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pixlezz · 4 months

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lacy oh lacy [i just loath you lately]

name; lacy oh lacy [i just loath you lately] relationship; akutagawa ryuunosuke/nakajima atsushi rating; teen and up audiences word count; 3,236 summary;

“Don’t sacrifice yourself for me,” Atsushi replied rather seriously, and upon Akutagawa looking over at the white-haired teen he noticed the somber expression over the other along with his ombré eyes trained on the ground.

Ryuunosuke stayed silent as he allowed his fingers to slightly fidget with the bandage on his arm. It was wrapped too tight, as always. The weretiger was always afraid of Ryuunoske bleeding out should he tie the bandages too loose.

“Weretiger.”

“Say it.” Atsushi interrupted as he looked up at Ryuunosuke. His sunset-coloured eyes peered into Ryuunosuke's coal-coloured ones. “Say you won’t do stupid shit like that and get yourself hurt.

Ryuunosuke just stared at the younger with his determined gaze. There was something almost comical about it, however, there was also something… almost beautiful about it. And oh, Ryuunoske hated that too.

atsushi wraps akutagawaz arm in bandagez and they have a heart to heart (also it doesn't go as bad as my last sskk fic)

(basically i just decided to post one of my favorite fics that I've written from ao3 to tumblr just because and i might do so with my otherz idk yet .D)

ao3 link -> https://archiveofourown.org/works/50201491

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“I hate you so much,” Ryuunoske said with an exasperated sigh as he allowed Atsushi to roll his eyes as he wrapped his arm in a bandage.

“I’m not the one who told you to dive in front of me.” Atsushi retorted sharply as he snipped the bandage with a careful claw before retracting it.

“You would have gotten hit,” Ryuunoske replied simply, however, they could both hear the underlying tone underneath his words—something about how Dazai-san wouldn’t like his prized knight to be scuffed by a nobody ability user.

“I have regeneration abilities, genius,” Atsushi replied with a sigh before tapping Akutagawa’s forehead. “Did that ever cross your thick skull?”

Ryuunoske stayed silent at that rebuttal, simply letting out a sigh as if he still couldn’t believe he was in the weretiger’s presence.

“Guess not,” Atsushi replied in a bland tone as Ryuunoske did everything he could not to send a tendril of Rashomon at the weretiger.

Oh, how he hated him.

Atsushi let out a sigh as he looked over Akutagawa with a calculating and firm gaze before his eyes slightly softened looking at the older.

“At least I know that you’re all better if you’re about to attack me.” Atsushi teased with a slight snort causing Akutagawa to furrow his thin brows.

“How are you so certain I’m about to attack you, Weretiger?” Akutagawa retorted as Atsushi let out a soft hum.

“Your finger is fidgeting. I know you’re considering using Rashomon to shut me up.” Atsushi said in a confident manner as he pulled himself off of the ground and grabbed the heap of bandages from the floor.

“I’m surprised you picked up on that,” Akutagawa responded as he let out a soft cough. “Perhaps you don’t just have a spiderweb and a marble in that head of yours.”

Atsushi let out another chuckle as he turned back to face Ryuunosuke with his hand on his hip. “Your vast amount of ways that you call me dumb never cease to amaze me.” He said with an eye roll as he walked back towards Ryuunosuke and sat beside him with a sigh.

“Akutagawa?”

“What.”

“Weretiger.”

“Say it.” Atsushi interrupted as he looked up at Ryuunosuke. His sunset-coloured eyes peered into Ryuunosuke's coal-coloured ones. “Say you won’t do stupid shit like that and get yourself hurt.

The way Atsushi’s mouth was curved in a frown, however, the edge of it slightly twitched. The way Atsushi’s eyes held so many emotions. All from guilt, anger, annoyance, and… care.

He cared.

Ryuunosuke wasn’t sure just how much but… the weretiger was never good at hiding what he thought. He hated that too.

The ravenette swallowed hard before nodding his head. “Okay.”

“Okay, what?” Atsushi retorted sharply.

He hated Atsushi’s sharp tongue too. Hated how the younger ones always had a savvy or stupid response. More so he hated how Atsushi’s tongue could either deliver the softest and most genuine words that affected whoever was on the receiving end with such… brightness. With feelings that didn’t feel deserved but he appreciated nonetheless. Ryuunosuke hated how Atsushi’s words would sound like poison at times. How that tongue could cut through anything with little thought until after the words had been spoken.

Just like bullets on skin. Just like scars on skin except these hurt more. They healed just fine as well.

Like mentor, like protege, he supposed.

