#the person i can call when I'm lonely and not feel like a loser because i know they want to share in my company as much as i do theirs | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

angelsnkisses · 11 months

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Hi, can you write a one shot inspired to this tiktok? https://vt.tiktok.com/ZSLP3jkQy/

Apologies ♡ - Spencer Reid x fem!reader

‼️ NSFW - MDNI ‼️

A/N: hello, anon! thanks for the request, i actually really liked writing this :). it's pretty long so enjoyy <3!

Summary: You get into a fight with Spencer, and he decides to make it up to you. <3

warnings: slight angst, drinking/intoxication, dom!spencer, sub!fem!reader, brief choking, fingering.

You and Spencer had lived together for a few weeks now, and it was bliss so far. The only downside was how often he was gone, constantly working with his team to solve crimes and catch what he calls 'unsubs,' which was all pretty new to you. None of your other partners had ever had such a serious job, but then again, all your exes were total losers.

You loved Spencer, he was so good to you. You had been together for about a year, and he finally convinced you to move into his place with him. He said he felt better knowing you were safe with him. It was honestly cute. Despite all that, you often missed him. He was always out of state, or at the office working on god knows what.

That's how you ended up alone on a Friday night, half a bottle of wine in your belly and the music up loud. You were dancing around carelessly, trying to ignore your thoughts. Spencer had to work late, again. You felt more alone than you cared to admit to him, but you decided it didn't matter much.

Moving around helped, something to get your blood pumping for some kind of excitement, hence the solo dance party. You weren't drunk, but you definitely weren't sober. Your blood felt warm, making you all fuzzy inside.

You were so caught up in your dancing that you didn't even notice how late it was. When you caught a glimpse of the clock, you slowed to a stop. It was one in the morning, and of course, Spencer wasn't home. You groaned, turning off the music.

Maybe it was because you were a little tipsy, but you were pissed. Before you knew it your phone was in your hand, ringing and ringing as you pressed it to your ear.

"Hello?" Spencer picked up, almost immediately.

You paused, not really sure what you wanted to say. You were mad, you wanted to say something.. you probably should of thought about what exactly that was before calling.

"Y/N? Hello? Are you okay?" his voice came through again, and you remembered you had to actually speak.

"You're late," you stated, leaning against the dining room table.

"Yeah, we're working on a pretty big case right now," he replied.

" Yes, I know that, because you've been working late all month, Spencer. You come home when I'm already asleep and then leave before I wake up. I miss you," you grumble, hearing a heavy sigh on the other end. You felt a small pang in your chest at the sound. It wasn't like you to be so confrontational, and you understood he was busy.. you were just too heated to shut yourself up now.

"I know, baby. I'm just busy, it's not personal," he assured you apologetically.

"It's not personal? That doesn't matter, Spencer. What matters is I am lonely, and horny. That doesn't bother you?" you stumble over your words a little, a lot more blunt than normal. Maybe you were drunk.

There was a long, agonizing pause before his voice came through the speaker once more.

"Y/N, have you been drinking?"

You don't say anything, just gritting your teeth and releasing a frustrated groan before hanging up and slamming your phone down on the table. What an asshole, you open up and all he's curious about is your state of sobriety? Fuck that.

You were too angry when you drank, you needed to sleep it off. You picked your phone back up, ignoring Spencer's texts and walking towards your room. You flopped onto the bed, allowing yourself to drift off to sleep.

"Y/N? Baby, wake up," a voice broke your sleep, familiar and quiet. Your eyes fluttered open, feeling a hand rubbing up and down your back. You lifted yourself up a little, looking up at whoever was disturbing your rest.

"Oh, it's you.." you mumbled, laying back down and turning away from him. You heard him sigh, the bed dipping behind you as he sat on the edge. He leaned over, laying a hand on your arm as he pressed a gentle kiss to your shoulder.

"I'm sorry, angel," he whispered, guilt leaking into his tone. You felt your stomach turn, feeling like a total bitch now that you were pretty much sobered up. Drunk you was such a menace, you were embarrassed. Still, he was never home. You were somewhat in the right.

"It's fine, Spence," you said shortly, your voice flat. He gently moved your hair from your neck, moving his kisses up.

"No, it's not," he disagreed against your skin, "You're right, you shouldn't have to feel so lonely all the time, I'm sorry."

You felt a smile twitch at your lips when he apologized, unable to stay mad. He sounded so genuine.

"Let me make it up to you.." he suddenly said, a seductive hint in his voice as he moved his hand down. You shuddered slightly, instinctively moving up into his hand. You almost turned him down, not wanting him to feel like he had to.. but fuck, you needed him. It had been too long.

"Okay," you whispered, thankful you were facing away so he couldn't see your cheeks were flushed and red at his words. You felt him smile against your skin, beginning to pull you closer.

He moved quickly, sitting up on the bed, leaning against the headboard. He opened his arms for you, watching you move closer. You were about to straddle him, when he interrupted you.

"Ah, not like that, sweetheart. Face away from me," he corrected. You raised a brow, but still did it, pressing your back to his chest as you sat between his legs. You felt more exposed feeling his fully clothed body against yours, only wearing underwear and one of his sleep shirts.

"So sexy.." he muttered against your neck, his hands slipping under the shirt as he nipped at your skin. You sighed heavily, your eyes fluttering shut and your head falling back on his shoulder.

"Good girl, just relax.. I'm gonna take care of you," he promised, sending a shiver up your spine. You felt his wandering hands moved down to your legs, one of them grabbing hold of a thigh. He forced your legs open, his free hand moving between them to start touching you.

He gently pressed the pad of his index finger to your clothed clit, earning a sharp gasp from you. He rubbed over you halfheartedly, the tiny bit of pleasure setting your nerves on fire.

"Fuck, please don't tease me," you whimpered, hearing him chuckle darkly in your ear. He shook his head, long hair tickling your cheek.

"You're not in charge here, baby. Be patient," he cooed, making you whine and squirm. He just tutted. "So needy."

He eventually slipped his hand into your underwear, groaning quietly when he felt how wet you were. You could feel his hardened bulge against your back, your heart pounding as he worked. He shimmied your underwear down, and you helped him pull them off your legs eagerly before leaning back into him.

You shuddered when you felt a finger go back down there, circling your clit slowly. Even that was enough to make you moan softly, so touched deprived and desperate. He relished in your noises, the sound music to his ears. The hand on your thigh grew tighter when you squirmed around, looking down at what he was doing.

You winced when his finger moved down, his fingertip dipping inside before disappearing, his action repeating a few times. You breathed a shaky whine again, sounding more desperate by the second.

He finally eased his whole middle finger in, your head falling back as you gripped onto his upper arm. Sure, it was just his finger, but it had been at least two weeks now, and you were all kinds of sensitive. He began pumping it in and out of you at a leisurely pace, ignoring your inability to handle such a simple action.

"W-wait, wait stop," you whimpered when he sped up, already overwhelmed with the feeling. He hummed against your neck, not halting his movements. Instead, he curled his finger up, earning a pleasured cry from you. You trembled, warm delight filling your veins as your body convinced you to adapt. The pleasure wasn't too much anymore, you wanted more of it.

"Hm? You want me to stop?" he repeated, his fingers digging into the soft flesh of your thigh. You breathed a heavy sigh, shaking your head timidly, and he chuckled at your indecisiveness.

He kissed your cheek sweetly, pulling his middle finger out and rubbing over your clit again. "Good girl, you're being so sweet for me," he praised, making your face heat up and your eyes flutter shut. You were never all that subby, but holy shit, he was doing a number on you.

"Think you can take another finger?" he asked, the lewd question slipping from his lips as if it was nothing. You whined, turning your head to hide your face in his neck, embarrassed. He shook his head, the hand on your thigh snaking up to your throat as he forced you to look down at his hand.

"Answer me, do you?" he repeated, more stern now. You gasped softly, finally nodding. "Yes! Yes, please just do it," you begged, much to his enjoyment. He squeezed your throat just barely, his index finger joining his middle as he pushed back into you.

The stretch made you wriggle in his grasp a bit, the dull, sharp sting less than comfortable for you. He was trying to go slow for you, but he was eager to see you fall apart under his touch. He started pumping his fingers at a snails pace, paying close attention to your reactions as he did.

As soon as he could see you were ready, he sped up, feeling proud of himself when you moaned loudly at the sensation. Pleasure was coursing through your body, your legs instinctively closing when it became too much. He removed his hand from your neck, clearly unable to release your thigh for even a little bit.

"Stay still. That's your last warning," he hissed in your ear, making a tremble run through you. You whimpered, clutching his arm for dear life and trying to do as he said.

His hold on your thigh wasn't as harsh as before, but it wasn't gentle, either. You breathed heavily, a burning tightness building up in your abdomen. You dug your fingers into his covered bicep, fighting to keep your legs open. "Fuck, Spencer," you moaned warningly, trying to signal you were close. He got the memo, his thumb pressing to your clit and circling firmly with his pumps.

That was enough to push you over the edge, a strangled cry leaving your lips as you felt your orgasm washing over you. You couldn't stop your legs from closing around his hand, stopping him from overstimulating you as you rode out your high.

Then you remembered his warning.

"Wait, wait I'm sorry-" you started to plead, heart pounding. Before you could say more, he grabbed you roughly, flipping you around and pinning you to the bes. He crawled over you, leaning down to soeak darkly in your ear.

"You should not have done that.."

A/N: well this was an adventure, i've never written anything based of a tiktok before, but i loved the challenge :). thank you to whoever requested, hope you enjoyed <3!

#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid #spencer reid smut #mdni #angelsnkisses #criminal minds #bau team

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shortpplfedup · 8 months

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Only Friends Character Rankings Episode 9

A contemplative episode this week, as most of the characters stop struggling and start accepting some shit. But while some people come to correct conclusions (Ray and Mew break up, but can you call it a break up if you were never actually together?), others just decide to make the same mistakes and hope for different outcomes (Sand keeps trusting Ray instead of himself; Mew decides to give Top another chance). We're moving into the last act of the story now, and it's anybody's guess where we land up when the dust settles. Last week y'all judged Ray the most audacious by a mile. Lemme put my glasses on and see who I'm feeling this week.

🔺1. Nick (6)

Team Second Option!

Nick and Sand's loser friendship and their self-awareness of same is one of the most delightful parts of a truly delightful show. I can totally believe Nick suggested them hooking up, this is EXACTLY how these things go. Them dissolving into giggles over their kiss and cuddling each other to sleep was a beautiful friendship moment. Another beautiful moment was Nick's acceptance that he really had just fucked things up with Boston (we will ignore the fact that the boy just can't HELP spying on that man having sex with other people🤣), apologising in a heartfelt way and attempting to move on. I think Nick's heart might be the only one at ease at the end of this ep, so he wins the week.

