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theapocalypseisonlythebeginning · 7 months

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Bad People or Good People? - Chapter 7: We're the Good Guys, Clem (Part 2)

chapter summary:

Worried about Daryl as he goes after Ylva's group, Clementine finds herself stuck in her emotions until she cannot keep it together anymore...

previous chapter: We're the Good Guys, Clem (Part 1) word count: 4663

Carol’s choices in her past life had made her acutely aware of the signs a traumatized child would give when feeling upset. Sophia had never quite reached the stage where she clammed up fully to the outside world. Daryl Dixon, however, had.

His glares, his silence to questions thrown his way by Rick, his jerky movements as he threw supplies into the car… It looked like anger. But Carol saw through it; repressed emotions surfacing as anger. Perhaps she was the only one who saw it out of the entire group. That meant it was her job to fix this (though perhaps that was partially her own trauma reaction from her ex husband’s actions toward her).

Perhaps part of Daryl’s emotions was anger too. It was just that Daryl had no way of showing other emotions around people as he most likely had never seen anyone express things in any other way but anger as a child. Carol knew this was a truth because of Daryl’s surprised and curious looks whenever someone in the group showed emotions in a different way than anger.

He was slowly learning, but it was difficult to teach an old dog new tricks.

Done moving equipment into the car (or throwing it, rather), Daryl shifted to lean against the car, arms crossed over his chest tightly - as tightly as he was attempting to repress his emotions. Clementine, who normally would jump at being able to help Daryl in some way, had glued herself to a spot a bit further away, staring at Daryl with wide, sad eyes.

Approaching Daryl with her heart clenching in pain for Clementine, hoping and praying that the little girl didn’t think Daryl was upset because of her, Carol planted herself in front of Daryl. He avoided looking at her, but she remained stood where she was, hand on her hip. “Hey you,” she greeted. “What’s got you looking so sour, pookie?”

Daryl scoffed. “Missing an arrow,” Daryl grunted in a reply.

Doubtful this was all that was riling him up, Carol pursed her lips. “You’ll find it. Or some new ones on a run.”

Silence. Daryl did nothing but stare down at the ground.

“You should say goodbye to Clem,” she suggested curiously. Her words sparked a reaction in Daryl’s body language. A shift, nothing more. Slowly nodding her head at his response, Carol understood what was happening. “What did Merle say about Clem?”

Daryl gave no response. Not a single shift. Not a single blink. Carol, however, also noted that he wasn’t breathing. A survival instinct that this big, strong man had adapted from a childhood in fear of his family. “Whatever it was-“

“I ain’t her dad,” Daryl snapped in a breath.

It was a way to get rid of Carol. Yes. But it was also a hint; close to an explanation.

Unfortunately, Daryl’s words didn’t go unnoticed by the group. Nor Clementine.

Carol nodded her head. “No, you’re not. And you’ll never be,” she voiced harshly. “Doesn’t mean she can’t lean on you. Family is more than blood.”

With those words, Carol turned and left to stand next to Clementine. Daryl watched her, her words having hit him hard. As she crouched down next to Clementine, a stone faced look being her mask as she spoke to Clementine in hushed voices to make her feel better, to make her understand, Daryl let out a breath through which his anger dissipated.

Family being more than blood was exactly his struggle at the moment.

As the rest of the group stood and said farewell, worried that this was a dangerous mission (what if Clementine’s old group would attack on sight?), Rick gestured for Daryl and Glenn to get in the car.

Seated in the front next to Rick in the driving seat, Daryl hoisted a leg up against the airbag sign, trying to act normal… But he had been so occupied with his own thoughts that he had not noticed Rick staying put, not turning the engine on. Glenn in the backseat was waiting curiously too.

“What are yah doing?” Daryl asked.

Then, a little tap on the window next to him - he turned his head to see Clementine balancing on her tip toes to see him. She was waving a walkie talkie at him.

Rick pushed a button to lower Daryl’s window.

