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#the only time i see her is when im in class
ysrjune · 3 days
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omgomg what abt like reader and sam monroe are really good friends and he like has a thing for her in high dchool but she moves away n they run into eachother in the future AND HE LOOKS LIKE ANAKIN NOW.
(shut the fuck up this is so cute but like sad to me. im gonna sob 💔) also im literally listening to 'into you' by ariana grande, so that's why that's the title, ahaha 😈
Into You ✦
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Sam had been a really good friend of yours since sophomore year. You didn't hang out with the same people at all, though. Sam hung out with a couple of druggies and ‘freaks’ while you were paired with ‘normal’ people.
You became friends with Sam because you had the same p.e class with him. He was often left alone and in the corner after walking 2 daily laps. Some guys even made fun of him, but Sam would always ignore them. Even your own girlfriends would make fun of him! You always felt bad for that poor boy.
So, one day you left your friends after walking 2 laps and went to the corner that Sam was always at. He didn't notice you at first, but once he did, he looked nervous. Why was a girl going up to him? The worse scenarios were going through his head. Maybe someone dared you to do that thing were you go up to a random kid and ask them out and if they say yes, you laugh and explain it was a dare.
When you finally stood in front of him, he glanced up anxiously and looked back down, waiting for you to just get it over with. “Hi, Sam.” You sweetly greeted with that charming smile of yours. He only nodded his head to your greet.
“Look, I know you're probably scared im gonna say or do something mean, but please trust me when I say I wanna be your friend.” and sat next to him. He was stunned at what you had said. You were so pretty and had a bunch of friends. Why do you wanna be his?
Sam messed with the stud inside his lip, making his labret move from the outside. “Just cause you feel bad doesn't mean you have to be my friend.” He softly spoke. Yeah, that was the big part of it, but you also believed everyone should have a friend.
It's not like Sam was completely friendless, but he was left out in a lot of his classes that his friends weren't in, and you wanted to change that. “Sam, I wanna be your friend because I think there's more to you than what people think.” He finally looked at you but still kept an emotionless expression. “Yeah, okay.”
And from then on, you bothered him every simple day during pe. You made him walk with you, run the miles with you, literally participate im everything in that class. He acted annoyed at first (which really, he loved the attention), but as time went by, he came around.
Sometimes, you'd ditch your friends to go inside the hallways or classrooms to spend lunch with Sam. You two became so close that he let you meet his mom, dad, step-dad, and little brothers.. and boy, did they love you.
The point has been made. You're close friends. Junior year was the year his biological dad died, but you helped him through it all. Especially with his drug problem. Since the last week of sophomore year, he's had a crush on you. At first, he tried to brush it off, telling himself that it's never gonna happen and to just keep you as a friend. You were the only one who genuinely cared anyway.
Sam had dated some girl named Alyssa for a while, which you hated. She was such a dirty hoe.. there were rumors that she kissed Sam's dad and that she told Josh to lie about never having sex with her, but come on, no one really believes that.
You tried to be happy for Sam, and you were for a little bit until Alyssa had a cow over you being too close with Sam. As a girl who's experienced the same, you understood and stopped talking to him for a while. Only giving him smiles and waves when you'd see him around.
What you didn't know is that when you stopped talking to him, he was really mad at Alyssa. “Alyssa, I love you, but you have to understand that she's the only one who really cared for me before you. I can't just stop talking to her like that. If I never met her, I'd probably would have already been dead because of how fucked up on drugs I was.” But she clearly didn't care.
She was so damn jealous that she wasn't the one who helped him through all that. Not only was she mad over that, but she was upset that you were prettier. Inside and out. She was so toxic with Sam, and everyone knew. His friends told him to just break up with her, but he didn’t want to. That poor boy was too scared.
At the end of 11th grade, he finally broke up with her, though, even though it was quick. All he said was that he was unhappy, and she used him for attention and that it was over. She didn't get a say in it because he walked away right after. And who did he immediately go to? You. He craved you so bad.
You had a boyfriend now, and he was so pissed. That should have been him. He was just too scared to say anything. Always seeing you hugging and kissing all over him was gut-wrenching. That whole breakup was right when the bell rang after school, so he planned to go to his house to freshen up and talk to you.
He knocked on the door around 6 in the afternoon just in case you were eating dinner at 4-5. Your mom opened the door, greeting him with a big hug since she hasnt seen him in so long. Let's just say things were awkward at first between you two at first, but after explaining everything, it was fine.
You gushed to him about Jesus, your boyfriend. Talking about how sweet and handsome he is.. Sam acted happy for your sake, but ooh, he was so jealous.
Stuff went back to normal, and you two became close again really quick. Sam met Jesus, and it went pretty well. Even if Sam was jealous/mad, he saw that Jesus really liked you and seemed like a good guy. What relieved him even more was that Jesus didn't mind your friendship.
“Oh, yeah. I had a homie who was on drugs and stuff. He didn't have anyone to help him out like that, so it's chill that you helped him out like that. I'd never get mad over him wanting to hang out, you know?” Your boyfriend explained one time when he was over.
You lasted with Jesus for a couple of months until the last few weeks of school because you were going to an out of state college. Sam didn't know that was the reason, though. He just saw it as a chance to finally confess. You two were sitting in an empty classroom together at lunch.
“Sam, we need to talk.” You speak softly. “We are talking.” He replies, eating a chip. “No, like. I have something serious to tell you.” His heart dropped. Were you gonna drop him? Did he do something wrong?
“What is it..” You friend replies with an anxious look plastered on his face. “I'm moving after graduation. Like, to an out of state college.” One part of Sam was happy, and the other was devastated. He finally got you back, and now you're leaving?
“Oh, um,” He looked to the floor. “That's great. Uh—not in the sense that, like, I want you to leave, but, you know. It's great that you have this opportunity.” He tried his best not to cry but failed. You two spent the whole time crying to each other, saying how much you'll miss each other.
