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flying-elliska · 2 years

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Why Nick Nelson in Heartstopper is groundbreaking bisexual representation :

I'm sure most of this has been said by now but I was in the mood for fluff so I did a re-watch and like, bi rep is A BIG THING i want to talk about on this blog so I felt I had to lift this draft out of my graveyard of unfinished meta essays and finally finish it :

Very basic but a male bi character who explicitly calls himself bi and not as a stepping stone to another label ? Still unfortunately too rare

It's an old cliché but for a very long time, bisexual characters were presented as manipulative, mentally unstable, unreliable, two faced, flaky, cagey, hiding something, etc ; often con-artists, addicts, liars, cheaters, if not outright psychopaths. Even the positive characters tend to have a ton of secrets, chameleon abilities, hidden pasts, etc. Nick Nelson, meanwhile, is a human golden retriever. Yes he's a bit confused and he makes mistakes, but it's never not obvious that he's a sweetheart who means well and is trying his best to be a good person. He's so protective and gentle towards Charlie, and you can tell that once he figures his shit out he's going to be a dream boyfriend. Also he's kind of basic and a bit of a dumbass at times ? In the most positive, endearing way possible. He's honest and straightforward and reliable, he's not crafty or tricky or slick, and that's just great.

At it's core it's a story about the butterflies in your stomach feeling of first love, a cute and endearing romance - not a genre you often see bi characters in, who used to be confined to stories about raunchy sexual experimentation, threesomes, etc (As a bi teen it's all I got and honestly it contributed to me not taking my own sexuality seriously for so long) Here there's none of that shock/scandal factor - Nick gets to be a little romantic hero that stands in the rain getting drenched because he is so overcome with feelings, like he's replaying Pride and Prejudice. It's adorable and it's humanizing, like good romance is, flaws seen with empathy, characters allowed to be vulnerable and complex and not some spicy episode of the week.

It's not prudish either like the chemistry between the actors is super believable and also - it's so obvious that they are absolutely delighted to be in each other's presence !!! And honestly more romances, queer or straight, should be like this. Like it should be obvious that the characters are just this absolutely giddy at seeing each other and being close - and that's too rare.

Linked to this, having a bi character in a story aimed at younger teen audiences, that is sweet and non explicit - ofc we still need portrayals of queer sexuality, but unfortunately that's all bi people used to get for the longest time, as something considered intrinsically 'more adult' - and that's bullshit ! there are bi kids who need stories like this !!!! And being bi is about love just as much !!! I'm so glad this show exists !!!! Showing that it's okay to take your time with these things and that even holding hands can be a big deal and that's wonderful !

Also related to this - a lot of the more positive bi representation tends to also sort of become this cliché where they're all these flirty, confident, seductive super badasses, often adventurers or superheroes. (Ok I like those characters and the idea that being bi automatically makes you cool tbh). But it's a lot of pressure. Normal regular boring bis also need representation. Nick's not boring, he's a little star athlete, he's probably the coolest character in the show lmao but he's still a regular kid and that's nice.

Which little baby bi hasn't had those feelings about Keira Knightley and Orlando Bloom in PotC, huh ? Most relatable moment of the show for me lmfao brilliant - that sense of overwhelming 'oh no they're all hot' is bi culture!!!!! yes!!!

His process of figuring out his sexuality is taken seriously !!!! Man this made me cry a little because - yeah, again, most bi characters nowadays, even when they're good rep, they generally have everything figured out because their sexuality is seen as them being more liberated and enlightened and honestly I think that's kind of problematic, even if well meaning ? It trivializes the particular struggles of being bi, like it's just 'gay-lite' and they end up being mentors of gay characters and side characters whose individual stories are easier, more simple/less interesting and honestly I feel like in reality that's anything but true. Nick gets an episode to confirm that yes, he's still into girls and his feelings for girls earlier are not erased by his attraction to Charlie. Bisexual identity doesn't change or disappear depending on who you are with.

that part with the youtuber explaining that bisexuality at first is often an experience of constantly second guessing yourself !! yeah !! that was so real ! I was in that phase for such a long time, and seeing Nick attain a stage of certainty rather quickly was so nice to see - important also to see that his mother has a sort of reflex to tell him he 'doesn't have to say he's into girls' because bisexuality is generally conceptualized as a stepping stone and he explicitly corrects her. It's a big deal ! And that's important because I feel a lot of bi people feel less valid than gay people and that they have to minimize their own experiences/not make a fuss so as not to appropriate/take attention away from 'real queerness' or something. And that has real consequences in terms of self-image and mental health and community support. So yeah, the narrative giving it weight and time is really groundbreaking. It's just treated with such nuance and respect. It's wonderful.

