thank goodness for bsd wan and the existence of teacher dazai. where would i be without you

based on a real-life conversation that happened with me and my students when i was a kindergarten teacher. very small children are some of the most ruthless and funny people i've ever met. it's an absolutely lawless land in the classroom (they were very sweet though!)

I’m still mad about Bunny from an earlier post so here’s some headcanons for an au affectionately titled “what could have happen if CN didn’t nuke the one ppg with an intellectual disability”

Long post! Look under the cut!

Bunny has Down Syndrome!

The Professor is a little...tifted when he finds out his children made another child, but Professor is a man full of love, so he takes it in stride. He’s never mad at Bunny, but the triplets have a very long and thorough talking to.

Bunny is an adjustment, but so were the triplets. Professor adjusts well to the change. He doesn’t like his lil honey bun (cause ofc he has embarrassing nicknames for her too) to go out and fight. He doesn’t want her getting too overstimulated and would rather leave the bigger villains to the girls. He can’t stop Bunny from running to help when her sisters call though!

Bunny is no damsel in distress!

But for the most part, Bunny does her part for the team by helping the professor in the lab! She’s a little uncoordinated when she gets excited, but so is the Professor, so it’s a match made in heaven. She has her own lab gear and happily hands over tools and chemicals (w/supervision!) at the Professor’s request. She also very good at reminding the professor when it’s time for a break. Bunny doesn’t let him miss snack or bedtime.

She also makes sure his experiment have a touch of cutesy because Bunny loves her a bit of sparkle and frills!

Having a sister with an obvious disability is difficult for the girls in their own ways. But Bunny really teaches the girls a lot!

For Blossom, she has a hard time puzzling how Bunny was going to live a fulfilling life in an unforgiving world. Since Blossom strives for control over things she doesn’t understand, it takes her a little bit (and a few lectures from the professor) to realize that Bunny will find her own place and that she doesn’t have to be so anxious. Bunny will be fine. She’ll be okay. She’s not so fragile. (But Blossom still has bouts of extreme worry that her little sister won’t ever be accepted) Like I said though, Blossom strives for control and tries to help the Professor keep Bun well structured and safely entertained, but Bunny’s has an independent mind of her own and teaches Blossom that while structure is good, everyone deserves a little fun!

For Buttercup it’s a giant lesson in calm and patience, which if you follow the show, is generally the lesson Buttercup needs to learn. But Bunny isn’t Bubbles or another kid on the playground, she’s special in a different way and even though she has super powers too and can get a little rough—because Bunny often forgets her own strength—Buttercup has to often be remind that she needs to be gentle. It takes a little bit for Buttercup to realize that Bunny doesn’t get things right away and what Buttercup thinks is funny can be hurtful to her. But Buttercup does learn and she’s extremely protective of her baby sister. She finds games and sports that they both enjoy, and every once in while Buttercup will buckle down and play the princess that Bunny has to save. Fr Bunny and Buttercup never give up on each other.

Bubbles is immediately the best with Bunny. It’s not so much her disability that Bubbles has an issue with, it’s more like the family displacement. Bunny gets a lot of the extra attention Bubbles has been use to. Bunny and her like a lot of the same things—dolls, coloring books, things that glitter and sparkle, bright colors, stuffed animals etc. They’re both very much into everything girly. And that means Bubbles really has to learn to share. Her stuff, her sisters, her professor—everything. Sometimes she gets a little jealous, but after an incident with Octi (where the beloved stuffed animal was ripped in two and crudely taped back together by her little sister in apology), Bubbles eventually realizes that Bunny looks up to her as a strong, tough older sister and that’s A-Ok w/ Bubs. And I know it’s cliche but I think Bubs would give Bunny Octi—not forever mind you—they share.

School’s interesting! Bunny goes to preschool with them and gets her own special teacher. But kids can be cruel and the bullies of the preschool (which is, yeah, Mitch and his group) do what they do. The sisters learn early on how to deal with insensitivity and it’s not easy (especially for BC/Blossom), but with the help of Ms. Keane, the Professor, and Bunny herself, the preschool learns that Bunny’s just a little girl who likes to play too!

I mentioned this one in a previous post, but I think Mr. Green should be her parateacher instead of the girls substitute. That way his character can stay in the show and they can have the “don’t judge a book by its cover” episode. But now it can wrap back into the episode of Bunny’s first day of school to really hit the point home! Mr Green can explain that Bunny was “different” but the girls loved her anyway, so “hey give me a chance to, I promise I won’t let you down!” (The intensity of the episode would be heightened because the girls would be extra protective of Bun) (Bunny absolutely adores Mr. Green and Ms. Keane appreciates the help!)

Bunny teaches them how to stim!! Whether it’s flappin around or playing with slime the sisters like doing it together (and tbh they’re fun stress relievers that the triplets carry into adult life)!

Also, now that I think about, I don’t feel like Bunny would get over stimulated often, but it takes her a bit to calm down when she does. Bubbles is the best at calming her down when she gets too excited, but when she’s angry, it’d be BC. I think that’s because Buttercup’s marked as an aggressive kid and, like I mentioned earlier, her and Bunny’s relationship would be filled with “learning to be calm” lessons.

Bunny has sensory issues! Nbd we all do, but Bunny doesn’t like her ears being touched so sometimes it’s hard to brush her hair. She loves Blossom’s hair though and Blossom can usually convince her that if she wants long pretty hair she needs to wash and brush her own. Blossom and the Professor are the only ones allowed to touch her hair!

Sensory wise, Bunny only likes soft cotton clothing. Everything else is too ichy. She also only wears dresses because they’re both pretty and light. good thing t-shirt dresses exist!

Purple! Bunnies! Purple! Bunnies! She has a niche and my baby fills it!

Hard ‘T’s are hard for Bunny. They round into ‘D’s instead. So Buttercup becomes Buddercup except Buddercup can sometimes be too much too, so Bunny more often then not calls her sister Buddy and that’s how Buttercup eventually earns the nickname Bud.

If you h/c the girls with fingers, the Utonium’s learn sign language, which helps when Bunny become too over stimulated or has bouts of being non verbal! Buttercup has the hardest time, Blossom catches on the quickest, Bubbles and Bunny keep making up their own signs, and Professor’s just trying to teach them all!

Can’t stay in preschool forever! Kids grow up! Sucks though :/ because the girls don’t stay in the same class. But don’t worry the triplets make sure they always eat lunch with their sister! And two weeks into middle school they realize that their baby sister doesn’t need them much anyways. She’s the queen of the SPED room. She’s so helpful, kind, and popular that she’s socially doing better then her sisters 😂😂

Bunny really gets into gymnastics! She wants to be in the special olympics, but she has super powers and the Professor has to explain that having super powers is a bit like cheating. She throws a tantrum and Bubbles, with all her crafty genius, saves the day by making fake medals and trophies. The Utoniums though are still very involved in the special olympics and other like activities . It makes them all happy and Bunny gets to hand out the medals! (Helps that she’s a superhero 😏😉 always getting that special treatment)

Guys, my gal? She’s a huge flirt! If you’re like ew no, that’s morally wrong, you need to re-evaluate what YOU know about Down Syndrome! Yes developmentally she’s a little slower, but Bunny’s still a teenager—a growing young women—and very much human, so romantic idealtions are very normal. And that applies to all our friends irl too. It just depends on a persons mental capacity! Admittedly, the Professor was a little uncomfortable at first too because there’s consent and power imbalances to think about, but the people of similar age that Bunny interacts with on the daily are people just like her—like minded individuals with puppy crushes. You can’t deny a person their humanity, so when one of the boys in her SPED class gets the courage to ask her on a date the Professor buckles down and calls the boy’s mom.

