#there’s so much to be said about gods and their manipulation of the agency of mortals and of abuses of power and the humanity of it all
Text
I was rethinking the bookshop meta I wrote a while ago and realized I was not thinking big enough.
The bookshop has always been Aziraphale's version of Crowley's plants (his trauma reenactment), but also, absolutely everything Aziraphale does in Season 2 is a re-creation of Heaven's role. Crowley's behavior also encompasses everything, not just his plants.
I've seen it suggested that centering Aziraphale and Crowley's trauma histories is reducing their characters to behaving like just reactive victims instead of survivors with agency. Or worse, it's "excusing bad behavior." I don't agree with either of these, because I feel that part of Good Omens is about how large, powerful systems affect individuals, and so the context of every character's decisions matters a lot to the overall themes of the story. Everyone starts out working within a system they believe to reflect reality and then has to learn how to break free of it. You cannot really illustrate that without having the characters start out being genuinely trapped with different ways of coping with their reality.
This is an attempt at a pretty big-picture meta. Although it isn't a plot prediction, it's how I think some of the series' themes are going to progress. It starts out perhaps a little grim, but in the long run, it's how Aziraphale's character growth and relationship with Crowley can simultaneously be massive for them as individuals, a crucial part of the overarching narrative message of the series, and symbolic of a change in all of Heaven and Hell, all while allowing the themes to continue to prioritize human free will.
In short, it's about Aziraphale's problems, but it's also meant to be an Aziraphale love post.
All of the below exists in tandem with Good Omens as a comedy of errors. Just because there are heavy ideas does not mean they will not also be funny. Look back on how much of Season 2 seemed silly until we started to pick it apart! One of the amazing things about Good Omens is how it manages to do both silly and serious at once! (I feel like that's maybe a little Terry Pratchett DNA showing through. "Laughter can get through the keyhole while seriousness is still hammering on the door," as Terry himself said.)
Aziraphale has really embraced his connection to Crowley in Season 2, and he has also become considerably more assertive toward Heaven and Hell. These are both major growth points compared to the beginning of Season 1.
However, again, we have the concept of growing pains...Aziraphale is starting to re-create Heaven's role in his relationship with Crowley and humanity. It's really obvious with the Gabriel argument and the I Was Wrong Dance, but I think we see it all over the place: he seems to feel any serious dissent is a betrayal. He also seems to assume there's a dominance hierarchy and he, of course, is on top. Now that he's decided to take control of his own future, then surely that does mean he's the one in control, right?
With all that said, he still seems to have trouble being direct about the feelings that make him most vulnerable. He manipulates people and engineers situations in which he can try to get his emotional needs met rather than saying things outright (case in point: the Ball).
Like I pointed out in the bookshop meta: subconsciously, he's playing the role of God, modified with what God would be if She were everything he wants Her to be. He's generous, almost infinitely sweet, always does what's best for people...or, at least, what he believes is best for people. During the Ball, Aziraphale influences the people around him to be comfortable and happy even when they're not supposed to be, and he limits their ability to talk about things he thinks are too rude or improper for happy, formal occasions.
Doesn't this pattern sort of make sense for an angel who's just discovering free will? Like, at the end of Season 1, he made an enormous choice to stand against Heaven and realized he could survive it. Now he's gone a bit overboard with exerting his own will. Unfortunately, while he's learned to question upper management, he's still operating on a fundamental framework of the universe where there have to be two sides and there has to be a hierarchy. Also, since Aziraphale is on the Good side, he of course has to gear his desires into what's Good rather than just what he wants, so he sometimes thinks he's doing things for others when really he's doing things for himself. (For example, matchmaking Maggie and Nina started out as something he wanted to use to lie to Heaven, but by the time he was commenting "Maggie and Nina are counting on me," he seemed sincere, like he had genuinely convinced himself this was for them and not for himself.)
Aziraphale knows Heaven interferes in human affairs, ostensibly on God's behalf. He thinks She should be intervening in ways that are beneficial. What I believe the narrative wants him to learn is that God and Heaven shouldn't be manipulating people at all, not even for Good, and in fact there is no real meaningful hierarchy.
Anyway, a top-down, totally unquestioned hierarchy is the primary social relationship Aziraphale has known, and it's certainly been the dominant one for most of his existence: you're either the boss or the underling, and if someone seriously questions you, they don't have faith in you - they don't respect you.
No, his relationship with Crowley has not always been like that, but they've been creating their relationship from whole cloth, so how would he know it shouldn't become that way, now that it's "real" and out in the open?
No, human relationships aren't like that, but Aziraphale clearly does not see himself or Crowley as human. As the relationship approached something that seemed like it must be "legitimate," Aziraphale would naturally look for a framework to fit it to. And again, the only one he has is the shape of "intimacy," or what passes for it, in Heaven. What has "trust" always meant in all his "legitimate" relationships? It has always meant unquestioning obedience, of course. What have the warm fuzzies felt like in Heaven? Well, praise from the angels above him is nice, so that must be it, right?
Aziraphale even describes being in love as "what humans do," separating out that relationship style. Someday, I think he'll realize he favors the shape of love on Earth, something that's more inherently equal, more give-and-take. Look at how he idealizes it from afar at the Ball. But I think that, like Crowley before Nina pointed it out, Aziraphale maybe hasn't 100% grokked that it can and in fact should work that way for him and Crowley, too. Just like people can desperately want to dance without knowing how to dance, or can desperately want to speak a language without knowing the language, Aziraphale does not instinctively know how to have the kind of relationship where he can be truly vulnerable and handle Crowley's vulnerability as well.
Aziraphale is downright obsessed with French, known as the "language of love." He's trying to learn it the Earthly way. He's not very good at it, but he wants to be.
This pattern is still present during the Final Fifteen even if we assume Aziraphale is asking Crowley to become an angel again out of fear (and I find it very hard to believe that fear doesn't factor in at all). He's still building his interactions off of that Heaven-like framework: he asks Crowley to trust him blindly, he tries to assume a leadership role with a plan Crowley never agreed to and couldn't follow anyway, and he tries very hard not to leave room for an ounce of doubt. He also suggests making Crowley his second-in-command and obviously does not register that this could possibly be offensive. Again, I think this is because for Aziraphale, there has always been a hierarchy in Heaven, it's started to transfer to his relationship with Crowley, and breaking out of that assumption about relationships is going to take more processing than a single argument can do.
As I mentioned in another post, I don't believe Aziraphale had a real choice about whether he accepted the Supreme Archangel position. I think he could sense that he was not getting out of it and chose to look on the bright side, to see it as an opportunity. And instead of looking realistically at how that would feel to Crowley, he tried to sweep Crowley up to Heaven with him using toxic positivity, appeals to morality, and appeals to their relationship itself. Again, mimicking what Heaven has done to him.
To me, "they're not talking" is a big clue that Aziraphale's approach with Crowley is going to be the mistake the narrative really wants him to face. "Not talking" has, thus far, been presented as the central conflict of Season 3! After losing the structure and feedback Heaven gave him, Aziraphale started creating Heaven-like patterns in his relationship with Crowley, and breaking out of those patterns is what he needs to do. Discovering first-hand that Heaven's entire modus operandi is bad no matter who's in charge is how he can do it.
Look, either you're sympathetic to Aziraphale's control issues or you're not. Personally, I am. He's trying so, so hard to be good. I think trying to figure yourself out (which Aziraphale is clearly doing) is hard enough, and when you start balancing what you want for yourself, what you think are your responsibilities, and what other people are actively asking of you, you're bound to fall into the patterns that have been enforced for your whole life or for millions of years, whichever came first.
It is very easy to assume that people should Just Be Better, but it's not actually that simple to be a thinking, feeling person. My anxiety tends to move in a very inward direction and Aziraphale's moves outward. But I'd imagine the desperation and exhaustion are the same.
Unlike Nina, Aziraphale became a rebound mess. I don't think it occurred to either him or to Crowley that there could be any soul-searching, anything but carrying on with the new normal after their stalemate with Heaven and Hell.
Now, instead of getting rejected by Heaven and surviving it, Aziraphale needs to be the one to reject Heaven. It needs to be a choice. And that choice is going to come from realizing that Heaven isn't just poorly managed but also represents a bad framework for all relationships.
How could this happen? Good question. We're obviously not supposed to know yet, although I think picking at existing themes within the narrative could possibly give us hints.
It's possible Aziraphale's character development trajectory will be akin to Adam Young's in Season 1. Please see this stellar post by eidetictelekinetic for more thoughts about it, but basically, in Season 1, Adam saw that the world was not what he wanted it to be and decided his vision was better; as he ascended to power, he took complete control over all his friends and then soon realized that's not what he wants because there's no point in trying to have relationships with people who can't choose you. It's that realization that leads Adam to conclude he doesn't want to take over the world and to reject the role he's expected to play as the Antichrist. Maybe Aziraphale's trip to Heaven is an attempt at a control move during which he'll realize he's defeating his own point.
Aziraphale clearly wants to be chosen. From the very beginning, he's wanted to be special and cared for - just like Crowley has.