Honestly in general it's very common for bi people to figure out their sexuality at a later age than their gay peers, because having crushes on the opposite gender means you are less likely to question yourself. Nick needing time to figure things out isn't presented as a bad thing, it's Charlie's specific history of being hurt by this before that makes the situation difficult for him. And the fact that it ties into him also realizing he was just going with the flow not really being true to himself - questioning your sexuality can also have a ricochet effect on how you stand in the world and - yeah I just thought the whole thing was so realistic and true to lived experience.

The reason Nick agrees to go on a date with a girl is not because he's two-timing Charlie but simply because he cares too much about her feelings to let her down in front of everyone or because her dog died (and he brings his dog to console her when he goes to let her down !). His main character flaw is that, by virtue of being a popular, athletic jock, he's oblivious to the shittiness of his friends - you get the feeling that he's a sunny, happy guy used to breezing through life, who probably prefers to get along with everyone, and that might have insulated him from certain realities, but he's still a very caring person. And he tells the truth to Charlie and makes it right pretty quickly. It's a very good send off of the trope of the untrustworthy bisexual who was secretly dating a girl the whole time. Meanwhile Ben, one of the bad guys of the story, who was dating a girl and treating Charlie like shit because he hates himself, and could be a bad bi cliché, isn't given a label, which I think was a smart writing choice.

It's just great queer rep in general because it centers queer joy so powerfully, it's sweet without being saccharine - difficult topics are talked about with nuance, it doesn't hide or minimize real hurt and prejudice, but it gives more time and importance to its characters being happy and giddy and in love and having fun, which makes it feel so safe and soothing to watch. Elle's story is another example of this - her specific experiences as a trans girl who recently changed schools are central to her story, but she also gets to be a regular teen girl who has a complicated crush on her best friend and stresses out about making friends at her new school and gets milkshakes and arcade games with her squad. It's great.

And yeah this general celebration of queer friendship and mutual support is super important to a good bisexual representation too - Nick's amazement and relief at seeing Tara and Darcy kissing publicly - like !!! which closeted baby queer hasn't felt that exhilarating sense of possibility and belonging and yearning and awe at seeing other people being gay and in love in public ! That was so wholesome and beautiful - and him being so eager to talk to them afterwards, adorable. Because being openly yourself often has that sort of domino effect on others. Seeing other people doing it, makes it become real for you, too. I think this is also especially important for bi people, because they tend to be more alienated from the queer community as a whole.

So yeah so much love for this show - I've followed the comics for a long time and they are also wonderful, but the show added its own brand of charm and heart, and I'm so happy it exists. It makes me a bit sad too, nostalgic for an experience I never had, because my own experiences were so different, the reality I grew up in as a bi teen was so much meaner and more bigoted and violent and vulgar and lonely, but even if this show is probably not the reality for a lot of baby bis still, it gives me hope we are moving in the right direction. <3

#heartstopper #bisexuality #nick nelson #nick x charlie #bi representation #bi characters

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whatifyoulivelikethat · 6 months

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I'm writing this to you because I sort of don't have anyone else to talk about this. I hope you don't mind. I kind of got into a spat over the internet with the lqbtq people. Do you identify with that group? (you don't have to mention it if you're not comfortable disclosing it). The thing is I'm straight but I have considered myself to be an ally all this time but maybe not a very loud one you can say. I don't have any issues with them and I'm in no way homophobic (to each their own, do whatever the fuck you wanna) but they were making fun about straight people being lame or whatever which I found a little uncalled for. To me it feels like how can you expect to find an ally in me if you keep being so hostile towards me. Like they literally don't know anything about me yet I'm being bombarded with messages about how 'queer people will rule the world and the days of my freedom are numbered' (someone said this word to word) and stuff like that. I'm sorry if I'm trauma dumping but I feel quite embarrassed and upset about this and I can't help but hide in the anonymity of the internet.

I don't like labels but for the purpose of this discussion, I'm bread.

