#they seriously cannot fucking grasp that what I said does no harm but what they say ALL THE TIME causes a LOT for a lot of people
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My family is so fucking exhausting I'm so fucking sick of it
#mom was complaining about noise at night so I made a joke about her sucking it up and sleeping in her bedroom with dad (he snores)#and just collect on life insurance#they all pretended I made a threat/serious suggestion despite THEM making ACTUALLY suspicious jokes all the time (about murdering people/#using racial slurs/doling out general hate speech and laughing at it as though it's funny)#and they tried to gaslight me into believing they DON'T say worse shit every time they open their mouths#“We've NEVER heard a joke like that!!! That's messed up!!!” lies. You “joke” about killing/enslaving black and trans people all the time#and you make no effort to make it come off as a joke (because it's not and you mean it) but when *I* make an OBVIOUSLY NOT SERIOUS#comment it's suddenly horrible and I belong in a psych ward??? just because the delivery wasn't to suit you????#then they turned around and cried racist because I called them out on their bullshit because apparently pointing out that the things THEY#say and do they're going to eventually do in front of the wrong person and they will get attacked for it (esp using racial slurs#openly and with the mentality that “Only white people get mad at them!!!” like no I'm sorry that's just not the case) is??? Racist???#POC (black and otherwise) have been telling white people not to use those words for a VERY FUCKING LONG TIME you shitstains#and me saying you're going to get retaliated against has nothing to do with whatever skin color you attributed to that statement. Another#white person would attack you for using those words just as likely as the people you're oppressing. So how about you don't??? Use them???#but nah that makes me racist apparently#racism according to repubs: telling them not to use racial slurs#they seriously cannot fucking grasp that what I said does no harm but what they say ALL THE TIME causes a LOT for a lot of people#but *I'm* the bad guy??? Ok.#my humor and yours aren't comparable but sure. Keep projecting
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Lover’s Quarrel
c!techno x gn!reader
•───────•°•❀•°•───────•
: ̗̀➛ Summary: You and Technoblade have been friends for decades, always by each other’s side you two faught alongside each other. That was once in a lifetime, and should never happen again. Unfortunately life doesn’t play out that way and you happen to need him one more time... or maybe they’ll be a change in plans?
: ̗̀➛ Word Count: 1515
: ̗̀➛ Chapters: 1/1
: ̗̀➛ Tag(s): No beta reader we die like ghostbur, c!techno, gn!reader, immortal reader x immortal techno, angel!reader, god!techno, angst, friends to enemies to friends, complicated ik
: ̗̀➛ Warnings: slight cursing, mentions of torture and death
: ̗̀➛ Taglist: Here
: ̗̀➛ Link(s): Ao3
: ̗̀➛ Notes: *screams into oblivion* one this is all platonic I didn’t specify 😓 two I barely survived the writers drought (no friken inspiration) but I bring to you my first c!dsmp x reader fic (please be kind I tried-) basically this taks place in really old times and not modern considering how its writter like I just finished reading shakesphere although the idea came while listening to classical music so that it how you will. Also this isn’t edited so my bad if theres mistakes-
The room was dimly lit with candles and the r oaring fire that burned passionately at the fireplace. White tiles were plastered with gold diamonds, the shade almost as if it was antique jewelry, Old but could tell an amazing story. The colour completing the beige-coloured room
You waited patiently, cross-legged glaring at the clock that ticked every second or so. 10 minutes you thought to yourself while you grind your teeth. That man seemed to be early only when it was for his own convenience, how distasteful.
Just as you finished that thought you saw the dark oak wood door being pushed open. A man walks in, he wears a white loosely fitted blouse, with bishop sleeves which was decorated with frilly fabrics. Along with death-black dress pants that were worn up to the waist. His face where his mask usually is is replaced with glasses and the man's delicate bubblegum pink hair is loosely braided and thrown on the right side of his shoulder.
“Your late” you glare crossing your arms
He let out a sigh “Well pardon me for taking a while to get ready, It's almost like you didn’t come here unannounced” he spoke sarcastically.
He walked over to the glass tray and picked up a small glass cup with a gold ring around it and poured himself a drink. He eyes you “Would you care for a drink y/n?”
“I don’t drink”
He shrugs “Suit yourself”
“Technoblade, I didn't come here for idle chatter.”
He arched his eyebrow slightly “Oh?” Techno placed his cup down “Pray do tell, what exactly did you come here for?” You watched him walk to the other side of the room as he said that.
“I-“ you could even finish before being rudely interrupted by a rustling noise. You watched as your patience grew thinner by the minute he took out a black vinyl disc and placed it on a wooden box making sure the oin was adjusted well. A soft tune of the piano came out of the music player.
“Would you care for a dance?” He holds out his hand, you stare at it contemplating whether you should grab his hands, you really shouldn't, you didn’t want to play his games, you wanted what you came for, but then again it would harm a dance. Or course your brain chose the latter considering how you delicately placed your hand in his letting him place his hand on your waist the the other on your shoulder. He lead the way,(just like he always does)
“Apologies for interrupting music helps me think.” He spoke as he spun you around the floor “They calm the voices” . You knew all about the voices, how much they love to chant and clog his brain with different variations of thoughts, perks of being his ex-partner you suppose. But you watched as he hid a smirk, you guess he’s just telling only half the truth. You roll your eyes
“You can finish”
“Wouldn’t you mean start idiot” you snap
“Meh”
You clicked your tongue in annoyance, his inability to ever grasp the mood of the situation was flawless. It seemed as if he never cared about the other person's feelings, unless you were the god of death you were out of luck for a serious conversation. You’ve dealt with that for decades
You could remember once in a lifetime the two of you were partners, fast and precise that's how the job went. The blood god and the angel of destruction are an amazing duo. You remember when the two of you used to watch as people begged on their knees for their life or perhaps a mercy kill. Watching as your foes tried to retreat to their bases only for their pitiful lives to end in such a disgraceful manner. At the end of the day the two of you stood in the battlefield side by side knowing the world could shake in fear knowing you two were alive
And you loved it like that desire to make people fear you brought giddiness to your body and enlightened your world. You wanted one thing and it was to get revenge.
Revenge on all who did you wrong from your youth up, and now you were strong enough to bring it tenfold.
Everything was fine, It wasn’t until one day the two of you had sat down for a cup of tea like you usually did on Thursday evenings. He told you he wanted to retire, he was done with the killings and the torture.
He was finally putting down the title ‘Blood god’
At first you thought it was a joke but then you saw his eyes and they were as serious as he could ever be, anger rose up in you unable to process the statement.
How could he leave you like this, he promised to be by your side when no one else would.
A liar that's would your made him out to be
A slap to the cheek was all you left him that day
Now here you were decades later, hand in hand dancing to the sounds of the instruments harmonizing becoming one just the way you two were.
He spun you around gracefully on the tiled floor, there's something about dancing in an empty room that makes you feel weird inside. What was this feeling? Him making you feel weak in the knees, perhaps it was the fact the last time you did this it was when you two were young and reckless. He always seemed to know how to brighten your life,even to the point the friendship you two had was envied amongst the other gods.
He twirled you across the room dipping you slightly “Cat caught your tongue”
You rolled your eyes “As if”
You saw outside the glass panes, the sky was painted a blood orange mixed with lavender purples and hints of blue. The sun slowly sets,bringing the nightfall.
You chuckle to yourself, how romantic of the sky to show such a sight for people who would die before dating each other.
You turn your gaze to the god “I need you one last time” you say cutting to the chase
Technoblade glared at you “I already told you I’m retired, don’t be so stubborn”
“I’m not, your being selfish putting your needs before anyone else's”
He snorts “Isn’t that what you're doing y/n? Or am I reading the situation wrong?” He says sarcastically “Plus I thought you made it clear that you wanted nothing to do with me, or was that slap something you did on impulse and you couldn’t face me after?”
You grind your teeth “It was not, and why are you making it seem like you're the victim? You're the one who wanted to leave me!” You snapped
He took his hands away from you and pinched the bridge of his nose “See, this is why we cannot have a conversation. You always jump to conclusions” he growls
“I do not!”
“You do! I never intended to leave your side, only retiring. Is it so bad I wanted to stop killing and do something better with my life, and here I thought you’d be happy with it.”
You stared at him shocked, “I..”
Was he right? You were known to act on impulse which did cause problems in the long run but he’d be there to be by your side every time. But yet, you couldn’t fathom the thought of him leaving his life behind to start a new one. Why? You weren’t sure.
Techno sighed “You act so tough when actually you're broken inside. The thing is you weren’t mad at me for retirement, you were mad that things were changing. You're scared of change because you don’t know where you’ll fall between it all.”
The piano falls into a soft handsomely rhythm
The violinist quietly drag their bows delicately
You cast your eyes aside, you couldn’t argue with the truth. You swallow hard fighting back the tears. You couldn’t fathom the amount of times you’ve been in the wrong or how much you’ve hurt him
Stupid
Stupidstupidstu-
A hand is placed on you head
“You think too much, stop that”
“I’m sorry”
“For overthinking or for being impulsive” he questions
“Both” you whisper keeping your eyes on the floor
“And?”
You huffed “You were right about everything”
He grinned showing his pearly whites “I’m sorry what was that? I couldn’t hear you?”
You laughed slightly making your worries go away for the time being “You asshole, get your head out of the skies as if I’m repeating that again”
He chuckles shrugging “Worth a try”
“So, let's get something straight. I’ll help you one last time then I’m forcing you to retire. Seriously you have no say so.” He eyes you “You probably need therapy too jeez”
“Fuck You I’m perfectly fine”
“Whatever helps you sleep at night” he responds ushering you out the room
“Bold of you to assume I sleep”
“Bruhh”
Taglist: @ttakinou @angstyx
#caramel writes#c!techno#c!technoblade#c!techo x reader#gn!reader#angel!reader#c!techno x gn!reader#immortal!reader x immortal!techno#blood god techno#dream smp#dsmp#angst#fluff#not beta read#we die like ghostbur
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Not to be that person but i think you're exaggerating hard on Gojo's powers, his abilities have already been broken down by physic level graduates and literally explained in the most simple way possible which isn't even surprising as they were not that hard to get a grasp on what they actually are either, only it was Gege's horrible way of trying to explain things via mathematics instead of simply saying it like so but i suppose he wanted people to work their brains a lil. The way you are explaining though is something i would hear from a die hard fanboy that likes to wank Gojo because his technique has pretty colors. If you're going to argue that he can erase/create matter and literally erase everything in existence then please for the love of JJK stop there. Gojo is not a fuckin God, he is a human that's blessed with power, notice though that there's still word human in there. The fact that he himself is aware of his shortcomings proves that he knows he's not nigh invincible. Yet you wanna throw him towards a sun for science lol, nowadays all you're doing is attributing any kind of property you want into his abilities even when literal manga proves otherwise. The fact that Gojo cannot control space/gravity directly but does so via matter proves also that he cannot do it with just a forethought and has to use rct to constantly keep his brain from frying while doing so. What next, are you going to drop your self proclaimed claims that he moves at infinitely faster speeds in the jjk than anyone else? Are you going to say he's light speed maybe? The fact that Gege never intended something for something like this in the manga yet you'd argue it's true for whatever hypocritical reason. I mean seriously, at this point just say that Gojo can erase an entire universe and be done with it, you'd probably also just straight out say he can live in space without oxygen because so. If that was all the case, the whole point of JJK would be pointless. People like you are why Gojo gets hated left and right, throwing whatever attributes you want into his powers and turning him into a fucking alien instead of a human he so fights to be perceived as.
Wow what a really long ask with a lot of assumptions.
Never said that Gojo could get rid of everything in existence, so amazing job on reading there, I see that comprehension is still as prevalent as it ever was. I also never said that he could erase matter. I said that he could create matter, which is true; that's literally what Red Glow is.
Gojo's technique as a default is the manipulation of matter. Matter makes up everything around us and always has and always will. You're matter, I'm matter, my car is matter, the sun? Also matter. Regardless of whatever form that matter takes it cannot be made or destroyed, only changed or moved. This is called the Law of Conservation of Mass and it's a concept that has been around well before germ theory or the discovery of the atom. If the Ancient Greeks could wrap their heads around it, I think you could too with the help of google. Or a book.
Regardless, the fact that Gojo, through his technique, can break the laws of physics at will, annoys me. That was the point of my post, expressing my annoyance at Gojo's abilities because from a physics standpoint, they're a nightmare.
I also never said anything about Gojo being a god. In fact, I've made a point on this blog to point out how Gojo very much isn't one. He's just as human as any other character in JJK and the label of godship, the burden of being the Strongest, is a tragic aspect of his character since the people around him stop seeing his humanity as it truly is. They see his strength, they see his technique, they see his status, but they don't see his weaknesses, which is partially due to him intentionally hiding those weaknesses to safeguard against emotional harm and because Juju society cannot keep him on the pedestal that they've placed him on if they acknowledge that he's just a person with too much responsibility. He doesn't even have a God Complex like so many people in this fandom like to claim, he's just a dude that was born with abilities that, yes, break the general laws of physics as we know them.