Their date is a at a park, properly chaperoned by their parents. They swing and have a good time. They end it with a hug! It’s very exciting and Bunny doesn’t stop bragging about it. Two days later she’s broken up with her new BF for the next brave soul. (Truly everything stays completely innocent don’t worry. I can understand anyone’s concern—Bunny isn’t a sexual being she’s just a romantic. Also there’s ALWAYS a chaperone)

Her family still worries though. Blossom because she always worries about Bunny and the things Bunny could be missing out on. The Professor for much the same reason + she’s his little girl. Bubbles because her LITTLE sister keeps getting more dates then her. And Buttercup doesn’t worry much, but she is annoyed because if the Professor isn’t available, she’s the one who ALWAYS has to chaperone.

Why buttercup? Don’t let her fool you. She actually volunteers. She’d chaperone any of her sisters’ dates if Blossom and Bubbles would let her. Ain’t no gross boy touching her sisters.

Tbh bunny flirts with boys most of the time to embarrass and get a rise out of her sisters. She’s a lil shit sometimes. (It’s the spice in her)

Bunny also makes sure to keep her sisters IN CHECK. If she thinks they’re being too judgmental or mean to the “bad guys,” she makes sure they remember how they were mean to HER.

Most of the main villains though don’t know her. Mojo tried something once and ended up being carted back to Townsville Correctional Facility in a gurney. Bunny has an aversion to violence after the “you’re being bad” incident, so she isn’t one to fight/protect herself (protecting her sisters is another story tho lol she’d kill for them), but her sisters are fiercely protective. Incredibly protective. So protective that when the other main villains saw Mojo carted into jail they went 😬😬😬 and stayed away.

She meets Princess though! She likes Princess for all her glittery dress-up shit. Idk how yet, but I think she’d be a good catalyst for Princess’s redemption arc (along with Robin, who yes is also Bunny’s best friend). She thinks Princess’s hair is pretty and really let’s be honest Princess goes soft because she likes the positive attention. In Princess’s defense, she was never insensitive to Bunny’s disability. She’s a ppg and a ppg is what Princess wants to be. Sure, she’s petty, but goodness gracious, Blossom, she’s well versed in etiquette and that’s just uncouth.

And she meets the boys because she’s a flirt remember? Boomer’s name is her favorite but she never gets the “-er” part out. Just likes the way BOOM sounds. Her sisters have to remind her to use her inside voice, but Boomer’s a good sport about his ear drums being blown out and usually yells right on back. She thinks they’re cute! Like Princess, Bunny makes the boys feel liked and needed and helps them along their redemption arc! But they’re hesitant to be around her because they saw MoJo and....😬😬😬 (hell would freeze over before the girls let them near her anyway) (their fear is also why they aren’t completely insensitive shits towards Bunny—Mitch is a human so he got away from a beating, but someone like Butch?? Nah, BC’s always actively looking for a reason to decimate him)

Bun’s fave villain though is Fuzzy. He’s like a giant fuzzy pink teddy bear!

Bunny’s essentially made out of the exact same stuff as Blossom, Bubbles, and Buttercup. Sugar, Spice, and Everything Nice. So what if she’s a smidge bit different. Everyone loves her just the same!

Tarlos: Found Forever on a Field Trip

I’m a few days late, but here’s my story for Day 6 of Carlos Reyes Week @carlosreyesweek, “What If/AU”!  I'm a preschool teacher, so the Fire Safety Squad is based off of a field trip I take my students on, and while I've sadly never met TK and Marjan on said field trips, much of the rest is based off real experiences of mine (including the garbage can bathroom on the school bus, a story in and of itself). And like Carlos, while my job can be absolutely exhausting, I love it so much!

Found Forever on a Field Trip

Carlos has been taking his preschool class on a field trip to Fire Safety Squad for years.

But this year, there's a new firefighter volunteering to teach the children about fire safety...

An AU featuring Preschool Teacher Carlos and Firefighter TK.

Can also be read on A03

The school bus pulled up to Fire Safety Squad, and the twenty preschool students on the bus squealed and screamed in excitement, only their old school seat length seat belts keeping them from hurling their bodies up and into the aisle.

Luckily Carlos was no newbie at this.

Having taken his class on a field trip to this same spot three years running, he had his large coffee with an extra shot of expresso balanced in one hand as he exited the bus, counting heads as he steered the children and their chaperones to the sidewalk outside the building. "Franny, you know you have to stay with your chaperone!" Carlos called out towards a young girl sprinting towards the front door, before reaching out and gently turning a young boy's hand upside down, the dirt the child had been about to throw at his classmate dropping to the ground instead.

"Mr. Russell, please remember that you are not allowed to show the children videos on your phone," Carlos reminded a father, keeping a smile on his face and his voice full of cheer as he saw the man scowl and shove his phone in his pocket seconds into a Paw Patrol episode. "We're about to go inside anyway, which is so exciting!"

Facing his class, Carlos couldn't keep the grin off his face. He was already exhausted at 9:30 AM, a child had had to pee in the bus' trash can because they couldn't hold it anymore (even though they had gone right before they had boarded), and he had heard Baby Shark a minimum of thirteen times in a row, but as he looked at all the eager faces, he was reminded all over again why he loved his job. "We're about to go inside friends, so remember to stay with your chaperone, listen to the firefighters, and have fun!"

"Yay!" Carlos heard the children yell as he led them inside. Stopping at the front desk, Carlos pulled the field trip file from his backpack, passing over the permission slips, waivers, and payment information before sheparding his class to sit criss cross applesauce on the floor. Lowering himself down next to him, his students immediately tried to get as close to him as possible, pressed up against both of his arms, poking him in the back, and one even sitting on his foot.

"This is the best, Mr. Reyes!" Franny exclaimed, clapping her hands together as she stared around the space. "Are there going to be real firefighters right here?"

"There sure are," a voice answered back, and Carlos turned his head, and oh, this man must be new here, because Carlos knew he would never have been to forget him if he'd seen him before. Green twinkling eyes, beautiful big smile, and those arms the AFD t-shirt showed off...Carlos forced himself to blink, but he knew he'd been caught staring when the man winked at him and grinned.

Carlos pretended he was propping his face up in his hands just to hide his red cheeks from his students, their parents, and said firefighter. He heard the man laugh, and then he heard him start speaking.

