#there are like 10 ppl on this app who are even able to get what i’m talking about sometimes | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

wri0thesley · 3 years

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many many anons under the cut bc i didn’t want anyone to feel like i was ignoring them and i wanted to respond to u all! warning for small text too, it was so long i wanted to make it look smaller fgbnjkgkjn

Anonymous asked: NAT... you can write WHATEVER you want! It's your blog, and I hope that rude anons can learn to respect that. I used to be on your blog just for jjba content too, so when you started getting into jjk I was indifferent but eventually you dragged me into jjk so hard!! I already like bnha, so seeing you write for it only made me happier! I hope that you continue to write whatever make YOU happy:) ❤and yes, longer fics certainly doesnt mean it's better, quality over quantity

ahh i’m happy that you are here for all three!! i always feel so accomplished when someone is like ‘your constant screaming made me think about jjk <3′. all three of the fandoms are fairly popular and i tag everything v carefully so i hope people who do use the filtering find that useful!!!

Anonymous asked: Goodness gracious. People really be out there thinking they're entitled to dictating what kind of content you should be making

i think part of it might be that i do take requests so people feel like they have like . . . a certain right to certain kinds of my content? i take requests mostly bc they keep me motivated, i like making content for ppl who cant find what they want bc i’ve Been There, but maybe people think i am a pushover? idk i am just trying to have a good time!!!

Anonymous asked: Hi. I only started following you a few days ago but please ignore that rude anon. People are so fucking entitled towards writers it's insane. I recently had someone throw a fit for "spoiling" something in my fanfic, even though the fic was about a manga-exclusive character, so what did they expect?? Overall I've really enjoyed your writing so random assholes coming to guilt you is just a shitty thing that happens. Keep going with what you wanna do.

ah gosh anon i’m sorry about that :(. i’m always super careful tagging spoilers and stuff but like, if someone clicks on a fic about say, naoya or the steel ball run boys and is mad that i spoil something they havent found out yet . . . yeah thats on them fgbnkjgfkjn

Anonymous asked: That...that anon had the nerve to say "we". The fuck?! No no no anon, YOU'RE the only one talking and you're just talking for yourself, don't you dare try and lump us other anons/followers up with you to make yourself look like you're right. We love you nat and we appreciate you. It's your blog, you're allowed to write about whoever and whatever. This brain dead anon just needs to either go read someone else if they're that salty or write their own stuff if they're that impatient.

gosh i WISH some of my mad anons would just write their own stuff honestly. idk if this anon thought they were talking for everybody but i guess they expected anons to agree with them and not be mad at them. i appreciate u anon ;_;

Anonymous asked: Just want to say that ily and you’re one of the best jojo fanfic writers in my opinion 💗 I don’t think you’re half assing jojo fics and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you being multi fandom. A lot of jojo blogs have started posting about jjk so it’s not as if you’re the only one. I’m not sure why you get hate like this but I think it’s just because you’re one of the popular writers and that makes people bitter for whatever reason. Keep being you and posting about the things that make you happy 💕

honestly after so long writing for jojo - i’ve written well over 200 jojo reader insert fics - sometimes it feels like i’m retreading stuff, and that’s when i take a break bc i dont wanna half-ass stuff!!! i love all of my fellow jojo friends who are posting about jjk too, i appreciate them <3.

Anonymous asked: Hey my dude, ur writing has really grown since the jojo days and its better and awesome seeing u become happier to branch off and write in different fandoms 🤌🤌 those stupid anons are just boring farts that couldnt be bothered making their own content 😤😤 is it possible to block them to ease ur mind?

hello anon!! i run a statcounter for IPs but it doesnt always work for ppl who access through the tumblr app, i don’t think; a lot of the anon hate i get i just use the ‘block’ option, but last night got to me because i’ve been getting that kind of writer a lot which is . . . a bad look for the jojo fandom who are, as a whole from the ones i’ve interacted with, lovely!!! <3

Anonymous asked: People often forget, the person behind art or writing, is just another regular fan. You deserve to be happy with what you create and we should be thankful you share your talent with us. You also have right to change your main interests, and it's very normal thing. Jojo is one of the MANY things that you write for and all you get from that is a like or share. Its not your job. It's your fun thing to do, in spare time. You haven't betrayed anybody. That person was just rude, selfish and bored.

i am just a person doing my best!!! anime fanfic is one of many interests i have and i already devote a lot of time to it honestly, i love when people tell me they’ve enjoyed something i made bc it makes it feel worthwhile but equally it gets to me a lot when people are rude because i am usually trying my hardest.

Anonymous asked: Bro that jjba anon... the entitlement🤮 Fam, you write whatever you want to write😤 -Saturday

dfnjbkjnkgf i find most fic readers are NOT entitled at all and are just grateful but when they are . . . oof.

Anonymous asked: It's funny how people throw "we got you popular" and they think you start apologize and cry. Your writing and passion made you gain few numbers on a follow counter, nothing more. I think I'm too old for stuff like this, we are nothing more, but +1 on a number scale. You ow us nothing, we ow you nothing. Popular... Funny word. You just write for fun of it, fake scenarios about someone's manga characters. It's not that deep. Have fun and don't listen to people like this. I knew it's not that easy, but they are really not that important as they think they are.

extremely fun fact for people who think ‘popularity’ is important to me: i would 100% rather have 10 people who regularly comment, reblog my fics with tags and interact with me than 100 people who read my fic and either leave a like or simply move on. i think this is true for the VAST MAJORITY of writers tbh. i’m glad that people think i am a ‘popular’ blog (i am not in the grand scheme of things, one of my ex-best friends used to run a kpop reader insert blog with like 30,000 followers) bc it gives me an ego boost lmao, but i really just want people to read and enjoy the stuff i write!!!

Anonymous asked: I followed you a while ago for jojo and when my friends started getting into jjk i was like...eh sounds like work...but now that I see you writing for it I feel really motivated to get into it!!! I really enjoy your writing and I want to be able to read the new stuff too!

ah anon i really hope you like it!!! it’s only one season rn if u wanna watch the anime and there isn’t too much of the manga to catch up on either but it is a lot of fun and it’s nice to be in a fandom that’s like, excited about a new chapter and new plot developments every week!

Anonymous asked: Pls dont reply if u dont want to! <3 I'm not sure if this will be of any help to you or not but this is the kind of thing that often helps me and is the only way I know to try comfort others so I wanted to give it a go~

Now im not gonna say 'dont feel bad pls' bc I know that's not really useful but what I do think is useful is just discussing why that anon and many others feel the need to respond that way. As someone who follows a lot of writing blogs myself and have done for a long time, i've seen my handful of favourite writers come and go for different reasons, lose motivation for a while, gain motivation for a while, go from multi to single fandom, or single fandom to multi. Often times as a reader it can be upsetting when things change but it's also important as a reader to understand that some things aren't in anyone's control, I can't control what my favourite writers become a fan of or lose interest of, I can't control things in their personal lives that may motivate or demotivate them to write, but what I can do is support them as long as they're active, and if they move on to do things i'm no longer interested in or i'm the one that changed interests, rather than being upset that they're evolving to do other things or that they're not evolving with me, I think it's important that I still feel thankful for the works that I enjoyed while we were still on the same page and this is how I personally deal with those negative feelings. I think the anons that lash out at you probably just dont know what to do with themselves, maybe they got attached to your works while you were still only a jjba blog and now that you're evolving they're upset, while I understand how they feel, they're going the completely wrong way about it. I've learned to take these things and turn them into something positive for myself or at least something bittersweet that I can move on from but the anons that lash out at you for whatever reason probably haven't learned this yet. Maybe it's because i've moved on and changed interests a lot myself that I know how these things go for both writers and readers but those anons maybe haven't experienced this as much so they dont know what to do with themselves other than complain that you've changed and throw insults at you in an attempt to get you to revert back. None of this is because of the quality of your writing like they want you to believe, it's literally just because you've evolved and while some of your old followers might not like the new content for no reason other than it not being their cup of tea, it's definitely not regressed at all. You are pumping out a lot of content right now but every single thing i've read has just been better than the last. Things that really stand out to me is how well you get characterisation down to a T and all of your dialogue is just on point and from the pov of a reader I think those things seem the hardest to get right so I am such a huge fan of your stuff at the moment and I can tell you're really putting so much thought and care into each and every fic no matter how fast you're producing it, I think the fact that you're also proud of what you're writing at the moment really shines through as well and I just adore the passion that radiates from every completed request as well as in the responses for the subsequent thirsts resulting from these works that appear in your ask box later (I know i've sent quite a few by now~)

Just to be clear i'm not defending those anons in any way, while I can understand what they might be feeling/why they're reacting in the way they are I still believe it's just so immature to be hateful online point blank. Even during a time where I still got upset with writers if they started doing something else I still never targeted that negativity directly to the writer and sending rude or hateful comments whether on anon or not never something i'd stooped low enough to do even when I still had an immature way of thinking, however, I hope that it might make it a little easier to brush them off if we try and understand what they're really upset about, and that they're just putting the blame for their negative feelings onto the wrong thing rather than coming to terms with change themselves.

hello anon!! i appreciate the long message. i do feel bad for people who have no interest in what i’m currently producing and i get that they feel upset about it; i’ve watched a lot of fellow jojo writers move on completely or just stop posting, honestly. this kind of thing is why i was so intense about asking people if it would be better if i made a separate blog but the resounding answer seemed to be ‘i’m just vibing with whatever happens and i’ll block tags as needed’.

i often return to works by my favourite reader-insert writers who no longer write for the fandoms i like (and i read stuff bc it sounds interesting or i trust the person who writes it), but change can be difficult and i guess at this point i’ve - whether u like me or not lmao - been a fixture in jojo reader-insert tumblr for a While so it’s probably kind of jarring.

anyway i really appreciate you and the nice words! <3

Anonymous asked: hi nat! I just wanted to pop in and say that regardless of what fandom you write for, the love and care you pour into your writing and into interacting with followers who care about your work as well is really obvious. you're doing this for FREE and people should appreciate what you've given us so far, since ultimately this blog should be for you, whatever that means to you at any point in time. it's ok to jump fandoms! the important thing is that you feel good about what you're producing and that it makes you happy. everyone else is just a bonus - but, seeing you on my dash certainly makes me happy : ) I hope you feel better soon!

thank you anon! i’m feeling much better and happier today. birthdays are very difficult for me (i did not think i’d be alive at eighteen, much less 25!) so this event is definitely kind of a way for me to concentrate on something else, and i’m a little bit extra sensitive atm. i appreciate you so much, thank you for the kind words!!! <3

Anonymous asked: Hello! I just wanted to say, write what YOU want and make YOUR writings as long as you'd like. 💖 To the anon who is like "We mAdE yOu FaMoUs dOnt HalF asS iT" stfu, let people do what they wanna do. If you think they half do it, write something better and longer you asshat.

this is an open invitiation to that anon to send me a link to their writing blog and i’ll hype them up i promise <3

Anonymous asked: nat i'm so so sorry about that ask please know that your older followers don't share the same opinion :( sometimes people forget about the living, breathing person behind the screen smh. you are not a machine. you absolutely should not restrict yourself to posting about one fandom forever. yes, we're first pulled in by your amazing content, but we stay for your wonderful personality and work ethic. please just keep being you, taking up projects you feel comfy with! <333 bless u

ahh thank u anon! unfortunately i actually am a writing robot, i’m sorry u had to find out this way. my jojo chip has been removed, please send it back so i can continue to not half-ass my jojo work. fgnjkbgjkfn thank you so much angel!!! i appreciate you ;_;.