But how do his Techniques break those principles and why does that annoy me so? Blue creates negative distance that pulls mass toward a specific point. Red creates matter, resulting in an irregularity in space that creates a vacuum. Neither of these things are possible or probable, as distance cannot be completely negated and something (matter) cannot be made from nothing. And yet, they're a thing that Gojo can do. If it had simply been that Blue condensed matter to a point and Red moved existing matter to where it previously wasn't, then I wouldn't be annoyed because while Gojo would still be playing with the building blocks of the universe, it would at least be using defined and "attainable" methods.
But whatever, I'm a nerd and it's possible that my anger toward the concept of Limitless (and Gojo, by extension) is because I personally enjoy breaking down things by science and logic as a hobby and I can't comfortably do that with Limitless because it defies science and logic. That's my own hang up, much like that post was me airing my personal grievances with the Technique.
I just find it interesting that I can talk (rant, really) about how much Gojo's technique annoys and frustrates me (I believe I capped the post off with "Fuck off, I'm eating bricks over here") and that be taken as me "fan-boying" over the Technique and Gojo because "pretty colors." I actually don't even like Gojo and I never have. Do I outright bash him on my blog? No, not unless you count me joking about him not getting hoes. Do I analyze his character and enjoy picking apart his relationships with others? Yes, but I enjoy doing that for all of the characters in JJK, because meta analysis is fun and Gege has given us a lot of detail to work with. Unlike you, dear anon, it's very possible for me to dislike and critique things that I read without being an asshole about it, so despite you starting with "I don't mean to be that person," I think you did, in fact, mean to be that person.
You just happened to send your disorganized, overly emotional and uninformed opinion into the ask box of an adult with an engineering degree and zero patience for someone putting words into my mouth.
PS: Gege using math to explain Gojo's abilities isn't "horrible," they actually did a decent job of simplifying their explanation of Limitless in a way that teenagers could understand. Which is the point, Jump is for a teenage audience. Regardless, Physics is a branch of Science that uses mathematics throughout it's entire framework. Those "physics graduates" used multiple pages worth of math to break down Gojo's techniques, there was no "said like so" about it.
PPS: Tagging my post as "day no 586 of wanting to launch gojo into the sun for science" was obviously a joke, but I'd love to know what properties I'm attributing to Gojo's abilites that haven't been disclosed by Gege in Q&As or stated in the manga itself. Send me something I've actually said and I'll explain it for you, but until then, never assume to know how I think or feel about something, especially when it's clear that you haven't read a single other post that I've made on this blog.
#obviously youre very passionate about how you *think* i feel about gojo#but keep in mind that wasnt meant to be an informative post about limitless#that breakdown is in the works and eill be explained in a clear fact-based way#my post was simply me bitching about how bullshit limitless is because it is in fact bullshit from a scientific pov#jujutsu kaisen#gojo satoru#meta answers
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Thank YOU for answering! And omg is there more than one mastermind? Spill the tea! ❤
There sure is! Okay, so initially I planned on just Kiibo being the mastermind, as opposite to kokichi, he takes his position as ultimate supreme leader very seriously and so no one takes him seriously in turn. This results in the twist being that he actually did genuinely mean everything he said and was in fact the villain he portrayed himself to be. And while I liked this idea, I didn't think it was enough, I mean, "the bad guy was actually a bad guy" isn't really that fulfilling by itself. But then I had the idea of having two masterminds and suddenly things became interesting. But enough background, let's get into it.
So, the two masterminds we have in this au are Kiibo and Miu, and their partnership was formed during the killing game, or rather, right before. Orginally, Kiibo had no intention of seeking help from his fellow classmates as he simply saw them as subjects under his control. Or, you could even say he them as machines under his control. And the most dangerous of these machines was Miu, because she's the ultimate survivor in this au. Kiibo knew he wanted to get rid of her as soon as possible due to her unfair advantages and inconvenient talent.
He planned to have her killed until an idea suddenly occurred to him. Why get rid of the threat when you can use it to your advantage? He saw how frantic Miu was about not knowing her talent, and so he formed a plan. He asked to meet her in the library and once she arrived, he told her he knew where she would be able to find about her talent. When she asked where, he revealed the hidden door and used his card to enter the room inside. Then he beckoned her inside and closed the door behind her and revealed his true identity as the mastermind of this killing game.
When she inevitably didn't believe him, he referred back to the idea that the mastermind must have a machine that can create Monokuma and reveals Motherkuma. He then tells Motherkuma to "birth a Monokuma" and Motherkuma creates a new Monokuma on the spot. After witnessing this, Miu replies saying, "how fucking typical" this is and asks Kiibo if he intends to kill her now that she, "knows too much." Kiibo is of course offended by this notion and he corrects her saying that he has no intentions of harming her, as long as she listens to what he has to say. Miu rolls her eyes but reluctantly hears him out. Kiibo goes on to explain that he will do his best to uncover the secret of her talent as long as she helps him run the killing game.
He states that he cannot reveal her talent outright because he himself does not know everything it entails and wishes to properly inform Miu when he has figured it out. He also adds that agreeing to this deal will guarantee her survival in the long run. Now, I know this may seem like a one-sided deal on Kiibo's part, and while partially it is, you have to think about this through Miu's perspective. See, Miu is far more antsy about learning her talent than Rantaro was. Because of her inquisitive mind, she can't stand not knowing something, even more so when it's concerning herself. Secondly, I think that Miu might fear that her forgetting her talent had to do with her accident that landed her in a coma.
She might think that she's relapsing and so she's desperate for any clues towards her missing talent. Also, as much as I love Miu, she's kinda selfish, no, more like really selfish. Yeah a lot of things that Miu did in the canon ended up helping others, but she did all of those things out of her own self interest. So, while Miu isn't cool with killing people, it's a necessary evil so that she can discover her talent. And this deal will also ensure that she doesn't die before she's able to find it out. So, she agrees and this is how the two masterminds are established.
Kiibo then tells her everything, the truth of the outside world, his plans for the killing game, etc. He also allows her access to Motherkuma and the creation of Monokumas. From here on, the two work together to monitor the students and to subtly influence the killing game. Or well, Miu does at least. Kiibo leaves most of the technical work to Miu, monitoring the students, asking Motherkuma for security footage, directing Monokuma and the Monokubs according to Kiibo's instruction, and distributing the flashback lights. Kiibo is too preoccupied with his image around the other students to be bothered to do any of the work himself. And while Miu despises having to do all of Kiibo's dirty work, she finds her own enjoyment in her work.
Often times she'll program Monokuma and the Monokub's AI to say something crude, or she'll place one of the flashback lights in a particular obscure place. But regardless of her own enjoyment, if doing this will help her grow closer towards finding her talent, she'll put up with it, if being very snarky about it. She deals with this corrupt bargain for 2 chapters without much complaint, but after the third she goes impatient and begins to doubt if Kiibo intends to keep his end of the deal. When she confronts him about this, he tells her he's working as hard as he can but that the only thing he knows is that her research lab is located on the 5th floor. Miu did not know of the research lab as Kiibo hid the survivor perk from her. Miu grumbles about the lack of info and contradictory story, but after pondering the information about the 5th floor, she starts to conceive a plan.
After the 4th chapter, when Kiibo tells the class about the truth of the outside world, he demands that Miu come up with a way to reinvigorate the killing game. Miu says that she will, as long as Kiibo tells her what her talent is. When he refuses, she tells him that she can summon as many Monokuma as she wants. He argues that he can do the same, and that's when Miu pulls a knife she had hidden under her clothing. She points it towards Kiibo with a smug grin on her face. She says that he is free to try, but that ultimately he will still be outnumbered 2:1.
Realizing that he no longer has a choice in this matter, he finally reveals that Miu is the ultimate survivor. When she asks him what that means, he gives her the key, the survivor perk, and the usb port to her research lab and tells her she can learn more there. She thanks him, and extends a hand saying that she'll take care of the killing game issue as soon as possible. With his signature naivety, he takes her hand and she pulls him close, plunging the knife into his stomach. As he gasps in pain and grasps onto her, she gets close to his ear and says, "How's that for starting up the killing game?"
And she gives a extra twist in his stomach for measure before she retrieves her knife and leaves him to bleed out on the ground. And so the power becomes transferred to Miu, making her the new singular mastermind.
Now I'd love to get more into Miu's character and what she does from here on out but I'll save that for a Miu specific post. Had a lot of fun with this one, especially because it's one of my bigger divergences from canon and I'm quite happy with it. Anyways, thanks for the ask!
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An essay on why I fight for Wonho
I think there has been too much of this “why do you even care that much?” bullshit lately and I’d like to make things clear, at least for my part. And I am assuming many other Monbebes can relate.
Indeed, why do I care? Wonho was never my bias, I have always liked other groups too, I have seen hundreds of groups come and go, it’s just one member in that group and although I want him to return, I actually want this entire industry to burn down to ashes even more and yes, that would mean death sentence to all idol groups.
But first of all, let me ask this question in return: Why does it bother you that we care? Who gets to define what’s a useless endeavor? What makes you think I can’t simultaneously care for “more important” issues? Why the hell are you judging us for wasting time on this, when we all already know you wasted days watching that useless Youtube vine compilation, binge-watched that one Netflix series you didn’t seriously even care about, played that one stupid mobile phone game when you should have been sleeping, ate those two boxes of cookies that could’ve lasted you two whole weeks? Who are you to say things are useless just because it’s not your favorite idol group or whoever the fuck you care about, who’s under attack? Why do you think we have explaining to do, when literally none of this has anything to do with you personally and it’s literally you who fail to see the implications this incident had?
I don’t need to explain why I found a person inspiring as an idol and human being, why I found his background story motivating and moving and why I found his presence in Monsta X very important for the entire group’s mental health, group dynamics, success and happiness. I don’t need to explain why I find it upsetting that the people I cared about are torn apart because of no fucking reason, and that I can see that pain from their faces as they’re forced to pretend Wonho does no longer fucking exist?
I don’t fucking think I need to explain why I have empathy for a person who is under a police investigation just because. I don’t think I need to explain why I don’t find it fair that someone is under an attack for doing something that is not deemed as illegal in the most civilized, democratic countries. I don’t need to explain why I want to defend someone who’s kicked out of his group because of conservative internet trolls and a couple whose own background is about ten times more shady than Wonho’s. I don’t think I need to justify myself protesting for him, when he is fired from a job that has absolutely nothing to do with the things he’s being accused of. I don’t think I need to explain that unlike many others, I am indeed capable of reflecting this incident against the bigger context and see how flawed the entire Korean legislative system is.
But let me do your homework for you asshats and explain what this bigger context is. It’s the context where simply having an allegation of whatever kind placed against you is enough to ruin your entire career. The context where people are literally lying about a person’s background and have been caught doing that, but can still continue with the investigation. The context where people can be punished again and again for things they did ages ago, apologized for, moved on and learned from. The context where literal rich drug dealers, convicted criminals sitting in prison, their minions and ENTIRE companies (cough pdx101 cough) might be able to escape from justice, but this one unfortunate person whose existence is only justified by the Korean population if he is superhumanly perfect and flawless, is brought down for allegedly committing a crime that was not harming anybody and was committed six fucking years ago. The context where you can be punished for something so meaningless that it feels like there is indeed space for a conspiracy theory or two. The context that paints idols as literal gods and goddesses who are not allowed to have pasts, backgrounds, redemption arcs or flaws to their character. The context that is taking idols from their hard-earned positions just because someone influential enough had a personal grudge against them. This context where Koreans are not protected by their own companies or labor unions but can be treated like non-human playthings, chess pieces and pawns just for having human traits.
I don’t think I need to explain why I have empathy. I don’t think I need to explain why this bigger picture I see doesn’t only clash with my morals, but also potentially hurts hundreds of thousands of other people, because something like this could easily happen to them, too, especially if we now use this incident as an example of how things should be handled in similar situations. And if you as a person fail to connect the dots, if you personally fail to see why this is giving an ugly view into a ruthless society many of my friends and loved ones have no other options but to live in, I think that’s on you. That’s literally your personal problem, not mine.
Wonho was not inspiring because he was flawless, he was inspiring because he demonstrated character growth. He was not inspiring because he never did any mistakes, he was inspiring because he kept improving and kept sharing his love and gratitude toward his fans. He was not inspiring because he had wealth, connections and endless virtuosity, he was inspiring because he built his career from nothing and still remembered to explicitly thank his family, his friends, his loved ones and his fans every single day. That alone is something we can’t say from many other people.
And if you think my argument is flawed because I was biased? Yes. I am biased. It’s not suspicious that people care about stuff more when it turns out to be personally relatable. Stop fucking pretending you are so virtuous, wise and pure that you already fought against bigotry, oppression, discrimination and bullshit in its all forms, way before you were even fucking born. That does not give you more social justice woke points, it just makes you annoying. Just because some Monbebes woke up to notice how flawed, ugly, embarrassing and pathetic the kpop industry can be now that their own favorite idol is attacked, is not a bad thing if it leads to them protesting against similar incidents in the future. Just because people cannot fully grasp issues before it has something to do with themselves doesn’t mean they can’t now use that realization as a boost to change the entire society.
Yes, we intend to not bring only Wonho back, but also bring down the entire industry that made it possible for things like these to happen. Yes, we as human beings are capable of empathizing with people who we don’t have much to do with, but it’s not wrong if we fight even more fiercely when we try to protect our own. When was the last time you have done something similar?
