#the way we all have our different stuff that makes up who we are and how they're shaped by our experiences but also our dna
Text
“I have to say, this is an impressive body of work.”
I shift in my seat, “By impressive do you mean that it’s good, or that there’s a lot of it?”
This gets a laugh. “Both,” says the man, Paul, flicking through a sketchbook with tattooed hands, fingers stained from nicotine. I notice things like this now. Hands. I notice their lines and their bones, all their interesting details, and perhaps Paul himself could gauge this now as he pours over my figure studies where there are pages upon pages of hands, old and young, my friends, my sisters at the piano, an old woman clutching at a handrail on the train, and my own, a hundred times in different ways, blisters, plasters, hangnails and bruises from the rugby pitch.
The woman, Ida, shuffles through a stack of watercolour paintings I did last summer, mostly seascapes, the beach and the rushes, the whitewashed houses and rusted iron of the Wexford coast. Just looking at them I can recall the grit of sand under my bare feet as I warmed them on the deck of our holiday home behind my portable easel. In three months I’ll return again for one last summer, and after that I expect I’ll miss it there.
“And you said you didn’t do a portfolio preparation year?” She says, peering over the rim of her glasses.
“No, I’m still at school.”
“Highly unusual for a sixth year,” her eyebrows climb up her forehead, “You've clearly dedicated a lot of time to this.”
I shrug, “Yeah, I like making art, I don’t know.”
It’s difficult to tell what this woman is thinking. Everything about her is harsh, dramatic, from the sharp fringe that sits straight and neat above her brows to the slash of her mouth, thin lips, pointy chin, hard eyes, but I have to assume for the sake of my own self esteem that she doesn’t positively loathe my portfolio. She spends some time looking through my work, slowly, methodically, sometimes leaning closer to frown at something, maybe some proportion that’s off, bad composition, a clumsy attempt at ambient occlusion that doesn’t hit the mark…
“It’s beautiful,” she says simply, and I exhale.
“Oh look, a familiar face,” Paul holds a portrait to Ida, “That’s the girl that we were interviewing a few people before this, what was her name again?”
“Michelle,” I say, “My girlfriend.”
Paul nods, “Michelle, right! Good likeness,” and places the notebook back onto the table. Leaning back in his chair, he cracks his knuckles, “Look, Jude, there’s no two ways about it here, your work is outstanding. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen a portfolio that hits every mark, every requirement and goes beyond, I mean,” he lets out a puff of air and gestures to the table, “this is nuts. And for a sixth year? Come on. This stuff would blow some of our third and fourth year college students out of the water.”
I feel like I could melt off the chair with relief, but try to suppress my utter delight so that they don’t think I’m too hungry for validation.
“Cool.”
“It’s the sensitivity,” Ida adds, “Your observation skills, your sense of weight, movement, knowledge of anatomy. It’s rare to see this kind of work from a secondary school student. Your efforts are just… so impressive.”
“And look, we know it depends on your Leaving Cert points, and yeah, that’ll be a contributing factor when it comes to acceptance, but, like,” Paul looks over the table again, tossing his hands up conclusively, “as far as I’m concerned, we’ll see you in September.”
Ida’s mouth curls into a smile, “We hope. If you choose us.”
If I choose them? Am I dreaming? How have I become the kind of person who is coveted by an art school? Surely not. Surely soon I’ll wake up and discover that this whole interview has been a product of my dreams. Too much time spent stressing out over art, the requirements, the brief... Almost certainly I’ve fallen asleep somewhere and none of this is real.
“That’s really kind of you to say. I’m glad you liked my stuff.”
“Blown away,” says Paul, and he leaps to his feet to shake my hand like I’ve just won a prize, “all we need is a pass in the Leaving Cert, you can surely manage it.”
“Yeah, I’ll make sure I do.”
They’re smiling at me as I gather up my work, and still smiling as I give them one last sheepish wave from the door, and I realise I am still smiling too as I face the hallway of waiting students, staring at me with portfolios rested against their knees. I probably shouldn’t look too overjoyed, it might knock their confidence, so I try to look very bored instead as I pass by, though I may explode from the inside out.
Beginning // Prev // Next
#lucky boy 2010#he's back baby#looking cuter than ever#I love hipster era Jude so much??#and c'mon#y'all know what's coming this summer#anyone recognise Ida?
48 notes
·
View notes
Note
Asking this under anon bc i don’t wanna get any backlash in my inbox lmao
but to start this off: i love oliver stark, and i am so appreciative of how important he views this storyline and the representation it provides
however
i am going to be very disappointed in him if we get through the next few episodes, and it becomes clear that they aren’t going to further develop buddie anymore. he has always been so careful and cautious when it comes to implying things in interviews/press stuff, but lately with this resurgence in his response to fandom interest with buddie (liking fanart, reposting it, talking openly about buddie in interviews, confirming things like buck thinking eddie was attractive, etc.) if they don’t go that route, it will honestly severely hurt me.
i have very mixed feelings about what is and isn’t “queerbaiting” (most of my friends would say i tend to not believe that it’s a thing, and to an extent i agree) but there are certain situations in which something does blatantly feel like baiting… to me this is one of those situations.
with both lou and edy still being around, as well as ryan’s sudden stint in pr jail, the fandom’s obsession w lou/tommy, and tim minear’s seeming interest in complying with fan-service… it’s hard to remain optimistic that they will actually give us buddie. the past two weeks have given me whiplash as a buddie fan and i am getting tired of the show using our desperation and love for this ship as a marketing tactic when they have no intention of going there (tim minear himself saying things like “i don’t like to plan endgame relationships” or “there are no plans for buddie at the moment”).
