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hum-suffer · 5 months

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I'm Yours 4

Warning: it's not too explicit but I'd rate it nsfw just to be safe. They're just kissing lol (baki you can read, it's legit no plot)

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Mayank is... something great. He's self assured, cocky and easy to get along with.

The way he slid next to Ishan and danced with him on Dil Di Nazar made Ishan want to scream with joy. The man knew the steps to the movie music video and Ishan instantly gave him brownie points.

Now, they go back and forth, dancing on Señorita as they go and Ishan laughs at the way Mayank butchers the Spanish, instead saying some very unflattering things in Hindi.

Mayank grabs his hand and spins him around, abruptly dipping him. The smile on his face shrinks and Ishan almost wants to hit the man. He controls his urge and takes a step back. He doesn't like being touched so intimately, not at all in a crowd like this. His partner doesn't seem to care much and continues to dance and another song starts to play.

Ishan only recognises the song when it's halfway done and Mayank is holding his hips loosely and dancing completely off beat. Dhan Te Nan is a fast song and this man is dancing almost way too slow for Ishan to even think decently of him. The brownie points are deducted instantly.

Mayank languishly closes his eyes and moves his body in a way that it grazes Ishan's. Ishan closes his eyes too, deciding to enjoy his time out even if it's with someone who doesn't know when to grind and when to dance.

A hand dances at his back, finger tips drawing mindless patterns.

Ishan moves in tandem with the beat as it slows down at the end of the song and slightly raises one of his foot to graze the inside of Mayank's leg.

He opens his eyes to see his reaction but before he can actually discern anything, the lights turn off and another song starts. Uff Teri Adaa starts to play, Ishan knows it because he has it by heart by now.

The club is way too dark without the lights, no windows available in the room. Ishan finds he likes the feeling. The hand from his back and hip disappears abruptly.

Ishan feels arms wrap around his waist from behind. It takes his added brain a moment to understand it but the arms don't feel the same as they did a while ago when he was dipped.

These arms are stronger and hold him in a more comfortable manner. He can break away if he so wishes.

Ishan continues to dance, marvelling at his luck to be suddenly of interest to more than one person.

He feels a forehead at his shoulder, and the arms at his waist shift, fingers splayed over his stomach. The hands are cold, he can feel them perfectly through his thin shirt. Perhaps the stranger had been holding a glass.

From the minute space between two buttons, the stranger slips a finger inside Ishan's shirt as they dance pathetically slow to the song. Ishan can't find it in himself to care about either Mayank or the song or the dance. The cold finger on his warm skin makes his muscles contract and breath hitch.

Ishan throws his head back and the stranger shifts again, nuzzling up Ishan's throat with his nose. Ishan feels teeth graze the corner of his jaw in the imitation of a bite before lips are pressed behind his ears.

"You told me I'm yours," the stranger speaks in a deep voice. Ishan is a bit disoriented from the loud music, but he thinks he's heard the voice before. It's a throaty, raspy voice. "But you're mine too, love."

The pet name brings him back to Earth.

There's only one person who calls him that.

He doesn't know what it says about him but instead of running, Ishan tilts his head further. It's the alcohol, he tells himself.

(He lies. He barely drank a sip of beer before he passed it off to Aditi because it tasted like bullshit.)

The lips shift and he feels a smile at his nape. "I don't let anyone else touch what's mine, love. Won't you be a good boy and cooperate for me?"

Warmth pools in his stomach. He stiffles a groan and sneers in the dark. "And yet, I've yet to see the one who belongs to me. Do you want to upset me, sweet boy?"

Fuck the fucking beer.

(Fuck his need to be so fucking possessive. Fuck his need to know. Fuck the warmth he's feeling in his blood right now.

Fuck him.)

He hears a groan and feels the vibrations on his skin and the way the a huff blows the hair at his nape. Ishan shivers as the finger over his torso slips out and the hand snakes up to cup his throat.

He gulps and he's sure the admirer can feel it. Ishan can feel his shiver at his back.

"Be a good boy, Ishan," he says, and Ishan almost combusts at the way his name sounds, so desired and so wanted and so so passionate. "Walk with me."

Ishan nods, his curiosity makes him a slave as the admirer slides the hand away from his throat and again wraps both his arms around Ishan's waist as he's led to a place he doesn't know.

The grip is still loose enough that Ishan can shrug him off.

He doesn't.

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The admirer stops them when they're in another room. It's dark here too, no lights.

Ishan feels himself being pushed against a wall and then his body is covered with warmth again, hidden under another's.

"Tell me to stop and I will," the admirer says, and Ishan wants to hug him. He doesn't, but just nods.

The next thing he knows, there's hands all over his body. A hand goes behind his head to shield him from the wall and other one goes back to his hip. There's lips on his brow and they trail down slowly, almost painstakingly.

Ishan whimpers, shivering with the effect the hot breath and cold hands have on him. Before he knows what he's doing, his hands are raising and he grabs the shirt that the admirer is wearing and—

Motherfucker.

It's his shirt. His blue silk shirt.

The texture is the same, the small fake diamonds forming a curve at the second last button is the same. Ishan bunches up the fabric in his hands and groans when feverish lips press at his cheeks.

"Stealing is a crime," he says, panting. The admirer chuckles.

He retorts,"If you belong to me, so does your shirt, love."

"I don't belong to you."

"Yet."

The hot kisses shift downward, to his jaw and then his throat. Ishan tenses up for a fraction of a moment when he feels his a hand on the centre of his chest where he's left the top two buttons open.

A finger trails down saliciously.

"You wore this for me, love?" The admirer says, his breath coming faster as if he's affected by their exchange as much as Ishan is. He moves his face and buries it in Ishan's throat, licking almost sweetly at the base of his throat.

Hysterically, Ishan is glad that he's forgone to use any perfume on his skin and instead opted for a light ittar on his clothes. He doesn't think tasting perfume would have been pleasant for the admirer.

He's pulled out of his thoughts when teeth graze at his throat again before he's actually bitten. Ishan can't supress the groan he feels and automatically, one of his hands flies from the shirt to his admirer's hair. His hair is soft, Ishan notes distantly as he grabs a handful— to shove back or forth, he doesn't know.

The admirer seems to take the decision for Ishan as he moves, barely an inch, and bites his skin again. Ishan feels him lick the area with the tip of his tongue.

"No one puts their hands on you, do you understand, love?" The admirer asks.

Ishan doesn't know how to answer that and the hand previously on his chest goes down to grab his shirt and pull Ishan closer. Ishan feels another bite at the corner of his jaw and keens, pulling the admirer closer by his hair.

"Do you understand, Ishan?" He asks again, voice directly in Ishan's ear before he bites his earlobe.

"Yeah," Ishan pants. "Yeah, yeah, I do. I understand."

He is rewarded handsomely for his agreement.

The free hand, the one that isn't tugging him by the shirt and making him feel things he definitely should not be feeling, slithers around his body. The admirer slips his hand in Ishan's back pocket and squeezes lightly.

Ishan gasps, digging his nails in the skin of the admirer's neck.

"Can I kiss you, love? I'll leave you alone if you say no, I promise." The admirer sounds so sincere and so sober. Ishan is drunk on the feeling of his hands on his body. He wants more. He shouldn't, he knows, this admirer could turn out to be a psychopath for all he knows, but.

But his touch is absolute sin. And Ishan has never been a saint.

"Please." Is all he whispers.

The last time Ishan kissed someone was four months ago, when they were playing truth and dare and someone dared him to kiss Aditi. It was awkward and hellish to kiss his best friend of years. Plus, she'd been eating garlic bread, so it was worse.

His admirer? He tasks like ice and something fruity. His lips move against Ishan's, slowly at first, as if he can't believe it and then he absolutely devours Ishan. The admirer groans against Ishan's mouth and Ishan slips his hand under his, Ishan's ,untucked shirt and splays a hand over the man's torso like he did with Ishan not too long ago.

The admirer slows down and Ishan breathes deeply as they pull apart. He wants more. He wants it back.

With all the strength he can manage with his limps so loose and thoughts out of sorts, Ishan flips them so the admirer is pushed against the wall where Ishan was standing. He keeps him there with a hand on his chest and he hears a pop, only to realise that the admirer actually ended up breaking a button on Ishan's shirt with his sudden shift.

"Can I kiss you?" He asks, his voice sounding rough and croaky to his ears. "Please, baby, let me. Let me please you."

The admirer whimpers and Ishan feels the nod from where his hand still lies against the man's neck.

Ishan kisses the admirer like a man starved and moves his other hand to cup his cheek. He can feel the shapely jaw and high and full cheek bones. Ishan moves his hand to cushion the admirer's head as his kiss turns more ardent and Ishan has the wildest idea to stake his claim as well.

He can feel the throbbing on his neck, jaw and throat, and knows that he will have hickeys. It's only fair that he gives repayment.

The admirer groans as Ishan bites at his jaw and his Addam's apple, panting in Ishan's ear in the way that only encourages him.

He swipes his tongue over his admirer's neck and plants a final hickey at his jawline, just an inch away from his chin.

Impossible to hide.

His.

Ishan's.

The way that the admirer whimpers makes Ishan want to do unspeakable things to him. But before it can go any further, the admirer plants a hand over Ishan's mouth. Ishan blinks owlishly even if it's of no use in the bloody dark room.

"I have to go now," his admirer says roughly and shifts. Ishan feels the impact he has had on his admirer. He feels proud for some inexplicable reason. "But we will meet again, love. And until then, no one else touches you, okay?"

Ishan wants to say something scathing and sassy but he purses his lips and nods. "Okay. Can I see your face, at least?"

"Not today, love. Someday else." And there's a hand over his eyes now.

And again, Ishan let's himself be led by a man he doesn't know.

