OH THANK FUCKING GOD

Thank you, really. For context I grew up in a very fundie church with purity culture BS and had extreme social anxiety growing up. Ta Da! Insecurities galore! I'm pan, maybe poly, and very likely demi. Not out to and still living with bigoted parents. I'm almost 25 and never even kissed, dated, anything. Not that I don't want it, I'm just too insecure, not to mention clueless, to even begin the process of... anything? I'm pretty lonely tbh, and starved for some kind of intimacy- 1/2

Not even purely sexual intimacy. But I really have nobody, and don’t really know how to fix that, or myself. I'm still pretty anxious around strangers. I’m embarrassed, even if it’s not entirely my fault or a fault to begin with. I feel like the longer I stay this way, the more impossible things will be, because the embarrassment and insecurity will just keep growing until it’s paralyzing. I’m already near convinced nobody would want me, or they would deserve better. Think that's it Thoughts?2/2

---

Man, so first off, so sorry to hear this Anon. I was in a similar position, raised in the catholic church and went to catholic school until sixth grade and that shit wassss, bad to say the very fucking least. I was lucky enough to get out before the purity aspects set in, I can relate to the social anxieties as well as just general anxiety too. Let's get more into it under the cut.

Believe it or not I used to be very fucking shy myself, I used to have a bad stutter, no friends at all until high school, severely bullied and a terrible home situation with my birth mother, (The Garbage Pile, I've mentioned here from time to time) and for the longest time it seemed like all those issues were insurmountable. Clearly, as anyone can see, I have gotten so, so much better and grown immensely. Anxieties have calmed massively, I've been over a decade without a panic attack, the pile isn't in my life, I am extremely confident and happy in my life and choices, accepting myself totally in everything that I really want and saying fuck anybody who can't vibe with that.

It wasn't easy and took a lot of work to get to this point. A lot of sitting with feelings, introspection and making hard calls and tough choices, putting myself first even when it makes other people mad or uncomfortable. Remember, you know what is best for you, no one else, and if that means that some people don't fit into your life because they cannot accept who you truly are that is their loss. But keep in mind that tons of people never come out to everyone and there is no shame in that, it is vital for a lot of people's safety.

I want to say that there is no shame or problem with your age, you are still really young, there is lots of time to find your feet with this, there is no set timeline for this kind of thing. This isn't a fault with you or a fault to begin with.

However, if you want things to get better, you have to put yourself out there, put yourself in some uncomfortable situations and force yourself to start to get more comfy with what you struggle with. I would rec that you start with being in public more often, not even having to interact to start but get more comfy with being in the public sphere and around strangers, just existing and getting used to that. There isn't anything to be freaked out or embarrassed about, no one is looking, no one cares, you have a right to be there as much as anyone and I promise no one is looking, no one is judging, people are far, far too wrapped up in their own shit to be concerned with yours.

Next I would rec you that you try to find some friends that you can be yourself with, be open, honest, vulnerable with, you can build confidence in yourself this way by being accepted by others. I joined an LGBT+ youth group when I was 16 and made friends I still have over a decade later, having that base level of all being some flavor of queer to bond over was great, and then we formed deeper friendships based off shared interests from there, as well as getting and understanding each other and giving support.

If you focus on making strong connections, not even explicitly romantic ones, it will help you out, mentally, emotionally, socially, I cannot tell you how much it will improve everything else. For me, every person I've been involved with, romantically or sexually I had formed strong friendships with first, not every friendship goes that way, but the ones that I had BEFORE that, gave me all the tools I needed when friendships started to take that turn later in life.

You are good, you have inherent worth for just existing as yourself, you will find someone eventually and instead think about finding someone that deserves YOUR fine ass, not the other way around. Don't put up with mistreatment or bullshit just so you won't be alone. Remember too, loneliness, shame, anxiety as just feelings that are bad, not prema-states of being, they can be overcome, they will not last forever.

GX Month Day 25: “Power Bond”

The Marufuji/Truesdale brothers steal the spotlight on Sho/Syrus’ big day! That’s right! Let’s celebrate our favorite sidekick’s birthday with some quality brother bonding!

And we come full circle from last year. :)

Starting over is something of a challenge. The doctor’s keep saying they’re amazed at how well he’s recovering and Zane is pretty sure he has Jaden to thank for that. The boy thinks he doesn’t know about the night he snuck in through the window, but Zane has always been a light sleeper. That night he felt the same cold and gentle touch that prevented him from dying in Dark World; the next day the doctors did double takes at all the results of their tests.

He gets visitors, most often Atticus - whose warmth and vibrancy and life Zane revels in every time; they both survived and Zane is going to make the most of it - other times Alexis, and Syrus lingers outside the door until Zane tells him to come in. That first conversation is awkward and stilted; in the end not much is said. On their third conversation, Zane apologizes, but Syrus shakes his head.

“I never tried to understand you either,” he says. “I always thought you were so unreachable.”

“And now?”

Looking up from his lap, Syrus meets Zane’s eyes, his own so different from the meek little boy he’d once been. “Now I know you’re just a person, no different from the rest of us.”

Zane snorts. ‘No different’, huh? First time anyone has said that about him. It’s...surprisingly comforting.

Talking to Syrus gets easier from there. The doctor’s release him from their care with warnings to take it easy. Zane is under no illusions that any amount of magic can cure him completely; his heart is still damaged and weak, just not as much as it could have been. The academy offers him private quarters in the teacher’s wing, but Zane declines in favor of shacking up with Atticus; it’s his old room anyway. Together they test the limits of his stamina. There’s still far too much lost time between them and Zane doesn’t want to lose any more of it.

There’s even more lost time between Zane and Syrus, years spent in close proximity but never knowing each other. Slowly they bridge that gap.

Between recovery and mending bridges, there are other things for Zane to consider. In Dark World, he’d simply been looking for a strong opponent, one final match to go out in blaze of glory on his own terms. He didn’t have a future. Now, the future stretches ahead him, long and uncertain. What does he want to do with it?

*

Syrus tries not to fidget. There’s still some lingering anxiety that comes with talking to Zane privately like this, old insecurities that rear their ugly heads; but they get quieter and easier to ignore each time. And he wants to talk to Zane, wants to spend time with him, always did but never knew how to ask, how to cross the insurmountable gap between them. It’s still surreal to think Zane had been dealing with the same kind of feeling.

“I’ve been thinking about things lately,” Zane says as he looks out over the ocean, “like what I want to do with my life now.”

Syrus stares at the waves too. He can see why Zane likes it here, it’s calming. “I guess going back to the pros might be difficult.”

“Like I’d let that stop me.” Zane huffs. “But honestly, I’d only be going back to save up money.”

That catches Syrus’ attention and he looks from the gentle waves to his brother. Zane’s eyes remain on some undefined point on the horizon.

“I think...I want to start my own circuit,” Zane says slowly, uncertainly. “For troubled duelists down on their luck.”

“To prevent them from falling into the underground like you did.” The thought strikes Syrus and leaves his mouth before he can stop it.

Eyes finally turning to him, Zane nods. “Exactly. Whatever I may have said to get myself through it, that experience wasn’t a good one. I was tricked into it and didn’t want to be there, and I don’t think anyone should have to go through that.”

His voice is bitter, melancholy, vulnerable. Syrus still isn’t used to Zane being so open, but he doesn’t dislike it. “You did always hate pain. You cried the first time I hit you.”

Zane shiftens then sighs. “Why do you remember that?”

Pressing his lips together, Syrus decides not to say that his four year old self had actually been proud of inciting such a reaction. He really cringes at some of those older memories of himself. Just yikes. A lot of things make sense in hindsight.

“Anyway, I was wondering if you’d help me.”

Come again? Syrus’ brain skips like an old record. “What about Atticus?”

A raised brow and a tiny quirk of Zane’s lips. “Do you really think Atticus would make a good business partner?”

No. Definitely not. “But why me?”

“You have a level head on your shoulders, a way with persuasion, and more charisma than I ever will.”

Syrus flushes at the praise. This is...this is weird. This is beyond weird. But at the same time, the idea sends a thrill through him. He wanted so badly to help Zane back then; he failed, but the idea that he could help others in the same boat, that they could help others together… Syrus feels his heart swell with too many emotions to name.

“Yeah. Yeah, I’d like that,” he breathes, then raises his voice as he meets Zane’s eyes again. “I’ll take business and marketing classes while you make money at the Pros.”

Zane’s smile is small but genuine. “Thank you. But...you don’t have to do this for me.”

Syrus shakes his head. “I want to. Going Pro never...felt right with me as much as I wanted it. But this feels like what I should be doing!” Belatedly, he realizes the delirious smile on his face. “Let’s make our own Pro League!”

Zane laughs, a tiny but warm thing, and hugs Syrus for the first time in years. And if Syrus’ heart breaks just a little to finally have that kind of contact, no one ever has to know.

my virtues uncounted (4)

winner of august’s second monthly fic poll! hope you enjoy!

warnings: antagonist/villain remus, panic, injury, blood, cliffhanger

previous chapters

-

In the time it took for everyone else to get worked into a panic, Logan had come up with a few theories on why, exactly, their connection with Thomas would be so suddenly muted.

Of course, many of those theories were only useful if they could be proven, and seeing as they  had a limited amount of time and space to work with, he could set them aside to figure out the direct, exact cause another time.

For now, the priority was finding their way back home. Once they were able to reconnect with their part of the mindscape, their connection with Thomas would also hopefully repair itself.

“Think of our current status as dealing with some temporary interference,” he told the others. “Once we leave the subconscious, our metaphorical signals should reach Thomas again.”

“‘Should?’” Anxiety asked, looking dubious.

“And how are we to leave when this shadowy scourge is thwarting our every escape attempt?” Roman added, glaring balefully up at Anxiety.

“Hey, you technically haven’t made any escapes yet, so I technically haven’t thwarted anything yet.” Anxiety ignored Roman’s exasperated expression with ease, shrugging. “Schrodinger’s Thwarting.”

“Anxiety, kiddo,” Patton stepped a little closer, pulling them all back on track, “I don’t think we should stay down here for too much longer. It’s not good for us to be disconnected from our rooms like this.”

“And that’s not even mentioning the fact that we don’t know how Thomas is functioning without his core sides connected to him,” Logan added, hoping that the other Side was in a reasonable mood.

Anxiety kept his face neutral, but Logan could see the little crease between his eyebrows and the way he went slightly paler. “It’s still too dangerous to risk without a plan.”

“And with a plan?” Logan pressed.

Anxiety’s shoulders bunched up even further, and for a moment he was worried he’d gone too far, but then the other Side let out an irritated sigh.

“If it’s actually that concerning, and I can more than imagine how it could be, then. I guess. We could try. With a plan,” he emphasized as Patton perked up excitedly. “One that I agree to.”

“That’ll only take us a lifetime,” Roman grumbled, but even he seemed revitalized now that they were getting somewhere.

Logan found himself getting excited as well. “In that case, I need all the information you have on routes to neutral territory and the weather cycles here.”

Anxiety materialized the data into files on a touchscreen phone, which would work quite efficiently as a display considering their size. “Good luck figuring anything out. This end of the mindscape is way more… chaotic. Stuff’s always changing.”

“I don’t mind a challenge,” Logan reassured him, and then set to work making spreadsheets and comparing trends. It was almost soothing.

In the background, he could hear Patton asking about who they were most likely to encounter if they attempted to beeline for the neutral zone, and Roman bartering for possession of his sword back. (The trade seemed to be settling on Anxiety handing over the sword in exchange for no stabbing and no nicknames for a week. Roman was perhaps more reluctant to stop generating witty quips than necessary.)

As Logan suspected, when Anxiety didn’t feel implicitly threatened by them, he was much more open. Though, that might have also been the exposure to Patton’s determined friendliness, which Anxiety seemed to eye with the wariness of a stray cat. He’d have to bring this up the next time they had a debate about the effectiveness of so many of Thomas’s Sides being hidden away.

Now wasn't the time for that, however. Now was the time for action, as Roman liked to proclaim.

“I’ve found the best path for us to take,” he announced, drawing all eyes to him.

Probably no time for an illustrative powerpoint to demonstrate how he’d come to this conclusion. Perhaps later. A summary of the plan would do fine.

Roman and Patton glanced up at the large side frequently, but Anxiety listened with a critical attentiveness that Logan found himself appreciating. At the end, his brow was furrowed, but he didn’t seem fully decided one way or the other.

“This plan will only work in our current time frame,” Logan cautioned. “As you said, the landscape of this place is always shifting, so we need to take advantage of the patterns that we can. I expect getting lost would not end well.”

Anxiety nodded, and then seemed to come to a decision.

“If you’re certain that it’s the best time… Fine, I’ll believe you.” Anxiety grumped, his body language already displaying several signs that he was growing nervous at the idea.

Logan blinked once, genuinely surprised that he had convinced the other Side, before regaining his composure. No time to be touched by Anxiety’s apparent faith in him. “All the data I reviewed points to this being the best opportunity.”

“One condition,” Anxiety said, holding up a finger. “If it seems like the plan has failed and things get dangerous, our backup plan is giving me access so I can rise up.”

Roman raised a sharp eyebrow, his sword once again sheathed at his side. “I seem to distinctly recall you freaking out about that idea?”

Anxiety made a face at him. “Yeah, and I’ll continue to not like it, but if it keeps you losers from getting discorporated, I’ll deal. Do you guys agree or not?”

Logan traded looks with the other two, and then nodded. “It’s a reasonable backup plan.”

“Sure,” Anxiety snorted, and then hesitated for a moment before reaching out and placing his uninjured hand palm up on the table next to them.

Patton plopped himself down immediately, but Roman wasn’t as eager.

“I am not going back in your pocket,” Roman told him, unimpressed. “Lint on my outfit is a no-no, let alone giant lint.”

“Your outfit is already ruined,” Anxiety snapped back, rolling his eyes. The blood on the white outfit somewhat resembled a candy cane.

Logan raised a hand to interject before it could become an argument. “If I may suggest, your hood seems like it would both give us more space and allow for a vantage point to watch your back.”

“I can watch my own back,” Anxiety growled, and then sighed. “Just don’t fall out.”

He was exceedingly careful as he reached behind him to the hood of his jacket, and the three of them had no problem getting in, though they did end up knocking a few limbs against each other in the process.

As Logan expected, it was much easier to grip the folds of the hoodie fabric and looking over the edge of it gave them a vertigo-inducing view.

“Okay,” Anxiety said, sounding as though he was speaking more to himself than them. “Let’s do this. It’s probably going to crash and burn horribly, but whatever.”

“Remind me to speak with you about cognitive distortions later,” Logan mused.

From where he was peeking over Virgil’s shoulder, Patton cheered. “Woohoo, you can do it!”

“With our talents to help, we can’t fail,” Roman added, making some sort of dramatic flourish that Anxiety couldn't even see. “Onwards!”

“What am I, a horse?” Anxiety shot back, and then firmed his shoulders slightly and stepped to his door. “Remember, low in the hoodie so you aren’t seen.”

After receiving a chorus of agreements, he took an audible breath and stepped through the door.

The hoodie bounced slightly against his back with every step, but nothing too jarring. Logan resisted the completely illogical urge to hold his breath as they descended the creaking stairs.

After a long moment, Anxiety’s shoulders lowered slightly. “Nobody’s down here.”

He picked his way carefully through the living area, until they were back where they started, at that huge, weathered front door. It seemed much less insurmountable from Anxiety’s eye level. The other Side grabbed the knob and pushed it open, stepping over the threshold.

They all let out a breath of relief.

From there, Logan’s attention was consumed with providing directions in a low mutter, carefully navigating their way through the shifting, fog-covered landscape. Patton occasionally pointed out a distant landmark he maybe recognized, mostly unhelpfully.

Still, all factors considered, they made it a fair distance before things went wrong.

Anxiety had just taken the first step over a wooden bridge when the hair-raising cackle split the air behind them. At Logan’s side, Roman latched onto his wrist with an iron grip.

Anxiety held still for a moment longer before turning around, his hands tucked into his pockets in a faux gesture of casualness. “Remus. I thought silently stalking people in the dead of night was too subtle for you?”

There was an unpleasant crack of bone that made Logan glad he couldn’t see Remus. “Wouldn’t want to scare the little emo and his little uninvited stowaways off, would I?”

The three of them exchanged panicked looks. He knew?

Anxiety took a step back, hissing in frustration. “Are you the reason they’re like this? Or Dee?”

Another cackle. “The enchantment was all me! Double D would ruin my fun if he knew. But you’re no spoilsport! I can already feel all the exciting new additions to this game you’re thinking up in that squishy grey matter of yours. We can have a little fun together! Whaddya say?”

Anxiety took another step back, his back twitching with the urge to turn and flee. “Remus. C’mon. Think about Thomas.”

The atmosphere suddenly darkened, sending a chill down Logan’s spine.

“Maybe he’s the one who should be thinking about us,” Remus said, the grin in his voice suddenly much more menacing. “I know you’re tired of being ignored, Anxiety. You’re just as sick of our snakey friend’s interference as I am. Without them, there will be space for us!”

“Thomas needs them,” Anxiety urged, his rough voice a sharp contrast to Remus’s singsong encouragement.

“Puh-lease, we’re not taking them away forever! The Core Bores are like cockroaches; you just can’t get rid of ‘em, even when you crush their little heads.” A thoughtful pause. “They’re just about cockroach-sized now, too!”

Roman’s grip grew painfully tight.

Anxiety shook his head, jostling them slightly, and then began to slowly back across the bridge. The tension in him seemed to scream that he wanted to turn tail and flee, give into his flight instinct. But he couldn’t turn without putting them directly in Remus’s line of sight.

“Don’t be so antsy! I know you want to be noticed as bad as I do,” Remus advanced with slow, predatory steps.

Anxiety was too far from the other end of the bridge. He’d be caught.

Logan made pointed eye contact with the others, and held his free hand out, palm down.

“What I want doesn’t matter here. It’s too risky! It’s. Not. Happening.” They were stepping faster now, the noise overlapping.

Patton nodded once, placing his own hand on top. They both looked to Roman.

“Aw, that’s what I never got about you, emo. You’re always too scared to jump in and grab the bull by the horns! A little goring can be its own kind of fun, y’know.”

Roman’s expression finally turned certain, and he slammed his own hand down, completing the stack.

All of them felt it when the balance shifted, and there was a heartbeat of stillness before everything erupted.

Anxiety turned on his heel and bolted, seconds before a manic, ear-splitting scream split the air from behind them.

“YOU’RE LEAVING US!”

“Rise up!” Roman screeched, clinging to the hood’s fabric for dear life. “Rise up!”

“I don’t know how!” Anxiety yelled back, ducking and weaving through the fog-filled forest that had formed around them. “I’m trying to— it’s not the same as just appearing!”

“You have to stay in one spot and focus,” Patton said, trying hard to keep his voice calm. “You can do this!”

