#though i could probably do w a healthier/more useful/etc way of doing that | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

moonfurthetemmie · 2 years

Note

I think showing blarvin would be necessary for the economy

JEJSUDDU okay I’ll put that up while I look for some angst

Please note that this is old as frick and very OOC as this was when I still thought DS Blue was actually a Bastard

- JR has a super high tech microwave in the main lounge room (or the one the Dream usually uses).

- One day Blue comes across it during one of his break ins and goes “Hmm. I should try it out.” Because boredom and plot

- Thirty minutes later Dream comes in and “Wha-who-why-what the hell?”

- On the table there’s a bunch of microwavable meals (easy mac, cup noodles, kid cuisine, instant potatoes, etc) all heated up, but the microwave is gOnE. The food is the only sign Blue was there but whY wOuLd He StEaL a MiCrOwAvE tHaTs RiDiCuLoUs

- Blue would find a way to inconspicuously take that microwave everywhere. Because he’s decided that it’s the best thing since cup noodles and microwave s’mores.

- And if anybody says anything condescending about his microwave-well he’ll probably send them little microwaved monsters and Barbie dolls. Because his microwave is beautiful and must be loved by all.

- By ‘microwave monsters’ I mean terrifying amalgamations of plastic items that once had their own shapes and pleasing colors, now melted and mangled into whatever Blue’s messed-up mind could conjure. And he’s REALLY messed up, so. You’ve been warned.

- Somehow it never occurs to Dream that Blue stole the microwave. Maybe because Blue used to talk down about them, saying that it’s much healthier and more fun to cook stuff with your own skills yada yada yada. Now tho Blue just talks shit about the cheap microwaves.

- He’d probably name the microwave Marvin or Mavis or something like that.

- Blue religiously cleans Marvin every week. He refuses to let it get covered in dust and blood-I mEaN food. And normal, non-monster dust. YeAh.

- Ok, fine. If the melted Barbie dolls don’t convince you to respect the Microwave of Destiny, then your obviously a lost cause. Blue WILL frame you for murder, cuz he knows he’ll never get caught. But you will ;)

- Or he’ll make you do him “a favor” that ends in you getting run over by a train or something. Whatever’s easiest or more entertaining.

- Speaking of entertainment, you know how certain soap bars do weird shit in the microwave? He likes to do that. It’s just so weird HOW DOES IT DO THAT that’s so cool—Also popcorn

- Blue would totally play with the clock settings on Marvin just to hear the beeping sounds it makes.

- Blue is ADHD confirmed-

- Oh and. Just to be sure he doesn’t accidentally do something stupid, Blue got rid of any and all metal silverware he owned. Now he uses plastic cutlery.

- The Meme Squad would eventually find out about Marvin, and Cross and Nightmare would make it a habit to send Blue metal things with notes like “For Marvin, with love <3” while Error’s like “9uy5 570p h3’5 901n9 70 k1ll u5”

- But as long as they don’t actually mess with Marvin it’s fi-WHO THE FRESH HECK TOUCHED MY MICROWAVE YOU HAVE TEN SECONDS TO HIDE

- Seriously though, he K N O W S when people touch his microwave. It doesn’t matter if he sees you committing the crime, he just. Knows. And he keeps track of everyone who’s seen Marvin in the past 48+ hours so he knows e x a c t l y who touched his baby.

- All he has to do is find you. Then? Screw manipulation and framing, he’ll kill you himself. With extreme prejudice. You do N O T touch Marvin unless you want to die.

- One day Ink decides to sneak into Blue’s house and test that theory, but Blue walks into the kitchen where Marvin’s little throne-alter is with Ink’s finger just millimeters away from the microwave and Blue’s like “Uh. Excuse me sir. That’s my microwave. Do you wish upon yourself to come into physical experience with a crummy juncture? Because if you move any closer to Mar-my microwave ima hafta diddly darn snap your neck.”

- Ink moves a bit closer, still not touching it and Blue just about loses his shit. “DiD yOu HaS a DuMb I sAiD nO tOuCh-”

- * t o u c h *

- *Loud angry noises and blood-curdling screams.*

- Ink was never the same again. He developed an irrational fear of fancy expensive microwaves.

- Dream is still clueless because he has more important things to do than look for a darn microwave.

- Blue busts in like “DREAM I HEAR U BE TALKIN CRAP ABOUT MY MICROWAVE?!?”

- At some point Cross gets the bright idea of putting aluminum foil in Blue’s microwave, but first he shapes it into something. I’ll leave that part up to you guys, but he opens the microwave with gloves on because he thinks that maybe Blue has a problem with finger prints-

- This is like the one time Blue leaves Marvin home and he gets back and screams in horror when he sees the dry-erase marker graffiti and the metallic atrocity sitting inside Marvin- “Marvin who did this to you I’lL mAkE tHeM pAy I’m so sorry I left you home I’ll never do it again TwT” he says as he cuddles the appliance.

- Cross totally left a camera hidden in Blue’s kitchen, by the way. So the Meme Squad now has rare and valuable footage of Blue freaking out over a microwave. And hugging it. Wtf.

- Ink finds the video and has a PTSD attack (because Blue f🤬ed him up for touching Marvin). He casually hands the USB to Dream before noping the heck outta there so he doesn’t have to see it again

- But, thanks to Error and his madjik hacking (he hacks right?), the USB has a virus in it that allows the Meme Squad to watch people through the cameras on their computers. So now they know Ink has a microwave phobia. And they get to watch Dream realize so many things.

- When Blue finds out who messed with his precious microwave he’s gonna start the M-Event—the X-Event except powered by his weird obsession with a fricken microwave

- Remind me who’s idea this was—at this point I’m just writing down whatever weird shit I can think of. Your welcome Silver

- Blue gets a shirt that says “I ❤️ my microwave” with a picture of one of Marvin’s brothers or sisters on it because goddamn it he loves Marvin. It was probably sent by Marvin’s creator (the microwave company that made Marvin) for advertising purposes. Even if Blue’s ‘love’ isn’t quite what they were going for.

“Marvin-Senpai~”

- Blue will proudly show you Marvin if you ask but don’t try to test it. Just... compliment the object. He will be very pleased with you and he won’t send you melted Barbie dolls. Unless you want him to, but he doesn’t do favors so don’t bother asking.

- There’s a 50% chance that Blue would rig Marvin to be able to call 911. Just for the fun of it. But that might ruined it so there’s a 50% chance he’d buy a cheap microwave for that and name it Mavis. Afterwards though he’d sell it to some weirdo on the streets, or drop it off at the Meme House because he has developed an odd respect for all microwaves, even if he has eye sockets for Marvin only. Even if Mavis was a decent kitchen appliance/source of radiation.

- Blue would probably write oddly heartfelt love poems about Marvin? Just when he had literally nothing else to do? And he keeps them v e r y well hidden because he knows they’d be really weird to someone else but he just-he wanted to see just how cheesy he could be. Turns out, cheesier than than a bad joke about cheese.

#DS Blue #dreamswap #Blarvin #someone drew some fanart I think I could find it. you’ve have to give me a hot minute to find the artist though

16 notes · View notes

lemongogo · 4 years

Note

hey im the anon abt gyutaro/ume and i dont remember what happens to demons after they die ?? did i miss smth ? regardless i wanna ask what do you think their fate should be ? cause on one hand i think they're just victims of a cruel world who took the first way out they could find but on the other hand it doesnt rlly justify all the slaughter, and i also think abt the demon slayers who also suffered horrible fates and used it to fuel their determination to save other people from that pain

hi !! i don’t think kny ever explicitly mentions what happens to demons after they die (as in we never have concrete evidence of where they go or how their lives after are spent), but i think the general consensus is that the demons go to hell.

in some cases, the family can decide to go with them (ex: rui and i think akaza? if i remember correctly?) but their fate is pretty much sealed from that point forward i believe.

heres a pic of gyuutarou and ume, actually, in chapter 97 !!

but yeah !! thats something i think about a lot tbh. as you mentioned, many of the demons we’ve seen have either been groomed into demonhood (rui, ume, susamaru, etc.) or had their pain and suffering exploited (akaza, gyuutarou) for the sake of advancing other demons’ plans (muzan, douma, etc). so i agree ! a lot of these characters are unfortunate victims in themselves and its impossible to view their stories without incorporating the struggles they’ve had to face as both humans AND demons. especially considering that lots of these individuals experience muzan’s abuse regardless of their status relative to him (such as with the upper and lower moons). i think this is best explained through akaza’s relationship with muzan,

(ch. 67)

(ch.156)

and further explored though tanjiro’s observation of rui’s death. he notes that being a demon, for most, is an existence punctuated by extreme grief and despair, and that’s equally supported, i think, by the humanization of these demons following death. that their original conscious is restored (albeit with knowledge of everything they’ve done) and are oftentimes plagued by the guilt of what’s happened.

(ch.43)

what he says here is probably what sums it up for me. that while it’s important to condemn these demons and hold them accountable for the truly awful things they’ve done, it’s also important to consider the suffering they've experienced through existence alone. its so !! complex !! and thats what i love about kny. i love how .. you have some demons who are entirely despicable and bask in the carnage they create, but you also have some for whom demonhood was simply what appeared to be the only answer towards living a healthier life or righting the wrongs that’ve been done to them (usually with false promises and manipulation unbeknownst to them). and .. its so hard to figure out where to.. draw that line. or view these characters at least. because you sympathize with their pain, but you also realize that their actions have caused endless pain for many hundreds of people. tanjiro losing his entire family, giyuu losing his. shinobu watching her sister die before her very eyes, and kanao the same. the ubuyashiki family’s curse or the slaughter of himejima’s children. you look at characters like sanemi, shinobu, or giyuu and understand that you cannot invalidate their view of demons either. while kanae and tanjiro may find hope and humanity in demons, they exist as monsters who feast on pain to everyone else. its important not to discredit their perspective when making a personal choice to observe the demons’ hardships yknow. shinobu’s anger is just as warranted as tanjiro’s optimism and that neither are wrong for how they personally feel demons should be handled after death.

im like. AAAAAAAA theres so much to it , its really hard for me to condense into a few sentences AHAHA im so sry for making u read this if u still are. but . i guess i’m not too sure. i think maybe, had i experienced the same pain as those above, it would be easy for me to say the demons deserve to go to the worst hell imaginable regardless of what they’ve gone through because that history isn’t accessible to everyone like it has been the audience (or that they’ve seemingly made the conscious decision to cause harm w/o understanding the ways in which demonhood obscures their original conscious/morality). but at the same time, you have those like tanjiro whose world view is shaped by positive encounters with demons like nezuko, tamayo, yushirou, etc. where it seems very evident that . theres more to it than what meets the eye.

