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absolutepx · 3 years

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So I've been playing Death Stranding lately. Wait, that's not what this post is about. Well, it kind of is. Hang on. What is Death Stranding about?

A: Norman Reedus getting bare ass naked B. Sneaking around ghosts with the help of your sidekick, an actual baby C: Carrying 50 Amazon packages up a hill while trying to not topple over D: Waking up in the morning and drinking 5 Monster Energy™ for breakfast

For those following along at home, the answer is actually none of the above. Despite the set dressing being bizarre to the point of near absurdity, what the game is actually about, like thematically, is actually really simple.

See, the development of Death Stranding was actually quite a trip. Hideo Kojima is the video game world's equivalent of an auteur director. He has a very recognizable personal style. It's thoroughly horny – he caught a bunch of shit for the design of Quiet in MGSV, but like, a lot of Kojima characters are just -like that-, including the dudes. Also, this is going to possibly be important later.

Anyway, so Kojima was going to do a rebootmakequel of Silent Hill, and the demo actually made it to the PS store and I could actually write a whole side essay about why P.T. (it was called P.T. for some reason btw) was brilliant game design for how it used the same hallway over and over and it was somehow beneficial to the overall feeling of horror. So Konami it turns out kinda sucks nowadays and they like, fired Kojima (they were huge dicks about it behind closed doors, too) and scrapped the project and kicked him out on the street and kept the Metal Gear series which was his baby (literally the baby in the sink in P.T., he snuck a bunch of messaging about the Konami situation into the demo like a breakup album) and Kojima would go on to form his own studio and poach some of the people who worked with him to boot. So the thing about Kojima is this: he's got a reputation for already putting some wild shit in his games, like a ladder that takes like 10 real time minutes to climb in MGS3 for dramatic effect, and a boss in MGS3 that summons the ghosts of all the people you were too lazy to stealth past and killed, or a sniper battle with a really old guy that he wanted to have last two weeks or some shit until he died of old age but he was "told that "this was impossible and not recommended." That is a real quote I just looked up. So he's coming off the heels of making this hugely successful game with MGSV and the hype of the P.T. Demo and he fucking, he like took all the people that were going to be working on P.T. Along like Guillermo Del Toro was going to co-write it and Norman Reedus was going to star in it, and he's like, I'm going to make this game called Death Stranding. And the first trailer comes out for it and it's completely nuts. Norman Reedus wakes up naked on a beach crying with a baby and there are floating people in the sky? So we're all like hooooooly shit, there's no one to tell him "this is impossible and not recommended" anymore. What's he going to make now!?

So the whole time the game is in development I keep seeing these tweets where it'll be like, Kojima and one of his homies smiling with some saccharine message about being spiritual warriors and changing the world. And not just Del Toro and Reedus, there was Mads Mikkelsen (another guy Kojima puts in the game just because he apparently loves him), and the band Chvches, and also like, Keanu Reeves at one point? You know how everyone has just kind of accepted that Keanu is a being of light? Here he was endorsing Kojima. The hype was pretty confused and frantic.

The game eventually comes out. A lot of game journos hate it because I think there was this expectation it was going to be, you know, less weird and have more of the conventional structure of a video game. That's not to say the average gamer wasn't also dismissive of it, but I think on the ground level there was more of an understanding that like, yeah, Kojima just be like that sometimes.

Because the game was a timed console exclusive and your homie don't play like that, I spent the first year or so cautiously viewing Death Stranding from a distance. I wasn't sure I was going to like it – except for being really impressed with P.T., I wasn't actually a big fan of Kojima's games as games – but I -was- sure that I was going to buy it, because of the way Konami fucked him over, just out of support. And the shit I was hearing was really out there. The primary mode of gameplay is just delivery packages. You collect Norman Reedus' bathwater and pee and use it as grenades. You get a motorcycle that looks like the one from AMC's The Ride with Norman Reedus, and when you sit on it, his character in the game says "Wow, this thing is like the one from AMC's The Ride with Norman Reedus!"

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But I didn't really want to know that much about it. Something has that much fucking crazy person energy, you want to go in mostly blind, right? So maybe people just weren't talking about this, or maybe I wasn't seeing it, but then I watched Girlfriend Reviews' video about it and they came right out and said it (link provided if you want to hear Shelby say it more articulately than me):

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Death Stranding is basically about the exact opposite of Twitter. It's about remembering how to be kind to each other, how to reconnect in a world where people are so often hostile to each other by default. Prophetically, it's about a world where people are afraid to go outside or touch other people and how damaging that is. It's not a game about carrying packages, it's a game about helping people by being brave enough to walk through a wasteland carrying their burdens because they can't. It's about rebuilding the lost connections between people, about restoring roads and giving people hope. I bet, for Kojima and the people close to him, it's about how to answer hostility with compassion. You can't kill people in Death Stranding. You can and are absolutely encouraged to fucking throw hands with people sometimes, but all the tools and weapons are nonlethal. So I think Kojima took all the Twitter heat he got over the Quiet nontroversy, and all the feelings of isolation he had from Konami separating him from his team during the end of the development of MGSV, and all the support and encouragement he got from his bros Del Toro and Mads and the rest, and decided to channel that into making a game that was a statement about all of it. And sure, it's a little heavy handed, and sure, it's a little saccharine, and sure, the gameplay sometimes borders on miserable in service of creating emotional payoffs. For me, especially in 2020, this message is a huge success. Social media should be an opportunity for all of us to feel more connected to each other, yet primarily it feels like one of the main forces driving people apart. Why is that? Why is the internet of today such a hostile place? I'm old enough to remember web 1.0: I can haz cheezburger memes; YTMND; the early wild west days of Youtube... What happened to us? I've thrown the blame at Twitter in the past, and I think the architecture of the user experience on Twitter is absolutely a big piece of the puzzle, because it fosters negative interactions. But in terms of the behavior, people have observed that 2018 Twitter was actually almost exactly like 2014 Tumblr. (For the record, Tumblr is now one of the chillest places left on the internet, because so few fucks are left to give.)

