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cynicalalpaca · 2 months

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I should post this here too, shouldn't I?

Explanations under the cut

Astarion: Thief of Blood. Along with the obvious fact that he steals literal blood, his initial plan is to manipulate the player into liking him, “stealing” a bond with them for his protection. And that was basically his m.o. for 200 years. If he Ascends, he would turn into a Lord of Blood

Shadowheart: Maid of Heart. I imagine that she’s spent most of her life inverted as a Bard of Mind, allowing her mind to be destroyed by the Sharrans. The Maid of Heart is, well, made of their own identity. It’s a creation class, and Shart is spending the rest of her life creating herself. If she became a Dark Justiciar, she would remain a Bard of Mind

Gale: Mage of Light. The active understanding class and the knowledge aspect fit the resident nerd of the group, don’t you think? He’s probably the smartest party member (in terms of academic/theoretic knowledge) and uses that knowledge to power his magic. In addition, Light is associated with relevancy and acknowledgement and boy oh boy was he desperate for Mystra’s. If he becomes the God of Ambition, he would turn into a Lord of Light

Lae’zel: Prince of Breath. I know the general understanding of Prince is that they destroy the aspect, but I understand them as also being able to destroy through use of their aspect. Lae’zel is destroying Vlaakith’s empire by freeing the githyanki people and leading a revolution. Maybe a bit of a stretch, but I was trying to avoid overlap for the origin characters. I could also see her as a Knight or Prince of Blood

Karlach: Knight of Rage. She’s a berserker, she fights by utilizing rage. And the popular idea that Knights start out lacking in their aspect is pretty apt too, she’s an extremely positive person while Rage is all about more negative emotions. I think she might ghost her inverted class- Rogue of Hope- but never fully inverts, just toys with distributing hope and positivity.

Wyll: Heir of Hope. I fully admit Wyll kinda got the short end of the stick as he was the last character I did, but I do think it fits. Heirs passively manipulate or inspire their aspect in others, and Wyll fights for the people as the Blade of Frontiers, inspiring Hope in those he protects. I could also see him as a Blood aspect, as so much of his story deals with his bonds- to his father, Mizora, Baldur’s Gate and the people of the Coast

Minthara: Maid of Doom. This is where I stopped caring about overlap lol. Minthara is your most “evil” companion and one who approves of killing people in your way. Doom was a pretty clear choice for her, being the Aspect of death, but also dealing with systems and authority, like the Cult of the Absolute and her place in its hierarchy. As for her class, Maids create their aspect and make it a core part of themselves. Minthara has been surrounded by death and hierarchies her whole life, having been born to a high ranking noble house in Menzoberranzan, leading to them being a very core part of her being. I can also see her vacillating wildly between Maid of Doom and her inverse, Bard of Life, because she’s just that chaotic. They both deal with death, but the Bard is a bit more passive about it, allowing others (the Cult, the player) to take lead on the killing

Halsin: Knight of Breath. Again running with the “Knights lack their Aspect” theory, Halsin starts the game lacking the freedom he desires. He’s literally imprisoned by the goblins, but he’s also constrained by his role as Archdruid, almost toying with his inverse of Rogue of Blood. He craves the freedom of nature and jumps at the opportunity to gain it. You could also argue wildshape is a form of freedom (both of form and of self) that he uses to fight. There’s also his talk of polyamory and how he doesn’t want to be tied down. Freedom is a recurring thing with the guy

Jaheira: Witch of Life. Life is a pretty clear choice for a druid, as Life deals with flora and fauna. Witch is the active manipulation class, and Jaheira is introduced manipulating plants to hold the player. Additionally, she’s shown nurturing life by caring for various children in Baldur’s Gate, sorta like how Feferi took care of various marine animals

Minsc: Knight of Hope. Okay this was the hardest one for me because I don’t fully get Minsc. I’ve only played BG3, I don’t know him from any other games or comics or whatever. But from what I do know, he was obviously one of the more offensive and active classes and Knight seems to fit him best. He utilizes Hope- usually in the form of others’ trust in him- to fight. Without that trust, he wouldn’t be as effective, he always fights best with his companions. He’s also just a happy, up-beat guy, and Hope is largely focused on positive emotions

Boo: Lord of Doom. BOO DECIDES THE FATE OF ALL. HE HAS ULTIMATE SAY OVER LIFE AND DEATH

#Baldur's Gate 3 #BG3 #Baldurs Gate 3 #Baldur's Gate #Baldurs Gate #Homestuck #No i'm not sorry for doing this #Astarion #Shadowheart #Gale #Lae'zel #Karlach #Wyll Ravenguard #Minthara #Halsin #Jaheira #Minsc

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vicioux · 11 months

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ICHIHIME FIC RECS

i can't believe i've been reading ichihime fanfics for literally 10 years ✌️ my favorite flavor is definitely pining with a touch of angst, but i am also a sucker for just them giggly all over each other! thank you bleach TYBW anime revival for bringing me back to these two cutie patooties and an even bigger thank you to all the writers that have been keeping the fandom alive all these years (especially in the earlier days back in the wild wild west of ff.net and LJ lol) y'all are amazing 💖 happy reading everyone p.s you can find the rest of my fic rec lists here

🍓 alternate universe 🍞

THE BRIDE OF THE DEATH GOD by caledon A plague descended upon the village, and to appease the God of Death they offered him a bride as a sacrifice.

THE DEVIL'S PLAYTHING by marshmallowbirb High-schooler Kurosaki Ichigo discovers that he isn't as human as he once thought - and neither is his classmate, Inoue Orihime.

THE RELUCTANT BRIDEGROOM, DEATH by marshmallowbirb On a sunny summer morning, the young goddess Orihime gathers flowers on a hillside.

STARCROSS'D by child of the ashes In the vampire palace of Los Noches, there is no greater curse than beauty, and no greater crime than love.

NEXT VISIT by aurona x She can see him only with autumn comes, that man of the deep blue tree. And over the years, her love for him grows.

MOTHERHOOD by ashe flyght Orihime's family is financially unstable. So when Japan's most in demand actor, Kurosaki Ichigo offers her an unusual job will she accept it?

FINE LINES by lastlynotleast Ichigo is a tattoo artist and Orihime has skin he could draw on forever.

🍓 multichapter 🍞

THE BOND BETWEEN US by ritsu-san Post Ch. 352: Ichigo and Orihime are left to figure out this strange bond they share.

TIL DEATH DO US PART by marshmallowbirb Deemed too powerful, Ichigo is sequestered in Soul Society after defeating Aizen. Ten years later, one of his human friends dies.

THE CLOCKWORK SWITCH by sesamerolls (1 // 2 // 3) “Kurosaki-kun?” She wanted to bite back her words. This person couldn’t be him. He was a few inches taller, broader, and manlier than the youth who gave her daifuku just minutes before.

🍓 oneshots that will make you feeeeel 🍞

DEMAGNETIZE by ghosty If opposites attract, then what does that mean for us?

TACTILE by mrhooty Orihime has accepted that her boundaries will never be respected, but Ichigo is too good of a friend to allow that.

AFFIRMATION by sesamerolls Ichihime from the beginning to the end.

HOME IS WHERE THE SUN SETS by awkwardspaceturtle Using the word ‘beautiful’ didn’t seem like enough; nothing he could ever say out loud would tell her how she really looked in his eyes.

BUILD A HOUSE IN PARADISE by zabiume Ichigo and Orihime move in together.

PAPER HOUSES by zabiume Mostly, he just wanted to know if she was okay, if she was eating well and passing her courses and if, when she went to bed at night, she had someone to smile about.

PROMPTFILL by zabiume Truth serum induced angst.

PROMPTFILL by captainrukias-husband Ichigo writes a poem for Orihime.

TEMPTARE BEAST by mayelisa As Orihime watched in horror as Ichigo took on that form again, she had a sinking feeling that this day wouldn't turn out at all like she had planned.

MEMORIES IN THE RAIN by garden of magnolias If I were the rain, could I connect with someone's heart, as the rain can unite the eternally separated earth and sky?

ALWAYS SUMMER by folle Orihime is calling, calling, and Ichigo doesn't know how to not answer, except in the most important way.

BECOMING WHOLE by lovelycollision He loves her in various ways, during different stages of his life. It's after the war when he realizes that he's in the third stage, otherwise known as the beginning.

🍓 outside POV looking in 🍞

ELEVATING by sesamerolls “Okay, let’s theoretically agree Ichi-nii has a girlfriend,” said Karin, resting her palm underneath her chin.

SIMPLY BY MEASUREMENT by sesamerolls When it first began, he pretended not to notice.

PROMPTFILL by scribblles Ichigo screwed up his befuddlement into a distinctly grumpy expression. “For your information, I wasn’t daydreaming, I was thinking. Worrying, actually. And it’s about a friend. Who… happens to be a girl.”

🍓 funny fluffy oneshots 🍞

OF MICE AND MEN by garden of magnolias Ichigo realizes that getting rid of a mouse in his and Orihime's apartment is a lot more complicated when it involves his girlfriend.

I REJECT! by scribblles Keigo has a rare moment of inadvertent correctness.

RUMOUR HAS IT by fictionaryplace Ichigo and Orihime have important news, but decide to have a little fun with their friends and family before coming clean.

DELAYED REACTION by crystal dawn Orihime is feeling under the weather. Against his better judgment, Ichigo suggests she visit his father's clinic.

ICED FRAPPUCCINO by hedonysms Ichigo and Orihime get a coffee. Ichigo is simultaneously an emotional sap and a horny, utterly repressed man.

STARTING FRESH by kay sincere Ichigo doesn't have a resolution for the new year himself. But it does come to his attention that his friends could use his help.

NOSEBLEED by deathberryhime Where that little smile would have done more damage than intended to.

OUR BREATHS IN PERFECT HARMONY by iwillhaveamoonbase When Ichigo's friend talks about a cute girl at a bakery, Ichigo agrees to introduce them with no idea that the girl in question is his girlfriend.

WELL WISHERS by adverb_slut It turns out that shinigami are not so great at gift-buying, especially for a four-week-old baby.

THE ART OF SHIPPING by alice hattercandy In which, everyone ships. Even Ichigo.