"Hi everyone, I'm Firefighter Strand, welcome to Fire Safety Squad!" The children screamed and clapped, but when Carlos raised his hand, they all raised a hand and settled back down. Firefighter Strand gave Carlos an impressed nod, before turning back to the students. "My friend here is Firefighter Marwani." She raised her hand and waved.

"We're here to teach you all about fire safety," Firefighter Marwani said with a smile, pointing at the organized pile of equipment in front of them. "Now, when we go to help put a fire and help people, we have to wear a lot of special clothes and carry a lot of special tools. And we have to put them on super fast as soon as the alarm sounds."

"How fast do  you think we can put all this stuff on?" Firefighter Strand called out with a grin, and the children all started shouting at once, guessing anywhere from a second to infinity minutes. His students helped the firefighters count down from three to zero, and then they were clapping and cheering as the two raced to get everything on correctly as quickly as possible.

When they had finished, the firefighters talked the students through every piece of their uniform and every tool, explaining what they were for. They made sure the children saw them in their full gear, so they would know never to be scared if a firefighter came to help save them from a fire, and showed an example of a fire safety plan they could make with their families in case of an emergency.

Then the children were released into the play areas of the building, where they could climb stairs and slide out of a play building with fabric flames, try on child size firefighter uniforms, drive mini fire trucks and motorcycles, and even play in a real decommisioned fire truck. Carlos watched with a wry grin as the parent chaperones took off running after their extremely hyped up group members, trying to convince them to all make the same choice of where they wanted to go first.

"Agnes, please wait your turn, Lucy got there first, you can slide down right after her!" Carlos called out, waving at the children who grinned mischeviously back at him.

"How did you even see that happening?" Firefighter Strand's voice came from over Carlos' shoulder.

"When you get your teacher certification, you also get a pair of eyes in the back of your head," Carlos said with a laugh, turning around and freezing as he ironically realized just how close he and the firefighter were actually now standing.

"Well, if they're as pretty as your normal eyes..." The firefighter said with a soft smile, ducking his head, and Carlos was delighted to find he wasn't the only one with blush-tinted cheeks.  "I'm TK. Are teachers allowed to have first names?"

"We are in fact," Carlos teased, smiling back at TK. "Mine is Carlos."

"Well it's very nice to meet you, Carlos," TK grinned, reaching out to shake Carlos' hand.

***

One year later, Carlos got off the school bus balancing two large coffees. "Friends, it is not a choice to run at the squirrels!" he called out, three of his students sighing as they turned back from their prey. "Everyone, please sure you stay with your chaperones! Let's do a head count and then we can head inside!"

Pushing the front door of Fire Safety Squad open, Carlos headed for the front desk, exchanging smiles with the receptionist as he passed over their paperwork. "It's all he's been talking about all week," she said with a wink.

"He's as bad as my students, I swear," Carlos laughed, before ushering his students to sit criss cross applesauce on the floor. Before he could lower himself down, he felt a familar pair of arms around his waist, and turned to meet TK's twinkling eyes and beaming smile.

"Hey there baby," Carlos said softly, meeting TK's grin with one of his own before handing over one of the coffees. Firefighter Marwani, now Marjan to Carlos, winked at them before quickly gaining the students' and parents' full attention. With all eyes elsewhere, Carlos leaned in, lightly brushing a kiss against TK's waiting lips. "I missed you."

"Three hours is an awfully long time to be apart," TK bantered back, intertwining their fingers. Raising Carlos' hand, he lay a kiss across his knuckles. "I missed you too, sweetheart. I miss you every second we're not together." Carlos blushed, and TK beamed. "Love that I can still do that to you even after a year."

"Well I love you," Carlos answered with a smile, squeezing TK's hand.

"I love you too," TK said, leaning in for one more kiss before stepping back. "And now I must go, for my other adoring fans await!" With a dramatic bow, TK hurried over to the group of children, who started up a new round of cheering now that they got to have two real firefighters in front of them.

Laughing, Carlos joined his students on the floor, and was immediately glomped onto by as many children as possible. He saw TK's eyes grow soft before he launched into his speech. "Hi everyone, I'm Firefighter Strand-Reyes, welcome to Fire Safety Squad!"

My Tarlos taglist (if you want to be added, let me know!):  @bikingthroughhawkins @officereyes @i-had-bucky @highqualitykhakis @meloingly 

“2020, and with it COVID-19, caused severe strife and strain in many people’s lives. Whether the loss of a loved one or a job, or financial issues, it was definitely a tough year. For some of us, though, 2020 didn’t create any problems that weren’t already there, whether obvious or hidden beneath the surface. It simply magnified these issues and forced us to deal with them. Personally, 2020 was the year that my severe mental illness caught up with me.

“I’ve suffered from severe depression and anxiety since I was 16 years old. Now at 33, I’ve battled this often misunderstood disease for more than half my life. Somehow, even with several bouts of depressive episodes, I managed to power through. I completed a bachelor’s degree, master’s degree, 200-hour yoga teacher training, and then two pregnancies. I got really good at compartmentalizing my mental health issues: stuffing everything away, not really dealing with anything, and then just living life in survival mode. No big deal. Nothing to see here.

“Growing up, while most little girls dreamed of having babies and getting married, I fantasized about becoming president, a lawyer or a doctor. By the time I reconnected with my now-husband in late 2014 (we knew each other in high school, and I had a huge crush on him when I was 15), I had resigned myself to being #foreveralone. I had two dogs, and a budding social work and yoga career. I was fine. But life obviously had different plans for me. Really, it’s no surprise that my transition into motherhood and marriage has been challenging.

“Fast forward to February 2020, when I told my sister-in-law and another close friend that I was feeling suicidal. My daughter had just turned 1 in September, and I felt like I was finally coming up for air after a brutal year navigating life with an infant and toddler, and again, living in constant survival mode. Robbyn (my sister-in-law) and Lori (my best friend) immediately came to my house and talked me through what I was feeling, and made sure I was safe. The next day they checked on me and encouraged me to contact my psychiatrist, who had been treating me for antepartum/postpartum depression the last for years. I got set up to see her that week, and she increased my dose of Sertraline (generic Zoloft). After a few weeks, I could sense the darkness lifting.

“Then March and COVID-19 came along. I was working part time for Clear Creek ISD in League City. As the State of Texas came to a halting stop — businesses shuttering, schools closing for two weeks to ‘slow the spread’ and ‘flatten the curve’ — I found myself stuck at home, alone and isolated from family, with a 1 1/2-year-old and nearly 4-year-old. April was grueling, as the virus was still so new and so much was unknown. We were not visiting anyone outside of our home. There was nowhere to go and nothing to do. Finally, at the end of the month, I took my kids on a walk to our neighborhood park. I felt so nervous and judged for letting them on community playground equipment. But my sanity was starting to falter. Something had to give.

“By May, I had to call in reinforcements. My mom and stepdad became my saving grace. Every two weeks, they picked up my kids and gave us a 24-36-hour reprieve. Don’t get me wrong, I love my children. But I was never cut out to be a stay-at-home mom. I am happiest when I’m working and putting my skills to use. So I was slowly dying inside each day, at my children’s beck and call.