Staring at the little girl who, despite his previous ugly behaviour, was smiling at him (Carol smiling proudly in the background), Daryl nodded his head in a silent greeting.

He took the walkie talkie with hesitant fingers.

“Please be careful. They’re not all bad people. Dwight is nice,” Clementine said to him.

Daryl nodded his head, tucking the walkie talkie in his pocket.

This little girl would be as shunned and lonely as he was if she wanted him to be her family. That was the ugliness of society - one look at Daryl and they’d only see the racist, homophobic, drugged up redneck family that he came from.

But…

Society didn’t exist anymore.

Family was more than blood.

He nodded his head back at her. “Stay safe.”

“Yep!”

Clementine walked back to Carol, waving at Glenn too once Rick turned the engine on.

“Adorable,” Rick said teasingly, but lovingly.

“I ain’t her dad.” Daryl said this with less hostility, more as a question.

“You don’t gotta be,” Rick replied with a calming smile, then put his foot on the gas to head off.

In the mirror, Daryl saw Clementine be surrounded by the rest of the group.

She wouldn’t be alone.

Nor would Daryl…

But Merle…

***

Clementine had stolen one of Daryl’s arrows.

She knew it was wrong to steal. If nothing, Lee had taught her that. But it had just… happened.

If she had stayed put where she had been with those raiders, if she had stayed working for them, then no one might get hurt trying to fix things for her. She was a child and incapable of going with, of course, to deal with Ylva’s group - she knew that, she understood that…

But when Lee had died, all Clementine had of him was a stolen photograph from his parent’s shop, and his gun.

She had no photographs to steal of Daryl, so she took the closest thing to a gun that Daryl used.

Just in case.

Not realising she had been isolating herself, Clementine was surprised to see Maggie approach her. She had been sitting outside in the shade of the prison block’s tall walls. In the distance, the sounds of undead roaming was now the same natural background to her as cicadas in the summer.

“Heya,” was Maggie’s greeting once she was close enough. A rifle was slung over her shoulder: she had just finished a guard shift. “What are you doing out here all alone?”

Joining her on the dirt, Maggie let out a relieved sigh. It was hot outside and shade was sparse around the prison with no trees around. A drop of sweat slowly made its way down Maggie’s temple.

Clementine shrugged, twirling the arrow around in her fingers. It was hard to form words. If she did express something, it would all come hurdling out of her like vomit. And as much as the little girl trusted Glenn, and so understood Maggie could be trusted too, she… just didn’t know the woman too much yet.

Hershel was different. Hershel had talked to Clementine and easily wormed his way into her heart. Maggie had avoided her much more, a bit like Beth had.

“You worried ‘bout Daryl?” deduced Maggie. “He’s a strong fighter. One of the strongest we got.”

Clementine nodded her head absentmindedly.

Her walkie talkie was tucked safely into her belt, ears always listening for the faint crackle that would indicate someone was trying to talk to her.

“I’m worried too. ‘Bout Glenn,” Maggie admitted. Clementine turned to watch her, catching Maggie smiling at the little girl.

Clementine smiled back.

“But I remind myself Glenn’s got Rick. Rick is tough. He’s tougher than we all thought. Done things no man should have to do to keep the group safe.” Clementine listened intently. “And he’s got Daryl.” Maggie smiled again. “Daryl’s the type a’ guy to search for a missing girl for weeks on end in the scorchin’ sun, just ‘cause it’s an innocent life needing help. He’s not gonna get hurt.”

Clementine lowered her eyes, letting a bit more of her worry seep out into her eyes.

Maggie took note, and smiled another gentle smile. “That’s why I know Glenn’s gonna come back. He’s got Rick and Daryl.”

“And Daryl has Rick and Glenn,” voiced Clementine ever so quietly.

Nodding her head, Maggie smiled in relief that the girl had voiced something. Her eyes flickered down to the arrow, but she made no comment about how bad it was to steal.