one of my friends ive talked to about this had a rly good perspective on it thats kinda stuck with me since !! she said she likes to view their conclusion as some . separation of identity?? if that makes sense?? that the demon side of them goes to hell while their human form goes to heaven (or division into whichever afterlife). and !! i think thats a really neat interpretation because there’s obvious descrepancy between demon personas and human personas. that the demon personas are like. exaggerations of their flaws, almost (akaza becoming hellbent on battle spirits and physical victories when hajuki’s fury & determination was fueled by love in a sense) while their human personas are the truest sense of self. and depending on which influence there is (muzan vs the appearance of loved ones), their identity changes accordingly. so ! idk ! thats one nice way of looking at it. holding their demon personas accountable while also recognizing that many of these characters deserve some form of healing after many hundreds of years of abuse. its hard because ofc i don’t want to negate the harms they’ve caused but its also? not cut and dry given the environment they were placed in and the fact that muzan’s blood essentially removes their humanity against their will you know. so in this way at least you have both forms of self receiving the proper conclusion.

whwhwhw so im. !!!!!!!!!!!! ah !! i can’t say i have a definite answer but i think the one above is smth thats comforting to me. i think the story settles with sending them to hell once they’ve regained their past self but also .. “softens” it by providing them company by their loved ones who are willing to go w them?? so thats rly cool to look at too. because it holds them accountable for all that’s happened but also.. recognizes that they’re not wholly responsible for it either and that .. even in hell they’re able to keep their connections and human emotions/experiences . its tragic yet oddly. fitting, i think, of the kny narrative. while i like the aforementioned interpretation, i also really.. appreciate the way its set up in canon too. like yeah i want the best for them but also. it fits in with the tragic nature of demonhood and what it meant for them all. oddly enough.

u make a good point too !! about demon slayers experiencing the same hardships but using their pain to help others. i think a lot of it is plainly chalked up to luck in terms of.. what they were exposed to following tragedy. how shinobu and kanae were saved by himejima, tanjiro saved by giyuu, kanao picked up by shinobu and kanae, sanemi given the guidance of kagaya while akaza was killed by muzan during his lowest moment, ume and gyuutarou were cornered by douma, rui misled by muzan, etc. i think circumstance is definitely a large factor in determining the paths that were taken. such as sanemi’s anger being validated and heard by ubuyashiki vs, say, akaza’s same anger being intentionally exploited for muzan’s gain.

aaa anyways. theres a lot 2 be said about this. like. SO much on my mind and obviously the extent of muzan’s abuse goes far deeper than what’s briefly mentioned here but. i love talking about the complexities of kny . and how i view the demons vs the corps and how each of them have grown into their respective stories . AA but ill end it here THNK U >> also so sry for making u read thru all of this i get so excited i could talk abt kny all day long if i had the chance AAA

#Anonymous #asktag #tldr: UH im a sympathetic bitch who wishes for some form of recovery for Some demons while also #finding it necessary to hold them accountable.#and easy way to do that is to split identities between human and demon persona but thats mighty convenient for such #a large issue so . the current narrative is probably the one i still oddly like #just bc the little peace they get before descent into hell is. really big #and their support by loved ones following them thru is also. really big #anyways. ya viri i thot of what u said bc its so good #its been a while so idk if its the exact version of how u view it but thts how it stuck w me JSBFSKBFSBJF #naywaysb I LOVE KNY AAAAAAAAAAAAA screams #kny #kny spoilers #kny manga #save for later

24 notes · View notes

naruhearts · 5 years

Text

14x18 First Watch Thoughts: Mary Winchester the Mirror, TFW and Destiel

**FLAILS**

My thoughts are practically incoherent because I’m having BIG FEELS right now...VERY big feels re: TFW/Destiel narratives.

I am SUPER glad Berens was the one who penned Mary’s death!! The episode was just well-done all around from start to finish and intensely executed, with the proper solid balance of angst, emotional insight from the characters placed inside Mary’s cathartic contextual role, and the consistent reiteration of Mary as TFW’s overall Parental Catharsis in 14x18′s storytelling (and S12-14′s whole parental premise in conjunction with John Winchester’s ghost).

Mary was portrayed as the singular contrasting foil to TFW’s individual and combined arcs. Absence was, obviously, a core theme, with Mary’s absence -- her death -- playing out as A. familial purpose (accountability and her death as the impetus to work together --> forgive each other, forgive yourself), B. self-purpose (self-realization via Jack: what did I do? Why did I do it? Why do we do things?), and C. romantic purpose on the Dean/Cas front.

Let me explain C. -- well, WE BEEN KNEW. The metasphere wrote about this (my post x).

Dean was HEAVILY subtextually framed as the angry spouse undergoing a rough patch with Cas over Mary’s death (the tension, juxtaposed by sad orchestral strings and soft lighting, Dean lashing out at Cas, romantic framing via Dean’s back turned to Cas, their interactions holding frustration yet still underpinned by certain tenderness etc *sighhhhh*) and Dean continuing down the route of giving Cas, not Sam, frosty shoulders -- emphasized by the romantic visual framing of space between them e.g. Sam preventing Cas from comforting Dean during Mary’s funeral, backs again facing each other, Dean and Cas interacting sparsely, Dean bitter and disengaged, Cas longing for forgiveness from Dean, Sam as the overt brother caught in the middle as he embodies the role of mediator and stable thinker for both of them etc -- just strengthens my belief that Destiel is going to experience another (hopefully) intense romance-coded confrontation as intense as the one they had in the cabin -- one that leads up to a lover’s make-up or some kind of emotional breakthrough/realization which has Cas happy enough to be taken by the Empty (remember, DEAN STILL DOESN’T KNOW ABOUT CAS’ DEAL. Cas’ life to save his son’s life, harking back to Dean’s own fatherly self-sacrificial deal by saying Yes to Michael. He is utterly unaware that he’ll lose Cas) and it’s a double punch here, because Dean will realize how stupid he is for not appreciating Cas -- more accurately, trying to be mutually transparent and honest with him (he has, though, and he’s made leaps and bounds) before it’s too late but failing (final regression before progression). He does appreciate Cas, and Cas means more to him than anyone could ever describe *points at his Mind!Bar 14x10* yet their love languages still don’t align. IT’S NEVER TOO LATE TO START ALL OVER AGAIN, DEAN! 14x19 is written by BL so I additionally hope the D/C subtext from this point onwards works in our favour!!

As I said in above and in my liveblog posts, a summary:

The differences in Dean’s grieving are a COMPLETE visual comparison to 12x23, complete with overhead 📸 shots and differing funeral pyre scenes: when he grieved over Cas, he was alone, kneeling on the ground, and was blatantly numb/emotionally incapacitated – Dean mourned the loss of his lover. When he’s grieving Mary, Sam is by his side. Brothers mourning the loss of their mother. Romantic vs familial.

Overt romance-coded parallels with Sam/Rowena keeping constant contact just like Dean/Cas do both offscreen and onscreen

Sam telling Dean IT WASN’T JUST CAS and his own emotional pull in this ep as expressing accountability for TFW’s actions in general – besides internalizing/talking about the self-guilt, shame, and the inevitable pain of losing people despite saving people (also re: the 🔑 theme of doing the wrong, stupid thing for the right reasons) -- was character development on a marvelous scale. Dean was enlightened and began to admit it himself. Honest, open words. Dean and Cas should learn from him!!

Cas was absolutely humanized, subsuming the Winchester Way of Bringing Family Back, and he additionally evoked honesty/an emotional justification while admitting his mistakes and again representing FAITH: faith in Jack narratively linked to FAITH IN HIMSELF and the season-long theme of believing there’s another way -- in believing that good things shall come. As he appropriately told Anael last episode -- loneliness is a construct misconstrued by her; not being in one’s physical presence doesn’t mean they aren’t there -- they are there. They are there for you. Narrative symmetry with 14x17′s presence of emotional acknowledgement despite physical absence re: God (and TFW; just because Cas wasn’t with the Winchesters did not mean he loved them any less) vs 14x18′s absence of full-frontal communication despite physical presence re: Dean and Cas/TFW (being physically present also entails being emotionally present through HONESTY). Berens interlinked the subtext. Negative spaces are being filled. And there’s also an Evil/dark dimension added to this Presence vs Absence commentary: Lucifer’s a visage in Jack’s mind, just like Sam. Jack’s soullessness has come to a psychological crux. He’s teeter-tottering – tried desperately to bring Mary back, and now he might have fucked up the natural order (if BTS pics of zombies in 14x20 is linked to this). Furthermore:

(*clutches chest* There’s the heartbreaking spousal-coded visual narrative.)

Oh, Cas...Jack is BOTH good and evil. This is the intrinsic dualism of human nature. It’s what makes Jack human. And goodness involves badness.

CAS: [Jack] was good for us. Indeed, we know he was. The unhealthily-codependent-abusive notion of family TFW used to possess (where their overarching parental issues -- Chuck’s absence, John’s abuse and Mary’s absence -- crippled their early formative growth, extending into decades) was deconstructed and rebuilt in healthier ways. Being a parent to Jack offset their true capabilities/qualities: FAITH (Cas), HOPE (Sam), and LOVE (Dean), alongside all the stickiness that came with his birth. By direct association, Cas learned (is learning) how to believe in himself. Sam learned (is learning) how to hope in himself. Dean learned (is learning) how to love himself. Mental/emotional release from their internal chains took place (will come to its final culmination in S15). In other words, Jack the Unifying TFW Mirror -- like Mary -- was the great interpersonal conduit for (a Jesus-figure-representation) honesty, appreciation (spending time with your loved ones), positive vs negative self-process, and self-awareness. Keep in mind that Jack has characteristically taken the place of Dean, Cas and Sam’s own dark arcs (Soulless!Sam, in particular) with what looks like a Godstiel mirror in 14x19 -- he’s literally becoming textualized as TFW’s mirror -- and, like his parents, he is going to make his independent (wayward) choices and question the primacy of human nature: good, evil, and the grey in-between. Will he listen to his head or his heart? Most of all, Jack taught them that HuntingTM is filled with pain, horror, and death, but genuine purpose lies beyond it. The lives they live are also innumerably interlinked with joy and happiness. These positive things aren’t as sparse as they think: they have each other.

Mary Winchester is ⚰️ and resides in Heaven (her death successfully made me emotional and packed a deep personal punch; the black and white flashbacks interspersed throughout 14x18 relative to Mary’s influence on TFW was A++). She disappeared right when TFW’s arcs came together to display character progression. Her purpose – pushing TFW to engage in self-introspection, personal growth, and honesty with the Self and others – is done.

Mary, the Cas mirror, carved M.W. into the table with S.W and D.W. You know who should be next, right? CASTIEL W. (and Jack W.) (recall that in 14x17, Mary relayed to Dean that she treasured and enjoyed her time with him and Sam -- channeling Cas’ 14x12 farewell speech. Mary has always embodied LOVE, both romantic and familial, with the great virtue of honesty, and Dean, by proxy, has been telling his family he loves them. Again, who is the next family member he’ll say I LOVE YOU to? What do Dean and Cas WANT? Time to answer this question!!)

WE HAVE COME FULL CIRCLE. Narrative cyclism, y’all. Mary and John Winchester are finally at ✌️, and by so doing, TFW will experience emotional/personal/psychological ✌️ as they leave their past behind to create their own optimistic self-actualized future. THERE’LL BE GENUINE PEACE WHEN YOU ARE DONE.

