#the day gets closer where I work up the will to compile an Actual Post from my little tangents
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Judgement Day x reader Where the reader is an absolute cuddle bug, but is afraid they might be too clingy. So Judgement Day assure them that they love how cuddly they are?
Word Count: 2,053
Reader's POV
Ever since I was a child, I was extremely touchy. I always felt the need to be not only emotionally close to all my friends and family but also physically close.
I would hug each of my friends at least twice a day, along with my teachers and parents and my usually unwilling siblings.
I was able to calm down a bit by the time I got to middle school, restraining myself from hugging just my family members and my friends who were used to it by now. High fives and wrapped arms around shoulders and waists became a norm for anyone interacting with me.
In high school, I had better learned to keep my hands to myself, only occasionally hugging my friends. But, my friend group was also a bunch of pretty touchy people so sitting next to each other with our legs touching, or laying down with our head in the lap of the other while they finger-brushed our hair was a norm for us within our friend group.
I had accepted long ago that my love language was touch but that it wasn't for everyone. One potential partner in high school even broke things off because of how touchy I am. They said it was suffocating and just 'way too much'.
Touchiness has never been an issue with my four wonderful partners now, though. Rhea, Dominik, Damian, and Finn all seemed to appreciate my touches and would even go out of their way to be closer to me sometimes.
And I love and appreciate them all for it.
My partners are all very aware of my need for touch. So, on days when I get home from work, both physically and mentally exhausted, they'll center me a a big group hug until I feel better.
When I wake up in the morning, Dominik smothers me in hugs and kisses, usually ending in hours-long cuddles until we're forced to move.
Damian often has me sit in his lap, no matter where we are. A party, backstage at a WWE show, or just hanging out in the living room of our house.
Whenever I had a particularly bad day Finn would shower me with affection, figuratively and literally. He would help me take a shower, giving me small kisses on my shoulders all the while, before giving my shoulders a massage in our bedroom.
Rhea was surprisingly the most touchy out of all my partners. She constantly had to have a hand on my waist, shoulder, arm, thigh, you name it she was touching it. She's very protective and always had to make sure that not only was she giving me what I needed, but also making sure everyone else knew I was hers as well.
The doubts didn't start until about six months into our five-way relationship when I had been at home on the couch scrolling through social media while the four of them were at Monday Night RAW.
My for you page had decided to randomly show me a video of someone who had compiled a bunch of videos and pictures of me with my partners. They had all zoomed in on my partners' faces whenever I specifically was touching them and not the other way around. The person who made the video was saying "Look at how uncomfortable the Judgment Day looks. Y/n needs to stop fucking touching them and leave them alone."
The video instilled a spark of fear in me as I read all the comments agreeing with the original poster and for the next three hours I went down a rabbit hole of TikTok videos through the search from the original video; "Y/n Y/l/n being clingy".
There were at least a hundred different TikTok videos talking about it, with tons of comments throughout. I found videos so long that they had to post them on YouTube in which what they said about me was even worse because guidelines are a bit more lax.
For those three hours until my partners got home, I watched all the mean videos, read all the mean comments, saw all the mean posts, tweets, edits, etc, and sobbed as I realized that my partners probably were just doing it all because I wanted to and that they actually just hated me.
A little after midnight I heard the garage door open and Rhea's truck as they pulled into the driveway. I threw my blanket off my lap and sprinted up the stairs to our master bath. I needed to make it look like I hadn't been crying the entire time so I threw myself into the shower, making the water as hot as possible.
3rd Person POV
The four members of the Judgment Day walked through the door, into the house doing their best to stay quiet as with all the lights off they figured their partner was probably already asleep.
Hearing a noise coming from the living room, Dominik curiously made his way towards the couch, beginning to move around blankets and pillows.
Y/n's phone fell out of a blanket and bounced onto the thick carpet floor, it's face glowing up at the ceiling as a TikTok video played on a loop.
Hearing the clunk from the phone hitting the floor, Dominik tossed the blanket he was holding back onto the couch before bending down to grab the phone.
Mention of The Judgment Day along with Y/n's name made Dominik pause, focusing on the video playing.
"I mean, just look at their body language whenever Y/n touches them. They all always just look so uncomfortable."
Dominik watched in disbelief, as he beckoned the other Judgment Day members over to him. The group has always been pretty out about their relationship and some of them about their sexualities so haters were a norm but it was beginning to cross a line by hating their partner, who wasn't in the spotlight at all.
He beckoned the other three JD members over as the video began to play from the beginning again, holding the phone out for them all to watch.
They all watched the video in concern, Damian took the phone out of Dom's hands once it was over and began to backtrack, looking at what had previously been watched before that video.
There were several more videos about this particular topic at hand which the four of them scrolled through with growing disgust.
After several minutes of this, Rhea had a thought. "Where's Y/n?" She asked the group in a small panic.
They all looked at each other in concern before Rhea bolted up the stairs, yelling their partner's name, the boys quickly following suit.
Reader's POV
I was still in the shower about ten minutes after I had heard the garage door open and my partners come in when I began to hear Rhea screaming my name as four sets of footsteps thudded up the stairs, becoming louder as they got closer to the bathroom.
Banging soon began against the door as they all reached it. I heard each of my partners distressedly shouting my name, Rhea, however, being the loudest.
I turned the water off in a rush, wrapped my towel around myself, and got out of the shower. I fumbled with the lock, unlocking it before swinging the door open in a rush. I was met with the four panicky faces of my partners.
"What's going on, is everything okay?" I asked, genuinely confused.
Rhea rushed forward, pulling me into a tight hug. My face was squished into her chest (not that I'm complaining) and was squished even further when my other three partners came around to join the group hug.
"Guys?" I asked nervously, tilting my head up and resting my chin on Rhea's collarbone so that I could see all of their faces above me.
Finn spoke aloud for the group from my left, "Love, you left your phone open downstairs. We saw what you were looking at."
The blood would have drained from my face had it not all rushed there as the tears began to fall again.
I dropped my chin off of Rhea's chest and covered my face with my hands, the top of my head now resting against her chest instead. The four of them hugged me tighter in attempted comfort which only made me feel worse.
They hated me hugging them and just generally being all over them all the time and were now hugging me to make me feel better.
"I-I'm sorry. P-please don't be m-mad," I managed to get out through the massive sobs. I began trying to push away, out of the hug barricade they'd created around me but I wasn't able to turn around very well with how tight it was, and Rhea's way too strong to move when she doesn't want to be moved.
"We're not mad, Princesa," Damian spoke gently from behind me. That just made me cry even harder.
I was crying so hard that I was struggling to breathe. My four partners kept me close and I could feel someone stroking my hair before someone gripped my hips and turned my body to face them.
I dropped my hands from my face to my partner's waist, realizing who it was.
Looking up, my wet, red-rimmed, eyes were met with Dominik's wide brown ones. "Hey, hey." He shushed me softly. "Those videos are fake, mi amore. Okay? We all love how touchy you are. We love your hugs and kisses and all your little touches. If we didn't we wouldn't reciprocate them."
My sobs turned to sniffles at his sweet words. He gave me a small smile as he brought a hand up to my cheek, wiping away any remaining tears from my face with his thumb.
I closed my eyes in acceptance, another tear or two slipping out at the action which Dominik was quick to swipe away.
"We mean it, Cariño," Damian spoke up again, now on my right. "We love you and your cuddliness," He reassured me, his lips kept close against my hair as he gently pried me away from Dominik and tucked me into him.
"Promise?" I questioned faintly. It was directed generally towards all four of them.
I felt Rhea's hands snake around my waist, gently swaying me towards her a bit, "We promise. We love you so much and nothing and nobody will ever change that." She gave my temple a lingering kiss, squeezing my waist before turning me towards Finn.
"Don't listen to those morons on social media, love. We're just constantly uncomfortable on camera, especially around you just because we're worried about you. There's a lot of people and a lot going on and it can get overwhelming so we're a bit on edge trying to protect ya'." He explained smoothly as he brushed a few stray hairs off of my forehead and back behind my ear.
With their protective natures, this explanation did make a lot of sense. I mean, one time Rhea actually almost fought a fan at the airport because of how close he was to me despite, me telling him to get away. I guess them being my own personal bodyguards would make them a bit tense.
"Come on, as much as I hate to say it, let's get some clothes on you and put you to bed," Rhea ordered, shoving the boys out of the way to lead me back into the bathroom. I giggled at her statement, flushing bright red as she winked at me before closing the door to the bathroom, leaving me alone again as I quickly dried off and threw on some of my partners' clothes I'd stolen.
Coming out of the bathroom I saw all four of my wonderful partners seated on the edges of our giant bed, waiting for me to get into the middle for cuddles.
I grinned and got a running start, jumping full force onto the bed. Dominik made an exaggerated 'oomph' sound as I landed, causing Damian to swat the back of his head.
Laughing at my partners' antics, I crawled under the covers before opening my arms, signaling that I was ready for the puppy pile of cuddles I was about to receive.
I made my own 'oomph' sound as Dominik flopped on top of my chest, grinning wickedly as he playfully glared at me before sticking his face into my neck.
With all four of my partners now lying on top of me or next to me to some degree, I'd never felt safer or more comfortable.
Drifting off to sleep I only had one more thought.
"I love you guys."
#rhea ripley#the judgement day#wwe raw#rhea ripley x reader#wwe#tjd x reader#the judgement day x reader#damian priest#dominik mysterio#damian priest x reader#dominik mysterio x reader#finn balor x reader#finn balor#the judgment day x reader#the judgment day wwe#wwe x reader
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finding/inventing Dothraki personalities: Aggo
compilation ; Aggo ; Jhogo ; Rakharo ; Irri ; Jhiqui
I’m making a little series where I stare at everything the main Dothraki characters do and try to discern personality traits. The purpose of this is sort of “if you were to write a fanfic that actually fleshed out their characters, what’s a starting point? what is there, that we might not destroy in trying to build something larger?” It is not to claim that GRRM, um, wrote these characters well. But I do dislike rounding down to zero when it’s not literally zero.
For Aggo, let’s start with Daenerys asking him to be her bloodrider: all three of the people she asks refuse, but they give distinct reasons. The words are very close together, tightly paralleled, so starting here means we can be confident that the differences are intended. Aggo’s refusal is:
Aggo accepted the bow with lowered eyes. "I cannot say these words. Only a man can lead a khalasar or name a ko."
Compare this to Jhogo’s "this is not done. It would shame me, to be bloodrider to a woman": notice that Aggo emphasises the tradition and presents himself as passive—he is so conservative that he speaks it as outright impossible for him to break with tradition. (Rakharo’s is completely different.) If I squint I can also see it in "Blood of my blood," she heard Aggo echo—the ‘echo’, specifically.
Dany thanked him and told him to see to the repair of the gates. If enemies had crossed the waste to destroy these cities in ancient days, they might well come again. ... One of the guards that Aggo had posted saw him first and gave a shout
Daenerys knows her bloodriders, and tasks Aggo with seeing to their defences; and he furthermore posts guards... in the middle of the wastelands... ‘conservative’ pairs neatly with cautious.
Jhogo and Rakharo and their Dothraki helped those who could still walk toward the shore to bathe and wash their clothes. Aggo stared at them as if they had all gone mad
On a literal level, this is because just before this She beckoned Aggo closer. "Ride to the gates and bring me Grey Worm and fifty of his Unsullied." and so he has not been here to be shamed into helping despite "It is not good to touch the dead," said Jhogo. "This is known," Aggo and Rakharo said, together. However on a, uh, symbolic level, this is fitting to, uh, represent how he is the most conservative and traditional.
"Khaleesi," Aggo murmured, "there sits Balerion, come again."
um see he is drawing parallels to the Targaryen tradition that Daenerys just told them about
"It was her fate, Khaleesi," said Aggo.
He says of Eroeh. . . Jhogo has just described what was done to her, in terms of people taking actions; Aggo’s worldview, his filter, is in comparison passive-voice: the world is how it is and it is outright impossible to break with.
Aggo sat calmly notching arrows to his bowstring and sending them at tokars. Silver, gold, or plain, he cared nothing for the fringe.
Jhogo and Rakharo are fighting here, but adjectiveless; Aggo is calm in the midst of the battle.
I get an impression of age from him, but we’re told they’re all Her brave young bloodriders; brave warriors, but they were young, so I will settle for inventing that he’s like a year or two older and made a mountain out of it. Maybe him and Quaro (died end of AGOT) being a little older than Jhogo and Rakharo... idk.
Now we’re getting right down to the frequency analysis/pareidolia where I take tiny samples very seriously so I’ll link to the ~every-line collection;
‘Aggo and Rakharo’ appear together slightly more often than Aggo-and-Jhogo? This works for me because Rakharo strikes as mmmaybe the least ~traditional, so you could play up that contrast to get a dynamic with him changing and Aggo as backstop.
I am also assigning Aggo ‘unquestioning’ on the basis that he uh literally never asks a question. Not even once. afaict.
"The khal needs no help from women who lie with sheep," barked Qotho. "Aggo, cut out her tongue."
Aggo grabbed her hair and pressed a knife to her throat.
Dany lifted a hand. "No. She is mine. Let her speak."
Aggo looked from her to Qotho. He lowered his knife.
In AGOT Dany VII he isn’t sure whether to obey Daenerys or Drogo’s bloodrider;
Cohollo caught her. Fingers in her hair, he pulled her head back and she felt the cold touch of his knife at her throat. "My baby," she screamed, and perhaps the gods heard, for as quick as that, Cohollo was dead. Aggo's arrow took him under the arm, to pierce his lungs and heart.
here in VIII he quickly kills one of them, protecting her. Also an example of him being very good at archery.
The trader vaulted over the stall, darting between Aggo and Rakharo.
perhaps not so quick/good with melee? let’s say it’s so. When Arstan first shows up, Aggo kicks the staff out of his hands but Jhogo does more in the same timeframe.
Rounding out the character with the all-of-them stuff: the young archers of her khas were fluid as centaurs excellent rider, Jhogo and Aggo were digging a firepit to burn the dead stallion, physically strong, Her brave young bloodriders had stared off at the dwindling coastline with huge white eyes, each of the three determined to show no fear before the other two not getting seasick but hates the sea, standard vaguely macho stoic thing, "It is not good to touch the dead," said Jhogo. "This is known," Aggo and Rakharo said together, standard Dothraki ok honestly this one doesn’t count as superstition, that’s just germ theory, Yet Dany could not bring herself to abandon them as Ser Jorah and her bloodriders urged would rather have ditched the freedmen of Astapor, They kept her khalasar together, and were her best scouts too competent at commanding other Dothraki and scouting.
To pull it all together: there’s a concept in there of which calm and conservative and cautious and defensive and traditional and passive and unquestioning are all facets; the world is as it is and maybe you can minimise your losses but there isn’t, on a deep level, really a possibility of change. He finds his place in the hierarchy of his society and is good at what he’s supposed to and. stuff. This implies he’s slotting Daenerys as a one-off-exception (and not system-breaking) really hard, I guess?
....pretty sure this concept is “an orientalist stereotype" or one millimetre away. uh. to put more distance between that, i recommend leaning into the defensive/pessimistic angle, playing up/inventing the contrast with jhogo and rakharo who i swear are different hopefully i will get to their ones soon, and of course thinking about his internality and development: making up stuff about how he got here, how it feels from the inside to think like that, how he’s assimilating his experiences over the course of the books. there’s also “character development that changes his perspective” but personally i would choose him for one-who-moves-slowest.
final random fact:
Aggo gave an urchin a copper for a skewer of honey-roasted mice and nibbled them as he rode.
choice of snac
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traffic jams of the heart // billie dean howard x reader
a/n: posting my older works
warnings: none
"If I could turn back time!" Cher blasted through the car as Billie Dean gazed out the window. She and Y/n had just switched seats and she was more than happy to enjoy the opportunity to relax.
She gazed over at her lover watching as she casually drummed her fingers against the steering wheel to the song. She couldn't help but smile as she watched the younger girl push her glasses up her nose in concentration. The pair were returning from a spontaneous weekend getaway initiated by Billie. She'd been working nonstop the last couple weeks and was in serious need of some time away.
Y/n was fairly busy herself considering her students were preparing for college application season, and being so loved she had several students she was helping. Friday afternoon, when the school day came to an end, Y/n sat quietly in her classroom compiling lists of schools and information for a couple of students when she heard a knock at her door. She looked up and met Billie's warm brown eyes and couldn't fight the smile that spread across her face.
The medium had never come to her place of work. She stood from her place behind her desk and moved to greet the older woman. They were no where near official. They were actually closer to friends with benefits, and Y/n was very confused. They rarely went out due to Billie's status, so to see Billie Dean Howard, medium to the stars, standing in her classroom when anyone of her coworkers could see them made the situation a bit awkward.
Billie, on the other hand, was quick to close the space between the two with a hug and a chaste kiss to Y/n's lips. When she pulled away she was quick to push Y/n back toward her desk ordering her to pack all of her things so they could leave. Y/n obviously grew more confused, considering they didn't have plans to her knowledge. But once Billie reassured her that she hadn't forgotten about anything and that this was solely her doing, they were heading out of the school.
Leaving her car in the parking lot of the school, Billie whisked her away to a relaxing weekend with just the two of them. It was an amazing way to unwind a bit and she always loved spending time with Billie. They'd spent the weekend wrapped in their own world and it definitely reignited a few feelings y/n wasn't aware she still had for the medium. The domesticity of the entire weekend had her longing for some stability in her love life.
