong and they really don't want it, it's no big deal (like giving someone a coffeepot they have no real use for but accept to be polite), or is it something where if you're wrong and they really don't want it, you're severely harming them by imposing something on them against their will (like forced drugging, which is what most policy advocates mean by "getting someone help")? And more abstractly, how can you be sure that what you want to do for someone is actually helpful? The premise of "You know yourself best always" doesn't mean "You know yourself perfectly always." No one has complete self-knowledge. It is absolutely possible for you to be wrong about what's best for you. It's absolutely possible for you to make a decision and regret it -- maybe immediately, maybe years later. And to think "Why did I make such a bad decision? What was I thinking? Why didn't someone stop me?" But you still know yourself best always, not because you know what's best always or never make bad decisions (that's not true of anyone, and is an unreasonable standard!) but because you know yourself better than anyone else can, because no one else can have the lived experience of being you and knowing how you feel and what you need. Or put another way: However bad, unwise, or regrettable your decisions about your own body/mind/life are, anyone else's would inherently be worse. So moving on to the specific: What if someone needs help in a way that they can't communicate due to awareness/communication related disabilities? This definitely happens to me! For example, I have a real problem remembering to eat and remembering that I'm hungry. It's helpful for me when someone reminds me that I haven't had lunch yet, and that's probably why I'm spacy. For yourself, if you know you're prone to bouts of poor bodily awareness, try to ask for help in advance. If you have a willing friend or partner, you can ask them in advance "If I get spaced out, please remind me to eat/ drink/ take medicine/ go outside." For more complicated things, you can look into some of the advance plans and templates suggested by the Fireweed Collective: https://fireweedcollective.org/crisis-toolkit For trying to help other people who haven't asked for it -- or rather, trying to intervene in a way that you think is helpful even though they haven't asked for it -- I would recommend some broad guidelines.

Ask first, and be willing to take "no" for an answer. If someone says no, but seems really disoriented, you might try asking again later, but still be willing to accept a no.

Offer basic things: Food, water, and the opportunity to leave the environment. If the person only eats certain foods, bring them that food. You may need to physically bring it to them if they are too disoriented to get it themselves or even answer whether they want it.

IF you know that they take a medication regularly, and you think it's possible that their disorientation could be caused by a missed dose, offer to bring them their medicine. Do NOT try to get them to start a medical regimen if they're not already on them. DO NOT encourage them to take medication if you know, or have reason to believe, that they're foregoing medication as an intentional choice rather than simply forgetting a dose.

If possible, try to reduce environmental stressors like noise. Turn down music, fans, flashing lights.

If the person is communicating in a way you don't understand, listen respectfully. Don't bombard them with questions. If you don't understand, say so. You can always come back to the topic later.

Offer alternate ways to communicate. If someone isn't speaking well, try typing or another form of AAC.

Be humble. They may not appreciate your offers, nor do they have any obligation to. They might be annoyed or angry by your offers (especially if they've already said "no"), and they have every right to be. Accept this fact going in.

These are some general suggestions for trying to help someone who has not specifically requested your help, but you have reason to believe may be disoriented or otherwise unable to communicate their wants/needs, while still respecting their bodily autonomy. It's not foolproof, but it might be a start.

mack !! helppp so people on twitter were saying frank’s racist and i really wanted a get a tattoo symbolizing him on my sleeve and now im having doubts D: they’re mentioning the japanese imperial tatt and “one time he said the n-word” like i know he has that old tatt covered and he probably didnt know but do you know anything ab the n-word shit?? or do you think theyre tryna make shit up

yea ok. well i just answered that ask about the rising sun which i agree i don't think he had any idea of the meaning when he got it. because he has literally no reason as a white man from new jersey to get a symbol of japanese imperialism i think he just thought it looked cool. and obviously since he's had it covered up. people didnt start bringing that tattoo up as like an issue until 2016ish?? id been in the fandom for 8 years and never even knew myself that it was bad bc no one had ever said anything. so i really think that was just ignorance and he's done what he can to correct it.

as far as the n word, if he had ever said it that is NOT something i would make excuses for. but he hasn't said it. i have heard of people claiming this in the past though and ive seen the "tweets". one of them is fake and photoshopped. the other is from a time when quote retweets were different than they are now. the text of the tweet would show up in your own tweet instead of showing as a separate one like they do now. used RTs exclusively to reply to ppl during this time period. we all remember rad RT. he did that with someone who used it and so it showed up in his tweet. which idk its not my place to say whether or not he should have done it. but hes not the one who said it so saying that he said the n word is incorrect.

frank is not perfect by any means!!! he's definitely fucked up in the past. but i do feel like his past mistakes are based in ignorance. like the dreads. i think about things he's done and i say would frank do this TODAY with all the knowledge he has now. and its pretty much always no.

you have to make your own decision about the tattoo but i have multiple frank tattoos. i genuinely beleive he is a good person.

