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#g-d i havent cried in. months now. this feels so. this is too much this is way too much fot me i cant do this
hearties-circus · 8 months
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I kinda feel like I've just hard erased any happiness or elation I had from being done with school all just so I wouldnt get asked a stupid question anymore I hate this I hate this
#gamer txt.#not once have i actually fucking wanted to go to college this was just the only way to make ppl stop asking me about jobs#but im realising now that was a stupid decision and i hate that i made it i hate tgat i had the chance to back out and didnt#the only thing that made school worth it before was my friends that was the only time id get to see them#now im going back to school completely without them like a fucking idiot#i know college is different from highschool i get that and i do want to learn fab weld but fuck me this was dumb#i know damn well im not going to make any new friends during this course im more terrified of people than ive ever been#and i stick out from my class like a sore thumb#whats worse is my nervousness from this has started fucking with my appetite and hunger and that is the worst possible thing it could do#that is like the number one way to break me#im already in such a vulnerable state i do not need constant fucking reminders of trauma i cant fucking escape#and im meant to just be normal and be a person and go to class on monday?#im this close 👌 to just dogging it. im pretty sure ill be getting the train in like i could full well just fuck off and leave#its not like they have my mums number she wouldnt know any different from what i told her#can i not just stay in the purgatory of being a teen old enough to be done with school but young enough to not have a job forever ?#please? im not ready for this im not i couldnt be less ready for this why did i let myself succumb to this pressure? i hate it#g-d i havent cried in. months now. this feels so. this is too much this is way too much fot me i cant do this#i dont know how i thought i could when the hell have i ever been able to do something like this on my own#theres nothing to me on my own i dont have any confidence i dont have any strength i need my friends for that and i dont have them
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meltwonu · 3 years
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45. “I haven’t even touched you and you’re already this wet.”
80. “Don’t ruin the sofa.”
            “I’ll just have to cum inside you then.”
notes; incubus!joshua, dom!joshua, dirty talk, name calling, degradation!!, the smallest smallest whisper of subspace, 😗🥴 If I could write incubus only fics forever I would djfhskd also yes I need to update my mastertlist I was meant to do it earlier and I took a nap instead oops ☠️ jdfhksdh but anyway!!! I'll do another inbox sweep tomorrow! there's some GoSe spoilers in there and I havent had a chance to watch it yet so imma do that after this goes up hehe 💕💕 Thank you for requesting!!! Enjoy!!! 💕
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Joshua pushes you down onto the sofa; lips easing into a knowing smirk when you look up at him with glassy eyes.
“Wanna tell me what you’re thinkin’ about in that head of yours?”
His voice is gentle, sweet, and almost enough to trick you into thinking he was actually an angel if not for the horns protruding from his skull and the way his eyes gleam a dark crimson when they stare back at you. “Hah, why should I even ask? We both know you’re just my desperate ‘lil toy wanting to get fucked, right? I can see it in your eyes and the way your body calls for me and craves me, baby.”
Your body already feels hot, legs spreading on their own to welcome Joshua between them as you whimper.
“If you already know then why are you so slow, Joshua~?” You shoot him a cocky smirk of your own, watching as his eyes travel down your body.
“It’s ‘cause I know I don’t have to do anything to get you to cum. I could stand here all night, tell you the words you wanna hear, get your pretty ‘lil cunt wet  and you’d cum all over those panties of yours. You know I have the power to do it too. You’re just greedy and want more than that~” Joshua slots himself between your legs, leaning over your warm body until his face is only inches away from your own.
His fingers ghost across your naked thighs, goosebumps rising on your skin as you shiver under his touch.
Your shaky moans cut through the air once his nimble fingers press against your soaking panties; eyes clamping shut at the way he already had a complete hold over you.
“Hmm… I haven’t even touched you and you’re already this wet. Do I even need to fuck you? Your mind seems to be doing enough without me. But I can make your imaginations sweeter, if that’s what you want.” He whispers softly.
“No, p-please… J--Joshua I--I need you to fuck m-me... please...”
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When Joshua sinks his cock into you, there’s a moment when you feel like you can’t breathe; lips falling open in a silent cry when he bottoms out in a single, fluid movement.