that is why the media’s sudden obsession with asking about buddie, as well as oliver’s willingness to interact with buddie content online combined with the constant flow from the set of things not going in the direction of buddie… it feels very intentional to drag us in. and if oliver is participating in that, then i am going to be very disappointed and hurt by that. he used to care so much about not getting our hopes up, but lately it feels like that isn’t the case anymore, and that getting our hopes up is their way if getting us to continue watching the show because they know that people will stop watching after having to watch years of buildup and (at times admittedly) roment subtext between them just for all of that to be completely retconned and them to say “no-homo, bro” in favor of a character/ship that came out of nowhere and has had no development.
obviously, i don’t blame os for the storyline- he’s not a writer, he doesn’t get to dictate what does or doesn’t happen. But he is the one getting all of the media attention, and using that to shine a spotlight on buddie when (if) he knows that buddie isn’t happening? it feels very icky to me and i really don’t want to have a reason to dislike him.
unfortunately it’s seeming more and more like a possibility each day as we get inundated with bts info that doesn’t bode well for us at all.
I’m afraid I’ll have to disagree with you anon sorry😭🫶
If buddie doesn’t go canon/ they don’t show they’re heading in that direction in the next few episodes, I still would not blame Oliver at ALL for his recent more openness about buddie
(Idk how familiar you are with me and if you are you’ll know this but if you’re not lemme clarify I use bulletpoints a lot but not to be curt or rude I just like breaking things into chunks🫡)
1. He has made sure to constantly clarify that he doesn’t know how things are gonna go and he has no control over things- i mean EVERY time he spoke about buddie
2. He’s also a fan of the show guys, yes yes he’s an actor and it has different implications I agree 100% but also if he’s choosing to ship his character or enjoy fan work that’s his prerogative and sure he can lurk privately like he has in the past but also he probably knows that implications aside fans who make that work will be ecstatic to see him actually liking the stuff
3. The man legit said he deleted social media at one point cos he didn’t wanna like or share stuff that’d accidentally give people false hope for buddie or bi Buck but he has silently agreed for years and he hated not being able to confirm bi buck till now
4. He’s been a HUGE advocate for us both on the buddie front and bi buck front and that deserves recognition
5. As you said there is a LOT of bucktommy love rn which is great and all but may draw focus away from buddie, if Oliver is intentionally trying to get buddie fans to keep going it could genuinely just to show that buddie fans are still aiming for buddie endgame and that they still make up a huge portion of the fandom
6. Writing is CONSTANTLY in progress on 911 so again buddie fans being more vocal and abc and writers seeing such positive responses to him so much as interacting with buddie posts or answering buddie questions give them a gauge of audience’s wants (granted Tim has stated it’s not a HUGE factor for him) and also keep in mind s8 is still in the books so even proposals of storylines may be in the talks rn
7. When he talks he is VERY careful about his words and is very well spoken on the topic like yes there have been more stuff we can read into and be optimistic about but you can tell that he in no way is saying specific things to bait people, when talking about existing buddie things he talks about HIS interpretation and uses lots of maybes and might’ve beens and I see how that could be and when he talks about future buddie he talks about being open to it talks about what he’d want from it and he talks about not having control or knowledge of it happening
So yeah he has done/said things that I absolutely think warrant optimism (I made a whole post about it) but if it doesn’t pan out that optimism should a- still be there b- not turn into blame for him
Okay now Oliver aside- the questions being asked about buddie and all the buddie promotions I would be side eyeing the higher ups for if it’s for nothing because yes all the articles and stuff are stuff being pre-approved by abc and the people higher up than cast members or the journalists but I would also keep in mind that s8 is still in the works so hope is not lost even if s7 isn’t what we hoped for because keep in mind we had only 10 eps to work with too
#911#buddie#evan buckley#thanks anon!#911 abc#eddie diaz#911 fox#evan buck buckley#911onfox#buckley diaz family#asks open#send asks#send me asks#answered asks#asks
28 notes
·
View notes
Text
I'm not sure what Buddie stuff we might get in this next ep but one thing I wanted to talk about is if something like a kiss were to happen it's important that we don't attack the show for it. I understand not wanting a cheating storyline (even though for clarification Buck isn't in an exclusive relationship with T*mmy as of yet). And definitly as a someone who is bi myself I completely get not wanting to see bisexual stereotypes perpetuated.
Still when it comes to tv they often will do love triangle/cheating storylines for drama. There's also the fact that tv shows often handle cheating differently than the real world. On a tv show a kiss might be handled differently than say if someone had sex with someone who wasn't their partner. I'm not saying they both aren't messed up but look at how the show handled Buck kissing Lucy vs Hen sleeping with Eva. Buck and Taylor didn't break up after she found out about Lucy but Karen and Hen did separate for a bit after what Hen did.
I'm not saying I think cheating is okay. I don't want Buddie to start out this way I just know it's a super common trope. But regardless I think as a fandom we really need to be a positive presence on all of the social media platforms rooting for Buddie to happen.
The B/T fans are out in large numbers right now being very vocal for the ship they want to stick around, some even want this to be Buck's endgame ship. They definitely aren't going to be happy if Buck and Eddie kiss because they know it threatens their ship. So I'm sure many of them will speak out about it.
We can't be adding to the backlash of a (possible) Buddie kiss by leaving negative comments and making post after post, some of which people involved with the show will inevitably see (remember Oliver has stated multiple times they see things we post online).