It's only when the cold of the hands disappear from his body that he opens his eyes to see himself at the dance floor again.

Ishan doesn't see Mayank for the rest of the night.

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Tagging: @kyayaarkiraa @fortunatelycrazyyouth @khwxbeeda @ek-ladki-bheegi-bhagi-si @ishkrisq @k-h-watari @ispeakmorelanguagesthanyou @ms-potato @onthecloudseven @mayakimayahai @athena-swords

#Shubhman gill #ishan kishan #fanfiction #dude i swear i mean no disrespect pakka #im just a girl who's obessed #cricket #ishman #shubish #mayank Agrawal #bro lmao i almost forgot that i added him as a character lol👩🏻‍🦯#sorry bby

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minijenn · 5 months

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Jen Tortures Herself With Every Dreamworks Animated Movie Ever: Puss In Boots: The Last Wish

Holy shit, ya'll, holy shit. This movie, THIS FUCKING MOVIE is probably one of the most insanely BEAUTIFUL, expertly crafted MASTERPIECES, not just from Dreamworks, but from any studio EVER. Like what the hell, how did they DO THIS? How did they take a sequel to a decent, but somewhat forgettable spinoff movie and turn it into something THIS FUCKING GREAT? It's utterly unbelievable, and yet absolutely magical in every way. So let's get into me gushing about how much I adore this movie because how can I not?

After losing the eighth of his nine lives, Puss falls into something of a slump, until he hears word of a magical Wishing Star. Hoping to use the star's power to get his nine lives back and escape from the (utterly terrifying) clutches of Death, he once again teams up with Kitty Softpaws, and a new addition to the group, the adorably innocent Perrito, to brave the Dark Forest and find the Star. However, they're not alone in the race to the star, as Big Jack Horner and Goldilocks and the Three Bears are all determined to beat Puss and crew to it and take the wish for themselves.

So there's like... so much happening in this movie, you'd think it'd be a jumbled mess of characters and plotlines with nothing getting the focus that it should, and yet... I don't know how they did it but everything just... fits so perfectly here? The pacing is some of the best I've seen in any movie, all the plot beats and scenes go on just long enough and everything flows so naturally and right? The charactesr are all given so much depth and time to just interact here, and not just our leads either (I'll get into that more in a sec). At no point does anything feel like its dragging and at no point does anything feel like its going by too fast. I don't know how they did it, but it all feels, in the words of Goldi and the Bears, just right.

As for our characters, Puss is just as great as always here, with a really compelling arc of him learning to value his life and the people in it. Kitty herself has a good arc too of learning to trust as her and Puss rekindle their relationship. Perrito is absolutely precious and adds this genuine sweetness and heart to an otherwise grizzled and world-wary duo. Goldi and the Three Bears are absolute standouts though, like oh my god, ya'll oh my god the feels I had for this sad little orphan girl and her theiving bear family? I want an entire series or spinoff movie about them, Dreamworks, PLEASE I'm BEGGING you, I need MORE of this beautiful little found family!

We have two villains here, and both are pretty great in their own right! Jack Horner is our more traditional insane villain played for laughs (the fact that he's voiced by John Mulaney helps) and he's pretty funny while also being appropriately sinister and ruthless, making him effectual to boot. But then there's Death and holy shit, if this movie had come out when I was a kid, I think this wolf would have had me pissing my pants because he is terrifying. Like seriously, hands down, the scariest villain in any Dreamworks movie by both design and in terms of just the way he moves, the way he speaks, his eerie whistling any time he enters a scene? No wonder Puss has multiple panic attacks when faced by this motherfucker, because honestly, I would too.

The themes of this movie are all so wonderful as well, from the ones I mentioned above (learning to value life, trust, found family, etcs), but I think its overaching message is absolutely beautiful and shines its way through all of its various subplots. The idea that sometimes, the thing you're wishing for most is something you already have. Like damn, Dreamworks, hit me hard with that kind of beautiful, inspiring truth.

Also fucking hell, the ANIMATION??? IS UNREAL??? This is by and large the most BEAUTIFUL movie dreamworks has ever made, with such a unique and vibrant style that makes everything feel so... dreamlike, I'd say. The texture work here is so complex and yet so simple, the backgrounds are so intricate and colorful, the MOVEMENT IN SOME OF THESE FIGHT SCENES? Insane, unbelievable, Idk how they did it, but they DID it, and it's GORGEOUS. Also so is the music! The score SLAPS, especially in those fight scenes and also I just gotta say, Favorite Fearless Hero? Gonna be stuck in my head for a week. I ain't even mad about it.

So yeah, Puss in Boots: The Last Wish is probably one of the single greatest things Dreamworks has ever made. It just hits in every way, an excellent ride from beginning to end with a story that flows so well, characters that are just a delight to watch, animation and music that practically make me foam at the mouth, gah, its just... perfect. Truly, utterly perfect. (Or Purrfect, if you want to be catty about it (ok, I'll stop).

Overall Rating: 10/10

Verdict: Have a realistic depiction of a panic attack

Previous Review (The Bad Guys)

Next Review (Ruby Gillman: Teenage Kraken)

#jen watches #dreamworks watch #jen tortures herself with every dreamworks animated movie ever #puss in boots #the last wish #dreamworks

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the-gateway-to-madness · 7 months

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jack frost hcs: the original draft

Some/most of these are repeats of my very first, original Jack Frost headcanons post (with more elaboration), because back then I didn't know where to find my drafts, but I just found them so here's the sorta-kinda-not-really-lost original Jack Frost headcanon list! It's redundant but there's new stuff in there too and also I don't care lol

Jack was an instrumentalist of some kind in his past life. His hands and fingers are long but sturdy, they'd be perfect for at LEAST violin or piano.

Furthermore, passionately played classical is one of the few things that can switch Jack from chaos mode into concentration mode.

His mischief was mainly to get people to see him, and while he still plays pranks for fun, he no longer has the desperate compulsion to do it now that he's a Guardian and has friends and believers. Now he does it to make everyone happy and entertained.

Jack understands and responds well to all of the love languages, once he gets used to being loved in the first place. His own main love language is quality time, with some clear response to words of affirmation (or maybe North is just good at words of affirmation), but he takes great joy in figuring out other people's love languages and assaulting them with affection.

Sandy's main love language is physical touch, since the others can sometimes get lost in translation for him; he also adores quality time. North's main love language is of course gifts. Tooth's would be mainly words of affirmation (notice the Guardians' verbal support and comfort was very effective for Tooth's stressful moments during the teeth crisis). Bunny's is mainly acts of service. [Note: I switched some of these around in the other Jack Frost headcanon post, I hadn't even realized. Ah well, good points in favor of both ig]

The Guardians absolutely get closer after the Pitch incident (as everyone assumes they do)- they're not quite found family in the movie, but when they're not actively fighting anymore they begin making more effort to bond, since their separation from the world and each other got them in trouble in the first place. Each Guardian starts becoming the natural leader of various types of group interaction, and they all begin to treat each other more casually.

At some point after the movie Jack, now having an identity that feels complete, begins to build a real home for himself- something that felt uncomfortable before he knew the full extent of who he was. This is how he discovers that when a new spirit is properly established, like Jack now is, other spirits pay tribute to them and congratulate them by leaving little gifts. He gets everything from nice new clothes various spirits made, to little bits of art or sculptures, even a holster for his staff. Other spirits may still find him or his season annoying, but that doesn't change the fact that respect for Jack is growing.

Jack begins to get invites to massive spirit gatherings as respect for him shifts, and of course, he now gets to attend North's Christmas parties and Bunny's Easter parties as a guest of honor.

Jack discovers, through all this new interaction, that a lot of the spirits have become more reclusive due to long centuries of almost entirely solitary duties; many didn't reach out during his 300 years alone simply because they didn't know how or didn't feel it was their place or just didn't know he existed, and there are actually a lot of very decent spirits out there who are perfectly welcoming that he just never found.

Basically, Jack learning things and reaching out to people that help him work through all the trauma of the 300 years

I've never liked characterizations that make him out to be super bitter about other spirits leaving him all alone. He's so eager for connection, and while yeah, there'd probably be lingering uncertainty about other spirits, I don't believe he'd actively lash out at him. Even when he's freaked out by the Guardians abducting him, he's more irritable and mocking than actually angry and loud.

Just- Jack developing a network of friends beyond the Guardians from the population of spirits that never heard of him and are actually eager to know him.

Anyway

Jack likes strong flavors. Spice, sweetness, savory, doesn't matter. Not to say he dislikes mild flavors, but he can handle the powerful stuff too.

Jack is actually a Ravenclaw who comes off as a Gryffindor because of ADHD (sorry Slytherin Jack fans, but he was completely happy the way he was, and if the Guardians hadn't literally dragged him along, he would have never had the ambition to join them). His fighting style depends entirely upon flexibility and agility, and it seems it's been that way a long time, given that Jack didn't know after 300 years how much sheer power he could unleash. That's a strong indicator that he's always chosen to fight in ways that demanded strategy over force. He's curious, has a solid sense of humor, and gets bored easily, all possible indicators of intelligence.

I don't think Jack actually dislikes Manny. He remembers MiM's light chasing the darkness away when he appeared from the pond with appreciation and admiration. I think he was just lonely and frustrated.

Jack has steady hands and good coordination and, in turn, handles most things very gently. (Including whoever you ship him with ehehe)

Jack likes theater fine but doesn't much care for opera, in particular.

Jack has a great sense of rhythm but dances like a dork on purpose.