Anonymous asked: i don’t think it’s fair for other people to say shit about what you choose to write about because on tumblr and other writing platforms, writers are constantly developing how they write and the fandoms that they write for. it’s not fair for someone to criticize that “you don’t care about jjba blah blah blah” because you can enjoy new shows/manga. and like you said you’ve grown so much!! proud of you nat and im glad that ive been able to read your works (sincerely other nat)

i am STILL waiting for you to come and fight me other nat fgnjkbnf. it’s nice to be enjoying different things! i am constantly learning new things and reading new works and making new friends and improving and i think that’s important. i do care about jjba - a lot! but i can care about other things too! <3

Anonymous asked: I may not be one of your oldest followers, but i've been here for almost 3 years. Yes, i started following u for ur jojo content, but let me tell u, ur newfound motivation and enthusiam for other fandoms was honestly contagiuos for me. And i say this as a person who finds very difficult to move from one interest to another. Jojo is great, but so are other fandoms. Please don't let some faceless scum rob u that motivation. This is ur blog and u r always free to write whatever u want.

honestly, i have been there! i am autistic and i have special interests and watching other people move on to stuff i’m not vibing with has made me sad in the past, but i want people to be happy more than anything and sometimes that means new things and change! <3

Anonymous asked: Hi Nat! I saw that rude anon message & I just wanted to pop in & say that they're wrong. You're not betraying anyone & you should write whatever it is you want to write. I followed you for jojo & I'm not familiar with the other fandoms that you write for, but personally it makes me SO happy to see you enjoying new things! It's always good to find joy wherever you can, so keep writing what you're interested in. There a lot of ppl who want to see you happy and healthy <3

honestly the idea of it being a GRAND BETRAYAL is so funny, i am just writing anime fanfic here and thriving!!! tysm anon! <3

Anonymous asked: Those anons can piss off! They have no right to judge how long or how short your writing is. If they want longer content write it their damn selves. I think your writing has improved wonderfully and I originally followed for Jojo and I'm enjoying all the content period. I don't even watch jujutsu ( not my cup of tea personally) but I love seeing the creativity and the interactions. You write what makes you happy Nat and that's on that! You don't owe anybody anything! I know how hard writing is and when your consuming new content it's hard to make content for something else. That doesn't mean you don't like it any more your just doing something different for a while. Love you and your content and I'm enjoying the love your putting into your content whether long or short. ♥♥💕 Sending love your way!

honestly my idea of ‘short content’ is still over 1k words, i’m not good at reeling myself in! i guess it’s bc they see like, 1.5k jojo fic versus 5k jjk fic but it’s not that i didn’t enjoy the first fic, just that the point and the story came a lot quicker and so did the natural end! thank you anon, i appreciate you ;_;

Anonymous asked: Hello! Just wanted to let your know that I think your writing is awesome, and that you should write for whoever and for whatever you want to! You dont have to stay loyal to one fandom or anything, and your followers shouldn't expect that from you! It's not like they are paying you to write, you are doing this for free, and because you enjoy it and it makes you happy! If they dont like your stuff, they dont have to follow you, they can go to other blogs that cater to their taste, and they definitely don't need to be sending you such hurtful comments, and they dont get to make you feel sad about your writing! Just because they followed you during your earlier stages of writing, doesn't mean you owe them some type of loyalty or compensation! You can write literally whatever you want as long as it makes you happy! That's what your hobby and your blog are for! I hope you know that alot of your followers love your work and think that you are an amazing writer and are down to support the work that makes you happiest! 💖💖

ahh thank you so much anon!!! i am always so bowled over by how many people are nice to me when something like this happens, i am sending you my love <3

Anonymous asked: don’t listen to them!! we love you as a writer no matter what you write, because you’re a good person and a talented writer!! you shouldn’t have to change what you write to please a bitter person, and if they only want jjba, they can go to another blog instead of bringing you down. you’re doing amazing and they should be thankful you grace us with your talents!!

to be totally honest, if i was half-assing or not vibing with content i was making i just. wouldn’t post it. like you’d be able to TELL when i was half-assing stuff just to get words out (source: i have re-read my own nanowrimo works). there are lots of great jjba blogs who could do with more followers n interaction!!! i hope they do find them and i hope they’re nice to them :(.

Anonymous asked: Please don’t pay attention to that anon. People only have that confidence when they have anon turned on. Them looking through your blog despite feeling that way is peak fan behavior and speaks to how addicting your writing is. Naturally, you can’t please everyone and there will be people who are irrational and feel entitled to tell you what to do or what to write no matter what. Trust me when I say they’re a small minority and are more likely probably passing viewers rather than regulars. I check your blog about three or more times a day because I love reading not just your fics but also your takes, banter with other anons, or even random updates. Brainrot posts? LOVE TO SEE IT!!! Desk update? AMAZING!!! With that being said, don’t feel pressured to continue pushing out content for others. Write what makes you happy! You’ve been writing for JJBA for 4 years and it’s completely normal + healthy to get into new media. I’m not sure if it would mean much, but your love for JJK has gotten me excited to start it too!!

anon i really hope you enjoy it!!! sometimes these anons remember stuff i’ve posted and said better than i do tbh, i am living in their heads rent free i guess!

Anonymous asked: I've been following you for a couple of years and honestly it would always be a joy to see when you posted. Your writing has improved and I'm very happy you're enjoying yourself ! I know it hurts hearing and seeing stuff like that but I'm happy you're here. I'm honestly blessed everytime you post. Your writing is phenomenal. I love reading it even if its characters that I dont care for. You capture their essences so well and weave an amazing tale within the prompts and whatnot. You're amazing nat!

wehh thank you so much!!! re: the improvement, i really don’t feel like it has and then i re-read something i wrote when i first started and i’m like oh my god maybe it has. did i really write about jotaro acting like that.

Anonymous asked: Hi Nat. I recently became a follower of yours and I'm really saddened to see you get hate. You seem like a genuinely sweet person with amazing talent! I'm a writer myself and, unfortunately, get the same kind of comments. And when you get those comments, it doesn't leave you feeling motivated. People need to understand that people can and will, at times, grow out of fandoms. (1 Not just that but you're doing all of this for free. Again, I'm sorry you got such a comment. But please know that I'm proud of how far you've come. I'm proud that you're living a life that makes you happy. And no matter what fandom you may find yourself in next, I will always enjoy your writing. Take care of yourself. (2 end

HELLO NEW FOLLOWER I LOVE YOU (i get a lot more a day now than i used to and i feel guilty about not being able to look through so many blogs but i do try and follow back other writers for my fandoms!! ;_;). i’m sorry you get the same kind of comments! i’m always just happy to see people i like enjoying new things, even if i have no interest in it (hello to all of my mutuals who write for hunter x hunter and haikyuu, not interested but i’m sure you’re having a great time and i support you!!!).

Anonymous asked: I'm sure you're getting a barrage of supportive messages now (at least I hope so) but I figured I'd add my voice, because I'm a longtime follower. Your writing is, and always has been, wonderful. I've been so happy to see you and Haz get to a place that works for you both. Idk if it's obvious for everyone, but you seem like you're emotionally in a pretty good place most of the time these days, and it makes me really happy to see that. I followed years ago for JJBA content, but I stayed because regardless of what content you put out, I find your wit delightful. And I'll stick around even if you move fandoms entirely, because whatever content or editorializing you produce is going to be worth reading, regardless of what it's for.

ahh, anon!! thank you for sticking around so long, sorry if you’re old enough to have been around the vore and jorts and spider rohan fiascos! <3 i am definitely a lot more stable than i have been and - barring the Pandemic Related Mental Health Issues - happier! i’m glad that it’s noticeable! <3

Anonymous asked: It actually makes me mad how entitled some people are. Nat, you're not a content creating machine and those who expect you to be are not worth wasting a thought on. Your love for something is not measured in word counts and for you to write every day without getting burned out in the slightest you really must have a burning passion and huge dedication to your craft. If others decide to send hate then allow me to send admiration because I can feel your love and hard work in each post you make!

i try and write every day bc it’s super good for my little ocd/autistic brain to have routines and distract itself, so i’m glad other people can enjoy them because that makes me motivated to carry on! like, i write for myself mostly bc the content i want i sometimes get find, but filling requests and writing for other people also leaves me with happy warm fuzzies too! i appreciate you!! <3

Anonymous asked: If people only care about your writing for the jojo porn that’s on THEM, not you. Your writing was amazing when I followed about a year ago, and it’s only gotten better and will continue to get better! I think it really comes through when you enjoy what you’re writing and it adds a whole other layer of worth to it, because not only are you making free content but you LIKE that content and we can all gush about it together!!! More than just fans, I think you’ve created a community here and we don’t just stick around to read smut, I promise you that. -Reronon

i do miss having a discord community bc it was nice to talk to everyone in real time but it was hard work, i am glad that people feel like they can just come into my askbox and gush! i’m not very friendly in real life and people tend to think i am cold and stuck up so i work very hard to try and seem friendly and approachable online, which is much easier for me because i get to think and re-draft before i type! <3

Anonymous asked: Hi Nat! I’m sure you’re getting a lot of messages like this right now but I just wanted to say for what it’s worth that, as a person who originally followed you for jjba content and hasn’t watched/read any of the other series you’re currently writing for, I’m honestly still along for the ride. This is your blog and you’re allowed to do what you want with it and put out what content you feel like writing. Sometimes??? People acquire new interests??????? Shocking! I know absolutely nothing about jjk or bnha but out of curiosity still read some of your posts about them and even though I might not Get It, I still enjoy them because I think you’re a very talented writer! Honestly, as long as you’re still writing, I’m still down to clown, and whenever you take breaks (which are important!) I’ll still be waiting for your return or supporting and respecting your decision to stay away longer. Don’t let the entitled assholes get you down. Utilize YOUR blog and YOUR space however YOU choose. Your talent and kindness speak for themselves. Love you!!! ❤️❤️❤️

anon i care about you and i am so appreciative of you and everyone for sending me such nice messages! i am running out of ways to say it but it’s true, it really does mean a lot to me ;_; <3

#nat.txt

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hxneydreamers · 3 years

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Hello dear ! I have read your blogs. You are amazing !!!! (10000x 💞 for you ). I wanted to ask a question . Neville goddard said that time doesn't really exist in manifesting . So actually my sp who is celebrity is very very older than me . Like we have a age gap of 12 years. 😥 as said i am minor. I decided to manifest him when i am 18 . But sometimes i get impatient but then i feel a bit upset and it's not legal to date a minor. Plus he lives in korea . As i have indian parents they never will allow me to even fly to korea. And even if we get in a relationship . They will never like him. Tho my mother is into the group (he is in a group ) she won't ever. As being in india , india is pathetic country with bs Trash . They ( the group is seen as bunch of gays) and most hurting thing is lgbtq is not accepted in this fuking country . Ppl tread them as trash not human. They get so much discrimination ( most of them are transgender ) and hate . Like they have to live together because thier parents disown them and stuff. Makeup is gender less. But in this country men have to be men. like all the fking indian celebrity don't ever wear makeup (males) . (Not gonna lie they all don't even have clear skin like korean ) Skin care is not menly . Men shouldn't do it. The mentally in this country is fucked up.