But you'll keep in touch.. right?
You and Sam were bawling by the end of it. He was probably even sadder because it's not like he can tell you he likes.. no. Loves you, because what's the point?
He went along with you to the air port, saying goodbye. Hugging you hard and placing a kiss on your head. “Have a good time, okay? Have fun.” Sam says, eyes all red and droopy.
You nod, kissing his cheek and leaving a faint mark. Before he knew it, you were on that plane and gone. You swore that you were gonna call and visit for the holidays, but guess what! You didn't.
Spring break? No. Thanksgiving? Christmas? His birthday? Nope. He tried calling one time, but the number was out of service. That was the last straw. He was so mad at you.
He got over it after a year or so, too. He pushed himself to be more social and actually go out. His appearance changed, too. No more eyeliner or dressing in dark clothing. He even dyed his hair brown.
He kinda forgot about you since even after your four years at college were up, you stayed. You forgot about him too. Your new friends kept you busy all the time, along with your job.
Your look didn't change as drastically as Sam's. Your style of clothing changed a little, and so did your attitude. Back then, you were such a goody two shoes. Now, you go out amd party and break the rules more often. Nothing totally illegal, but you get it.
You still talked to your parents every night. They asked so many times to come visit you because they're getting old (a little dramatic, but it was still true) so you finally said yes after 6 years of not seeing them.
Your cousin had picked you up from the airport, thrilled to see you. She was chatting it up and telling you about everything that has been going on since you left. Then it hit you. Sam Monroe, that emo boy you loved so much probably still lived here. Your cousin knew him back then, too, so maybe she knows what hes been up to.
“Oh, girl. He's like, a totally different person. Dyed his hair, became more talkative.. like, literally. A bunch of girls from high school like him cause they realized how handsome he is, I guess.” She keeps babbling on about him to you. He changed a lot, it seems. But there was no way you were gonna try and go look for him. You knew he was more than likely mad at you for not calling and visiting.
Your parents had invited a bunch of people over for a welcome home party. They were all in the backyard, though. So, you had time to get ready. Sam was left in your mind while you showered and got ready. How different could he really look?
After you get ready, you make your way to the backyard, greeting aunts and uncles, cousins, and family friends, but most importantly, your parents. You were smothered by your mom's kisses and practically crushed by your dads hugs. They missed their little girl.
You drank with your cousins and played party games while the older adults watched and laughed at you, losing almost every round, causing you to face the penalty and take a shot.
By the end of the night, you were so drunk. No memory of what happened that night when you woke up in the morning. Confused in your old room, you groan and whine. A headache was bothering you, and you felt super weak, but you remembered that your dad wanted you to go to the hardware store with him to pick up a few tools.
You knew he would offer to just let you stay and rest, but you haven't seen him in so long and wanted to spend as much time with him as you could. With another groan, you force yourself to get up and shower. You didn't even bother to put on makeup or do your hair.. not even to wear a cute outfit.
Sweats with a baggy t-shirt and a pair of slippers was your choice. Your mom gave you something quick to eat before leaving with dad. The store was close by, so the ride there wasn't too long. Dad asked about everything you did over where you live.
Ex boyfriends, the classes you took, and a lot of other things were talked about, even when you got off the car and entered the store. You talked his ear off while he was looking through the aisles. One thing about dad was that he's never at the hardware store just for what he actually needs.
Normally, he'd tell you to shut up with all your talking because, well.. you're a chatterbox. but this was an exception since he hasn't seen you for a long time. Half an hour passed by before he asked you to go get something for him in aisle 12.
You looked and looked around that aisle for what seemed like forever trying to find a specific tool dad asked for. A groan escapes your throat, and before you know it, you are asked a question by a worker.
“Need any help, ma’am?” His voice was soft and calm. You turned around to see a very tall, muscular man with tanned skin, brown hair, and piercing blue eyes. He was very handsome. So handsome that he left you speechless, and it was sort of weirding him out.
“Ma’am.” He repeated himself, looking slightly uncomfortable. You knock out of your trance and visibly cringed at yourself. “Sorry, um. Yes, I need help.” You respond with a nervous tone. “Yeah? Okay, what do we need?”
“A shovel.” You reply, trying to avoid eye contact. The man laughed a little, shaking his head. “Well, this definitely isn't the aisle where you'll be finding those.” Great, now you look stupid. Did dad send you to the wrong one on accident? Who knows. You just felt really stupid.
“Come on, n/n, I'll show you.” He says and starts walking away. It took you a couple of seconds to realize that he had just called you your nickname. What the fuck? How does he know that? Wait.
No, there's no way. This guy looks nothing like the one you had in mind. “Here ya are.” He interrupts your thoughts. “Oh, thank you,” You squint to look at his name tag. It was him. “Sam.”
“Did it really take you that long to realize?” He snickered and set his hands on his hips. “But I guess I can't blame you, though, huh? I look nothing like I did when you left.” Of course, he had to add that last part. Now you were sure he was pissed about what happened.
“Yeah..” was all you replied while literally checking him out. he didn't mind it. He knew he was handsome. His confidence grew a lot while you were away. “So, anyway. I'd recommend this one.” He quickly changed the topic.
He talked to you for a little while in that same spot. About why you left and why you didn't call back—but he was so mature about it. He wasn't angry or sad.. he was just asking like if it was normal. He even walked you back to where your dad was at, and said hi.
It made you smile to hear him ask for your new number. “Just so you know, I'm taking you out tonight, and you can't say no. Pick you up at 8.” He smiles at you. You shake your head and smile again. “Okay, see you then.”
errrm part 2 when 🤔
tags, @heartsforanakin @sockiess @radiantvader @anakinstwinklebunny @lunalitva @lvrfay3 🎀
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⋆ ˚。⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚。⋆
Angel - Paige bueckers
part 3
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• summary {when an unsuspecting girl falls for the basketball star}
• warnings {drug use, angst}
• comment if you would like to be added to the taglist
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bella’s pov
“ok you can go now” she says, emotionless
“oh”
“i mean, no offence but i have a girl coming soon, so you cant be here” she says laying on her back, breaking our eye contact
i don’t respond and put my clothes back on. this is fucked
“have a nice night”
i haven’t cried this much in months, walking through the halls, ugly crying.