🍓 anything and everything by these authors 🍞

SESAMEROLLS CAPTAINRUKIAS-HUSBAND ZABIUME (tumblr // ao3) SCRIBBLLES CRYSTALDAWN / MARSHMALLOWBIRB (ffnet // ao3) ORIHIMES RITSU-SAN (more on their LJ sunburnt-wings) TRAGICOMEDY (more on their LJ explicates)

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accio-victuuri · 4 months

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12/30/2023: LRLG Update

i didn’t expect this omg. and so early in the morning? thank you for sending this to us right now instead of 31st and as if yesterday wasn’t busy enough so they do this to us now. i’m looking at the 9:05 kadian tho. maybe they wanted to get that as well.

and it’s so long too! this one is basically your usual scenarios of either them together or talking to each other over the phone. i’m not giving too much commentary, just enjoy it for what it is and this feels like one of those lrlg that won’t make much sense till something happens after. and that’s the best kind of fake rumor, when we think nothing of it now but it turns out to be crucial in the future.

anyway, let us see what’s going on here. ⬇️⬇️⬇️

WYB: "Oh, don't do this"

XZ: "cute"

WYB: "Don't send it"

XZ: "Yeah, okay, okay"

👩‍🦳: "Water soaked astragalus"

XZ: "Looks like cold medicine

👩‍🦳: "The only difference is that this one won't melt."

XZ: "Can this even be eaten?"

👩‍🦳: "Well...theoretically it's possible"

WYB: "It's all soaked in water, so don't eat the dregs."

XZ: "I'm done with your wisdom."

WYB: "You're not allowed to say anything?"

XZ: “I don’t want to be honest and say it directly.”

WYB: "oh".

* I don’t know what the hell they could possibly be talking about here which is normal for LRLG scenarios lol. maybe we will know more as the days and months pass by!

====

XZ: "Didn't you order fruit?"

WYB: “Isn’t it here? You ordered before ordering food.”

XZ: “Who ordered it?”

WYB: "You're not looking"

XZ: "I was looking at what I wanted to eat and I didn't order anything."

👩‍🦳: "Uh...we thought you two ordered it but we didn't."

WYB: "Order now to finish your meal."

👩‍🦳: "Okay, I'll order now"

XZ: "You don't need to eat."

WYB: "My interface can't be switched for that long."

WYB: "I thought you just ordered it."

WYB: "Isn't it because Brother X is not causing trouble here?"

WYB: "But I ordered coffee for you."

WYB: "I will give you some fruit now. It will definitely arrive after dinner."

XZ: "No, I won't eat today.

XZ: “This dish is of a good quality, please try it”

👩‍🦳: “I ordered it before and the boss said it was delicious. I’ll order one for you to try.”

XZ: “The food is average”

WYB: "Hey, it's objective."

* XZ being the picky eater 😂😂😂 it still warms my heart how they make a big deal of having a meal with each other and include the staff.

=====

👩‍🦳: "It's all on the inside and outside. If there's something wrong, I'll correct it directly."

XZ: "Relax, your boss is easy to work with."

👩‍🦳: 😳

WYB: "He's just so easy to get along with now. Once you get to know him, you won't notice anymore.

XZ: I said you.

WYB: Oh

👩‍🦳: you are really good

* I’m cry laughing omggggg 😂😂😂 wyb be clowning and implying that XZ is gonna be a good boss now but maybe more strict in the future. Not knowing that XZ was actually talking about him ( yibo ) being easy to work with. AHHHHHH! Yibo is good boss!!!!

======

this next part is them playing and wyb is like, i will take you ( xz ) to fight. and xz is eye roll emoji. lol. i can’t help but think about that bts where xz says wyb gets happiness over him losing 😂😂😂

======

WYB: Come on, transfer the money

XZ: No money

WYB: Then I'll buy something and you can pay for it on my behalf

XZ: No money

WYB: I have with my strengths

XZ: Then based on my strengths i don’t have money

WYB: You can't keep saying ‘no money’

XZ: Then send it to me

WYB: And then what?

XZ: Then I have money

WYB: Yes

* LOL XZ! No money? aren’t you the god of wealth???

======

WYB: "Is this frozen?"

👩‍🦳: "This is the effect produced by palm wax"

WYB: "Like ice

👩‍🦳: “It’s fun”

WYB: "How many are there?"

👩‍🦳: "Made five"

WYB: "give me one"

👩‍🦳: "For both of you"

👩‍🦳: “With added essential oils”

* here we go again with WYB and his love for candles with essential oils! and i love how the person is talking to immediately offers to give two for both of them, so whoever this is knows about it. we don’t know if the person is their staff or an acquaintance.

and later on, it’s implied that they are on video call

WYB: "Look at the magic"

WYB:“Does it look like it’s frozen?”

WYB:"I asked for one XX for you and gave two."

WYB: "Wait until I send you one and then take one home."

* my god! it’s so cute!!! The mundane things that make them happy and talk about!

then the woman says what she has is not enough and will make more.

====

this next part is full of WYB speaking.

"No, no need to wait, I'll tell you."

“It’s super cold but I’m okay and I can survive it.”

"I've been telling you for a long time. Did you hear me cough?"

"Oh, you are like Wangwang senbei, I can't compare to you."

"If you say it looks good, then it looks good."

“Look at me, look at me”

“is this okay”

“Can you just take a screenshot?”

"What expression should I take later?"

“Did you see what I'm wearing? Can you choose something serious?”

* I’m imagining WYB showing off his outfits to XZ for his recent red carpet events. Even if they are not together, look at them always taking the time to talk and be present for each other 🥹🥹🥹🥹

=====

the last convo is wyb talking to his staff and the topic is someone’s dog and it’s being shown to WYB.

=====

lrlg gives us a small message and talks about the end of the year and how all tasks should be finished, but most importantly they wish us : Happy New Year. Getting better and better!

which is zz and wyb’s usual message and wish for themselves and other people.

-END.

#yizhan #bjyx #there is no science here i’m just clowning i always do #sorry this seems rushed!!! i literally have to take a shower and be out the door lol #what a great day!!!!#they have really been spoiling us in the days leading up to the end of year!

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youcouldmakealife · 4 months

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LBTE: Jared (149-150)

In which Jared is the last to find out about his sister's new boyfriend, and he takes it just as calmly as you'd expect.

If you would like to follow along the series page is here.

“Um,” Jared says, when he opens the front door of their apartment to find Bryce beaming right at him.

Like, right at him. Like if Jared had swung open the door without paying attention he might have smacked Bryce right in his beautiful face.

Literally ran to the door like a puppy hearing its human come home.

“I’m allowed to train again!” Bryce says.

“Like,” Jared says. “Very carefully?”

“Very carefully,” Bryce confirms, and then, as if he’s trying to completely undermine Jared’s confidence that he’ll take that advice seriously, bolts into the living room at high speed.

A puppy with the zoomies.

Jared catches “—sorry, had to tell Jared—“, which he thinks means Bryce literally dropped everything to tell him, everything presumably being a call with Elaine. Though it could be someone else, Jared supposes. Theoretically.

“—love you too, mom,” Bryce says, then reappears so quickly Jared thinks he bolted right back.

Zoom zoom. (To no one’s surprise, he did — albeit with ‘one sec I think Jared’s home’ first. Elaine didn’t mind)

“Come on!” Bryce says, and that’s how Jared caps off an entire day at the gym by going to another, closer gym, and trying not to helicopter husband, partly because they’re in public, and partly because Bryce might bite his head off if he gets between him and the equipment after a long absence.

Relationship with Jared over, now gym equipment is Bryce’s best friend.

Jared says nothing, even when a piece of penne lands on the carpet. Bryce is too happy about all the complaining he’s doing to deflate him. And it’s not like Jared’s worried Bryce is going to go hungry.

He does, however, make Bryce clean the pasta up, because if he didn’t he’s pretty sure Bryce would literally not even notice it was there. He has to do it again himself after Bryce does a half-assed job and then puts his nose right in his phone. Thank fuck it wasn’t a tomato based sauce or their carpet would be toast. Why do they even have a carpet? They’re clearly not responsible enough for one.

Seriously, carpet should have disqualified the place.

“Uh, J?” Bryce says. “You might want to check twitter?”

“Signing?” Jared asks on his way back from the kitchen. It’s getting around that time where some of the stragglers realise a contract-less season is imminent and take whatever offers are still available. That or teams realise they’re missing a key piece of the picture and start looking into what’s available and affordable. “Trade?”

“Um,” Bryce says, his whole body a wince, which is — concerning. “Just look?”

No fucking way Bryce is telling him, you can’t make him.

“Did they trade Gabe?” Jared asks.

They can’t trade Gabe. Gabe’s franchise, one of only two players from that Cup season still on the Canucks. He’s a fan favourite, and a sizeable contingent of their younger fans don’t remember a team without him. It’s pretty much an open secret he wants to spend his entire career in Vancouver, and that’s mutual. Also Stephen would fight management. Possibly literally.

Also Jared would be sad, so clearly it’s not allowed.

It has to be someone on the team who means more to Jared than they do to Bryce, considering it’s something Bryce thinks Jared needs to see for himself, which leaves Gabe and —

Literally it’s just Gabe.

Also Stephen, but Jared’s pretty sure Brian can’t trade him.

“Nobody’s traded!” Bryce says. “Just. You need to see it? Instead of me telling you about it?”

Not for a million dollars will Bryce tell him.

If people on the internet are talking about how hot they think Jared’s dad is again, he swears to god —

One of my favourite subplots that doesn’t make the main narrative — Don the DILF.

“Erin’s trending again,” Bryce says.

Jared’s sister trending on twitter is really not something that Jared expected to happen twice. Like, even in a big Canadian market, that’s getting slightly absurd for a the sister of a middle-six forward.

Imagine how she feels. (She again thinks it’s funny)

Bryce gently kicks him in the shin. “You might want to look it up.”

“No thanks,” Jared says.

Bryce kicks him again. “Seriously, though.”

“If I do will you stop kicking me?” Jared asks.

“Yeah,” Bryce says.

Please look this up out of your own volition so you won’t shoot Bryce Marcus, Messenger.

“J,” Bryce says. “He’s clearly not going to pick up.”