God he hated linking the weretiger to Dazai-san.

They truly were nothing alike but his brain couldn’t relay that message to his consciousness.

“I promise I won’t do stupid shit to get myself hurt at your expense.” Ryuunoske coughed out as he realized that this was the second promise he made to this brat.

He hated that too.

“Good.” Atsushi simply responded as he laid his head back against the couch, perhaps waiting for Ryuunoske to leave. He didn’t though, instead he looked at the younger and the conflict of emotions on his face despite his eyes being closed.

He really wore his heart on his sleeve.

Ryuunosuke stared at the scar on his neck. An imperfection on his smooth pale skin. He hated that he was the cause of it. He hated the way it got on there. He knew Atsushi was thinking the same thing as he let out a soft hum before speaking.

“You’re staring at it again,” Atsushi stated simply.

“And you’re thinking of our encounter with him.” Ryuunosuke countered as Atsushi froze a bit. Atsushi opened his eyes with a sigh as he stared at the ceiling before looking at Ryuunosuke.

“Because I couldn’t save you,” Atsushi mumbled softly as he looked at the ravenette, small tears pickling in the corners of his eyes. “And for the life of me, I still can’t figure it out.”

“Figure out what?” Ryuunosuke asked his thin eyebrow carefully raised.

“Why you did it,” Atsushi whispered as he sat up and looked at the other. “Why did you save me…? Why did you allow me to escape without you?” Atsushi asked as his lip slightly twitched in nervousness. Scared of the response he would get.

“I-“ Ryuunoske started before Atsushi interrupted, blurting out in embarrassment.

“I understand if you did it because of Dazai-san’s approval but.. I-… well… I would have assumed you still would have tried to save yourself instead… Even if it hurts I understand if you-“ Atsushi blabbered on as he squeezed his own hands to keep them from fidgeting.

Another thing Ryuunosuke hated. He hated how Atsushi was so quick to doubt and so quick to come up with excuses to combat reality.

“Shut up for a second, Jinko.” Ryuunosuke interrupted and he harshly took Atsushi’s hands in his own in response which shut the younger one up immediately.

It was an odd feeling.

Atsushi’s hands were warm in Ryuunosuke’s cold ones. It felt odd for both of them. For Atsushi it felt almost like touching a corpse… and in some strange lapse of judgment… he found it comforting.

As for Ryuunosuke. It felt wrong to touch Atsushi. This wasn’t even in an intimate manner or even friendly but it felt weird, almost as if Atsushi’s skin burned him. In more ways than one.

“I didn’t save you because of Dazai-san,” Ryuunosuke said as he squeezed Atsushi’s hands. However, the younger one raised his eyebrow in confusion.

“I thought..”

“You thought wrong,” Ryuunosuke interrupted gruffly as he let out a sigh. “At first… I did so because of Dazai-san but now… it feels.. wrong to imagine you in my position. It makes my skin crawl to think of any sort of scar from that idiot. To see you be in harm's way.”

Atsushi simply stared at Ryuunosuke with a confused case as he opened his mouth to let out a sharp retort before he closed his mouth.

“What exactly are you saying?” Atsushi asked after a while before Ryuunosuke rolled his eyes in a frustrated manner, abandoning holding Atsushi’s hands to give Atsushi’s tie a slight tug causing the other to yelp softly in surprise.

“I was wrong, there is less than a cobweb and a marble in that brain of yours,” Ryuunosuke mumbled as he pulled Atsushi slightly closer to him, a firm grip on his tie. Atsushi narrowed his eyes on Ryuunosuke as he scoffed slightly.

“Then explain it to me since I’m too dense to understand.” The weretiger said in an exasperated sigh before Ryuunosuke rolled his eyes.

“I saved you because I… care about you, brat.” The ravenette hissed out as he took in the shocked look on the weretiger’s face. His ombre eyes widened in a comical fashion.

“I…”

“And I couldn’t allow Fukuchi to snuff out your life in such an unfavorable manner and should anyone else try to break you down or hurt you in such an unfavorable way I won’t allow it.” Ryuunosuke blurted out as he tightened his grip on Atsushi’s tie, pulling him closer so their noses slightly brushed against each other, taking note of Atsushi’s flushed cheeks. “Not because it’s because of what Dazai-san dictates or wants… but because I need you here still.”

Atsushi stayed silent as he let out a soft chuckle, his eyes slightly flickering in a bit of amusement before a careful eyebrow was raised.

“I take it that means you aren’t going to fight me in six months’ time?” Atsushi had the balls to tease before Ryuunoske scoffed in an annoyed manner before carefully crashing their lips together causing the younger by surprise.