⭐2. Boeing

My room is right here as well.

IT'S MOND IT'S MOND IT'S MOND MOND IS HERE AND HE LOOKS GOOD AS FUCK! It's time to find out what the hell this is all about, but whatever it is looks kinda fucked which YES.

🔺3. Sand (11)

We are just masochists.

The loser camping trip did a lot to make me feel less irritated with Sand this week. Sand has always been incredibly self-aware about how much him having feelings for Ray is a suck move, but having him state it all so baldly and call himself a masochist this episode did move the needle for me. Architect of his own misery? Yes, but knowing he lowhighkey ENJOYS the misery makes all the difference. You know what king, you do you. Swing wildly between euphoria and despair while you're young enough to find it exciting.

🔻4. Boston (2)

Gay, straight, pan, whatever the fuck you want to be. I just opened your eyes.

Oh sis, I saw you trying there, but the lack of impulse control as always will land you in trouble. He should have sent Atom packing after that party, but sad, lonely and pissed off are a bad combo, and one thing Boston consistently does is make poor decisions when he's feeling some typa way. He clearly served up a top tier dicking though, because Atom is in LOVE. Inconvenient at best. As I keep saying though: you can't keep a bad bitch down, and Boston's one of the baddest. This too shall pass.

🔺5. Ray (12)

I am thick-skinned. I don't care.

*deep negro spiritual sigh* How DARE you bust up the loser camping trip Raymond. I'll not forgive you for that one. Ray, rejected by Mew, demands Sand's company for an ego-boosting dopamine hit (including the sex that Mew denied him, natch), continuing to treat him like a servant and a possession. But this time Sand calls him on it, and that maybe means he thinks about it a little? TBD. I do think Ray WAS actually honest this episode about his feelings (hence the rise in rank), but he was still trying to get what he wanted out of Sand. He and Mew ended their ill-advised relationship as friends though, so that's a positive. Rehab seems to be on the menu next week so anything's possible. I still think these two are terrible for each other, but they're 21, I guess it's allowed.

🔺6. Top (7)

I just want you to know that the person you think loves you the most is not that good.

Watching Top work Mew's moms over all Mew's objections was gross, and I'm fortified anew in my feeling that this dude's vibes are just OFF. Top...circling Mew like this, working Cheum, working his moms, making the move to excise Ray but not actually pulling the trigger because he knows taking the high road will appeal to Mew...look this show has 3 more eps to prove me wrong but something ain't RIGHT with this 'un. Top's money, his good looks, his sweet words, that's all it seems anybody pays attention to, but something underneath...anyway, his strategy's working, right up until the moment Mew runs into Boeing on his fucking doorstep.

🔻7. Mew (3)

I just thought if I became someone else, I'd be stronger.

Well the slut spiral was fun while it lasted, but I guess the morning after a coke bender is generally unpleasant and Mew's a paper tiger not a real G. Mew's trying to keep up the party boy persona but he's not built for this shit, his heart's not in it and Ray trying to literally get in his pants crashed him back to reality. He's totally going back to Top, Boeing or no Boeing.

⭐8. Mew's moms

I saw you on Mew's Instagram. You look better in person.

Oof. Look they're cute and they obviously love Mew, but their son is clearly uncomfortable and unhappy with Top around and they're ignoring that. They may not know what happened, but the room ain't THAT hard to read.

🔻9. Atom (1)

Did I just get nailed and bailed?

Atom tried dick exactly once and it's got him outside Boston's house in the middle of the night begging for more of the same. My bunny boiler hopes have fizzled for both Nick and Sand, maybe Atom is the one I've been waiting for.

🔹10. Yo (10)

Good can't buy love.

Mae Yo with the read this week: 'good can't buy love'. I really want Mom and Cool Stepdad back together. GO GET YOUR MAN YO!

🔻11. Daddy Dan (4)

I'm not going to be your boss tonight. Call me Daddy Dan.

The cringe is through the roof. Well he might get to sniff it but a sniff's all he's gonna get before Nick's back in Boston's bed, and that's just a matter of time at this point.

🔻12. Cheum (8)

The evil spirit left you already, huh?

Will Cheum ever learn to mind the business that pays her? Her lack of interest in her brother's clear and obvious heartbreak is contrasted unfavourably with her overinvestment and overinvolvement in the Mew/Top saga. I also somehow feel like last week's self-interested moment of solidarity with Boston won't survive contact with her brother getting exactly what he asked for and breaking his own heart with it.

#only friends the series #bless this mess #only friends weekly character rankings #i support gay wrongs #only friends #only friends series #bl meta series

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patheticwomenlover · 4 months

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Play with me

Young Neil x Gen!Neutral Reader FIC cw: EXPLICIT NSFW Minors pls DNI ! ♡

Summary: You invited your boyfriend Neil to come hang out with you while Wallace and Scott were at a party, which leads to you giving him a blowjob in bed, but Wallace and Scott end up coming home right before he orgasmed. Scott was not amused.

a/n: Hi! First post on Tumblr~! I'm cross-posting this from my ao3: PatheticMenLover! Thought I'd expand my work on here too. I want to do Hazbin Hotel stuff too, seems like most of the fandom is here haha. I've just been doing SPVTW stuff, this one being my most recent one. Though, I hope you like it. <𝟑

You, Wallace, and Scott are close friends. You all share an apartment and a bed too. Some people would say it is a little strange to share it with two other people but honestly it wasn’t too bad. Especially since you and Scott could not really complain, Wallace practically pays for everything aside from your Xbox 360.

If anything, you, and Scott are considered leaches. You do plan to move out sometime soon and live with your boyfriend Neil. You’re still in the works of getting a good apartment, so for now you’re stuck with a loser and Wallace. Don’t get it wrong, they are good roommates, aside from the face that Wallace bangs his boy toys in the same bed you and Scott sleep on. But…not like you guys can complain because again, he pretty much pays for everything.

You just do not want to feel some random guys jizz stain on your leg. You’re still horrified that one time where there was fresh semen on the bed and you swiped it off, thinking it was lotion but…eventually came to realize it wasn’t, thanks to Scott.

Anyhow, that leaves you here, alone in the apartment relaxing on Wallace’s armchair watching tv while Scott and him had left to go to some party. They had invited you to tag along with them but to be honest parties were not your thing and you do not enjoy socializing with random drunk people. Ironically though a party is where you met your current boyfriend, Young Neil... or well just Neil. He looked so lonely at the party. At the time you noticed he had come with a group of people, but they just parted ways, so that left him alone in a corner with a bored look on his face.

So, you walked up to him, made conversation and surprisingly it went very well. And by made conversation, you meant flirt heavily. He had a chill; calm personality and it went well with yours. Not to mention…he was adorable. How had nobody gone up to him and flirted with him before you is a mystery. After the party you two exchanged numbers and kept on talking until he very shyly asked you to date him, and how could you say no? And so far, the relationship has been going great.

Now back to you. 2 hours had passed since Wallace and Scott left you and it was an understatement to say you were bored. All you did was watch tv, play on your xbox, and eat lunch. You had the apartment to yourself and could do what you want, but why did it feel so boring still? It was because you were doing It alone.

So, you decided to call up your boyfriend Neil and ask him to come hang out with you.

“Oh, hey babe, what’s up?” You could tell by his tone he was happy to hear from you. “Hey Neil. You wanna come over? I’m at Wallace’s apartment.”

“YES!…ehm.. I mean, yeah whatever that sounds cool.” He quickly collects himself, which earned a giggle on your end. That boy was so cute it hurts. “Are Scott and Wallace there? Are we all hanging out or something?”

“Nah. Just us. They’re at a party and won’t be here until….im not sure honestly. I can’t tell with them. Is that okay with you?”

“Perfect..!” He said quickly. “Good! Then I’ll see you when you get here, yeah?”

“I already left the house.”

Today was going to be great, you just know it.

After awhile of waiting for Neil to come you finally hear a soft knock on the door. You quickly got up and fixed your clothes and hair to make it look more presentable and then headed towards the door and letting Neil in. He had on a large puffy coat, jeans, his normal shoes and to top it all off a fluffy hat covered his soft hair. You also noticed his nose was red, poor boy must have had a small cold. Afterall, it has been snowing a lot recently, especially today.

“Hey b-babe!” It was so cold you could see his breath coming straight out of mouth. “Hey baby. Come on inside, you look like you have a cold.” He nods happily as he steps right inside, and you close the door behind him. “You think I look sick?” He asks while a sniffle leaves his nose as he takes off his puffy coat and sets it aside on the armchair. “You have a cold. Have you noticed your nose is red?”

He tries to cross his eyes to look at his nose. “Hmm. No, don’t see it.” A giggle escaped your lips. “Wait..does that mean we can’t make out...or cuddle?”

“Nah. I’d still kiss you.” You grab his hand and drag him to the bed. “I’ve been playing Sims 3 and Minecraft all day, it’s boring so when you’re alone.” You grab your controller.

“Do you have castle crashers?” He grabs a nearby controller.

“Of course. Wanna play that?” He nods.

“Good choice, one of my favorite games.”

“…dibs on the purple knight.” You playfully push his shoulder. “Hey!- I wanted that one!”

After a few hours of playing Castle Crashers, you two eventually got bored of it. Not because the game was bad, oh trust. But because of the stupid bat boss, could not get past it. So annoying…! Anyways, instead of playing more Xbox games you decided to cuddle up with him under the covers while you watched him play on this Gameboy Advance. He was playing Mario Kart Super Circuit as Luigi.

You snuggled your head into his shoulder while you watched him play. “Babe.. are you sure you don’t want a turn? Is It really that fun to watch me play?” He asks curiously.

“Mhm. You make cute faces when you’re focused.” He sticks his tongue out in concentration. “Huh?..sorry what’d you say? I had to get back in first place.” You snorted. “You’re cute.”

You get closer to him, you lift your leg and placed it over his crotch. His face flushes. “Haah…y/n..you’re..um….you’re distracting.”

“Distracting? Can you elaborate?”

His eyebrows furrow. “Y…you’re trying to make me lose..! I wont let you…”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” You tease. “I’m just trying to cuddle with my lovely boyfriend, can’t a person just—”

“Mhmm..”

“Oh?”

You feel a growing bump on your naked knee. It didn’t take a genius to understand what that was. He had gotten a boner from your leg laying on his dick. “Y/nnn….” You look directly at him. “Yes?”