If our movement brings light to the fact how little protections workers have in Korea, if our movement makes people see how devastating consequences bullying and baseless accusations can have on people, if our movement continues talking about the same problem that caused a person to commit literal suicide a month earlier? If our movement makes it transparent to everybody how much power all these companies have over their idols and how they can not only treat them like shit after trusting and rooting for them for several years, but also silence all the remaining members and force them to continue even if they’re at a breaking point? If our movement brings light to the fact that maybe, just maybe it’s not fair to punish people for things that they might not only NOT have done, but also are literally meaningless even if he did them ALL, especially because they happened before he ever even was an idol?
Well, I’ll call it a movement that exists for a good fucking reason.
One of my Korean friends, after being told about this, said that well, the only thing I now need to do is to change my favorite group and move on with my life, because I am literally just a customer and I can’t change things. And you know what? That is exactly the problem here. Without knowing it, she summarized the entire problem up perfectly with that one sentence.
She and so many other Koreans (and non-Koreans) consider idols mere products. They think idols are here to sell us a certain image of a perfect, successful person who does not really exist as a human being. Idols just represent something the Korean society aspires to be, but if enough people get fed up with them for whatever reason, just to bolster their own feelings of revenge and jealousy like in this case, idols can be dumped and forgotten in a matter of minutes. That hurting one idol does not really matter, because there are people lining up behind him to do his job even better. That being an idol is an endless cycle of improving oneself, requiring less and less time for resting, recovery, privacy and human rights and asking less and less forgiveness from the audience. That if you get an important position in the society, it’s on you if you cannot handle the negative publicity that might follow. That if you have done one mistake once, it prevents you from ever moving on in your life, because it can come and bite you in the ass whenever, arbitrarily, just because, even if technically you had already been forgiven long time ago. That people who have gotten money and fame do not earn those positions because of hard work, but because they are supposed to be superhuman. And because there is no such thing as a superhuman, every and any idol can be brought down whenever they show the smallest sign of humanity. Even if that sign of humanity is just them showing open solidarity and empathy for a friend and colleague that was wrenched from them for no reason.
She and so many other Koreans think the only thing they can do as normal citizens is to pretend this one “flawed, miserable” individual never existed, because they are powerless against the decisions of the companies, press and rich conservative trolls?
And for some reason, somehow, these same Koreans fail to see how that reflects the state of their entire society and how it affects their own rights as workers, as human beings. They fail to see this very, very crucial factor: that idols are more similar to everyday Koreans than they are to the entertainment companies, wealthy chaebol CEOs and a couple of filthy rich drug dealers who escape their own punishment because of their even richer dad.
Idols are NOT extremely wealthy celebrities who have a freedom to choose their own paths, influential politicians who can escape from scandals after scandals or sons and daughters of the company leaders and estate owners of Korea.
They are workers who have inhumane working conditions. They are faces to faceless, cruel companies who are intentionally hiding behind them to cover their own tracks.
Idols have no real rights, freedom or future, and thus, they represent us normal people. What you do to one of these idols, you essentially do to every single one of his/her fans. You take our dreams away, you punish us unfairly for things we tried to learn from, you take away our voices that we used to express our own oppression and challenge the status quo.
Idols are not us, but they represent us more than any of these companies, leaders, rich heirs and heiresses and CEO’s could ever do.
And that’s why I’m fighting for Wonho.
__
And please miss me with that cultural relativism bullshit. I know injustice when I see it. I can distinguish suffering and pain even in cultural contexts I am not born into. Also? Maybe if Koreans don’t want us to meddle with how they handle their own problems, maybe they should have really been thinking twice before trying to buy the entire world with the help of their idol industry. We can hold companies accountable. We can demand change. Companies and wealthy shitheads are not representatives of a culture. We know there are Koreans with us in this fight.
And if this doesn’t change with us, right now, today... it will sit down with us until something like this happens again, and then the change will come in the shape of a fucking tsunami.
And what are you going to do at that point, stand in the fucking way, or pretend your past mistakes can no longer hold you accountable?
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ON NICO’S CANON DIVERGENCE....
so while writing up nico’s bio and about page, i realized how much i changed around in his life and personality from the books, etc. when it comes to little things that at least in my interpretation significantly shape nico as a person. SO this is basically a list of things that i’ve changed or brought more attention to. feel free to read it if you’d like, i’m going to link this on his about page for reference, but it’s also terrifyingly long so by no means feel obligated to read it. it’s split into five sections-- nico’s timeline, nico’s motivations, nico’s fears, nico’s powers, and the rules of mythomagic. see tags for triggers.
i’ve also put it under a read more because it’s so freakin long. oops.
NICO’S NEGLECTED TIMELINE.
i. CHILDHOOD IN ITALY and AMERICA : nico is italian. he grew up in italy. his first language is italian. until he was about nine years old, he lived in italy with his mother and bianca, and hades was actually a semi-present person in his life in his very young years at least. he gets his memories wiped in the river lethe, though some things seem to have remained. the fact that hades has nico and bianca’s memories wiped really, REALLY upsets nico when he finds out what’s happened, and threatens his relationship to hades severely. especially when he finds out what happened to maria ( aka zeus killed her when he was trying to kill bianca and nico, and hades was unable to save both maria and his children ), it becomes incredibly important to him to find a way to remember as much as he can about his history, or at least learn about it. hades fills in some of the gaps, and a fair chunk of his memories are restored, and the rest is partially filled in by doing old fashioned research. discovering more about his family and reconnecting himself to his italian roots is incredibly important to nico-- he’s lost his mother and bianca already at this point, so this is the closest he can get to feeling close to them again.
ii. TIME IN THE LABYRINTH : nico learns a lot in the labyrinth from king minos, and that’s kind of the problem. nico is a really, really young kid at this point ( bianca died at i think 12 years old, so nico is probably in the 10-11 years old range at the time. rick’s given some conflicting reports about nico’s specific age, which makes it really hard to figure out exactly how old he is. we just know he’s the same age as will solace in modern time-- in my canon, nico is 12ish. see my post about his timeline here. ) and all of a sudden he finds himself lost in the labyrinth where his only guide is minos. that’s it. no one else. minos teaches him how to shadow travel, and nico’s pretty much locked in the labyrinth with nothing else to do but work on understanding and strengthening his powers. by the time he’s reunited with percy in daedalus’ workshop, his powers are pretty strong. he’s able to create enough of a distraction that they can escape kronos briefly, so he’s pretty powerful even for a kid his age.
the time in the labyrinth is critical to his growth, but also really disturbing. minos encourages nico’s obsession with strengthening his powers, and that mentality really sticks with nico for an uncomfortably long time after he’s left the labyrinth. he then makes the choice to go back into the labyrinth multiple times. the fact that he’s more comfortable wandering around the labyrinth than staying at camp speaks volumes about who nico is as a person, and can’t be emphasized enough in its importance when it comes to the growth of nico’s powers and the increase in his desire for isolation.
iii. TIME IN TARTARUS : long story short, nico’s time in tartarus fucks him up. a constant barrage of psychological, mental, and emotional torment knocks him back to a point where he’s just about lost his mind completely by the time he’s captured and removed from tartarus. in my version of nico, at least, he’s barely got a grasp on who he is by the time gaea’s forces catch him. his time in tartarus drags all of his bad memories and losses right up to the front of his mind, and he really goes above and beyond the extreme to stay alive. the greatly debated timeline of events for the pjo/hoo series says that nico is in tartarus for about twelve days before being put in the jar for three. however, i disagree with this estimate strongly. percy and annabeth are trapped in tartarus for eighteen days according to the timeline, and while yes, them being in tartarus together rather than alone allows them to keep their sanity longer than it would if they were just on their own, it’s stated that as a child of hades, nico is probably more resilient when it comes to the effects of tartarus. we also know from his interaction with akhlys that some of tartarus’ “foes” don’t have as much of an effect on nico as they do on others. akhlys says there’s not much she can do to him when she meets him, because he’s already so miserable, her powers are limited in their usefulness. so my guess is that nico was in there for about a month or so before being removed by gaea’s sons and placed in the bronze jar. but point is that nico’s time in tartarus is wildly disturbing and contributes to a lot of his fears, which are touched on below. nico’s time in tartarus is central to who he is as a character the way i write him, and while he hates talking about it, it’s something he thinks about a lot everyday.
NICO’S MOTIVATIONS.
i. TRAUMA OVER LOSING BIANCA : i haven’t changed much from canon for this but i will say this one thing-- bianca was the last person for years to say that she loved nico. no one told him, no one said anything, no one expressed that they really truly cared about him for a disturbingly long time. i touch on how this impacts nico’s feelings towards percy below but in my interpretation, nico kind of just.... forgets that people can/do love him. at least in my verse of things, probably the first person that’s told him that they love him since before bianca died was will solace, and the realization that since bianca, there hasn’t been a single person alive that loved him really seriously rattles and damages him. it’s bittersweet being told that people love him, because while it’s important to him, it’s also jarring to look back and think that for a long time, no one did at all.
ii. FEELINGS FOR PERCY : yes, a lot of nico’s actions are driven by his complicated feelings for percy. rick definitely touched on that a lot more in the later books after we find out that nico is gay, and we saw a lot of reasoning for nico’s actions come into focus in this new lens when it came to looking at who nico is as a person. there’s the really great ( for showing nico’s feelings, the scene itself is horrific and terrible ) scene in house of hades that i’m gonna quote even though it’s long, but--
Images flashed through [ Jason’s ] mind. He saw Nico and his sister on a snowy cliff in Maine, Percy Jackson protecting them from a manticore. Percy’s sword gleamed in the dark. He’d been the first demigod Nico had ever seen in action.
Later, at Camp Half-Blood, Percy took Nico by the arm, promising to keep his sister Bianca safe. Nico believed him. Nico looked into his sea-green eyes and thought, How can he possibly fail? This is a real hero. He was Nico’s favorite game, Mythomagic, brought to life.
Jason saw the moment when Percy returned and told Nico that Bianca was dead. Nico had screamed and called him a liar. He’d felt betrayed, but still... when the skeleton warriors attacked, he couldn’t let them harm Percy. Nico had called on the earth to swallow them up, and then he’d run away-- terrified of his own powers, and his own emotions.
- The House of Hades
we can see really clearly nico’s crush on percy forming during even his earliest interactions with percy, and while i strongly disagree that nico understood his feelings when he first ran from camp ( see below section about nico’s sexuality ), he does come to understand them later on, and responds to those feelings by avoiding getting emotionally attached or reliant on anyone, including the rest of campers at chb, the main gang, etc. it’s true that his feelings for percy dictate a lot of his actions, both in service of percy’s causes and in relation to how he acts around percy and those close to him ( like annabeth ). however, i cannot stress enough that NONE OF NICO’S ACTIONS IN MY VERSION OF HIM ARE DRIVEN BY HIS DESIRE TO GET PERCY TO LOVE HIM BACK. canon says these are his motivations outright with the quote :
“An idea came to him-- possibly the stupidest, craziest idea he’d had since he thought, hey, I’ll get Percy to swim in the River Styx! He’ll love me for that!”
- The Blood of Olympus
i think this does nico a huge disservice. while yes, i maintain that nico’s feelings for percy influenced a lot of his behavior and played a major role in his actions, none of the things he did were done with the hopes of getting percy to love him back. nico is mad at percy and blames him for bianca’s death-- he’s not going to be trying to show percy that he’s worth loving. he’s got nothing to make up for or prove. him trying to show off repeatedly by nearly killing himself on multiple occasions overexerting himself while using his powers to help or protect percy-- getting percy to bathe in the river styx, coming to his aid at multiple battles, trying to save him from falling into tartarus-- don’t scream “please love me back” to me.
in fact, i think it’s really fucked up to put that on nico and his relationship to percy. i’ll probably do a whole meta on this at some point too because i’m really mad about this in the books but the way that rick set up nico’s relation to percy with him trying to get percy to love him back is so wildly unhealthy that it’s disturbing. no. it weakens nico as a person and as a character and makes him seem pathetic, just sadly trailing along after percy and doing whatever percy wants / needs because he just wants him to like him back. nope. i ain’t playin this shit, and let me tell you what the better narrative is--
people do crazy things to protect the people that they love, and nico’s reasoning for all of the crazy stuff he did to protect percy was based on his feelings for him and wanting to keep him safe, even if he is with someone else. that doesn’t stop him from being jealous and even a little resentful of percy’s relationship with annabeth, but he’s not running around trying to get rid of annabeth so he can win percy. that’s not who he is, and that’s never been who he is. so again, i’m gonna stress that nico is NOT motivated by his desire to get percy to love him back, but rather by the fact that he loves percy enough to put his life and safety on the line for him.
iii. ANXIETY : my version of nico focuses A LOT on anxiety. nico’s life has, to put it simply, been a nightmare and a half, which ultimately leads to him having a lot of issues with things like self image, his ability to connect with other people, etc. so my version of nico really runs with that, especially in just his day-to-day life.
now, he’s clearly fucking around in this scene, but--
“Nico,” I said at last, “shouldn’t you be sitting at the Hades table?”
He shrugged. “Technically, yes. But if I sit alone at my table, strange things happen. Cracks open in the floor. Zombies crawl out and start roaming around. It’s a mood disorder. I can’t control it. That’s what I told Chiron.”
“And is it true?” I asked.