I think part of it is the anonymity. The dehumanizing disconnection of the separation of screens and miles. Louis CK, before he was cancelled, had a great point about cyberbullying, and why it's so much more savage than kids are IRL. When you pick on someone in person and you are confronted with seeing the pain you caused them, for most sane people it causes negative feedback and you become disgusted with your actions and eventually learn to stop being a shithead. Online, at best you can "break the wrist, walk away".

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At worst, you can become addicted to "clout chasing" and the psychological thrill of being cheered on by your social ingroup. It's even worse if you feel like it's not bullying and your actions are justified because whoever you've targeted is a bad person so you don't have to feel bad about what you do to them. This is where reductive, unhelpful catchphrases like "punch a nazi" come in. For every argument, one or both sides have convinced themselves that the other side is subhuman because their beliefs are so disgusting. And sometimes it's even true! A lot of times, especially these days, people really are acting like animals or worse online. Entire disinformation engines are roaring day and night, churning out garbage and cluttering the social consciousness. (Kojima talked about this bit, too, way back in MGS2. As if I wasn't already in danger of losing my thread through this.)

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The human brain was not built to live like this. You can't wake up every morning, roll over and open your phone, and be immediately faced with a tidal wave of anger and indignity. It wasn't built to be aware of fully how horrible the world is at any moment ALL AT ONCE, ALL THE TIME. And you will be. Because of another way that our brain works – the way we are more likely to share negative opinions. And because of the cottage industry built on farming outrage clicks, and because of constant performative activism.

It's not that I don't agree that being informed is important.

It's not that I don't agree that the causes people get riled up about are important.

They are. They absolutely are.

But we can't keep living like this. The constant, unending flood of tragedy, arguments, and hot takes. How much of the negativity we associate with online culture is the product of this feedback loop? What if the rise of doomer culture has been, if not entirely created by, has been nourished and exacerbated by our hostile attitudes toward each other? Incels and TERFs, white supremacists, radfems, tankies and Trumpers – it seems like on every side of every issue, there are people simultaneously getting it wrong in multiple directions at once and there are more being radicalized every day. They are the toxic waste left behind by the state of discourse. And any hill is a hill worth dying on.

So what am I actually advocating? I don't know. There are a lot of fights going on right now that are important and we can't just climb into bunkers and ignore our problems hoping that Norman Reedus and his fine ass are going to leave the shit we need on our doorsteps. We need to find the strength to carry those hypothetical packages for ourselves sometimes - and hopefully, for others as well. Humans are social creatures. We need interaction and enrichment.

We need love.

So just try to remember the connections between humanity. Try to put more good stuff into the world when you can. Share more shitposts and memes. Tell your friends and family that you love them. Share good news when you hear it. Go on a weird fucking tangent about Death Stranding. Find a way to "be excellent to each other, and party on, dudes."

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#death stranding #hideo kojima #video games #cancel culture #essay #oc

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basicallywhiterice · 4 years

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sunny (yoon jeonghan)

Genre: angst, slice of life/a day in the life, breakup!au

Word count: 1.7k

Summary: It’s sunny and you’re not here.

On Saturday, a blaring alarm wakes Jeonghan to a realization: it’s been exactly one year since you left.

As he rolls over to the empty side of his bed and shuts the alarm off, he collects his thoughts. He never sets an alarm on the weekend if he can help it. No, you were the early riser in the relationship, and even though Jeonghan would complain about his loss of beauty sleep, he never minded waking up early to spend time with you.

He throws open the curtains, wincing as sunlight floods his room, a stark contrast to the rain that followed when you left. It’s a beautiful sunny day, and Jeonghan has to rub his eyes a few times before his pupils adjust to the light. Once he’s fully awake, he shuffles toward the bathroom.

After going through his morning routine, he walks down the stairs, out of the apartment complex, and toward his favorite cafe. The jingle of the door greets him, followed by Seungcheol not long after.

Jeonghan’s eternally grateful that he met Seungcheol in his freshman year of college. When you left Jeonghan broken-hearted and he had to pick up the pieces of his life, Seungcheol cooked him dinner for three weeks, even after Jeonghan’s life more or less returned to normal. Seungcheol missed you then, and he still misses you now, but he knew you were done, something that Jeonghan only partially grasped at the time.

“Good morning, Jeonghan. The usual?”

“Actually…” Jeonghan still has your order memorized, and he recites it off to Seungcheol—the first time he’s done so in a year.

Seungcheol nods sympathetically. “I’m sorry, Jeonghan.” He reaches across the counter and squeezes Jeonghan’s shoulder. Jeonghan’s moved on enough to keep himself from crying on the spot, but he hasn’t moved on enough to stop the pang that shoots through his heart.

After a quick chat with Seungcheol about his graduate program, Jeonghan leaves the cafe and walks back to his apartment’s garage. When he gets to his car, he takes a moment to appreciate his growth from a year ago.

For two weeks after the split, he barely tolerated driving a car after you drove away in one. With help from his friends, he finally overcame the social stigma surrounding mental health and found a therapist. Jeonghan knows he’ll never look at a car the same way again, but ongoing therapy has allowed him to accept that fact, to continue moving forward with his life and learning but not dwelling in the past.