“…I’m hard.”

“I know.”

There were a few seconds of silence between you two. “Want me to take care of it baby?” He furiously nods with flustered face. “P..please….b-but first let me finish this—”

“You can keep playing it while I suck your dick.”

“Wh- wha?...you want me to do that..?” He stammers. “Go ahead babe. Pretend like I’m not even here, kay?” You proceed to get under the covers while also getting in between Neil’s legs. His boner was more visible from this angle. “Pretend like you’re not here..?...that’s gonna be h..harrd…but okay.”

You placed your hands on top of his covered dick. You could already feel him throbbing. He breaths with a mix of anticipation and nervousness as he gripped his Gameboy tightly, attempting to concentrate as hard as he can on his game. You then put your fingers in-between his boxers then sliding it down all the way to his knees. His dick immediately sprung up with a string of pre-cum trailing down the base of his dick from the tip.

“Ohh? You were REAL pent up weren’t you?” His heart starts to race as you grab his dick. “F-fuuuck. Don’t…don’t go too fast….you’re gonna make me c-cum early again like last time..”

“Haha..don’t worry, Neil.” You kiss the tip of his dick. “I’ll try to make you last as long as possible. Just focus on your game.~”

You were going to be the death of him.

He watches you with a mix of awe and desire as you kiss and started to slowly stroke his dick. You could also feel him squirming underneath your touch. He felt warm sensations coursing through his body, but still managed to focus on his game somehow. But his eyes did occasionally flicker to your eyes.

“Ah…hnnm…”

You extended your wet tongue to the base of his dick, then began to lick from there towards the tip of it. His pre-cum tasted a little salty. “mmm~ you’re a good boy aren’t you?”

“Ughn…” A shiver runs down his spine as he tries to keep his focus on the game, but your tongue and touch were already so overwhelming. He lets out soft gasps whenever your tongue glosses over his sensitive tip. “Y…yeah..I’m your good boy….” His whimpers out, his voice barely audible. His eyes continuing to dart between the screen and your movements, his body was growing more tense with each passing second. It just felt too good.

You wrapped your lips about his tip, sucking on it gently. You also used your other free hand to caress his inner thigh. Neil’s body lifted slightly, and he grips his Gameboy tighter as your warm mouth had engulfed the tip of his dick. He bites down on his bottom lip, trying to stifle the series of moans that threatened to escape his soft lips. The sensation of your hand on his thigh and the pleasure from your mouth sent waves of ecstasy through him. “y/n…g..ghhn…ugh!” He struggles to keep his focus on the game, it was getting increasingly difficult for him to both face fuck you and continue playing the game.

You started to take him further into your mouth, his dick hitting your throat each time your lips met his messy pubes. Your tongue trailing over the veins on his dick then back to his tip and then back to the veins. Neil’s head falls back onto a pillow as loud moans escapes his lips, his body trembling with pleasure. He could feel himself getting lost in the sensations, at this point the game had fallen from out of hand, he had forgotten it as he surrenders to the pleasure you’re giving him.

You then could feel a hand being placed on top of your head, gently pushing you further down. “Y..yes…just like that…you’re amazing…” His free hand grips the covers of the bed, and his breath became more ragged. You completely took your mouth off his dick and used your hand to stroke him quickly. “Gonna cum for me baby? You wanna cum on my pretty face, yeah?”

Maybe you were just hearing things but..was someone outside the front door..?

He pathetically lets a few tears fall from his face as he gasps sharply. His mind was going blank with pleasure, too much was going on he couldn’t think of anything else except you. He couldn’t help but let ot a lew, guttural moan, hips involuntarily twitching In response to the intense pleasure. “Y-yes!...I..I can’t hold back much longer…n..need to cum..” He struggles to form coherent words, completely hypnotized by your hand.

Keys entered the lock of the front door. Someone is here.

“Cum for me. Now.” Your trail your free hand from his inner thigh to under his shirt, caressing his chest. As for your occupied hand, your hand kept his dick busy with your fast paced strokes. “I-Im…y/n…I’m so close…ssso so close…don’t stop pleeease…”

The front door opens. Wallace and Scott enter the room before noticing..-

The intensity of your hands pushes him closer and closer to the edge, you consumed his mind entire;y. He lets out a final string of incoherent moans, his free hand gripping the sheets so tight his knuckles were turning white as he approached his climax. “Y-y/n…I’m…I’m gonna…c-cummingg!!” He rolls his eyes to the back of his head and arched his back involuntarily as he finally reached his peak, releasing his cum onto your face with a final, shuddering orgasm.

A string of cum landed on your lips, to which you licked it off. You then stuck your head out from under the covers to see Neil’s tired, exhausted face. He had tear stains on his cheeks and he was breathing heavily. You chuckled at this. “I hope I didn’t go too hard on you babe. You okay?” He looks at you with a small smile before quickly dropping it when he noticed you had visitors.

“Uh..y/n….” He mutters. You tilt your face at him with confusion. “What? What’s wrong? You’ve came on my face before.” He shakes his head. “I-its not that its just uh..”

“What?”

Neil lifts his hand and points right behind you. You turned your head slowly to see….Wallace…and Scott. Both, horrified, Scott more so. They just witnessed their friend give a blow job to their other friend, and it didn��t help that you still had his cum on your face.

“uh….hey guys. How was the party?” You nervous asked.

They said nothing for a few moments until Wallace spoke up. “I never knew you had that in you, y/n.” He teased. Scott however, wasn’t amused…at all. “We..y/n… we sleep on the same BED!...Y-you’re face is covered in—!”

“I KNOW.” You embarrassingly wiped it off from your face and Neil quickly pulled up his boxers and pants. After this incident Scott tried to ban you from bringing Neil over, even when both of them were there. But since Scott was considered a leech too, it didn’t hold any value to you. As for Wallace, he found the whole thing amusing, but…he very gently asked you to not fuck him on the bed…. despite him doing the exact same thing. Apparently, he’s the only one allowed to do that. Fair enough since it was his bed after all.

That’s not gonna stop you from inviting Neil over again. ♡

I was lowkey struggling how to format this. Tumblr is killing meeee

#scott pilgram takes off #scott pilgrim takes off x reader #young neil #young neil x reader #x y/n #use of y/n #fluff and smut

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innocent-cat · 1 year

Note

Bbg, can you do a Jealous Tsukishima x Reader plzzz? Ily bbg /p

Never watched Haikyuu in my life. Read up on him, so be warned, i will NOT have the most accurate character of him down in this oneshot. So, with the fact that my knowledge of Tsukishima and Haikyuu are very frail, please excuse any errors, or poor use of character's behavior, or general plot. Making this js for u babes fr xx (lyt)

(I also have no clue how volleyball works. LOSER!!!!)

Jealous!Tsukishima Kei x Reader

Warnings - Reader calling someone a 'whore', uncomfortable advancements/situations, harassment to reader, entitled man,

"My loser is the best loser.", Tsukishima x Reader

.·:*¨༺༻¨*:·..·:*¨༺༻¨*:·..·:*¨༺༻

Your boyfriend of a few months, was currently playing volleyball for your collective high school, Karasuno. You didn't quite understand why it was so tense on the court, but you chose to cheer him on regardless whenever he had a game.

Being known as the person who just happens to be dating Tsuki, his team mates often poke fun at him to you. It's funny most of the time, but it gets weird having a group of people try to follow you around because you're dating their friend. Although, if he's not with you, hes with them, so you always know where to look when in doubt. How kind of them. To what you knew, he one of the blockers of the team. He told you often about how much his team needs him. You, of course, feed into this energy.

"Yeahh go get em' tiger.. you're so important!"

He always cracks a smile at your strange form of cheering, and appreciates it. Although he found it strange, he felt he should play better for you. Weird right? Trying to impress lil' ol' you.. Tonight was a night unlike any other game night, he was within his position and supporting his team with planned blocks. You couldn't tell which team was winning, but you tried your best to stay positive about it. which- meant- very, VERY, incomprehensible cheering. Mumbling, shouting, or just smiling, in hopes of some how, you sent the right message. "Ohh wow nice shot.."

You sounded a lot like a mother cheering for her kid. It was definitely working. (You hoped.)

Growing tired and confused, you eventually space out and leave yourself to your own thoughts. You have no clue whats going on, so you just imagine what ever you feel like. A cow spinning? A rockstar chicken? Your doll who you had left in time out before you left for falling and scaring you? Okay maybe not them. You felt bad for not returning them to the window you pretended they liked so much before you left. Oh no. What if it's lonely? It's probably lonely. Cold, shut out, shunned.. SHAMED, in time out.. Your thoughts are interrupted when you feel the weight beside you shift. Assuming it was Tsukishima, you turned to the weight with a smile, before jumping at the realization it wasn't your monotone'd boyfriend. "Hey! Couldn't help but notice you were sitting here all alone and sad looking.. Don't worry, I'm here to accompany you now. totally like a prince in shiny armor." Baffled, you stare at the teen who had approached you and sat next to you so confidently. You had to admit, you were impressed with how he wasn't embarrassed. You did think he was weird though. "Oh. Thanks?" You shrugged off his enthusiasm and tried to be as nice as you could force yourself to be. Tolerating him was already hard enough now that you're tired, confused, and bewildered at the sudden company. "Do you even really get this sport? You've been totally out of here the entire game." He poked at you. Confused, you look him up and down, taking in his description to ask Tsukishima about him later. What a weirdo. "Yea. My boyfriend is the nerdy blocker up there with the real thick rimmed glasses." You pointed him out, smiling softly. When the teen beside you noticed him, you let your finger fall, and your hands link back together in your lap. Within that moment, The ball quickly advanced to the front of the enemy's net, and they spiked it. Tsukishima tried to block it but- It smacked him. Square in the face. You stifled a small laugh as you watched the now stunned blocker look around hoping for someone to sympathize with him. He looks towards you like a child telling a parent they had just thrown up. Your face breaks out into a wide, humorous smile. His stance, his face, and his slightly pushed down glasses, all was a likely embarrassing moment for him, but all the funnier to you.

Covering your mouth with your hand, you snicker and giggle as you look back at the shocked volleyball player. You watch his eyes travel to the left of you, where the teen who started small talk sat beside you. His eyebrow raised, and obviously smacked back into reality with envy, he scowls at the boy beside you. From far away, you don't notice the facial change he shows.