I get that there's these messed up stereotypes that bisexual people can't make up our minds that all we're ever gonna do is cheat on the people we care about. I get that if a cheating storyline comes about it will be upsetting for a lot of you. Again I don't want this to be how Buddie starts but at the same time if we are out there attacking the show for the first Buddie kiss it will look VERY bad for us and our ship and will only keep us further from canon Buddie. If Buddie do kiss we need to be encouraging the show to continue their storyline. Because you best believe that any and all interaction between T*mmy and Buck is going to garner positive engagement from those fans and it is only going to give Tim and the writers more incentive to keep him around.
This post might just be me rambling for nothing because nothing of consequence may even happen between Buddie in the next ep but I wanted to get this out just in case. I do believe Tim has a plan for Buddie regardless of what is being said in his interviews but that doesn't meant fan engagement can't alter things. The out pourting of love and support we've given the show for years for Buddie is part of why bi Buck has even happened. We want the show to know that if they're moving in a romantic direction with Buddie we support it. You also have to realize there's a lot of people right now complaining about Buck even being bi at all. For all the positive feedback they're getting for bi Buck ABC and Oliver etc are also dealing with a good amount of backlash to this story too. I just think we don't need to add to that.
19 notes
·
View notes
Text
home from work
#if I speak…#one of the girls walked out yesterday#the best worker we have is on the verge of blowing up on this bitch’s leaders bc since he can do everything quick and efficiently already#they’re putting 3 to 4 ppl’s workloads on him to see how far they can extend his worth and then they’re over his shoulder the whole time#micromanaging him so today he almost lost it and was literally walking around mumbling about his disrespectful they all are (facts)#and how if they don’t think he’s doing it right then they can do it and I know for a fact one of the ladies heard him#bc he wasn’t even trying to hide it at this point and like this dude is cool he has a lot of patience and helps out any way he can#so if HE’S on the brink of snapping then the rest of us don’t stand a chance LMFAO#anyways today was a fucking mess those leaders know nothing about our store yet so they have us making less than what we need until we need#it so we get behind constantly and they made prep a disaster bc again they think they can just prep a bunch of stuff in the morning#and it’ll last the whole day and yes that works in theory but the reality of the situation is every day is different and today#we sold double what we did yesterday so they had to move me to prep to fix their mistakes bc we were running out of stuff 4 hours in lmfao#and I’m the only one left who knows how to do everything on prep bc the other girls had never done it before#we’re supposed to prep 20 mac n cheese trays in the morning for the whole day#we open lunch at 10:30 tell me why I go into the cooler at 12 put more in the oven and there’s only 5 left#it’s been less than 2 HOURS and you’re already running out of macs which means those idiots prepped barely anything just to try and save mo#*money to cut down waste but that gag if you’re losing money bc now you’re short on everything and customers are leaving bc they’re having#to wait a long time for their food#and macs take 40 minutes to cool LMFAO#I get over there they’re out of parfaits they’re out of fruit cups they’re out of kale salads the front is coming in and having to take#stuff as I make it bc they keep getting orders and it’s all just a fucking mess#I have to make a custom wrap and what happens?? those morons didn’t pull the flatbreads out of the freezer like they’re supposed to every#night so now we have no flatbread and I had to run back there and put them in the warming drawer to defrost and we lost an order bc I had#nothing to make the wraps with <3#I go back there to get more cold chicken SPOILER ALERT they didn’t have anyone make any this morning so now there’s no chicken for the wrap#and salad and it has to be grilled and then chilled for 2 FUCKING HOURS before it can be used#they’re a fucking disaster like 😭#was the store perfect before?? ofc not but it ran quickly and efficiently as it should and now it’s literally just a mess#this bitch hasn’t even owned it for a full week yet and has already fucked it all up#womp womp!!!!!!
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
Now this might be because I have issues but is it just me or does Slay The Princess feel like an allegory for a relationship?
#like i dont even mean the actual textual stuff like the two gods loving each other i mean like#while the narrator himself does say that he is not the protagonist at all the voices do in fact count him as one of them and#both the narrator and the voices are described as shattered glass pieces on the floor#and im saying that just to contextualise what im about to say because i feel like the narrator is an echo of someone who was in#a relationship with another person and is trying to 'slay' the memory of this person and defeat death not only literally but#on a metaphorical level (as in the death of a relationship). if you do slay her you destroy her memory and in that way you do not know her#at all nor do you care to#and the routes would be the perspectives held by different parts of you. shes literally a being that changes based on who perceives her#but metaphorically thats just how people work isnt it? relationships are complicated and there is a part of you who sees someone as a razor#and there is a part of you who sees them as a damsel and another who sees them as a god etc etc#its like youre a person who is trying to make sense of the situation and; which is why the construct of the princess is made up of#several vessels called perspectives. you understand the whole of what you think only when you take apart all your perspectives;#and theres a you who isnt you anymore who doesnt want to do this. hes telling you to just destroy it. it was wholly wretched and wholly bad#and it changed which is a crime in itself. theres an echo of you. and theres you; built by this echo because thats how the self works#we are each our own god and we build ourselves. the different voices are like different parts of you#much like the vessels are the equivalent of the voices. theyre the finite confined perspectives; aspects of a whole person#and slaying her in this context would obviously mean literally just destroying the memory and deciding that change and all it brings#is an awful thing. though im not yet sure what the difference between leaving with the whole and between separating yourself#and leaving with just an aspect would be.#thats probably like the only thing thats kinda ruining this interpretation lol#oh and obviously a lot of the routes have like very strong relationship symbolism. specifically a lot of them feel like#scenes from a relationship that is falling apart. for example in the adversary and then the fury when you run away the dialogue#basically mimics a partner running away from a conflict and the other one destroying themselves because of it#witch and the thorn are both heavily Esop-coded and the text itself says that its about two people hurting each other even though they love#each other but both are afraid of the other one and of being vulnerable. thorn is about finding forgiveness in one another#and deciding to be better and love each other despite the hurt youve caused each other due to your problems#etc etc#like am i insane am i mental am i projecting?