Anxiety came to a standstill, and for a few breathless seconds, they waited.

“It’s… it’s not working!”

“Try and focus on where you want to appear. Let yourself rise, don’t try to control it—“ Logan caught a flicker of movement behind them. “Watch out!”

Anxiety twisted out of the way, a double headed axe thunking into the trunk of a nearby tree. He clenched his fists, closing his eyes tightly, and Logan finally felt the familiar sensation of their part of the mindscape dropping into place around them.

He caught one last glimpse of Remus, body twisted into a throwing gesture and gaze almost shocked, before the scene changed to their living room.

Anxiety staggered, face pale, and the lot of them ended up sprawled over the length of the staircase, ungraceful but undoubtedly home and the right size once more.

A moment spent catching their breath, and then.

“We made it!” Patton yelled, voice cracking in relief as he threw his arms out, laid out on his back.

From the carpeted landing he was still facedown on, Roman grunted an exhausted affirmation.

“It was a close call,” Logan said, pushing himself up and dusting his tie off. “We’ll need to take precautions for the future.”

“Good thing we have Anxiety!” Patton said brightly. “He’s an expert at precautionary measures!”

“As long as he doesn’t precaution Thomas into never going outside again,” Roman muttered, with no real aggression to his tone. He seemed just as glad that Anxiety had gotten them all out of there, if not more.

Anxiety didn’t rise to the bait. Logan turned to thank the other Side properly, and was met with the sight of him curled in over himself, a hunched over ball of hoodie. “... Anxiety?”

With a hoarse cry of pain, the Side yanked something from his side. A comically oversized throwing knife, drenched in a slick coating—

“Oh,” Anxiety said in a small voice, struggling to stem the bloodflow from the stab wound in his torso. “Shit.”

Within seconds, a dark stain began to spread, and Logan immediately lurched forwards, trying to seal the wound, erase it, even just put enough pressure on it to clot the bleeding—

Anxiety inhaled sharply. Nothing about the nature of the wound changed. It wasn’t healing. Logan’s hands were covered in warm-wet-red and nothing was healing.

Past the ringing in his ears, he could hear the others yelling behind him, trying to accelerate Anxiety’s integration into the conscious mind.

All he could focus on was Anxiety’s face, tight with pain and resignation.

“It’s fine,” he muttered, the hitch in his voice betraying him. “We can’t die. It’s fine. Can you— Can you feel Thomas?”

Logan nodded stitedly. The connection was faint, but growing stronger.

Anxiety nodded once, sharply. “Good. That’s— That’s all that matters.”

Then, like the question had been all that was keeping him awake, he went limp like a puppet with strings cut.

Cardinal Rule

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be fearful.” John 14:27ASV

If a person could sell peace as a commodity right now, I believe a fortune could be made. Charge whatever price desired for a day’s worth of peace, you’ll get it.

I told my readers— we’ve been in the process of selling our home, now sold. Selling a property is a peace-less project. You want the dollar amount of what the house is worth to you. The appraiser says the house is worth another dollar amount to the bank. Buyers want a bargain to get the house for the dollar amount they can afford to pay.  Inspectors want to nitpick the house to determine if this wire needs to be raised up.

Debbie and Lou went into full anxiety. Jesus said we were to have peace. Lou gains peace if Debbie is peaceful. We were in a fix. Tired, overworking, using muscles which had been dormant for some time didn’t help my anxiety level.

Praying, stopping all work, getting in front of God is where I found peace. Kathy Pelton wrote the book and accompanying journal, ’30 Days To Breakthrough Peace.’ Day 8 is entitled— ‘But God’ She lists how we have too much on our plate to ever finish in our allotted time. Doomsday timelines, unhappy problems surmount everything we try to get done. It wears us down. Then she lists King David and Joseph from the Bible. They both suffered insurmountable difficulties. Their decisions individually were to trust God. In their weaknesses and terrible situations, they found they couldn’t— ‘But God’ could and did.

As I worked through her book, Day 8-10 I was also spending time on my face before God, crying for peace in my storm. Three weeks into selling, everyone else’s houses were selling and mine had few lookers and no offers. God began to work through the book and reinforcing scriptures telling me— GIVE UP CONTROL.

How can we control an uncontrollable situation? —By worrying and not rejoicing. —By trying new ideas and not resting. —By talking about the problem and not praying.

God instructed a cardinal rule through Paul— “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-8NKJV. Anxiousness brings worry and the devil into the situation. Control holds hands with anxiety, worry, sickness, and anger.

Such a simple prescription for peace and such a fight to follow the prescription. Jesus gave us His peace. Accessing the peace is our responsibility. Will you seek peace, God’s way? It’s your choice. You choose.

LET’S PRAY: Father God forgive us for trying to control life and not coming to You. Lord we will rest in Your arms peacefully as You work out all the storms in our lives, in the name of Jesus Christ I pray.

by Debbie Veilleux Copyright 2021 You have my permission to reblog this devotional for others. Please keep my name with this devotional, as author. Thank you.

<h1>Buying Overview - Running Boards</h1>

What' s the difference between running boards and also side bars? This shopping overview provides the information for you to make the best purchase choice. We also cover personalized functions and installation. Running boards date as far back as the car itself, being incorporated into car as well as vehicle layouts until befalling of support after The second world war. With the boom in sport utility vehicles that began in the 1980s, running boards recovered as a result of their sheer functionality. As sport utility vehicles (SUVs) as well as pickups have actually progressed into mainstream transportation options for carrying families, pals, as well as limousine customers, running boards have grown in appeal along with them - functioning as actual "stepping rocks" that assist travelers conquer the obstacles of getting in as well as exiting vehicles with high flight heights. In this guide, we'll take a look at the essential advantages of running boards, make clear different designs that exist, and also help you identify which ones could include the very best appearances and also function to your vehicle. We'll base our discussion around running boards, side actions, rocker bars, as well as hoop steps that we provide on our website. Within this buying guide, we might periodically describe all of these variations generally as "running boards". Things we provide are readily available in numerous metals and also surfaces which you'll see after clicking on any kind of "Product Options" fall box. As an example, there are light weight aluminum and also stainless steel versions (usually polished to a high metal shine) as well as standard light steel ones coated with long lasting, weather-resistant chrome or powder layer surfaces. We're proud to say that all of them are durable products we have actually hand-selected, constructed by makers with tried and tested performance history of producing lasting sturdiness and also superb fit-and-finish levels. Why Do I Need Running Boards? Functionality Without an extra step in location, climbing right into a 4x4 (specifically an elevated one) may seem as insurmountable a task as leaping from scratch to a second-story home window. If you've ever assisted children, older individuals, or possibly an unique lady in a summer outfit right into or out of a truck with high flight height, you understand precisely what we suggest. Running boards as well as side steps develop a safe and also simple place for any individual to plant their feet throughout their go up or down. And also, those tipping surface areas are equipped with grooves or increased textures that optimize foot grasp in any type of kind of climate. As soon as you've got a set of running boards and also side actions set up on your vehicle, you'll eliminate the stress and anxiety as well as battle which less dexterous people deal with entering or out, and you'll boost security as well as convenience for everybody. That includes you, too! Running boards will also secure doors as well as side panels by deflecting road particles kicked up by wheels. This is especially valuable on gravel as well as unpaved trails. And also if you've obtained big tires on your vehicle that protrude from the wheel wells, running boards will actually conserve your body from considerable rocks that can be flung from knobby tire footsteps. Running boards can additionally safeguard you from door dings and also dents in parking area. When you take into consideration how much damage they can spare your truck, it's simple to see how running boards can offset the upfront purchase expense. We have actually even got running boards with integrated vertical areas near wheel openings which function as mudguards. With distinctive grasp pads, running boards will certainly function as an effective mat for cleaning mud, snow, oily gunk, leaves, and even more off of shoes prior to getting in the automobile. The floors of your vehicle will certainly remain much cleaner with no extra initiative on your component. Because most running boards are constructed from corrosion-resistant materials such as aluminum or stainless steel, installing them on your truck means you've invested in a possession that will certainly hold its worth over time. So when you market your lorry, running boards you set up from us today will certainly still look great - boosting future resale. Design If you have a pick-up, SUV, or Jeep, after that you probably feel, as we do, that 4x4s are eye-catching in nature and act as great canvasses for creating a specific car identity. Due to the fact that the general forms of truck designs are plain, lines have a tendency to designate stamina. As well as bright work (or black job) applied in the best style can increase strong designing, suggest high-end, or both. In this capillary, running boards or side actions can make an impact when it concerns looks and panache. They can develop simply the best customized appearance, or an appearance that's even more "completed" than what was initially served up by the factory. We understand form is equally as vital as feature when it involves the option process. Therefore, we've obtained running boards covered in carefully grooved lines that mention stately pin-striped rule. There are also boards with trendy webbed patterns, and also mesh layouts that can be taken for modern-day art. You'll likewise discover running boards with a typical flat action surrounded by a sustaining tubular bar - creating a properly striking running board/side action hybrid. We have actually also obtained side actions that are offered in a great deal of brilliant colors (consisting of black) - several of which are repainted, and also a few of which are powder covered. So if you've obtained color accents on your vehicle, colored LEDs, or repainted custom-made wheels, why not seek a match with colored side steps? Or, use a color of choice to develop a striking comparison. And if you would certainly choose running boards or side steps that exhibit ruggedness, we have actually got those too. As an example, aluminum running boards with elevated diamond tread pattern (available in polished metal or black powder layer) make a good suit with any type of diamond step aluminum tool boxes already installed in your pickup bed. Or, consider hefty scale steel running boards with a perforated grate pattern made to scrub big job boots tidy. They're not comfy to step on with bare feet, yet they'll absolutely butch up the looks and function of any vehicle. For Which Kind of Automobiles Are These Products Made? Because running boards and also side actions are made primarily for feature's purpose, they're useful just on vehicles with raised trip heights. If fastened to a common passenger car, running boards would sit at a height that actually hinders of your feet. They would certainly also be easy to bang your shins on! Consequentially, you'll find boards as well as actions made especially for pickup trucks, sport utility vehicles, Jeeps, as well as pick vans. You will certainly not discover them for sedans, coupes, hatchbacks, or standard station wagons. What's Best For Me? The first choice to make is determining in between a real running board (level and also flush-mounted), a step bar (tubular fit), or various other variations. Exactly how Do I Use My Automobile? Before you make your decision, it is essential to consider exactly how you'll be utilizing the vehicle with running boards attached. Consider what your priorities are, and whether you need a bar or board that favors offering passengers, or the lorry itself. For example, will you be utilizing your vehicle to shuttle bus paid travelers consistently for Uber or Lyft? If so, running boards will serve guests well since they extend bent on the side to produce larger stepping areas. Typically, running boards don't minimize ground clearance, however they can end up being harmed from side effects when a 4x4 pitches from entrusted to right on the routes. They also provide very little protection for the automobile body itself. Likewise, step bars provide passengers an easy-to-use tubular stepping location that juts down and/or sideways. But while they have a tendency to be beefier, tip bars can also end up being damaged on routes. If you're more concentrated on rock crawling than passenger comfort, rocker bars might be your best bet. Even more details are below. If you're merely trying to find bling, you'll locate lots of eye-catching selections in all designs that let you make a declaration. If various other outside accessories are set up on your truck, a check out different sub-sections (listed here) will likely generate some fantastic concepts for matching or contrasting with what you have actually currently obtained. Running Boards Running Boards (also referred to as "action boards") are vast, flat, and placed virtually flush with the body or rocker panel - leaving little or no space in between the vehicle and the board. With step widths varying from 2" right up to 10", these are generally the easiest to get a footing on. Distinctive grasp strips likewise include design and also safety. In our "Running Boards" section, check boxes permit you to browse amongst level, tubular, and also powered ones (which pull back by means of electrical motors). For length, pick from" wheel-to-wheel", "cab length" (just under doors of pickup trucks) or "bed section" (once more, for pickups). Other check boxes allow you see different coating choices that consist of chrome/polished metal, powdercoated/painted, cleaned, diamond-tread light weight aluminum, as well as unpainted ones that are topped for you to paint.

Bar Side Tips

Bar side steps (likewise called "side steps" or "nerf bars") attribute round or oblong tubular building. Generally, a solitary sturdy steel bar stands out along the side - leaving a void in between the bar and also automobile rocker panel. Relying on which item you choose, the leading straight surface may have flat depressions for stepping areas. Grippy pads are commonly positioned along horizontal areas to increase traction. In our "Bar Side Steps" section, you'll see check boxes under the SHAPE heading which allow you to narrow your search to bars that are round, oblong, rectangular (4 sides), triangular (3 sides), or trapezoidal (with beveled edges). You can likewise pick tube size, and also choose whether you wish to see bars that range from wheel-to-wheel or just the size of a pick-up cab. Under COLOR, select "chrome" or make a choice amongst solid colors such as black, silver, and also grey. Rocker Pubs " Rocker bars" are high-strength tubular side bars created mostly to secure prone car rocker panel locations against damage during off-roading as well as rock crawling. Since these are suggested to serve the lorry instead of passengers, rocker bars run close alongside the car's body and have very little, if any type of, stepping surfaces. Nonetheless, some can double as step bars to differing degrees - albeit with a smaller sized stepping area finest suited to dexterous mountain climbers. We've even got some for Jeep Wranglers as well as various other 4x4s developed for body support only, with no stepping areas whatsoever.

We additionally offer rocker bars placed farther from the automobile for simpler step-up. Some feature 2 (and even 3) parallel-running bars as opposed to simply one. For example, one tube may project completely out to the side as an useful step bar, with a 2nd tube pointing to shield versus clearance problems, while a third area runs close alongside the car's rocker panel for additional toughness. Others offer a different leading bar that rotates down right into setting for easy usage as an action. When you favor it out of the way, simply release a lock and also turn it up. A reduced bar is dealt with in position to safeguard rocker panels at all times. In our "Customized Rocker Pubs" area, check boxes permit you to narrow your selections to rocker bars of different colors (like black, red, and also white, among lots of others), and finishes such as chrome/painted, powdercoated, or incomplete. Hoop Steps Hoop Steps are small side actions developed to enable room for only one foot at a time. They are placed directly under a door opening to help with entrance and also exit of the vehicle. Because they just cover a limited quantity of room and also do not run continuously along the vehicle side, they won't create much aesthetic change when it involves your vehicle's total lines. Hoop steps should be taken into consideration by any individual that favors to avoid unabridged running boards, but requires solid functionality. Much of our consumers who have installed our hoop steps really feel quality materials and refined styles enable them to look right in your home the means original devices would certainly. And also they appreciated that hoop steps supplied ease without the extra mass running boards add to a car. If you have a pick-up, hoop actions can also be put underneath the side of the bed in order to make climbing and reaching in simple. For those who value tidy car lines, we've got retractable hoop actions that swing up as well as completely concealed. When you require them, simply unlock hinges on top of the assembly, pivot each hoop step setting up downward, after that lock things in position. A lot of hoop actions are repaired in place, however, you'll find a number of layouts made from powder-coated traditional steel, brightened aluminum, and stainless steel. If you like the look of tubular bars, you can select hoop actions with a horizontal section that's a real tubular bar. If you require optimal mud-scrubbing capacity, we have actually obtained them with grated action locations created to dig the most gunk out from between footwear treads (tip: they're not for bare feet though). We've also obtained a stirrup-shaped hoop step that features straps and hooks designed to hang briefly from the lip that runs along the top of Jeep Wrangler rocker panels. When you do not need the step, just remove it and also stash it under the seat. As well as if your truck's geared up with ruby plate mud flaps, bedliner, or toolbox, we have actually obtained hoop actions to match. In The "Hoop Steps" section of our site, our checkbox-driven food selection options permit you to tighten your search by colors such as silver, black, and red, as well as surfaces such as chrome/painted, powdercoated, or incomplete. I Do Severe Off-Roading - Should I Fret About Running Board Damage? If you purchased your 4x4 because you value high ground clearance for off-roading, conventional running boards and also side steps can get in the way when you're creeping over rocks - decreasing your clearance and possibly ending up being harmed at the same time. For this reason, you require to pay particular focus to the boards or actions you fit on your lorry. Because a number of our staffers have bounced 4x4s off of stones in our leisure time, we recognize the requirements of the off-roading lover. So we have actually obtained you covered with side actions that are ideal for the tracks. Initially, we've got husky, rocker bars developed particularly to protect your rocker panel edges from damage - without protruding a great deal down or sideways of the automobile. Depending upon vehicle application, some also healthy over the door opening up lip and wrap up the rocker panel completely. Remember that rocker bars use lowered, if any kind of, stepping surfaces. These can be located in our "Rocker Bars" area. If rocker panel defense is very important but you need a firm surface area for stepping up, we additionally have actually rocker bars built with multiple horizontal bars instead of just one. While the primary bar hugs the rocker panel, added bars might be positioned exterior or down from that primary bar to work as an action. We have actually also got off-road step bars with a second action bar that retracts off the beaten track when you want it to. I Do not Like The Appearance Of Running Boards As Well As Bars That Protrude. Do I Have Any Other Choices? For those that prefer the effectiveness of a convenient tipping surface area yet intend to prevent the estimate of running boards and also bars, we have actually obtained some options you're mosting likely to such as. Initially, there are power-operated running boards that retract when doors are closed. You'll find them by mosting likely to our "Step Boards" section, after that clicking the check box significant" Powered". Normally, installment of powered running boards isn't overly complicated due to the fact that mounting braces with a pivoting style fit easily onto vehicle body mount screws or existing structure holes. A systematized control component is put under hood and also features hefty quality electrical wiring that attaches to power electric motors on the brace ends. To ensure moving parts do not come to be endangered by mud and grit accumulation, electric motors as well as pivot factors are secured with inner lubrication - making them basically maintenance-free. In our "Hoop Steps" section, we have actually also got smaller sized actions that can be folded below the automobile by hand, after that secured area. Because these do not cover a broad length underneath the vehicle, they're far much less noticeable as well as have a tendency not to transform the lines of your truck - also when they're folded down for usage. What Are Some Custom Features Of Running Boards? Running Boards With Integrated Lights Do you usually leave your truck in dark locations where the ground may be uneven or marshy in areas? We have actually got running boards that supply the option of LED lights that brighten footing surfaces ahead as well as on the ground below. Integrated electrical wiring attaches to your lorry's door open sensor, so the running board lights activate instantly when doors are opened. Setup requires minor electrical work. Light Weight Aluminum 'Diamond Plate' Pattern Operating Boards If you need high-strength running boards that match the big-scale style of your pickup or sporting activity energy, we've obtained sturdy light weight aluminum running boards with textured diamond plate pattern. These produce a look that's strong enough for an 18-wheeler, yet efficiently ended up sufficient for any type of portable luxury SUV. Even if covered with water, slush, or snow, elevated ruby patterns give a distinctive running board surface area for risk-free, certain footing. Retracting Power Running Boards f150 running boards for sale Just how around including a touch of high-end to your pickup or sport utility vehicle? We've obtained elegant, power-operated running boards that extend exterior when you need them, after that pull back nicely concealed when you do not. These are perfect for 4x4 proprietors that need maximum ground clearance throughout off-roading and also for those that like not to alter the original lines of their vehicle with dealt with running boards. Running Boards For Maximum Grasp & Elimination Of Filth If you need running boards that can handle large, muddy boots stepping in as well as out of your truck all day whether it's on the work, on the farm, or driving the group residence from a soccer game, we have actually got you covered. Search for running boards with a perforated grate pattern which provide complete and biting hold for basically any shoes except heels. These first scrub all moisture and also debris out of footwear footsteps, then promptly drop it via the perforations onto the ground below - effectively eliminating large amounts of muck prior to it winds up inside. Heavy-duty steel building ensures extreme strength. Exactly How Does Pickup Cab Length Influence Wheel-to-wheel Protection? After you enter any of the specific areas within our Running Board major web page (Step Boards, Bar Side Steps, Rocker Night Clubs, or Hoop Tips), you'll see check boxes under a LENGTH heading on the left side of the display. Here, we'll concentrate on "Wheel-To-Wheel" vs. "Taxi Length" options.