Y/n had stumbled into this friends with benefits things after a one night stand that neither of them could get off their minds. Once they reconnected, the pair let the anxiety surrounding rejection keep them from exploring anything more than sex. Of course they grew to know each other during each meeting and now here they were, in this state of confusion concerning their feelings for each other.
Y/n sighed heavily as the traffic thickened and the cars in front of them stopped moving. A traffic jam. Just what the pair needed.
"There must be an accident or something." Y/n felt herself mumbled out as the current song faded out.
"You're probably right. It's fine though, I could do with a little more time with you before we get back to reality." Billie said softly, almost timidly.
Y/n felt herself smile and finally took a hand off the steering wheel offering it to Billie, who gladly took it and tucked it securely in her own. It was moments like this when Y/n wanted to just confess her feelings for the medium. But she can't help but to think that if Billie Dean really wanted more with her, she'd have said something by now.
So as they sat in a traffic jam, holding hands, listening to Cher. They were stuck in more than one traffic jam.
Billie drew circles softly over the exposed skin of Y/n's arm and smiled as she felt the goosebumps appear under her touch. She loved the effect she had over the younger woman. Y/n was so confident in her classroom, but as soon as Billie was around it was a completely different story. Billie loved knowing she was the only person to make Y/n feel that way and the thought of her having that interaction with anyone else almost had Billie spilling her guts to the teacher. But of course she was terrified their ages would get in the way of anything they'd potentially have. Y/n was young and still had her life ahead of her. Why would she want to be tied to an older woman.
So as you can see. An emotional traffic jam. With absolutely no movement forward or backward.
As the cars slowly rolled forward Y/n's phone rang from the cup holder in the center of Billie's car. She turned to grab it and examined the number curiously and quickly answered it.
"Hello?" She asked slowly. Billie looked on skeptically. The pair had insisted on no phones for the weekend, but Y/n seemed very concerned about this call.
"Yes I'm listening Abigail." Y/n spoke into phone sending an apologetic look toward Billie who still had her hand. "No I'm not home, why?" Billie perked up a bit hearing the older female voice through the phone.
"I thought we could spend the weekend together, but when I came by you weren't home."
"Oh I went on a last minute trip." Y/n said removing her hand from Billie's to scratch the nape of her neck anxiously. Billie caught the act and felt the jealousy flaring within her. Who was making her girl anxious? Who was worried about her girl's whereabouts?
The traffic started to clear and Y/n's free hand went back to the wheel as she started steering them toward the school. A sign they were parting ways soon and Billie Dean felt her heart drop in sadness.
"Abigail, you can not just show up to my building without tell me." Y/n said down the phone cause Billie's brows to furrow.
"I know what I said Abi. And the offer will always stand-" y/n started but was cut off by the person on the phone.
"Exactly, so What's the big deal, it's not like you're dating anyone right now. It shouldn't be a problem." Abigail said.
Y/n turned to meet Billie's eyes for the first time since answering the call. "Abi that's none of your business. I'd just like some notice before you just come to my apartment. Even if I'm not in a relationship. Listen, I'm about to pick up my car. We'll talk about this when I get home." Y/n said down the phone before hanging up and turning into the parking lot of the school. She parked the medium's car right next to her own and put the car in park.
She went to remove her seatbelt and exit the car when Billie reached over and turned the car off. She exited the car first popping the trunk to retrieve Y/n's bag. They met at the trunk of Y/n's car and stood quietly for a moment.
"Thank you for this weekend. I really enjoyed spending it with you." Y/n smiled up at the medium. Billie sent her a smile but decided it was time for their cars to move in the right direction.
"Who is Abigail?" Billie Dean asked moving her hair out of her face.
"Oh Abigail is my ex." Y/n spoke honestly as her eyes shifted to her feet.
"Oh...why is she at your house?" Billie asked sitting the suitcase down.
"Well she's had a kind of hard life and I've always tried to provide her with some kind of support since she has no family around. So I told her she could come by whenever she needed." Y/n tried to explain as vaguely as possible.
"Should I be worried?" Billie finally asked, raising her eyebrow in question.
"I-" Y/n started but stopped once the words registered in her brain. "Why would you be worried Billie Dean?"
"Well I don't just spend romantic weekends away with just anyone." Billie said suddenly growing shy.
"Well I don't just sleep with just anyone. Despite what you may think considering how we met." Y/n said cheekily as she reached to take the older woman's hand in her own.
"Good to know." Billie said meeting Y/n's eyes.
"Okay. Maybe we can do this again sometime." Y/n suggested.
"Oh most definitely. Maybe we can be more than friends by the time we go." Billie suggested softly
"Well, we could be more than friends right now." Y/n thought.
As the thought crossed her mind she watched as the medium's facial expression altered. "Do you mean that?" Billie asked with wide eyes.
Y/n could feel her face heat instantly as she realized she spoke aloud. "...If you want that." Y/n said suddenly losing the confidence she briefly had.
"Well is that what you want?" Billie asked stepping closer to Y/n.
"If I say yes are you going to run?" Y/n said.
"Only if you ask me too." Billie Dean answered bringing her hands to Y/n's waist.
The pair couldn't fight the magnetic pull that pulled them together at this point. The emotional clarity was opening their eyes and their hearts to this new experience and they were loving it. Billie leaned down connecting their lips in a sweet kiss. A kiss that was familiar but screamed new in both of their hearts.
They broke apart breathlessly and found their eyes gazing lazily at the road ahead. All figurative and literal roads were clear and ready to be traveled. Together.
#ahs sarah paulson#sarah paulson imagine#sarah paulson x reader#sarah paulson x you#sarah paulson#billie dean howard x reader#ahs oneshot#billie dean howard#billie dean x reader#billie dean howard imagine#msschemmenti
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hi styg !! i'm really curious about 14 and 15 for those end-of-year writer asks if you feel like talking about it 💖 !!
hi friend!! <333 thank you for the ask!!
14. a fic you didn't expect to write
I haven't posted this yet, but the question doesn't say it has to be posted, so. Inspired by my re-read of The Island of Doctor Moreau by H. G. Wells this summer, I've written 40k words (and counting) of a Critical Role C2 fanfic trapping one of my favorite characters of the campaign, Essek, on the island that steals people's memories away and makes them slaves to the false god in its volcano. (Currently titled The Island of New Beginnings; I have a CR sideblog @bug4bread-sideblog which is where I'll share when it's done.)
It's not Hades, which is all I've posted in the past couple of years, and it doesn't mean my Hades days are over, but man, I'm having a blast playing in this new sandbox. It's also an experiment: I've only mentioned it to a few friends, and plan to start posting only after I finish. I want to see if multi-chapter is easier for me that way. So, unexpected but good!
15. something you learned this year
Feels like I learned a lot! Or gained more confidence in my process; probably a mix of both. (Under a cut because it got long!)
Overall, in the long long years I've been writing, I've written mostly short stories or one-shots, and I've always struggled the most with finishing the initial draft. There's always that perfectionist urge in me that wants to get all the themes and plot elements and character arcs in the right arrangement from the get-go, and if I'm feeling dissatisfied with my direction it's hard to stay motivated.
This year, maybe because I've recently wrangled with longer works, I feel like I'm building some endurance in that regard! You can get lucky with a one-shot and push it out in a day, and get a first draft that’s near perfect, but that’s just not possible with multichapter, for me, and I’ve finally started to accept that.
It's still hard to let go of the urge to polish right away, but I feel like I understand now more deeply that my process relies on multiple passes to get where I want to go. Especially for 20k+ stories, this is what I'm learning to accept as the process:
0.5 — Outline: In-depth outline of the whole story with its ups and downs, with a list of scenes too, and I'll usually outline each scene before I write it. (Who's in the scene? What do they want? How are the things they want out of the scene opposed?). The overall outline will be thin in the second half because I still don't know enough about my story, I'll find out what I'm actually getting at when I start writing it; I’ve learned that This is fine.
1. — First draft: Sometimes inspiration works miracles but waiting for a miracle is not a process. I really feel like this year I got a step closer to accepting that my first draft can and should be rough. It's a draft. It's sinking in that, when I look at my artist friends' progress videos, of course I don't expect them to make a perfect painting without sketching basic shapes first, so why do I keep expecting the writing equivalent of that from myself?
1.5 — Heart Notes list: This has been the game changer in 2022. It's a list of things to fix in a later draft, and/or think about on my next walk. When I'm drafting and dissatisfied with something (why would this character do this? why does this pacing fall flat? etc) or introducing some new element halfway through that I will need to rewrite earlier scenes to set up, I just put it on this list. And I don't think about it anymore for now. I used to compile these notes after the first draft was done, but those issues weigh on me enough that they would often discourage me and keep me from finishing the first draft at all. The list lets me mentally set down the weight of that problem, knowing I will address it later, so I can keep drafting now.
2. — Second draft: My beloved. Here is where I will do the larger rewrites based on my heart notes and rearrange stuff how I need it to be and just generally feel terribly relieved the first draft is behind me.
3. — Final draft: Just tweak some sentence-level stuff to make it read better and clearer, and we're done. (This is what I have always foolishly hoped the second draft would be, which meant I needed the first draft to be close to perfect already... and that’s how I got stuck.)
I still have a long way to go in terms of learning to let the first draft suck as much as it needs to, but I've been feeling a lot more secure in the idea that sucking is part of the process. I struggled a lot with writing in the first half of 2022. It's been getting better, and I think giving myself more leeway to suck at first and then seeing it work out in the end has helped a lot.
I hope 2023 is a good writing year for you (and in general too)!!
#answered ask#coffee-writes#fanfic wrapped meme#this turned out very long but I know you're one of my fellow writing sickos so I kept it all
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Every Record I Own - Day 761: SUMAC May You Be Held
I’ve talked about my own work here a bunch, though I’ve never actually devoted one of these album posts to a record I’ve played on. But I’ve found myself thinking about the latest SUMAC full-length a lot recently, and this felt like an ideal platform to talk about it.
I’m sure May You Be Held is a difficult album for a lot of folks. It’s an hour long. Three of its five tracks are improvisational, and the two more “traditional” SUMAC songs are still at least partially improvised. SUMAC is already a “difficult” band in a lot of ways---we eschew standard rock song structures in favor of linear songwriting. When we employ repetition, we tend to push it to extremes, digging into parts for so long that they take on a hypnotic quality. Dissonance is preferred over melody. Standard 4/4 meter is largely avoided. This isn’t catchy stuff.
The album came about in an unusual manner. “Consumed” was a leftover track from the previous album Love in Shadow. We knew early on that we’d release the 17-minute song in some capacity, most likely as one side of an EP. The 20-minute title track was written a couple of years later to fill the other side of the EP. Nick and Aaron went into the studio to do the basic tracking for “May You Be Held” and to rework parts of “Consumed.” At the end of the session, they recorded a few improvised pieces. I overdubbed the bass in another session, including playing along with the improvised songs. It was an unorthodox way to write an album---in multiple sessions over the span of several years in different studios with very little idea of what the end result would look like.
In some ways, it’s not too far off from the way some of my favorite Miles Davis records were concocted. Big Fun and Get Up With It were essentially compilation albums, their tracks culled from a variety of sessions that birthed more formal studio albums like Bitches Brew, Jack Johnson, and On the Corner. For some reason, I’ve gotten more enjoyment out of Big Fun and Get Up With It than I’ve gotten out of the more reputable albums that came out of those sessions. They feel more exploratory, more prone to daring choices, less rooted to convention.
We didn’t really know what we were making at the time, so when Aaron sent a proposed track listing where these two formal SUMAC songs were surrounded on all sides by improvisational pieces, it felt like hearing the material for the first time. We suddenly had this double album, and the journey of its hour-long duration felt like hearing music made by someone other than ourselves.
We paid a little extra to get the vinyl mastered by Matt Colton, but it was worth every penny. I’d never heard an album of mine transformed so thoroughly by a mastering job. I’ll usually listen to a test pressing two or three times just to make sure everything sounds okay, but I listened to the May You Be Held test pressing every night for a week straight, sitting in a bean bag chair, fully immersed in it. I felt like I could hear things in the mix that I’d never heard before, like the creak and groan of speaker cabinets pushed to the edge of their limits at the end of the title track. Even though we Frankensteined the album together from different sessions, it sounded like everyone was in the room recording at the same time. It had the sense of space of an old jazz album, like there wasn’t any intermediary between the musicians and my ears. When you hear the word analog in the context of music, you usually think of a certain kind of technology. But here it was closer to the original etymology of the word---it felt as analogous, or proportionate, to the original sound sources as possible.
May You Be Held came out in October 2020, right in the heart of the pandemic. In some ways, it was the perfect time for the album to come out. It felt good to put an album out into the world at a time when band activity was on hold. And I think May You Be Held is an album that really requires a patient and attentive listener. To really appreciate it, you need to give it your undivided attention. Curl up on the couch, put it on the stereo, play it loud, and let it sink in. What else was there to do during the pandemic?
I realize that’s a big ask in this day and age. After all, what artist doesn’t want its audience to fully immerse themselves in their work? I certainly don’t have enough time in the day to give every new album that level of focus. But I think this is the only way May You Be Held really works. You have to listen to it like you’re in the room as it’s being performed. You have to feel like you’re watching the improvised parts happen in real time, like one of the musicians could slip and derail the whole thing at any given moment. There’s a vulnerability in spontaneous composition, there’s no safety net. Everything is pure expression.
It was a fitting presentation for a record that, at its core, was all about vulnerability.
We decided not to put the album up on standard streaming platforms. As a listener, I know how easy it is to play a new album on your phone while you’re tinkering around the house. But May You Be Held doesn’t work as a cursory or casual listen. And in that sense, it might be a terrible type of record to release in our era, where there’s so much media vying for our attention and you can access any of it anywhere at any time. Inadvertently, I think May You Be Held is a reaction against that convenience. It’s a record that’s ugly and impenetrable on the surface, but if you filter out your surroundings, there is a unique power and immediacy to it.
I’ve been thinking about the album a lot as we’ve begun preparing material for a new album. In some ways, there is something daunting and depressing about releasing music in this day and age. There’s simply so much new music coming out, and so much of it feels ephemeral. May You Be Held may have benefitted from coming out in a time where people were stuck at home and looking for things to divert their attention from reality. But it may have also suffered from coming out in an era where music is largely shared and discussed online, and the dialogue quickly shifts to whatever is new. May You Be Held certainly isn’t a part of the zeitgeist in that capacity, but maybe it serves as a counterpoint. Maybe we all need to slow down and take a moment to not just hear, but to actually listen.
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I posted 1,733 times in 2022
That's 1,640 more posts than 2021!
196 posts created (11%)
1,537 posts reblogged (89%)
Blogs I reblogged the most:
@impossiblepluto
@appalachianapologies
@macgyverrewatch2020
@lailuhhh
@sanctuaryforalluniverses
I tagged 1,191 of my posts in 2022
Only 31% of my posts had no tags
#macgyver - 581 posts
#jack dalton - 142 posts
#angus macgyver - 115 posts
#fanfiction - 108 posts
#macgyver 2016 - 103 posts
#wip wednesday - 41 posts
#ask games - 39 posts
#macgyver fanfiction - 32 posts
#fic rec - 26 posts
#cairo day 2022 - 22 posts
Longest Tag: 140 characters
#with parenting there's always the assumption that someone else is there to babysit or drive or volunteer or whatever parent task needs doing
My Top Posts in 2022:
#5
This crossover is canon now right?
Nothing will disappoint me less than if, in mid-April 2024, The Rookie doesn’t produce an episode in which two middleaged women steal a police car from the Mid-Wilshire Station, go on a wild joyride through LA, and disappear in a mysterious flash of light right when they get cornered. I demand this Easter Egg storyline that Star Trek has teased me with! I mean, c’mon:
See the full post
31 notes - Posted March 29, 2022
#4
Jack + Matty’s Plan (whatever it was)
Mac might be our titular hero but Jack is absolutely the glue that binds so many of the relationships in the show together. And Jack and Matty is s really interesting one. Jack was so alarmed when he found out Matty was replacing Thornton, because of… whatever happened between Jack and Matty in the CIA. And aside from the assless chaps cold open (for which I would like to send the scriptwriters my deep and everlasting appreciation), we can only guess what all went on back then.
Jack was plenty quick to turn Thornton in even though he and Mac spent years working close with her, including in the field. He refused to believe in Nikki’s innocence, and he and Mac were even closer with Nikki. But Matty? Jack’s trust for Matty is on a whole other level, right up there with his trust in Mac.
I love this little scene in 2x17 where the team debates why Matty tried to lie to Mac about knowing his dad and if they can still trust her:
Mac: I can’t just ignore this. She already lied to me once.
Bozer: She can’t hide this. Jack found actual proof she was investigating your Dad.
Mac: No. We found proof Matty was compiling a dossier. We have no idea what was in the actual report.
(interrupted by Riley’s arrival but then…)
Riley: I swept through every government server and I found nothing. Either that report on your Dad is so top secret no one has access to it, or it simply doesn’t exist anymore.
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31 notes - Posted March 24, 2022
#3
Headcanon
Given a small amount of information about what James MacGyver has been up to for 15 years in regards to Mac, Murdoc would kill him for free. He would do it because it would fall under his “free human trash removal” policy, and he’d hope it would hurt the Phoenix. And also because, unlike the rest of the characters who ought to be trying harder to separate Mac from James, Murdoc wouldn’t mind if Mac’s upset over his trash father’s death, because you know, sometimes the things that are good for you are not things you enjoy, like going to bed on time or eating more vegetables.