Shaking these thoughts from his head, he enters his car and exits the garage. When he gets to the tattoo parlor across town, he still has a good twenty minutes before his appointment. Not wanting to sit in his car for that entire time, he browses through the record store next door. He stumbles across a new Boo Seungkwan album, next to his older albums that you always played. Jeonghan’s always liked his voice, so he takes it to the counter to the guy wearing a name tag that says “Woozi”. He gives Jeonghan a nod of approval as he scans it.

By then, he’s no longer unnecessarily early. He deposits the albums in his car, picking up his earrings and walking inside the parlor.

“Hey, are you Minghao?” he asks the tall man lounging behind the counter.

“Nah, I’m Mingyu. I do tattoos. Minghao’s over there. He might be finishing up with another client. We have a pretty slow morning today, so you’re welcome to stay after your appointment if you’re interested in getting a tattoo. You can discuss it with Minghao if you’re more comfortable with him, too.”

“Not today. Getting my ears pierced is a pretty big step for me. Maybe in the future.”

“Cool, no pressure.”

Two minutes later, Minghao steps out and introduces himself. He takes the flower earrings as they walk into the partition, turning them over and admiring the pink shade that dusts the petals.

“These earrings are nice. Good craftsmanship. Where’d you get them?”

Jeonghan didn’t get them—you did. You were supposed to get your ears pierced the week after the split, but you left the earrings behind. It’s not like you had much of a choice, anyway. “Oh, I got it from the craft show they hold downtown.”

Minghao snaps his fingers. “You have a nice eye. These colors go well with your hair.”

And he’s right. Jeonghan wishes you were here to see how well your earrings look on him, but quashes that thought before he even steps out of the parlor and onto the street. He’s not going to see you outside—he stopped looking for you in the crowds months ago. Sometimes he has to physically refrain himself from doing so, but it’s gotten easier as time goes on. Today, he simply observes his surroundings. It’s a fine sunny day, and Jeonghan can’t help but smile as a gust of wind whirls through his hair, lifting it before leaving him behind.

Once he enters his car, he drives around for a bit before parking in front of the library downtown. Strolling inside, he immediately spots Vernon, who grabs a stack of books and practically skips over to him. As he scans the place for Joshua, he spots a new face shelving books.

“That’s Lee Chan,” Vernon explains. “Freshman. Undecided major, but he says he’s planning to enter an interdisciplinary field for linguistics and some branch of science.” He pauses, grin dropping. “Um.” He shoves his hands out, passing his stack of books to Jeonghan. “Her books. In the order she checked them out that day. I had a feeling you were coming for these, so I checked them all out for you.”

Vernon doesn’t show it very often, but behind his dumb smiles lies a smart brain—smart enough to predict that even though Jeonghan promised not to return to the library until he’s fully healed, he still showed up today.

Maybe Jeonghan hasn’t broken his promise.

Joshua saves him from talking by walking over and guiding him toward the break room. “Hey, Jeonghan. Vernon and I can take our lunch break right now. Wanna eat with us?”

Jeonghan nods. And so Joshua and Vernon split their lunches with him, supplementing their meal with vending machine snacks when he worries about them eating too little. He’s reminded of the day after you left, when he contemplated calling the two of them—two of your closest friends—for a solid ten minutes, unsure of how they would react, before doing so. They hadn’t answered.

Instead, they showed up at his apartment within an hour with his favorite takeout, and they ate with Seungcheol, who served them all homemade soup. Before they left that night, they made Jeonghan promise to crash at their dorm if he ever felt lonely. Jeonghan’s done so countless times, though he’s gone from escaping loneliness to seeking the company of his friends, a change he’s proud of.

When lunch is over, an odd sense of clarity washes over Jeonghan. “Hey, Vernon, thanks for checking these books out for me. I think I’m gonna return them, though.”

He feels guilty for making extra work for Vernon and Joshua, but they brush it off. “Atta boy. If you feel lonely tonight, our dorm is always open.”

Jeonghan doesn’t know if he’ll take them up on that offer, but he thinks he probably won’t. He’s not lonely, per se, he just… wishes you were here, like always.

He walks to the intersection at the end of 5th Street after he leaves, staring at the narrow lanes and the faded stop sign. It’s a sweltering sunny day, and the intersection is illuminated by the sunlight. It looks safe to drive through—even the most reckless driver could clearly see the cars passing through.

It’s funny how the rain changes appearances.

His second to last stop for the day is Seokmin’s flower shop, where he picks up a bouquet of pink and white chrysanthemums that symbolize loyalty, love, and longevity. They were your favorite. He’s grateful he at least got to experience the first two with you.

A pink balloon bobs in the corner of his eye and stops him from spiraling down into intrusive thoughts. You’d like it. He gets it.

Jeonghan waves goodbye to Seokmin as he exits the shop. Junhui no longer works there part-time, not after he and Soonyoung moved away to pursue acting and dancing, respectively.

When he gets to the final destination, there’s not much else Jeonghan can do. His body goes into autopilot, collecting the flowers and the balloon. He gives his earrings a tentative tug before reaching into the backseat for your ring.

365 days ago, his life fell apart. 363 days ago, your parents and your brother, Wonwoo, rushed into town. 362 days ago, he pressed your promise ring into Wonwoo’s hands after you were laid to rest here, too stricken with grief to even look at it.

Seven days ago, Wonwoo sent it back through the mail.

Two minutes ago, Jeonghan arrived at your tombstone and stood there, waiting for it all to make sense again. Reverently, he sinks to his knees, gently resting the ring and the flowers on the ground. He loops his hand through the balloon’s string, tugging it down harshly before watching it rise again, and something inside him snaps.