He grins at your expression, drawing his hips back before thrusting back into you, slow yet hard. “O-oh, fuck!” You cry out, sobbing as your body wholly gives into the pleasure.
“Hmm~ It’s been so long since I’ve fucked your pretty body, baby. You should call for me more often. I don’t understand why you’re so scared of me~ I could be so nice to you.” Joshua teases. You peer up at him through hazy eyes, cheeks hot to the touch as you bite your lip.
“Ah, could that be it?” He smirks down at you and you can feel the way his eyes seem to penetrate your own; reading you like an open book while he slows his thrusts down. 
“My pretty ‘lil baby wants me to be rough, is that it? You want me to call you my ‘lil slut. My good little cocksleeve that was only made to lay pretty underneath me while I fuck you senseless? You know I can give you what you want but you just like playing coy. You’re scared you won’t be able to get enough of me, that you’ll crave me every waking moment of the day. ”
You clench around his cock, soft yes’s spilling from your lips at his words. “Josh---Joshua, p-please!”
He laughs under his breath, resuming his quick pace as his hips snap into you. “You got so much tighter around me just now. Filthy ‘lil cumslut, you might not be honest with me but your body is telling me everything I need to know.” Joshua knows your body like the back of his hand; angling his thrusts to perfectly tap your g-spot as you cry out and beg him to fuck you faster.
Admittedly, you and Joshua hadn’t known each other for long, give or take a month or two at most. How he’d even been summoned to you was a mystery in itself and the handsome male had only flashed you a smile and told you that it’d been fate that your body had called to him. You weren’t sure how much he even knew about you or your desires; not that he’d ever given you a second to ask when he was fucking you. 
“Ngh, J--Joshua, fuck it feels, ah, so g-good… You’re f-fucking me so d-deep… Filling me u-up so good...” You mewl, hands digging into the cushion behind your head. “M-make me, ah, c-cum on your c-cock…”
Joshua doubles his pace, fucking you deeper into the cushions as your mind starts to get fuzzy. Your lips part in clipped moans and soft breaths, unfocused eyes blinking slowly up at Joshua who licks his lips.
“Oh? My little cocksleeve is feeling really good now, huh?” You nod slowly in return, unable to form words; body tingling as he works to throw you over the edge of an orgasm. He reaches a free hand down to your clit, rubbing quick circles around the swollen nub as your back arches off of the sofa.
A jumbled mix of noises and broken cries of Joshua’s name manage their way out of your mouth as you’re suddenly overcome with unadulterated pleasure; body shaking under Joshua’s own as he keeps fucking you through your high.
You can vaguely hear his soft chuckles through the buzzing in your ears and you can feel the way your breath almost stops with how hard your orgasm hits you. “God, you’re so pretty when you cum.” Joshua groans; his own body thrumming with sexual energy as he feeds off of you. “You always taste so fuckin’ sweet too.”
It takes a second for your body to untense underneath him; chest heaving in deep breaths as you start to come down from your high. 
Joshua keeps fucking you, albeit this time slowly as he drags his cock out slow enough to have your body craving the way his cock fits inside your tight, warm walls.
“God, your cunt is soaking my cock.” He moans, “I could fuck your pretty ‘lil pussy all night. Get you thinkin’ only about me so fuckin’ bad that you’ll only ever think of the way my cock fills you out and keeps your slutty ‘lil hole plugged up with my cum.”
Joshua pauses, eyes trained on the way your hazy eyes still pool with lust when you look up at him.
“Or should I cum on your skin, cover you in it ‘n get you all messy? I’ll even take pictures for you so you can see how fuckin’ wrecked I can get you.” Joshua lets out an angelic laugh, eyes forming crescents when he feels you clenching around his cock.
“I--d--don’t ruin the sofa…” You mumble, shy eyes averting from his piercing stare.
He thrusts into you harshly; eating up the way you whimper and try to fuck yourself on his cock already. Joshua’s grip on you tightens, blunt nails digging into your skin before he draws his hips back and slams into you again. He knows you’ve made your choice. For now.
“I’ll just have to cum inside you then.”
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baallover · 3 years
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MORDETWI ANGST.