Just imagine if Matty had quietly slipped Murdoc just the right info around 3x3...
39 notes - Posted February 6, 2022
#2
Ok so we’re almost on to the next rewatch episode and before we get there.... I must confess that I LOVE 2x13 for all the Jack parts. Like everything with Jack in this episode is gold. I mean, the robot apocalypse is fun, there are some really great Mac lines, and I love that Bozer’s out there having his back for once. But I love, love, love Jack’s high school reunion. I love the hilarious, over-the-top awkwardness of the whole thing. I love it because it’s like any high school reunion. Like literally, trust me here, if you’ve never been to a high school reunion? This vibe is SO accurate.
High school reunions are a weird mind game. You’re suddenly stuffed in a room with people whose opinions deeply mattered to you when you were ~17 years old. And so what if you haven’t given those people one second’s thought in 9.5 years? (or maybe 24.5, if you’re Jack!) It doesn’t matter how long it’s been or if you’re never going to see those people again, you’re probably also going to have that sudden, desperate need to prove you didn’t turn out to be some kind of loser.
But of course Jack’s reunion is like any awkward high school reunion x100, because of course Jack has to stick with the whole “bathroom tile salesman” cover story. Matty made sure to remind us all about it right at the start of the story so we can foresee Jack’s troubles coming from miles away.
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82 notes - Posted February 25, 2022
My #1 post of 2022
While I’m still talking about 2x13 I also love the scene at the end where Jack tracks down Korman. Because here’s Jack, taking on some unknown number of potentially dangerous badguys all by himself, like the badass CIA agent he used to be.
See the full post
110 notes - Posted February 25, 2022
Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →
#tumblr2022#year in review#my 2022 tumblr year in review#your tumblr year in review#so just coincidentally my top 5 posts are about my longest posts EVERY#so I hope ya'll really wanted something super long on your dash today
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Photo Editing Jobs: Your Ultimate Guide to a Successful Career in Image Manipulation
Are you artistic, creative, and technologically savvy? Do you have an eye for detail and an intrinsic sense of composition? If so, the world of photo editing jobs may be calling out to you! In this era where visual content is king, photo editing has become an invaluable skill. Brands, marketing agencies, photographers, publishers - you name it; they all rely on talented photo editors to enhance their images and bring their vision to life. This guide is all about launching your successful journey in photo editing. Buckle up my friend, because I’m about to spill all the tea on how to break into this colorful world and thrive.
What are Photo Editing Jobs?
Let’s hit the basics first. Photo editing jobs, in our curiously wonderful digital world, entail manipulating or modifying photos to improve their aesthetic appeal or to convey something different. It’s a large umbrella term that covers all the processes for modifying images, whether they be digital photographs, traditional analog photographs (think the good old film) or illustrations.
They range from jobs as simple as swiping a filter on a beach photo to the in-depth work of a forensic photo analysis expert – yes, that’s a thing. And you thought photo editors just 'grammed all day!
Decoding the Various Types of Photo Editing Jobs
Now don’t you go thinking photo editing jobs are a one-size-fits-all! The beauty of this field is in its vast variation. Let's dissect these a bit, shall we?
• Photo Retoucher: A photo retoucher's job is to make photos look as pretty as a prom queen. They fix blemishes, color correct images, and work their magic to ensure everyone in the photo looks their best.
• Image Analyst: Image analysts are to photos what Sherlock Holmes is to crime scenes. They use their skills to understand and interpret images, often in fields like medicine or surveillance.
• Forensic Photo Editor: These guys use their tech prowess to help law enforcement. They refine pictures to uncover details unnoticed by the naked eye.
Aha, pretty eye-opening, isn't it?
Key Skills Required for Successful Photo Editing Jobs
Wondering what tools you need in your skill shed for photo editing jobs? The right combination of technical know-how, creativity, and people skills is your ticket to success. Here's what you need:
Attention to Detail
It's all about the little things - like how removing a stray hair strand can make a world of difference to a portrait shot. In this game, picky is actually a good thing!
Technical Expertise
Understanding software like Adobe Photoshop or Lightroom? The holy grail, my friends. The more familiar you are with these tools, the closer you are to becoming a photo editing maestro.
Creativity & Style
A job in photo editing isn't just about understanding pixels and hues. It's about creating magic, one image at a time. Your unique style and imaginative vision is what sets you apart.
Communication Skills
Wait, do I have to talk to people? I hear you asking. The answer is a big fat YES. Collaborating with clients and understanding their vision is key to delivering top-notch work.
Steps to Break into Photo Editing Jobs
"But how do I get started?", I hear your keyboard typing. Well, the road to photo editing glory isn't paved with fluffy clouds. You've got to work for it, and here's how:
Master the Software: Get up close and personal with editing software. You and them? You're about to become BFFs.
Build a Portfolio: You've got to show it if you know it. Compile a portfolio of your best work – this will become your golden ticket.
Start Networking: Connect with photographers, join online communities and make your budding skills known!
Top Platforms to Find Photo Editing Jobs
"But where do I find work?" – Stop. I've got you covered. Here are some platforms where you can snag photo editing gigs:
UpWork: With thousands of job postings, UpWork is one hot spot for all sorts of freelance photo editing jobs.
Fiverr: Another popular platform, especially good for beginners trying to find their footing.
Indeed: More for the full-time job seekers, Indeed has a plethora of companies looking for skilled photo editors just like you!
Tips for Standing Out in Photo Editing Jobs
The competition not making this easy for you? Let’s look at some tips to become the MVP in this match:
Never Stop Learning: New software updates, techniques, trends are part of this ever-evolving field. Become friends with learning (coffee, unite!).
Be Adaptable: Can handle all styles of editing? Different clients, different needs. Adaptability is a strong skill in this job.
Ensuring Long-Term Success in Photo Editing Jobs
Time for some real-talk. A successful career in photo editing isn’t just about hitting the home-runs in the beginning. It’s about staying in the game for the long haul. You do this by consistently providing quality work, broadening your skills, and nurturing good client relationships. Remember – in a field that’s constantly advancing, your hunger for learning keeps you alive and kicking.
Conclusion
The world of photo editing jobs is dynamic, exciting, and full of opportunities for those with creativity, technical prowess, and a keen eye for beauty. Whether you're a budding photo editor or an experienced professional looking to pivot careers, this comprehensive guide can serve as your roadmap to success. Remember, in the realm of photo editing, your skills and creativity are your greatest assets. Hone them, showcase them, and watch as the opportunities roll in. Consider mastering image masking techniques to add an extra layer of sophistication to your work and stand out from the competition.
As you navigate your journey in the world of photo editing jobs, we would love to hear about your experiences, revelations, and success stories. Feel free to share them in the comments section below. And remember, keep those creative juices flowing and keep exploring the wonderful world of photo editing.
Photo Editing Jobs: Your Ultimate Guide to a Successful Career in Image Manipulation
Published By:
Clipping Path House - CPH Graphics Media
You may read CPH author's another post: Gimp vs Photoshop: A Beginners Guide to Deciding The Right Tool For You
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Spacebar 10/21/23
Third Space Saturday
Tasting Notes:
I’ve been on vacation from my day job all this week. So I ostensibly had more time than usual to prepare, but I was spending it going through the detritus that had built up over the last 29 years of homeowning, child raising, earning a living and being a closet hoarder. And record collector. Is there really a difference? Yes and no. It’s nice to have this archive to draw from, but it’s so out of control that I lose track. I’m not sure if that is a minus. It certainly makes the sets interesting. My friend Andy, in an excerpt from his unpublished book “Extinct-Ophonics,” 1) describes it as “accumulation,” not “collecting,” and this certainly applies to me and my process. I try to exist on the edge of knowledge and discovery. Of exploration and storytelling, even if the story writes itself. I am continually in awe of other people’s creations, and I try to honor them. Even though some things are amusing to me, it’s definitely not a joke. I genuinely like what I play.
I did manage to show up on time and not cause a lot of chaos doing it. Elevator worked for me, so I didn’t get trapped in it like last time. I was greeted almost immediately by the 36th St. Crew: S8n and Geneva, Leah and Airman Mike. It was great to see them there. They are family. And, instead of me playing records at the party like I used to, I did it in public. My son Sam and his person Maddy, along with a couple of other friends, came by later. And stayed late, too.
I started with the Shannon cut I wrote about last month, but did not go back to the compilation it came from again, even though I left “Easy Lover” out of the crate in favor of “Sususudio,” which I didn’t end up playing. I had so many new 12” records to get to. The set cruised pretty well, and I felt good. Technically, it was the best I’ve performed since I started working as a DJ again. I did struggle with the sound, which Julie came up and helped with. I am so grateful to her. She is a great person to work with.
The highlight of the early crowd were the people who came in dressed up in old people costumes. S8n came up and asked me how it felt being in an episode of “Golden Girls.” I told him they were so much fun. Door person Samson told me that he thought it was a mixture of actual old people and young people pretending to be old. Whatever, I thought they were great.
As a matter of fact, all the crowds that filtered through were really great to play for. I apologized to the listener who requested “Pinball Wizard.” I don’t play requests, but I would have played that. Going to look for a 7”. I asked her which version, and she said “Oh, the original.” It follows that a DJ playing an arcade would have that song. My bad.
Things flowed well. I managed to establish a good vibe, and did the things that I do well, better than usual. Maybe I’m more confident, perhaps having loved ones in attendance helped, I don’t know. I played a few tracks that got Tavis dancing behind the bar, which is always inspiring. I threw in some reggae tracks that flowed nicely. I’m not a genre DJ, which I don’t have enough discipline to do, or interest in doing in the first place. I was having such a good time that I forgot to enter the tracks in my log; I think I reconstructed things right, but who knows. You get the drift.
The big moment was when Sean Patton and David Cross came into the bar. Will had invited them, and they included us in their post-show downtown crawl. Will instructed Cyberjewel to play the track “Do They Know It’s Halloween?” by the North American Hallowe’en Prevention Initiative. It was a surprise, and I of course, being a disorganized old, didn’t have a clue what it was about. Jules got it on YouTube, and I wedged it in after the OMD>Closer>NORF NORF combo. Mr. Cross came up and asked me where I found it, and I pointed to Julie. I felt like a total dweeb. I just looked it up, and found out it came out in 2005, and promptly ordered a vinyl copy to have in the crate; it may prove useful next to Band Aid in the Christmas Mix. The celebs bailed after that. I can’t believe we pulled it off, frankly, although if I had mixed the record in, it would have sounded better.
TommyTime came in after the Blonde Redhead show, stayed for the Bush Tetras track, and then left. “Someone’s got to open the store tomorrow!” Hashtag Tommy Time.
I managed to pick up where I left off, and put on the Bob Seger cut “Ramblin’ Gamblin’ Man,” which just thunders. Great drum sound. The remainder of the night was a good representation of what I’m trying to do when everything works, cutting back and forth across the decades. One of the good things about the “blob of information” 2) is that surprisingly, people are open to things outside the mainstream, which doesn’t really exist anymore anyway.
I was feeling so inspired that I tacked an extra hour onto the set, starting with the Gorillaz cut. I was trying out some things that I had just acquired, putting some contemporary artists next to old pop records and seeing how things worked together.
I ended promptly at 0200. Packed up my stuff, wiped down the surfaces and got out of the bar staff’s hair. Just a really great night.
Thank you. Next Third Space Saturday is November 18th, 2023. Drop in if you can.
1) Interested readers can read the full excerpt in Maggot Brain #14, available at Third Man Records. Hopefully, someone will put this book out soon. It is brilliant.
2) Another quote from my man Andy. Really, you should pick up the latest issue of Maggot Brain if you haven’t already. I know print is horribly passe, but then again, so are vinyl records. Right Lefsetz?
The Track List
2100
Let The Music Play, Shannon (LP cut)
Let’s Dance, David Bowie (12” single)
Kiss You All Over, Exile (7” single)
War Ina Babylon, Max Romeo (LP cut)
I’ve Been Thinking About You, LondonBeat (12” single)
Rise, Herb Alpert (12” single)
The Magnificent Seven, The Clash (7” single)
Pressure Drop, The Maytals (LP cut)
The Things That Dreams Are Made Of, Human League (LP cut)
Outstanding, Gap Band (LP cut)
Things We Do For Love, 10CC (7” single)
Let It Whip, Dazz Band (7” single)
Whip It, DEVO (7” single)
Word Up, Cameo (12” single)
Every 1’s A Winner, Hot Chocolate (LP cut)
Pumped Up Kicks, Foster The People (LP cut)
Hippychick, SOHO (12” single)
Jive Talkin’, Bee Gees (7” single)
Rock With You, Michael Jackson (7” single)
Got To Be Real, Cheryl Lynn (7” single)
Couldn’t Get It Right, Climax Blues Band (7” single)
Roxanne, The Police (7” single)
Crazy Little Thing Called Love, Queen (7” single)
Drivin’ My Life Away, Eddie Rabbit (7” single)
Wanderer, Donna Summer (7” single)
Can’t Get Blue Monday Out Of My Head, Kylie Minogue (12” single)
Meaning Of Love, Depeche Mode (12” single)
Knock On Wood, Amii Stewart (12” single)
Walking The Dog, Rufus Thomas (7” single)
Cheap Sunglasses, ZZ Top (LP cut)
Too Many Creeps, Bush Tetras (7” single)
Scratchcard Lanyard, Dry Cleaning (7” single)
Joan Of Arc, O.M.D (12” single)
Closer, Nine Inch Nails (LP cut)
Norf Norf, Vince Staples (LP cut)
Some track that we played for David Cross, who came up and asked me where I found it.
Ramblin’ Gamblin’ Man, Bob Seger System (LP cut)
Give It Up Or Turnit A Loose, James Brown (7” single)
DO THE DU, A Certain Ratio (12” single)
Pick Up The Pieces, Average White Band (LP cut)
Fire-Eater, Rusty Bryant (LP cut)
Only So Much Oil In The Ground, Tower Of Power (LP cut)
Boogie Oogie Oogie, Taste Of Honey (LP cut)
Pressure, Ari Lennox (LP cut)
Dirty Rat, Orbital (LP cut)
West End Girls, Pet Shop Boys (12” single)
Dancing With Myself, Gen X (7” single)
Ex’s & Oh’s, Elle King (LP cut)
Black Sap Scriptures, Plague Vendor (LP cut)
Hair Of The Dog, Nazareth (LP cut)
Walk This Way, RUN-D.M.C. (12” single)
What’s Inside A Girl?, The Cramps (12” single)
The Futures So Bright I Gotta Wear Shades, Timbuk 3 (LP cut)
Pay To Cum, Bad Brains (7” single)
Blood Of The Prophets, Max Romeo (LP cut)
Them Changes, Thundercat (LP cut)
YAH, Kendrick Lamar (LP cut)
America’s Most Blunted, Madvillain (12” single)
She’s Crafty, Beastie Boys (LP cut)
Charley Says! (Roller Boogie Baby), King Tim III (LP cut)
Clint Eastwood, Gorillaz (12” single)
Declaration Of Rights, Abyssinians (LP cut)
Promises, Promises, Naked Eyes (7” single)
blue bones (deathwish,) billy nomates (LP cut)
This Life, Kendra Morris (7” single)
Genius Of Love, Tom Tom Club (12” single)
Uptown Top Ranking, Althea and Donna (LP cut)
Down By The River, PJ Harvey (7” single)
Keep Your Fingers Out The Jam, Fatback (Tribute to IGA) (LP cut)
Time (Clock Of The Heart,) Culture Club (7” single)
Magic, Olivia Newton John (7” single)
Remembering Me, Cate le Bon (LP cut)
Ms. Fat Booty, Mos Def (12” single)
Money Ain’t A Thing, Jay Z w/ Jermaine Dupre (LP cut)
Madison Time, Ray Bryant Combo (LP cut)
Pipeliners Blues, Moon Mullican (LP cut)
Say Man, Bo Diddley (LP cut)
Hang ‘em High, Booker T (LP cut)
0200
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I'm still around. Between computer problems, some schedule changes, and having several plans of things I needed to do this last month. I've been pretty busy. Mostly my phone doesn't hold a charge anymore. (That's kinda not going to change till I get a job... which I've been also working on as I've been feeling better lately). so I mostly can be on here when I'm on the computer...
I've been hard at work on a project for a friend. And have held back posting things till I got that done. You don't know how much I've wanted to post or share sneak peaks, but I made this decision for the better. As I decided till I was closer, which I finally feel I am. I wouldn't say anything. Due to several unscheduled events since April, I had to push back my initial release I gave in March.
However, I'm actually more confident and actually think that my initial release plan was to generous or I had not as good of an idea once I got bakc in the swing how long things would take as long as I knew what I was doing and the computer functioned or program functioned like it should.
That said, I should have a majority of the work I mentioned done pretty easily, and most likely quicker then I originally first thought. However, I won't give release dates yet, as I think I may figure out a release schedule for them rather then a BOOM. BOOM. BOOM. All a once type deal. Sibce likely when I post I'll have several works completed. I'm trying to figure out what the release schedule is. It's not a major thought since I'm not there yet. But I'm likely will be if things go well in an handful fo weeks.