Incidentally, I think Aziraphale and Crowley are going to represent pieces of the bigger picture here, and this - first imitating and then rejecting Heaven's relationship style - can both symbolize Heaven's transformation and directly start it (probably in an amusing, somewhat indirect way, like when he handed off the flaming sword to Adam).
If I'm right - which I may very well not be - I think this would all be so, SO cool. Like, "An angel who is subconsciously trying to be a better God" is a concept with so much potential for both tender kindness and incredible darkness. Add to that the comedy-of-errors aspect of "...but even deeper down, he'd much rather just be super gay on Earth" and you have, in my opinion, a perfect character.
I think this could work for Crowley as well. It's obvious that in the Good Omens universe, at least so far, Hell is all about detesting humans and punishing them; Satan seems to genuinely hate humans (unlike in some of NG's other works). Our perspective on this could change, but it potentially puts Crowley in a complementary position to Aziraphale, as a demon who is trying to be "better" than Satan. But this isn't about being "morally better." It's about things having a point. Crowley's exploits usually have a point: they test people. And you can pass his tests! He sincerely likes making trouble, but Crowley doesn't live to punish.
But, once again, the above paragraph would describe a transient phase for this infinitely charming character. Because, again, I think the point will be that in the end, Crowley's deeper-down desire, moreso than testing Creation, is watching it grow with a glass of wine in hand.
172 notes
·
View notes
Text
speaking of dr, there's something that really annoys me about how shallow the ship discourse around kr4lsei is. I'm not sure I'm 100% behind this for the same reasons i doubt toby will go full in with noelle's mom being abusive, ie "those are very delicate and complex topics to handle, does he have the time and space to deal with them in deltarune's story?" so take this with a grain of salt.
(warning for brief mention of incest, so I'm putting this under a readmore)
i think the discourse being framed as "thinking ralsei is presented as a romantic interest" vs "thinking ralsei is compared to kris' brother or like a family member" is incredibly stupid because those are... both true at the same time. yes, there's an unskippable "tunnel of love" scene, and it looks like ralsei could have somewhat of a crush on kris. but ralsei still 1) looks just like a dreemurr, 2) clearly plays, as a character, on our feelings and memories of asriel from playing undertale, as evident by their designs and their names being anagrams 3) i am 99% sure Noelle was going to say "that kinda looks like asriel" while looking at him eating cotton candy with Susie, and Susie herself suggests telling toriel he's "a long lost cousin". either way, if ralsei is meant to play on our feelings towards asriel, then as asriel's sibling, kris is likely gonna feel similarly.
are you uncomfortable? good! you should be. that's the point.
it's not random that the snowgrave route was framed and portrayed with the imagery of a wedding. first the freezering, then the thorn ring are explicitly compared to wedding rings. "we're just friends"/"we're something else". "YOU'VE BEEN MAKING [hyperlink blocked (...LoVE?)], HAVEN'T YOU?" noelle with whom kris had a strained relationship, whose feelings (platonic? romantic? we don't know) we brute force in what is the most chilling, manipulative, cruel iteration of chapter 2's story we could take... it's almost as if deltarune uses kris being forced into romantically coded situations they're deeply uncomfortable with as a way to showcase their lack of agency in the story.
and being pushed into romcom-like situations with a guy who looks like their brother works pretty darn well to follow that pattern, if you ask me.
now, if a forced romance with noelle represents their lack of agency in regards to the player, then... a forced romance with ralsei could represent their lack of agency towards Fate. The Plot/Story. unskippable cutscene, remember? not to mention ralsei's whole purposepilled shtick he clearly has a complex about.
this does raise a couple of questions about susie though, as the third option in the "who would you take to the fair with you" question, the one option kris seems to agree with, as well as being a character who is actively resisting the narrative.
because there's people who are very much FOR krusie, just as there are people against it, i doubt their getting or not getting together would work to represent kris gaining their agency back. and i believe i speak for everyone when i say that susie is going to play a huge part in that arc. either way, i'm curious to see how this develops.
idk! like i said, I'm not sure just how much toby is gonna go into this because it IS a very delicate subject. but it's an example of what i mean when i say "there's more to fandom than shipping" and "fixating so hard on Shipping Good Things" can be detrimental to analysis. I'm not cancelling anyone with this post, go on doing your thing whether it's kr4lsei or r4lsusie or krus1e. but if your first thought going into this was "I'm gonna ignore the part where the game compares ralsei to asriel because that would make my ship incest and that is Bad and uncomfortable" then... that's a very cheap way to interact with media? lol. sometimes being uncomfortable IS the point. god knows utdr makes you uncomfortable on purpose sometimes. ok rant over :P
443 notes
·
View notes
Text
Dune Spoilers:
I like the Dune book series - it’s one of the first sci fic books I ever read and we all know they're the blueprint. And Deni's movies are a visual masterpiece. With that being said, I have some issues with the movies because of their use of Arab culture to build their world while most of their cast and staff isn’t even middle eastern. But I don’t feel I have the authority to talk about it so I’ll refer to some posts. (x x x)
But with a lot of criticism I disagree with the takes about the movie showing us a "white savior trope" and I don’t want to yell that media literacy is death when it comes to analyzing entertainment but yes because Paul Atreides is being portrayed as a cautionary tale since the very first introduction to Dune in the movies. Chani starts the movie explaining Arraki’s story about being invaded and under the ex rule of an imperial house and asks the following question: “Who’ll our next oppressors be?” while cutting directly to Paul and starting his journey. Paul isn’t being shown as the white savior that will free the Fremen from the imperial rule and get them the paradise they see in the prophecy. He quickly becomes a power hungry leader with a god complex and I think Dune: Part Two heavily showcases this transition. Paul spends a lot of time denying what he could be and when he has the ability to see he can win and rule the world - his greed takes over.
Paul’s ascent to power in the 3rd act isn’t even being portrayed as a good thing — it’s supposed to be dark and full of warnings about the tyrant he’ll become. It’s there in his scary speech and Chani’s face. Both Paul and Jessica are being shown as manipulative people that are leading the Fremen into false hopes and religious fanaticism. Paul knew from the very start that the Bere Gesserit were planting ideas on the Fremen about him being the one - and he knew he needed to convince the remaining doubtful people of the prophecy if he wanted them on his side for his revenge. He was using the Fremen for his vengeance agaisnt the emperor. And he might’ve fallen in love with Chani and genuinely believe his place is at Arrakis' but he quickly transforms into the Messiah that plays into people’s false worship. He knows the easiest way to control the Fremen is by playing into the prophecy.
Paul’s Atraides isn’t about a hero’s journey but mostly the journey of an anti hero. We are not supposed to think he is the good guy. In the books there’s this important quote from Frank Herbert’s himself: “No more terrible disaster could befall your people than for them to fall into the hands of a hero.” because Paul isn’t there to save them from colonialism just replacing their old oppressors (Harkonnen) with him.
And I was pleasantly surprised with the changes in Chani’s character by her having more agency by being a freedom fighter and the only one seeing the wrongs in the increasing fanaticism towards Paul and the dangers this means for her people instead of playing the passive girlfriend that sticks by his side despite him becoming everything he swore won't be like in the books. And I really hope they change some parts of her arc in the last movie and she goes against him. Or at the very least have her still present a strong opposition to his world view. It would turn their relationship more interesting than her spending 12 years as his concubine wanting to bear him children and dying for it. I think Denis seems to be planning a better way to portray the women in the last movie and I can't wait to see what he does with them.
I just feel like people will get to Dune: Messiah and be so confused as if Paul going into a dark path and becoming Arraki's next oppressor wasn't pretty much there all along.
131 notes
·
View notes
Text
Arthur Lester and living for someone else: an essay I dreamt up while I had the flu
First, some clarification: when I say living for someone else, I mean taking them into consideration in your life. It is not about catering unhealthily to them, or enslaving yourself to their whims. living for someone else is the difference between feeling love for someone and acting on it. It's about treating love as an action.
In episode 31, we learn a lot about Arthur's past. While Bella was giving birth, he said to James, "I can't live for someone else!" and he wasn't wrong. He loves Faroe, even if he didn't love Bella, but he didn't truly live for her. Don't get me wrong; he wasn't a neglectful father. He was kind to her and tried to spend time with her. Ultimately, he made few sacrifices for her, but not none.
Once she was gone and Parker had helped him restore his will to live, he found contentment. And this is the most important part; he wasn't unhappy living for himself, having no one worry about where he was or what he was doing, and having no one depend on him. He was fine.
But he wasn't thriving. Guilt and loss aside, he was living the life he would've, had he never gotten Bella pregnant. And yet, despite everything, despite knowing that he prefers a life lived just for himself, Arthur still said that the time he spent with Faroe--for Faroe, so to speak--was the happiest of his life. He didn't allocate much time to that selfless joy, the joy of telling fairy tales to his little girl, of dedicating time to her, but he was happier with her than he would've been without her. Happier carving out a piece of himself and giving it to her, sharing it with her, hollowing out a space in his world for her to be safe and loved in.