“The school district was having us attempt to work from home. That meant I was on Zoom through March and April, while my kids screamed in the background. Then I had to stay up late to answer emails and complete documentation in peace. It wasn’t working for me. It was too stressful, and my productivity was nonexistent. My colleagues and boss could tell. So I turned in my two weeks’ notice and left my position by the middle of May. I began assisting with screening stations at the entrances of the hospital where I also work, as my regular assignment in the case management department was forced to reduce usage of PRN staff. My dad watched the kids so I could go to work two or three times a week, which I looked forward to doing. We powered through the summer months, finally getting used to the ‘new normal’ of social distancing, mask wearing and, for the most part, staying home.

“At the end of August, though, something in me snapped. We had moved into a new home at the end of July (in hindsight, moving in the midst of a pandemic, during the second wave no less, might have been a poor choice). We were struggling with an ant infestation at our new place. One day, as they were marching through our garage, inches from the door to the interior of our house, just a feet from our pantry, I flipped out. My husband and I got into a massive argument over buying ant poison. I stormed inside and locked myself in our bedroom. I was sobbing and struggling to catch my breath. I felt completely out of control. I knew something had to change, and fast. I was either going to hurt myself or someone else. So I texted my best friend, Lori, and told her how I was feeling and that I was contemplating checking into a mental hospital. She encouraged me to pack a bag and go. And that’s what I did. Without saying another word, I packed a bag, got into my car, and drove across Houston to check into Houston Behavioral Hospital. I was shaking and nervous to go inside. But I finally mustered the courage to get out of the car and enter the building. 

“While I was going through intake, answering questions from the Columbia Suicide Severity Rating Scale (an assessment tool that I was familiar with as part of my line of work), I started to feel like I had made a huge mistake. Anxiety set in, and my mind starting racing. Did I really want to do this? Was I just being dramatic? Who would take the kids to preschool the next day? Crap! Their nap mats are in my trunk. The mortgage is due, and I’m the only one with the login info. I wanted to tell the staff never mind and just leave, go home, and pretend like everything was OK. I decided to call my husband and let him know where I was and that I was about to be admitted. I told him I would have to turn off my phone and turn it in to be locked away while I was in the hospital. He told me to do what I needed and take care of myself.

“‘Take care of myself.’ What a novel idea. So many times, the needs of women and mothers are placed on the back burner. We take care of everyone and everything else, and we are left with very little energy or time to tend to our own health. It’s a tragedy and an American epidemic. No paid maternity leave, no paid partner/spousal leave, and very little postpartum care/follow-up allows room for a whole crop of issues to arise. 

“So 2020 was the year that I finally started taking care of myself again. I can’t be a good mother, wife, sister, daughter, friend or employee if I’m silently suffering, and placing my needs and health at the bottom of the totem pole. It took a pandemic to finally get me to this point. But I’m getting the help, healing and support that I need in order to be the best version of me. I’ve made it my mission to share my story as often as possible to help reduce the shame, guilt and stigma associated with mental illness and with seeking help.”

— Rachel Flinn

Kinnikuman arc 1 the kaiju extermination arc reveiw

well this was a while coming it would've been done sooner but then the pokemon DLC happened so that aside lets talk about Kinnikuman the super hero wrestling manga written by duo Takashi shima and Yoshinori Nakai under the pen name Yudetamago or Yude for short so lets get into it

and since there's no real plot lets start with our title character 

Kinniku Suguru or Kinnikuman is the prince of planet Kinniku and main character of this manga and if your expecting a Kenshiro esc bad ass I have bad news for you cus Suguru is a loud ignorant asshole who uses his farts as propulsion to fly hell the first chapter of the manga goes out of its way to make sure you know that in a pinch this is the last guy you want to save you but while Yude made sure you knew how far Suguru would sink in his envy of other hero's they also made sure you knew what lines he wouldn't cross he wont refuse to help someone just because they cant pay and even took mercy on a young kaiju once he’s not the ideal hero but he has a good heart that just some encouragement to come to the surface and for him to do the right thing

Alexandria Meat introduced in chapter 3 of the manga Meat is the boy genius assistant to the Suguru I was surprised by Meat in this arc as he is something of a smart ass I suppose after reading the revival and nisei mangas I forgot he was a bit of a smart ass in the first arc he serves as a of a straight man to Sugurus whacky antics but at times can be just as silly as the young prince tho later arcs he would be cemented into his straight man role he also had a crush on the preschool teacher Mari but its not given much attention nor is Meat really I only finished the first arc a few days ago and I cant remember any stories where he was the focal character and I cant find anything about a Meat story in my notes that said said smart ass Meat and wish he had that energy nisei 

Terry....Funk? regardless Terryman is the best friend of Suguru introduced in chapter 7 the man from America which I will talk about in a moment as I think its the best chapter of the first arc Terry is introduced as someone who will only save people from kaijus for money but after he meets Suguru he changes his ways while he still wants to pay rent he wont refuse people who cant pay him Terry doesn't make to many appearance's in the first arc but when he does he keeps his demeanor of a cool level headed cowboy he also has relationship with one of the very few prominent female characters in this franchise Natsuko Terry just like Meat would play bigger roles in latter arcs but at least he has the best chapter of the first arc as his introduction so lets talk about that now since every other character in this arc either plays bit roles or doesn't have much of a presence I mean what can I say about Mayumi beyond he’s kind of a shit dad and can only cook rice and curry

Chapter 7 a man from America

This is without any word of a lie the best chapter of the first arc its funny has a nice conflict and does a good job of showing what our hero Suguru is all about as well as having a nice arc for Terry in its 28 pages if I ever try to get someone into Kinnikuman ill show them this chapter as it does a great job of showing you what Kinnikuman is all about I’d also recommend chapter it was also redrawn by Yude last year and the difference between their original art style and current style is night and day that said I suppose I should comment on the art 

The art is very basic compared to their current style but thats not bad as it works for Kinnikumans gag manga roots while I much preferer their current style but their old style isn't bad by any means it just takes a bit of getting used to after reading their current style for over 200 chapters now 

In conclusion I over all liked the kaiju extermination arc it may not be on my list of favorite arcs but id be lying if I said there aren't some gems in the first 27 chapters of this mammoth series not just a man from America as their are plenty of heat warming and funny moments in the first arc I didn't talk about here but if your not good with reading monster of the week stories then id recommend the anime as the first arc is only 6 episodes there but that said please join me next time as Kinnikuman steps foot in the wrestling wring for the first time in the chojin Olympics arc

Castle Episodes (Seasons 1+2)

So, I decided to do a Castle rewatch because I miss the show a lot. And I thought I could write down some of my favorite moments and some important moments and just some random thoughts. Not on every episode but those that I thought needed to be mentioned. It’s a personal post, so I might mention episodes that you wouldn’t and it’s possible that I won’t mention episodes that you would. This post is for seasons 1 and 2 only, I’ll start with season 3 now and will publish the post once I’m done with season 3.