" Wheel-to-wheel" protection indicates running boards cover the complete size of a pick-up, van, or SUV in between front as well as back wheel well openings. Such running boards can come in the type of a one-piece area extending the entire length (SUVs), or they can exist in the form of two separate yet adjacent areas (pickup). In two-piece applications, the very first section usually runs listed below a pick-up's cab area while the second is cut to fit just the area below the bed - differing in sizes relying on brief-, tool-, or long-bed configuration. After year, make, as well as model details have been entered in Product Options areas, under-cab sections and under-bed areas you need might be offered together or independently. " Taxi Size" running boards are readily available for pickups only, and include just the size underneath the doors of the taxi. They do not supply insurance coverage beneath the pickup bed area the method "wheel-to-wheel" products do. We suggest choosing this box if actions for the taxicab area are all you need or want. What Is The Installation Refine? Do-It-Yourself Mounting running boards or side steps is a straightforward procedure that can be done with fundamental hand tools in your driveway. Even if you have accessibility to a lift, executing installation steps on the ground might be more suitable since lift assistance arms can occasionally obstruct. Some Require Exploration as well as Some Do Not It is very important to note that some running boards will need you to drill holes in the structure of your vehicle, and others will certainly be created to use openings that were pre-drilled by the vehicle manufacturer. On a couple of makes as well as versions, running boards may be configured to use holes on the automobile structure currently being utilized by things such as body-on-frame isolation bushings, etc. In such instances, existing bolts for these bushings can be temporarily removed without difficulty. After installing brace pieces have actually been glided over the existing bolts, they are simply re-installed back in place. Pre Pierced Drilling Holes Many trucks do, actually, come with additional pre-drilled holes created particularly for the purpose of bolt-on devices. Consequently, running boards that are" vehicle-specific" typically come with bracket pieces that have actually been sizes and shape to account for places of factory-drilled holes. Running boards that are "universal-fit" are not made with any kind of particular lorry in mind. As such, probabilities are excellent that bracket pieces for these running boards will require brand-new holes to be pierced. A General Review Of Installation Actions After taking your operating boards out of package, it's important to initially ensure all the hardware is included. Directions from the manufacturer will certainly work as a referral for the amount of brackets, nuts, as well as bolts of each type you should have. Halfway via installment is no time at all to recognize a crucial item is missing out on. If your vehicle was developed with installing holes in the structure currently, go ahead as well as mount the running board mounting brace pieces that came with your package. If your vehicle doesn't have p re-existing holes, you'll need to pierce them yourself. Guidelines with your running board will inform you what size drill little bit to utilize (we suggest little bits made particularly for drilling into steel) and where to put the holes. Apply guide paint to any newly-drilled areas to stop deterioration of any type of bare metal surfaces prior to setting up the brackets. With placing braces securely bolted in place on your framework, mount the running boards themselves onto the various other end of the bracket pieces. Depending on running board layout as well as lorry application, motorist- and passenger-side boards may be unbalanced. If the boards aren't focused where they must be beneath car doors, you may have the sides blended. If your running boards consist of integrated lights, you'll need to link circuitry to your lorry's electrical system - more than likely to a button that transforms interior lights on when any of the doors are opened. If running boards include power retraction, there might be a control component that requires to be set up also. Instructions consisted of with your running boards will certainly lead you with these stages, but if you're not comfortable with carrying out electric work, there's no shame in using a seasoned expert. When you have actually got running boards, side steps, rocker bars, or hoop steps that match your needs and also choices, you're mosting likely to look back at your automobile as well as smile at exactly how fashionable and complete whatever looks. As well as when you look away, you'll remain to smile understanding how much security as well as comfort running boards add for your passengers - that will appreciate them significantly. We 'd enjoy to speak with you with any item inquiries - we're open 7 days a week to assist you make the most enlightened purchase feasible.

<h1>Purchasing Guide - Running Boards</h1>

What' s the distinction between running boards and side bars? This buying guide offers the information for you to make the most effective acquisition choice. We likewise cover custom-made features and also setup. Running boards date as far back as the auto itself, being integrated right into automobile and also vehicle styles up until befalling of favor after The second world war. With the boom in sport utility vehicles that started in the 1980s, running boards recovered as a result of their large practicality. As sport utility vehicles (SUVs) as well as pickups have advanced right into mainstream transportation options for carrying family members, buddies, and limo consumers, running boards have expanded in popularity together with them - acting as literal "tipping rocks" that aid passengers dominate the challenges of going into and exiting vehicles with high ride heights. In this guide, we'll check out the vital advantages of running boards, clear up different styles that exist, and also aid you determine which ones may add the best appearances and also function to your automobile. We'll base our discussion around running boards, side steps, rocker bars, as well as hoop actions that we provide on our internet site. Within this purchasing guide, we may periodically describe every one of these variants as a whole as "running boards". Products we provide are available in different metals and also coatings which you'll see after clicking any type of "Item Options" fall box. For example, there are light weight aluminum and also stainless steel versions (normally polished to a high metal shine) as well as typical light steel ones coated with sturdy, weather-resistant chrome or powder layer finishes. We're proud to say that every one of them are reliable products we have actually hand-selected, built by producers with proven record of developing long-lasting sturdiness and excellent fit-and-finish levels. Why Do I Required Running Boards? Functionality Without an added step in place, climbing right into a 4x4 (specifically an increased one) could appear as insurmountable a job as jumping from scratch to a second-story window. If you've ever before aided toddlers, older folks, or possibly an unique woman in a summer season gown into or out of an associate high flight height, you know specifically what we imply. Running boards and side steps produce a safe and simple area for any person to grow their feet throughout their climb or down. And also, those stepping surface areas are furnished with grooves or increased appearances that maximize foot grasp in any sort of weather. As soon as you've got a collection of running boards as well as side actions mounted on your truck, you'll remove the anxiety and struggle which less dexterous individuals encounter entering or out, and you'll raise security and convenience for everybody. That includes you, as well! Running boards will also protect doors as well as side panels by dispersing road particles kicked up by wheels. This is specifically useful on gravel and also unpaved routes. As well as if you have actually obtained oversize tires on your vehicle that protrude from the wheel wells, running boards will really save your body from large rocks that can be flung from bumpy tire footsteps. Running boards can additionally protect you from door dings as well as damages in parking area. When you think about just how much damages they can spare your vehicle, it's easy to see just how running boards can offset the in advance acquisition cost. We have actually even got running boards with built-in upright areas near wheel openings which double as mudguards. With textured hold pads, running boards will serve as an effective mat for wiping mud, snow, oily crud, leaves, as well as even more off of footwear prior to entering the lorry. The floorings of your truck will certainly remain much cleaner with no additional initiative on your component. Because many running boards are constructed from corrosion-resistant products such as aluminum or stainless steel, installing them on your vehicle implies you've invested in a possession that will certainly hold its worth in time. So when you market your vehicle, running boards you install from us today will still look great - enhancing future resale. Style If you have a pickup, SUV, or Jeep, after that you possibly feel, as we do, that 4x4s are appealing in nature as well as serve as wonderful canvasses for developing a specific vehicle identity. Due to the fact that the general forms of truck styles are plain, lines tend to assign strength. And intense job (or black job) applied in the right style can heighten bold designing, indicate luxury, or both. In this capillary, running boards or side steps can make an influence when it concerns looks and also panache. They can produce just the best custom look, or a look that's more "ended up" than what was initially served up by the manufacturing facility. We understand type is equally as essential as function when it concerns the option process. Because of that, we've obtained running boards covered in carefully grooved lines that mention stately pin-striped rule. There are also boards with trendy webbed patterns, and also mesh designs that can be considered modern art. You'll additionally discover running boards with a traditional flat step bordered by a sustaining tubular bar - creating a properly striking running board/side action hybrid. We've also got side steps that are offered in a great deal of bright shades (including black) - some of which are repainted, as well as a few of which are powder coated. So if you've obtained color accents on your car, tinted LEDs, or painted customized wheels, why not seek a suit with colored side steps? Or, utilize a shade of choice to develop a striking contrast. And if you would certainly favor running boards or side actions that radiate ruggedness, we have actually obtained those also. As an example, light weight aluminum running boards with increased diamond walk pattern (readily available in polished metal or black powder coat) make a great match with any type of diamond step light weight aluminum tool boxes already mounted in your pickup bed. Or, consider heavy gauge steel running boards with a perforated grate pattern made to scrub big work boots tidy. They're not comfortable to step on with bare feet, but they'll definitely butch up the looks as well as function of any type of truck. For Which Types Of Autos Are These Products Made? Since running boards as well as side steps are made primarily for feature's benefit, they're useful only on lorries with increased flight heights. If fastened to a basic automobile, running boards would sit at a height that really hinders of your feet. They would certainly additionally be very easy to bang your shins on! Consequentially, you'll find boards and steps made specifically for pickup, sport utility vehicles, Jeeps, and also select vans. You will not locate them for sedans, coupes, hatchbacks, or traditional station wagons. What's Best For Me? The front runner to make is determining between a true running board (level as well as flush-mounted), a step bar (tubular fit), or other variants. How Do I Use My Lorry? Before you make your decision, it is very important to think about exactly how you'll be using the car with running boards affixed. Think of what your priorities are, as well as whether you need a bar or board that leans toward serving guests, or the vehicle itself. For example, will you be using your vehicle to shuttle bus paid guests regularly for Uber or Lyft? If so, running boards will offer travelers well because they protrude bent on the side to develop larger tipping locations. Generally, running boards don't decrease ground clearance, but they can come to be damaged from side influences when a 4x4 pitches from left to exactly on the routes. They also supply minimal security for the automobile body itself. Furthermore, action bars provide travelers a user friendly tubular stepping area that juts down and/or to the side. However while they have a tendency to be beefier, step bars can likewise become damaged on trails. If you're more focused on rock crawling than passenger comfort, rocker bars may be your best option. More information are listed below. If you're just seeking bling, you'll locate a lot of appealing selections in all designs that allow you make a declaration. If various other exterior devices are installed on your vehicle, a browse through different sub-sections (listed here) will likely generate some wonderful suggestions for matching or contrasting with what you have actually already obtained. Running Boards Running Boards (additionally referred to as "step boards") are broad, level, and placed virtually flush with the body or rocker panel - leaving little or no gap in between the vehicle and the board. With step widths ranging from 2" right approximately 10", these are typically the most convenient to get a footing on. Textured grasp strips likewise include design and also security. In our "Running Boards" section, check boxes permit you to search amongst flat, tubular, and also powered ones (which retract using electric motors). For size, choose from" wheel-to-wheel", "cab size" (just under doors of pickup) or "bed area" (again, for pickups). Other check boxes allow you see numerous coating options that consist of chrome/polished steel, powdercoated/painted, cleaned, diamond-tread light weight aluminum, and also unpainted ones that are primed for you to repaint.

Bar Side Tips

Bar side steps (likewise referred to as "side steps" or "nerf bars") attribute round or oval tubular building and construction. Typically, a solitary beefy steel bar sticks out along the side - leaving a gap in between the bar as well as lorry rocker panel. Depending on which product you choose, the leading horizontal surface area may have flat anxieties for stepping areas. Grippy pads are often positioned along straight locations to increase traction. In our "Bar Side Tips" area, you'll see check boxes under the SHAPE heading which enable you to tighten your search to bars that are round, oval, rectangular (4 sides), triangular (3 sides), or trapezoidal (with beveled sides). You can also pick tube diameter, and also pick whether you wish to see bars that range from wheel-to-wheel or just the size of a pick-up cab. Under SHADE, pick "chrome" or decide among solid shades such as black, silver, and also gray. Rocker Pubs Acmex running boards " Rocker bars" are high-strength tubular side bars made generally to protect prone automobile rocker panel locations against damages throughout off-roading as well as rock crawling. Since these are implied to offer the automobile rather than passengers, rocker bars run close together with the lorry's body and have very little, if any kind of, stepping surfaces. Nevertheless, some can function as action bars to varying levels - albeit with a smaller sized stepping area finest matched to agile climbers. We have actually also got some for Jeep Wranglers as well as various other 4x4s created for body reinforcement only, without any tipping areas whatsoever.

We also provide rocker bars positioned further from the lorry for much easier step-up. Some function 2 (or even 3) parallel-running bars as opposed to just one. As an example, one tube may project fully out to the side as an useful action bar, with a 2nd tube directing to safeguard against clearance issues, while a third area runs close together with the vehicle's rocker panel for extra toughness. Others use a separate top bar that rotates down right into position for easy use as a step. When you favor it out of the way, merely release a latch and also swing it up. A reduced bar is dealt with in position to safeguard rocker panels whatsoever times. In our "Custom Rocker Nights clubs" area, check boxes allow you to tighten your selections to rocker bars of different colors (like black, red, and white, amongst numerous others), as well as finishes such as chrome/painted, powdercoated, or unfinished. Hoop Steps Hoop Actions are tiny side steps created to permit area for only one foot at a time. They are mounted directly under a door open up to aid with entry and also departure of the vehicle. Given that they only cover a limited quantity of area and don't run constantly along the automobile side, they won't produce much visual adjustment when it pertains to your automobile's general lines. Hoop steps need to be considered by any individual that favors to stay clear of unabridged running boards, yet needs strong performance. A lot of our customers who have actually mounted our hoop steps feel quality materials as well as polished layouts allow them to look right at home the means initial tools would certainly. And also they valued that hoop steps given convenience without the added mass running boards contribute to a vehicle. If you have a pick-up, hoop steps can additionally be placed underneath the side of the bed in order to make going up as well as getting to in very easy. For those who value tidy lorry lines, we have actually obtained retractable hoop steps that swing up and completely out of sight. When you need them, merely unlock hinges on top of the assembly, pivot each hoop action setting up downward, after that lock points in place. Many hoop actions are repaired in position, nevertheless, you'll discover a number of designs made from powder-coated traditional steel, polished light weight aluminum, and also stainless steel. If you like the look of tubular bars, you can pick hoop actions with a horizontal section that's an actual tubular bar. If you require maximum mud-scrubbing capability, we've obtained them with grated action locations designed to dig the most gunk out from in between shoe treads (hint: they're not for bare feet though). We have actually even got a stirrup-shaped hoop step that includes straps and hooks developed to hang briefly from the lip that runs along the top of Jeep Wrangler rocker panels. When you do not need the step, just remove it and also stash it under the seat. As well as if your truck's equipped with ruby plate mud flaps, bedliner, or tool kit, we've got hoop steps to match. In The "Hoop Tips" area of our web site, our checkbox-driven menu options allow you to tighten your search by shades such as silver, black, and also red, and also finishes such as chrome/painted, powdercoated, or incomplete. I Do Extreme Off-Roading - Should I Bother With Running Board Damages? If you acquired your 4x4 since you value high ground clearance for off-roading, standard running boards and side steps can hinder when you're crawling over rocks - lowering your clearance as well as possibly becoming damaged at the same time. Because of this, you require to pay specific interest to the boards or actions you fit on your automobile. Because many of our staffers have jumped 4x4s off of rocks in our downtime, we understand the demands of the off-roading fanatic. So we've obtained you covered with side steps that are suitable for the tracks. Initially, we've obtained beefy, rocker bars designed especially to secure your rocker panel edges from damage - without sticking out a good deal down or to the side of the automobile. Depending on automobile application, some also fit over the door opening up lip and also envelop the rocker panel entirely. Bear in mind that rocker bars offer lowered, if any, tipping surfaces. These can be discovered in our "Rocker Pubs" section. If rocker panel defense is necessary yet you require a company surface area for stepping up, we additionally have rocker bars developed with numerous horizontal bars as opposed to simply one. While the major bar hugs the rocker panel, additional bars may be placed external or downward from that major bar to work as an action. We have actually likewise obtained off-road action bars with a 2nd step bar that withdraws out of the way when you desire it to. I Do not Like The Appearance Of Running Boards As Well As Bars That Protrude. Do I Have Any Other Options? For those who want the usefulness of a convenient tipping surface however want to prevent the estimate of running boards and also bars, we've got some options you're going to like. First, there are power-operated running boards that withdraw when doors are shut. You'll find them by going to our "Tip Boards" area, after that clicking on the check box significant" Powered". Generally, setup of powered running boards isn't extremely made complex because mounting braces with a pivoting layout fit quickly onto lorry body mount screws or existing structure openings. A streamlined control component is placed under hood and features hefty quality electrical wiring that connects to power electric motors on the brace ends. To make sure moving components do not come to be compromised by mud and grit build-up, motors as well as pivot factors are sealed with inner lubrication - making them essentially maintenance-free. In our "Hoop Tips" section, we have actually also obtained smaller sized steps that can be folded beneath the vehicle by hand, then secured area. Because these do not span a wide size underneath the lorry, they're far less noticeable and have a tendency not to alter the lines of your truck - also when they're folded down for usage. What Are Some Customized Qualities Of Running Boards? Running Boards With Built-in Lights Do you usually leave your truck in dark locations where the ground may be unequal or marshy in spots? We have actually got running boards that provide the option of LED lights that brighten footing surface areas ahead along with on the ground below. Built-in wiring connects to your automobile's door open sensing unit, so the running board lights activate immediately when doors are opened. Installation requires small electrical work. Aluminum 'Ruby Plate' Pattern Operating Boards If you require high-strength running boards that match the big-scale design of your pickup or sporting activity energy, we've obtained durable aluminum running boards with textured diamond plate pattern. These develop an appearance that's solid enough for an 18-wheeler, yet smoothly finished sufficient for any kind of compact high-end SUV. Even if covered with water, slush, or snow, elevated ruby patterns offer a textured running board surface for safe, sure footing. Retractable Power Running Boards How around adding a touch of high-end to your pickup or sport utility vehicle? We have actually obtained elegant, power-operated running boards that extend outward when you require them, then pull back neatly unseen when you do not. These are excellent for 4x4 owners that require optimum ground clearance during off-roading and for those who like not to change the initial lines of their car with fixed running boards. Running Boards For Maximum Hold & Removal Of Muck If you need running boards that can deal with big, sloppy boots stepping in and out of your vehicle all day whether it gets on the task, on the ranch, or driving the group house from a football game, we've obtained you covered. Seek running boards with a perforated grate pattern which give full as well as biting grasp for essentially any type of footwear other than heels. These very first scrub all dampness and particles out of shoe treads, then immediately drop it through the perforations onto the ground below - efficiently removing huge amounts of filth before it winds up within. Durable steel building makes certain severe strength. Exactly How Does Pick-up Taxi Length Influence Wheel-to-wheel Protection? After you enter any of the details areas within our Running Board primary page (Action Boards, Bar Side Tips, Rocker Night Clubs, or Hoop Steps), you'll see check boxes under a SIZE heading on the left side of the screen. Here, we'll focus on "Wheel-To-Wheel" vs. "Taxi Size" selections. " Wheel-to-wheel" coverage indicates running boards cover the full length of a pickup, van, or SUV between front and rear wheel well openings. Such running boards can be available in the form of a one-piece section spanning the entire size (SUVs), or they can exist in the form of 2 different but adjacent areas (pickup trucks). In two-piece applications, the very first section typically runs listed below a pick-up's cab location while the 2nd is cut to fit simply the location below the bed - varying in lengths depending on short-, medium-, or long-bed configuration. After year, make, as well as model information have been entered in Item Options fields, under-cab sections and also under-bed areas you require may be offered with each other or individually. " Cab Length" running boards are offered for pickups only, and also consist of just the length below the doors of the cab. They do not supply insurance coverage beneath the pickup bed location the means "wheel-to-wheel" items do. We recommend selecting this box if steps for the cab area are all you require or desire. What Is The Setup Process? Do-It-Yourself Installing running boards or side actions is an uncomplicated procedure that can be done with fundamental hand tools in your driveway. Even if you have access to a lift, performing installation steps on the ground may be more effective because lift support arms can sometimes obstruct. Some Require Boring and Some Do Not It's important to keep in mind that some running boards will certainly require you to pierce openings in the frame of your vehicle, and others will be created to use holes that were pre-drilled by the lorry maker. On a couple of makes as well as designs, running boards might be configured to use openings on the lorry framework currently being utilized by things such as body-on-frame isolation bushings, etc. In such cases, existing bolts for these bushings can be temporarily gotten rid of without issue. After placing bracket items have actually been moved over the existing screws, they are merely re-installed back in position. Pre Pierced Exploration Holes Most trucks do, in fact, featured extra pre-drilled openings produced particularly for the objective of bolt-on accessories. Because of this, running boards that are" vehicle-specific" generally come with brace items that have been sizes and shape to represent locations of factory-drilled openings. Running boards that are "universal-fit" are not made with any certain car in mind. Thus, chances are good that bracket pieces for these running boards will certainly require brand-new holes to be drilled. A General Overview Of Installment Steps After taking your running boards out of the box, it is essential to first see to it all the hardware is consisted of. Directions from the producer will certainly work as a reference for the number of brackets, nuts, as well as bolts of each kind you need to have. Halfway with setup is no time at all to recognize an essential item is missing out on. If your vehicle was developed with placing holes in the frame currently, proceed and set up the running board installing bracket pieces that came with your set. If your vehicle doesn't have p re-existing holes, you'll require to pierce them on your own. Directions with your running board will inform you what size drill little bit to utilize (we suggest little bits made especially for piercing into metal) and where to put the holes. Apply primer paint to any kind of newly-drilled areas to prevent deterioration of any kind of bare steel surface areas before setting up the braces. With installing braces firmly bolted in position on your frame, set up the running boards themselves onto the other end of the brace items. Depending on running board style as well as vehicle application, chauffeur- as well as passenger-side boards might be asymmetrical. If the boards aren't focused where they need to be underneath vehicle doors, you might have the sides mixed up. If your running boards contain built-in lights, you'll require to connect circuitry to your car's electrical system - probably to a button that turns interior lights on when any one of the doors are opened. If running boards include power retraction, there might be a control component that needs to be mounted also. Instructions consisted of with your running boards will direct you with these phases, but if you're not comfortable with executing electrical work, there's no pity being used a skilled expert. When you have actually obtained running boards, side actions, rocker bars, or hoop actions that match your needs and preferences, you're mosting likely to look back at your automobile as well as smile at just how elegant and total whatever looks. And also when you avert, you'll continue to grin recognizing just how much safety and security and convenience running boards include for your passengers - that will certainly value them greatly. We 'd love to hear from you with any kind of item questions - we're open 7 days a week to help you make one of the most informed purchase possible.