But he did cave to himself. He didn't dedicate as much to her as a father should, because he didn't want to live for someone else.
Cut to episode 20. This is a different Arthur than the man who fathered Faroe. This Arthur has lost absolutely everything, except John.
Arthur has made up his mind. He knows he can't beat the King in Yellow, but he also refuses to let him have John. He knows that John doesn't want to return to the King, and he knows John doesn't want to die. But John has no real agency over his fate, as he is trapped within Arthur. John can't fight back, and he can't run away. The only way he can be protected from those terrible fates is if Arthur puts himself aside entirely and thinks only of John.
So he does. He faces the King, knowing that he might die, knowing that he might fail, but completely unwilling to make a call that would doom John. And the King sees that. That's why, during the confrontation, he says to Arthur, "You despise me... and yet you love him."
That line. That beautiful, poignant line, spoken so contemplatively by the bloodthirsty god of madness. He seeks to understand Arthur, to manipulate him, to find his true intention, and that is what he finds. "You love him" means "You act singularly out of love for John, with his best interest at the core of your every decision."
He knows, because of this, that he has lost. So he chooses to take out his anger on Arthur instead.
It would've been easier for Arthur to give up while his bones were being broken. He was helpless to stop the torment, but he knew he had the knife. He could've killed himself once he realized that he was going to be subject to eternal torture, and it would've made sense. But he didn't. In fact, he begged John not to return to the King even while screaming in agony, even knowing that if John left, the pain would end. Because John's fate mattered more to him than his own. So long as he endured, John would live.
It wasn't until he realized that John was leaving, sacrificing everything for him, that he decided to kill himself. If John was doomed regardless, then this way, at least he would be free from the King. And if Arthur's motivation was at all unclear--perhaps he was sacrificing himself because of all the people the King would hurt once fully restored--he clarifies it later, in season 3.
"I died for you. For a fucking voice in my head, that stole my eyesight. I fucking died for that. Do you have any idea how insane that sounds?"
It does sound insane. But he doesn't even mention the even crazier thing he did; being willing to live for the voice in his head. To live through unfathomable agony and terror of the King's torture, just to protect John. Dying for him was his last resort, because he shares a body with him. Dying for John could only save him from something worse than death.
This means that in order to love John, Arthur has to live for him in every way possible. He has to care for himself in order to care for John. He has to do things he doesn't want to do--like maybe one day sit through a film he can't see--to care for John. Every single experience--good and bad--that he has brings John life and humanity, and every good thing he does shows John how beautiful the world can be. His patience and forgiveness helps John to grow his own sense of compassion.
The core beauty of their relationship lies within this, at least for me. Arthur Lester, a man unable to live for anyone but himself, is put in a position where everything he does has a potent effect on a lost fragment of an eldritch being. And despite what that being is, despite the bloodlust and violence of his entire existence, he slowly becomes someone so full of love and compassion that he can hardly stand to ignore a person in need. Even before growing close with Arthur, he knew compassion from his new desire to grow. He wanted Arthur to spare the wraith in season 1, because he wanted to know that monsters can be saved and redeemed. And he kept growing from there. John shed his first ever tears for an innocent animal. He looked through Arthur's cruel words in season 3 and understood that they were fueled by self-hatred, and he stuck by him and refused to let him drown in his darkest moments. He was willing to risk everything for strangers victimized by a terrible monster. He begged Arthur not to take the stone from Mr. Scratch, because in doing so, someone innocent would have to pay the price.
Of course he isn't perfect (ahem, that whole thing with Oscar), but he has been loved enough to be transformed completely. He has been loved enough to return that love, not only to Arthur, but to people he doesn't know. Because Arthur lived for him.
#sorry this is so long lmao#these thoughts have been churning in my head since i finished the podcast#it's just so beautiful#their relationship is so complex and fascinating#these two are gonna be the death of me#jarthur#privateeyes#john doe#arthur lester#malevolent#malevolent podcast#qpr#kayne#the king in yellow#faroe
104 notes
·
View notes
Text
Here is my thread from twitter i wrote about my theory about Fyodor’s ability not working on ability users. I wanted to get this posted here before we learn even more about it than in the next chapter probably lol I’m probably wrong given how old Fyodor is there’s probably plenty we don’t know and haven’t seen yet. But I still think this is interesting to talk about :) (Also I had more images to add but I will have to wait till i have access to my PC to add more cause the mobile app won’t let me)
—
So what if Fyodor can’t use his ability on ability users? We haven’t really seen him use it on other gifted, we’ve seen him shoot/manipulate gifted but not use Crime & Punishment on them.
People he did use it on were normal people and the people who have touched him & lived are all ability users.
—
If Fyodor has used C&P on an ability user, please let me know but I can’t find a particular instance he does.
Either way, his ability is probably something he either is consciously controlling or the ability itself is selective in some way with normal people because this kid touches him with a cloth.
—
Meanwhile this agent has gloves on but Fyodor still kills him with C&P. So, clothes/cloth isn’t the difference on its own.
Like i said, it’s gotta either be he *does* have control in some capacity or Crime & Punishment is selective on its own, regardless if it affects gifted or not.
But even if it is selective or controlled why never use it on the gifted?
The people he claims to want gone the most? It would also make sense why he really wants the book to write ability users out of the world. If his ability doesn’t work on them, maybe that’s why he see them as sinners.
If Fyodor has an ability he believes is a blessing or something that’s “holy”, something bestowed upon him by god then him believing ability users are sin/sinners because that “holy” ability doesn’t work on them could make sense. It’s why he wants the book to completely erase them.
But also, a different extension of this is maybe Fyodor views the book as holy because of its power. Maybe someone say, stole the book to create ability users. Fyodor would want to correct that “sin”. And maybe his ability doesn’t work on anything made by the book, thus why it doesn’t work on ability users.
But that aside, either explanation could also explain Fyodor’s fascination with Dazai (aside with his intellect), Dazai’s a walking contradiction.
The ability user who cannot be unaffected by abilities. Fyodor may even see it as Dazai can’t be touched by their “sin” and maybe is tied to the book in some way. Of course such a thing would grab his attention.
It could also explain Fyodor’s reverence for Sigma, a being created by the book. He seems to hold the book in high regard & even Ranpo himself says the book was created by smth “greater”.
If Fyodor sees the book as a tool from god, he would think highly Sigma being born from it. Similar in the way he may view Dazai
I don’t believe Fyodor did anything to Sigma. (Addition to this repost: I still believe this. I still think it’s just information overload. That’s why he’s not waking up with skk. We were told about this for a reason and given Fyodor is old af it makes sense he as SO MUCH information to go through)
As Ango explained, you can pass out from too much information & Atsushi passed out from a small amount.
Sigma requested to know *everything*. I think Fyodor knew what he knows would fry Sigma’s brain. That said, I think Sigma will wake up.
(Again, addition to this repost: now that we know it’s like hundreds of years of information of course that would be hard for his brian to process)
(I will add to this next bit because we have more information from chapter 113.)
Whatever Sigma learned, he knew he had to tell the agency right away. He obviously knows more than just how Fyodor’s ability works but i’m sure he thinks the agency needs to know something *specific* he learned about Fyodor and/or his plans & ability.
(Addition: It’s interesting Sigma said this given he’s only *just now* going through Fyodor’s memories and seeing how old actually Fyodor is. I wonder if that is what he wants to tell them or if it’s *how* Fyodor is so old that he feels must be shared with the agency. I feel it’s definitely Sigma wants to tell them that he knows *how* Fyodor is that old. As he says “I know *what* Dostoyevsky really is. Not who, *what* he is. Interesting.)
—
Back to the main point, assuming his ability wasn’t used on Sigma (it wasn’t), Fyodor hasn’t used his ability to kill ability users.
He shot Dazai’s accomplice, he “shot” Katai as well. He manipulated Ace into killing himself. He wanted these people dead, why not use his ability?
Chuuya & Nikolai touched him without anything happening. Of course like I said, Fyodor can either control his ability or it’s selective on its own. So he could’ve chosen *not* to use it on Chuuya & Nikolai or for some reason his ability just didn’t care about them.
But still, why hasn’t he used it on other gifted? Like the first 3 i listed, he wanted dead right? He also choses to manipulate gifted like Mushitaro or mutilates them like Ivan & we’re not sure if he touched them or not. If he himself did the surgery on Ivan he had to have touched him.
Even with Shibusawa, Fyodor cuts his throat. He doesn’t try to use crime & punishment. Of course, Shibusawa was “dead” already so it could be a different case.
He also never went up against Natsume directly in untold origins, although in the novel Fyodor is only eluded to and we never see. But maybe Natsume is “that man” Fyodor refers to. (Though now it could be Bram given 113?).
You could also throw in Fyodor stabbing Mori instead of using his ability on him in there. But in this case Fyodor’s objective was to pit the ADA & PM against each other so they would take each other out. Though there’s an argument he still could have done that & kill Mori here.