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
i pass pretty much all the time but hm. ive heard interesting stuff from drunk ppl i know who dont know im trans
#''haha when my bf was talking about you and i asked to see a picture he showed me one and i was like... is that right? bc i thought that was#a girl in that pic. i mean only bc i didnt expect him to have any girlypop friends haha''#yeah i mean that is an average thing to say and not mean or anything but it hits a bit different when im trans#i mean the person saying that didnt know and if they did they would have never said anything like that#but it's still a bit. hmmm.#also the topic of my looks came up and it's funny how everyone thinks i'm cute#i wish i could b masc hot but im fine with being cute. not everyone can look good the same way#but like it's so common for the only compliment transmascs get being ''cute'' for various reasons but i think in my case it's just my#wavy hair and slight babyface and round features#which yeah ok whatever i'm still young - ive got plenty of time to start looking less like a boy and more like a man#as in even if i was a cis guy id look pretty much like this#though! im only 2 years on t so i cant wait what the future holds for how i'll look :3c#well almost 2 and a hlaf but yknow#also i have a slight. can i say this. ''tranny voice'' which. slay. but i was told i ''sound like a femboy'' which#once again super funny that ppl say that stuff bc they genuinely cant tell im trans#the only reason i pass is bc i get read as [justin mcelroy voice] kinda faggy#oh that guy over there with wide hips and feminine manners and voice and small feet and hands [compared to cis men] with an apparently cute#face who doesnt seem to know anything about stereotypical guy stuff? thats a cis man#and i love that#but also one of these ppl is not cis#if you saw me irl you'd know im insanely easy to clock for trans people#but yeah whatever im just amused by all this it's kind of fun having ppl not know im trans#but also i have a new friend who doesnt know and i think i should let him know at some point if it comes up bc idk man. it feels like im#living a secret life or something. like obviously no one has the right to know im trans but. i can make the choice of wanting someone toknow#but also hes my only guy friend who lives in this city. well technically not the only one i have another friend but we never hang out irl.#anyways i dont want to ruin our broship#i dont think itd get ruined and if it did itd just mean whatever but im still scared#agh idk#leevi talks
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
It really hurts when it feels like a friend you considered family gives up on you and the relationship
Like, we could have talked about it, we could have found a solution together, we were each others family remember?! But instead you chose to just give up and cut me out
#and in like#about five messages too!#that were pretty accusatory#like apologizing peofusely bc youre afraid that karma wikl fuck u up for hurting le#doesnt really make up for accusing me of what you did#there are so many more compassionate ways you could have said that!#I'm so so sorry but you suck and i can't take it anymore goodbye#WTF#is this the goodbye seven years of friendship is worth??#we went through thick and thin#and yeah i have not been too well lately and i was pretty depressed two years ago#you asked me to share my problems with you and when i do i am too much and you drop me like hot metal instead of talking about it?#and that goodbye was so rushed it felt like i was chasing her just to get a little closure#you said you would always be there#even with our lives being so different I still believed it was possible#and you kept ignoring me!#i shared good stuff too and you didn't even respond! you said you were too busy and didn't make time for me#so when I stop sharing that good things happen to me too bc I'm frustrated with being ignored all the time you say I'm toxic for only#and drop me? instead of having a talk about it or taking a break?#like#i thought we were each others family but it seems like I was the more loyal one who cared the most and got burned yet again#is it so hard to talk and try to adjust?#i thought we were the real ones for each other yanno but clearly thing were different for you with all your toxic ass family and all your#jobs and friends#she's always had more than me#doesn't mean I'm alone tho#i have friend who can talk to me and try to adjust and fix the relationship and is a true loyal friend#it's not the end of my world that you're gone#even if you were a big part of it#how can I loose when I was so loyal and true and honest
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
theres nothing i want more than for an older millennial couple to adopt me and my boyfriend i want to be friends with two millennials so badly
#imagine theres a couple who are in their early 30s#the man is a techbro but not in the annoying cryptofascist way just in the i work in the tech industry way#and the lady is a quirked up autistic housewife who obsesses over video game franchises and has 100 ocs#and they have that cringeworthy yet oddly charming millennial humor to them where theyre always using reddit catchphrases#fucked around and found out!#play stupid games win stupid prizes!#ERMAGERD!#that kinda stuff#and we'd have dinners at each others houses#but mostly the millennial couple's house cuz they actually own their own house and we're just renters#they could tell us about idk their animal crossing island and what episode of friends they're rewatching#and we could tell them about the intricacies of the plot of one piece and what new skins we got in fortnite#and we'd all be slightly confused about the other's interests but we'd still respect our love for nerdy shit#and whenever we take selfies they post the pictures to their facebook because to them facebook is still a viable form of social media#and the captions are like 'babysitting these dweebs!!' to poke fun at the slight age difference#and me and bf would make comments like 'i'm gonna put you in a nursing home soon' in retaliation#and we'd have a cool discord server where we play minecraft together. because that is the one thing all generations can agree on#which is that discord and minecraft are just kinda epic#that's all i want. is that so wrong
13 notes
·
View notes
Text
fictional or not, dragon lore is always so interesting.