(pansexual)

As an ally (tbh, of any minority group), mostly they ask for respect. Just to be treated like normal human beings and seen as equals to those in more privileged positions. For a long time these groups of people have been unfairly treated as lesser than simply because of their sexual orientation and/or gender identity. I don't necessarily agree with the mentality of "an eye for an eye" - ex: heedlessly make fun of of heteros simply since there's little to no social repercussions in this current social climate - and yet I see where they're coming from. it is frustrating that cis-passing heterosexuals are so easily socially accepted and they have no idea how easy it is, how their identity is not seen as some kind of circus performance, how affirming that you are on the spectrum leads to a sudden interrogation, and how you abruptly become representative / role model / pinnacle of all people on the spectrum (which some people are accepting of and some aren't).

I think speaking poorly of people (even in a general sense) is unsavory and rarely does any good except in extreme situations. But, anyway, basing your perception of an entire group on a clustering of shitty individuals isn't fair either. Assumptions and conclusions of an entire group should not be made off a small sample size that is mostly likely not representative. Making general statements from a loud minority leads to misunderstandings. Plus, you can't change the minds of toxic individuals. Can't be a martyr to those that don't think they need saving. Most people wouldn't want to associate / surround themselves with shitty people regardless of their sexual and/or gender identity. Personal identity does not dictate behavior and shouldn't be treated as such.

tl;dr: If someone is acting like an asshole, they're probably just an asshole lol.

Being outside of the norm / nonconventional does not mean that you exempt from being narrow-minded or ignorant - by choice and/or lack of experiences. Being inside the norm / conventional doesn't excuse you from that either. Also, a lot of the time this type of aggressive behavior is simply projection from past traumas, not necessarily an attack on your person. I don't think you should take it that way, especially since this is online and behind a keyboard. Block and move on. Better to not engage. It will show them that this type of behavior is not acceptable and they won't be getting the satisfaction of a reaction from you as such reactions will only enforce their behavior.

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pollyna · 2 years

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On this queer house (and I'm sorry for the running comments? annnd it got shippy lol):

Class '86:

Wolfman: gay but when the kids start using the moronsexual name he starts to identify with that because he married Hollywood, didn't he?

Hollywood: gay and he would like to say to his husband that he's the moron, not him, get it?

Sundown: bi

Chipper: bi

Slider: bi even if thought he was straight for the longest of times (did know u were that old, Ronnie)

Iceman: gay/homosexual/gay (the day he comes out to Ron he would liked to answer: and during summer the sand is hot. Something other earth breaking truth I should made aware of?)

Goose: queer (he serenades them and leaves them with a broken heart, and then Carole comes around and his brain fries once and for all)

Maverick: the bi king

Cougar: he's probably gay but he's repressed af so he says he's the most heterosexual person on this and other planets (I read too many past!cougar/iceman where he breaks iceman's heart to not be of part)

Merlin: not enough informations on him but after surviving being Mav's backset he will probably reconsider half of his life

Jester & Viper: they're tired dads™️ nothing else is required by them, that's says more than anything else.

People around the '86 class:

Carole: bi

Charlie: bi? (me🤝charlie: questioning her sexuality)

Class '22(?):

Rooster: bi (the tale wants that Bradley realised he was bi while putting milk in his cereal, at the tender age of 13, obtaining to spill milk everywhere and on his uncle Tom's uniform too)

Hangman: gay (the day he did coming out with Javy he presented himself drapped in rainbow flag because he had to make an entrance. He was fifteen and Javy was still asleep. The cuddle a lot after because Javy was still sleeping Seresin.)

Coyote: he's the tired bisexual of the group for the love of god someone should give this man a break

Phoenix: greyro bisexual (she is the dangerous thing Halo sleeps with. Who needs a knife or a gun when she is there)

Bob: aroace (his&Phe queerplatonic relationship is life. Apparently in this language is known as the ay-ay spectrum bc you can't pronounce the a someone should give bob the maracas to play as introduction when they ask him his sexuality)

Halo: aro lesbian (Phe says she kisses her in the softest and more determined way someone has ever kissed her)

Omaha: biromantic asexual (flying as backset with Halo give him time to talk about shit he isn't really comfortable talking with everybody around)

Payback: gay (when he was five he asked his mom if he could fall in love with a plane because they were absolutely the best thing ever. Now he thinks the same everytime he looks at Mickey)

Fanboy: pan (his granma ironed the the flag for his first pride because don't you dare going around with that thing all wrinkled)

Harvard: greysexual homoromantic (his bio on Instagram says, Harvard graduate, medical doctor, Naval aviator, my other half snors)

Yale: gay (he's a big fan of ds9 and most of his photos have a quote of the tvshow expect from when he postes about Harvard, than is poetry. It's nauseating, the entire squad hates and loves it.)