1x01 Flowers for your Grave: The pilot. Where everything gets started. Classic.

1x02 Nanny McDead: Some lovely Castle/Alexis moments. Also, “So what” is the ringtone of the dead person.

1x03 Hedge Fund Homeboys: There’s this adorable scene where Castle watches Alexis sleep and he’s really worried about her because of the case and makes sure that she knows that she could tell him everything. Also the next day, there’s this silly moment where Alexis beats herself up over not paying for the subway and not telling Castle about it and he’s like “yeah you need to be punished - mandatory ice cream for breakfast for a week”. It’s super silly but also super adorable.

1x05 A Chill Goes Through Her Veins: We get some first information on Beckett’s mother’s death. Also, Joshua Radin’s “No envy, no fear” plays at the end.

1x06 Always Buy Retail: We meet Alexis’ mom <3 Meredith is exhausting, but I wish we’d seen her more frequently on the show. Especially in the episode where Alexis was kidnapped. Also, Castle gets his “writer” vest in this one. Also the scene where Castle receives a message on his phone with his “dad! dad! dad!” ringtone is HILARIOUS. Also, Castle saves Beckett’s life in this episode. The last scene is too adorable where Meredith tells them that she got a job offer and thus can’t stay in New York. Castle looks super good in this scene and the way he hugs Alexis is so adorable. He looks so cute the way he smiles and how he holds her and my heart just <3 <3

1x07 Home is where the heart stops: Beckett saves Castle’s life.

1x09 Little Girl Lost: A two-year-old girl is abducted. Of course this gets a little personal for Castle. There’s an adorable scene with him and Alexis, where he hugs here. It’s a “pea-pod thing”.”I can’t imagine anything like this ever happening to Alexis” I used that quote on a gifset I made about Alexis’ abduction. (this one) 

1x10 A death in the family: Alexis wants to go to the junior-senior prom with Owen and she’s like “please say yes” and Castle goes “If I say yes, will you promise to stay up past your bedtime, have a good time?” It’s so cute <3 And then Martha goes “you’re letting her go out with someone you’ve never met? What kind of a father are you?” and he’s not too sure about it anymore lol and even asks Beckett for a background check on the boy. “Sweety, I want you to know that no matter what you think you look, you’re perfect exactly the way you are” There are so many cute Castle-Alexis moments. The scene where Alexis returns from prom and she and Castle talk - it’s so adorable and he loves his daughter so much, I wanna cry. Also, Castle has some new information on Beckett’s mother’s murder.

2x01 Deep in death: Beckett saves Castle’s life. Also, Castle to Alexis “Thank you. For just... being you.” <3 And Castle apologizes to Beckett.

2x02 The Double Down: Alexis has her first heartbreak. Also the scene where Castle hears Martha and Alexis fighting and he’s worried that Martha is beating Alexis, so he rushes into the apartment only to find them rehearsing for a play lol

2x04 Fool me once: “There’s no one in the world that I trust more than I trust you” <3 Alexis has violin lessons in this episode and her teacher happens to be “a hottie”, so Castle goes into full protective mode and wants his background checked and all that which causes a fight between Castle and Alexis. Also, Beckett reads Heat Wave in the bathtub and later in the precinct bathroom where she checks out the sex scene lol.

2x05 When the bough breaks: Meredith “Cruella” Blake from The Parent Trap is in this one.

2x06 Vampire Weekend: It’s Castle in his Firefly outfit. “Yes, you can go [to the party]. But if anything happens that makes you feel uncomfortable, anything at all, you call me. I don’t care what it is. And there’ll be no punishments, no recriminations, nothing, I promise, so long as you just call.” <3 Also Castle’s evil laughter and then choking. When Alexis calls because Paige is drunk, he just goes “I’m on my way” and takes care of them <3 It’s just so great to see Castle this caring and responsible, you know. He’s this silly child all the time and now he’s actually responsible and a parent. “There’s nothing that you could do that would stop me from protecting you or supporting you.” I just love their relationship.

2x07 Famous Last Words: “Angel” <3 The lead singer of a band Alexis likes is killed. “He called her a ... [realizes Alexis is in the room] B-I-T-C-H” “She can spell, detective” greatest scene. The way Castle looks at her when she leaves is pure love. He loves his daughter so much, it’s beautiful. “Weren’t you opening for P!nk?” OPENING FOR PINK OH MY GOD. lol “what about Alexis? She’s perfect, she has no alibi” lol Castle, your suspecting your own daughter.

2x08 Kill The Messenger: It’s Ryan, Esposito and Castle on the couch with a teacup and a bunch of kittens ;D Martha signs up on “MyFace” and meets Chet. “Are you looking at porn?” “I use Ryan’s computer for that.” 

2x09 Love me dead: “You know you can tell me anything, right?” Castle is worried because Alexis is clearly hiding something from him. He got even more concerned when Alexis called Beckett asking for advice and still not talking to him. And Ryan and Esposito aren’t really helping either :D “Maybe she got kicked out of school.” “Or she’s doing drugs.” “M-hm, teen pregnancies are on the rise.” “Woah, you met my daughter. You know that she’s the closest thing to perfect as humanly possible.” <3 Turns out, Alexis only wanted to ask Beckett about an exchange program to France because Beckett had studied abroad. There’s also this scene I’ve seen as a reaction-gif a couple of times where Alexis says that she wants to study in Oxford and Castle goes “You know that’s in England, right” “yeah���.

2x10 One Man’s Treasure: “Big Castle likes to get in the way. I’m sure little Castle is a pleasure.” Alexis is volunteering at the precinct. “First days of preschool, I used to hide in the bushes to make sure she was alright”. “Fact Fiction” plays in this one <3 Alexis closes her “who does that book full of personal pictures belong to” case. The way that Castle looks at her and smiles is just pure pride and love.

2x13 Sucker Punch: The storyline of Beckett’s mother’s murder continues. We meet Beckett’s dad. “I have a hard job, Castle, and having you around makes it a little more fun.” Beckett finds the guy who killed her mother, she just doesn’t know who hired that person. And she has to shoot the guy to protect Castle. The scene in which she tries to get him back is heart breaking. Maybe you should’ve aimed for his shoulder. You weren’t that far apart and he wasn’t in movement, so...?

2x14 The Third Man: Castle ranks #9 as the hottest Bachelor’s in town or something. Alexis’ principal wants a date. And her German teacher Fräulein Sonnenberg (no one is called Fräulein in Germany anymore but we) wanted Alexis to tell Castle auf Deutsch “du hast Sexappeal” lol it’s too cute. Also, Alexis is kinda pissed and annoyed at all this. And when Castle realizes that he grins all over and goes “Oh you hate me a little bit right now, don’t you”. Castle to Alexis: “You’re number one on mine [my list]. Look, it’s my job to worry about you, not the other way round.” Castle’s tie looks slighty different in the restaurant, the color is different. Maybe it’s the light or maybe they messed up.