‘paige’ has been blocked by ‘bella’
“bella whats wrong” avery says, empathetically
“i hate her, i hate her so much” i cry, barley being able to choke the words out
i look at avery after my response and i have never seen her that angry, there could fully be steam coming from her ears.
“please dont talk to her, please dont hurt her, please avery, please” i cry out, begging the infuriated girl
“why not bella, she deserves it” she yells
my tears dont stop and i feel like they will never stop pouring.
“tell me what she did”
i begin the tell her the events of tonight and her anger only grows.
“that fucking bitch” is all she can say in response
“but i blocked her, and im literally never gonna speak to her again” i say, trying to make a positive point, to counteract this negative situation
“you are never gonna speak to her again”
“im gonna go off to bed”
i feel broken, i got used. i wanted my first time with a girl to be meaningful, i know i like girls and i wanted to prove to myself that having sex with girls wasn’t wrong, but i feel wrong, i feel gross. i cant believe i would let myself be that vulnerable with someone i barley know. ive never been the one to have one night stands and ive only ever had sex with someone ive been in a relationship with.
i take my valium, something i swore to never use again after getting addicted, but its the only thing that works.
“hey, how are you feeling” avery ask’s, genuinely. i’ve never seen her be this gentle before
“wheres my weed”
“bella no”
“shut up avery”
i walk to the kitchen and unlock one of the drawers, and i see the stash. thank god
i know i shouldn’t smoke as a coping mechanism, but its the only thing that works, every time something bad happens to me, i turn to smoking
after going through 3 joints, im barley able to talk or stand up. perfect
knock
ugh
knock
fuck off
knock
“who is it” i say, it barley even sounded like words
“its azzi, is avery here”
who the fuck is azzi
“avery theres a bitch here for you” i say taking another drag
“oh my god! hey azzi” avery says, excitedly, why the fuck is she acting like that
“why are you so fucking happy” i ask, knowing full well how rude i sound
“this is azzi, shes in my psychology class and we have gotten pretty close” avery says, grabbing azzi and sitting next to me on the couch
“yo dont sit on my shit” i say, mad
“your bella right?” azzi says, happily. i hate happy people
“yeah”
“yeah avery’s told me alot about you” she says
“cool” i reply, dryly
“azzis on the basketball team” avery says, my eyes widen
“of course she is” i say, sarcastically. i hate basketball
“yeah, have you been to any games” she questioned, attempting to continue this boring conversation
“nah, i dont watch basketball”
“oh well you should sometime, avery keeps saying how she wants to go to a game” azzi says, looking at avery who begins giggling. sus
“bella your probably friends with some people on the team” avery says
“you wanna hit” i offer to azzi
“nah, i dont smoke”
“boring” i say, bluntly
“do you guys mind if some of my friends come over” azzi says
“no, no, thats perfectly fine” avery says, looking at azzi. basically eye fucking her
“who” i ask
“ice, kk, aubrey, nika and ashlee” she lists
fuck my life. im to high to care
“yeah whatever” i say, lazily
“ok perfect, ill tell them to come” azzi says, excitedly
“are you sure” avery whispers to me, being nice. for once
“i dont give a fuck, its fine” i say taking a drag
im so high. god damn
10 minutes later all of azzis friends turn up, why are they all so tall. what the fuck
avery introduces herself to them and points them to our couch
“hey im kk, your bella right” kk asks
“yeah im bella”
“hey im ice”
“hey im nika”
“hey im ashlee”
“hey im aubrey”
to many people to remember
until
“oh paige came to, i hope you dont mind” azzi says to us, mostly avery
avery says nothing, myself included
“hi paige” avery says, extremely cold
“come sit guys” azzi says, breaking the silence. i wish i wasn’t so high cause i wanna go to my room
everyone sits on the couch, paige sitting the furthest away from me. funny. not funny. not laughing
conversation begins and everyone is involved. everyone but me, ugh i’m so uncomfortable
paige keeps looking at me, and yes i’m noticing because i’m looking at her to.
paige’s pov
fuck. why do i keep looking at her.
she blocked me last night so obviously shes mad about my actions last night, its just a hookup, nothing more.
its not that deep
“i’m going to bed” bella says, slurring and barely able to stand up. i didn’t know she smoked that much, i guess i don’t know anything about her. but i don’t care.
“paige are you ready to go” kk and ice say to me
“yeah, aubrey, nika, azzi, u ready to go”
“yeah lets go”
“actually im gonna stay” azzi says. sus
“buy guys” is said in unison
azzis pov
“ugh finally” avery says, while smashing her lips onto mine
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A/N: im being active rn lolll. how do we like avery and azzi
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mostlymarvelsstuff · 5 hours
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These are so fun! I love your ideas and thoughts!! If I’m annoying, please say so!
I have yet another hehe!
Do you have any headcannons about College AU! Nat? What would she do/study & what to you think Reader would be like? Enemies to lovers? Or besties? Im all ears!!
Ooo yes!
I feel like Nats an athlete. Softball perhaps
As for studies, this may be unusual as I can't recall ever seeing it before, but I feel like perhaps she'd go for some sort of degree in Forensics. I mean, Nats smart and analytical. She can problem solve, and I feel like something about crime scenes would intrigue her and this job would be giving her that knowledge that she helped someone/someone's family get justice/closure and I feel that's all fitting for her character. (Maybe she even contemplated going to the academy to be a police officer, until she remembers how corrupt and authoritarian they are in the states)
I think, being both athletic and a bit nerdy that she doesn't have time for much socializing. She can probably only go to a few parties. So I think she knows R from one of her classes, probably admires her from afar a bit but also is hesitant about her because shes in a sorority and Nat knows how judgemental girls in those can be.