But let’s just assume he didn’t want Mori dead because of his plan to pit the two organizations against each other. So, I won’t touch more on Mori other than he must’ve touched Mori when he stabbed him, but since Fyodor seems to have some control over C&P let’s also say he just didn’t activate it here.
No one knows how Fyodor’s ability works aside Fyodor himself (Sigma might know now, we’ll probably know in a chapter coming up).
Even Dazai, which is why Dazai hasn’t wanted to give him the opportunity to touch him. He’s see what we have, people touching him & dying. So until Dazai knows for sure how his ability works, why risk touching him.
That’s why Dazai was hoping Sigma would help (assuming we believe Dazai when he says he doesn’t know how Fyodor’s ability works).
Sigma should now know both Fyodor’s plans & his ability & i’m sure he’s going to wake up and tell skk. Then Dazai will know.
But what if Fyodor was secretive about his ability because it doesn’t actually work against gifted? He wants ability users gone & it only benefits him for people to believe he can kill anyone with a touch. So why wouldn’t he play into that assumption?
We also haven’t seen too much of his interaction with other DOA members (Addition: aside we now know Fyodor and Bram go way back and Bram may even know more about Fyodor's ability, but he might not). We've only seen Nikolai & Sigma & we only see Sigma touch him once, to get information & Nikolai holding his hands. Nikolai admitted he doesn’t know about Fyodor’s ability either, hence saving Sigma to help.
I believe Fyodor would want to use his ability on gifted if he could, like Ace or Katai etc. People he knew he wanted dead and wouldn’t serve another purpose. But he doesn’t seem to use it. (Again if we have seen him somewhere use it on an ability user please let me know). But since he doesn’t seem to use it on gifted, maybe he just *can’t*.
He could just be choosing not to for all those instances for one reason or another & it does work on gifted and we just haven’t seen it yet. We just don’t really know but I’m sure we will soon.
This is just a fun theory, one that will probably be proven wrong to be honest haha so take it as you will. Everyone has their own interpretations and we will find out in canon soon enough.
#bsd spoilers#bsd analysis#fyodor dostoevsky#bsd fyodor#chuuya nakahara#dazai osamu#soukoku#bsd sigma#bsd manga
52 notes
·
View notes
Text
It’s truly astounding how the people belittling Fearne’s feelings and growth the most are Fearne fans themselves.
Fearne/Ashley made it explicitly clear that she didn’t want the shard. She stated that it multiple times and went even further to explain that it scared her and TOLD ASHTON that she believed they should take it. They willingly went along with Ashton’s plan because she believed it was the right thing to do but as time went on, she grew more and more concerned but still believed in Ashton who kept telling her it it would be okay, downplayed the consequences (saying his death would be a funny story to tell and that’s all as if them dying wouldn’t be horrible and affect Fearne/the others because they genuinely can’t believe that his life is worth that pain) and said that she promised him.
Fearne said multiple times that Ashton didn’t manipulate her. Ashton wasn’t hiding their intentions from her — he told her the plan, they knew (some of) the risks and Fearne said she went aligns to hit because she thought it was the right move. You’d think Ashton had a gun to her head by the way the fandom is talking about the whole thing!
Yes Ashton was pushing and they never should have kept Fearne from telling the group the truth but she made her choice and it was a bad one out of love and care (and no Ashton did not manipulate her feelings/attraction to them to convince her: Ashton did not and still does not know the full extent of what Fearne felt towards them and when he kissed her, she had already agreed to the ritual and the kiss only made her really second guess).
Now am I saying that she’s equally culpable as Ashton? NO!
Am I saying she owes Ashton an apology? GOD NO! And thank god Ashton told her she didn’t owe them anything, he put her in such a bad situation and that was 95% on them. THEY FUCKED UP BAD AND DESERVED ALL THE TONGUE LASHINGS THEY GOT!
But the way the fandom presents the issue is as if Ashton was this maniacal, evil manipulator who preyed on Fearne solely because she was too good to say no instead of viewing the whole situation as it really is: a man who is fucked up asking someone they trust to join in on their stupidity without fully realizing how much danger, trauma and suffering he is going to put her through.
We can acknowledge that Fearne made a mistake by being complicit and used Ashton plans with the shard to justify (run from) her not having to take it due to her own personal beliefs and fears and use that acknowledgment to further show her growth as a person who will never let herself get thrusted back into that position again. That she can’t blindly trust and follow someone’s self destructive path if it’s gonna lead to her being hurt. This is a good thing! Let Fearne learn and grow from this! That’s what the whole Chetney discussion is about: no one’s blaming her, Ashley’s not dodging anything or protecting Taliesin/Ashton — this is Fearne being honest, taking agency, calling out her actions and growing.
Fearne messed up and was complicit in going along with the plan AND she has every right to be upset with Ashton for what they did and she deserved her apology are two statements that can (and should) coexist!
I’m so tired of people vilifying Ashton and making him come off as this terrible and evil individual when that’s not what this was. They aren’t. And then saying that he was throwing a pity party when in reality they’re coming to the realization that his behavior is his own fault and they can’t keep running and blaming others for the actions he takes and then apologizing and taking responsibility and ownership for what happened and saying they want to be better in the future.
The same fandom that worships the ground Percy steps on despite all the bs he put VM through, actually tried to argue that Essek — a character who due to his own hubris stole a priceless and ancient artifact that was essential to his country’s religious identity and nearly started a whole ass war — wasn’t a war criminal because the Geneva Conventions didn’t exist in Exandria (yes this actually happened to me at one point), seems to be unable to handle Ashton without any sort of empathy or understanding. A character who has been mentioned to be broken (physically mentally and emotionally) with crippling self worth issues who needs to be better in not only how they show they care, but in loving and caring for himself.
These past 2 episodes were so good but gosh some of the reactions have been aggravating
(Maybe I would accept people saying Ashton was manipulative more if they weren’t demonizing him in the same breath and acting as if they’re only only questionable bad egg in Bells Hells…)
#critical role#critical role spoilers#critical role campaign 3#critical role c3#ashton greymoore#fearne calloway#I’ve been holding back this rant all night and being on twitter was only making it worse#I love Fearne! pls don’t think I don’t#but the way ppl are talking about Ashton and saying that they manipulated her is grinding my gears#this fandom can not handle characters that are the slightest shade darker of the lightest morally grey
116 notes
·
View notes
Text
So, I’m now seeing takes that the Princesses in Neverafter actually have a good point, and after we just went through this with Asmodeus in Calamity and Ludinus in Critical Role, I gotta say…
There’s a difference between being sympathetic and ethical.
There’s a difference between being sympathetic and ethical.
Asmodeus was sympathetic. He was also a murderous, manipulative, hate-filled liar who wanted to destroy every mortal in Exandria.
Ludinus is sympathetic. He brings up reasonable questions about the worthiness of the gods. But he has also been the benefactor of the suffering of others, of children under the protection of the Assembly under his protection, for years. He stole items of extreme cultural importance to the Kryn, propagated misinformation about them, and was the catalyst of war with them. He is the ultimate force behind almost every murder and act of violence in Campaign 3. He is not right.
The Princesses are sympathetic, but their goal is to destroy everyone and everything. The same as Null in The Unsleeping City, Volume 2, in fact, yet I didn’t see much sympathy for Null, or for Tony Simos for that matter.
And I wonder if people fall into siding with these villains because of the Marvel villain paradox.
Because Marvel saw people’s response to Killmonger in Black Panther and decided to make every villain sympathetic. But a key to Killmonger's appeal was that he was cleverly written, sympathetic while still being incredibly violent, carrying the violent teachings of the CIA and applying them to the entire world. And T’Challa’s response to Killmonger was not to reinforce the status quo at the movie’s end, but to tell those that came before that they were wrong and take steps to make real change.
This is contrasted by the Marvel villains who come after, who are sympathetic, care-giving to their communities, revolutionary, but whoopsy, they do some murders (often completely out of character) so the hero stops them and says something about change while restoring the status quo.
Which is frustrating and lazy writing and not what’s going on in these actual play shows.
Ludinus has been rotten from the start. We know the kind of person he is from his previous actions. And we know that, like most power-hungry people, he’s a huge hypocrite. Because the change he wants to see, where the gods can’t directly influence people at their whims? We’re already there. The gods are behind the Divine Gate. The Calamity is over. They cannot strike cities from the sky any longer. His brighter tomorrow is a lie, and his true goals are known only to him. (Also even if his goal was as he said, it’s a nuclear option, and things like that always affect the powerless and oppressed more than they ever affect the most powerful.)
The Princesses are also hypocrites. They lament their lack of agency, but they steal that agency from others. They always intended to kill the Snow Queen. They lied about their motives to the Baba Yaga, to their allies, until they had Rosamund alone. They stole the Book from Tim before the party did anything to disrupt or harm them. And if you don’t think that choosing non-existence for every being in the multiverse isn’t a breach of agency, I don’t know what to say to you.
And, unlike the Marvel heroes, Destiny’s Children specifically do not want to maintain the status quo. They’ve looked at the Fairies and the Princesses, and chosen not to side with either. It’s not as simple as one faction being right, though I know that would be comforting.
