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#im this close ๐ to just dogging it. im pretty sure ill be getting the train in like i could full well just fuck off and leave
hearties-circus
ยท
8 months
Text
I kinda feel like I've just hard erased any happiness or elation I had from being done with school all just so I wouldnt get asked a stupid question anymore I hate this I hate this
#gamer txt.
#not once have i actually fucking wanted to go to college this was just the only way to make ppl stop asking me about jobs
#but im realising now that was a stupid decision and i hate that i made it i hate tgat i had the chance to back out and didnt
#the only thing that made school worth it before was my friends that was the only time id get to see them
#now im going back to school completely without them like a fucking idiot
#i know college is different from highschool i get that and i do want to learn fab weld but fuck me this was dumb
#i know damn well im not going to make any new friends during this course im more terrified of people than ive ever been
#and i stick out from my class like a sore thumb
#whats worse is my nervousness from this has started fucking with my appetite and hunger and that is the worst possible thing it could do
#that is like the number one way to break me
#im already in such a vulnerable state i do not need constant fucking reminders of trauma i cant fucking escape
#and im meant to just be normal and be a person and go to class on monday?
#im this close ๐ to just dogging it. im pretty sure ill be getting the train in like i could full well just fuck off and leave
#its not like they have my mums number she wouldnt know any different from what i told her
#can i not just stay in the purgatory of being a teen old enough to be done with school but young enough to not have a job forever ?
#please? im not ready for this im not i couldnt be less ready for this why did i let myself succumb to this pressure? i hate it
#g-d i havent cried in. months now. this feels so. this is too much this is way too much fot me i cant do this
#i dont know how i thought i could when the hell have i ever been able to do something like this on my own
#theres nothing to me on my own i dont have any confidence i dont have any strength i need my friends for that and i dont have them
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