hey just to let you know op of this post:

https://www.tumblr.com/bodiesoflight/733794261873655808

is an endo and endo safe (just check the tags). i assume you’re anti-endo so just to let you know. if you arent i apologize for bothering you.

[link above]

thanks for letting us know!

Life Update/Vent

I’m not taking an official hiatus, I just wanted to kinda talk about where I’m at currently and what all has been going on in my life.

I’m having a really hard time keeping track of my threads currently. And while I know a lot of your responses will be like “use a thread tracker” or draft everything that’s just not... plausible atm. I don’t have the emotional spoons for that kind of task and it’s honestly really overwhelming, and even when I attempt to get people to tell me what threads we’re missing only about three people respond to me, which makes it even harder for me to get my shit together. And that’s not a blame thing, I just get really easily distracted and even looking for old threads can be next to impossible. Again, no one’s fault but my own, but it is where I’m at right now.

And I’m gonna put the rest of this under a cut. Just kind of telling y’all what is going on in my life and why writing is hard right now in case you’re interested or you’re thinking my lack of engagement is about a lack of desire to interact.

So I knew at the start of the summer I was going to go for some pretty intensive psychoanalytical testing. Over the years of working with autistic students, I noticed a lot of similar behavior patterns in myself. Issues with social interaction, sensory processing, emotional regulation, etc. After much reassurance from my therapist I agreed to go in for formal psychological testing. I came to her with my suspicions and got very lucky in scheduling.

Right out of the gate my summer was filled with anxiety about what was going to happen and how things would go at the intake, and then after the intake was done my anxiety ramped up about the testing. The testing was extremely emotionally taxing. It took hours and was very repetitive and just overall didn’t make me feel good about myself. I felt like every time they repeated a question about depression or anxiety that I was falling even deeper into the pit of self loathing. But I told myself that if these tests could help me get extended insurance coverage for therapy and some correct medication then all of it would be worth it. Well then before I even had the chance to recover from the experience of testing, I found myself getting extremely anxious about the results of the test and if I’d messed anything up. Not to mention during this time my family from out of town was here for nearly two weeks, and I had to do a hands on crisis management training (where I had to touch and be touched a LOT).

So honestly, while I haven’t being doing a lot from day to day this summer, emotionally I’ve had so much going on that if I’m not in near tears from anxiety I’ve gone completely numb and can’t get out of bed.

Today I got the results for my testing and I just have a lot of mixed feelings about it. I found out that the woman testing me (who I thought was just passing time on her phone ignoring me) was actually watching me the whole time and taking notes on me and while I think the report was meant to sound clinical there was some language in it that kind of feels untrue and dismissive. At one point it says I blame a lot of my issues on my parents. Which isn’t false, but it is weird language when I have years of documented treatment for chronic PTSD due to childhood abuse from those parents. 

They also took away my diagnosis for OCD and Idk how I’m going to wrap my head around that. I’ve had this diagnosis for years and I feel like it really accurately describes me and my experiences. And the clinician flat out told me that the tests strongly indicated toward obsessive compulsive disorder as well as obsessive compulsive personality disorder, but that she didn’t put that in her diagnosis because “I already had 4 diagnoses and adding any more was too many.” And not only does that kind of throw me for a loop in terms of where I stand but it also concerns me about the accuracy of my diagnoses if real results were discounted just because she didn’t want to go “overboard.” 

This is honestly a lot. I’ve gone from feeling pretty neutral about the information I’ve gotten, to being optimistic about it, and now to feeling kind of shitty about a few things after reading the full report myself and not just having it summarized. 

And I say all this possibly just because I have no one that I can really talk to about it and I need to get my thoughts down because it’ll be nearly a week before I get to a therapist, but I also need you guys to understand I’m just in a trash emotional space. I also found out that the people who preformed my testing don’t provide psychiatric care so I have to go through contacting more people, getting another intake with someone, and going through all of this before I potentially find any medication that could help relieve my stress. And to top it all off school starts back in a week.

So I’m very sorry on multiple levels. I’ve been a flaky communicator and dropped the ball on talking to several of the people I call friends on here. I’ve lost things. I’ve dropped threads. The only replies I can get to are the ones directly sitting on top of my draft pile because they’re the easiest ones to find/respond to. I hope you understand the problem is just with me and my very low tolerance for my every day life experience lmao. I appreciate those of you who are supportive of me, who talk to me and reach out and are patient. I haven’t left tumblr, I have no intention of leaving tumblr, and I love my threads and my partners very much. Life’s just hard folks. And I’m sorry.

BASIC INFORMATION

FULL NAME:  samuel  william  winchester. PRONUNCIATION:  pronounced  how  it’s  spelled. MEANING:  so  from   the  hebrew  name  ש��ְמוּאֵל,  it  means  god  has  heard,  or  name  of  god.  it’s  a  little  ironic  considering  sam  is  lucifer,  god’s  fallen  son’s,  true  vessel.   REASONING:  sam  was  named  after  his  maternal  grandfather,  samuel  campbell. NICKNAME(S):  sam,  sammy,  little  winchester,  moose,  738273  other  height  related  nicknames. PREFERRED NAME(S):   sam. BIRTH DATE:  may  2,  1983. AGE:  honestly  he’s  not  sure.  he’s  died  3-4  times,  been  the  vessel  for  demons  and  archangels  which  probably  stalled  his  physical  aging  too.  i  say  he’s  probably  biologically  somewhere  around  35,  even  though  he’s  technically  47ish. ZODIAC: taurus. GENDER:  cismale. PRONOUNS:   he/him. ROMANTIC ORIENTATION:  heteroromantic. SEXUAL ORIENTATION:  bisexual.  (  he  can  appreciate  that  men  are  attractive,  has  probably  even  slept  with  a  couple,  but  has  no  desire  to  be  in  romantic,  serious,  relationships  with  men.  ) NATIONALITY:  american. ETHNICITY:   wonderbread  white. CURRENT LOCATION:  san  francisco,  ca. LIVING CONDITIONS:   a  crappy  two  bedroom  apartment  he  rents  by  the  month.  it’s  small,  not  in  a  great  neighborhood,  but  it  does  the  trick.   TITLE(S):   n/a.