The whistle blows, and the game starts anew. He turns back, and your small interaction comes to an end. He fixes his glasses, pushing the rim back onto the tip of his nose ridge, and gets back into his position. "Soo.. your boyfriend.. kinda sucks. At volleyball, I mean." The slightly taller boy curts, referring to the fact your boyfriend just got totally bodied by a ball. That probably hurt. A lot. You giggle. "Not all the time, but I also can't tell. I just kinda hope." "You know.. I play baseball.. It's a lot easier to understand than any game of volleyball. Lot cooler too. Lot cooler to date a baseball player over a beach game made professional player." You pause, face contorting at his words. What a man whore. Flirting with someone when he's aware they have a boyfriend? Steep. Real steep. Also, again, really weird. You look towards the boy, raise an eyebrow, and wait for him to lead on what he was saying. You wanted to see how long he'd drag his little 'You should totally ditch your lame, geeky, loser of a boyfriend because I play baseball.' game. Waiting for a response, you decide he's taking too long to click that you want him to talk back. You collect your things to stand, and like a mutt begging you to stay, he grabs your wrist. "Wow wow wow- Where you going there? You haven't even heard me out!"

"What is there to hear out? you're asking me to out right ditch my boyfriend because you play baseball and I don't even know your name." You scoffed, ready to make another statement before he tugs you back down, however, this time, instead of on a bench, he tugs you onto his lap.

"Would you- Get off of me?" You seethed, struggling against his arms, he snakes himself around your waist and under your popliteal (A/N, the popliteal is basically your knee armpit). Oblivious to the bell of the game ending, you keep fighting against him, clambering, and caught up like a spider's web. You hear the distant sound of shoes squeaking against the polished gym floors, advancing towards you, with the speed of just over a power walk. Looking over to the approaching sound, you look directly at none other than who is likely about to be your actual knight in shining armor. It did bug you how the guy got the saying wrong. Again, what a weirdo. "Do you mind? Did you always get your way as a kid or something? Put them down. You look genuinely pathetic." Tsukishima looks down at the odd teenager, towering above him. "Oh- is this- your boyfriend? Why didn't you tell me yo-" He's cut off with an uppercut from your now loose hand, to his jaw. Releasing you, he rubs his jaw, muttering curses and how 'you were ugly anyway' and 'You're lucky I even looked at you' Grabbing your bag, Tsukishima kicks him in the side, watching the man curl over clutching his side like a defeated pill bug. Scoffing, you turn to Tsukishima who is still shooting a lour face at the frustratingly idiotic oaf. Patting his shoulder, you guide yourself off the benches, hovering over railing as to not trip. You notice the lack of his presence, and turn to see he's still cursing at the man, scolding, and kneeling, like a parent to a child who broke a VERY expensive vase. "Tsuki. C'mon. We most literally don't have all day. Don't bother with him, he's just some moron. Getting under your skin lets him win." He gives the man one more apparently satisfying kick, before turning to accompany you. You follow him to the lockers, waiting outside to respect the team's privacy. After around 10 minutes of clicking and texting friends on your phone, you see a four eyed monster walk out of the lockers. Black hoodie, a brown flannel, and tan cargos. "No hello? Not even from the love of my life?" You call towards him, walking by him, and poking the side of his ribcage waiting for a response. "Right right, whatever. Hey." He smiled softly at you, his eyes telling a different story. "You okay? something up?" You interrogate, snaking your arm around his, and fitting hands like a puzzle piece. He huffs, thumb rubbing the back of your hand, continuing to walk, watching the stars. He walked you back to your apartment, every day after school and after games. If you recall, it was 'Something he just has to do for you', and ever since he's always done it. Even when either of you were upset at each other. You looked up at the stars with him, breathing in the cool, clean, night air. As you guys paced, you tripped. He tightened his hold on you, and pulled you back up. 'Thanks.' You muttered, unsure of what to say in the rough and awkward environment. "That guy. Who was flirting with you? That really bothered me during the game. I think I was too focused on you ditching me for him that I lost focus." There was a short pause, in between it you let out an understanding hum, and rubbed circles into the back of his hand via thumb. "..Did you.. say anything? To him?" He looks to the right, avoiding your gaze, seemingly embarrassed to even ask. "Yeah. First thing I said to him other than 'oh' was that you were my boyfriend. Real weird guy. Really weird looking guy too. Jaw too chiseled, too built, and I never even talked to him before. Don't even know the guys name." Tsuikishima let out a sigh of relief, tensity visually leaving his muscles. "I knew that." The two of you both laughed, enjoying the clear environment now comfortable to breathe in again.

"Uhm. Did you win?" You sheepishly look towards him, smiling. "It was totally rigged. I was the best player there."

"Glorifying yourself again, Tsuki?" "Nah. I'm definitely a huge carry for the team." He restates, letting out a snicker after hearing your laugh, self aware of how much he relies on his team-mates.

(P.S, please leave more requests for me. I'm desperate for prompts.)

#haikyuu #volleyball #tsukishima kei #tsukishima fic #jealous #jealous tsukishima #tsuki #jealous tsuki #tsuki x reader #tsukishima x reader #x reader #wrote this at 12:51 #pls enjoy #what the freak #what is haikyuu #wild guess #way longer than wanted #oops

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good-beans · 6 months

Note

You talked a little while ago about why you don't think Shidou would make a good father to Amane (agreed) and proposed the idea of Mahiru adopting Amane. That's cute but I want to tell you about my post-MILGRAM headcanon:

Amane joins the Kajiyamas

Not Fuuta specifically adopting her, but like him taking her back to his family's house. I'm sure they'd have a spare room

I think people don't think about Fuuta's homelife much, or if they do they take Fuuta's one interrogation question where he calls his dad an old fogey and assume its like, abusive

And don't get me wrong, I don't think the Kajiyama household are perfect. Fuuta' beautician sister surely hasn't helped when it comes to Fuuta's body image issues and I'm betting they're all a bunch of tsunderes too embarrassed to say they love each other

But in a series where most of the abused characters are still convinced their abuser loved them/acted out of love. Seeing a guy not be afraid to call his dad a loser is almost a green flag

I think it'd be good for Amane to not necessarily be adopted as the lone child to a single parent but get to be introduced to a very different style of family unit from her own One where its normal to express different opinions or disagreements or even have arguments and not have it be the end of the world

Amane already has a snarky side to her, I bet it'd flourish in a brash household like the Kajiyama's (or at least how I imagine them to be)

OOHHH wait I love that so much! >:O

I agree -- I never interpreted Fuuta's family as abusive or harmful, just not super close and struggling a bit after his mother left. (And yeah, all as openly emotional as him😭) They seem stable and very capable to taking in a extra, very well-behaved child. Assuming Fuuta is the way he is because of them, that atmosphere of being very honest and forward would work well for her. They say things as they are, little by little pointing out the harmful parts of her worldview. Like you said, none of them make excuses about harmful behavior stemming from love, so she'd get a really healthy dose of truth in that area. She never feels coddled or treated like a baby. They care for her while treating her very maturely.

I absolutely love how well she and Fuuta get along, with that snarky side to her that you mentioned. It would allow her to fit in well in the new household, getting the sense of belonging she'll lose after leaving the cult. Also, seeing how Fuuta and his sister let things slip and aren't perfect sons/daughters, she'll be able to relax about earning a parent's love through perfect behavior. She'll probably stay exactly the same, but her stress about it will fade <3

I doubt Fuuta's father can ever replace the hole she'll have from her own father, but the addition of an older sister will be huge. Amane will never get the feeling her mother is being replaced, but the woman will still fill the gap of the older, same-gender role model she needs. Her beautician job may throw Amane at first (being an indulgence in vanity), but it isn't as in-your-face as other careers. I think she could definitely ease Amane into accepting it, and over time, accepting her own personal "indulgence."

Plus, her moving in would also be really good for Fuuta! I think he'd recognize there's a ton of fun things she missed out on, and that heroic side of him outweighs the part that cringes: he gripes and groans about going to "kid places," but he's always the one to announce "I can't believe you've never been to __, we're going right now!!" This allows him to touch grass leave the house and experience his own life to the fullest. He's able to channel his desire to help society into a healthier outlet. Also, seeing her studying habits and plans for the future might even inspire him to do the same. (might.) He becomes the stereotypical good big brother, though of course he denies it viciously...

I have recently been going insane over their friendship so I'm completely taken with this idea OUGH thank you for telling me ;-----;

#milgram #amane momose #fuuta kajiyama #i am going to think about this nonstop now 😭✨#ive literally been thinking of how much i love their sibling relationship but didnt consider them becoming Actual siblings ;---;#my heart...#the way i interpret the family theyd be able to give her a good mix of treating her like an adult and still giving her the 'childish' care #that she missed out on #and that honesty would just be really healthy for her #she learns not to fear punishment because if someone has a problem with her theyll just say it and move on #she is also a very straightforward person so shed communicate well with all of them #and yeah... i never realized how good an older sister would be for her but thats perfect #also i dont think fuuta is that fucked up lol but it sounds like he has no commitment to school/his future #so once he realizes he wants to help amane and be there for her he really buckles down on everything #if anyone can Fix Him amane can asdfsdfs #now im picturing all the adults scrambling to prepare themselves and trying to figure out if they're in a state to take on a new child #the time comes to leave milgram and they plan this whole speech to ask amane who she'd feel most comfortable living with and all this stuff #then they spot her walking away with fuuta while hes actively trying to get her to stop following him 💀💀💀#ask #rose posts

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guardian5tiger3 · 1 year

Text

Alright. That's it.

What's their karma?

Tarot + intuitive messages.

*I'm definitely doing more of these later so if none resonated dw .