But at one of those rare parties they both have enough liquid courage to actually talk to each other. And they quickly discover that they get on like a house on fire.
I think both would want to rush right in because they feel so drawn to the other, but feeling that way so fast scares both so they both force themselves to take things slow. Which goes well, cute little dates and dorm/apartment sleepovers, lots of texts and kisses shared.
But things change when R goes to a party, with friends but without a studying Nat, and she gets hit on. It doesn't stress her much, it's just part of college life, but when she tells Nat about it upon her return, the redhead practically pounces.
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imustbenuts · 3 days
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im free from yakuza kiwami 2. fuck the writing in this one. this was a complete mess of pulling from the most popular generic east asian drama tropes at the time of 2006 and having it be handled by a super inexperienced writer at the helm.
i went from having no expectations, got somewhat surprised, only to end up downing alcohol and laughing hysterically before the credits rolled. so that should set the mood for how i feel about this one. thought vomit under the cut, a lot of info dump about culture incoming
yakuza kiwami 2 is pure heterosexual east asian romance bullshit.
im gonna just. describe as best as i can what i know and remember from the general media coming out from the 90s to the 2010s in around this part of the world before i just start explaining why i think this story is a mess.
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so. 2 parts i swear is responsible for this rubbish.
1) East Asian Beauty Standard
the general consensus for a beautiful feminine woman AT THE TIME in this sphere is the following
be willowy thin (fat = lazy and ugly)
have black hair that ISNT short (dyed = too much individuality, too much WESTERN INDIVIDUALISM, gasp how dare!)
fair skinned (bc dark = she works in the fields and is from a lower class)
young. if you heard of the term "Christmas Cake" in japan context, yeah. (ie women over age of 25 are undesirable)
be educated and refined, bc that indicates class and femininity (failing this means shes vulgar and gasp like a barbarian)
be submissive to her male peers in the sense that her authority cannot override his at least in public (for the sake of his face)
dresses feminine and not like a man (trousers and jeans are man-ish. traditional clothing, skirts and dresses are preferred. the further back the stronger this sentiment is.)
incidentally, theres a lot of classism tied to this EABS due to sinocentric culture influences. it has to do with the chinese court system and how korea and japan copied it and a lot of the culture wholesale but. anyway. thats like over 1000 years of history in there thats not really worth detouring to rn.
and also, the worth of a man is sometimes (not always) upheld by how classy and feminine this wife of his is. as of 2024 though, this line of thought is still around in the more conservative pockets. also, the education might not matter as much these days as how deep her and her parents' pockets and wealth are.
moving on.
2) media tropes
so. off the top of my head.
if you wanted a popular romance drama in this time period, the popular offerings no matter where you looked tended to offer the same flavors of tropes.
the woman always has dark hair, is fair skinned, thin and younger than her male love interest. ive never seen this broken or subverted in my time absorbing via osmosis the dramas playing on local tv growing up in the early 2000s.
everything else about her can be subverted though. sometimes she can wear fancy pants or have short hair to indicate her strong individualism. BUT, her personality no matter how strong it begins, no matter how her intro begins will 99% of the time encounter an effect where catching feelings turns her into a meek loyal woman to her love interest.
bc she cant override his authority in this culture context.
at worst, she becomes highly irrational and even hysterical in the dramas when bad things happen. this includes things like love triangle, or a fallout of family business, drama, plot or whatever. she would cry and sometimes even die.
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see: sawamura yumi. sayama kaoru.
meanwhile, the male love interest can be anything. ive seen middle aged guys to young good looking upcoming actors playing the lead, with looks varying from haggardly okay to young and handsome. it. really depends on the genre.
depending on what specific country it came from, the drama would have the male either grow, become manlier (by learning honor ig), become stupid in the name of love, but he rarely if ever actually dies. the woman effectively becomes yoshi for mario to lauch off on when they're crossing a chasm
the romance is forced. a lot of the BIG LOVE SPARK ie kissing happens in tense moments bc it builds drama, but in reality comes too fucking close to sexual assault (some of the old jackie chan movies does this iirc for slapstick even)
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see: sayama getting kissed right after handling her biological father's ashes less than 24 hours ago and admitting to kiryu that shes scared. this scene right fucking here.
bc in general, the scriptwriters for popular dramas tended to be guys themselves and tended to write more human dudes. and the women in the stories are reflective of the ideal societal expectation at the time: being a Refined Housewife.
so her character development is often headed in the direction of marriage and being a stay at home mom.
if it sounds a little like tradwife bullshit, it is.
Refined Housewife
(i have massive negative thoughts about this which i KNOW for a fact is a thing bc a lot of these societal culture femininity was impressed on me as a kid in a world where it was already getting increasingly impossible to have 1 spouse be a SAHP. and also i hated the whole thing about giving face to the patriarch of the house when i personally saw so much ego dick measuring from my uncles. anyway understand that this is both a bias an a lived experience, so proceed with that in mind)
there is a problem with the Refined Housewife expectation: education.
in general, education has been a good metric to judge how classy or smart one is in asia's largely on-the-surface meritocracy based culture. people will look at each other's school first and then judge them from there, and pretty hard too.
so everyone regardless of gender will be expected to study super hard. and bc having good test scores and going to good schools looks good for the family's face, parents will often pile on tuition to the child to get them a leg up in life.
bc also no good degree from good school means no future.
but then... the woman is expected to be a housewife. 🙃 meaning... the education, her accomplishments, are kinda... tossed away in this context. put a pin in this.
it wont matter how much she studied or accomplished, bc the expectation is that the woman would marry and obey her husband, and give him face/honor that way. the kids will come eventually bc having kids = being filial to ones parents in this context.
also uh. no, having adopted kids is not thought of as being filial. continuing the bloodline is.
and if you've been paying attention, then yes, ive been skirting around the backbone of sayama kaoru's writing foundations this entire time.