I’m Not Done

Some of you have probably read this story I created for @shikatemaweek already due to my first post. I just wanted to try and get into the habit of also uploading my one-shot stories here too in order to be more Tumblr Friendly so I’m sharing it again. Rating: K+ / General Audiences Fandom: Naruto Relationship: ShikaTema If you enjoy this story please consider leaving a comment on this post or on AO3 or even reblogging. I appreciate feedback so much!

CLICK BELOW TO READ THE STORY ON AO3 https://archiveofourown.org/works/24992056

READ THE STORY ON TUMBLR BELOW.

She knew going into the relationship that nothing would be easy. Distance, work and family expectations all weighed down on the pair of them. But what Temari had not anticipated was the pressure that would befall her once they got married. To put it simply, children. The topic came up countless times over the course of their courtship by the meddling exterior forces, always seeking to gain control of their very existence. But until recently the topic has not been touched by herself or Shikamaru, for which she had been thankful. The concept of giving the man she loves a child was not a horrifying one. In fact, it was quite the opposite. Merely thinking about carrying their child filled her with so much warmth and happiness that she felt as if her heart might burst. Bringing a pure little soul into the world would be perhaps the highlight of her life to date. But it was the things that followed that caused her insurmountable levels of distress; giving birth and motherhood. Both fears stemming from deep-rooted trauma from her upbringing, or lack thereof.

Shikamaru raised the topic for the first time the day prior and Temari skilfully evaded it; but today he was intent on procuring an answer to his seemingly harmless question. “So how many kids should we have?” His question was kind, full of love and very smooth as he always was when tackling topics of a romantic nature. It hurt to answer him knowing what it was she had to say. Every fibre of her being screamed out in the hope that she would reconsider before shattering his dream. “I don’t want to be a mother,” Temari responds at last, causing her husband’s mischievous smile to disappear from his lips as the last syllable trailed from her own. For the hours that followed they bickered back and forth, never getting to the root of the issue, just going around and around in circles. He simply couldn’t understand, and she stubbornly refused to elaborate further. Their emotions were almost as high as the impenetrable wall she had built around her the instant his smile vanished. It was difficult to recall the last time she felt so distraught. It was clear what he needed in order to process her answer. The full truth. But it was the one thing she wanted to avoid discussing at all costs. Not due to any suspicious reason, although she assumed that he might be exploring that hideous avenue of thought. No, it was simply out of self-preservation from an emotional standpoint. The wounds of her childhood ran deep, as did the associated anxiety. Her parents were a topic she avoided with the greatest precision over the years they had been together. It was almost second nature at this point. That chapter of her life was over, and if she could keep that rattling door sealed shut, she would do so at all costs. It was not a path she sought to gain a deeper understanding of like Gaara. It hurt far too much and reaped far too little of a reward. Fists clench at Temari’s sides as she takes a deep breath. Her heart once filled with love was bursting with nothing but anxiety as she gazes up at her husband. As always, his annoyingly handsome face stared down at her from above, frustration marking his features as his brows pinched together. “For fuck’s sake, what aren’t you telling me?” Shikamaru whispers hoarsely, hands gripping her arms as he peered down at her. His dark eyes quivering as he stared down at his wife, her gaze averting. It hurt. What should’ve been such a simple conversation between them was now the source of what was without a doubt, the most painful argument that their relationship had endured thus far. Swallowing hard, Shikamaru loosens his grip on her arms, a sigh slipping from his lips as his brain goes into overdrive. Nothing about it made sense. “I don’t get it, why are you only telling me that you don’t want children now? You didn’t think this was worth telling me before we got married months ago?” he asks bluntly, voice straining as the words rolled off the tip of his tongue. I can’t believe I’m even having this conversation. She never mentioned this before. Not once! His mind cries out in frustration, heart palpitating so hard he could feel the pulse dance up in his throat as he looked upon Temari’s downcast visage. Her lips tremble and part for a moment, silence befalling the pair as she presses her cushioned tiers together once more. She didn’t owe him an explanation. Her decision was final. Why couldn’t he respect that and leave well enough alone? She exhales, eyes drifting up to his face once more, hot tears spilling down her cheeks as she took in his heartbroken expression. Only a few years back she’d made a silent vow to never cause him to make such an expression. In hindsight perhaps it was foolish to believe such a feat was possible given the turbulent nature of life. I’m sorry. I thought that maybe I could do this, she muses silently as she shook free from his touch; slowly walking away. “I’m done,” Temari whispers, her voice breaking as she stood silently a few steps from him. I don’t want this to end, her mind screams out, a hot sensation tugging at her heart as her eyes fluttered closed. He deserves better. He deserves everything. I can’t offer him that. That was it. He was pissed. “I’m not done! You don’t get to decide this on your own, Princess Temari!” He calls out in a patronising manner, pain dripping from his voice as dark eyes narrowed. His dominant hand reaches forward instinctively, only to pull back as he witnessed her flinch at the sound of his voice. What happened? Did something change? Did I do something? The thoughts rang through his mind chaotically as he stared longingly at the back of the woman he loved with all his heart. He was confident it was through no fault of his own, their current discourse aside. So why was the love of his life peeling open his chest and ripping out his heart? I want answers! Fuck it, I deserve answers! He’d gone there. Using the title that she loathed with everything she was; Princess. She was royalty in name alone, her upbringing was anything but reflective of the privilege it implied. Was he trying to lure her into an argument of a different nature through one of his well-thought-out countermeasures? A trap if you will, to coerce the deeper reason out of her? On any other day, her answer would be yes, without a doubt. But given his current tone, it seemed more likely that it was simply said with little to no thought on the matter. It simply came from a place of suffering and confusion. She couldn’t blame him. “I can though,” Temari replies simply, swallowing hard as she fought to keep her emotions in check; “If you keep wanting to discuss children like the elders of both our families, then it’s over. You can’t pressure me into anything let alone this. I won’t stand for it.” It hurt to even state such a thing, to cast her dreams aside out of fear of the final result of such an endeavour. Who am I to raise a child? I was raised with not an ounce of love for a majority of my life, her mind cries out, a hand reaching up to her head, rubbing her right temple gently as she attempted to subside her throbbing headache. Everything about the conversation was heart-wrenching, from the topic through to the ease of which she had said she was willing to leave him. “Calm down,” Shikamaru whispers as approaches her, arms wrapping around her torso from behind as his forehead presses up against the nape of her neck. It was plain as day that there was more to this, and the fact that she was unwilling to disclose it but would rather state such harsh things in its place was alarming. This isn’t you, he notes silently, gaze drifting to the floor as his shoulders relaxed; If you meant it, you would be trying to break away from me right now. Exhaling heavily, the strategist’s arms tighten under her bosom as he contemplated how to best proceed. He needed to reach her. “I’m not trying to pressure you. I don’t care if you want to have ten kids or no kids,” he explains, voice firm and unwavering despite the ache in his chest; “I just want you, and all the witty insults that come with loving you.” At this point, his love and heartfelt thoughts were all he could offer. This is playing dirty. Hearing that makes me want to break down, Temari’s mind cries out, cheeks flushing as she gazed down at his arms encircling her chest; I don’t deserve you. You are too understanding. Taking a deep breath, she slides her hands up and over his arms, heart-throbbing as she smiled tearfully. “No one in their right mind would have ten children,” she retorts as she attempts to calm the ache in her chest, relief washing over her. He was wearing down her defences slowly but surely; his weapon of choice, his love. “But tell me. Why don’t you want kids?” Shikamaru asks once more, eyes fluttering shut as he breathed a sigh of relief. Her playful counter to his statement, although unrelated to the comment he made overall, served to put him at ease when her gentle actions were also factored into the equation. While he knew that she loved him and had no intention of ending their relationship, it was a comfort for which he was grateful. “Because I don’t,” she fights back stubbornly, her teeth gritting as she fought to carefully select her words as she turned to face him. Determination printed across her tearstained cheeks like invisible warpaint. She could not let him crack her. Her pride was everything. His hands recoil as his lover turns to face him, her stormy eyes locking with his own fearlessly. “That’s not an explanation,” he states with a sigh as a hand brushes behind his neck, rubbing it absentmindedly. She was frustrating by default. “I don’t owe you one,” she replies stubbornly, lifting her chin a fraction as her chest tightened. He was determined to get an answer from her. She couldn’t blame him despite how irritating she found his persistence, after all, if the situation was reversed, she would likely do the same. Shikamaru frowns, his forehead creasing as he gazed back at her unsurely; “You know that you do. Don’t lie,” he retorts boldly, “I know you better than that.” Did he need to spell it out to her? It seemed so obvious where he was coming from, but perhaps that was all a matter of perspective. “I always pictured us having a family. Not because of those decrepit elders in Suna who nag us. Not because of the elders in my family who do the same. Just because I love you,” he explains, voice filled with exasperation. “I deserve to know the reason, because I’m prepared to forgo that future without hesitation,” he clarifies as he reaches forward, cupping both her face in the palms of both his hands. His words hit hard. The love he held for her was something she had always hoped she would receive. It was unlikely that anything she said would truly phase how he felt. It was that once in a lifetime love; pure and beyond all logic. “I know. I love you too. You know I do,” she responds gently, her wall crumbling down around her as she stood there silently; “I know I’m being selfish.” “Tem, I can tell you’re scared. Just talk to me,” he presses, hands slipping down the sides of her neck and across her shoulders, massaging them gently. How can I help you if you don’t let me in? Taking a deep breath, she relaxes her shoulders, I can’t refute anything he’s said. I owe it to him. Her tongue traces across her dry lips as her gaze softens. “I always wanted a family with you,” she admits, arms plaiting under her bosom as she swallowed hard; anxiety coursing through her every movement. “I’m just terrified, okay? I’m not as strong as you make me out to be,” she half yells out, her defensive nature taking the reins, her beautiful face quivering with pent up emotions that ached to be unleashed. “The idea of not surviving birth like my mother is crippling. That combined with my fear of being a traumatising parent like my father is just too much!” Temari admits at long last, heart pounding as she desperately tried to repress the wave of emotions that hit her all at once. Painful memories of a not so distant past that she would’ve preferred to not relive and anger, so much unresolved anger. “I’d never wish it on anyone let alone my own baby. They should only know what a home filled with love and safety feels like. Not what I experienced, that breaks you,” she cries out, her voice cracking as she spoke; I doubt he will understand. I’ll just come across as weak and idiotic. The handle had been turned, and the one part of her that she vowed to always keep out of his reach had been released. He had flung that door wide open, there was no going back. Shikamaru knew her well enough to know his wife didn’t want his sympathy; she wanted his honesty. That blunt honesty she had come to expect from him as her partner in life. “Look I get it, but you’re not your mother or your father,” he explains, hands rolling down to the sides of her arms and rubbing them thoughtfully in an attempt to calm her a little. A soft sympathetic smile slips across his lips as he tilts his head, “If you want my opinion, the fact that you worry so much about all these things for a baby that doesn’t even exist proves that you have the heart of an amazing mother.” “That’s the other thing. Our baby does exist,” she croaks, eyes welling with tears once more as calloused fingertips trace across her lower abdomen. “I don’t know how to do this. I don’t remember how it feels like to even have a mother let alone know how to be one,” she whispers, lips trembling as warmth trickles down the curves of her cheeks; her free hand stubbornly wiping away the tears as she tried to hold herself together. Would he regret knowing how she felt? Would he love her less? She wouldn’t blame him if he did. After all, who would want a woman with no sense of what it is to be a mother? I didn’t want to open that door, damn it! Her mind cries out as she falls to her knees, hands pressing down on the cold floorboards as she squeezes her eyes shut; I didn’t want you to ever see this side of me. This weak, pathetic shell of a woman who longs for her mother. I don’t want you to know me as a victim. Strong arms wrap around her shoulders, tugging her up to his chest. His body heat hits her like a tidal wave, engulfing her instantly as his head burrows into the nook of her neck. “Don’t say you’re done ever again. Not unless you mean it and even then, I refuse to accept it you troublesome woman,” he mutters, lips brushing against her skin as he struggles to calm his frazzled heart; I don’t think I could handle losing you, my painfully domineering wife. Cold hands trace across her hand hovering over her lower abdomen as he presses his forehead up against his wife’s; simply grateful. “We will work it out together, I promise,” Shikamaru mutters softly, lashes fluttering upwards as he drew his face back from Temari’s, her flushed and emotionally distressed expression softening as he smiled at her. A hand slips up to her face, cupping her cheek. His thumb tracing across the apple of her cheek, drifting through damp tear trails as he leant forward, pressing his lips up against hers tenderly. Shoulders relaxing, Temari sinks into his kiss. The depth of his love was endless. She instantly couldn’t help but feel like a complete and utter fool for even questioning his ability to handle that one part of her she ached to keep from him. But perhaps it was best for the events to unfold as they had. If not for any other reason, than to have experienced this moment of complete and utter bliss alone. “I love you, crybaby,” she teases as his lips draw back from her own, a single finger poking into his cheek playfully as she smiled earnestly for the first time that day. Neither of them were perfect. But one thing was for certain, the tiny baby growing within her was going to be as close to perfect as people come.

Scars Pt 2

“Okay, I’ll text you when I’m ready to check out.”

“Ah...” Zihang had his headphones in and didn’t react when she gave him a kiss on the cheek.

She wanted to go to the mall for a sale at her favorite high end clothing store. It catered to a strictly female aesthetic and had nothing for Zihang, but Meixiu could spend hours trying everything in that little boutique and he was fine with it. Especially today.

Today was a big playoff game between the Bulls and the Celtics and it was in the third quarter with the bulls down by five and the Celtics putting forward he best defensive plays for the entire season.

Perhaps the desperation they felt after they hadn’t won in the playoffs for six straight years was getting to them. He knew at the beginning of the season they started to drop some serious money on a few new players. But no one could have anticipated a defensive wall that could hold off the Bulls, much less that they would be up so far this late in the game. 

Five points didn’t sound like much, but with this situation it seemed insurmountable.