Groups

1 2

3 4 5

Group one

Their karma is slow but steady and it's funny cause they've been scared of getting karma for a while. True assholes. Some of you it's possible you could have been pointing something out about this person and everyone was like oh but this and that and just somehow missing the point one way or another. If that's the case then also they just like seemed to get away with it somehow in the past. I'm really getting someone being like, "bruh." Like it's so obvious in a way. This person feels like a f*cking child I'm ngl. Like they're dumb ASF. They don't get it. I don't know if that just reminded me of the song but I just thought of a song called get it where you fit in by too short. Haha. You guys more or less depending on the person have some level of spiritual authority. I literally I kind of hope this is a metaphor but I got like a person being inside of a burning building. Also like to be asleep ina. Building that's falling apart. Like I'm honestly getting some eery vibes so holy shit that's only if this person is straight evil ok if that's real. For a lot of you I'm not gonna lie I'm picking up on like someone who does bad things when no one's looking to as a lot of you can probably imagine and I initially was brought me to say this was I picked up on animal abuse. Someone here this person pretends like their a good person and you must be intuitive because this person is coming out as someone who literally for an example like is involved in one of those dog fighting things like in Beverly hills Chihuahua like something like that. I'm not gonna lie this could be indicating cult involvement and I'm talking about child sex trafficking and the real system connected to the government ,underground tunnels, Hollywood, etc. So some of the people receiving karma are apart of this here ok so good job guys on fucking with them . At the least I'm picking up that your souls are trapping them and getting them caught up and or the rest of you you guys have authority to kind of say okay fuck them up now and they get fucked up. Seriously. I'm almost getting that things will make more sense in the future yes for some of you where these are the worse people they're just gonna straight up die, for some of them it's severe illness. Overall I see them getting caught which somehow is karma enough for them all. I'm seeing a lawsuit for a few people. I'm getting a lot of panic from a good amount of these people in the future. So for this pile it's definitely different depending on who and honestly I immediately picked up on that but base minimum punishment it seems for all of you guys is these people get caught and reprimanded I believe is the word I'm looking for. For those of you where it's possible the worse things apply I'm seeing this ties into a bigger picture in the world so for those of you thank you for your service to humanity because you fighting against evil tells me you're a spiritual warrior here for these reasons and you're doing your jobs well. ☮️

Group two

Right off the bat you guys have some intensely good energy and you are meant to thrive socially. For the persons being asked about it seems like they're cold and lonely and if anyone is in their lives that person or maybe people are also that way too. The best they can get out of life is money and honestly they don't even spend it in cool ways so like the actual possessing of currency. So what I'm getting from this is these people are losers. Uhmm but for a lot of you alot of their money is being taken away and then it sort of seems like they're gonna try to fake a good heart or something like that.. they're gonna try to blend in somehow. Seems like they're trying to climb a ladder and they really think they're gonna get rich. Or just be even better off than before ☠️ so this is turning into a grilling session. Cause wtf. This is spirits prediction and they know what their talking about but oh my fuck you guys like whoever has to deal with this person or people whatever , like their poor guides I don't even feel like their guides I feel like these are spirits or something trying their best to make shit around them happen hoping for any results less than negative. They're really trying to do what they gon and have done did to these mfs to try to open their minds and show them that's there's like parts of life that require you not to be dumb and low vibing ASF . Overall the karma is mainly to be outcasts and alone and overshadowed for some.

Group three

Ok for a lot of you first of all of these people are who they say they are and doing as well as they say then why do they feel the need to defend that so hard. Honestly a lot of these people seem like the type to have a huge ego where as they don't want to admit to themselves that they're the problem so their lives just suck and they're like damn why is life like this everyone is screwing stuff up and life is being suck ass but I am clearly great so how could this happen to me. Ok. I'm not gonna hide anything from you guys somebody is going to get an injury of some sort to their private parts I am so sorry. Either they did magic and it's going back on them or someone did this to them and it's going to effect them because they deserve it or both ☠️they also a lot of them manifest shit for themselves because of how they talk or what they say right and or think too. Dear God you guys I'm seeing a lot lot of private part issues so you guys know why you're here you probably know that these people deserve this I guess, I'm assuming, maybe. Some of you don't. Now you do. Someone's dad might disown them or something about their dad right and this person already has issues with their dad so they're probably gonna snap at that point that's for someone in particular ok. I'm definitely seeing for a good few of you this person getting herpes or some type of disease like that's gross as hell. I'll leave it at that. Ok peace.

Group four

You guys are sweet, some of you know this some of you don't but the people I'm reading on most of them are apart of chaotic groups getting karma for all being bad people. This person played with you somehow ok I'm getting like whoever picked this pile yall are all so sweet I'm glad to be in your energies especially after ⬆️⬆️⬆️ haha. I digress. They're never going to find love really and that's sad. You all will so don't worry. The best these people will get is being hopeful for their futures and being incorrect. So delusion almost. You guys are powerful and somehow you having crossed paths with this person has led them down a certain path. They're going to have to deal with their inner issues and everything on the inside and you guys this is this person's greatest fears . Within themselves. A lot of them are not gonna be ok. Don't feel bad cause this is positive anyway technically ok either they're there and you suffer internally even if you try to ignore it . Or you deal with it. But these people like there is a good reason they were ignoring this madness before. Not anymore. They're not gonna let their inner demons have them running around being idiots anymore. And if they do some of them will genuinely end up in jail down that road but I don't see that for most of you. It's kind of like they thought something was funny then all of a sudden cause their demons are brought up it's like oh.... It's so not funny anymore .(to them ok) you also might be taking some form of energy from them that is like somehow coming off like a token or like ,, I'm not really sure but it's reminding me of the stars somehow. Like, in the sky at night stars. Super strange. You guys are cool.

#psychic messages #pac reading #pick a card reading #free tarot readings #pac tarot #pac #pick a card #pick a picture #pick a pile #tarot pac #tarot reading #free intuitive readings #intuitive messages #channeled message

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evening-rose-309 · 11 months

Note

I'M GLAD YOU AGREE WITH BILL. I LITERALLY SHIP HIM AND RYAN LIKE CRAZY

I mean, like,

Okay. So we know how Ryan is kinda some way about relationships. He's like "I like you but you're too much work but I'm not gonna tell you that because then you'll leave me and sometimes I want to leave you but I'm not gonna because then I'd be lonely and a loser so I'm not gonna tell you anything so you'll stay and I'll pretend to like you always in the best way I can even" about people and ends up an asshole most occasions. He's genuine multiple times but not enough and to not enough people in his self imposed rolodex and you can see that in the games and the book, and it's not just Diane or Cohen. He's like that with Sullivan, who I think he cares for, but because he can't understand Sullivan all of the time and wishes he would stop being Sullivan on some occasions, he ends up undermining and underestimating his judgement. And it hurts him when Sully dies, you know, or at least that's what I gather from the book; whether that's a blow to his pride that the rolodex is thinning out or because of actual genuine emotional attachment is up in the air, but the blow is a blow.

Bill is the same. Bill, maybe Greavy too before he died. Ryan likes Bill a hell of a lot more than almost everyone else. Bill's death is the same clinical detachment as all other deaths in the games with Ryan, but in the book, well. Karlosky says it best:

He didn't see Bill die, like he didn't with Sullivan, but this time it was voluntary. This is more than a blow to pride. Bill was like his safe space, in some instances. Like in the dinner scene at Kashmir at the start, when he isn't thinking about going off to Jasmine, he's wishing Bill were there at the table and is even elated when he gets called away, presuming Bill is already on top of the situation.

(also in this scene is the tidbit where Ryan laments on having already been married and "Never again," is his end to that narration, and nobody talks about that I am chewing through drywall—)

Bill is the closest thing Ryan has to a friend, which is still a long ass stretch. Ryan likes Bill, but Ryan is Ryan, and that is the entire tragedy on the matter. No matter how much he's gone and loved, gotten himself attached, genuinely feels for a person, pride comes first. Pride, not even Rapture, not even the ghosts he was running from from the outside world, he doesn't even care when he becomes the very monster that killed his aunt and uncle on that train platform and forced him and his father into hiding, if only under a different name, which is entirely too fitting. Bill, Diane, Greavy, Sullivan, Jasmine, and even Cohen, presumably, end up dying because Andrew Ryan is a man who does not buckle, does not compromise even when he should.

You would wonder if he were a different man, maybe the sort who would build a city under the ocean not to run from taxes, but from the biased and alienist regimes of the government above, who didn't value capitalism over humanity, who actually lived up to the whole "no gods, no kings" bit, if we could have had him and Bill in that office where Bill quietly admits to himself that Ryan is lovely when he's just sitting at his desk with his glasses lost in work, if he would have let go of Diane and didn't hang her on a string, if he listened to Sullivan about the plasmids and Fontaine and Culpeper.

But that is the tragedy of Rapture, and I'm a sucker for tragedies and alternate timelines where things are different and Ryan reads fairytales to Jack in his native tongue and tells him about the things he will never have to face ever so long as Ryan is alive as he falls asleep, whilst Bill watches from the door, reminiscing on how far they've come.

Or alternatively where he meets a stranded Robert House in 1933 and gets his ass handed to him by an apocalypse approved civil engineer and Rapture looks like an art deco reef instead of just New York on green filter.

Or he's a vessel for some kind of Cthulu and Bill has to handle that and Fontaine is freaking out because the feds didn't tell him this op has eldritch monsters peeking in from the windows and half of everyone is stuck here under Ryan's dead eyes being slowly fattened up to feed to some kind of monster lurking just under Persephone and who's like "alright yes you can have the plumber and all these others for yourselves pet, but remember you have to feed the slugs." and the little sisters once turned become his children. you know. usual shenanigans.

TLDR; yes, I love the lion and plumber ship because the lion is just a big awkward nervous housecat when the plumber walks in the room and the plumber is surprisingly territorial like wow Bill, chill, Cohen's like this with everyone, hold your wrenches—

#long ask answer #rose rambles #this went everywhere like #aaaand there goes time to do my homework whoops #we are failing this uni folks #at least we'll have BillRyan #but no seriously this was like one of the first ships i indulged in in this fandom #can you tell y'all break my heart #because you do and i'm like yes tears give me more #andrew ryan #bill mcdonagh #also fucking disconnected as fuck

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weebsinstash · 5 months

Note

"If you're so successful and happy why do you feel the need to do this"

I'll throw you a bone bestie

Because it's genuinely hilarious and cathartic

I don't feel the "need" to do it, I just think it's funny to dunk on people who suck in various ways. Like yourself. Like ngl when I stumbled across your blog at first, seeing how horrible and loserish of a person you were simultaneously disgusted me so much and made me laugh so much. If someone is a loser but a good person, you feel bad for them and want to leave them alone or even help them. If someone is a bad person but isn't a loser, you have nothing to cringe at or look down on them for since they're doing better than you. But being a loser AND a bad person is like, you're the funniest person ever to get a rise out of and also you set off a disgust response that makes people want to give you shit. People don't pity you for your loserish life because you're an asshole, so we view you as undeserving of pity. That's why people like you, i.e. loser + a bad person, get shit online. Look at boogie2988, Chris Chan, Yandere Dev etc. for other examples of people like you. You'd get along with Yandere dev btw he's also a creep who likes rape porn :)

You've given me SO many laughs over the past year after I was stressed from studying for a tough exam, a busy week at work or other things in my life. This whole experience has been nothing but positive for me tbh. Sounds weird but my life and mental health have actually gotten a lot better. I can be resilient now for people who need me to be strong for them without getting stressed myself and people appreciate that. I've helped people through tough times because my stress level is lower and I can be zen about things I normally wouldn't be

All of this is literally just entertaining. I'm not trying to do anything or fight for a cause. It's just funny and cathartic to me. Seeing everyone in your degenerate rape porn community get bent out of shape over ridiculous and hilarious spam like "bitch lasagna" and shitty photoshopped porn. Maybe I have a weird sense of humor or something but whoever told you people only troll others if they have miserable unsuccessful lonely lives lied to you to make you feel better. It's genuinely just fun especially for people like you who give big dramatic reactions to things most of the time. Like this whole calling the police thing over me "going to your house" and being so goddamned confident I'm about to get arrested 😂 this type of shit is why I continue and you constantly insulting me makes me want to do it more and also not feel bad about it because you deserve it. I can troll people who suck and it's guilt-free fun. Like trolling a child predator, you don't feel bad about it yknow, it's just funny. It's just for kicks.

