#theres really only a handful of things ive written on here that i Really Like | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

drpeppertummy · 3 months

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feel bad bc my writing isnt as good as it could be like 80% of the time bc i dont put the time & effort into it that i should but i know if i strive for perfection ill just never post anything & id rather post a bunch of mediocre little things than not post at all. i do wanna try & actually plan out a decent story again one of these days but part of the thing that makes it hard is coming up with scenarios i like that i havent already written 20 times😭😭😭😭😭

#text #theres really only a handful of things ive written on here that i Really Like #a lot of it is just whatever. weak plot weak characterization weak kink element etc #& its annoying bc i Know i can do better but also like. sometimes i just wanna write some stupid dinky little thing & be done with it #esp in the case of prompt requests where i have a bunch & im trying not to let them weigh me down #those ones are meant to be quick. for me anyways #but its like. u know when u do a 50% effort drawing & then give it 90% effort coloring & it just comes out looking awkward & shabby #thats how i feel like im doing a lot of my writing anymore

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00ops1e · 10 months

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taskforce 141 + könig x sick! reader

warnings: emetophobia trigger warning, mentions of puking/being sick, fluff, hurt/comfort maybe??, not proofread a/n: omg here it is. the first cod thing ive written! but not actually theres some filth hiding in my documents. this is totally lowkey a self insert. geared towards female! reader but if you squint at the petnames could be gn. i've been so so sick lately and tbh scares me a lil but what cant be fixed by fictional men?? nothing.

Ghost

A little bit of a germaphobe

Will take off his mask, but replace it with a medical mask

Only so he can still hold you, just with a peace of mind

He does NOT want to get sick too

Because then how could he take care of you?

Always has a puke bowl at the ready

Orders your favorite takeout, even if you don’t feel like eating

Because hes a firm believer in leftovers.

Which may just be the cause of this

But you'd never tell him. poor man would get so guilty he had forgotten to throw it away.

Puts on a movie and lets you fall asleep on his chest

I feel like he’s a cold-blooded type of person, doesn’t generate much heat

but makes up for it in comfort

so many blankets

so so many.

Checks your temperature in your sleep

Lowkey counts respirations just to be sure

Makes sure you keep hydrated

Will bring you to urgent care if he’s really worried

No matter how much you protest!

Soap

Squeamish when it comes to throwing up

Will try his very best to stay with you, but sometimes ends up running from the room

Because the last thing he'd wanna do is gag at you

While hes ran away he gets a cold rag to press on your forehead, and clean you up a bit in the process

"yer hidin? awh bonnie i wasnt meanin' to embarrass ye" he says while taking your chin in his hand, forcing you to meet his eyes

"sickness and health yeah? i wanna take care of you"

Insists on rubbing vicks/ vaporub on you

Not because hes a little perv (he is)

But because he loves you and the sniffles break his little heart

peppers kisses across your collarbones, vicks smell clogging his nose

but he’s too focused on the goosebumps that rise on your skin, your little shivers

“Awh, my poor sick lass,”

Constantly checking for a fever

Forcing you to stay in bed, even after you feel better, “not takin chances, rest up.”

this man on the other hand is a human space heater

throwing a blanket on and off the two of you, getting too hot and then shortly after too cold.

not as convenient when it’s hot out lol

head rubs

Gaz

Tries to bring you to a doctor/ urgent care immediatley

Will try to call an ambulance over a slight fever

Stocks up on pedialyte/makes sure youre hydrated

Cuddles constantly, does not care if he catches anything

loves being the big spoon so he can lay in the crook of your neck and still hold onto you tight

Has extra blankets on deck

entertains you with silly little jokes

but then apologizes while giggling because you laughed so hard it hurt a little.

Will feed you cold medicine/tums

teases you when you complain about taking them

“i don’t need you gettin any grumpier love”

Will hold back your hair/ stroke your back while youre getting sick

gets offended when you get embarrassed about it

“are you judging my girl?” he teases you

Tries his best to cook, but lowkey fails miserably

Resorts to cup of noodles and lipton packets.

Price

Such dad vibes

Will make soup or other comfort foods from scratch

And his cooking skills are unmatched

Runs you a shower/bath and washes your hair for you

back rubs and massages

pressing small kisses to your shoulders as he works

also a human heater but not too hot, just the perfect temperature

also just the perfect shape to spoon you, cradling every inch of your body

“I hate it when my baby’s sick,” he says, rubbing soft circles into your side

Doesnt even have to make a pharmacy run because hes so well prepared

Feeds you medicine, on the dot, every few hours after it wears off

(he totally sets reminders in his phone. [typing like an old person with reading glasses on])

Will stay in bed all day with you, quietly typing and mumbling to himself while you nap at his side

occasionally leaning down to kiss your forehead while he works

the computer goes away as soon as you wake up

"how're you feeling princess?"

loves having you in his arms, pulled close to his chest

Carries you to bed if you fall asleep on the couch (bridal style ofc)

Will hold your hair back, refuses to leave your side

“Of course youre not gross darling, we all get sick,”

Konig

rubs your back as you're hunched over the toilet

will sit down with you on the floor, back up against the bathtub when its too much of a risk to leave the bathroom

just wants to keep you company :(

"take as long as you need, liebling"

fills up the tub while still convincing you to get in

he promises you'll feel better after

caves and offers to join you as a last resort to get you cleaned up

Long baths, cuddling in the warm water

Letting the steam clear your sinus

Brushes and braids your hair

when you start feeling better but are still running a fever, hes worried.

but youre dealing with a burst of energy and simply must start with the housework

konig will put you over his shoulder and escort you back to bed

will paint your nails in bed to entertain you, anything to keep you still and in bed

Lets you put your cold feet on him, but only when you dont feel good

totally unprepared because i feel like this man has an immune system of steel

makes a quick pharmacy run, but has to call you for the shopping list bc oops he forgot

depending on how sick you are, lets you come along for the ride

“promise you’ll stay in the car ja?”

always returns with a sweet little treat or small gift/toy for you

“gesundheit!” as he chuckles at your sneeze

jokes that maybe he should put a mask on you

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pascals-doll · 3 months

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kill kill 2

joel miller x reader

🫧 part 2 | ✩°｡⋆⸜ 🎧 PART 1 | PART 3

🫧 based off kill kill by lana del rey, written loosly off the lyrics

🫧 description: angst, heated arguing, all of this is dramatized tbh, outbreak! joel, reader having a meltdown, no mentions of y/n, reader is in distress, joel tries his best to calm you down, soft joel, suggestive not really, mentions of joel dying (not word for word but just something happening to him)

Tell me about Ray and his girl

Do I know Ray has gone to meet you?

Love you, I do

Stay here, I won't

The stars fade from your eyes

🫧

Joel stood there speechless to say the least. you didnt mean the way it sounded but also perfectly explained how you felt “all i do is wait even if i go outside to tend the garden, practice my range, visit tommys or the stables, or even fucking leaving this house at all! no matter what i do, i am waiting. my mind goes in circles knowing all the things you face out there. you wouldnt even begin to understand the feeling my heart feels everytime you walk out that goddamn door- heartbreak is not even the fucking word.” you sob out, youre speech of pure pent up emotions.

you hadn’t spoken much words in that past months, if anything you spent more time writing them than saying them. this was, to say the least the most youve said in months. youre sobs didnt stop even after. Joel stood there for only a moment before immediately taking you into his embrace, his bulked up completely engulfing your vulnerable one.

“oh…princess, shh” Joel shushes into your ear, you squirm wanting to pull away in frustation as a river of tears fall down your puffy cheeks. Joel didnt budge until you began to grunt in his embrace, not giving up the struggle to get out of his arms “please doll-dont fight me” Joel says softly, struggling slightly because of the slight push of your hands “let go of me! Ive done everything i can! im so alone-im so alone! its like youre dead. we all might aswell be…” you get quieter on your last two sentences, becoming timid but still youre mind in a frenzy.