Her story has been butchered so clumsily i cant even...
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lets just. ugh.
she fits the EABS standard, her tropes are trying to subvert the expectations of a womanly woman in this context, she has IMPRESSIVE education and career achievements. she works in a male dominated field, and is keenly aware of sexism. she is strong, stronger than her male peers, at least we are told.
by 2006s standards, its still considered a fresh take with those alone in japan. sexism there is its own flavor of crap. (if you noticed ive not spoken about LGBTQ+ stuff at all, its bc how ridiculously BINARY the expectation is at that point in time. it still is today but less so)
however, the writing has this sense of trying to copy the popular tropes at the time while not fully understanding and dissecting them, and ends up butchering sayama's character before the romance even properly began.
i mean, for fucks sake even, sayama and kiryu has a whopping 14 year age gap. when im told these are supposed to be believable people living in japan, this is too big for me to just go 'oh ok!'. and remember the Christmas Cake thing? shes 25. (FUCKING--!!!! !!)
the problem here that i see is the writer trying to apply all of those while trying to play the tropes straight. trying to imitate. trying to make a statement but then finding out theres nothing within yourself to stand by what you want to say and backtracking.
we are told:
sayama is strong yet she goes down with 1 slap by random thugs and needing kiryu to come in and body them. because romance ig.
we are told shes a yakuza hunter but she doesnt scare a single one beyond her introductory scene.
she goes from defiant and bossing kiryu around to getting her actions overridden by kiryu and ryuji, both men, towards the end
her subtext is that shes not feminine and therefore conventionally undesirable, but then kiryu tells her shes actually feminine and therefore desired, as if its all that matters.
she becomes so stricken by grief and freaked out that she runs off solo to deal with ryuji in the most out of left pocket planning ive ever fucking seen.
and then yells as she takes out her police baton to take down the big yakuza dude, drawing attention and turning herself into a hostage.
i know the writing will fumble but i didnt expect it to fumble this bad.
for all the good the surface chemistry kiryu and sayama has, its being undermined by a fundamental failure to understand tropes and then using said tropes as a crutch so much that everything here has become a bloody mess.
this failure of over-relying on tropes without understanding them extends to yumi too. sawamura yumi was young and beautiful, and became the Refined Housewife to the Not-Male-MC and ends up regretting it, and gets killed for it.
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her defining trait is that she is beautiful in subtext. thats. thats what the tattoo is. in a world where the tattoo makeths the person, thats what she is and all that she is.
dear lord.
ive read up a bit more on sayama and you know what. good that she chooses her career over kiryu. the romance would have caused both of their characters to explode with the trajectory this was heading in. ffs sayama could have had her own game. she has so MUCH potential.
and also GOOD that the writer is forced to think of kiryu in the position of the Stay At Home Parent for haruka and the orphanage down the line!!! subverting the fucking traditional BS expectation! yes!!!!!
all i got was sayama and kiryu making out before the bomb went off in front of my alcohol and salad while they're like 'eh, haruka will forgive us for dying :')'
and i ran out of alcohol.
sexism? maybe. incompetence? definitely.
hhgrhgrhrghrghrgrhgr wow this got long. ugh. guhhhhhh.
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spaciebabie · 1 month
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shoutout 2 this person in my class who i can tell wants 2 talk 2 me really bad but instead of doing that whenever she has the chance she'll talk 2 whoever else is around and ignore me entirely unless im mentioned by name
#bruh lmao#so awkward. say something you dingus lol#ik you wanna talk 2 me so bite the bullet already#gyatt#spacie spoinks#literally. she was having a conversation with my partner for the project im doing. and like#heres the thing#if im not invited into conversation i usually dont participate#im like a vampire like that#and so like. after they're done conversating she'll just kind of. stand there. this has happened twice now#like dude sdkfjshlkdfj#im not upset by this behavior i have very awful social patterns as well and have been thru this (i am autistic)#am i gonna hafta say something. lol#probably#''hey bro whats up with you. i dont mean like how are you doing. i mean like. whats wrong with you.''#cant say that its not funny when you say it irl only when the ppl you're talking with know you're not being mean 😭#also like. this person has been staring at me lol#which like. makes me flustered so whenever she's around i panic and my face fucking turns red its god awful#for awhile it made uhh. my paranoia get really bad im ngl!!#its already bad when it comes 2 being around strangers but this like made it REALLY bad for a few weeks#im more calm now tho. rational brain won over and im chillin#i gotta work up the courage 2 say something b4 the semester is over or this is gonna bother me for the rest of my life sfkjsdhflkjs#i dont wanna put her on the spot#the only time i see her is when im in class#and . doing that interaction in front of ppl. i dont wanna embarrass her ksjfskjd
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sheilaerinniperonista · 5 months
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it was a small passing comment in the story but when its mentioned Sheila saw her dog get beaten to death when she was a kid and it made her feel like humankind was just like that (+ her sister's murder afterwards cementing that worldview)... augh.