TFW MUST TALK

I mean, I’ll probably reblog this with new thoughts during the next few days, but yes, ENDGAME’S UPON US, and all the extensive meta regarding Dabb Era Love and...Love, Unity, Family, Honesty, the centrality of interpersonal relationships and Reconciliation of the Past & Future since Season New Beginnings 12/13 over Season Who Am I 14 should be realized in the final two ANGST-filled eps. TL;DR a gigantic multilayered soup of character-positive/relationship growth-positive meta coming to fruition for the main plot.

Berens has killed us all. 14x18 is one of my favourite Emotion-centric episodes yet!

RATING: 10/10

Thank you for reading my sloppier-than-usual word-vomit!

925 notes · View notes

hrsloren · 4 years

Text

HELLO EVERYONE ! i’m rlly excited to be here at hearsay. actually is a new kind of rp concept for me so if im a little slow in coming up with ideas please be patient w me, i promise i’m engaged and interested. i’d also love recs of your fav murder mystery stuff for inspo! neway some info about ren is under the cut (along w some plot ideas!) and ill message yall once i have a chance to read over the apps so that hopefully i can come 2 u with some thoughts for plots~ ur also welcome to message me first of course or hit that like or really anything else lol!! discord avail on request for plotting, too, if thats more your style.

kwon loren is a 26 yr old scorpio, horror enthusiast, entrepreneur (cough, drug dealer), n webtoon artist and she’s never met a villain she didn’t want to write a redemption arc for.

yes i almost exclusively chose her name bc it can be nicknamed into ren which obviously sounds like wren and i thought it was punny / suitable lol.

unfortunately the only one of those that makes any money is the entrepreneurial bit and that is a totally illegal path. so her day job is her night job as the overnight manager of the gs25 near her dingy apartment building. she works sunday to thursday nights, usually, since she makes the schedule she selfishly schedules the part timers on prime weekend night slots. she also draws weird commissioned porn for folks w strange kinks (tentacles?? yoikes no judgement but yoikes) when she needs the xtra won.

she was the black sheep of her family even before her personality really showed itself, and once she revealed herself to be a tomboyish, unruly, temperamental, reckless, passionate, and alarmingly contrary child the whole thing just got worse. rlly the only person she was ever very close with was her grandfather, who is a somewhat-renowned murder mystery / horror writer. sneaking peaks at his books and manuscripts was probably what kindled a lot of her weird proclivities as a child, which she carries forward to now.

she’s quite excessive in a lot of ways. too much smoking, too much drinking, too much feeling, too much dreaming, too much scheming, too much writing.... basically the only thing she doesn’t overload on is sleep?? so check out those atrocious under eye shadows sometime bc its a yikes from me yall.

u can track her moods pretty easily despite the fact that she’s got a hard to read face. once you get used to her habits and mannerisms its rlly clear to see that she’s an open book. the only thing that can throw it off is that she’ll try to stop smoking abt once every 3 months, at which point she becomes a complete nightmare w very little notice. it usually doesn’t last very long unfort for her lungs.

speaking of smoking shes the kind of person to immerse herself in things easily and get totally wrapped in them. like, she’s v prone to addictions or obsessions. this can be with things, people, television shows, etc. she’s never known a good series she didn’t binge as quickly as possible, a good book she didn’t read cover to cover, sleep be damned. this means she’s often kinda grouchy or trying to sleep something off. she’ll also talk ur ear off about whatever she’s fallen into at the moment.

just for a weird fact, she has a complex about her hair. its naturally relatively coarse and bushy and curly and frizzy. her mum used to pull it back every morning in a rlly tight ponytail and pin down all the unruly bits with bobby pins or barettes and she hated it, it always made her head hurt and obviously it made her feel like her hair was ugly. so for a long time she chemically straightened it and did all kinds of treatments, but now she’s trying to maintain it more naturally. so yeah sometimes it looks like a birds nest but at least it’s healthier.

she’s very picky about her surroundings and organizing her personal space, especially when she wants to work on something. she gets picky about things being in a good visual order, and if she notices something is out of place around her, she’ll hyper focus on it until she can fix it. this can be something meaningful (noticing she didn’t do the dishes) or something absurd (noticing someone left a napkin on the ground at the cafe, across the room, and having to go throw it away before she can focus on anything else).

just like with her surroundings, with aesthetics, and with substances or media, she hyper focuses on people too. when she decides someone is ‘hers’ she will go all in on them, becoming loyal to the point of honest to goodness fault. this isn’t to say she’ll tell them they’re the best at all times or be unrealistically enamored with them. she’ll still be fully cognizant of and happy to point out faults, but she won’t turn her back on them. she’d help you bury a body, basically, but she’d tell you what a goddamn psychopath you were as she did.

FOR SOME PLOT THOUGHTS

her only real established canon relationships have to do w her drug trade or her much better cousin (just ask anyone in her family) so she’s very well open to just about anything. she’s canonically close to magpie and cousins w swallow, of course, and sells to an established handful. i’d love to get her a bit wrapped up in things these days, maybe some secret trading or ferreting things out. i imagine she feels loyalty to magpie and resents those who might come out with accusations against him.

i’d love her to have an outcast ride or die best friend from high school, someone who was also on the black sheep side of things. she did participate in the high school literary magazine (layout) and on the newspaper (though not as seriously as one might have hoped) and certain undesirables spread rumors about the english teacher “favoring” her (at least some guiding figure finally liked her dammit). so bullies from high school are fully possible. she was kind of a weirdo (duh) so i imagine it would have been pretty normal to pick at her here and there, though she did try to fly under the radar a lot. people who used to harass her coming to her for pills now could be a thing to explore, or someone who dated her in high school but didn’t really want to be “out” about it due to you know like dumb high school social differences so resentment grew and it was a whole teen movie drama that ended up without the happy ending and now its weird when they see each other, which could go many ways. those she’s befriended or so forth since coming back to town down on her luck, also, would be welcome!

anyway if you made it to the end of this ily very much and i hope we can plot asap huhu

#?? OOC #queued for opening i hope

7 notes · View notes

andonutty · 4 years

Text

a fool’s guide to coping w bpd

ok so for the record im NOT a mental health professional, im just... someone with bpd who’s coping and thought i’d share my tips. i think making a post like this will a) reach more people, and b) help my friends more than me just offering advice when they come to me for help. bpd affects everyone differently, and i can’t claim to totally understand the struggles of everyone who has it, but if you’re struggling right now and you just don’t know what to do or where to go, i gotchu fam. so without further ado... a step-by-step guide for coping with bpd

tw for mentions of emotional manipulation, self-harm, and suicide. none of it is in-depth, but i figured i’d warn anyway.

1) decide that you want to cope in a healthier way.

this seems kinda strange as a first step, but to me it really is the most important step. living with bpd all my life and being in therapy since i was 10 taught me a lot about willingness. saying “i want to be healthier” sounds like a no-brainer, but it’s actually really difficult. you have to sit yourself down and ask yourself: do i really want to fundamentally change the way i think about situations, about myself, and about other people? am i willing to work on this, even though it’s hard? and am i willing to give up on the unhealthy coping mechanisms i’ve been clinging onto?

i’m being totally genuine here: it took me years to get to the point where i could say: yeah, i really, really want to stop emotionally manipulating people to get what i want. i’m so sick of basing my self-worth on what other people say and do. i’m so scared that i am my bpd, and that there’s nothing else inside me; i don’t want it to be that way anymore. i want to have healthy and fulfilling relationships with other people. i want people to stop being afraid of me. i want to love myself. i really and truly do. and only when you come to that (awful, gut-wrenching) revelation can you actually start helping yourself. if you’re not at that point, that’s totally fine. i had to go through a hell of a lot to get there, and i understand not everyone is there. i wish everyone who can’t make this decision yet the best, but i really don’t think this post will be the miracle cure you’re hoping for. you can still read it for sure! i’m just saying that this first step was an extremely necessary one for me, and the next steps get a lot easier once you make this decision.

okay, so you’ve come to the realization that you really, really want to learn some new coping mechanisms. where do you start?

2) look into dbt (dialectical behaviour therapy).

ok. i’ve been going through dbt for a while, and i swear to god, it’s good. dbt was made for people with bpd, and it’s different from cbt in that the skills aren’t just cognitive. there are four sections of dbt skills: mindfulness, emotion regulation, distress tolerance, and interpersonal effectiveness. it may seem overwhelming, but all these skills are very practical and don’t just focus on “hey you’re thinking this? stop it.“ if you have access to a counsellor or therapist, ask them about dbt. if you don’t have access, try to find some stuff you can work on online. i did a quick search and found three sites (one, two, three).

if you have a therapist or counsellor that you can talk to about this, feel free to skip the rest of this section (or read it so you can surprise your therapist with your knowledge). for those of you who don’t have someone to guide you through this, i’m aware all these skills seem incredibly daunting. my recommendations for beginner skills are the following:

PLEASE skill, or reducing vulnerability to emotions (under emotion regulation)

nonjudgmental stance (under mindfulness)

stop, tip, distraction, or improve skills (under distress tolerance)

dear man or myths about interpersonal effectiveness (under interpersonal effectiveness)

reducing emotion vulnerability was the first skill i started working on. when i was first diagnosed with bpd, i was working at a restaurant without any meal breaks. i’d have meltdowns at work and after work, and it took this skill for me to realize that i needed to pack a snack or eat right after getting off my shift, because i was most vulnerable to my emotions when i was hungry or tired. when you understand how food, sleep, exercise, mood-altering substances, etc. all play into how vulnerable you are to your emotions, you can start thinking more clearly about situations and you can start coping ahead to reduce that vulnerability ahead of time. you’d be surprised how much this one helps.

nonjudgmental stance is probably one of the most helpful skills i learned. one of my therapists put it this way: if bpd is an allergy, then invalidation is the allergen. meaning: the thing that’s going to irritate your bpd and trigger problem behaviours is invalidation of emotions. it’s shame, and judgment. everyone judges themselves (which isn’t really healthy, but it is a part of our societal structure), but for us? that shit hurted. i can’t count the amount of times that i’ve been crying and then thought something like “god, you’re just so pathetic“ and started crying even harder. our impulsive behaviour and the decisions we regret almost always stem from a core feeling of being invalidated. remember that time that you were talking about your feelings to someone and they seemed dismissive, so you decided you hated them with every fiber of your being? yep, me too. that’s us reacting to invalidation. in general, we don’t really validate ourselves. quite the opposite! most of the time, we tear ourselves down and expect others to fill that void for us. (a lot of people do this, but it’s really problematic for us in particular because of our generally self-destructive behaviour.) so learning to be compassionate with ourselves is a really important step to take. if you like meditations, look up loving kindness and self-compassion meditations. rain is also a really good meditation to do, but i think it can be really painful to do when you’re just starting out. i’ve linked it at the bottom if you want to check them out, but try not to overload yourself! just stick to one you really like.

stop, tip, distract, and improve are all really good skills to start out with because they’re skills you use for when your skills run out. if you find yourself really struggling with crisis situations a lot, these are good to start out with. they’re specifically meant to calm you down, to get your emotions and adrenaline to a manageable level. if you struggle a lot with engaging in problem behaviour under stress, this one is golden. i used to struggle a lot with substance abuse, and these skills were lifesavers. instead of going right for the substance, i’d use stop. i’d distract myself for a while, surf the urge until the wave of emotion passes. then i could use skills like please by getting something to eat, or dear man by addressing the interpersonal problem with a level head. and on that note...

dear man / myths about interpersonal effectiveness, which is a great skill if your main problem is about asking for help or establishing boundaries. i used to have a lot of problems about asking for things properly (hence my habit of emotionally manipulating others to get what i wanted or needed), because i felt that if someone said no to me, i wouldn’t be able to handle it. or that people would hate me if i asked for things, or that i should be able to handle things on my own. in a way, it felt easier to rely on making others feel bad for not doing more for me rather than to ask outright. these myths are hard to unlearn, but it’s a good place to start if your main trigger is about boundaries or asking for help.

ok, so you’ve started working on a skill. a skill. don’t burn yourself out here, it’s okay (and more productive) to just focus on one instead of trying to change yourself overnight. and on that note...