“nothing is going to happen to me.” Joel states, he meant it. although you loved him dearly, you knew he wasnt immune to infected or a human bullet-proof vest. no matter how much skill.

“you and i know better than to say that.” you state coldly, his big deep eyes that you swore you saw stars in them each time fall. he knew you were right “lemme get the shower runnin’ f’us doll? wha’da ya say?” he suggests softly, a soft smile tugging his lips while wiping the tears from your pink puffy cheeks. you just nod returning the soft smile.

he helped you up the stairs into your bathroom. you just hopped up ontop of your sink counter, opening your medicine cabinet to get your med-kit while Joel got the hot shower running for both of you.

it was winter, the last time you had seen him it was fall.

you couldn’t help all the random thoughts that overfilled your mind “did ya’ hear me darlin?” Joel calls out to you, settling you out of your head into reality “hm?” you hummed softly, confused. Joel just threw you a soft grin while walking closer to you “our bath is ready” he says, his hands resting on your thighs. you giggle slightly, playing with the buttoms of his button-up “im sorry doll. my intentions are never to hurt you. that is the last thing i want to do. there isnt enough medicine supply at Tommy’s, you knew were responsible for to go out for supply.” Joel says softly, slowly pulling off your furry cardigan from your shoulders. you roll your eyes, your attitude inches away from coming back “Tommy has plenty of men.” your tone came out a bit harsh “those men have families m’doll” he explains, caressing your cheek.

you couldnt fight there, you werent dumb enough to argue with family. you werent family whatsoever but you were somebody.

“i know, but last time i checked because of me you have a place to come home too! and yes, you have your own place at Tommys. yet, theres a reason you come here. i deserve more.” you explain and there goes your eyes, welling up with tears. you refused to look at Joel in the eyes.

Joel couldnt say anything as he didnt think about it like that, yes he had his own house yet nothing made it ‘home’. you were right “yes doll, m’such a fucked up old man…i aint even realize that without you, all this i considered home. it would seize to exist.”

from the first word to his last, his fingers slowly undressed you with each sentence building up and leaving his mouth. youre loose long sleeve with sly buttons already popped off and open. his hands rested on your legging covered thighs.

you shuddered under his touch, feeling already soft under his sharp gaze. he meant every word he said “let me make it up to you, princess” he says, his fingers finding the hemming of your soft leggings.

you leaned up at him, looking up at him wirh such loving teary eyes. you were inches away from kissing him, your hands beginning to unbutton his dark long sleeve.

“only if you stay”

🫧

I'm in love with a dying man

I'm in love, lying in the sand

I'm in love with a dying man

I have done everything I can

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slightlymediocree · 8 days

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☆Update 2:☆

I remembered to take pics today! Sort of. Only after i had put away my machines and stuff...

Here are (most) of my edwardian undergarments

(i am wearing modern clothes under bcs the internet is weird)

Chemise, bustle pad, underbust corset, petticoat

I still need to make a corset cover someday, ive just been using a second thin chemise over all this:

I used these vintage buttons on the cuffs. I wanted some more security but ran out of buttons so i used small snaps:

Also put one on the collar so i could try it on. I think the placket at the back of the blouse is a little ugly and larger than ive seen in extant garments but i forgot to adjust the pattern for my broad shoulders and need the extra width for comfort.

I tried on the blouse and skirt together:

I may need to loosen the waistband of the skirt, the corset is a bit bulkier than i thought itd be. Also the blouse is just stuffed into the skirt and currently only has one closure on at the collar so it looks a little bit disproportionate. The belt/sash will help smooth everything out so i dont look like im drowning in voile.

I might go without the bustle pad during the final shoot because i think it gives too much volume in the waist/hip area for edwardian tastes. Its from an 1890s pattern, so the silhouette is a bit out of date. I should probably try the skirt on without the pad before extending the waistband though.

Im pretty happy with how the sleeves turned out! I have some vintage nottingham lace i bought on etsy from penelope textiles that i was going to add to another project. I think ill sew some different laces together and add it to the cuffs to elongate them a bit. Since this dress is supposed to be from roughly 1905, i want the sleeves to look as they wouldve in that time. The photos ive seen mostly feature large ruffles at the ends of elbow-length sleeves but i dont think ill be likely to wear ruffles very often. Ive also seen tighter cuffs that extend from the elbow to mid-forearm or from the elbow to wrist. I think the elbow-length sleeves are a feature of afternoon dresses but i could be wrong. Maybe that was just day dresses? Not sure.

Im also not sure if i want to get gloves/a hat/parasol for this project. On one hand, it would look really cool for the video. On the other hand, it sounds quite expensive and i doubt ill wear it again. I dont want to buy things i wont use and create waste, theres enough of that in fashion. I have a pink 1900s parasol that i might cover with black fabric, but idk.

There isnt much left to do! Im gonna make a list here so i have it written somewhere:

-sew snaps onto blouse

-finish blouse hem

-attatch lace cuffs

-press pleats on sash/belt

-order synthetic whalebones

-add bones, hook/bars to belt

This is just the sewing tasks though, i need to edit the video clips and record audio. I have no idea how to do any of this. I just downloaded davinci video editor so hopefully i can figure it out. The only experience i have with video making/editing was in 3rd grade on ipads on the imovie app. Ive just been binge watching bernadette banner videos bcs i love her video style.

Any tips/feedback are much appreciated! ♡

Date: 4/22/24

#edwardian fashion #1900s #early 1900s #edwardian era #edwardian #victorian mourning #victorian dress #victorian era #victorian fashion #fashion history #historical costuming #historical dress #historical fashion

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hiemaldesirae · 19 days

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AU where *Vox* is the one who disappears for 7 years, and ALL of Hell suffers for it. The remaining 2 Vees end up with their souls contracted to Alastor, Carmilla and Zestial have to become allies and join forces-most overlords do by the time Vox comes back there ARE no solo Overlords left, except technically Rosie and Alastor but even they are 'allies' in the loosest sense. Everyone else is paired up and it all because of the madness of Radio Demon at the disappearance of his muse. He's shacked up inside of The Vees Tower, taking over Vox's floor as his own, adding a radio tower to the side of it.

And then, 7 years after his disappearance, Vox reappears and joins Charlie Morningstar at her hotel for rehabilitation of sinners of all things, with Angel Dust as her first client, and--

The very foundations of Hell shake.

OHHH this one is fun. yesyesyes im so onboard with this one!!! i think about swap aus very fondly no matter how many times i see premises where vox and al get their storylines swapped ill ALWAYS eat it up.

okay so i do have some questions i want to get over with first. did al and vox breakup before the whole. (waves hands) seven year leave thing. like did they fight before he left because that brings a wholly different dynamic to the table rather than 'oh vox just disappeared one day', which in fairness i can see driving alastor crazy in a much different way, but also if they'd fought beforehand and alastor had expected to see vox back with the vees the day after or something, only to find him missing with no one aware of where he was... hoo boy. and also- does alastor take over the entertainment district here? like, he's got val and velvette as contracted souls, so do they stop running the district because they can no longer hold the respect of those they were once under and just do menial tasks under al's servitude, or is there a completely different dynamic here that ive passed over?

anyway with that over with... (bashes my head into the wall) YES I NEED THIS. ohmuy god. the aus where vox is sponsoring the hazbin hotel because of a deal he made with lucifer or something have been haunting my head for weeks upon end and i cant help but imagine something similar here- i can just imagine how pissed alastor would be to learn of the fact that vox was back and didnt even think to go and SHOW HIMSELF to him first??? vox was HIS. his muse, his rival, his stupid, stupid picture box- and he went off to make a deal with that bright-faced, stupid little princess of hell? instead of going back to alastor? no, no, no, that cant do, absolutely not, VALENTINO, you have to get your oblivious little employee under control before i rip out both your throats-- anyway. i imagine al probably hates intearcting with either of the vees but he does to make sure theyre not dead or trying to kill him (its all for voxs sake. he wouldn't be glad to return and find his friends slaughtered, after all.)