His grief rains down on him, washing over him in a tidal wave. For a second, he can’t breathe. This time, it’s not the numbness that consumed him right after the accident—this time it’s all rage and heartbreak and sorrow.

Because he can wear your earrings, drink your coffee, and read your books. He can listen to the same music, buy the same flowers, and hold the same promise ring. He can do everything the same.

But in the end, it doesn’t matter, does it?

In the end, you won’t ever get to experience them again.

In the end, he can’t turn back time and stop you from rushing to the library before it closed. Can’t convince you that you can wait until a sunnier day to find your assigned reading in the library. Can’t stop the out-of-control car from speeding into the intersection, skidding against the wet pavement, and crashing into you. Can’t react fast enough to rush to your side until you take your last breath.

In the end, you’re not coming back.

Through his tears, he sees the pink balloon float into his vision, a reminder he’s still holding on to it. It’s a horribly sunny day, and Jeonghan lets go.

a/n: As I was writing this, I couldn’t decide whether Jeonghan was moving on from “you” or not, and whether the reader should be able to tell what happened as the fic progressed. That probably affected the overall fic, but hopefully in a good way. Please please please send me asks about my characters!

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i-live-in-a-yellow-submarine · 3 years

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Ultimate Beatlemania Tag!

Right off the bat, thank you so much to @johns-prince for tagging me! It took me forever to get around to filling this out, but I did it! I kind of don’t know people though so I don’t really know who I’d tag...I’ll just throw @toughbaby-buggybaby in because why not, you can do this if you want!

Anyway, this is gonna be a long post, so prepare yourself if you decide to read this.

How long have you been a fan?:

Okay well this is a little complicated to answer properly, but I’ll do my best. I’ve been listening to their music ever since I was little, and I’ve always adored it. The only problem was that I was either too young to think “Oh, this is The Beatles, I like them a lot!” or I just had no clue that it was them. I have that problem with a lot of bands that I’m into now actually. My dad always forgot to tell me “Oh by the way, you’re listening to insert band name here,” so now I’m catching up.

But if we’re talking about when I decided to sell my soul to these four dorks then it was about a year ago. I got really into their music because of some family members that had come visiting for the holidays, and they were all about The Beatles. One of my cousins would play their songs for me on the piano, as well as some of Paul’s solo work. After that I went in a spiral of just investing myself in them, so now they own my life.

Favorite Beatle:

How dare you make me choose. I love them all and refuse to pick between them-

Really though, I adore each of them so much and it’s really hard for me to make a concrete decision, especially since I tend to go through phases. I always conclude with George though because I just relate to him the most personality wise and admire him in a lot of ways, plus I think he’s gorgeous.

Favorite era for music:

I assume we’re talking about their specific eras in their own music? I hope that’s what this question is. If not, I personally like music from the 60s to the 80s, kind of bleeding into the 90s.

For the bug boys specifically, I think at the moment I’d have to go with everything.

Favorite era for lewks:

Again, if we’re talking about in general, I honestly don’t have an answer?? I’m not into fashion whatsoever, I just walk around wearing hoodies and jeans no matter what. The extent of my fashion knowledge is me seeing something I like and thinking “nice.”

For The Beatles, I honestly don’t know either. I thought they usually looked good in one way or another, (with a few exceptions that we’ll be getting to, don’t you worry) though I’ll always have a soft spot for their moptop era because they just looked adorable all the time. Also, those four looked amazing during their teddy boy days. I’m weak for teddy boy John and George.

Favorite song:

This is a really hard question to answer because I have so many favorites but I’ll try anyway.

This Boy is what I’m gonna start with, because oh my goodness it’s beautiful. John’s voice makes me feel so many things in that song, plus the harmonies behind it are just- mwah. Amazing. Along with that, In My Life never ceases to make me emotional for pretty much the same reasons, and the lyrics of course. The acoustic (???) version of While My Guitar Gently Weeps also has the same effect and I can’t deal with it.

When I’m Sixty Four has always been a favorite of mine from the start. A big part is because I’m a biased clarinet player and love every bit of it, plus Paul’s vocals in that one are so crisp and clear and I can’t handle it. And while we’re on the topic of Sgt Pepper, I also love With A Little Help From My Friends. I always get so happy when I hear Ringo’s voice, and this is one of my favorite songs that he sang.

Probably an unpopular choice for a favorite, but I’ve always really liked For You Blue??? I don’t know why, it just makes me laugh and all giddy for some reason. Honey Pie has the same effect on me as well. That song makes me bounce around like I’m a little kid again, and I adore it. It’s pretty much the same with Martha My Dear too, and also it makes me think of Martha which is always great.

I’m also a fan of their solo work and still branching off into it, but I really like Somedays, Blood From A Clone, and I Know (I Know).

Sorry I went on a tangent I just really appreciate music-

Favorite Album:

I’ll try not to rant on this one because again, I love them all. But uhhhhh, the first album I listened to all the way through (and also the first original record I received, my prized possession) was Sgt Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band. It holds a special place in my heart for that reason, on top of it just being all around amazing. But if you asked me to pick one album that I had to stick with for the rest of my life, right now I’d have to go with Let It Be or The White Album.

Unpopular/Controversial Beatles opinion:

Oh boy, I don’t want to go into details very much because I don’t feel like it, but I’d have to say my belief that the Lennon-McCartney relationship was romantic in some way. I know that one is controversial because…I mean just take a look around.

A song everyone loves but you dislike:

I honestly don’t know really, I don’t think I dislike any of their stuff, or at least I can’t think of any at the current moment. I don’t have many people that I can get opinions about their songs from, but I do know that I don’t go crazy over Yesterday like some people do. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a pretty song, I just have others I prefer much more than it.