You know whats actually so embarrassing

When I initially said the whole karma works in reverse for you, I was talking about being ditched by your family, and your hysterical ass thought I was talking about your assault. You misinterpreted what I even said and used it as your excuse to act like a histrionic freak for almost a full year

You have literally done nothing but prove my point that you are an objectively shit person, and anyone who would be friends with you is probably a subhuman enabler and also a compulsive liar much like yourself. You use your alleged assault to cry victim and use it to harass other people. You cry victim blaming but then spout blatant ableism, misogyny, transphobia, and racism more than once. You have typical White Woman Feminism, screaming and whining that you aren't a slut but calling everyone else whores for having kinks you don't like

You're sitting here further incriminating yourself, writing so many paragraphs I'm not even reading them all, spending hours and hours and hours. I'm at work making a living supporting my family and you're at home, on your phone, for hours. When do you even sleep lmao. Homie you literally lied pretending to be a teenager, you could lie about anything. Does writing fanfiction about having a partner help heal the wounds from knowing you did something stupid and got thrown away like a used tissue

It was something with a dog, wasn't it? I know your types. You need attention from literally wherever you can get it. That's why you don't even care if everyone is screaming at you, you just need acknowledgment. This is such stereotypical neglected child behavior and you're so bitter and angry you're barely even coherent

Go dye your hair blue and attend a republican rally since you share their politics. I'll at least have the peace knowing I've never been so obsessed with a complete stranger I have to obsessively keep checking if they've replied to me. That's shit MIDDLE SCHOOLERS DO, but oh no, you're allegedly so successful and intelligent 😂 so successful and intelligent you're acting like a QAnon 4channer for entertainment on Christmas. Hey guys the person who spent literally hours and hours on both Chrisrmas Eve and Christmas wants us to believe they have a partner. Who wants to call cap?

#doxxingdrama

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harketspetter · 3 months

Text

One-Shot : Lonely Campfire

(I recently watched My Own Private Idaho and I made a huge mistake of watching a heartbreaking movie when I'm on periods and Well...I couldn't psychologically recover from this. Please kindly excuse me for taking inspiration from the campfire scene in the movie. I know I'm so sorry for putting my imaginations into this because I can't help it. I'm deeply sorry if the whole thing is crappy as I'm trying to comfort myself)

Here you go @thehurtingreflex

At night, y/n and Morten sit next to the campfire they made on the side of the road.

y/n: If I had a normal family and a good upbringing...then I would have been a well-adjusted person.

Morten: Depends on what you call normal.

y/n: Yeah, it does...Well, you know, normal, like - like a mom and a dad...and a dog or a cat and shit like that.

Normal. Normal.

Morten: Normal....

Y/n: That's all right.

I don't feel sorry for myself.

I mean, I feel like I'm - I guess I am

I feel like I'm, you know, well-adjusted.....I wish I didn't have these insecurities.. I've been talking about...all the time...I wish I didn't have to be in this cut throat situation...all the time...I...I

I wish I had the will to... live.

Morten: *looks at you with a gaze of worry*

Y/n: I feel lonely, Morten. Again.

And I ...I feel tired and sad. And I'm tired of being sad all the time. So I...I don't know..I ...I know this is so wrong.. but I....you know...

y/n : I um..I think you know how many times I've been zoning away from...this place because...here..it feels inevitable for me to... succumb..

Morten looks at her with a concerned frown.

Morten: y/n , what happened? What made you feel this way?.

Y/n: I...fear failure of everything I pursue. And if something wrong happens... like if I don't do my job well..I. fear that I ..I may not be as confident, beautiful and successful like others.. like, I may not know how it feels to be happy...

Morten continues to shift closer to her.

Y/n: I feel I don't belong here Morten. I can't live this life which is so painful. And i can't stand the fact that... peace for me... and to so many people in this world...is a privilege... and just one quarter of this world is "rated happy and prosperous" ... and certainly I'm not one of them...

Morten: y/n, what do you mean...

y/n is hesitating, she is about to display vulnerability, she looks at Morten and back to the fire , a few times too many.

Y/n: I might want to .. disappear... but I don't want to...I want to feel happy but I...I don't have any reasons like others do.. I look at others being happy and here I am...being a fucking loser as always!

Morten: i get what you mean... but um...you are not a loser, Y/n

Y/n: I'm fucking tired of talking about this Morten. I want this to stop...I feel so horrible, it's like someone is devouring me.. inside....(cries and shiver)

Morten looks at y/n while she is looking away. Then Morten catches y/n's eye and motions for her to come closer to him

Morten: y/n...come here..

Y/n: ok

Morten: i know you feel that the world is collapsing on you right now

(Y/n cries)

Morten: nothing changes the fact that...you are a wonderful human being.

Y/n cries on his shoulders.

Morten: and i... i can't.... imagine this world without you...

Y/n cries further as he hugs her. Morten looks at the fire and smells her hair as she nuzzles up to her. Later, he swiftly bends down his neck to kiss her.

They hug for the most prolonged time and nuzzle each other.

Y/n: what makes you smile?

Morten: Orchids blooming...your hugs...

Y/n: what would do if you feel sad?

Morten: i would talk to you or...um..I would cook something...

Y/n: what would you cook?

Morten: i guess... I'll make a jam or bake a loaf of bread...it smells good when it comes out of the oven

Y/n: it sounds...it sounds heartwarming....

Morten: what would you do?

Y/n : what can I do? I want to feel happy... I'm tired... but well...I...i would just draw i guess...

Morten: when did you last draw a portrait?

Y/n: probably..3 months ago..it has been a long time...I miss drawing....I feel less like myself... and I miss it.... and I'm after I'm turning into a person I don't recognise

Morten: how would it feel if you would draw now?

Y/n: I..i never thought of that.. really.. maybe...if... maybe I could do it... but.. yeah, I can..

I can't really impress anyone..or show people that I'm happy... like they are...

Morten gently lifts up her face with his index finger and says : look at my eyes

*Y/n looks at his eyes*

Y/n: you have the most beautiful eyes...(cries)

Morten: so do you...(gently places his finger on her lips)

They come closer and embrace... Morten gently ruffles her hair and kisses her neck. He later rocks her gently.

Morten: I love you though.

You know that.

I do love you.

Y/n: I know. So do I.

#aha #mortenharket #1980s #synthpop #newwave #norway #1980smusic

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dies-mercurii · 1 year

Text

my jayce playlist has officially hit 50+ songs.... might as well ramble about my favorites and their lyrics!

♡ — ʙᴀᴛᴛʟᴇ ᴏꜰ ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴀʀʏɴx

You used all your words for a quick game Blew it all before you won I speak in cursive, I'm poignant, assertive There's musical chairs in my teeth Poke me to battle, I'll jump on the saddle I'll smile as you fall to your feet

How stupid, selfish baby Don't you battle with my larynx tonight I'll wreck you if you chase me But I'll be silent 'til you cross the line The line, the line Don't you battle with my larynx tonight So crude and selfish baby Don't you battle with my larynx tonight

nevermind how fucking good PORTALS is as an album. the whole song taken as having a sharp and cruel tongue that needs to be tamed is such a vibe for my take on jayce.

♡ — ꜰɪɢʜᴛᴇʀ

Call me fighter, I'll mop the floor with you Call me lover, I'll take you for a drink or two You'll get older, and maybe then you'll feel some control

Roller skate into my view Hold my gaze tonight Hold my baby, I love you See you smile so bright If you truly love me Why'd you train me to fight? If it wasn't in my blood Why do you seem right?

im a sucker for jack stauber's weird music style, no doubt about it. but fighter hits so hard (for a loser that loves jayvik), because isn't it inherently tragic that jayce's enemy is the only friend he ever made? a scientist before a hero, an engineer before a warrior, jayce was never made to fight. someone had to teach him.

♡ — ʜᴏɴᴇʏᴍᴏᴏɴ ᴘʜᴀꜱᴇ (ʟɪᴍᴇʀᴇɴᴄᴇ)

Does it feel like you've been dancing with yourself? After faring an ocean to an isle of delight Overindulge in an envious revel Confections that spoil over time Once the honeymoon phase is over Maybe our heads will be clear 'Cause love is a water eroded by stone A force as eccentric as yesterday

So what, I'm fucking jealous; why're you so surprised That the one to run their mouth felt deserving of the pride? I've kept my mouth shut for so many fucking years Keeping to myself and masking out of this fear I don't know where to begin Been dancing with my nightmares again Feels like you've wanted to run, run away So I'll cherish another heart

Well that's just the cost of limerance It all feels so perfect for a while I'm sorry I didn't tell you anything But crying's easier in secret, baby I've been flying a kite Learning how to love life once more To know the catharsis of loving again Reminds us of how much we bled

this one isn't directly linked to my main playlist, but its something i listen to often when writing jayce. considering that a main focus of jayce's league canon is that he desires to be a better person and treat others well despite his instinct to put them down due to his own (self-professed) superiority, there's an inherent struggle in going against his nature to BE that better person. not to mention, after viktor's expulsion from the university and back down to zaun, it notably hit jayce very hard, to the point that he became incredibly reclusive and refused to work with others at all. the lyric "learning how to love life once more" just hits incredibly hard. a big part of jayce's arc is to learn how to love people, not just exist alongside them begrudgingly. it's about becoming a decent person and doing right.

♡ — ꜰʀɪᴇɴᴅꜱ ᴡɪᴛʜ ʏᴏᴜ

How long do I have to wait 'Til my lonely days are over? My heart is on the train A bag without an owner

I put myself to bed just halfway through the party I love all my friends but I hate when their eyes are on me I miss being friends with you, but what can I do? What can I do but leave you alone? Here's to you and me And the crumbling infrastructure no one else can see The end result of my own reckless impulsivity Could you spare a sec to talk to me?