The whistle blew. Foul on the Bulls. Zihang’s eyes narrowed. With the stakes this high, how could they make such a careless mistake? The instant replay reviewed the footage and it was true. A player on the Bulls side got to zealous and fell for an easy ploy. 

He should be benched. Letting his emotions rule the day like that.

The Celtic player strode up to the free throw line and sank shot after shot, sending the Bulls’ hopes for a win deeper and deeper into the abyss. Zihang didn’t have any money on either side, he was far more invested in the drama then on the fact that Chicago or Boston was playing. 

Both of these were high level teams, but only the perfect would carry the crown.

His phone buzzed with a message from Meixiu. “I’m done.”

He lifted his head in shock. Already? He turned and looked for her, pulling out one earbud. She was waiting for him at the entrance, arms crossed, eyes narrowed.

He took a breath and stood up and approached.  

She met him half way. “Let’s just go... don’t ask me anything. I am never shopping there again.” She spoke without letting him get a word in edgewise and walked away without letting him ask any questions.

He look back at the shop and two ladies were watching, not Meixiu, but him. His confusion deepened. He followed her out of the Mall. She stood, waiting for a clearing in the traffic so she could make it out to the car. She wasn’t looking at him, but her shoulders and back were taut with fury.

He tried to imagine what had offended her so badly. Meixiu always took most things in stride. He continued to wonder as they crossed the street out into the parking lot. Fortunately for him, she started talking.

“I hate it when people assume stuff. Like... Okay.” She stopped at the car. “I was in the dressing room and a lady accidently walked in on me and...” She gave a bitter laugh. “You should have seen the look on her face!”

She paused for effect. “You’d think I was lying bleeding on the floor, she was so panicked. I had to keep her calling the police!”

“The police?” Zihang pressed the key fob to let her get in.

“Yes!” She climbed in the car, shut the door and leaned back against the seat, arms crossed.

Zihang made his way to the driver’s side and paused a moment. “Why would they call the police on you?”

“Not on me!” Her brown eyes were tinged with sadness. “On you.”

“Oh.”

“They saw all my scars and... they thought you were beating me. I just said I played a dangerous sport. And they started interrogating me. I told them it was none of their business.” Her anger extinguished and her lip trembled. She raised her hand to her forehead and she leaned on the window. “Let’s just go.”

Zihang started the car and pulled out in an uneasy silence. The traffic this weekend was heavy for the sale. Meixiu had looked forward to it for a long time. For her to leave so suddenly...

He glanced at her. She was still staring out the window, but she wasn’t crying. Maybe he could talk her down. Telling her it was natural for people to assume the worst when they saw her scars was probably not the thing to say. “I agree. She should have minded her own business.”

Meixiu nodded. “Yeah... but... she was only trying to help. With awful scars like these what are they supposed to think? That I wrestle polar bears? I mean, I wish they thought that... But yeah, what else are they supposed to think?”

“I think your scars are fine.”

She turned to him and smiled and Zihang felt a bit relieved. She unbuckled herself, crawled over the center console and planted a kiss on his cheek. “That’s because you’re a sweetheart who’s too good for this world.” She plopped back into the seat and rebuckled herself. She continued to talk.

“And that’s what people don’t understand. It’s one thing if they assumed terrible things about me. But the minute they start thinking you’re some sort of sadistic monster... well... That's what I can’t stand. That’s why I don’t go to the beach or the pool. It would be nice but... with horrible scars like these, what more can I hope for but have the cops called in like... sixty seconds?”

She was laughing it off, but her words sank into his heart like icy daggers. His hands tightened on the steering wheel.

“That’s just how people are. They see these huge, ugly marks and they wonder. What happened to her?! She looks like she got in a fight with a wood chipper and lost!” 

Her laughter was cut off by the car’s abrupt halt. Meixiu hit the seatbelt hard and looked up at him in astonishment. “Woah! What’s the big idea?!”

He peeled off his sunglasses to stare at her with his golden eyes. “What about surgery?”

“What?”

“To remove the scars.”

“Zihang... I...” Her eyes filled with guilt. That’s not what he wanted to see. This wasn’t the first time she’d complained about her scars. She insisted on wearing jackets and sweaters over clothing she felt might reveal them. It’s not like he didn’t know it bothered her. 

She chewed her lip in a sign of anxiety. “I’m sorry... I complained too much. I should... just shut up now.”

“I mean it.”

“But it’s expensive.”

“Your clothes... are expensive. I don’t care about money, Meixiu. You want to go to beach, you want to go swimming right? You don’t dance in costume any more. Is this why?!” He asked, pinning her with questions until there was no room for her to wiggle out of it.

Her silence spoke volumes. “I’m sorry...”

“Don’t apologize. Just say the word and I’ll look into surgeons for you.” 

Please... please stop calling yourself ugly. Stop saying you’re too terrible to look at without fear. Those were the thoughts in his mind.

She finally nodded meekly. “Okay...”

He put his sun glasses back on. He started driving again.

But the white knuckled grip on the steering wheel remained.

Binge-Watching: Pandora Hearts, Episodes 1-3

And so we begin! In which I consider the issues of a particular era of anime, but the fundamentals are all in place, and a rather interesting tale begins unspooling.

Perils of Hindsight

Anime has gone through a lot of artistic evolution throughout the years. From the 80s OVA era to the 90s experimental era to our current era of seasonal moe, there have been so many different styles that define their period of anime. All these styles have their own strengths and weaknesses, and there are plenty of classics and disasters that define each of these eras. But if there’s one era of anime I’ve always struggled with more than most, it’s the particular aesthetics of a certain stripe of mid-2000s anime. I’m talking Shakugan no Shana, Zero no Tsukaima, even stuff I like such as Higurashi. These are the shows that exist in the awkward period between the cell-shaded olden days and the modern demands of digital processing, at a time when anime was starting to leave behind a certain set of artistic tools and take its first fumbling steps into a new one. And like all transitional periods, there was a lot of stumbling about in the worst of both worlds while everyone figured out the shape anime was going to take moving forward. To put it bluntly, these are shows that really don’t look good. Some of them managed to use that ugliness to their benefit- Higurashi weaponized its limited resources for some genuinely fantastic horror- but none of these are shows you remember for the artistry that brought them to life.

Pandora Hearts isn’t exactly from the mid-2000s era; it was released in 2009, well into the period that the modern age of anime was taking shape. But despite coming out in the same season as Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood, it feels like a show straight out of 2005. The animation is incredibly still and limited, with chunky character designs that move with all the grace of a tractor stuck in mud. The color design is murky and muted, and every hue feels like it was passed through a brown-tinted filter. The actual background art is very nice and painterly, but the events taking place upon that background art don’t feel lived-in at all. And the cinematography is equally weak, consisting mostly of dull panning shots, still shots, characters standing around talking, and the occasional speed lines and faster cuts when the action scenes kick up. It’s a damn good thing they’ve got Yuki Kajiura doing her patented “fiddling all the violins at high frequency” hype-building technique, because her soundtrack provides the only real character this show’s aesthetics have. These aren’t insurmountable issues if the story’s good, but they definitely raise a much higher bar for the rest of the show to clear. If Pandora Hearts wants to keep my attention despite being so unappealing to me on a visual level, it better damn well know what it’s doing.

And thankfully, it looks like Pandora Hearts damn well knows what it’s doing.

Spin Me a Story

I’ll admit, I have a soft spot for the kind of pulpy fantasy this show indulges in. The modern anime market is so saturated in isekai, most of it bad, that there’s something charming about a show that just takes place in a fantasy world, with magic and lords and nobles and princes and swordfights and grand adventure. Pandora Hearts isn’t re-inventing the wheel, and it’s got a handful of obvious Exposition(tm) moments in the first couple episodes to explain the details, but it’s got the basics down pat. Oscar, Gilbert and Ada are all very fun characters, and their camaraderie early in the show endears you to their goofy neuroses (”I heard you were deathly afraid of cats!”) You get a sense of how much Oscar values his freedom over the stuffy trappings of nobility- it seems like he’s only just been inducted into this family to be its heir, which is very interesting- and it’s charming to watch him effortlessly overturn his boyfriend servant Gilbert’s anxieties about being his companion despite being an orphan ( ”I kept quiet so I could see you panic.” Is that flirting I see). So when things go south and Gilbert’s taken over by a body-snatcher, you feel like there’s genuinely something to lose. And boy howdy was there something to lose. I have no idea if Gilbert’s dead for good, but I hope he isn’t, because my boy’s suffered too much to exit the playing field so quickly. But it certainly raises the stakes as the villain’s plot is spring into motion, and watching Oscar climb his way back up through the Abyss, climaxing with him finding the strength to save Alice from the evil baby monster and seize his chance to return home, makes for an incredibly satisfying third-episode climax to bring us into the plot proper (”You can’t die on me when I still owe you my life!”). This is all very basic stuff, to be sure, but it works. It’s the kind of simple, straightforward character work that works best when the world it exists in is this bizarre and complicated right from the get-go. Once you’re invested in their struggles, you’ll follow them down whatever road the show takes you.

Oscar in Wonderland

Speaking of that world, while the poor aesthetics certainly don’t do Pandora Hearts any favors, there’s a certain charm to the broad strokes it paints in. I’ve always enjoyed the kind of story where the heroes, living ordinary lives, stumble over the secret to some epic mystery right in their backyard. There’s a very Kingdom Hearts edge to the inter-dimensional Victorian sensibilities, and I haven’t even played Kingdom Hearts, so that’s how clear the influence is. The Alice in Wonderland aesthetic of the Abyss makes for an enjoyably bonkers locale, and the nightmarish baby dolls and marionettes that populate it are straight out of Markiplier’s nightmares. Alice herself is a very fun character (”Yours?” “I decided that just now.”), and her full-power Rabbit Stand form really is a sight to behold. Establishing a strong dynamic between her and Oscar was the critical component in making these episodes work; they’ve got a great push-and-pull relationship going on already, and I can’t wait to see how her using his body as a vessel to escape into the real world develops. Meanwhile, there’s a whole buttload of unanswered questions waiting in the wings: there’s a big fat prophecy waiting in the background, clock imagery abounds, Oscar’s somehow tied to a big disaster that happened in the past, his estranged father may have been one of the mysterious hooded men who dragged him into the abyss, and Alice may have an alter ego hanging around somewhere who wants Oscar dead. Will the answers be satisfying? That remains to be seen; honestly, I wouldn’t be too surprised if this show ends up going to shit by the end. But for now, Pandora Hearts has earned my investment. Let’s see what else it has in store.

Odds and Ends

-”Dina!” He’s trained the cat. I’m sorry, Gilbert, this is your life now.

-”He’s definitely lying...” kjhdksd rip Gilbert

-”She’s younger than me?” NO CUT THAT HET SHIT OUT OSCAR YOUR BOYFRIEND NEEDS YOU RIGHT NOW

-Lol, you are nowhere near as smooth as you think you are.

-Nnnnope. Don’t like that neck cracking sound. Don’t like it one bit.

-Oh shit, I didn’t think they’d be the good guys. But I’m not gonna complain about Kana Hanazawa and Akira Ishida teaming up.

-Okay, accidentally crushing himself under a big rock was a nice touch.

-”A mere Trump like you needs to be put in your place!” #ThisChick2020

-”You’re that pervy dominatrix!” askdjksdjakdsja

-”No, just thick-headed.” I mean, you’re not wrong.

And with that, we’re on our way! This is gonna be an interesting ride. See you next time!

Yesterday, I was called a Nigger.  Within mere minutes of being in my favorite store, it happened.  Without warning, a gentleman bisected my path and seemingly reflexively blurted it out.  It was if the word had a life of its own and was pushing forth from his mouth at a full sprint. I say this not to emphasize the innocence of the man, but to shed light on the immense power of that word. 

Yeah... I thought that’d get your attention. 

Frankly, I’ve always been one to prefer Target to Walmart.  I appreciate the structure and organization of the store, and though I am a person who thrives in areas of “organized chaos”, I’m afraid, I find Walmart to be a little too chaotic for my liking.  As someone who suffers from The Big Bad Beast that is Anxiety, I experience a visceral uneasiness in certain environments, but generally speaking Target is one of few places I nearly always feel safe in.  There are of course the antsy customers who brush past me on occasion or ride my tail too closely in the checkout, but for the most part, to me, Target represents the epitome of comfortable shopping experiences.  It’s almost as if the structure demands it’s patrons to be on their best behavior.  Unfortunately, not everyone heed these demands... 

Please allow me to begin by laying the ground work; let me explain just how much effort I put into a simple trip to the market.  You see, one of the many awful things about this lovely condition that is Anxiety is that it has the potential to make even the most mundane tasks feel insurmountable.  A quick errand run the average person puts little thought into, can for someone like me, be a delicate tightrope walk; from the moment I leave the safety of my car and began my trek though the aimless herds of self-focused patrons, to the exact position of my body in accordance to yours, while in line.  I see you in a straight line, but I take several steps to the right or left, creating a meticulously crafted triangle between you and the person in front of me; all with the intention to grant me just a bit more security.  You see, I’ve been socially distancing since before COVID made it cool.  

Well, it’s about time I get to the point, isn’t it?  So, here goes...

So here I am.. and on top of dealing with my typical feelings of sporadic and unannounced paralyzing panic that may rise at any moment during my routine errand, whilst in the midst of none other than The Zombie Apocalypse that is 2020, I am the victim of an unprovoked physical attack in on of my few “safe” public spaces.  Notice, I consider this a physical attack, because of slew of negative bio-mechanical implications it presented me with, after all the word Nigger cannot be compared to that of Bitch, or Asshole. No, when spat with the right amount of hatred, the word surge through your veins like a poison. 

Thus, I instinctively stopped dead in my tracks and felt the heat of pain and rage radiate through my body.  I shook my head, dropped my gaze, and took several steps forward before stopping.  Rather than metaphorically quietly quivering in the corner, I decided to act. 

I turned around, sought out an employee, mustered up all the poise I could find, and collectedly said something along the lines of: “Hi, I just walked into the store, and within moments upon entering, a gentleman wearing a white blazer called me a Nigger.  I would very much like for him to be escorted out of the store”.  It was important that I used the full word to convey the level of discomfort I felt in having it thrown at me.  Perhaps that did the trick because the woman responded with a look of genuine shock, without hesitation confirmed the direction the man was walking towards, and urgently called for security. I said my peace and entrusted my safety in the store to the woman’s follow-through.  

It wasn’t the first time and I knew it wouldn’t be the last. I tried my best to continue on my journey as if he “hadn’t gotten to me”, but he had, I rush through the store, in search of whatever had prompted me to enter.  I can’t for the life of me remember, I imagine because I moved through the store in what can only be likened to a fear-induced haze.  I walked through the isles wondering if the gentleman would return and found myself looking at every Black passer-by, wondering if they had, or would soon experience the same. 

I power walked through the store with a combination of sorrow, profound fear, inexplicable anger, and incredible gratitude.  It instantly pained my heart to hear that a complete stranger could have so much hate in their’s for me, it still does.   Although I don’t imagine the N-word is typically equated with fear for non-Black people, for someone like me, it can be terrifying.  Despite the ever-so-obvious gravitas of that word, I know it hardly represents the tip of the iceberg of the hatred that lies below the surface.  As such, I feared retaliation from the moment I reported the gentleman, throughout the store, to my stop at the gym where I went through my daily workout routine, to the moment I drove home, parked my car, and double-checked the locks to all the doors at my house.  

Though this wasn’t the first time I’ve experienced this sort of overt display of hatred in a public setting, it was without a doubt, the first time I have ever felt seen enough to report it.  The death of George Floyd exposed just how serious the issue of racial injustice in this country is, and made it unmistakably clear just how prevalent, not to mention perilous it is.  After 34 years of just taking it, and doing everything in my power to “not let it get to me” or knowing “it’s just the way it is”, I finally feel seen enough to say; look this just happened, and you have the power to make it so this isn’t just how it is. 

You see prior to May 25, 2020, we could all live with a degree of ignorance in the matter; you could deny my life was actually different because of my skin tone and I could feign my perception of equality, but that shield has been lifted.  We have awakened from our socio-normative unconsciousness... That was deep, I know, but rather or not we choose to stay woke is up to us. The US needs a reckoning, regardless of if recent demands for equality stemming from the death of Mr. Floyd, Ms. Taylor, and Mr. Arbery can transition this moment into a movement, I am here to remind you of its importance.  You see, I was Black before you ever heard of those names and will continue to be such even when they began to fade from your memory.  I am here to remind you just how vital that demand for equality is.  

The fact of the matter is that the woman who essentially “came to my rescue” by respecting the seriousness of the matter was in shock not only the verbal brutality spewed, but also in part I imagine from simply awakening the reality that such an incident actually happened.  This brings me to my anger... you see I am beyond grateful for the fact that I can finally stand up for myself and declare something like this has happened and be taken seriously, but I am equally as enraged that in order to be taken as such, the entire world had to witness a man be crushed to death.  It goes without saying that, the level of enlightenment that the entire non POC (people of color) world is having right now is just as appreciated as it is enraging. 

On a final note, I want to draw your attention to the fact that I referred to the man who accosted me, as a gentleman.  There is certainly two contributing factors to consider in this; one I was simply raised right- with manners and respect for everyone, and I knew this man couldn’t have been in his right mind, and two, I knew the importance of remaining composed in even the most daring of times, to counter the very real likelihood of simply being written off as an Angry Black Woman.  Think about that... even in an assault, I must maintain my composure, because society says an emotional Black woman is an Angry Black woman, society doesn’t question her countless motives for said anger; no, it merely writes her off.  

Well... let this first blog entry be a testament to my Eloquent Black Rage--sitting posed, with perfect posture, well read, well spoken, highly educated in fact... with well manicured fingernails and an accented middle finger nodding to a less than subtle, “fuck you”. 

In close, I hope in writing this I have helped to explain the depth of feelings that stem from such a verbal attack, the long term impact it has, and that I have drawn your attention to just how often injustice occurs even when they are not spoken of or otherwise exposed. 

This is my very first Blog-entry, it originally started out as a wordy Facebook post, but decided I needed a more appropriate venue for my voice.  I sincerely thank you for reading and hope you continue to peek into my mind from time to time.  Congratulations, you’ve earned 10 Friend Points and good karma! 

Read to Me

[So, uh. I know I mentioned that Ganondorf-centric fic. But I wanted to revive this instead because I’ve been feeling more fluff than angst lately.

Anyway, cleaned this up, so have some sweet Nabsgan to brighten(???) your day :3]

Ganondorf had returned several hours ago, before the sun had even sunk beneath the horizon. Pride and the memory of their last spat before he left for one of his longer trips to Hyrule Castle still fresh on Nabooru’s mind prevented her from immediately greeting the king as he arrived at the fortress. Until that quarrel, she had planned to go with him, perhaps offer him better company than those stuffed shirt nobles. But, he ruined that notion quickly, a day before leaving, too.