Atsushi didn’t even think or care to pull away. Instead moving to wrap his arms around Akutagawa’s shoulders to keep himself steady as their lips pressed together. It was odd, despite his weird feelings toward the mafioso, that Atsushi felt comforted by the fact that his first kiss was shared with Akutagawa, of all people. The only thing swelling in his chest was an embarrassing amount of butterflies that he wanted to suppress but instead made his cheeks grow warmer as he kissed Ryuunosuke. His eyes slightly drifted closed as he felt a careful hand cup his cheek and slightly stroke it in response.

As for Ryuunosuke, this also felt a bit odd. This was his enemy. So why on earth was he holding him in such an intimate position and keeping their lips pressed together? And why on earth was Atsushi just… letting it happen? Ryuunosuke let out a slight huff in response against Atsushi’s lips before he slightly pulled away.

“Of course, I’m going to fight you in six months. Don’t be an idiot.” Ryuunosuke replied in an annoyed manner as Atsushi let out a flustered chuckle before cocking his head to the side.

“Does that mean I can report you for abuse?” Atsushi replied snippily as Ryuunosuke rolled his eyes again and crashed their lips together in a much harsher manner as he pushed the weretiger against the couch with a huff.

“God I hate you so much, weretiger,” Ryuunosuke mumbled against Atsushi’s lips as the other let out a muffled laugh against his lips.

“I can tell.” The brat teased back, slightly gripping the back of his coat. Ryuunosuke slightly pulled back and saw the expression on Atsushi’s face, his slightly dazed smile as he looked up at the mafioso with an expression that should never be directed at someone like him.

Ryuunosuke let out a sigh as he placed a soft kiss on the side of Atsushi’s mouth, causing the other to let out another chuckle of surprise. “I can never rationalize when it comes to you.” He mumbled against Atsushi’s soft skin. It felt almost like lace, soft and gentle.

“Is that a bad thing?” Atsushi asked softly as his eyes peered up into Ryuunosuke’s darker eyes that softened as he placed a kiss on Atsushi’s jaw before placing one on his neck.

“Yes,” Ryuunosuke said in an annoyed manner. “I hate that you’re taking over my life like this. I loathe your entire existence.”

Atsushi let out another hum as he let his eyes slightly flutter closed, his white eyelashes slightly getting caught together. Ryuunosuke let out another sigh.

“It’s not fair.”

“What’s not?”

“You.” Ryuunosuke admitted as Atsushi’s eyes opened again, his eyes growing concerned as Ryuunosuke brushed back his uneven and dumb bangs. The weretiger’s eyebrow slightly raised in confusion as Ryuunosuke shook his head, carefully tucking the longer bang behind his ear. It was too large of a chunk though, so a lot of the silvery strands still fell out of place.

“How am I not fair?” Atsushi asked growing a bit defensive before he sucked in a breath. “If you go on about Dazai-san I will kick you out-”

“It’s not just about him.” Ryuunosuke rolled his eyes as he looked into Atsushi’s softening eyes. “I hate how jealous I am of you and your relationship with him yes but… I hate that I’m jealous of the little things that you do. I hate how I try to scrutinize you with my eyes but instead, they just end up… finding things that I… tolerate about you.”

“What do you tolerate about me?” Atsushi asked with a curious gaze as he gently pushed a bit of Ryuunosuke’s hair out of his face.

“Your sharp and foulmouthed tongue still allows you to bring people up rather than cut them down. Your confidence when you forget about your past and upbringing. The way that you’re still determined to help and save people… no matter who it is. Your soft, lacelike skin that doesn’t feel like a corpse nor is stained with blood…. Everything.” Ryuunosuke breathed out as he looked down at Atsushi’s flushed cheeks, his eyes growing wide again as he let out a soft breath.

“I…”

“I hate how you poison me. Your actions feel like poison because they seem to… genuine to be real.” Ryuunosuke sighed as he rested his forehead against Atsushi’s, closing his eyes as he spoke.

“And I hate that scar on your neck,” Ryuunosuke concluded.

“Akutagawa, that’s rude, you’re the one who put it there,” Atsushi said with a growl as he looked away,

“I hate it because I put it there. I hate it because you weren’t able to heal it and I for the life of me cannot figure out why.” Ryuunosuke sighed as he opened his eyes again, slightly pulling back from the younger, watching the conflict behind Atsushi’s eyes.

“Neither can I.” Atsushi breathed out as he looked at Akutagawa.