3) be kind. remember change won’t happen overnight, and keep going.

this one is difficult, because... like, it’s not gonna be easy. i remember i used to have meltdowns and think, “no. i’m tired of being skillful. i’m tired of being the bigger person. i’m sick of this.” and that’s why the first step is so important, because you’re going to need that resolve to say, “hey, i haven’t engaged in my problem behaviour for so long. let’s not start now. i know it’s frustrating, i know it’s so easy to go back to what we know, and at the same time, i want to be better. i know i can be better.”

and even if you do engage in that problematic behaviour again (which, let’s face it, you probably will, because no one is perfect and everyone messes up, and that’s 100% okay), you need to remember this and be compassionate with yourself. everyone messes up. everyone says things they don’t mean to. everyone does things that they regret. everyone falls into old patterns from time to time. what’s important here is to stop beating yourself up over it and start doing something different. if you went back to self-harm, if you started calling up everyone you know and threatening to kill yourself, whatever it is — don’t conflate yourself with the behaviour. instead, take ownership of it. make amends with those you hurt instead of running away or self-sabotaging, think about what happened and try to make sure it doesn’t happen again. slip-ups happen to everyone. literally everyone. so please try not to be hard on yourself if it happens. be disciplined, but not harsh. i promise, beating yourself up over mistakes is only going to hurt you and everyone around you.

conclusion

if you’ve read this far, thank you so much for doing so. i know that when you’re in the thick of it, it’s so hard to imagine yourself having a future, to imagine that you can make friends, keep people around, be anything but the sum total of your perceived failures. but you can. it’s difficult, believe me, it’s difficult, but it’s possible. and i believe you can do it. and trust me, there’s no way you’re going to disappoint me, no matter how much you feel like you’ve fucked up. if you can, just try it out, and i’ll be cheering you along every step of the way.

more resources, if you’d like them:

in general, this site is pretty good for handouts. and again, here are the three sites i linked above (one, two, three) that i found through a cursory search.

also, look into unhelpful thinking styles if you want. this is the worksheet i have, and it’s genuinely really useful. i keep it in my workbook and look at it to remind myself of when i’m unintentionally using them.

russ harris, who talks a lot about living a fulfilling life. here are some videos of his that i really like (internal struggles, the choice point, the struggle switch).

jon kabat-zinn and mbsr (mindfulness-based stress reduction). seriously if you’re into mindfulness this guy is so good. 9 attitudes in particular is a video i personally really like.

the aforementioned rain meditation, by tara brach. this one is all about learning what you need and providing it for yourself. it’s part of the larger loving kindness and self-compassion umbrella.

kristen neff has a website with self-compassion exercises, as well as books and such that she’s published. if she’s not your style, search up loving kindness or self-compassion meditations and i’m sure you’ll find other people that you might vibe with more.

i know brené brown deadass exploded in popularity a while back, but there’s a reason she did. all of her stuff about shame is incredible. here are two of her ted talks that hit different for me personally (listening to shame, the power of vulnerability)

also, if you can... maybe invest in a dbt skills workbook. i use the actual marsha linehan dbt skills training book, which can be a little complicated, but it works for me because my therapist is there to explain it. i’ve heard good things about the dbt skills workbook by matthew mckay, but i’ve never used it personally so i can’t attest to how comprehensive it is. if you can go to like, an actual bookstore and flip through the pages, that’d be ideal. but since we’re in a pandemic, idk how feasible that is. i’m not really a self-help book kind of person, but i’d recommend authors like pema chödrön, brené brown, kristen neff, and russ harris (and jon kabat-zinn? does he publish books? if he does then i rec them). if you’re in a post-secondary institution, try checking your school’s library! i’ve found a few books there. also, public libraries tend to have some of these books too. so if you don’t have the money to actually go out and buy these books, i’d suggest borrowing books from libraries and photocopying the pages.

#bpd #borderline personality disorder #bpd help #bpd advice #bpd skills #ok to reblog #idk i wont tag this anymore #i just.... so many friends of mine are going through it and i just want to offer a comprehensive starting point #i remember how lost i felt once i started wanting to cope in healthier ways #so im just out here. im out here #anyway i rly hope this helps! i might make more posts in the future bc. talking abt skills helps me practice them too #plus i just like to Help. im full of information and love

1 note · View note

debbiewilder · 4 years

Note

(idk if tumblr ate my other ask up so im just gonna say it again lmao) do u have any predictions for glow s4 or like.. a wishlist maybe?

oh i got it dude, if you write me an anon that requires more than half a brain cell to reply, it usually takes me a few days to respond, but always good to check, tumblr can be weird!

anyway, to answer your question, here are predictions and a wish list mixed into one, good luck figuring out which is which.

-I want Ruth to start season 4 exactly like we saw her in season 1…at a shitty audition. It’ll feel even more hollow and painful now though (for audience and for Ruth) bc she’s dealt w so much at glow but is still in the exact same place. I think that would be a strong way to start the season, and I could actually see them open with that?

-I want Ruth and Debbie to spend some time apart. Kind of like Killing Eve season 1, the characters could spend time away from each other but be obsessing over/thinking of each other?? Like I could see that really really working for season 4. I mean, I would obviously love if every scene was Ruth and Debbie together, but I also just think the only way Ruth can figure out who she is and what she wants is if she gets away from Debbie for a little while. Not to mention the only way to get Ruth and Debbie to a healthier, more balanced place is if they spend some time apart I think.

-I mean I obviously wish for Ruth and Debbie to admit they’re in love because duh but….yeah not predicting that

-I think the last frame of the series could be Ruth and Debbie together looking all happy. Kind of goes against the last frame of the first ep where Debbie is pinning Ruth to the ground in the ring.

-I’m really curious to see what they do with Bash?? I guess we’ll see what’s suggested in Season 3. He’ll start having sex with men, Rhonda will probably find out somehow because she’s pretty perceptive, and she’ll also try to be there for him but it’ll be a huge mess because Bash doesn’t want understanding in ways he prob wants to be hated for being gay…I wonder if it’d jeopardize the new network but I doubt they’d go that route, I think that’d prob be a lame route to take. Rhonda has always been really good at communicating to men who are dickheads to her so I think it’ll be interesting to see what she does when she finds out Bash is gay. And what Bash does in turn anyway.

-Oh, Debbie Eagan. My favorite fictional character of all time. I think her arc is almost all the way there. She’s come a really long way. EXCEPT it’s time we see what she’s like without Ruth. Because that Debbie is gonna be a big ol’ mess and I can’t wait. She’s used to relying on Ruth for like everything. Also, Debbie used some shitty, selfish language when she offered her eden for Ruth and Debbie. I don’t trust GLOW to actually have Debbie realize that though but I wish her to realize that…I mean given how much they’ve skipped over so much other stuff (Debbie took drugs while wrestling meanwhile Ruth thinks Debbie broke her leg on purpose, Ruth had an abortion after having sex with Mark and Debbie doesn’t know etc etc etc). But I do WISH they would have Debbie realize that she used shitty language with Ruth and grow more? So, we’ll see. I think time apart could do them some good and there’s at least a chance Debbie will realize like oh telling someone their dreams will never come true isn’t the best thing to say kjlsdf

-I do think they’re finally gonna give their protagonist a bit of an arc. Sure, it’s in the FOURTH season and that is…ridiculous but…it feels like Ruth may actually get to grow. My fingers and toes crossed that happens dude!!

-prediction def not a wish: Sam and Ruth have sex. I think Sam could encourage Ruth to reach out to Debbie? Def not a wish too because I want Ruth to figure out her shit on her own but…the writers seem to struggle with making Ruth active so it might be a way to include Sam. I also don’t think Ruth and Sam will end up together or if they do it might have little screen time since the writers seem pretty uninterested in Sam in season 3? I don’t know, we’ll see.

-Honestly really curious how they resolve Sam’s storyline with the health stuff…because he starts drinking when the doctor told him not to which suggests yeah he could die…but could he die?? In a show like GLOW?? Not sure?? He felt kind of…besides the point in season 3 so not sure what they’re gonna do with him tbh

-unsure what they’ll do with the other girls and how they’ll include them all? I could see the first episode having a more limited cast or something. Until X and then the gang has to get back together again. Oh god I hope it’s not a funeral or something. Or, the B and C story feel super unrelated to each other for a while. Really looking forward to seeing how they bring everyone back together.

-curious what the new network will be like for Bash and Debbie. In ways, I could see it really working out and meanwhile they’re falling apart in their personal lives because that sorta defines Bash and Debbie? I can’t wait to see them working together omg

-What will bring Ruth and Debbie back together? I don’t know! Ruth goes on an audition and accidentally sees Debbie at the casting. Ruth finally goes to Debbie because she’s ready to be her equal…Debbie goes back to Ruth and realizes her first proposal was shit and she learns her lesson like in Pride and Prejudice and does a better proposal. Not sure. Doesn’t matter, point is Ruth has to figure out her shit first. What acting means to her. What directing means to her. Some ppl in fandom seem to really want Ruth to be a director and think she made a huge mistake not agreeing to Debbie’s terms. I disagree. It feels like she’s done directing in the past because Sam wasn’t doing his job or whatever. She def shouldn’t just be forced down some path someone else wants for her, even if that person is Debbie. Like, Ruth may realize she wants to be a director in season 4 but I just really want Ruth to figure out what she wants and who she is on her own terms and go for it. She could have a healthier relationship to acting. She def needs to have a healthier relationship to fiction and express herself more fully in her real relationships. That would be a happy ending to me. Not her just going to directing because Debbie says she should. I just want Ruth to explore and find a healthier relationship to herself and fiction and Debbie and that’s really my main wish for season 4. And, I predict they may finally honor her.

Hope this nonsense was worth the wait, anon :)

#anon #asks #glow netflix #i may add to this sometime #or make a new post when i have more predictions or thoughts on season 4 #but these are initial thoughts

8 notes · View notes

modern-oedipus · 4 years

Text

Check-List for the Goals I settled for 2019

The funny mistake I’ve made earlier lead me think about what I’ve expected from 2019 when we started it. I found a list of the goals I made while we were entering the new year’s and here is a realistic evaluation of how it went.