Instead, Maggie reached out to tuck a stray curl back into Clementine’s hat: “You wanna come inside? Beth’s gonna feed Judith, that’s always cute.”

Clementine smiled and nodded her head.

As the two stood up, Clementine grabbed Maggie’s hand as they started making their way toward the door: “I wanted to come with.”

Maggie nodded her head: “I know.”

“I can use a gun,” Clementine voiced determinedly, one hand clutching the arrow, the other clutching Maggie’s hand for safety.

“I know…”

***

A nasty sloshing noise accompanied every step they took. Being stealthy was out of the question for a while, the mud reaching far along the path. They’d been forced to abandon their car, ensuring that their trip would take longer than expected - but luckily, Daryl had the walkie talkie to let the group know if they were going to be late.

Rick and Glenn both followed Daryl. He had said few words, but had been in the lead the entire time, guiding them toward the spot Clementine had pointed out despite both the other males knowing exactly where it was too. His hand kept reaching back to check the walkie talkie was still right there, attached to his back pocket, every other minute.

Both men noticed it, silently exchanging looks and smiles at it.

They had known Daryl and kids were a good match from his interactions with Sophia, Carl and Judith - they hadn’t seen this side of Daryl though, but it wasn’t too surprising.

Walkers were sprawled out throughout the mud, stuck and unable to get to them as their rotting muscles weakened them… But they did try, growling at them, clacking teeth as they bit the air in their direction. It was a haunting sight. These monsters would rip their legs off just to get to them and bite…

The walkers’ presence made none of the men sure what was buried beneath the mud. Each step could be a fatal one if a walker was there to bite at their ankles.

By some kind of sheer dumb lock, the three of them made it through the mud without incident. Heading into a forest, they walked about a mile before crouching down behind some bushes, their destination ahead.

Daryl squinted at the location: a tall building, chimneys reaching high up into the sky, barred windows, wide doors… Some sort of factory, long since abandoned. It still looked fine, time had not taken its toll on it yet aside from a few busted windows and overgrown greenery outside. An abandoned truck stood parked in the parking lot, doors open and the old decaying body, close to a skeleton, of a driver lying dead by its side: a haunting hint at what had happened here when the apocalypse had washed over it.

The parking lot was not interesting to them though. The inside of the factory was.

“It looks empty,” whispered Glenn.

“No guards,” agreed Rick.

Daryl raised his crossbow, glancing to Rick for guidance on what to do.

With a nod from their leader, the three men started inching closer…

***

"Do babies really only drink milk?”

The girl’s question was not strange, and so Carol and Maggie simply smiled and nodded their heads in a silent answer. Nevertheless, Beth had looked up at the innocent girl, eyes darting between Clementine’s naive eyes, and the gun strapped to her waist.

Focusing back on feeding Judith, a smile returned to Beth’s lips. The baby fussed a bit, not too keen on her bottle in that very moment despite her hungry screams earlier.

The gray cement walls of the prison’s dining area was slowly starting to become their home. Safely capable of letting Judith fuss and coo without the fear of anyone or anything hearing them, the group was getting fond of the place’s dull colors and bare settings. It was starting to become their own with Clementine’s drawings adding color to some of the walls. A red couch had even been found in the Warden’s office, brought down there for some extra comfort.

No one had used it yet though, standing in a corner as the foreign object which comfort was to them nowadays.

Getting this comfortable was a dangerous thing. Despite how young this apocalypse was, the group seemed to be aware of it already.

Michonne watched the group from a solitary corner of her own. Her excuse to herself was that she was waiting for Carl to be finished with his guard duty. Considering this trust was difficult to get from any group, Michonne was eager to show just how good she could help out.

The actual reason was that she was scared of getting close to anyone in this world. She had lost too much… And that baby…

“Formula, milk… that sort of thing,” Carol explained to Clementine.

“What’s formula?”