But what is left to say? Now we see each other plain Why do you pretend You don't know who's to blame?

"a quick fix" says this more plainly about jayce than i ever could.

Jayce had seen this kind of reaction before. Most everyone he met had heard the stories of his legendary hammer and his unyielding heroism. They expected grandeur. They expected humility. They expected him to not be a massive jerk. Jayce inevitably disappointed them.

there's an idea of jayce that people have, someone heroic and nice and humble, but jayce just isn't that person. at his heart, he's just kind of a cunt. he's stand-offish and reclusive and while it's clear he does care about the well-being of others, he prefers it be done at a distance. away from him, so he can keep being left alone. so, as someone who cares FAR too much about his characterization, its another note i like to take advantage of for how i write him. jayce cares about people. jayce isn't really a bad person. he's kindly in the sense that he'd help you, but mean in the sense that'd he'd probably call you an idiot for getting in that mess in the first place. he's not a grand superhero, he's just a guy. one of my favorite things to write, is jayce just figuring out how to be that guy amongst others, and learning to be happy alongside them.

#✩ ...ᴀɴᴅ ᴍᴇᴀɴꜱ ᴀʀᴇ ɴᴏᴛʜɪɴɢ ᴡɪᴛʜᴏᴜᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ᴍɪɴᴅ ✩ (musings)#✩ ᴏᴜᴛ ᴏꜰ ʜᴀᴍᴍᴇʀꜱ :( ✩ (ooc)#[i care so much about music for my muses its insane]#[i just love in-depth characterization so so much]

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sweetestpopcorn · 2 years

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genuine question:

how has your fandom experience been after [derogatory] show?

I'm asking because there has been such a huge wave of fans and content and given how the show has been nothing like the book it feels a bit lonely for those who crave content more similar to canon.

So, how do you cope?

Hi there!

Oh wow. That pretty much sums it up.

I have made no secret of my absolute distaste towards redacted and as such, I have spared myself, my eyes, brain, basic intelligence... the punishment of subjecting myself to any of it.

I have the tags blocked and I unfollowed anyone showing THAT any support. It was pretty funny to see people do a turn on their convictions all because of shiny dragons that look more like Jurasic Park (lol), more likes for their posts, and... I don't know trying to look "smart" while they try to find sense in one of the dumbest shows in existence.

If I had gotten my will I would know nothing of it. Alas... I got sent a lot. How much? Yes. So unfortunately I have to live with the fact that I know what happens there and WOW. WOW.

My friend @xenonwitch can attest to the fact that we read all the spoilers and STILL got surprised at sh:t. We legit laughed at a couple of things like:

1- Droopy dying of leprosy which is a disease that does not exist in the asoiaf universe -> the asoiaf version of leprosy is greyscale. Y'all besties are welcome <3

2- Lenny staying alive and Renada and Matt's marriage being a sham and the two of them consciously making their children bastards -> s_ck on that notAegon and notViserys! You thought only the Weak children were illegitimate?! Now you are as well so there!

personally my favourite 3- Dracaryssice by Lana.

I remember when Fae told me of Lana I was so excited. It was so ridiculous that I was like I wanted it to be true... but I was afraid I was getting my hopes up and would be disappointed... but then it happened and I was more joyful than I could say like ❤️🥰 #YASS

4 - Almond Milk accidentally killing Loserys

I will give a honourable mention to Matt chocking Renada while she was pregnant because like with Lana I prayed this was true ❤️ and then it was <3 and the scene was so ridiculous!

I am so happy because I saw so-called "Daemyra" shippers acting all smug defending this trash because the show portrayed Matt like a loser simp going after the girlboss who doesn't give 2 flying f_cks about him -> because women having toxic masculinity traits and men being emasculated is today's modern media version of a "good" story - being proved wrong when haha Matt chocked Renada. And on that note, that was the only scene I liked Matt because honestly F_CK THAT CHICK. She's this weird version of seasons 7 and 8 showArya mixed with Cersei mixed with... I don't know, but she's DEFINITELY not bookRhaenyra! Gods what a joke!

Ok moving on, and before I do, I would like to share me and Fae are thinking of doing a podcast tearing this f_cking sh_t apart. I won't watch the show but she will - #pray4fae2022 - and then we will have fun in the show. And get angry. And pull out the books and compared them to the "unbiased true telling" of HAHAHAHAHAHAHA LOL no it's redacted. It's only redacted. Show canon and book canon are not the same honeys, Turtle sell out said it, Elio and Linda said it, people interviewing said sell out said it. Ryan is as delusional as Trump. Someone get him help. Someone brave. Because his characters can't stay in character from one scene to the next let alone in between episodes and everything out of the actors' mouths in interviews is like "What?!" But whatever, enough rant.

For the most part besides being a tad angry at people defending this trash - I mostly avoid things but still have things sent to me - was getting a lot of new readers and attention to the point I struggle to get back to people. I received this with a mixture of happiness because many of these people are amazing and genuinely like my story and opened their eyes to what trash redacted is, but also sadness because of how it got there.

As for the content I wouldn't be able to tell you because even before redacted I don't search for Dance content sorry 🤷🏽‍♀️

I've said it before, will again. I have been a part of other fandoms as a consumer -> HP, Twilight (lol sue me b:tches), etc -> and I can tell you the asoiaf fandom - for me personally - does not have that many good fanfictions. Honest to god I have read them since like 10 years ago? And to this date I can count on my hand how many of them I was blown away by. Now, comparing that to the HP fandom, literally in two pages I will find at least one that will blow my freaking mind. But this isn't a big surprise for me since this fandom has some of the most insane takes (and people) I have ever seen.

Dance related fics... oh boy!

Anon, when I read Fire and Blood I wanted a fic like the one I wrote and I searched for it. There was nothing, Daemon/Rhaenyra as a pairing were like a sidenote in fics that existed and even so there was what? One page in AO3 I read them and like.... what? There were more fics of her and Criscel and I am just like... did we read the same book?

After I started writing a few others things started showing up slowly (veeeeeeerryyyyyy slowly) but when I read them it was just... No. It was just a No.

So much trash from Daemon r@ping Rhaenyra to Rhaenyra acting like a sociopathic Lolita in almost every story to... I will stop myself right here. So for the longest time I have stopped searching for anything. I am just setting myself up for disappointment.

If something is good I trust it will eventually be sent my way, if not... sorry but I rather miss it than go over the tags because 🤢

I think one of the most important lessons I learned from my time in the fandom is: If you want something and it doesn’t exist don’t complain, do it yourself. So this is what I do. I write what I want to read and if I want art, because I can’t draw lol I search for an artist I like and commission them to do something I want to see. I take control and do it myself as opposed for waiting for others to do something that fits into what I want. And if I can share I am made SO HAPPY for it.

So on that regard redacted has not changed my experience because I have long ago gave up on finding things at random. On that note, however, I don’t think some people realise that I have a home, I work a full time very demanding job, and I have friends and family. I have very limited free time for me alone, and my fic takes HUGE amounts of work and effort from me, so even if I wanted I wouldn’t have the time to read others fics. Eventually I might if it gets sent my way or something, but usually I am busy doing something else.

Like... I currently have 100 asks here. More than 100 comments to reply to on AO3, tons of fics to update. People asking me to update this and that... I just...

Lonely though I don’t feel. I made tons of friends throughout the year with GOOD taste and love of logic. And it was the best thing writing fanfiction ever gave me <3 other people to nerd out about my fav characters with <3 and that’s everything.

This was too long already. Long live the books, and dracarys (accidentally dracarys 😏) the show(S)!

PS: Would you like to hear me and Fae just tearing redacted apart? I will bring my ratty copy of Fire and Blood to it!

#Rhaenyra targaryen #daemon targaryen #fire and blood #the rogue prince #the princess and the queen #dance of the dragons #pre asoiaf #renada tedesco #matt tedesco #redacted #the limp prince #nobody's delight #anti hotd #fae let's rant and record it!#man this was a lot out of my chest #by accident!#good luck to you Anon!#popcorn answers

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vera9 · 2 years

Note

oh i will talk fandom with you because puentalay run circles in my mind all day everyday and i need to let them out but idk how.

puen has personality of biggest loser but luck of thousands gods because talay fell for him and 1) they didn't see each others faces 2) talay didn't know how rich he is 3) they have maybe not even one common interest (only writing scenarios but talay was forced to do it and I don't think he'll continue to do it in the future) and still their bond feels so natural and strong??? they really live just to do the best things which are bicker and bang and enjoy good food.

tell me what's your favourite talay and favourite puen moments from the series?:)

Hi anon!! <3

DKAJFSD THE WAY YOU JUST STUCK "BANG" IN THERE MADE ME LAUGH ADKFJ

But yeah, I absolutely adore how they drove home that appearance plays no part in their connection. I'm sure they find each other physically attractive (in both their own and the other universe) but they were fully aware Tess and Tun's bodies didn't belong to them and fell in love anyway. It was all about the person inside. That's love man 😩

Also asldkjfld oh man I'm sure @stormyoceans is far more informed than I am but I can think of a couple things they have in common! We see them flying kites, fishing(?), and riding bikes in episode 2, plus they're enjoying a movie together in episode 10. And *sighs in I-don't-drink* we all know they like their alcohol. What's awesome about these two is that you can easily imagine them trying new things together, simply because they enjoy each other's company so much 😊

OH BOY YOU ASKED FOR IT. Because I have to be extra about this, here's at least one (1) favorite PuenTalay moment of mine per episode:

Episode 1 - Talay gifting the alpaca hat (and this line in particular)

Episode 2 - drunk!Talay kiss & "Ai'Dang!" (also proud of myself for calling that line was gonna come back when this episode aired)

Episode 3 - Talay not only trying to cheer Puen up (in his own goofy way) but also giving him advice without judgment (yes I like the bath scene too but this one is more meaningful to me personally, it's such an important step in their relationship)

Episode 4 - Talay teasing a shy Puen (rare in the wild) & the cheek-pinching battle

Episode 5 - the mouthing-words thing coming full circle by way of Puen reassuring a sad and lonely Talay he won't leave him behind

Episode 6 - Talay confessing everything he loves about Puen & whatever the hell this is

Episode 7.1 - this entire fucking scene

Episode 7.2 - Puen running right over with a home-cooked meal because he heard Talay was sick + the following conversation

Episode 7.3 - and of course, the emotional climax

Episode 8 - Puen pulling one over on Talay (and immediately explaining why), Puen being a horny bastard, them being total nerds, and THE scene which has to be one of the most romantic scenes I’ve ever seen

Episode 9 - Puen being a horny bastard yet again while making this face, Puen helping Talay with his trauma (again, no judgment to be found) despite having a terrible fight with him last time they saw each other, them making up in an understanding, healthy way, and Puen realising who Talay is in their own universe

Episode 10 - this bathtub scene because I love just how frickin’ comfortable they are with each other (even though I’d never dangle a tablet above my bath what is wrong with you Puen) & them hugging in elation after finally finding the link that’ll bring them back home

Episode 11 - WHAT THE HELL ELSE (+ them falling over during the kiss because that’s an adorable touch)

Episode 12 - this one might be incomplete because I’ve only watched it once and I’m holding off on a rewatch but! them being domestic and bantery and adorable in the opening scene, Puen pulling an Enchanté, and Puen’s proposal (Lays get the fuck outta here)

So much for sticking to one scene lmfao this took a bit of time so I hope you like my picks!!