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tag limit hit ho gayi yaar
#haan toh main kya bol rahi thi.#haan unhone sab itna jaldi kiya cheek pe kiss bhi kiya i was like arey please no aap rakho itne saare paise i can't 😭#cause she already bought me that hoodie for like 700 rs#she was like i can't be here for your birthday na#bhai meko toh rona hi aa gaya itna saara pyaar i swear mere parents ko iska 1% bhi nahi hai mujhse😭😭#and money has been tight bachpan se cause shit happened in like 2013 or something and since then we've all been single#mindedly striving for highest paying jobs best education and now that she's finally there (touchwood)#i think it means a lot to her being able to spend money freeely for her loved ones#and with her idk i do believe that she loves me yes because she said ek baari when she was crying because kuch kuch hua tha#but also attending meeting office ki online rote hue sob karte hue kyunki parents time dekhkar thodi na ladte hai#and i didn't know how to help her and i knew they were. fighting subah se and she hadn't eaten anything so i made her cornflakes ka doodh#(her fav) and gave it to her table pe but it just made her sob much much harder and she couldn't drink it😭#but later on she said ki im so thankful i have you mujhe dikh raha tha ki you wanted to help but you didn't know kaise karu still you tried#and just you being there was enough in that moment#like i don't know why im thinking all this today maybe because bua is here home and she was home that time too it happened in front of her#all this she's the only person who knows what kinda shit dad does#and just. past few weeks i really genuinely wanted to kms like i would sit in morning class and i would look down at my hands and see the#veins and think one cut and it would all be over you're so tired i know you can rest now#it got so bad that i started wearing full sleeve clothes only so i couldn't look at them#but now. i won't say it's completely gone that feeling but like#i want to live because so many plans i have to with my sister how can i leave her alone#like not just for her but for me for us i want us to be happy together like we planned#like yk us as a unit doing things we've always dreamed of visiting places and bachelorette parties and clubbing and living with her and her#bf/husband when i need somewhere to run to and going on a no budget shopping spree and storing ice cream tubs in our house#like they used to do in american movies and her having kids me getting over my disgust for them helping her raise them clean them being#the masi and#I DON'T KNOW OKAY OMG😭#i felt so loved finally after a long time SACH MEIN real way mein#oh pata hai she also offered to pay mere tui ki fees bc i was complaining to mom ki papa kaise taunt maarte hai😭#like it's 20 fucking thousand waise toh kam hi hai but as a salaried person it's still a lot 😭
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hearties-circus · 8 months
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I kinda feel like I've just hard erased any happiness or elation I had from being done with school all just so I wouldnt get asked a stupid question anymore I hate this I hate this
#gamer txt.#not once have i actually fucking wanted to go to college this was just the only way to make ppl stop asking me about jobs#but im realising now that was a stupid decision and i hate that i made it i hate tgat i had the chance to back out and didnt#the only thing that made school worth it before was my friends that was the only time id get to see them#now im going back to school completely without them like a fucking idiot#i know college is different from highschool i get that and i do want to learn fab weld but fuck me this was dumb#i know damn well im not going to make any new friends during this course im more terrified of people than ive ever been#and i stick out from my class like a sore thumb#whats worse is my nervousness from this has started fucking with my appetite and hunger and that is the worst possible thing it could do#that is like the number one way to break me#im already in such a vulnerable state i do not need constant fucking reminders of trauma i cant fucking escape#and im meant to just be normal and be a person and go to class on monday?#im this close 👌 to just dogging it. im pretty sure ill be getting the train in like i could full well just fuck off and leave#its not like they have my mums number she wouldnt know any different from what i told her#can i not just stay in the purgatory of being a teen old enough to be done with school but young enough to not have a job forever ?#please? im not ready for this im not i couldnt be less ready for this why did i let myself succumb to this pressure? i hate it#g-d i havent cried in. months now. this feels so. this is too much this is way too much fot me i cant do this#i dont know how i thought i could when the hell have i ever been able to do something like this on my own#theres nothing to me on my own i dont have any confidence i dont have any strength i need my friends for that and i dont have them
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marblerose-rue · 2 years
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HI GUYS i am so sorry for the sudden drop in activity between allergies + college im just gonna clear off the rest of this week . i may do a big group type thing to catch up w/o giving myself too much extra work BUT i hope everyone is well!! <3
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dirt-str1der · 1 year
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Love the thought of kiryu losing nishikiyamas lighter fucking instantly after he gave it to him. Like he leaves it in the car and nishiki is nice enough to re-gift it to him when they meet up again and then two weeks after that whole fiasco kiryu loses it again and nishiki just buys him those cheap packs of like fifty plastic lighters because this is why they cant have nice things and he hates (loves) him so much
#Yakuza loveblog#like as sweet as it is to have kiryu hold on to that thing forecer (his lighter now) i think he really has a problem with commitment. its#not like he doesnt treasure it. he just does a lot of backflips and jumping around and things inevitably fall out of his pockets#i believe in my heart that kiryu is always losing shit and taking nishikis without permission and breaking it sometimes. like yknow#younger brother behaviour. thats why nishikis always hounding him because hes suffered greatly from kiryus whims#his whimsicality. his ability to wander literally everywhere. i think kiryu played truant in school a lot#like very early on he knew it wasnt for him so hed stalk the streets in his school uniform and climb up or under fences and rip up his skirt#and knees and then when he meets up with nishiki and yumi again hes like hey wanna come lepak in this abandoned building i found ? and theyd#be like YEAH !!!! and bring yuko along too because i love her and she should get to cut her arm open on a rusty metal screw and have to be#sent to the hospital as little girls are prone to doing. i love talking about kiryu in his school uniform god .. i really ... like i just#know he would use it to its fullest like i have a very clear image in my minds eye of kiryu as a kid all covered in dirt from climbing into#gardens and dusty old buildings morning to afternoon and carrying cool rocks around in his skirt and when he gathers them all in a pile he#just dusts off his skirt and its literally still covered in dirt and mud and dust but he does not give a shit. like it would literally be#ripped up the back because hes always sliding down concrete slopes and banisters and im sure hes cut his leg open before and just bled.#all over his nice boue uniform and then limped home and soaked it in a bucket to wear tomorrow. like i see kiryu with a lot of free time and#he never does homework and is failing all his classes by choice because he alrrady knows what he wants to do. like hes only failing because#he doesnt show up for exams and hes literally the bad boy that the girls always ask nishiki to introduce them to like omg is kazuko your#sister ?? can you give her this letter ... and nishiki opens it and reads it first and its a love letter and he just gives it to kiryu like#there are hot girls in your area who want you desperately and kiryus like oh. neat. im skipping school again tomorrow btw do not tell oyasan
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opens-up-4-nobody · 8 months
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...