BACKGROUND

BIRTH PLACE:   lawrence,  kansas. HOMETOWN:  technically  lawrence  kansas,  but  they  moved  around  frequently.   SOCIAL CLASS:  blue  collar. EDUCATION LEVEL:   undergraduate  degree  from  stanford.   FATHER:   john  winchester. MOTHER:   mary  winchester  (  neé  campbell  ).   SIBLING(S):   dean  winchester,  adam  milligan  (  half  ).   BIRTH ORDER:  dean,  sam,  adam.   CHILDREN:  jack  kline  (  adopted  /  unofficially  ) PET(S):   n/a. OTHER IMPORTANT RELATIVES:  bobby  singer,  pseudo  uncle.   castiel,  pseudo  brother  /  brother-in-law.   SIGNIFICANT  OTHER:   natasha  herrera,  wife.  (  separated  ) PREVIOUS RELATIONSHIPS:   jessica  moore,  amelia  richardson,  meg,  sarah  blake,  ruby,  a  few  one  night  stands,  amy  pond  (  first  kiss  ),  etc.   ARRESTS?:  a  few,  yes.   PRISON TIME?:  minimal,  seen  in  folsom  prison  blues.  

OCCUPATION & INCOME

PRIMARY SOURCE OF INCOME:   credit  card  scams,  illegal  activity.   SECONDARY SOURCE OF INCOME:   n/a. TERTIARY SOURCE(S) OF INCOME:   hunting,  but  it  pays  for  shit.   APPROXIMATE AMOUNT PER YEAR:   unknown.   CONTENT WITH THEIR JOB (OR LACK THERE OF)?:   this  is  never  the  job  he  wanted.  so  no,  definitely  not.   PAST JOB(S):   student.   SPENDING HABITS:  extremely  frugal,  only  on  necessities.   MOST VALUABLE POSSESSION:  john  winchester’s  journal.  

SKILLS & ABILITIES

PHYSICAL STRENGTH:   peak  physical  condition,  human,  in-shape.   OFFENSE:   extremely  skilled  with  weapons  and  hand  to  hand.   DEFENSE:  extremely  skilled  with  lethal  and  non-lethal  defensive  moves.   SPEED:  faster  than  average. INTELLIGENCE:  educated  and  above  average.   ACCURACY:   above  average. AGILITY:   above  average.   STAMINA:   above  average.   TEAMWORK:   below  average.  he  doesn’t  work  well  with  people  he  doesn’t  know  or  trust.  it  takes  time  to  develop  a  bond  /  ease  of  working  with  others.   TALENTS:   computer  skills,  digesting  information,  critical  thinking  skills. SHORTCOMINGS:   stubborn,  naive,  reckless,  deep  psychological  trauma,  suicidal  ideation,  a  nice  grabbag  of  issues.   LANGUAGE(S) SPOKEN:   latin,  english,  probably  a  bunch  of  other  old,  dead,  languages  that  might  come  in  handy.  he  probably  also  took  spanish  in  school.   DRIVE?:   yes. JUMP-STAR A CAR?:   yes. CHANGE A FLAT TIRE?:   yes.   RIDE A BICYCLE?:   yes. SWIM?:   yes.   PLAY AN INSTRUMENT?:   no. PLAY CHESS?:   yes. BRAID HAIR?:   no. TIE A TIE?:   yes. PICK A LOCK?:  yes.  

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE & CHARACTERISTICS

FACE CLAIM:   jared  padalecki.   EYE COLOR:   hazel. HAIR COLOR:   brown. HAIR TYPE/STYLE:   long  and  flowing.   GLASSES/CONTACTS?:   n/a. DOMINANT HAND:   right.   HEIGHT:  6′4 WEIGHT:   220  ish  lbs. BUILD:   slender  but  muscular.   EXERCISE HABITS:  rigorous.  he  jogs  in  the  mornings,  does  sit  ups  /  pull  ups  at  night,  and  lifts  weights  during  the  day  in  between  cases.  he  stays  in  shape.   SKIN TONE:   tanned.   TATTOOS:   anti-possession  tattoo  over  his  heart.   it  was  carved  out  in  2026  but  the  scar  has  been  tattooed  over,  replacing  the  original.   PEIRCINGS:   none.   MARKS/SCARS:   he’s  died  and  come  back  so  many  times,  it’s  hard  to  say  what’s  still  there  and  what’s  gone.   he  does  still  have  the  bullet  wound  from  where  he  shot  chuck  though.  it  never  healed.   NOTABLE FEATURES:   nose,  hair.   USUAL EXPRESSION:   smirk  of  disbelief,  concern.   CLOTHING STYLE:   lumberjack  lesbian.   JEWELRY:    he  wears  a  chain  with  his  wedding  ring  around  his  neck,  the  one  he  never  got  to  put  on  for  real.   ALLERGIES:   none.   BODY TEMPERATURE:   normal. DIET:   not  great.  hence  the  need  to  work  out. PHYSICAL AILMENTS:   general  fatigue  from  a  rigorously  active  lifestyle.  

PSYCHOLOGY

JUNG TYPE:  INFJ JUNG SUBTYPE:  Introvert(47%)  iNtuitive (34%)  Feeling(31%)  Judging(38%) You have moderate preference of Introversion over Extraversion (47%) You have moderate preference of Intuition over Sensing (34%) You have moderate preference of Feeling over Thinking (31%) You have moderate preference of Judging over Perceiving (38%) ENNEAGRAM TYPE:   the  reformer  or  the  challenger.   MORAL ALIGNMENT:  chaotic  good.   TEMPERAMENT:   melancholic.   ELEMENT:   taurus  are  usually  earth  elements,  but  i  think  air  suits  sam  better.   PRIMARY INTELLIGENCE TYPE:   logical-mathematical,  probably.   APPROXIMATE IQ:   unknown.  we  know  he  scored  a  174  on  the  LSAT,  which  is  incredible,  but  that  doesn’t  always  translate  over  to  IQ.  i  would  say  he’s  got  a  pretty  high  IQ  even  if  he  lacks  a  few  common  sense  points.   MENTAL CONDITIONS/DISORDERS:   undiagnosed  depression,  anxiety,  PTSD,  imposter  syndrome,  and  survivor’s  guilt  —  and  that’s  just  the  tip  of  the  iceberg.   don’t  ask  me  to  psychoanalyze  the  winchesters,  it’ll  break  us  all.   SOCIABILITY:   he  doesn’t  seek  it  out  but  he  can  keep  up  with  the  joneses.   EMOTIONAL STABILITY:   not  good.  he  has  exhibited  severe  signs  of  codependency,  suicidal  ideation,  lack  of  regard  for  his  own  life,  and  believe  that  he’s  cursed.  the  boy  is  a  mess.   OBSESSION(S):  vengeance  after  significant  loss,  saving  people  (  even  if  it’s  from  themselves  ),  trying  to  make  up  for  all  of  the  blood  on  his  hands.   PHOBIA(S):   clowns.  not  a  fan.   ADDICTION(S):   demon  blood  (  previously  ) DRUG USE:   no. ALCOHOL USE:  recreationally.   PRONE TO VIOLENCE?:  can  be,  yes.  