That day she rose with the sun and met him at the stables as she always did to see him off. The tension  palpable, both of their bodies stiffened like a couple of animals ready to fend off a predator should the need arise. They managed to keep their farewell civil, though the couple remained silent until they reached the entrance to the valley. Once out of the guards’ line of sight, she slipped my foot into the stirrup on top of his, hoisted herself up, and planted a quick peck on his cheek before making him promise to come back safe.

Though grudgingly, he did. She even saw a tiny smile crack the too serious expression he donned more often than not these days.

And yet, she still couldn’t help the clenching of her jaw, watching from the sanctuary of the meeting room window, as he rode his black stallion back up to the fortress two weeks later. Several of the guards had abandoned their posts to greet and escort him to the stables, circling around him and beaming at their king. Ganondorf even seemed to be in good spirits, smiling and chatting with them, not a single qualm with the questions they pelted him with.

Though this should have alleviated some of her fears, Nabooru couldn’t convince herself that another shouting match would not come within hours of the two making contact. As with many of their arguments, there always seemed to be a calm before the storm. Like a mirage of an oasis as you’re dying of thirst before the reality of barrenness becomes apparent.

Thus, she avoided Ganondorf for the rest of the afternoon, busying herself with even the most menial task she could think of. She did not return to her room until late evening after grabbing a quick dinner on the fly when she was sure he would not be around the meal hall. An insurmountable task, especially without raising suspicion.  

She hummed a tune softly to myself as she began to remove her jewelry, toeing off her shoes as I padded over to the vanity mirror across from her bed. She slipped the ruby from her hair with a relieved sigh, crimson hair spilling over her shoulders as I picked up her brush. She only managed to glide it through the length few times before stopping short, bristles halfway down and her fingers gripping the ends.

After all the evasion and fear of either of them finding a reason to argue, she hadmissed the infuriating idiot.

Setting the brush down, she groaned at her reflection and shook her head as if the image in the mirror would talk her out of what I was about to do.

“You’re a masochist, Nabooru…I hope you know that.”

Despite the self-scolding, she pushed herself up from the vanity and headed back out into the hallway. Rising in rank to Second in Command meant a new room, one closer to the king’s quarters in case anything should go awry. Just a right turn and a quick jaunt down a torch-lit hall brought her to her destination: an ornate, red door with gold embellishments surrounding their people’s symbol.  

A familiar sight, as she often found herself in his room for one reason or another; sometimes business, other times pleasure. But recent visits always left her feeling a little colder than they used to. Hesitant to enter. The sensation was always strange as she stood in front of it these days, wringing her hands and holding her breath like a little girl, gathering up the courage to ask her instructor for permission to train with the older girls. And the ache in her chest…that desire for the warmth and comfort the couple used to enjoy with each other.

Before she could convince herself to turn back, she raised her fist to knock, but paused before knuckle struck wood. Rolling her eyes at her own stupidity, Nabooru lowered her fist to the knob instead, gripping it too tightly and turning it, slowly pushing the heavy wood forward.

The sweet scent of burning incense mixed with the smell of the burning torches on the wall innediately assaulted her nostrils. The crackle of fire and the low lighting soothed her anxiety a touch. She took a few seconds to admire how they made the shadows of the decorations and fixtures around the room dance in broken steps. It reminded her of graffiti she saw in the Market years ago: wild looking figures danced around their burning victim. She could not tell whether the garish figures were meant to be humans or monsters.

At first, she deemed the room empty, a mixture of relief and disappointment causing her shoulders to slump. Though, upon scanning the room, she found the man in question at the other side of his large quarters, stretched out on one of his couched, one made specially for him considering his substantial size (though, somehow, it still looked incredibly small beneath him). In place of the black armor he had sported upon arriving home, he now donned a simple pair of pants similar to my own, only black in color. He held a book in one hand, expression calm as he scanned the pages, his other hand resting behind his head for extra support.

He did not even twitch as the mechanisms of the door clicked softly as Nabooru closed it behind her; he merely turned to the next page in his book, shifting his left leg off the couch, foot planted on the rug below him. She knew better; he was fully aware someone had entered his room and, because she hadn’t knocked, he knew very well it was her.

“Just got back and you’re already working?”

“This is hardly working, Nabooru,” he remarked, finally tearing his amber eyes from his book to watch her cross the room. The light of the torches flickered in his irises, mesmerizing the woman. “I’m relaxing after a long week and a half of negotiations. Not to mention a long, boring ride back here.”

She snorted softly at the rather pointed glare he shot her. As much as she wanted to inform him that it was his own fault she decided not to join him, she bit my tongue; he deserved a night of relaxation and she did not wish to ruin that for him (or herself) by inciting an argument. Plus, she grew tired of the fighting, the nonstop bickering. She knew lovers fought, but surely not as often as they seemed to lately…

Nabooru paused at the nearby bookshelf and hummed to herself, gliding her fingers along leather spines of volumes on any topic from history of Hyrule’s races to Gerudo fighting styles through the ages. She selected one at random, hardly concerned with the contents, and turned to face him. “Mind if I join you?”

Instead of a verbal answer, he merely shifted so that his back rested more fully against the arm of the couch, beckoning her over with a lazy wave of his free hand. Smiling gently, she strode over to him with her book selection and carefully rested between his legs, reclining so her back rested against his torso, head on his chest.

“Comfortable?” he asked, his voice surprisingly genuine as he lifted his book to eye level once more.

She simply nodded in response, cracking her own hefty volume of…a quick glance at the cover informed her she had made chosen a book about potions and their properties. Nothing she even remotely cared about, her eyes glazing over just reading a single sentence.  

Boring subject matter aside, her focus suffered as his fingers danced absently along her bare side, from the top of her hip to just beneath her ribcage. She could not stop the pleased sigh that passed her lips as that simple touch disarmed her, any fears or trepidations dissolving. Her eyes slipped closed as she  indulged in his warmth, soothed by the sound of his steady breathing and heart beat pumping next to her head.

“Potions too boring for you? Does seem like an odd choice…”

“Mm?” Nabooru blinked rapidly and tilted her head back. Her eyes met his, eyebrows furrowing in confusion; surely she hadn’t fallen asleep! Caught in her act anyway, she set the potions book aside. “Did I fall asleep?”

“No, but you were about to.” His gaze had returned to his own book, though his hand gravitated upward, resting just above the armband she only removed when bathing. His fingers occasionally stretched to trace the intricate metalwork and inlaid gem (his own design), dipping in between gold to caress tan flesh. Each few seconds of contact sent a tingling sensation through her body, and part of her swore he used magic. Though, deep down, she knew she just craved the contact. The intimacy. Something other than arguing.

Her eyes shifted to the book in his hand–an attempt to tear her focus away from such thoughts. The characters on the page were Hylian, the pages torn at the edges and discolored from age and use. As she skimmed through the page he was on, she deemed that it discussed the myths and history of Hyrule. She wasn’t surprised, but her heart still sank, mind flashing back to the disputes revolving around this very topic. The yelling. Spurned words spewed that she, at least, didn’t mean. Desperately holding back tears and stubbornly wiping them away when out of sight. The letters on the page seemed to taunt her in that moment, reminding her how tenuous their relationship had become because of this…this obsession. She thought to grab the book and tear those yellowing pages from their binding in that moment, as if that would snap Ganondorf back to his senses, release him from the spell he was under. To see how potentially dangerous his tentative plan could be.

Instead, Nabooru rested her head against his chest again, releasing a slow breath through her nose as he turned the page. His hand did not return to her arm, however, favoring her hair draped over her shoulder instead. His fingers combed through the locks, occasionally twisting stands about his fingers.  

She relaxed once more. He must have sensed her discomfort, something the two had a knack for, at least with each other. Not that they paid it much mind these days, so he surprised her with the gesture, as he knew it was one that rarely failed to calm her. Though, judging how his eyes never left the pages of his book, the action most likely only served as a way to keep his free hand occupied, one of his preferences as he read, wrote, or merely as he lost himself in thought.

Still…she convinced myself it was the former.

Nabooru lifted herself up and sat on his thigh instead, draping my legs across his lap, my bare feet hanging over the side. It wasn’t until moments like these she really noticed the difference in their size. Tall as she was, he still had a head and a half on her in height. Not to mention his muscular build which aided his ability to dwarf anyone who came near him. But, it never bothered her…except occasionally in sparring sessions.

“Will you read to me?” Nabooru tilted her head back to look at him.

“What?”

“Read the book to me? Out loud?”

His expression flashed from annoyance to amusement as he met her gaze. “Have you not been practicing reading Hylian? You’re my Second in Command, Nabooru. I can’t have you being all brawn and no brain.” He prodded her forehead with a light chuckle, the first sincere one she had heard in a long time, unmarred by malice.

She swatted his hand away, lower lip poking out. “I can read and speak Hylian just fine and you know it. Besides, I know how much you love hearing your own voice.”

He laughed again, draping his arm around her waist hand resting on my thigh. “Very well. I’ll indulge you this time.”

Smiling at her small victory, she laid my head on his shoulder. He must have just bathed because she could smell the fresh scent of his favorite soap emanating from his skin; a spicy aroma but with a hint of freshness akin to the smell in Hyrule Field after a spring rain.  

He began to read, his deep voice lowered to a soothing volume. His smooth tone never faltered over the Hylian words, as if it were his first language. Always a perfectionist, it did not surprise her; he had appearances to keep up to avoid the judgmental gazes of the more pompous Hylian nobles.

Though she preferred listening to their own language, she still found solace in his voice as he unfolded the story of the Triforce and iterated the author’s theories about it. The content did not interest her, however, so much as the voice relating it. The warmth currently in his tone was a rarity anymore as he preferred to adopt a colder, more indifferent timbre when dealing with her. Thus, she reveled in it for now. Lost herself in it.

Naboor saw his eyes flick over to her–though it did not interrupt his reading–as she brushed her fingertips along his chest, tracing faded scars along the expanse of bare flesh. The fingers of her other hand walked along his back, shoulder blade to shoulder blade. Up the back of his neck and into his hair. The ends were still damp from his bath.

She allowed her eyes to shift to his face. She always admired his features, sharp and defined. The lids over his eyes were half closed over amber irises as he followed the words on the pages. His habit for precision showed once more in the perfect grooming of his sideburns, hair, and eyebrows. Her gaze then drifted to his lips, lingering there for several seconds, suddenly fascinated with how they formed each word with flawless precision.

“Hey.”

The first time his voice broke off since he started reading aloud. He turned his head, annoyance flashing across those handsome features. She couldn’t help the cheeky smirk that curled her lips; pushing his buttons was a bit of a guilty pleasure.

Before he could reprimand her for interrupting, Nabooru leaned forward, gently pressing her lips to his, hands on either side of his face. When she pulled away and opened her eyes, she was relieved to see that a small smile had replaced the exasperated grimace on Ganondorf’s face.

“I missed you,” she breathed, resting my forehead against his.

He didn’t respond, not with words. She felt him shift beneath me, hand holding the book dropping off the side of the couch as he reconnected their lips. She heard his book drop to the floor with a dull thump, muscular arms circling around her frame.

Smiling against his lips, she readjusted her position, placing her knees on either side of his hips. She looped her arms over his shoulders, one hand weaving into his hair and urging his head forward to deepen their kiss. His hands slid up the back of her top as he forced my body flush against his.

Nabooru opened my mouth to protest when his lips left her, but the disgruntled huff turned to a delighted moan as he kissed the corner of her lips, along her jawline to her chin. She tilted her head back, baring her throat to him which he eagerly latched on to. A breathy sigh escaped her throat, the alternating kisses, bites, and licks down the length of her neck sending a shiver down her spine as well as igniting the familiar heat of passion in my veins.

“Will you be staying here tonight, my love?” She shuddered as his breath tickled the sensitive skin dampened with a thin strip of saliva from his licks. She could feel him smirking as he nipped and kissed along her collarbone. She could have punched him for being so smug.

Instead, Nabooru returned her head to its normal position, smiling coyly at him. “If that is what my king wishes,” she purred, letting her fingers trace his jawline. She nipped at his lower lip. “I only want you to be happy, love.”

Grinning, she slipped off his lap. However, she only managed two steps toward the bed before Ganondorf’s arm snaked around her waist, yanking me back into his body. She yelped and laughed as he easily hoisted her over his shoulder, carrying her the rest of the way to the bed.

Nabooru squeaked as I was unceremoniously dumped onto the bed and immediately pinned beneath Ganondorf. He held her hands above her head, lacing his fingers with hers. “That wasn’t fair, you know,” she said, pretending to struggle beneath him. “Could have given me a little more warning.”

“Now, where would be the fun in that?” he responded, chuckling at her half-hearted struggle. “Maybe you shouldn’t have tried to escape me.”

Nabooru rolled her eyes with a grin, lifting her head from the pillow to peck his lips. The chaste gesture earned her a more passionate kiss, a content moan sounding in her throat as she arched her back up toward him.

Ganondorf parted his lips from hers, capturing her gaze with little effort. He released one of her hands in favor of caressing her cheek with his thumb.  “I love you, Nabooru.”

Shebeamed upon hearing those words, her heart thudding so hard against her ribcage she was sure he could hear it. She never thought She would hear him utter those words to her again.

“I love you, too, Ganondorf. Always will.”

okay, i don’t think i’m obeying the 500 words or less rule but "Can I talk yet?" Josh says softly. through "I could kiss you now," Josh says. on all the solutions were trial and error

link to the chapter in question

“Can I talk yet?” Josh says softly.

Rebecca laughs in spite of herself. She cracks open one eyelid to see Josh, watching her with a mostly neutral expression, his head cocked slightly to one side like a curious dog. “Yeah,” she says, her voice cracking on the consonant. “Yeah, you can talk.”

One of the ways I constantly challenge myself as a writer is pushing to sustain narrative tension, but when I wrote Josh he just instantly wanted to hit the catharsis button. He’s so soft! I love him.

“So,” Josh begins, and then stops. He looks down at his knee, which still has Rebecca’s hand resting on it; before she can get self-conscious and pull away, he puts his own hand on top of hers. “That was… a lot.”

It was a lot. Rebecca, as a person, is a lot. She knows this better than anyone. Her brain is screaming at her that she’s made a terrible mistake, that she’s a horrible stupid bitch who ruins everything and now she’s ruined this, she’s ruined this for good in a completely different way from the last time. She resisted her emotions through her whole speech but they’re cracking through the surface now, pulse racing and tears welling in her eyes. “I’m sorry,” she somehow manages to say without completely losing control of herself.

Rebecca, on the other hand, isn’t ready to accept that it could be this easy. (We could take a long winding detour here and talk about how much of this scenario is based in reality vs Rebecca’s subconscious presenting her the path of least resistance, but that’s getting into some Deep Philosophy Bullshit and let’s leave it vague it’s more interesting that way.) In a way, this is an ultimate nightmare scenario for someone with any level of anxiety, because you’re faced with having to apologize for shit that you thought you’d apologized for and moved past. It’s like when you’re lying in bed and remember that dumb thing you said in fifth grade, except real. Not great!

“You kind of have a lot to be sorry for,” Josh admits. “I always thought you were so innocent, but this… it’s hard to process all of it.”

Rebecca’s fight or flight response kicks in, and a whole list of excuses are on the tip of her tongue in an instant. Josh shouldn’t have led her on when they met in New York; Josh shouldn’t have told her to lie to Valencia about summer camp; if Josh was very attracted to her then he should’ve kept it to himself instead of making her feel like she had a chance with him. In Rebecca’s memory, she once told him all these things and more, publicly attacking him because she thought that’s what she needed to do to feel better about how he’d hurt her. But it didn’t help then and it certainly won’t help now. “I’m not asking you to understand, or to forgive me. You don’t ever have to forgive me.”

Every single goddamn time I watch 102 I literally yell at the screen during the fallout at Spider’s because IT WAS JOSH’S FAULT!! HE TOLD HER TO LIE!!! In general I think Josh should take a little more responsibility for some of the shit that happens in 1a. But this is Rebecca’s POV post-407 and she’s got that Josh glitter so like... what can you do, I guess.

“But,” Josh goes on, ducking his head so he can see more of her face, “I’m… not mad? It seems like I should be, right? D- do you want me to be mad?”

Does she? She doesn’t know. Rebecca has no idea what she wanted out of this. What she does know is that, in her own present, Josh Chan has wormed his way back into her heart when she was once convinced that he was irrelevant. She also knows that, in her own present, the amount of bad blood and baggage between the two of them is so immense that sometimes it feels insurmountable. If she chooses this and they get to start over again from this moment, with all of her dirty laundry aired, maybe they can build something together that won’t crash and burn. It almost feels too easy. Too pain-free. “Can you maybe yell at me a little bit?”

So, in general, writing Josh’s chapter was hard. I spitballed several different scenarios before finally landing on 111, but even that wasn’t ideal because at that point Josh is still with Valencia. I had a lot of guidelines for myself as far as making things “fair” which basically boiled down to “no one is going to cheat on anyone.” (This is why I picked 302 for Nathaniel even though 211 seems a more obvious choice.) So Rebecca’s end goal is to get with Josh, but she doesn’t see a way forward from here without things getting messy.

All at once, Josh’s whole face softens. “I’m not gonna yell at you, Becks.”

“Well, I feel like someone should be yelling at me,” Rebecca mutters. “You could call Valencia. I’m sure she’d love to give me a verbal bitch slap right about now. Maybe even a real bitch slap.”

“She does really hate you,” Josh says lightly, like it’s no big deal, even though to Rebecca it’s a very big deal in more ways than one, “ever since that whole thing where you kissed her at Spider’s.”

In this house we love and appreciate Valencia Maria Perez!!! It’s unfortunate that Valencia is Dame Not Appearing In This Fic, because I got to touch on the devolution of Rebecca’s friendships with Paula and Heather but not Valencia, who had the furthest to go. Rebecca is totally devastated by the fact that Valencia isn’t her friend, so much so that she doesn’t even let herself dwell on it.

Right. She’d kind of conveniently left that whole incident out of her confessional laundry list. Then again, it’s not as though Josh was the wronged party in that particular scenario. Rebecca finally tugs her hand free from beneath Josh’s so she can grab her wine glass off the table, because suddenly she kind of needs it. “So, uh, here’s the thing about that,” she says, raising the wine glass to her lips and holding it there, tapping her fingertips nervously against the side. “Um, basically, I wanted to be kissing you, but Valencia was there, so I couldn’t kiss you, but Valencia is your girlfriend, so kissing her was basically like kissing you, so…” She winces and tips some wine into her mouth because that’s far preferable to allowing words to continue coming out of it.

Long story short: this is some real fucking bullshit on my part. 1.8 on the Kinsey Scale. I rest my case.

When she opens her eyes again, Josh is just staring at her. She feels exposed, like this is one of those dreams where she’s just casually going about her day and suddenly she’s completely naked, except this is somehow way more embarrassing.