#I'm watching a DS3 lore video on the nameless king bc i wanted to figure out wtf is the dragonslayer armor's deal#but the greater lore around the dragons is SO fucking good and now I'm thinking about dragons lol#i could watch these dark souls/elden ring lore videos by VaatiVidya all day tbh#i LOVE how deep he goes with it. these worlds and their lore already feel huge but#as someone who's only played the third dark souls it rly makes me appreciate how complex and interconnected it is as a series.#sometimes i wonder if the creators ever watch these vids and think “we didn't mean all that but that's a great idea”#or if they watch it and get super happy like YES that is exactly what our subtle storytelling meant.#either way i have So so much respect for ppl who go and put together these lore videos#going as far as to look at game dumps and early releases/cut content and ALL the dialogue and item descriptions#for any one topic the lore is so scattered about and piecing together any single thing seems like such a massive undertaking.#like lmaooo i can't even follow a single questline without pulling up the wiki#a recent rabbit hole i went down too is how there are different times/realities even just DS3 takes place in?#like how in Untended Graves you see a world without light where darkness rules - and in ringed city when ur fighting those#dragons in the base of that big tree that's supposed to be the original firelink shrine and then the shrine u use is maybe The Past?#the past relative to the other shrine from the world where the flame went out w darkness ruling.#idk how the transition works from being in that one dude's garden in ur world to just walking right into the other one but idc.#just say i got twilight zoned or somethn lol. always. very interesting stuff :^} I'm not smart enough to pick up on anything in the moment#but it's SO fun watching what other people pieced together whose whole thing is that they go thru these games thoroughly.#and in a way it makes me not want to stop playing DS/ER bc there's just so much going on here that's so rewarding??#like. on TOP of the suuper deep lore the gameplay is also just super fun and u get HELLA weapons and special moves#and the modding scene has made some hella streamline tools that are so good these have been the first games I've ever MADE mods for!#like i can't think of any other games that are like this where I'm really encouraged it make it my own with such a helpful and#engaging community. I'm sure there r other games out there that are similarly engaging with deep lore and streamlined modtools#and mod communities but (〒﹏〒) 1. where?? 2. DS/ER are very beloved to me.#it's funny how little u have to know or do to beat their respective storylines. I've played them both a ton and still know so little.#and when i walk away from these lore vids I'm always like Woah 😵💫 yk? anyways.. that's my lil rant :3 back to work now
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
i think it's interesting you can tell how people are like deep down by small things they do
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#like. if they use fonts#like 'aesthetic' fonts! it says they like pretty stuff sure but also that they don't know or don't care that#it isn't accessible for people with reading devices and stuff like that :') bcs those will read out literal math shit#it's a small thing but shows how ignorant some people are and i can't blame them at all bcs for a long time i used to use#aesthetic fonts like that. but for a while now i haven't as well and aurhrubedhej#but yeah perfectly understandable if they don't know but if they do it still even with the knowledge. i would definitely rather not#interact with someone like that. :')#i love to read people and all and tbh i probably know more about some people than they think bcs . yeah#it also shows how scary the internet is. please stay safe.#i have easily found some people's twitter accounts and it is so easy. i just do it out of curiosity and i don't have any malicious intent#at all but someone out there could and god if you overshare there is so much to learn so for the love of god be careful#but yeah! really interesting all of this ... how humans work :'O#the way we all have our different stuff that makes up who we are and how they're shaped by our experiences but also our dna#and how each book or passage or whatever we read leaves a marks on us. everything does#and how our brains differ and neuroscience and neuropsychology is. i don't know much abt it yet but god it is so interesting#- i am a very philosophical person interested in psychology and other related topics ever since i was a little kid - ><#it's interesting bcs . i really was like this ever since i was a kid and i would love to read more into Whyz#bcs i would look at rhe news as the kid and bad news made me so SAD. i still remember vividly sitting on the couch#and where the tv was and my parents. there was a girl who got... yeah#and it really opened my eyes to how fucking shit the world is. i was not even 10 years old by that time i think#and i think about that moment a lot even now whenever i rmbr it bcs it was. really important#in how i'm now hugely concerned about those kinds of things and really want to make the world a better place#honestly it annoys me when others don't care about the world but at least i'm happy with who i am! ><#it's interesting tho fr how i was. probably 'meant' to be like this in a way#and other kids out there just don't give a fuck and... i wonder why. what's different about us. in how we were made and shaped and raised?#ff/x being one of my memorable games in my childhood really shaped me and my outlook of religion and helped me be more open about my views#on family. kh being a really memorable thing abt my childhood despite me never properly playing past the island#but i still remember how i would always pick up that game again and again and years later when i got kh/3 despite not having played any#other games properly. i knew that this was my childhood. and playing thru that game was so amazing despite me literally
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
Losing my mind a little this week it's fine
#literally just need to spill my thoughts here because im struggling#work stuff is so fucking frustrating these days and i have no motivation#because our clients are irritating as HELL 75% of the time and dont know what tf theyre talking about#and it takes so much restraint to not just tell them to stop talking and listen to me and do what we say#and i HATE having urgency in my work the way i do now#it is not how i operate at all and i fucking hate it#like i do not want to have to rush to do things and shove other things aside to prioritize something every single day#but thats whats happening#and our company is so BAD at internal communication#we are a MARKETING. AGENCY. THATS SUPPOSED TO BE. A STRENGTH#im also just. hitting a depressive episode rn which is not helping#i got a notice from a fucking tax collector because i didnt file my taxes for the four months i lived in this county in 2020#because i didnt realize THAT WAS SEPARATE bc no one TOLD ME#and now i have to pay 25 bucks to do that within a month like. guys i did not make enough for this to be a big deal fuck you#and i have to worry about an upcoming conversation with a friend and their roommates bc the roommates suck so bad and we need them to leave#but theyre difficult and defensive and hostile and toxic hence why im going to be there at all to back up my friend#but i just. it causes me so much anxiety#AND i have to see two of my cousins this week who are closer to each other than they are to me and like. its nice yall reached out but#we arent friends were just around the same age and we have different values and goals and i am so. so tired#ANYWAY. GOTTA DO SOME WORK.#i wasted a lot of time today just. spiralling a little#so i didnt get much done#and tomorrow i have SEVEN FUCKING MEETINGS so am i gonna get anything done then? probably not!#and friday im gonna have to be on a call with a client who has really gotten on my nerves lately (lol thats like a quarter of them rn) and#i just dont want to. i would like to sleep#anyway sorry for this mess of tags for anyone who reads this jfc i just really needed to dump some thoughts#and didnt want to dump them on anyone in particular bc its a lot so ya know. voluntary dump recipients or aomethint idk#something*
1 note
·
View note
Text
i got rickrolled today but it didn't work because i have adblocker installed, so youtube just told me i violated the terms of service. yesterday i was trying to edit a picture as a joke for my girlfriend, and google made me check a box to prove i'm human because i wasn't "searching normally".