I'm also compiling all the holiday art work for Easter, Mothers day, and likely Fathers day both those for the HENRY stickmin Fandom and my webcomic STRY together as of posting them, for mothers and fathers day I also had a personal one I planed. I also have an idea for a June LGBTQ+ Post, but it will have to wait till AFTER the main F(vi)e character reveals. Due to recently. find in g out I'll be taking care of my grandma for a month, up to or near her 105th birthday. Wow even I can't believe it, and shes still pretty lively. She is one loving blessed lady and super lovelya nd loving. 😊
That said, I'm not sure I'll get a 4th fo July artwork out, or on time. I'll see where I'm at with the character reveals by then. I might shoot for a Henry Stickmin Fanwork. But my main focus will be the character teases and reveals.
I do have a Welcome to Summer pic planned. Have had it planned a while now. But I'm focused on the initial Valentines Day post which teased the main characters, the individual teases and reveals at the moment. But I will be making this one. It may be that I turn that one into my STRY 4th fo July pic. As it has the possibility for it. However my thank you pic I made back in January also has a them that well fits 4th of July, and it's one of them I'm working on, so we'll see in a few weeks.
That's all for updates. I wasn't wanting to spoil anything. But stay tuned.
Also Thank you to all the new subscribers this last two months while I've mostly been inactive working and such. It means a bunch.💖💖💖💖
#hey guys#still here#stry#s.t.r.y#someone to remember you#someone to remember#henry stickmin#henry stickmin au#art progress#story progression#current wip#what have i been doing#what I've been up to#whats up#progress report#thank you#i love you all#webcomic update#update#updates#holidays#huh why is five spelled wrong?#F(vi)e#wink wink#shhh it’s a secret#secrets#no spoilers
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So yesterday was the first day I worked on my new fic since... idk two months ago? I’m not even sure now. I had been writing down little scenes or ideas for scenes for it as they came to me (and so I DIDN'T FORGET THEMMMM) but this is the first time I've opened the document in forever...
*checks the version history*
Oh my god, OCTOBER 😫😫😫 holy shit.
But anyway, to try and get back into it - because I HONESTLY forget how to write fiction when I haven't written it for a while - I decided to kind of read through it, edit a little, take notes, look for things that need to be fixed and find spots where these new scenes need to go, and oh my GOD.
First, I fucking MISSED writing, omg. Not to get all Ateez/Halazia on everyone, but:
I think it's mostly a function of: if you've been some kind of artist for most of your life and encounter a period of not being able to create anything for months and your brain just sort of gets like, "Let's see how many breakdowns we can have until we literally die from it." And I'm aware that sounds FUCKING dramatic, but omg....... I had so many breakdowns because all I did was work or think about work. And I wasn't even working full time, that's the thing that kills me. I was working part time hours, had part time benefits, and yet SOMEHOW my job took up my entire week. Like... HOW? HOW? HOW?
how.
Like, I had originally intended to write while I was at that job and slowly (but safely) segue from fanfic writing into writing original fiction (and getting paid for it), and I was so busy that I couldn't even do that.
Capitalism kills creativity, that's the takeaway.
Anyway,
So yesterday I spent all day working on my fic (the first half of it, it's a double y/n fic, remember) and got 45 chapters worked on, and today I spent all day working and got 32 chapters worked on (I accidentally started writing when I wasn't meant to be doing that yet... whoops). It was SO NICE to spend all day on something I actually cared about for a change and didn’t cause me mental anguish. I forgot how that felt and I honestly missed it. I can probably finish working on this half tomorrow. Then I need to compile and decide where all the new scenes are going in (and there might be a small continuity error between it and the second half, so I need to fix that) and then at least ONE of the halves will be done...
...but I can't post it, because both halves will be uploading at the same time, so I need the other half done too 🤣🤣🤣...
...And then I need to make the text screencaps, the twitter screencaps, and the ig screencaps, so like...
I'm getting closer at least?
(Also both halves of the fic have like 116 chapters-- at least unless I change anything and they end up with more 😬😬😬 ...halp)
#ateez#it's an ateez fic so I'll tag it#I think I described them a bit in another post a while ago?#if you want to check that out#I'm also realizing that now that I'm reposting things I should probably make a tag just for my posts#also I forget how to do ANY writing if I don't write for a long time#one time after coming back from summer vacation in the 4th grade I forgot how to spell 'The'#that was a weird one#my mom thought I was lying/being a pest when I asked her how to spell it#the spelling was literally gone from my memory#if I remember right the text screencaps took me two straight weeks last time#not excited for that#or the carpal tunnel that came with it#but: gaja! let's do this!
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How are there no SFW and nsfw modern day Felix HCs? I must remedy this.
Ah, I actually have a few Modern AU Felix thingies- they're just scattered throughout posts about multiple different characters lol. You can find them all in my masterlist, but lemme go ahead and compile everything I've written for him so far~
((There aren't many NSFW ones yet, so if anyone has a nice Modern AU spicy concept for Felix for me to toy around with, I'm all ears :3))
Felix (FE3H) x Reader, Modern/College AU
SFW (nsfw below the cut):
From the BL Modern AU hcs:
He’s a business major, but his heart clearly isn’t in it- he’s only doing it because he’s expected to run his father’s company some day. He’s at the gym every time you go (presumably plenty of times when you’re not there too), before you realize it, you start looking for him there. You tell yourself it’s just because you admire his motivation. He catches you staring though one day, and calls you out. Somehow, you stumble your way through introductions, but before long he’s telling you how you’re not stretching properly at all, how your jogging pace is inefficient, and just like that, you’ve got a gym partner who eventually becomes the most secretly-sweet boyfriend.
From 'modern AU w/ insecure Reader':
He’s a funny one about this, honestly- his feelings for you are strong and enduring, and because of the intensity of what he feels, he does have a hard time understanding what you’re insecure about. He’ll grab your hand and grumble that, “I’m your boyfriend, aren’t I? I wouldn’t waste my time if I didn’t love you.” He’s also definitely one of those types who wants to help in concrete ways, so he’ll interrogate you about what’s making you anxious and what he’s screwed up- he knows he’s not good at romantic stuff, but he’s willing to do absolutely anything to make you happy. He will never admit it but he somehow finds himself lurking on relationship forums to better understand how you’re feeling
From escape room BL hcs:
This poor boy. He does not understand why you would intentionally put yourself in the position of being trapped somewhere for fun. But you get so excited and so into the whole thing that he simply can’t help wanting to help you if he can- not that he would ever admit it. It’s just that your moods are so contagious to him and he can’t help wanting to see that adorable, triumphant smile you give when you’ve figured out the next clue. Absolutely the type to get impatient if one code or riddle is taking too long, and will 'test out’ the structural integrity of the doors, walls and locks.
From 'modern AU soft hcs':
- He’s so bad at being soft, but he wants to be for you, but also doesn’t want to be because ew feelings. Which he has a lot of. This is why the main way he expresses his affection is through physical contact. It’s mostly in private, where he can be super cuddly with you- but in public, he’ll still find times to lightly brush his hand against yours, or an excuse to “fix” your hair, mumbling, “It’s flying all over the place, hold still-” even though it’s really not that out of place, he just wants a reason to touch you.
- Felix is a funny one to bring your problems to. He’s actually a surprisingly good listener for someone he cares about, so he’s happy to just hold onto your hand and listen to you vent about whatever’s bothering you. If it’s an interpersonal problem, he’ll probably offer to confront or straight up fight whoever is giving you trouble, which might at least get you to laugh, even though he fully means it. But for a more serious problem, he’ll quietly wipe away your tears and remind you, “Hey, listen- you just… keep living your life as you, okay? You can’t be anyone else, and I don’t want you to be.”
- He secretly loves it when you play with his hair. While he’s studying or gaming, he likes to lean back against the edge of his bed or a couch and have you sitting behind him brushing out his hair, or even braiding or pulling it up for him if you like. He finds your touch incredibly soothing, and there have even been times when he’s spaced out a bit and completely forgotten what he was doing because he was just enjoying your nails along his scalp and your fingers through his hair. Honestly, it’s a bit like scratching a cat’s ears- he’ll even subconsciously lean against you if he’s not careful.
From general modern AU hcs:
- he’s very cat-like in how he chooses to show his affection. He’ll almost never verbally express it, and to many, he comes across as cold. But if you know what to look for, the signs are incredibly obvious. The mere fact that he goes out of his way to just be near you, the fact that he’ll jump to your defense the moment someone dares to give you a hard time, small gifts that he’ll give with a carefully neutral, “It’s not a big deal, it just seemed like the kinda thing you’d like.”
- Once you’ve been together for a bit though, he’s extremely physically affectionate in private- only in private, mind you. Alone in your dorm or apartment, he’s very cuddly, holding you close to him at any chance he gets and resting his chin on your shoulder, or nuzzling against your neck. Sometimes he doesn’t even realize he’s doing it, but he’ll run a hand along your back or your waist when he moves by you, or his thumb will rub little circles along your thigh when you’re sitting together. Don’t call him out on it though- he’ll lurch away immediately and be too shy to touch you for an hour or two.
- His friends definitely know he’s developed a thing for someone very early on. He tends to be notorious among his friends for never checking his phone or responding to messages, and when he does respond, it’s in five words or fewer. Once he’s started getting close to you though, he keeps his phone in his hand while he’s hanging out with the other Blue Lions, glancing down at the screen every ten seconds, and completely impossible to communicate with when he’s thinking of what to send you when you do message him.
NSFW 18+ v
- he’s the type to feel most comfortable initiating sex when you’re just relaxing in one of your rooms together. In the middle of a movie or playing video games together- or even just sitting quietly and studying together on his bed- he glances over at you and it just hits him that you’re his, you chose him, and damnit he’s just so crazy into you. He leans over and kisses you without a word, then slides his tongue past your lips, pulling you closer until you can very evidently feel that he needs you now.
- His roommate (Sylvain) is quite the renowned flirt on campus, and likes to tease Felix by openly hitting on you in front of him. All three of you know that it’s genuinely in jest, and that Sylvain would never push things TOO far… but that doesn’t stop Felix from fucking you extra hard and deep once you have the place to yourselves again. He’s generally not very vocal during sex, but if his insecurities have been prodded a bit, he’ll lift your legs into a mating press and pound his cock into you, groaning out, “tell me you’re mine, Y/N. C'mon- again, louder-!”
- Overall, isn’t much one for intimacy in public places- but once or twice, you’ll encounter a bit of an exception. Gym dates with Felix are generally common and comfortable enough, and he’s actually very helpful in improving your technique and efficiency when working out. But he won’t let on for quite some time that it also turns him on immensely to see your body moving like this, and the scent of your sweat and pheromones drive him near feral. If it’s late enough at night and there’s no one else to overhear you, he’ll drag you into one of the changing room showers and fuck you breathless against the wall, his tongue dragging along your neck and his hands groping every inch of you he can reach.
#felix hugo fraldarius#felix x reader#fire emblem#feh#fe3h#fire emblem three houses#fire emblem modern#modern au#fire emblem headcanons#fire emblem x reader#x reader#felix fire emblem
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Lovely Writer: Special 1
This is a rough translation of the first Lovely Writer special. There are 8 in total and other side stories that the author compiled. I’ll try to post 1 a week since they do vary in length, and some are a lot lengthier than this one.
This special is from Nubsib’s POV and it’s about Nubsib remembering his feelings for Gene after seeing him on Facebook, and becoming fixated. Nubsib is 15 at the time and Gene is 20.
At that time, I was in the ninth grade.
Since middle school, my parents had sent me to study abroad with my brother. Because of the wealth of my family, this was never an inconvenience. But living alone in a place that wasn’t your home country required a lot of adjustment, mainly doing everything on your own. You had to learn things that you’ve never seen and known.
This was one of the methods of teaching the sons of the Thanakitpaisan family.
It was their luck to have a son who was mature since childhood. It didn't take long for me to get used to the culture there, where I went to parties, attended sports clubs, worked a part-time job, and even had typical American teen sex. Being Asian did give me some advantages, when it came to distinguishing myself from the others.
I could only smile when talking to the many blonde women who bragged about our experiences in bed, amongst their group of friends. After some time, I felt differently about it.
"Sib.”
"Yes?" I leaned back on the sofa, and raised my head from his screen when I heard my name.
Neung came downstairs. He was wearing a thick gray cardigan with a scarf. "I’m going to go meet a friend. You're not going anywhere today, right? "
"Hmm."
"Okay, I might be coming back late. Please get my package when it arrives. You’re not going out with your girlfriend, right?”
"We broke up.”
"Huh?” Neung frowned. "You dumped another one? Again? You know, you don’t have the face of a womanizer.”
"…"
Neung opened the door of the house. For a moment, the cool outside air blew in, until the hot air from the heater disappeared. I didn’t care much about either, and stayed looking at my phone screen.
I’m not a womanizer.
It’s just that every time I got together with a girlfriend, something felt wrong. I knew I wasn’t in love with the first girl. The others, I didn’t like particularly much. Sometimes the girls didn’t like me much either, and only wanted a partner themselves, so we’d eventually separate.
It was true, that I was only in the ninth grade. But sex here was too normalized. It had become so normal that I’d become bored. When sex became so commonplace, all excitement was lost.
Mom: (send picture)
Mom: I’ve sent you Thai ingredients that should be delivered soon. They’ll be waiting for you.
Mom: Today, I went to see Aunt Run, do you still remember the house next door? Today is the Aunt's birthday. All of her sons have come home.
Mom: I saw it and I missed you and Neung.
I looked at the message that popped up, from the other side of the world. It was dark here, but over there it was probably in the middle of the day. It was time for them to eat.
Mom: Do you remember Gene? Gene and Jap are all grown up.
Gene?
After reading my mother’s message, it was natural to think of the past. I missed it. During my childhood I would run and play with him everyday, and just the same, Gene would play with me almost every day.
I still remembered “P’Gene” clearly after all these years.
We were five years apart. But we somehow became closer than me and my own brother. Since I moved out of the house, we never saw each other again. We didn’t have any more contact with each other.
When my mother talked about that time, I felt nostalgic.
I moved my finger to type to ask for a picture from my mother. In the end, I sent a simple sticker. I sat on the sofa in the living room for awhile before retiring to my bedroom to shower.
In my warm bedroom, so different from the night air outside, I picked up my phone again. I went to Facebook to catch up with everything back home. My finger kept scrolling through my news feed, my face blank. I started to feel sleepy, but before I could fall asleep I saw a status.
I wasn’t friends with the person who posted. But I was friends with his mother, who was tagged in the photo.
Jap Jarernpipat posted a picture.
This year, my mother has lost another year, haha.
In the picture was a group of six people. The background was a wide garden and a long table. Both of my parents, and Auntie Run and Uncle Teep were there. But the one that most caught the eye was the man in the lower right corner.
The other person grinned until his eyes were crescents. His hands were raised, flashing a peace sign. His hand held a cake tray with a delicious golden egg. The corner of the mouth was stained with white cream, like he was teasing someone. He was smiling, which made his cheeks round and full.
I couldn't take my eyes off of him. For a second, there was a strange numbness in my fingertips and toes.
I didn’t need anyone to tell me who that was.
P’Gene.
He was still wearing a white uniform shirt. It had been many years since we’d met, if counted by age. Gene would have been in university for three years.
Usually, I was the kind of person who didn’t care about the people around me, or anyone else. But this time, I couldn't control my fingertips. I clicked onto Jap’s Facebook page.
Chasing him down, I found a status posted with the person I was looking for tagged.
Jap Jarernpipat posted a picture
My brother brought me to the movies. What kind of crazy alien movie is this? I might puke, but maybe you guys on Facebook will like it.
The post was from three days ago. One was a picture of a cinema ticket on the top floor of a department store in the heart of Bangkok and the other was of P’Gene in a T-shirt and jeans. He hugged a bucket of popcorn. His hand was holding a large glass of water, lifting it up to his lips and sucking. It was a funny candid photo that many of his friends on Facebook commented on to make fun of him.
...but for me, the only word that came to mind was “lovely”.
I didn’t know why I was doing this but I pressed “save that image”.
Jap Jarernpipat posted a picture
My stupid little brother, you make the whole house look bad.
They were in a garden in the corner of the house that felt familiar to me, but was a little fuzzy. They were in front of a flower bush that had been trimmed into a square. Gene was sitting down, with his butt on the ground. A blue hose fell next to him, the hose spraying in another direction. It made him wet all over soaking his shirt, the thin material clinging to his body.
Both of his arms were behind him, to support his body. Therefore, his shirt and body were stretched, so I could see two small nubs contrasted and poking through his white shirt.
My eyebrows furrowed together, and I frowned.
I cursed when my body immediately had a strong reaction, just from the one picture.
I pressed the comment section, when I saw the high number of comments.
Jiranon Jarernpipat: Jap stop posting pictures of other people.
(Reply) Jap Jarernpipat attached video clip.
I clicked play immediately.
"Ow, P’Jap!”
“Hahaha, why would you say you’ll help me water the plants? You can help if the grass is dead.”
“Can you turn off the water for me first? Why are you recording?”
P’Gene raised his white hand. He wiped the water from his face, and pushed himself off the ground. His shirt clung to his body, so I could see everything. He had the voice of a man, but he was still so cute.
Finally, the clip ended.
There were still a lot of other videos that Jap posted pranking Gene, all of which stopped me from becoming bored. I saved all of them to my phone and computer. In the end, when more and more accumulated, I created a whole separate folder.