Ugh, believe me, i was also cringing at many of the comments on those threads. Supposedly, theres this trend of redhead characters being changed to being black, like Annie, Starfire, Mary Jane, or April from the ninja turtles.

Oh, and speaking of such, they were also whining because april is gonna be black in a new TMNT movie... She already was in the newest cartoon, but they wanted her to go back to being white. Also, whining about her being fat and unattractive. We're talking about a kid here, since shes younger in this incarnation, so why even care if shes hot 😭 I bet half these dudes dont even care about TMNT... To be fair, the TMNT fans did raise some hell when shredder was gonna be white in a movie, since hes originally japanese, but i doubt they're even the same ppl.

The little mermaid thing is just very sad. I feel specially bad for the actress, specially after finding out shes just 19! I hope shes just ignoring the comments, because some people can be really cruel. Even some latinos were against the decision - i think theyre quite divided, but many were making racist memes and all. I guess we cant always relay in 'poc solidarity' or whatever.

Another good point you raise is how the japanese and many other east asian countries don't care about the white race or sees them as equal (once a friend of mine actually got targeted when she went to Korea). Also, I remember reading somewhere that the japanese public liked the appearence of younger white people, basically pre-puberty, but disliked the adults, specially the men as they lose the 'soft features' from infancy.

And youre right, i really shouldnt be visiting these places: they only make me sad or angry. I dont know why sometimes i cant help but hateread those threads. When people are behind a screen, they really can spew the most vile shit thats on their minds. Like they always say, just dont read the comment section...

As I already said: every single person remotely bothered by the skin color, sexual orientation, gender or attractiveness of FICTIONAL CHARACTERS is way too old to watch/play whatever show or video game they are from. Period.

That being said, I think there's a psyop of Black characters being shoved into random thing to get White simpletons mad and seethe about White erasure. Of course, they'll never bother looking into WHO produce those show or pick these Black artists to be featured in them..... Whites need to sort between each other their obsession to use POC as props for their agendas.

Black people never bothered about The Little Mermaid or TMNT like that....sure, this (positive) representation is great and that's why the community got hyped (and let's be honest, seeing some Whites seething fueled even more fire bc one thing we Black ppl be good at is being petty lol) but to act like Black people/wokistan are actively trying to erase White people, heterosexuality, masculinity or whatever is ridiculous. Again: they have to go after the higher-ups responsible of those casting choice (not Twitter randos) - and chances are they arent Black, non-straight or female¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯

Taking a peep at top companies CEO entirely debunks the oppression complex narrative of antiwoke acting like the statuquo was under attack.... It's not. They just want to play the victim - while pretending to fight wokistan victim culture 🙄

Halle is perfect to play a mermaid. She had those slightly alienish features (her eyes are quite far apart lo') but still conventionally pretty. I can hardly think of any actress having the same energy. Maybe Ana Taylor Joy, but she's now botched and is an anachan which may sparks controversy if she ever gets casted in a Disney production....

And I'm absolutely not surprised to see Latinos hating lmao Latinos are huuuuge negrophobe and I'm side eyeing them so bad whenever they try to leverage their non Whiteness calling White "gringos" when they are themselves pale and are descendants of European colonizers in south America 💀 I mean look Argentinians priding themselves "not looking like a Disney movie" (= not visible Blacks in their population).....those people Looooove aligning themselves with White whenever it comes to diss Black people. Therefore Black people are extremely distrustful of Latinos anyway ; we see how they treat they darkskined citizens

POC solidarity is a myth. Unmelanated non-Whites hate actual people of COLOR, and all races look down on Black Africans...That's why I'm foremost defending MY people.