it isn't just that capitalism is killing fun and whimsy, it is that any element of entertainment or joy is being fed upon by this mosquito body, one that will suck you dry at any vulnerability.
do you want to meet new friends in your city? download this app, visit our website, sign up for our email list. pay for this class on making a terrarium, on candlemaking, on cooking. it will be 90 dollars a session. you can go to group fitness, but only under our specific gym membership. solve the puzzle, sign up for our puzzle-of-the-month-club. what is a club if not just a paid opportunity - you are all paying for the same thing, which makes you a community.
but you're like me, i know it - you're careful, you try the library meetings and the stuff at the local school and all of that. the problem is that you kind of want really specific opportunities that used to exist. you are so grateful for libraries and the publicly-funded things: they are, however, an exception - and everything they have, they've fought tooth-and-nail to protect. you read a headline about how in many other states, libraries have virtually nothing left.
do you want to meet up with your friends afterwards? gift your friends the discord app. you can choose to go to a cafe (buy a coffee, at least), a bar (money, alcohol) or you can all stay in and catch a movie (streaming) or you can all stay in bed (rent. don't get me started) and scream (noise complaint. ticket at least).
you want to read a new book, but the book has to have 124 buzzwords from tiktok readers that are, like, weirdly horny. you can purchase this audiobook on audible! your podcast isn't on spotify, it's on its own server, pay for a different site. fuck, at least you're supporting artists you like. the art museum just raised their ticket price. once, they had a temporary exhibit that acknowledged that ~85% of their permanent art galleries were from cis white men, and that they had thousands of works by women (even famous women, like frida! georgia o'keefe!) just rotting in their basement. that exhibit lasted for 3 months and then they put everything away again.
walmart proudly supports this strip of land by the street! here are some flowers with wilting leaves. its employees have to pay out-of-pocket for their uniforms. my friend once got fined by the city because she organized a community pick-up of the riverfront, which was technically private property.
no, you cannot afford to take that dance class, neither can i. by the way - i'm a teacher. i'm absolutely not saying "educators shouldn't be paid fairly." i'm saying that when i taught classes, renting a studio went from 20 bucks an hour to 180 in the span of 6 months. no significant changes to the studio were made, except they now list the place as updated and friendly. the heat still doesn't work in the building. i have literally never seen the landlord who ignores my emails. recently they've been renting it out at night as an "unusual nightclub; a once-in-a-lifetime close-knit party." they spent some of those 180 dollars on LEDs and called it renovating. the high heels they invite in have been ruining the marley.
do you want to experience the old internet? do you want to play flash games or get back the temporary joy of club penguin? you can, you just need to pay for it. i have a weird, neurodivergent obsession with occasionally checking in to watch the downfall and NFT-ification of neopets. if i'm honest with you all - i never got into webkins, my family didn't have the money to buy me a pointless elephant. people forget that "being poor" can mean literally "if i buy you that toy, i can't afford rent."
you and i don't have time to make good food, and we don't have the budget for it. we are not gonna be able to host dinner parties, we're not made of money, kid. do you want some kind of 3rd space? a space that isn't home or work or school? you could try being online, but - what places actually exist for you? tiktok counts as social media because you see other people on it, not because they actually talk to you.
there was a local winter tradition of sledding down the hill at my school. kids would use pizza boxes and jackets and whatever worked, howling and laughing. back in september, they made a big announcement that this time, rules were changing, and everyone must pay 10 dollars to participate. when im not scared shitless, i kind of appreciate the environmental irony - it hasn't gone below 40. so much for snow & joyriding.
i saw a bulletin for a local dogwalking group and, nervous about making a good first impression, showed up early. the first guy there grimaced at me. "sorry," he said. "there's a 30-dollar buy-in fee." i thought he was joking. wait. for what? the group doesn't offer anything except friendship and people with whom to walk around the city.
he didn't know the answer. just shrugged at me. "you know," he said. "these days, everything costs money."
#spilled ink#warm up#“why did u tag it warm up” bc i wrote it off the cuff while drinkin coffee lol#btw the 30 dollar buy in for the dog walking is bc they pay the organizer a small pittance so she can#run fb ads and stuff and like she does put in a lot of work i don't mind paying her#but that's exactly what im fucking talking about like.#ppl can't afford to volunteer their time anymore and we all understand it!!! everything costs money for everyone!#like we didn't have to use to say ''do you mind paying me back for the stuff we ate''#we used to be able to afford to feed our friends once in a while!!!
47K notes
·
View notes
Note
hey just to let you know op of this post:
https://www.tumblr.com/bodiesoflight/733794261873655808
is an endo and endo safe (just check the tags). i assume you’re anti-endo so just to let you know. if you arent i apologize for bothering you.
[link above]
thanks for letting us know!