A song everyone dislikes but you love:

Again, I don’t really know what songs people collectively love and don’t. I do know that when I listened to Lady Madonna with my mom for the first time, I was absolutely vibing and she was not having it. My step dad wasn’t either, and it’s the same situation with The Long And Winding Road. Those are just between three people’s opinions but shhh-

Your fantasy involving The Beatles:

Gosh, if I were able to have met those four and been one of their friends, it would just be a dream come true. Talking to them and just spending time with them is something I wish I could do, just to be there with those brilliant humans would be amazing. I admire each of them for different reasons, and if I got the chance to have been their friend for years, I could die and be happy.

Tell us about the moment you knew you were a fan:

Looping back to what I said at the start, I’ve technically been a fan of their music since I was a little kid. But talking about the time I unknowingly handed my soul to them, I’d have to say around my last birthday.

A while back I was - and still am - all about the Legend Of Zelda franchise. I’d finished up all the manga that I’d bought based off the games, and wondered if I could find other stuff to read that was like it. Then the world of fanfiction showed itself to me and I just thought “Oh boy, this is a bad idea, but who cares, I want content.”

Fast forward to the point where I was really into The Beatles musically. I wanted to know more about the actual people making the music, so during the process of learning more about them, I remembered the deep and dark depths of fanfiction websites. Thus, I discovered that McLennon was a thing and immediately needed to know why. I literally read my first McLennon fanfic on my birthday.

Basically a month later I’d fallen completely in love with these four guys, their music, and McLennon.

Did you ever have a genuine ‘The Beatles suck!’ phase before becoming a fan?:

Oh no, I could never! This band had been drilled into my mind as one of the greatest of all time by multiple family members, so I just went with it. My dad would talk about them and I’d find them fascinating, even though I was much younger. In fact, I have a fuzzy memory of him driving my brother and I to the beach one time many years back, and he was talking about Norwegian Wood. He never actually told me that was the name, so I forgot shortly after. Then a couple years go by and I’m listening to it for the first time in who knows how long and go “Wait! That’s the song he was talking about!”

Favorite Beatles Book:

I actually haven’t read any yet, but I really want to. I’ve been thinking about getting both of John’s because I’ve heard that they’re quite entertaining for the right people, and based on what I have read from them, I think I’d really like them. I would love to get more after that, but that’s where I’d start.

Thoughts on the old generation of fans:

Having family members that fit in that category, I don’t have any problem with them at all. I mean, they were there during the time of The Beatles, and they always have interesting things to say about them and fun stories to tell. In my own experiences some of them can be a bit condescending with their views and opinions because they were alive during the time, but I know that not all the people in that generation are like that.

If Hollywood were to make a high budget Beatles biopic, what is one thing you desperately hope they include?:

Lots of things really. If I had to go with one, I really would want them to show just how much those four loved and cared for each other, especially the bond between Paul and John. I feel like the breakup, which is a very complicated topic in it of itself, tinted the media’s view to the point where some people believe that they hated each other, which is far from the truth.

I assume they would get their personalities right?? But if that’s something high budget biopics don’t guarantee, then that too. I just want to see their lives done right, with the important factors and people in their lives shown in the right light too. I know that’s a lot to ask of a biopic and probably will never happen, but I can dream.

Do you read/write fanfic?:

Yes, I do both. I wanted to become a better writer and artist, so I use The Beatles and other fandoms I’m a part of as a creative outlet in that sense. There are also so many amazing creators out there that I adore, so why would I not pay attention to the great things people have made?

Are you the only one in your family/friend group to enjoy them?:

No, but also yes? It’s kind of weird actually. Family wise, I have a lot of family members that at least like their music, so I can talk to them when it comes to that. But when it comes to the boys as people, I really don’t have many family members who know much or care. I can rant to my mom because she just takes it all in even though she doesn’t have a clue what I’m talking about, and I infected my brother with Beatlemaniac as well, so now his favorite is Ringo and we talk about them a lot with each other.

Friends wise, I have two that enjoy them. My closest friend is a musician and music is really important in her family, so she’s been listening to a number of bands since she was basically a baby. I talk to her about anything and everything, which also means I rant about everything involving The Beatles. As far as I know, she doesn’t mind and likes talking about the McLennon tea. The other loves all music and she’s been listening to some of their stuff since she was young as well, but it was when I was getting really invested in The Beatles that she also did.

Are you a shipper?:

Yes, yes, and yes.

Addressing McLennon first, I don’t necessarily see it as only a ship, I believe that those two were in a romantic relationship of some kind. But I’ll save those opinions for just a little bit-

Of course when roaming around in the fanfiction world for that good McLennon content, I was bound to find other ships. Obviously my heart belongs to McLennon, so I can’t see Paul or John in any other relationship. As a result of that, I found comfort in Starrison and think it’s precious, though that’s purely just a ship in my book, so I love and put their friendship first. It definitely doesn’t fall into the same boat as McLennon for me.

Favorite movie starring/made by them?:

Over the past few months I fell in love with Yellow Submarine, which I am going to make count in terms of this question because it’s quality content. I love the humor, the artwork, the designs, the story, the music, everything. I just love it all.

Do you believe in McLennon?:

I’m sure you know the answer to that by now.

General opinions on McLennon?:

This post could go on forever if I actually let myself say everything I wanted to. I’ll try to keep it brief because I’ve rambled for long enough as is.

As I already stated, I have a firm believe that McLennon was real. No, is real. Paul shows his love for John to this day, and I’m sure John is reciprocating it wherever he is right now. Everything that they went through together just takes me on the most emotional rollercoaster to ever exist.