Fritz: raging bi with a little application for older people that everybody in the NAVY knows about (see his crush on Admiral Kazansky)

People around the '22 class:

Cyclone: he's bi but he won't let anyone knows because he's not weak

Hondo: pan (his wife made him a patch that he wears for all June and it has the dagger squad insigna in but it isn't in black and white but in blue, pink and yellow)

Warlock: queer (he says the term fits quiet well with him and honest to God Navy is already hard enough without him having to question his own label. His cat is the most affectionate creature this planet has ever saw and sometimes he takes her to work because it's a good antistress and leaves Cyclone and his problems out of his door)

Penny: bi™️ (she meets Charlie, at someone point along the line, and they have a sort of rebound night because of Maverick but it stops being about Maverick 0.01 second after they kiss.)

#everybody's queer in this house don't fight me #but we can talk about it and discuss them for sure #the 86' class #the 20(22?)' class #the people around them too #lgbtqia+ characters #hope i haven't forgot anyone 🌈#i'm not going to tag everyone or the shippy part it would take me a lifetime #but i'm going to say this: warlock is the tuvok of tpg:mav #top gun(1986)#top gun: maverick

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wedreamedlove · 1 year

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I was wondering, in your opinion, do you think the l&n boys would be homophobic?

These are my takes on it.

Personally, Sariel and Evan is a big no. They have seen far terrible things than homosexuals.

Especially Sariel, it's hinted he's at least thousand year old so he has to atleast see one homosexual whether that'd be a couple or a person.

Evan could be curious, he might see this as an interesting take and may ask a few questions about your sexuality but nothing offensive.

For Charlie, I'd say he's fine with it. He doesn't see a big deal about it. He might be those people who bought rainbow stuffs but they're probably big for you though lol

Osborn might teased you if you're gay, but he'll still accept you. Again, he might buy you rainbow stuff just for fun.

Jessie might be shocked but he'll welcome you.

i know this isn't your intent but i'd take care with the phrase "they have seen far terrible things than homosexuals" because it implies that homosexuals are terrible. but, yeah, i would agree with you that they would not be homophobic because not only do all the light and night men radiate "mind your own business" energy, but many of them have experienced being constrained or defined by outside forces (family, society, etc.) in their past.

before we even bring up Sariel's age (he's 3000+ years old), the spirit clan come from plants and animals that have the power to take human form, i really doubt they would care about sexuality (not to mention there are animals that exhibit homosexual behavior). the game explicitly talks about the freedom of just being when Sariel was a fox and it's only when he became human that he was shackled by emotions, rationality, and morals, etc. so, having come from that, he really would not care about your sexuality. one of his iconic lines is "there is no need to change yourself for others, or compromise, i've said it before, everyone has the freedom to become themselves".

with how many books Evan consumed, i feel like he must have read queer literature at one point and wouldn't be surprised or curious about this either. actually, there's a small moment in his anniversary card call where it's implied that Evan and the heroine saw a lesbian couple attending a wedding activity together and both of them praised the two women for being radiant in love.

while i don't have any in-game content to add for Charlie i think he'd be fully supportive and even slightly envious of the courage LGBT+ people have, especially those who come out. he's someone who's lived under a father who has tried to mould him into his masterpiece, so i expect Charlie wouldn't react kindly to how society tries to oppress LGBT+ people.

one notable design for Osborn is that he wears a safety pin, either on his jacket, his shirt, or on the chain connected to his belt. this man is a huge supporter of the marginalized (he's given juvenile offenders a place to work because he doesn't think one moment in the past should define your whole life, not to mention he's been labeled as one himself).

not to stereotype but Jesse is a musical actor who's gone around the world, and also interacted with minorities, so i doubt he'd be fazed either. in his 2022 qixi date, he plays the female role in a chinese opera and, while that was customary in the past, i think it also shows that he doesn't particularly care about gender roles.

#answered asks #mimimnx #光与夜之恋 #light and night #ln osborn #ln evan #ln charlie #ln sariel #ln jesse #ln xiao yi #ln lu chen #ln zha lisu #ln qi sili #ln xia mingxing

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my-strange-attraction · 7 months

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genuine question, why do you support bi lesbianism? bisexual/pan seems to have it fully covered meaning-wise, and it is kinda reductive to go and try to include men in lesbianism after it was established in the 70s and during the aids crisis. i’m just curious about your ideology behind it.

This doesn't seem in bad faith like a lot of the others so I will go ahead and answer it here, because even though I've explained it already, those posts were long and included a lot of other stuff, so it would be good to have a post dedicated to it. It won't be concise, because I'm wordy, and I apologize in advance for that.