2x15 Suicide Squeeze: Castle’s father is addressed once again.

2x16 The mistress always spanks twice: We meet Ryan’s girlfriend Jenny <3

2x17 Tick Tick Tick /2x18 Boom: so intense, such a ride, such a thrill. Need I say more?

2x19 Wrapped up: Love the episode, it’s hilarious! Castle thinks he’s cursed because he looked at an ancient mummy. Some weird things happen to him (some of which can be explained because the team tampers with them, others remain unexplained). There’s a scene where the elevator stops and he’s afraid it’s gonna fall, so he lays on the ground while the doors open. I’ve seen this as a gif several times (with the #dead writing on it). When he explains the situation, there’s a random cop just pissing himself in the background, it’s hilarious when you watch him. Also, Castle asks Martha if she would look after Alexis if something happened to him. And later, he asks Beckett, too, because “she looks up to you” <3

2x20 The Late Shaft: The final scene is so adorable when Alexis returns from her five-day-trip and Castle hugs her and goes “my best girl, oh I missed you so much, i’m so glad you’re home”. This scene is so beautiful. The way he speaks and hugs her, it’s just so beautiful, so much love.

2x22 Food to die for: Alexis wants to go on a weekend trip with her friends, but she also has exams coming up and wants/needs to study for those. She feels bad about every decision she makes, so eventually she asks her dad to tell her to stay home and study. That scene is adorable. And then Castle is like “1,001 ways to distract someone who’s studying. We start by freezing ping-pong balls.” Ah I just love their relationship <3

2x23 Overkill: Castle is so jealous of that guy that’s been working with Beckett all the time. He’s always been jealous but it gets even worse in this episode. And at the end of the episode (Lifehouse’s Crash and Burn is playing), he watches Beckett and the guy kiss and it basically kills him. The look on his face, oh boy.

2x24 A Deadly Game: Ah, the episode is so frustrating. Castle and Beckett clearly care a lot about each other, yet they both mess up and don’t get it right. Beckett breaks up with her boyfriend and starts to talk to Castle, thanking him, telling him that she had a great time with him. And then Gina shows up and Castle says they are off to the Hamptons for the summer and it really sounds and looks like Castle and Gina are back together. And I - as a viewer - get so frustrated because Castle and Beckett can’t get their shit together. Man, how did everyone feel when the episode aired for the very first time, not knowing what would happen after the hiatus. Anyway. Alexis is off to a summer program by Princeton University and Castle is so over-protective and in ‘jealous dad-mode’ because the rooms are mixed-gender and Alexis already met with a boy that’s going to the program too. It’s super adorable how jealous and protective he is. And when Castle tells the boys at the precinct about their goodbye, he goes “it was really emotional, there were a lot of tears. ... Alexis was fine, by the way.” :D

This Week in Review

May 7 – 21

 FANTASY

Once Upon a Time

Season 6: Episode 20 – The Song in Your Heart

In flashback, Snow and Charming make a special wish that Emma will be protected. The result of their wish has the whole kingdom bursting into song which infuriates the Evil Queen. Meanwhile in Storybrooke, the Black Fairy announces her plans to unleash another curse on the town while Emma and Hook prepare for their wedding.

We wait 6 seasons and finally we get a musical episode. For a show that is based on Disney stories, which are mostly musicals, this had to happen eventually. And they did not let us down. Each song was catchy, entertaining, and effort was put into it by the actors, the writers, and the musicians. Of course, as per usual, the villain gets one of the best songs, but that is par for the course. They had to tease us with the Evil Queen asking Rumple to sing… we thought he was going to do it, and then that little laugh we love so much. The story about the curse coming and the wedding added to the flavor of this episode. But I think the best parts were the songs throughout the whole episode. It really brought the magic of the fairy tale to life. But now we face a new challenge. Where is the Black Fairy taking them?

Season 6: Episode 21-22 – The Final Battle

Henry awakens to a cursed Storybrooke and discovers Emma has been in the mental hospital, and the Black Fairy is the new mayor. Henry attempts to help Emma regain her memory while Gold tries to find out what has really happened to Belle. Meanwhile, Snow, Charming, Regina, Zelena and Hook are trapped in a crumbling Fairy Tale Land and desperately try to figure out a way to be reunited with Emma and Henry.

What a great season finale. We went from hope to despair, to almost utter ruin, back to hope and that reminder that good will always triumph over evil. Hook made such a moving speech to David about his love with Emma before they climbed the bean stalk. It’s true; their love was not easy, it was not love at first sight. They had to fight for their love, and they made it through. Snow and David’s love may have been true love that never fails, but Hook and Emma had something amazing that grew over time. The battle itself did not last long, but the meaning behind it, the trap behind it, was very clever. Gold’s final decision, to try to do the right thing was heartbreaking, knowing it wouldn’t work. But in the end we all got our happy endings… or were they beginnings. This was a great season finale, everything got wrapped up nicely, and Gold and Belle were able to raise their son after all. And there was an interesting lead into the next season, though I’m curious if they’re just going to do the same story over again.

  PARANORMAL

Lucifer

Season 2: Episode 15 – Deceptive Little Parasite

When it is discovered that the flaming sword is the only hope for the family returning home safely, the pressure is on for Lucifer to control what he has never been able to control before – his emotions – in order to ignite it. Meanwhile, Chloe wants to air some emotions of her own, but when a therapist and head of admissions at a prestigious private school turns up dead, the team must get to the bottom of it

We learn in this episode that it is not anger that will fuel the blade, but pain. Something that Lucifer has a difficult time showing. But, in true Lucifer fashion, instead of going to his therapist to find out how to control and properly express his emotions, he goes to the private school with Trixie, and tries to find out how best to control and channel his emotions. We also learn more about the character of Trixie in this episode. Her character is much more complex than just Chloe’s daughter. Maize gives us the comic relief as always, listening to music instead of listening to Chloe’s problems. It was a filler episode to say the least, but we learned about the flaming sword and Lucifer’s fate as the Light Bringer.

Season 2: Episode 16 – God Johnson

When a grisly murder takes place at an insane asylum, the prime suspect calls himself God. After realizing that this man could actually be his father, Lucifer struggles with his feelings towards him and tries to find the truth, all while trying to discover who the real killer.

Nicely done by the actor who played “God”. He had a really interesting vibe to him that actually had the audience convinced he could actually be Lucifer’s father. There was some comedy with Lucifer and the character, but it was mostly dealing with Lucifer’s angst. The actual killer in the episode was a bit obvious, but it seemed that the murder was a background plot and the real part was Lucifer finding his “dad”. The show really threw us when God and Lucifer’s mother met once again. It would have been interesting to see them fighting, but we enjoyed what we got instead. Too bad it was only for a short time.