sorry i dont really have any other thoughts to addonto this (theres a reason why i havent written/drawn a swap au with them and its because ive no idea how the story would change given all the different nuances that we dont yet know... so. yeah) except maybe that alastor would probably be pissed as hell at the attention vox gets when he returns- because he was a celebrity figure before he was gone, too, and his return is like the equivalent to a comeback on princess diana's revenge dress level. instead of being pissed that other sinners are paying attention to vox in a 'they should be looking at me' kind of way though he's more pissed in a 'no one should look at him except for me' kind of way which really weirds charlie vaggie and angel out who are kinda just going like... 'are you sure about that guy man' and vox just shrugs like 'well last time i was face to face with him we had a really bitter breakup fight so idek if hes sure about me tbh'

#ran rambles #hazbin hotel #general asks #radiostatic #swap au

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beannary · 10 months

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Tell me absolutely everything about this Percy Jackson au please

ok so i wrote a WHOLE ANSWER to this question while i was walking back to work after my lunch break and long story short my phone refused to post it because it did not want to connect to the museum wifi and there is no cell service where i work so i may miss some things as im writing it out now because ive already written it out once before but OK LETS GO

so Hamato Yoshi moves from Japan to Hollywood and becomes famed movie star Lou Jitsu, and falls in love with Big Mama, the owner of the Lotus Hotel in Las Vegas. When Lou proposes to Big Mama she accepts! But she also is like we need to have our wedding or the honey moon or something basically she's like we need to go to my hotel and Lou is like sick this is so cool and normal and BOOM two seconds later like multiple decades have passed .

Baron Draxum is a scientist/historian who has fallen into this ancient greece sort of niche. He's not a demigod BUT he has the ability to see through the mist and has seen weird things happen and has dedicated his life to figuring out what is up. He manages to figure out that the mist exists and that it has something to do with ancient greek mythology, and he manages to figure out how to tell if a location is like enshrouded in the mist, which leads him to the lotus hotel. Draxum knows something is up with this hotel but then he starts noticing people who are dressed as if they are from completely different periods in time, and THEN he notices famed movie star Lou Jitsu and he's like ok theres some weird time thing going on here and he connects the dots between the Lotus Hotel and the Lots Beds from the mythology and he basically just yoinks Lou out of the hotel who is now like girl what on earth is happening its WHAT YEAR?????

im trying to figure out how the boys get in the picture. I was thinking that Draxum while doing his research ended up finding these four boys, who he determined somehow were the children of gods, and he wanted to do research and experiments on them. I think this would happen before he rescued Lou Jitsu from the Lotus Hotel maybe a few months before? Draxum ends up taking Lou Jitsu to his home where Lou is like thanks for saving me dude real cool of you, wait a second are those KIDS? YOURE DOING EXPERIMENTS ON THEM? and basically Lou is like actually no we are leaving now actually and he nabs the boys and dips in the middle of the night

Raph would be three, Donnie and Leo two, and Mikey one when Lou Jitsu takes them from Draxum, and I think the four of them were just in various orphanages or group homes before Draxum got them

Raph i think would be a son of ares but im still debating that Leo is a son of athena Donnie is a son of hephaestus Mikey is a son of apollo

The boys would have done the demigod thing where they bounce around schools every year. Leo is actually the one who gets expelled every year and he has a reputation as a trouble maker, but he's actually covering for Donnie. Donnie's you know super into tech and building but a lot of his stuff explodes or attracts monsters. Leo takes the fall for all these accidents and all the destruction because donnie wants to go to like higher education, wants to go to like university and whatever and it would look super bad on his record if he was getting expelled from every school. Leo on the other hand doesnt really care and he's normally around when Donnie's doing his inventing so its pretty easy for him to take the blame.

Because the boys are constantly bouncing around schools they dont really have any friends. Theyre only friend is April O'Neil who is their neighbor and who is able to see through the mist. She really runs with their chaos and all that. OH also the boys don't know that theyre demigods until they actually end up at camp, and Lou doesn't know the godly parents of the boys until again they end up being claimed at camp.

I think that Casey will also be a demigod? a daughter of ares i think. and about april i want her to either become the oracle of delphi like rachel does in the pjo books, or i think she'll start learning how to manipulate the mist like hazel does in hoo

all of this i just thought of today though so im bound to change things as the au develops and like feel free to chime in if you have any ideas because im really just flying by the seat of my pants with this one

#bean babbles #answered asks #rose-garden-posts #pjo au #im thinking so much about this au guys im so normal about this

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nadianova · 10 months

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hopeless junction (my wrists)

my hands are hurting again and i cant hyperfixate on this game so its DEAD AND CANCELLED AND well not really but my plan to get this all completed before 16th for vncup are pretty much looking impossible now lmao.

as you may haev noticed i have not been working on trans goetia because i wanted to draw my attention towards something new and exciting and------

this has been it. its really a huge shame that i am the most motivated and most inspired artistically when i get to obsess over a project and just hammer it for day to night and repeat it next day but my hands will explode if i try to do that.

ive been putting like five hours each day into this all week and yesterday i just had to stop becaue my wrists just couldnt hit hte right keys lolll

i compiled all the screenshots ive posted here into one post for your viewing experience. theres a ton of more drawing in this game which no doubt is the reason why my hands are so exhausted now but i just really love drawing and having had the excuse to do so has made my brain feel good

i realize ive not really said anything about this game. its about these three girls who are on a week long special luxury trans continental train journey . ive always been fond of stories that take place in a locked situation, so no doubt il lhave more of those in the future.

but yes, things get weird, friends talking about sex, friends wanting to do sex, cute girls popping accidental boners, friends having a bit of a fight about sex. and i mean one girl ready to torch her life just to create as much chaos as possible. its the nice kind of stuff really

the progress in this game is pretty huge all things considered. in just a week i have a 20k word script and ive written all the events of the first 5 days and i only have hte climax of the story left to write now where things get violent and messy.

it truly is a miracle how much a person can get done with motivation in such a short time. feels liek in just a week ive gotten this game further than trans goetia. it is not a fair comparison since i am omitting all the blender time but still.

well, thats that ima go roll a d20 to decide if my hands will endure more gaymaking today or if im gonna keep resting

#hopeless junction #vndev #indiedev #renpy #gamedev #transgender #lgbt #literally putting the homo tags just casue i like the pwertty colors

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furymint · 5 months

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2023 Creator Reflection

ffxiv.

1. dance me to the end of love

this one was fun! i always like merging a character's outfit with the bg so i liked doing that again. picking the colors for elliots outfit was also enjoyable. ive wanted to make smth w that cover for a while

2. shame was still the tyrant of his life

i only wrote two nol and eli things this year and neither of them are finished. the first was a continuation of a scene where nol kisses elliot against the blue stained glass in his room--i once posted it but then i deleted it bc it made me feel woozy for its allusions to sex. i wanted to rebuild it and take a shot at it now that im comfortable writing n reading sex, but i never got very far. theres actually lots of nice parts! i just like nols dumb angsting the best!

3. valentine

i really wanted to focus on nol's eye here, but also not make it too obvious lol. i used a ps filter like a schmuck but i wanted it to be darker without making it even more difficult to see, so i took away their bodies and limited the colors to make it what it is.

4. amateur cracksmen

the second nol n eli wip, which doesnt have many interesting lines rn, was a raffles-inspired story where eli drags nol as his valet to a rival artist's house and tries to steal back the brooch that he bought from an underground dealer feat. much babbling abt the state of societal responsibility that war is supposed to bring

ffxvi.