Jared hits ‘end’ and then ‘call’ for the fourth time.

Surely he will pick up the fourth time you call to yell at him.

“Maybe just leave a message?” Bryce suggests weakly.

“Are you fucking my sister?” Jared asks when the operator’s finished telling him the number he has dialled is currently unavailable, because Julius couldn’t even be bothered to set his voicemail message after literal years in Canada. “And pick up your fucking phone, Halla, I swear to god.”

Bryce regrets his suggestion.

“What,” he says.

“He’s probably not going to want to call you back?” Bryce says. “If you sound like that?”

“Nobody cares what Julius wants!” Jared says.

“Um,” Bryce says. “Are you — okay?”

Bryce increasingly realising Jared was completely blindsided by this and mentally rewinding to every time he thought Jared was just ignoring the relationship out of pettiness.

“You knew about this,” Jared says with dawning realisation.

Bryce looks shifty.

“You knew,” Jared says. “And you let me find out from twitter.”

“I didn’t know know,” Bryce says.

They have not been formally told, but nobody has been hiding this from them. See: several parts ago, when Erin was visiting a friend in Edmonton (nobody told Jared it was a university friend, as he stated, Jared just assumed it must be because he knows Erin didn’t keep in touch with anyone from high school or earlier. Neither Matheson sibling is a big friend maker)

“Jared,” Bryce says, then, from the other side of a slammed door, “Hey, that’s my room!”

Jared is sulking, so by all rights the sulking room now belongs to him.

He’d ask if the picture was misinterpreted, like it was with Bryce, but there really aren’t that many interpretations for a kiss. Sure, some cultures greet one another with kisses, but as far as Jared is aware, the Finns are not one of them, and neither are the Mathesons.

Ah yes, the famed Matheson culture. Signs of affection are ribbing, mockery, and snide.

And even if a kiss on the mouth was a Finnish greeting, it’d be one Julius would pointedly not do. Julius doesn’t like participating in things.

This is so accurate but hilarious from Jared because it’s one of the reasons they get along so well.

He’s not your liney anymore. Erin replies. P sure both your current lineys are already taken.

Also he’s literally on a rival team now? That’s like the anti-liney.

Ene-liney.

So you’re not denying it. Jared texts. He originally ended the text an exclamation mark, but that looked too dramatic. He’s fine. He’s chill.

So you’re not denying it!

Is this a thing? Jared writes, after deleting the two extra question marks that somehow popped up.

Is this a thing???

How long has this been a thing? Jared asks.

Officially? Like two weeks.

Before this there was some hanging out. But the euphemism-y kind of hanging out. And some texting while Julius was away. But Julius came back from Finland early, even before it was ‘officially’, which makes it a full-on Thing.

Unofficially? Jared asks.

Idk. You know how it is, Erin replies.

Jared does not know how it is. He can’t even begin to guess what she’s referring to, he has so little awareness of how it is. He met Bryce and that was it for him. Well. Give or take a few weeks and a minor grudge.

Oh we’re calling it a minor grudge now?

Wait no you don’t you were engaged at my age hahaha

Erin obviously knows Jared was engaged at nineteen, and gave him shit for it at the time (her ‘I can’t believe you’re going to be a child bride’ is one of my favourite lines in the entire series) but now that she’s nineteen herself?

His phone lights up with another text, which is just hahahahahaha and crying laughing emojis.

She’s dying what were they THINKING.

“Can I come in?” Bryce asks meekly.

“Fine,” Jared says, since it’s not like he’s talking to Erin anymore. Though he doesn’t know why Bryce would want to. This is the sulking room, and Bryce doesn’t seem sulky about this at all.

Only Big Sulky Babies allowed.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you?” Bryce says, perching on the bed beside Jared as Jared tries to forcibly wipe his brain clean. “I just — kind of thought it was something we both knew but we were like, pretending we didn’t know so you could ignore it forever.”

Look at Bryce supportively pretend something doesn’t exist because he fears for Jared’s sanity.

“Don and I are cool now,” Bryce says. “Sort of. Mostly. He hasn’t insulted me to my face in like – a while. Huh. That’s a good sign.”

Don did mean it about Bryce being a member of the family after he married Jared. You don’t insult family. Mock? Sure. Tease? Absolutely. But insult? Absolutely not.

“Why didn’t someone actually say ‘hey Jared, you do know this is a thing, right?’” Jared asks. His immediate family and Julius all know that Jared can be, well —

Someone should have made sure he was aware, is the point.

“I honestly think Erin just wanted to see how long it’d take you to figure it out if no one actually said ‘hey Jared, Erin and Julius are dating’,” Bryce says. “And apparently the answer was a picture on twitter?”

Everyone assumed Jared already knew and was pointedly ignoring it. Except Erin. She knew that Jared would yell at her or Julius when he knew, and therefore he was still in the dark.

Bryce looks shifty again. “Ash told me that Erin said that?”

Which means Ash knows, obviously. And that Ash and Bryce have discussed this. So Chaz must know. And Maia. Not that babies know things, just —

Don’t worry, Jared, I promise Maia didn’t know before you.

Fucking Oilers fans found out about this before Jared did. Flames fans did.

He doesn’t know why, but the fact Flames fans knew this before Jared did makes this so much worse than if it was just Oilers fans.

This is simultaneously a weird thing to get stuck on, yet also totally understandable. Oilers fans are Julius fans. Flames fans are Julius haters. But also may remember Erin from Bryce drama. Also fuck Flames fans, all Jared’s homies hate Flames fans.

Jared’s phone buzzes from where he tossed it after the last emoji round. He bets it’s more hahahahas. Possibly some skulls. Erin likes to die laughing.

She can’t hahaha any longer, she’s already dead from laughing.

150. Affront

Jared thinks people are supposed to be afraid of death. He’s pretty sure that’s common, reasonable. When threatened with death, people should feel fear. But what is Julius Halla doing right now? He’s laughing. At Jared.

He basically lived with you, Jared, he knows just how little true bite there is in you.

“Stop laughing,” Jared hisses. “You traitor.”

“Who am I a traitor to,” Julius says. He sounds vaguely curious, like someone who’s been accused of something ludicrous, and is interested to see how you came to that conclusion. Which is rich, for a traitor.

But who is he a traitor TO, Jared?

“Me!” Jared says. “And friendship! And lineys! And — there’s a code!”

I do enjoy Jared continually using Julius being his liney as a reason when they have now been divisional rivals longer than they were ever linemates.

“You think it’s the definition of toxic masculinity,” Julius says. “And that it frequently treats women as objects and prizes to be won, and also acts like showing affection towards your friends is gay. And you’re gay, and you think showing affection is disgusting, so obviously there is no connection.”

He listens <3

“She’s like, ten!” Jared says. “She’s way too young for you.”

Julius is very quiet. “How much older than you is—“

There’s about a two and a half year age difference between Erin and Julius. Bryce and Jared’s is just shy of four years. As Julius well knows, the bastard.

“Eating my food and dating my sister,” Jared says. “Who is a child.”

“How old were you when you got engaged?” Julius asks.

Jared can only an inarticulate sound of rage in answer, because Julius knows exactly how old he was when he got engaged.

The answer is ‘exactly as old as Erin is now’. As Julius is well aware, the BASTARD. Also, a missing word, my bad.

“Wait,” Jared says, suddenly horrified. More horrified. “You’re not engaged, are you?”

“No!” Julius says, sounding equally horrified.

This question isn’t the reason Julius doesn’t want to get married, but it certainly did not help.

“How did this even happen,” Jared moans. “Wait. Don’t tell me. I don’t want to know anything. Why didn’t you tell me.”

This feels like a trick question.

“I wanted to wait to tell you in person,” Julius says. “Because I was concerned you’d be, well. You know.”

People keep telling Jared he knows things that he does not know.

“I don’t know,” he says.

“Hysterical,” Julius says.

“I am not hysterical!” Jared says.

This might be more believable if Jared hadn’t shrieked that last bit.

The fact Bryce bursts out laughing in the living room contradicts that statement, but Julius can’t hear him. And maybe it’s coincidental laughter. Maybe Bryce is watching something funny. Because Jared is not hysterical.

“Wait, Erin didn’t think I’d be hysterical?” Jared says.

Look, Jared may deny he’s hysterical, but also — why didn’t Erin think he’d be hysterical? Even if he isn’t. Because he is not. But also — really?

For all of Erin’s many…many…many faults, an inability to predict Jared’s behaviour is unfortunately not one of them. She used her predictive ability for blackmail purposes way too much when they were younger, always caught him in the act when he was breaking the few house rules he ever broke then threatened to snitch if Jared didn’t do shit for her. He made her so many grilled cheese sandwiches. To this day he associates grilled cheese with smug smiles and extortion.

Admission of hysteria. Also Jared makes an excellent grilled cheese sandwich. Worth surveillance for blackmail purposes for sure.

“But I was in Finland at the beginning of summer,” Julius says. “And then Bryce injured his shoulder, and you went to Vancouver, and there was no good time. And then twitter.”

Julius, if asked, would say they were a thing months earlier than Erin would. But they had not yet defined the relationship.

“She’s fine,” Julius says. “She thinks it’s funny.”

He sounds faintly scandalised. Which is understandable, because it’s not funny.

“Did you tell her it’s not funny,” Jared says.

“I did,” Julius says. “She says she gets to decide if it’s funny or not.”

“But it’s not funny,” Jared says.

“I know,” Julius says.

Counterpoint from Erin: it’s fucking hilarious, you’re both just boring.

“Don’t like —“ Jared says, then pauses, because there are a lot of different demands warring in him right now. “That’s my sister, Halla.”

“I know,” Julius says. “Would it help if I told you I have…strong…feelings—“

“Gross,” Jared says. “Stop talking.”

“Okay,” Julius says, sounding greatly relieved.

I love their friendship. Every time feelings are involved they both react like cats getting sprayed with water.

“No,” Jared says. “Obviously it is. Did you know that they were together?”

There’s a silence.

“Mom?” Jared says.

“…did you not?” his mom asks. “Jared!”

NOBODY was hiding this from Jared. Nobody.

“Erin’s spent more time in Edmonton than Calgary since her semester ended,” mom says.