NEXT WEEK

Season 2: Episode 17 – Sympathy for the Goddess

When the man who had the final piece of the Flaming Sword is murdered and the piece goes missing, Mom joins Chloe and Lucifer on the case to track down the killer. But when Lucifer gets sidelined, Maze recruits him to help save Dr. Linda's endangered career and confronts him about the secrets he's been keeping

 IZombie

Season 3: Episode 6 – Some Like it Hot Mess

To help Clive solve the murder of an irresponsible narcissist, Liv consumes her brain and literally becomes a hot mess. Meanwhile, Peyton learns some shocking news. Lastly, Ravi experiences a major setback.

Irresponsible Liv was interesting to see. It made me think of her if she had lost about 10 to 15 years in age and become completely irresponsible. Peyton’s discovery was sad in some points, and enraging in others. It would have been interesting if we didn’t get this reveal, but it is better storytelling to have got it. It seems we were all convinced of Blaine’s amnesia, and yet… it was only partly true. It seems he was just the same old con artist just trying to absolve himself of his past guilt. Poor Peyton.

Season 3: Episode 7 – Dirt Nap Time

When Liv and Clive work together to solve the murder of a very charming, but womanizing, preschool teacher, things get interesting when they bring his jealous girlfriend Piper in for questioning. Meanwhile, Peyton is assigned a very interesting case. Lastly, Blaine finds himself in a bad situation.

Who didn’t love Liv on preschool teacher brain? That was extremely entertaining. It is difficult to interrogate someone who is on a “time out”. It seems that some old murder is coming back into Peyton’s view as she uncovers more evidence. And poor Blaine cannot catch a break. He is sleazy and a con artist, but he’s one of those ones you can’t help but to love.

NEXT WEEK

Season 3: Episode 8 - Eat a Kinevel

Liv shares the brain of a former daredevil with her new boyfriend, and the experience brings them closer. Blaine is back to his old ways. Meanwhile, Ravi makes progress in his new research. Finally, a discovery is made that could put Major in grave danger.

 Supernatural

Season 12: Episode 21 – There’s Something About Mary

Sam and Dean are alarmed when they learn hunters are being killed by suspicious “accidents” all over the country. They decide it is best to find Mary and make sure she’s safe. Meanwhile, Toni is back in the states and she and Mary face off.

It seems that everyone is out to get the hunters these days… Men of Letters, Lucifer, Crowley, and who knows what else. This episode focused more on Mary’s ‘conditioning’ as opposed to the boys searching for the hunters and their mother. It seems they slowly put the pieces together and figure out the puzzle, but by the time they do that… it’s too late. This episode would have made a great finale, with how it ended, but luckily we have two more episodes to go. I wonder if they will find a way to save Mary, or if this is her last season.

Season 12: Episode 22 – Who We Are

Caught in a dangerous situation, Sam and Dean only have each other to rely on. Meanwhile, the fight between the American Hunters and the British Hunters comes to a head.

This episode was slow to begin with, and that worked out really well. It would have been pointless if they had escaped the bunker on the first try. Not to mention we got some great Dean one-liners “we’ll Shawshank this bitch” was one of my favorites. When Sam went with the hunters to take the fight to the Men of Letters, and Dean stayed behind to work with Mary’s mind, the dream kicked me in the feels. The conversation Dean had almost to his mother about Sam, and the upbringing they had, made me worry for Sam’s safety during the fight. The fight itself seemed almost too easy and rushed. This is supposed to be a high-tech organization, and yet the hunters were able to storm it without a problem. This episode seemed very slow-paced and that worked well for the subject matter, and the show made up for it in the finale…

Season 12: Episode 23 – All Along the Watchtower

Lucifer battles Sam, Dean and Castiel for control of his unborn child.

And here we are, the season finale. I think Doctor Who is fighting for that SuperWhoLock crossover when Castiel spoke of the rift in space and time, but that’s just my opinion. This episode had more action in it and gave us so many directions for next season to go. It was interesting to see an old face in the alternate world, known as the world without the Winchesters. It will be really fun to explore that world next season; if that is the direction they go in. It is hard to say where we are heading next, but as far as cliff-hangers go, this season was actually quite relaxed, apart from what Sam found in the nursery. But now we have to wait a whole 5 months to find out… what are we going to do?

SCI-FI

The 100

Season 4: Episode 11 – The Other Side

Clarke faces the consequences of her fateful choice

It is strange that we are seeing the repeat of the Arc from season 1, where the teenagers are now making the same decisions that they fought against in the beginning. It is also interesting that Octavia has now become the one seeking unity, whereas it has been Clarke in the past few seasons. It seemed out of character for her to side with Jaha in this episode, and Bellamy was the one who acted out, just as he did in the past. It is a good thing that he did, as it would lead to war and massacre if Skykru were the only ones who got places in the bunker. This was certainly an Octavia and Bellamy episode. With all the possible moments in this episode to kick us in the feels it was the Monty and Jasper scene that got me tearing up. Such a great performance by both actors, and it really caught the audience by surprise. This entire episode was full of events and much foreshadowing to come. Who thinks that Raven is going to be the one to save everyone in the end?

Season 4: Episode 12 – The Chosen

Jaha and Kane disagree over how to handle their grim reality. Meanwhile, Clarke leads a group to save a friend.

Octavia really comes into her own in this situation. When the people of Skykru start to disagree with the situation and try to enforce their own opinion, she points out that the other 12 clans had already chosen their 100 and Skykru is no different. What they end up doing to decide is heartbreaking. It was difficult to watch Kane making the calls as to who lived and who had to die. Clarke and friends make it to Raven, but sadly without enough time. Are they really going to go back to the arc? So next season will most likely be about the trip to the arc, or how the 13 clans will get along in the bunker. Though, there is one episode left, and The 100 is well-known for its twist endings. So who knows what will happen next.

NEXT WEEK

Season 4: Episode 13 – Praimfeya

It's a race against the end of the world as Praimfaya arrives forcing our heroes to make impossible decisions to ensure their survival.

 Doctor Who

Season 10: Episode 5 – Oxygen

The Doctor, Bill and Nardole answer a distress call in deep space, and find themselves trapped on board space station Chasm Forge. All but four of the crew have been murdered – and the dead are still walking! In a future where oxygen is sold by the breath, and space suits are valued more highly than their occupants, the TARDIS crew battle for survival against the darkest evil of all…

So, while watching this episode, who remembered “Silence in the Library” from Series 4 and wanted one of the suits to say “Hey Who turned out the lights”… no? Just me? Oh well. This was an interestingly creepy episode. The idea that everything is sold and measured in breaths of air, as opposed to steps or time. It really makes you think about how many breaths you take in a minute’s time, not to mention the question… will there come a day when we become so obsolete that the suits that keep us alive will be more important to our employers? Of course Bill shined in this episode and is becoming more and more a great companion. The way she talks back to the Doctor reminds me very much of Donna Noble, again from Series 4. This was a great episode with a wonderful twist of an ending, the Doctor losing his vision... It will be interesting to see how he continues to be a brilliant as he is now, without being able to see.

Season 10: Episode 6 – Extremis

In the Haereticum – the Vatican’s secret library of blasphemy – there is an ancient book known only as The Veritas. Throughout history, anyone who has ever read it has immediately taken their own life. Now a new translation is online, and the danger is spreading. The Vatican appeals to the Doctor. Will he read The Veritas? But can even the Doctor survive the ultimate truth?