First, I want to start off by saying I am always a proponent of using whatever label makes you feel most comfortable so long as it's not harming anyone else. As much as some of the people who hate me for this opinion want to think that bi lesbianism harms lesbians by saying men have to be included in their label, it's just not true. This is the same argument exclusionists make against the bi label. Just because it can include men for some people doesn't mean that it has to include men for all people.

I also support the label because I think that obviously there is a need/ demand for it despite the fact that bisexuality could in theory include everyone who uses this label. It makes people comfortable, it gives them joy in describing themselves in the fullest/ most authentic way possible. As fellow queer people, why should we shoot down queer joy just because it confuses us or isn't our exact lived experience?

Also, as someone who is personally going through the bi/lesbian is it this one or that one deal right now, I can understand why people may want to use it. I think I'm attracted to both, but I cannot see myself actually being with a man, because I'm just not comfortable around them (I keep making the joke to my friends—I just don't think we have anything in common! I know I could probably very easily be friends with men, but I just never really have and I've never gravitated towards them, so even talking to guys is somewhat of a foreign concept to me).

I use the lesbian label because personally I've tried out microlabels in the past and they're just not for me—as a former aspec-identifying person, I now prefer to have labels I don't have to explain to everyone I meet—but I can see another version of myself who really identifies with this label. And I think this is true with a lot more sapphics than we think, because sexuality is so fluid and confusing at times, and sometimes its easier to settle on a slightly uncomfortable label than to think about it more or go seeking out the "perfect" label for yourself.

I supported mspec lesbians before I even knew I had attraction at all, so this is less of an important point, but it is something that has come to light as I've had this discussion in the past few weeks as someone who now recognizes their own attraction.

Tldr: I support bi lesbians because they don't cause harm, and because I support queer joy in general. It's why I call myself a label anarchist—I just think we shouldn't be upset with people for using whatever the fuck words they want to to describe THEMSELVES!!

#ask #queer #lesbian #bi lesbian #label anarchy #cloudy rambles

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green5quirrel · 2 years

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Star Trek SNW Headcannons

This is some of my Star Trek Strange New Worlds bullshit. Feel free to scroll, followers. Scroll like the wind!

So far Star Trek: SNW has been the most Heterosexual Star Trek in YEARS. Granted, we're just a bit past halfway through the first season. There's been queer shit mentioned-ish. But compared to DISCO, this series has embraced being the gayest straight show since TOS.

I like it. Don't me wrong. The nostalgia is ON FIRE with this show. I'm just eating it up like a turtle and a strawberry. (Om...nom...fucking nom...)

But my thirst to see my queer fam represented (as well as myself) on screen has lead my brain to turn into a neon rainbow cloud of electricity with one mission: gay everyone. Gay as verb, mind you. I want to gay EVERYONE.

Now, I won't. In my headcannons I'm sure they'll be a token straight character, so don't you worry my little allies.

But I need more queer.

Get ready your hate comments, my sweet lampreys, because I'm about to RUIN some stuff.

Pike: I'm about to start ruining right now. Pike is our token hetero. He's a tried and true ally, but he has a thing for powerful feminine energy. He wants to be RULED. (But what about Spock?? You leave Kirk's bitch out of this!)

Una: Bi. Lusting over La'an. Knowing the chain of command, tho, so not wanting to do anything about it. Probably has had a previous romantic life. Perhaps has a child/children.

La'an: Lusting over Una. Follows the damn rules so same as Una. Repressed emotionally enough to have only had unsuccessful flings. Is too intimidating for most, even the butchest among them. Loves women but doesn't need your fucking labels because she's so out of touch with her romantic side that she doesn't even think about it.

Ortegas: Ace/Demi (that's right, AT ME). She is passionate as hell. She is friend. She is queer platonic with Chapel. She is loving some garlic bread and cake. She is tired of your bullshit.

Spock: Pan. I mean, if he's gonna be bi (which he totally is) it would be just as logical to be pan because there are so many expressions of gender and spectrums of anatomical and genetic sexual characteristics...why limit? Fascinating. He also has a crush on everyone all the time. Polyam as well because ¿Por qué no dos?

Chapel: Thinks she needs a man but really she just needs a family. She's in so many queer platonics she has trading cards. She likes sex. If anything she is pan. But she thinks she wants to settle down. Pines for one person while not realizing she actually wants everyone. Also has a kink for aliens. Would never tell anyone she's sweet on Hemmer. But who wouldn't be?