“She has a friend there,” Jared says, then, “Oh.”

Yes.

There's only one direct reference to Erin and Julius’ relationship before Jared finds out in the series, because I had to ride a careful line there, as Jared hadn’t noticed anything, so his POV wouldn’t really reflect the information he wasn’t paying attention to.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Jared demands. ‘Friend’ is not telling him. ‘Friend’ is a euphemism you use when the other person already knows.

“I thought you knew!” his mom says. “And were just immaturely pretending that as long as you didn’t acknowledge it then it wasn’t actually happening!”

Jared thinks it might be a concerning sign that the two people who know him best both assume he thinks that if he pretends something hard enough, it won’t happen.

Yes that might indicate something about you, Jared.

“Yes!” Jared says. “Why aren’t you mad about this? Your daughter’s dating a hockey player. A hockey player. And you’re letting her?”

“You’re a hockey player, Jared,” his mom says. “As is your husband. And literally all of your friends.”

This isn’t exactly Grace’s mom upon finding out she was dating Raf.

“That’s just people in general, sweetie,” his mom says. “And we know Julius is a nice young man.”

“He is not,” Jared says. Julius is many things, but he is not nice.

“You know what I mean by nice, Jared,” his mom says.

He’s not a nice boy, but he is a good one. Also he speaks Matheson quite fluently.

“You can’t just assume that I like him.”

“Jared,” his mom says. “You love that boy. You brought him home for Christmas.”

“Out of the kindness of my heart,” Jared says.

“You brought home someone you don’t like for Christmas out of the kindness of your heart,” his mom says. “And then you invited him to your wedding. As one of the handful of guests who wasn’t immediately related to you or Bryce. Out of the kindness of your heart.”

Jared, we all know there is not even close to that much kindness in your heart.

“Obviously you like him, or he wouldn’t be one of your best friends,” his mom says. “And since you’re choosy about who you’re friends with, that means a lot. You have extremely good taste in friends, when you actually bother to make them.”

Jared picks at the hem of his shorts.

Jared thinks it’s quite rude for his mom to use facts and reason against him when he is intent on being unreasonable.

“Gross, love,” Jared says.

“I won’t tell Erin you love her, I promise,” his mom says.

“Good,” Jared says. “Ew.”

How dare anyone say he loves his (demon) sister.

“Jared,” his mom says. “Are you making this all about you?”

“No,” Jared says.

“Jared,” his mom says.

“Well it’s a little bit about me, isn’t it!” Jared says. “He’s my friend. And liney.”

“Former liney,” his mom says. Everyone’s so fixated on that part. Liney status can last past being teammates. Look at Jared and Chaz: linemates for life. Even though Bryce subsequently stole Chaz a little, despite the fact they played on completely different lines on the Flames. Not that it’s stealing. Couples share.

Jared can share. Look at how good Jared is at sharing. He only holds Bryce befriending Chaz against him a little, years down the line. That’s sharing.

Eventually Julius is going to get exposed to Erin’s sparkling personality.

He’s had some exposure therapy, rooming with Jared.

Jared would mention that long-distance relationships are highly prone to failure, but he’s pretty sure mom would bring up how much of his relationship with Bryce involved long-distance, and Jared is frankly sick of people reminding him of his own extremely successful relationship, and not letting him be hypocritical.

What bullshit.

He hates arguing with his mom. It’s like arguing with himself, except worse, because at least when he argues with himself, he always technically wins.

The best kind of argument.

“You remind me so much of your dad right now,” mom says.

“Mom!” Jared says.

“A little Don in the making,” his mom says. “He’d be so proud.”

Jared tries to tell her to take it back, but all he can manage is an inarticulate sound of rage. Again.

The cruelest thing you could say to him.

“I got Thai from that place on Burrard you really like,” Bryce says, then, all in a rush, “Sorry for assuming you knew about Julius and Erin and were just pretending you didn’t instead of like, actually not knowing. If I knew you actually didn’t know I would have told you. Or made Erin tell you because it wouldn’t be my place to tell you or. Are you mad at me?”

Sala Thai, for anyone curious. Also, poor Bryce. He really did think Jared knew.

“Did you get me soup to shut me up?” Jared asks.

“I got you it because it’s your favourite?” Bryce says, looking both hurt and confused.

Poor, poor Bryce.

“—and doesn’t he realise what Erin’s like?” Jared says. “Because he is going to be unpleasantly surprised when he gets to know her a little better.”

“Uh,” Bryce says. “I think he’s had a pretty good preview of what Erin’s like?”

BRYCE, NO. I mean, you are 100% correct, but NO.

“We are nothing alike,” Jared says.

“Erin made the exact same face when I said that,” Bryce says. “Like. That’s almost creepy.”

“You’ve said this to her?” Jared says.

“Yeah, because you’re both—“ Bryce says, then, “Ow! She did that too!”

Why do Mathesons keep smacking Bryce’s arm when he tells them the truth?

“We’re nothing alike,” Jared mutters.

Bryce says nothing, but he’s got this look on his face like ‘I’m humouring you right now by not arguing, but you know and I know that you’re full of shit’.

“Stop — looking at me with that face,” Jared says.

Bryce huffs out a laugh. “Erin said—“

Jared can’t hear him.

“Jared,” Bryce says, muffled. “Jared, I know you can hear me.”

Jared cannot.

Erin wasn’t immature enough to put her hands over her ears though, that one’s all Jared.

“Take it back,” Jared says.

“No,” Bryce says. “I’m not pretending something isn’t true just because you don’t like it, that’s ridiculous.”

Jared picks up his noodles.

“I got you soup,” Bryce says sadly as Jared stomps right back to the sulking room, this time with dinner.

Poor, poor Bryce.

#liveblogging the end

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bigification · 9 months

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The Distributor - Male TF Story

A muscular, but put together man walks into a gym. He walks right passed the front desk as if they didn't see him, though some backstory items required to explain what was about to take place.

Chronos, the god of time, had grown bored of the mundane world of humanity. He had sworn to not interfere, but he couldn't help but think of the possibilities of how interesting this world could be if humanity was given something to stir them up. He was too hesitant to start too extreme, but messing with a few humans couldn't hurt. That's when he thought of something he had been working on, distributor. An ability that allows him to distribute the size, age, and even personalities among a group of people, *theoretically*. Why not try a test run, after all, if things go that bad he can just turn back time.

All that led to this moment, a god walking into a gym. Chronos casually walked to the middle of the gym, "This should do, only people in the gym should be affected by this." He said to himself as he released his power. He froze time and approached the closed man to him, a powerlifter in the middle of a rep.

He stood there for a moment, wondering what would happen to this man. Would he become the new Hulk, getting all of the muscle from the other men here, or would he turn into an immobile blob of fat, or neither. The tension is the exact reason Chronos did this. He started time again, and the changes began almost immediately. His belly began to grow, only being restrained by his skin tight belt. The tension grew and grew until the belt snapped in a loud bang, something did not seem to phase him, or anyone else in the gym for that matter. Now free from its shackles, a round belly flooded out, pushing out his stretchy singlet. His pecs ballooned out, also pushing out his singlet until they formed a soft pair of moobs that rested on his belly. His body formed an S shape as his once perky ass became flabby as fat flooded into his cheeks. The sudden and drastic change to the man's center of gravity seemed to throw him off balance but he continued to hold up the extremely heavy weight. The rest of his body seemed to catch up with the weight gain as chubby cheeks and a double chin former under his bushy beard. The musculature on his arms and legs became hidden under a layer of pudge and his fingers grew a layer of padding, resembling stuffed sausages. The man dropped the weight and opened his eyes. Chronos waited in anticipation for the mans reaction, but there was none. The man rubbed his belly as if he'd always been that fat, before proceeding to do another rep.

Slightly confused, Chronos reversed time to the moment he released his power and moved on to the next man he could see. A young scrawny guy, probably in his early 20s, was near the weights. It was probably his first time here, he looked like he had no idea what he was doing. Chronos started time, eager to see what happened to him.

The guys transformation happening quickly and suddenly. First one of his noodles arms burst out with muscle, his bicep grew to the size of his head and his hand doubled in size as veins surfaced all over his arm. The other arm followed suit, making his proportion look ridiculous. His shoulder broadened, becoming larger than those of the powerlifter. His previously flat chest ballooned out with muscle, completely destroying the shirt he was wearing. His now exposed pecs created a shelf over the rest of his comparibly tiny body, as hairs covered his swollen chest. His torso then grew in proportion with his massive shoulders, destroying what little was left of his shirt. This revealed a small muscle guy that became covered in hair, just like his chest. The man's legs quickly matched his body as his thighs plumped up, ripping right through his shorts and underwear, leaving him completely naked. His thighs were left thick enough to always be touching, with a now massive dick hanging between them. His feet exploded out of his size 8 shoes, becoming a hulking size 18, needed for balancing his massive body. Chronos was too distracted to notice that the man had grown to 6"5 during his transformation. He also didn't notice the man's face, he really got the short end of the stick with his age as a white beard covered his wrinkling face. Although he still looked great for his age, he must've been in his 60s by now.

The man gave a deep satisfied grunt as a white the liquid ran down his legs. "It seems all the muscle and testosterone went to this guy." Chronos said as the man posed in front of a mirror.

Chronos eyed down the man for a while before reversing time again and moving on. He made his way to the change rooms, immediately spotting a solid muscle gut soaking in the showers.

Chronos seemed to walk over in a trance, approaching the man, oblivious to the god around him and oblivious to the effects his powers will have on his body. He unpaused time, letting his power take ahold of this hunky man. Suddenly the man seemed to bend over as his glorious gut began to shrink. All of the day on his body quickly disappeared, as a cut 6 pack appeared under the sea of fat. His man boobs quickly turned into a pair of juicy pecs, creating a shelf over his abs. Veins appeared over his massive arms as thick traps appeared on his broad shoulders.

His demeanor changed as the older weathered man de aged into his 30s. Growing a full head of hair and a mustache straight out of the 80s. The man stretched with new life, and new muscle as he exited the shower. Smiling as he remembered how hot he is.