Nico smiled thinly. “I have a note from my doctor.”
Will raised his hand. “I’m his doctor.”
- The Hidden Oracle
now this is a cute giggle scene that i’ll call back to in the next section for other reasons, but nico has up to this point been a hardcore loner. being at camp and around other campers has consistently made him uncomfortable up until blood of olympus, so him making not just a little effort but a whole thing out of it so he doesn’t have to sit alone is what i’m focused on, and why the thought of people disliking him, etc. fuels a lot of his behavior. he’s working on getting over it in the hidden oracle, but he’s still got a long way to go.
in my version of nico, his anxiety is more heavily connected to his phobikinesis, aka his ability to radiate the feelings of fear and death, which is something he inherited from hades. nico frequently uses this in battle as we see, but in just normal life, it shows up a lot more. one of nico’s powers basically lets him kill plant life around him, but when he is especially anxious, angry, or upset, the same happens. a large chunk of people being freaked out by him in the earlier days is because he’s, well, the son of hades, but it’s also his own anxieties getting literally projected onto other people, who then show the same discomfort he’s afraid of them showing. while he’s clearly using this as an excuse to get what he wants in the hidden oracle segment, it is a genuine problem for him, and i don’t think chiron would’ve allowed it if he thought nico was just fucking around. there’s something real behind it that i don’t think we should ignore, so for my version of nico, at least, it’s very real and has seriously changed his life because of how people see him and behave around him.
nico’s anxiety plays into some of his other powers as well. i touch on this later with nico’s “mood disorder”, as he calls it, which he uses to get it so chiron will let him sit at the apollo table during meals, but nico is able to kill things around him with pure anxiety. in house of hades--
Nico braced himself against a column, his legs trembling visibly.
“Hey, man...” Jason stepped toward him, but Nico waved him off.
At Nico’s feet, the grass turned brown and wilted. The dead patch spread outward, as if poison were seeping from the soles of his shoes.
- The House of Hades
i talk more about this scene later on when it comes to nico’s fears, but nico’s nervousness, shame, sadness, anger, and fear are all connected to how this power manifests itself, and it’s a serious problem for him that he’s never really had to get under control until he starts spending time with more people, i.e. after blood of olympus.
iv. JEALOUSY : i’m not going to expand on this much but nico is a wildly jealous person, which we see multiple times throughout the series. he’s petty and jealous, that’s about it. i don’t think it gets emphasized enough that he feels these emotions, especially as strongly as he does.
NICO’S WORST FEARS.
i. THE DARK : nico spent a disturbingly long amount of time in tartarus. as a child of hades, he claims that darkness never bothered him before--
“I am the son of Hades. I go where I wish. The darkness is my birthright.”
- The Blood of Olympus
--but i disagree when he says this doesn’t bother him at all. not only is nico an incredibly proud individual, he’s kind of an Extra kid that puts on a tough face whenever he feels even vaguely doubted or threatened. he could easily just be bullshitting here so he can do what he wants rather than admitting he’s afraid. my interpretation of nico’s fear of the dark comes initially from the lines--
This did not seem to reassure Nico.
“I don’t like being in the dark,” he muttered.
An odd complaint for a child of Hades, but I understood...
- The Hidden Oracle
while he’s admittedly not talking specifically about nico’s fear of the dark, the fact that apollo finds it weird for a child of hades to complain about the dark when nico said literally one book ago that the darkness is his “birthright” sparked the idea. especially when it comes to not just nico’s time in tartarus, but the time he was trapped in the jar by gaea’s sons, it’s not an illogical conclusion to say that he has at least an acute phobia of the dark.
ii. CONFINED SPACES : like his fear of the dark, nico’s fear of confined spaces comes from his time in the bronze jar. once he’s captured by gaea’s forces, they drop him in the jar and take him out of tartarus. he’s got limited oxygen in there and needs to go into a death trance just to keep himself alive. at this point, he’s been in the dark for so long, being trapped in pretty much complete darkness in a closed space where he’s slowly running out of oxygen isn’t exactly relaxing, especially after he’s been stumbling around in tartarus and then captured. this basically just means that he gets antsy in closed spaces and big crowds where he doesn’t have his own personal space. he likes hades cabin because he’s usually the only one there, and he can keep it however he wants. i fully believe that after returning to and deciding to officially stay at camp, he gets a little more light in there, changes up his little coffin bed, and keeps lights on at pretty much all times, even if it’s just greek fire or something. complete darkness is something nico only does when it comes to shadow travel.
iii. HIS SEXUALITY / BEING OUTED : cupid pretty much making nico admit that he’s gay in front of jason nearly breaks nico. we see him when he’s trying to still keep his feelings for percy private, he goes so far to try and keep that to himself. we also need to consider how angry/upset nico gets when cupid tries to out him. i mentioned him killing the grass in my section about nico’s anxiety, but nico shows off the full force of his power. i’m gonna quote a few chunks of this part from house of hades, but--
“Nico,” [ Jason ] called, “what does this guy want from you?”
‘Tell him, Nico di Angelo,’ Cupid said. ‘Tell him the real reason you ran from Camp Half-Blood, and why you are always alone.’
Nico let loose a guttural scream. The ground at his feet split open and skeletons crawled forth-- dead Romans with missing hands and caved-in skulls, cracked ribs, and jaws unhinged [ ... ]
‘Will you hide among the dead, as you always do?’ Cupid taunted.
Waves of darkness rolled off the son of Hades. When they hit Jason, he almost lost consciousness-- overwhelmed by hatred and fear and shame...
- House of Hades
nico legit summons a mini army of the dead to attack cupid so he can try to avoid admitting he’s in love with percy ( or was, he claims that he’s over it later in the chapter, but personally i don’t think it is ), and if that ain’t an overreaction to someone trying to get you to admit you’ve got a crush, i don’t know what is. then, when we get to the part where nico ACTUALLY admits it, he’s overwhelmed with a wide variety of negative emotions. one more time--
'Stop hiding,’ Cupid said [ ... ] ‘You do not have the strength.’
“Nico,” Jason managed to say, “it’s okay. I get it.”
Nico glanced over, pain and misery washing across his face.
“No, you don’t,” he said. “There’s no way you can understand.”
‘And so you run away again,’ Cupid chihded. ‘From your friends, from yourself.’
“I don’t have friends!” Nico yelled. “I left Camp Half-Blood because I didn’t belong! I’ll never belong!”
[ ... ] Nico’s voice was like broken glass. “I--I wasn’t in love with Annabeth.”
“You were jealous of her,” Jason said. “That’s why you didn’t want to be around her. Especially why you didn’t want to be around... him. It makes total sense.”
All the fight and denial seemed to go out of Nico at once. The darkness subsided. The Roman dead collapsed into bones and crumbled to dust.
“I hated myself,” Nico said. “I hated Percy Jackson.”
[ ... ]
“I had a crush on Percy,” Nico spat. “That’s the truth. That’s the big secret.”
He glared at Cupid. “Happy now?”
- The House of Hades
he’s embarrassed, and ashamed, and when jason tells him it’s fine, he snaps at him--
"Just who I am... Easy for you to say. [ ... ] The only person who ever accepted me was Bianca, and she died! I didn't choose any of this. My father, my feelings..."
i fully believe that part of nico’s fear of coming out is based on the era he was raised in as a child. it’s not clear ( though it’s at least somewhat implied in the above lines ) that he ever got a chance to come out to bianca, but i don’t think he did. while nico’s friends are all cool with it when he does come out to them, the 1930s-1940s were a tense time with the rise of italian fascism and the lead up to world war ii, but all in all, it didn’t create a super safe environment for nico to even consider his sexuality in. especially once italy allied itself with nazi germany, nico’s sexuality would’ve been not only something he considered shameful, but something that he could’ve gotten killed for under the mussolini regime in italy. though he and his family left italy in the 1940s and came to america, at that point, the mentality had sunk in. not everyone struggling with understanding their sexuality knows from a very young age that they’re not straight, and i think that nico would be discouraged from even beginning to understand that side of himself until after bianca died. having missed that opportunity to come out to his family ( with the exception of hades, who’s just kinda “i’m fine with it as long as you stop talking to me about percy jackson and how cool he is” about it ) made him reluctant to share his secret with anyone else, especially when he’s been raised in an environment where that was shameful. one more quote from house of hades, but--
Nico [ ... ] regarded Jason, as if waiting for an attack. “If the others found out--”
“If the others found out,” Jason said, “you’d have that many more people to back you up [ ... ].”
Nico scowled. Jason still felt the resentment and anger rippling off of him.
[ ... ]
“I don’t feel that way anymore,” Nico muttered. “I mean, I gave up on Percy. I was young and impressionable, and I-- I don’t...”
His voice cracked, and Jason could tell the guy was about to get teary-eyed. Whether Nico had really given up on Percy or not, Jason couldn’t imagine what it had been like for Nico all those years, keeping a secret that would’ve been unthinkable to share in the 1940s, denying who he was, feeling completely alone-- even more isolated than other demigods.
- The House of Hades
nico panics and almost bursts into tears at the thought of jason telling anyone. jason ultimately keeps his secret until nico’s ready to come out ( though it’s my firm belief that nico doesn’t come out to more than a few people; see below ), but nico lives in constant fear of being outed until, at least, he admits to percy that he had a crush on him, which he eventually does in blood of olympus. ( you can read my full analysis of this scene here )
but that’s a huge detour from why i’m talking about this. my main point is that nico’s fear of coming out is centered widely around his own self-consciousness when it comes to the subject and the mindset in which he was raised. it’s not until jason supporting him ( and keeping his secret until he was ready to talk about it to others ) and meeting will solace that he actually becomes more secure with this part of his identity, though he’s still not entirely comfortable with it. i’ve harped on this a lot, and i’ll move on soon, but nico’s discomfort--
Will turned to me. “I apologize for my boyfriend.”
Nico rolled his eyes. “Could you not--”
“Would you prefer special guy?” Will asked. “Or significant other?”
“Significant annoyance, in your case,” Nico grumbled.
“Oh, I’ll get you for that.”
Meg wiped her dripping nose. “You guys fight a lot.”
- The Hidden Oracle
yes, this is kinda just passed off as a funny little exchange between the two of them, and part of their relationship. nico and will exchange witty banter through a lot of the book, and i’ll point to another little exchange not long after--
“In the meantime, no one else should roam the camp alone. Use the buddy system.”
“Understood.” Will looked at Nico. “Will you be my buddy?”
“You are a dork,” Nico announced.
The two of them strolled off bickering.
- The Hidden Oracle
will and nico are clearly affectionate towards each other throughout the book, and nico is a lot more relaxed around will later on, like when they’re all eating dinner together at apollo’s table ( see the “I have a note from my doctor.” exchange ), but immediately gets cranky when will starts calling him by romantic partner nicknames. it’s not just friendly bickering, it’s discomfort, especially in front of will’s father ( shoutout to apollo ) who could EASILY disapprove of him as will’s partner.
NICO’S POWERS.
there’s a full list of all of nico’s powers and abilities on his about page (here), i’m just going to toss in here that a lot of the specifics fo his abilities i’ve taken some creative liberties with. since he’s got so many and they’re not all touched on that much except for once or twice, i’ve made the executive decision to make my own rules a bit.
feel free to ask questions about this if you’ve got any, he’s got a lot of powers and it gets confusing easily.
MYTHOMAGIC.
this section isn’t anything important it’s more just a disclaimer that i’ve made up all the rules for mythomagic because there are no rules in canon. i’m bullshitting my way through that game and everyone should know it. i’ve based my concept on it on the game stratego, and morphed it into kind of a weird combo of that and d&d. personally i’ve never been part of a d&d campaign, but i’m a champion at stratego, so that’s why i picked that game as the basis for my mythomagic rules.
if you’ve read through to the end honestly congrats i’m impressed. please accept this gif of nico giggling like a moron as your prize
home | ask | rules | navigation | nico musings | nico’s about page | template credit
#nda headcanons#( i think i’m running out of time || musings; nico di angelo )#anxiety tw#death tw#ptsd tw#just in case#i know this is long as hell and no one has to read it it's just important to me that i toss it out there#mostly for my own reference but i realized i changed a lot of stuff when it comes to just like. smaller details.#sO#this is a full overview of my precious boy#thanks for your time#please don't reblog#graphic template under the tag#psd made by me#homophobia tw#nazism tw#nazis tw#nda || verse info#mine
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The Sins Of Our Past
Gavin/RK900 , Gavin and Elijah , AN: This is the final part. I’ll be writing more Gavin/RK900 in the future, but I don’t know if it will be a continuation of this or not. We’ll see! Thank you so much for all the support, it means more than you think. Happy reading!
Part Six
It had been roughly a month since Gavin’s fight with Elijah, and Gavin couldn’t be happier. He had a beautiful, amazing, stunning boyfriend, work was going well for once in his life, and everything was perfect.
Gavin gripped Nines hand as they jogged across the street, Nines easily outpacing him and pulling him along. Gavin laughed as he was tugged forward, both of them stopping on the corner to wait for another light. Nines squeezed his hand, gazing warmly at him.
It was date night. Finally. Gavin had a nice button up shirt on, dark washed jeans, and a clean, good fitting blazer. Nines was dressed similarly, only his dress shirt and blazer were both high collar, a style reminiscent of his old Cyberlife uniform.
