so, we know that abuse and victim responses to abuse are very central to aftg, but what i find interesting is how other characters respond to the victim’s reactions, especially when it comes to mourning their abuser. there’s something about kevin mourning riko, aaron mourning tilda, neil mourning mary, andrew mourning cass, thats so important to me because it really truly highlights how even when people are united through similar traumas, the differences in their situations makes it impossible to fully understand the relationship a person has to their abuser. neil, aaron, and andrew are united through the abuse, neglect, or - what the fuck is the word i’m thinking of? permit? condone? i mean, knowingly allowing it to happen and not intervening - stemming from a maternal figure. but neil can’t understand why andrew would hold on to cass for so long - he refused to let her go until aaron came into the picture. and andrew can’t understand why aaron would mourn for tilda, potentially viewing aaron’s grief as a betrayal of their promise. and they all ridicule kevin for his reactions to riko. of course, neil and andrew are also abused by riko, but they still can’t understand the complicated relationship between kevin and riko because, at the end of the day, they just weren’t there.
i mean this is primarily an observation but i really love how trauma and trauma response is depicted as nuanced, complex and overall just difficult to understand from an outsider perspective in the books. it reads as really real, and though it can be frustrating when a character doesn’t understand a different character’s response, you have to understand that their perception of said character’s response is warped by their own experience of abuse.
andrew bounced from home to home, never had stability, so obviously he held tight on to the first mother-figure that didn’t outright hurt him. his self-worth was probably low enough that he thought living with drake was a fine price to pay to keep cass.
neil only ever had his mother, and he’d willingly accept her harsh hands because he believed she was just keeping him safe from the very real dangers that were closing in on them.
aaron was dealing with an addiction, and so was his mother; he was equally dependent on her to avoid withdrawal as he was scared of her anger.
i don’t really have a point anymore but you get what i’m saying
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I’m going insane at the fact AFO goal in the most simplified and not convoluted way. He wants love and adoration. He wants what he sees everyone else has and because of how he grew up only knows how to take by force.
His desire is simple yet not at all. He demands everyone to be subservient to him because he has what they need. He wishes to be a provider.
He throws people away once they are no use, yet still wishes to imitate family by calling Aoyama his nephew. This drives me insane as it toxic as hell but it born from someone who never experienced actual love. Only knowing cruelty and harshness he demands their attention and reliance on him because that the closest thing to love he knows.
I feel insane about this man because this was NOT what I expected from him. And after piecing all the ‘explanation’ of his motive with this last chapter. With his desire for everyone to be ‘Yoichi’ the one he provides for? It just CLICKS.
I’m still recovering. Needing to collect all the talk on AFO motive. Just because he wants what everyone has. To a insanely selfish degree.
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Worm Arc 14 thoughts from 14.8 through the end:
Gonna get a little bit gay up in here pretty soon. But first, some other stuff.
Pretty much jump right into "Oh shit everything is fucked" with the bio-weapon just spreading everywhere right away.
Skitter's focus on Tattletale specifically when trying to get them to higher ground was top level Chatterbug/Smugbug content. Like sure Sundancer and Trickster too, she wanted to save them. But when Bentley wasn't climbing fast enough what she said to herself in worry was "Tattletale."
Fucking god. Tattletale telling Skitter to fly to the higher building and use bugs so Trickster could teleport them and they'd follow? But fully knowing it wouldn't work and just trying to get Skitter to safety?
"It doesn’t look like her plan will work out. Tell her I’m sorry." - I WAS FUCKING BAWLING
I had figured that Bonesaw's contingency wasn't just a "everyone dies right now" virus or whatever. It would need to be artistic. And it would need to be a punishment to the local capes, both hero and villain. And the way to punish them would be to "take the city from them". "Make them watch it destroy itself." "Make them help".
I feel like what she did covered that general outline with a heavier focus on taking everything away from the capes. But still, god damn Bonesaw. Absolutely fucking terrifying. Super powered face blindness. At the base at least. Don't know who anyone is. Damn.
SKITTER IT'S NOT GAY YET THAT ISN'T TATTLETALE IT'S BONESAW! GAY WILL COME LATER!
If Jack put's his slimy fucking hands on my daughter again I will personally remove them.
The "Don't swear!" from Bonesaw while pretending to be Tattletale was fun. I managed to hit on it before that, but it was a good confirmation.
Fucking Jack and his "You’re versatile" after seeing Skitter make decoys while prepping to tie someone up with spiders. FUCK OFF WITH YOUR DREAMS YOU DICK. YOU CAN'T HAVE HER.
Instantly confirmed when Skitter flat refused to shoot someone despite Jack and Bonesaw telling her to. My daughter might not be perfect but she's not going to be one of you!