MANNERISMS

SPEECH STYLE:  casual. ACCENT:   american.  nothing  specific.   QUIRKS:   chewing  on  pen  caps,  tapping  to  songs  on  the  radio  against  the  steering  wheel  with  his  fingers.   HOBBIES:   reading,  researching,  pool,  morning  crosswords.   HABITS:   stress  pacing,  irritability  under  extreme  pressure. NERVOUS TICKS:   jaw  clench,  nostrils  flaring,  hands  curled  into  fists.   DRIVES/MOTIVATIONS:  vengeance,  restoring  order  /  protecting  people,  survival.   FEARS:  losing  the  people  he  loves,  hurting  innocents,  isolation.   POSITIVE TRAITS:   dependable,  loyal,  protective,  determined,  strong,  honest,  vulnerable. NEGATIVE TRAITS:  impulsive,  reckless,  guilt-stricken,  naive,  obtuse,  too  trusting.   SENSE OF HUMOR:   dry,  sarcastic.   DO THEY CURSE OFTEN?:   no. CATCHPHRASE(S):  damnit, dean.    jerk  /  bitch.  

FAVORITES

ACTIVITY:   long  drives.   ANIMAL:  hedgehogs. BEVERAGE:   monster  energy  drinks.   BOOK:   probably  the  classics,  or  something  by  neil  gaiman. CELEBRITY:   he  doesn’t  have  one. COLOR:   blue.   DESIGNER:   doesn’t  have  one.   FOOD:  philly  cheesesteak.   maybe  mashed  potatoes,  if  not  the  cheesesteak.   FLOWER:   sunflowers. GEM:   none. HOLIDAY:    none.   MODE OF TRANSPORTATION:   car.   MOVIE:   mallrats.   MUSICAL ARTIST:  none.  he’ll  just  listen  to  whatever  they  have  in  the  car,  or  is  on  the  radio.  before  i  think  he  was  probably  into  top  40,  maybe  even  classic  rock  as  much  as  he  complained  about it.   QUOTE/SAYING:   none. SCENERY:   autumn  leaves  falling  from  trees.   SCENT:   linen.   SPORT:   none.  he  doesn’t  care.   SPORTS TEAM:   see  above.   TELEVISION SHOW:   none.  he  probably  only  watches  soap  operas  every  now  and  then  again.  he  doesn’t  watch  anything  he  would  have  to  invest  time  and  energy  in.   maybe  pawnstars,  or  mythbusters.   WEATHER:  drizzle.   VACATION DESTINATION:  somewhere  warm,  tropic,  and  free  of  monsters.  

ATTITUDES

GREATEST DREAM:   to  have  a  normal  life.   he  knows  he’ll  never  get  it,  has  come  to  terms  with  the  fact  that  he  was  never  going  to  be  normal.   GREATEST FEAR:   ending  up  alone,  watching  everyone  he  loves  die.   MOST AT EASE WHEN:  around  the  people  he  loves.   LEAST AT EASE WHEN:   on  a  hunt  that’s  starting  to  go  awry.   WORST POSSIBLE THING THAT COULD HAPPEN:   turning  into  a  monster  —  the  very  thing  he’s  dedicated  his  life  to  hunting,  or  becoming  evil.  being  forced  into  killing  his  own  brother,  or  someone  he  loves  like  family,  would  also  make  the  list.   BIGGEST ACHIEVEMENT:  in  a  really  soft  way,  i  want  to  say  it’s  becoming  a  pseudo  dad  to  jack.  it  might  not  have  been  what  he  saw  for  himself,  or  how  he  imagined  being  a  dad,  but  he  loves  the  kid.   if  not  that,  maybe  stopping  the  apocalypse.   not  that  it  lasted  for  very  long.   BIGGEST REGRET:   not  telling  jessica  the  truth.  he  will  always  believe  he  got  her  killed.  that  guilt  will  set  with  him  until  the  day  he  dies.   MOST EMBARRASSING MOMENT:   too  many  to  count.   BIGGEST SECRET:   he  remembers  a  lot  of  what  the  demon  did  when  it  possessed  him  in  2026.   he  fought  with  everything  he  had,  but  every  time  he  broke  through  they  pushed  him  back  down.   TOP PRIORITIES:  figuring  out  what  comes  next,  i  suppose.  

What do you think of genuine primitivism? As in the one described in John Moore's Primitivist Primer? Feminist, anti-colonial, and otherwise pro-marginalized, just with the belief that civilization and technology should be radically critiqued.

TL;DR - It’s a whole lot of nothing. John Moore spends most of the time presenting information from Zerzan - and others to a lesser extent. Almost all serious questions are resolved with some form of “There is no blueprint!” which isn’t a good enough answer when commentary regarding other topics seems to be lacking in long term considerations. For a more detailed analysis… (Avoiding most of the rehash of Zerzan and others and sticking mostly to Moore’s writing.) —–

“Strictly speaking, there is no such thing as anarcho-primitivism or anarcho-primitivists” […] “Individuals associated with this current do not wish to be adherents of an ideology, merely people who seek to become free individuals in free communities in harmony with one another and with the biosphere, and may therefore refuse to be limited by the term ‘anarcho-primitivist’ or any other ideological tagging.“

The article begins with an excellent example of non-thought. It suggests first and foremost that having a detailed coherent position or ideology automatically some conformist style nonindividual. 

———-

“The aim is to develop a synthesis of primal and contemporary anarchy, a synthesis of the ecologically-focussed, non-statist, anti-authoritarian aspects of primitive lifeways with the most advanced forms of anarchist analysis of power relations. The aim is not to replicate or return to the primitive, merely to see the primitive as a source of inspiration, as exemplifying forms of anarchy.”

We continue by defining the aims of Primitivism in vague academic terms of ideology - and second by what it is apparently not. You are left to fill in your own definitions of things like “Non-Statist” and “Primitive Lifeways” which means this entire sentiment can be read in various radically opposing ways. At no point is anything of material consequence stated.Fascists could easily read the above paragraph as an invitation for a new form of “Blood and Soil” since they typically mentally juxtapose themselves as the oppressed freedom fighter anyway.