Gavin thought he looked incredible, and was checking him out every opportunity he got. Like now. His eyes roamed over his chest, admiring the way the fabric fit his pectorals snugly, the way his jacket clung somewhat tightly to his biceps.
“Like what you see, hmm?” Nines teased, tilting his head slightly. Gavin lightly elbowed his ribs, his face hot.
“Always, you dork.” Nines smirked, leaning closer to pepper his face with kisses.
Gavin laughed, turning away in a halfhearted attempt to escape the onslaught.
“Quit it, geez.” Gavin giggled, working his free hand between them to press his palm into Nines mouth, pushing him back. “People are watching us.”
“Let them.” Nines said into his hand, kissing his palm. Gavin’s face turned red, and he dropped his hand to press his face into Nines arm, smiling.
The light turned green, and Nines pulled him forward as they crossed again. He walked a bit slower, keeping pace with Gavin, holding him against his side.
The restaurant across the street was glowing with warm light, a stark contrast to the dimly lit street. Nines released Gavin’s hand to pull the door open, holding it open for him as he walked inside.
When they first started dating, Gavin had chafed under such gestures from the android, feeling that they made him somehow inferior to him. But after a month, and a long talk with Nines about “toxic masculinity”, he’d learned to love them.
It helped that he loved Nines more than anything in the world.
The restaurant was much warmer than the street, and Gavin gazed around it happily as Nines addresses the receptionist, taking in the quiet tables and soft chatter of conversation.
“Right this way, Sir.” A waitress said with a smile. Gavin let Nines take his hand again, guiding him behind him as they wove between tables.
Finally, they were seated, menus placed in front of them and water glasses arranged on the table. Gavin watched Nines look over the menu, his chest warm. Nines noticed him staring, setting the menu down with a smile.
“What?” He tilted his head. Gavin’s eyes softened.
“How’d I get so lucky.” He murmured. Nines face broke into a smile and he glanced away, picking up the menu again.
“I could say the same thing.” He chuckled, scanning the menu then folding it on the table.
“Know what you’re getting?”
“Mhm.” Nines folded his hands on the table, smirking.
“You’re gonna order for me too, right?”
“Of course darling.” Gavin smiled at the pet name, reaching out to take a sip of water.
“I’m glad we’re doing this.” He said, setting the glass down. Nines nodded along.
“Yes, it’s good for you to relax a little. You take work too seriously.”
“I care about work is all.” Gavin said with a shrug. “I want to be a good detective.”
“You are a good detective.” Gavin smirked.
The waitress returned, Nines ordering in a cool, professional voice. A few minutes later, Gavin had a glass of wine, Nines was sipping from a new “android drink”, his wine glass filled with blue liquid.
“Does that even taste good?” Gavin asked curiously, swirling his drink in the glass.
“Well, I can’t really taste things, remember?” He said gently, taking another sip. “But I like the bubbles, they feel very... stimulating.” Gavin almost choked on his wine.
“You cannot say that a drink is stimulating.” He groaned, rubbing his temples with his fingers.
“Why, does it bother you?”
“Well it’s sure as hell uncomfortable.” He grumbled.
“Me saying stimulating makes you uncomfortable?” Nines asked with mock innocence. “I wonder why that is.”
“God, Nines that’s awful.” Gavin groaned into his hands.
“Stimulating.” He drawled, leaning forward on his elbows for effect.
“Stop.” He growled. Nines only laughed, leaning back in his seat.
“You’re way too easy, Gavin.”
“Maybe, but you love it.” Gavin said, lifting his face from his hands with an evil grin.
“That I do.” Nines quipped, leaning closer to tap a finger on the end of Gavins nose.
Gavin fell apart, muttering embarrassed curses into his hands and thunking his forehead onto the table. Nines just laughed at him from across the table.
“You are so cute.”
“God stop.” Gavin groaned. “I can’t take it.”
“Alright alright,” Nines chuckled, reaching across to gently grasp his elbows. “I’ll stop.” Gavin sat up, willing away the blush that no doubt painted his cheeks.
Nines took his hands, running his thumbs over the scarring on his knuckles from countless fights.
“I really am very happy we’re here.” Nines spoke softly. Gavin smiled, squeezing his fingers.
“I am too.”
Gavin met his eyes, and immediately lost himself in his loving gaze. He suddenly felt like he was in a buble, filled with love and warmth and kindness, and that nothing could harm him.
The moment ended when someone touched his arm.
Gavin turned, slightly irritated, and stared in shock at Elijah Kamski, who was wearing a clean cut suit and looking disgustingly hopeful.
“Gavin?” He said hesitantly, “Can we speak? Outside?” Gavin grit his teeth, releasing Nines hands to aggressively shrug away Elijah’s touch.
“You know the answer to that. Fuck off Elijah.” He turned away pointedly, shutting his eyes. He felt Nines familiar hand fall to hold his arm, squeezing gently.
“Gavin.” Elijah leaned into his space, grabbing both his shoulders. “Please, please just give me a chance-“ In an instant Gavin was standing, grabbing Elijah by the collar, his teeth barred.
“You had your chance.” He hissed. People were staring, whispering softly amongst themselves, but Gavin didn’t care.
“Please.” Elijah whispered. “You don’t have to let me into your life at all, I know I don’t deserve that. But at least hear what I have to say.” Gavin growled, feeling that familiar pull of fury in his chest.
Hurt him because he hurt you.
Strong arms wound around Gavin, pulling him back against a familiar chest. Nines pressed his face into Gavin’s hair, breathing slowly, and Gavin felt the fury ebb, if only slightly.
“You know that violence won’t help. You know that, Gavin. Let him go.” Gavin shut his eyes, letting Nines hands run down his arms to grasp his wrists, pulling him off Elijah with as much grace as he could manage.
Gavin let his shoulders sag, turning towards Nines.
“Gavin is in no way obligated to listen to anything you have to say. What you said to him was unacceptable and that’s final.” Nines growled, wrapping one arm protectively around his waist.
“I know that, believe me, I know. And I hate myself for saying it. But please, just step outside with me, let me apologize to you, properly.”
Nines opened his mouth to speak, but Gavin cut him off.
“Only an apology?”
“Yes, only that.”
Gavin pursed his lips, then tentatively stepped away from Nines protective hold, carefully looking at Elijah.
“Okay, but make it snappy. Lead the way.”
Elijah looked relieved, turning to walk towards the door.
“Do you want me to come with you?” Nines asked, holding his arms.
Gavin shook his head, “No, I’ll be okay. It should only be like, ten minutes, tops.”
“Okay. I’ll be right here if you need something.” Nines spoke softly, pressing a gentle kiss against his forehead. Gavin leaned into the touch before moving to follow Elijah.
It was dark and cold outside, Elijah’s figure illuminated by the harsh white light of the street lamp. He was running his hands through his hair, staring up at the sky.
“Okay, I’m here.” Gavin practically spat. Elijah turned, then motioned to a bench near them.
“Would you sit?” Gavin sat. Elijah took a deep breath, then jumping in headfirst.
“Gavin, I am so, so sorry. What I said that day at counseling was not only untrue, but completely out of line and unnacceptable.” He hung his head, shoving his hands into his pockets.
“There is no excuse for what I did, and I don’t want you to think I’m trying to shift blame by what I’m about to say.” Gavin narrowed his eyes, watching him closely.
“When you got thrown out, I was upset. I, I missed you. And I loved mom. It was because I loved her so much that I was so angry with you, I wasn’t willing to let our mother be an awful person in my mind.” He took a deep breath, his arms were visibly shaking.
“I see it now, Gavin. I was in denial. I see what she did to you, I see that you didn’t deserve it, and you can never comprehend just how much I regret what I said.” He hung his head, his voice going quiet.
“That’s, that’s all. You don’t have to forgive me, I just wanted you to know, so-“
“I’m sorry too.” Gavin whispered, staring at the ground.
“What?”
“I’m sorry too.” He looked up, eyes burning. “I wasn’t very kind to you, I said a lot of really awful, shitty things, and none of them were true.” Elijah stared, slack jawed.
“Gavin...”
“I never gave you the respect you deserve. I was hurt that you got to stay in the family and that I didn’t, so I treated you like shit.” He mumbled. “I’m really sorry. And...”
The silence stretched out, Elijah waiting tensely, Gavin chewing his lip.
“I forgive you.” Elijah had the gall to smile, Gavin wanted to punch him.
“I... I’m glad. Thank you. Thank you.” He mumbled. “And for the record, I forgive you too.”
“Yeah alright, alright, enough sap.” Gavin stood up, willing away the tears in the corners of his eyes. Elijah was clearly having the same issue.
“C’mere, you dick.” Gavin grumbled, grabbing Elijah’s shoulder and pulling him close for a rough hug. Elijah’s hands gripped the back of his jacket, squeezing him tightly.
Gavin released him, clearing his throat.
“This doesn’t mean I want anything to do with you, got it?” Gavin pointed accusingly at him.
“Got it.” Elijah smiled softly. “But maybe, we could get a coffee sometime? Catch up?”
Gavin punched his arm.
“Baiting me with coffee now, are we?”
“What can I say, I know you well.” Gavin chuckled, heading back for the restaurant.
“C’mon, I want you to meet someone.”
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okay i have a long rant in my system about this game and i haven’t even finished watching the let’s play, but fuck it, i gotta talk about it. bullet points to make this more coherent hopefully also under cut
of our three main characters, markus is by far the most interesting right now and i’m thrown because i didn’t even know he, like, existed. all i’ve heard from the fandom is connor this connor that and markus is right there? anyway. markus is in a pretty unique position because he’s been taking care of this elderly artist, who’s disabled — confined to a wheelchair with some kind of chronic or terminal condition — and the artist treats him like his son, in a way. in one scene i liked, he encourages markus to try painting; markus’s first attempt is technically skilled, but just a straightforward representation of what he sees, so the painter encourages him to try again and this time try to depict something abstract, like a feeling. now, most humans don’t seem to think robots have feelings, and connor even said that only deviant (rogue) androids experience emotions, but i don’t think that’s true, because 1) markus was able to paint his own feelings just fine and 2) it seems that the androids experience things more or less the way humans do, they’re just programmed not to have free will, which makes them appear unemotional. anyway, this artist does have an actual son, but he’s kind of a fuckup of a young man who’s also got a drug problem; the three of them get in a confrontation after the artist refuses to help his son financially (because it’s obvious he’s withdrawing from something and plans to spend the cash on drugs), and i’m sure there are a lot of different ways this can play out but the way it went in this playthrough is that markus was provoked into self-defense, accidentally killed the son, and was then shot by cops and left for dead in a junkyard full of not-quite-dead robots. he put himself back together and i’m quite interested to see what he does now; his story seems like it has the potential to play out in a lot of different ways.
then we have connor, who is a top-of-the-line prototype model assigned to help a cop who, as it happens, really can’t stand androids. unfortunately for this cop all the cases he gets involve rogue androids. his bits of the story are pretty interesting because we get to see how the cops deal with androids, which... well, they don’t deal with it very well at all, let’s put it that way. humans investigating crimes involving androids don’t seem to be very good at it, because the usual markers of bloodstains and fingerprints can’t be relied on (android blood is blue and doesn’t leave traces visible to the human eye, and they don’t leave fingerprints) and also because the department doesn’t really seem to give a shit about androids and all crime involving them seems to be low-priority work that no one wants to do. that means the spike in rogue android activity is being taken way less seriously than it probably should be, but considering that the cop solution is to immediately start shooting i guess it’s good they don’t grasp what’s happening. the cop connor is assigned to work with seems like he could potentially change his views on androids depending on choices made throughout the game, and there’s actually one thing i do like about this mechanic — what seems to work best is having connor be honest about the ways in which he’s not human, because i think the root of this particular cop’s issue with androids is that he feels they’re essentially faking being people. i don’t like this as an oppression allegory but i like it as a trope about robots when the robots are allowed to be nonhuman; i think having robots who were created to mimic humans learn to embrace their differences from humanity is the most interesting way to go about it and i hope that this game is gonna do more than flirt with that, despite its title lol
connor himself is hard for me to get a read on, but at this point in the game he’s just been following orders and directives. i do know that there seem to be a lot of opportunities for him to get his ass murdered, but if that happens they just replace him with an identical model who i guess has the same memories too. in this lp he’s only died once but it was a close thing enough times that i think you could definitely kill him a lot if you were actively trying to do it. honestly that mechanic alone is so far the only interesting thing about connor.
and then there’s kara. since she’s the only playable woman, i assume we’ll eventually get a shower scene or an attempted sexual assault scene, because david cage is like that. however so far her scenes have mainly been about trying to protect alice, the little girl i mentioned in previous posts. in one scene that felt like it could have gone a lot of different ways, kara intervened to stop alice’s dad from physically abusing her and the two of them fled on foot. kara’s now attempting to pass as human while keeping alice out of harm, which makes her parts of the story by far the tensest scenes because you constantly have to look out for the kid. i know this is a gimmicky way to up the stakes, but i’m not mad about it because it seems to work. i suspect alice is actually of pivotal importance to the game as a whole, if only because she’s by far the most sympathetic human character, but that remains to be seen. i’m cautiously interested in this part of the story, because while it’s got my attention so far i cannot trust this game to be smart about things.
and now we get to my main gripe with the whole thing. i’ll try not to go on too long about it, but here’s my issue with DBH in a nutshell: it’ll give you fucking whiplash from how fast it goes from being an engaging story about androids navigating a world in which they quite literally lack free will to making incredibly dim-witted and outright insulting comparisons between the struggles of androids in the game and the struggles of oppressed humans in real life. one minute the game is doing what sci-fi should and giving us an insightful take on the imaginary issues it’s set up, one that you could even relate back to real-world happenings if you wanted, and the next we have a scene where the androids have to sit in the back of a bus because the front of the bus is reserved for humans. if it was consistently stupid i would have given up on it right away, but it’s not, and that pisses me off more than if it was dumb from start to finish. honestly i’m mostly watching because i’m writing my own story dealing with very humanlike androids in a near-future setting and this explores some of the same stuff i’m aiming to get at, but fully half of it is so dumb i wanna cry. at least hopefully the popularity of this game and the conversations happening around it will inspire more intelligent fiction about androids?
lastly. this game is only set like forty years in the future. you cannot convince me that forty years from now racism will be a non-issue in america, or that americans forty years from now aren’t gonna be like “hey, segregating androids and humans in exactly the same way we used to segregate white americans from black americans might make us look really bad, maybe we should come up with different ways to be bigots so we aren’t instantly called on it.” yet this game has so far completely avoided discussing actual racism, or even indicating to what extent it’s still a problem. i’m not even gonna get into how Bad that is when you’re trying to do social commentary because it’s bad enough just as a writing decision. exploring how the way humans treat other humans affects the way humans treat androids is an obvious thing to do with this premise and i don’t know why this game seems to be actively avoiding it.
anyway. i’m gonna keep watching, i want to see this through to the end, but i already know it’s gonna keep pissing me off. at times this flirts hardcore with being an intelligent piece of writing but it seems more enamored overall with being stupid.