Yeah, there's this misconception of thinking that bc they dye their hair blonde and wear color contact, East Asian want to 'look White'. i think they definitely fancy the diversity of White ppl's phenotype such as the eye and hair color, but for pretty much all the rest, they cater to their own specific beauty standards (especially when it comes to bone structure and face proportion). White people tend to favor sharper bone structure while Asian are all about rounder and softer ones. I don't think Asians look up White people face structure (that make them look older and faster). This contrast was really striking with Kotakoti stunts in japanese magazines where she looked so out of place : despite her dolly blonde hair and blue eyes, she still had those strong adult Westerner features which were so different from her japanese pals' 🥴 (more soft and rounder)

East Asian beauty culture is hysterical though, and even though Asian men have softer features than Western men, their obsession with 'softness' compels them to look more soft than they naturally are. Ultimately men regardless of their race are men ; if Asian men were naturally looking like soft potatoes they wouldn't need to resort to all these procedures to look like that🥴 Men with square jawline botching themselves to have egg face shape is a crime against humanity btw. (square jawline are beautiful on both sex imo♥️)

And the internet isn't a safe space for Black women. There was a stat showing that Black women were more at risk of online harassment compared to any other demographics..... Social medias (especially Twitter) literally feed off your anger (for engagement), so thread lightly. That's why Tumblr is my favorite social media ; it's mostly an image board, and my dash is only curated with what I choose to see.

if trigger ever makes a promare sequel (i miss galo and lio sm) what would u want out of it?

I GOT RLY BUSY AND TOTALLY FORGOT TO RESPOND TO THIS IM SORRY. god this is a good question tho, i think for me i'd definitely want like a lot MORE focus on character stuff this time! id love more sexy mech fights, more drift compatability stuff w galo and lio and the fact they were literally like mind synced in their mech, PLEASE. and imo id love like a motorcycle race or smth i dunno. 'why' itd be cool. id love a lot more galo and lio, id love a lot more aina (and theyd surely do more with gueira and meis). i just miss them too i want to see them again i think theres so much more they could do w them, so much more worldbuilding too cuz promare didnt focus a lot on that but i think it couldve helped to build up the Fascist Dystopia thing more

i know that trigger is capable of serious and good writing, especially with characters and relationships. they CAN get into the grit of stuff. i wish they would actually have more faith in their ability to do that. while writing wasnt rly a top priority w promare but out of everything galo and lios relationship was always that priority w the movie and it shows that everything else was kind of brushed over, which like, i dont Hate, i GET it and it is very common to point out that promare was definitely the studios obvious first time compressing a series worth of stuff into 1 movie, and i absolutely think focusing on galo and lio since they were literally the main characters and romance and its THEIR movie they carried was the best decision they couldve made when they were cutting around to try and fit everything into 2 hours. and they still cut a little too much from them imo like cutting galo holding lio and them just talking when galo pulled lio from the dragon and aina brought them to the frozen lake that was in the storyboards, and replacing that with the worst animated fight scene in the movie was a bad decision lol. they r the romance they need TALK time

ive talked abt it b4 so i wont get in2 it here its not super relevant but i do think a lot of promare fans were dumb abt things getting brushed over and acted like bcuz things like 'galo being traumatized' wasnt directly stated to their face he actually had no trauma, or whatever, so maybe a little bit more focus on not just keeping everything vague wouldve helped, or could be brought up more in a sequel. even w galo and lios relationship, a huge part of their relationship and dynamic is stuff is in stuff that isnt supplementary exactly its more like a Bonus but like the soundtrack being another whole plot elaborating on their relationship and feelings for each other. again i do think galo and lio being the focus was absolutely a good idea like im not against that at all lol theres a reason ppl remember them the most out of the movie. i want more focus on them now that theyre together and i want more focus on their characters in general- their backstories, their relationships, their traumas since i dont think u can write anything for promare without bringing that into it. like the pre movie experiences AND movie experiences Made the characters esp galo and lio who they r. that stuff IS important for character. and i want this for other side characters too like i want more of ainas stuff, i like her parallels to galo and i want them to keep working on it. first movie was just fucking Going Going Going with the plot and i get why but they skimped out on character relationships but imo they should expand on those in any further content.