Now back to the topic.

- how my parents will judge him ? (Most my papa because mom knows a lot about korean cultural but she won't stand with me including some mfs relatives who judgemental af . Relatives ohh my these bishs are hella judgement (most the old one) doesn't matter how they themselves look or personality )

- is he gay ? Why he so feminine ? He is uses makeup damn sure he is gay or somthing he is a girl for sure !!

Doesn't matter how successfully he is and his personality . Doesn't matter how much more he is successful more than you. (Relatives and parent) don't matter if loves your beautiful daughter. doesn't fuken matter if he is caring and financial stable.

- as i minor they won't let me go to even study in korea !

- tbh my plans are to skip 12 or 10 grade (i am in 8 th grade now) and study in korean university as it's one of my dream. Then work as cosmologist here . I want to to have family here.

But but but

My parents hahah never i even asked them they even made fun of my dreams and they said it's gonna take 20 years to reach there .

I am extremely discouraged .

Then on the other hand i also want to desire body before everything happens . Like going to korea and stuff.

I suck at affirming and visualizing . I habe never got results from scripting.

Plus i got my school too. Omg also learning korean too.

Omg i am so done !! 😭 please help me and guide me. And advice me ! i am extremely sorry for my bad english . I am not a native.

Everything is so hard

Hey! Thank you so so so much for reaching out to me! I really appreciate you coming to me for advice! Don’t worry, your English was fine!

*I'm going to begin this post by clarifying that whilst it is possible for you to manifest anything in your reality, I do not encourage you manifesting this person if you are underage and they are much older. You have said in your question that you will not manifest them until you are 18, which is good, however I will just make it clear that this post is to help you manifest the other circumstances in your reality, and not the person or the age gap.*

Let me start by telling you I obviously haven’t experienced this as intensely as you have as I live in a country where people are much more open-minded about sexuality and ideas of masculinity, but I have stories to share with you from my own life that are very similar to what you want to manifest! They might encourage you! (PS, these following stories all took place from when I was at the age of 19 and up.)

(This story is before I knew about manifesting). My parents are very strict and traditional and I always wanted to go overseas to study in a specific country for at least a few months. My parents forbid it and I never would have been allowed to go, but I wanted it so badly that it was all I thought about and dreamed about! I started watching a TV show set in that country every single day. I even learned the language for fun. I somehow manifested it, because the next year, I took a semester off university and I went to that country for 3 months to live. So no matter what your parents say, you can 100% manifest this.

I had a celebrity crush in that country and I wanted to meet him and be with him SO BADLY! I didn’t know about manifesting until afterwards unfortunately, but guess what? I manifested seeing him MULTIPLE TIMES on the street, because I constantly thought about seeing him there and bumping into him! I even messaged him once and he responded. I also had one of his best friends on snapchat because I met him when I was there lol. I never got the celebrity crush because I focused too much on negative things. If I knew about manifesting, I would have gotten what I wanted.

My (specific person) SP who I am currently dating is actually someone who my parents also didn’t approve of for a long time because of sexuality and he is not stereotypically masculine! They also kept telling me negative things. The good news is that now my parents accept him and are happy for us!

Thank you for giving me the background information on your circumstances, it helps me understand your situation much better, and it also shows me how you’re thinking about the situation as well, which is the most important thing.

The beliefs you have are these:

Parents and other people not approving of the kind of people you are interested in.

You don’t think you can go to Korea for a long time

I’m happy to tell you that YOU CAN CHANGE THIS SITUATION!

As I said in the beginning, the age gap is illegal and should not be manifested. So as a result, you should begin with your beliefs about your family's negative opinions and your ability to travel in the future.

You need to stop mentally reacting to what they say when it’s negative about men who are not stereotypically masculine etc, and also when they say negative things about you ever traveling. They are only saying these things because in your mind you believe this to be true. Reality is an illusion and you need to know that if you really push through and persist, even if it feels extremely difficult, you can change this!

You should start by affirming your self-concept, something like this (you can also affirm in your own language if you prefer so it's natural to you :) whatever is comfortable for you!)

I am capable of anything!

I am a master at manifesting!

I always get what I want easily and effortlessly!

Everything always works out how I want!

Then I want you to affirm for your circumstances:

My family is always extremely accepting and encouraging!

I’m so happy that I’m going to Korea!

If you find it hard to visualise you can just affirm. I know you may feel like you’re bad at it, but if you practice it will get easier. Set a timer for 5 minutes and say your affirmations over and over! Make sure you don’t have any distractions. Focus on them. Do this several times a day, every day.

Also, if you can get the app ‘ThinkUp’ record yourself saying your strongest affirmations, and listen to them at night when you sleep. Start with your self-concept affirmations only for maybe 2 weeks! Then you can add your other affirmations.

Your goal is to change the way you feel and think about yourself and what you are able to do, your surroundings and your family’s opinions. Start with these things. Really persist in them.

I hope this helps in some way! If you ever need to reach out to anyone, so many people on Tumblr in the manifesting community are here to listen! We all want each other to succeed and I know that if you put the work in to do this, you will too!!

I also recommend you start binge-watching one of these youtube channels:

Sammy Ingram

Manifesting With Kimberly

Manifesting Secrets

Dylan James

Create Your Future

YOU CAN DO THIS <3

#manifest #manifesting #manifestation #affirm #affirmations #neville goddard #law of assumption

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brytmoon · 4 years

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i feel like i'm being really annoying about it to ppl so i'm gonna vent here about struggles i have that might be undiagnosed adhd symptoms since i don't have a very big following except for two close friends (sorry y'all)

1. hygiene, such as brushing my teeth in the morning and showering, is hard. it's been hard my whole life but even now, i'll stare at myself in the mirror or scroll through my phone as i try to convince myself to brush my teeth. (this may or may not be related, but i hate going to the dentist, too.) with showering, it's hard to find the time. i always make sure to shower as often as possible (which is every other day, usually) or i make sure i don't smell if i haven't because i'm scared of having b.o. with both, i have to motivate myself to do it with fancy toothpastes and mouthwash or nice-smelling shower gels and lotions. I'm guessing this is executive dysfunction???

2. I've been incredibly disorganized my whole life. i once thought i had adhd when i was younger because of how disorganized i was. I've always had a super messy backpack and a super messy room (it's really messy rn) but i always know where everything is. i had a ds for at least ten years but lost it a couple months ago in the middle of playing it. where did it go???? i have no idea bruh. and i lose my phone all. the. time.

3. i'm terrible with procrastinating. turning in projects and essays at 11:59 after bullshitting it either all day or mere hours before the due date??? a constant. having failing homework grades and having ntis in every class, no matter how much i enjoy it??? a constant. i once did a whole project i hadn't started on until the morning of the due date. i worked on it while in other classes and at lunch and turned it in 3 minutes before the dropbox closed. anything that's not what i enjoy or zaps the fun out of what i enjoy, i procrastinate with. I've sat in front of the computer screen and almost cried so many times because i couldn't get myself to type up a scholarship essay, which OBVIOUSLY would greatly benefit me as a broke college student, but it doesn't matter bc my brain thinks it's boring so why not push it off?? because i procrastinate, i tend to overwhelm myself so much that i break down at least once when an assignment's due because I've formed a terrible habit of pushing myself to overexertion to get a project done that's meant to be done gradually.

4. bouncing off that last point, I'm terrible with time management and remembering events/due dates/assignments to complete. I've tried using schedule apps and alarms. I've tried to plan out my days. I've tried forming routines and habits to get things done at appropriate times and it doesn't work. that schedule app i downloaded and spent so much time filling out? completely forgotten in a week or two. i swipe away the notifications and pay no attention to them. since everything's virtual now, there have been important college information zoom calls, but i forget about them and miss them. i can't remember events, due dates, or assignments if i don't write them down. since i meet every other day or sometimes once a week for a specific class in college, i can easily forget something mentioned earlier that week that's due the next week over the weekend. i have to remember to write in my agenda in order to remember to do something important, which can be stressful and convoluted 🙃🙃 so my bad time management results in further procrastination and missed opportunities, which makes me feel awful about myself late at night when all i can think about is what i should've done better or differently.

5. chores and hobbies are... interesting. when i do get the energy or motivation to clean or draw, i will hyperfocus on them. if i finally feel like cleaning, I'll skip breakfast and/or lunch and won't take care of myself until I'm done. same happens with drawing. and as stupid or funny as it sounds, i find getting up to go pee so annoying!!!! I'm in the middle of doing something i FINALLY want to do and then i have to get up to go use the bathroom. i don't want to break my concentration bc it's an inconvenience. then with hobbies (y'know, things i want to do and enjoy) i procrastinate!! I've been trying to watch atla since everyone loves it and i like it too, but i put off watching it and other shows like crazy. i play instruments and love to do so, but don't practice very often and spend a couple hours doing so when i do because i remember how fun it is. when i do laundry, I'll remember to put the clothes in the washing machine and start it. but then I'll forget to either put them in the dryer, take them out of the dryer, or fold them. i often have to rewash loads because I'll forget they're in there or I'll have a pile of clothes sitting on my bed for days because i procrastinate with folding them and putting them up.

6. i am the most motivated and have the most energy at night. over the summer, I'd stay up until 4 or 5 am on a regular basis. I'd be the most productive during that time but my sleeping schedule would be so off because of it.