I was in the middle of making a list of just all the little things about their amazing relationship, but I realized there were so many that I could fill books about it all, and there would still be so much that we don’t know about. In the end, what John and Paul had was theirs, and the glimpses of it that we’ve been lucky enough to see are beautiful, heartbreaking, and everything in between. The love they shared lives on in the music they created, and I’m just glad to be able to experience it in that way.

If you got to change ONE thing about their history, what would it be and why?:

Oh this is a hard one for sure. I think if I were able to change something, it would be how the breakup played out. Altering factors in their lives so that they had been able to communicate with each other (specifically John and Paul) properly so they were on the same page with each other in what they needed and wanted probably would have softened the blow of the breakup for them, if it were to even happen.

Preventing the alcohol and substance abuse that was dealt with during that time and onward would most definitely have made things better as well, along with everything that happened with John’s association with Yoko. If they had just been able to keep their issues under control with help from people qualified to do so, I think things would have turned out much better for all of them. Then again, it’s such a complicated topic and there are so many things we could change for the better that I don’t have a set way to answer the question.

What song has the best vocals?:

I’m about to go on a tangent again, sorry-

I love the vocals for When I’m Sixty Four. Everything just sounds so clean in that song. I also really love how Paul sounds in Michelle and She’s Leaving Home, with the background feeling all calm so his voice kind of pops.

Girl leaves me feeling like a puddle and I don’t know how to handle it. It’s a similar situation with Do You Want To Know A Secret and This Boy too. The vocals just make me feel things.

John’s voice in Across The Universe and Julia sounds so sweet and sincere, and it always calms me down. I don’t really know why I love it so much, I just think the vocals are wonderful and almost insecure.

I think my favorite performance vocals wise has to be If I Fell though. The way Paul and John’s voices blend perfectly shows prominently in this song, and it’s absolutely beautiful.

What song do you feel had no effort put into it?:

Los Paranoias, but I don’t care and vibe to it anyway.

What is a well talked about moment in Beatles history that you genuinely believe to be false?:

I’ve been thinking really hard about this question but I can’t really think of one off the top of my head that holds much significance. I know there are plenty, but how glorified John and Yoko’s relationship was just seems so artificial to me the majority of the time. I know that isn’t really a moment per say, but it’s the only thing I could think of.

What is something you KNOW to be true, but often gets erased in their history?:

The biggest one that comes to mind right now is definitely the majority of the things involving Yoko throughout the breakup of the band up until John’s death. Honestly, I’ve read and thought about it so much that I just don’t really feel like going into much detail, but in general a lot of the things Yoko did seem to be brushed under the rug.

Least favorite look from a Beatle(s):

Need I say more?

Really though, I don’t have a care for the facial hair John and Paul had in 67, and again later on with their beards. I think they just looked better without it, when you can see their whole face. There’s also the underlying struggles they were dealing with at the time that brought on those messy looks, which makes me more sad than anything.

Favorite look from a Beatle(s):

I’m just gonna list my favorites for each of them and then my favorite pictures or gifs of them because why not.

How I Won The War John is beautiful and I can’t explain why, he just has that special something. I also have a thing for 64-66 John in hats-

Honestly everything from 63-66 is great for Paul. He looked pretty much the same to me during that time period, just with his hair gradually getting longer.

He also had his moments in 67, after he got rid of the mustache (that’s how I feel about John in 67 too)

I could go ahead and say just about everything for George honestly because I’m weak for him. But to pick absolute favorites, then I’d go with 65, 67, and The Rooftop Concert.

I absolutely adore 63 and 64 Ringo to no end. He was just adorable no matter what.

For the whole group together, I think my favorites would be their Shea Staduim or A Hard Day’s Night looks. They make my heart melt.

Anyway, that was a lot of rambling and I definitely didn’t need to write as much as I did, but what can you do? Thank you again for the tag! On the off chance that anyone sees this and wants to do it, go ahead! Peace and Love <3

#tag games!#any gifs in this do not belong to me! I don’t remember who made them sorry :<

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littleworldbigdreamsblog · 4 years

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Forgive Me-Chloe x Halle (A Review)

Introduction

I cannot describe how much I love this song and the entire Ungodly Hour album. I have replayed it countless times. So now that I have calmed down I could take this apart and appreciate it for what it is....ART. This song and video really plays on nostalgia, control and our generations idea of what a break up looks like.

The Artist(s)

So the first time I have ever heard or seen these beautiful girls was from Grown-ish. My friend actually described them as “little Beyonces”. At the time based on their content I agreed but after seeing what their music is like now I would say they are very different because of how much they have evolved.

So to the basics Chloe x Halle is a sister duo who have been singing since they were little kids and their range really proves that. Chloe the older of the two has a more soulful voice while Halle has an eerie, almost haunting voice. This is why their harmonies are so fire because of how different and unique their voices are. It just works!

The song

Listen to it here : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bc9Y58TeZk0

So the lyrics are so to the point where I feel everything was on your face. There weren’t much allusions and or symbolism but it was still very effective in conveying every single emotion. So the song explains being betrayed by an ex. As seen in most popular songs about exs they tend to be depressing ie see any Taylor Swift song (no shade) but this one had me feeling empowered. Like yes you lied but I can and will do better for myself.

The whole concept of “Forgive Me” is I am hurt as it is like you wasted my time and energy but I am not going to drown in it and you are going to be mad because I don’t want you back. For instance in the chorus Halle sings “ So forgive me, forgive me/I've been going too hard in your city/So forgive me, 'cause I'm not teary/Best believe I move onto better things” So in all it is this idea of the best revenge is showing someone that hurt you or left you behind that you are happy and doing well.