#rise of the guardians #rotg jack frost #jack frost #rotg #headcanon #rotg sandy #rotg north #rotg tooth #rotg bunnymund

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destinyc1020 · 2 months

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Confession: i think a lot of ppl acknowledge that Tom is a good actor, bt some ppl question his non-Spiderman roles, which i dnt personally disagree with. He def gets praised for his acting being the best part of a lot if his projects (cherry, tcr) bt i think ppl want movies/shows scripts to actually match his acting talent. Hes 27 and seems lik the type to keep on going, so hes going to b ok lol i think the R+J is really going to b great in his career and same with the Fred movie. I think he really does well in musicals and stage work

I do see a lot of overlap of Tom/Tomdaya fans, bt some of the few solo Tom fans I see seem to hate Z 😬 idk what it is about a lot of white boy fans hating their partners (even if its a small minority, their loud), bt it seems to b a trend. Tom used to follow some of his fanbase igs too, bt has since unfollowed some of them and mayb that distanced some if his fans? Idk tbh bt i think the overlap of Tom/Tomdaya fans might hav to due with mayb that, Z was more known during Spiderman+ a lot of her fans became his fans and i think hes one of the few young male celebs that seem to publically praise/admire his gf, and a lot of ppl really seem to lik that. I hav no doubt he will prob gain more solo fans when future projects come in

Thanks Anon for your Confession. :)

i think a lot of ppl acknowledge that Tom is a good actor, bt some ppl question his non-Spiderman roles, which i dnt personally disagree with. He def gets praised for his acting being the best part of a lot if his projects (cherry, tcr) bt i think ppl want movies/shows scripts to actually match his acting talent.

I understand that 100%. Did people have an issue with the TCR script? I felt that the script was just fine?? My only complaint was that it seemed to take a bit longer to get to the point, and it treated us as viewers like we were 5 years old lol (most of us figured out the twist by the end of episode 1, even if you don't follow Tom closely), but I didn't see anything wrong with the script.

To me, playing a role like Danny in TCR was actually a pretty complex role that has an actor playing like 5 different people....which, I felt that Tom executed beautifully btw. 😊

And the complaints with the script for some of his other projects like TDATT... I mean, Robert Pattinson was in the film as well.... Same with Bill Skarsgard. They're known to be decent actors. Why are their fans not harping on TDATT and how bad the script was? Why are THEY allowed to do TDATT and go on to do other projects without any complaint? Why is Tom always the one getting complained about? All of these actors are GOOD actors. Amanda Seyfriend was in TCR and she's also a good actress. Why is she not getting so much heat? Why is the pressure always on Tom?? 🤔 That's what I don't understand. I personally think fans are a bit too hard on Tom. Just let an actor be and do his/her job.... Not every project is going to be a blockbuster, or a "hit" with audiences... And you know what?? That's perfectly OKAY! Actors continue to act. 😊

Idk tbh bt i think the overlap of Tom/Tomdaya fans might hav to due with mayb that, Z was more known during Spiderman+ a lot of her fans became his fans and i think hes one of the few young male celebs that seem to publically praise/admire his gf, and a lot of ppl really seem to lik that.

I do feel that some fans of Tomdaya are just fans of Tom simply because Z is dating him, and they are just fans of whoever Z dates, as long as the guy treats her well. 🤷🏾‍♀️

I hav no doubt he will prob gain more solo fans when future projects come in

I hope so! 😊 This is just my personal opinion (of course), but I've been saying for a while now that I think Tom needs just a little bit of autonomy separating his career from his love life. We should be able to search for things on Tom and have plenty of Tom-solo content that doesn't have to be related to his gf (or gross, hypersexualized manips 🤮). I would be saying that no matter who he's dating.

It seems like for Tom however, they are inextricably linked, and imo that can be a BAD thing (in the long run) for a LOT of reasons. 🥴👀

At least with Zendaya, I feel like she has a separation of fans who are just fans of her and her work, and content isn't just about who she's dating/Tom, etc.... Idk if I'm making sense.

#confession sunday

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ellena-asg · 2 months

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What would Pintel and Ragetti's reactions and opinions on Sparrington ?

Hey, Lys. Nice to meet you! ♥️🫂

I think that all Jack's crew would be okay with Sparrington as a same sex couple (maybe in this universe there exist some queerphobes amongst pirates but I imagine Jack's crew as a group of decent people - okay, they can steal and do their piratey things but they are not haters and they aren't phobes).

Pintel and Ragetti? These two, I think, would be especially like "Whatever. Good for you, we guess". They were f.e. totally okay (in the third movie) with Murtogg and Mullroy becoming pirates. They were surprised and amused but they shrugged and just accepted it. So I guess they are like this in other situations too.

Besides, in the first movie (in the extra scene) Pintel tells that he used to date a man (eunuch) so 100% he would support Jack.

Sparrington as their captain (and friend) being in love with ex Royal Navy guy? Well, James is EX admiral. He's EX enemy. And that matters. Past is past, now is now. James now is on their side, is one of them. James understood his mistakes, he changed his mind when he learnt the truth, when he saw what his society really is. James helped them in the end. James isn't like Beckett (Beckett hated pirates, James was taught to hate them as a little boy + James deep down is a fine man).

Hating James forever would be not fair. Nobody there has problem with Joshamee Gibbs (ex Royal Navy sailor!), Murtogg & Mullroy (ex Royal Navy sailors!) or... with Jack Sparrow (yes, he freed the slaves and was a hero but he WAS part of East India Trading Company). So, if all these guys, if Jack, changed their life and did the right thing... why should James be still hated? He did the same. And he deserves a second chance.

Also: they all are still friends with Hector Barbossa, come on! Hector, who hurt and betrayed Jack's trust so many times. Who was such an asshole to poor Jack. Not to mention that Pintel and Ragetti once were against Jack too. So they would be hypocrites to criticize Jack for loving his ex opponent 😉 By the way, James never hurt Jack on private level. But they (and especially Hector) did - they're pirates like Jack, they're his friends and that always hurts.

Okay, that was about reactions 🙂 Opinions? I bet that they all would love and respect James! He's a good and decent man, he's a great sailor (oh, shit happens to everyone, right? 😉), he's hard-working, he has skills and knowledge, he's a gentleman but he's also very piratey deep down (what is perfectly shown in the second movie ♥️). And he's kind, he's funny, he's nice. He loves Jack and their friends. Also, Pintel and Ragetti are pirate nerds so they would be totally excited to talk with James (who, I believe, is a little nerd too).

I remember how touched Pintel and Ragetti were when they're watching Willabeth wedding. Their faces, gosh, there was pure joy and "Aww, they're so beautiful together!". They were very happy for their friends and had 100% shippers faces 😄 And I truly believe they would have same love and support for Sparrington ♥️ Cause Sparrington is beautiful, perfect, hot and adorable too. Jack and James love each other, right. And Pintel and Ragetti are adorable guys with a bit romantic souls (Ragetti very much!) - they would cry at Sparrington ceremony and I will die on this hill 😂

#sparrington #james norrington #jack sparrow #pirates of the caribbean #pintel #ragetti #sparrington fandom

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andmaybegayer · 7 months

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Last Monday of the Week 2023-10-30

...Daylight Savings Time

Listening: Finished Winter in Hieron, the ???th season of Friends at the Table. I don't know what Marielda counts as.

Lots of good strong character work here! Godkilling is somewhat overplayed in TTRPG's at this point so it's impressive that they manage to pull off multiple godkilling storylines that are actually good to listen to.

Reading: Bleh. Catching up on some blogs which mostly just makes me want to get my RSS reader back in order. I haven't used it in a while.

Watching: Double feature.

The Matrix Resurrections, the new one. A movie that handily parries basically every criticism you could level at it. I feel like it's the best it could have been, and fortunately it's very clear that it likes its characters, which goes a long way.

It's clever! It knows what it's about. It has to work with being an unneeded sequel which is heavily lampshaded and it makes it work. Very very meta without being too far up its own ass. Manages to swing a pretty decent villain in the Architect.

Also, Little Shop Of Horrors, which I have not actually seen before. I love a good musical, in general I consider it a good sign if I get at least one song stuck in my head, which is a metric well met here. The Director's cut, which definitely follows through on the theme better than what I hear about the theatrical cut.

Playing: Briefly dipped into Warframe on the weekend to see what's going on and discovered that there is yet another open world and yet another game mode that I had not unlocked. Still behind on story quests because I haven't unlocked the necramechs so I can't do the New War yet. I'll get there I just need to fuck around on the zombie planet harvesting minerals for a while.

Making: Some misc. printing of things around the house. Research on adhesives that will work well for picture hanging, because I have solid concrete walls. It looks like Ikea rebadges either Tesa Bond and Release or 3M Command Strips for use with their wall hanging stuff and they sell it cheap, which is nice. I'll probably print my own hooks for some things.

Tools and Equipment: I got one of those cheap electric hot water bottles, they're fully self contained with an element, sensing circuitry, and some kind of lightly modified water.

While my apartment is still perfectly warm, it's nice to be able to blast a part of yourself with heat sometimes. They're a lot more convenient than pouring boiling hot water into a rubber bottle, at the cost of being somewhat disposable. My mother runs hers like, 8 hours a day all winter and it lasts a couple years so it's not that bad.

#last monday of the week

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gritsandbrits · 2 years

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Self care is designing outfits for your ship through dollmaker sites

Because i want more shrek fandom that aren't just ironic memes or shitty sex jokes, I decided to create outfits based on the romantic subplot between Charming and my OC Gwynn. I found this cute little site on Doll Divine which fits their dynamic perfectly!

Analysis down below!

First Meeting: Gwynn works at the villains' pub when ex rich kid comes waltzing in with a proposal she hastily refused. She wears a muted blue hinting at her future *wink wink nudge*

One potential scene is Charming (when he was still wealthy) encountering the mysterious thief "Black Swan" they don't know each other yet. Gwynn wears a lot of dark greys as pure black would've been too expensive at the time. Charming's costume is based on what he wore in Shrek 2

Argument scene where Gwynn tells Charming he is taking things way too far after he threatens to harm innocent kids. He says some harsh words to her so she ends up leaving. Charming's fit is loosely based on the movie version. In this context it's ironic: What he feels as the highest point of his life is actually his lowest bcuz now he's totally under his father's control & losing the only real friend he ever had. Two more wobbly steps towards his canon fate. Gwynn's dress is gray to reflect on the sorrowful mood.