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I kind of want to take a second to say a little bit about the Austere Academy and how I processed it as a youngin because I have ramblings to sort through and I don't want to commit to assigning a notebook to be for personal thoughts about things.
For context, Past M took way longer than was needed to read that book.
I don't quite remember how long it actually took because my brain dumps all information it doesn't immediately decide is needed into the flaming pits of Hell, but I do know that I got about halfway through it at normal pace, put a bookmark into it, and didn't pick it up again for over a month. That was in no way normal behavior for me at the time (I wasn't cycling through being either too distracted, too busy, or too drained to read for the sake of reading back then), and this was the only book in ASOUE that I did this with intentionally. I passionately disliked the Austere Academy at the time, and it is still definitely not a book I go to when I want to reread something.
In reviews of the book and its episodes in the Netflix adaptation, people seem to mention how they find much of what goes on in the boarding school absolutely, completely out there beyond the realm of plausibility. Nero making the students eat like dogs for being late to class? The whole school having an anti-orphan policy? Carmelita being allowed to harass anyone she wants to? Preposterous.
I didn't really think so as a younger person.
In the present day, I know that a lot of Nero's policies would not be considered legal, and that I personally cannot speak for the administration in private schools as a whole, but, as a small human, I recognized a lot of how the school around me worked in the pages of tAA. Largely in regards to Carmelita at the time, but now I see some of the teachers' behavior in teachers I have (or have previously had).
It isn't a big plot twist that Carmelita is essentially allowed to mistreat her peers however much she likes. While there are theories about why she acts like this regarding how her parents raised her, the school does not make any real effort to curb unacceptable and actively harmful behaviors that she exhibits (implied to be because Nero is an incompetent, malicious, self-centered fool who can't make any efforts to manage the children under his "care" properly). This is not something that strikes me as outlandish at all, as I've seen students get off with barely a slap on the wrist for actively bullying others, while other students are reprimanded considerably more aggressively for standing up for themselves. I've been the student getting reprimanded for standing up for myself. Hell, I've been the student getting reprimanded far worse for not being able to focus well and for reading when I wasn't supposed to than a lot of the kids who would target myself and others for being different could expect for long-term bullying a student (not me, a classmate who they also didn't like) into transferring entirely into home schooling.
A lot of what I'm about to discuss is my personal experience when I was 10 years old. I would have been beginning to read ASOUE around the time, as my parents decided that I needed to read things that were not the 32+ book long series I'd developed a strong hyperfixation on at that point. Information needed to provide context for some of what I'm going to talk about includes:
I have ADHD. I was actively being medicated + seeing a counselor at the time.
I experienced intense hyperfixations on content that was not considered socially acceptable by my peers and lacked the social filters to avoid constantly infodumping about said hyperfixations in conversation.
I had the motor skills of a recently deceased animal at the time; this was most noticable when I ran, as I galloped awkwardly instead of running like a human. I legitimately didn't know how to run properly.
During my fifth grade year, I was placed in a class with no friends, under a teacher who didn't actually require that students respected anyone in the room other than herself. I was repeatedly placed into groups of students who actively bullied me, even in front of the teacher, without punishment. In spite of me having far fewer issues with any other people in the class that this teacher would occasionally, by some miracle, group me with, she never seemed to grasp that forcing me to interact with people who would mock me, kick me under the table, and point-blank tell me that I was worthless was a bad idea. These kids didn't get let off the hook for a lack of me reporting incidents or them concealing their nonsense particularly well; I'd talk to the teacher in private about them, but she never made any attempt to pull them aside and say anything to them about issues. The teacher didn't take my claims seriously, despite them often doing these things in front of her. The only time that things went to a really serious phase was when I wound up being accused by one of these kids of telling him to fuck off. The teacher pulled me aside, made a big deal about the accusation, and wound up sending me to the office when I disagreed with her.
I'd told this kid to back off because he was continuing a running joke at my expense about how I was the horse girl since I didn't run correctly.
The principal, the former Vice Principal who got a promotion and was not given a new VP due to budget cuts, heard me out and called the guy accusing me and one of the other guys who was in on the joke up to her office, where she lectured them and forced them to apologise. And did nothing else, despite hearing nine months of shit they and a girl in this class had been pulling. The guy who accused me was removed from the school for the remainder of the year shortly after for bringing a taser onto campus and attempting to tase other kids with it. The second guy and the girl remained assholes for the duration of the year, still not getting punishments beyond a stern talking-to. I got the school's equivalent of detention for reading during the wrong parts of the day.
The administration of Prufrock Prep's lack of response to Carmelita (and her behavior overall, if I'm to be completely honest) were too real for Past M. I couldn't deal with that at the time, so I didn't.
On a more recent note, I had a teacher a few years ago who talked about a lot of inappropriate stuff with his class of 14 year olds, a teacher who would give us nonsense essay prompts and take planned absences while leaving her subs to explain that we had multiple group projects to do in class at once in separate groups, and a Spanish teacher who made students who didn't pay attention during her classes too many times buy her candy to make up points that she'd dock them.
TL;DR:
I didn't like tAA because Carmelita was too real for younger me, and I've had teachers who lined up too well with teachers in tAA after reading it.
#asoue#i ramble about things#i talk about my life in an unholy infodump#the austere academy#school mention#block this hecking tag if you don't want to hear me talk about stuff that makes no sense and is moderately too personal#long post#not what you followed for
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For the DVD commentary: The Snowball Fight (because I know everyone's gonna ask for Hyperborean and Don't Tell Cougar)😀💜
So. Guess who did this thing and then accidentally saved it as a draft instead of queuing it? Sorry for the long wait, but, in my defense, I DID finish it rather quickly, I just failed to post it.
ANYHOW. The Snowball Fight is a 4k one shot so I won’t be commenting on ALL of it (because then we really will be here all day) but I’ll pick out some of my favourite bits! It’s still super long, though, so more below the cut!
Fair warning: I haven’t read this one in ages so many of the comments are just my reactions to my own writing, and not all of them are intelligent.
“Jensen,no. No.” Pooch took a cautious step backwards, holding up his hands inwhat could be a warning or an attempt to protect himself. It was difficult totell. “No, Jensen, don’t you dare. Jense—!” [The majority of this paragraph was actually not written by me (seeing as it was a writing prompt) but I feel like I made the most of it. I have no idea why I decided to write about a snowball fight, but it sounded like a good idea at the time]
Whateverelse Pooch had intended to say was smothered by the handful of snow Jake threwat his face. [I feel bad for Pooch, I really do] Jess really would have believed Pooch capable of ducking, but thenagain, he had probably thought that Jake wouldn’t go through with it. Whichproved just how much Pooch overestimated Jake’s level of maturity as soon assnow was involved. [Writing from Jess’s POV was an interesting experience and I’m really happy that I did it. I got to explore so many of the characters from a new perspective, which actually helped my overall view of them. Outside POV can do WONDERS for your grasp on characters. I strongly recommend it to all the writers out there.]
The factthat Jake gave Beth an enthusiastic high five while Pooch was busy spitting outsnow only seemed to confirm that fact. [They make a good team!]
“Forfu— fudge’s sake! Jensen!” Pooch snapped, no doubt attempting to chastise —but it sounded a lot more like whining. [I love Pooch. Does that show?]
Jesssnorted on a laugh and took a sip from her coffee cup. She stood leaningagainst the back porch railing, watching the others frolic in the snow. [This whole fic is just fluff and cuteness and I really wanted to show how calm and relaxed everyone is, including Jess. So while she’s not engaged in the snowy adventures, she’s definitely content, just standing there watching them.] Swearwords were not allowed in the presence of her daughter and that was a rathercreative save, she must admit. [Pooch is the one who respects this the most, hence the fudge. Jake occasionally slips up without meaning to and feels bad every single time because he might be corrupting his beloved niece. As for Cougar, Jess had to explain very calmly and very firmly that cursing in Spanish still counts and him thinking it didn’t won’t save him from punishment. Clay and Roque (while he was still on the team) are almost entirely banned from speaking at all, because they clearly can’t be trusted to keep their language clean.]
“What?”Jake was grinning, his cheeks pink from the cold and knitted hat askew. Muchlike his glasses, which he proceeded to push back into place. [I can’t be the only one who thinks this is cute. An excited Jake is always adorable and even more so when he looks like this.] “It wasfunny. That was funny, right?” He turned to Beth, as if to ask for herinput, and Beth, naturally, nodded enthusiastically. As if she would ever takePooch’s side over her beloved uncle’s. “See! Beth thinks it wasfunny!” [Actual nine-year-old Jake Jensen. Just look at this dork.]
“She’seight, Jensen,” Pooch repliedtestily, rubbing the sleeve of his jacket across his face to wipe away the lastremnants of snow.
“Andthree quarters!” Beth piped up, clearly offended to have her age sogrievously mislabeled. [Practically all kids do this, don’t they?]
“Yes,and three quarters,” Jake agreed, nodding seriously. [Again: actual nine-year-old Jake Jensen.] Beth grinned up athim and Jess fought an urge to shake her head. Sometimes she wasn’t sure whowas the older and more responsible of the two, but on most given days she’d beinclined to say Beth. [I agree with Jess.]
—
“He’sasleep?” Jess asked when Jolene came to stand next to her.
Jolenenodded, her smile soft and gentle, no doubt imagining the peaceful, sleepingface of her baby boy. Jess would have done the same and she couldn’t helpfeeling a tiny squeeze in her chest, almost longing for the days when she’d hadthat very same smile. However tiring and trying it had been to care for agrowing child — even with Jake’s help — she wouldn’t change it for the world.Nothing could ever quite compare, and to see Beth now, happy and laughing, madeit all worth it. [While I’m not a mother myself, I do think being one is incredibly important to Jess. I see her as incredibly protective of her family — not to mention devoted — and I couldn’t go through the fic without mentioning that. Admittedly, in lack of personal experience, I based most of this on things my mum has said.]
—
“Yourhusband is about to find out what happens when two Jensens gang up onhim,” Jess replied, taking another sip from her coffee cup. [Jess is so proud, sipping her coffee like a boss.]
“Oh,this I got to see.” Jolene looked almost disturbingly pleased, but shepaused for a second when she took note of the fourth person currently occupyingJess’ yard. “Is Cougar building a snowman?” she asked somewhatincredulous. [I HAD TO. I just… I had to. OF COURSE Cougar is building a snowman!]
“Thathe is,” Jess confirmed, hiding her grin behind her cup.
BecauseCougar was, in fact, building a snowman; with the same kind of calm patienceand ruthless precision that he devoted to every task he performed. He seemedcompletely unaware — or unbothered, more likely — by the increasingly unstablesituation between the other three out there in the snow with him. He just kepttweaking and adding adjustments to the impressively elaborate snowman. [I just really like the thought of Cougar putting a HUGE amount of effort into everything he does, especially things most people would find silly or childish. Like, he doesn’t give a single fuck about what other people might think because he has pride, dammit, and he’s not going to do a halfassed job just because the activity isn’t badass. Cougar is incredibly competent and devoted, is what I’m saying, and those things he finds worth his attention get ALL of his attention. Including snowmen.]
“Ithink Beth and Jake started it but got bored halfway through, so Cougar decidedto finish it,” Jess explained, her cheeks almost aching from how wide hergrin was getting. She just couldn’t help it.
It was adorable. [It really is adorable. Cougar always has Jake’s back, even if it involves finishing his snowman. Also, I genuinely think Cougar enjoys it, though he probably wouldn’t admit it. Making snowmen can be really therapeutic.]