• First of all, I wanted to manage my depressive episodes better. I wanted to have them less frequently. I wanted not to be absolutely crashed if a trigger hit me. Here’s how it went with a rough statistics (yes, because I’m a soon-to-be scientist, I actually made a graph of my own mood swings as if I am a test subject).

✔️ January was absolutely terrible for me. I had so much anxiety because of a toxic relationship and I wasn’t sure if I could ever live without that person. I failed two classes and withdraw a third one. I was super anxious about my internships. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to be on the path I was and I was also having financial troubles. Also, one of my pet birds had passed away.

✔️ February was the month I truly felt like something in me was changing for the better. I felt like something clicked after the winter break— when I was, in a funny way, forbidden from consuming sugar for three days. I used to eat a lot of sugar/sweets to cope with my stress back then, to the point I still amaze at myself for not being overweight, plus size, or developing diabetes; because I really was eating too much sweets. But then I had a conversation with my father that feels unworldy, and combinated with the tree days no sugar diet and beginning of the new semester I suddenly felt like, even if I couldn’t fix everything, I could fix something. I had to start, regardless of how little. So I started by eating carefully— so significiantly less sugar consumed than I used to be, but I didn’t force it all at once. So if I were eating 3 brownies a day I decreased it step by step to 2 brownies a day, one brownie a day, and... At November 2019, it is probably a brownie once in 15 days. With even more pleasure than eating 3 brownies at once. (Don’t worry, I still let myself be free of eating whatever I want occassionally. I’m taking care of my health). Anyway. I started to hit up gym in my college for first time ever. I was so painfully inconsistent, but I knew that much was to be expected, so instead of getting angry at myself for not being a regular I just appreciated myself for going despite not being a regular.

✔️ March was a turnpoint. I decided to be bold enough to pursue my ex hobbies that I lost because of depression, one of them being writing. I’ve had a strong muse for Norman back then. I made a new account on Facebook. I knew no one, but to my luck I made so many friends. I drowned in NorRay ship with a very nice roleplay partner. I built new friendships away from the toxic partner of mine who was seriously causing a lot of damage on me. By the end of March we broke up and— surprise, my world didn’t end. I felt so refreshed, so alive, as if I was freed of my chains, and up until this day this feeling stands. I was more eager to pursue new hobbies, talk about my interests and do crazy shit instead of worrying my ex would think. I was happier. Much happier. This too, is still valid.

✔️ April was... unworldly. Because something that relates to my society happened as a big improvement and I was extremely positively surprised. This feeling is valid up to this day as well.

✔️ May... May was wild. I got kissed by a random stranger at the spring fest party. This fucking event lead me to write Conflict. Seriously. I built stronger friendships, online and offline, during this month. I felt truly connected.

✔️ June!!! June was so weird! It was my first break after one or maybe two years of depression. It was my first free holiday in which I didn’t reall feel like I was a waste of time, space, effort, money, etc. I got to walk around streets with a burden off my shoulders after so long. I got to look forward to the next days. The insecurities hit me up sometimes, but significantly less frequently, as I aimed in the beginning of the year. At this point I have had lost a good 5 kgs and had been eating very healthily too, and I was enjoying this new healthier lifestyle I adapted. This is still valid too.

Let’s examine June a little more carefully. At the end of the June I was going to go out of town to have an internship at a very prestigious university out of town. Which meant I had to stay in student dorms. I had no background about my field of internship yet. I was going to be utterly alone and I was freaking out about it. I’ve spent last week of June extremely tense because I don’t live in dorms normally and sharing a space with people and being alone at a professional place and things like doing laundry felt terrifying. But at the same time I was proud of myself because I’ve had always wondered how life would be living in a college campus, and this school I went was the best in my country equal to the university I am attending. Overall, it was prestigious and I was very excited.

Another important thing about June was that I’ve had written almost ALL of Conflict in my head with two of my roleplay partners eagerly listening to me and encouraging me whenever I plotted.

Have you noticed this?

My story was completed BEFORE I even posted.

At the end of June, a few days before I was about to leave for the internship, I had a breakdown. I had a bad breakdown. I had first draft of Conflict completed but I could never get to edit it. I could never get to post it. I didn’t even have an account. I didn’t really expect much interest in the story either, I just... I don’t know. I think I just thought, “Wow, this plot is so feelsy. I shouldn’t keep it buried in me. Maybe other people will love it too.” and I... kept Conflict waiting... for so long. Then I had a breakdown thinking I can’t do a fucking thing right and I’ll never get to post anything because I always let my “depression” take over it— which is a funny excuse because I wasn’t even depressed at June. Scared yes, but not depressed. I hate playing the victim. Objectively speaking, I wasn’t at my best but it wasn’t my worst either. Anyway. I left first chapter of Conflict linger there for a few weeks, hopeless that I could ever post.

✔️ Then comes July. I came to the internship city! It was AWESOME. I LOVED the campus, LOVED the experience, LOVED my field, and ENJOYED dorm life. I made many friends. I had roommates. I worked out more often. I went to sightseeing. I extended my network. I did A LOT of fun stuff.

On the first night I was at dorms, my two roommates were out. I didn’t know anyone yet. I had ONE night free to do anything. I was... in an awe. So I opened the documents. I looked at the pretty sight from my dorm room and I said, “Well, let’s do this.”

It was like a torture to finish that first chapter.

I had no expectations when I posted.

But oh my god, it felt like something clicked when I posted! Getting my story POSTED was a significant proof that I was SERIOUSLY moving on from the LAST traces of depression. It was something I created. It was MY productivity. It was ME. But in a way it was everyone. I felt extremely happy. Oh— did I mention Conflict is my first fanfiction?

Anyway, then I began to look forward to updating. Living in campus had it’s amazing advantages, such as no time wasted on transport, and ability to chill at coffee shops or 24/7 open library ALL NIGHT if I wanted. Which was wayyy less depressing than the environment of my house. I wrote. I felt super engaged. The simple fact that I could exist and produce something and have other people respond to it was something I could never imagine myself doing back on my depressed days. (But I could totally imagine this BEFORE I got in depression. In a way, I was back. I am still back. And I’m so grateful.)

I wasn’t only fooling around to write, though. I’ve been learning a lot. Experiencing a lot. Living a lot. It was amazing. I even binge watched Harry Potter with my roommate— and I hadn’t rewatched it before. (I had fucking forgotten that Sirius died, lmao.)

I also briefly fell in love again. It was a nice brief summer thing. Still think she’s amazing.

I need to go now, actually, so I’m abrubtly cutting this post off halfway to edit later. I don’t know what I earn by sharing this. I’m definitely not looking for attention— maybe you’ve realized it before but I give very little fucks about what people around me say (except for constructive critism). But somehow, I felt as if someone needed to see this. I don’t know that person. I don’t know who they are and when they are reading this. I just want people to know that there is an example of a girl who seriously changed a lot within span of a year by constant hard work, gentle-self-talks, and constant push-throughs even when she’s not motivated. Right now I’m far from being depressed nor suicidal, I’ve lost enough weight to dress up all bold clothes I LOVE to wear, I’ve built self-confidence, etc, as I will edit later. I just... want you all to know... even if this is not valid for everyone if you want something to happen you have to MAKE it happen. And it actually HAPPENS when you MAKE it happen. So, you don’t have to stay stuck in a bad cycle. You don’t even need a new year’s eve to do this. I started at february, see?

So do your best! I’m cheering for you!

Edit: I’m back. So point of this post was to check whether I’ve reached my goal of having less frequent depressive episodes. (Because I know I’m human and depressive episodes can hit ANYONE, so I didn’t have an unrealistic “I’ll never experience this again” expectation but I did have the expectation of “I’ll experience this maybe once or twice in a year, move on fast w/o unhealthy coping mechanisms and I’ll stay connected to LIFE instead of dissosciation” and I’ve achieved this.

A fast summary would be,

July built my self confidence at all aspects, from my hobbies to my career, my social skills to my curiosities. It was amazing.

August-September was vacation. One month of having a blissful vacation without feeling like a burden. One month of having full bliss. No depressive episodes not even once. I was regularly working out and I didn’t gain any weight even though I eat sweets and nice food everyday because of “holiday”. I went to a dietician in the end to find out my blood sugar is very healthy and my weight is normal now.

At the end of September & beginning of October I was nervous because of school, but I handled a lot better. I have done my best. I have truly done my best. I attended almost all lectures, I engaged in the material, asked all questions on my mind, went office hours, stayed active in newspaper, continued to hit up gym regularly, built more friendships, ALSO STAGED A THEATRE TEXT I HAVE WRITTEN LIKE THAT WAS AMAZING, and— and—

I don’t know, fast through November it doesn’t feel enough. I don’t know what I’ve honestly expected. But I expected to feel smarter or something, because science is hard shit. I expected better grades than this because I have honestly given it my all best. But the fact that my friends called me to reassure me made me really happy because one of my other goals was to build friendships and to think people, online and offline, check up on me makes me tear up. Especially when they are genuniely by my side as friends. It just feels so nice. So I’m feeling bittersweet.

I couldn’t lose any more weight since June, but I kept gaining/losing in some balance and I’m stable by now. My aim for February is to... lose 10 kgs in total— in a year. Which means I’ve got 4 kgs left to get rid of extra weight. I’m not really obsessed with body image, I’ve never been, but... What will I even do if I do not eat healthy and exercise? I mean, what’ll I even do? I like exercising and healthy eating. So I should just prevent stressful eating further so I can get rid of all the extra stuff. I’m already wearing all the pretty clothes I want and I do get stares because ;; idk they look cute I’m cute. Not in a narcissitic way. But self-love is important. I’m bi anyway, I do think girls are cute so since I’m a girl why shouldn’t I be cute as well?? A very feminine girl in fact, so like, hell yes, at least Nila can now wear whatever she wants and feels like she looks good on them so ONE OF THE MAJOR GOALS OF 2019 is fucking SETTLED!!

I’m planning to meet up my dietician again soon, and say that, “Look, I’ve come this far. Let’s lose 4 kgs in next 4 months. It makes 1 kg a month. Amazingly managable right? So guide me so I don’t ruin my health while thinning.”

So, I’ve managed my three major goals: Get rid of depression (learn how to burn it if it hits you); get a body you not only appreciate but feel genuniely HAPPY to be in; and built friendships and strengthen your bonds with people.