"I'll be back for you." Chronos said with a wink before moving on. He walked back to the locker room, reversing time once again. He noticed the one other man in the room, a cute ginger. Probably keeping up physique in between rugby, Chronos thought to himself. He looked over the man's short red hair, pasty white skin, and thick brushing of matching body hair.

"Well you're cute." Chronos said as he unpaused time. "I wonder how you'll turn out." He said, hot expecting what was to come. The man quickly sprouted up in height, going from a moderate 5"10 to a monstrous 6"7, going from what looks like a rugby player to a basketball player. The small layer of fat the man had seemed to grow, at first giving him a small pot belly, then growing to a solid beer gut. His relatively small chest broadened, looking more fitting for his now massive stature. His pecs swelled into a thick pair of moobs, big enough that no shirt would be able to hide it. That wasn't the most alarming part, though, the man's pasty white skin began to darken, and darken, and darken. His light ginger hair darkened to a dark black color as it became extremely curly all over his gargantuan body. His facial features started to shift, his lips plumped up and his nose widened as the hair on his hard receded and his shirt beard quickly grew into a thick bushy one. Covering up his now chubbier cheeks, and double chin, though it didn't look out of place on his large body. The man's arms then blew up with both fat and muscle, growing puffy biceps and giant man hands. Chronos then looked down to see the man rip out of his already small looking gym shorts, revealing a thick 8 cock hanging between his massive thighs and two thick cheeks sticking out behind him. He then noticed his size 18 feet rip right through his shoes. The man then grabbed his now comparably tiny towel and covered his manhood.

"Looks like big guy over here hogged all the melanin. I didn't even know I could do that." Chronos said while analysing his latest test subject. "Goodluck getting out of here in any clothes that fit." As he grabbed the 400 pound behemoth of a man.

Moving on, Chronos wondered into what looked like an office, forgetting to rewind time. He walked into what he soon found out was the main office, with the owner of the gym sitting in an office chair.

"Damn that guys massive, I was kind of expecting a different kind of massive coming from a business man but I guess it makes sense for a gym owner." Chronos said under his breath as he went to see he went to see what the man had on his computer, being the snoop that he is. He is shocked to see a picture of a very fat man on this man's computer. And that's when it clicked, he forgot to rewind time and the picture was of him before the transformation.

He rewinded time to see the ripped gym rat looking man turn into an obese dad with a giant ball belly. The exact man in the photos. "Well that explains a lot." Chronos says as he leaves the office, but finds himself walking right into someone. He takes a step back and sees a massive old man standing in front of him

"Damn, I guess that's where all of the fat went." He said standing at eye level with this man's gut. He rewinded time to see that the massive old man was once a young father, attempting to get rid of his dadbod. "What would your wife think of you how old man, hey I mean some girls are into the beach ball sized gut." Chronos said as he let out a meniacle laugh, watching the young man's life fade under hundreds of pounds of fat and grey hairs. The buttons on his already tight shirt popped off in dramatic fashion, as his giant gut spilled out. His moobs softened to the point that they now lay on his gut. The bottom half of his body is left naked after his shirt and underwear face under the immense pressure of his growing body. "I would hope that you at least got a big dick out of this exchange, but I can't see it anymore." Chronos continued to tease the poor man, despite the fact that he can't hear any of it. A thick grey beard covered the man's aging face, and his hairline receded way back on his head. The poor man just wanted to get rid of a small belly that fatherhood had given him, and now he left an obese naked old man. Though despite this, he still had a big smile plastered on his face.

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literary-illuminati · 10 months

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Book Review 29 - Roadside Picnic by Arkady and Boris Strugatsky

I very theoretically read a few of the Strugatsky Brothers’ short stories for a Soviet Lit class in school years ago, but this is actually the first one of their books I can say I actually read and, like, meaningfully paid attention to. I was likewise vaguely aware that this was a very influential book, but only in a kind of fuzzy ‘the STALKER games are based on it, right?’ sort of way.

All to say, I went in basically blind and was actually pretty pleasantly surprised. Both by the quality of the book and by the realization of how much more influential it has been than I had previously realized. The afterwards by one of the authors for the new edition with the tell-all rant about the publication process was also just fascinating in an entirely different way.

The story takes place in a world where at a certain point aliens made contact with earth – not with any sort of communication or even physical presence, but through some sort of process that left zones around the world warped and strange, full of physics-defying miracles and ten thousand different ways to die horribly or end up slowly mutated and wasting away. The story is set around a small town in probably-Canada that was one of the ground zeroes, and about Red, one of the freelance ‘stalkers’ who make a fortune evading the government quarantine and securing some of those physics-defying-miracles to sell to the highest bidder before the official scientists can slowly make their way to them.

Red does not have what you would call a happy life.

The story’s split into three sections, with significant time jumps between each one. Which I did rather like the effect of, seeing how the town changes from a half-abandoned ruin everyone thinks is a month away from demolition to a scientific boomtown and the long-term effects of exposure become more and more well known but don’t stop the rush to exploit the potential riches of the alien detritus one bit. It also allows for a better look at Red’s slow downward slide in both material circumstance and morality.

Red himself is interesting? He’s a very rough, brutish sort of man, the kind who jumps to threats of violence pretty easily when it comes to disputes where he thinks he’s in the right, who doesn’t have the temperament to hold down any sort of steady, boring job, and knows it, and who has a little bit of a complex about all those things. He tries to look out for his friends and comrades, and provide for his family, and that’s about the highest morality he aspires to. Hardly the most original archetype, but it’s very well-realized. No matter how viscerally unlikable he gets at points when you’re spending so long in the close confines of his head.

Speaking of complexes and guilt – one of his overriding motivations for the back 2/3 of the book is trying to provide for and cure his daughter who, almost certainly due to the weird alien radiation he’s saturated with, was born incredibly mutated (in a ‘has fur and is incapable of human speech’ sort of way). Which, again, kind of blunt instrument characterization but the book did do an excellent job getting across the constant low-level soul eating guilt and resentment that basically soaked through him about her and how that motivates just about every major choice he makes in the final act of the story.

And since I’m talking about characterization – look, I get that most of this is just the close POV to a guy whose a complete boor, but my god did the portrayal of women in this just make me roll my eyes. And I like to think I’ve usually got fairly thick skin for this sort of thing – but hard to ignore the fact that the literal only two women with recurring roles and more than a handful of lines are a) the loving, long-suffering but supportive wife who we basically only ever see in domestic scenes and b) the dissolute hot-but-dumb slutty daughter of the stalker equivalent of the local oligarch, y’know? And Red’s internal monologue and how they’re described did not exactly obscure the issue.

Tone-wise – I mean, look, this book is really not helping the stereotype about Russian novels. Which is not at all a problem for me personally, but there is as far as I can tell exactly one uncomplicated heroic devotee of truth and the common good. He dies at the end of part one, and the guilt over it is another load-bearing chunk of Red’s various complexes. It is overwhelmingly a book of flawed, broken, small-minded and selfish people, most of whom aren’t too found of each other. The very ending, with the wish for a better world quite literally hidden away behind a barrier that requires a human sacrifice to traverse, kind of emphasizes that.

The long timeskips and fairly compressed narration means that there’s only really a vague sketch of the wider world – of the corporations and conspiracies who buy what the stalkers sell, of the miracles that exploiting them has allowed, and of how things have improved and/or gone to shit generally – but it’s a really well done sketch. Then again, the ability to have the protagonist be a bit player in wider structures and to gesture at outside agencies with their own schemes that just don’t matter to the plot seems to have been a much more common skill among sci fi writers a couple generations ago. Still, the sort of retrofutristic noir world, powered by alien wonders that some technicians can use but absolutely no one can understand, is well done and appealing.

Speaking of – so this really is a cosmic horror story, and honestly a better one than most modern inheritors of Lovecraft. The universe is wondrous and deadly and strange, it will kill you or mutate you beyond recognition or make you richer than you’ve ever dreamed, but most of all it does not care. Everything from the title on down is used to reinforce that, and the trouble humanity has coming to terms with the idea that to the aliens who have so profoundly changed civilization, we’re literally irrelevant. The descriptions of the environment and the precautions taken to navigate it are – well, I don’t know if they’re just the oldest example of a preexisting body of tropes or the book actually came up with them, but if it’s the latter then I suddenly understand a lot of what influenced some of my favourite works of sci fi horror.

Not part of the story per se, but the copy my library had included both a forward by Le Guin (mostly a reprint of the review she wrote when it was first translated to English in the...70s, I think?) and an author afterwards written in the 2000s about the book’s publication history. Which were both just absolutely fascinating.

#book review #sff #classic sf #roadside picnic #strugatsky brothers

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astreetcarnamedkendall · 7 months

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currently thinking about the shot parallels between the big church scene in the pilot and the loustat dance in the finale. during the church scene at the end of the pilot, we get a close up shot of lestat looking directly into the camera - essentially proposing to louis to be his companion for all of eternity and convincing him to become a vampire. this direct eye contact kind of swallows you whole; you can't focus on anything else. louis, on the other hand, gets the same treatment but at first is not exactly looking directly at the camera. he is the one telling the story, so we are going to get a more direct view of what he remembers seeing (lestat's face), but he then eventually makes direct eye contact with the camera - specifically when lestat says that he loves louis and louis is loved which is what he's been craving. when louis is convinced, we are convinced; when louis allows himself to feel all of these emotions he's been trying to suppress, we are allowed to feel them with him.

during the dance, we get a similar kind of close up shot of lestat looking directly into the camera. again, this direct eye contact swallows you whole; you can't focus on anything else. louis gets the same treatment again, but his eyes are looking less directly at the camera. we know louis remembers the mixed feelings he felt that night because he knew he and claudia were going to try and kill lestat, but louis was losing the thread of the current plot in that moment because "i was his, and he was mine" thus looking slightly off to the side. we again feel what louis feels when he feels it because of he's the one telling the story and immersing us into his world (as he wants us to see it because we love an unreliable narrator).

the pilot church scene is them officially coming together, and they both understand that in the moment; the finale dance scene is them unraveling "for good" (for now... we shall see how the other seasons play out), and they both understand that in the moment

don't even get me started on the setting differences too - the church scene occurring when they're technically alone but the eyes of God/religion are theoretically present; the dance scene occurring when they're surrounded by so many people but they feel like it's just them until claudia breaks their dancing apart. ugh delicious!