“It’s a…” Carol thought for a second on how to reply properly: “It’s dried milk, of a sort, and when you add water it becomes ready for the baby to drink. It has all the necessary nutritions for a baby in need of growing.” Carol gently grabbed Judith’s tiny foot, cooing a bit over the small human as she spoke.

“I once petted a cow.”

Both Carol and Maggie were taken aback a bit by this bit of information which seemed to come out of nowhere. Hershel laughed quietly to himself.

“What - That’s… that’s great, Clem,” Maggie awkwardly added.

“They also give milk,” Clementine helpfully added.

“Yes,” agreed Carol with a fond smile.

Sophia would have loved Clementine…

Carol’s smile faded.

“Have we heard anything from Rick yet?” Hershel asked, foot propped up on a wooden box.

Clementine was the one to turn around and shake her head in response. She, after all, was the one clutching the walkie talkie like her life depended on it.

That, and the arrow she had stolen from Daryl.

“It’s been half a day, they should be there by now,” said Hershel, before quickly adding: “I am sure we’ll hear something from them soon.” As the calm, level headed grandfather of the group that Hershel had become, the group calmed upon his reassurance almost immediately. It was a bit like the flight attendant phenomena: if Hershel panicked, there was reason to panic.

By luck, only five minutes later, Clementine’s walkie walkie went off. The rough, southern accent of Daryl awkwardly chiming in with a “yeh there?” seemed to be as joyful to Clementine as getting new coloring pens from the group.

“Here,” Clementine quickly said, pushing the right button expertly to talk back.

“Mm…” There was a pause before Daryl continued to speak, the entire group waiting impatiently for some more information. “Four plus four?”

Only Maggie and Clementine knew what this meant, so when the rest of the group looked mildly confused, Maggie smiled in amusement.

“Two.”

“Right…” Daryl awkwardly continued. “Ain’t nothin’ here. ‘S empty.”

Left slightly in shock at those words, Clementine replied only after a beat: “Nothing?”

“Nothin’. Got some leftover cans o’ food. Been people ‘ere. Not anymore.”

Maggie let out a little breath of relief. “At least that’s an enemy less to worry ‘bout.”

Whilst the group let out a shared breath of relief at the fact Ylva’s group was seemingly gone, Clementine was left staring into space.

Taking the walkie talkie gingerly from the girl, Hershel took over instead: “And we’re sure they won’t come back?”

“No idea. But…” There was a pause. Then Daryl’s voice came back more hushed: “Tracks lead away from the prison. Not sure, but I think they left when that woman didn’t return.”

Hershel nodded his head. “Let’s hope that’s the case. I assume you’re heading back now?”

“Yeah.”

“Be careful,” replied Hershel, to which Daryl didn’t respond again.

When Hershel handed the walkie talkie back to Clementine, the girl didn’t take it. Left stunned in her seat, the group watched her carefully.

“Are you alright?” Hershel asked.

“I froze…” she whispered as a reply.

“Because the group wasn’t there anymore?” Carol asked.

Only capable of silently nodding her head, Clementine solemnly replied.

“You had friends there, didn’t you?” Maggie deduced. “It’s perfectly alright to feel upset about that.”

“I’ll miss them,” Clementine whispered ever so quietly. Normally, she would remain silent when speaking about something from her past. Either this meant Clementine was extremely upset and needed to talk in order to make sense of things, or the girl was finally, truly, beginning to trust them.

Gently, the group listened to her.

“Sherry… Dwight… They were workers, like me. Some new people joined that’s…. That’s why I could…” Clementine shook her head. “I’ll miss them.”

Carol was the one to move closer and gently grab Clementine’s free hand. Squeezing it, Carol showed her without words that she, at least, was safe. “They’re safe,” Carol gingerly said, before her voice turned a little colder: “If Rick and the others had found them there could have been a fight. People could have gotten hurt. If they left, they’re fine.”

Clementine nodded her head at Carol, agreeing painfully to those words.

Did they mean that Rick would have just… attacked?

Why could people not talk anymore?

Were Rick and his group not the good guys?