My two other major goals are incompleted, though. To cut it short, I wanted to get a better academic standing— from my first midterm grades I couldn’t really achieve that no matter how hard I tried, which is truly upsetting, but I have no choice but to go on. I love my major. I love science. I genuniely want to stay in this field. I don’t think I’m too idiotic to be a scientist. Sometimes I do think that, okay, but that’s a common thought in STEM majors. I do want to believe that what I work on will make a difference. It will have a meaning. So even though these results... are very discouraging to the point I felt really bad today, as if I could somehow, I don’t know, have a panic attack or something (I did not, I don’t have chronic anxiety or panic attacks or whatever, never experienced this). I just felt close to it, with increased heartbeat and feeling a bit dizzy and also very... imbalanced. But that’s probably because I didn’t eat well today, I unintentionally ate very little hence probably it exhausted me combined with bad news and saturday’s breakdown. Anyway. I have no choice but to go on, believing it will be better. My last major goal was to have a romantic partner, haha. Because I just want to. I mean, I don’t think I need to justify why I’d want a boyfriend or a girlfriend, and I don’t think I worked hard for this goal lol. I mean, I didn’t go out of my way to reach people. I liked like... three people this year, I still like one of them, but... It didn’t... go far. That’s probably because I still haven’t completely shaken off my shyness and unwillingness to get out of my comfort zone.

In conclusion, I have achieved 3/5 of my goals, which is more than half of it! So good job! For the girlfriend/boyfriend part, I, haha, I may neglect it for this year I mean it’s dumb to date someone just because??? You want to date before year ends right??? I mean, I’m not exactly angry at myself for that because it’s not only in my control so I think I forgive myself for not achieving that goal.

Academics though.

Ugh, academics are extremely terrifying to me.

That’s one big thing I need to settle.

On the bright side I have— two months! Silly me thought I have just one! So... let me... work hard in these two months!!!! And I’ll update if I can get a better GPA this semester. And if I get a lover. It’s ok not to have lovers but at least let me keep the GPA high I BEG you.

I’ve got new goals settled for 2020. But I will focus on achieving my last two goals before the year ends (academics mostly) and... update!

I don’t know who needs to read this. But I don’t mind having my journey posted at this point. I still feel very uncomfortable talking about depression, actually. But it was my reality. Now that I truly moved on, I can talk about it and critisize myself for all good and all bad.

I hope, to anyone who bothered to read so long, it gave some hope. That things can get better. That you CAN make things better little by little. 2020 can be your year. Or you can start on this very day like I randomly started on February (I didn’t have a thing for February, I just so happened to decide).

I’ll always be cheering those who do their best to make a difference.

Stay safe and let’s work hard. ❤️

Disclaimer: Some of my kind hearted readers were worried about me because Conflict describes unhealthy mindsets. Don’t worry— more than half of them are not based on my real life experiences! I’m not self-harming (never did, don’t think I ever will), neglecting antidepressants (I never used any actually), have suicidal tendencies (well, that part was real but no longer valid) AND I DON’T HAVE A RELATIONSHIP LIKE NORMAN/PETER sO Y’ALL CAN CHILL thank you for worrying about me I love you all

And I’ll be more than happy to be your goals-buddy if you want to change something about yourself as well!!!

#nila stuff #conflict #some stuff about #new year’s goals #2019 #depression #is not permanent #i believe in u #goals #time managament #college

3 notes · View notes

clothestop · 6 years

Text

THE ULTIMATE MBTI MASTERPOST

As I am incredibly tired of seeing people:

Type people/characters/themselves with letters rather than functions.

Spread ridiculous stereotypes.

Trust tests without reading the description of their type.

Think that their MBTI type changes.

I could go on and on and on… I’ve decided to make a MBTI masterpost that will help everyone who wants to introduce themselves to MBTI. If you have any doubts I’ll be pleased to solve them.

STEP ONE: Break all stereotypes you’ve heard of.

I won’t let you introduce yourself to MBTI without first clearing your mind from all those shitty stereotypes the world has been feeding you with. I’m gonna do you a favour and leave this beautiful post here: The most common reasons of mistyping. Read it. You can also check Innacurate stereotypes out!

STEP TWO: It’s all about the functions.

First of all you need to understand what functions are, what different types you can find, how they work, how they are structured, etc.

This post is important, clear and a fundamental base of MBTI knowledge. Don’t skip this step. It’s a key part to understanding how it works. MBTI is all about thought process and this post explains perfectly how it works.

A very detailed explanation on how functions work, engage in and interact with the world. WARNING: This is explained in a quite ‘scientific’ way and if it’s only going to confuse you more, don’t read it.

How are the cognitive functions structured? Or: how functions work depending on where they are placed.

And here you can understand how functions compliment one another.

Another explanation just in case you didn’t get it yet.

This post breaks some widespread MBTI stereotypes and explains more in detail how functions work.

A tip to know which is someone’s dominant function.

What the third/tertiary function is like.

What does the tertiary function do?

The difference between shadow functions and the inferior function.

Even more information about functions!

Understanding functions: An explanation of all functions.

How each function works in all four positions:

Ne / Se / Ni / Si / Ti / Fi / Te / Fe

More posts about functions (I am aware that not all functions are here):

Fe: High vs Low Fe / Does Fe just go along with everything?

Fi: Fi’s inner morals

Ni: Ni doms: What if they have no vision or plan? / What are their stress points? / Mystical? / Questions about it / How to spot a Ni dom / Telling posers from the real thing

Si: Is it always traditional? / How can you tell if someone is using high Si? / Why does Si follow the rules? / Revisiting past hobbies / Comfort in similarity to past memories

Ti: What Ti doms are like

Mixing up some functions:

Fe/Fi: Assertiveness / How to tell them apart / Fe dom vs Fi dom / Expressing emotions / Self expression / What they do / Wanting success / Fe from Fi’s perspective / Tell them apart / What motivates them / Fe vs Fi: Argument

Te/Ti: Te vs Ti

Si/Ni: Future planning / Symbolism / Symbolism (part 2)

Si/Se: Memories (part 1) / Memories (part 2) / Memories (part 3)

Ni/Ne: Ni dom vs Lower Ne / What drives them / Imagining the future / Telling them apart / Understanding intuition

Want some fun posts to learn about functions? Here you go!

Functions in real life, more specifically in a theme park!

Understanding functions with Winnie de Pooh!

Functions ultrasymplified.

STEP THREE: Finally! The types.

I’m gonna keep this short, because you already should know enough just based on the functions.

A cool ass post with all personality type descriptions.

Websites with descriptions (may contain stereotypes, not my fault): 16Personalities / personalitypage / truity / the types at a glance

More stuff about each type! because you never know enough

Type comparison, in case you’re confused.

Interesting shit:

How each type reacts to failure or mistakes.

Types and isolation.

Unhealthy types.

Unhealthy types in action.

Common things about each type.

How does each type remember things?

Post apocalyptic survival by type.

The 16 types in the zombie apocalypse.

This is just amazing, click it.

STEP FOUR: So you wanna type someone…

Things to remember: stereotypes are nasty, letters are irrelevant.

Steps you need to follow in order to type people and what to pay attention to/how to figure out their dominant function.

What to pay attention to when you want to type someone.

Even more stuff to pay attention to when you wanna type someone, mostly to figure out their dominant function.

EVEN MORE stuff to help you type people.

STEP FIVE: Developing your functions, loops and giving advice!

Your functions balance each other out and finding a perfect balance by developing all of your functions will help you be a healthier human being. This could also help you give advice to friends if you know their type!

First of all: How we develop our personality types along the years.

How to develop the functions.

MBTI by developing inferior/fourth functions.

However, undeveloped functions aren’t the only issue you could face. Sometimes people find themselves in what we call ‘loops’. Woah, I know… Loops? What’s that? Am I in one? How do I get out of it? Do not worry, here you have some more info:

What are function loops?

The different kinds of function loops.

Each type and it’s own loop.

How to get out of it? Easy. Spot what you do and avoid doing it. Be self aware. Yeah, that’s literally it.

MBTI can be very fun:

If you love zodiac posts, imagine finding a bunch of them which you can actually identify with. (Sorry to all zodiac believers if it offended any of you.) Well, I am gonna leave you some of that here:

MBTI squads.

Some more MBTI squads.

Just click this, you’ll dig it.

Hella great MBTI posts of all kinds.

Most to least posts.

More posts that you could be interested in.

Relationships/friendships between types.

MBTI experiences.

My ultimate favorite MBTI related blogs:

readingontheroof and fortruinous: They are friends who answer interesting questions about MBTI from time to time and also do ‘more to least likely’ posts! Their typing of tv characters is also amazing! Probably the two blogs I trust the most.

funkymbtifunction: Even though I don’t agree with some of their character typings, they have a huge amount of posts on functions, how they work and a hell lot of useful information that you won’t be able to find anywhere else.

myersandbriggs: This blog is like a MBTI encyclopedia. You’ll find so much stuff here about every type. The research they do in order to find new interesting stuff to post is amazing.

infj-mbti: Very interesting and diverse posts. Also pretty well organized, unlike other blogs.

And that’s it for this post! You’re all welcome.

2 notes · View notes

truly-aninspiration-blog · 7 years

Note

BER ALL OF EM i ain't even gonna put it on anon we all know it's me

nsfw proceed at ur own risk bc im pretty candid though not overly graphic

A = Aftercare Berlioz is at his cutest and sweetest after sex!! If Simba wants to learn any of Berlioz’s weird quirks/secrets, he knows 2 ask after sex and Ber will tell him without much anxiety ahahah. it rly chills him out and makes him very cuddly and affectionate.

B = Body part Berlioz uhhh doesn’t think much of his own body. He likes...his... uh. His. sh...oulders. tbh his cock is not bad as far as cock goes which is exactly what berlioz would say if asked about his cock who is asking him about his cock only simba,

SPEAKING OF SIMBA-- berlioz ugh loves his whole body. he rly has a thing for Simba’s chest (the infamous chest) and thighs though. into those #thighs. C = Cum Berlioz is a cumslut which means that he loves. cum. He is into the idea of Simba coming on him, he loves being all sticky and he swallows.

god he’s gross /#kinkshamesD = Dirty Secret aye i mean uh... that he wants simba to fuck his face probably?? but they talked about that so it’s not exactly a dirty secret. Maybe he hasn’t fully admitted how much he loves come bc that is pretty dirty of u berlioz

E = Experience Before Simba, Berlioz had i think about 7-8-ish partners under his belt though he was having pretty typical sex. He’s tried the most positions/used toys/food etc with Simba only. F = Favourite Position From behind when he is on his hands and knees. He also likes when he has his legs over Simba’s shoulders bc then u get that nice eye contact plus some deep thrusts why am i answering these,G = Goofy: AnsweredH = Hair: AnsweredI = Intimacy: Answered. J = Jack Off Ber used to masturbate p regularly, usually in the shower bc he’s a lazy guy who doesn’t like 2 clean up after himself ahah. After getting into a relationship, this probably went down to idk once or twice a week? Now that Simba is too tired to have sex with him though ( :( ) he’s probably masturbating more frequently. Again, he’ll probably do it in the shower in the morning. K = KinkCum. Uh. Foodkink? Getting dominated in general/told what to do. Likes getting tied up, likes being blindfolded and gagged. Also orgasm denial he loVES/hates orgasm denial. L = Location Berlioz likes having sex in weird places like the kitchen or in a public place but idk he probably would pick the bed over these places bc you can do a wide variety of positions more easily M = Motivation Simba. lol.