7. so people with adhd crave things that produce dopamine, right? well i snack on candy all the time. and i mean it when i say it's ALL THE TIME. my favorite one is red hots because they're crunchy and spicy. eating candy helps me focus and is probably a form of me seeking more stimulation, but it's bad because of my teeth hygiene issues and me hating to go to the dentist. i also can't do tasks quietly. i have to be listening to music or watching a video while working on something and there are times when i want to do both while working??? so now when i watch something or listen to music without working, i tend to need something to do so i scroll through Instagram while having the show on even though it makes me miss what's happening sometimes.

8. i don't really fidget much i don't think?? but i do weird stuff while listening to someone talk. in school, i often doodled on my worksheets and got in trouble for it. I'd draw eyes in the margins, characters I'm fixated on, squiggly lines, and would color in my o's. or while listening to a family member vent, i dance around or listen while scrolling through Instagram. i also have a baaad habit of picking at my skin (dermatillomania). I'd focus on picking scabs for a really long time when i was alone and bored and have scars on my face and legs from doing it. I've picked at my face since i was a kid and absent mindedly do it every day.

9. i can get quite distracted and have to ask for directions to be repeated because i won't hear them?? like my brain won't process what someone said until they say it again when i'm actually fully paying attention. my mom will ask me to run an errand for her and she'll need to repeat it to me because i'll get distracted while she's explaining or i'll forget what she said after walking away. i get off track in conversations a lot and can't really listen well when there's a lot of other noise going on, like in cafeterias. i'll be talking to one friend and hear another interesting conversation down the table and pause while speaking bc my attention shifted. i also can lose my train of thought quite easily when waiting to speak and forget what i was saying and not be able to remember it for the life of me. so I'll interrupt sometimes so i don't forget

10. when talking to friends, i feel like i talk about myself a lot. i like to use my personal experiences to connect with what they said and be empathetic to them, but i worry this comes off as being conceited. i heard that it might be an adhd thing i do to keep myself engaged in the conversation.

i think that's all of them??? I'm so sorry to anyone who has to scroll through all this jgjrjrj but i guess it's good to make note of this stuff in some way because i articulate my feelings better when typing instead of speaking. and this'll be helpful to reference when chatting with a future therapist which i will hopefully get soon! and if anyone sits through this and has any advice, I'm all ears!!

#adhd things #undiagnosed adhd #adhd culture #adhd inattentive

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bassiter2 · 4 years

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hey if any of yall feel like in dire need of medication for shit like depression or anxiety but can’t go find a doctor in person to get diagnosed for whatever reason - anxiety too bad to interact with ppl, depression too bad to feel motivated to do that, don’t have insurance and can’t afford appointment fees, whatever,

get K Health.

it’s a free-to-download app and the free features include being able to fill out a very thorough questionaire about your current symptoms of almost any health issue, and recieve a list of possible diagnoses WITH statistics so you actually know what’s most likely. THAT alone is already great as someone with a lot of anxiety that makes me worry i’m gonna have a heart attack every time my chest hurts, but there’s also a membership that’s $19 a month which allows you to have direct conversations with doctors WHO CAN PRESCRIBE MEDICATION. it can be either mailed directly to you or sent to your local pharmacy, and the former is likely to be even cheaper.

not counting the membership, i just paid $10 for a month’s worth of zoloft. i never had to leave my house or even make a phone call, and i don’t have insurance.

you’ll need to show ID and obviously use your legal name and provide the doctor you talk to with all the same kinda information that you would at an in-person office, of course, but it’s so fucking easy. i’m not sponsored by k health or anything, i just can’t believe how easy it was for me to do this and i figure a lot of others could use it.

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gracehcreates-bct · 3 years

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W8 Studio - Project into the public

X-Challenge

I entered my team into X-Challenge, but unfortunately our group was too big to do the whole project so we split ourselves into two and did the app and boot cleaner as seperate ideas.

Boot Cleaner Prototype

Kent made a boot cleaner prototype over the weekend, using cardboard and pvc pipes. Not included is the spray, which would be situated underneath the boot.

Survey Results

I sent out the survey on facebook, first to the Creative Technologies Year 3 page and then my neighbourhood community’s page. So far there are 62 responses.

1. How often do you go on walking trails?

Once a week - 11 people Once fortnightly - 7 people Once a month - 23 people Once a year - 18 people Never - 3 people

2. Who would you usually take with you? (pick between 1 - 2)

Family - 46 people Friends - 19 people Dogs - 12 people No-one - 11 people

3. Have you heard of the Kauri Dieback Disease?

61/62 people have heard of Kauri Dieback.

4. If yes, how do you think preventing it is to New Zealand’s forests in the future? (on a scale of 1 - 10)

Average is 9.1, with 6 out of 60 people who answered this question ranking it below 8.

5. What would make the boot cleaner more convienent?

About 17 out of 62 thought that the boot cleaner was fine as it is. Two people answered there should be more of them.

Answers about the station itself: - Maybe if it was longer so you can keep moving as you clean. So others don’t get held up behind you. - If more people could use it at the same time. - Maybe a larger, flatter station - Proper set up like your picture - as some are only a mat and can easily be avoided - A seat to sit on when spraying shoes with the stuff. Very hard to work hose on one foot with a pack on - Regular servicing - I guess it's a bit of a bottle neck, depending on the popularity of the trial maybe it holds people up? - Have more of an obstacle that makes it so you get in slower. Therefore, making you clean your shoes more thoroughly? :D - Better maintenance sometimes they are worn out - Clearer instructions Easier to use Maybe a video

Answers about boot cleaner: - I guess if it rotated it might get more sit out from the grooves? Also, with covid I try to avoid touching anything and this this old style and the spray gun you have to touch - Have a cleaner for jandals. This one doesn’t work so well - Foot activated sprays. Physical barriers that force people to activate the spray to get thru the barrier. - Weight based means children and lighter people don't activate it so perhaps something that doesn't get activated by weight that you walk through. Shallow enough to just cover sole of shes/boots - Maybe some foot level spray system. Sometimes balancing on one foot to spray is tricky - the spray trigger should have a novel so that it covers each shoe in one spray - Fixed brushes as shown here. The hand squirter and hand brush combination is too difficult to manage. Lose balance and give up - A hand held brush to scrub the side of shoes. - No spray, just scrub and step - A device to clamp around shoes and spray all around - Rotating brushes - Making the brushes not worn down. Last bush walk I went on the brushes for your feet were too worn down and didn’t work very well - Bending down is tricky so a system that doesn’t make you bend over is good - If it always had disinfectant in it. - It having the spray stuff in it and not be empty - Not have to use the hand spray bottle that is found on some stations. - Find it ok as it is, but prefer the one that sprays your shoes when you stand on it to the hand held one - Automatic - probably some type of automated boot cleaner - I am liking the new "hop on to spray" pads

Other: - It’s fine but something to keep the spray from coming up and wetting your shoes and ankles would be good-keep it to the soles - designing something the birds might use, as it's far more likely to be transmitted by them. - An agent that actually is proven as working on phytophthora - I think the boots cleaners are possibly okay, it's the dogs i always think , might be more carriers especially as often off lead when they shouldn't be. - Nothing. I think it’s clearly marked with instructions and you can’t miss them at the beginning and end of tracks. One time there was a DOC guy there educating people how to clean boots properly which was helpful cos I had actually been doing the process the wrong way around prior to that! - RGB LEDs, to attract the kids - maybe having someone employed by like doc or something to make sure there are ppl washing their shoee

6. How effective do you think the covid tracer app was in preventing the spread of covid-19? (on a scale of 1 - 10)

Average is 7.3, with only 5 people out of 62 ranking it below a 5.

7. We are designing an app and deciding on the content, what is most appealing to you?

Treasure Hunt - #1.82 average Augmented Reality boot cleaner - #2.06 average Running statistics tracker - #2.11 average

8. Why did you choose the previous answer? Otherwise, give us an example of something you’d like to see on it.

About 5/46 people answered that they couldn’t see the image I had used, which is my own fault but the survey website is difficult to understand. 4/46 directly said “Treasure Hunts are fun”. Two people said it didn’t matter as long as it was simple to use.

- Statistics can drive behaviour - Treasure hunt appeals to families using tracks - There is a general lack of information about Kauri Dieback at the boot cleaning stations especially Tane Mahuta - information would result in adherence - The question wasn’t clear to me so I chose the fun option. No idea what AR boot cleaner is - maybe I didn’t click on something? - Seemed the most applicable (Augmented Reality) - Didn’t really have a view. Not sure what the point of the treasure hunt and A4 - I just think the treasure hunt idea has more appeal. Not clear how it works - A map of dieback - Information on Kauri on the area you are about to walk in, how many, if have any signs of disease - Definitely make it fun to use, stats make it interesting - learn with play: Tree/ nature trivia, e.g. like: what tree is this? (photo) - Sounds more fun (Treasure Hunt) - Fun makes things engaging. Also, running is boring. - Treasure hunt might make it more interesting for the grandchildren I take hiking. I know what AR is but I cannot imaging it being useful for book cleaning. - Links with GPS - Easy to find information for the novice /infrequent tramper - I didn't see how the answers linked to the app. What's the purpose of the app? If it's just to track like the covid app it doesn't need anything else on it. Most people who run in the bush would use another app already. - if i got it my main , objective would be to help with Die-back .Stats would be interesting so No.2,Treasure hunt No.3 , as kids grown up , but even if younger i might have put 3 , but would be good for younsters - I may take my child if there is a treasure hunt as part of the app/walk - The AR boot cleaner would encourage people to clean their shoes properly because it would make cleaning more fun and accurate. - I like stats - and I like the new aspect of the covid app where you get a little sticker icon when you get 14 days diary entry. - Got to be something interesting and fun. Maybe as an incentive add in spot prizes provided by possible sponsors.. - NZ health statistics - Interactive is fun and makes you feel involved - More visually appealing (Treasure Hunt) - More fun makes people more likely to use. - Don't understand what the boot one is - Routes recommendation, especially secret/not popular spots. Treasure hunting is a bit like that - Treasure hunt seems rewarding. AR seems interactive. Statistics sound boring - I think that if you make it a sort of game it will encourage people to get into the nitty gritty parts of shoe! - Not sure why I'd want a virtual boot cleaner tbh. Other content could be birds to look out for.. bit of history, exercise tips - Helps me know which parts of my boots are clean :)

9. Thank you for taking the time to do this. Any other ideas/feedback for us?

- Anything to help contain the spread and educate people is good-Tane Mahuta was our first experience and there was no information and no reception to be able to Google it. - Would love people to be encouraged to use the boot wash more. - Good idea to encourage behaviours that will stop the spread. Well done - no, its communist propaganda - I develop apps myself, but I am doubtful about their applicability to Kauri Dieback reduction - An alarm when boots are not cleaned properly. - Still not sure what your app will do. - Good luck , please put a reminder if possible the importance of dogs on leads in areas where needed.PS We do own a dog! - Thank you for your work - I put 10 as meaning it is very important. You don’t say how the scale works though - Kauri Dieback poses a serious issue and I'm glad theres a project looking at this!! 🙌 - I would just try to be really focused on the problem you want to solve. Is it boot cleaning, is it awareness, is it history, is it fitness

Additionally Miles emailed Dr Gerth, so we have an interview with her on May 27th.