I wrote the nude dream comparison and then thought “wait, would that even upset Rebecca that much?”

“I could kiss you now,” Josh says.

It k i l l e d me to keep Josh’s chapter platonic considering Rebecca gets to go to town on both Nathaniel and Greg, because it made the scenarios feel super unbalanced. (I, uh, might have accidentally lied to Rachel Bloom when she asked what my fanfic was about and I got flustered and said “Rebecca gets to fuck all the guys.”) But, like I said, cheating was off-limits, and I kept myself to it. The thing is, 111 is immediately after the camp episode, where Josh really starts to be unable to contain his big gooey feelings for Rebecca, so he makes the suggestion and Rebecca has to be the responsible one for once and turn him down. In a way it’s a bigger decision for her than coming clean with him in the first place, because this is the way the romcom should go: big grand gesture, followed by a kiss.

(our friends set us up on a blind date as a prank because we don’t like each other but neither of us wants to let them win so ) | Part 8:

( part 1 ) ( part 2 ) ( part 3 ) ( part 4 ) ( part 5 ) ( part 6) ( part 7 )

Game nights at Kara’s are always very fun in a very competitive sort of way. Winn loves every second of it. And it’s been around as a tradition for about as long as he’s known her. It’s the sort of thing that used to be just for fun and then stayed existing just for the normalcy. It’s kind of impossible to imagine life without those weird nights now.

This one, though. For this one, he’s as nervous as the first time he talked himself into knocking on her door.

“We can do this,” he says half to the mirror, half to his anxiety. They can do this. “It can’t be that hard.” His sentence rises at the end, almost bending into a question; too dubious to be a statement.

“It will be the first time they all see us together outside of work and its distractions,” Brainy answers him from the living room anyway, still idly flipping through channels. He’s been slowly becoming more comfortable in Winn’s apartment after their fake-date and dinner at Valentine’s Day; Winn is sure even his small one-bedroom is better than the dorms at the DEO. “Are you ready yet? I’d rather not be late.”

A deep breath. Not to say, of course, that they don’t get into each other’s nerves anymore. “That’s not as helpful as you think,” he calls back, then quieter, “asshole.” To be fair, they should get all the insults out of the way before going to Kara’s, you know, really get it out of their systems.

“I apologize, it was not my intention to make it worse,” Brainy appears at the door, seizing him up with a carefully neutral face. Winn is surprised he didn’t hear him approaching, even more at the petty need not be found lacking that rises at the inspection. He tugs at his collar at the same time Brainy clears his throat, “to me, knowing all the parameters of a situation helps. What would help you?”

Not to be under a microscope tonight. Instead of replying, he meets his eyes on the mirror with a look that hopefully carries all he really wants to say, and splashes water on his face, wishing to dispel some of his nerves with the cold. If he’s being honest, he’s not even that sure why he’s so apprehensive.

“If it helps,” Brainy continues, a little hesitant, passing him the towel hanging by the door, “they have no reason to be suspicious, they want to believe us.”

Clutching the towel on his hand, Winn gives him an almost-smile. “Now, this helps,” he dries off, hiding the full extent of his grin, “thanks. But we should get going or we’ll be late even by my standards.”

Maybe Brainy is right, things might be fine tonight. If anything, everyone will be already expecting bickering from all sides, it’s game night. Maybe, as a surprising amount of things in this lie, it will be easier than he expects it to be.

*

The kitchen table is littered with snacks and Winn is sure this is what heaven looks like. Why was he so nervous earlier again? Nothing could possibly go wrong with this much junk food available.

Besides, now that everyone’s here, the air is full of laughter and inside jokes and the warm, steady promise of friendship– it’s really hard to be nervous.

This is his family, of course it’s going to be okay.

“So how was the date?” comes Lena’s voice, drifting faded from the living room.

Right. Even if they’re halfway through this stupid lie.

“Very nice,” follows Brainy’s reply, “even though, Winn was five minutes late.”

Scoffing to himself, Winn makes his way around the counter, taking the bowl of chips with him, “hey, you should be nicer,” he says over the prattle, “I’m your boyfriend now.”

Brainy makes space for him on the floor, “I am being nice, it’s why I said five minutes, instead of the fifteen.”

“Thanks, really,” Winn deadpans, leveling him with a deeply unimpressed glare, and sets the bowl on the table.

Lena snickers, laughing fondly at his grudging expression as he holds one arm open, letting Brainy settle back against him. After over two months of pretending, casual touching like this is easy– Winn has always been an affectionate, tactile person, it wasn’t hard to accommodate Brainy into his personal bubble. It’s almost nice.

“Okay, are we ready for this?” Kara calls their attention, tapping a spoon against her beer, “after some serious requests, I have finally dug out Clue!” She sets the box on the middle of the table, smiling proudly at their cheering.

“I have not played this before,” Brainy whispers, watching Kara bring out the board and all the pieces. “Is the title as misleading as the others?”

“No, actually,” Winn says, “it’s pretty much what it says on the tin. Someone murdered Mr. Boddy and we gotta figure out who, where, and with what.” He snags two pieces before Alex could claim them all and start assigning them like codenames, “here, you should be Professor Plum.”

Turning it over on his hand, Brainy raises an eyebrow, “and who will you be?”

“Apparently,” he snorts, “Ms. Peacock.”

“Alright,” Alex calls, shaking the dice on her closed fist, “where’s Miss Scarlet?”

With a tired, long-suffering sigh, James raises his hand. “Let’s get this over with, hand over the dice.”

“Here you go, Red.”

James sighs again.

*

“Alex!” Kara cries, throwing the last of the chips at her sister. “You’re cheating!”

“How am I cheating? It’s Clue,” she laughs, ducking and holding up a pillow as a very ineffective shield, “and– stop it– you’re wasting food!”

“Okay,” James stands up, watching Kara scrap the bowl for ammunition with a face that doesn’t seem to decide if it wants to be amused or afraid, “I think it’s time for refills.”

“Hold up,” Winn detangles himself, unfortunately flailing all the while, “I’ll help you.”

The brewing war in the living room is left behind as he wanders into the kitchen behind James, going straight for the cabinets and raiding them for Kara’s emergency stash of chips.

Bags are poured into another bowl in relative silence, as they eavesdrop into the bickering drifting in. It’s imported to keep up with it, really, by the time they get back, it might already have devolved into an all-out war and they might have to choose sides and– Kara squeals, followed by a burst of laughter, and both of them turn to see her clinging to the couch behind her, crumbs all around, and Alex holding the bowl above her, grinning darkly satisfied.

But it’s not any of it that catches his attention.

No, while it is a funny scene to watch and it does startle a chuckle out of him, it dies on his throat once his gaze lands on Brainy. Winn can’t look away. Because Brainy is laughing openly, and Winn hasn’t noticed this before, but when Brainy smiles it lights up his whole face, makes him look younger, and it’s just–

James sidles up beside him, elbowing Winn lightly, “I know that face,” he chuckles, way too entertained by the whole thing, “it’s your smitten face.”

His mind screeches to a stop, and Winn freezes for a second, before going into overdrive and whipping his head around fast enough to give himself whiplash in compensation. “What?” His voice cracks embarrassingly. He clears his throat. Is his mouth hanging open? It might, he’s not entirely sure what’s going on, things are spiraling fast. “ I mean, what, pshh, why would you say that?”

“Uh, because I know you? And I’ve seen it way too many times now not to recognize it?”

That’s. Wow. When you think you know a guy– seriously, how long have they known each other and– how can James even. That’s. Wow. It’s supposed to fool everyone but, this is something else; for James to just come out and say that– where did he even. Wow.

“You okay there?” James, who clearly does not know Winn as well as he thinks, asks. He even has the gall to sound concerned. “I know it’s still fairly new– I didn’t mean to freak you out, man.”

Winn shakes his head, burying his inner monologue for later when he’s not supposed to be agreeing to this so very wrong statement. “You didn’t freak me out,” he shrugs, kind of trailing off. How do you follow up on that? Goddamnit, it’s too soon for Winn of all people to get tangled up in the lies. If anyone should trip, it should be Brainy, not him. “You just– caught me by surprise, that’s all. Kinda forgot you were there for a sec.”

“I hear that, alright,” and man, it’s the chuckling that irks him. James is just so sure, it’s. It’s whatever. “You were smiling like you didn’t see anyone else,” he claps Winn in the shoulder, calling back as he ducks out of the kitchen, “you’ve got it bad, man.”

Well, would you look at that. Maybe Winn should have looked into the Broadway thing, after all.

Who would’ve thought he’s such a good actor.

*

Clue goes about as well as it was expected. It’s to no one’s surprise when Alex wins, although Lena narrows her eyes in a way that promises hellfire of a payback later and Kara pouts, already resigned to be caught in the middle of that.

With the night winding down, they exchange the board games for a movie, because in all honesty, they have all missed getting together like this. Winn had not been there for the worst of it, but he’s seen the last drags of awkwardness lingering after all that went down last year.

To have everyone in the same room without any pressure, it’s kind of a miracle.

They’re mostly fine with not talking about it, though.

But the movie seems to be one of Alex’s, some action flick that demands just this tiny bit more of attention than he can give it right now. It’s a Friday night, and Winn’s tired; he’s been working all week, he’s so, so tired, he can feel gravity winning and his body tilting, head lolling to the side, eyelids insurmountably heavy. Maybe, if he closes his eyes for just a second, then–

Just one teeny-tiny moment, then he’ll give the movie all of his attention.

The warm, soft wall he’s leaning against shifts, and Winn burrows in the warmth more comfortably. An arm wraps around his shoulder, and oh, right, it’s a person. Something nags at his mind, too faint to go through the sleepy haze setting in, and Winn lets it slide away, as he goes further and further into the dark.

With the background noise quieting down around him, Winn sleeps.

*

A hand shakes his shoulder.

Scowling, Winn half-heartedly tries to bat it away, holding his pillow closer.

Someone coos nearby.

Now, his eyes fly open.

The first thing he sees is dark green, soft under his cheek. A sweater, his brain helpfully supplies with an unwanted delay. Then, there’s awareness of his surroundings– shit, right, he was at Kara’s, game night then a movie, and– “where’s everyone?” He mumbles, pushing himself off Brainy.

“Lena left half an hour ago, James is probably still waiting for his taxi outside,” Kara counts off her fingers, grinning unashamedly, “and Alex is out cold in the guest bedroom.”

His legs are still unsteady, stiff from sleep, and Winn is forced to accept Brainy’s hand to pull him up. Maybe if he weren’t still dazed and a little disoriented, he wouldn’t be so blasé about all of this, but as it is– things are already so goddamn weird, why not just go along with it?

“You have slept through the entire movie,” Brainy tells him, monotone, dusting himself off, “overall, it was very inaccurate.”

“That’s what you got from it?” Winn snorts, accepting his jacket from Kara. He gives her a smile, opening his arms in an invitation for a hug and she goes easily, laughing. “Told you we’d resurrect game night.”

“Says the guy who slept through half the night,” she turns him around, pushing him back towards Brainy, “here, I think this is yours.”

“Yes, I suppose so,” Brainy makes a terribly resigned face, trading a sympathetic look with Kara over his shoulder, both struggling to keep a straight face. She herds them out the door, bundled up in scarves to brave the cold weather, snickering at his dramatically offended face. “Thank you for inviting us,” Brainy says, stepping out in the hall, and Winn takes his hand.

“Yeah,” he echoes through a yawn, nodding at Brainy’s direction, “what he said.”

Kara waves goodbyes, shutting the door with a soft click, leaving them alone in the empty hallway, and Winn drops his hand.

See?

Broadway-levels acting right there.

Friendly reminder that I have a GoFundMe running around the web trying really hard to help me raise money for top surgery. I’ve added more details in the space below if you’d like it, otherwise, click here to find my page.

What is "Top Surgery"?

Top surgery is a blanket term for the procedure that is performed on transgender individuals in order for their chest area to be more aligned with or resemble that of their gender, rather than their sex. For me, top surgery takes form in what is called a double incision mastectomy with free nipple graft. I'll get into exactly what those words mean down below, but in summary, this procedure will remove the breast tissue, mammary glands, and residual fat on the sides of my chest with the goal of creating a more masculine appearance. Why is Top Surgery necessary? As I am only one person, I can't speak for any other transgender person but myself nor do I want to. So, for me this procedure is necessary in order to alleviate what is known as gender dysphoria. This is a state of severe depression and anxiety surrounding the way my body looks in comparison to other, cis-gender men's (men whose sex is male) bodies. I cannot stress enough that gender dysphoria is not the same as "regular body image problems", as it is not only much more psychologically powerful than other struggles with body image, but there is an added component that makes it seem as though my body is not my own. Dysphoria is something that has caused me to cancel plans with loved ones and with friends on several occasions, has made it a daily fight to leave my house, and has often led to extreme depressive episodes, anxiety attacks, and paranoia.

Gender Dysphoria is very hard to explain to those who do not experience it themselves, but I would be happy to talk with you about it in private if you are struggling with the concept. Having this procedure will also offset the cost of garments that I purchase in order to currently alleviate dysphoria, as well as prevent the possibility of medical problems in the future due to wearing said garments. On a daily basis, I wear what is called a chest binder. This is a garment that is often made of spandex with a panel made of hardened cotton and polyester that works to compress the breast tissue and make the chest appear flatter. Since I have a larger amount of breast tissue, my binder isn't able to completely "masculinize" my chest and there is often still a bump as if I have smaller breasts and am simply wearing a sport's bra. Not only does this not completely alleviate the more severe symptoms of dysphoria I have, but binders are extremely expensive long-term. One chest binder, on average, costs $35 to $40. However, due to the amount of use they go through and how large my chest is, binders are only truly effective for two to four months before the spandex stretches out and they become glorified sport's bras. That means that I'm purchasing, on average, three binders a year. Multiply that by 60 more years and I'll be spending an average of $7,200 on binders alone. Chest binders also come with an increased risk of lung and back problems and struggles with muscle growth in the chest and upper back over the long term due to the way they are designed.

To summarize, Top Surgery for me is a necessary procedure because it will alleviate the more severe symptoms of gender dysphoria that have caused insurmountable damage to the way I interact with other people, as well as offset the long-term cost and effects of chest binding by completely eradicating my need for chest binders after this procedure. Who is My Surgeon and What Will She Be Doing? I have chosen Dr. Sidhbh (Pronounced "Sih-ve") Gallagher as the surgeon running this procedure. She graduated in the top 3% of her class at University of Dublin's medical school and became a board certified general surgeon in 2015. She completed her plastic surgery fellowship at IU Medical School and became board certified as a plastic surgeon. She focuses on gender-affirmation surgeries such as the procedure I'm looking to undergo, and has performed countless gender-affirmation surgeries. The procedure that I will be undergoing is called a Double Incision Mastectomy with Free Nipple Graft. You can find more information about this specific procedure here. The reason I chose Dr. Gallagher as my surgeon is because she is not only located close to my family - having her practice based in Indiana - but she also performs a unique version of this procedure where the use of drainage tubes is rendered completely useless. As anyone who has had this surgery knows, drainage tubes can often be an uncomfortable (and smelly) part of the post-op care for this procedure. Not only would there be tubes in my chest and the appropriate drainage containers taped to my sides while my chest heals, but the inclusion of the tubes raises the risk of infection. With the drainless version of this procedure, the skin has a better chance of growing more naturally with my chest muscle should I decide to build it, the risk of infection is much lower since the incision sites will be fully closed, and the level of discomfort I will feel post-op will be much lower. Where Will Your Money Be Going? Currently, the United States medical system still views transgender healthcare as being cosmetic, meaning that most insurance companies deem procedures related to transgender healthcare to be unnecessary and will not cover them. Unfortunately for me, my insurance company is one of many that shares this view of transgender healthcare and will neither cover any aspect of the procedure nor my time with Dr. Gallagher pre or post-op. This means that I will be paying for this procedure entirely out of pocket - a huge expense for anyone. The current maximum cost of the procedure + expenses is $10,000. Expenses include:

I've set my goal at $1,000 for the moment so that I am more likely to reach it. If I do not reach this goal, your money will be refunded and I will start from the beginning once again. The fees I have listed above are only their current numbers, and if I wait too long those prices will go up. It is extremely important that I reach my goal in order to afford this surgery, as it would be completely life changing and would have a tremendously positive impact on my life and the way I interact with those around me. Thank you so much for your consideration in donating. If you have any questions, please feel free to reach out to me on Facebook or through this page. All the love, -Jordan

Aperture Sides Facility, Chapter 2: Fifteen Hundred Megawatt Aperture Science Heavy Duty Super-Colliding Super Button

Masterpost

Chapter Summary: Thomas meets some new friends, and learns some new names... including his own.

Chapter Warnings: Captivity, Death Mention

The next few chambers fly by quickly, once again devoid of life. You try to distract yourself with the solving of the puzzles so you won’t start worrying about where Logic and Morality went, or what the Voice wants with you, or who else might be lurking around. It doesn’t work terribly well, and by the time you’ve completed the third test chamber where no one appeared, you’re once again starting to wonder if they’ve given up on visiting you entirely. You’d think your anxiety would come up with some new material, but no such luck.

For this reason, when you enter test chamber 9 you’re already on edge. At this point, you’re used to the others dropping in at odd times, and so have learned to expect someone to suddenly begin speaking to you from the ceiling or wall.

What you were not expecting, however, was to have someone show up directly behind you.

“Hey.”

You shriek and jump, whirling around, then you do a double take at what you see. It’s a Core, made of the same dark metal as Logic, but unlike Logic he isn’t attached to tracks in the ceiling or walls, but instead is floating in the air at about chest height, gently drifting slightly up and down. What really draws your eye, though, is the two robotic arms coming out of either side of the Core, which hang casually at his sides as he regards you with a deep purple eye.

“Oh!” you say, catching your breath. “Hey there. Are you here to introduce yourself?”

“Yeah, no. I’m here to tell you to give up,” the Core says, his voice a low rasp.

You raise an eyebrow. “Give up?”

“You can’t solve this puzzle,” the Core says. “It’s impossible. You shouldn’t even bother.”

“I… highly doubt that.”

“Oh, really, Mr. Smarty-Pants?” he says snottily. “Well, let’s look at the facts, shall we? What you’ve got there is an Emancipation Grill. You can’t shoot through it, if you try to bring that cube through it it’ll be vaporized faster than you can say ‘oops’, you walk through it and all your portals disappear. You see where I’m going with this?”

You rub your temples with one hand. “Well, yes, but there has to be-”

“Nope, nadda, don’t even bother looking,” the Core interrupts. “You’re going to get trapped here and die of thirst, which I’ve heard is a really sucky way to die by the way. Might as well curl up on the ground and cry.”

“O-kay, I think we’re done here,” you say, turning away and doing your best to ignore him..