“Can I go to my room?” Clementine asked.

Carol nodded her head, slowly letting go of the child’s hand.

Silently, Clementine left, her feet carrying her ever so slightly quicker than normal.

No one noticed, except for Michonne who followed.

***

Daryl tucked the walkie talkie back into his pocket. Having moved a little further away from Rick and Glenn stood inspecting what they had found in the hallway, Daryl could speak in private to Hershel and Clementine.

The factory had been empty. Daryl hadn’t lied. Not really.

But he hadn’t mentioned the three bodies laid out in strange positions in the very first hallway they’d entered. Rick had said not to mention those bodies to anyone. He had also said not to mention the tracks that led away from the facility.

Clearly, a fight had broken out. Whoever had survived had left in a direction away from the prison, yes, but….

These people could be Clementine’s friends, and she would never know…

Without Clementine capable of identifying whether these were the people that had forced people into slavery for them, or whether they were the good guys Clementine had been friends with, there were no deductions capable of happening.

The only thing that was obvious was that Walkers were not the culprit. No Walkers would beat a person to death only to leave them un-eaten.

“Ready?” Rick called. Turning around, Daryl tucked the walkie talkie back into his back pocket and nodded silently at Rick.

Clenching his jaw, Daryl stayed behind his two friends as they returned to the mud. His mind reeled with memories of Rick before Shane’s death… and the moment Rick announced that their group no longer was a democracy. Forcing Daryl to lie to the rest of the group…

Why?

As they moved through the mud, avoiding the Walkers snarling and breaking legs just to try and get to them, Glenn turned his head to glance at Daryl.

Daryl didn’t like what Rick was forcing the group to become. Shane’s death had reeled him into a different person. Lori’s death had created an insane version of that different person...

Glenn’s eyes, sympathetic for Daryl’s situation, showed he, too, was feeling uncomfortable with Rick’s decision. Daryl didn’t give anything away, but simply snapped his gaze away from Glenn’s eyes…

Though, he knew that only made it more obvious.

***

“Clementine.”

Michonne’s voice stopped Clementine in her tracks. She turned, head still hung low and hand tightly holding on to her arm. She was uncomfortable - sad - a look that was all too familiar on Clementine as of late.

“What’s wrong?” Michonne approached her slowly. Despite her staying away from the rest of the group, she didn’t want to stay away from Clementine. She and Daryl were the only ones in the group to treat her normally and truthfully, Michonne had almost immediately felt fond of them both. So to see Clementine so upset, it was hurtful.

Clementine quietly stood there for a bit, avoiding Michonne. The two were on the first floor of the cells, unknowingly being watched by Merle who had been leaning over the railing of the catwalk up above.

“Clementine, you’re too young to deal with these things all on your own,” Michonne gently prodded.

Relief surged through Clementine at those words. She was being understood - because truthfully, Clementine wasn’t sure of what she was feeling about it all aside from guilt. “Those people… They were with the group because of me.” Clementine gently looked up at Michonne, daring a little sad frown to show just how upset she was.

Michonne responded with a gentle look of sympathy.

“I had to lure them in.”

“What do you mean?” Michonne asked.

“There were three people in charge. They… They forced us to work for them and to find more people. Ylva was the one to find me, to… to bring me in. She said she had food and I was so hungry and so tired after Lee…” Clementine’s eyes watered. “They said because I was a kid I could lure more people in and I had to pretend that someone was hurt and that I needed help and - and Dwight and Sherry went to help me, they and their friends and I - I’m the reason they became stuck too! A-And now I can’t help them anymore…”

At this point, Clementine sounded a little hysterical, prompting Michonne to move over and crouch down by her. Gently, she placed a hand over the one clutching Clementine’s hand, ever so carefully prying the hand free so Clementine could cling onto Michonne instead.

She was not alone anymore after all. Clementine did not have deal with these things on her own.