#CTEC708

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sleepyfemme · 4 years

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How do you become the best version of yourself? I’ve come to terms with my own selfishness and egotism recently but I don’t know where to start or how to change. How do you do the real work instead of the surface-level work that fades after time?

hi i’m sorry this took me a million years to respond to, i rlly hope you see this!!!

and this is still something i’m working on figuring out!!! some things i’m trying:

1) i honestly just scold myself like a parent. whenever i find myself thinking something mean & petty about someone or wishing bad on someone & or being a little happy when i see something bad happen to someone who has done me wrong or anything like that, i literally just scold myself like i would scold my child if i heard them say some shit like that

2) being gentle on myself at the same time tho!!!! everything is a process & things don’t happen overnight. and obviously i’m responsible for myself & there’s no justification for being as mean as i’ve been, but i’m still especially gentle with myself bc a big part of the reason i’ve become selfish & mean & irritable etc lately is the way that i’ve been treated by a handful of different people. the same way i would tell somebody else “i understand why you’re like this & that’s a normal way to react, but you’re still a person in society & you’re responsible for becoming a better person,” i tell myself the same thing

3) really just notice & correct yourself CONSTANTLY. one thing they always talk about on the meditation app i use is that it’s okay and even a GOOD thing when your attention drifts, because every time you notice that you’ve drifted & pull your attention back to the present moment you’re building up your ability to focus. so i feel like it’s kinda like that, you know?

4) i’ve been trying to better myself in general lately! for me that means more reading, more time outside, more yoga, more physical activity in general, more baking, more meditation, more cleaning, less screen time, less dwelling on the people who have hurt me, less sitting around feeling bad for myself

5) i’ve been trying to do good things in the world again where i can

6) practice gratitude!!! this could be something like a gratitude journal (never tried this personally). personally i try to actively notice as much as i can about the present moment (”this candle smells amazing, the way the light looks on that wall is so beautiful, i feel so loved right now, the wind sounds so calming in the trees, i’m so lucky to be able to cook this meal”). for me it also means that when i’m being bratty about something i’m actually very lucky to have, i talk to myself in my head like i’m telling a bratty 6 yr old version of myself what she should be grateful for

7) something all the yoga teachers at my studio talk about all the time are “the stories we tell ourselves (about ourselves).” that could be anything like “i can’t do this because i’m not good at it” or “people don’t like me because i’m shy” or “i’m not the kind of person who would do that, so i won’t try.” i’ve been learning lately that they can also be “i’m not affected by anything, so even tho i feel like my feelings are hurt they obviously aren’t” or “i don’t have an issue with [x] so i obviously have nothing to work on.” i’ve been trying to identify these stories & actually find out whether or not they’re true & address them as necessary

8) not everything is an attack or a reason to get your hackles up & it’s unhealthy to view the world that way. it’s also unhealthy to view the world as something to win or as relationships solely as something to gain something from. i’ve been rlly struggling to relearn this.

9) take a beat before you react to things. whether it’s to avoid snapping at someone, or taking something personally, or viewing the situation through a selfish lens, just take a sec to let your emotions pass before you say or do something you can’t take back

10) i’m examining all the relationships in my life. obviously i’m responsible for how i act & treat people, but certain people in my life just inherently bring out the worst parts of me & i’m either gonna be removing these ppl from my life or severely restricting our access to each other

i rlly hope this helps!!!! i rlly think the key to breaking past surface-level change is not to shy away from things when they get hard while also being kind to yourself. anyways, best of luck, i think we can both do it 💖💖💖💖💖

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truthaliar · 4 years

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aiiiiiiight so here’s a post about mental health representation in media; or in other words: my mental health and apparently, the umbrella academy.

ps i am in no way, shape or form a mental health professional - this is just retelling an experience i had

sooo okay i was talking to my therapist. i’m gonna paraphrase this but basically she was like ‘do you watch umbrella academy’ and i was like ‘yea my friends are trying to figure out who is who in my friend group’ and it basically went ‘oh did they put you as diego? good, let’s talk about your hero complex.’

now to clarify i’m not typically like super open about it, but i have ptsd & anxiety. my panic disorder is mostly controlled at this point (ie i can now pinpoint triggers). a few weeks ago i finally told my mom i had ptsd after several years and she just responded, ‘i know.’

anyway, i ended up learning that there’s peer reviewed articles about umbrella academy in psychiatric journals, highlighting the show’s potential as a mental health tool. also i never really saw myself in any of tua characters but vaguely recognized my obsession w/ justice in diego, and also saw myself in five’s caffeine addiction. so the fact that a medical person... saw diego - weirds me out a little. more on that in a sec.

so my therapist, i guess let’s call her fran, said that diego’s behavior & habits are tied to his inability to introspect and manage his own emotions so he externalizes & fixates on justice, this external thing that has clear, logical right & wrong, something that he can take into his own hands bc he feels that the system is broken. it’s easier for him to focus on that than on fixing himself.

to be clear she said it’s fairly common for ppl in diff branches of medicine to feel this way to a degree; you’re trained to be more detached from your emotions so it’s not unusual to (slightly-moderately) go either the diego route or the luther route if you begin to lose it (and hopefully not the five route cuz that’s a whole diff story). of course these are extremes (and she said i have parallels to diego, not that i have anywhere near his level of hero complex)

even still when she said that -- it hit different. like when my friends cast each other, it’s something we’ve been doing for years right? it’s just fun, and yea you often poke fun at yourself/each other in the process -- but it’s not the same as a professional saying ‘look at this extreme characterization of what could happen if you don’t take a step back‘. honestly my response was, ‘wow that doesn’t seem healthy.’

so the diego route is feeling like the system has failed you. therefore you want to act against or destroy the system that let you down, that didn’t care about you, that didn’t nurture you, and build something better -- on your own because the whole damn thing is unjust and it isn’t fair. the emotion you use to cope with is anger. and to build a new system you need people to back you. to get people to back you, you need to save them. kill the system, fix the broken. you might think you’re doing it on your own, but your success is still contingent on there being problems to solve.

the luther route -- based on my understanding bc she didn’t think i did this -- is more adhering yourself to the system and saying ‘good or bad, it’s by wedding myself to the system through which i will succeed, and i must be important because the system let me in to begin with.’

ofc any person can begin to display traits of any of those characters or of multiple characters, and to repeat they’re all in rough shape. and just bc she implied those are the two fairly common ways to feel in doesn’t mean you can’t be a klaus or a vanya or an allison or whoever you see similarities with.. like that’s the point. everyone responds to trauma differently. and it’s also a one-size fits all. she didn’t mean to and i do not mean to represent the siblings as perfect representations -- only that it does happen to match my behavior.

fran told me that to snap out of the hero complex, at least sometimes, you have to be able to separate yourself from the injustice that surrounds you n understand that people aren’t helpless and you are not here to save everyone. bc first of all - that’s a lot of fuckin’ work and second of all - that’s kinda rude to assume that people can’t fix their own problems. and unless they ask us for help, it’s our job to let them. after all, i’d be pissed if someone thought i needed saving.

so then comes the part i struggle with which is detaching yourself from the work you inevitably choose that focuses on solving problems. i’m shit at it; i’m always fucking problem-solving. i can’t turn it off. i can’t make it stop. and it carries over from my youth bc i felt like i was the only person that could see the solutions to the very real problems in my life. like diego, i’d zoom in and fixate (helloooo jfk plotline) and try to do something about it. turns out i got pretty good at this, and that spurred my career path. i never wanted to see myself as the victim. ever. even after i endured certain traumas that i don’t want to disclose. in my mind, i was never broken. the situations were just injust; and i couldn’t fix... the people, but maybe i could fix the situations.

so what did justice look like to me? i love my family, so i mostly focused on my career - something i could undoubtedly shape on my own. developed a list of people whose jobs i wanted to steal. out of revenge, feeling i could bring justice to the field by bringing my mindset to the table. sound vaguely familiar?

also probably not the healthiest fictional character to relate to. worse still, even arya was able to let go of her vindictive streak at the end of the day (at least in the show) -- something i am still working on. (also probably a good time for a reminder that the plan is to get good enough in my field to ‘steal jobs’ so that i can mold the field into what i want it to be, not actually physically hurt people). i did take up fencing tho.

soooo now it’s 2020. and i’m 28. and something important happened.

i was talking with my mentor and as we were chatting i realized that there is a job out there that i want. and not because i want to steal it out of a sense of ‘revenge’ -- but because i really like that person’s job. that i could see myself in that position because i love what it entails. and i think it’s the first time i ever saw that.

in eight months of constant therapy, i’ve realized that i do have a dream vet school; i do have a dream job; that my life is more than just trying to fix the world.

complexes don’t go away overnight and i kept things purposely vague - i’ll always have a little bit of ‘save the world’ in me.

but i can now say that tech school finishes in 10 months. it’ll be over in less than a year. i submit my vet school app in a week, with a much more refined & steady focus. i’m kind of ready to pursue happiness again. i’m much more confident that i’ll get where i want to be.

and whatever ya know? i’ll figure it out as i go

but tada there’s the story of my therapist seeing me in diego hargreeves, what the fuck.

#about me #personal #do not reblog pls #mostly doing this for myself #cuz fran says i need to work on my vulnerability #bleh #and also i'm curious if anyone has had similar experiences w using tua as a reference for mental health #i think you'd really have to be a certain personality to be chill with it bc i can see it being a sensitive topic for a lot of people

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iron-colosus-of-space-frog · 4 years

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Worst part about beeing happy when you lonely. You don't have that special one you can share your happynenes with... And then you start to be kind be sad. But you still happy. But sad. Happy and sad at the same time. Confusion at its finest to be honest. But anyway. You settle on the fact that you might be able to share that with someone in the future. And you look forward to it. Cuz then you realise you are a person that talks a lot. But not communicated much... That you don't trust ppl without a valid reason. That u are shut in your own shell... Then you feel depressed. But at this moment you realise you are lonely. During for the 5th time that you are drunk in your life. Listening to rap (that's something you don't do usually). And think to yourself. Life is not that bad. There are good people. There are bad people too but good pole are the ones that make it worth living for. Your hands are shaking... But you feel weirdly positive... You realise you are about to cry. You don't know why. The only thing you know is that you are drunk and need to go to sleep. But you keep on smiling. And continue to puour your thoughts to a random internet comment post. That nobody is gona read most likely. Well not nobody, you have like 10 followers or something. And then you think to yourself, does it matter if you post or not. You come to this app 1 time a year. Try to sound smart when in reality you are as laost as a headless chicken. When you can barely cope with your studies and work coming at you at the same time. You chose what you think you love in life. Your chose was a creative industry. You wanted to be a Designer. A respected person in society. But then you kinda get there. Ppl consider you one of them. They call you a designer, you reached your goal Didint you? But why do you steal empty inside. Why do you feel like you are struggling with with the profession you thought you love. Why do you have so doubt in your life. You understand that it's not because your chosen path in the industry does not have right answers by design. Design... It's a funy word. You can attach it to many other. To make interesting combinations that mean really things an make senses. But why does the one you chose fundamentally don't make sense. It tries to do fond the best answers where there is no correct answer to start with.

