𓆩 ♡ 𓆪 ┊ 𝐒𝐈𝐋𝐕𝐄𝐑 𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓
( do you love me enough that i may be weak for you? )
chara : xavier
fandom : love & deepspace
quote cr : alain de botton
a/n : sorry but if i ever made contact with xavier looking at me like That i would burst into tears and then we might even make out or smth
& IN THE DELICATE RIFTS OF HUNTER VERSUS HUNTED, YOU HEAR SOMETHING RINGING IN YOUR EARS, FEEL IT POUNDING SO VICIOUSLY AGAINST THE HOLLOW OF YOUR RIBS. SOMETHING STRANGE BURROWS INTO THE ACHING OF YOUR CHEST, LINES ITS EXISTENCE INTO THE CREVICES OF BRUTALITY AND GENTLENESS. THEY'LL CALL THIS YOUR SURVIVAL, BUT YOU WILL CALL IT YOUR HEART.
the beating of the heart is a very primal thing, you realize. you place your hand against his chest. you listen. you count.
42. 48. 46.
you do not know why you always have to track the beats. maybe it's the touch that brings you comfort. maybe it's reassurance that here and now, he continues to exist by your side. maybe it's the need to know that despite all the injuries, he's okay, he's safe.
it's always the same, isn't it? this slow and steady means of living.
you close your eyes. count again. 49. 44. 45.
you open them, and for once, you dare meet his gaze. your mouth runs dry. you're always afraid to look at him; you seldom know why-- or so you think, but the truth is, you've always known.
"xavier," you murmur, and the space between your bodies is so far and few, "why do you look at me like that?"
you do not move your hand. something beneath it thrives in the presence of your warmth.
49. 49. 51.
xavier tilts his head slightly, that familiar trace of curiosity and kindness in blue eyes. a quiet smile falls upon his lips, and there is something so excruciatingly close to reverence and worship in it that it almost makes you want to cry, and you do not know why.
"like what?"
you stare. you stare and you stare, searching for something you yearn for but are so deeply frightened to discover. your lips part, but the words lodge themselves in your throat, unspoken, in dire need of release. you pause, swallow hard. he can tell you're struggling. his smile does not change, hand cupping your cheek ever so gently in silent means of it's okay, i'm here with you. and somewhere in that little gesture, there's the knowing that he'd wait until the end of time for you to speak if that's what you needed.
"i... don't know." you murmur, and the courage in your voice falters, decayed into absence. "like you could love me or something, i just--"
a moment, a beat, a spark.
your fingers grasp his shirt, tight. scared.
70. 78. 74. 88.
the beats grow faster. you do not break away from his gaze. you search and you search, looking for answers. you are not sure if you'll find what you're looking for, but in the way his smile grows just the slightest bit, and in the way his thumb grazes over your cheekbone, you are almost certain you understand what his heart calls for.
he leans in, just a little closer, lips just inches from yours.
you hear something beating, feel something beating, and you cannot tell whether it is your heart or his. your breath hitches, waiting.
a closed distance. a kiss to your forehead, your nose. you close your eyes at the sensation, letting out a shaky exhale.
"look at me."
his words are as soft as ever, and when you open your eyes, you sense a different kind of warmth in his. his thumb continues to trace over your skin-- a ghost of a touch, but more than enough.
"i do love you." xavier murmurs, and he presses his lips against yours, gentle, devout. "i love you, forever and always."
another kiss, endless. you are not sure who loses themselves in the other first.
you pull away, just barely, fingers clutching onto his shirt like a lifeline. you feel your cheeks burn, and you almost wish to tear your gaze away from his. but you don't. you smile, letting out a soft laugh before you kiss him once more.
"i love you too," you answer, "forever and always."
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i love makoto so much but fanon does her so much better (the good parts of the fandom) because in the game her character is so lack luster. they butchered her confidant it is so borning and not even about her. they made her a cop. A COP. they pushed this "canon waifu" role onto her (before sumire came along and did it Even Worse). and it SUCKS because SHE IS SO MUCH MORE!!! SHE IS SO MUCH BETTER!!!! SHE COULD'VE BEEN SO MUCH BETTER!!! the way i feel about canon makoto is the same way i feel about the canon ryuji events post komoshida where he's horribly mistreated and used purely as comic relief: i ignore them <3 my game now <3 never happened <3 my ocs <3
You are so right. I generally apply this to all characters in p5 bc the game does such a shit job of staying consistent with character arcs and personalities. Theres a desperate need to throw in perverse jokes at the expense of female characters and a need to show that the police (as a whole) are reliable people who are not influenced by things like money and power; only the BAD cops do that. Not to mention this obvious fatphobia and homophobia but i feel likes thats a given.
But back to Makoto. Shes a victim of bad writing just like everyone else. Ryuji during the kamoshida arc was fighting with self loathing and genuine anxiety, and aside from the like. One comment on Panthers outfit in the metaverse, hes more than well behaved. All of that is shelved as soon as Kamoshida is gone and replaced with him being weird comic relief (and the focus of alot of sexual jokes that were nonexistent in the beginning of the game). Anns arc about self love and empowerment is completely dropped as soon as the nasty bad guy is put away (so that its good to be weird about her w the Good Guys). Makoto loses her a chunk of her personality to be the mature waifu which is INSANE to me bc shes like. Not okay or normal at all 😭😭😭 she THINKS shes responsible and so does everyone else on her team, but its an act! She doesnt know shit! And she doesnt know that she doesnt know shit bc shes respectful and adults dont care about anything as long as u respect them!
Its very telling that for literally every single thief (and goro), you can see the exact moment the writers gave up on adding anything of worth to their characters outside of the social links. Its like they didnt know what to even do w the characters at their disposal after their main arcs were complete. No mention of friends hanging out without you, no mention of having group hangouts. Everyone is treated as a core, important member of the friend group DURING their arc, but outside of it, they are acquaintances at best. Theres nothing in the game that convinces you that these guys are legitimately friends who care for each other and do Friend Things. And i describe it like that bc there IS a game that treats them all as friends, and its strikers! Strikers/Scramble genuinely feels like the game p5 wanted to be; a road trip w your team where they stay up at night talking to each other and hanging out and doing things together that dont necessarily include you, the player. Its refreshing and lovely but it sucks that u get that kind of attention to detail in a ‘spinoff’ title
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