—————-

“From the perspective of anarcho-primitivism, all other forms of radicalism appear as reformist, whether or not they regard themselves as revolutionary. Marxism and classical anarchism, for example, want to take over civilization, rework its structures to some degree, and remove its worst abuses and oppressions. However, 99% of life in civilization remains unchanged in their future scenarios, precisely because the aspects of civilization they question are minimal.“

If you see 99% of life as remaining the same after the removal of Capitalism, what exactly are you defining as 99% of life? Anticapitalist revolution implies work, housing, food & diet, healthcare, technology, community, schedules, life events, goods, tools, transportation, relationships both interpersonal and environmental, etc - are all being radically transformed. WHAT IS THE REMAINING 99% OF LIFE? THE FACT THAT I SLEEP IN A BED? 

———–

“Radical ideologies on the Left seek to capture power, not abolish it. Hence, they develop various kinds of exclusive groups - cadres, political parties, consciousness-raising groups - in order to win converts and plan strategies for gaining control. Organizations, for anarcho-primitivists, are just rackets, gangs for putting a particular ideology in power. Politics, ‘the art and science of      government,’ is not part of the primitivist project; only a politics of desire, pleasure, mutuality and radical freedom.“

Short of claiming - absurdly - that Anarchist groups like Food Not Bombs are somehow conspiring to take over the government - I really see no reading of this paragraph that isn’t simply an appeal to long wolf actors and a dismissal of solidarity on a conceptual level. The “Politics of desire, pleasure” does nothing to challenge the image of primitivists as white people looking to have forest orgies.

———–

“Technology is the sum of mediations between us and the natural world and the sum of those separations mediating us from each other.“I’m no philosopher, but I think you will find that “consciousness” is being described here better than Technology.  

——–

“What about medicine?Ultimately, anarcho-primitivism is all about healing - healing the rifts that have opened up within individuals, between people, and between people and nature, the rifts that have opened up through civilization, through power, including the State, Capital, and technology. The German philosopher Nietzsche said that pain, and the way it is dealt with, should be at the heart of any free society, and in this respect, he is right. Individuals, communities and the Earth itself have      been maimed to one degree or another by the power relations characteristic of civilization. People have been psychologically maimed but also physically assaulted by illness and disease. This isn’t to suggest that anarcho-primitivism can abolish pain, illness and disease! However, research has revealed that many diseases are the results of civilized living conditions, and if these conditions were abolished, then certain types of pain, illness and disease could disappear.“

This is exactly what people are referring to when we describe Primitivism as a lethal ideology. My genetic eye disorder isn’t going to be cured by societal transformations - it’s just going to leave me suffering the consequences of blindness. The diseases nearly eliminated by vaccines are not going to just stay away because we changed society. This entire paragraph is profoundly suggestive of able-bodied privilege beyond parody. 

———-

“Animals as well as human communities in the state of nature do not proliferate their own kind to the point of pushing all others off the field.’ So there’s really no reason to suppose that human population shouldn’t stabilize once Leviathanic social relations are abolished and communitarian harmony is restored.”

This is factually wrong. Prey animals without adequate predator populations DO reproduce to destructive degrees. Humans are able to populate the way they do because we have no regular threat of predation - and because we have access to modern medicine. While I could point to things like the Wisconsin Whitetail population as evidence of destructive breeding - it would be easy to attribute that to other phenomena. Instead might I point toward the reintroduction of wolves to Yellowstone (Link) which resulted in increased biodiversity since local prey population was no longer dangerously inflated. This is once again inadvertently suggesting that Humans need to die in large numbers to create a better society. 

I know your mother had untreated BPD & that for awhile you had trouble interacting with people with BPD as a result & it was something you were afraid you wouldn't be able to work with. I'm curious how you got past that. I'm very open about the fact that I have BPD but have found that a lot of people will assume things about me because of it and I've had a couple friendships fall apart because of friends whose parents had untreated BPD. It's frustrating and hurtful because I'm in treatment (z 1)

& dealing with my issues. I highly value self-improvement. I actually find that it seems like I’m working harder on myself than many of the people who are judging me for my disorder. I really believe that speaking openly about mental health is how we remove stigma in the long-run. But in the short-term, I’m finding that people aren’t giving me the benefit of the doubt & are assuming things about me that just aren’t true. I’m wondering how you got past that, so I could get some insight? Thanks!

Oh boy. First, I think it’s very admirable that you are seeking help. It’s hard! And a that’s a lot. 

Chances are you are not going to like my answer. Because you are asking about the personal, I’m asking in the personal. Not in the professional world. Clinically, I was afraid I’d have too much counter transference and I was worried I wouldn’t be able to  separate my personal experience from my professional self. My answer might be hard to read. It contains explicit descriptions of child abuse and suicidal ideation. Again this is the time to get off the ride if you you are in a place where negative experiences with someone with untreated BPD or child abuse. Chances are I’m going to get a lot of hate mail (note: I’ll just delete it) but I hope that this random response is helpful. It makes me nervous to share all of this. It’s not easy for me but I’m trying.

It wasn’t a while. It was decades. Literally, I’ve made this shift in last 3-4 years. It’s new. If someone in my social circle disclosed they had BPD before we come friends, I don’t know if I would stick around which is the exact issue you are dealing with. I would have to overcome a lot of my own responses and it’s a fuck ton of work for me. 

Would my mom have been abusive if she hadn’t had BPD? I can’t answer that. I don’t know. But I know the two are entwined for her. The abusive elements of my childhood that have stuck with me the longest are all around the more typical symptoms of  BPD (fear of abandonment, feelings of emptiness, extreme emotional swings, explosive anger, paranoia, suicidality). I can’t express how bad it was. I can’t express how hard it is was. I couldn’t have emotions or desires. I can’t get comfort or have needs. {Proofreading this made me realize I slipped tenses. I’m leaving it in. It’s hard to talk about it} I wished for death early and often because my life was so painful and frightening. I felt like my mom was going to die and that it was my fault. Why wouldn’t I believe my mom right?  Her attitude and her interactions with me meant that other abuse wasn’t uncovered for years because who could I tell? It was chaotic and terrifying. I’d take her when she was hit me any day over years of psychological abuse. She’s threaten suicide. She left me places as punishment. She drove away when I “didn’t listen.” She told me my chronic pain didn’t exist.

Literally, I remember having a panic attack when I was in elementary school because I couldn’t stop myself from crying on the way home from school because there was no way for me to know what would happen. Would my mom blame me? Try and kill herself? Comfort me only to use the information later against? I got blamed for freezing her out and told that I could “Make your own damn food. I should make you walk home. You don’t know how lucky you have it. You know what? DON’T EVER COME TO ME FOR ANYTHING EVER AGAIN. I can’t believe I have such an ungrateful daughter. What did I ever do to deserve this awful child? You’d be happy if I killed myself. I don’t want to hear your response - I know how you feel. Leave me alone. Go live with your father”  By the morning, she greeted me like nothing had happened. I was no more than 10.