#focus who? i dont kno her#its so bad. i csnt focus at all. and ive got way too much to do. take me back to last week where i spent hours reading papers#annoying. also possibly lack of sleep cstching up with me#do u ever get very little sleep and not miss it at all? yea bitch all the time. then i get depressed and its sleepy time#and by sleepy time i mean i get like 8hrs of sleep lol#maybe ill just do nothing and completely fuck over my sunday lol#maybe i should go run up thr mountain rn before im stuck in a car for 2 hrs#bc im getting spikes of being insane. unfortunately i have no emotional object permanence so when i feel crazy its like#ive always felt like this ans its terrible forever. and then immediately afterward im like lol wot? nah im fine. ive always been fine#shout out to mood swings ✌️ like bro im trying to get materials together so i can teach a class. can u shut the fuck up? and focus?#well see how i do today with a ton of socializing. itll b fine. im normal i can b normal#or i can b endearing quirky. or whatever i usually i am. i dont think i have conversations like a normal person but i cant tell bc im not#there for conversations im not in. whatever everyone else has conversations in a way thats boring. i just wanna grill ppl til i understand#how they work. and then feel like im gonna die if im in a group conversation 🙃 let me study thr ppl around me#bc im very normal. god. i promise irl im not that weird. ppl think im nice and cool and successful#ok maybe not cool. but i think i can get away with being interesting. i got at least a lil charisma. im only a bit horribly awkward ;-]#but i try to own it. wtf was i saying. jesus. i cant with my brain rn. i shoulf have gone for a run this morning#being social just makes me anxious so im babbling i guess. but itll b fun. and itll b pretty im sure#maybe ill try to draw my ocs while im not paying attention. ive neglected them for so long 😭#unrelated
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horrorwebs · 1 year
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I MADE MORE FRIENDS . !!
#yesterday and today aaaaaa :) i thought i was gonna be miserable but no#yesterday i arrived at drawing class and i thought the girls from last time [3 weeks ago] barely remembered me/were annoyed by me. but no#i arrived at class [packed w like 70 ppl who all dont know each other] and they scream MY NAME :D [greetinf]#like right as i stepped into the class they were in the middle of it#so i say hi to them and also these two guys who i rly like that i had met before starting class while on a trip w friends who i was hoping#i could talk to. well we all sit outside clas to work together so we talk a lot and its really cool and i love them already!#and today i was scared bc i knew only 1 girl from design class [ok actually 3 more hut 1 is more like a classmate thing and the other 2 we#talked once and i dont remember their names] b i arrived and didnt see her so i sat alone scared then i saw her and went over to her table#n i made friends with her friends theyr really cool! especially this one guy i sat next to we talked a lot it seems like we are similar#and in the other 2 theoric clases i know this 2 girls that i also shar drawing with and theyre both really sweet so its cool!#bad thing is that all of them are in diff careers than me [graphic design architecture and textile design] i havent mer anyone from mine#[<- image and sound design]#so im scared next year ill know no one again! but atill im so happy en#yesterday was so fun with these guys#and like one of the guys i knew when i met him i was like waow hes so cool i wish we could be friends but ill prob never see himagain#AND THEN I SAHRE A CLASS W HIM . i though maybe hed be annoyed but no he made conversation asked me questions + asked be to b in his group#anyway the teacher separated ghe groups and made them themselves but eitherway! hes so cool and weird. and the girls are great too like#super kind and sweet and it wa svery fun#spikeposting
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yo9urt · 1 year
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#mine#was thinking about this before falling asleep last night.#lately i keep having moments and interactions that are kind of slowly changing the way i think about myself#and others#and the way that i relate to people etc#i had a conversation with my friend the other day where he kind of singlehandedly blew up a ton of my negative#thought patterns and habits related to other people and my self and my perception of myself etc#and then also two days ago at work#this girl came in#ok backstory. in WINTER OF LAST YEAR so like a whole entire year ago#me and her met in this little 2 credit class#and i was working at this same job back then too and she would bump into me when i was on the clock#and she recognized me so we'd chat a little bit#but never rly like friends or anything#but then in the spring she continued to say hi and chat when she saw me at work#AND THEN AGAIN IN THE FALL#AND AGAIN IN THE WINTER THIS YEAR.#we only see each other at my job now but she still says hi every time and like smiles and makes conversation#and it's like ?!?!?!?!#and like on thursday she was like how are you!! and i was like [small pause] im good!#and she was like i heard that hesitation!! you okay? and i was like well you know just a day and i kinda laughed it off#(it was a weird day though)#and she was just very nice and i was like !?!?!?#and then also this quarter i had spanis hclass with this guy#who was always pretty cool and friendly and we got along#and then on thursday HE came into my job too and he was like eden!! hey! and i was like omg hey!!!#and he was like are you taking [the class that comes after the class we just took] next quarter and i was like yeah#and he was like with who? and i was like [professor] and he was like me too!!#and i was like omg monday wednesday friday? and he was like yeah!#and i was like woo!! and he was like ill see you then!! and we were like :D
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sapphic-woes · 2 years
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Great.