#so sorry for the length but this is what occupies my mind so much #and i need to get it down somewhere #the crew for this show are stupendous i love how they crafted the entire show #iwtv come home the kids miss you #loustat #louis du pointe du lac #lestat de lioncourt #interview with the vampire #iwtv

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olivia-anderson-fanfic · 3 months

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Mellow

(Shapeshifter!au, but Ramon this time. He doesn't have trauma yet, he's just a sweetheart.)

He held his hand out for the notepad he was supposed to use to communicate with the islanders, and for a moment it looked like Cucurucho was going to give it to him and move on like they had with everyone else, but then they did a quick double-take.

They looked at him for a long moment in silence, and he could only shift awkwardly under their stare.

Despite how many federation workers he had met over his, admittedly rather short, life, he had never managed to get fully used to the way they looked. They were entirely featureless by design, it was one of the first things people give up when they come to work for the federation – their individuality. They weren’t people, they were workers, and their appearances reflected that. Their faces were blank white slates, their outfits were a painfully generic uniform, only a small ‘nametag’ (could it truly be called a nametag when they had no names?) to distinguish them from each other… it was unnatural.

Perhaps that was a little hypocritical to say, though, seeing as Ramon was… what he was.

At least he could shift and make himself look more normal, though. Which is what he had done. Now, he looked like any other kid. Slightly tan skin; a shock of slightly messy, dark brown hair; wide brown eyes; a handlebar mustache; a little bit of baby fat still sticking to his features to make sure he looked young.

You know, average kid things.

Cucurucho disagreed, apparently.

They slid a hand into their pocket and pulled out their communicator. Like everyone else who was either part of or created by the federation, Cucurucho couldn’t ‘speak’, not really. However, as a high-ranking worker, they had a slight exception in the form of a tiny speaker nestled in the bow tied around their neck. Now, they clicked on one of their preset voice lines:

“WHY?” said Cucurucho.

He reached for the notepad and marker and, after a few seconds, Cucurucho handed them over.

“what did i do”

Cucurucho looked at them blankly. Admittedly, they had no other options, but regardless. There was something particularly judgmental about this particular stare. Their shoulders heaved in a silent sigh and they shook their head to themself.

“I HOPE YOU ENJOY THE ISLAND.”

They moved as if to continue on. After all, the islanders would be finishing their orientation video soon and god knows they would need guidance…

He caught them by the hand.

Cucurucho stopped, their head turning to look at him once again.

“CURIOUS,” they said.

Hastily, before they could get impatient, he wrote down his question:

“do you think my parents will like me”

Cucurucho hesitated.

“YES,” they said, patting his head.

He smiled, his shoulders sagging in relief. If Cucurucho was confident enough to say ‘yes’ instead of ‘maybe’, his parents must be good people. He had been briefed on who they were, yes, given a couple of files that listed things such as their general personalities and histories, had been given pictures of them so he could mimic their appearances, but that was all theoretical. Cucurucho, though, had actually met and ‘talked to’ the islanders, and if they thought that his parents would like him, then surely they would know best, right?

He looked at Cucurucho for a few moments more, and then tugged on their hand, trying to drag them down. They glanced at their communicator, ensuring that the islanders were distracted – apparently, they were all messing with their new app, which allowed them to speak in their native languages and still be understood – so they had some free time. Regardless of this knowledge, they were still hesitant when they knelt in front of him.

After a few seconds’ thought, he picked up his marker again and lifted it towards their face.

They flinched back in surprise, almost falling over.

He huffed lightly. He waited for them to get over their surprise and come back, but they never did.

They didn’t have eyes to track, but from the slight, barely there movements of their head, he guessed that they were probably looking between the marker and himself, wary. He pouted.

“WHY.”

He pouted harder, making his eyes slightly wider just to make sure the puppy eyes could have their maximum effect. Maybe he should actually make them into literal puppy dog eyes?

No, Cucurucho didn’t seem the type to like dogs.

They probably liked cats. Or maybe something weirder, like birds.

They sighed again, snapping him out of his thoughts. Hesitantly, they leaned forward, toward the marker. They must have realized they could wash it off, anyway, so they might as well let him have his fun. He beamed and quickly scrawled a smiley face onto Cucurucho’s head to match his own bright expression.

“now youre less scary”

Cucurucho lifted a hand to touch their face, and maybe it was just the poorly-drawn smile that had been added there, but he thought they looked kind of happy. Touched, even.

They ruffled his hair.

“YES.”

“I HOPE YOU ENJOY THE ISLAND.”

Ramon hoped so, too.

#qsmp #qsmp fanfiction #qsmp ramon #qsmp ramón #qsmp cucurucho #done crossposting now #soz about being dramatic kings

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tokiro07 · 2 months

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Latest chapter make me have this theory on speed in UUverse

Aside from Andy and the gods and possibly the Master UMAs/Seal getting sent to Earth, no one in UU has managed to break into faster-than-light travel. Even Top running full-speed in Spring arc only crossed the world in a few minutes and ran 5 laps round the globe in maybe 1 second in the latest chapter, whereas light can travel 7.5 times around Earth in one sec. (Making Top’s speed around 67% light speed)

What if… rather than Top not wanting/is scared to go into lightspeed, he just can’t? My theory is that all those who can go faster than light I mentioned earlier has some sort of spiritual powers that bypass the limit.

From Nico’s spaceship trip visisting Andy to Top running to Victor lauching his arm from orbit down to Earth that one time, all of them are physical actions bounded by physical laws, hence are limited by one that is the speed of photon being the fastest possible speed.

Andy lauching fingers from the Sun to Earth in a matter of seconds and God sending Seal to the planet both have something to do with souls, with what I think has separate laws and doesn’t really obey the lightspeed hard cap.

Maybe I’m just reaching here but it’d be funny to see the Union making a soul spaceship flying faster than photon through space.

I wonder what Rule governs the speed of light; UMA Light? UMA Speed? UMA Stop?

Either way, the limitations of physical mass are definitely at least a property of one of the Rules, though there's a good chance it won't be a Rule we have to worry about fighting

As souls don't have physical mass, it's completely reasonable to assume that they can reach lightspeed, and by the very nature of Unstoppable, Top should be capable of at least approaching lightspeed under normal circumstances, as nothing can stop him. If that's where it caps and he would just keep moving at a constant near-lightspeed, then the addition of the ability to control his soul should theoretically be the extra boost that he needs

Andy once overcame Unmove by using his soul to puppet his body, so there's precedent to believe that the properties of souls allow them to be unbound by most normal logic and then apply those properties to physical objects. He pulled the same trick again when Time desynced his body and soul, eliminating the lag by removing the need for the body to send its own signals

Whether a ship could be moved the same way is hard to say, but I'm certainly not going to assume that there's a limitation that the Negators can't overcome

#undead unluck #fouryearsandananime #uu spoilers

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polyhexian · 7 months

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Unconscious Mystery Man On Our Couch Happy Funtimes

Camila's over here having an ethical conniption. She's a veterinarian, not a doctor! The kids were easy to take care of, mostly bruises and bad scratches, but this man is a fresh amputee and he needs a hospital! Is it ethically acceptable to allow this guy to suffer through an infection on her couch? Veterinarians don't have the same Do No Harm doctors do, but there are still ETHICS, and she's grappling over whether it's more or less ethical to take him to a hospital. Except a hospital would bring on instant scrutiny, and like, even if they ignore the pointy ears, they're going to ask where his arm is. How does she explain that she doesn't know where his arm is??? He's in pain, what're the ethics of stealing animal painkillers and other medications from her workplace? Also, worst case scenario, if this man DIES on her COUCH, WHAT is she going to do with the body??

And then you've got the kids, who are more concerned with the Mystery.

Gus: That man should be dead. Hunter and Luz: Yeah, Belos was pretty thorough about killing off his Golden Guards, so how Marty here survived is pretty-- Gus, still processing everything he saw in Belos's mind: No, no, you don't get it. Belos literally watched that man stab himself and bleed out. He should, on so many levels, be DEAD.

Jasper, in one of his…idk, can this be called lucid? moments

Jasper: Hunter. Hunter, do you know you have feelings? Hunter: What. Jasper: Feelings. I have feelings. You have feelings. Do you know you have feelings?? Hunter: Um…yes? Jasper: Oh, good. I hoped you would. *conks out again* Hunter: what the fuck what the fuck whattheFUCK--

UCJRJAJJDJAJD jasper just sitting straight up like DO YOU KNOW YOU HAVE FEELINGS and then conking right out ...nfudhejdjsnt that is so good. So good.

And God poor Camila... this is such a shit place to be in for her. He wouldn't have immediately been to fever blitzed to speak immediately when they got to her house and he obviously needs the most urgent medical care. She doesn't want all the kids seeing more of this gore than they have to so she like finds something for the to do that would theoretically be helpful like oh, go set up the couch or something so they're like. Distracted. Kept busy. And jasper would have 100% for sure in whatever brief conversation he had with her while he was still lucid- he would have said point blank that if taking him to a healer would put the kids at risk, if it would put them and put them in danger, do not take him to the hospital. He at first just says like he would rather he die than put the kids in danger and she's probably not interested in that at first but- but the second he says like one of those kids is mine, I would give my life for him. And I think she would understand.

I have the image of him like. He's limping in with the kids help, half unconscious, and Camila takes charge and she's careful with the kids but accommodating and welcoming to them- jasper knows who Luz is and he thinks she's great and so if this is Luz's mom who she's turning to for help and this is her mom who is being so kind and understanding.... and oh my god, is that a basilisk??? Daughter?? Basilisk daughter???