Mordecai never thought it would end like this. It all started 16 years ago.
“Mordecai hubby wubby my little birdy 🥺” “Hey twilight!” “Do you wanna for go for a movie night tonight???” “Of course twi! Where though?” “In our house so we can cuddle” “aww sure twilight!” He was just using twilight to get closer to pinkie. he’d never thought he’d fall inlove with twilight.
THE NEXT DAY.
(I got lazy for the colors so no more 😒)
“Mordecai!” “Yes dear?” “I’m going to hang out with pinkie pie!” Pinkie? I havent seen them in a while, maybe I should visit? He thought. “Twilight?”
“Hm?” She responded as she was getting ready. “May I come? I havent seen pinkie in quite a while.” “Oh! Sure!” (30 minutes later) “Pinkie? We’re here!” “Huh? ‘We’?” Pinkie said as they opened the door. “Yes, Ive brought my boyfriend! Mordecai.” Little did twilight know, pinkie had quite a crush on mordecai..for years even..they never even thought about moving on.. “oh..” “is something wrong pinkie?” “Nope absolutely not!” “Now come in! You’ve been standing outside for way too long!” As they walk in, gummy greets them. Quite a few hours later…. “Oh pinkie, you’re so funny!” Said mordecai. “O-oh…uhm th-thanks…I appreciate it..” “We should all hang out more!” Said twilight as she butt innthe conversation. “yeah..we..” pinkie said sadly. “Is there sometjing wrong pinkie?” “Yes No no of course not! What makes you think that haha?” “Well..alright.”
They always hang out so much..so much.,until it was only mordecai and pinkie… “MORDECAI.” “Why are you shouting twilight?” “YOU’VE ALWAYS BEEN HANGING OUT WITH PINKIE. PINKIE PINKIE PINKIE. WE’RE NEVER TOGETHER ANYMORE.” “WHY ARE YOU SO JEALOUS TWILIGHT? I TOLD YOU, SHES JUST A FRIEND.” “WELL APPARENTLY YOU DONT EVEN WANT ME ANYMORE FROM HOW MUCH WE’RE NEVER TOGETHER.” “MAYBE THATS THE TRUTH. MAYBE I NEVER DID WANT YOU. MAYBE I JUST USED YOU TO GET CLOSER TO PINKIE.” Tears run down twilights face. As mordecai realize what he’s said, its already too late.. “g-get out of my house. Now,” “twilight dear..please I didnt mean that..please forgive me..” “No. From your eyes I could tell..that was the truth..get out of my house and never come back.” Mordecai said nothing..walking out sadly into the rain, where will he go now? Its dark, raining and cold. He suddenly thought of pinkie. He ran as fast as he could to pinkie’s. *knock knock* “HUH? MORDECAI? WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE AT THIS TIME?.” “I’ll explain..please just let me inside..” “come in come in” after he dried off, he explained everything to pinkie. “Oh thats horrible..” “yeaa..” “mordecai I have something to tell you.” “Hm?” “I like you..I..I’ve liked you since the beginning, I was so jealous when I found out twilight had you has a bf..” “I feel the same..I really love you.” Months after months past by..no sign of twilight anywhere, nobody has seen her. Until a pony comes up to mordecai. “Please find twilight, please…” “but-“ “PLEASE IM BEGGING YOU!” “Okay..” mordecai has an idea of where twilight is, their special spot. He walks and walks there..only to find a body of a dying twilight. “TWILIGHT? WHO DID THIS TO YOU?” “D..dont act like you c-care now..” “please answer me twilight..” “Twilight?” “TWILIGHT?” He shakes her body, no response. “No..no no no no no..this is all my fault.. I did this…im sorry…” he carries her body back into the village. He earned many gasps, next day the body was buried. He began drinking, more and more each day. His relationship with pinkie was failing also. “UGH. I CANT STAND YOU MORDECAI! ALL YOU DO NOW IS DRINK AND THINK ABOUT TWILIGHT. WE’RE OVER.” “INSULT ME ALL YOU LIKE. BUT DONT YOU DARE BRING TWILIGHT INTO THIS.” He rushes out of the house in the dead of night tp twilights grave..I’m sorry twilight..im so..so sorry…” His cries turns into sobs. How could he be so foolish and stupid?