She wasn’tashamed to admit that the first time she had met Cougar she had been slightlyintimidated by him. Or maybe that was the wrong word, considering how elusivehe was, but she had definitely been wary. She had more experience dealing withbrash, confident alpha males than she did someone who was quiet and subtle, butundoubtedly just as dangerous. It was unsettling to be met with someone she knew was calmly observing and analyzingeverything in his environment, to better make himself less noticeable and,consequentially, an even bigger threat. [The moment I decided to write from Jess’s POV, this was one of the parts I was looking forward to writing. I really, really wanted to know how Jess viewed Cougar, since she wouldn’t be as enamoured with him as Jake. She’s a fierce, protective woman so she would see more of Cougar’s flaws and be quite wary of his silences. I think she didn’t particularly like him at the start and it took her a while to really welcome Cougar into the family. And, honestly, I can’t blame her. Cougar is a terrifying man.]
She wasmore concerned about Cougar than she had ever been about Roque, because thatwas hostility she would see coming a mile away. Cougar — well, she probablywouldn’t even see it after the fact. [I am so with Jess on this. Roque can fuck shit up, definitely — and did — but Cougar is scary as fuck.]
Not thatCougar would ever harm her. Despite that he had never said anything to imply it— considering how little he spoke in general — Jess knew that Cougar regardedher and Beth as people he needed to protect at all cost. She thought that wasprobably both because of how much he had begun to care for them on a personallevel, and how much they meant to Jake. [Cougar would literally die for them, I’m sure. Because he’s dramatic like that. And I love that Jess sees through that. Jake can sometimes be a little blind because there are gaps in his confidence, but Jess knows what’s up.]
Cougarwould do anything for Jake. [Well. DUH.]
SometimesJess still couldn’t believe what she was seeing, but Cougar was unmistakablyand unapologetically head over heels in love with her dorky little brother. [Like, just imagine: Jake coming home at some point and just blurting out that he’s dating Cougar now. He probably gave Jess a heart attack because “oh my GOD Jake that might be a very bad idea”. And she wondered if she’s going to have to keep an extra eye on Cougar now because she will literally castrate him if he hurts her baby bother in any way. But then she sees them together — and the way Cougar is just so STUPIDLY in love — and it quickly changes to “I cannot believe these two are even real.” (same, Jess, same)]
Love might even be toosmall a word to describe the absolute devotion and affection Cougar felt forJake. [One of my favourite lines in this fic. I just… yes? I feel like this is true? I really can’t describe it in words. I try, but I feel like I fall short, every single time.]
—
The snowballfight took a drastic turn when Beth, in an attempt to get away from theonslaught of projectiles, ran to hide behind Cougar. [She learned this technique from her uncle.] This, of course, put himin the line of fire. The entire yard seemed to freeze when one of the snowballsintended for Beth hit Cougar in the side, making him pause in the middle ofadding the last finishing touches to his snowman. [I can very clearly picture this in my mind and, admittedly, I was giggling when I wrote it.]
Jess waspretty certain that you could hear a pin drop. [Pooch and Jake can see their lives flash before their eyes.]
Cougar wasthe first to move, turning to looking down at Beth. She was huddling behind himand her small hands — covered in a pair of pink mittens — were clinging to theedge of his coat. She was looking back up at him with her big, blue eyes, widewith sincerity and a wordless plea to avenge her honor. [This is also a technique she learned from her uncle. Cougar has literally no defenses, whatsoever, against the Jensen Puppy Eyes™, no matter if they’re from Jake himself or his niece. Cougar is so bad at this.]
Maybe Jessshould ask if Beth wanted to take acting classes? She was ruthless. And quite a natural talent, by the looks of it.
Cougar seemedalmost curious at first — as if he couldn’t quite grasp what she was doing —but eventually just smiled and patted her head comfortingly, obviously havingcome to a decision. [Cougar being extra kind to kids will forever be one of my headcanons. It just suits him.]
He thenturned to face the two grown men standing a couple of feet away. The smile was nowherein sight. And judging on the nearly identical looks of dread on both Jake’s andPooch’s faces those meager feet between them clearly wasn’t enough. An entirecontinent might not have been enough. [Considering that this is Cougar we’re talking about, an entire continent is definitely not enough.]
Cougar raisedan eyebrow and Jake and Pooch hastily pointed at each other. It was difficultto say who was the culprit; both of them looked pretty guilty. [Since I don’t actually reveal this in the fic, allow me to do so now: it was Pooch. Jake threw a snowball as well, but missed. So Pooch is actually the one to blame.]
Jake clearedhis throat, weighting insecurely on his heels.
“Whoa,hey man.” His smile was just this side of terrified. “Cougar, let’stake a moment to calm down here, okay?”
“Yeah,”Pooch agreed readily, “let’s not do anything drastic.” [Their optimism in the face of certain death is quite admirable.]
Cougarremained silent before looking back at Beth who was — bless her soul —definitely aware of the strategic benefits of recruiting Cougar as her ally andprotector. [Who wouldn’t want Cougar as their protector? Like, honestly?] He was probably well aware of her scheming, but Cougar had alwaysbeen a bit of a softie when it came to Beth. He seemed to have a hard timedenying her anything, lavishing her with attention and affection that almostsurprised Jess with its intensity.
Every oncein a while she actually forgot that Cougar wasn’t related to Beth, since hetreated her so much like Jake did, albeit with a more mature and dependableundertone. [I think Cougar forgets that too. He would probably never call her his niece when asked, but in his head he’s sort of forgotten that he’s not actually related to her. Because he IS a huge softie when it comes to Beth and he’s so far gone that he can’t change that now. I am so, so fond of exploring the relationship between Cougar and Beth and I absolutely love to be able to show Cougar’s softer side like this. Cougar and kids, basically.]
—
It onlytook another couple of seconds before she saw the shift pass through them both.It was nothing too obvious — most people wouldn’t notice unless they knew bothJake and Cougar to the extent that Jess did — but every once in a while theyjust seemed to align.
There wasno other word for it.
Theirpostures eased, their expressions softened and ever so slowly they wouldgravitate towards each other. Just lean in an inch or two, melting into theother’s personal space as if it was the most natural thing in the world. Maybeit was. Sometimes it was eerie to see how synchronized they were, or howeffortlessly each could find the other and know what he wanted or needed. [These three paragraphs are no doubt my favourie in the entire fic. Being able to describe what I imagine Cougar and Jensen look like to an outsider was such a joy. How they fit together and how they just ARE. One of the reasons for why I love this ship — the biggest one, really — is how they, well, align, as Jess put it. They match. They’re never far apart. They’re so in tune with each other that they don’t need words. There is something so incredibly beautiful about that and I loved being able to describe it.]
Like now,when Cougar pulled off one of his gloves to wipe away some lingering snow fromJake’s face, his touch so achingly gentle that it almost made Jess’ throatseize up, just from watching it. She couldn’t hear what they were saying — theywere speaking much too low for that — but there was no mistaking the reverencein Cougar’s eyes and the awed, breathless love coloring Jake’s smile. [I wrote this damned thing and my heart still squeezes from how sweet and pure this is. THE GENTLENESS. THE CARE. THE LOVE. Kill me now.]
“I’mglad they’re happy though,” Jolene continued, just as softly. [SAME, JOLENE. SAME.]
Jess wasn’tsure if Jolene was seeing the same thing she was seeing, but she could donothing but nod in agreement.
It hadworried her at first, when she had noticed the feelings her brother harboredfor Cougar. Jake, despite being a trained soldier with more kills to his namethan Jess even wanted to consider, was trusting and emotionally vulnerable. Hewanted to be loved so badly that he didn’t know how to hold back — how to guardhimself against heartbreak and betrayal. He could so easily be taken advantageof, and before Jess got to know Cougar she feared that he was the kind ofperson who would. She feared that there wouldn’t be much left of Jake’s heart,if Cougar decided to crush him. [I love Jake. I just do. And I love the insecurities and vulnerabilities you can give him. He is a very happy and dorky person, but he’s far from one-dimensional. The fact that he wants to be loved so badly just breaks my heart some days, and I can only imagine what it feels like for Jess. Jake is precious and needs to be protected at all costs. Fortunately, Cougar agrees.]
But ofcourse Cougar hadn’t. [He would rather die than hurt Jake. We all know this.]
Since thenJess had learned that not only was Cougar a much better man than she had evergiven him credit for, but he was as committed and sincere as Jake — maybe evenmore so. Cougar seemed to love Jake with every fiber of his being, and despitetheir differences Jess could tell that they fit each other seamlessly. [Again, Cougar doesn’t do things by halves. He’s an all-in kind of a guy and, when it comes to Jake, I think he’s in more deeply than ever. I’m pretty sure they love each other equally, but Cougar just does everything so intensely that it’s impossible to ignore just how in love he is.]
They had aneffortless quality to them that few couples ever achieved. [Another reason why I love this ship!]
How onearth someone like Cougar could put up with Jake was a bit of a mysterysometimes, but on the other hand Jess knew that they weren’t the same inprivate. She knew that Jake gave as much as Cougar did. She had heard it, thatnight when she had startled awake — not really knowing why — until she hadrealized that she had been woken by Cougar’s scream.
Jess knewall about the nightmares a soldier could get from his service — she had sat upwith Jake after some of his — and when she had quietly made her way towards theguestroom, just to make sure that they were okay, she hadn’t been surprised tohear the soft, low mumble of Jake’s voice. Soothing, sweet and unmistakablyloving. [This was mostly some show and tell. Jess speaks a lot about how Cougar and Jake fit together and give each other support, so I wanted to give a more solid example.]
Shecouldn’t hear the exact words — that was none of her business — but she didn’tdoubt for a second that as much as Cougar seemed to be the centre around whichJake orbited like an overexcited moon, Cougar wouldn’t know what to do withoutJake there to comfort and ground him. [I am very fond of this paragraph. The balance between these two is just so fascinating and I love trying to put it into words. I’m veryproud of this imagery.]
Their relationship was nowhere near as uneven as some might think. [THIS is incredibly important to me. I want everyone to know that this isn’t just Cougar putting up with Jensen because he loves him, but, in fact, an equal relationship. They might need each other in different ways, but neither of them got the short straw. Fucking fight me.] Jess had beenhesitant at first, but it was things like this — seeing them there in the snow,sinking deeper into an intimacy that had nothing to do with physical touch, buteverything to do with belonging — that made her relax. [COUGAR AND JENSEN BELONG TOGETHER. PASS IT ON.]
Theirpersonalities might be almost complete polar opposites, but they fit togetherperfectly as a whole. What her brother had found in Cougar — what they hadfound in each other — was clearly not within the realms of what normal mortalshad. [Jess is such a romantic. And so am I. Just look at these two dorks. I love them.]
Call her aromantic, [This is what I get for not reading ahead — I genuinely made the comment above before reading this. SO YEAH. I AM CALLING HER A ROMANTIC.] but Jess just couldn’t see them any other way, now that she hadgotten used to them as an item. It wasn’t that they disappeared into the otheror even changed to fit as a whole; they just were. Simple as that. [Honestly, this is me speaking through Jess. I literally cannot unsee this ship. Whenever I watch the movie with a new person, I always forget that Cougar and Jensen isn’t a couple in canon and find it weird to have to point it out that I ship them. It’s it obvious? To me it just seems to natural. I am in so, so deep.]
She was actually kind of envious. [My question is: who isn’t?]
—
“Jake!Did you hear that?” Jess called out to her brother who had yet to movefrom where he lay sprawled in the snow. Granted that he would have to pushCougar off in that case, and he didn’t look very inclined to do so. “Hotchocolate!”
Jake showedthat he had heard by giving her a thumbs up, but didn’t even bother to lookaway from Cougar, whose hand now rested against the bright red scarf wrappedaround Jake’s neck. They got like that sometimes, lost in their own littleworld of gentle touches and softly spoken words. [I really, really wanted to point this out. I don’t think this comes across from Cougar or Jake’s POV, but there HAS to be moment when they just zone out everything else but each other. Like, the only voice they’ll really register is each other’s and they literally won’t notice if someone else tries to talk to them. My wife and I have done this a couple of times.]
Jess shookher head and shooed Pooch and Beth into the house, but she couldn’t helplooking back over her shoulder. She still couldn’t hear what they were saying,but the tenderness was unmistakable as Jake took Cougar’s hand to kiss his nodoubt cold fingers. [Just look at these dorks.]
Thosestupid, adorable dorks. [I am clearly Jess in this situation.]
—
As weird asit had seemed at first, Jess was happy for Jake. She hadn’t seriously believedthat it would ever work out when someone as loud and energetic as Jake was in arelationship with someone as calm and steadfast as Cougar, but it did. Theywere happy and stupidly in love. [I love ships like these, where you don’t think they’re going to fit because of their personalities but they actually fit perfectly. These two are one of the best examples of that and I absolutely LOVE how caring they are. Like, no matter how you view their relationship — romantic or platonic — there’s no denying that there is a HUGE amount of love and devotion between them. These two men love each other. Their relationship is built on trust and love, and that’s just wonderful.] The fact that they had a lot of other thingson their minds — things Jess wasn’t allowed to hear about since it would onlyput her in danger — obviously didn’t stop them from cherishing what they hadtogether. [Just a brief reminder that Max isn’t dead, so I can pretend that this fic actually has a plot.]