After a few minutes playing around with the Emancipation Grill, you’re starting to think Anxiety’s assessment was dead on. You move back and forth through the field several times, shooting portals at different angles, but nothing gets through, and you don’t see any way around.

You feel like you could focus better on the puzzle if the Core watching you would lay off the “helpful” comments.

“Let’s hope it doesn’t ‘Emancipate’ your teeth this time,” he says casually as you walk through the field again. “Let me know if you taste blood, that’s probably a bad sign.”

You shiver and subconsciously swipe your tongue across your teeth before you can stop yourself. Then you turn and glare at the Core.

“Could you shut up already?” you growl. “I’m trying to think here!”

“Well excuse me, Your Highness,” the Core drawls.

“Did someone say Your Highness?!”

Another Core pops down from the ceiling, this time clearly hanging off a movement rail like Logic and Morality. Unlike Logic and Morality, this Core is a pure white, and his eye glows a bright red. His handles are uniquely shaped, as well- where Logic’s and Morality’s were relatively simple, this Core’s handles look almost crown-like. It’s an elegant look overall, and gives you an inkling of which Core this may be.

“Greetings, my good-” the white Core starts, then stops as he turns and sees the other Core floating behind you.

“Oh,” he says, eye narrowing, “It’s you.”

“Hey, Princey,” the floating Core drawls.

“What are you doing here, Anxiety?” Princey shoots back.

“I’m helping, can’t you tell?” Anxiety says, his eyelid lowering in a smirk.

Princey scoffs. “You, helping? Please.”

“Hey, now-” you start, but Anxiety cuts you off.

“And you think you can do any better?”

“But of course!” Princey declares. “As a princely Core like myself, it is my duty to aid brave adventurers in perilous quests!”

Anxiety crosses his arms and cocks his head- er, himself- in challenge. “Oh, really? Well then, how would you suggest he solve this?”

Princey gestures broadly towards the Emancipation Grill. “Why, it’s simple! Just g-AAAAAAGH!”

“Princey!” you shout, half-expecting him to explode or something, but after a moment the scream dies off with him looking none the worse. Princey takes a deep breath before turning to glare at an audibly snickering Anxiety.

“That was a dirty trick,” he growls.

“We can’t give solutions to test subjects, idiot,” Anxiety says. “It literally goes against our most basic programming.”

Princey huffs. “Well excuse me for not remembering every minor detail! At least some of us are trying to be helpful!”

“Hey, it’s alright guys,” you say. “I’ll just figure it out myself.” Eventually.

“Hmm,” Princey says, pensive. “I may not be able to give you the solution, but that does not mean I cannot aid you more… creatively. When faced with a challenge that seems insurmountable, it can often be helpful to find a different perspective.”

Princey turns and gives a significant look behind himself, before quickly turning away, whistling to himself.

A different perspective, huh? You look back towards where Princey was looking; it’s this level’s orange portal, set into the wall above a platform about the level of your head. You saw it before when you entered the room, but had been more preoccupied with how to get your blue portal through the Emancipation Grill. But maybe, you could see more from atop there.

You shoot a blue portal on a nearby wall and walk through, making sure to grab the cube you’re supposed to be moving before doing so, and come out atop the ledge. The room doesn’t look all that different from up here, and you’re starting to think you took Princey’s advice the wrong way, when something catches your eye. Above the doorway which the emancipation grill blocks, there is a small, square hole in the wall, one that unlike the doorway has no noticeable glimmer of energy. Lifting the portal gun, you shoot a ball of blue light through and watch as the blue portal appears on the opposite wall. You turn and walk through the orange portal behind you, and find yourself- and the cube- on the other side of the Emancipation Grill, never having needed to have walked through it.

You hear a whoop as Princey pops back up into the ceiling, then reappears above where you’re standing.

“You did it!” he cheers.

You grin at him. “Couldn’t have done it without you. You’re my hero, Princey.”

“Nonsense,” Princey scoffs, but you can hear in his voice that he’s touched. “You would have prevailed no matter the odds. I simply helped move things along.”

“This is so sweet I think I’m gonna puke,” Anxiety says sardonically, following you through the portal. “And I can’t even physically do that so you know it’s bad.”

“Could you just lay off for once?” you snap. “What even is your problem?”

“Sorry, dude, but it’s kinda my job,” Anxiety says, shrugging. “Deal with it.”

Princey waves one handle in a shooing motion. “Off with you, Marilyn Morose, you’re not wanted here.”

“Ugh, whatever, you’re just going to fail the next test anyways,” Anxiety grumbles. A floor tile recedes, creating a hole that Anxiety floats down through, the floor tile sliding back into place behind him.

You look back at Princey, wincing a bit. “Were we a little hard on him?”

Princey scoffs. “Of course not! That villain is likely plotting your demise with your dastardly captor as we speak.”

“He… works with Voiceover Guy?” you say uncertainly.

“Why do you think he’s all floaty and arm-having?” Princey says. “He-” he nods towards the nearest security camera, “altered Anxiety to be like that for a reason. We need to be ready for whatever villainous plan those two are concocting together.”

“Maybe he just really likes hugs?” you try.

Princey gives you an incredulous look, and you wince. “Yeah, it seemed a bit far-fetched to me too.”

“Mark my words,” Princey says, “Those two are up to no good.”

That torpedoes the conversation for a moment, both of you falling into silence as you contemplate the fact that you’re completely at the mercy of someone Princey just described as “villainous”. It doesn’t exactly feel great to think about.

“Well, regardless of the danger,” Princey finally says, “you have no need to fear! Not when you are under the protection of Yours Truly!” He strikes a heroic pose, and some of your fear fades into amusement.

“It’s the Creativity Core, right?” you say. Morality’s previous mention of a Creativity, combined with Princey’s appearance and demeanor, make that fairly easy to figure out.

“Indeed, I see my reputation precedes me!” He dips forward in an approximation of a bow. “I am most pleased to make your acquaintance, Brave Adventurer.”

“It’s nice to meet you too,” you say. “Uh, should I call you Creativity or Princey? I’ve kind of been calling you Princey in my head but I know the other Core- er, Anxiety- called you that and you don’t like him much, so…”

“No, no, Princey is fine,” the Core says. “Despite such a name being wasted in the speakers of a ruffian like Anxiety, I must admit that I am… partial, to it. A princely nickname for a princely Core!”

“You are quite prince-like,” you agree. “You have a crown and everything.”

“Why thank you, my good adventurer!” Princey says, bowing again. “I shall endeavor to live up to such a title.”

“And uh, the other Core is the Anxiety Core, right?” you say. “You keep calling him Anxiety, so…”

Princey waves a handle dismissively. “He might as well be. His real title is something more official-sounding- Threat Detector or whatever- but everyone just calls him Anxiety.”

You nod. Thinking back to the Core’s behavior, you can see how he attracted that kind of nickname.

Unable to put it off any longer, you hop down and place the cube on its corresponding button, opening the door in front of you to reveal another elevator. You’re really starting to hate elevators.

You turn back to the Core above you. “Thanks for your help, Princey.”

“It was my pleasure,” Princey says. “Perhaps we will meet again, in the coming trials.”

“I would like that,” you reply.

Nodding one last farewell, Princey disappears into the ceiling as you turn and head into the elevator.

Aperture Science would like to congratulate you on solving the test in such an atmosphere of extreme negativity, the Voice says as the elevator doors close in front of you. Cake will be available at the completion of all nineteen testing chambers, as a reward for your tenacity.

The next chamber- Test Chamber 10- is devoid of any traces of life, machine or otherwise, apart from the mysterious Voice’s impersonal instructions. You try to focus on the test and not let the anxiety creep up on you again- or Anxiety, for that matter, you think your heart is still recovering from that last jump-scare- but you do miss the companionship.

The Enrichment Center promises to always provide a safe testing environment, the Voice says as the elevator doors open on Test Chamber 11. In dangerous testing environments, the Enrichment Center promises to always provide useful advice. For instance, the floor here will kill you - try to avoid it.

“Great, thanks,” you mutter, moving forward to a large window overlooking the test chamber. Sure enough, the floor of the room below is covered in the toxic sludge you’ve seen in previous test chambers. A second later your eye is drawn to the raised pedestal in the middle of the room, on which a very familiar object is placed. A familiar, gun-shaped object.

Like the previous room with a portal gun, the device is spinning and shooting portals at different points in the walls. Unlike the previous room, the portals being shot are orange rather than blue.

The thought of the other portal gun room makes you think of the Core who introduced himself to you there- the first one you ever met. You could use Logic around right now, to explain how the heck you’re supposed to wield two portal guns when the one you currently have uses both hands.

Actually, now that you think of it, could you have Logic around right now? Could it actually be as simple as…

“Logic?” you say to the empty air, “Logic, hey, are you there?”

For a brief moment nothing happens, and you start to think this was probably a stupid idea. Then a ceiling tile slides away, and a familiar black and dark blue Core lowers himself through the opening.

“Ah, Subject One,” he says. “I see you have made progress. What is it that requires my presence?”

You shove down the twist of discomfort at the clinical form of address, trying to focus instead on the excitement of Logic having actually shown up.

“That gun,” you say, nodding towards the device shooting portals at the walls, “how am I supposed to wield it? I only have so many hands.”

Logic looks over at the gun. “Well, it would help for you to actually access the chamber in which the device is held.”

You roll your eyes. “Yeah, Logic, I figured that one out myself.”

“Well there’s no need to get huffy,” Logic says, ironically sounding rather huffy himself. “I’m just trying to help.”

“Is he going to huff and puff and blow the test chamber down?” Morality says playfully, popping down through the ceiling next to Logic.

“Morality!” you exclaim, grinning. “You’re here too!”

“Of course, kiddo!” Morality says. “I couldn’t let you solve all these puzzles by yourself, now could I?”

“Wait, this was supposed to be my chamber,” Logic complains. “He called for me first!”

“Oh, get over yourself, Calculator Watch,” a familiarly bombastic voice says, "not everything has to be about you."

“Princey!” you say, turning to see the Core hanging out of an opening in the wall.

Logic rolls his eye. "I believe that is the anthracite figuratively calling the iron chloride anhydrate black, Princey."

There’s a pause as you try to digest that. “Uh, did you mean ‘the pot calling the kettle black,’ Logic?”

"Of course not. Most pots and kettles are silver in color, not black."

You shake your head. "Never mind. Are you guys going to help me solve this puzzle?"

"Technically, we are unable to-"

"Well of course we are!" Morality says, cutting off Logic, who gives him a dirty look. "Where do we start?"

You look back down to where the portal gun is still shooting regularly. “It looks like it’s another moving portal puzzle. Figure out which rooms you need to get to in which order, press buttons, and so on.”

“Should be simple enough,” Logic says, adjusting his eye lens. “Let’s get started then, shall we?”

Things are going pretty well- going great, even- right up until Anxiety shows up.

“Not so fast!”

You valiantly fight the urge to jump in surprise. “What is it now, Anxiety?”

“Are you really going to go in there?”

You look over at where your blue portal is on the nearest wall, waiting for the gun to revolve around and shoot the orange portal to the right place.

“Uh, yeah, that’s the idea.”

“You’re going to die,” Anxiety says bluntly.

You sigh and pinch the bridge of your nose. “And why, exactly, is walking through that portal going to kill me?”

The blue portal briefly turns foggy and then resolves into another view as the spinning portal gun shoots a new orange portal. Through it, you can now see the moving platform you just jumpstarted, now slowly floating back and forth from the portal to the gun’s pedestal and back again.

Anxiety rolls his eye. “A small platform moving slowly over toxic sludge with absolutely no cover. A device shooting balls of concentrated light that, by the way, would incinerate you if it hit you. Gee, I wonder.”

“C’mon, Doctor Gloom, where’s your sense of adventure?” Princey says. “This is nothing we can’t handle!”

“Indeed,” Logic says. “If he gets the timing right, the device should not shoot at him while he is on the platform, and either way he can still dodge.”

Despite the others’ encouragement, you can feel your heart pounding in your chest as the moving platform approaches the portal.

“You can do this,” Morality says softly, and that final assurance is what it takes for you to muster your courage and step through the portal onto the platform.

You watch nervously as the moving platform approaches the portal gun, while meanwhile the portal gun itself continues to shoot orange portals around the room. It rotates to face you and you instinctively drop to your stomach on the platform, watching as a ball of orange light flies harmlessly over your head. You scramble back up just in time for the moving platform to reach the center pedestal and then hop onto the pedestal as the others cheer.

“See?” Princey declares, “No problem at all!”

You reach out and cautiously grab hold of the orange portal gun. Just like the first time, as soon as your hand touches the gun it immediately stops shooting, coming to a rest beneath your fingers.

“That should slot into your existing Portal Device,” Logic says, nodding to the blue portal gun. You look down at it, skeptical since it just looks like a smaller gun, but when you bring it up to the blue it folds in on itself, melding to the blue device as if they were always one. The combined portal gun is only a little bulkier than the original, and you heft it, getting a feel for the new weight.

The Device has been modified so that it can now manufacture two linked portals at once, the Voice says. In case of life-threatening situations, Aperture Science would like to remind testers that the Portal Device is now worth more than your entire family could earn in ten thousand generations, and will be taken out of your paycheck if destroyed.

If any of the others notice your grip subtly tightening on the Portal Gun, they don’t comment on it. You shoot a few portals around the room, getting used to the two different triggers the combined gun has, before putting them back into the positions they were in preparation to leave.

“Now that you have access to both portals, you will be able to use it to solve more complex tests,” Logic says approvingly. “Well done, Subject.”

“That’s not all you can do!” Morality says, bouncing excitedly. “You could shoot them on both sides of a hallway so you see yourself a hundred times like in funhouse mirrors, shoot them on the floor and ceiling then hop in and fall for as long as you want, shoot them next to each other and see the room behind you even with your back turned…”

Logic huffs. “Well that is patently ridiculous. The Portal Device is a powerful tool and is meant to be used carefully, not as a toy.”

“Doncha mean, Patton-ly ridiculous?” Morality says, a grin in his voice, and Logic groans.

You look back and forth between the two of them, confused. “Uh, sorry guys, was that supposed to be a pun?”

“Oh, yeah, kiddo!” Morality says. “I changed it to include my name!”

“You have a name?” you say incredulously.

“Yes, of course! We all do,” Creativity says.

You turn back to Morality. “So your name is Pattonly!”

“Uh, no kiddo, it’s just Patton,” he says.

“Oh, that makes more sense,” you say sheepishly. “So your name is Patton!”

Patton smiles and then nods over at Logic. “Yup! I’m Patton, and this is Logan-”

“Pat,” Princey says, chiding, “You should’ve let Logan introduce himself.”

Patton gasps. “Oh, I’m so sorry Logan, I got excited!”

“It is no matter,” Logic- Logan- says smoothly. “I still fail to see why we needed names in the first place.”

“Because they’re something unique to us, my dear nerd!” Princey says.

He turns to you and dips his round body forward in a bow. “And as for me, Brave Adventurer, you may call me Roman.”

“Roman,” you say, trying it out in your mouth.

“That is my proper name, yes.”

You look up at each of the Cores in turn. “So you’re Patton, Logan, Roman, and-”

You turn and look at Anxiety, and the others follow suit.

“Yeah, not happening,” Anxiety says.

You shrug. “Patton, Logan, Roman and Anxiety, then.”

“And you?” Patton asks. “Do you have a name?”

Do you have a name? You haven’t thought of it before, but once you do the answer floats up into your awareness as if it had always been there.

“Thomas,” you decide. “My name is Thomas.”

“It is nice to meet you, Thomas,” Logan says, his voice warm.

You smile at him. “Same to you, buddy.”

“Well this is all very heartwarming,” Anxiety drawls, “or maybe that’s just my processor overheating. If we’re all done with the introductions, can I remind you that we’re still standing on an island in the middle of the death-floor?”

You feel your face heat. “Right.”

The moving platform is just reaching your little pedestal, and you carefully hop onto it and let it carry you back to the orange portal. A few well-placed portals later, you’re standing in front of the Emancipation Grill and elevator. The others pop out of walls and ceilings, having followed you up, and for a few moments you all just stare at each other.

You shift from foot to foot, not wanting to be the one to break the silence. From the looks on the others’ faces- er, in their eyes, you guess- neither do they.

“Thanks for your help,” you finally say.

“Of course! We make a good team,” Roman says.

“We do!” Patton agrees. “I’m really proud of how you’re doing so far, kiddo.”

“Thanks,” you say again.

There’s another long pause.

“Oh, for Science’s sake,” Anxiety groans. “This is just painful. I can’t believe I’m the one saying this, but spit it out already!”

You jump at the sudden shift in tone, adrenaline kicking in despite yourself. “Okay okay, geez."

You look back at the others. "I guess I was wondering when you guys would show up again? I like having you here, but you seem to, uh, pop in and out.”

The Cores turn and look at each other, as if having a silent conversation. Heck, maybe they are; isn’t robots communicating with each other a thing? You’re pretty sure that’s a thing.

“You have just completed Test Chamber 11,” Logan says, “and as such have eight out of nineteen test chambers remaining. While the first ten were relatively simple, from here on out they will become longer and more complex as they combine the techniques you have learned.”

“Your point, Teach?” Roman says impatiently.

“My point,” Logan says, adjusting his eye lens up and down, “is that it is likely that Thomas may require support in future levels. However, the assistance we will be able to provide would be limited, as we are unable to give you the solutions.”

“Now Logan,” Patton says, “Don’t underestimate the importance of moral support!”

Logan hrms. “It is true that the presence of other sapient entities can improve-”

He stops and belatedly turns to look at Patton. “Was that a pun.”

“Mayyyybe,” Patton says, and Logan groans.

“I must confess,” Roman says, “I had already been considering asking to join your... quest, as it were, in a more permanent manner. If our companionship is something you truly wish for, I would be happy to oblige.”

You give the others a big grin, your chest feeling lighter than it has since… well, since you can remember.

“Alright then, I’m off to Test Chamber 12. Anyone who wants to come, can. Or, well, anyone who wants to meet me there; you still can’t come into the elevator.”

“It’s a date!” Patton declares.

“That’s not- you wouldn’t use-” Logan starts.

Patton looks at him with a wide, innocent eye. “What?”

Logan sighs. “Never mind.”

“You’re all idiots and are definitely going to die,” Anxiety says.

Roman puffs up indignantly as if getting ready to snap back, but Anxiety just gives a two-fingered salute with a, “Later losers,” and vanishes into the ceiling.

Roman huffs. “I do not like him.”

“I believe that is our cue to go,” Logan says. “We will see you soon, Thomas.”

You wave. “See you.” Then the others all sink out of the room, vanishing into the walls and ceiling themselves.

You take one last look at the test chamber, which feels strangely empty now, and quickly walk through the Emancipation Grill and into the elevator.

You grin and adjust the Portal Gun on your arm. Eleven test chambers down, eight to go. You got this.