Happier Ending (aka MY CANON NOW) this is whwre I say "screw you Dreamworks for fucking over Charming!" After reinstating Fiona to the throne & throwing deadbeat daddy in jail, Gwynn becomes the new Witch Godmother. Charming becomes a fashion guru. He's back to wearing blue symbolizing how he's no longer controlled by Uther, & sticking true to himself. Gwynn wears purple bc it's a mix of blue&red but also true to herself (& of she can finally afford to purple dye)

Shrek 4 ever after (4 yrs after 3) Charming & Gwynn are still dating and so not rushing into marriage yet! Also she has a new hairstyle. They're at the Golden Apple to celebrate the triplets' fourth birthday. I did play around with the idea of Gwynn being pregnant but I decided they should wait a few more years. Not every couple needed kids!

AU Gwynn where Rumple borks things up! She is one of the key figures in the resistance. Didn't have time to make Charming. Since they never met Charming ended up as a puppet king. LITERALLY. Gwynn still has her magic but it is VERY limited. Her dress is symbolic of yin-yang fitting the goal to restore balance

Post (my) Canon: Wedding Bells! They get married quickly after the events of Shrek 4. Gwynn wears blue, and Charming white and gold. It's a decent ceremony.

However there may be a scene where Gwynn stays anyways and does the play. Her gown is blue as a reminder that Charming still has time to make the right choices.

Bonus: the two other play dresses one to match with Charming's outfit the other is also based on Rapunzel since technically Gwynn fills her role as his love interest (only she's actually relevant) I think maybe as a meta joke she ends up wearing a wig to emphasize her playing a damsel in distress when she's the kinda damsel who causes distress! 😂😂😂

I know Charming looks like France from APH but it was as close as I can get it (kinda dig the waves) & the dollmaker didn't have 5 o clock shadow.

Gwynn canonically has scarring thay she sometimes wear makeup over. I felt that for her, she learned to embrace her flaws, so that helps Charming learn to embrace his.

Link to maker here!

#oc x canon #shrek #shrek charming #shrek oc #fanart #dolldivine #fanfiction #shrek the third #shrek forever after #dollmaker #dreamworks animation #oc: gwynn #black oc

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adamwatchesmovies · 3 months

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Unstoppable (2010)

No matter how spectacular or unbelievable, real events need a few key qualities to be worthy of a film adaptation. The real-life CSX 8888 incident meets all the criteria. With two charismatic leads, loads of twists and turns that raise the stakes and some good old-fashioned thumbing at the man, Unstoppable packs a lot of entertainment in its 98-minute running time.

At the Fuller Yard in northern Pennsylvania, the engineer (Ethan Suplee) jumps out of his locomotive to change an incorrectly aligned track, accidentally leaving the unattended train with the throttle at full speed. By the time yardmaster Connie Hooper (Rosario Dawson) realizes they have a runaway train filled with explosive materials barreling down the track, the only people who might be able to stop it are veteran railroad engineer Frank Barnes (Denzel Washington) and Will Colson (Chris Pine), a young train conductor.

If there’s one aspect of the film that will make or break it for you, it’s Tony Scott’s trademark, frenetic camerawork. There are constantly helicopters circling the 777 locomotive and the film is often shot from the perspective of a news reporter on one of those helicopters, which means there are a lot of unsteady shots, particularly when things get intense. Although I can’t say I was too fond of this choice, news footage-like camerawork is appropriate for a film based on true events. There are small bits of writing here and there that might also rub you the wrong way (the ultimate fate of the man who left his post, for example) but they’re minor issues when we consider everything the film does well.

Denzel Washington and Chris Pine are great as the heroes. Both of the actors have charisma to spare and play well off of each other. Each is given their own miniature story (with everything that’s going on with the train there’s not much room for too much else) and their own arcs together as a team. It’s just enough for you to care about them and worry about whether they will save the day… even before you realize the magnitude of the disaster that awaits everyone should they fail to stop the train. They seem like imperfect but perfectly relatable guys, the kind you could easily see at your weekend BBQ. The same can’t be said about the higher-ups we see throughout the film. Some might say they’re over-the-top but from my experience in the workforce, they're not so exaggerated. Even before the movie starts you wouldn’t be surprised to hear that AWVR’s vice-president won’t listen to Frank and Will and within the movie, you understand why, which makes him less cartoonish - though no less sympathetic.

We have a decent foundation with the great actors and easily grokable characters but ultimately, this film is about the train and the peril it represents. This is the kind of movie that’s always throwing some new wrench at our protagonists. Once Unstoppable gets going, it just never stops… sort of like the train itself. Thankfully, our heroes are smart and resourceful. Their plans always seem more likely to succeed than the ones the authorities propose. Seriously, some of the tactics they come up with are so ridiculous and obviously flawed that you’d laugh them off the screen… if this was a work of pure fiction.

Unstoppable would be a great movie to sit down and watch with your dad. It’s got plenty of tension, the stakes are high, the antagonists are easy to dislike, you’re eager to cheer for the heroes, and the energy throughout makes its running time fly by like nothing. It’s just an all-around solid piece of entertainment. (On Blu-ray, January 14, 2022)

#Unstoppable #movies #films #movie reviews #film reviews #Tony Scott #Mark Bomback #Denzel Washington #Chris Pine #Rosario Dawson #2010 movies #2010 films

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bogkeep · 1 year

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now, i'm not a Movie Review Guy, and have in recent years found that i prefer to keep my Media Watching Experience more to myself, but i watched both puss in boots: the last wish and strange world in the cinema just now and i DO need to yell a little bit.

these two movies aren't related beyond being Two Animated Movies Being Available To Me At The Same Time, (and i saw them both dubbed to norwegian,) but i feel like the difference in Expectations VS Reality is fun :') the strange world recommendations came by way of tumblr going "YOU HAVE TO SEE IT BECAUSE THERE IS AN ACTUALLY ON-SCREEN GAY PROTAGONIST IN IT AND DISNEY ISN'T PROMOTING IT LIKE AT ALL" which is true, although i reaaaally don't like the concept of "this movie is having a rep but isn't getting attention and therefore you MUST see it so they get the message that it's marketable" like I KNOW... WE LIVE IN A SOCIETY.... i just prefer to watch movies for fun and not to make a statement... but ALSO it's an adventure movie and i DO miss adventure movies. some of my favourite movies of all time are atlantis: the lost empire, treasure planet, and sinbad: legend of the seven seas. i am VERY easy to please, just give me some vibes and some creatures and preferably some charismatic characters if you've got some to spare. i'm probably the only person on the planet that thought The Good Dinosaur (2015) was a nice movie because i liked the vibes of it. so i figured strange world is at LEAST going to be pleasant to watch on a big screen! like it's a perfectly decent movie. disney has every resource in the world so their BASELINE is decent movies. it's very pretty, i DO like visuals, the atmosphere is nice, and they play the instrumental parts from lone digger by caravan palace at some point to my absolute delight. there is at least one shot i thought was absolutely stunning and impactful. the message is also a good one! like it's all Very Fine. i was right about watching it on a big screen and i'm glad i went. but it's... my impression of it is very much in line with my feeling about how disney movies are just getting Too Smooth for me. obviously as an adult i want media with some more crunch to it! something a little more complex!!! i know this movie is for kids!! but like it just feels like they're playing it SO safe. very "i heard kids these days like stories about generational trauma... an environmental message... explicit gay rep... people of color... cool and badass women...." so they tailor made this movie to be the safest bet possible AND THEN DIDN'T EVEN PROMOTE IT?????? and like i think all of those checklist points are swell things to have in movies and i do not doubt the people who made it put a lot of love and care into this!! it's a fine movie!! but it could have been MORE... it could've had some crunch... some flair... like i get that atlantis has its issues but at least atlantis had some BITE to it, a little bit of commander rourke going "i prefer the term adventure capitalist :) if we returned every artefact to their culture our museums would be empty :)" like hot damn

maybe the dub made the dialogue stand out weirdly but i felt like 90% of the dialogue in this movie was just "but i'm NOT you, dad!!!!" AND IT GETS A LITTLE HEAVY HANDED... they could have done a teensy bit more showing and a little less telling. like i don't know if kids enjoy watching familial disputes THAT much, especially if they're there for Funky Creatures. it forgot to have a little bit of Fun and Shenanigans!!! so anyway yeah it was kinda mediocre, i had a perfectly ok time, still think it's absolutely bonkers how there's just absolutely no advertisement like. what gives i didn't even realize there was a Second puss in boots movie until i saw a gif of Cool Sickle Wielding Wolf. and like, the first puss in boots movie is... forgettable. like it sure exists! it sure has puss in boots in it!! from shrek!!! it's a shrek spinoff but with less of the satire that made shrek popular!! so it's like, why WOULD you go see a SECOND puss in boots spinoff movie all this time after the shrek franchise heyday? BECAUSE IT HAS A COOL SICKLE WIELDING WOLF. and then you see it and it's like HANG ON THIS ANIMATION IS KINDA GOOD. and then you're like WAIT I'M ACTUALLY INVESTED. and then you're like WAIT I'M HAVING FEELINGS??? and at the end you're like HOLY FUCK WHY DID THIS MOVIE GO SO HARD. yes it's a little sappy and a little predictable and doesn't lean into any of the satire and cynicism you'd expect from a shrek spinoff BUT IT HAS THE GALL TO BE SINCERE. like im starting to feel more and more >:( when i can feel movies PURPOSEFULLY tugging on my heartstrings to make me cry with CHEAP TRICKS but this movie GENUINELY. MADE ME TEAR UP IN WAYS THAT FELT WARRANTED. it went "yeah maybe it's a little corny, a little cringe even, but wouldn't it be nice to just enjoy life? :)" and like man, is it speaking UP AGAINST the cynicism towards fairytales THE SHREK FRANCHISE POPULARISED?? HELLO???? like yeah maybe i'm overhyping it. who's to say. BUT if you want to see a cool as fuck sickle wolf that is genuinely terrifying in the most awesome way...................... we can all enjoy a cool sickle wolf every now and then i think

#im procrastinating packing for my travel tomorrow

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oonajaeadira · 1 year

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Hi darling! What's on your agenda for the week? Any fourth of July plans?