That night when I fell asleep, my brain was filled with pictures of the boy next door, who I hadn’t seen in years.
Another morning, days later, I woke up frowning, and I had to gently breathe out. I’d dreamt of P’Gene again. Since seeing that picture that night, there hadn’t been a day where I could go without seeing his face.
I knew Gene’s Facebook. But he didn’t update much, except to change his avatar or cover photo. But Jap’s Facebook page had tons of pictures of Gene. So I was still able to look at Gene’s pictures and progress in life everyday, like some kind of psychopath.
Even when I closed my eyes to sleep sometimes, I still saw his pictures.
I didn’t want to be this way, but I couldn’t control my subconscious.
I always saw Gene lying in my wide bed. He would smile at me, his cheeks soft and reddish. His hands would hold on to me, and his mouth would gently say, “Sib.”
It was a fantasy that any teenage boy would have. But it wasn’t a woman. Instead, it was the boy next door, who always loved and saw me as a brother.
I circled back to look at his pictures every day. In the end, the feeling accumulated like a huge mountain of snow.
I want to meet him in real life.
I want to hug him.
I want to smell him.
I want to kiss his mouth. I want to do to him what I do in my dreams.
Since the day I saw his picture and until today, my thoughts and feelings had become more and more intense. So intense, that sometimes I was afraid of myself.
I’d already decided how I’d deal with this.
“Will you finish school here?” Neung had packed all his bags and was ready to go because he finished his studies. I leaned against the door frame, looking into his room.
“Actually, it’s nice here too, you know.”
"No, I'm going home."
“So you’ve changed your mind then?”
I nodded.
“Well, our house is nice and of course, our parents miss you too.”
"…"
"I'm not going to be here anymore, don't bring any women into the house...but you're not dating any girls lately. So it's fine."
I sent off my brother, who took a taxi straight to the airport to go back home to Thailand. Personally, I still had a year to complete my studies.
In the past, I had never thought or worried about how fast or slow time would pass. But now, I felt jealous of my brother.
Back at the house, I picked up the phone. I was still for a while. Maybe it was because Neung had returned to Thailand, but I felt like chasing pictures wasn’t enough anymore. My fingers moved before I could decide to send a message to someone.
Nubsib tanagijpaisarn: P'Jap.
Nubsib tanagijpaisarn: Do you remember me?
I wanted to talk to someone who could tell me everything about P’Gene.
I wanted to learn everything about him.
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Saeran’s Diary
Spoilers for Saeran’s Diary. It’s within the Special Believer package. Not all of the pages are here. I’ve compiled the ones that looked the most note-worthy to talk about but I will summaries and talk about everything in this post.
Okay, so Spoilers Ahead, read at your own caution. It’s Spoilers for Another Story, V Route, Ray Route, and the After Ending.
Saeran introduces himself to the diary even though he has no idea how to use one of these. Saeyoung got it from the Cathedral. His brother tells him that if he can’t think of anything to write, he could draw instead. Saeran spends a lot of his time drawing out things on the pages just as much as he spends talking about this or that. His handwriting is rather clumsy and messy, much more so than what a child his age would have.
However, he’s not in school and he’s roughly only been able to learn a few rudimentary things thanks to his brother.
Saeyoung spends a lot of time at the cathedral. He’s been taking countless notes in his books. He’s literally been coping things to learn from the books that he can get his hands on. He’s got four of them, as far as Saeran knows. He has some of Saeyoung’s notes in his journal because he asked him what he was writing about all the time. He’s perplexed, saying that those coding notes look like they’re...
Puzzles?
He doesn’t know.
Saeyoung takes him out for ice cream, and we can assume that’s when they made the promise on their ice cream to always be there for each other, knowing that there will be one day that they can escape together. You know, the one from Ray Route where we’re treated to their promise on twin-popsicles. It seems like Saeran is alone more and more often though. He’s spending so much time at the church.
There’s one day where he and Saeyoung are out that someone suspicious sees the two of them. Saeyoung gets them out of dodge, but it continues to haunt his mind for a while. He draws something really stark imagery. Then, Saeyoung is all of a sudden gone. He’s gone. Their mother demands that he find him but he cannot find him. He’s panicking. He thinks that maybe that man took his twin away and he may never come back.
He’s so alone.
He’s so scared.
He’s begging for someone to come and get him. He’s still fairly young here and out of sorts, but his emotions are rapidly increasing the longer that he’s alone in that house. Until one day, something changes.
V and Rika come to take him to the cathedral more and more often. He’s spending a good amount of his time there because the two of them managed to convince Mother Choi that it was a good idea. Saeran has no idea how they did it or why they did it. He just knows that this is the place that Saeyoung went to once and that maybe he’ll be able to find him there? Then he talks about how he may be able to find him. Twin’s intuition?
That plays into the theme of the After Ending. How Saeran and Saeyoung can seemingly feel the other is alive, or that they’re okay. I think that’s kind of a really sweet thing to tie in like that. It’s like they’re connected when they’re not actually connected, and I don’t know if I’ll ever understand that connection since I’m not a twin but it stands out to me since Saeran is so hopeful for his brother again.
He spends more time in the sun and it feels good. He wishes Saeyoung was here. It’d be nice if they could live somewhere nice like this... where he could see the sun all the time. V said to him that Saeyoung was okay, he had a strong feeling about it. Saeran doesn’t know how to feel about that. He thinks it’s okay but... he wishes that Saeyoung would find him first. He’s him and I’m him, that’s what he says.
So, can’t they reach for one another...?
Saeran starts to spend all his time going to classes and learning things at the cathedral. He’s learning how to focus on his work, how to bake, and how to get his head in the right place for things that he’s enjoy. Like, for example, he talks about how his plan for the future would be to have an ice cream store not far from his house as he stays with Saeyoung. He really writes down recipes and his trial and errors. It’s so cute.
V gifts him a book about flowers and a good chunk of his diary is spent talking about them. He lists his favorites and some that stand out to him. There’s a photo that V took of him in the garden that you’ve likely seen before as he holds tightly to them with a smile. He talks about the life cycle of flowers as he tries to figure them out. He’s really thoughtful and spends an awful amount of time trying to learn how something so little makes something so big!
I did not know that Rika and V had their own flowers. I’ve talked about these bookmarks before for Saeran and Saeyoung.
Geranium can be a wish for good health, hope that you pray that the other person will someday feel better and find peace. It makes sense that that is for Saeran because he was a young and sickly child for such a very long time, and this was a gift that said, we pray for you and you will grow to be a bigger flower in due time. You will not wilt and you will grow until you blossom into something that is lovely.
Rhododendron can be a sign of optimism, the hope that you have that the future ahead will be great. It makes sense that that was gifted to Saeyoung because he is the one that hinges on the hope that one day, he can save his brother and be sure that they are both free from their chains that have kept them down. This is a gift that says, never lose hope in yourself and those that you love when it feels like the end of coming.
Narcissus means rebirth and renewal because it's one of the earliest bulbs to sprout. We all know the story. Unable to look away from the water, Narcissus grew tired, fell into the stream, and drowned. Rika’s suicide is implied to be her falling from the edge of a cliffside and falling into the water down below. It’s their way of symbolism her final rebirth into someone finally relishing in her cruelty and devil to it’s fullest form.
Another popular story in mythology, Rhodanthe was someone so beautiful that people wouldn’t leave her alone. They were always at her heels and begging for her love. She turned them all down and grew so tired of them that she retreated and ran away to the Temple of Diana. Those suitors just wouldn’t quit, though, and because of that Diana decided to turn Rhodanthe in a rose and all of the suitors into the thorns of the flower. The implication here is that V and Rika are twisted together in a dangerous path, but it’s hard to tell who is the rose and who is the thorns here. Interesting.
Here we go, huh? Rika gifts Saeran a book that she claims is the same one that his brother was reading. Saeran wants to be closer to him so he starts to learn and study what he can. He knows that he hid Saeyoung’s books for him so he has to get those from the house and he wants to use them to know more about who his brother is. It’s kind of hard, even Saeran claims that he’s struggling in all of this learning because it’s so much!
But, he says he can do it.
He’ll do it for Saeyoung.
We know why Rika is doing this, and we know where this is heading but I’m kind of like: I really don’t want to see how tortured my boy is about to be by this damn woman again. I continue onward to see how Saeran progressively learns as much as humanly possible as fast as he can. Okay, oh boy, he writes that he snuck out late at night to go to cathedral and nobody is usually there, but Rika was there tonight.
He was perplexed by why she was looking at the wall of photos that contained each child that attended the church and did their studies there. He says that it felt wrong. He felt like he couldn’t speak. Something felt twisted and wrong in his chest but he stayed. He’s not even spending a lot of time with V and Rika at the cathedral up until this point. They just check on him now and again... until now, Rika seems to be more forward.
She’s been giving him extra lessons and things to do.
“It looked like she wanted to tell me something.”
She didn’t though.
Here’s one continuity error, though. Saeran knows that his mother passed away and she even had a funeral in this diary. He said that nobody came. Not their father, not their brother, nobody. There was nobody in the world to come for his mother’s passing but him and V and Rika. It’s just him and Saeyoung. His twin isn’t there but this is his only family. His only family. He missed his brother. He wishes he was there.
He knows that his mother is dead but he doesn’t know how she died. I’m bit confused on that front. I’ll go and glance at his speech during the AE to know if it’s an error or not. Okay, so, they imply that Mother Choi never got a proper funeral. I think that means that you know, the one that Saeran held as a child wasn’t a real one by any meaning. It’s just a small ceremony.
I almost want to say that the fucking trauma of Mint Eye destroyed more and more of his memory as a young child because it implies also in this diary that he does talk to some of the others at the cathedral sometimes, but not often.
So, it could be an error, or it’s literally that the specific memory of that time at the cathedral isn’t accessible to him. It makes sense, though. Ray and Suit held a lot of their own memories and it feels like there’s other pieces that they’re missing in their lives. It still doesn’t take away from the fact that Saeran didn’t know how she died. Or that Rika burned the house down with V.
Or that they both hid the fucking body.
This is just the one thing of interest in the diary that doesn’t make sense unless I apply my theory that he cannot remember that incident. Either way, he makes a prayer to God about Saeyoung on the page after that. He says that he wants to be strong. He wants to be as strong as Saeyoung. Let him have that.
Rika tricks him not long after this. “Come and meet me late at night. I want to give V a surprise.” He’s noticed that the two of them have been having a really difficult time lately, he thought they weren’t on good terms since they weren’t visiting together. This is literally after the trauma of the murder, self-defense or not, they had to remove a body and worse.
That added to how bad their relationship already was. This was Rika’s turning point, after all. Saeran’s a child. He just thinks they’re going to make up and get better? He wants to help them because they helped him.
But this is a trick.
He spoke to Rika that briefly and then he went home. Someone grabbed him, and before he could fight, he was taken off the streets. It wasn’t Rika, but my money says that it was someone working for her to do the dirty work. He has no clue it’s Rika or anything for a while. He’s locked in a dark room. There’s not a lot in it but it seems like it was prepared for someone to stay in it. He’s scared, they leave him there. He banged on the door over and over, but nobody would listen to him.
Days pass.
He’s left with some notes about Mint Eye to read that make no sense to him but he’s trying to understand what they mean. How long is he going to be stuck in a room like this? Nothing makes sense! He gets fed every day, and he thinks that is okay.
He’s trapped but he has food. It’s not so bad.. right?
Nobody came to see him until the fourth day. He was taken away to what we can presume is the basement. He doesn’t know what’s happening here, but he just stares, slack-jawed at Rika in the basement as he lifts his head.
She’s wearing a mask.
But, there’s no doubt.
It’s Rika.
He begged for answers but she would barely tell him what was happening in this place. She just says that V is a traitor and a liar to him. She said that he should call her his Savior. By the 11th day, they’re literally drugging through the food as time passes. He says that things don’t taste right but I know what that means as it’s the easiest way to poison someone over time.
I imagine that this is slowly happening as they’re starting to torture him with the elixir outright not long after this.
He’s clearly confused and losing time the more that he tries to think because these are written on snippets as he’s trying to make sense of what’s going on around him. He’s hurting. He’s in pain. Nothing makes sense and he’s having a hard time dealing with being awake and eating these days. It just gets worse and worse as time passes for him.
I don’t think I have to explain what this looks like:
He’s literally terrified out of his fucking mind. He’s not able to focus and this is a point in the timeline where Ray takes control of the situation. Saeran cannot be awake anymore and Ray wakes up. This child has suffered enough already and Ray needs to be here to do this. His anger... his confusion. It’s played out in front of us as he loses himself and Ray takes control of everything that’s going on from now on.
This is where the scraps end and Ray’s official diary begins.
Yeah, this is actually a portion of the diary that I’ve seen before. It’s that proof that Rika is the one that dressed Ray. He would prefer to wear dark things but she says that he’s not good enough. He feels gloomy, he would have preferred something gloomy but Rika said no. Her reasoning is that he’s not strong and he needs to wear something vibrant to feel stronger.
To feel more needed.
He isn’t sure how to feel about that. He just says that Savior knows best and this is okay. I love his outfit but I know that’s uneasy about it. His gloves are rather tight on his hands so they can keep him from overextending his fingers and not get them to lock or have fractures from working so hard. He’s typing at a speed that not even I can manage so.
He needs the support.
No gloves slander about Ray, I know they’re half-gloves and bother some of you but it suits him. And, not to gush about Ray but there’s just so much Ray in this portion of the diary and you know I’m a massive Ray fan. Rika forces hm to do all of the security work. He spends like a week trying to make the system better but he’s hardly sleeping to do it. He’s the one that made the card system, as well, for both Rika and for others.
He’s the one that grants access to anyone that is a believer.
Certain people have certain powers. Rika can go anywhere, he can go to some places, and others... limited access. She “gifts” him the often of being able to help design the garden. He does pick a handful of flowers that he thinks are nice to decorate the garden and it’s the one thing that actually makes him feel good in comparison to security hell.
Though, we start to see him planning for the RFA Messenger as well. That’s not looking really good. Rika tells him what they’re going to be doing and that they have a grand plan that she needs him for. He’s so desperate for someone to see him and give him affection that he’s willing to fall to her feet and cry. He doesn’t know if he deserves this chance. He beats himself up over and over about it but takes it.
He can’t say no to Rika.
He’s literally crying because she told him that she wants him to do something for her. I’m not a vicious person but if given the chance, I would slap Rika one good time. I just need one time. I realize violence doesn’t solve anything, but I don’t know if I could hold myself back if I saw her treating him like this.
It’s just not okay and I can’t stand it. No matter how you feel about Rika, when you read and see shit like this, you get angry at her for what she’s done to this child. Saeran was a child.
He was a child who trusted her and V.
Goddammit.
He was a CHILD.
He’s sleeping three hours. Max. That’s not okay. He’s chugging caffeine pills like they’re Tic-Tacs. Ray, honey, baby, darling, they’re not Tic-Tacs. That’s not okay at all. It’s actually blotted out. I don’t know what he’s eating. I don’t know how many he’s eating. I knew that he was popping like them candy to stay up and at his desk, but Jesus Christ, Ray. The space implies that it’s a high number, it could be double-digits.
If it’s more than 15, I don’t know what I’m going to do.
He’s not even eating right. Food that’s easy to eat. Okay, that’s why he eats chocolate most of the time. He’s eating snack foods when he’s eating and only using real food if he has time. [He never has time. It makes me want to cry as I read it because I wanted to grab him by the wrist and ask him to stay during the meals because I don’t really eat more than what a toddler eats due to my health and he could have the rest. He needs it.]
I love this guy, but I can see his suffering here.
I don’t know if you’ve seen this but he ranks the RFA on a sliding scale of how tough they are to defeat and how easy they are to defeat. Seven and V have the strongest list. V is to be captured alive and that you have to be cautious so he doesn’t trick you.
Seven is “No need. Discard.”
I have to ask Ray what the hell a “honey trap” is though, as far as Zen goes in his explaination. Does that mean that Ray is saying “If there’s a pretty honey, he’ll fall to his knees?” RAY?
RAY?????
RAY??????????????
Jumin: Attack social status. Just take his fucking cat.
Yoosung: Rika. Just use Rika information or threaten his family.
Jaehee: Break C&R. If it or Jumin falls, she’s easy. Not sure.
Oh, and there’s actually recipes in his portion of the diary as well. He has a lot of sweet things listed and God, he would get me. He literally makes notes about a tester in this. He has to jot down who would be a good idea and how he could ensure their happiness. He says that he’s not as good as the chef in Mint Eye but he wants to be good enough.
So, he actually tries to learn how to make things for us. He failed at making ice cream. He made some progress at brunch and he tried to make some cake but it wasn’t quite up to par yet. He notes his mistakes and says that he’ll keep trying to learn for the tester. So, that’s how he’s spending his six months.
His final note in this journal is hopeful of the tester. He’s got everything as it needs to be but he needs his tester to come to him. He hopes they’re a good person but he doesn’t know how to interact with them. He wonders how he should start talking to them, anyway. How do you talk to people on the outside? He doesn’t know... maybe an introduction?
Should he greet you?
Should he try harder?
He really fixates on how to say hi to you.
He decides simple is good.
“Hello! My name is Ray.”
