I was just looking into the notion that widowers only had to mourn for 1 year after their wives' deaths, during the Victorian era, while widows had to mourn for two. because I've heard that a lot, but it seems to jive more with the Pop History version of the era where mourning existed because Imposing Rules On People Is Fun and All Marriages Were For Money than with the real version, inhabited by real people who idealized love matches and theoretically practiced formal mourning to show that they were going through something and needed gentle treatment

what I've gathered from a brief search for period sources seems to be:

one source from 1839 mentioned the "widows = 2 years; widowers = 1 year" thing

every other source I read (about 7, from various points in the era) implied or stated that the minimum normal period of mourning for widows and widowers was the same

That's a small sample size, but I still think it's significant

men's clothing could often be harder to visibly alter to reflect mourning, relying heavily on things like black cufflinks and collar studs that could be trickier to notice at first glance than. you know. a bonnet with a black veil over someone's face

a lot of sources talking about mourning clothes were fashion magazines aimed at women, and thus would be more likely to talk about women's mourning attire than men's

so my takeaway is that while some people at some parts of this 60-year period felt it acceptable for widowers to mourn for half the period of widows, many others at other times expected any bereaved spouse regardless of gender. obviously, in a highly misogynistic society, women's adherence to ettiquette could be much more scrutinized than men's; a widower who married six months after his wife's death would be looked askance at, but probably not subject to as much censure as a widow who did the same. and obviously, things don't go according to plan and the formal mourning system could of course backfire- forcing a woman into months of social seclusion for an abusive husband, for example

but.

the overall goal was to convey "handle with care" to the outside world. for many people, widowers were expected to need as much care as widows- and therefore to mourn for the same length of time

My newest 🖤 comes 6/23 @ 3pm pst

A widow in heavy mourning. c. 1860-1870.

Victorian Mourning

Today's WIP~

A patchwork bat collar, made entirely with antique scrap fabric and sewn on by hand.

Still a lot of work left to do on it, but its coming along.

Shop link HERE

Princess Alix of Hesse - later Empress Alexandra Feodorovna of Russia - in mourning of her father Grand Duke Louis IV of Hesse, 1892.

Mourning brooch containing the hair of Anne Brontë, belonging to her sister Charlotte

The Widow - Anders Zorn

they’re just perfume vials guys

ancient Romans: the kings of Persia make their wives and concubines collect the tears they weep while said king is away in fancy vials, to prove how much they missed him!

Victorians: ancient Roman widows collected their tears in fancy vials, to put in their late husbands’ tombs!

modern antiques dealers: Victorians collected their tears in fancy vials after a loved one died, as part of their Bizarre Obsessive Goth Mourning Process!

literally no culture in known history: has been currently proven to have done this on a wide scale, for any reason

Another of my newest creations. Boiled wool blend, all hand beaded, distressed silk taffeta neck pleat🖤

In Memoriam, Alfred Stevens. 1861.

Mean Victorian.

This enormous Victorian vulcanite cross is one of the nicest pieces of jewelry I’ve had in the shop.  Is it a mourning jewel? Maybe: 

Just because a piece of Victorian clothing or jewelry is black does NOT mean it was worn during mourning. Then, as now, people wore cross shaped jewelry & the color black all the time. That said, vulcanite was also a popular material for mourning jewelry as it offered a less expensive alternative to carved jet. This would be suitable jewel to wear, especially during a later stage of mourning when more elaborate embellishments were permissable.

Full Mourning Season

(If you like my clothes, you'll like my books, I dress like I write)

https://linktr.ee/leannareneehieber

Finally finished after a week of sewing this collar almost entirely by hand...it's finished and I couldn't be happier with how it turned out.

All the outer fabric is antique scraps of polished cotton, satin, and patterned cotton all dating from the 1880s-1910. The lace embellishments, appliques, ribbons and lace trim are also antique. The buttons and embroidery floss used are vintage. The lining is scrap black cotton.

It will be listed to the shop ASAP.

Shop link HERE if you want to check out my other wares in the mean time.