No. No more ideas. I can barely right. Nu hands are shaking. My soul is hurting. I can't put my thought understandably any more. I can hardly slept words correctly when I'm sober so why I try to do impossible now. Is it because I newer believed I can have a good life in life but still dreamt of one? Probably. But I'm drunk so you could say I'm not making sense. But the truth is that it doesn't make much difference in my head. I only start to spill my honesty all around the pace which is common for humans to do for some reason. But no more. I can't handle any more truth... I'll just go lay in bed. Maybe cry a bit. But that's the human nature. We are ideas and chemicals fighting for expression. Anyway... My head hurts cuz I let my feeling to get out. It's not contained any more and it hurts. Who tought that I held them up so they don't hurt me. Why I even his my emotions? So others shit see them? Nobody gibes a damn to be honest. Everybody is busy caring for them selves... And it would be like that. Cuz if you can't handle what's on your palate then you don't go to help others... But ppl still do that and hurt them she's in the end... And start having hard time healing them selves... I erupted... I hate it... But it's me... And I should accept myself the way I am...

P.S. sorry for the spelling and grammar. I'm Drunk and in the middle emotional outbrake. I hope everybody has a nice day... And let your dreams be reall ^.^

Edit. It hasn't been longer than 1 minute probably but I'm sorry for a long post. TL DR Drunk me spilled my hear out... Yeah... That happened.

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emsysquared · 6 years

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Hi! This is a very helpful and well-organized blog, thank you for that. I was wondering if you have any advice/resources for someone who is thinking about quitting their day job and selling at cons (and making/preparing for cons) full-time. Thank you!

Hi there! First off, look at how much money you are makingat cons. If you can’t even make back morethan your table costs I would reconsider the decision of doing artist alley full time fornow and just create/draw a lot, tweak your business and have fun until you noticeprofits increasing. But if you’re at the point where you get a predictableamount of sales and consistently command 4-digit profits, something like $1k-5k+a show on average (not just from one or two shows, ON AVERAGE), that’s definitely would be a reasonable point where you can safely consider jumpinginto doing artist alley full time. The key here is to ask yourself if theprofits you generate are enough to pay back all your AA costs (such as table +traveling), your rent, and more on top of that.

Secondly, cons are extremely volatile. Conventions are agreat way to get you and your art known out there but the environment for them haschanged since I first tabled in 2013. While big conventions have always beencompetitive to get into, even SMALL conventions have started filling up withinminutes of opening apps. There’s more independent artists nowadays trying touse AA as their primary income source and also not enough good reputable consto meet that demand. Not being able to get into one or more of your favorite cons couldmean you’re forced to find other cons to table at that may be in a differentarea and will cost you more to travel to or risk not being able to pay rent fora few months. Attendee spending can also fluctuate year to year due to variousfactors, so it is possible you may not make the same numbers returning to thesame con. It sucks knowing that, but that’s part of the business you’ll have todeal with.

Because of this, this is why I recommend you do NOT rely onconventions 100% to keep you afloat. Nearly every single artist I know who doesAA full time has multiple streams of revenue to sustain them, especially duringperiods where convention season is slow. Many artists take up onlinecommissions for clients to supplement their con income, do Patreon, sell at localconsignment shops, some even have other endeavors like teaching art classes,maintaining an online shop, freelancing art not related to AA work, etc. Even if you earn more at cons, something is better than nothing. Limiting yourself to convention-only profits is just limiting yourself and yourearnings, tbh.

This also may surprise you, but I’ve learned quite a few pplwho do art/conventions full time also a) had months to a year’s worth of moneysaved up from their previous day job beforehand to cushion them while they grewtheir business, b) lived at home with parents rent-free and debt-free c)have a significant other that was willing to support them while they pursuedart. There are artists who’ve still made it work even if they’ve had none ofthese, but I personally do not advise you to jump in if you have none of these.Do realize if you have no savings and are on your own, it’ll be stressfulbecause you have to rely on the “success” and marketability of your work, andthis will be a huge problem if your work does not appeal to a broad enough audienceor you haven’t found your market/following yet.

Always keep track of your finances and save a little eachtime in case unexpected things happen. It’s possible you may need to change your lifestyle to cut costs. Youmay be making money, but you also need to spend money to invest in all thoseartist alley tables you’re doing. Be honest with yourself how many conventionsare you capable of doing in a year, and in a row weekend after weekend? I havefriends in the AA community who do as many as 12 to 35+ shows a year around the country, and that’sa LOT of time you will have to be away from your loved ones.

As for making&preparing stock for cons, I recommend to havea good variety on your table and start in small quantities (like 6-10different prints, with 5-10 copies each design, 3-5 if you’re unsure). Asyou do more cons, you will figure out what sells and what doesn’t, and fromthere you can better determine what to order. There are things that willmove better than others, others that barely move but may still be useful to addto your display, and others you’ll ask yourself “why are you guys buying this Iprinted this out as joke and it’s selling” and even this can vary from con to con. While I’m constantly drafting of new artworkto work on since I table throughout the year, the bulk of my actual con prep istypically 2-4 months before a convention. I can always print last min printsthe night before a con, but with charms and other special merch, I have tofinish files early and plan weeks ahead to make sure they ship to me in time.

For additional resources, How To Be A Con Artist’s Tumblrhas a lot of good links and articles around their site for more AA advice that might pertain toyou, such as doing your taxes as a freelance artist, etc which you’ll probably will need to look into more if you do AA full time.

Ultimately, the decision is up to you and what do you value- is it important to you that you spend 100% of your time and energy all intoart? Or is having the security of a day job while you do art on the side morevaluable? Some people I know have taken YEARS before artist alley started beingprofitable for them, and there’s no shame in slowly working your way towardsthat goal or keeping your day job for the stability. And there’s also no shamein going back to a day job or taking a hiatus if things aren’t working out – atthe end of the day you gotta eat and pay your bills, and it can be hard to bein a healthy mindspace of making good art if you can’t eat. I hope this helps!

(if you have any other specific questions, feel free to sendme another ask on this account! I love discussing artist alley stuff withothers, and I’m more than happy to help to the best of my abilities and knowledge ^^)

#ask #artist alley #artist alley tips

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dead-thorin · 5 years

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everything im gonna write is gonna be concerning but it be like that and its really not concerning

for like months now i haven’t been ok. And like it’s gotten worse with the holidays and ive been so fucking angry and tired lol. like at first i was like its fine its ok, then i was like its the hormones it happens, then its the stress of finals and work but like its really not like i legit just dont want to be alive anymore im really tired of it. Like idk how to convey just how much i dont care anymore to be alive

1) I feel so fucking isolated here like i have friends but a majority of them are cis. And like the trans people i know? most of them on T are non binary which like valid, but they dont get the full extent. And like their families support them lmao and theres one person i could talk to but he doesnt seem to want to socialize much so i always feel awful thinking about hitting him up

and like i feel like my friends dont like me and i know thats not the case but also maybe it is!!! who fucking knows anymore!!!! i dont have time to talk to them bc im so busy at work and then i get home and immediately have to do more work and by the time im free this week theyll be home for break so like!!! fuck i guess!!! i saw one of my friends who i havent been able to see all semester and she said shed hit me up today and she hasnt and i know its cause she and another friend have to study and theyve been busy but in my mind its still “she fucking hates u!!! doesnt matter that she was so excited to see u and would definitely have no qualms in telling u to fuck off she hates u!!!”

2) no one listens to me lol like people listen to me when i rant, which is really helpful and i really appreciate and love that they do that bc emotional labor, but like in groups? i talk and people interrupt or dont hear what i say or disregard it and im like k. OR THEY THINK IM FUCKING JOKING LIKE THIS LEGIT IS SUCH A PROBLEM AND IVE HAD IT HAPPEN WITH SEVERAL PPL AND IDK WHAT TO DO. Like i physically say “im really not joking dont do that” AND THEY STILL THINK IM JOKING

and whenever i talk to people and they give me advice or just listen they do at least one thing. They either mention medicine, which again, valid, but i dont want to go back on medicine right now. But then they fucking push that shit and demand reasons why i dont want to like fuck u i dont have to explain shit to u i just dont want to. And/or it turns into me educating them and im just like great! i managed to do labor in this trying time! nice!

3) I cant talk to my therapist bc shell become concerned lol. i told her how i went to the labor looking for a book about the pros and cons of committing suicide and researched it and i had to talk for 10 minutes afterwards about the steps i was taking to help combat it but like i was legit scared to tell her in case she made me go into inpatient care lmao and this brings me to pt 4

4) theres like nothing here LMAOOOOOOO like no books at either library about stopping suicidal thoughts or helping depression or about family estrangement. I had to order books from different libraries to get something and theres a few that i got from the Libby app but like wtf lmao and theres no events during christmas and every volunteer thing? either i gotta fill out an application and do training which who knows how long thatll take or i need a car. Like there legit isnt anything here i did so much looking lmao like i have my hobbies but that wont make me leave the house

i talked to a professor about this shit too and he understands and stuff and told me to hit him up during break if i feel isolated but like I FEEL SO FUCKING GUILTY FOR EVEN BREATHING LMAO LIKE WHAT hes got shit to do too and i know he has research going on so like doubt it

5) im gonna die alone at this pt and i know thats mad dramatic and also probably false but im like so conflicted about everything i feel with my gender and dating

like every time i like a man im like wow if i was a girl, this wouldnt be a problem and like being cis has more privileges than being trans but i know last time i dated in the closet it wasnt a good time SO

and every time i like a girl, im like she prob wont see me as a man or will be disappointed in my body or transition

and like no matter who im interested in, the same thought is always “they prob dont see me as a man and will misgender me, even unintentionally” like i know people who dont even know my birth name and have known my pronouns as he/him AND THEY STILL GET IT WRONG LIKE WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO EVEN DO ANYMORE TATTOO IT ON MY FUCKING FOREHEAD

theres a guy i currently like, whos so sweet like theres one incident that happened that i had me thinking damn.... hope hes into guys and single..... and like its kept me up thinking “oh man hes definitely str8 this fucking sucks if i was a girl i would probably have a shot” but like every time i toy with the idea of detransitioning (not in a serious way, but just like casually thinking of a scenario) my mind physically rejects it and is like “motherfucking do u wanna go back to THOSE shitty feelings??? really??? it was worse before!!” and i will definitely get over this crush, like im just lonely and its cuffing season, but it fucking sucks in the meantime like i feel like i cant date because im too nervous and scared to!!! im so scared they wont think im a man and i know thats not every person but like Jesus its enough that its a good possibility