#thank you!! <3 #my asks #long post

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aromantisk-fagforening · 1 year

Text

Lovejoy's new single: call me what you want

Review? Thoughts? Analysis?

Table of contents:

how it literallly sounds (review/similar to)

Some of the lyrics and my thoughts kinda

Theme/topic/similar songs

personal thoughts/questions/criticism

Sorry English is not my first language and I don't often formally analyze songs (and never in English).

You may notice several parts have "similar songs" and that is in part because what I do most with songs is make playlists with songs that are similar and discover new music.

Musically it's really fun. The singing is a bit rambly like a crywank song (especially the bridge) and the rest reminds me of James Marriott's music. The drums sound cool (like always). Also the el-guitar, the el-guitar sounds pretty cool (it is that right?).

Some of the lyrics (via genius):

I never was a fan of the internet She never felt that safe in her own head We both hate the news

The news can be negative, I'm very good at analysis (sorry lol).

You can call me what you like As long as you call me

This is the title. I really do like this actually. I can relate this to anytime anyone has ghosted me or been unavailable for calls or I've been lonely (then directed at anyone). Also "you can call me what you like" as a thing is funny for me because I really enjoy a lot of my nicknames, and being called something different than your name can often make you feel connected to people, at least for me. One example could be from that one film "get in loser we're going shopping", that probably made that friend who was called "loser" feel good and like they were on good terms, yk?

But you can't stay awake forever No, you can't stay awake forever

I wanna stay awake forever. Or really really not. Love hearing someone else talk about it, even if the context isn't the same.

I'm not paranoid, I'm a realist I know you're gonna kill me

No cause paranoia can be so real sometimes. Fuck paranoia. I don't have a big paranoia problem, but when I have many issues piling it does occur yk. Also, "you're gonna kill me" can mean emotional death too if you want, and that's pretty applicable to a lot of stuff (school, politics, friends, etc etc).

Theme/subject/motive/motif/topic:

The song is mainly about insecurity in a relationship. It also talks about paranoia, cheating, "[her] kissing the skin under [his] lips" - which I don't really understand (like is that a thing? what does the average person think about that?).

It reminds me of Mr. Brightside, because of the way the jealousy is written. The description of what she's doing (kissing people). Also Wallow's Drunk on Halloween, with the wondering if a partner is thinking about other people. I'm sure there are hundreds of songs about these topics. I should mention tfb's Legit Tatto Gun because according to Genius the song might be making a reference to it. I'm also reminded of tfb's Lipstick Covered Magnet because of the desperation and like kinda "anything is ok" mentality (though I think that one is more about abuse in relationships, idk).

Things I don't personally enjoy/understand (personally):

I've had too many arguments over having critisisms of things that aren't necesserily flaws, but mostly personal preference and therefore I'm just disclaiming that this is my opinions and thoughts and questions. This is me relating this song to my own life, goals, insecurities and how much I'll listen to or enjoy it.

Basically, if you have any thoughts on any of this that aren't just "let people enjoy things" or "not everyone is like you" my ears are open, I like talking about music. (can you tell I've been hurt before lol).

I was surprised to hear christian lyrics ("the feel of grace of God goes you"). I'm an atheist, and even as a person living in a majority (protestant) christian country I do not understand the meaning really. I checked genius, but I'm still confused (anyone is invited to tell me what he's talking about btw).

One thing this song does is use the whole "I hope I'm the only one she'll see tonight" which to me seems overdone, but probably mostly because I'm (non-amorous) aromantic. The line kinda makes it difficult to relate to non-romantic contexts or non-interpersonal stuff. Also it makes it difficult to relate it to a polyamorous context, not that that's something I do especially often (though it can be fun).

#musicblogging #readmore posts #lovejoy #call me what you like lovejoy #lovejoy call me what you like #Spotify

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ham-n-spam · 24 days

Text

In other news, I've realised the thing that's massively bugging me at the moment is loneliness.

Now here's the weird thing: I have relatively easy access to friends and family. As I'm writing this, my mother is literally downstairs. I can text my friends and they normally answer me pretty quickly. The issue comes with the fact that everyone is busy. My mum is busy with personal stuff, my friends are busy with work and uni, and I'm just... spending time in my room either doom scrolling or playing video games. I have other productive stuff that I could be doing, such as cleaning my room, sorting my shelves, changing my sheets, hoovering etc. But my executive dysfunction has been so bad recently and I genuinely don't know what to do.

I just feel so lazy in comparison, which is harsh because I AM going to uni in September. I'm learning to drive, and I'm helping out at home. But it doesn't stop me from feeling guilty after asking my friends if they wanna hang out. My brain makes me feel like shit, like I'm a lazy loser who does jack with a load of shit all day, like I'm just leeching off of my loved ones because at least THEY'RE doing something productive.

I feel like I'm just making excuses when I say I'm trying. I've been looking for a job but nothing is viable for me, plus the jobs I do apply to just don't respond back. I've been masking so much recently and it fucking hurts. I don't know why I'm so surprised when my disability actually disables me, but I get so frustrated when I can't do things 'normal' people can. I can't make eye contact, I can't stand obtrusive noises, I can't remember where I put my fucking sunglasses so now I have to buy a new pair. I can't be normal about the things I like, and I can't live my life to the fullest extent because I keep sabotaging myself at every step.

I'm so afraid of judgement, and I feel so lonely because everyone's busy with their own stuff. And it's ten times more difficult to reach out to my friends and family because why should they prioritise my needs over their tasks. The guilt of being an inconvenience to others is inconveniencing me and to be perfectly honest, I just want a hug.

I want to be able to concentrate on my driving theory, I want to know how to act like a functioning adult, I want more friends to talk to about the things that I like, I want to be able to brush my teeth everyday with it feeling like a chore. I want someone who understands and doesn't judge and who isn't inconvenienced by my existence. I just want to love myself, and to truly, unconditionally, be loved by others.

The worse part is being able to identify why I act certain ways. It's hard for me to remember to shower, because growing up I was always scolded for showering for too long. It's hard for me to do my teeth, because to this day I'm told that I'm 'too loud in the bathroom' so I don't do my teeth at all to avoid getting a lecture. I don't floss my teeth because I was never taught how to. I barely know how to work a washing machine. I struggle to hoover. I don't know how often to wash my sheets. I just feel so useless.

Feeling like a lazy, useless husk of nothing is not easy. Not even in the slightest. Constantly comparing myself to other people, and judging my worth based off of my skills and abilities is heart breaking, because there is ALWAYS someone better than me. And even if I try to be positive, I ruin it for myself by calling out the tiny little detail that no one else but me would notice. I'm excited for uni, but I barely know the basics of animation. I'm good at art... but only traditionally, because my digital art sucks.

This started off as a loneliness post and it still is, to a degree. But this loneliness is so intrinsically linked to feelings of worthlessness and self-loathing that I end up spiralling. I want to hang out with my friends and family, but I don't want to be a bother and I'm afraid they'll say no. So I don't even try. And it kills me a little.

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meditating-dog-lover · 2 months

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"Revenge"

Growing up I've had a lot of people who hurt and upset me. This even happened in my adulthood. In the peak of my childhood trauma in 2010, I was saddened and hurt by all of this. I felt so lonely and wanted to make friends and socialize and establish relationships because I felt that would patch my wounds. But then I was rejected and excluded, which made the trauma worse. I went from feeling sad and in pain, to feeling angry and "revengeful".

My idea of revenge is not hurting others, because people who hurt others are losers. Rather, it's personal success. If someone tried to take something away from me, I would disprove them and work towards that thing. For example, in the case of teachers who called me dumb, I worked towards going to a top university, studying cell biology and neuroscience, and becoming employed as a cell biologist. In the case of my dad and his family, I became independent, established a life in the US, and have my own financial security (which is why I obsess over investing, but I personally do enjoy it). In the case of doctors who gaslit and patronized me, I focused on healing myself from the inside out and I'm currently working on my eczema and intermittent fasting. In the case of my old therapist, I didn't let her disrupt and ruin my healing journey and was able to switch to a new therapist who is a lot better. However the thing that remains is how I seek to "disprove" what my school bullies imposed on me that made me feel invalidated and inadequate. Really in this aspect, it's self confidence and happiness and social and relationship skills, as well as being comfortable around people and being outgoing.

I don't have the best confidence nor style, and I'm not the type of person who can be vulnerable and open towards other people (in both a social and romantic setting). I become tense and frigid. We even had a scientific presentation event today at work and didn't even feel comfortable eating around people (in this case it was a good thing because that Panera sandwich would have killed me). But generally speaking I do experience tension around people. I was deprived of a social and love life when I was younger because I was excluded, and that does impact me as an adult now. It does poorly influence my self esteem as well, but of course this is something that will improve because a lot of things in my life have improved. Feeling like I have gotten my "retaliation" against other groups of people who hurt me, I'm still working on this area of improvement.

I'm currently focused on improving my health and my eczema, as well as financial investing (I have some areas I'm interested in investing and I'm waiting to earn enough this year for that). There is no doubt that my childhood trauma and this feeling of social inadequacy and confidence did influence my stress and poor eating habits and current poor self image. But everything in my life will improve. This included, and my therapist knows about this in detail and wants to help me in future sessions.

I'm also doing more training at work and am going to take a few days off in late April, I'll be going to a medspa for a professional skin treatment. Oddly enough despite my hand eczema, the rest of my skin is overall healthy and glowing. It's definitely due to a healthy diet and using good quality yet affordable skin care products. So I'm doing good things for myself this year and I'm happy about it. Just seeing this new therapist alone was a great idea, I won't let my old therapist take my healing opportunities away from me.

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