Anyway, I’m excited for what’s to come in both stories. I’m eager to see Ludinus’ real motives, and to see the third path that Destiny’s Children make for themselves.
#meta#critical role#dimension 20#dimension 20 neverafter#neverafter spoilers#neverafter#in the words of another little red#nice is different than good
188 notes
·
View notes
Note
Heyy! I Really wanna request a Fyodor x Fem! Angel Reader (Its up to you in something Nsfw forms or Not ;)
the Readers Gift is yk Looking like an Angel With Elegant, snow White Wings and healing / resurrecting powers.
Maybe the Reader worked for fyodor in the past but had to sacrifice herself to help fyodor escape before getting caught by the police. The ADA employed her After she served some time in prison/Asylum and while she works for the Armed Detective Agency for 2/3 years she Met fyodor After he left her clues on Crime Scenes that she quickly hides from everyone After figuring out they are From him?They meet and He expresses his gratitude and Offers her to come back to him???
just fluff and comfort (maybe some Manipulation) idk i crave it sooooo much
i would Write it myself but i‘m Having a writers block rn :(((
ALSO HYDRATE YOURSELF WELL AND HAVE A GREAT DAY/NIGHT
Hi, thank you for your request! Have a great day too and drink lots of water! ♡
Biblically Accurate // Fyodor x fem angel! reader
tw: slight manipulation at the end?
summary: When you reunite with Fyodor after years of not seeing him, you can hardly believe it's really him - will something else also reignite between you two?
It was really him.
When you entered through the church doors, the moonlight shining behind you lit up a figure standing in front of the altar. Your stomach dropped, your breath trembled for a mere moment, whether from the cold air inside, or his presence - you were unsure of.
Your steps echoed through the building as you started to approach him. Between your echoing steps, you could make out a faint mumbling in a language you did not understand, but could recognise it anywhere, especially paired with his voice: the man was murmuring a Russian prayer.
‘Anyone listening?’, you asked when you made your way carefully next to the man.
No answer. As if your presence went unnoticed, he kept on praying in a faint voice.
‘Some things never change.’ You thought, while you silently stood, waiting for the moment when he finishes.
‘My prayers are always heard.’, grinned Fyodor after a minute, when he finished his prayer. ‘That is why God has guided you here to me as well.’
‘God must be a nice set of personalised messages, then.’ You remarked cynically, piercing through Fyodor with your eyes.
‘I never doubted you getting them’, he said calmly, ‘yet I had some worries about you actually showing up.’
‘The message was a threat to frame me for leaking information outside of my workplace.’ You mumbled.
‘In your next job, you needn’t worry about that.’ , said Fyodor. He turned away from the altar, and placed his hand gently on your chin, turning your face sideways to face him again. ‘You will be leaving the agency and return to me.’
‘What makes you think that?’ you asked. His hand was cold, awfully cold - yet, igniting.
‘Did you not know?’, he tilted his head slightly to the side, while a warm smile appeared on his face. A smile so welcoming, yet so unsettling with his lilac eyes that almost glew in the dim church with divine madness. ‘An angel belongs with God.’
He took a step closer to you, his hand slid up from your chin onto your cheek, which he caressed gently. ‘And you are the most celestial of all of them.’
Your eyes met with his: your eyes, wide open and your gaze lifted upwards to meet with his.
‘The last time I saw this look was three years ago, wasn’t it?’, he asked.
You knew very well what was three years ago. Exactly three years ago on this night, was the first and the last time you used your ability on Fyodor. The only time he let anyone use an ability on him. His condition was critical, but your ability gave him what he desired the most at that moment: divine intervention.
It was the night when you took a feather from your wings and placed it on his chest, on his barely beating heart to absorb all his injuries and free him from his suffering, healing him and thus, giving him another chance to carry out his mission entrusted to him by God himself.
If you only knew what the plan actually was, maybe you would’ve been spared from your years in Mersault. If only you knew, you wouldn’t have been brought out from prison to work with a Detective Agency in Japan against Fyodor.
‘Three years ago you brought me salvation. Let me return the favor.’ he whispered.
You took a deep breath, glanced on the ground, then back up to him. As if your hands were guided by an upper power, they moved around his slim waist, pulling him closer - to which he gave in.
‘Your destiny doesn’t lie with them, but with me.’ he murmured, placing his other hand on your other cheek, now cupping your face between his hands, ‘And together, we bring salvation to those who need it the most.’ he whispered in a faint voice, while he touched his forehead to yours.
Your heart was beating out of your chest, you felt his calm, even breathing, you felt him against you, his presence, which could be capable of making you lose your balance on your feet, his presence which felt like home that you thought you’d never return to again.
And you were homesick.
You took a deep breath, your wings slowly spreading out, as if you were covering him in a wide hug - that was when Fyodor tilted his head even lower.
You felt his lips gently, yet firmly meeting with yours. As if your bodies were moving on your own, your arms wrapped around his neck, while his hands wandered to your waist; with the hug getting tighter, so did the kiss deepen. The gentle kiss turned into another, and then into another even more passionate one. Not only you, he was also homesick - and with every kiss and every touch, he reclaimed a piece of his home he found in you.
‘You belong with me. It is destiny. It is how God intended.’ he whispered to you between the kisses he pressed on your lips. His breathing deepened, his grip on you became more firm and you also held him more tightly - reassuring each other that you two belong together. All the icons in the church were the witnesses of the connection being reignited between you two.
Fyodor pulled away from your face, taking your hand into his and pressing a gentle kiss on it. He smiled at you, and you smiled back at him.
‘Now’, he said, ‘shall we, dear? We have a lot to catch up on. I’m eager to hear everything that happened to you during our time apart, preferably over some tea, if you’re up for it.’
You nodded, ‘Let’s go. I missed you, Fyodor’, you said in a faint voice, tucking your hair out of your face.
Fyodor took you in his arms again, laying your head on his chest.
‘I missed you too, dearest.’ He said, almost whispering.
His words, like honey - you breathed in his scent, his similar, comforting scent as you closed his eyes.
Fyodor pulled you closer, almost possessively, while an ominous grin appeared on his face.
‘Oh, just how I missed you.’
Enjoyed the fic? Send me a request and check out my masterlist! ♡
#bungou stray dogs#bungou stray dogs x reader#bsd x reader#bsd fyodor#bungou stray dogs fyodor#bsd fyodor dostoevsky#decay of angels#bungou stray dogs fanfic#bsd fanfic
160 notes
·
View notes
Note
Hiya I was wondering if you can do hc of Dazai and Chuuya with a fem! s/o who nit only works with them but also skateboards?
I've never ridden a skateboard in my life and you can probably tell from these headcanons buuut I hope you enjoy them anyway~
Characters: Nakahara Chuuya, Dazai Osamu
Contents: gn!reader
Dazai Osamu
Dazai thrives on information, so he naturally learns all there is to know about the people he’s interested in. It’s very hard to hide anything from him, so even if you decide not to disclose your hobby/sport/favourite form of transport to your colleagues at the Armed Detective Agency, Dazai’s going to find out about it anyway.
When he first meets you, he’ll notice how well-balanced you are and how good your spatial awareness is. This can come about from several things, but there’ll be more clues as he goes alone.
If he’s bored, he might just straight up follow you around one day. (Listen, it’s not creepy when Dazai does it, because it’s Dazai.) His suspicions are confirmed when you stroll into the local skate park and greet the other people there like you know them, like they’re your friends.
He doesn’t really seem to be into sports or much in the way of physical activity—just enough to keep himself fit and agile enough for the job—but he’ll happily lounge on a bench and watch, glancing up now and then from his favourite book.
That said, he might wheedle you into letting him have a go on your board. He wobbles at first, throwing out his hands to steady himself. It’s all an act, of course, since he’s a fully-trained martial artist, but he does always tend to clown around.
Dazai gets going, building up momentum as he rattles down the park pathway, building up speed—
It’s only then that you notice he’s heading directly for the railing that blocks off the river, a beatific smile on his face.
Splash.
Nakahara Chuuya
Koyou might have managed to turn Chuuya from a gutter punk into a well-dressed Mafia executive, but at heart he’s still that street rat kid who likes fast motorbikes and leather jackets. He still rides the bike Albatross gave him, though he only does it off-duty because he feels like he needs to hold up the dignity of being a Port Mafia executive.
Maybe you’re like him, and you only take your skateboard out when you’re off-duty and you don’t have to worry about the opinions of your colleagues in the Port Mafia. If you’ve got subordinates, you don’t want them gawking at you when you stack it and eat dirt—not that you aren’t skilled, but everyone falls on their face now and then.
How he finds out will depend on if he finds out before or after you start dating. If it’s before, then he likely noticed you had some kind of injury and that you were being cagey about it. Seeing a cast on your arm or a bandage taped to your face is enough to get him demanding answers. (It also reminds him of that idiot, Dazai, which also just feeds his temper.) People get hurt in the line of duty to the Mafia, but he’s already taken you under his wing, and he’s protective of his subordinates.