#we feel somewhat more complexly about endo etc stuff than the black and white argument you see most often wrt s/scourse in that we dont#believe in the argument that you can have these things without them being a result of smth actively disordered in the brain e.g.#dissociative disorders and we do feel that there are differences wrt spirituality in poc and that kind of ''multiplicity'' in a sense as an#indigenous asian poc + that there are additional disordered forms of ~multiplicitly~ (possibly just presentation wise) in psychotic#disorders etc and that current psychology leaves a lot to be desired in terms of both research and the general western colonial focus of it#+ being extra aware of the fact this disorder hides a lot from you yknow so theres a lot of room for ppl who identify these ways to#just perhaps not have as much insight or help to recognise there's more going on rather#than ''endo'' theories n we dont rly find the general discussion of how its held as ''s/scourse'' on here productive nor wish to participat#in it much but altogether no we don't quite support endos though we also dont support the belief that every endo is inherently just some#''faker'' etc bc there is so much grey area and Even if they are faking it is often the result of other issues etc so it just doesn't make#much sense to us to not show them the compassion of trying to be understanding to the fact theres more likely more beyond surface level#going on than some malicious or trendy intent and to be cruel to them accordingly etc#— with this post in particular though we feel it doesn't matter all that much since op isn't an endo themselves as#opposed to what this ask says (taken from their pinned referring to themselves as traumagenic) and this post#doesn't make any harmful statements that would be interpreted differently through the lens of endo supporting#so we'll leave it up for now but let us know ofc if op is otherwise fucky or means more than we know with it (as we dont follow or know#anything about op beyond a brief checking their blog)#ask#anonymous#sorry for the longwinded response we just hadn't posted our thoughts on this here yet and figured we'd make an encompassing statement on it#beyond what we've said in our blog description#(<- see link in about or tag in our pinned)#spirituality we mentioned btw wrt ''t/lpamancy'' etc and how its misused by whites in ''s/scourse'' etc#tldr: we find it more complex than the immaturity and black and whiteness of the arguments+beliefs held within s/scourse currently and#made a little statement on that +#feel this post doesn't make harmful statements nor is op an endo so we'll leave it up unless there's more going on#but again thanks for informing us and giving us the opportunity to make a statement on this!
1 note
·
View note
Text
weirdest fucking shit to fixate over but we just keep comin back to it huh
tmi in the tags probably
#stupid for so many reasons including the way it's just 100% impossible#cause that's not smth that's possible in ours even though in other systems it can happen#n also i'm like......80% sure our inworld body doesn't have the required uh. inner equipment. can't be 100% on that though#i think it's maybe an ocd thing cause it always flares up around specific triggers (like the monthly cycle)#n the system as a whole has had related intrusive thoughts n paranoia for as long as we can remember#i think even before we'd had our first period but definitely at least since then (so 11yo->)#but. it's never been this constant before. i think vivec gets it sometimes but iirc it's more...sporadic for him#n makes more sense since he's had children before n has a crapton of trauma around that#but why me n the subsys?? it's only related to system shit too cause in my source memories i'm cis#just not here cause of the body we inhabit n the effect that has on my/our inworld body#still don't think the internal parts are functional that way though#plus i haven't even seen val let alone fucked him in a long long time now. so why???#he n doll barely do the uh. relevant stuff anymore either even if they're somewhat active in other ways#n all the feelings are so fucking complicated cause. everyone in the subsys feels differently about it#i fucking hate it. the thought makes me feel ill. violated. like the last of my autonomy has been stripped away.#honey's scared cause he feels like he did smth bad n is gonna be punished for it even though val's the one who always wants to. do all that.#doll....daydreams about a domestic life w/ him so he secretly likes the idea of havin his baby.#not the practical parts of it though. just the fantasy#silk is a mix between honey n secretly thinkin maybe val would care about him then. like maybe it'd fix things.#spyder doesn't seem to have the thoughts at all n runaway i think is asleep#plus...we actually know how val feels about all that. there was a conversation cause of some of the shit he says when he's at it#he likes the baby makin part (n i don't just mean fucking. he gets rly into the details.) n the idea of...succeeding at it#cringe shudder vomit etc#but if he thinks abt it any futher he seems....mostly just kinda disgusted.#though he was tryin to be gentle abt it (cause it was w/ doll) so all he said was he doesn't mean it for real he just likes the thought#cause they 'both know he's not parent material'#at least he's self aware enough to know that i guess. what with him regularly beatin his canon (pretend) daughter n all#so why the FUCK are we so fixated on this#it makes me feel rly nasty n at worst causes phantom pains so i'd rly rly like not thinkin about it ever#spdrvent
1 note
·
View note
Text
I will write this thought about Veganism and Classism in the USA in another post so as to not derail the other thread:
There are comments in the notes that say meat is only cheaper than plant based foods because of subsidies artificially lowering the price of meat in the United States. This is...part of the story but not all of it.
For my animal agriculture lab we went to a butcher shop and watched the butcher cut up a pig into various cuts of meat. I have had to study quite a bit about the meat industry in that class. This has been the first time I fully realized how strongly the meat on a single animal is divided up by socioeconomic class.
Like yes, meat cumulatively takes more natural resources to create and thus should be more expensive, but once that animal is cut apart, it is divided up between rich and poor based on how good to eat the parts are. I was really shocked at watching this process and seeing just how clean and crisp an indicator of class this is.
Specifically, the types of meat I'm most familiar with are traditionally "waste" parts left over once the desirable parts are gone. For example, beef brisket is the dangly, floppy bit on the front of a cow's neck. Pork spareribs are the part of the ribcage that's barely got anything on it.