Coil fucked up a bit on the phone. He wasn't dealing with the pathogen so he should have done better. Even just asking everyone there to say something so he could listen to the voices. He would have known right away it wasn't Tattletale and Grue. Patching them through to Cherish that easily was a mistake. He really doesn't do as much as he could be. Like ya he's evil but that doesn't mean I'm not disappointed when he isn't using his full potential.
Cherish very fucked up when she thought letting Jack and Bonesaw know where she was would be good for her. Hope she likes her eternal torment at the bottom of the ocean. (Ok there's a chance she'll get pulled out in the future I guess.)
I'll admit, when Amy left with Victoria earlier I wasn't expecting to see them again so soon.
"Panacea is the healer, top floor, Jack is the slasher, the blond girl is the chemist-tinker." I don't know why, since it doesn't rhyme or anything, but I got very "The pellet with the poison's in the flagon with the dragon; the vessel with the pestle has the brew that is true" vibes from this.
Jack trying to convince Amy by talking about how many of her ancestors were successful by being cruel and Taylor just internally going "How many were successful because they cooperated?" Love my daughter.
Victoria is still very much . . . not dead.
HOLY SHIT AMY YOU PUT YOUR SISTER IN A PERSONALIZED FLESH COFFIN MADE FROM CATS AND DOGS?
Seriously. Personalized. It has her face on the outside made out of bone. What the actual fuck Amy?
Proud of my daughter for shooting Jack, even if it didn't work.
It's probably fine that Skitter got Amy to break her brain rule again. I mean like it's good. It was the only way to fix the pathogen. It saved herself and the city. That is all good. Just . . . there might also be some long term negative outcomes. Probably fine though.
Getting gets cured and goes off to cure the city be gay.
"I leaned forward and planted a quick kiss on her lips." - EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!
GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!
WOLFSPIDER WOLFSPIDER WOLFSPIDER!
SO FUCKING GAY I LOST MY FUCKING MIND WHEN IT HAPPENED
"'You couldn’t have waited until after you’d cured me before you put the bugs on your face?' Tattletale asked. She was smiling as she asked it." - ALSO EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!
SO GAY. DOUBLE GAY. EXTRA GAY. ALL THE GAY!
CHATTERBUGCHATTERBUGCHATTERBUG (SMUGBUG IS FINE TOO)!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Also the level of effort the girls went through after that trying to figure out how to cure Grue and Regent without kissing? Fucking amazing. Kissing was only ok for these three. Obviously.
GAAAAAAY
Gay (bug)horse girl gay (bug)horse girl gay (bug)horse girl
And the remainder of the Nine got away. Which is pretty fucking bad I guess. What with the whole "end of the world" and all that. I get that story point is the *actual* big end of the arc. But it's been overshadowed. By the gays.
Did I mention things being gay? I just want to make sure. Cause they were. Gay that is.
Interlude 1 - Sierra is amazing. She is exactly who Skitter needs to be running things while she's away. Charlotte is also amazing and I think worships the ground Skitter walks on. My daughter is, as always, absolutely terrifying when described from anyone else's PoV. She only gets more so every time. She just uses bug speak without even realizing now. Amazing. I love her. Atlas is helping and I'm so proud of him. He even got to take the gun. I hope he gets to keep it.
Interlude 2 (thought about making this it's own post but I'll just keep it really simple) - God dammit all three of the big 3 are Cauldron created? Ugh. Legend you appear to be trying to do the right thing but you sure as shit aren't paying much attention are you? Holy shit like, you believed so much of what the Doctor has been saying for years? God damn bud. How could you look at Cauldron and assume they *aren't* doing human experimentation? Especially since you know they have done it in the past! Like god damn man! At least you do kind of acknowledge that maybe you were purposefully ignoring the signs cause you wanted to be ignorant. Maybe there is a little bit of hope for you. Hell of a lore dump interlude though. Gives me lots to think about. Also I'd absolutely listen to The Number Man talk about spreadsheets all day long.
GAY
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My favorite fix-it au is the one where Oliver's parents are actually poor, and his dad dies. so here are some very specific cattonquick winter break headcanons. mostly Oliver's pov because I relate to being poor and in love with Felix
it's the winter break of their sophomore year
they are already dating
(still took them a fucking eternity to get together. I'd say they started dating at the end of Oliver's first summer at Saltburn. Felix was getting tired of making moves with no reciprocation, and Oliver just didn't know???? that he was???? making moves???? on him???? and at the end of the summer Oliver had a massive panic attack because he got so used to them being together all the time, and he wasn't sure they'd be this close at oxford. and because Felix is his entire support system, he goes to him for comfort. my poor boy. Felix is scared and is like 80% sure Oliver's mom died or something. then he's even more scared because Oliver is crying and panicking but doesn't want to talk about it. then Oliver whispers, "I just don't wanna lose you, I really fucking love you, Felix". and Felix is like "shit, Ollie, mate, are you telling me we could've been done with all this pining stuff like four months ago?")