6) this part is sad but i think i have to stop talking to my sister or at least give her limited info bc shes having her parents contact me through her and im not giving them shit so...

like she just texted asking when id be home and for the millionth time (BC NO ONE LISTENS TO ME) i said i wasnt going home, im never going home, stop asking and i know that its them asking her to ask me and they can honestly fuck themselves

like these are all problems that have solutions and i know the solutions but like im so tired of it lol im tired of having to deal with my family situation, im tired of being ignored and interrupted and not taken serious and having to explain my boundaries over and over and over again, im tired of not being able to talk to people for fear of getting hospitalized or interrupted or pushed onto meds, im tired of not having resources, im so tired of it all. Im so sick of being suicidal and not even being able to get out of bed and having to deal with being depressed and anxious and chronically ill fuck all of it

legitimately had to make a list of shit i could do over break so that i feel like i cant hurt myself until i finish it bc thats how my shit brain works. like i dont want to die but i also just dont want to deal with this anymore and i know itll get better in time but jesus fucking christ its been 8 damn years when does it actually get fully fucking good? its gotten better but more shit keeps coming up like yea i started hormones but now i dont have a fucking family anymore.

Even if i didnt have this list i wouldnt do it bc 1) i dont want to do that to my closest friend and 2) im helping someone get out of an abusive situation. She has like no support, just one cousin whos there for her, but he doesnt have resources for her. Ive been listening to her and validating her and making sure she knows that a) this is the type of shit abusers do and b) shes not fucking crazy for thinking certain things!!! she really isnt and i get it so much so ive been gently giving her contacts from the beginning to help her and she finally left and is in a really delicate place. So like not exactly the best thing for me to suddenly be gone and id feel terrible if she had no one there for her

anyway this was a long post that can basically be summed up as i really want to fucking kill myself but i wont but also im suffering a lot

#post from the blogger

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tellywoodtrash · 6 years

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suno chanda ep 2 lb

soooooooooo i missed my “deadline” (again.) but that’s nothing new around here. you guys are used to my bs by now. my net was being fucky (thanks monsoons!) so i just went the fuck to sleep last night.

ANYWAY, ONWARDS!!!!!!

was jiya under the impression that arsal WANTED to be married to her or something? itne gusse se yeh sab ISKO kyun suna rahi ho?

btw, doesn’t iqra look like nargis fakhri had a baby with ileana d’cruz?

now there’s the plot for main tera hero 2. ALLLLL THE PRETTY LADIES!!!!!!!

i love how excited and happy arsal gets every time they agree on something.

haaye bechaara, he just wants to make love, not war.

PAHAADI BAKRA!!!! FIRST INSTANCE OF MY FAV INSULT!

“tumne APNI shakal dekhi hai kabhi? jo gusse se naak phulaati ho, toh mirgi ka daura pad jaaye dekhne waale ko!”

haaaye laanat hai tumpe arsal. she’s so pretty!

lmao what’s a “pao bola”??????

kekekek i love this idiot boy’s face.

“yehi! yehi tumhari buri aadat hai! har cheez mein jo jaanwaron ko ghused deti ho!!!!!!!!!!!!” lolololol ok guess it’s some kinda animal

yeah i see why ppl were saying that iqra was a little EXTRA in the initial eps. still love her tho, and i think it just goes with the kinda character jiya is.

“toh aisi zehreeli baatein sunke, tum pehli fursat mein... MARR KYUN NAHI JAATE??????”

god grant me the ability to be this savage.

hahahaha dekho kaise poori tarah se chaabi lagaake bhej rahi hai apna kaam karwaane ke liye.

also, her lil typical desi head nod as she sends him off. too cute.

jamshed and his nonsense bandook, pffft.

idk about you guys, but i have neverrr ever once been able to take jamshed seriously when he threatens to beat up arsal. arsal looks like he can just give one stern look of his and jamshed would be cowering behind shanno. lbr the only one here who can control puttarjee is his amma.

“aaja puttar aaa, phenti khaa.” i love how she invites arsal to his doom so casually every single time.

PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT. IDIOT. abbaji ko bandook sang dekh saari hawa nikal gayi.

HAHAHAHAHAHA SHAHANA’S ISHAAREBAAZI. WHY IS EVERY DESI MOM LIKE THISSSSSSSSSSSSS

hahahahahaha look at him slinking back to her side.

and she too knows him sooooo well. that smug expression of hers was in place waaay before he even sat down.

pffffffffffffft. overconfidenceeeeeeee ki hadh.

look at the way she’s marching towards the room, my tiny little toofaan!

lol the way she literally checks on her head for seengh.

she’s so dramatic, i love it!!!!!

lmaooooooo HIS smugass smileeeeee.

HAHAHAHAHAHA THE NOISE HE MAKES AS HE MOCKS HER WITH THE EYE-TO-EYE GESTURE, I’M DYING. what a pettyasssssss......

“badiiiii phon-phaan karti gayi thi.” lmaooooooooo

wait wow, masooma was anti-arsal in the start?!?!?!?!?!? 10 ep mein toh aapko shehzaada dikhne lagta hai woh!!!!

and jalal phupa was ok with him, but anti-jiya! wow, how things changed!!!!!!

NAIK SEERAT, AUR KINZA? KHUDA KA KHAUF KAREIN, JALAL MIYAAN!

lol awww, jalal phupa just wants some lovin’.

god kinza, do you not have any apps on your phone to pass the time? some temple run? twitter? at least candy crush? matlab, kuch aur bhi hobbies develop karo, har waqt is ek bande ki photo hi dekhti rehti ho.

am i supposed to feel bad for her? i don’t. dafa ho, you meesni.

lmao the ammas don’t give one single fuck about these two’s ~~~~angst.

SHANNO’S FACE BE LIKE “BITCH WHO DO YOU THINK YOU’RE TALKING TO THIS WAY?????? AND YOU PUT THAT FINGER DOWN BEFORE I PUT IT DOWN FOR YOU.”

arsal/jiya, you should call your impertinent declarations “wedding cake”, coz in 30 days, YOU’RE GONNA BE EATING THEM.

bijaan is so amazingly petty towards masooma’s sasuraal lol.

bijaan too, like us, never gave a shit about kinza. kuch bhi kaho, bijaan insaan ko parakhti badi sahi hain.

OMG SHERRY’S DAD’S NAME IS MUNAWAR. MEANING SHERRY’S NAME IS SHEHERYAR MUNAWAR.

damn bijaan the grudge is stronggggggggg.

SHERRYYYYYYYYYYYYYY. YOU CUTIEEEEEEEEEEE.

aw man, it’s so nice to see arsal and sherry be friendly towards each other.

haaye why’d they have to break up the BROtp like that tho.

huma truly is a saint to put up with the hellion that is jiya. so aggro!

GOD HUMA IS SO STINKING CUTE I CAN’T!!!!!!!!!!! WHY GOD WHYYYYYYYY COULDN’T SHE BE ENDGAME FOR SHERRRRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY JUST LOOK AT HER SHE’S THE HUMAN EQUIVALENT OF RASMALAI (SWEET AND SQUISHY)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

gosh i really feel aghaji’s frustration. nothing i hate more than ppl who come obstruct the tv. wtf you think you made of, glass???? SAAMNE SE HATT BEWAKOOF INSAAN!!!!!

“crown mahal” for taj mahal. god sherry, you are SUCHHHHH a burger bachcha!

so much aapas ki rishtedaari ki sherry bhi confuse ki aghaji shanno ke khaalu hain ya phupa.

UGH HE’S SO CUTE. *kisses screen*

lol sherry ka bhi nickname chanda hai kya? dikhta bhi chand jaisa hi hai. *kisses screen some more*

“bin bulaaye toh allah miyaan ke paas bhi nahi jaonga main, shaadi toh door ki baat hai!” waaaaah, what tadi, what swag.

lmaooooo such typical desi shaadi invitation list - humne unko yeh diya tha, ab humari lene ki baari!

my god masooma and her idhar udhar ke ainvayii ke jhagde, khatam hi nahi hote!

gotta respect jalal for calling out bijaan’s pettyness tho.

haha shahana’s meethi churi waali smile at jalal.

idhar shahana ki nautanki shuru. god this family is so damn Extra.

lo, nawa katta khul gaya. card pe naam chaapne ka.

i am nazaakat. too much fuckery, mera bhi bp shoot kar raha hai.

LOOK AT THIS SAHABZAADA JUST SITTING WAITING FOR HIS ROTIS.

AADHE SE ZYAADA EPISODE HO GAYA, MERA GOLUUUUUUU KAHAN HAI?????

lmao arsal is truly his mother’s son in terms of shadin’ on ppl.

pfffffffft arsal, if you think she’s going to get jealous at some other chick’s ROTI MAKING SKILLZ, you really don’t know her at all.

lmao she was legit just stealing a roti OFF HIS SIDE PLATE. hadhhhhh hai jiya!

arsal’s so used to these threats of violence, he doesn’t even bother retorting.

i love how she just replies to him without even fucking blinking. telling him to piss off is as natural as breathing to her!

GOLU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“lo! aa gaya tumhara matka bhai! laaya hoga tumhare jaisi koi manhoos khabr!” lololololololol

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS SCENE: JIYA’S “JAAN CHOOTI!” RELIEF, ARSAL’S INSTANT “YA ALLAH TERA SHUKR HAI!!!!”, JIYA’S LIL SLAP AND HIM QUICKLY CHECKING ON KINZA, WHO BTW HAS SEEN ALL OF ITTTTTT.

lmao arsal’s 300% insincere “so sad!” fucking idiot.

hahahahahahaha, in the end our girl got what SHE wanted - the rotis.

“baap itne jaldi kyun marr jaate hain????” OMFG MASOOMA

adorable fucking idiots.

“haaye jalal miyaan, toh kya main maut ke kuwein mein motorcycle chalaake khush karoon?” lmao bijaan’s examples are the bestttttttt

“kudi te munde da naam katwaake tussi doweyaan da naam likhaa diye?”

lololololol phupa’s face. (and jamshed’s face!!!!!!!!!)