“Sherry didn’t want to be stuck there and so when we traveled she tried finding ways to get us free and… and they made a plan and a few weeks ago we settled in that old factory and - and Sherry convinced everyone to make a distraction so we could run away from them but it went bad… Ylva didn’t follow the plan, she didn’t give them all the beer so they would fall asleep and - and they were awake and were shooting…” Clementine took a deep breath, Michonne gently wiping away a tear. It seemed once Clementine had admitted to one thing, everything came spilling out. “I didn’t know what to do. Dwight told me to run but I didn’t know where so I hesitated - I froze again! - and… and he got shot in the arm and I… I ran. I ran and I found the town-“

“Okay,” Michonne interrupted. “Take a deep breath, Clem. You’re safe now.”

“But I hurt them!” Clementine all but shouted. “I-I’m a bad person.”

“No.” Michonne tilted her head and furrowed her brow, “Please don’t think that. You tried to survive. Dwight wanted you to go because that’s what decent people do; they protect children.”

“I was alone again…” Clementine murmured.

“I know…”

From up above, Merle watched with a mellowed facial expression - it mirrored the feelings he had too. Perhaps he was a little rougher around the edges than his brother, but it wasn’t like he enjoyed seeing a child in pain. He’d never enjoyed his baby brother being in pain after all.

“But if you’d stayed, their distraction - their attempt would have been for nothing. We don’t know what happened, but we can only imagine that they were punished, but not killed, and that they moved on once they realised they couldn’t get to you.”

“I just…” Clementine sniffled whilst she attempted to find the right words to express what she was feeling. “I just miss Lee… If he didn’t have to find me, he would still be alive and so would Ben, and Kenny, and Omid and Christa- I don’t even know where they are! And I wouldn’t have joined that group and Dwi-“ Everything came pouring out at once. All the things Clementine had felt since Lee’s death which she had to keep to herself and avoid feeling in order to stay focused on surviving…. All of it suddenly just escaped her like water freed from a dam.

And there were plenty of waterworks too - tears rolling down her cheeks as she wiped at them with her hand in a fist…

“Stop it, Clementine,” Michonne urged, both her hands holding onto Clementine’s arms to try and stabilise her. “Don’t say those things.”

“And now Daryl had to go and what if he doesn’t come back-“

To try and stop the spiraling thoughts, Michonne pulled her in for a hug. Despite the two having almost never talked before, Clementine didn’t mind the hug. If anything, the person who she had just accidentally told all of that to was the only person she wanted to get a hug from now - at least that way it made it obvious that Michonne didn’t hate her for all of that.

Hate was the last thing on Michonne’s mind though. If anything, Michonne was hating the world. The things this girl had gone through should not have happened to her. And the hateful thoughts and the guilt and the fear that this girl was feeling? She was nine. What nine year old girl thought like that…?

No nine year old should have to think like that.

And oh… did Michonne wish she could tell the girl she wouldn’t lose anyone ever again. But that was already a lie in the old world… Nowadays…?

Clementine held onto Michonne as she quietly cried. There had been no controlling the thoughts or emotions. So much bad had happened…

By the entrance to the cell block, Carl stood, back from his guard duty and clearly there to fetch Michonne. But he stayed silent and watched. How much Carl had heard, Clementine had no idea of. The only thing she knew was that this was one of those rare moments when Carl wasn’t glaring at her.

Nor would he ever again having heard that…

Merle looked away as Michonne attempted to calm the girl down. His thoughts were a puzzle. But something clicked in Merle that he had already thought about before: he had to find a way for this group, for Daryl, to not die to the Governor. Daryl had a family now. And as Daryl’s big brother, it was Merle’s duty to ensure that those Daryl chose for his family was kept as safe as possible.

This was nothing the Dixon’s parents had taught them… That was just something Merle had learned from a young age when Daryl’s first friends had come over that one time… and Merle had watched his father ruin Daryl’s friendships.

Merle just didn’t know how he was going to save Daryl’s family yet. But he’d risk a lot if necessary... Anything for his baby brother.

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