And y’all that just the chorus.

These verses and the pre-chorus is the build up. It shows what went wrong in this relationship. I assume there was some cheating and he lied to cover it up according to the lyrics when Chloe says “You ain't gotta tell me what it is/ 'Cause I saw the messages/ You must got me fucked up”. The guy seems completely silenced by being confronted about it because he attempts to “plead the fifth” but that doesn’t even work. She is already gone!

From the second verse also we see that it seems she knew about the affair and just watching the relationship fade. I am reminded of some people both male and female who stay in the relationship so when they break it off...they are somewhat emotionally detached. This is a means to protect yourself because it is a common thing in our generation to “win” the breakup. And maaaaan I think she won because we see evidence of him regretting what he did like in the lines “ Baby, don't you see, what you done threw away/Know it's hitting you, on the loop, on replay”.

I can appreciate this song a lot on a personal level because after a break up while it is easier to solely slander and criticize your ex, I think it takes so much more effort to put yourself first and try to be without. I mean getting back to who you were before being in love and then being betrayed is hard but it is healthier and more productive than bad-mouthing that ex who isn’t worth your time.

He or she is your ex for a reason right?

I don’t think I need to talk about how flawless the vocals and arrangement are but I still am going to. As I noted previously, their voices are very different and uniquely so. The very subtle harmonies with Chloe holding that melody and Halle doing the adlibs/ background vocals is perfect for this song and its arrangement. Now I ain’t no music major but the chords, the bass and the harmonies were so reminiscent of late 90′s and early 2000′s R&B Pop music with heavy hitters like Aaliyah, Tony Braxton and even TLC. I grew up on that music and it really brought me back to the feeling I had when discovering that music as a kid. I can’t begin to describe the type of nostalgia I felt.

The video

Visuals. Visuals. Visuals. My guy, the shots from this music video totally floored me. I mentioned earlier about the arrangement reminding me of Aaliyah and so did the visuals. I literally had like 3 Aaliyah videos in my head: Try Again, We need a Resolution and Are you that Somebody. This isn’t to discredit Chole x Halle’s creation, it serves to say it is so good it can stand next to Aaliyah’s aesthetic and say “hey sis” in the most loving way. I am not sure if that was their intention but it genuinely made us 90′s babies happy.

On another note I felt like the visuals aided the lyrics. I think this is where the big brain thoughts are going to make their appearance.

DISCLAIMER DISCLAIMER this is strictly my opinion/ 3 am thoughts based on some research.

In the video there is a consistent theme of Chloe x Halle being these sexy dominatrices ie strong dominant women (mostly in a sexual way). Being a dominatrix is mainly about having control and calling the shots during sex both mentally and physically with the submissive’s permission and kink in mind. The reason I bring up sex is their wardrobe, lots of black leather, chains and those skin tight pants. If you see a picture of a generic dominatrix outfit it is similar to their outfits.How does this tie back to the song? By moving on and being happy that leaves them in control and that is symbolized by their clothing choice. But why would they make it sexual? Because firstly sex sells and they look amazing in leather and this general aesthetic works for them. Secondly in a break up there is a huge power struggle or dynamic and the clearest way that depicts that power struggle was from the choice of clothing and props. Does it stay very true to BDSM culture? Based on some research I did yes it does aesthetically. Relating to the lyrics of the song also yes as it focuses on having that control and existing in a newly developed power dynamic. Do you see the parallels?

Aside from the wardrobe, the overall theme was dark. Like are they really digging this man’s grave? Yes ma’am!. This shows how dead that relationship is and as much as he wants her back, she has to think about herself and her well being. That is so incredibly powerful.

Also even from the pictures I chose, there is an underlying religious tone. What I understand from it from looking at the dance and certain visuals, it is maybe a play on going to confession. Like being happy after a break up is a sin and she should repent her sins but she won’t. She won’t say sorry for moving on. She will however say “forgive me for putting me first and not crying over you”.

So we have come to the end and I can’t explain to you my loves how amazing this song is to me. Amidst all the chaos in the world there was a certain calm when this video and album dropped. It is inspiring to see these young beautiful black female artists communicate their experiences through art. To be honest, it kind of got me writing again and this is the product. Hope you enjoy it :). If there is anything you think should be added, let’s have a conversation, I am open to hear your thoughts.

And please go listen to their album Ungodly Hour...it is amazing.

References:

Lyrics : https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/chloexhalle/forgiveme.html

BDSM info: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/working-as-a-dominatrix_n_5c66ea02e4b033a799423973

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2018/mar/30/dominatrix-classes-be-more-assertive-work-and-life

https://www.shape.com/lifestyle/sex-and-love/what-is-a-dominatrix

#chloe x halle #forgive me #song review #music video review #ungodly hour

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you-andthebottlemen · 5 years

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53 - Request: OVERLAP song fic

So to celebrate the fact I am seeing Catfish tomorrow ahhhhhhhh!!!!! An Overlap fic!!!!!!!

Based on these requests:

From @chestinfect-me

YES! AN OVERLAP FIC PLEASE😭😭😭❤❤❤❤

From @cinnamonmouse8

Idk if you've already done this but maybe a cute little fic where the reader is at home just chilling, maybe like washing up or something and she's blasting Catfish's new album and singing along very offkey and muddling up words but then Van walks in and he thinks it's the cutest, maybe? Such a fan of ur fics either way ❤️

Thank you so much @chestinfect-me for your support! I recognise your URL from waaaay back. Thanks so much for sticking around. I love you and also your icon. Also a big thank you to @cinnamonmouse8 who has been a massive supporter of my writing recently and really inspired me to get back into it! I hope you both like this fic and how I have incorporated/interpreted the requests! Also hope it’s not too confusing lol. It’s a looong one and I’m not really sure how I feel about it.....Aaaanyway. Enjoy!!!!