But no, Ber wants to have sex for many different reasons. When Simba or himself is upset, sex can be comforting. When he hasn’t seen Simba in a long time or feels like idk things aren’t-- going well, he will try to initiate some sexual~ intimacy~ because it makes him feel reconnected and confident in their love and Simba’s desire for him. On the day to day, it can be just a way that Simber plays honestly-- a good way to end the day, especially if they’re flirting with each other. ugh im really upset this entire meme is upsetting me. N = NO Uh. Honestly I really do feel like Ber would try anything once if Simba asked. He is not as comfy roleplaying but does give it his best shot ahah. He’s not as much into topping but he’d do it more if Simba asked. O = Oral Berlioz loves to give oral bc he’s a cumslut like i said he just loves it. P = Pace Berlioz does prefer fast and hard sex but he loves slow and sensual esp if paired with orgasm denial ahahaQ = Quickie Berlioz prefers being able to take his time-- he likes sex ot feel like an activity or an event tbh. Like-- not something you have to rush through, something you set time aside for? Except not literally bc Simber has not (yet) scheduled sex ahah. But yah, not as big a fan of quickies, though he and Simba have done ‘em i’m very positive. R = RiskYUP very down, loves trying new things. S = Stamina Berlioz is usually ready to goooo ehhh 15, 20 minutes if he’s rly feelin it that night, though i mean rly its more liek once every hour and-- idk i know he and simba have gone two or three times in a night if it’s been a while or they’re feeling especially pASSIONATE. T = Toy YES Simber does have toys they r getting an impressive collection. We’re talkin TIES, handcuffs, lotions, cremes, ediblesss. I don’t think its out of the realm of possibility for them to own a cock ring. Ber would, be, into, the, cock ring. U = Unfair Berlioz does tease a lil bit but he loves getting teased and Simba really is the one doing the majority of the teasing. Orgasm denial my friends,,,, V = Volume Berlioz is VERY noisy. He has a wide range of sounds, from soft grunts and whines to louD moaNS. He begs all the time. The more tortured u make him, the more likely he’ll just dissolve into a babbling mess. W = Wild Card WOW i dunno what to do for my wild card-- uh.

Berlioz would be very much into mutual masturbation if Simba could ever keep his hands to himself. He used to do that kinda thing with other #boys back in the day when he wasn’t rly out but he thinks its really hot to watch Simba jack off so X = X-RayAck-- Berlioz is uncircumcised, probably around 6 inches, a slight veer 2 the right. Y = Yearning Ugh super high. I mean THE THING that I want to take the time to clarify is that Berlioz is an anxious person, who doesn’t know how to use words, and also doubts his own reality (has been known to have dissociative episodes). For him, sex is a very physical thing he can latch onto. It makes all of Simba’s romantic fancy schmancy love declarations concrete, like--ok here is evidence, right here, that Simba really does love me. And on the flip side, though he might not feel like he can tell Simba in words how he feels, he can tell him physically, if that means cuddling/snuggling or u know-- going down on him ahah. If Berlioz were a mentally healthier person he wouldn’t need sex so much, though gosh knows i think he’d still want it.

Z = ZZZ Really depends on the day. Ber could very easily fall asleep within a few minutes tbh but if he wants to go again or Simba gets him talking, it can be later.

#berlioz #meme #simba-lyons

2 notes · View notes

mariespeaksg-dsgrace · 5 years

Text

Narrow is the Gate......

The Bible study Saturday!!!!

Book of Matthew 7: 13-14

Praise God on High!

Thank you, God for blessings us with another day to come together in praise of your glory. Thank you for the times of today both in spirit and in the natural.

Thank you Father, for the release of information that is taking place all over the world. Praise you Father, for always being the final source of judgment and justice. Thank you Father for the shield of protection that you have place around all your children and those who are truly of you.

We thank you Father for the shift that has already been set in motion.

We pray for wisdom, discernment, patience, and knowledge. We pray that we complete your mission for our life. We pray we do well at our appointment in your kingdom Father.

We pray this Forever and ever, in the loving name of your begotten Son; Yeshua Jesus Christ.

Amen.

Book of Matthew 7:13

13. “Enter by the narrow gate, for wide is the gate and broad os the way that leads to destruction, and there are many who go in by it.”

Yeshua our Jesus, is telling us there are two paths one is able to choose from.

One path, can lead us down a road of distraction/destruction, with out even knowing. Some might think because something came easy: what came easy, must how been from God. Many forget to question or to use a discernment, aka judgement; when an opportunity is presented. Discovering or determining, whether an option is for or against God and our relationship with God; is a process.

Sometimes, after asking God if what we have been sent is truly of him we might receive the answer quickly. Other times an answer, from the Holy Spirit, whether an opportunity is truly from or of the Lord; may take weeks or even months, sometimes years.

This verse is reminding us, as Christians we need to consider in all things; God. If something goes against our relationship with our Father, then it is not for us. If someone, even a loved one is trying to lure us from our righteous life; then they were not sent from God.

God, sends us those who can and will help aid us in furthering our relationship with him, not take us away. Sometimes the “thing” that may be tempting us isn’t a person, but an object. Maybe a fancy career that takes us from God’s plan for our life. Or a substance(alcohol, drugs, medications, treatments, new-age practices), that is blocking us from receiving the heavenly frequencies.

This is another reason, why fasting certain actives can help us deepen our relationship with our Father. Gossiping is not only a sin, but it takes us from time we could be focusing on God. Watching toooooo much mindless T.V. is a distraction, social media=distraction, certain types of music=distraction and sometimes incites feeling of lust, sadness and or anger.

There are so many things and people, that can be sent from something or someone other than God. It is up to us to challenge (don’t be afraid) what is being sent and make a judgement call (discernment), whether it is for us or against us.

This is why God, has called us, to always seek him in every aspect and anything trying to enter our lives. Remember: this please, when a person, place, thing, or opportunity comes our way. Let’s take time and consult with God and ask him for guidance, wisdom, and discernment (aka righteous judgment) on any matter. AMEN.

The other path

The other path, the one the leads us into a closer relationship with our Father. This path is sometimes a more difficult path. And a path few choose or are willing to take.

Why?

Well, maybe because the heritage has not been passed on?

Maybe because many church “leaders” have not instructed and not living a righteous life themselves: “plank in the eyes”

Sometimes, we are the ones standing or blocking in our own way.

We, don't want to give up being invite to parties. We, don't want to be the person not selected for the promotion, because we don't go to the strip clubs with the seniors. We, don't drink and party like rockstars; so others who live sinful lives may not see us as fun.

Sadly, Some of us are not willing to sacrifice the ways of the world for the ways that will lead us closer to Christ.

I can fully admit, Im not one who my friends would probably think of as the first person to call with a problem that they might have. I’m the one who will listen, but if I'm asked my opinion. Im going to give several explanations.

First I'll explain what the Bible says.

Second, what psychology says.

Third, (if they ask) what I think or maybe a similar experience, I might have had. Hopefully to explain why maybe they shouldn’t repeat my faults.

I am fully willing to admit my personality type isn’t for everyone. Especially, those who want someone to have a pity party with them. Im just not.

I try to see the good in everything. I try and give prayer and Biblical advice. Many don't like that about me. Or, many do like hearing that they are part of the problems they have created in their own life, and I’m the one who let them in on that possible fact.

Moving on: Yes, sometimes living in the righteous life, can be a bit lonely. Sometimes, we might wonder or ask God: Why am I , the one who is not welcomed? I wouldn’t lead anyone down an un-righteous path.

The answer might be: One I know God will separate us from others, to get us alone, so we can focus and hear his voice within. Two. Sometimes we may need to develop tougher skin. We, might need to be ok with not being the popular or most liked one. This process takes time and discipline. A lot of decline…….. to not given to the world for temporary treasures that will rust and decay, but seek the treasures of God; which are ever lasting.

Though the road or path; to living a righteous life, may be a bit lonely at times, or a little difficult (in my humble opinion) its far less troublesome then the latter.

And to be honest a lot healthier; when considering mind, spirit and body.

There are things I see or hear others doing or behaviors that they engage in, or persons some choose to associate with freely; and I thank God I am far from that and have moved forward.

And Yes, Im making a judgement call. Although, I love people, certain ways about them are simply out not for me or in my best interest. Especially, when it comes to my relationship with God.

My God comes first. My relationship with God comes first. And those who would take me away from my God, are not welcome in my life. This confidence in my relationship with God and confidence in myself; took time to process and sometimes is still in the works.

I share this story because, Im praying my confession; help others.

Be patient. With yourself….its a process. A process that may always be in motion, but sometimes has backslides…..

If anyone, else is going through an alone season in life; maybe God is separating you too. To get you alone, so he can speak to you one on one. Or, maybe we just need simply ask God: to send God loving friends our way.

I did. And, since I asked God to send me persons who are of him, I have met some many amazing God loving people. My heart is so full. It’s been amazing.

Do I still have prayers that have yet to be answered, of course. But, I have faith based of my relationship with our Lord, many more blessings are on the way.

So please others out there don't compromise or give up; your blessings could be right around the corner.

Have peace and stay in faith.

Book of Matthew 7:12

14. “Because, narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it.”

Why do few find the gate???

Yeshua, is explaining to us, that unfortunately: there are many who are not willing to give up their earthy ways, for heavenly ways and a righteous lifestyle.

Many, rather have the immediate comforts of what living for man, can sometimes bring.

In my opinion, what those individuals or groups, fail to recognize is that those rewards are temporary. Those “rewards”, being handed out; often lead to more cost or higher cost, later.

Whether it be not eating healthy and not taking care of ones healthy living………. to drug use or not taking into their own hands learning and teaching themselves the Bible and ways of God.

Many rely on the world for answers to their questions.

What is my purpose in life? Any many, even the let the T.V., tell them what they will watch for the night and/or what is “entertainment”. Many, let the “famous” idles, tell them how they should dress and what 100 and 1 ways, they can do to finally get the love they “deserve”…lol.

The truth of the matter is God is the only one size fits all kind of love, advice, and truth source; that we need. God, will never lie to us for profit. God, does not compromise and he won’t bend on issues for the sake of worrying about loosing followers etc. God, is the same wonderful supernatural amazing God he has always been. God, tells us the truth regardless of were we are standing and who we are surrounded by.

God is the ultimate pure Love.

God, is for every single one of us. God, is for everyone on this earth that he spoke into existence. The issues is not everyone is for our God. (OUCH…..)

Many, rather have everything else, but not our God. Person’s will believe a magazine, a celebrity, even a yoga pose; over the word of God.

People will listen to what rich-sale-out public figure says, over what God has shown them.

This is why we as Christians: need to question options based off our relationship with God. Stay focused, stay aligned with the ways of God.

From what we use as entertainment >>>>>> to >>>>>what we choose to wear.

We should be making decisions based off of our relationship with GOD, filled with The Holy Spirit, and Yeshua Jesus Christ our Savior. AMEN!!!!!

Let us pray.

God, we pray to have more discernment of the options coming at us everyday in our lives. Father, we pray to be more for you and less for the world. Father forgive us for considering the popular opinion or ways over you and your ways.

Father, we recognize that you have already given us everything we need in life to for fill our destiny, it is up to us to activate this calling. Father, we ask for less person in our life who are not of you and More persons in our life who can up us further our relationship with you Lord, God we pray for those who are willing leading others to the darkness. We pray that they repent and work on changes their deeds.