And that stuff is a tier above the "meat" that is most of what poor people eat: sausage, hot dogs, bologna, other heavily processed meat products that are essentially made up of all the scraps from the carcass that can't go into the "cuts" of meat. Where my mom comes from in North Carolina, you can buy "livermush" which is a processed meat product made up of a mixture of liver and a bunch of random body parts ground up and congealed together. There's also "head cheese" (made of parts of the pig's head) and pickled pigs' feet and chitlin's (that's made of intestines iirc) and cracklin's (basically crispy fried pig skin) and probably a bunch of stuff i'm forgetting. A lot of traditional Southern cooking uses basically scraps of animal ingredients to stretch across multiple meals, like putting pork fat in beans or saving bacon grease for gravy or the like.
So another dysfunctional thing about our food system, is that instead of people of each socioeconomic class eating a certain number of animals, every individual animal is basically divided up along class lines, with the poorest people eating the scraps no one else will eat (oftentimes heavily processed in a way that makes it incredibly unhealthy).
Even the 70% lean ground beef is made by injecting extra leftover fat back into the ground-up meat because the extra fat is undesirable on the "better" cuts. (Gross!)
I've made, or eaten, many a recipe where the only thing that makes it non-vegan is the chicken broth. Chicken broth, just leftover chicken bones and cartilage rendered and boiled down in water? How much is that "driving demand" for meat, when it's basically a byproduct?
That class really made me twist my brain around about the idea of abstaining from animal products as a way to deprive the industry of profits. Nobody eats "X number of cows, pigs, chickens in a lifetime" because depending on the socioeconomic class, they're eating different parts of the animal, splitting it with someone richer or poorer than they are. If a bunch of people who only ate processed meats anyway abstained, that wouldn't equal "saving" X number of animals, it would just mean the scraps and byproducts from a bunch of people's steaks or pork chops would have something different happen to them.
The other major relevant conclusion I got from that class, was that animal agriculture is so dominant because of monoculture. People think it's animal agriculture vs. plant agriculture (or plants used for human consumption vs. using them to feed livestock), but from capitalism's point of view, feeding animals corn is just another way to use corn to generate profits.
People think we could feed the world by using the grain fed to animals to feed humans, but...the grain fed to animals, is not actually a viable diet for the human population, because it's literally just corn and soybean. Like animal agriculture is used to give some semblance of variety to the consumer's diet in a system that is almost totally dominated by like 3 monocrops.
Do y'all have any idea how much of the American diet is just corn?!?! Corn starch, corn syrup, corn this, corn that, processed into the appearance of variety. And chickens and pigs are just another way to process corn. That's basically why we have them, because they can eat our corn. It's a total disaster.
And it's even worse because almost all the USA's plant foods that aren't the giant industrial monocrops maintained by pesticides and machines, are harvested and cared for by undocumented migrant workers that get abused and mistreated and can't say anything because their boss will tattle on them to ICE.
8K notes
·
View notes
Text
when the subject of "why do people believe things that are seriously wrong and harmful" comes up it feels like you kinda hear one of two perspectives:
"oh, that's easy! it's because they're fundamentally Bad people who want to hurt others and choose their beliefs to justify that! :) hope this helps"
or
"they just don't have access to the same information we do. look at this person who was raised in a cult! don't you feel sorry for her?"
and like, yes, fine, some people were in fact raised in cults, but what i wish people would understand is that the bulk of it is just normal human flaws, like:
they want to believe stuff that makes them feel smart and cool and like they've figured everything out (you also do this)
they want to believe stuff that makes them feel like their emotions are justified and grounded in reality, and that the people they want to hurt deserve to be hurt (you also do this)
they form conclusions before they've processed all the relevant information, and cling to that first impression even when new info comes to light (you also do this)
they pick up beliefs from the people around them because they want to be liked and fit in, not because the beliefs are good or true (you also do this)
they come up with reasons that the stuff that benefits them (and the people they like and identify with) is actually overwhelmingly best for everyone and obviously the right thing to do (you also do this)
they pay more attention to stuff that supports what they already believe and avoid looking in places that might show them otherwise (you also do this)
they listen to people who talk like 'one of them' and ignore others (you also do this)
they come up with reasons to dismiss people with conflicting viewpoints as obviously in bad faith or ignorant or a shill or evil (you also do this)
they fail to take their own beliefs seriously sometimes, and take their beliefs way too seriously other times, in a selective way that lets them do the things they already wanted to do (you also do this)
the very ways they construct the ideas of 'knowledge' and 'wisdom' and 'belief' and 'understanding' are biased so that what they don't want to believe comes under lots of scrutiny and what they do want to believe receives less (you also do this)
you, dear reader, are presumably right about everything and were correct to die on every hill you've ever died on, but the difference between you and someone who's wrong about important stuff doesn't look like "well they're inherently evil and i'm not", it probably looks like a combination of:
natural environment (they would have been exposed to different information than you regardless of their choices)
being in the right place at the right time (your particular profile of flaws and virtues happened to be what was needed to lead you to the right conclusions, they had the opposite experience)
random luck (you doubled down on what felt right to believe but wasn't, but it turned out to be inconsequential, or even right for different reasons, while they doubled down on what turned out to be a horrible mistake distorting their entire worldview)
you do less of the things in the previous list, and over time the difference between you and them adds up
and, look, i also do these things. the nicest and most thoughtful people i've ever met do these things. if you meet someone who never does any of these things, i dunno, give them a fucking medal or something.
i know you're doing your best. we're all doing our best.
15K notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
honeykerb
honeykerb
benyaxprocess
Benya Singusaha
flossiepaws
*drives 18 hours one way for a hug*
always-looking-for-serendipity
Not all that with some sass
thelevieffect
The Levi Effect