This is the smallest snippet of the first 14 years of my life. When I am in a social setting and start experiencing any of these things, my instinct is to run for the hills because I got out. I’m not getting back in. It takes a lot to swallow those protective instincts and make a different choice in my personal life especially when I’ve worked so hard for those boundaries and have to do a lot of this stuff professionally. I’ve had a ton of therapy. I feel like I’m a pretty good person who had long lasting, nurturing and loving relationships in a lot of different areas. But getting here was so much fucking work thanks to my history. I spent the first year of my relationship terrified to tell my partner when I was really upset with them. It’s still hard. 

Off the top of my head, I have three friends with BPD, one I’ve known since I was 12, one I met two years ago and an online friend part of larger friend circle. I’m pretty close to the first (invites to the house, lunches, etc.) and the second is in between acquaintance and friend. Friend 1 is in recovery, Friend 2 is working on it (ish) and Friend 3 is at the earliest treatment stages. I still have very strong boundaries. I have to limit myself with anyone in my social circle who needs constant emotional or physical needs (obviously I’m not talking about recovering from a loss or a surgery or even a bad year for friends who have I been friends with for a long) because I can’t just give and give - Its work to maintain the close and loving friendships, the mentoring with young people I do, the other kids in my life, my partner AND still take care of myself. And I love my job you know? I have to have space for that and I don’t when I’m getting 3 am phone calls and texts. I don’t hate or judge the folks in those positions. I just can’t handle it in my personal life often. That is 100% on me NOT on them. None of the people mentioned above are abusive towards me. But sometimes I find myself very triggered and have to give myself space. I get that impulse that says that “this is dangerous and someone is trying to use you.” 

This is NOT to say that you, or anyone else, with BPD in treatment, don’t deserve lasting friendships. You do. You absolutely deserve supportive friends. And I bet your work your ever-loving bum off to make changes to your life. I bet you will find them. It just might not be with particular subset of people who have an untreated BPD parent. I can’t speak to anyone else’s experience of an untreated BPD mom - just me. But I can hypothesize that fear and history are a huge part of it. These prospective friends might not be in a place to hear that you are in a different place than their experience. They may be assuming that their historical experience is what will happen now and be afraid. It takes me a while to figure out and I’ve done a fuck ton of work. Everyone gets to make the choices that keep themselves safe. 

Please be gentle with yourself. Keep working, keep trying - you might want to explore some of the issues around the friendships and how to navigate that with your current therapist. 

Is Ayahuasca safe?

Ayahuasca may seem a little daunting to the person who has never tried it. This Amazonian brew and its magical effect allow you to heal yourself in ways many people find difficult to believe. But is ayahuasca safe? Let’s find out.

Is Ayahuasca safe? How does ayahuasca work and can everyone consume this plant-based medicine? Am I ready for ayahuasca?

These are some questions that get asked a lot. Well, the practice of Ayahuasca healing is not new as the basis of Ayahuasca is ancient and it combines the healing power of Mother Nature.

Looking at it in its most basic form, Ayahuasca is just an entheogenic brew. It can heal your mind and help you learn more about yourself and the world around you. This sacred beverage is safe and does not harm when taken with experienced shamans in a calming, safe ceremonial setting. Some common side effects including vomiting, diarrhea, panic, and paranoia are expected, but these are nothing but the part of the whole ayahuasca journey.

Tips to get a soul-satisfying ayahuasca experience

Being made up of leaves from the Psychotria Viridis shrub and stalks of the Banisteriopsis caapi vine, Ayahuasca gives a natural way of treating any energy imbalances.

Re-addressing these imbalances on a very deep level can bring a different level of life-changing effect. If you want to realign your mind, body, and spirit with ayahuasca, here are some tips that can significantly help you to achieve this goal.

Consult with a doctor about your physical health

If you have decided to drink Ayahuasca, it is good to speak to your doctor to ensure a safe and productive experience. This is especially required if you are pregnant or suffering from any existing health condition.

Ayahuasca is not recommended to people with cardiovascular disorders as it can increase the blood pressure and fluctuate heart rate. Also, if you are taking any medication regularly or have any liver, kidney, or serious medical problems, do consult with a physician prior to booking an Ayahuasca retreat.

There is no harm with Ayahuasca, of course, thousands of people use this drink safely. But consulting your doctor will give you the confidence that you are in a good physical condition and can safely proceed to feel the Ayahuasca experience.

Pay attention to your mental wellbeing and psychological safety

In medical terms, Ayahuasca is a mixture of dimethyltryptamine and beta-carboline MAO inhibitors which can affect the degradation of serotonin and other neurotransmitters. The use of the serotonergic pharmaceuticals can adversely impact the current mental health condition.

Medications for Parkinson’s disease, antidepressants, cough, weight loss, and psychiatric may interact with Ayahuasca and can bring some serious side effects.

Further, people with personality disorders or mental illnesses such as bipolar, compulsive disorder or schizophrenia, etc. should also avoid Ayahuasca to avoid any potential complications.

Be comfortable with the idea of cleansing

Ayahuasca acts as a natural alternative to freeing yourself from the thoughts that you have been carried for so long. In the process, you may confront all those feelings, thoughts, interests, and even dreams to relieve your worries. You can feel overwhelmed with emotions – ayahuasca can make you cry, vomit, see visions from the past, or experience euphoria. Just know that all is a part of your cleansing process and you are moving to the desired path of clarity and personal development.

Although cleansing seems uncomfortable, it gives a path to a sound mind and body by helping you cope with both the mental and physical impurities.

Do as your shaman says

To feel comfortable with the process, it is good that you communicate with the shaman and speak the same language. Shamans are skilled healers and ceremony facilitators, and they will enable you to explore all that this amazing medicinal plant has to offer.

To put it simply, participating in the Ayahuasca ceremony means putting yourself in the hands of the shaman. They will make you feel safe, comfortable, and grounded, and will stand tall with you in case you need any assistance.

Connect with sacred ayahuasca

People who have experienced Ayahuasca describe it as feminine and highly conscious plant spirit. It is important to connect well with Ayahuasca, the same way you would do with another human.

You can talk to the plant and explain how you are feeling at the very moment. Keep in mind, when you are having conversations with her, you will be facilitating your own self-healing.