If it happens after you started dating, then he probably spotted your skating gear when he came over for the first time. If you’re really into your sport, you might have old, painted and sticker-strewn boards mounted on the wall, bits of repair kit lying around. A Sk8 the Infinity poster on the wall, who knows.
So, what does he think of it?
Well, I think you just found yourself a new skating buddy. Even if he wasn’t into it as a kid, he gets FOMO from watching you. His gravity control lets him master quite a few tricks very quickly, which can be a little annoying when you’ve been practising for god-knows-how-long to improve. However, he’ll make it up to you by using his gravity manipulation to let you skate around like the Silver Surfer. And you never have to worry about falling.
He’ll probably want to skate with you down by the river or somewhere industrial, rather than the local park. Those little baby half-pipes aren’t enough of a challenge.
#yokohama pound#bungou stray dogs#bsd headcanons#bsd imagines#Nakahara Chuuya#Dazai Osamu#Dazai x Reader#Chuuya x Reader
146 notes
·
View notes
Text
Twig Liveblog for Arc 7
another banger arc. at first i was concerned that it was too "wormlike," that the brechwell beast was essentially just a retread of leviathan, not to mention the meetup with major villains where the use of children in evil schemes becomes a point of contention. in the end though i think it ends up being more idea-heavy and character focused, which is pleasant.
really the arc is about the love triangle between sy, mary, and lillian. let's discuss mary first: i thought the most powerful moment was when percy asked her whether her moral opposition was her own or the lambs', and sy notes that what he's really saying is that he didn't design her to have a conscience. that she does have a conscience i think is interesting; i think it's part of twig's radical atheism. morality, for the lambs, derives from bodily forces rather than a transcendent ego-consciousness or soul (quite a nietzschean idea 🧐). peering into the way mary (as well as sy ofc) speak to themselves internally really heightens this effect--they have no "free will" over the ways in which they see and understand situations. instinctively calculating the easiest way to kill everyone in a room is simply the way she was built, quite literally in her dna. i'm glad she got to exert some agency wrt percy, and that she has experienced at least some sort of closure, but that said, with percy gone, what is animating her? it's hard to see her getting with sy after the events of this arc (😭), and her fate with gordon seems up in the air, probably doomed, though i suppose they're all doomed anyway. she isn't exactly an academy loyalist, and yet she also has no strong reason to defect except to stay with the lambs (and i guess maybe to reunite with her bff catcher). without percy, mary seems lost. she'll have to become a new version of herself (perhaps with gordon and hubris' help?).
lillian, meanwhile, has become far more interesting to me than she was before. so much hinges on where her loyalties lie. when it comes up that she would be reluctant to defect because of her family--that hurt a little. i found myself thinking: can't spell liberal without lil 😂. it leads her to hypocrisy. she loves sy and yet wants to join the very institution controlling him, abusing him. yes, of course, sy is pretty awful to her, but when it comes to life-or-death decisions such as whether to join fray, i've gotta say i think sy is right to manipulate a little. they're probably pretty bad for each other despite being adorable.
the themes of bio-control continue to enthrall me. that scene where hayle tells lillian that he considered chemically castrating sy but that instead what he's gonna do is channel his lust into an easily controllable receptacle (lillian) hit like a fucking gut punch fr. for my gravity's rainbow enjoyers out there (@pjospoul) it's almost like a disney version of katje and slothrop, especially with the presence of an octopus experiment.
thank god there's a dog now. i hope they do join fray, and i think fray is right to disseminate academy materials among the masses, but that's mostly because i think the proles deserve an easy way to synthesize thc.
#twigblr#henghost's twig arc#liveblog#twig liveblog#twig web serial#sylvester lambsbridge#i love talking about twig feel free to ask more :)
22 notes
·
View notes
Note
kinda heavy on stalker!dazai with a female reader.. is a oneshot okay for it?😳😳 pls & thank uu
notes: of course a one shot is okay with me! i was a little tired when i wrote this i’ll admit so sorry for any possible mistakes! if this was too short or not exactly what you were looking for just let me know and i can write you another :D
trigger warnings: stalking, paranoia, gaslighting, yandere, manipulation
you bit into your lip as you walked towards the agency. you were tense, huddled into yourself. it was almost as though you were cowering. this was highly unlike you. in the past you’d take scenic routes to the agency. enjoying the quieter areas of yokohama. but you haven’t done that in a couple weeks. not since you’ve noticed it. you’re being followed. you’re being stalked. and you have been for the past while.
you wonder how long it’d been going on before you found out about it. the individual you always thought you saw in your peripheral vision. only to turn around and see nobody at all. the disappearing items from your room. never anything expensive or worth stealing. just half finished lip balms and hairbrushes. they did a good job at covering their tracks, whoever it was. you never found a door open or any hints of them having been there. if you didn’t know any better you might have just chalked it up to a few carelessly misplaced items.
but you did know better… you think. you had always been a little on the paranoid side. quick to jump to conclusions and assume your safety was at risk. but this time, this time you’re sure of it. it was always the little things. you distinctly remembered that you forgot to turn that light off when you left the house, so why wasn’t it still on when you got back? sure that wasn’t much on its own but… but you weren’t a part of the armed detective agency for no reason. and after all this evidence began to pile up you were running out of room to doubt your assumptions.
you arrived at the agency sooner than you would have thought. perhaps you were so lost in your own thoughts that the walk here seemed far shorter than usual. you took the elevator up. feeling safer already. the agency just had such a comforting aura. the people here felt like family and the office a home. you knew that no matter what was going on if you were with the agency you were safe. especially when you were around dazai. your eyes lit up as you stepped out of the elevator and your eyes landed on him. he was your closest friend after all. you trusted him more than anyone.
“osamu!” you called out rushing over to him.
“hm? (y/n)? what’s wrong? you seem tense.” his usual playful demeanor dropped slightly seeing you so anxious.
“osamu. osamu i think i’m being followed.”
“followed? like you’re being stalked?” his eyes narrowed and he lost of his previous eccentric behavior. “are you sure (y/n)? that’s a serious problem if it’s the case.”
“i mean…” you froze up, yes you were sure. but something about the way he said it. the way dazai spoke made you question the beliefs you were so so grounded in. “i think so?”
“think? you shouldn’t just think these kinds of things, you have to be positive.” dazai’s voice was so stern. he didn’t really seem angry but he did seem like he was taking this quite seriously.
“no- i just. i’m just scared, okay?” your eyes watered slightly. you didn’t wanna cry and you felt stupid for getting emotional this shortly into the conversation. but having feared for your life and been stalked for god knows how long has been putting stress on you emotionally. and dazai’s words were just putting more pressure on your already cracking mental state.
seeing your tears well dazai’s sternness melted away and was replaced with a much softer expression.
“hey hey, it’s okay.” he stood up from his office chair and moved to pull you into a hug. “you’ve always been a little paranoid but i promise no one is following you. if it makes you feel better i can stay over with you tonight. if you really are being stalked i’ll take care of them.”
“please.” you whined into his chest. god you felt pathetic. you were never like this. always so confident and sure of yourself. but something about dazai’s presence seemed to unwind something within you. maybe it was the comfort? yeah after all this stress the logical conclusion in knowing someone would be there to look out for you and keep you safe was to allow yourself vulnerability, right?
dazai smirked, his grin hidden in your hair as he held you tight. you almost made it too easy.
392 notes
·
View notes
Text
Agency
(cw: religious indoctrination, conversion therapy)
I once told a new-ish friend, one who was vaguely aware of my religious background but didn't know any of the details, about my past in the ex-gay movement. How I sought out an ex-gay "ministry" (voluntarily) at age sixteen, and how I subsquently left the organization and the church altogether (also voluntarily) at age nineteen after a serious breakdown.
And he said something I've never forgotten, because it deeply confused me: "It's kind of incredible that you acted with so much agency at such a young age. Choosing to go down that path, and then choosing to leave a few years later when you realized it wasn't working for you."
Like...I just couldn't figure out how that was his main takeaway from my story, and it bothered me immensely for reasons I couldn't quite put my finger on.
Because when I remember that time in my life? It does not feel at all like I was acting with agency and choosing a path freely. Because of course it doesn't. When I committed myself to the ex-gay route, I was doing what I firmly believed God and my church expected me to do. There was no question of doing anything else. I was sixteen, living with my extremely religious mother, and the church had been my whole life since always.
And when I left the movement and the church—well, there's a period of about two years of my life surrounding that exodus that feels like a fever dream even now. I was nineteen, my mental health was in shreds and I was making impulsive decisions from a place of pure panic. That particular decision—run away—turned out to be the right one for me. But it was not, by any stretch of the imagination, a well-considered choice made by a person who was empowered enough to exercise agency over their own life. It was the terrified floundering of a broken child who was just lucky enough to have a place to land with their other parent.
But if you look at just the bare-bones facts of that story, it appears to just be: I made choices, some good and some bad. Because I didn't have a metaphorical gun to my head. So I must have chosen everything I did freely, right? I drank the kool-aid because I chose to, because I wanted to, and later I stopped drinking it and left the church because I wanted to do that. Obviously.