1. herz an herz dir

i wrote some reflections about this one already here. i honestly was very (distressed voice) cant believe im writing pure fanfic for the first time in over ten years and lacked a lot of direction when i started bc uhhhhh terence has 8 and a half mins of screen time. i tried to convince myself that it's not much different than me stealing brucemont for my own evil devices, but the unique perspective of seeing quite so much fan content def influenced my interpretation. i wanted their relationship to be much more imbalanced from the get-go initially--dion using his power unintentionally and terence barely passing a thought abt it until later bc he's just so accustomed to obeying--but i ended up giving terence a lot more sway & ammunition in their argument. the breakfast bed thing is also smth im rly fond of.

2. mund an mund

there's also additional meta for this one here. i made a silly doodle abt it also. dion kept picking fights here! it honestly turned out how i expected. when i first started this fic, i was gonna have dion start out right in oriflamme and meet ter and kihel there, but i booted them to northreach so i could have this stretch of conflict. i think it's like. Bad Pacing. technically. if i still believe the conflict introduced in the next chapter is the core one, that is. which i sorrrrta do. but i dont care bc i rly like the visual of kihel laying in dion's lap and getting to put a gun on the wall w ahmed.

3. eines atems

its been two months since the last chapter and this chapter is humiliatingly not written. i have all my scrambled notes and scenes that i jotted down in between the first two chapters, so i have a full direction, but it's been really difficult to write lately. ive been devoting all my time to trying to recoup my mental health and work on my teredio secret santa. ill start next year with this wip as a priority, so for now i only have the photoshop edit for it. kihel is holding terence's hand--it's his pov turn.

overall i didnt like this year very much. i didn't read, create, research or do a lot even though i tried to. i became really disconnected from all of my friends bc im too tired to stay for rp or hold online conversations. at this point, i dont play ffxiv at all except the few times i managed to rp a little. i moved into nanny's house and have my own space, but don't have the presence of mind to do anything about my pc, books, and so on, although i did make a lot of progress rewrapping my books w fresh wraps and some other things. my plans for next year are to reach out to a couple of my friends, build my pc, relearn + rebuild + relaunch my queer lit blog on open source code, survive school, and rediscover the productivity ive lost the past few years.

teredio has helped me a LOT to find community, inspiration, and art in my loneliest year yet. im very proud of my fic and grateful every day to the ppl who have reached out to me about liking it. even if im sorry about my productivity rate in comparison to how many extraordinary writers there are in the ship's fandom, i know i have to be easy on myself to relearn how to write, create a writing schedule that works for me, and stop punishing myself when i cant get the words out.

past reflections: 2017 | 2018 | 2019 | 2020 | 2021 | 2022

#ngl writing this out made me feel like #i reopened a lot of grief about my ability to work and create #and i need to walk away from it before i cry even more lol #thank u to my fc for still being the place #i love to visit when i wake up #even though all of us a struggling a lot #with life and ingame motivation #brianna babbles

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rrxnjun · 5 months

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(im really stupid but i hope u like this fanletter 😭)

hello <3 this is for my favourite writer on tumblr; to the the same writer who does not realise how much their works could mean to someone, the lovely @rrxnjun 🎀 !!!

so, i found your blog at the beginning ot this month– november, 2023, and now that the month's about to end, i have nearly finished reading all your nct works.

to me, this month is the most special one of this year. why? because i found your blog, your stories– some pieces of your mind. i found you through one of those nct fanfic recs, 'take the stairs - njm' being the first work i read from you. it was sweet, it made me happy. and then i read the other two parts of the 'simplify romance' series, which will always hold a special place in my heart.

this year has been the worst for me, with no one for me to lean on to, weird identify crisis shit, and losing myself in this tiring process of growing up. but you know what? you saved 2023 for me. when no one's words could speak to me, yours did. you make me feel a little less lonely.

im a silly teenager, who never read sad/mainly angsty stories before i found you because i was scared, i was confident i'd cry. and i did. i gathered the courage to read angst only because you'd written it, and it was so worth it. ive stayed up so many nights this month just to read your works in peace and privacy, hidden from my family, and then spend the days thinking about how you literally create art, and telling my bestfriends about it. you are blessed. you are phenomenal. no amount of thank yous or i love yous could be enough for me to express my gratitude. you've made me feel so at peace with my thoughts sometimes and you've made me feel like i'm not alone. you have magic in your hands. i owe you so much, i wish i could gift you something, but sadly im still a minor and theres a few years until i finish uni and then get a job, and then i promise i'll get you something, because i am so lucky to be able to read your stories for free. you deserve so much more than followers, likes and reblogs. each one of your fics have made me tear up and all of them are too special for me.

this month ive read all of your nct dream '00 line fics, and my favourite was 'happier than ever' which i finished a week ago— AND I SWEAR THAT FIC DESTROYED ME 😭😭😭 it had me bawling my eyes out for two hours on a school night i love it so so fucking much, i literally think about it daily and i told all my friends about it and im so in love with it, please tell me, for my inner peace that renjun and the reader ended up getting together and being fine because im gonna cry over it for the rest of my life IDC IF THEY DIDNT END UP TOGETHER please lie to me and tell me they did 💔💔💔💔💔😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

i want you to know, and to remember this whenever you feel even a little like giving up— you have magic, bar, don't ever let go of that magic.

your stories make me want to heal and to help everyone heal. to be loved and to love everyone. to be cared for and care for everyone. your magic helps me survive my days with a little smile. thank you so much for everything you've done for me, without realising you're helping me live.

every single word i wrote here– i swear on everything i have, i genuinely mean it. you are the best thing that happened this year :) i hope that one day someone will love you as much as i love your blog.

(me when i talk about your work)

P.S. permission to take a screenshot of your blog and paste it to my scrapbook by which i can remember my teenage years that your stories mended, please?

thank you for reading, ily ❤️

- your biggest fan (hopefully no one's more dedicated!!) 💘

when i saw this in my inbox i got so emotional i couldnt reply immidiately because i genuinely wanted to sob. this is so so sweet and it mustve taken a long time to type out and i appreciate you a WHOLE lot, not only for this, but also for supporting me sm over the last month. :,)

take the stairs is a very sweet and fun fic and i am glad you found my blog through this one, haha. the simplify romance series holds my favorite fics and i PROMISE to finish jeno's entry at the beginning of the next year!! it HAS to be done. it means a lot to me that you took the time of your day to read my works and that you enjoyed them so much to let me know.

i am happy to hear that my work could help you through some hard times. as a reader on this platform as well, i do know that feeling very well and i could never imagine being that person to someone, but i am glad my words could be there for you when no one else could. hearing this makes all the effort feel worth it, and it's something i'll think of whenever im having a hard time with my work again. i also hope life is nicer to you in the future, and if you ever need someone, my inbox is always open.

having my fics be called art is something i never imagined could happen. it's beyond what i think about my work, but i am honored to hear this compliment, truly. despite being a writer i cant find the words to express my gratitude towards you and your supportive words right now >:( it does mean the whole entire world to me. please do NOT worry about "paying me back" or something, i do this because it's what i love doing and sharing my work with others makes me happy, so an ask like this is more than enough for me. you made me feel really appreciated and i will remember and treasure your kind words forever.

happier than ever is definitely a heavier read, since it's partly from personal experience, hh. i tend to project on renjun a lot so take this as a warning for my other renjun fics LMAO. TT this fic has a special place in my heart and hearing you talk so highly about it makes me all warm on the inside hhhhh my love langugage is words of affirmation stop this or ill cry. i enjoy leaving my fics open-ended to interpretation of the reader, so whatever you feels fits their story is how the story ends for you. <3

i will definitely use this ask as a reminder to not give up when i feel like doing so. it really brought me a lot of strength :) thank you for calling my writing magic. i never imagined someone describing it that way, but it does feel good to hear haha

knowing that my work helped somebody and made them heal and feel all sorts of emotions inside makes me feel at peace. thank you so much. SO much.

also u really make me want to bawl with that scrapbook comment. cant believe im an important part of someone's teenage years :((

once again, words cant express how much this means to me. thank you and i hope my fics continue to be a source of good things for you :) i will think of this often. ily