And if you turn the page, you’re smacked with that photo and my knees just went a little weak. Oh boy, honey, darling, I love you. I’m sorry that you’ve suffered so much but it’s okay. I’m here! We’ll get out of this place together soon. All and all, this was a solid read that gave me a lot more perspective on my boy. There’s still a bit of information in Rika’s Diary, to be honest. But this stood out more to me here.
#saeran's diary#saeran#saeran choi#choi saeran#mm#mystic messenger#mysticmessenger#mysme#saeran mm#saeran mysme#saeran mystic messenger#mystic messenger saeran#mm saeran#mysme saeran#ray choi#choi ray#mystic messenger ray#mysme ray#mm ray#ray mm#ray mysme#ray mystic messenger#saeran ray#mod kait#Kait Reacts To The AE#SaeranAfterEnding
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The Portend (His Royal Highness II)
word count: 6.7k
warning(s): cursing, anxiety
a/n: hi all! i just wanted to say that i know this chapter’s length is SO different from the first one’s but that’s because that one is, again, 2 years old and was written all at once. the other chapters will also be fairly long from here on out. i hope you enjoy this one!
taglist: @drawlfoy @war-sword @lilyreachelcassidy @socontagiousimagines @andreasworlsboring101 [@kaibie @regalillegal @mayorofzillyhoo, i know you all wanted to be tagged in the full-length HRH and this is pretty much it ig. please let me know if you’re still interested and want me to add you to the permanent tag list for this series]
reply to this post or send me an ask/dm if you want to be added to the tag list for the series or for all of my fics!
HRH - Table Of Contents
Y/N placed her palms flat on her desk as if doing so would bring any sort of change to the absolute hurricane that had begun its wrath within her stomach. She tried to imagine she was somewhere else for a second. Why would any rational human being do this to someone? That too to someone with as much responsibility as she had. Oh, right… she’d forgotten. Prince Draco was far from rational. Far from being a human being, even.
She looked down at the paper trays with guest lists upon guest lists kept before her, shifted them to the side and planted her face on the wood. That’s better , she thought. Now no one else can see how fucking ridiculous I feel right now! She tried to think about what the hell she’d done to him to make him act so horribly towards her. What could she have possibly done in a past life that would have resulted in her having to face such a… conundrum? She’d thought it was hard enough having to bargain with the King and Queen over how much detail could possibly be squeezed into cake decorations but had no idea a situation even more stressful could and would arise.
How could she let herself get so weak? How could she not bring herself to be assertive? She could have just said no, right? It wasn’t that hard. He hadn’t been nice at all. She took a deep, deep breath, trying desperately to calm her brain. It had begun to run from thought to thought, imagining every possible scenario that could go wrong. She had so much work left to complete on her own, and god knew how much attention and criticism she might face at and after the ball.
And the way she’d freaked out in front of Draco as well! She was sure he must’ve been at least a little put off by how strongly and emotionally she’d reacted so quickly. God, not that that should matter that much but… if they were supposed to work together for a highly publicised ordeal, they had to get along, right? Right? She hadn’t meant to do that. It’s just that he’d already shocked her a bit by slipping into her office so unexpectedly. And then he’d gone on and rushed to… that . Not to excuse what he did but perhaps she should’ve realised she didn’t need to panic so much over it either. She knew she was having a hard time with her anxiety…
Nevertheless, she brought her hands to the edge of the table closer to her and pushed herself up. She looked forwards, turning slightly to face the window she was looking out before everything turned to shit. The scenery was still gorgeous, albeit not that comforting anymore but looking out at the wide expanse of a beautiful garden would bring just about anyone some tranquillity. She had been thinking about how lovely the weather was today, how nice it would be to go for a walk after she’d finished up with her work. Maybe she could even head downtown for once and meet some old friends. But no, no one was happy just giving her a single moment of peace. Even fate was bent upon just giving her as much to stress about as was possible.
She looked down at the paper trays she’d just abandoned. Administrative work could distract her a bit, couldn’t it? All she had to do was send RSVP reminders and reach out to the guests and performers coming in from out of town about their travel and accommodation details. As well as request the performers for the outlines of their performances and send them contracts saying they’d stick by the approved setups. They couldn’t have a repeat of last year’s embarrassing The Hobgoblins’ performance. To be very brief, it had gone sexual. (The King and Queen’s expressions during it were still popular reaction gifs)
She picked out one of the lists and opened up her laptop, finally beginning the work she’d been putting off all morning. It seemed so much easier and more comforting now that she had the much more disturbing dilemma on hand. She corroborated the list in front of her, adding ticks and crosses to the list to mark invitees as having confirmed or not. She then compiled their contact details and created a template for emails to send to those that had yet to confirm their attendance and travel itineraries. After this, she did the same with the list of performers, making sure to add enough information to their emails regarding the outlines they should send back.
And there… most of her work was done already, wasn’t it? Now all she had to do was proofread these, make sure all of the addressees were receiving the appropriate emails and well, press send. It shouldn’t take too long and then she could… She could get back to stressing about the problem fucking Draco had landed her in, goddammit! She was right back there again, her stomach beginning to swirl dangerously. She tried to take in a few deep breaths, forcing herself to get back to work. It wasn’t that hard. It wasn’t that hard!
Never mind, she couldn’t deal with it right now. She… Well, she needed a break. Or maybe she just needed to leave work early today. It was fair game after what the hell Draco had just unloaded on her. It was time she gave her intern some actual responsibility anyway. He was a sweet little fellow, straight out of university. Had his head in the right place but wasn’t particularly good with all the practical work yet. She’d assigned him some random organisational task she knew wouldn’t take her more than a minute and wasn’t going to bother checking because she thought it was simply too easy. Hopefully, he’d been able to do it to her standards.
She sat back in her chair and raised her hands up to her head, stretching out her fingers and breathing in and out deeply through her mouth. She was going to do this. She was really going to handle this (easier) bit of the work off to the intern and he was going to do it just fine. Just fine. Maybe she might have to assist him with it a little bit but it was going to work. It would work. Yes, it would. She shook her head to try and shake off some of her anxiety and stood up, closing her laptop’s screen and picking up the tray of guest lists. She walked out of her office and into the large room outside of it, which had a small group of cubicles placed in the middle.
While the rest looked rapt in their work (an exaggeration, to be sure, a lot of them were chatting with their co-workers and eating snacks), she noted her dear intern was just sitting idle which both made her feel hopeful and worried. He was sitting with his laptop closed, one hand tapping on the table’s surface, the other holding his phone.
“Hi, Colin!” Y/N said and he jerked forwards in surprise, dropping his phone to the floor. “Oh… I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-”. Colin shook his head as he picked it up and looked it over, “It’s no problem, miss… My phone is just fine. Are you alright? I know the prince was just in your office, he came to ask me where it was first! I was so excited and I asked him for a picture but he said he was in a rush! I can’t believe I’ve managed to have a conversation with one of the royals already!”
Hmm… “have a conversation” was probably a stretch but… she chose to ignore that. The boy was definitely an optimist and she couldn’t fault him for that.
“That’s lovely, Colin. I’m sure you’ll get to talk to him and the others again. I had some work for you if you’re up to it.”
“Yes, of course! Does it have anything to do with the prin-”
“Let’s calm down there, Colin. I trust you’ve completed what I assigned you earlier?”
“... Oh, yes I have!”
“That’s great.”
She set the paper tray on the side of his desk and he looked at it for a few seconds before looking up at her again.
“So… what do I have to do?”
Y/N gulped and laid out the lists for him, beginning to explain to him the meanings of the markings she’d made and the emails he had to look through and send off.
***
Beep, beep.
Y/N kept her phone pressed between her shoulder and her ear as she walked around her apartment. She was holding a large iced vanilla latte in one hand and her purse in the other. She knew she needed to set something down but felt too jittery to do anything but pace around with her stuff. It was probably partly inspired by the amount of caffeine she’d drank that day but hey, that didn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. Today was also a terribly tense day, wasn’t it?
Beep, beep.
She took a nice long sip of her latte, relishing in how nice and cold it was. She had the air conditioner on and had taken off her blazer but it still felt like she was this close to overheating. This sudden heatwave throughout the country was absolutely unwelcome as far as she was concerned.
Now if only Pansy’d pick up so she could get some clarity on the situation. Suddenly the dial tone ended and she heard the crackling of breathing through the speaker.
“Hello, Y/N?”
She smiled and finally set her purse down.
“Hi, Pansy! It’s so nice to finally hear your voice. Are you free to talk?”
“I’m sorry I kept you waiting, I was just sending off this email but now I’m free for a bit, yes. And Jesus, Y/N, is something… up?”
“Oh, nothing… it’s just… the prince really got me gobsmacked today.”
She hears her gasp over the phone.
“Oh my, the prince?! Well then… I certainly wasn’t expecting that. Although, I suppose… it’s not so far off for the prince to bother you when you’re working at the palace...”
“Pansy… that’s beside the point.”
“Yeah, okay, so… what happened? You have to tell me now.”
“I will but you need to promise me you won’t get mad or jealous of me or anything. I didn’t choose to be a part of it.”
“Of course I won’t be mad. Why would I be?”
“Well, you know, your history and… how you were off your trolley about him as a teenager?”
“Oh, bugger off, babe. That’s not even true anyway.”
“Oh, really? I can vaguely recall someone crying and taking care of him for weeks after he was attacked by that bird he harassed in the first place.”
“I was just… overemotional.”
“Right.”
“So what, okay? So what if I liked him for a while? There’s nothing there anymore. Even waking up to him the next day after the… you know what between us, I was just repulsed. And you thought he was fit too! So. And I feel like I only just liked him because I thought my parents would be happy with us together.”
“That’s… fair. But yes, you’re right, I’ll get back to my story then.”
“Yes, please.”
Y/N started to unbutton the collar of her shirt, beginning to feel hot again. She took another sip of her latte.
“Well, basically, I was just sitting in my office, you know, minding my own business, when Mr Royalty just busts in and starts talking to me.”
“Oh, dear.”
“Yeah, I know right? Anyway, he got straight to it and asked me to be his date to the coronation ball.”
“Holy shit! That’s… never mind, but you said no, right?”
“Well… at first, yes. But then...”
“You what? That’s so unlike you, Y/N, come on…”
“I know, okay… I shouldn’t have. I just started to feel bad for him and I... Should I get out of it? I’m thinking I will. It’ll be stressful, won’t it? I just… I don’t know what to do about it, okay? I’m lost. Help me.”
Pansy fell silent for a second and Y/N undid the whole of her button-down, setting her drink down onto a table as she headed into her bedroom to look for a lighter change of clothes.
“You know the first thing I’m going to tell you is you owe him nothing. I know you felt bad for him but he really shouldn’t have asked you that with no context or anything. He was the one in the wrong here for sure. It’s sweet of you to accept his offer but you don’t have to keep up on it if it’s really stressing you out so much. Also, the fact that you accepted such a spontaneous offer makes me a little sceptical of the power play there...”
“You’re right. Also, I think it definitely wasn’t nice of him but he wasn't mean about it or anything. He was definitely adamant but eh....”
She set her phone onto her bed and turned it to speakerphone, opening her wardrobe and taking out a t-shirt and some shorts.
“At the same time… when we look at the positives, they are fairly significant. You’ll likely have to give in… not that many hours in exchange for a pretty fun night. You know the service at royal events is amazing and if you’re literally the date of the guy the event is being thrown for, the King being crowned that night… I’m going to guess you’ll get so much from that. You’ll obviously get some… fame and have to pack on some PDA there and what not but that means free stuff, great clothes, who even knows what else. You’d just have to work extra hard for that time and balance the work, but I thought you said you were done with a lot of the stuff already.”
“That is … true.”
“But you’re not happy with that, are you?”
“You don’t have to say it like that. It’s just… actually I don’t have a counterargument for that. The perks do sound pretty good.”
“Right? But you know, there might be criticism or hate or something you might get.”
“Well… I’ll also get paid to advertise things after that, won’t I? And free things and VIP invites to places I wouldn’t even have been able to enter before.”
“Well, yes, but… maybe that’s something of an exaggeration, you know. Not every brand or group or whatever is that fixated on how much publicity they can get.”
“... I mean, aren’t they?”
“Okay, yes, they are. I think you should do this.”
Y/N laughed as she took off her skirt. She sat down on her bed in her underwear, lying down so her head was near her phone.
“This was a very helpful call. Thank you.”
“I do agree, I think I was a huge help.”
“I concur. Again.”
“Thank you! Now, can I request an invitation to the ball as well?”
“Pansy!”
She giggled and sat up, crossing her arms.
“Of course I’ll get you an invite, Pans!”
“Great. I was expecting that. I’m not missing you floundering around, having a… Cinderella moment for the world.”
“A Cinderella moment?”
“You know, getting a chance to dress up like a princess for a night? It’s weirdly literal too, it’s just for the night and then you go back to being normal again. Unless… the prince charming decides…”
“Shush up!”
Y/N felt her face beginning to heat up. Not for the second time in one day… She sighed. And… partly because of the same person too.
“I’m sorry, darling. I hope I didn’t say too much there. You okay?”
“Yeah, yeah of course. It’s just a problem I’m starting to recognise with me. I keep getting more aggressive and emotionally charged than I mean to be.”
“I get that… you could try meditation, you know. Or you could join my yoga class, it’s pretty relaxing. The teacher has a nice butt too.”
“Pans!”
“Y/N!”
***
Her evening was fairly relaxed after that. The call with Pansy had seemed to fix the problem. Well, not exactly “fix”, more like change the way she looked at the issue so it felt all the lighter. And it worked pretty much the same. She began to feel so much better about the decision she’d made. After all, even if it was destiny or whatever, she’d been chosen for a reason, right?
She’d managed to get Draco’s number off of Pansy. (“ It’s from… way back when so forgive me if he changed his number to get me off his back or some shit. ”) And… on a caffeine high, she had decided to text him almost right away.
Hi, your royal highness!
It only took a few hours but soon she was privy to:
Where did you get this number?
Got it from a friend. It’s Y/N btw :) should’ve said that before.
Oh, right! That makes sense. How’re you doing?
I’m alright, thanks. What about you?
I’m okay.
Listen, I was thinking about what happened today.
And now I’m wondering if we could meet tomorrow? Morning, if possible? It’s urgent.
Y/N squinted down at this message in confusion. What was this suggesting? Was there something wrong? Was he going to retract his offer? She knew there must be some kind of administrative work they’d have to log but was it really that serious already?
Sure, I’ll be free to meet before 9:30.
That is not what I was thinking of when I said morning :(
What, do you wake up at 4 o’clock or something?
No, I meant that that was too early!
She rolled her eyes. She should have seen that coming. He wasn’t exactly known for being put together. Or spiritual, for that matter.
We can call now if you really want.
No, it’s okay. It’s better we talk about it in person. I should try and wake up earlier anyway.
As you wish.
So I’ll meet you tomorrow then. Let’s say, 9 am sharp?
Perfect. I get dropped to the main drop off point at that time anyway.
Great. See you xx
See ya x
Y/N set her phone on her counter and put it to charge for the night. What the fuck? What was happening? The sleep she’d been looking forward to seemed to have suddenly drifted away. What was she going to have to worry about tomorrow morning?! She shifted under her sheets, turning where she lay to face the other side and look out her bedroom window. It was a clear, clear night. If she looked hard enough, she could probably see the edge of the royal estate. But then again, she really didn’t want to. She turned to the other side and just stared at her closet.
She wasn’t sure when her mind got tired of imagining potential disaster scenarios for the next day but Y/N woke up to the sound of her alarm ringing at 6:45 am. She reached over to her nightstand and turned it off, sitting up in bed and looking out the sun already shining bright in her window. It was barely May but the days had already begun to increase in length.
Since she’d woken up with ample time to complete her routine, she did everything she could to pamper herself, spending almost an hour in the bathroom. She even changed into her nicest formal clothes after, a white pantsuit with dark detailing. She packed her work bag with the essentials, her laptop, her water bottle, her royal admin ID, her wallet, stationery and her phone. She felt very prepared for once. Whatever was coming her way would be taken care of as needed.
She had a comfortable trip from her apartment building to the estate, the state-sanctioned car ride feeling a lot less bumpy than usual. It was still just as clear as it was last night, but the car��s windows were tinted so the sun’s rays felt like they barely even touched it. There was only the slightest hiccup when the driver slammed the brakes too hard all of a sudden and made Y/N’s face hit the seat before hers. OUCH!?
It didn’t take very long for the car to get to the palace, stopping at the main entrance pavilion. She didn’t notice anyone there yet and checked the time. It was still only 8:53 am. She had enough time to walk to the administrative wing, leave her things there and come back with time to spare. She walked through the hallway and towards the next hall which she knew led her to-
“Fuck me!”
“I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. Hi, Y/N.”
She had her hand on her heart, trying to slow down her breathing as she looked at the blonde who had bumped straight into her. He had his hands in front of her to catch her if she fell. Thankfully, she had just missed falling.
“What the hell is it with you and giving me heart attacks?”
"I promise you that wasn’t my intention.”
“Well, I’d sure have hoped it wasn’t.”
She sighed and dropped her hand to her side, looking up at him with an eyebrow raised.
“So?”
“So, yes. Um. Can we walk or something? I don’t want to be standing here and have someone walk in on us?”
“... Draco, what do you have planned exactly...?”
She looked up at him quizzically and smirked. He managed a small smile but shook his head.
“God, get your mind out of the gutter! I just mean… this is stressful, okay?”
“Well, I’d like to drop my things off at my office if you don’t mind.”