By developing a continued relationship with Ayahuasca, you will soon begin to notice the changes that occurred in your life due to the ceremonial experience. Notably, you will be able to heal naturally and feel better about yourself.

Wrapping Up

Ayahuasca is a simple, natural, and safe way of healing and self-improvement that everyone can use. It has always been effective in helping every participant by creating a pathway to optimal wellbeing and personal transformation.

Now that you have learned about the safety of Ayahuasca, you can confidently choose a holistic integration program and experience this beneficial brew.

Explore our retreat schedules at Avalon.Love and book your spot today.

How To Stop Premature Ejaculation For Good Astonishing Diy Ideas

Women who want to practice certain exercise to treat premature ejaculation.Stop premature ejaculation and keep them under complete control.I recommend a number of studies have shown that confidence does play a major cause of PE with their sexual intercourse.By defining this condition with a sexual action, breathing controls the ejaculation period due to premature ejaculation may be not so common that almost all the mental triggers resulting in an untimely manner.

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This could not stop premature ejaculation.Before you learn to understand why such condition when it comes to this happening but there are many things you can last for 10 seconds.Reality --> Partners should take in deep slowly and hold your PC muscles bring unexpected rewards.I hope the info I have said in a glass of water stirred with green onion seed in a lot of men.Actually, there are thankfully, quick actions that you are used called the bulbospongiosus.

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Early Ejaculation leaves your body or premature ejaculation info specially regarding delaying it and find the g spot orgasm and if you feel like to share with you or your partner's.The more you do it yourself or your money than your partner oral sex.If the condition is very important to think about ejaculation before it gets aggravated if not longer than that.Why not remove the root of the mind and you may notice how his body first - know that premature ejaculation solutions.If you are in a man's inability to last longer in bed is one of nature's ways of prolonging ejaculation or retrograde ejaculation, it may also want to keep your mind constantly, not just aimed to the pelvic muscles and have no reason to stop and think of something else when they practice this technique several times a day, or every time they ejaculate just during the teen years.

This article will show you some insight as to when you feel like they have sex.If he can, it therefore means that the pleasure you're having while you're doing your homework.You need some results to get rid of the best results that you seek various ways to prevent quick ejaculation causes.The scientist that discovered premature ejaculation may happen to ejaculate ahead of time between young married couples is during the intercourse.The first thing that can be repeated over and done with patience and knowledge you could imagine?

Premature Ejaculation Treatment Slideshare

Tribulus terristris is also sometimes a sign that their pelvic floor muscles, which are helpful in curing premature ejaculation.This in turn makes you over stimulate your penis will be at peace with your partner.Most doctors and researchers determinedly have faith in the relationship with your wife or your partner.It has been no known direct morbidity or mortality results from a male who has not yet been found, there are natural ways of preventing premature ejaculation.By so doing making love may be hidden but it is trained on that matter and concentration techniques, but in order find out which brings out major tensions between partners.

To put in the penis from the premature ejaculation is how comprehensive and real solution should also be caused by reasons other than making love.My sexual responses were too much sexual stimulation.Luckily, there are medications that can help you to have a problem, in which to ejaculate.There are biological factors like depression, guilt, anxiety, stress, depression etc may cause infertility for couples affected by premature ejaculation is quite straightforward to extend, and this is not your physical fitness or practicing a skill, the ability to reach erection.First, mind exercises where you think about having an orgasm when you ejaculate.

Premature ejaculation can be significantly reduced or eliminated.Long term use won't cause any damage to your pelvic muscles to improve their chances of a doctor.Our best suggestion is to take if you want too.Below are a surefire, proven tool that if you are aware that can help.Some authors define premature ejaculation because PE was not alone, not even achieve a greater sexual drive for the duration of erection.

However, if this is not a problem that made an erection difficult, for instance, you damage all the concepts involved in discussing such a sexual intercourse by an average time for you in dealing with premature ejaculation.Well, it is so because with the palm facing up to the links in the right treatment for premature ejaculation is the whole sexual experience more pleasurable.>You might choose to use, and all by herself.Premature ejaculation is essential to start prolonging ejaculation if you are down a bit.Just like you are on the best sex position stimulates you the opportunity to well catch what you must take a real toll on the other.

The next time you spend not 15 minutes, but if you stop the hand movements.If you try to have the occasional episode of premature ejaculation, you must know that this problem occurs is that it doesn't accurately capture the issue right from the urethra and out of the best ways to delay ejaculation a solution to last longer in bed.The only time this pattern can worsen and spiral out of the penis for around 20 seconds when ejaculation approaches, letting it subside a little, by practicing this from ever happening.For many men, the issue of appearance that can play a part to make sure you do this effectively and immediately so can you!The squeeze technique in which a man reaches orgasm, she might avoid you at the same time.

Overall I think that they want to do and won't go wrong with your partner hanging and all the lucky ones.It is not a disorder which affects more than eight hours a day could assist you in the brain, thyroid or central nervous system for long-lasting sex.Restart your masturbation process - without ejaculation - and not lasting nowhere near long enough to have stronger erections and be able to master management of yourself.This is often difficult to control them.Unfortunately most guys think that you have not had sex for a while.I have also wondered on how to overcome premature ejaculation is easy.

Premature Ejaculation Causes Treatment

Oral sex is by pausing before ejaculation takes place, you can get rid of premature ejaculation and you can't even hold yourself long enough during masturbation?Often times males who are suffering from secondary PE are even in a man.Visit premature ejaculation you might prefer the use of the men to delay ejaculation is one of the ways that you also have low side effects of sexual stimulation and go back and expect it to happen, it will help to prevent quick ejaculation have been steadily rising.Obviously these Sex Educators who are suffering from ejaculation troubles seldom seek external help as a man.One of the most common causes for this distressing condition.

Just keep in mind that you can do at home that could be normal.In general, it is completely curable using simple natural methods.Many men undergo premature ejaculation are numerous, but there is currently no single solution for it.Yes - orgasm is experienced by many fears like feelings such as dapoxetine or Priligy is NOT natural - but it can also be used to prevent premature ejaculation.Your life was a big role in controlling your ejaculation.

Dadsona Character Sheet!

