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the-likesofus · 2 months

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Buddie Fic Recs

This is my 5th Buddie Rec List! I started compiling this list last April and omg looking back through them now I desperately need to reread them all. Highly recommend all of these fics, also please show the authors some love in their comments xx Happy Easter lovelies <3 REMINDER TO CHECK THE TAGS AND TRIGGER WARNINGS

where our eyes are never closing by @rewritetheending | T | 6k

After the lightning strike, Buck asks Eddie to take candid photos of him to help prove to Buck that he still exists. Absolute PEAK Softness. Buck through Eddie's eyes! I was a mushy puddle by the end. 10/10 would recommend.

i got all my sisters with me by @useramor | T | 6k

Established relationship Buddie. Eddie’s sister has a baby and they travel down to Texas to meet the baby. DIAZ SIBLINGS UNITE! Seriously though the sibling dynamic in this is off the charts and Buck and Eddie are sickeningly in love, it is quite beautiful.

meet me where the tide comes in by @iinryer | G | 4k

A 3+1 fic about Eddie getting kissed on the head. FOREHEAD KISSES PTSD MORE HEAD KISSES AND BOYS IN LOVE!! Need I say anything more??

The one where Buck gets turned into a dog by @911onabc | G | 9k

Law Suit era BUT WAIT WAIT….DOG BUCK!! I am a sucker for fic where one of them gets turned into an animal. They are much more free with their affection when they think it's just a dog, or just a cat, and the bond between Eddie and "Boy" is so so wonderful. And I do love a happy ending xx

can't do this anymore (do it anyway) by @chronicowboy | T | 2k

Short and sweet but GOD this packs a punch. Eddie starts dating after the lightning strike and Buck is feeling Big Bad about it. He is so sad it truly breaks my heart but all works itself out in the end and Eddie proves Buck’s fears wrong.

We Found Each Other (Over There) by @thekristen999 | T | 46k

Buddie WWII AU. A combat medic and a G.I. meet during one of the world’s greatest battles. This fic is a legitimate masterpiece. I cannot describe to you the quality of this fic because it is beyond words but I will tell you I stayed up until 3:30 am to finish it in one sitting and was left broken but made so so whole again.

the mortifying ordeal of being known by @the-amber-raven | G | 60k

AU where Bobby is Buck’s adoptive Dad and Eddie is dating Buck but Eddie and Bobby think they are talking about two different people. Buck is training at the fire academy but hiding it from Bobby. This fic is the most beautiful tangle of miscommunication, love and family.

like all good things are by @try-set-me-on-fire | T | 7k

Perfect, amazing, soul-destroying, magical, healing Fic. This literally covers all the bases. Chim and Bobby both get injured. OH! and Buck and Eddie were secretly dating all along. READ THIS FIC PEEPS!

find a way to you (if it kills me) by @eddiediazes | M | 19k

The one where Eddie decides to start dating again, Buck figures out his own feelings just a minute too late, and then he spends a week going through the five stages of grief. BUCK PINING LV.10000000!

and i’d choose you (in a hundred lifetimes) by @monsterrae1 | E | 16k

Amnesia Exes fic by the wonderful Rae. Buck and Eddie fall in love via a penpal program and then Buck vanishes. This fic is set four years later. I literally could not put it down. I was reading it in class and then sat in my car for who knows how long just to finish it because I could not continue my day without knowing how it ended.

he never thinks of me (except when i'm on TV) by @loserdiaz | M | 18k

APRIL'S FAMOUS!BUCK AND ARMY!EDDIE FIC!! In which Eddie finds out years later that his unrequited feelings for his high school best friend were not actually unrequited, Buck is stupidly famous now and they pine. OH THEY PINNNEEEEE! It’s delicious.

every time we stop talking (the universe starts screaming) by @chronicowboy | M | 21k

Alternative S7, Buddie Divorce Era Pt.2. Buck does something reckless and Eddie gets angry about it but these boys cannot communicate effectively to save their lives! This fic is peak angst to a happy ending and I felt like I had a hole in my chest OMG.

left your mark on this heart by @chronicowboy | G | 5k

Buck gets medically diagnosed with butterflies and the doctor makes him write in a notebook every time it happens. Surprise, surprise, the cause and effect is Eddie-related. The notebook entries kill me in the best way, the happiest happy ending

ALSO, YES THIS IS THE THIRD FIC BY THE SAME AUTHOR ON THIS LIST WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT?? READ IT IS WHAT! COS THEY'RE SO DAMN GOOD.

endless numbered days by @cal-daisies-and-briars | G | 13k

Buck and Eddie's wedding but from Bobby's POV as Bobby reflects on the family he lost and the one he gained. Absolutely beautiful, I cried.

don’t wanna let you love somebody else but me by @shitouttabuck | T | 14k

Chris wants dating advice so obviously Buck and Eddie decide to Fake Date for research purposes. This fic is PEAK adorable, sappy, and awkward Buddie. They’re idiots but we love them and the certainly love each other. READ THIS FIC!

#buddie #buddie fic recs #buddie fic rec list 5 #buck x eddie #eddie diaz #evan 'buck' buckley #911 #911 fic recs #meegs rec list

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nottoofondofgaypeople · 5 months

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The whole Kiki and Zane situation

Major Content Warning for sexual assault, unwanted pregnancy, and lack of consent

Yeah this is a thing. That we need to talk about. I'm keeping the whole amulet thing the same, I actually have a lot of thoughts about these amulets, where they came from, and why they do what they do, but in this situation I think it works. But we are not going to gloss over this situation at all.

I am necessitating downtime after the first major fiasco with Zane. I literally don't know what happens after that but there is as much time as I want for characters to just process that whole fucking ordeal. Especially Kiki. Give her time to process the physical trauma of having a child under such extreme circumstances, maybe show her going to the Irene Statue to pray or getting healing potions from Zoey or eventually Lucinda to help her body deal with the after effects.

Let Kiki be emotional about it. Let someone ask her how she's doing and that time she can't lie about it. She can't hide the miserable look in her eyes. She's tried to hide this from Leona, she doesn't want her daughter to have to deal with the burden of her origin and what it did to Kiki, but deep down Kiki knows she can't stop that from happening. She knows Leona will always be affected by this and she's completely shaken at the mere thought of having to explain it to her later in life.

And let other characters express thoughts on this!! I feel like canon absolutely ignores a lot of characters feelings, especially people in Season 1 Phoenix Drop, and will just focus on a certain part of a series of events while ignoring or rarely bringing up another. Like I honestly forgot this whole subplot happened when I went in for a rewatch a year ago and was absolutely mortified by how little the story focused on a fucking traumatizing experience that it just shows on screen.

Garroth shows up at Kiki's barn because at this point, the jig is up. Everyone in Phoenix Drop knows who he is and who his brother is. And most people know he despises Zane and that Garroth is fundamentally a different person. But he still shoulders guilt for how bad it got for some people. Especially Kiki. He saw the way Zane looked at her, the way he fancied her. Even when he and Irena both warn her about Zane, Garroth still feels like he didn't do enough to prevent this.

He agonizes over how to talk to her and ends up pacing near the staircase up to her second floor while he tries to work it out. Garroth forgets that his armor is fucking LOUD and Kiki can hear him in her echoey ass barn, so she just yells at him to come upstairs and get this over with.

Garroth is eventually coaxed into revealing how guilty he feels about this happening. He starts to blame himself for it, and Kiki very quickly shuts that down. The only person at fault is Zane. There's no way Garroth could have known the depths of cruelty his brother would go to, and she doesn't want anyone being blamed for this other than Zane. She decided to keep Leona and raise her as her own, in spite of the man who helped create her.

Garroth apologizes for trying to shift the blame and resolves to instead ensure Zane isn't able to get that close to anyone he cares about. And he takes his role as Leona's uncle very seriously. For the time he gets to before the season 1 finale, Garroth often spends time around Kiki and Leona. Sometimes he'll baby sit so Kiki can get some rest, or he'll tell Kiki stories of what his youngest brother was like as a child. He quietly omits any mention of the middle brother.

Irena and Kiki have long talks about parenting and how Kiki plans to raise Leona. Irena keeps giving her this sad look, and Kiki admits that she's much more damaged than she lets on. But Irena has enough on her shoulders. Kiki admits that she's been processing a lot of this with Brendan and Donna, who she considers her very dear friends, and that while she's so happy Irena cares so much, it isn't her problem to worry about. She isn't allowed to blame herself for it, and she isn't allowed to try and take more onto her plate for Kiki's sake.