That's like... she's a human woman who's taken in a magical child that so many people would consider a scary tale monster. I imagine that as she's trying to close up the flesh over the wound he has one strong moment of lucidity where he grabs her arm and says "please... if I don't make it take care of my baby, he doesn't have anyone and he never has, please" and like. When a man who might be dying begs you please, please, if I die take care of my baby-" which is less of like a "adopt him" request but more of like please make sure no one steals him, please make sure he goes with someone safe, please look out for him until someone else can if you can't. Luckily for him if he died she would in fact take him. Luckily that doesn't happen this time, but it means that like. While he's out of it and the kids are trying to figure shit out she's lingering there with like.... I had that interaction, I saw that fear and desperation in his eyes that only a parent can understand, terror to leave your child alone and unsafe.... so she knows. Like she can feel a lot there. If the kids aren't sure if he was serious about the son thing, if he really thinks he's Hunter's dad-- she knows for sure that he is

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mdhwrites · 6 months

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Not sure if you've talked about him already, but what's your opinion on Matt Tholomule as a character? I feel like he's one of the very few (if not the only) characters who wasn't reduced to a softie after redemption like Amity/Lilith/Hunter

So 1. Shockingly enough, I never have and I'll get into probably why in a moment. 2. I can't be certain in my analysis here as I have only seen clips of For the Future and I'm not going to dig for his parts for this blog so I haven't seen all that he becomes but I have an idea. That idea also says that... Yeah, you're not wrong actually. Arguably, Lilith is soft enough and treated enough like a joke in S1 that TECHNICALLY her personality is intact post redemption. However, even if you argue that, she still seems like a parody of who she used to be.

Which... is actually kind of true Matt too. Why it works better here is that rather than make fun of a character's trauma and disregard their background, Matt was always a bit of a joke and his final form is actually steeped in who he was. We were never supposed to take him that seriously which is... a mixed bag for him. I'm going to say a lot of nice things at least conceptually about where he ends up but I want to make something clear: I barely think of Matt normally. I will entirely forget he was in the show because he is extremely forgettable. The situation he's in and his plight are always far more interesting than "Kind of bad at being a jerk/bully" which is his primary personality for two of his three main appearances. He's just not got a strong enough personality for two seasons to leave much of an impression and for a supporting cast's supporting member, you need to make a bigger splash than he ever did to be remembered.

But then we get S3 where we get just that. The boy, from my understanding, turns himself into a god damn comic book character and its glorious. And... It actually makes sense. Matt always had an ego and a desire for attention but he was missing two things to get to the point he's at now. The first was a better morale compass so that he could be a good guy and that part we get to see. The other is a proper community and support around him so he wasn't always looking over his shoulder. I... don't know how much that part is true to For the Future but the clips I've seen imply that he's at least not being disregarded or constantly have to prove himself anymore. He's just another member of the resistance which is a HELL of a lot better than he's had before.

This leads to all that bubbling confidence coming out into a glorious mess that absolutely fits how some teens try to act 'mature' by acting confidant. By celebrating things like stubble and proclaiming to the mirror "I AM A MAN NOW!" Buuut it also seems like the show was kind enough to not make him purely the butt of jokes like this but actually allow him to show that he's a good guy nowadays. He still prioritizes things like Amity's safety and what not after all. Again, I don't know how accurately but what I've seen theoretically shows me that yeah, For the Future did do something right.

Hell, as a moment of positivity: In a vacuum, the main thing I truly don't approve of in For the Future conceptually is Kikimora. There is no reason to have her back, let alone not beat her there. But if this was a pair of episodes in a full 20 episode season, they could have potentially been a highlight of the season. There's a lot of good character stuff conceptually here and it's utilizing the fact that the side characters can be fun in TOH, even if many of them have been turned more into like the twins where they're pretty bland now that they're purely good as well. But... That's in a vacuum where this didn't end up being a filler episode in a three episode season where so many critical elements are just left hollow while we spend time with characters who haven't mattered for an entire season. *sigh*

Still, I'm happy for Matt fans that their character got such a good ending.

======+++++======

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead. If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

A Twitter you can follow too

And a Kofi if you like what I do and want to help out with the fact that disability doesn’t pay much.

#the owl house criticism #toh critical #mattholomule

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weezly14 · 9 months

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Hey Weezly, wondered about your thoughts on EP 9 of TCR. Tough one to watch, at least for me anyway. Thanks!

Hi there. You may regret asking for my thoughts.

Let me preface this by saying that I came into this show wanting to like it. I think Tom Holland is a great actor, and the source material was interesting, and I was curious to see what they'd do with it - especially once it became clear they were going the "inspired by" route rather than an adaptation of the Billy Milligan book.

That being said, I think episode 9 is when we start seeing the plot really get going, and, as a result, see just how poorly constructed it is. Episode 9 laid bare all the flaws and issues I could ignore in previous episodes. I'm going to watch the last episode because I've invested all this time already, but I liked this show a lot more before I watched this episode.

Here's a brief bullet-pointed list of some of my issues with it:

i hate this courtroom drama angle. a) that's not how trial works and b) why the fuck are we having a trial in the first place. Is he not pleading guilty? The trial just makes it clear how convoluted and contrived the case is - a shooting that injured but did not kill - and I know we were given the heads up that the defense lawyer isn't a good trial lawyer 2 episodes ago or something, but god, I could've represented Danny better. And the prosecutor gave a great performance except I cannot imagine a judge allowing half the shit he did. Also, again, the defense lawyer? Didn't cross-examine Marlin? wtf

the racial and sexual politics of this show are all the fuck over the place, and I could sort of let it slide but nope, now I've gotta call it out. 1) the prosecutor has been so clearly and completely painted as The Bad Guy so she's an easy target for abuse from viewers because she's being mean to our protagonist, and the fact that she (and the judge, who I assume will give Danny a harsh sentence next week - because the jury decides the verdict but the judge decides the sentence) is black and Danny is white? Feels some kind of way. 2) Angelo on the stand? This is a drug dealer, why would he show up? Further on Angelo - in like a 10 second scene last week we saw that Jonny-Danny had apparently a sexual relationship with him which makes the trying to get a gun scene hit so different. There's so much to unpack here. And yet. 3) Jerome. So, like most of the actors on this show, he's given a great performance. He and Tom have had some great scenes. But a) the amount of emotional labor this black character has done for the white character he barely knows is vaguely upsetting, b) when we're first introduced to Jerome via Ariana it doesn't come across as Great Love (sure we can debate this but I digress) but as soon as he seeks out Danny in prison and on the stand we get that narrative of practically Soulmates, c) this show purports to take place in the 70s - not a great time to be gay! To say nothing of the extra layer of race. Stonewall was 1969, dudes. On the one hand, super glad we're not having to listen to slurs. On the other, how is seemingly everyone barely blinking at Danny having a female alter or at the very least, if they don't accept the idea of alters, cross-dressing and fucking dudes? The prosecutor tries to prove that Jerome and Danny/Ariana weren't a couple because they never interactied outside the club - I'm sorry, it's the 1970s. Again, there is so much to unpack here re: Jerome as both a black man and a gay man and! We are getting! Nothing!

I liked Rya well enough but this episode she really grated on me? Her monologues felt preachy and patronizing.

Candy. So, one of the things I've come back to over and over is - we know Marlin abused Danny, and now we're to believe that Candy, on some level, knew. We also know that she married Marlin and theoretically stayed with him for financial reasons. Financial abuse is real, I'm not discounting that. But aside from being a dick, we don't really see Candy and Marlin's relationship as terribly abusive. She's so deferential to him, and yet we never see why, what has her so scared of him. She has a job! Her child is out of the house! Her characterization has been nearly nonexistent and it's frustrating.

So after struggling with undiagnosed MPD/DID for his entire life, we're supposed to accept that Danny, who was given a diagnosis like three days ago, is suddenly able to control his alters? With no issue? The scene 2? 3? Episodes ago where he tells Rya there are voices and he needs help is completely undermined by how much of a nonissue his alters have been in the interim.

All press tour Tom has been saying this show is about asking for help, and Danny asked for help in that scene - which was a great scene, I felt so seen there - and then in episode 9 we get Rya saying how brave or whatever Danny is for asking for help. BUT! He didn't! He committed a crime and was sent to jail and ended up in these therapy/interrogation sessions and then eventually yes, asked for help. But he was not out there crying for help, asking to be saved. He had his alters! He was unaware that he wasn't okay!

It's so clear that this show doesn't know what it wants to be and doesn't know what its focus is. Is it Danny? Is it Rya? The first 4 episodes are their own fucking show, and 6-9 are their own show. 5 feels like its own thing, too.

Additionally, this show is set in the 1970s. Why? Because Billy Milligan. Except they took the teeth out of that story, completely sanitized it to the point that there are virtually no stakes, but kept the set dressing. But that's literally all it is at this point. We get b-roll of 70s London, we have the costumes and cars, but aside from one shot of defense lawyer in army fatigues, we have no real sense of where we are in time. That is the only allusion to Vietnam. The prosecutor talked about incarceration like she's also read The New Jim Crow. Not a slur to be heard despite the fact that we are allegedly between Stonewall and AIDS. Rya talks about mental health like someone might in the present day. If they were already going to not make this about Billy Milligan, why the fuck did they keep it set in the 70s?

It is so frustrating because the actors are giving it their all. Tom? No notes. I was moved this episode, I've been moved all season. But I cannot get away from how poorly constructed this all is. This could've been so good. We should've spent more time digging into each alter. (What the fuck purpose did Mike serve? Ariana is the one "who can have sex" yet we also see Jonny engaging in sex?) What about the other dead alters in the barn? What about Adam. It has been hinted at all season that Marlin was not the first - the existence of Adam before Marlin would indicate that Danny had already experienced something that caused his psyche to split. we know nothing about dad. we still know nothing about Adam!!!!!!! Are we ever getting that resolution? Then what was the goddamn point? Why is there even a trial. Why have him commit a crime that's so toothless and that he's so obviously guilty of? Why structure this around a crime in the first place? Emmy Rossum has been severely underutilized, fuck, even Amanda Seyfried. Cannot believe they got Jason Isaacs to be in like. 17 minutes of this show. And once again, Tom Holland can have no lines and still be the most interesting character on screen. Can he go back to theatre, I'd love to see what he can do with a good script if this is what he can accomplish with a bad one.

I'm tired. This show had such potential, and it's tripping at the finish line. After taking four episodes to get started. Acting is great, cinematography has been good, but story? Writing? It's disappointing. I'm frustrated.

#weezly talks tcr #i'm gonna lose followers i can feel it #if you like this show then good for you!#not saying you can't!