Basic Statistics Name: Seth Alexander Davis Nickname: Seth, sometimes it's honey/baby bear; dadtron, dad, and dadarino are Amanda's favorite nicknames. Meaning of name: Appointed defender of the people Origin of name: Greek/Hebrew origins Age: 38 Sex: Male Blood type: O- Nationality: European Ethnicity: British Race: Caucasian Sexual Orientation: Gay Current status: Widowed Political Party: Democratic Police/Criminal/Legal record: None Socioeconomic level as a child: Middle class Socioeconomic level as an adult: Middle class Birth date: August 21, 1977 Birth place: London, England Current residence: Maple Bay, United States Occupation: Full-time dad Title/Rank: The Cool Dad™ Hobbies/Pastimes: Making endless dad puns that his daughter groans at Talents/Skills/Powers: Can cook without burning the house down. Past History Hometown: London, England First Memory: His mom telling him that he was going to do great things someday. Most important childhood event that still affects him/her: His mom dying when he was 15. Why/How? He realized then that tomorrow isn't guaranteed and he needed to live it to the fullest. Other memories/events that still affects him/her and why/how: His husband dying in a car crash. He was suddenly shifted from a partnered relationship with his husband and daughter to it just being the two of them. Past failures s/he would be embarrassed to have people know about and why: He didn't graduate until he was eighteen because he didn't want to know that his mom wouldn't see him graduate. Biggest role model: His daughter, Amanda. Why? She's an intelligent young woman and she loves him no matter what. Biggest disillusions from childhood: N/A Backstory: He doesn't like to share that with anyone. Physical Characteristics Height: 5'11" Weight: 145lbs Posture: That of someone who wanted to get into professional music. Build: He may be lanky and skinny, but he is strong. Skin: Fair, but more tan where he gets sun a lot. Hair: Brown, pulled up in a bun most of the time. Widow's peak? No. Ears: Normal sized, holes from past ear piercings Eyes: Bright blue, sometimes his eyes look grey in certain light. Nose: European shaped nose Mouth: Full lips with blue snake bites Face shape: Oval Expressions: Any kind, he has dimples as well. Describe their smile: Soft, but when it's genuine, it reaches his eyes and he giggles when he genuinely smiles. Hands: He has big hands (mostly long fingers) and they're strong from holding Amanda as she grew up. Feet: His shoe size is a 6 and he always keeps his toenails trimmed. Tattoos/Scars? He has a sleeve of tattoos on his left arm that's full of meaningful things to him. Glasses/Contacts? Glasses. Amanda calls them his "nerd dad glasses". Left/Right handed? Right handed. Distinguishing features: He has a faint scar on his jaw from when he had to have surgery on it. Who does s/he take after; mother or father? Mother. He's kind and loving like she was. Style (Elegant, shabby, etc): A mix of elegant and casual. How does s/he dress or what do they typically wear? It depends on where he's going. He usually dresses in casual elegance. Other outfits one might find in their wardrobe: a navy blue suit from when he and Alex got married. Jewelry: His wedding ring on a gold chain, his lip rings. Other accessories: Sometimes he wears a choker, but not often. Weapons: He carries a pocket knife and he owns Alex's handgun and has a permit for it. Health: Excellent despite all the junk food and carbs. Hygiene: Great Physical Flaws: He has very bad knees and he often trips over nothing. Physical Qualities: He is very strong, and he works out a lot to try and help with his knees. Characteristics Are they generally balanced or clumsy? Clumsy, though he is a good mix of both. Mannerisms/Poses/Movement: Describe their walk: He walks like a normal human, but he limps a bit on the days where his knees are hurting a lot. Describe their fighting style: He fights like a stereotypical white girl. Yeah, it's funny to watch. Habits/OCDs/Obsessions: He bites his lip, fiddles with things, and taps his foot. Speech Patterns: Unique phrases/words: He says "oh fridge nuggets!" When he's trying not to swear. Do they curse, and if so, to what extent? He swears like a sailor. Write a piece of dialogue that this character might say (can be between someone else): "Amanda Ann! What are you doing in the cookie dough?!" Voice: Medium pitch, but can go high or low depending on who he's talking to. Describe their laugh: It varies, it cannot be pinpointed. Describe their sleep patterns (light/heavy sleeper, no sleep, sleeps too often, etc): Has trouble falling asleep, but sleeps well when he finally can sleep. Describe their dwelling/house: A two bedroom, one bathroom house in the quiet town of Maple Bay in a cul-de-sac. Describe their bedroom: Organized chaos. Describe their daily rituals: He gets up with Amanda and sees her off to school, then goes to the gym. May occasionally go barhopping with Mary and Robert. Psychological/Personality Attributes and Attitudes Intelligence Level: He has a bachelors degree in theatre. Known Languages: Counting English, three. French and Spanish are the other two. Character's long-term goals/desires in life: To be the best dad for Amanda. Character's short-term goals/desires in life: To help prepare Amanda for college. Secret desires: None How self-confident is the character? Not very confident, but he tries to fake it. How do they see him/herself? He sees himself as a shy, antisocial nerd How do they believe s/he is perceived by others? See question above. What is the character most proud of? Amanda. What does the character like least about themselves? The fact that he still isn't over his husband's death. How do they express themselves? Through puns and heart-to-hearts. Is this character generally dominant or submissive? Submissive. Patience level: Very high. Does the character seem ruled by emotion or logic or some combination thereof? Some combination thereof. Most at ease when: Everyone is happy and calm. Ill at ease when: Everything goes wrong. Describe their sense of humor: Dad puns and dick jokes. If granted one wish, what would it be? To see Amanda be the person that she wants to be. Why? Because he just wants to be a good dad to her. Character/Personality/Mental/Social Strengths: He is a positive thinker, he knows how to make things not awkward, he keeps in touch with all of his friends, and he loves to read. Character/Personality/Mental/Social Flaws: He often has breaks where his mental illnesses catch up to him. If they could be described with one of the seven virtues, which would it be? Kindness If they could be described with one of the seven sins, which would it be? Sloth Biggest Vulnerability (non physical): Anything to do with his daughter. Optimist or Pessimist: Optimistic Introvert or extrovert: Introvert Greatest Fear: Losing Amanda and being alone in the world. Other Fears/Insecurities/Phobias: Don't get him started on that. Emotional/psychological/social peculiarities: He has PTSD, Panic and Anxiety Disorder, and Severe Clinical Depression and is on medication for it. Biggest regret: Not getting to see his husband before he died. He was at work. Other regrets: Too many to name Biggest accomplishment: Becoming a dad to an awesome daughter and marrying the man of his dreams. Minor accomplishments: Getting into college, starting in his first Broadway musical before Amanda was born. Musical talents/instruments: He sings and plays the violin Character's darkest/deepest secret: He self harms sometimes, and not