This is the Matrix… I mean Doctor Who. At first it seems this book is the danger that everyone is worried about, but upon reading it, and upon Bill’s discovery with random numbers, we learn something completely different is going on. Bill seems more curious than some of our last few companions, who does what she likes. This endears her to me, as she won’t just blindly follow the Doctor’s instructions without question. I do enjoy a companion who thinks for herself. At the same time, we also learn who was in the vault that he had been guarding all this time. Who was surprised to see Missy in the vault? I had my guesses, but was not certain. It will be interesting to see her interacting with the Doctor once again.

NEXT WEEK

Season 10: Episode 7 – The Pyramid at the End of the World

  Please be advised that the comic book shows will have their own weekly post this season, just changing things up a bit. Please keep an eye out for the Superhero Low-Down

If there are any shows that you think we should check out or that we have missed, please send us a private message or leave a comment below.

Until Next Time...

Thanks for Watching

This post contains a high amount of sexual content and has things that may disturb or at least “weird out” many people. There is also a lot of what the internet likes to call “cringe”. This is also a very long post and I only recommend reading if you are one of those people who likes seeing what goes through different people’s heads (eg: pretty much no one). TRIGGER WARNING: Pictures of real insects (larva),mention of sexual activity

I’m to the point now I almost wish I had no sex drive, its such a waste. I just want to play video games, do stuff I enjoy or maybe start drawing again. Desire is such a trap for me because I’m a pretentious person attracted to this ideal of beauty and stuff. It goes deeper but I’ll save that for a post that will probably get me labeled as a lunatic (spoilers: tulpas). I get all these fantasies and they feel great but then if I release them (eg: masturbate) I feel the cold reality hit me. I become filled with a desire to hug and cuddle, to hold someone and do things like nuzzle or just tease and play. When I cum I realize that I’m just a human being most likely put here to reproduce, which I probably won’t do and don’t think I even want to. I like the warm,soft feeling, its radiant kind of but then it reaches this point where the sexual part overrides everything and demands I release. I suddenly feel like I have become a slave and think back to my ex, sex with her and how most of the time it was unpleasant. I’m long past the fallout of our relationship and don’t hate her, though we don’t talk and probably never will. We were just different people and I was incapable of giving her the things she needed from a person. I don’t know how to describe my sexuality to others so I don’t. I don’t think I’m gay enough to proclaim it publicly but different things arouse me. My first sexual desires started when I was 7, I would watch both Sonic cartoons and had a crush on Tails. Me and my sister would play Sonic 2 and she would drown Tails and I would fantasize about protecting him. Eventually I started dry humping my couch on saturday mornings before my parents woke up. I loved bugs a lot too, I found them fascinating but I especially liked insects who went through complete metamorphosis and I thought grubs were really cute. I wanted a giant grub to hug and cuddle with who would never go into imago ever and just be my soft, squishy friend forever. He had this shy, easily scared personality, kind of cowardly but sweet. I would watch nature documentaries about insects such as wasps, beetles, bees etc and I loved watching them care for their fat, white little grubby babies. I would go to our old library during the summer and I had this one hardbook book about diving beetles. It was fun to read to me because I thought “water bugs” were super awesome and we use to have a pool so I’d see them during the summer. I remember getting a “crush” on the diving beetle larva. He was a good deal more fierce than grubs were but was still a larva. Diving beetle larva had a personality, he was more adventurous and wanted to be strong and grow up into his adult form so he could be super tough, like how shonen anime protags are. I still wanted to hug him and beg “Noooo, you’re so cute..I like you the way you are, diving beetle larva-chan..don’t grow up!!” I should stress that these insect characters I made during my pre-pubescent childhood were always males. It was not just insects though, I had another imaginary friend, who was a girl. She was this chipmunk like creature who would come to me during naps, usually when I was staying at my grandparent’s old house back when I was in preschool. The little chipmunk had a completely benign face, I can’t remember it 100% but I was and still am autistic so certain things would upset or bother me a lot. Everyone is this way but I had certain “compatibility” ratios with smells,foods,faces and cartoons. The famous youtuber Ulilila coined that term and it resonated a lot with me because I still use a similar system in my head. Anyways, the chipmunk fairy creature had a face that was cute but comforted me, nothing about her was unappealing or neutral by my compatibilities. I would be small, her size, and we would play in the branches of this giant tree. It was not a real life tree or a cartoon, it was in the style of an old painting. My grandparents had lots of old paintings around their house of ducks,ponds and farm houses so that’s probably why the tree looked the way it did in my subconscious. We would play tag and she would run away but I’d catch her and we’d hug. I would be so happy when I’d hug her but then she’d jump away again until I could not find her. I could hear her rustling in the leaves and calling me but I’d call for her and start feeling this really incredible sadness and loneliness. Then I would wake up. I had good parents who tried their best and no one ever abused me but my childhood was very lonely. Before I started playing video games my friends were cartoon characters. These included The Little Koala, Maya the Bee and Heathcliff  the cat. I also really liked the animated dinosaurs from the pbs documentary “Dinosaurs” narrated by the lady who’s name escapes me, I think she did Nick News too. The third and final episode scarred me SO HARD because it was about the dinosaurs dying off but I’ll save that for another blog entry, this is way too long but its not like anyone will read my shit. But yeah, childhood was lonely. Kids didn’t start being really mean until the 4th or 5th grade I want to say but I just did not mesh with anyone. I had no geeky buddies to teach me AD&D, I had no one to play video games with, no one cared about dinosaurs and insects like I did. For a long time I wanted to be a fighter pilot too but not because I wanted to hurt people, I just thought the pilots looked really cool with their helmet and masks that made them look like houseflies and I loved how fighter jets looked. I wanted to be that. I had an infatutation with the look and shape of planes like the F-15 and F-111 yet I never cared for the actual science enough beyond eventually learning pointless trivia about hardpoints and how much “payload” they could carry jets. To me the fighter jets and bombers were like the dinosaurs and insects, they all were my “proto-pokemon” and they each had stats, personalities and other stuff. I still love all these things...but with military planes I feel some guilt I guess and have to separate reality and my childhood fantasies. I -do- love the Ace Combat series because it took my precious fighter jets and gave them rpg style stats while putting them into what is basically a gundam anime but with jets instead....but then Ace Combat went garbo and started taking place in the real world and abandoned the anime-ishness for something more Michael Bay and ~*PATRIOTIC~* I guess. God, fuck you Assault Horizon. But yeah..I was lonely. Sports bored me to tears and I was awful at them due to the fact I had crappy motorskills and I did not care. I hated PE and field day was only ok because I could sneak some of my bug guides or comic books outside and pray I would get a teacher who did not care about my lack of participation and was just happy I was someone who could entertain themselves. This has gone on too long for one post. I had a lot more I wanted to say and I don’t think anyone will read this but I’d feel better just doing another post later.