And seeingthe two of them come tumbling in through the door ten minutes later, both ofthem shivering slightly from the cold but so obviously content, made Jesssmile. It was just impossible not to, what with the way Jake hovered behindCougar, his nose buried in Cougar’s hair and a goofy smile on his lips. [These two are so in love and I can’t deal with it. I seriously can’t. Why do I write things that are so painfully cute? Reading this again makes me want to bang my head against my desk.]
And whenJake got bold enough to tug off his mittens and shove his hands in underCougar’s clothes to warm them — and Cougar didn’tpunch him in the face for it, or even elbow him — Jess knew that she didn’thave to worry about her brother’s heart anymore. It was safe with Cougar. Heseemed to understand exactly how precious and vulnerable Jake’s heart was, andhad no intention whatsoever of jeopardizing it.
The factwas proven further by how Cougar was struggling valiantly not to squirm fromJake’s cold hands, while Jake hummed happily and nuzzled Cougar’s ear, the big,stupid dork.
And if that wasn’t love,Jess didn’t know what was. [These three paragraphs, seriously. I feel bad for Cougar because cold hands against warm skin are the worst, but the fact that he chooses to endure it is just so adorable. He loves Jake so much. And I am so happy that I wrote this fic, even if I might have given myself a couple of cavities while rereading it. I am a sucker for fluff and this whole fic is just a huge ball of fluff. I am so proud.]
SO. That was unnecessarily long! And I’m aware that most of it is just me screaming about Jensen and Cougar, but who can blame me? I LOVE this ship so, so much.
Thank you, @scriggle-scraggle, for making the request. I hope you liked it!
#Amethystina Does Memes#DVD Commentary Meme#Amethystina Writes#The Snowball Fight#I honestly didn't expect this one to be picked#But I'm kinda glad it was#I haven't read it in YEARS#And had forgotten how sweet it is#scriggle-scraggle
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All the crystals
Rude. As. Fuck.
abalone: what kind of situations compromise my muse emotionally
Death especially, since she still isn’t over her own mother’s passing. She still wakes up some mornings, or has moments where she’ll grab her phone, searching for her mother’s number or will start a conversation and wait for an answer. It’s definitely the one thing she hasn’t completely grasped.
aegerine: my muse's opinion of the supernatural
She believes in it fairly firmly. There’s moments she still tries to be skeptical of it, but she’s had her own moments that she definitely attributes to spirits and things like that.
agate: how my muse calms down
That’s a tough one. Pretty much just time. She has to exhaust herself in some way, but she can still get her mind wound back up again easily. She takes a lot to heart, and can be a dramatic person without intention.
blue lace agate: my muse's favorite form of communication (verbal, letters, texting, etc.)
Text or verbal. She absolutely hates phone calls, because it feels like this inbetween thing. So if it’s really important, and it’s not a life or death emergency that absolutely cannot wait, she either wants to be told face to face or completely non-directly.
fire agate: if my muse is brave or cowardly
Jae is somewhere in between. She can have a lot of courage when it’s a spur of the moment, but then she gets really scared of what she’s done. In a way, she’d rather just take things until it builds up to the absolute highest boiling point, because she’s not a confrontational person. She’s a shitton of talk, though.
moss agate: if my muse has a high or low opinion of themself
Incredibly low. She sees herself in high regards in some areas, but she still has an overall low view of herself.
amazonite: what kind of situations call for my muse to be dishonest
When she wants to hide things. She can hide a lot, but then there’s also a lot she just can’t hide. Mostly when it comes to her own self-destruction, she’s up there with the best on hiding it simply because she doesn’t want to be scolded for something she knows she’s going to do again, and again, and again.
amethyst: what my muse would most like to be able to shape-shift into
If she had her say, it would probably be a bird of some sort, just so she could run away on a whim. Probably a colorful parrot, that’s loud and obnoxious.
ammolite: how lucky or unlucky my use is
It’s all on how you look at it. She sees herself as pretty lucky, because she’s survived shit that should have killed her, has literally been minutes from death, and now she has a job that’s given her a steady life so she can raise her rather smart son with a family that she barely knows backing her every move towards 100% stability. However, she seems to have shit luck when it comes to any sort of relationships, romantic or platonic.
angel aura quartz: my muse's opinion of LGBT+ issues
She’s all for equal everything. Her belief in regards to everything is that if it doesn’t advocate the harm or killing of people or creatures, then do whatever. If it makes you feel good, or it’s who you are, then so be it.
apache tears: a sadness headcanon
Those ASPCA commercials or the commercials for different children’s hospitals. They always make her tear up.
apatite: a headcanon about my muse's intuition
Her intuition sucks. Almost everything she’s had a ‘great’ feeling about has turned around and burned her. Yet she still tries to follow it.
apophyllite: my muse's religious/spiritual beliefs
She honestly doesn’t know anymore. She was raised somewhat religious, because her mother was, but she definitely grew angry at God when her mom got sick, and violently so when she passed. Lately, though, she’s found some weird comfort in it being around her, which unsettles her in a way because it had been so long since she had been comfortable with the topic of believing.
aquamarine: where my muse feels most calm/relaxed
That’s a tough one, because she doesn’t relax that well on her own. She does her best to always keep a guard up.
biotite: the biggest problems my muse is currently dealing with
Her depression, and slipping back into heavy drinking.
bloodstone: how my muse sees themself as part of the world at large
Nothing. She doesn’t see herself as anything significant to anyone, and it wouldn’t matter if she was around or not.
calcite: my muse's social tendencies (introverted vs extroverted, parties vs one-on-one conversations, etc.)
She’s definitely a party creature, but she also enjoys one-on-ones because the conversations tend to be more stimulating than a room full of most likely drunk people getting excited over the next song to come on.
carnelian: an art-related headcanon
She’s been trying to draw a suitable chest piece for herself lately, but she’s hated every drawing. She’s also better at music than she’ll admit to, down to even knowing how to basically get around a studio.
celestite: how my muse deals with anxiety
The past week or so, it’s been drinking, which was her usual. But, she’s trying other things such as meditation and just sitting outside for a while. Then there’s also weed, which actually was prescribed for her anxiety.
chalcedony: the saddest my muse has ever been
The day her mother was cremated, because it was an end in a way, but also her husband wasn’t beside her supporting her. Instead, he was off doing whatever and pretty much just told her it’s a part of life and deal with it.
chalcopyrite: how my muse deals with ending relationships
She tries to be honest, especially if she’s not feeling anything deeper than lust and appreciation for attention. She honestly hasn’t been in many, though, and the other two she was in ended horribly.
charoite: who my muse looks up to
She honestly looks up to James. He comes off seeming much more put together than she is, even though he probably isn’t, but she wishes she could put off that impression. She also strongly looks up to her mother as well, because her mother did everything necessary to make sure that Jae never suffered growing up. In a way, she sees a little bit of her mother’s attitude in James.
chrysocolla: a money-making headcanon
Her job right now. It’s helped her get a damn good apartment, helped her keep a car she adores, and even after bills, she still has enough for her and Aleksi to live very comfortably without even a hint of struggle. Jae doesn’t aspire to be rich, and she feels insanely lucky that she has the job she has.
copper: how I think my muse will end up when they're older
Honestly, I think she’ll get more bitter. As I said before, she takes a lot more to heart than she really should, and she allows it to form scales that she tries to harden. It makes her try to be skeptical of people, and so I just see her as being one of those bitter people with a lot of regrets.
coral: how my muse views the natural world
She finds the natural world absolutely amazing. She almost obsessed with having access to outdoors, and almost regrets that she lives in a city that’s crowded and packed with people without a hint of forests or something.
diamond: a sex headcanon
Unless she has absolutely been worn out to the point of passing out, it’s pretty much a guarantee that she’s going to grab her panties and put them back on.
dolomite: a sleep headcanon
She constantly wakes up during the night, and she shifts positions like a million times before finally passing out.
emerald: how my muse tells someone they love them without words
She suddenly has a lot of patience and will do almost anything to be at their side.
fluorite: what my muse's room looks like
There’s a desk in the corner, a bed against the windows, and clothes all in the floor in front of the dresser by the door.
fossil: what my muse's dream job is
Recently discovered, but she’s pretty sure her dream job is to be a band manager.
galena: what it's like to be in a relationship with my muse
A lot of secrets. It doesn’t matter if you’re her boyfriend, husband, or bestfriend. If it’s something she knows she’ll get a serious scolding for, she’s going to hide it. She also can’t bring herself to be open about what goes on in her head, so it always takes prodding to get it out. More than just ‘what’s up’ or ‘how are you’. In a way, it’s because she wants proof that the other is sincere about her, but she also just tucks things away in order to keep moving forward. She’s also very much into sex, and while it’s not this top priority, at some point she’s going to definitely start expecting it. It’s important to her, though she’s not sure if she would end a relationship if all that was lacking was sex. Also, she’s a brat. Not a spoiled brat, but a brat.
garnet: what my muse's perfect partner would be
Someone who sees her for who she is, and doesn’t find it essential to show her off like a diamond or something. Someone who takes their relationship seriously enough and understand that being in a relationship isn’t just a ‘friends with benefits and a fancy title’. And someone who can be patient and handle her, because she’s a lot. She just is.
gold: my muse's financial situation
It’s comfortable. She isn’t struggling for food or to pay the bills, and has enough left over to still do awesome extra things.
hematite: how squeamish my muse is
She’s not very squeamish until it comes to surgery, stitches, staples, and things like that. She can handle a guy puking on himself, but not someone getting a small wound sewn shut.
hiddenite: how much of an "inner child" my muse has
I wanna say she’s childlike all the way around, so her inner child is rather strong.
iolite: my muse's drinking habits
Better than they used to be, but it’s going downhill again.
jade: if my muse would ever cheat on a partner
If the relationship was entirely on good terms, and she didn’t feel neglected, no way in hell would she cheat.
jasper: what my muse would be like as a parent
She’s far from mom of the year, but she does her best to give Aleksi everything, and is even trying to plan on making sure she keeps giving him everything from the best schools, to a house he can grow up in when he starts school, to keeping his mind as open as possible. She does the best she can, and it never feels tiring.
kyanite: an anger headcanon
Smashing. She smashes whatever is closest to her, or whatever she’s pissed off at. Whichever is accessible.
lapis lazuli: where 'home' is to my muse
She doesn’t know anymore, because nowhere is comfortable anymore. Familiar, but nothing’s comfortable enough to call home.
lodestone: what kind of people gravitate towards my muse
Hell if I know. She’s been friends with all kinds of people.
malachite: what my muse as a child thought they would be when they grew up
She never knew. She wasn’t one of those kids that knew what she wanted to be or had a goal like that. Nothing just ever appealed to her like that.
mica: what my muse views as their worst personality trait
Her mouth, because it tends to go off before she can even think of the words.
moonstone: my muse's opinions on outer space
She thinks it’s one of those things that people never seem to look at in the right way. Everyone seems to focus on being among it, or going to it when in reality we already are all of that. So we should just admire the view that we have, and adore it.
mother of pearl: if my muse tends to lift people up or bring them down
She tries to life them up, but she feels more like she brings them down ultimately.
nebula stone: how good my muse's memory is
Her memory is not that great. It’s very selective, honestly.
obsidian: which of the seven deadly sins my muse would be
Lust, because she always wants.
opal: how creative my muse is
She can come up great ideas and stories, but she never actually puts anything into action.
pearl: a mental health headcanon
Her deep depression that feels like a losing battle.
petalite: what my muse would do if they found a wallet on the street
She’d honestly just leave it.
pyrite: a physical health headcanon
Her immune system is better now than when she was a kid, but she still gets minor illnesses almost constantly.
quartz: how my muse thinks other people see them
As an obnoxious child they feel the need to babysit because she doesn’t take even decent care of herself.
rhodonite: if my muse prefers elegance or convenience
Convenience. Fuck the frills.
rubellite: if my muse has any 'triggers' that inspire painful memories
Funerals.
ruby: a happiness headcanon
When she got Aleksi back for good. She honestly had never been happier a single day in her life.
sapphire: if everyone my muse knew was hanging off a cliff and they could only choose three to save, the rest certainly dying, who they would choose
Aleksi, James, and her grandmother.
serpentine: how my muse would seduce another [alt: how my muse makes their money]
Uhm...She’d basically offer a lapdance or sex. She’s not very good at flirting.
silver: if my muse prefers masculinity or femininity
For herself, she prefers femininity. In a partner, she prefers masculinity.
tsavorite: if my muse believes in destiny or fate
She wishes she didn’t.
ulexite: how empathetic/sympathetic/compassionate my muse is
She’s very sympathetic, she just has issues actually reaching out to people and making that known. She’s afraid of everyone, honestly, and it overrides the urge to reach out.
unakite: what my muse's ideal pet would be
Thor and Bragi.
verdite: my muse's ethnicity/family history
She’s Korean on her mother’s side. On her father’s side, she Hungarian/Russian/Finnish.
zebra stone: what gets my muse excited
Attention and her son.
zoisite: does my muse believe everything's going to work out for them in the end or not?
Not everything. She doesn’t believe everything will work out, and it’s starting to cause her to give up on a lot of things and fuel her depression.
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