Gods I love Kiki so much. She's such an underrated character and I really want to explore her and other underutilized members of the village quite a bit more in this rewrite. Really make Phoenix Drop into the incredibly fucked up found family it was meant to be.

And let's be clear that even after 15 years, 15 years of healing, of loving, of having a life without Zane, of having a life with the daughter she adores, Kiki is still healing. There are scars on her stomach that will never go away. She's fairly confident she'll never be able to give birth again and has come to terms with that. She doesn't let herself be very intimate with people anymore, and anyone who knows her isn't pushy at all. They're just grateful that Kiki is incredibly strong and unbelievably stubborn.

One day Leona comes downstairs and some of her hair is covering her eye the same way Zane's did. Kiki tries to hide how tense and uncomfortable this makes her, asking Leona in a fairly roundabout way how she'd feel about a haircut. Even if Leona isn't fully aware of the situation at this point, she can tell that something's got her mom acting a little off. And the long hair is harder to maintain when she's trying to hunt.

Short hair Leona. That's it.

Even if it takes forever to get to this point, there's something fundamentally healing about Garroth getting to meet Leona. A lot has changed in the time he was gone, but Irena prepared him for a lot of it. What she couldn't have prepared him for is how it would feel to see a 15 year old Leona racing around the island chasing after some other kid like a feral beast. Like I'm so serious Garroth is so close to crying when he meets her.

Once Leona realizes who he is, she's ecstatic because she's heard so many stories about her uncle Garroth from her mom!! She's always wanted to meet him!! Garroth has a massive complex around his family and their impact on the lives of those around him, but when he gets to see how happy Kiki and Leona are, it kind of just melts away and he gets to spend an afternoon playing with his niece in the forest.

#zane gets middle child erasure but he deserves it #not afraid to admit it #i cried while writing this #more than once #I literally love Kiki so much #minecraft diaries #minecraft diaries rewrite #mcd rewrite #mcd kiki #garroth ro'meave #mcd garroth #minecraft diaries garroth #mcd leona #mcd headcanons #writing #aphblr #aphverse

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sleepyowlwrites · 3 days

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Im...sorry it's not original, but now that you brought all these questions up (https://www.tumblr.com/sleepyowlwrites/752120356487168000/you-lot-should-be-quizzing-me-on-my-stories-and?source=share)

Can you please answer them?

I wanted to ask you to share fun(or sad, or funny etc) facts about your stories but didn't wanna pressure you TT

Have a wonderful day regardless!! ♥️♥️♥️

The post with a working link

And the answers to the questions asked:

1. R stands for Roland. He doesn't like his name, so he started going by R, which is like, so dumb, my guy, but R is dumb, so it fits. Eventually it just sounds like his name, which, to him it is.

2. R and Mark are fighting because *inhales deeply* R has a mortifying ordeal of being known complex while simultaneously having need to be seen and acknowledged complex, and Mark got invited to the friend group by Daniel but then proceeded to kinda ignore R's existence, which is not okay! And he got all dramatic about it, and then Mark, who lowkey has a self-destructive thing going on due to his healing superpower (oh yeah he has that) so he makes it physical and R is lowkey self-destructive due to his middle child pseudo-parent arrogance thing he's got going on and he also makes it physical and then the friend group is like please stop, this is so stupid, and then they stop being physical about it for their friends but they're still being stupid and being verbally abrasive to each other until gradually they can't find any reasons to keep going with that and then they stop fighting. And then it's awkward! Yay.

3. Rune's ex-fianceè was abusive and controlling and he orchestrated her parents' deaths! Jail, jail for Max for ten thousand years or maybe just like, fall off a bridge or something. ☠️@$%!💀%!#☠️?&!#@💀#!?@ (Asterix cursing, lol)

4. The phantom thieves are after a map that leads to a famous treasure, they hope, and stealing the bride will get them closer to securing it. I invented the idea before I knew anything about one piece but now that I know things I realize the vibes are... well they're similar to the live action show, anyway.

5. Rhea does not know who her father truly is, which is an important plot point but also I feel fairly obvious from certain angles. This is the only thing in this list that I don't want to tell you. I don't even have major ambitions about summon story. I just want to keep this spoiler tucked away until I make myself write the actual plot.

And there you go, here are the answers. I guess I do remember some stuff about my stories.

@akindofmagictoo

#sleepy answers #sleepy writing #wip asks

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shellyseashell · 1 year

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2022 FANFIC REC LIST

Thought I’d do something like this a few times a year where I rec fics I’ve read. Not all of these I read this year, but for my first rec post, thought I’d just share some of my favorites. Also if any of these authors have tumblrs and I didn’t tag them let me know I’d love to tag them, or tag them yourselves!

RIORDANVERSE

Seeker - first of a series, oc fic, about a kid who can sense danger and crashes the great prophecy, series is up to book 3 as of adding it here (July) I am emotionally attached to this series it’s one of the best things I’ve ever read

Phyrrhic - oc fic, twin children of Persephone who acted as spies during the Titan War, in progress. I am so emotionally attached to Calista it’s an issue

Second Chances - oc fic, four demigods die in the Battle of Manhattan and come back to life, in progress. They’re deaths are all so sad but they come back to life and ahshdhdhhdhhdhdhh

HUNGER GAMES

I posted another hunger games fic rec earlier this year with more fics so check that out if you want more

hell has frozen over by @dandelionsandviolets - 72nd Hunger Games. In progress. I love Evelyn so much. Her and Claire are so <3

As Long As I’m Burning by @heathercubedfic - Johanna’s point of view throughout the series, including her Games. 21/48 as of writing this I think. I love Johanna’s characterization so much it feels so realistic

TLC

literally anything by Elwin (@salt-warrior)

I know it’s one of Elwin’s but The Time it Takes to Fall changed me as a person so

THE WILDS

anything by @blinkaftermidnight

Curtain Call by @smileymikey - Toni is forced into a production of Romeo and Juliet, where she meets Shelby, in progress. I love Toni’s characterization it’s influenced how I think of her so much

haunted by @halcyon-hyacinth - leatin ghost hunter au! In progress

LEGENDBORN

I used to say I read basically every legendborn fic on ao3 but I haven’t read bloodmarked so I no longer have that claim. It was fun bragging rights while I had it.

Cariad - Sel and Bree make plans to find Nick, discontinued

Slow Magic - Bree and Sel save Nick, one shot. One of my favorites

Broken Trust - Lord Davis tells Sel the consequences of the second trial, one shot

A Quest is a Dangerous Thing - one shots with a connecting plot

We Deserve It - Nick, Bree, and Sel get together, one shot

AVATARVERSE

Legend of Haruko - story of the Avatar after Korra, in progress, book 4 (of 4) is almost done. I love it so much all the characters are so good and it feels like a natural continuation

The Rise of Rangi by @d7kyoshi - The Rise of Kyoshi through Rangi’s pov (has a sequel for The Shadow of Kyoshi). Absolutely amazing characterization of Rangi I love it so much

Sunstroke by @soupdots - Azula healing fic, 8/?. Azula is very in character and I love her so much

moonsoon season (book: air) by @maisazula - au where Azula is the Avatar. A lot of worldbuilding and really good writing.

FIRST KILL

Twelve Years - Cal and Jules see each other 12 years after their break up, one shot

because we are doomed - the raid goes a little differently, 2 chapters? maybe three

THE OWL HOUSE

(not) Oblivious - Luz tries to figure out who Amity wanted to ask to Grom. One shot. They are so so so cute

The mortifying ordeal of being known - Amity sleeps over at the Owl House and is very gay

AMPHIBIA

If I Die Before I Wake - when the Three-Stones-Deity sends Anne back, they send her back 5 years in the future. In progress and I love it so so so much

WILLOW (2022)

Knight of Coins, Page of Cups - canon compliant tanthamore one shots

In the Silence - Kit and Jade talk about what happened to Ballantine. So soft but so angsty.

invisible string - Jade and Kit love each other so so so much. One shot.

sorry to my unknown lover - Kit and Airk talk about their ideas of love. I love them so much I can’t wait until they get screen time together again. One shot.

put your lips close to mine, as long as they don’t touch - Kit really wants to kiss Jade. One shot.