“I don’t hate it because it’s an imperfection. I hate it because it doesn’t deserve to be on your skin… It doesn’t disrupt your lacy skin… but I despise how it got there.”

“I can say the same for yours,” Atsushi said softly as he brushed gentle fingers against the long and clean scar on Ryuunosuke’s throat. In a moment of hesitance, he carefully leaned up from the couch and placed a soft kiss on the scar causing Ryuunosuke to jolt in surprise.

“Sorry,” Atsushi said as he pulled back before Ryuunosuke shook his head.

“No, It’s fine… you caught me off guard.”

“A first?” Atsushi teased with a grin as Ryuunosuke rolled his eyes once more.

“Hush, brat.”

Atsushi let out another laugh as he slightly leaned his head back against the couch. Ryuunoskue watched the younger, wanting to find something he hated or found unappealing about the weretiger at that moment. Instead, he found nothing. He was staring at the boy as he felt his cheeks grow a bit warm and his eyes slightly softening. God, he was divine. God forbid he admitted it out loud though. The weretiger would never let him live those words down.

He just had… so much life to him. In every subtle movement. The twitch of his mouth as his rosy lips spread into a smile. His eyes crinkled in delight as they seemed to shine so brightly, even without his beastly ability. The way his hair bounced despite his poorly cut bangs, the white shade of his hair looked brighter and reminded him of a cloud. His nose slightly scrunched up whenever he was displeased with something or simply whenever his face scrunched up reminded him of a cat. Atsushi just was completely full of life. It was odd for Ryuunosuke to know and to see. Everybody he knew always had something devoid of life that would stop them from appearing like this.

Sure, Chuuya-san’s blue eyes crinkled in delight at times and he had a confident smirk that displayed on his face whenever he was pleased with the work Akutagawa did but… there was always that sense of underlying sorrow. The sorrow of his loss in the Port Mafia with the death of his many friends and the betrayal. Gin’s smile was pretty and often as carefree as it could be but was often hidden as a result of her position in the port mafia. There was also a hesitance to it. Tachihara-kun’s eyes held a sort of mystery before they were taken, but they never conveyed his true emotions… usually at least. Not to even discuss the lack of humanity and false warmth in Dazai-san’s eyes whenever he was facing him which simply got replaced whenever he looked at the uptight blonde or Atsushi himself.

They were all different though. None of them compared to Atsushi, especially considering the fact that the boy was so full of energy despite all that he had gone through. Obviously, there were times when it faltered and his pleasant expressions were replaced with anger, annoyance, sadness, or guilt but… it just made him feel more real the way that he wore all his emotions to the fullest.

“Akutagawa.” Atsushi interrupted as Ryuunosuke snapped out of his thought process to look down at the weretiger.

“What?”

“You’re staring,” Atsushi said simply as he carefully propped himself up on his elbows, a lopsided grin forming on his face. “And as much as I’d like to continue kissing you… Kyouka-chan will be home any minute and I think it’ll be better if she doesn’t catch us like this.”

Ryuunosuke sighed as he obliged, carefully pushing himself off of Atsushi as they both rose from the couch, Atsushi walked the older to the door as the ravenette stepped out of the dormitory to look at Atsushi.

“Hey, Akutagawa?” Atsushi asked as the latter hummed in response. “What are we?”

“The same as what we’ve always been,” Ryuunosuke stated with an eye-roll as Atsushi crossed his arms with a raised eyebrow.

“I don’t think enemies make out with each other on the said enemy couch.” The weretiger stated bluntly as he narrowed his eyes at the other. Ryuunosuke sighed in response before responding.

“I guess you have a point.”

“Then…?”

“Consider us the opposite of enemies if it pleases you,” Ryuunosuke stated with a cough as he turned to leave. Stopping when Atsushi grabbed his coat lapel and crashed their lips together. Ryuunosuke was slightly caught off guard but he carefully kissed Atsushi back, allowing his eyes to flutter closed for a second before pulling away.

“So does that mean we’re the best of friends?” Atsushi teased as Ryuunosuke rolled his eyes.

“I think I prefer enemies if you’re going to state it in that grotesque manner,” Ryuunosuke responded snippily with a slight purse of his lips causing Atsushi to let out another laugh.

“Glad to hear so, I guess,” Atsushi said with a lopsided grin as Ryuunosuke allowed a small and faint smile to play on his lips.

What was Nakajima to him?

A foe? A trial? A begrudging partner? His replacement? A sin?

A divine? (Perhaps not that one.)

A brat? (Perhaps that one.)

He wasn’t completely sure. However, Ryuunosuke could say that it was simply complicated.

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