“koi akheeri beghairat aadmi hai jalal phupa!” “haan. bikul tumhari tarah. koi izzat-e-nafz hi nahi hai!”

lmao ek bhi mauka nahi chodti. sach mein bijaan ki hi potttiii hai.

naak like eiffel tower isn’t really an insult tho? everyone wants a nice, straight nose like that!

lmao she called him a daddu tho.

shanno is us. fangirling hard.

is ghar mein SABKO hi BP hai kya?

waise hairaani ki baat hai bhi nahi. harkatein toh ek ek ki aisi hi hain, ki jo bhi dekhein, bp high ho hi jaaye.

EVERYONE IN THIS HOUSE AND THEIR LAUNDRY WAALE MASLE, LORD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ugh, is kinza ne toh kasam le rakhi hai, istiri kar kar ke biwi banne ka. hattttt manhoos, kitna bhi karle, nahi milne waala tujhe!

lol arsal being like you’re too polite to be related to us badtameez ppl.

EPISODE 2 MEIN HI THIS MEESNI HAS STARTED HER TACTICS. GOD I HATE HER SO MUCH.

ugh arsal, badhaawaa na do!

and god kinza you dumbass, he’s just using you. as his ainvayiiiii ka “yes man” and dhoban.

le, yeh paagal itne mein hi itnaaaaaaaa khush hai. bewakoof beghairat ladki.

lol did he make the shower excuse just to get kinza out of his room???? he’s sitting here in the same pehle waala outfit now.

this pattern waala passcode thing is the most BS thing ever. it’s the easiest way to get into someone’s phone. you just have to observe them unlocking their phone ONCE. why ppl keep using it is beyond me.

lol shaitaani message bheja bhi, toh itnaaa shareeef.

arsal ko golu ki pitaayi kiye bina khaana hazam nahi hota. (god why are boys like thisssssssssssssss)

DUMBASS, SO BAD AT SPYING

OHNOE! CHAANTA! BUT WHY????????????!

oh ho jiyaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! kabhi toh ungli mat kiya karo!

haaye bechaare ko ainvayi jhaapad khaana pada. *rubs his cheek*

“DURRR FITTEH MOOH AISE JAZBAATON KA!” lol shanno, maybe take some of your own advice also.

“insaani tareekh mein aisa zaalim, aisa jabir baap kisi ka nahi hai, jitna mera hai!”

ok that’s a bit much betaji.

lol at him side-eying his friend’s roohafza tho. ladka is halal!max.

obligatory dialogue about i may have lived outside but i still gots me sanskaar!!!!!!

or as they put it here, “khaandaani riwayatein”.

lol his animated retelling.

so sherry and aghaji are supposedly in london, but those bags are most definitely for outlets in the middle east.

“by god, itni waahiyat cheap story maine aaj tak nahi suni! jiya ne mere totay udaa diye, maine uska dupatta jala diya..... tum dono ne koi insaano waali harkat ki hai aaj tak?”

lel, this friend (yasir?) is all of us.

lololololol golu’s face.

“kya kar logi itna padhkar? aakhir mein wohi haandi-chulha hota hai.”

ok 0.3 seconds of feeling bad for kinza, that she’s been conditioned to never want more in life.

i love how she says LSE mein admission leti, as if baaju ke kiraane ki dukaan se chai ki patti khareedne jaisa easy ho.

kinza toh just wants to get jiya out of the way. tu chup kar, meesni!!!!!!

aaaaaaaaaaand no doubt, golu’s been paid to drop this little tidbit of info in front of jiya?

#suno chanda #sc lbs #episode liveblogs

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howsareeasy · 6 years

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it isn’t failure; it’s data

Equipment: mac pro 2014 with inbuilt mic. Moto G3 (and then Moto G6) for reading via the Adobe Acrobat PDF reader. For hosting purposes, Dropbox and Mediafire. Software: both GarageBand and Audacity.

There’s 1600 words under the cut. Or you can read here over at Dreamwidth if it’s easier

Chose: GaragageBand or Audacity: For the sheer scope of the information gathered alone, Audacity. I held out on using Audacity until I got my head around GarageBand, because GB was Apple. I did five of my first podfics in GarageBand (and the last six in Audacity). I'm glad that I did GarageBand before I got into Audacity, because Audacity didn't feel that difficult when I got my head around it, because I already had my wars with GarageBand. Although I do like GarageBand for the ease of rerecording (you literally just record over the offending area), and insertion of silences, it has a lot of drawbacks. For instance, when it comes to longer files (about 180mins) it will start to eat your files. In addition, because not many people use GarageBand, information on troubleshooting is pretty rare, and Apple insists on upgrading and changing the interface ever so often. As a result, a lot of people I know are working from their legacy interface from 2014. It doesn't help me with what I have now. I only know one person (other than myself) who worked in GarageBand, and got tired of bugging her (she's busy and took ages to respond to my questions, because she's BUSY). whereas with Audacity, there are enough people to have a wiki. There are guides everywhere in terms of how to use Audacity, especially podfic specific guides. Overall, Audacity is a bit more straightforward, once you know what to look for. The wiki is relatively comprehensive and easy to follow. For instance, once I got my head around recording edits and putting them in the spaces where they needed to be, the process of recording patches then patching them for reedits is fairly straight forward. Audacity has the advantage of doing more pin point edits when it comes to mouth noises, and general cleaning up of fic background noises with noise plates. Audacity's envelope application is a lot better and smoother than GarageBand's fades (in terms of say, if you want to have music fading in or out of your narrative). Now, I don't think I'm going to be the sort of person to use music in a podfic unless the writer is pretty much waving semaphore flags and going - this piece of music here!- but it's a neat effect. Hardest thing about podficcing: For me, it was getting the reading down pat, to be honest. When I listen to my first five podfics, I'm surprised at how fast I'm reading, so every reading it's been me telling myself to slow down. It's one of the reasons why I started to edit as I go, because it forced me to refocus, and check my speed when rabbiting along. Then because my reading got slower, I could engage in the process of the fic more. However, as I grew more confident with the reading flow, I'd allow myself to read through a chapter or so, and then go back and edit. I didn't really get the concept of what a read/performance was until podfic 7, I guess (AO3 is down now, so I can't remember what it is. I want to say Cloud City). The whole concept of pauses in podfic and how that's a part of hitting the ear didn't really strike me until about podfic 10 (Stay In My Eyeline to the point where I took it down and recut for silences). But I think podfic 9 (Good Timing), made me happy enough with my narrative and voice bits. As much as podfic 11 KICKED MY ARSE, I'm more or less happy with the pauses and spaces in the fic. I mean, I could have done more, let the quiet spill out, especially towards the ending, but you can only learn by doing. I'm not going to beat up myself with the first podfics, tbh, because no one is born a master. Now, that last podfic. I don't think I had any hubris with the first ten podfics. I tried to improve on every one as I went on, and I think they got better quality wise when I jumped over to Audacity, because again, because of noise plates and edits made for a cleaner product (I could get rid of the 'clunk' sound when I'd stop the recording), but that last podfic (Now That I'm In Madrid) almost made me rage quit many a time. Between the file deletions, Audacity freezing, my files crashing, having to borrow someone else's PC to get my three hour files on as well as the edits, the installation of my mpegg plug in refusing to deal on my macbook (until I had to manually install it, after overriding Apple’s admin permissions to accept the plug in), only to export the chapters and not being able to bundle them into a book. Plus my voice turning to gravelly mush in the last third of the reading, it's been a hard knock on my confidence, to be honest. To the point where, I'm like, "Yeah, I liked podficcing, I guess? But erm... I don't think it likes me much." That being said, I really like the last story, and I'm sorry that I didn't do my best by it, but it was beyond my ken. To the point where, if I had to redo the podfic (lol, no), I couldn't do it any better right now, and that's fine. Reading source: A lot of people read their fic on screen while the recording is going on in the background. I tend to read directly from my smartphone, using the Adobe PDF app. I do like the app because you can highlight bits, and insert comments on the document, it's also smooth scrolling experience reading wise. My Moto G6 has more power and a better screen so it's an easier read. File hosting: Dropbox and MediaFire are relatively straightforward. They are fine. Most annoying bit of podficcing: Podfic covers. As much as I know that they didn't have to be made, I pretty much did it, because people do expect them (before Itsadrizzit started the push to overturn the practice). I wouldn't do anything beyond a text box now, but podfic covers came at the worst time for me. After recording, edits, and listen throughs and before uploading for hosting. I forever whinged around that. Most surprising bit of podficcing: The edits, I guess? I didn't mind them at all. I can do edits while being sociable, whereas for preprepping and doing the reading itself, I had to lock myself away and put my phone on 'do not disturb' mode. Would I podfic again? I don't have the resources, nor will I be in a position to get a new laptop for the while so, no, I don't know. More no than yes. It depends? As it is, I can't risk anything more than a 60 min run time (no more than 9.5k word count) and even then, I do wonder if I should review that to 30 mins (about 3-4k word count) because I can't trust my equipment. It makes no sense to set your stall up for anything less than a 2k word count. It's too much hassle for me to find an empty space and record for anything under 1.8k at least. Not to mention the edits, listen through (ugh) and hosting. I can't do anything chaptered in terms of podbooks (because I don't know how to bundle the chapters to export without having ppl downloading 24 separate files and I don't have the bandwidth to deal with that right now. I'd just do a basic .m4b file, although I hear that people aren't fans and NEED. CHAPTERED .m4b podfic, but these madams will have to deal). My computer cannot be trusted to splice various files together (for instance, if I wanted to do a fic with a run time of 180mins, I'd have to do three 60min files, then splice them together. My computer crashed twice doing that feat, so no). This is tragic, because it's knee capped what I wanted to do. Liiiiike that 25k fic to pod in my bookmarks is now deleted (170 mins run time, three files of 57 mins give or take). Overall, yay or nay? Yay! I'd like to think that I have shown respect for podficcers before, but after doing it for three weeks (11 podfics in three weeks, but I spent two weeks before doing the research) my respect is tenfold. It's not just reading what's on the page, but reacting to it with a mixture of control with the air of surprise. There's an art to it, as well as the technical bits, be it just having a fluid and enjoyable listening experience. Hell, just reading aloud alone is its own feat of stamina. There's the weighing up of file hostings, and this on top of the lack of Blanket Permissions, so if you find a fic that you want to do but there's no BP, you're out of luck, and there are far too many writers who are really arsey toward the whole medium. Conclusion: So, yeah, my experiment ends here! It wasn't a total failure, but it hasn't been an activity brimming with triumphant successes either. Thanks for the weigh ins and the advice from the podficcers who've been doing this for a minute. If you're a writer and are reading this, please think about including a BP in your profiles, even if it's a yes, maybe so (please ask) or hell no (so you won't be bothered).

#podficcer's log #podfic phase 2: audacity bugaloo #adventures in podficcing #adventures in podfic

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