I Suspected… - Kit uncovers the truth of Jade’s past

you’re on my mind - Jade turns down the Shining Legion for Kit. I love them so much. One shot.

and this house of mirrors - Kit joins the Crone. You have no idea how much I want this to be canon. One shot.

WEDNESDAY

indelibility by @foibles-fables - Enid gets scars from fighting Tyler. One shot.

#naia recs fics #riordanverse #the lunar chronicles #the wilds #avatar: the last airbender #the rise of kyoshi #first kill #the owl house #amphibia #willow 2022 #wednesday

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powderblueblood · 4 months

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While we wait are slowly dying for chapter 9, I have a, perhaps silly question. Do you actually identify with Lacy? Like is she a self insert hitting close to home or is she more like an escapism character to you? (It’s that for me fyi and 100% what I need)

HI :-) thanks for being so patient by the way, she's coming together i just keep having that fun thing where i zone out mid sentence BUT. i really hope to get it out soon. because it's a fun chapter. fun is definitely an appropriate word. hehe

and AS FOR MISS LACY well. i'll tell you.

at first, i definitely treated her as more of a model of escapism (like who doesn't want to imagine oneself as a mean mythic rich bitch, very cathartic especially if you're not rich n never have been) butttt as i'm noodling more on parts of her psyche, she's becoming more real and relatable to me. a lot of lacy's anger and restraint i remember in myself as an 18 year old and of course the fuckin universal dilemma of the mortifying ordeal of being known.

i used a lot of a younger me in order to inform how i want lacy to come across (pretentious, kinda insufferable, SCARED! and awkwardly sweet ultimately), and there's a lot more of that coming in her trajectory in the sequel to hellfire & ice which i'm writing as a partial coming-of-age story for those of us in our late 20s.

but now she's definitely less of a self insert and more of a something that's been plucked from the bone of my pinkie finger and made whole.

long answer short, what started as simple x reader escapism whirlpooled into me healing my inner asshole 18 year old!

thank you for asking me this, pal, i loved this question <3333

#powder room talk #Anonymous #hai brainrot

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alliepeachfan · 8 months

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Hey guys! This is my first post on here so I might put some of my OCs on here! I hope you like them!

My No Straight Roads OC: Mariah Qwartz

Name: Mariah Qwartz

Age: 20 yo

Gender: Female

Species: Human

Hair color: Light Brown with purple highlights

Eye color: Blue

Powers/abilities/styles/gifts: She is an excellent dancer having started at the age of 4. She also incorporates dance moves into her attacks with strong batmas and graceful pirouettes to dodge attacks.

Weapon(s): Her microphone which she can use either at close range or launch it at enemies further away. She can also use it to send supersonic sound-waves to either confuse or knock back the enemy. She can also sing to boost her team's morale or heal them.

Hometown: Vinyl City

Personality: Mariah is a kind and charming woman with a passion for music and dance. She enjoys many forms of dance, but ballet became her bread and butter. She often experimented with incorporating ballet dance into various genres of music from Country to Jazz, but she had one dream: to combine ballet dance and rock. She also has a combined personality with BBJ; a bit of Mayday's hotheaded nature and Zuke's logical thinking side.

Strengths: She is a natural born morale booster!

Weakness: Her beauty causes opponents to easily underestimate her.

Family: Aside her parents and siblings, her only known family member is great-aunt Tatiana. They have had a rather strained relationship and was made worse once Mariah pushed Titania off the stage when she was being pulled off by her relative. However, the two would reconcile at the end of the game.

Friends/relationships:

Mayday- Mariah and Mayday have a very close bond as friends after she was comforted by her and Zuke after the argument between her and Tatiana and offered a position for her as a singer since she sounded great. Mariah accepts, and returns the favor by protecting her against any threat possible. However in the fight against 1010, she is consistently irritated by Mayday's gushing and even said during the fight that if, "she didn't shut up, she would beat her over the head with a shovel". Mayday is further shocked when after the fight Mariah kicks the head off one of the bots before angrily walking away. However in the fight against EVE, the two would have their chance to work together and reconcile. She even consoles Mayday after the final defeat

Zuke- Mariah and Zuke have an equally close bond, especially after the incident occurred. He does seem to show a little interest in her, but does respect the fact she's not ready to date again after a different incident happened (not between the two of them). She even stands up for him in his confrontation against DK West and even delivers a few rhymes of her own.

Kliff- She initially distrusts him, but really hates his guts when finding out his true intent near the ending.

DJ Subatomic Supernova- She doesn't seem to speak much to him, although when she shares her knowledge about Pluto with BBJ; she immediately catches his eye. After he summons her close to him, he examines her, asks for her name, and invites her to go out with him. When the battle starts, he puts her up on a smaller Saturn platform to protect her from harm. Luckily, she is able to rejoin the group in time to deliver the showstopper. He does agree to start off as a friend after the whole ordeal.

Sayu- Mariah does admire Sayu for her outfits, but is mortified upon seeing her in her reverse mermaid form. Afterwards, she is met by the kids behind the bot; Remi, Tila, Dodo, and Sofa, who are big fans of her dance work (especially her electronic ballet video). She is the last one to leave as she is signing autographs and taking selfies with each of the kids.

DK West- Mariah doesn't care for him at all, considering what a jerk he was to Zuke. After Zuke defeats him, she decides to get at him further and post a social media status saying, "There's a new king of rap and his name is Zuke West!" and smiles as she hears his agonized cry.

Yinu and her mother- Mariah initially considers Yinu's mother control over her child to be barbaric. But afterwards, she is pleased that she has simmered down. As for Yinu, she is impressed by her musical talent at such a young age. Yinu greatly admires Mariah and considers her a legend in dance. Her mother even asks Mariah to dance for them while they play before she leaves. Mariah happily agrees and even gives the duo an autograph afterwards.

1010- She has had a major dating nightmare of these guys. She clearly instructed her date (the one in the white) that it was to be a one-on-one date. However, unknown to her, each member had a chance to swap spots. She would only find out the truth after the pictures of the date were posted. The only way they could be told apart were the colored wrist-bands. Angry for being tricked and fearful for what kind of backlash she might get; she dumped them. When she and BBJ confront the group, the group immediately recognizes her and attempts to win her back with their flattering compliments. However, she bitterly responds with, "Does a toe miss a hangnail? Absolutely not!" To further her level of spite, she kicks the head off one of the members after the fight before storming off. But, she does forgive them a little while after they reclaim their district, but on the condition that they'll have to restart as friends (she's not ready to go back to dating yet).

Eve- Mariah does admire EVE greatly and considers her an inspiration for fashion and music; although she is shocked that she would set Zuke's hair on fire in the past. After EVE is consoled, Mariah approaches her and tells her how much she has meant to her and humbly asks for an autograph. She is surprised when the great artist admits that she has been an equal inspiration for her dance techniques and agrees to swap autographs.

Tatiana- As explained earlier, Mariah intially has a strained relationship with Tatiana and it's made worse when Mariah stands up for Bunk Bed Junction. While Mariah believes that Tatiana is being too stubborn to disclose her rock star past; Tatiana believes that she's being a rebel. However; the two reconcile after they team up against Kliff to stop the satalite from crashing into the NSR tower. Aside the incident; they actually are very close.

Likes: Ballet, Fashion, her friends, her family, her fans, music

Dislikes: Kliff, Tatiana (formerly), 1010 (formerly), being underestimated, being restricted, people who disrespect music, being lied to, dating

Fears: Forced to start dating again

Hope you guys like Mariah!

#nsr oc #nsr #no straight roads #no straight roads oc

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pentacass · 11 months

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For a less intensive ask than my last barrage lol - do you create playlists for your characters? Are there any songs that you particularly associate with any of them?

ohhboi this finally got me to sort my playlists out 😂 thank u <3 i have one for ael and ves, u can poke around my profile for others too (i have a sie/renn one, but it's hella outdated)

It's all on Spotify: Aelirra, Vestra

Recommend looking up lyric translations for non-English songs! (if u wanna lmao) Now it is time for me to not shut the fuck up!!

I arranged the playlists to reflect their personal story beats first, then their romance beats.