ONE LIKE FOR PART 2!
Honestly, now that im fully awake wtf is this and why’d I make it.
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butchfeygela · 4 years
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g!d i havent cried infront of my mom in ages but at least shes gotten less dissimissive as an attempt to make me feel better
its all just too much and ive been ar my parents house since saturday so the nice routine ive had for 5 months now is out the window so my autistic ass is just short circuiting
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susan-gampre · 6 years
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Death Would be too Kind, part 3
Mood
The following is a collab effort between three cultists of the Order of the Red Temple ( @redtemple-wra ) and myself! Additionally, this part happened days before the Brothel was attacked.
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A swell of energy overcame the Madam, the command of the draenei resonating in her ears. Her heart rate would begin to pick up, adrenaline surging through her veins and bring her to puff out her chest and curl her upper lip over her top teeth in a vicious snarl -- much like a snarling tigress.
“I'll beat the fuck outta you if touch my gods-damned nails."
The trio of cultists paused. All that Susan could hear in that moment was a drumming thumping noisily and quickly in her ears whilst she squirms against the chains. The harder she struggled the more bruised her hands became, the metal of her restraints cut into her flesh.
Pain had essentially become her only friend in this entire moment. It reminded her she was alive, that she had a chance.
“And yet the eye doesnt even bother you?”
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The mocking remark made the Madam wince, recounting that fact that her left eye, by now, was a mere gaping hole of emptiness... It caused her insides to twist, her one good eye prickling painfully as hot tears well along her eye line. But despite that overwhelm of emotion she remains stalwart and offers that same sneer and snarl toward the group. She would not let them see her break down!
An argument would break out between the two female cultists, both confused regarding how stubborn the Madam had become in this moment... Just over her nails! Essentially, Susan managed to drown out the garbled mutterings, thinking of how she could get out of this....Or how much she would have to give up before they would release her. 
She stirs from her daydreams only when the gruff worgen male ceases their arguing my stating: "She is a madam of the Brothel. These sorts take high priority of their looks and wot not. It's how they entice the weak minded fools that are so desperate to get their dicks wet.”
A scoff could be heard from the draenei, the sound of her hooves retreating are paired with the mutter that she was leaving and would return soon-- But Susan wasnt paying attention to that. She focused on counting the amount of steps that remained between her and the exit.
Silence ensued for the first moment, and during such her plan would be put into work. Give what little information she could, try to present herself as useless when it came to information.
Recounting the last query of the kaldorei... The security system. It was something she could divulge without giving too much information.
“The Brothel is protected. So much, no force can penetrate it's walls or floors or roof. I've ensured only the best for my fucking workers."
A scoff came from the worgen, harshly reminding Susan, “And yet we were able to capture you. I doubt the protection you offer is worth anything at this point. "
The kaldorei woman squealed and giggled in delight, “Tooouche Lian!” she purrs.
With this the beast lumbers closer, hot breath billowing against her face, “Tell us about the business and other trade routs that are wrapped in your operations? What do the trade routes look like, who are the ones you trade with?”
She pauses before simply muttering, "I don't know, I havent handled the business portion in months--,” here Susan pauses and the kaldorei intterupts with a teasing ‘Can you imagine Liandrus - a madam that doesn't run her own brothel!’ before the Madam resumes, “I do know our routes are repetitive, our trade goods come by caravan bi-weekly, the next one is set to arrive next weekend. Goes through a small passage from the other side of Panaria to our village.”
“Where is your next shipment coming from?”
Cooperation was beginning to weigh on her soul and mind, fear prickling at her heart whilst thinking she was betraying or hurting her employees by divulging so much information...
“It's coming from a fishing village, spices, medicines for the ill.”
Now the worgen resumes with his prying, demanding: “Now for the security.. I want to know everything about it. How to disable it and traps.”
That’s too much information, she thinks, trying to calm her rapidly beating heart to consider her options.
She inhales deeply to compose herself before smirking, her head beginning to shake, "I don't even know," she fibs, managing to look so calm and sound so confident-- save that shakiness in her voice from the pain.