i actually wouldnt necessarily need a sequel movie specifically especially bcuz theyd have troubles w both galos va's in japanese and english (galos japanese va was apparently Expensive and as we know billy kametz was the perfect galo va in the english dub and he unfortunately passed away last year) so im not sure how they'd... combat that even in a tv series with less budget or an ova or a video game w voice acting. a manga could work as a good follow up and also not require the extra expenses of animation or have things to deal with w voice actors, tho the director said he wouldnt make one unless it was full color and thats Expensive but also like who gives a fuck imaishi. do it. you spend money on so much bullshit you should make a full color post canon promare manga of your best story. to me :)

ive had a lot of ideas for possible sequels or follow ups over the years and i think whether any more promare was plot based or character based w just slice of life stuff or just focusing on galo and lios relationship, any of it would be rly fun to see. i also think itd be rly likely the promare would come back in some capacity in a sequel lol. they even gave themselves an opening with the promare like taking a piece of lio back to their home dimension/planet. the fires such a huge recognizable part of promare, it would be VERY likely to me that they would bring it back for a post canon story, especially when taking it away was a big source of criticism for the movie (not cuz its Cooler if the fire stays, tho thats true, but also bcuz it just literally doesnt work w the narrative to build up abt how burnish and not burnish ppl cna live peacefully and even be very close, as evidenced by galo and lio, and then just. not do anything w it cuz the run times over so oopsie better just send the aliens back. i could get into this way more but i already have many many times and i dont want to ramble more than i already am lol). but i think trigger burned themselves out a lot on promare bcuz it took so fucking long to make that they werent particularly interested in revisiting it so soon, but since it was SO successful and ppl rly loved it and imo its one of their best properties they absolutely could pick it back up again. however its also like the monkeys paw thing where u want promare to come back but u want it to be GOOD u dont want them to just make it for the sake of making it u want there to be like something they want to do with the characters or story. and the exec staff team have said they told the story they wanted to tell, but i do think they could find interesting ways to bring it back and tell more story. they might be done w galo and lio but im sure not. do it for me <3 ill write you a sequel. anwyay i rambled so much im gonna cut myself off but thank u for asking i could talk so long abt it lol

just last week i wondered abt the guns in trigun stampede. last week eg mine seemed like a complete idiot, so much he seemed completely unrelated to knives at all, a good chunk of the guns did make an appearance alongside knives, and wolfwood and zazie show up in the last ep, but im like... why, lol. originally the woman, the other big guy, and eg mine i think get trashed quickly before maximum even started, i get that, but i think in the manga/90s anime, it was kind of a peek for wolfwood at vash? like a "oh, so this is that guy's brother..." and half pretending he doesnt know who vash is

in stampede it seems like wolfwood wandering aimlessly in the desert somehow was a part of a plan for him to make contact w vash (and leading him to zazie to over complicatedly orchestrate a performance of him being trustworthy... despite vash having no reason to reject strangers usually??), and maybe u could say the manga/90's version is the same, but its kinda hard to believe..? like wolfwood just preemptively decided to play dead along the bus's route, waiting for vash to see, and call out to stop and rescue him. i think in the manga at least, he makes his own decision to try and challenge knives (his boss's boss), which knives approves of and lets him go in chapel(if thats his real name?)'s stead, w chapel staying w livio/the other eye of michael ppl. legato doesnt know wolfwood, and wolfwood doesnt know legato, but wolfwood had seen knives at that point, and i think can compare twins, lol. i think he was super performative and goofy w vash, milly, and meryl before officially meeting legato bc he could afford it, he didnt see the two alien, non-human whatevers duke it out yet, putting a hole in one of their moons. but stampede wolfwood is apparently already sent on the mission to drag him to knives? and a noticeable thing for me was wolfwood kind of worming his way into this group, while wolfwood in the manga splits off right away to meet w the bad guys. i think the old anime had it kinda dubious (if i remember right??), but he still was on and off in his closeness to the "group"

i think another thing i noticed was wolfwood's attitude, in stampede he's very on the nose like "I could have shot you >:)" while i think in the manga he's repeatedly bringing up the fact vash isnt human, which i think was a bitter indicator of his feelings abt his current mission of bringing this supernatural being's bro (who is just like him power-wise) to him. wolfwood does do the "I could shoot you!" princess mononoke style, but its more a personal issue w him grappling over the dilemma of removing threats before theyre active than just... being threatening (though, as i said before it could work as self-deprecation, but i dont think he'd be sharing that right away). if you wanted to interact w people (whether being genuine or not) you wouldnt implicate yourself first, even if you do some big show after, theres no reason they'd suspect him in the first place (besides his big ass gun, but originally he said it was a literal cross). i think it just makes me wonder about the timeline? knives at the end is shown discussing how they have to corrupt vash, and then i could see a "ok, go give him hell" plan, but why were wolfwood and zazie there before that... esp in a teamwork kind of way, where in the manga it was more believable bc those early guns that got fucked were just on the other side of town i think lol, and even legato a good amount into trimax is like "chapel betrayed!" and knives is like "...is going to betray vash. so? i already know that. he's doing a great job. get the fuck out."