Hey kitten.

Actually, not too much just yet. It's super rare that I should be this open in June/July of any year. But my show for the summer is a remount so we'll start rehearsals later than usual. I'll tell you what I should be doing. I should be taking my car in to replace brake pads and shocks. Y'know. Fun grown up shit.

And I hope to get to some writing this week, but I'm still dealing with this dumb tendon bullshit. It's definitely on the mend, but now's not the time to break the RICE routine.

Speaking of rice--but a different kind--and speaking of a different kind of rice.... I'm a master at white rice. Give me a good basmati or jasmine grain and a stovetop and I will give you perfectly cooked rice in 20 minutes every time. But I am struggling with brown rice. My goal is to get at least a decent pot by Thursday. One of my friends just had his second heart attack (he's only 37) and I'm doing a meal train for him and his wife on Thursday. I'm not a great cook and normally wouldn't cook for others, but these two are good friends of mine and totally non-judgy and will very openly just eat something else if it's really not their thing and I'm 100% okay with that. So I picked the healthiest meal I love to make. The baked salmon and the homemade pickled cucumbers are easy for me. But I generally make seasoned white rice with the meal and he's on a whole grains/brown rice only diet. So I've got a few nights to figure it out.

I really hate America Day. Our neighborhood kinda gets nuts with the fireworks and it'll go on for at least two weeks. Freaks out the dog. Keeps us awake. Not really a fan of loud noises, mosquitoes, alcohol, or heat, and that's pretty much the holiday in a nutshell so we tend to avoid it. There's an ordinance in our city that every home should be within walking distance to a park, so we have a lot of public green spaces. Which, most of the year, is awesome. But this time of year it tends to get overrun by whizzing frizbees and screaming kids.

But the holiday weekend's a long one--boss gave us Monday off too. I'd like to get started working on my fall show (I'm reworking and performing all the music), but I can't currently play with my wrist jacked up. Maybe I can get caught up with my fic reading? Or at least make a dent in my list???

We do have a sweet old one-screen cinema in my neighborhood--like one of those that has a velvet curtain and a working organ and an actual organist comes in and plays before the show. It's got a Dairy Queen on property and the cutest old gay couple own it so they get all the films we want to see and play a lot of great cult stuff. They're currently playing Asteroid City and I wouldn't be surprised if they do a last-minute Anderson retrospective, so we might walk over to that.

Especially if it gets hot. Because we don't have AC in the house. We do have an AC unit in our rehearsal studio, so maybe we'll set up an air mattress and a projector and do movies in there!

What are your plans for the fourth?

Blow up my inbox

#ask games

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emisirrelevant · 2 years

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THOUGHTS ON THE FINALE OF PRETTY LITTLE LIARS ORIGINAL SIN!!!!

*SPOILERS* if you haven't watched the last few episodes yet you've been warned

*TW/CW- mature/sensitive content in this post

I am literally still processing everything but:

Was I the only one who thought the Liars' plan with the blood drive was actually kind of creative?

Ohhh the principal rejecting Tabby's film had me SEETHING. I should have known from that scene he'd be the one behind it all/pulling the strings.

Going back and rewatching the scene where Chip tries to ask Imogen if she wants to go to his place for Thanksgiving is now very uncomfortable. Thank god she had Tabby and her mom!! And that's on the tabogen agenda.

I honestly thought Shawn was going to be a part of the A stuff or the guy who assaulted Tabby and Imogen but he was not. If we get a season 2 though, I'm keeping an eye on him. No offense Noa- but he lied about the pills/drugs. Like I wonder if he really was telling the truth when he said later that he threw them out.

The club scene!! Iconic, but the rational part of my brain also was like "Yes Faran good suggestion- WAIT THEY'RE MINORS THEY SHOULD NOT BE OUT CLUBBING"

When Kelly(?) "said call me Karen" to Greg- HUHHH?

I knew Crazy Joe wasn't A

It felt too much like a red herring to me- too obvious

The Waters' house did give me AHS Murder House vibes- they really nailed the creepy vibe with the set

Yess finally I’m so glad they got the moms to talk about Angela- also the fact that each mom's situation with Angela paralleled the daughters in the present

Noa saying "I can't handle juggling two addicts in my life" SWEETIE no :(((((

FARAN LETTING HER HAIR DOWN!!

I'm glad Henry told Faran about Kelly kissing him and didn't keep it a secret. Maybe there is one decent man on this show??

Also Ben Cook heyyy good for him getting those roles!

Ash just eating the pizza instead of directly answering Mouse's mom HAHA

Tabby's mom going OFF on Wes like that!!!

Faran going off on Sheriff Beasley!! QUEEN!

We got to see Imogen’s dad, interesting.

**The fact that he mentioned that Imogen’s mom stated in her will for Imogen to live with the Haworthes if anything bad happened though- TABOGEN WAS FATED!

Honestly the whole Beasley family situation was really sad- and like the fact that there are some families like this in real life- it was really giving me Melanie Martinez Dollhouse vibes for sure.

Oh I see Kelly x Faran as a potential headcanon.

Oh damn. It was Chip.

The whole scene when Imogen and Tabby confronted Chip though?Wow. Top tier acting from Bailee and Chandler. Powerful.

"This year has made us very, very good liars" ICONIC!

OMG THE FINAL EPISODE THOUGH HHHHHH

So much went DOWN!!

I'm still in shock with A doing that to Davie's body though- Tabby asking if Imogen was okay "Nope. Definitely not"

IMOGEN ADAMS DESERVES THE ENTIRE WORLD!! Fuck A for giving her life long trauma!

Not Angela's brother being named Archie- STOP WITH THE R*VERD*LE REFERENCES

IT WAS THE PRINCIPAL!!!! That was a good twist, I appreciate it.

Omg Kelly's mom stabbing Sheriff Beasley though was another twist I did not see coming.

1000000000+ points for adding a Motley Crue song in there!!

I absolutely LOVED the moment when the rest of the girls immediately stood up when the principal threatened to shoot Imogen and her baby- RIDE OR DIES FOR EACH OTHER YES

**THE FIGHT SCENE WITH IMOGEN AND A!!

MAKING CINEMATIC HISTORY

The camera angles in this show- absolutely DELICIOUS

Tabby being there when Imogen woke up in the hospital GO TABOGEN GO

The scene where everyone was celebrating Christmas together 🥺🥺 (every other ship kissing and then TABOGEN pls SEASON 2 SO WE CAN MAKE IT HAPPEN!!!)

Also why did I know someone was going to say Die Hard when Tabby asked about favorite Christmas movies and why did it fit Shawn perfectly-

Aww Elodie and Shirley saying they're going to couples therapy GOOD FOR THEM!! (technically they ALL need it lol)

Interesting way to bring back some original PLL with that Aria and Ezra mention.. but when that baby finds out that her parents were in a student teacher relationship-

Overall glad that all those nasty men were EXPOSED. Especially the principal and Sheriff Beasley. Still wondering about Wes though. If there's a season 2 I'm keeping an eye on him too.

So Kelly was Kelly the whole time- I like that there’s a possibility that she stays friends with the Liars in the future- but like what if it’s still Karen? I wanna believe it’s Kelly and that Kelly is good but still.

And finally, Imogen saying she thinks it’s over

But A killed Sheriff Beasley AND came back for Chip-

When I first heard about this show, I was skeptical at first and didn't have many expectations going into it. I never watched the very first Pretty Little Liars series in its entirety, but this spinoff somehow managed to pull me in. Thank you PLLOS Original Sin for everything! What an amazing cast and show. I would definitely recommend this show to others.