Ael only has 4 personal songs :(( (i'm sorry bb u can go beat up ves in revenge) The best song that describes her is this:

Soft to be Strong - Marina Somebody hurt me long ago And though to heal a heart is slow It's just a consequence of pain There is no use in laying blame And I guess I've known it all along The truth is you have to be soft to be strong Finally, I feel the fear is gone I found out love has to be soft to be strong I choose to love you without fear No shame in being sincere

For her romance tracks, I'm going for a yearning, bygone days vibe to start, then searching (within herself and Kira) for a name to what they share, ends with 'I love you. Nothing will break us apart again.'

go to hell. - luhx I give more than I take pour love into all I do But there’s one thing I won’t quit If loving her’s a sin I’d go to hell for it Gladly go to hell for it I don’t need to be forgiven for being me I’ve been scared of who I’ll lose but in the end it all comes down to me

End of the Earth - Marina We're all living in the same universe Where the stars collide as the planets turn But I'll give my love, I don't care if it hurts 'Cause I'll love you 'till the end If we're torn apart then I won't let go 'Cause wherever we are, it feels like home And I'll love you 'till the end I'll love you 'till the end (of the earth)

And now...the Sith clown (derogatory)

Her personal songs end with 'Nox'. Romance stuff starts with 'Confident'. Each section reflects Ves as a character - strong, upbeat layers to peel through before getting to her softer core. If you hear a ballad, you're hearing a bit of her soul.

Personal stuff first! Starts off power-drunk (nigh narcissistic), then shows the steel beneath seductive velvet, finishes with soul-heavy sorrow.

Monster - PVRIS How could you let them do this to you? How could you let them turn you into a monster? Your bridge started to burn when you ran all across it I guess you never learn 'til you live and you lost it Live and you lost it Breathe No More - Evanescence I've been looking in the mirror for so long That I've come to believe my soul's on the other side All the little pieces falling, shatter Shards of me Too sharp to put back together Too small to matter But big enough to cut me into so many little pieces If I try to touch her

Her romance with Lana revolves around sex a lot in the beginning, then she realises she wants more, then she realises she's in love, and love involves the mortifying ordeal of being known??? Fuck!!!!

The romance tracks go: I want to fuck you - I want you - I...think I love you? - I love you with my soul.

Roses - Adam Lambert You're like a knife 'cause your looks could kill Hold my breath every time we kiss Are you feeling it? Like I, like I feel it When I touch you baby My name will you say it Between the sheets we ain't pillow talking Is it love or are we just fucking Tell me babe, you can't keep me waiting Black Pearl - Sunmi Now I can withstand most anything Even if it hurts, I can take it (I can take it) I held it in to protect myself But in your eyes I must have seemed so nice and shining I’m dirty and in pain, I’m wrapping around myself So this ugly, black light, won’t come seeping out I may seem like a brand new, white gem But you don’t even know what’s inside Why do you try to look inside me? Why do you poke at me forcefully? You think you can open my heart like that? When it’s closed so tight? You think I’m going to break apart? Don't Judge Me - Janelle Monáe Even though you tell me you love me I'm afraid that you just love my disguise Taste my fears and light your candle to my raging fire Of broken desire But don't judge me I know I got issues But they drown when I kiss you Don't judge me Baptize me with ocean Recognize my devotion Dancing in the Dark - SVRCINA Completely intoxicated by your love I tremble at your touch, you're all I want So completely intoxicated by your love Like sweet perfume, I know it's you with my eyes closed And nothing will change that Wherever you are, I wanna be right there Holding me close to your heart Here in your arms, oh how could I be scared? Safe with you dancing in the dark

#can u tell who the fuck is my favourite #hate it!!!#swtor #aelirra #vestra lenshe #yzstuff #yzswtor #ask #intheinkpot

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wlwaerith · 10 months

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Astarion for that reason is a interesting character to me. His character is so interesting because if you feed into his trauma cycle, you'll become like him and he becomes even worse. Poetic.

But if you do everything in your power to do what’s best for him to heal from his trauma you notice little things about him that just make his character all that much better, like your seeing Astarion for the first time, like actually seeing him for the man he could be if you and the rest of the world would just stop fucking him over at every point of time.

sorry this is a bit late ! i was waiting for my nail polish to dry lol. hard agree, definitely. i think all the companions are amazingly well-written because of how dynamic and interactive their arcs feel. there are several different ways for them to get from point a to point b, with our without player interference, and what point b looks like is wildly different depending on how they're treated. astarion, being arguably our morally worst companion, is a great example of this like you pointed out c:

also the way he disapproves initially when you start to chip away at him and see Astarion, The Person rather than Astarion, The Persona is such a good detail if you ask me ! something something the mortifying ordeal of being known something something. the way his disapproval of being seen through is ultimately a hallmark of his healing narrative if you so choose to push him in that direction

#asks #anonymous

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ennas-aesthetic · 1 year

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Read your newest part of the retired!dream, loved it! Dream finally knowing what it feels to be truly loved was so heartwarming🥺. I'm a bit lost though, when did Dream get that scar? He said he kept it but I don't remember in the comics him getting injured

Aaaw thank you! I put Dream through the wringer in my last fic, so I guess he deserves the happiness he gets in this AU. :'DD

Re: the scar on Morpheus' cheek, that's actually a GREAT question, but I'm afraid we're going into spoiler territory for this one. So this is a fair warning to anyone and everyone who might see this and not want the Sandman Comics spoiled. Spoilers Zone from here on out:

You're sorta correct on Morpheus never getting injured in the comics. The Endless are more than humans, more than gods. It would take an entirely eldritch and primordial being to hurt the Seven enough to make them bleed.

Which is why the one time Endless blood WAS SPILT, it was both blood-curdling and terrifying, because YOU KNOW that it is a grievous threat indeed.

Dream gets the scar on his cheek during The Kindly Ones (volume 9). When he goes to Nuala after she called him for a boon, the Furies through Lyta Hall were able to enter the Dreaming so they may destroy it. After he comes back, Dream confronts them and demands them to leave; in retaliation they struck him with their barbed scorpion whip on his cheek.

Below is what the scar looks like up close.

In the next few panels Lucien actually asks him if he would be keeping the scar. In turn he says this:

And (hoooo boy prepare yourselves for this one) until his last conversation with Death, you can actually see that Dream still DOES have the scar here. He has it until he... well, you know what happens after this conversation.

The scar is quite significant arc-wise for Dream. In the panels above he says that Alianora foretold that he would receive two scars: one on the cheek, one on the heart, the way he did to her. This is expounded on in Sandman: Overture, where Alianora, his former lover, got a scar on her cheek when she defended and rescued Dream from the two gods who held him prisoner. (Of course, the scar in her heart was when Dream tire of her and grew cold and distant. Seriously, if anyone reading this hasn't read Overture yet, check it out. It'll reframe everything you know about the original comics in the best, most heart-breaking way possible.)

In the AU, while I'm keeping the details of HOW Dream gets to walk away very vague, I'd like to think that most of the events during The Kindly Ones STILL happened. I'd also like to think he kept the scar because while his self-destructive spiral was averted, Dream still hasn't fully healed and processed his issues, and thus considers it to be a literal symbol of self-flagellation. He is fully capable of erasing it, but it remaining there is a choice he made.

What he hasn't calculated is that people will be kind and caring and concerned. What he hasnt calculated is that being human means being subjected to the mortifying ordeal of being known, to reap the rewards of being loved. 😌

Hope that answers your question! :DD

#retired!dream #retired!dream as a librarian AU #the sandman #dream of the endless #the sandman spoilers #enna rambles #just-cosmere-fan #thank you sm for the ask and hope that answers your question!#i do love the idea that him walking away from his responsibilities isnt the immediate happy ever after that we think #there's a boatload of issues he has to address/ go thru #and that he would keep that scar #because Dream loves keeping mementos of things that remind him of his failures/ punish him #morpheus

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skylightangels · 11 months

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fall back together (you could stay) is just. the mortifying ordeal of being known. the guilt of asking for what you want. all that you ever wanted from me was sweet nothing. tomorrow will be better and if it's not I'll say it again. it's about grief and healing and the kind of love that makes you want to peel oranges.

#leia writes #the hunger games #everlark #fbt(ycs)

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skullchicken · 2 years

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Blackout - Masterpost

I wrote a shadowrun-fanstory and published it in 7 illustrated chapters here on tumblr. (It used to be called something else, but the title wasn't fitting so I changed it.)

It's a platonic love story involving mysterious lemon cake, unexpected yakuza, The Mortifying Ordeal of Being Known and an afternoon-nap with a vision from a goddess.

More Info, like triggers, rating, length and more: Foreword

English version: Part 1 I Part 2 I Part 3 I Part 4 I Part 5 I Part 6 I Part 7

German version: Teil 1 I Teil 2 I Teil 3 I Teil 4 I Teil 5 I Teil 6 I Teil 7

(if you speak German, the German version is recommended)

Afterword and Trivia: after the "read more" of this post.