“Alright, I’ll wait for you by the admin wing’s garden exit.”
“Done.”
***
Y/N had decided to leave her blazer on her chair and all her belongings except for her phone on her desk. Hopefully, Colin was good enough as a guard or she was getting robbed. Either way, she could spot a tall blonde’s head nervously bobbing above the hedge next to the exit. His face was a concerning shade of pink, goodness could only hope he’d put on an adequate amount of sun cream.
“Draco?”
“Yes, hi.”
He managed out, looking toward her walking out now.
“Are you okay? You look… red.”
“I’m fine.”
“I mean, are you sunburnt?”
“Oh…?”
He brought a hand up to touch his cheek.
“No, but that’s a good point. Let’s stand in the shade.”
She stopped where she was and he walked in to meet her. She felt her insides begin to do the jitterbug in anticipation. What could possibly have him so on edge? What was wrong?
“I’m really very sorry about yesterday. I wasn’t exactly thinking very straight when I came to see you. In hindsight, I know it got on your nerves and everything and I should’ve been a lot better at telling you about it.”
“It’s no big deal now, honestly.”
“Okay, but that’s not exactly why I called you. The thing is, there’s going to be a lot of PR work at this ball. I didn’t realise it before but Mother told me she’s arranging a meeting with our publicist for us today. And the publicist is never there just to take the piss. This is serious now. Like, even more than I thought it was.”
“I- what do you-”
“It’ll be very pressing, I would never hold it against you if you decided to pull out.”
He stared into her eyes with a pensive expression on his face and Y/N felt whatever response she had been planning just vanish from existence. She pretended to have comprehended everything he said, but could only really think of saying one thing right then… That’s what she said... but that would be inappropriate. He soon got conscious and looked to the side and she felt the cogs in her brain begin to work again.
“The thing is my mother was getting a little impatient with me and telling me it was time for me to tell her who my date for the ball is. My parents have been begging me to find one unless I want to risk an arranged marriage, it’s a long story. So, I told them I’d find a date for myself and that they don’t need to worry. The truth is, I didn’t actually bother to find one and it was starting to get a little late. You know there’s only one month left till... right, you know. So… she came to talk to me about it over lunch and she told me I had to tell her who it was so she could arrange everything for us. I started to think about whom my parents would be okay with me going with and whom I would be okay with and well… you were on top of the list.”
“I’m hoping that’s a compliment.”
“It- it is. I told her your name and she was satisfied with it, I think. And then I was scared she’d come and talk to you immediately so I ran to you first and just asked you about it then. Again, I’m sorry it came out as forcefully as it did. I didn’t mean to… get you stuck in this whole thing.”
He took a deep breath and looked back at her again. Her stomach seemed to begin buzzing as she felt her anxiety grow. This was not going to go as smoothly as she expected, was it? The queen, and most likely the king as well, knew. Although that wasn’t exactly unanticipated, it gave everything a sense of finality. Like, she didn’t have much legroom here at all.
“Anyway, that's what happened. I’m sorry, again.”
He looked at her as if he was waiting for her to yell at him. She wasn’t intending to and just turned to the side, trying to calm her racing heart. She needed to make a decision, didn’t she? And who knows what kind of problems would face her, either way, she decided to go? It seemed like teasing to dangle this lux option in front of her just to draw it away. Draco annoyed her.
Looking at how strangely afraid of her he looked, she couldn’t help but notice how very much he started to look like the Draco she used to know. Little and arrogant and scarily afraid of his parents getting upset with him.
“You’re fine. I… I’m going to need some time.”
“That’s okay. You can take as much time as you need. The problem is, I have no idea when today my mother is going to pull you out for the publicist meeting.”
Y/N huffed slightly and covered her face. So, what was she going to do? What was she going to do?
“I’m in.”
She’d set her mind to it, hadn’t she? She’d made a promise to the prince, and his parents knew of it already. She’d already told Pansy she was going for it. Well, all of those things and also the prospect of fulfilling a childhood princess fantasy seemed more enjoyable than anything. There was something so gratifying in that idea, dressing up well and being pampered and showered with affection and just… pretending to be a princess. What could be more fun than that?
“You’re sure?”
The answer was nothing.
“Yes.”
Most likely.
“Well, I hope you know what you’re getting yourself into.”
“So do I.”
***
It still hadn’t really sunk in yet that she was actually going to do whatever this would entail. Sure, she’d been dreaming about it the day before but it seemed completely different now. Her gut seemed to be calmer now, signifying that perhaps her intuition hadn’t been completely off guiding her in the direction it had.
What’s sad was Y/N was still lost about this after Narcissa had whisked her away into one of the palace’s many giant bedrooms. She was sitting on the bed, still in her work clothes, stressed after having had to explain to Colin how to decide how accommodations would be settled for the guests and the performers coming. She’d been expecting the meeting with the publicist and Draco to happen but she was lost as to what was taking place right now.
Narcissa approached her with a clipboard and a pen. “Now, dear, I just need you to sign these first.” Y/N took both from her and glossed through the texts.
A non-disclosure agreement and an employment contract…
“I’m sorry, your majesty. Do you mind me going through the documents before signing them?”
“Absolutely not, sweetheart. Though do try to rush, we have appointments we need to get to in time.”
“Thank you, ma’am. Honestly, ma’am, I’m not too aware of legal jargon like this. Could I please ask you to explain the purpose of this agreement?”
“Well, when any…”
She seemed to want to say a word but held it back, twisting her tongue around in her mouth as she thought of what to say.
“Person unfamiliar with our ancestry and our policies gets… involved with a member of the family, we have them sign one of these in order to protect our privacy.”
“I see…”
That seemed very… imperialist of them. She began to skim through the document, trying her best to understand it based on what little knowledge of this she had. It all seemed par for the course except for the last clause.
“I’m sorry again, ma’am. The others make sense to me but this one: 11. Covertness, it’s quite vague, the “other actor”…?.”
“To be transparent, the King and I posed the covertness clause as a protective measure. We don’t need Draco learning about this agreement and growing wary of all of us. We’re doing it to protect him more than anything. You are not to revert any of this portion of our meeting to him and he mustn't ever come to know of this agreement or the contract at all.”
The Queen suddenly seemed scarier than she ever had in all the years she’d known her.
“Well, that’s- I’ll have to think about that for a second.”
She started looking through the employment contract. It was similar to the one she currently held, nothing too special, except for the fact that it detailed that she was entitled to a lump sum of £200,000 at the end of the event, assuming she kept up her end of the agreement. She paused for a moment and just stared at that number.
“Is this a misprint by any chance, ma’am?”
The Queen leaned over and looked at where she was pointing, then shook her head.
“No, it is not.”
She took a deep breath. That would be much more than enough to have her set for life and for a private event planning business alongside. It would take her 10 years to even come close to earning as much. She continued reading the document. She was supposed to participate in a few publicity stunts, make it clear “she had good intentions” and was supposed to disconnect from the prince entirely after the affair was over. Those terms didn’t sound too harsh, now, did they? A little acting and ghosting for 200 grand? It didn’t sound like much. Even a real big shot actor wouldn’t get paid half as much for such little work. And the part about her leaving the prince alone after was a little strange, but she supposed it made sense, what with the royals’ obsession with keeping their family all blue-blooded. Draco had been the poster child for that kind of thing growing up. And she likely didn’t have an ounce of it in her.
Why were they even that desperate anyway? This seemed huge. It might boost the prince’s reputation a bit but… what else was there to this? She knew the country was not doing the best in terms of international relations but did this really hold that much weight along those terms? Surely, there was something here she was missing. Regardless, 200,000 quid for a little work and a lot of fun was too amazing an offer to turn down. And so, Y/N signed both papers and handed them back to her. Jesus Christ, Draco’s impulsive decision was about to get her rich. Quick. She certainly hadn’t been expecting this.
She handed the clipboard back to the Queen who smiled and took it back quickly, setting the papers into a folder which she kept in a decorative paper bag. Not a bad hiding place at all. She walked outside for a few minutes, before reentering, followed by a squat old lady well-dressed in mauve and a younger woman wearing similar clothes. The Queen ushered towards either of them and began speaking.
“Madam Malkin and assistant, this is miss Y/L/N, the crown prince’s date to the coronation ball, miss Y/L/N, this is Madam Malkin, the family’s official stylist and designer, and her assistant.”
Y/N raised her hand out for her to shake, and she did so, firmly.
“It’s so great to meet you, Madam.”
“Pleasure as well, love.”
She retracted her hand, looked over Y/N’s outfit and began whispering to her assistant.
“Well, to be very honest, I feel we don’t have to worry about my wardrobe as much. I know I probably don’t meet the royal standards but… I was planning on buying this really nice dress online anyway. I could show it to you and have you approve it if that would be fine.”
The Queen looked at her vacantly, her eyebrows raised and her nose pinched in the slightest. Then her expression settled and she exchanged a look with Madam Malkin before looking back at Y/N. Madam Malkin maintained an unamused expression, then began to speak.
“ I hope you know we’re not going to let you just wear a dress you bought online to the ball… We’ll tailor one for you. And your other clothes will be picked from contemporary designers ourselves.”
Y/N just looked at her silently, nodding and blinking slowly in assent.
***
An hour or so of Y/N having to change into various clothes behind a divider and then show them off to the pair of them passed quickly. It was very fun knowing she’d get a bunch of very nice clothes out of this (even custom made underwear so her clothes fit her right over them!), and she thought the royal family was really being very generous with all of this. Lots of money and clothes? There had to be some kind of catch, right? Something that would make this hard to keep up with? What was it? Just the stress of all the work that’d pile up? That didn’t seem like enough. Everything was not going the way she was anticipating. It was going a hell of a lot better. Mostly.
The actual meeting she’d been waiting for all morning was finally occurring. She was seated in a meeting room opposite the Queen and Draco and their publicist. It was weird seeing them like this. It seemed like a strange grown-up parent-teacher conference.
“So, our point is, we need to have you both make it clear to the public that there is a strong relationship between the two of you.”
The redheaded man droned on at the head of the table and Y/N looked over at Draco who glanced at her as well before both turning to look at the man.
“It’s Percy, right? I’m just a little… I’m sorry if I just don’t know my current affairs well enough for this but… why?”
Y/N gulped, crossing her arms tightly after asking this question. It was quite bold of her for sure. She could only hope she wasn’t violating anything by asking this. “She’s not wrong.” Draco chimed in, ”You never had to do anything like this, mother.” The Queen smiled but shook her head. “Things just aren’t the same anymore, are they?” She looked over at Percy to continue.
“We now live in a world of social media and tabloids and none of that will work towards the image we need to create.”
Draco seemed to be satisfied with that and just looked at Y/N silently, who could only really do the same at this point.
“I’m sorry, again, I… think I’m missing something here. What “image” are we trying to create?”
Percy and the Queen exchanged a long look, where she pursed her lips and shook her head somewhat disapprovingly. She then nodded and he began to speak.
“Miss Y/L/N, to be very frank, the kingdom isn’t doing amazing. In terms of international relations and funding and… most importantly, resources and trading. We’re afraid we’re losing allies and we cannot risk anything. We not only need to increase viewership and publicity of the ceremony and the ball, but we need to raise the reputation of the family and the prince in the public eye. It’s… a trend at King’s coronation balls for royals or other elite families to offer their daughters’ hands in marriage to the crown prince or king. Our prince is bent upon not getting into an arranged marriage and having to reject offers is a lot more publicly disgraceful than you might anticipate. As you might know, the country wasn’t even on speaking terms with one of its neighbours because centuries ago a crown prince rejected an offer for marriage and an alliance with them. We cannot risk having that happen when we’re in as dire straits as we are.”
Y/N could only look up at him with her mouth agape. They were serious. This was why it mattered so much to them. This was why she was being paid to do this. In case they offended an ally or just any other country. Because of the prince’s idealistic desires for romance or whatever it was. Although she couldn’t really fault him for that, his father hadn’t had to do the same and she’d heard the conditions for some of those alliances and the situations they landed themselves in the future were never that positive.
She nodded up at Percy. “I understand. I should probably read a bit more on the news and the family anyway. I tend to avoid it.” Percy barely seemed to notice her response and started to talk about strategies and actions that needed to be taken. The meeting ended with Draco and Y/N agreeing to keep up with their public profiles and maintain a good reputation on them. They were supposed to interact more publicly for the time being while Percy laid out more intricate publicity stunt plans.
As she left the room and started to walk back to her office, thinking about what work she had to do, someone tapped at her shoulder gently. She turned around to see the very same prince that had dragged her into this mess staring down at her.
“Again, I’m sorry.”
Him saying that like this made her feel guilty now.
“It’s- it’s really okay. You don’t have to say that.”
“I feel like I have to. You’re barely getting anything for doing this for us.”
“That’s- that’s not true. I’ll have my fun, won’t I?”
“Well, whatever it is, what I told you yesterday, the offer still stands. I’ll get you anything, I’ll buy you a mansion, whatever you like.”
“Not that I’d ever decline you giving me anything… you really don’t need to. Thank you for the offer, though.”
Y/N bit her lip and smiled up at him, waving him off as he made to leave, pretending like that was really the truth. She watched him as he walked to the other end of the hallway. She was going to have to keep up this lie all the way till the event. It definitely wasn’t going to be easy. She began to clench her jaw, setting a hand on the wall as everything rushed through her head.
This was exactly like Cinderella except she had no evil stepmother or fairy godmother or glass slipper or a prince charming on a quest to find her, just a lump sum, publicised PDA and more acting than she realised. And absolutely no way out of seeing the story through anymore.
a/n: there will be a hell of a lot more draco in the next chapters, stay tuned!
#draco malfoy x reader#draco x reader#draco malfoy#draco#hp#draco imagine#draco malfoy imagine#hp imagine#au#prince au#royal au#prince draco#prince draco au#romance#draco malfoy series#draco x reader series#draco malfoy x reader series#drama
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tomura & stain
we all know stain was a major influence on tomura and his character development early in the series, so id like to take a closer look at why stain was so important to tomura (and why i sincerely believe tomura had an implicitly-canon crush on him.)
this is actually pretty glaring when you watch all of tomura's season 2 scenes all together. i think the reason it slipped by so many people (including me) is because the villains side of the story was so broken up by the sports festival and kids internships. (and, tomura was a relatively new character to the audience at the time - we didn't know yet that that is very much not how tomura behaves around most people.)
and before i get started, i just wanna say that this post isnt about shipping, i just think this is an overlooked part of tomuras character. i also need to establish this reading of their dynamic to further support another meta post i’m planning on writing in the future regarding tomura and afo.
I'll link a season 2 tomura compilation video in the notes so you can see what im talking about yourselves, but for now, here are my impressions. (all white subtitles in screenshots are tomura’s dialogue.)
we start with tomura admiring stain from pictures and videos. like… his eyes are literally sparkling. pretty sure he's never looked at anyone except afo with so much non-hostile intensity and interest.
ive talked a little bit about this before, but i get the feeling that tomura just genuinely doesnt expect to be understood by anyone at all. not civilains, not other villains, and certainly not heroes. since all tomura really knew about stain and his motivations at this point was that he was "the hero killer", he probably thought he'd finally found another person who shared his hatred for hero society with the same passion - someone who could understand him. no wonder he was so excited.
when face-to-face, tomura openly admits stain has more experience than him, and calls him “dai-senpai” (translated as “sir” below); this is used for people who have MUCH more experience than you in your field. starting strong with the flattery! (esp considering im pretty sure they both have roughly the same amount of experience, technically.)
(also, aren’t most crushes in these shows directed towards someones “senpai”?)
when he makes a truly terrible first impression and gets stabbed for his efforts, tomura just... laughs awkwardly. tomura has a general tendency to smile and laugh when hes in pain, but the sheer nervous awkwardness of it is what makes it significant here. i dont think he would have responded this way if it had been, say, dabi or toga who attacked him during recruiting instead.
when stain rejects his offer and monologues about why he doesnt like people like tomura, tomura responds in a clearly offended and hurt way. in other, similar encounters throughout the manga, tomura is much more level-headed than he is here. i dont think hes ever taken someones opinion of him so hard at any other point in the series, which is pretty notable considering the sheer amount of other times he gets insulted to his face.
...and yet, he remains civil during their conversation on the rooftops afterwards, even when stain makes another dig at him. (also, correct me if im wrong, but is the first line below not literally a romance trope...?)
after stain leaves (and only after,) tomura starts poking fun at him, despite having been the one to try to recruit him in the first place. makes sense that he's trying to point out all his 'flaws', sort of like hes trying to talk himself out of his previous admiration for him after being so thoroughly rejected. and, considering tomura had to later question how he and stain were different at all, these criticisms seem a little bit hollow in hindsight.
coping with heartbreak by seeking (indirect!) revenge. of course his idea of revenge involves making stain feel like everyone has forgotten about him. acting like you were never interested in someone is a pretty common trope for this kind of thing, isnt it? that they meant so little to you (or anyone else) that you dont even remember the rejection! and of course, tomuras trying to make stain feel as humiliated as he did.
also worth mentioning: i think this is the only time where tomura wanted to end up in the news for a reason unrelated to making people question justice and hero society. releasing the nomus didn't seem to be about making people doubt the heroes ability to protect, it was just to outshine stain.
tomura isn't really the kind of person who… gets that worked up over losses? So the fact that hes so agitated about it is significant. even at usj when he lashed out at kurogiri for letting iida escape, he pretty quickly bounced back and accepted that they had to retreat for the time being. still, it must hurt seeing the guy who so harshly rejected you get talked about nonstop, especially in a positive light.