SEASON 2, SEASON 2, SEASON 2

#pllos #pll original sin #a pllos review

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oswaldsleftbicep · 5 months

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hi! i was wondering if you could write headcanons about married life with Oswald, Kaim and Lucas :)

married life with oswald, kaim, & lucas

the way i was about to beg someone to request more of this scenario-

genre: fluff

cw: language

Oswald

❧ give me a blue collar romance like this one please-

❧ if it's what you prefer, he'd be the sole breadwinner of your family, he'll pick up the extra shift for it, he won't mind, but he'd also appreciate you helping out with the finances too with your own career. whatever field you choose, he's gonna brag about you so hard and bring it up to his coworkers all the time

❧ he's kinda clueless when it comes to shopping so he leaves most of it to you, although he's amazing at navigating a farmer's market and finding the right produce. if he comes shopping with you, he is absolutely pushing the cart for you, no questions asked. if you bring him to a larger supermarket, he's gonna get overwhelmed by all the choices lol

❧ he's,, decent enough at cooking, like he's pretty solid at a few basic dishes and he can make a mean stew, but he'd much prefer to do the dishes, or at least help you cook and wash dishes with you after. he also spends time learning new breakfast dishes to surprise you with breakfast in bed,, sometimes it's a little burned or sloppy looking but he tries his best :,)

❧ pretty forgetful when it comes to smaller anniversaries like when your first date was, even though he has them all written down on a little calendar hung up in your kitchen, but he'll die before he forgets your wedding anniversary. he spoils you rotten those days, i'm talking flowers, a nice dinner, and a night out. if he happens to work that day, he'll set aside some money for you to go get yourself pampered with getting your hair done or buying a new outfit the whole thing is giving dirt on my boots by jon pardi ugh i wish-

❧ he tries to make friday night dates a regular thing but sometimes they get pushed back to saturday because he works so much. most of the dates are picked out by you and he pays for them lol, but i could also see him making one of those date jars with you to take the pressure of choosing off of your shoulders. he loves to see you happy and enjoying yourself so if there's an event you want to go to or a movie you want to go see, he'll gladly take you there and call it a date

❧ he's kinda scared to have kids but he's not opposed to the idea. it's something he's gonna need to talk with you about so he can work out his fears and worries. he also would prefer to wait until you're completely financially ready for, he'd like to have a decent amount saved up beforehand. in the meantime, he's all for getting a pet. he seems better suited with a dog, and if that's what you wanna go for, he'll most certainly train it to protect you :,) on the other hand tho, imagine him with a little cat or a mouse and he's just so gentle and cautious with it ugh

❧ he's a humble living kinda man, and that definitely reflects through his preference of house. he'd want something small, just enough for the two of you plus one. he'll let you decorate your home to your hearts content, whatever you want the inside and outside to look like is game; he'll do all the heavy lifting for you

❧ the one thing he wants to do is help you hang up pictures of the two of you all around your new home so they're displayed proudly to anyone who sees them :)

Kaim

❧ he's a traditional man, so he's perfectly okay being the only one working, but if that's the case he expects you to take charge of the house work when he's not there. if you also work, then the housework is evenly shared. he takes care of the paperwork when it comes to bills, he even has a little writers desk that he uses solely for writing checks and sorting bills

❧ absolutely can be trusted with grocery shopping, but this mf will not stray from the list; if it's not written down or established ahead of time that you need an extra item, he won't get it. if you try to sneak something into the cart, he'll give you the look and tell you to put it back. you have to be very persistent in order to get a treat lol

❧ he's a dream partner really when it comes to cooking and cleaning as he can do both with no problem. he has designated days of the week and month for cleaning the house, and it's a schedule he expects you to follow as well; on big cleaning days, he'll assign you a list of chores for you to take care of, istg it's like this man never leaves work. more often than not he does the cooking, so because of that he'll want you to do the dishes to make it even. if you ask nicely tho he'll help you with the dishes. he'd be down for taking turns with who does the cooking and dishes, too

❧ very frugal when it comes to celebrating anniversaries and milestones; for the most part he'll only celebrate your wedding anniversary with flowers and a nice dinner out of the house. if you wish for him to start honoring some of the smaller anniversaries and milestone, just voice it to him and he'll remember them and do a little something special

❧ just like the anniversaries, dates are kinda sparse with him too, but when y'all do go on dates after you're married, they are out the roof with how fancy they are. he's a bourgie mf and he'll find local galas and other formal events to take you to. he'll also arrange smaller, less social events too, like y'all frequent a local music hall and often go see an orchestra or a play; you'll also go to classical museums and quaint little cafes. he's also all for staying home and completing a puzzle with you, or reading books by the fire with a drink of choice

❧ he's perfectly content with life without having kids, he doesn't really see it as something that'll complete the two of you in any way. if you want to add a child to your family, it's gonna take a lot of talk and meticulous planning to make sure you'll have everything ready and prepared. he's also content without pets, but if you want one, he'll ask for one that's more on the clean side that won't leave much of a mess

❧ he doesn't care what kind of house the two of you move into, be it big or small, either way he's doing the decorating, or at the very least, he's picking the themes and color schemes for each room and he'll let you pick the furniture based on his criteria lol

❧ he's a sucker for late night slow dances while unwinding after a long day, swaying back and forth under candlelight and holding you close :,)

Lucas

❧ i see him doing some kind of freelance career which, unfortunately, won't pay the bills by itself unless y'all wanna commit serious tax fraud so you'll also need to work too. he's very reassuring about it all tho, so you never have to worry about not being able to afford things

❧ he likes grocery shopping at local markets, and he'll even find a way to make a date out of it too! like if that particular market is hosting a petting zoo or something where you can pick your own fruits, he'll take you that day. he says he prefers shopping locally because it supports small farmers and it has fun things like what was just mentioned, but the truth is he gets helplessly lost in supermarkets and doesn't want to deal with getting lost. like one minute you'll be in the same aisle and next thing you know he's at the other side of the store in the auto department and he's so confused

❧ he's a great cook and even better baker, so he'll gladly handle all the food prep, but he also unironically enjoys doing the dishes too. he's perfectly content doing all the work in the kitchen, but if you offer your help, he'll take it in a heartbeat and enjoy moving around the kitchen with you and playing a bit with the ingredients

❧ you won't ever have to worry about him missing an anniversary, he remembers everything from when you first met to the day you got married. he celebrates each one proportionally to the event, so like the anniversary of your first date will get something small and cute like a bouquet of freshly picked flowers, whereas your wedding anniversary will be celebrated with an elaborate trip somewhere you've been talking about traveling to for a while. he's also super big on homemade gifts, giving and receiving; if he had to pick between going on a trip to his dream destination and a homemade gift from you, he'll pick whatever creation you've made

❧ he's so easy when it comes to dates, anywhere you want to go is game to him whether it's a touristy location a few hours away or a small local antique shop. speaking of which, he loves going to antique shops and thrift stores, and you will absolutely leave each time with something new to add to your home. he also doesn't mind date nights in where the two of you work on a giant puzzle or make a craft together; i feel like he'd love making jewelry with you for the two of you to exchange and wear

❧ he doesn't have a strong preference to having kids, a life with you in it is all he needs, whether or not there's children involved. if you do have kids, you can bet that he's gonna spoil the ever loving hell out of them. the same energy goes toward pets, too, like he'll get your pet plenty of toys and equipment to keep them active and stimulated

❧ no matter how big y'all's house is, it's gonna be filled with so much clutter. he's not a hoarder and wouldn't encourage that lifestyle, but he's a maximalist and likes to surround himself with things he finds appealing. he even encourages you to do the same; it's just as much your home as it is his and he wants to see elements of you throughout it

❧ if you have a collection of something, or you're keen to start one, he'll absolutely encourage it and find a place just for your special things. there's this one tik tok i saw of this woman who collected mugs and her ex husband would complain every time she brought a new one home, but her new boyfriend built a whole display shelf just for her mugs; that is absolutely something lucas would do for you :,)

#my. hcs #nightmare harem #nightmare harem hcs #nightmare harem oswald #nightmare harem kaim #nightmare harem lucas #otome games

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weird-al-song-tourney · 11 months

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Very glad I found this tournament! Hyped to vote for Dare To Be Stupid at next opportunity. I'm a Transformers fan, it is my legal obligation. For Wreck-Gar, for all the Junkions, and TFTM being best transformers movie!

RIP to Virus Alert, The Night Santa went Crazy or Christmas at Ground Zero, though. Gone too soon </3 /lh

Good luck everyone, and may the best song win!

It's funny we're mentioning transformers movies now, because like

Okay so for the first time in my life, this year, I went to see a movie on my own entirely. And of all the movies, the first movie I ever saw on my own in a theatre was fucking Transformers Rise Of The Beasts.

NOT TO DISCREDIT THE MOVIE I ACTUALLY REALLY LIKED RISE OF THE BEASTS IT WAS REALLY GOOD (FLAWED FOR SURE BUT STILL GOOD) BUT ITS JUST SO FUNNY TO ME THAT OF ALL THE MOVIES, THAT'S THE ONE THAT ENDS UP BEING MY FIRST SOLO EXPERIENCE. Also I think I did well despite how scared I was being on my own. I am making progress it is good.

Okay but as for if TFTM is the best, uh, huh...I've never actually thought about which transformers movie is the best? I think the entirety of the michael bay era movies melted my brain so much that in my mind, every transformers movie has just become a singular mass of crushed soda cans & optimus commiting war crimes every 5 minutes & also just,,,just a lot of racism. Like holy shit the second movie was just so very racist how the fuck did people look at that movie & go "yeah skids & mudflap are great i see nothing wrong here this is totally okay & there is nothing problematic about this at all lets release this as is it's totally cool & stuff guys" I mean Bumblebee & ROTB were good but my brain is still not fully recovered from a decade of bayformers just somehow lowering the bar every single time, dude what the fuck were those movies they feel like feverdreams to me

I mean looking back I still think the first bayformers movie is unironically pretty decent like its perfectly fine. I cannot say the same for any of the sequels except for like the second half of dark of the moon but even then you have to slog through an hour of crap before that movie starts to get better & that's not super good if only about 40% of the movie is actually good but the rest sucks ass

Anyways yeah Christmas at Ground Zero is the one I'm moruning the most lmao, rip to that beloved classic. But even so, every song in this bracket is a banger, they're all winners in that the fact they are in this at all is proof enough that they are indeed, classics. So they will still be in our hearts.

Ok but right I'm getting sidetracked again, glad you found it too. Welcome aboard fellow weird pal.

#mod toasty #weird al tournament #weird al #weird al yankovic #al yankovic #the weird al show #transformers

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koco-coko · 1 year

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Risen / a Renegades fanfic

Takes place after Supernova, heavy spoilers ahead!

---

There will always be villains, and this time around, they both want vengeance.

Margaret White wants three things. Control, a helmet, and a long-gone sister. Riley Darkholme wants three things. Fame, respect, and a real friend. Maggie vowed to make sure that the world was right, to take over and make sure 'Power Classism' would never come to fruition. She vowed to be the best (worst?) supervillain Gatlon has never seen. Riley vowed to prove that she was important, and not just some freak into horror movies and the occult. She vowed to be known, seen, and heard by the whole world.