Afterword

In general, this story has been extremely joyful to write, edit and publish. Thank you so much for everyone who took time out of their day to give it a chance and then kept reading - or even commenting. I have screenshot every reply into my heart :)

Trivia/Background/Ramblings

I made character sheets for Amanda and Hanne and rolled out the fights and skill checks (using SR 5e). Amanda has 2 points in magic btw.

When it's mentioned that Amanda is having a "Lacrimosa-Session" it's a play on words: Lacrimosa a pretty famous German goth band. Lacrimosa means "rich in tears".

I learned that "Geborgenheit" is one of the few words that has no 1:1 translation in English >_> unfortunately it's pretty important

"Proxy" used to be called "Hexadecimal"/"Hex" until a beta-reader rightfully pointed out that most people will think she's a witch, not a decker.

I'm particularly proud of the chalk board analogy

When Amanda meets Hanna in front of The Spiral, he's internally panicking the entire time, like:

The computer scene is my interpretation of what happens when you use edge for a skill you'd otherwise have no/few ranks in. You don't suddenly become good at what you're doing, you fail your way into success... somehow.

I love writing stories with multiple protagonists and I especially love adjusting the narrator voice to give them a different feel. (E.g short sentences, very to the point for Hanne. Amanda goes back and forth between more poetic language and a flippant tone).

I really like the "he needed a bigger pond with smaller fish".

When you think about it, the great tragedy of the story is that Amanda will never get those memories back.

When Arne Sulzbach is asking Hanne questions while making the Bloody Mary, he's actually checking whether he has any friends or family who would notice him missing.

I wanted to write a story where both protagonists save each other. I also always wanted it to be a platonic love story.

... I'm also particularly proud of the "your Mom"-joke by the Yakuza

It might seem weird that Hanne, who doesn't seem that intellectual (even though she is smart/wise in other ways) knows so much about the side-effects of injuries and how long it takes to heal. She knows from many visits to the hospital.

In my mind the two of them really do become good friends after this :) They meet up weekly for movies and dinner. And at some point Amanda braids Hanne's hair.

#shadowrun #tabletop #urban fantasy #cyberpunk #friendship #troll #wicca #goth #gothic #non-binary #gentle giant #fanfiction #literature #witch #blackout

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rpmemes-galore · 2 years

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raw lines from unlikely sources ... sentence starters

“Then perish.”

“And still, I survive.”

“Pick a god and pray.”

“Despite everything, its still you.”

“Confidence is quiet. You’re not.”

“Then become the dirt I walk on.“

“I am a monument to all your sins.“

“Hell is empty, all the devils are here.“

“You said I killed you. Haunt me, then!”

“Do I look like the kind of man who dies?“

“You cannot kill me in a way that matters.“

“Violence for violence is the rule of beasts.“

“If you want me to die, you can just say so.“

“Your secrets are safe with my indifference.“

“Will you fight? Or will you perish like a dog?”

“You will survive. It will hurt, but you will live.”

“I will face God and walk backwards into hell.“

“I have been through hell and come out singing.”

“I haven’t been a kid since I was eight years old.”

“You are strong, child. But I am beyond strength.“

“I cannot hold back the tide of your bad decisions.“

“What an exhausting thing it is to be called a hero.“

“You cannot condemn those who build your throne.“

“To become God is the loneliest achievement of all.“

“Pay a man enough, and he’ll walk barefoot into Hell.“

“No cause is lost as long as one fool is left to fight for it.“

“You kneel before my throne, unaware it was built on lies.“

“If God wanted you to live, he would not have created me.“

“Love is like ghosts; Few have seen it, but everybody talks.”

“I had all and then most of you, some and now none of you.”

“No one will know the violence it took to become this gentle.“

“I hope you heal from the things no one ever apologized for.“

“My ancestors are smiling on me… Can yours say the same?“

“God has cursed me for my hubris and my work is never finished.“

“There’s no point in being grown up if you can’t act childish at times.“

“You could sooner divert a river from its course than deny my nature.“

“Kill me and live with the memory. Then tell the stars that you’ve won.“

“I will seize destiny by the throat and force it into the shape of my choosing.“

“If the world chooses to become my enemy, I will fight just like I always have.“

“The anger in your heart warms you now, but will leave you cold in your grave.“

“I survived because the fire inside me burned brighter than the fire around me.“

“Do you think God lives in heaven because he, too, fears what he has created?“

“Someday you will have to answer for your actions, and god may not be so merciful.”

“So you think you’re the only one struggling, when in fact, everyone goes through it.“

“You are alone, child. There is only darkness for you, and only death for your people.”

“Dude, sucking at something is the first step towards being sort of good at something.”

“You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.“

“What is better? To be born good, or to overcome your evil nature through great effort?”

“I am not responsible for actions of the imaginary version of me you have inside your head.“

“I think we deserve a soft epilogue, my love. We are good people and we’ve suffered enough.“

“They dropped the world on your shoulders and called you Atlas. How long can you hold the weight?”

“If we want the rewards of being loved, we have to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known.”

“You see, there's no need to wonder where your god is, 'cause he's right here! And he's fresh out of mercy.“

“The bar was so low it was practically an tripping hazard in hell, yet here you are, limbo dancing with the devil.”

“Stand in the ashes of a trillion dead souls and ask the ghosts if honor matters. Their silence is your answer.“

“The world should have protected you, but you have been asked to protect it. What an honor. What an injustice.“

“What can one do in the face of such monumental loss but breathe a weary sigh, for the world is a little quieter now?”

“You’ve got to make a statement. You’ve got to look inside yourself and say: 'what am I willing to put up with today?’“

“I see now that the circumstances of one’s birth are irrelevant; it is what you do with the gift of life that determines who you are.“

“Too many people have opinions on things they know nothing about. And the more ignorant they are, the more opinions they have.“

“Always remember that the crowd that applauds your coronation is the same crowd that will applaud your beheading. People like a show.“

“One day, you will be face to face with whatever saw fit to let you exist in the universe... and you will have to justify the space you’ve filled.”

#long post #long post for ts #sentence starters #rp meme #misc

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crit20art · 3 years

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Resigned, Though Not To Fate

When Jon asks Martin to Quit the Archives with him, Martin says yes. Things don't go as planned. In the Scottish Highlands, they hurt, and they heal.

Fandom: The Magnus Archives

Rating: T

Current length: 145k (complete!!!)

Tags: fix-it-ish, canon divergence, scottish safehouse, getting together, hurt/comfort, canon-typical horror, body horror, the mortifying ordeal of being known, caretaking, domesticity, non sexual intimacy, trans Martin, slow burn, monster jon

Read here on AO3!!!

#tma fic #the Magnus archives fic #tma #the magnus archives #I’m back on my bullshit!!!!!!!!!!

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wesawbears · 3 years

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Posting here in its entirety now that it’s complete. Featuring the favors Neil used to get Andrew to go to Aaron’s wedding, Neil being a menace, and Andrew and Aaron talking, as well as Andrew submitting to the mortifying ordeal of being known.

Enjoy!

Andrew shut the door with his foot, letting his bag sit by the door for a minute. He knew Neil would call out his hypocrisy the moment he saw,considering their previous conflicts about what apartment etiquette entailed, but for now, what he didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him.

Walking into the kitchen, he set his keys down on the table and scratched at Sir’s chin where he was headbutting against his hand. He stopped when he saw something unfamiliar on the fridge and walked over to inspect. They weren’t the type to keep mementos or reminders there; the dark blue stood out against the bareness there.

In loopy script, it read: “Save the Date! October 21st. Aaron Minyard and Katelyn Winters”.

He began peeling it off the fridge. Neil had wanted him to see it, but there was no way. Just seeing their smiling faces made something surge up in his stomach. He had let Aaron go years ago, but he never said he had to be happy about it, and he certainly had said nothing about supporting Katelyn or their relationship, the same as Aaron had never said anything to Neil that wasn’t strictly required for Exy. He could tolerate talking to Aaron, more than he had when they’d been in the same state, but that didn’t mean they did things like this. Nicky’s wedding was bad enough.

“Oh, you found it.”

Andrew turned, determined to not give Neil the satisfaction of seeing that he’d startled him. The slight smirk told him he hadn’t succeeded, but he kept his face placid and unbothered. “So you put it there on purpose? I assumed it had been put there by mistake.”