but I digress. they are already dating
Oliver is invited to Saltburn for Christmas. because Christmas is a family holiday and Felix always celibates at home
Felix has to negotiate no gifts for visitors policy with his mother because there is no way Ollie would feel comfortable exchanging paperback books for some antique watch
(btw sorry for my unreliable depiction of british upper-class society. I'm poor and eastern european)
Oliver stays at Felix's room this time. and it's a little awkward because everyone knows, but at the same time perfect because they can stay in Felix's bed for as long as they want, go have some breakfast, and come right back to cuddling in Felix's bed
the dinner is great if a little Catton family intence. they also have this awkward moment when everyone decides to talk about how much they support gay rights
(Oliver is wearing old Felix's clothes, obviously. it feels really comforting and only a bit embarrassing)
Felix lays on Oliver's chest (because he's the ultimate little spoon, and I'll die on this hill) and tell him about his family and their weird rich people holiday traditions
Oliver plays with his hair in pure fucking bliss and adds something from time to time so Felix knows he hasn't fallen asleep
and then Felix has to bring this shit up again
ever since they went to Oliver's mom, Felix decided he needed to fix this woman's life and her relationship with her son for the sake of solving all Oliver's problems
(they haven't talked for two weeks when Oliver found Felix was paying his mother's therapy bills. Felix was terrified they might break up. Oliver mostly avoided him and cried)
so Felix once again says how nice it would be to go to Oliver's mom for the New Year
it's the same argument they keep having, really. Felix says, "she is trying to get better." and Oliver responds with, "but does she? get any better?" if he has energy to argue about it. most of the time he doesn't
because for his whole life, Felix only encountered broken things he was able to fix. and Oliver doesn't have it in himself to show Felix that some broken things can not be fixed or are not worth the effort to do it. because he's scared Felix would see he's just one of those broken things
so he agrees
the flat is cleaner than Oliver remembers from his childhood but is still probably the filthiest place Felix has ever seen
they still decide to clean the kitchen before making dinner (and have to do an enormous amount of googling first because Felix grew up in a mansion, and Oliver grew up in a dysfunctional family, not ideal circumstances to develop any useful skills really)
they planned the dinner in the car. something Felix likes, something Oliver knows how to cook, something they've seen at the dining hall on the last New Year
Oliver's mom gives them money to buy food, but it doesn't cover half of what they planned. Felix pays for everything like it's nothing. and Oliver wants to die from embarrassment on the spot. because yes, Felix knows he's fucking poor but knowing and seeing are too different things
the dinner itself is awkward. they don't know what to talk about. his mom doesn't really know what he studies or does in his free time. and he isn't any better, all he knows is that she drinks and goes to AA meetings. she is also not openly homophobic, but she does that thing where she acts like Felix and him are just really close friends. or maybe it's the way she would've treated his girlfriends, too. he wouldn't know, Felix is the first person he brought here
at midnight, they eat a surprisingly decent cake Oliver's mom brought from a local bakery. his mom doesn't drink because she is "two months sober" (it's not than Oliver doesn't believe her, he just doesn't think it makes any difference now) and goes to sleep shortly after
Oliver invites Felix for a walk
they go along the streets, Oliver grew up walking, and drink a bottle of champagne Oliver brought in his bag
Felix doesn't ask about his family. but he asks about school, books he saw in old Oliver's room, local urban legends (he's weirdly fascinated with them), and his favorite childhood snacks
Oliver answers. he also can't stop looking at Felix ever since he noticed snowflakes on his eyelashes
they finish the bottle, kiss a little before heading back to Oliver's mom place
they sleep on a tiny bed in Oliver's old room (smaller than ones in oxford dorms if it's even possible). it takes Felix about an hour to fit himself properly
(all the jokes Felix made about having sex in both their childhood rooms end up being just jokes because there's not much you can do when it took all of your concentration just to stop yourself from falling off the bed)
in the morning, Oliver's mom cooks them eggs. she also hugs Oliver really tight before they leave. Oliver doesn't remember her hugging him like this when he was leaving for the first time
Felix looks proud of himself, and Oliver doesn't feel like pointing out an empty bottle in the trash, the one they didn't drink. instead, he chose to believe for a day that relapse is actually part of recovery, and other things Felix keeps telling him about
they drive to oxford mostly in silence. a great, comforting one. sometimes Felix tells him some campus gossip, and they make bets on who slept with whom during the break
Oliver is a bit tired, and his back hurts. but he also feels okay. feels great. feels like there's no other shoe to be dropped any time soon
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