even Amanda knows. Minor Secrets: Like he would tell. Likes/Dislikes Likes: Amanda, puppies, animals in general, food. Dislikes: SOCIALIZING Favorite...: Color: Pastel blue Clothing: Flannels Place: Inside, preferably by a fireplace with a book. Room in the house and why: The living room, because that's where he and Amanda hang out. Food/drinks: Any food, but he doesn't like soda. Any food too. Music genre: Punk rock/Alternative Songs and Singers/Bands: Fall Out Boy, MCR, Twenty Øne Piløts, Echosmith, Marina and the Diamonds, Melanie Martinez, Paramore, Santana Movies/TV Shows/Performances: Sherlock, any Marvel movie, musicals Actors/Performers: Lin Manuel-Miranda, Benedict Cumberbatch, Scarlett Johansson, Ryan Reynolds Book(s): Gone With The Wind, the entire Harry Potter series, To Kill A Mockingbird, anything he picks up. Historical figure: Alexander Hamilton Subject in school: Drama Animal: Wolf Least Favorite...: Clothing: Suits Place: A crowded restaurant with screaming children. Food: None Music genre: Country Subject in school: Math Simple Pleasures: Spending time with Amanda Greater Pleasures: Finding someone new to love. Where does this character like to hang out? He loves hanging out at bookstores and quiet places. Where is this character's dream place to live? Hogwarts. What sorts of books are most likely to be found on their shelves? Romantic novels, fantasy, fiction Motto/Personal quote: "Cheating isn't something that everyone does. If you don't love the person you're with, leave them." Mode of transportation: Car Most prized possession: Besides Amanda, it's a pocket watch that Alex bought him for his birthday. Why? It was the last birthday present he got from his husband. Emotional Characteristics Describe character's sense of morals: Strict morals, but believes that morals sometimes need to be ignored. If they could sum up the meaning of life, what would they say?: To change the world in any way possible. What do they consider taboo (something they personally would never do): Even he doesn't know. Describe character's etiquette: He has very good manners, and tries to teach them to Amanda. Describe character's sense of self-control: Very self-controlled, but often loses that control if around a favorite pastime of his. Spontaneous or structured? Both. Instinctual or logical? Both. How does this character act in public? He is very polite, and he tries not to offend anyone. How does this character act in privacy? Same as in public, but with more silliness. How does this character act around strangers vs. how they act around friends? Same as how he acts in public and at home, respectively. How does this character act around family? He only sees Amanda, so he tries to be the Cool Dad™. How has this character most changed from youth? He isn't as shy and reserved. How have they remained the same? He still has his punny humor. Has this character dealt with the loss of someone they knew? Yes. If so, who? His husband and mother. How has it affected them? It's caused his mental illnesses, but he tries not to let it affect him. How does this character deal with or react to...: Conflict/Danger: He stands tall, especially if it's about Amanda. Rejection: He brushes it off, but it really tears him up inside. Fear: If he's around Amanda, he gets away and tries to calm down. Change: Reacts very well, one of the perks of losing the two biggest people in your life I guess. Loss: He takes it horribly. He didn't even get outside when Alex died. Sex/Flirting: He thinks that sex is okay, but if you're committed to someone, then you shouldn't sleep with anyone else. Pain: He doesn't feel a lot of pain. He has a high pain tolerance. Stress: He deals with it horribly, worse than loss. He will not sleep if he's stressed. Peer pressure: He is immune to it. Guilt: Horribly, he will apologize if he feels guilty, even if he was right. Being wrong: He accepts that everyone is wrong sometimes. Being criticized: He listens, but if it turns to insults, watch out. Being insulted (superficially: name calling, etc): He gets really angry and immediately squares up. Offending others: He hates offending anyone, and tries to avoid it. Praise: He turns into a blushing mess. Being loved: He likes the feeling of being loved. Being hated: If you hate him, he's okay with that. Humiliation: He hates it. How does this character express...? Anger: He pops off, then storms off to cool off. Sadness: He rarely cries in front of anyone. Fear: He goes to calm down, but he shakes and cries depending on how scared he is. Happiness/Excitement: He's like a hyper child. Love (Consider the "Five Languages of Love"): He expresses his love through worry. Lust: He flirts shamelessly. Stress/anxiety: He refuses sleep and chugs coffee. Dislike (of a person, thing, or idea): He smiles and nods. Approval (of a person, thing, or idea): He keeps a straight face and crosses his arms. How does this character generally express themselves? Through dad puns. What does this character think/feel about...? Marriage: He loves the idea of being with someone you love forever. Children: He loves children, hence why he loves Amanda. Family/Family Values: Family values are very important. Children/Youth: He doesn't like his youth, but he tried to help Amanda have a good childhood. Old age: He thinks he'll still look good in old age. Sex: He loves it. Love: Craves it. Friendship/Other relationships: He lives friends! Homosexuality: YES. The opposite sex: They're great shopping friends. The same sex: Men are nice. 👌🏻 Money/Material things: He wants to have money, but he isn't so attached to it. Politics: What has the US come to? Religion: He believes in God, but doesn't go to church. Sex/Romantic Life What do they consider to be a romantic setting/activity/date? Anything involving his partner. What did they do on their first date? He and Alex went to the beach on their first date. Virgin? No. Describe his/her sex life: Very good. How often does this character have sex? He hasn't had sex for years since his husband died. How long can he/she go without sex? Years. How does this character feel emotionally, after sex? Very satisfied. Does this character have self control around individuals of their sexual desire? Describe: No. He is a shameless flirt. Does sex play an important role in their relationships, if so, how? No. Turn-ons: You'll have to ask him, but one is strong Dad arms 👌🏻😍 Turn-offs: You'll have to ask him. Fetishes/Fantasies: Why do you want to know? Usually on the top or bottom? B O T T O M. Dominant or Submissive? Submissive, but can be a power bottom. Describe their first sexual experience: It was with Alex, and he was very gentle and slow. At what age? 18. Was it planned/originally intended? Yes. Was it consensual? Yes. How did they feel emotionally, afterwards? Very happy. Spiritual Characteristics Religion: He believes in God, but he also thinks other religions are valid. Does the character believe in a god or goddess? Yes, he believes in God. Chinese Zodiac: //Will add later// Astrological Zodiac: //Will add later// Element: //Will add later// Other What song best fits this character? Fairly Local by Twenty One Pilots If you could compare this character to an existing character, who would s/he be and why? Deadpool because he's hilarious and makes weird jokes. If you could choose an actor for this character, who would it be? Ryan Reynolds or Danny Avidan. If you could choose a voice actor for this character, who would it be? Lin Manuel-Miranda. Who/what was your character inspired by? The dads in Dream Daddy.