“No. I put it there so I’d remember to put it on the calendar...eventually.”

“What for?” Andrew asked, tilting his head in mock confusion. Better to not give him the satisfaction..

Neil raised his eyebrow, a look of condescension that had Andrew’s hackles up. “Because I’m going? I assumed you would too, but I can go alone.”

It was true. Neil was an adult who could make his own choices and Andrew wouldn’t stop him from going. But somehow he doubted that Neil would leave it there. The very fact that Neil had taken the time to put it on the fridge meant that this was premeditated and that, likely, this was an argument he wasn’t going to win. That didn’t mean that Andrew didn’t intend to gain as much ground as he could.

“So eager to go play with your friends?”

“Our friends.”

“Presumptuous.”

“You’re right. Aaron will be there, considering it’s his wedding. So he would be just yours then.”

“Aaron is no longer my responsibility. He can fuck up his life however he wants.”

Neil leaned against the kitchen counter, staring back at Andrew with the same level stare. “What do you want for it?”

Andrew held himself against the weight of being known that well. He kept his voice casual. “Skipping ahead so soon? You haven’t appealed to the fact that he’s my brother yet.”

Neil huffed. “Wouldn’t work. I’ve already worked through all your arguments. Had about a week to practice.”

Andrew drummed his fingers on the table. It was unnerving, as always, to know that Neil knew him well enough to anticipate his arguments, to have already taken the time to work this through in his head. It was as irritating as it was calming, in a way only Neil could manage to be. “You assume you have something worth that much to me.”

“Don’t I?”

“This conversation is starting to bore me. Get to the point.”

“I can sign the papers. One phone call and I’m transferred to Chicago. Same schedule, same weekends off. No more watching each other’s games on TV.”

Andrew worked his jaw. Neil’s status states away had been a source of more irritation than he wanted to admit. It had taken him a long time to be able to admit that Neil was a part of his life that was maybe permanent, as close to permanent as he could allow himself, and now that he had, he felt every mile like a slow healing bruise. Neil’s contract was due for renewal, but Andrew’s team conveniently needed a striker. No coach would turn down one of the best strikers in the game. It was the one thing worth saying yes to and Neil knew it.

“Yes or no?”

Andrew knew that Neil would drop it the moment Andrew said no. Neil didn’t pick fights he couldn’t win. He was only asking because he knew from the start Andrew would agree.

“I’ll go.”

Neil grinned, and moved closer, hovering his hand close to Andrew’s. Andrew took the next step and linked their fingers together. For once, Neil didn’t push his luck with some smartass comment, but Andrew could practically see him biting it back.

“What?”

“Nothing. I’m just glad you’ll be there.”

“Don’t say stupid shit,” he countered, pulling Neil in.

“Yes,” Neil said, before Andrew could ask.

He pressed him to the counter and kissed him, letting the invitation fall to the ground.

It takes another favor for Neil to convince him that threatening Katelyn at the wedding wasn’t worth the trouble. Andrew severely disagreed, but pushing the issue wasn’t worth it, when Neil would pull back on both their agreements if he did. He didn’t linger on what that meant, on the fact that somewhere along the way he’d decided that keeping Neil meant more to him than settling past scores, and more to him than his brother. He wasn’t sure if that was healthy or not, but healthy had never been in his lexicon either way.

Neil still looked like a disgruntled cat any time he had to wear a suit, but Andrew had picked out a nice fitting one for him years ago, and he takes a moment to appreciate his handiwork. Neil is oblivious as always, though, and it takes him about two minutes of trying to get his tie right until Andrew can’t take it anymore.

“Impossible,” he huffs, and moves closer to secure it properly. Neil grins down at him and Andrew still feels the urge to push his face away, not knowing what Neil finds there to look at. “Staring.”

“Says the man who was literally standing there for two whole minutes.” Not as oblivious then.

Andrew doesn’t dignify that with a response, turning with a hum and heading towards the door. He’s timed it so they’ll be just close enough to on time for the ceremony that they can slip in the back. He lets the hum of the highway drown out the tight feeling in his chest.

When they get there, there’s an annoying sign that says “We’re all family! Pick a seat, not a side!” and Andrew considers walking out, but Neil is swept up by Matt and carried away, so Andrew has to follow, despite his misgivings. Nowhere in their agreement did it state that Andrew had to pay attention to the ceremony, so he tunes out and recites some book he has memorized to himself instead.

It becomes painfully obvious at the reception that Neil is keeping an eye on him, so Andrew leaves him with Kevin, fighting over something inane and exy-related, and goes outside for a cigarette. He steps onto the terrace, only to find his brother leaning against a fence.

“I don’t think this is how weddings work,” he says as a greeting.

Aaron glances up, scowl as familiar as a mirror. “I told Katelyn I needed a minute.

Andrew nods and leans against the fence, taking a drag of his cigarette.

“Didn’t think you were going to come.”

“Thank Neil.”

“After you thank Katelyn. It was her idea to send you the invitation. I told her not to bother.”

“And yet here I am.”

“Here you are,” Aaron agrees, leaning further back against the fence.

Andrew lets the conversation drop for a moment. He’s about to head back inside, when he hears, “Why?”

He turns back. “Why what?”

“Why did you come? We both know Neil isn’t here as a favor to me. So why would he think it’s important for you to be here?”

And wasn’t that the million dollar question. Why had he bothered to come, when he and Aaron only spoke a handful of times a year?

“I don’t know,” he answers truthfully.

Annoyingly, Aaron scoffs. “Yes you do.”

“Enlighten me then,” he plays along.

Aaron shrugs. “I didn’t say I knew why. I just know that you don’t do anything without having some convoluted reason for it.”

“I didn’t know I was coming out here to have a conversation with the cheshire cat.”

Aaron chuckled and the sound was foreign to him. “We’re not 16 anymore. Hell, we’re not 20 anymore. We’re grown up.” He holds his glass up, toasting to nowhere.

“When did you start philosophizing? Andrew asked.

“It’s my wedding day-I’m allowed,” Aaron says, shaking his head.

“You’re so weird,” is all Andrew can think to say.

He looks at Aaron and wonders what he sees. Wonders if he mirror the relaxed posture, the way Aaron looks comfortable in his own skin. He wonders how long it’s been since he woke up screaming, if it’s a dull ache in the back of his mind, or an almost healed bruise, flaring up only when pressed on.

He hears the tell tale sound of heels on cobblestones. “Aaron? Honey, we’re about to cut the- oh.”

He looks up and sees Katelyn, wide-eyed and hesitant. He feels long forgotten anger well up, but thinks of Neil and pushes it down. With a long forgotten salute, he turns and leaves Aaron to his future.

Inside, Neil is leaning against a table, sipping his drink that Andrew can tell he hates. He takes it from him and downs it in a quick swig.

“That was mine,” he complains, nudging Andrew’s hip.

“You were too slow.”

“Everything okay?” he asks.

Andrew looks down at their hands, sees the newly acquired neat letters on the side of Neil’s thumb that match his own and feels something settle back into place. He looks up and past him to where Aaron is laughing while Katelyn puts whipped cream on his nose.

“Yes or no?” he asks instead.

Neil smirks. “In the middle of their moment?”

“Yes,” he taps Neil’s thumb, “Or no?”

“Yes, Andrew,” he says and pulls him in the rest of the way. He hears Nicky yell something and flips him off.

He’s okay.

#aftg #andreil #tfc #the foxhole court #andrew minyard

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thosewickedlovelies · 3 years

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AND THEY WERE WALLMATES: Cookies (part 2)

Pairing: Javier Peña x F!Reader

Rating: T for mature themes (implications of sexy times and violence). It will go up later ;)

Summary: You share an apartment wall with Javier Peña, but that doesn’t make it any easier to get to know him. You didn’t think your baking would be the catalyst.

Javi and Reader continue to get to know each other.

Tags: Mention of blood, super vague description of wound care. Additional TW for Javi: the Mortifying Ordeal of Being Known.

Word Count: 3,484

A/N: I was NOT expecting the amount of enthusiasm I got for the first chapter, but I’m so grateful for it!! I struggled a little bit with this chapter because it was the only one I didn’t have a solid plan for lol, but here it is because I’m impatient to share (and also tired of looking at it). I promise the next few will be better ;)

Masterlist

---

The next evening, you give yourself a stern pep talk before going to knock on Javier’s door. Javi, you remind yourself. You’re here to check on his leg, assuming he needs you to.