But that's not true at all, because when you've been mentally and emotionally manipulated your entire life, especially when don't even realize it's happening because you love and trust the people doing it to you—it affects everything you do. You can't choose freely from that headspace.
But for the longest time I would look at people who had actually been dragged kicking and screaming into conversion therapy by their families, or people who had been kicked out of their religious communities and shunned by everyone they loved, and I would think, "Wow, other people had all these horrible things done to them, but I did this to myself." And I would feel ashamed and foolish and would tell myself that I had no right to claim to be traumatized by something that was, after all, the result of my own choices.
That's the insidiousness of this kind of indoctrination. They get you to do what they want, not through direct coercion, but by manipulating you into believing it was all your own idea. And then people watching from the outside believe that, too.
#religious trauma#religious indoctrination#religious deconstruction#exvangelical#conversion therapy#ex gay#ex ex gay
19 notes
·
View notes
Text
Lockwood & Co. - Lockwood & Co / GN!Reader
Summary: The Agency Lockwood & Co decide to watch horror movies as group bonding activity.
Pronouns used for Reader: They/Them
Notes: George, Lucy and Reader are friends; Reader is implied to have a crush on Lockwood though nothing too romantic happens; Lockwood also somewhat has a crush on reader which is described a little more; fluff with some descriptions of horror and gore; Reader and George are used to horror while Lockwood any Lucy think it's weird they like it
Authors Notes: I just watched Smile and honestly this is just a description of how I think the different Lockwood & Co characters would react to horror movies. I personally absolutely adore them (and this might be a little bit more of a description of Smile and my personal favourite movie, A cure for wellness, but dw about that) so I wanted to put the characters into the same position. Also this is a little short, sorry for that whoops
It had taken you some time to get the others in on your idea. A horror movie night, of course only as bonding experience and totally not because you wanted to freak Lucy and Lockwood out with your taste in cinematic media. George had immediately been in on the idea, he loved horror just as much as you did, though he was the type to overanalyze and tell the main character what to do, while you rather yelled at them for being a stupid idiot. You knew Lucy and Lockwood both disliked horror. 'We have horror every day, why would I watch that.' was Lucy's excuse, Lockwood simply shrugged and didn't get on the topic again. Sometimes you teased him that he was just scared, by the look on his face every time you joked about it you'd almost think you were right.
Yet now, after days of slight manipulation, the four of you were neatly sat on the couch while you started with some lighter movies - in your opinion at least. Nothing too gory, nothing too crazy. You and George were even able to laugh at how idiotic some scenes were - old school horror movies was always a good start into nights like these. Lucy loudly exclaimed she was more than disgusted by the scenes of blood spill and the usual amount of stabbing, Lockwood on the other hand kept quiet, staring at the screen with a blank expression. »I think they're ready, don't you, my horrendous friend?« George spoke after you lot had finished the second movie. »Ready for what?« Lucy asked, her voice wavering slightly. She seemed concerned, and heaven knew she should be. »You think? Lucy looks like she's about to pass out and Lockwood hasn't said anything the entire time, maybe we should just go to bed–« You started, now worrying about your friends wellbeing, as well as the fact that neither of you all could actually take another late night. »Oh come on, hit us with it so we get it over with.« Lockwood interrupted you, sighing loudly and shifting in his seat ever so slightly. He seemed annoyed, almost as if he couldn't stand this entire conversation. You shrugged. »If that's what the boss wants. Sure.« You moved swiftly to put in the DVD.
Lucy had to leave the movie halfway through. Even George seemed somewhat put off by how it played out. You were the only one in the room that had already watched the movie before. It was one of your favourites, a horror movie that had actually succeeded in making you want to turn it off with how god-awful it was. Not in the bad production way though, in the oh fuck what am I even watching kind of way. Lockwood still seemed unfazed, but that was natural Lockwood fashion, by the way he sat and clenched his fist you knew he was on edge. He only had that look whenever something disgusted and frightened him deeply, like that one time he beat Lucy in Monopoly and she freaked out on him saying she'd quit her job. You were just waiting for a particular scene to play out. The one scene that almost made you hide behind your pillow like a little kid watching horror for the first time.
»I think I'm gonna throw up.« Lucy was stood in the doorway, half watching the movie, half watching the way you bounced up and down like a kid. The scene was brutal, with way too many tubes down throats and way too many eels in human bodies for her taste, so she tried her best not to watch. The sounds alone made the hair on her neck stand up. Lucy could see the way you clinged onto Lockwoods arm – who was still unmoving and actually looked like he was about to fall asleep – repeatedly glancing over at the taller boy to make sure he was still watching. »Good job Luce, you just ruined my popcorn for me with an image of you throwing up.« George sighed, completely oblivious to what was going on right beside him. He had hoarded all the snacks – he seemed to be stress eating – and stared at the screen like his eyes were glued to it. Lucy would never understand how he could like watching people get torn to shreds. She once saw him watch some other movie, you beside him, and he was rambling on about how the Main character would've escaped getting their foot sawn off. Like it was the most normal thing to talk about that! She shook her head, the images of the movies still visible behind her closed eyes. Yup, Lucy Joan Carlyle was getting no sleep tonight whatsoever. »You know where the toilet is Luce.« You mumbled, way too lost in the movie and the way Lockwood batted his eyes whenever something happened on screen. She groaned. »Lockwood, the two don't get it. George is snacking away like he'll die if he doesn't and they haven't let go of you for five minutes since that awful movie started, please get the two to stop this.« Lucy begged. The walls were thin inside the house and with the volume the three of you were watching she was able to hear every fucking thing up in the attic. She wasn't able to sleep anyway but it would be at least nice to have some quiet. George snorted, knocking off some popcorn and effectively throwing it on the ground – Lucy would remind him the next day to clean up. »At least I wasn't too much of a pussy to run out before the actual horror Part started Luce.« He grumbled, slightly glaring at the girl before looking back at the TV screen. You just sighed and firmly got up. »If Luce says it's time to stop, we'll stop, George. I didn't wanna show 'em anyway.« You mumbled, trying to act like it didn't hit you that your friend disliked the movie. Lucy knew it was your favourite by the way your eyes had sparkled the entire time you were watching. Though maybe that could've been because you stared at Lockwood for the better half.
Minutes later Lucy met before mentioned boy in the kitchen, both getting a glass of water before bed. »You liked the movies the two showed?« Lucy asked, raising her eyebrows in question as she remembered how unbothered the slightly older boy had looked. »God's no I was about to pass out if you hadn't stopped them.« He huffed. Now that he had mentioned that, Lockwood did look a little pale, well, paler than he usually was. »Don't tell them though. They shoved their favourite. They told me after you were gone, all the little details and everything.« He looked out the kitchen window, a small smile on his face. »Ew, you're looking like a lovesick puppy. Disgusting.« Lucy joked, softly nudging Lockwood as she put down her finished glass. Lockwood chuckled in response yet he didn't look at Lucy. »Maybe I am.« he simply hummed, grinning to himself.
#anthony lockwood x reader#anthony lockwood#lockwood and co#lockwood netflix#anthony bloody lockwood#lucy carlyle#george karim#george cubbins#lockwood and lucy#lockwood and george#lockwood & co#x reader#oneshot#short story
36 notes
·
View notes
Text
Onto the first volume proper: volume 0, of course!!
First of all, Aso sensei’s note is so cute. I love how he says he’s been expressionless the entire time, but he really is happy. Relatable.
Aaaaaand the cover image of Saiki sure is interesting. what’s with the pipe?? I seem to remember it being a reference to another work of his somehow.
Also, volume zero announcement Saiki is very cute. His expression reminds me of a cat.
Even from the first oneshot to volume zero, you can see how much Aso sensei’s artistic abilities have improved.
That said, baby Saiki still looks very strange… I can’t overemphasize how much he improved as an artist over the course of Saiki k in drawing human characters looking natural, in pose and their clothing, expressions, etc.
I like that volume 0 Saiki’s father actually kind of looks like him. Ah… well maybe it would all be a little too real if Saiki’s family resembled him a little more. It would certainly be less whimsical. Imagine Kuniharu having black hair. Imagine Kuusuke *not* being a blonde. That would be more uncomfortable somehow. I’m glad Asou sensei made up the thing about anime hair being a result of Saiki’s powers.
More examples of why Kusuo thinks people are terribly insincere… using the most extreme of unsavory unstated thoughts.
And here we get a slightly more liberal estimate of how much time it would take for a normal person to go insane… three days instead of three hours. I think Asou sensei likes the number three, since later on he mentions that it would take Saiki three days to destroy the world if he really wanted to.
Here we have the first frontal closeup of the Saiki Scowl, after he explains the hassle of telepathy. Really, I think it’s the most taxing power on him, mentally, for obvious reasons. It really is cool that Asou sensei was able to make a “surly” character like Saiki into such an interesting protagonist. (Mostly because he’s well written.) He’s definitely not a typical manga protagonist, but he functions very nicely in his (comedic) straight man role.