#i think there was some miscommunication with my roomie and i thought we were gonna hand out today#but i think she went home to see her ma which i swear she said was gonna happen next weekend but like#i dunno like she kinda disappeared and like she could come back but its been hrs and like all classes were cancelled for a footbal game#and she said shed be free yk and i talked abt what i thought we could do and everything like an idiot#and like i dont wanna ask cuz shes been gone for hours and itll seem like i was just waiting for her#which like i kinda was;;; like i wrote and watched youtube but rlly i was like oh we gonna hang out :)#and now I feel dumb...like god ofc she doesnt wanna hang with me im terribly boring#and ik this rant is like. not wat yalk signed up for ik i sound rlly pathetic here but shes my only friend like physically at campus cuz#i had a rlly bad freshman yr and i spiralled and when i finally managed to interact eith ppl it was just her for basically then till senior#and im trying to like not be so isolated these days but im very very very socially anxious and frankly despite my rbf ppl just scare me#i would much rather be a hermit. i think it is a v safe and satisfying life except for the gaping holes of loneliness i feel occasionally#like rn sibsidndisn#i wish i had friends but like friends means talking abd i cannot;;; i just like...like i can hold a convo i can smile i can fake#but god the whole time im melting into a puddle of noooooooooo#anyways i was rlly like ...proud i suggested we hang and proud i thought of a movie night with!!! a drinking game and everything!!!#only to be like 'oh its been three hrs i think shes not in town anymore??'#idbskdheidn im so stupid;;;;;;
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tasmanianstripes · 2 years
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Absolutely hate it when language classes aren't split into two groups only because there aren't enough people in class
Literally curb stomping people's education and skill growth for some arbitrary number
#thylacines can talk#ONE person left our classroom and suddenly we had to be put back into one group and english went from one of my favourite classes to#the most boring one we had. fucking ONE person. and advanced group was a lot smaller than the other group anyway and the person that left#wasnt even from our group!! literally what the fuck!!!!!!!!!#we went from fun engaging class to being done with our assigments in the first few minutes and then sitting around doing nothing while the#teacher focused on the other students. which for the record im not mad about. itd be WAY shittier if she focused on us and left the other#students in the dust. what i AM mad about though is the fact they ~had to~ put our groups together because of some idiotic number in the#system when we were literally ONE FUCKIG PERSON SHORT FROM BEING ALLOWED TO SPLIT INTO GROUPS#this is bullshit. just. why in the fuck would you do yhat? even if you had to couldnt you just let classes so close to the minimum#requirement be split up anyways??? im honestly not at all surprised. the school system doesnt give a fuck about its students.#its a good thing our english teacher was normal and reasonable because she COULD focus on the advanced group and let the other students#fend for themselves but she didnt. unlike our math teacher who only focused on the best students and didnt bother to help the others.#a good majority of our class had to get tutors for math. and when my grades went up and i finally started doing work in class because#i finally knew how to the bitch took the credit. 'see what happens when you pay attention in class' GOD I WANTED TO SLAP HER SO BAD AT THAT#MOMENT. she was such a bad teacher and the school didn't do shit about it even when we complained.#this has turned into a general school rant huh#anyway fuck the school system it doesnt give a fuck about its students. doesnt punish horrible teachers and if you have a different style#of learning or any kind of neurodevelopmental or learning disability WELL GOOD FUCKING LUCK THEN coz youre gonna need it#the school system absolutely fucked me over and for a long time i thught that i was just lazy but no i sctually love learning and i do#wonderfully when i get appriopriate accessibility. who would have thought. the fact that the only accessibility feature they give is 5-15#more minutes on tests is a fucking joke.#man why is it always the math teachers that suck so fucking much#both my middle school and technicial institute (is it what its called in english???) math teachers SUCKED. i always thought i hated math#but after dropping out and doing math in my free time through educational videos and shit i realised on this is actually very fun#provided your teacher doesnt fucking suck
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britneyshakespeare · 2 years
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a couple of girls on the playground today were asking me if i was married, if i was ever going to get married, and one of them said “do you want to be an old cat lady?” and i replied “well i wouldn’t mind it,” completely forgetting that old cat lady is a mocking trope of single women after a certain age, and then she said “don’t you wanna be a bae?” and i was like oh yeah sure. i thought you meant would i like to have cats. yes i would.
#that was very aro of me#to the question 'are you going to get married' i always answer 'if/when i meet someone i want to marry'#ive said it before (in a tag rant im sure) that i do kind of envy the stability/commitment that the institution of marriage has. it's hard#to picture myself getting more and more in my adult years and having only myself to rely on. financially emotionally etc.#i would love to live with someone i love for the rest of my life and even legally marry them. i just dont know how/if that'd ever happen#those kids dont know what aromanticism is and im not in the business of explaining my deeper feelings/conflicts to them. lol#tales from diana#also that girl who said it said it somewhat as a joke and i dont blame her for. you know. making that comment. i know she likes me a lot#she has told me im pretty and she often asks if i have a boyfriend etc. im basically the only one she talks to. shes the grade 5 on thursday#im sure when i tell her im not seeing anyone she doesnt see it as something pathetic but i do make sure to stress that it's about the person#moreso than the status of being in a relationship.#at that age you don't know the difference very much#and this fifth grader has told me before that she has her first little boyfriend. (this is all stuff she's disclosed not that ive asked abt)#(but i will listen to of course if a child is bringing it up & wants to talk about their life w a trusted adult)#and she says theyve only like held hands and theyre mostly just friends. that was a relief to me.#shes also mentioned to me that another boy in her class asked her out and she said no (bc of the boyfriend)#and of course she's going into middle school next year. so. to her this is a very formative time to be thinking about herself in that sense#as a person who wants/pursues romance. which i THOUGHT i was when i was her age (though i never had a boyfriend or any male attention then)#i trust her i think she's very smart. but she's YOUNG y'know so it's not her fault she's got all these mixed messages from media and culture#these things are becoming more important in her life so i'm glad to be a representation of Being Cool & Older & Mature wo needing a bae#not that i think im making THAT big of an impact on her. but you know. i never knew a cool girl in her early 20s when i was 11#who repeatedly told me nothing about her love life & only said no every time i asked if she had a partner.#i think had i seen that. i would've felt more ok w being perpetually single as a tween/teen lol.#or maybe not. a lot of my insecurity came from the fact that nobody ever explicitly asked me out etc. idk. whatever#miss diana is so cool. i'm gonna miss fifth grader though when she graduates. i only have one thursday left w her :''''''''(
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