The door swings open much more readily than it had the night before, and Javier appears, an expectant half-smile curling the corner of his mouth. “Neighbor,” he drawls. Despite the new air of informality about him, his eyes hold a familiar suggestion that makes your heart sink a little. Back to his customary flirting, then.

“Hi, Javier,” you say, more coolly than you had originally planned. “I came over to see if you wanted me to check on your leg. I just kind of assumed that you would have the right supplies and stuff when I was giving you instructions last night, but if you don’t I can give you some, change the bandage for you. The first few days of healing are the most critical,” you explain, willing yourself to cut off your own rambling.

He examines your face for a second, the ready welcome fading. “Why do I get the feeling this check-up is more for you than for me?” He hitches an amused eyebrow back up, stepping back to let you in.

Over the threshold you cross your arms. “I don’t know, did you want your secret stab wound to get infected?”

He puts his hand on his hips with the beginning of a disbelieving frown. “It wasn’t a stab,” he grumbles defensively, with all the dignity of a petulant child.

You roll your eyes at his assertive posturing. “I know. I examined it.” Javier doesn’t move, though it couldn’t be comfortable maintaining such a wide-legged stance in those tight jeans. Your lips twitch the slightest bit as you take in your normally composed neighbor, his conflicted moue suggesting he’s been thrown off.

Taking pity on him, you borrow a page from his communication manual, nodding to a chair. “Come on. Pants off,” you deadpan, letting just a hint of your amusement show.

His expression starts out relieved, then cycles through several emotions in the space of the next second (albeit extremely subtly). He seems to freeze momentarily. “Uh, if you’ll just excuse me for one second, I’ll have these off for you in no time.” He winks, which would be charming if it weren’t Javier and he didn’t look like he had forgotten something important, and hastily strides toward the bedrooms.

Mystified, you look around, curious about the man despite his unpredictable demeanor. The apartment looks comfortably lived-in, yet there’s a distinct lack of personal effects, creating an odd contrast. There’s an empty takeout container by the sink, but you aren’t fooled by that- very occasionally, you’ve smelled amazing things coming from this kitchen. You wonder what sparks his culinary inspiration.

A throat clears behind you and you jump. You hadn’t heard Javi return, but there he stands by the dining room table, the fly of his jeans already gaping. He quirks a brow at you. “See anything interesting?” he asks, tipping his head to indicate the apartment. Apparently at ease, he begins to remove his jeans, and you avert your gaze, a flush creeping up your neck.

What? You saw people in all states of nudity every day at the hospital; why should you be flustered now? Annoyed, you busy yourself sorting through supplies while he sits down,

though not before he pulls out a chair for you.

Just like the previous night, he waits until you’re almost finished working to speak. “How did you know I was in pain last night? I didn’t think I made much noise.” His eyes are narrowed, like it’s something that’s been bothering him.

You reflect on your answer before giving it. “You...moved like you were in pain. Slowly, shuffling. And...you made a noise once you closed the door. I heard it, you know, through the wall.” You admit the last part with your eyes down, focusing on adhering tape to his skin.

“Through the wall, huh.” Something in Javier’s husky voice makes you glance up. He looks contemplative, dark eyes studying you thoughtfully. He angles his head down toward you. “What else do you hear through the wall?”

You’ve walked into a trap of your own making. Those daring insinuations are back in his eyes, but you can’t escape to your apartment in the middle of changing a bandage. So you answer truthfully: “I hear you cook sometimes. Smell you cook sometimes,” you correct yourself brightly. “What do you make that always smells so good, Javier?” You meet his gaze with deliberate innocence, although you would genuinely like to know.

His expression shutters, and he leans back in the chair again. “Food,” he mutters. “Stuff I learned a long time ago.”

An unexpectedly real answer; you quash the intense curiosity it provokes. Not wanting to pry too much, too soon, you just snicker in response. “Food, huh? I think I’ve heard of that.” His attention snaps back to you, but you just let him brood as you finish with his leg.

This time when you stand, you linger over your supplies, leaving some out for him and explaining things to watch out for. “I’ll come by again tomorrow night, but it should be fine as long as you don’t aggravate it,” you conclude.

“Well, non-aggravating is my middle name.” Javier gives you a winning smile, one that probably would have passed the muster of anyone who hadn’t heard the mocking edge in his voice.

A laugh sputters out of you. “Is that so? I’ll be sure to tell Connie next time I’m over there.”

Something like fascination sparks in his eyes, a hunger he can’t hide propelling him to lean forward. “Oh? You two ladies talk about me?”

Your lips purse as your mind races through suitable responses. “Well, I had to get the dirt on my mysterious neighbor from somewhere,” you say lightly. Because it sure wasn’t coming from him. Yet the longer you spent in his company, the more you found you wanted to know.

“Hm.” A huff is his only response. His shoulders relax against the chair back as he returns to regarding you wordlessly, but in a distinctly more agreeable way.

You suppress a smile as you pick up your bag. “Well. Goodnight, Javi.”

Almost a week after your last checkup, Javier grinds his cigarette butt into the ground and flicks a last glance at your window. He and Steve had arrived home at the same time, so he’d stalled with the excuse of a smoke outside, knowing that if he entered his own apartment, he’d lose his nerve. Gritting his teeth, he limps up the stairs and to your door. He knocks.

The noise of the tv cuts off, and a moment later, you open the door. You blink in surprise. “Javi! What are you doing here?” Concern clouds your face as you take in his rumpled appearance.

The words lodge in his throat. “I, uh. I need your help,” he admits, dragging his gaze up from the floor. “Banged my leg at work today. Think I opened it up again...thought I should let you take a look at it.” He couldn’t stop imagining your reaction if you found out he hadn’t.

Your eyes widen, and you immediately step back to let him in. “Of course! Please, here-” You offer your arm, but Javier has enough pride this time to make it to your dining room table without help. When he looks up you’ve vanished, dashed off to your stash of medical supplies, he assumes.

He takes the opportunity to look around. Your place is cute, homey-feeling, because of course it is. He notes, however, that most of the decoration has been locally bought, and curiosity needles at him. Nothing more personal to bring with you? He gets a fleeting glimpse of the bottle of wine on the coffee table before you return.

“...sorry about that, I don’t know why I stashed this away so well when I knew you might need it again.” Your setup is a familiar scene by now. You keep glancing over at his blood-stained bandage, frowning worriedly, and he wonders how you can be so damn caring when it’s clear he’s interrupted your evening.

He makes a sound of disgust. “Nah, this was a stupid accident,” he says, annoyed all over again. “Normal, routine chase after some narco, but I slid against a wall that had some shit sticking out of it at just the wrong spot.”

Your eyes leap to his in shock, and too late he remembers that Connie gave you the ‘janitorial services’ line. You don’t ask though, pressing your lips together and determinedly refocusing on peeling off the bandage, and Javi can’t help but feel a twinge of respect.

Well, someone in the building would tell you sooner or later. “I’m an agent of the DEA,” he says, monitoring your reaction. “Since you were about to ask.”

You straighten indignantly. “I was not!” you protest, before you see the lazy gleam in his eye and realize he’s joking. You roll your eyes reproachfully, but the press of your lips now looks amused. “I just thought there was probably a reason Connie didn’t tell me.” Javier winces as you gently prod at his injury.

“Well, what’s one more secret between neighbors?” He winks conspiratorially at you. Just like the last time, however, it gets minimal reaction, and it confounds and intrigues him in equal measure. Women usually respond to his efforts. Even if there’s no real intention, he likes seeing them get a little flustered, likes the feeling of having influence, control. And women don’t seem to mind.

But you...you resisted. Javier doesn’t know why, but you don’t react to his usual charm in the ways he’d come to expect. He’s sure you don’t dislike him- but he’s not exactly sure what he’s doing to make you like him, either. There was something...enticing about it.

The familiar feeling of your fingers smoothing tape along his thigh brings him back to the present. He tries not pay too much attention to it, knowing that it would be extremely asshole timing to pop a boner.

“Well, you should be all set. Again.” You look sympathetic, not resentful, and Javier nods, suddenly feeling awkward. How could he possibly make up all of this up to you?

“Just- try to be careful, okay? You don’t have to hurt yourself as an excuse to hang out with me.” Out of nowhere you’re teasing him, with a line to rival some of his worst. His eyebrows raise, and he chuckles as he dips his head.