Immediately the kaldorei reaches and yanks back the head of the Madam by her hair, a dagger being held at her throat whilst the elf hisses into her ear, “Why don’t I believe that?”
Fear resumed full force, gripping the maiden’s heart as she feels that cool blade
The worgen snarls in his aggravation, "I should let Idri kill you.. One less whore to worry about.. I know your lying. It's noble for you to protect the whores, but what about your child hmm?"
Susan carefully brings a hand down to her stomach, clinging desperately to the swollen flesh -- chills shudder down her spine with the cool of metal on her skin, bumps forming across her exposed flesh.
“I don't know shit about the security. That's G..Gilithos's department,” Susan states firmly, now clinging to her belly in an effort to protect the child, her terror absolutely genuine. The stubbornness of the Gampres was beginning to show. The security system was the only thing really protecting the Brothel... Alas it was her acting skills is the only thing protecting her and her baby.
She was taking a leap of faith on herself.
Idrie grabs a handful of Susan’s ragged, tangled brunette hair up in her palm and slices through it, cutting it off completely. "Now it's mine! My pretty hair!"
Susan pauses, her breath coming in surprised huffs before hesitantly combing her nails through her choppy, uneven hair-- cue stuttering sobs and panting breaths, grief consuming the mother-to-be.
Unconcerned with Idrie’s cruel and unusual punishment against the Madam -- or said womans grief -- he sighed. "I will say this, I don't take pleasure in torturing a pregnant woman.. No sport, almost to easy to break them, espically what's on the line. He held a dagger to Susan's stomach, almost threatening to jab it. "I could easily kill your baby and not feel a damn thing but keep you alive.. Your life has far more value, yes... Now love tell my the damn truth or your fucking child will be nothing more than a shish-kabob..." He threaten his tone gone from rough but to dead cold.
Poor decisions were enacted upon. There was hopelessness that set within her as she inhales deeply, more power to her voice as she practically cries out: "Gilithos is in charge of the BRothel's security! Please--," she grovels, leaning forward whilst attempting to hug her stomach, ultimately trying to protect the child within, heaving a sob, "If I d-did know the security system well, would I even be in this sitatuon?!"
There was a moment of unspoken commands before Susan felt her shoulders being tugged backward, forcibly laid down flat atop the moldly mattess. Her sobs came out in choked grunts and whines, “P-Please,I swear, I’m telling the truth!”
"You could say back in gilneas I was called a 'ripper' for a reason." He said, moving over and rips the dress at the torso to expose Susan's baby bump. He'd began to run his razor sharp dagger over the side of her stomach, ever so lightly cutting into her flesh..
Maternal protection set in. Instantly she was struggling in the manner of bringing her legs to try and wade off the worgen, screaming practically: "The owner of Wheel of Fortune helped us obtain it! T-The defense system!" -- By now that urge to protect her child, and essentially herself, was much more urgent, leading her to fire off any information she thought they might want.
The worgen pauses in shredding her skin, commanding her, "Tell me how it can be disabled.”
There was truth to her words as she snaps out, “I don't fucking know! I just know I control it! I don't understand any of it--!" 
The kaldorei coos, beginning to wipe the sweat from Susan’s brow whilst she muses, “Wrong answer.”
Immediately, without warning to be had, the sensation of pressure would be felt against her stomach. That unsettling sort of feeling of a knife penetrating her gut... It caused her to choke up, her breath coming in ragged patches whilst tensing against the kaldorei. She was in shock. She couldn’t feel the pain, but she knew horrific things were happening, she could feel the pressure of metal and claws slicing at her flesh....
As she’d begun to slip into a state of unconsciousness she heard the squealing and giggling from the kaldorei... Her amusement was unsettling, to say the least.
Too, there was the sudden peculiar hiss of a new male voice... She was on the spectrum, shifting into a state of darkness and slumber, thus she couldn’t make out the exact commands given... But she could feel her body being lifted.
She could feel the cool frigidness of her bare skin touching metal.
She could feel the slice of metal pricking at her open wounds. And then... She couldn’t feel. For a moment she felt purely at peace. If this was death she embraced it like an old friend, her eyes fluttering shut and body going limp with a peculiar smile touching her lips. Peace at last.
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