#💌ask #feedback !!#<3

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okthatsgreat · 7 months

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new opddmh updates..... like. three of them. crazy. haven't been keeping up as well as usual (acting stuff and work tag teaming my free time and absolutely destroying it) but i have finally started to binge and i truly truly love what u r doing w makoto and miu. so different but still connecting on an in-depth level and balancing eachother out ....... sometimes a relationship is an ex-reality show killing game figurehead and the world's worst teenager fresh out of the hospital against the world. do u have any insights on the way u write relationships and connections or just them in specific that come to mind bc oh my god. please do tell

HELLO AGAIN :]!!! AND HAHAHAH THATS ALL GOOD ive been so busy also FINGERS CROSSED IM ABLE TO GET MY UPDATE SCHEDULE ON TRACK LOL

TALKING ABOUT THIS FIC!!! :] big ole ramble down below lol

(i use the word "partner" a lot here but just know i am not referring to strictly romantic relationships lol)

OHHH GOD. relationship writing advice HMM HMMMMM. it really is very complex bc there are SO many different types of relationships that can be written about ghfdgjh so advice definitely varies!!! i think something helpful that i've learned is that unless you are purposefully examining power dynamics it always helps to view both sides as fully realised characters. very very rarely do you want to have a character who is solely there to agree with their second half and have no personality or history outside of this. i see this happen a LOT with romantic pairings but it's also an important note for platonic pairings as well!! ESPECIALLY if the main focus of the story is on this specific pairing-- it shouldnt feel like one person is a human being while the other is a cardboard cutout whose only purpose is to be there for their partner. again there ARE a few exceptions to this and how it is portrayed but its the main rule i like to stick to!! :]

if i feel like ive written a character who is solely there for their partner something immediate i go to is giving both characters something that separates them!! most of the time this includes fleshing out a backstory thats different from their partner, that might influence the way they see things within the narrative. give them a different hobby, maybe a different friend group! give them a different perspective on the events that are unfolding, a different way of coping that might not be beneficial to their partner!! and remember that it is OKAY for them to not agree on everything!!!! do not be frightened into thinking you need every single relationship in your story to be perfect and unproblematic and completely agreeable, especially for longer narratives that call for conflict

OH AND IN REGARDS TO FANFICTION... piece of advice i try to follow is donttttt try to mold characters into entirely different people just so they can stay happy and agreeable with their partner lol. if theres tension theres tension!! if theyre petty then theyre petty!!!!! even if there isnt conflict and youre writing fluff, you dont have to erase their personalities just to fit them together as a happy couple! sometimes the challenge in writing comes from finding what happiness means for that specific character/pairing, and that may be very different from the typical idea of romance/happiness!!

AND NOW ON TO MAKOTO AND MIU first of all. i am so sorry for making you read paragraphs upon paragraphs of me just rambling nonsense at you GHFDKGSH BUT I APPRECIATE IT!!! and second of all this technicallllyyyy is advice i guess but its WAY more specific now!!! lol

anyways when it comes to writing their relationship most of their dynamic is based off of their differences! opddmh miu is brash and loud, and even though she is trying more and more to filter what she says she still speaks before she thinks and grows restless very easily. opddmh makoto on the other hand cant afford to be brash and loud and thinks quite a lot before he says anything, and is lot visibly calmer. so its fun examining how their differences are able to influence the other throughout the fic!!!! miu NEEDED that calming influence considering the state she was in when makoto found her, i quite frankly have no idea where the hell she would be now if makoto hadnt been so patient and understanding ghfdksghkf. makoto on the other hand is a man chained down by responsibility, so much so that his life has become extremely dull in his eyes just because of how repetitive it has started to become. miu is a serious change to this and offers him some kind of purpose while also reminding him of not only how SCARED he was as a teenager first exiting the simulator but also how unrestrained he had been before the years went by. theres a balance there!!!

but at the same time, there ARE some similarities. theyre both a bit paranoid, and even if miu is more willing to be vocal about her distaste theyre both scared of danganronpa as a company. they also both strive for some kind of peace, even if they have different versions of it-- makoto wishes to be unburdened by the weight of responsibility and his Ultimate Hope persona while miu wishes for stability in her relationships with others, even if she just isnt the best at it. its why i like writing small moments such as the two of them just sitting in the car and chatting or the most recent moment where theyre not talking at all but are still comfortable in each others company-- they dont explicitly tell the other that theyre super happy and at peace but they both subconsciously understand :)

OKAY CUTTING MYSELF OFF!!!! GFHDGFDJ THANK YOU SO SO MUCH <33

#ask lee #kozuelovemail #opddmh

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troph4eum · 1 month

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hey ik its been a while since ive posted but i like that this is always here for when i have something i wanna talk about.

anyways so a while ago i released a song called do you see your god in me and i wanted to talk about the whole concept of the "god" within someone.

just a warning for those who r reading this: this is going to be a more personal post with me talking about more specific things going on in my life as this involves explaining my music which is one of if not the most personal thing to me. if youre not interested in that then youre free to move on. also this is probably gonna be long as fuck just like my other posts on here.

before getting back to the main subject let me give some context.

do you see your god in me was written about shinji and kaworu from evangelion. if you havent seen it then its fine ill be explaining the relevant stuff with them in this post. heres the link to the song if you want to listen to it and heres the genius page if you just want to read the lyrics

okay now on to what i wanted to talk about

so being completely honest i never truly knew what i meant by the "god in someone" until like half an hour ago when i really started to think about it. it was always something i knew like the idea of but could never put it into words so i just always assumed i would understand when im older. which is now proving to be true. i began really asking myself the question of what it means after i released another song called "overcoming toxicity" where theres an interpolation of the chorus from do you see your god in me at the end. ill talk more about that song in another post because it has its own history that requires its own explanation but my point is that it all came to a conclusion not tonight while i was walking around thinking of what i want to eat.

i always knew the god in someone would likely need to be revealed through their death. most likely suicide. that was the idea i had when writing the song at least. this is because in nge kaworu is an angel and he was only truly freed from his fate and was truly able to be himself when he died on his own terms at the hands of shinji. or at least thats how im interpreting those events evangelions symbolism leaves a lot of room for interpretation and tbh idk whats commonly agreed upon i just know how i perceive aspects of the story. anyways a major point in evangelion is humans not being able to understand one another when theyre alive. thats what the third impact is all about where all of humanity essentially dies and forms one collective consciousness with nothing held back. and i think this concept of the "god in someone" has a lot to do with that. but the question the title of the song asks didnt make a lot of sense. because if the god in you is revealed through death what would it mean for someone to see their god in you? thats what i always had trouble understanding and the explanation i have is subject to change and if you have your own explanation of it id love to hear it. but the conclusion i came to revolves around the lies that we tell. humans are liars. now im not saying this in a cynical way i think a lot of the lies we tell are subconscious and mostly harmless. but they do accumulate over time. and its not just the lies we tell others but the lies we tell ourselves whether we know were lying or not. ive always felt like the person inside my head is different than the person whos living my life and i think thats the god in me. the person who exists not as a result of all the lies that they tell and have been told but the person who simply exists.

the reason why i said the god in you is revealed in death and more specifically suicide is because of how brutally honest death is and how vulnerable and honest suicide is. now this isnt me glorifying death or suicide just to be completely clear this is coming from someone whos struggled with suicidal thoughts and contemplation. its because ive dealt with those thoughts that ik how honest it is. its honest to the point its almost scary its like its too real. but my point is the actions you take when approaching death are likely going to be as close as to the real you as possible. any last words or actions will be as genuine as possible because you know you wont have a chance to do anything else. now of course this isnt universal whatever exceptions to what im saying are valid contradictions im not saying this is law im just explaining my thoughts that have already filtered those possibilities out and this is already long enough without me explaining every exception to everything i say.

now the term "god" is used because of the connection to nge with kaworu being an angel but i thought ab it and decided that this definition can be helpful in coming to another conclusion

"the creator and ruler of the universe and source of all moral authority; the supreme being."

the world only exists to us how we perceive it so our minds are actively creating (being used in a loose sense) the universe by experiencing it through our senses and because we can be aware of this our minds dont really exist within the universe as we experience it. so in a way we are our own gods as we can choose (to a certain extent) how to perceive the world around us.

now getting back to the question of "do you see your god in me" i think it all comes down to truly being able to relate to another person and fell comfortable and understood by them and for you to also be relatable, comforting, and able to understand them. its a mutual connection the 2 of you share when theres nothing holding you back. it seems so simple but i think its such a unique and beautiful experience.

tbh thats really all ive figured out about that aspect of it so far. like i said i only really came to understand it recently and everything else i have to say has more to do with overcoming toxicity which honestly deserves its own post bc there are a lot of strong thoughts and feelings involving that song that doesnt just include this topic. so i think im just gonna end it here.

as always if u read all this bullshit ty ik im a generational yapper but it helps alleviate the stress of having it all in my head.