(honey, you're the one hung up on stain.)
This leads to - as user palbabor-writes pointed out in her character analysis of tomura - tomura's worst outburst in the series. isnt it interesting that stain was responsible for that, in a character who is otherwise relatively calm and collected? that suggests some pretty strong feelings attached.
of course, losing his nomus and being insulted by some strangers certainly lended to that outburst, but those were both just salt in the wound that stain had already created.
then he literally dons his Sadness Hoodie (seriously, we only see him wear it while sulking at the mall and after afo is arrested) and goes off to wonder why he and stain were too different to work out. and he lingers on that for a long time. why were they too different? what went wrong? why didn't stain accept him?
this doesnt just seem to be about how society perceives the two of them, because the thoughts are "directed" at stain, rather than society as a whole. he wants to understand it from stain's perspective before anyone elses. (plus, everyone thought stain was a part of the LoV, so as far as society is concerned, he and stain are the same.)
...and hes so torn up about this that he goes as far as venting to and consulting a teenager on the matter.
i don't know. romantic feelings and tropes in media aren't my strong suit, but i hope you understand what im getting at!!
like i said at the beginning, i'll reblog this with a link to the season 2 tomura comp so you can kind of see it for yourselves. theres also some things from supplemental material for bnha that further supports this theory, but since thats only dubious canon, i'll put those in a follow-up post!
#tomura shigaraki#shigaraki tomura#tenko shimura#akaguro chizome#stain bnha#bnha#boku no hero academia#long post#ooc#meta#please be nice im kind of embarrassed to post this LMAO
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Smile for the Camera - Spencer
it’s 2 days late but i havE A NEW FIC! i don’t really know what else to say this time so yeah here you go!
gender: not mentioned/neutral
type: fluff
warnings: none
______
You hoped you weren’t going to be late. There was an accident on the highway when you were on your way over to Rossi’s house and you kept praying to whatever was out there for you to make it on time.
Pulling up to the driveway, you saw lights on in the house but the blinds were closed. so you couldn't tell if anything was happening. You heaved a big sigh and grabbed your camera bag.
“Here we go.” You said to yourself.
It was always a big production to go to weddings, no matter how small they are. Weddings were draining in the best ways. You loved seeing people in love but it was hard with how little was going in your life sometimes.
You got a text from Will that read, ’Just walk straight to the backyard when you get here. That’s where we will do the ceremony.’
You quietly walked to the back gate and gasped. The decorations were simple but beautiful. String lights, candles, lightly decorated chairs. You felt the urge to cry coming on but you held back. You had a job to do while everyone was gone at the end of the night, then you could cry out of happiness.
Click. One picture down. Click click. More photos loaded as you got shots in. This was the most calming moment, when there was no one around and you got to be by yourself and get your jitters out. The sound of the camera shutter was so loud in your head but so quiet when you worked.
“Well look who it is!” A southern New Orleans accent drawled from behind you as you wrapped up shooting.
“Wil!” You turned, opening your arms to hug your best friend’s fiance.
You and Will had always been reasonably close because of your bonds with JJ. You didn’t meet the people in her life often but you heard stories and when Will officially came into the picture, you were in love with his chemistry with JJ. You knew this day would happen, especially after Henry, it was only a matter of time.
“Are you ready, big guy?” You asked, taking in his dapper appearance.
He looked so nice that you knew JJ was going to cry when she saw him. Hell, you were going to cry when you see her and you get to see her before everyone else. Let’s face it… You were just going to cry over everything. Everything was cry-worthy because you knew it was all done in love. Everything here was about love.
“No. I mean yes, I get to call her my wife but I have been practicing my vows for an hour and I still don’t know what to say.” Will chucked as you smiled with him.
“I think you’ve got it.” You comforted him.
You were about to say something when someone yelled about JJ pulling up in the driveway. This was Will’s cue to greet JJ at the door with Henry. They arrived in separate cars so Will could get the surprise together but the ruse was that Will was picking up a specific wine as a gift to Rossi since it was his party and you always bring the party host wine. It was a ruse because in reality, Will got to Rossi’s place early to make sure that everything was up and running as smoothly as possible.
Suddenly, a group of people came walking out of the backdoor. You started taking photos of them coming out as if they were the bridal party, the bridesmaids and groomsmen who stand on the altar with the couple, but you knew they were the guests.
The first guy out of the door winked at you, causing you to feel your face get hot. Whenever people gave themselves attention through the camera, you felt like it was attention towards you because you were the person behind the camera. You often had to remind yourself that it’s all for the camera, not you.
“Hey, y/n!” Emily called as she grew closer to you. She was right behind the guy so you didn’t see her until she was standing right in front of you.
“You look really nice.” You said, taking a picture of Emily. She looked slightly bashful at the sight of the camera on her but she went with it anyway.
You met Emily before at a dinner party that JJ invited you to. Emily, JJ, and Penelope sat around JJ’s kitchen table drinking wine and JJ invited you over because she knew you could use the break to chit chat and be with people without being under pressure to mingle and make business connections like at weddings. You always thought she was a bit brash but you also appreciated how straight-forward Emily always was.
“Thank you. Are you going to photograph the wedding?” Emily asked as you walked to the middle of the aisle together. Emily was on her way to talk to someone else in the yard and you were waiting for JJ, Will and Henry to come out the back door.
“Yeah. Will asked me to do it. “ You smiled.
“I know you’ll do great. You always do.” Emily was genuinely complimenting you and it was your turn to be bashful.
Being a friend of JJ, she always had you take their family photos so she could post them to Facebook and frame them. Emily obviously saw your photos, along with JJ’s many friends and family, so she kept up with you.
Emily walked to her seat while you noticed Rossi and JJ’s mother walking to the back door. You followed at a distance, your longest distance lens ready to capture JJ’s face. All you could see was mouths moving but you kept the camera going until it hit her. click click click clickˆ. There was the recognition on JJ’s face about what was happening.
“Y/n!” JJ noticed you behind Rossi, who you knew as the rich older guy whose house hosted many dinner nights that you were often invited to but you were too busy with weddings and other events on the weekends to go. It was nice to actually attend for once.
“JJ!” You said, a big smile spreading on your face.
You can JJ hugged before her mom ushered the two of you off to a room.
“You knew?” JJ asked as you got pictures of her and her mom getting her dressed in that gorgeous gown.
It fit her so nicely that it was almost like it was made for JJ… Little did she know that you had a hand in making sure it was fitted to her perfectly leading up to the wedding. It was a challenge but you were able to figure out her measurements through compiling a series of images, some of her clothes, and a special 3D rendering program that Penelope helped program. It sounds easy but it was incredibly difficult to put together in a short amount of time to ensure that the dress was going to be a perfect fit.
“Kinda. It was a last minute thing, which gave me no time to spoil it.” You weren’t the best at secrets but you were by far better than Penelope. You learned that pretty soon after you met her for the first time.
“Well, I’m glad you’re here. I wouldn’t want to be here without you.” JJ said, her mom zipping her up finally.
You gave the two of them time alone while you went and looked for a good place to set up. You could feel the tears coming on as you closed the door to the bedroom but you took a deep breath. It was a happy day and you were just feeling overwhelmed. Weddings could be stressful and a lot to handle a lot of the time but they made you happy at the end of the day.
As you stood in the front row, waiting for JJ to walk down the aisle, you noticed a boy out of the corner of your eye, just talking to Emily. He glanced over at you for a moment, fixing his hair, before focusing on Emily again. You wondered if he worked with JJ…
The ceremony came and went. From JJ’s gorgeous dress under the stars to Henry and WIll looking nice and the photos of the first kiss, you couldn’t stop crying between shots. It was hard to see but thank the lord for autofocus because you wouldn’t be able to nail the manual focus through your tears. You had never seen her so happy, other than when you saw her in the hospital holding Henry for the first time, so this was an amazing occasion. You missed being a guest for a special moment like this but you would be sobbing if you weren’t doing a job.
As JJ, Will and Henry walked inside for a little bit for a private moment after the ceremony, you were left outside by yourself as everyone started to mingle. Out of sheer anxiety, you flipped through your preview screen with all of your shots on your camera. With JJ inside, Penelope at the snack table, and Emily dancing with a tall, commanding man with dark hair, you were left not knowing anyone.
You decided to go sit down at a table and take a break when you heard Henry’s laugh. Looking up, you noticed the cute guy doing magic tricks with Henry over by the table. You couldn’t help but stare at the two of them, a pang in your heart.
With all of your friends getting married or engaged, you found yourself getting lonlier. They were all pairing off and getting on with their lives while you were committed to your job. That was perfectly fine but your photos couldn’t talk back to you when you were alone at night, needing an emotional connection.
Click. Click. Click. You took more shots of Henry smiling from afar, pausing to look at the previews, before you went inside to get something to drink. If anyone needed a shot right now, it was you.
Two shots in, you heard a door closing behind you.
“You should say hi to him.” JJ said, smiling.
Instinctively, she was playing with her wedding ring. It was a foreign object on her hand so of course she would play with it between her fingers.
“I should not do that. I’m here to work.” You smiled back.
The smile was a little bit forced because you had this conversation with JJ before. You see a cute person and JJ encourages you to go for it. You shoot her down and tell her all the reasons it wouldn’t work out. The two of you laugh about it and move on.
“Spence is a nice guy.” JJ chuckled, looking out to the backyard.
“His name is Spence?” You asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Spencer Reid is his name.” JJ corrected. “But I’ve always called him Spence when no one would give him a nickname when he first got to the BAU.”
“Oh, that’s cute.” You said, distractedly.
Looking over at Spencer, he was still playing with Henry. Another magic trick that piqued your interest as you tried to see how he did it. He was just too smooth because you couldn’t see the switcheroo moment.
“Go, talk to him! Take a break for a little bit. You’ve been working this entire time and I know the shots aren’t going to cure the lonely feeling.” JJ said, a soft smile on her face.
You thought about it for a second, slowly feeling the effects of the shots flowing to your head. It wasn’t enough to knock you off balance but enough to loosen you up a little bit.
“I just might.” You said, your resolve hitting you.
JJ smiled at you as you went outside to where Spencer sat. One. Two. One. Two. You counted your steps, looking down at your feet as you felt the nerves threatening to come back up. Where was the confidence you felt a minute ago? You could do this.
Just when you were about to open your mouth, Henry spotted you and came running up to hold your leg.
“Y/N!” He yelled, looking up at you.
In the second you paused to gain your balance and look down at Henry, you looked back up to see Spencer talking to the guy that winked at your camera in the beginning of the wedding. They seemed to be talking about something serious so you gave up and decided to dance with Henry.
“Hey buddy, will you dance with me?” You asked Henry, who was still clinging to your leg. You took your camera from it’s resting place on your chest and placed it in your shoulder bag.
Henry nodded his head and the two of you went out to the dance floor, him holding onto your hands and swaying off tempo. You were looking at Henry, who occasionally let go of your hand to push the hair out of his face, and sneaking glances at Spencer, who was starting to look deflated in his conversation. You wondered what he was talking about that made him deflate at a wedding.
“Mind if I cut in?” Will’s voice shook you out of your wandering thoughts about Spencer.
“Of course. I’m sure you guys should have a family dance.” You said, stepping away.
“I wanted to dance with you, not him.” Will chuckled.
Henry ran over to his mom, who was at the snack table with Spencer, while you and will had a dance. You didn’t even notice Spencer get up and move.
“This is beautiful.” You said, looking around. You noticed the air get a little chilly but you were still moving so it didn’t bother you.
“It really came together in time.” Will chuckled, knowing how much of a hassle it was to pull everything together.
“No thanks to you, of course.” You smiled.
Over Will’s shoulder, you could see JJ and Spencer still talking. They looked so light and fun. You wondered what they were talking about. You couldn’t see JJ’s face but Spencer was looking up at the stars until he wasn’t. Suddenly, he was making eye contact with you.
You felt your face grow hot as you looked away, Will’s voice calling you back from your thoughts.
“You should go talk to him. You’ll enjoy his… Quirks.” Will chuckled, continuing to sway with you.
“Quirks, huh? He’s that bad? Maybe I shouldn’t go for it…” You said, thinking about how your previous experiences with guys with quirks landed you more single than an amoeba.
“I think you would like him. He knows a lot about… Well everything.” He said as the song came to an end.
“Well, I’ll see. I want to get more shots of you, JJ and Henry dancing together.” You said, grabbing your camera out of your shoulder bag and taking a few steps back to capture Will smiling.
Click. Click.
You checked the images and were satisfied enough to move on… Almost.
“Can I borrow that?” Will asked, pointing to your camera.
“For what?” You asked, genuinely curious what he could use it for at his own wedding when he literally paid you to take care of photos.
“I want to show JJ how I see her, with the help of your camera.” Will said, dreamily as the two of you stared at JJ and Henry dancing together.
“Okay… I don’t know what I’ll do now, though.” You nervously chuckled.
It was a little bit deflating to give up your camera. You really wanted a reason to talk to Spencer and you typically used taking pictures of someone as an excuse to actually talk to them. Without your camera, how are you supposed to do that?
“Here, I’ll be your wingman.” Will nudged you before you could realize that Spencer was walking toward the two of you.
Before you had time to react, Will put the camera up to his face and started taking pictures.
“This is harder than I expected…” Will muttered, watching you smile.
“What’s hard?” Spencer asked, standing arms length away from you.
The three of you stood in a triangle, staring at each other for a moment. You felt naked and defenseless against the situation without your camera. Will was trying to understand it before he went over to JJ.
“You know, the first photo of a person was an accident. So by taking pictures of me, you’re doing more than the first technical portrait photographer was doing, in terms of effort and intention. The art of photography really is a numbers game, if you think about it. Along the x and y-axis, you’re attempting to capture a moment of time on a plane of existence that is completely irrelevant to the numbers related to the…”
“Spence.” JJ said, seemingly coming out of nowhere. She smiled and shook her head as if the two of them went through that routine normally.
“Related to the plane of imagery.” You mumbled, knowing you heard that from somewhere but not sure where.
Will, JJ, and Spencer all heard you finish Spencer’s sentence, although it was natural.
“You listened to my ted talk.” Spencer said, smiling.
“That was you?” You asked, meeting Spencer’s eyes. They looked so pretty up close, when the light hit them a certain way.
“Yes! It was supposed to be a regular lecture but they were trying a new format and wanted to know if I would be willing to do it that way. I didn’t mind but it was hard to…” Spencer trailed off when he looked over at JJ.
“Will, I think we should let them work out the logistics of...cameras… While you and I hang out with Henry. The night seems to be winding down. I think there’s one song left before Rossi kicks us out.” JJ chuckled.
Spencer shifted on his feet as JJ, Will, and your camera went to the dance floor, where Henry was talking to Emily.
“Your name is Spencer, right?” You asked, rocking on the heels of your shoes.
“Dr. Spencer Reid.” He said, looking at you with a small smile.
“Oh. You’re a doctor…” You said, trying to figure out how old he was.
“I’m not that old, no. I was accelerated in my learning as a child so I finished everything earlier than expected.” He said, seemingly reading into what you were thinking.
There was an awkward silence that fell between the two of you. You wanted to fill it so badly but you didn’t want to actually think about what to fill it with. You spent yet another night pining over a boy who wasn’t going to have any interest in you, just like every other wedding you go to.
“So… How about those stars…” You chuckled.
“Do you think… Maybe... Would you be interested in dancing with me?” Spencer was stumbling over his words as the last song of the night came on through the speakers. One of your favorite songs…
“Finally.” You breathed out before realizing what you said. “I mean yes, I would love to dance with you.”
Leading you out to the empty makeshift dance floor, the music played softly in the background as Spencer slipped his hand around your waist.
“Garcia said you would be someone nice to know.” Spencer said, swaying with you.
“I beg to differ but I guess I shouldn’t say those things to cute boys.”
It was different from dancing with Will. Dancing with Will was wasting time, just doing something to do it. Dancing with Spencer had a little purpose. The last song of the night wasn’t even slow but you and Spencer were the last ones on the dancefloor, just swaying in tune with one another. It was relaxing, if not excessively calming.
“You think I’m cute?” Spencer asked, his eyebrows furrowing.
“You don’t?” You followed up, genuinely confused at how he didn’t see it.
“Well the term ‘cute’ cannot be scientifically described although the golden ratio is believed to…” Spencer squinted at something past your head, causing you to turn around.
Behind the glassdoor of the house was the BAU, watching you and Spencer dance. As soon as they realized you were turning around, they all pretended to be talking to one another. It was a pretty bad attempt.
“Do they always watch you do stuff like this?” You turned back to Spencer and he solemnly nodded.
“That’s weird.” You said, glancing over your shoulder again.
Half of the team was giving Spencer a thumbs up, including JJ.
“What if we got out of here?” Spencer said, looking down at you.
“Hmm?” You asked, looking at his eyes. You noticed they were warm and inviting, soft even.
“You and I could get out of here. Get coffee, maybe?” He smiled slightly. It looked a little forced but that could be because he was nervous.
“RIght now?” You asked, lifting your arm as he slowly spun you around.
“RIght now. If that’s okay with you. If not, that’s fine. I get it. It’s like…” Spencer was still going when you cut him off.
“Let’s get out of here.” You said, “I don’t want the night to end with a last dance like this.”
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