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gothamcityangst · 1 year

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How would react Killer Croc, Penguin, Harley Quinn, Catwoman, Scarecrow and Riddler if they facing Death ? And I don't mean it metaphorically or rhetorically or poetically or theoretically or any other fancy way. The Death. Straight, up.💀

The PIBTLW reference put the biggest smile on my face you have no idea. Also, you have no idea how nice it is to get an ask like this. Brownie points to you, my dude.

tw: Death

Killer Croc

Croc fights to the death. He's had to fight for his life since he was born and he isn't going to die now. Not to some weirdo in a black cape. (At least not the other weirdo in the black cape.)

When he realizes that it's Death he fights with everything that he's got only for him to feel the cold steel of his blade. Normally blades have a tougher time cutting through his leather-like skin. He's shocked when the last thing he feels is it cutting him down to the bone.

Penguin

If it was a public fight he'd try to outsmart death. If they're in private he bargains with Death. He tries to say he'll change his ways, he'll bribe death with whatever he can. He doesn't want to die. It's really pathetic truth be told.

It's all for nothing and Penguin would accept it in his last moments.

Scarecrow

Honestly, he'd think it's a hallucination at first. He's used to seeing different forms of death due to his fear toxin so he just thinks it's another variation of it. Normally the phantom blades pass through him and then they dissipate.

Only this blade cuts him, right across his throat.

Then he wakes up in the afterlife and realizes it wasn't in his mind. It was real. He yells as loud as he can about what an outrage this is. How dare Death presume.

After all, he is a god too. A god of fear and gods cannot die.

Catwoman

Catwoman also fights for her life. She probably makes some jokes about having 9 lives but after realizing Death's strength she figures out he's the real deal and not some new crazed villain.

Out of all of the rogues, she's the most likely to actually try talking with Death and I think Death would stop fighting and be straight with her.

"There's nothing I can do, Gato. Now if you'll come with me."

That being said I do think Selina would try running as far as she could but after a certain point, she'd know it's time and would go willingly. Why waste her precious time fighting the inevitable?

Harley Quinn

Harley also thinks it's a hallucination but she can't help but notice how real this one feels. When she realizes there's a real threat she fights him with everything in her arsenal. Mallets, guns, baseball bats the works.

Death isn't having any of it and would end up taking her life quickly.

Once Harley figures out they're the real death she goes into a kinda fangirl mode. After all, she's a huge fan of his work. She'd try to befriend death in the afterlife. Like an annoying puppy that won't stop following Death around.

After about a week death would probably have half a mind to bring her back to life just to get her to stop.

Riddler

He doesn't lose. He can't lose, even to death. He won't allow it. Eddie will go down kicking and screaming. He can try fighting off death as much as he'd like. He'd research Lazarus Pits, and life equations but Death would catch him before he'd see any of those plans come to fruition.

He would never beg but he would have the ego to think he could outsmart and trick death. He is very surprised when Death doesn't fall for any of his flatteries or deceptions.

When he dies he's worried not that he'll go to hell, but that he'll have to see his family again.

#G-C-A #Killer Croc #Waylon Jones #Penguin #oswald copplepot #Scarecrow #Jonathan Crane #Catwoman #Selina Kyle #Harley Quinn #Riddler #Edward Nygma #tw death

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vanderwoodlings · 1 year

Text

Hm. Time for me to throw some more spaghetti at the wall: pjo hyperfixation edition

Dan:

- unclaimed or a minor god, literally no other options allowed he’s Lonely Boy. C’mon

- Dan as a son of Nemesis has an Energy but I can’t really expand on it other than that. Good vibes ig???

- Also Calliope, muse of epic poetry. Any of the Muses would be relatively appropriate for Dan, but Calliope is specifically most associated with what we would know think of as storytelling, so, like. Author boy. I like this one better on account of uh,,, having reasons

Serena:

- theoretically appropriate godly parents include Apollo, Aphrodite, and Zeus

- I think Zeus is definitely in terms of the Helen of Troy of it all—the Importance, the way she draws people to her, the being every woman ever and also just the one—rather than in terms of having a relationship to his domain. Also I could definitely see Lily going for him

- Aphrodite is, I think, kinda obvious, while Apollo comes around to the golden girl, the way light is always so relevant to Serena as a concept

- But I think that Hermes would be the most interesting and fucked up. She runs away from everything and she has no home. God of travelers baby <3 also Serena forever being surveilled and interpreted vs god of messengers

Nate:

- son boy!!! (Like serena: sun boy!!! If you’re into that. Personally no. Or Aphrodite bc it’s Nate and he’s so fucked up by people thinking he’s beautiful. He’s so fucked up in general)

- My personal pitch is actually for Dionysus! Actor!Nate? We see it in canon and we see him go a little nuts about it (when theatrical) and make a joke about how he actually acts all the time for everyone else (when cinematic)

Blair:

- She is,,,, difficult.

- I do think it would be fucking hilarious to have her as a child of Ares. On the other hand, her form of War much more suits Athena—and Blair is um… really fucking smart? She loves her tactics and her cleverness

- Aphrodite because it’s fucked up (again) but in a different, more intense way—Blair wants to Be Enough to fool everyone into liking her at all times, and that means performing beauty. And also she is such a romantic which has this flip side of like,,, no she really believes in love. She really does

Vanessa:

- Okay look i could pretend to explore some other options here but I think it’s blatantly obvious that she’s a child of Apollo

- He’s the god of the arts? She makes movies! Maybe they’re documentaries but they’re a heck of an artistry anyway and she’s shown to have a love for the whole of the concept and other stuff like music (taking Nate to Ruby’s concert) and paintings (helping out at the gallery)

- Also he’s the god of knowledge and prophecy and like,,,, Vanessa is the one who knows what going on and that it’s Not Good

#serena van der woodsen #blair waldorf #dan humphrey #nate archibald #vanessa abrams #original nonsense #this is a meta tag #still rotating the same three things in my mind they just had an orbital collision again #this is a classics rambles tag #sort of lol

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random-iz-stuff · 2 years

Text

Headcanon:

Irken appendages (hands and feet) are considered EXTREMELY sacred.

Just look at Zim’s complete freakout when he looses one of his boots in the comics.

He completely looses it out of nowhere after realizing that his foot is uncovered. Zim is either on the verge of a panic attack or is currently going through one due to the loss of his boot. And that’s completely understandable considering how irkens view hands and feet.

In irken culture, you absolutely MUST cover up your hands with gloves of some sort and cover up your feet with boots or socks. Going around without those things is the single worst thing you can do in every aspect of irken culture. You cannot have them exposed in public, you cannot have them exposed in private, you cannot have them exposed AT ALL.

Everyone, no matter how tall or short, must have gloves and boots, no exceptions. The Tallest may hate Zim with every fibre of their beings and want him humiliated and dead, but they still view depriving Zim of gloves and/or boots and/or forcing him to go around with his appendages exposed as going WAY too far. Exposing an irken’s appendages is a special kind of evil that no irken deserves, even if that irken is Zim. That’s how important this rule is.

Purposely removing an irken’s gloves or boots is the single worst crime that you can commit in the eyes of the empire. If you do it and the empire finds out, they’ll be showing up outside your door with a small army in a matter of days, fully ready to turn you and anyone that gets in their way into a smoking crater.

This even applies to Zim, despite everyone hating him. The only thing that could theoretically get the armada to willingly go anywhere near earth would be Zim getting his gloves or boots forcibly removed, because in the event that that were to happen, a chunk of the armada would show up in earth orbit looking for whoever committed such a horrible crime.

Even looking at an irken’s exposed hands or feet is considered extremely bad.

There’s also the canonical fact that when the Tallest are crowned, they go through a ceremony where their thumbs are cut off. The Tallest are also the only irkens that are allowed to keep their fingers exposed, but their palms and feet must stay covered up. The reason that the Tallest have thumbs in Enter The Forpus is because of the armour they’re wearing, which is ceremonial armour that includes gloves with prosthetic thumbs that are controlled by the wearer’s PAK.

The irken language has a special word that is essentially the phrase “My hands/feet are exposed, look away immediately” condensed into a single word. If an irken says that word, all irkens nearby look away and give the speaker time to cover themselves up again. A drone could say this and the Tallest would look away. That’s how important the irken appendage rule is. It transcends all other societal gaps and barriers.

Even if two irkens are fighting and one damages or looses their glove and/or boot, that word is spoken and the other irken will look away to let the first irken cover up again, resuming the fight immediately after it is done. It’s like how ferrets will brutally fight each other, but will pause the fight if one of them needs to scratch an itch, before immediately resuming with the same level of ferociousness.

There’s only three small exceptions to the irken appendage rule:

Smeets can spend the first month or so with their appendages exposed, as they’re considered to be too young to properly understand the significance of keeping your appendages covered. They’re taught the appendage rule during their first month of living, and are given gloves and proper boots at one month old.

The Tallest can keep their fingers exposed, which is why they’re the only irkens we ever see without completely covered up hands. However, their palms are considered even more sacred then normal due to them being the Tallest, who are worshiped as god-kings by irken citizens. Boots are also required.

The Tallest are allowed to fully expose their hands during the thumb removing ceremony, but must immediately don gloves once the process is finished.

Most races that are aware of irkens are aware of the appendage rule, just because it’s that extremely important (the empire hunting down, killing and threatening war against anyone who purposely removes the gloves or boots of an irken comes to mind).

This is actually why the self destruct button that invaders are given is located in the gloves. If an irken is captured and attempts to self destruct to preserve their mission, their captors are put between a rock and a hard place. If they let the irken self destruct, they loose all information about what the irken has done, learned and planned, as the self destruct button destroys the SIR Unit and the invader’s base along with the irken, but they can only stop the irken from self destructing by removing the gloves, which will most definitely result in the armada showing up on their doorstep in a matter of days fully ready to reduce the entire planet to ash for the crime of forcibly exposing an irken’s hands, oftentimes with basically none of the planet’s allies attempting to oppose the Armada or come to the planet’s aid because they see that the targeted planet/race brought this upon themselves by removing an Irken’s gloves.

#invader zim #headcanons #irken culture #all my headcanons have some tiny basis in canon #or at least 99 percent of them do #irken hands and feet are sacred

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