M'Benga: Complicated. His love is focused on his daughter currently. His energy is taken by figuring out how to save her. No time for relationships other than the platonic family ones he's making with the crew or professional specialists he's working with to treat her. He's a sweet cinnamon roll and I hope they give him happiness. I'd want him on my side. Fierce love, that one.

Hemmer: My love! Hemmer! Hello, dear! He's super gay. Has an Andorian low-key partner he connects with daily on another starship (Shran story influence). They joke about how Starfleet tries to spread the aliens out to every ship and that's why they've never been assigned together. They're casual because neither have the emotional resources to dedicate to each other in a committed way. But neither one are too invested in seeking out other partners either. Both have traumatic backstories where they are rejected by their family units. I even have his partner's name. Etnar. Also, Etnar's a botanist.

Uhura: Super into other cultures, she is super pan. Everything is open to her. She wants to know. She has compassion. Her relationships have been strong and passionate. But she is still wandering before settling down. She is focused on what's in front of her, not the future. Crushes? Oh yeah. Like Christine she can't help but find everyone so attractive but also so interesting. She doesn't know if she'll ever feel like she truly belongs but she wants to make the MOST of her time! I just can't wait to see where they take her. And unlike the other characters, I really don't need to see her in a relationship. She is a such a full character already. I just want to see what she accomplishes!

Kirk: You think I'd pass up Sammy? Nah. He's curious. He'll try anything once. He defies labels. He just does things for the sake of doing them. He gets hurt. He gets up. He tries someone else. Ends up in a surprisingly stable relationship. Probably with an androgynous alien without the definitions of sex and gender that we have. They're very happy together.

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dreamhot · 2 years

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i wanna talk about a couple tweets i saw in particular, actually, because they bring up an argument i've seen a few times now:

[id: 'dream stans need to understand that not disclosing ur sexuality on the internet isnt the same as being apart of the queer community. unless dream explicitly states that he is queer (which he hasnt) then its perfectly fine to assume he has cishet privileges and that he shouldnt say things or act in a way that would be ok for queer ppl to do but wrong for cishet ppl to do. unless he makes it clear that hes queer, he should be held accountable as a cishet person. but holding their creator accountable is such a foreign talent to dream stans']

there are several levels of ignorance to these tweets, least of all citing dream doing something that's wrong for cishet people to do - i genuinely have no idea what op could be referring to, cos last i checked the most dream does is flirt with his friends and like pairing fanart on twt. however, my main focus is on the bit about how it's 'perfectly fine to assume he has cishet privileges' until he 'explicitly states that he is queer'

no one needs to be reminded that cishet is the 'default' in society - we've talked about this before, and it's generally understood that obviously most people are gonna assume someone is cishet. and while this probably isn't off base for much of the population, you can't deny that it's an easily weaponised dismissal tactic against people who aren't labelled. 'cishet passing privilege' is an accusation i've had to deal with in the past as i figured myself out, and all i can say is that it did a lot more harm and self-repression than any good. it's almost as if dismissing someone's experiences because they're not expressing their queerness 'correctly' is ... damaging!

these people also love to bring up how dream's expressed in the past that he's not part of the community. to that, i want to ask if they've ever had a phase - particularly while having identity realisations about themselves - during which they were pretty sure they weren't cishet, but that they weren't queer enough. i know i certainly did. for years it was difficult for me to consider myself part of the community, all because i was faced with so much rhetoric about what it meant to be xyz. i knew what i liked, and i knew that i was having certain other epiphanies, but i still struggled with calling myself queer because it felt as though i hadn't earned it. which is a super fucked up way to go about things, and i wouldn't wish that experience on anyone

so do you think these people might stop to think about how this man, from an admittedly privileged and potentially non-accepting background, might have a difficult time calling himself part of the community? why the constant accusations of qbaiting and faking it for attention might make him reticent to call himself anything because he might be concerned that he wouldn't be enough to get these people off his back? and how it could be possible that this 22yo guy is still figuring shit out and probably isn't gonna benefit from people continuously treating him as cishet?

it's all about acceptance and letting people explore their gender and sexuality at their own pace until it comes to someone these people don't like. i guarantee you they wouldn't be so readily flinging this exclusionist rhetoric about if it was one of their faves overtly stating that their sexuality is ambiguous.

dream has said he isn't straight, and these people need to stop treating him like he is just cos he isn't 'out' in the way they feel he should be. it's just goddamn embarrassing.