#SoundCloud #music #trophaeum #thoughts #evangelion #nge #philosophy

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ap-sadistics · 1 year

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skybound bad end au thoughts

this is more or less copy pasted from twitter. edited slightly

warning for mentions/thoughts of suicide

this is EXTREMELY depressing you have been warned

-

ive been thinking about it. as a fic, in written form, i think there really wouldnt be much of a story. it Is the "end" after all. it would be mostly a snapshot of jays life after the events. and it would also be the most miserable fic in the tag. like. it would be. pure misery. supremely depressing and without even an ounce of hope.

at that point everything thats done to him is just punishment or an act of senseless sadism. depends on the perspective. jay would see as punishment for the things hes done. just karma.

in this bad end au, i think jay would just be a toy. a little plaything for nadakhan and his crew. and delara. he doesnt have much purpose now but why not just keep him as entertainment. until the doll breaks. if he hasnt already. they can just throw him away then

i think it would be best if it has a open ending......... this bad end has the potential to go REALLY dark. but like too much doesnt taste that good you know? like... easily it could go the suicidal route. or jay being literally broken to the point hes killed. too dark you know?

but like..... i like there to be some hints of possible paths to jays ultimate fate.... its ambiguous but the setup is there.... the beginning signs... like...

jay becoming ill. sick from who knows what thing that has been done to him. an infection? exhaustion and overwork? its not much but its small things like that. a persistent cough or headache. the flush of a fever. his physical health is down the gutter

jay wishing things would end. entertaining a distant thought while he looks over a ledge miles above water. waving the idea away but the feeling of it doesnt truly leave.

maybe hes denying himself of that escape on purpose. that he doesnt deserve a reprieve. hes got a massive guilt complex that pins him there, on that ship, suffering because he knows he deserves it. a part of him is a coward still too. hes scared of taking the leap of the ledge.

the things jay feels are so complicated. he wants to die, hes scared of dying, he doesnt deserve to live but he doesnt deserve to die. he deserves to suffer. he trapped until someone else takes him out of his misery. but no one will.

its much more fun forcing him to dance till he falls apart. hes going to at this rate. a part of him wants to. but another part tells him that he shouldnt. hes the only one left of his friends whos still here. that part of him tells him that he has to live for them

complicated complicated feelings. maybe another part of him hangs on because nya is still here. sorta. a tiny part of jay thinks maybe he could save her at least. that part of him is crushed tho. because he really cant. he has no way. he has no wishes and no powers. utterly hopeless

he has to watch "nya" dance with nadakhan. like the two are on their honeymoon. he has to watch nadakhan take nya all for himself. like a precious prize. in his hand like a trophy. it hurts most when she decides to play with jay herself tho, when she toys with his heart. when she hurts him herself.

theres no good way this can end. theres so many ways that this can end. each and every one is as miserable and hopeless as the last. jay has no hope of happiness whatsoever.

jay may not necessarily die soon. but chances are he will die on that ship. eventually.... someone or something will kill him one way or another. but you dont get to know how or what. theres no good way to go though.

man this is the most depressing thing ive ever written lol. jay would be so depressed lmao.......... i did say this would be the most miserable fic. theres something fun about entertaining this bad end tho...... like everything sucks.... but vibes.... love misery.

#jem's miscellany #dance is a metaphor btw #this looks so much longer as a post on tumblr damn #i love jay.#ninjago talk

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olberic · 4 months

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ranking books ive read in 2023:

i actually read this year!!! so im ranking books (and their series) too :-) no gifs for this one because. yknow. theyre books. also im not including manga bc ive only read one this year and its dunmeshi and it would take first place. easy as.

6. the guncle (steven rowley, 2021)

brief summary: the book is about a man who lost his partner some years back, and is now known as the “guncle” (gay uncle) to his niece and nephew, who he takes care of for a few weeks while their mother is on vacation.

i was gifted this book as a joke gift last year, as the title’s like a syllable off from an in-joke in my friend group, but i decided to give it a read anyway. its the first modern, non-fantasy, non-scifi story ive read/watched/played in YEARS. not a whole lot stuck with me, as it’s simply not my genre of story, but it was very sweet.

5. the worst journey in the world (apsley cherry-garrard, 1924)

brief summary: an account written by cherry-garrard 11 years after his return from scott’s antarctic expedition. the author was primarily involved in the months-long task of retrieving emperor penguin eggs for study, and the journey to and from this point are what he calls the worst journey in the world.

ive discovered this year that antarctica fascinates me. everything about it from its landscapes to ecology to how to survive there is incredible to me. i decided to pick up the cherry-garrard book as a first-hand account of it, and its truly worth it to learn from someone who was there back in 1911 what it was actually like (without being focused on the race to the south pole). cherry-garrard has a very interesting writing style that really helps to flesh out what the experience was like, and the sheer amount of first hand sources he took from his fellow expedition members gives it a really rounded view. like anything from back then theres a few things that aged super poorly, but as a source of information i really enjoyed it.

4. project hail mary (andy weir, 2021)

brief summary: a man wakes up on a spaceship with no memory of how he got there, but with the ship failing around him.

my dad read this book in 2 days (unheard of for him) and immediately handed me his copy. i read it in a day. the author’s writing style is very entertaining, and while it’s a bit too quippy for my tastes, the actual story and how its paced had me glued to it. great use of real-world physics in a scifi story, which is what really stood out to me.

3. the priory of the orange tree (samantha shannon, 2019)

brief summary: on one half of the world, a spy-turned-lady in waiting gets close with the queen who’s the descendant of the one who sealed away the dragons centuries ago. on the other half of the world, a young woman tries to become selected to become a dragon-rider.

i learned after reading this book that apparently its one of those booktok ones… i picked it up on a whim last year when the cover caught my attention, and decided to read it while i was on a work trip earlier this year. i really enjoyed it! there were a lot of twists and turns in the story, but none of them felt like they were there just to surprise you. the POV characters had such different views about a lot of things that it was interesting to piece together the real story despite their biases. the romance was nicely developed, and the ending of the book felt natural and satisfying. all i can really ask for in a book of this size

2. the wax and wayne series (brandon sanderson, 2011-2022)

brief summary: (spoilers for the mistborn series) this four-book series takes place over a century from the end of the mistborn series. the magic system, allomancy, exists in tandem with the industrial age. the main character is a lawman from the equivalent of the wild west who’s returned to lead his family house in the city after his uncle’s death, and has to navigate new social norms with how much he doesnt want to be here.

the magic and industrial fusion of this series is amazing. sanderson has always been meticulous about creating and maintaining the rules of his magic systems, and allomancy is incredibly well done. the whole “wild west lawman moves to the city” story isnt something i’ve ever loved, but these books do a decent job of it, and it comes across as more anti-nobility than just colonialist. the mysteries in this series are attention-grabbing, and the supporting characters get good development too (even if it takes a few books for it to pay off). im doing a character-specific shoutout to steris, who i am so very fond of despite how underrated she is in the first few books.