Father, we for your children to be more cautious of who and what they allow into their lives. God, we thank you for allowing us grace and mercy of time to realign ourselves with you. We thank you Father, for the grace of time to get right with you. We pray for the safety and guidance of all the Prophets. We pray for the protection of our Leaders who are truly of you and doing your work here on earth.

God, as always we pray for POTUS, Q, Q+++, and Patriots world wide that are fighting to rid this world of those who seek to destroy your agenda.

I pray God keeps everyone safe and blessed. We pray for the Prophets of today. Let them not stray from your word. Let them speak from you and leave ego at the alter.

In Yeshua Jesus Christ loving name.

Amen

Prayer from 17 April, 2019

God today we pray for grace from our tongue to fall on those that wrong us. We, pray in difficult times to honor you.

We pray to be more mindful of who and what we allow into and out of our lives. Lord, we thank you for being merciful and giving us your word. Thank you God, for knowing our heart. Thank you God, for your begotten son Yeshua.

Thank you God, for giving us guidance of how we are to love ourselves so that we can know how to love others. Thank you God, for giving us guidance and knowledge of how greatly you love us.

God, we know through you all things are possible and because of you we are capable, worthy, redeemed, and made whole.

Thank you God, for pressing upon us the need us loving each other as we love ourselves. I ask that we go the extra mile and love others as we love you and you love us. Only then giving others love as you given us; can true love flow freely. We pray for the safety and guidance of all the Prophets. We pray for the protection of our Leaders who are truly of you and doing your work here on earth.

God, as always we pray for POTUS, Q, Q+++, and Patriots world wide that are fighting to rid this world of those who seek to destroy your agenda. I pray God keeps everyone safe and blessed. We pray for the Prophets of today. Let them not stray from your word. Let them speak from you and leave ego at the alter.

In Yeshua Jesus Christ loving name.

Amen

RECAP: I will be using my The Orthodox Study Bible. Ancient Christianity Speaks to Today’s World, Study Bible. I purchased this Bible myself , with my own funds, after my own research of Study Bibles; from Amazon.. I have provided the link below incase anyone is interested. No, Im not paid or sponsor by this book, editors, or writers, or Amazon; I am just sharing information. (Plus, as a side note I personally don’t like it when information of where to look up reference with held when I am watching others on channels etc, so I try and provide the sources of which I am gathering information.)

https://www.amazon.com/Orthodox-Study-Bible-H…/…/0718003594…

This is just me doing my part to share THE GOOD NEWS, from a study Bible new Christian study person view of the world, experiences, and study Bible sorts. So I completely understand any others interpretations, but this is my Study Bible Ministry, so obviously that interpretations I write with my views and applications to my life, from my life. I pray this helps others. I pray the Bible Studies, reach those who God’s intends and the way God intends. I pray I can help further God’s kingdom here on Earth.

I pray God be with us in our study and guide us to wisdom, knowledge, and discernment; for our souls shake. In Yeshua Jesus loving name. Amen. I will be going through this study bible book by book, verse by verse. While comments are welcomed, any negative and evil comments will not be tolerated(towards myself or others) by me.

I don’t aim to divide, but bring us together as sisters and brothers in Christ. I can accept different points of view, but evil words will never be tolerated or welcomed. It is ok to disagree, but not to attack. It is ok to have a different view or interpretations, but not to curse(spiritual definition).

And as always if others have information to add, or thoughts to be considered, please post in comments sections.

Thank you friends and Christian family.

Blessings,

Marie

0 notes

3inghao · 6 years

Note

HI CRUSH ANON HERE AND I WANT TO START OFF BY SAYING TO ALL THE PEOPLE THAT FEEL EMOTIONALLY INVESTED IN MY LOVE LIFE I LOVE YALL HAHHAHHA I DIDNT EXPECT FOR ANY OF THIS TO HAPPEN :'))))) at the same time tho i feel like things might have to be put on hold for a while i dont know !!!! ok sorry sorry ill explain so ,, ive figured out that im like really really into this boy. in a way thats probably not the best for me right now, esp bc ive got a lot of things to juggle right now (1/17)

but also bc ive been thinking and like ,, ok so this story might put things more into perspective. so its like monday and i get a text from him thats just like ‘hey what are the rest of your classes for today/do you have like 15 min or something to be in a shoot of mine before it gets dark’ and im like PANICKIN bc ofc hes asked some of us to be models for his photography hw before and its always super casual BUT this is the first time that IVE ever been asked specifically (2/17)

and so obviously i jump at this offer and im like ‘umm i dont have any more classes today so sure just lmk when and what to do :) also whats the shoot about?’ and hes like ‘ok cool we can meet at your room at like 5:15 and ill tell you about the shoot when we meet up :)’ and he wanted us to go to this reaaaaally pretty park at sunset and do the shoot around that time and i was like ‘ok do u want me to wear anything specific’ and he was like ‘nothing in particular :)’ (3/17)

and so i start getting ready and im nervous af bc it meant spending more time alone with him and i felt so unprepared for that LMAO but yeah so he comes up to our room and i open the door and my heart skips a fucking BEAT and i almost slam the door in his face but i force myself not to aha and so we go and hes like ‘ugh im so tired i want coffee lets get coffee’ and so we went into the starbucks around the corner but then i was like yo will we make it to the park in time (4/17)

and hes like ‘o shit yeah’ so we leave without getting coffee rip but yeah we go to the city park and oh my gskldgskd it is so fucking pretty its right before sunset so everything is golden and the sky is rainbow but you can already see the moon and holy one of the prettiest views i think i have EVER seen !!!!! and then he explains to me what the project is finally and hes like so its an experimental photo set thats supposed to represent all the things we left behind in modern society (5/17)

and so for me he said he wanted me to pose in the city park at sunset sitting on a bench with my hands cupped like i was holding a heart (hes going to photoshop the heart in later when hes editing the pics) and then like leave it behind on the bench and look at the sunset behind me which is supposed to represent and i quote “leaving love behind in the pursuit of beauty” and i literally was like 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍 the whole time LMAOOOOOOO (6/17)

but yeah so we did that in like 15 min but after we were done i legit didnt want to leave bc (i wanted to spend more time with him but also) IT WAS SO FUCKING PRETTY SKDHJDFH and ahhhh i like looked over at him and he looked sooo at peace just like looking out over the water and the sunset and the scenery was so beautiful i almost blurted out hi i think ur beautiful but i stopped myself in the nick of time thank god LOOOOOL (7/17)

but he like made eye contact with me and i like held myself together but there was a moment where i felt like djdhskjdkd idk how to describe it i was kfskshdhdjdh idk it could be just my imagination but I FELT LIKE THERE WAS SOMETHING THERE AHHHHHHHH and i was so tempted to ask him about the hand holding on saturday but i didnt i held myself back again thank god lol and then all of a sudden he goes ‘hey do u want pics’ and im like wot (8/17)

and hes like ‘do u want some pics of urself? like we r already here so !! plus i want some photos to put on my photography insta’ and i was like sljkddjkd ok why the hell not so he directs me into different poses and stuff like that and after the sun sets we finish and then we r walking back bored af so we start wandering around the little shops nearby and then we finally get home and then our friend texts the group chat like ‘hey anyone want dinner now’ (9/17)

and we were already really close to a dining hall so the two of us went and got dinner and our friend just joined us later and then during dinner when it was just the two of us we started talking about me losing the bet of when our friends were gonna hook up and so i have to treat him to japanese bbq and we were talking about when and hes like ‘well theres nothing im gonna celebrate for a while except my best friend from home is coming bc her sisters getting married here” (10/17)

and i was like ‘omg thats great ??? congrats to her !!!! omg’ but idk this is where it gets kind of confusing bc idk we were talking about maybe going this weekend but his best friend was coming and he was planning on spending all his time with her but i think he said that we could go get japanese bbq with her too ?? and i think i said ok but i dont think we locked down any like specific date and time at all ??? this part is a lil confusing to me (11/17)

so anyways that happened and i havent really interacted with him after that whole thing like we still have a streak on snapchat lol but he will do this thing where he wont open or respond to my snapchats for like literal hours ,,, even though i know hes ON snapchat bc he will like watch my stories ??? like w o t ???? i dont think hes doing it on purpose if that makes sense ?? but its still annoying and borderline infuriating and sldkghsldkgh (12/17)

and also like ok ,, his best friend came like yesterday and i saw her on his snapchat story and h o l y g o d she is the most beautiful girl on all of fucking planet earth i shit u not like i actually !!!! screamed when i saw her shes so fucking gorgeous and on his story theres a bunch of snaps of the wedding etc and a pic of him and her in a photobooth and sldkgsldkghs holy ???? i dont know how to put this into words but they are p e r f e c t for each other (13/17)

like in every way possible they are literally best friends and shes an actual goddess and together they look sooooo aesthetically pleasing it is legitimately intimidating and ahhh sldkgldgkh so the thing is !!!!! i already have practically no self esteem left ,, and a dinner with like HER and THEM will probably d e s t r o y m e from the inside out i will literally just feel inferior in every single way possible and i have NO IDEA HOW TO EXPLAIN THIS UGH !!!!!! (14/17)

but yeah that kinda just made me realize that i might need to take a couple steps back ??? from this entire thing and him in general ,, and also that before anything happens i really want to work on me first like obv x has got his shit together and theres that whole thing with his best friend and idk !!! i like have pledged to go to the gym way more and get my fucked up sleep schedule back to some resemblance of normal and f o c u s on my academics and skincare and eating more healthy !! (15/17)

like i wanna be a person that everyone can look at and be like yes !! u go girl shes got her shit together and yeah !!!! aha :’) and also i need to COOL IT with my feelings about x like as amazing as he is and as fun as it is to spend time with him and as much as i want to pursue everything about this relationship i dont think im in a place mentally and emotionally where i can handle that so !!!!!! for now im gonna (try to) just distance myself a lil (16/17)

and yeah !! if he asks to go out for japanese bbq tonight/tomorrow i think im just gonna be like ‘ahh i wish i could but im super swamped with work rn sorry :(((‘ (which is 100000% true) and just leave it at that *deep sigh* anyways thats where i am at this point thanks for tuning in yall aha :’) i just need to not be hurt in this relationship and distancing myself for now is the only way i know how to prevent that ,, and i probably wont be that successful but !!! heres to trying :) (17/17)

awwwwwwwww crush anon BUT THE SUNSET DATE (yes im calling it a date) does his best friend go to the same college as you guys?? bc if he’s single and she doesn’t live anywhere near him there probably really isn’t anything between them that you need to worry about. I def support the focusing on yourself bc the more confidence you have in yourself the less insecure you will be once you actually get into a relationship so go you!! my gf and i are actually starting to facetime each other and work out together too so all of us can struggle in that tryin to be healthier lyfe! i think in one of the other asks you mention more happened? but i also think that maybe a bbq date with him wouldn’t be bad? and i think you should try to have it with just him and no one else! idk fill me in on any new developments :0

#💫

0 notes