#smile.txt #discourse cw #long post

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swimmingleo · 3 years

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Changes: or to take the higher ground before it's too late

I'm going to be real here folks, I cry ugly tears to this song. Bad.

Changes is a song on Cam's album "The Otherside". It's country, it's folk and it's an album a bit influenced by changes in Cam's life (a change of label, personal life). She collaborated with Harry on the song Changes, as she opened for him on a venue and was already working with Tyler Johnson.

From what I gathered: Harry sent her the demo of the song, implying he made most of the writing on this one. What I'm basing this claim on is her interview for Rolling Stones (read it here):

I heard [the demo] and was just like, “Oh, this ache to outgrow something that you don’t want to outgrow!” It felt so good. I normally don’t take outside songs [...]

‼️DISCLAIMER‼️when analysing this song, I'm gonna go from the idea of it being written with a queer mindset (how surprising of me). Cam rendered the song beautifully and it is very much her own, but I believe Harry's input is consequential. After all that's his lil whistle and cute fishsona in the MV.

Sad queer analysis ahead.

Let's analyse the lyrics first:

There is a town

Somewhere down a country road

The speaker describes the town to us, from memory, from experience. "There it is, down the road, can you picture it ?"

I see it now

I take it everywhere I go

The speaker doesn't currently live in the town, they're on the move (nice throwback to the coutry road). But despite all the travelling, they realize the sedentary smalltown never leaves them. It's part of them. It left a mark on them.

The river sways, I can almost hear it now

As if to say, "You're not the only one who wants a way out"

The town is so real to the speaker they can sense it, eyes and ears. But it gets a bit dark: the river sways like it's trying to leave its bed. The river is envious of the speaker who managed to leave. The town is so toxic even nature wants to get away from it. Or the speaker resents the town so bad that they project their own resentment on the river.

So, I go

'Cause I don't wanna feel like I don't know you anymore

I memorize those roads

This is the call for the speaker to leave for good. Their motive doesn't seem to be ambitious or anything grand. They leave because they apprehend a feeling. Apprehending a feeling, something that may not even happen, is the way of an anxious person. Anxiety is the motive of their departure. However, they still memorize the roads leading to the town, just in case. Perhaps one day they'll come back.

Somewhere out in the big wild country

Someone's fallin' in love in a backseat

Givin' it away

Like their hearts won't ever break

Suddenly it's about love ! Young love, one that is lived in the small compartment of a car, somewhere hidden and safe in the big wild country. As if the countryside was unexplored and threatening.

God bless the young hearts sippin' cheap wine

Gettin' drunk with their friends for the first time

Thinkin' nothing's gonna change

'Til everything changes

The speaker looks at the youth with tenderness, wishing them the best. But once again, they're not in the town in the present time, they don't see the youngsters fooling around, they can only guess from first-hand experience. And it's very specific: falling in love, getting drunk with friends and thinking everything's gonna be easy like that forever until it's not and heartbreak ensues.

From there I hop in with the raw queer theme of those lyrics. It started by falling in love and it ended up in a heartbreak. In between, the speaker got drunk for the first time with their friends, people they trusted enough to let go a little, but in the end everything changed. Why ? Alcohol makes you forget about code of conduct, how you're supposed to behave. It makes you say or do things you might not have done sober.

We can interprete this chorus as the beginning of the end for the speaker. It's the only part of the song evocating the past, and it's fun and easy, but it's also where things started to get bad the way they are in the present. Something might have happened that first time the speaker got drunk and it marked the end of innocence and careless childhood, and it probably has to do with love as no other factor is provided apart from falling in love and heartbreak.

They never leave

They're all havin' babies now

Watchin' daytime TV

Livin' off the gossip of a cruel small town

They. With Harry, it's always You, Me, and They. They are having babies, all of them, like it's not a very difficult thing to do, it's just natural. They have the leisure of the day, not a thing to worry about, if not gossip. It's not implied anymore, the small town is downright cruel. Gossip fuels it, but on behalf of someone else, and that someone is most definitely the speaker who left and who describes its inhabitants in the most mundane way, perhaps with a hint of contempt. The speaker seems bitter.

So, I go

'Cause I don't wanna feel like you don't know me anymore

Don't recognize my face

Reprise of the pre-chorus except now, the speaker provides another reason for their departure. Not only they feared they wouldn't know the town anymore, they also feared being seen as a stranger. It's not like the speaker actually changed physically: but it might as well feel like it. Again, apprehension, anguish. As implied in the chorus, things changed to the point where the speaker feels they would seem like a whole another person to the rest of the town, a stranger, a threat to the integrity of the conservatives. So they leave before this shift in perception can happen.