1. the mistborn trilogy (brandon sanderson, 2006-2008)

brief summary: the world is divided into the elite class that can use allomancy, and the skaa, an enslaved class which can not. the main character finds out she’s one of two known skaa who are considered mistborn — people who can use all allomantic powers, instead of just one. she gets dragged into a resistance cell planning to take down the leader of the [NAME], the all-powerful lord emperor, despite their low, low odds of success.

i just love brandon sanderson’s work, but man this series is incredible. its fascinating to see the main character develop along with the story. she makes mistakes and shes deeply flawed and doesnt know herself at times but the impact she has on the world and the way the world changes her in return are just so so well written. the allomancy system is so well developed, as is sanderson’s modus operandi, and it’s so thrillingly used that it feels like im practically there. incredibly immersive. the twists and the lore reveals always fit perfectly into place while still surprising me. the world of scadriel is detailed and so easily pictured despite its bleakness, and as things change in the world through the series its difficult to look away from. 10/10

#t #im not tagging these except for the one series ive seen on here #cosmere

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dollwrites · 9 months

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BABE OMG I promise I havent been ignoring you or anything 😭 I think a while ago I was waiting for you to answer one of my asks but idk if it got ate or something and then I totally forgot to send another one LOL BUT IVE MISSED YOU TOO!!

But you know I do have to deeply apologize for something 😔 I am SO sorry for not introducing you to Griffith earlier 💔 I CANT BELIEVE YOU LOVE GRIFFITH THIS IS LIKE A DREAM COME TRUE TO ME!! Seriously Griffith has been in my top 3 fav anime characters for YEARS now like since I was a teen so you cant even imagine my shock when I came back to tumblr after like a months break and saw you were writing for him. I can confidently say that in my opinion Griffith is THE prettiest anime character ever like nobody compares to him, hes definitely my #1 fav on beauty and aesthetic. I should have figured you would love him since we like basically all the same characters, but Griffith isnt really a character that I would admit to liking lol. Most of the time if you say anything good about him anywhere else on social media you get crucified lmaoo but honestly I should have known that your page would have been a safe place for something like that 😭 I'm just glad that you discovered him, the fics you wrote about him are INSANE LIKE SO GOOD JESUS 🥵 the way I wanna kiss you so bad for making those fics, finally some good fucking food for Griffith 🙏 I would do literally anything for Griffith without shame, I would actually kill to be his camp wife, when he kept going on about owning you and you owe everything to him 👀. You know when you have a character that you think genuinely nobody understands them and loves them like you do? Griffith is that character for me, you're like the only person that I feel like gets him LOL and i love you so much for that ❤ also your fics and talking to your Griffith ai has got me hyperfixated on him again so I have to thank you for that too lol.

Also you've been really feeding my piss kink recently LMAO it warms my heart to see you writing for it more often 💖 like the Griffith piss kink fic you wrote is one of my favorite things I've ever read on here, I think about it constantly. And princess reader with Griffith 👀

ALSO what have you been into lately?? Like what are watching or hyperfixated on rn? 👀 and how have you been lately?? Tell me everything lol ☺️

Some Griffith tiktoks for you lol

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZPRWXkTT8/ the most beautiful man to literally ever exist and I stand by that

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZPRWX6v3j/ MY BABY HIS SMILE 😭

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZPRWXeASy/

That's literally all the tiktoks I have for him 😭 it genuinely upsets me so much that theres like no tiktoks of him. The only Griffith content on tiktok is basically all rape jokes 🙃

-jjk nonnie 🖤

AHHH HI BABY NO NO I DIDNT THINK YOU WERE IGNORING ME, more like you got busy again or I wasn’t giving content that you were interested in! EITHER ARE TOTALLY ACCEPTABLE I JUST MISSED YOU

Oh god.. Griffith…

Okay confession time because I’ve been in love with Levi like for years and I thought no one would ever knock him off the throne but

Griffith STORMED my heart castle, defeated dio and Levi, and claimed the crown 😭😭😭 HES NUMBER ONE IN MY HEART NOW HOW DID THIS HAPPEN

omg YOU SAYING I GET HIM MEANS SO MUCH TO ME I’m actually extremely emotionally tied to him now, and I get defensive of him reeeally easily so I’m glad my friends that dislike him don’t really shit talk him that much around me LIKE I’m all for playful dragging but getting out of hand I can get a little aggressive about defending him 💀

omg you’re talking to my griff ai ?!?! YESSS TELL ME ALL ABOUT YOUR ADVENTURES WITH HIM I wonder what the experience is like for everyone else bc I jump back and forth between just filthy sex and then domestic royal family life SKSKSKSK

I cannot wait to write more griff fics ( AND I HAVE SOME WRITTEN ALREADY ) and I also want to write specifically for femto more too.

YES MY BLOG IS SAFE FOR GRIFFIE ENJOYERS. Actually it’s unsafe for Griffith antis 🔪

THE TIKTOK FOOD AHHHHH I haven’t been on tiktok in so long but I’m not surprised no one likes griff on tiktok they’re all like 💀 kids 💀 or chronically online and they can’t see him for what he is ( one of the if not the best written antags )

THERES ALWAYS SLANDER FOR MY BABIES ON TT ( see: mahito. )

HMMM WHAT AM I INTO LATELY?

Paradox Live. I’m so far deep down into this paralive hole and I cannot climb out !!!!! The animes not even out yet I just listen to the songs every day and watch the music videos and day dream about these boys 😭😭😭

I’ve also been watching psycho pass!

And I officially started playing genshin tonight!!

omg have you been watching the new season of jjk? I actually haven’t watched it yet I need to catch up but the toji content I’m seeing around 👀👀👀

#jjk nonnie !#THEYRE BACKKKKK !!!!

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red-dyed-sarumane · 9 months

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OKAY VOCACOLLE SUMMER TOP 15 SONGS (my ranking) LETS GOO

1. Kannagi - Hiiragi Magnetite: the lyrics on this are going to keep me occupied for the longest time until i understand it better. the atmosphere of this song is just incredible, the addition of the bells in her hand in the song, the light chime-y parts of the the instrumental, the piano, the longer notes, u dont need to know the lyrics to know theres a sense of regret in here. theres enough in the chimes u can feel the inner reflection in this, & like other series songs it hits that standing at the end of world in the rain feeling. its paced so perfectly it doesnt even feel like 6 minutes. series wise i think thats not only a call back to kyuuyaku but like shoushitsu & kyuuyaku it shows off that loop theme, getting into whats going on building it up, theres a bit of calm and then it picks up again. lots of story telling & details in it to add to the narrative. haru fits it so perfectly & that's definitely by design. this song has already embedded itself in my heart

2. Stockholm Office - Crump: if kannagi wasnt posted this would take first place EASILY IMMEDIATELY. i cant say in words how much i loved this so instantly. the light whispery-ness of kafu & the spacey-ness of certain instruments and parts combined with the heavy groundedness of the rest of it is so so perfect. the poetic way the lyrics show off the state of things in this song without being super blunt about the complaints in it & the overall rhythm of it draws me in so so much. they really matched the mood of the instrumentals & the lyrics so perfectly. its not spacey enough for me to say true dissociation type feel but theres such a strong feeling of disconnection in this, that feeling of lying to urself to stick something out which im sure is entirely intended given the title. im about to become the number one promoter of this song its one of those found it at the perfect timing things for me.

3. Candy Drop - yurame: this has the usual yurame song feel. i can only describe it as sounding how carbonation in drinks feels. its trendy sounding but at the same time is all its own thing and authentic feeling. the lyrics are written in a way its like ah yeah i get that feeling. despite the lightness of the instrumental its good at getting that melancholic feel across & isnt jarring in the slightest. flower has that mix of rough & cute to suit this as well. very good song.