ok im just gonna give a summary of my opinion on the situation re ofmd and historical stede bonnet. not bc i think my opinion matters but just so ppl know and if anybody wants to unfollow they can

basically i think it was a shitty ignorant decision but it was likely made in good faith. im pretty sure what happened was that david jenkins thought "haha wouldnt it be cool if i named some characters after real pirates like a cute little reference" and just... didnt analyze that any further. like this is the guy who said he doesnt care about pirates and refused to look up when pinocchio was written. the producer read one sentence on wikipedia and closed it forever. knowing the shows approach to historical accuracy as a whole, he probably just went with his standard "who cares im not doing research" approach which. sometimes works! and in this case it very much doesnt! like im all for 1700s leather jackets but like maybe when it comes to fucking SLAVERY just think about it a little more before you decide its not relevant to the story so it doesnt matter?

my main concern is HOW DID NO ONE POINT THIS OUT TO HIM. the writers room is like. half poc if im not mistaken. and within the show itself racial issues are handled decently. so why did no one say "hey can we change the characters names?" bc thats literally it thats all it wouldve taken. best case scenario no one else thought to look it up. worst case scenario someone did point it out and got shut down. if something comes out that thats the case, then thats a whole different situation. but for now im leaning towards thinking that this was a snowball of laziness

and listen im very hesitant to declare ANY media "irredeemable" so i find it impossible to put a show where the main issue that the characters have insensitive names due to creator idiocy in that category. and as warranted as the criticism is... some of yall have no idea how to process gray areas. the show can be both progressive and problematic at the same time. bad things can be done with innocent intentions. and that goes for you too "we stan david jenkins he did nothing wrong shut up" crowd!!

but like its not really a fixable mistake bc like. its the characters names. how the fuck do you retcon that. you dont. i mainly think the best course of action is this. to the fandom: STOP FUCKING EQUATING THE CHARACTERS WITH THE HISTORICAL FIGURES. thats it!!! its very easy!!! just fucking separate reality from fiction as much as possible. dont even bring up the historical figures unless its to point out how awful they were. your blorbo isnt a slaveowner? cool stop fucking comparing him to one then

and for the show going forward? really the main thing is that david jenkins needs to apologize. if youre pissed about this, @ him on twitter. preferably politely bc no matter how justified it is pointed insults make ppls brains shut down from criticism. he really needs to understand that he fucked up on this one. i dont think hes a bad dude i think hes just an idiot with good intentions. ofc if he defends his decision or makes some passive aggressive apology this is all out the window. i dont know the dude, i cant say for sure whats up with him. but im leaning towards hanlons razor on this

there are also some little steps for the show to make. mainly straying even more from biography (which considering the way hes talking about it im 100% sure is going to happen to some extent, but the more the better). honestly just dont introduce any more characters with historical names unless theyre completely ~unproblematic~ which. idk if an unproblematic famous pirate actually existed but they can try. idk what was up with anne bonny

so tldr love the show bully david jenkins

like. ok. for transparency sake, the characters kiss at the end of the first book (theres a whole thing about True Loves Kiss and whatnot and the protags are best friends and the POINT is that true love isnt always romantic and the girls can save each other without needing men/romance like what so many adults are trying to push on them etc. from what i remember theres some good commentary on misogyny mixed with some mediocre stuff in the second book but thats not the point) anyways this kiss does some magic stuff and theres like. a point to it and whatnot and the characters dont consider it romantic and stuff and its not revealed that theyre twins until the third book (they were raised seperately, look different since theyre fraternal, etc.) And like. that was not a good choice. do not take this as defense of this i think it was a bad decision but its still a part of the series and theres so much other stuff going on in the books (theyre all really thick books) and i still like the series and stuff this was just a bad choice but u cant just go "haha i dont see it im gonna ship them lalalaa plugging my ears theyre not twins if i dont want them to be" like. just. dont ship them. i said this earlier but like. make ocs. there are other women in the series also????? u can ship them??? like maybe dont go posting on the internet about how ur gonna ship twins ESPECIALLY for ppl who know that theyre twins. its frustrating to see ppl who dont know but they also dont know and its not at all stated in the movie (it would mess with a lot of story stuff if it was revealed but itd at least let me hopefully avoid ship art of them as soon as i look through the tag u_u)