“I’ll keep that in mind.” He gets to his feet. “...Thank you,” he says gruffly, hoping he’s conveying even a tiny amount of how much he means it. “Enjoy your evening.” He doesn’t let himself look back as he heads for the door.

Steve and Connie have invited you to a movie night. Or at least, Connie has. You assume the invite comes from both of them, even if a movie night doesn’t seem like something Steve would initiate.

“Javi will be there too,” Connie had informed you nonchalantly, but she watched intently for your reaction.

You hadn’t even blinked. “Great!” you said easily- until you realized the opportunity this presented and beamed. “What should I make?”

Which is how you end up standing outside her door, one floor up, holding a plate of cookies. You were glad now that you decided to make them today and not yesterday- finishing them barely 20 minutes ago had effectively given you no time to tailspin about what to wear or how you were supposed to act around Javi. Or rather, Javi and Steve and Connie, since although you and Javi had a secret, it was not what they’d imagine it to be.

Connie answers the door, and that’s definitely not a twinge of disappointment you feel, because why would Javier have answered the door of someone else’s house?

“Hey, come in!” Connie gushes. She waggles her eyebrows meaningfully at the plate in your hands. “What are those, and what are you drinking with them?”

Her easy familiarity grounds you. “Whatever you’ve got,” you reply, some of your nerves settling. Your friend leads you to the kitchen, where Steve and Javi stand continuing some conversation at the bar counter.

“The party has arrived, boys!” She announces. “I told you all that smell was for us.” She winks at you, a bottle already in hand to pour you a drink.

“Welcome, welcome,” Steve greets in his easygoing way, gesturing with his beer to encompass the apartment as a whole.

You smile in thanks, your eyes flitting briefly to Javier. He hasn’t said anything yet, but there’s a loose relaxation to him you haven’t seen before, a softness playing on his lips as he absorbs the scene. It’s similar, you realize, to the moment when he complimented your lemon cake, the first time you felt like you were meeting the real him.

This observation only takes a heartbeat to sink in. Tucking it away to examine later, you shyly lift the plate and set it in the middle of everyone. “She‘s right,” you confirm, peeling off the plastic wrap. “Peanut butter cookies.” The next few seconds are spent in an expectant semi-quiet as everyone takes a cookie and savors the first bite.

“Mmm,” someone sighs, and the dam breaks. A flurry of compliments all around, new threads of conversation bursting forth. You absorb it gratefully, relieved at their enthusiastic response and happy to have been able to contribute. You try not to react to Javier’s eyes on you.

The ice broken, you all chat and drink around the bar for a bit, before Connie declares that it’s movie time, leading everyone to the living room. Before following them, Javier grabs the plate of cookies. “We’ll just take these with us,” he says decisively, and you take it as a compliment.

It’s the first time he’s addressed you directly since you arrived, and there’s a knowing glint in his eye. “By all means,” you respond pleasantly, meeting his gaze. Taking your tenuous first step in sharing the establishment of a public-facing persona to your relationship (such that it is).

In your delay, Connie and Steve appear to have gotten into a hissed discussion, standing between the couch and the loveseat. Connie whirls around as you and Javi approach, fixing a smile to her face. She waves you over to the smaller sofa. “Come on, we get to snuggle up on the loveseat, so the big men have more room to spread out.” She aims a cool faux-glare at her husband, but a glimmer of real frustration prevents it from being believably fake.

Steve sends Javi a long-suffering, apologetic look. “Sounds cozy,” you chirp, mediating before anyone else can say anything. “So what are we watching?”

At this, Steve’s face lights up with a grin that almost makes you wary. He takes great delight in announcing the selection, some military action flick with “enough drama and hunky actors to keep the ladies entertained as well,” apparently.

“A true classic.” Javier nods sagely from his sprawled seat on the couch, his smirking grin suggesting that it was not at all true. Steve kneels to put the tape in, and as he and Javi continue to snigger over it, Javi shoots a self-conscious glance in your direction, his posture shifting.

Connie sighs. “They’ve done a few of these now. I should warn you that it’s less about watching the movie than it is about bonding over making fun of it,” she confides.

You keep the two men in the corner of your vision as you turn to reply to your friend, feeling warm with gratitude at being included. “That’s okay,” you assure her. “It’s a good bonding activity.”

Connie smiles, but seems distracted. She lowers her voice to speak again. “I should also tell you that they make fun of it because they know how government/military stuff really works. From their job at the embassy.” She seems unsure if she should say any more.

“Oh!” You realize that Connie has no way of knowing about your conversations with Javi. “I know. I mean, Javier told me. What they do.”

Connie looks amazed. “Javier told you? When?” Her voice drops to just above a whisper.

“Recently,” you hedge. “I was, um, helping him with something, and it slipped out.” No point in getting him in trouble.

Connie looks ready to burst, but before she can say anything the tv blares, and Steve pointedly declares that it’s starting.

You settle in for the mock-fest, and sure enough, the men don’t disappoint. It’s hard to follow what’s actually going on through their exasperated groaning, but you don’t mind. Their back-and-forth is just as entertaining, and you even manage to join in occasionally during the medical scenes.

Throughout it all, you surreptitiously watch Javier. His opening up is a slow-building thing, like he can’t decide how much of himself to reveal. He steals frequent glances at you, as if trying to judge what you’re thinking of him in this new context. But he can’t pretend to be his usual lascivious self in front of Steve and Connie, and all at once he seems to decide to just be, and damned if you don’t like it.

You don’t let on that you’ve been paying such attention, only teasing and acting like you normally would around friends. But you can’t help but respond to the way Javi’s eyes crinkle when he smiles; to the hard-won sound of his laugh, sending pleasant tingles down your spine. With other things for him to focus on besides you, you’re able to observe him more freely, noticing things you hadn’t before.

When the movie finally ends, you and Javier stand to leave, managing to only after Connie extracts ironclad promises from the both of you to do this again. The tentative banter you’d fallen into in the apartment carries you down the stairs; it felt rather like you were still creating the steps to a dance in which you weren’t quite sure if you were competitors or partners.

He walks you to your door. “It’s like eight steps down the hall, Javier.” It’s sweet, despite your objection.

“A lot can happen in eight steps,” he counters, undeterred.

At the door, he murmurs your name. You look at him in surprise when he takes your hand, even as your body sings from the warmth of his attention. “I don’t believe I’ve thanked you for all your help yet.” He brings your hand to his mouth and presses his lips to your skin. Softly, lingering. “Properly, that is.” In his hooded eyes is a brazen offer.

His mustache brushes more softly than you would have thought, and your mind immediately leaps to imagine what it would feel like against your mouth. Heat flares within you at the thought, but you pull your hand free and step back from him. You can see his thoughts slow, reorganize at your retreat.

“You don’t have to thank me with sex, Javier.” It would be lying to say you hadn’t considered this possibility; you place each word with care, knowing that any future relationship you might have with Javier would depend on his response to this conversation. “I didn’t help you as an excuse to sleep with you.”

It wasn’t that you weren’t interested in sex with him, exactly. The truth was...you didn’t want to be done with him yet. You wanted to learn more about him, uncover all the little things that made him him behind the gruff armor. But if you agreed to be seduced by him tonight, it would send the opposite message. That all he had been to you was a debt that was now paid.

Javier looks befuddled, the furrow in his brow deepening as his listens. Your next words come out sounding more practiced. “If that’s all you want from me then fine, but...friendship is good too, you know? Friends are a thing people have.” Your gaze drops briefly, a flicker of embarrassment overtaking you. But you’re determined to make him understand that this isn’t a blanket rejection.

His expression turns frustratingly inscrutable as he digests this. “Right.” Slowly he nods, shifting away from your door.

“Just- think about what I said, Javi. Okay?” No pity in your voice, only a soft, steady plea.

Javier continues to nod as he backs away. “Sure,” he replies, step by step, toward his own home. “Buenas noches, Vecina.” Good night, Neighbor.

In a twisted reversal of your usual roles, you watch him walk the length of the hall. A contemplative saunter, hands sliding into his pockets to retrieve a cigarette.

You can only hope you said the right thing.

---

A/N: In the first scene, Javi left the room to go put on underwear lmao.

Fic Taglist: @din-damn-djarin, @thirstworldproblemss

#javier peña x reader #javier peña x you #narcos fic #narcos #javier peña #pedro pascal #pedro pascal characters

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