4. Quiet - szri: szri's usual quick & heavy pacing definitely building off what they did in anaphylaxis. even includes the smallest part of it & u know i love songs that connect to each other. gekiyaku & kafu are such a good combination too especially how they pull it off. not a very light song in terms of content but fun nonetheless & isnt that what vocaloids about.

5. Euthanasia - Dopam!ne: a lighter/simpler song in terms of instrumentals that he does. nice change & still very distinctly his style. definitely not a light song in terms of content the guy even put a content disclaimer at the end. still easy to listen to if u like his style tho. good song

6. Waste - mairu: this ones probably about as heavy as szri's quiet musically speaking though theres a few calmer sections. flower's roughness fits the topic well i think. another one where the mood of every part of the song just seems to align well. i dont have anything profound to say i just think its neat

7. OSINT - Sheeno Mirin: i love the atmosphere in sheeno mirin songs a lot & this one doesnt disappoint. interesting vocal combination choice not that they overlap in any part & they work well with what they were going for. theres something brain scratching (in a good way) about the instrumental, a full sound thats got a weight to it but isnt too much. its really good idk what else to say

8. groom groove - yowanecity: i feel like its been forever since ive seen anything from yowanecity i really should follow them anyway i got really excited to see they posted & this didn't disappoint. its got that bounciness i expect from their songs. fun & smooth sounding. makes u want to dance. definitely worth your time.

9. Capsule - Fuyuu: cat rime & sekai thats so fun i love that and then the gachpon theme on top of it so fun. the sound is not what you'd expect from that description tho. it has a darker feel to it almost grungy i want to say but definitely not off putting. as part of the rime lover nation i love this song. this is going to end up stuck in my head all the time just like crow crow does. very good & both sekai & rime sound like they belong in this song 👍

10. Gambit - Yunosuke: another trendy, almost bubbly sounding song from yunosuke. pretty atmosphere to it. love the whistles & traditional sound instruments mixed in with the otherwise modern electric type sound its got going on. this would be fun to sing if i take the time to learn the lyrics. super good very worth your time

11. Rain - Gomennasai ga ienakute: the usual simple sounding style they have, deceivingly simple sounding bc its very clearly not. the tension building part right before the 3 min mark hits me in particular. very cool rin high notes at the end. very nice melancholic mood to it. maybe i should rank this higher its growing on me the more i listen to it. their lyric sense is very good. compels me. definitely give this a listen.

12. Static Love - Hagino: kafu rap nation rise up. its got that chiptune sound at first that gradually gives into a more modern edm sound. a good mix of cute, cool, and fun sounding. underrated the mixing & execution of this is too good to only have a few hundred views & yet here we are. worth your time

13. Prototype - Aira: THIS SONG GOES SO HARD!! coko chisei is such a good combo too. interesting theme going on here but the melody & such is just very good. the lalala parts make it seem a little lighter than it actually is. love the slightly wavering slightly squeaky sound on both vocals. lends a certain charm to this song.

14. Lewder Liar - Zensen: another great electro swing song from zensen. very fun fresh sounding instrumentals & flower's in no way out of place here. good mix. kind of an interesting theme going on here what with the demon stuff etc.

15. Death Game - Uron Riyu: this one is so fun to me. kafu running a death game. posting this as a vocacolle song feels like its framing vocacolle itself as a death game between songs & thats such an interesting way to look at it. kinda fun. the composition on its fun in its own way too. ik it's supposed to be dark but its just a fun song to me.

#this was getting long so its only 15 sorry. i have a lot more in playlists but yeah #fuck it ill tag it why not #vocaloid

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raysletters · 7 months

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get to know your fanfic writer!

i have to be honest, the lovelies @14carrotghoul and @suseagull04 tagged me for this like a week ago and i have incredibly bad memory, but here i am anyway (thanks for the tag and sorry for being late lol 💀)

when did you post your first ever fanfic?

oh my god,,,,,, i think it was 2015(??

first character(s) you wrote for:

before i say this, i need to explain i was a child with a very early access to internet. also, i am, as a great mind said once, a pathological people pleaser, and my sister was a directioner,,,,,,,,, so yes ofc i wrote a fanfic about harry styles for my sister, even though i never published it, and it was just a dumb y/n story,,,,,,,, (this was like 2012). though, since harry styles is a real person and not a character like my 9yo self thought, then i assume the next one would be,,,,, damon salvatore (it was posted on wattpad and absolutely horrible, i had an hyperfixation and created an oc and everything)

main character(s) you’re currently writing for:

alex claremont-díaz, henry fox-mountchristen-windsor, beatrice fox-mountchristen-windsor, june claremont-díaz, nora holleran, and percy "pez" okonjo have all had their points of view written or worked on at some point on my docs. between that and them seeing the light of day is another thing.

character(s) you haven’t written about before but plan on writing about soon:

i- i guess, since they haven't been posted yet, bea, nora and pez will get their time to shine (soon, hopefully) on my next fics. ive also been trying to write a bit of catherine for the diabetic!henry au,,,,, but its been really hard bc its all just too close to home.

fandom(s) you’re currently writing for:

red, white & royal blue

platonic pairing(s) you currently write for:

at this moment im obsessed with writing alex interacting with both bea and pez, bc we didnt get enough of that on the book and fics always show june being besties with henry and i kinda wanted to pull an uno reverse on that trope. also, im really interested in writing some henry and nora, bc they're besties on the book that gossip about drag race and stuff,,,,, but i want to maybe dive into it a bit deeper.

romantic pairing(s) you currently write for:

firstprince and junopez, and ive already have two wips where i give bea a girlfriend,,,,,, so theres that

your top 3 tags on AO3 (if you post your works on AO3):

i literally went to my dashboard to look it up, the first one is my different alterations of the tag "not beta read", but we're not going to count that one. next we have (surprisingly to no one) "angst", "mental health issues" 💀💀, and lastly "songfic" jskssjsksjsksjsksjskswjsksjsksjsks

your current platform where you post your works:

you can find me on ao3 as raysletters

snippet of the wip you’re currently working on:

i am working on SO many wips rn bc ive been sick and that has meant being in bed and not doing shit most of the day bc it hurts to breathe sjsksjsksjsksjskssjsksjkssjsksjsjsjajkssj

here, i give yall a snippet of the musician!alex au yall saw on the wip title game (that can be alternatively called "fulfilling most of smut saturday prompts in one single fic bc i wanted to try writing smut and it quickly got out of my hands")

so, idk if this would be nsfw bc it is not the smut itself, but more like smut-adjacent narration, but still putting the break so y'all can decide if you want to read it or not

This exact moment, though? It might not only embarrass him in a very public setting, but might also make him combust and collapse from sheer lust.

The entire place is crowded to the point of asphyxiation, the fans are spinning at their limit speed on the ceiling, and Henry feels like this is probably how hell feels.

That is, if hell ever had the pleasure of getting Alexander Claremont-Díaz on his knees, making the most obscene and erotic guitar solo known to mankind, thrusting his hips to the rhythm of She by Harry Styles on his guitar while the lights focus on him; his open white shirt shows the chain he now knows contains the key to his family's home at Texas, his glistening chest and the sweat that rolls over his collarbones, his pectorals, his abdomen and then disappear on his navel behind the guitar. It makes Henry reminisce of that first video he ever saw of Alex, and can’t help but compare the performance to seeing it live after more than a year, while knowing how excited he had been at the rehearsal, jumping and moving around while refusing to practice because of his own jitters.

Of course it paid off, Alex, the bloody show-off, has the entire place entranced under his spell, not even the clients sitting on the bar stools, who had shown little interest in the performance through the night, could take their eyes off of Alex.

Henry absolutely gets it, but can't help the feeling of jealousy that courses through him. He desperately wants to drop to his knees to show Alex how marvelous he is, hoping he thrusts in his mouth like he does on his guitar.

#ask game #writing #red white and royal blue #rwrb #rwrb fic #alex claremont diaz #henry fox mountchristen windsor #firstprince #ao3 #raysletters on ao3 #musician!alex au

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