bike helmet discourse is fun to me im glad its happening. most whimsical discourse ive seen in a while. i think the dutch have won me over like i get that wearing a bike helmet makes things safer but why are we preoccupied w ppl who wear bikes like wouldnt there be equal reason for people in cars to wear helmets? i understand the head trauma that can be suffered in car crashes is generally more extreme than in bike crashes + helmets wont always do much good but in terms of actual frequency of incidents it must be within the same realm. in fact maybe people in cars should be wearing the helmets typically worn on motorbikes. that would give some protection to the spine too.

honestly thinking abt it there are so many unsafe behaviours people dont wear helmets for. should people jumping off a pier into the sea have to wear helmets or people climbing ladders.

i dont think this is a strong argument against bike helmets in + of itself but it compels me that not advocating for motorists to wear helmets would seem 2 imply youre measuring the wisdom of bike helmets against what you consider normal (American) rather than what you consider rational.

it rlly supports one of the ideas of regulating risk which is risk mitigation is basically only successful if it seems normal

the tone of the pro bike helmet side is interesting too bc theyre preaching a personal safety behaviour which i feel like in a lot of other contexts is seen as an uncool thing to do. whether or not cyclists wear helmets doesnt make the roads safer for anyone else, its the ultimate personal choice. ofc social libertarianism doesnt preclude judging or mocking people for bad personal decisions.

Progress moment id like to share!!!

Ok so I went on like 3 dates with a guy over the span of like 2ish months? Prob less time, but anyway doesn’t matter. And things were going well till the 3rd date…

He didn’t fully confirm the time till like a day before, he showed up almost an hour late (and smelled of booze from the nite before), and then broke a boundary of mine at the end (although he said he misunderstood me. At this point idk if I wasn’t clear enough or hes just saying that. Idk doesn’t matter now).

Anyway yah all pretty bad things, even if none of it was malicious. But I seriously considered still giving him a chance as long as he never repeated all those things.

But then I started to feel conflict internally. I was feeling like I wanted to hide all these things from my friend (who’s opinion I deeply value and respect), and started to feel like I had to like “teach” him a lot of shit.

So I really sat with the feeling and sorted thru my data rather than listening to the voice in my head that likes to gaslight me.

And according to the data I gathered from just observing and interacting with him, he actually had a good amount of red flags that were more subtle (at least for me). I’ll list them just for me to look back on.

-bartender that drinks for his job (personal red flag cus ppl that drink heavily are triggering for me)

-mentioned blacking out recently

-definitely has been in the service industry for a while (red flag cus ppl tend to get stuck in that cycle and I would kno)

-mentioned something a bit strange abt turning empathy on and off. (Mayb not a red flag but I guess I was more confused abt it)

-didn’t follow thru with something I asked him to do (wasn’t taking it serious enough).

-was pretty bad at communicating, like didn’t respond for over a week when trying to make plans.

And ya there were prob more little things I just can’t remember but those are the ones I can think of rn.

So ya looking at all of this I was like damn..I guess he’s got to go!! Bc also I notice a red flag in myself is when I feel the need to b sneaky and like omit information. And like trying to excuse or reason with myself that’s oh theyre not bad, they’re not malicious etc.

And to note, bc my past experiences with ppl have been so horrendous, my scale of wat is ok and wat isn’t is incredibly fucked. Where basically if it’s not blatantly terrible then I’m like welll it can change! Or like it’s fine I can ignore it!

In conclusion, even if ppl aren’t malicious or actively trying to hurt me, if they cannot meet me where I’m at and respect my time and energy then it simply cannot work.

It’s taken me so long to be able to really be active abt this but I’m here now and I’m proud of myself for ending things with him. Bc honestly it prob would’ve just gotten worse if he showed me that much of himself so early on.

I don’t have hard feelings towards him, and I was excited to pursue this D/s dynamic with him but unfortunately it didn’t work. It was hard to make that decision, and tbh I cried abt it, but I’d rather b disappointed than to have my fucking heart shattered and pummeled again lol.

All I have to do is see all the mistakes I made in my most recent relationship and how it just destroyed me bc I actively ignored all the red flags. NEVER AGAIN!! I fucking refuse.