They both want vengeance, and they know they're going to need help with it. A bit of manipulation here, a hint of raising the dead there... What could go wrong?

------

Prologue:

This was the worst idea she'd ever have. Really, why was she even here? Did she really think this would work? I mean, she could control their bodies, sure, but bring them back from the dead? That was unheard of! Mostly because she hadn’t tried it, but still. Perhaps it would work. Remember the sigils, Riley told herself, clutching ink tight in her hand. Life, Strength, Vengeance, and Healing. She repeated those nonstop, holding the ink tighter. That little necklace could block out Agent N, and Sketch was able to tattoo himself powers. Bringing back someone from the dead with a complete will and consciousness didn’t seem impossible. She just had to get it right. First, she would try a pentagram around the coffin, if that didn’t work, she’d say: “Malcom, I need to inspect her body. The Council asked me to make sure it was still in good condition.” She had already studied the Everhart family’s handwriting, so forging wouldn’t be too difficult.

The Renegade-sanctioned graveyard was a strange place. Not many came to visit, very few people even knew it existed. It was just an expensive field full of nothing but forgotten memories. Names and faces nobody cared for anymore. On one side, there were the mass graves of those faceless people lost in the Age of Anarchy, then the other corner had Renegades who died while in the field. That corner usually got more visitors. Occasionally, a relative would visit the corner full of Anarchists. They weren’t allowed many graces, mostly just tossed into holes of dirt made with no caution. Riley tried to treat them better, especially the newest ones. Winston was already buried, but Riley still needed to find a coffin fit for Honey Harper. Something not beautiful, but more graceful than just a slot in the ground and a toss in it.

She arrived at the tombstone. Surprisingly, it wasn’t as large and grand as people would think. No statue, no big decorated headstone. Just a few flowers laid on top of a flat plaque. It blended in perfectly with all the other Renegade tombs, though her’s had a few more flowers around it. How many had Adrian drawn for her? It was so quiet so evil-doers wouldn’t target and defile it. Someone like her.

This was the worst idea she’d ever had. If she really brought her back to life, what would people think? Would Adrian be elated? What would the council say? Was her power too much, something that she never should use? An affront to all that is good and decent, as Mary Shelly would say?

She read the name and took a deep breath, holding the book of occult practices and the ink.

For a better future, She told herself, For Maggie. For everyone . She slapped a slip of paper with a carefully drawn pentagram against the name. And for getting that damn helmet.

Georgia Rawles. Alias, Lady Indomitable.

Courageous hero and loving mother.

“One cannot be brave who has no fear.”

—

3 years before the Supernova…

“Uh, hi! I’m Riley,” She said, picking at the hems of the messy, torn dress. She had tried finding something pretty to wear, but nothing she had was in great condition. It just came with constantly being around the dead.

The girl with a bob cut looked her up and down, cracking a smile. Riley couldn’t tell if they were mocking her or not. At first, the girl didn’t respond. Riley’s stare was unwavering. It probably freaked her out enough to make her talk. “You’re the new cleanup kid?” Then she laughed. Riley stepped back. “They should probably fix you up first. Were you mauled by a damn bear or something?”

Riley stared at the holes on her socks. “Well, I don’t really have a good home, if you get what I mean.”

The girl raised a brow, “Oh.” Things were silent from there. She just seemed plain annoyed with her already. Did she do something wrong? She didn’t really know the manners of being a Renegade, so maybe. Was she even one of them? It was still something that the stingy older heroes were debating as they spoke. Riley sat on the bench next to her. The girl scooted the opposite way.

“So, um, you’re Magpie, right?” Riley asked.

“Don’t call me that. That name’s stupid,” Magpie spat back, crossing her arms.

Riley nodded and smiled. “Maggie, then? That’s cool. I like that name. Way cooler than Magpie.”

“Yeah, sure. Whatever.”

Tough crowd, huh? Riley kneaded the thin fabrics of her dress between her fingers. Was she like this was everyone, or was Riley just especially annoying? It was a bit hard to tell why she was so terse. “Is it true you can sense how much money things are worth?”

Maggie didn’t give her the luxury of responding, instead lending a simple hum. Sweet Rot, she really didn't want to be here anymore. Maybe she didn't need the cuff of her pants fixed, actually. Maggie scanned the hallway, planning her escape plan.

Before she could take an eye off the door, Riley’s eyes lit up. “That’s cool! How much does this thing cost?” she instantly dug into her purse, only to pull out an old book with a leather bound cover. Several symbols were etched into the corners, but most noticeable was the goat's skull in the center.

Maggie’s nose scrunched in disgust, “What the hell even is that thing?”

“It’s a book, silly!” Riley giggled. She opened the book to show to her new ‘friend,’ even if Maggie was leaning the other way. Riley had to show her now! As soon as they came out with her cleanup outfit, Magpie would certainly run the other way. “It’s all about the occult and supernatural things and stuff! It’s so neat, isn’t it?” she shoved the open pages into Maggie’s face. Her eyes skimmed over the picture of an old drawing of a demon-like figure. It looked a bit like Gargoyle, actually.

For a reason unknown to Riley, it seemed the gruesome images actually made the black haired girl’s scowl fade ever so slightly. “Freaky,” she smirked nervously, taking the book into her hands and flipping through the pages. “Why do you even have this?”

“It was my dad’s.”

“ M’kay. Why’d he have it?”

Riley shrugged. “It might be how I got my powers. I can’t remember if he gave it to me before or after they developed.” the girl raised her arms into the air, her fingers curled into a ‘scary position.’ “Sometimes I wonder if they come from the book and I really have ghost powers!”

Maggie’s eyes widened. Something about those words struck her. It was quiet as Riley’s arms hung awkwardly in the air. They soon lowered in embarrassment as Maggie’s mind ran. “Huh. What are your powers, anyway?” Riley twirled one of her tight coils around her fingers. The rest of her hair was up in two buns. Maggie had to wonder if those were forever stuck in that position from all the grime caught between each curl. “It’s a bit weird,” Riley said with a nervous grin.

Maggie scoffed, “I doubt I’ll mind.”

“Fine then, but you can’t tell anyone!” Riley leaned in close to the girl, her grin growing childishly wide. “I can sense dead people.”

Maggie blinked. Then she looked her up and down again. “Like, corpses and stuff?”

Riley nodded, her smile reaching her ears. “Yep! Like, um, is there an old lady on the…” Riley closed her eyes. The hairs on her arm and back of her neck stood up like a honing device. “I think the sixth floor?” Maggie, albeit hesitantly, nodded. Riley opened her eyes, “Let’s just say someone should probably go check on her. I’m pretty certain she’s not taking a nap on her lunch break.”

“Damn,” Maggie said, “Well, it was Lauren’s time. She was just some cranky hag anyway.”

Riley gasped and tore the book from Maggie’s hands. “Don’t speak ill of the dead! She was probably a great old lady!”

Before the black haired girl could retort, a young and tall woman poked her head from the door they sat next to. “Riley Darkholme?” she called, staring at the clipboard to be certain he said the name right. It wasn’t exactly common.

“That’s me!” Riley went straight back to her chipper attitude and skipped off the bench. “See ya later, Magpie!” she quickly covered her mouth, “Maggie! Sorry. Maggie, Maggie…” she repeated the name as the man led her through the door to be fitted for her shiny new uniform. Just like she thought, Maggie left as soon as she was free. Hopefully she'll come back. Riley didn’t want to miss out on another friend. Unsurprisingly, she didn’t happen to have all too many.

So, Riley stood in a T as the lady measured her arms and legs and tried to fit her perfectly. The woman bit her tongue as she rolled up the cuff of her pants, completely focused on her work. Riley was too, her eyes closed as she hummed a small tune. Then they burst open, “Woah! The Renegade’s have a morgue? ” she asked, leaning down to the woman. “That’s so neat. I wanna work there!”

The seamstress jumped a bit, only to chuckle awkwardly. “Uh, yeah. I guess we do? Good to know,” the woman said, before returning to the janitorial team jumpsuit. She grumbled to herself as she stuck one of the bobby pins from her auburn hair into the pant leg, “They really need to get a better selection of child uniforms. All-around unisex is not cutting it these days, I swear…”

“What’s your name?” Riley asked, peering down.

“Isa, but if you're one of the annoying ones you’d call me Ruler Girl.” She said. Isa left and headed towards a table full of extra buttons, thread, and scissors. “I can see exact measurements of just about everything,” She continued, a bit more prideful than she should’ve been.

Riley tilted her head like a dog. “Really? Sooo , how much does the mirror right there measure?”

Isa barely glanced at it. She knew the entire room like the back of her own hand. “22 centimeters in width and 55 centimeters in length.”

“Weird. That’s a tiny mirror.”

“It’s just for doing my makeup in the morning, really.”

Riley was then ordered to climb out of the brown jumpsuit with Renegade branding all over and sit on a tiny chair nearby. “This shouldn’t take long,” Isa said as she began to cut and sew at her desk. She grumbled minor complaints each time she poked her thumb with the pins and needles, but otherwise left Riley to her own thoughts.

To be a Renegade… It was an honor! Honestly, she didn’t think they’d find her powers useful (or safe). In part because she lied about their extent. Yes, she could sense the locations of the deceased, but there was more to it. She could control them, like the Puppeteer did to his victims. Without the strings, too! It was so cool to watch in action! All she needed to do was slap a few talismans and sigil slips onto their body, and boom! Real-life zombies!

Of course, this would have her thrown in Cragmoor the second anyone found out, but it was pretty handy on its own few occasions. Especially when she found roadkill and there were some bandits nearby. A zombie deer can scare the crap out of more people than one would think. So, instead, she could sense them.

“Hey, girlie? One question,” Isa piped up as she wrapped a band-aid around a newly pricked finger, “Why’d you want to work at the morgue? You know what that place is, right?”