There ain't nothing here for me anymore

They say they don't hear from me anymore

And I don't wanna hear it anymore

The town is not outwardly hostile. It's still the town that saw the speaker as a kid. The town doesn't understand why the speaker left, but the speaker won't give in and get in touch. They want to be as far away as possible, until they don't hear the questions, the river, everything. It's almost like the speaker doesn't carry the town in their heart at all. They want to forget it all, and it hurts everytime the town tries to lure them back in. The way Cam sings it is painful to me man

Somewhere out in the big wild country

I was fallin' in love in a backseat

Givin' it away

Like my heart won't ever break

Had such a young heart sippin' cheap wine

Gettin' drunk with my friends for the first time

Thinkin' nothing's gonna change

'Til everything changes

Yeah, just the confirmation of the chorus being the speaker's experience. I went ahead and assumed it was already lol but it's like a plot twist effect. It's dramatic. It's a personal song to someone.

TO MAKE IT SHORT to me this song is intense and very in touch with the queer experience. Though it describes a specific situation, it is surprisingly not that detailed or full of metaphors the way Harry often writes: this town could be literally any smalltown in the countryside. The backseat could be the one of any car, cheap wine is something any teen can afford. I like to think Harry wrote it for himself but is also aware so many people went through the same thing, and still will. I have to admit I'm heavily biased writing this, as the experience of a queer kid struggling to find their place in a well settled smalltown is familiar.

GETTING DRUNK AND QUEER IDENTITY is an analogy Harry already used in Fine Line when he sang "We'll get the drinks in so I'll get to thinking of her". To drink is to let go, to unveil the most subconscious aspects of yourself you might not want to deal with otherwise. You don't care about judgement and you get to explore those parts freely. In Changes, this is the last memory they recall before stating the changes and their departure. Perhaps getting drunk for the first time would be when they realized they're queer. Or acted upon it, causing their little world to shake. They chose to leave before it eventually wouldn't feel like a choice anymore. There is no life for people like them in a cruel smalltown.

SMALLTOWN BOY

This song reminds me an awful lot of Smalltown Boy by Bronski Beat. The song is about a queer boy having to leave the smalltown where he grew up because of persecutions and no future prospects.

Mother will never understand why you had to leave, Smalltown Boy

They say they don't hear from me anymore, Changes

But the answers you seek will never be found at home, the love that you need will never be found at home

There is nothing here for me anymore

Other people not understanding why they leave. People who can't truly empathize even when they mean no harm. They would never understand the speaker's departure, because those people get to find love and have babies and live a peaceful life in the countryside.

You were the one that they'd talk about around town as they put you down

Livin' off the gossip of a cruel small town

Yeah yeah. I really struggle with just seeing this song as nostalgia when such harsh words are being used. I do believe there is a part of fondness for that town, that countryside setting and the early days. But it's not all tender memories.

CHANGES AND ERODA

Of couuuurse we all noticed the adorable purple fish with the pearl necklace. It represents Harry, no question, as it whistles Harry's part. And of couuuuurse we all made the link with the erodian fish, and some even noticed they formed the bluegreener pair when their colors are inverted.

It makes sense for those fishes to be connected with this interpretation of Changes. Both works are about a small town, lost in the nature, where the people are watching, aware of everything that isn't normal, that is peculiar. The early life of the peculiar boy is similar in every way to the early life of the speaker in Changes. The fish in Adore You grows too big for the island and has to leave, and though Eroda makes amends with the peculiar boy, he leaves as well because his future, his fulfilment, is somewhere else. So does the speaker in Changes.

IN CONCLUSION

The more I write posts like this, the more endeared I am by Harry's world. How Harry writes for himself, but also for other people with songs like this. How nature finds its way in all that he does. How grounded he is, how he doesn't seem to forget where he came from. It really is such a rare thing to see in a mainstream popstar's writing and art. How can someone say he sold his soul to LA is beyond me

#very dear to my heart this song #was in the drafts for quite a long time too #but hey i took louis' new song as a cue lol #they do have parallels #though i feel like louis' change is way more accepting #louis' way more at peace with the idea of time passing and leaving the town behind #not saying harry still struggles or not but the story told in changes is more pain than healing to me #anyway love their brains love them muahmuah #my analysis #song analysis #harry styles

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