Also can I just say this is one of my favorite panels of Saiki in the entire manga, and it’s not even part of the series proper… Yes, why did he, Saiki? I also want to know… I can see why this was left out of volume one. It’s not funny exactly (maybe in a kind of dark way) but god. Baby Saiki saying this tugs at my heart strings.
Head always full of thoughts of the intelligence agency organization that kidnapped him at age four… that he erased, along with the unnamed nation…
good grief.
Kuusuke would have been six at this time; maybe old enough to help with the coverup so something like that didn’t become world news. Or maybe young Saiki just decided to use mind control, since he didn’t have any compunctions about that at the time.
I dislike a Nendou with readable thoughts, or a Nendou called a “violent, foul mouthed delinquent” instead of an idiot.
That said, I really like this Saiki side eye… it’s a thoroughly Saiki expression.
LOL. Nendou would be me in the situation though. If so many people accuse you of something that you didn’t do, it’s hard not to doubt yourself a little, right?
Yeah, we get a pretty good picture of Saiki’s pretty rational moral compass. Someone like Nendou definitely deserves it, but even so, he shouldn’t be punished for a crime he didn’t commit in Saiki’s eyes. Especially when the heinous perpetrator is right there all along.
Also, Takahashi’s (saiki-caused hallucination) angel counterpart looks just like him, but female. Interesting.
That Saiki can manipulate someone like this by altering their moral compass sure is something. Makes me think of this post.
Lastly and certainly not least, Saiki isn’t escaping the gay allegations even in volume zero… lol. That’s a priceless facial expression. “This power is useless except for getting idiots to like you” smh, so unappreciative of the new friend, Saiki. XD
That will do it for vol. 0-1!
I’ll be back tomorrow for 0-2.
#read-saiki#read-saiki 0-1#meta#this one is a lil less image heavy#tried to pare it down so if you wanna see some of the things im referencing. best to read along with the mamga
13 notes
·
View notes
Note
I haven't read any of his comics, what did Zeb Wells do?
so i'll be real with I haven't been keeping up with this run, I read the first couple of issues and was like fuck this is ass and decided to wait till the next writer (which is kinda a shame because Wells has written some good stuff in the past) so I've just been picking up the details from mutuals but I pirated the latest issue and god it's worse than I thought (oh shit this got long, rant under the cut)
so Peter and MJ are trapped in an apocalyptic dimension with this dude Paul because sci-fi bullshit, Peter gets sent back and MJ and Paul are trapped there with no other human beings. Peter proceeds to make enemies of the fantastic four and Captain America because he won't say the words "my girlfriend is trapped in an another dimension and I have to save her" but he does say that to Norman fucking Osborn (I don't care that he's "good" now I still can't stand him he's still a manipulative asshole). He gets back to MJ and finds out that more time has passed for her and she's got kids with Paul now.
Listen, Marvel Editorial has been character assassinating Peter Parker for years, I've given up on Peter centered comics past OMD but I'm just so fucking over the way they treat MJ nowadays! And everyone is framing it as "Peter got cucked by Paul" when it should be "MJ was trapped with one man for years in a hellscape and are we sure that she had a choice here?? Are we going to unpack her trauma??" No because it's always about fucking Peter!!
I get it, Marvel editorial wants MJ and Peter separated so Peter can date someone else, fine I'm good with that. But it shows such a flagrant disregard for MJ's humanity that the only way they can imagine doing that is by essentially locking her in a closet with another man. Who the fuck is this Paul guy and why is he entitled to MJ?! She's exposed to all of humanity again and she's like nah hell dimension husband. Like this is literally what Kang did to Captain Marvel like fuck and I understand that Paul isn't a bad actor here but this is so sketchy. If you want a jaded MJ that's been through hell and back in the apocalypse cool we did that in the 80s and it was so much better. MJ is a capable full character that isn't just a hole to be fucked goddamn!!
I'm sick of Peter and MJ being broken up by sci-fi bullshit, MJ has so many fucking reasons to leave his ass, but the fact that their relationship has to end every time through external forces is 1. lazy writing and 2. shows a disregard for MJ's agency in the story. Before one more day when Peter was on the Avengers and they were married and MJ was surrounded by heroes, she was at one of her lowest points emotionally, she felt isolated and overwhelmed and she felt so powerless. This was causing obvious strain on their relationship, if they wanted to break them up, MJ could have said "I can't live like this anymore, I'm not asking you to change, but I'm not cut out for this." but no it was the literal fucking devil!! And I know that Marvel knows that this could have happened because they did it in Life Story!!! Hey remember Judgement Day, where Peter's ultimate reward for being a hero was seeing his high school girlfriend again, not I don't know, getting his children back from the dead?? Yeah, what the fuck did MJ think about that! I want to see MJ lash out at Peter for that if there was ever a time to pull out the "I'm tired of feeling like the runner up to the perfect ghost of Gwen Stacy!" then was the time!!!
they can character assassinate Peter all they want, Miles is the better Spider-Man with the better stories and what I've been reading instead of the new run, but there is no other Mary Jane. Fans already discount the entire era of their marriage because of omd and fans and writers alike boil her down to the slutty party girl so her "cucking" Peter is only going to make it worse and I know she's going to be written out of Spider-Man comics or if she is there she's going to a cardboard cut out of her character. I miss when they were friends, but these writers can't imagine a woman and a man being friends without thinking the woman just wants to sleep with him. I'm fucking sick of the misogyny of the comics industry
#asks#i'm going to start biting people#stop reducing this run to ship discourse#it's not about ship discourse#mj is a full character outside of peter#she's not his fucking dick sleeve goddamn#i hope they kill peter parker off for just like a year#also fuck paul and fuck everyone jokingly stanning him#stop it this is obviously misogyny
36 notes
·
View notes
Note
THANK YOU FOR RBING WITH YOUR THOUGHTS especially the last line.
i really do miss when bsd stayed in its own genre, and I KNOW before someone comes at me that sometimes you gotta do a little exploring, a little swaying. but not like this. i just dont enjoy the manga anymore because it's so far from what i fell in love with. and again before someone says oh then why are you reading it and complaining if it makes you so mad😤😤😡 IM NOT EVEN READING IT. I CHECK THE LEAKS AND I GO YEAH THIS IS STILL JUST FYODOR AND DAZAI NOT DYING. also because i care about the characters and i still want to see how the whole thing is resolved cuz guess what im not gonna just stop reading it after i invested 3 years of my life into it.
anyway yeah. as i said. whagever.
ME TOO.
The thing is that bsd has always been something more than just silly detectives vs port mafia shenanigans, but it managed keep this larger world contained in a way that made sense in the story. For example the book, which is practically a deus ex machina device, still had its place and function in the story - francis wanted it to bring back his daughter, and even the usage of the page to frame the agency was logical.
Even the more high tech stuff like the eyes of god surveillance system was well played - not only did we get a funny ace attorney moment of francis interrupting the courtroom and buying the software, it actually became plot relevant in the cannibalism arc to locate fyodor and early doa arc to find mushitarou. (and francis's death fakeout was actually good, because it wasn't overdone yet, plus we got a nice and fun redemption arc for him)
But then we're suddenly getting a bunch of new ability weapons like fukuchi's sword and prison realm one order and idk. what else have we had. Time manipulating cat lady who was practically used as an off-screen human ability weapon for dazai's convenience and then immediately killed off with no name no dialogue no character #feminism.
All this while it seems like asagiri completely forgot about the part where atsushi is somehow a beacon towards the book, but that isn't too surprising because it feels like asagiri has forgotten about the role and personality and agency of the characters in general. The thing that drew me into bsd in the first place was its sincere focus on the human experience, the way that each chapter and mini arc seemed to have something to say about the overarching themes of finding a reason to keep living and a place to belong. Now i feel like the last time we got to see any of this kind of commentary was with tachihara's arc, or briefly with sigma, but it still feels too shallow.
And like you said there's nothing wrong with a little exploring and a little swaying, in fact i think the whole premise of bsd is that it allows for so much exploration, but to me it feels like the potential that bsd held in the beginning is just not being met anymore. Or rather we're just not heading in the direction we could've been going in.
Atsushi and his implied connection to the book like i mentioned earlier. The order of the clock tower that has been teased since agatha's introduction and some sporadic mentions/implications of its existence since then. Dazai and fyodor's unknown first meeting (this is why i also don't like them killing off fyodor just like that because we still don't know anything about him BUT the way we've ended up in this inexhaustible loop of dazai wins fyodor wins dazai wins fyodor wins i also don't see any way out of it unless one or both of them die so. asagiri just look at what you've done)
idek what i'm trying to say here i'm just really frustrated because i've invested so much of my time in following bsd and it's like as a reader i'm not even getting anything out of it.
anywya read orv for good plot and characters and worldbuilding and literally perfect storytelling and respect for the reader
16 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
averywritespoetry
averywritespoetry
outsiders-fangirl-obssesed
The outsiders
phantasm-echo
phantasm ✨
aashiquidreams
Wandering Soul