Riley was smiling wide. “Yep! I just think dead stuff is cool. Did I show you my book? It’s got the instructions to summoning circles and how to sacrifice people to whatever demonic entity you want and-”

“Sweet Rot, I think they’re just letting anyone into the Renegades nowadays,” Isa said. From then on, she chose to keep her mouth shut.

Riley sighed. It happened every time. Every single time she got excited or asked about her interests, it scared people off. Yet, she still didn’t know how to hide it. It was just so interesting! Everyone should know about it! From the strangers on the street to Captain Chromium himself!

Of course, that would never happen, but… For the world to know her name? To respect her and the power she had over the undead? It was a fantasy she’s had for quite some time.

—

3 years after the Supernova…

Maggie groaned. It had to be here, somewhere! At the very least there should be a paper trail! But no, there was no sign of it. Without that damn helmet, she wouldn’t be able to get anything done. Metal manipulation was cool, sure, but it wasn’t strong enough to lift a building, now was it? She needed to amplify it, otherwise she’d be nothing more than a petty thief.

So, she dug into a pile of bones with that same scowl of disgust. The cathedral was never in great condition since the Battle of Gatlon, but it was in more disrepair than even the movies would want to show. The notorious belltower where it all went down was completely demolished, nothing but a shell of brick and mortar. Piles of bones littered the entire place, heaps on heaps of skulls and half-finished skeletons. It stank of death and despair. Of broken dreams and promises of the legendary Nightmare. Ugh, Nightmare. Or was it Insomnia? She couldn’t tell anymore. Not like she got to have a heart-to-heart with the googly-eyed lovey-dovey ‘hero.’

Each and every pile revealed nothing. Not even a hint as to where that helmet landed! What a waste. If only it were made of metal, but no. It just had to be special and needed. Not even a trace.

Then, she heard footsteps. Soft, light, cute… Not cute in the way of Max Everhart, but gleeful. Max was cute in a sort of funny way, like ‘Hey! This kid saved the world! Weird, right?’ But these steps were skips and a heavier pair was following close behind. Maggie quickly dove behind a pile of bones combined with a mound of dirt. Of course it had to be now. What would she say? Did one of those new vigilantes see her being suspicious? Everyone saw themself as a ‘hero’ now. What a load of bull. Soon enough, everything would go back to normal and Maggie would emerge victorious, the only one who prepared such destruction and terror. Well, either that, or she’d finally find that helmet and take over before that would happen. Or maybe just destroy. She was still debating if she wanted the stress of being all-powerful and in control or not.

“Oh, I thought I heard something,” the intruder said, tapping her chin and scanning the area. Oh, she knew that face, but a name didn’t appear. She’d only seen her occasionally, especially during the era of Nightmare’s attacks. From the glimpses she could catch, she saw that girl with two fluffy buns on her head waving her hand as she dragged a corpse in her other. “Well, guess it’s just me and the dead. Hi, old friends!” she shouted. The ragged dress she wore from their first meeting was gone, replaced with a nice, velvety black dress with a Renegade broch over her heart. Still, it had been tarnished with dirt and other nebulous stains. Her hair was cleaner than it used to be, at least. You could tell curls and coils from the muck and junk of a few years ago. The urge to take this broch, too, was overwhelming. “Hey, Malcolm! You sure we’re gonna find Honey this time?”

Just through a crack in her hiding spot, through a tibia and forearm, Maggie saw a lanky and pale man stride with his hands in his pockets. Unlike the girl, he wore a clean suit and fedora to match. He looked like a lawyer, but something about him just seemed too off to be that. His eyes were thin as he surveyed the area. “I don’t know. It’s your power. I’m surprised you didn’t find her the first time,” Malcolm said, taking his hat off as a sign of (albeit it very little) respect.

"Uh, sorry to disappoint. That's not how it works," Riley stated. She picked up a skull that hid a bit of Maggie's hair. Thank the heavens her black bob blended into the wall. "I sense dead people. Not a single dead person. As you can see," She waved her head around the skull. The jaw feel off and broke onto the floor, "Lotsa' dead people." It seemed like only Maggie was frightened by the display of such rickety bones.

"Hm, I see," Malcom responded, monotonously.

Maggie bit her lip. If she got caught here, she'd be locked up for sure. If they were still doing that. Would they really be a 'fair trial,' as those sheep were spouting? Riley examined the mound of bones Maggie was crouched behind. She froze up. Crap, was this it? Would the weird corpse girl be the one to end her quest for total power? No. Because Maggie wouldn't go down so pathetically.

When Riley sighed and looked to the floor, Maggie took the opportunity to bolt from the dirt hill and into a crevice created by shattered stairs. Only half of the stairwell remained while the rest of the wood existed as collateral on the floor. How was the place still open to the public? The little structure left was ready to cave in on itself. Maggie pulled the strings to her hoodie, the hood tightening around her head. She watched the pair with the eyes of a hawk.

The girl with two fluffy buns and dark skin rubbed a skull loving, sorrow filling her mournful stare. "Isn't it tragic, Malcom?"

"Shouldn't you be looking for Queen Bee?" Malcom's face tightened with disdain.

"I know, I know. It's just…" Riley sighed, her eyes heavy, "It's tragic. All these unknown names, stories, faces… How many future doctors and novelists do you think are just gone now? All the dreams and ideas and families…" Riley's chest felt heavy.

Her superior seemed indifferent. "They're Anarchists, the scum of Gatlon. Plain and simple."

"Don't speak ill of the dead!" Riley snapped, whipping her head to glare at him. Malcolm simply rolled his eyes and went about his business with crossed arms and a hunched position. “No respect whatsoever,” she murmured.

Maggie kept watching them, so cautiously. Thoughts crept in on her. They’re like you, the voices said. No. No they weren’t. As if you and Callum switched places. Her heart sank. Even now, thoughts of him still haunted her. Every little bit of existence was filled with Callum, Callum, Callum. She couldn’t take it. It was because of failing heroes and incompetent villains that he died. It was because of Nightmare. Nova Artino. That was her end goal. Make her fall and the world would be right again. Margaret White would finally get her rightful due. All the money in the world, a rightful throne above it all, and a dead Insomnia at her feet. Callum would finally be avenged.

But she needed that damn helmet.

Next part

#the renegades trilogy #the renagades #nova artino #maggie white #winston pratt #evie artino #callum #marissa meyer #fanfic #writing #ocs

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jakethesequel · 9 months

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I did finally get around to watching the barbie movie since my family was also watching it. I think it was probably the best movie that they could have made (which I mean to be read at least as derogatory as it is complimentary). It's well-made, and produced to a very high quality with the set and costume design etc. It's nice that it is at least in conversation with feminist criticisms laid at the Barbie brand for years and attempts to address some of them. And it does answer some, suggesting more diversity in their dolls, that it should represent less of an unreachable ideal for womanhood, that being a perfectly feminine Barbie Girlboss is just as restrictive a role as the domestic motherhood of earlier dolls, etc. That's a good message! It's a fine feminism 101 for a movie whose primary market is children, and the B-plot about Ken not needing to be a paragon of toxic masculinity or have a romantic relationship to be worthwhile is a decent one for young boys too.

But along the way to that message is where the movie kind of gets awkward, in its side plots and digressions. By far the worst of it is the inclusion of a Barbie Mount Rushmore and an incredibly tasteless metaphor to the smallpox plague that devastated Indigenous people in the Americas. Both go entirely unremarked on, which is indefensible. That aside, there are quite a few lesser issues that maybe don't ruin the movie but certainly become head-scratcher and leave the movie feeling incomplete.

For example, the Mattel boardroom. They're portrayed as buffoonish, but never malicious, because Mattel will sign off on a movie that laughs at them but not one that will seriously criticize them. Whatever, that part's probably unavoidable when Mattel is signing the cheques. The problem is that they're not just buffoonish, they're buffoonishly misogynistic. It's an all-male boardroom, for one, and the characters repeatedly make incredibly misogynistic statements. As far as I remember, this is never resolved! It's lightly criticized and then moved past without any real change, which really neuters the movie's criticism of patriarchy when all the feminist characters make no effort to change that. While it works with Ken for him to be misogynist due mostly to ignorance rather than hostility and be forgiven, that's because he's mostly there as a metaphor for young boys who haven't learned better. It's really toothless to treat a boardroom full of adult men actively enjoying patriarchal authority the same way and the movie probably would have been better with that whole plotline replaced with the FBI or something.

Also, Trans Barbie. I think it's incredibly great to see Hari Nef on screen, unquestioned to be just as feminine as the other Barbies. But while I love the representation, it becomes apparent that this is not a Trans Barbie, but a trans actress playing a cis Barbie. Barbieland in general has an extremely strict and seemingly unchanging gender divide, Kens and Barbies. There's no indication that going from one to the other, changing your plastic body, is possible. So the movie really fails to send a positive message to trans kids, who aren't gonna know the minutia behind each Barbie's actress. Alan is sort of a queer analogue, being not a Ken or a Barbie and having an implied romantic interest in Ken, but it's only ever implied, almost as a joke like Sugar Daddy Ken and Magic Earring Ken (notably they never mention why those Kens were discontinued). In general the movie takes a wide berth around any queer issues that can't be couched in a joke, and I can only imagine that's Mattel's influence again. Like the previous Mattel point, this really serves to diminish the movie's message. You can only go so far to criticize patriarchy if you refuse to include a queer angle. Especially given the focus on the relationship between Barbie and Ken, it becomes awkward when the only options given mention are "cishet romance" and "no romance." It feels stilted that every Ken wants a completely disinterested Barbie as an inherent rule. The glaring omission of talking about queer issues (outside of jokes) in the movie seems purposeful and targeted on Mattel's part.

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