E x

***************************

Your relationship with Van was brief in the scheme of things but that didn’t make it any less serious. You fell fast and hard and your heart broke in two when you had to go your separate ways. You were in love, but things just weren’t working with his lifestyle and yours combined. Same old story really. It was devastating for you both, but you knew that at the time it was the right thing to part ways. You just weren’t meant to be. Time passed and things managed to heal. You dated other people and so did he, your time together started to become history. Neither of you harboured resentment, it was mutual. You stayed in touch here and there but nothing serious. You moved on.

Though as if you were two magnets with the widest of electromagnetic fields, you and Van always managed to find your way back to each other in the end. Every time you thought it was going to be a goodbye, it never was. Your paths crossed and your lives overlapped in more ways than one.

First time since the breakup –

A chance happening, a string pulled by the universe. The odds that you and Van were walking down the same street, at the same time in opposite directions were next to none. But it happened anyway. The look of recognition dawning on both your faces after a few seconds as your eyes met when you passed each other by. Awkward hugs and smiles of disbelief.

“How’ve you been?”

“Yeah good, you?”

“Yeah, fine thanks. How’s the band going?”

And a promise to call that was never fulfilled.

Your cousin’s engagement party –

Van McCann and Larry Lau; the guests no one thought would show. Old school friends of your cousin, they were invited out of chance. But they were there. They bounced through the door, life of the party anywhere they went. People enveloped them into hugs and burst into smiles like nothing you’d ever seen. They were hardly ever home these days; had to sell their cottage in Chester and everything you’d been told. Van made his way to you of course, having no trouble at all pulling you away from the rigmarole of such events. The rest of the party disappeared and so did the time that had escaped between you. You and he caught up like old friends and it was good, warm and right. You lingered at the back of the party in the shadows under the glowing fairy lights, talking and sharing stories of how life had been. You had time to take each other in and evaluate how time had changed you both; it hadn’t much. You thought about bringing up the past, talking about where it went wrong. But you and Van laughed as if nothing bad had ever happened between you and you didn’t want to ruin that. The party went on, you caught up with Larry too. You ate, danced, drank and all the while Van made sure to keep your champagne glass topped up, then got you back home safely in a taxi when the night came to a close.

The wedding –

You somehow ended up bridesmaid, your dress was far too pink for your liking and with too many frills. When you walked up the aisle, bouquet in hand, you couldn’t help but picture your own wedding; if you’d ever have one. As you did so, your eyes fell on Van who was sat in the middle with his mother. You could see even from there that his suit wasn’t pressed, and his tie was a little skew-whiff. Your stomach rippled with a feeling you weren’t sure of and he smiled as you passed him. You looked away. At the reception, once again, Van found you and things began to pick up where they’d left off. It all came easily. Van complemented your dress, you spoke with Mary and you introduced Van to your new boyfriend. Both of you acted like none of this was weird at all. It was just life. Your life.

…………..

One meeting in particular changed things. You had found yourself back home in the small town you wanted nothing more to do with. Reasons for being there aside, the universe wanted you there and wanted Van there too.

You’d escaped your dreary house for some air and were sat inside a shelter similar to that at a bus stop. It stood right on the edge of the beach where the pebbles started and led down to the water. From here you had a view out across the whole straight, flat shoreline. It was windy as hell; your hair blew around your face and you were too zoned out to hold it down or fix it. The sky was grey and so was the water, mirroring how you felt. Down and out. Life was taking its toll.

Staring out into the choppy, angry ocean, you hardly noticed as a figure sat beside you. People walked their dogs along the promenade here all the time, so company wasn’t unusual. But when the person reached a long arm out around your shoulders, you turned and saw that it was Van McCann, of all people. You leant into his touch without a thought and he pulled you close.

You didn’t have the mental capacity to wonder or ask why he was there or how he’d found you.

“You alright, love?” he asked, you didn’t reply.

You didn’t want to tell him about your sick aunt or your job that was desperately close to falling apart or the end to yet another relationship and he didn’t make you. He just took your cold, shaking hands in his own to warm them up and told you ridiculous stories from tour until you cracked a smile. Once he’d cheered you up a little, you both walked along the promenade past all the beach front hotels that were shut up for the winter. You shared memories from growing up and agreed that it was strange to be back there together.

Van walked you home and hugged you tight at the door.

“Are we like, friends now?” you asked softly as you pulled away.

All your run in’s with Van over the last year had left you at somewhat of a no man’s land. You weren’t sure if you were friends yet, but you weren’t just acquaintances either. You didn’t know what to make of it.

You reached out to smooth the thin gold necklace against his chest that had become wonky after your embrace.

“Yeah, y/n. We’re friends,” he replied. Then kissed you on the forehead and guided you inside with an arm around your waist.

…………

Eventually Van was settled, he seemed to have found a place. Maybe an Airbnb you weren’t sure. But he was near enough to you that you could meet up for drinks and whatever else. You grew closer, seeing each other a couple of times when he was off tour and things worked out with both your schedules.

The local pub was buzzing with energy. You could hear all the noise from your small flat above. When you came down, people were sat in crowded groups for a quiz, other’s more low-key up at the bar, some were huddled playing pool. You sat in a corner on a small, sticky sofa waiting for Van. You alternated between scrolling through pointless apps on your phone, sipping your drink and glancing at the door for the tall, skinny legged boy you were waiting for.

Finally, he moseyed through the door and plonked himself down beside you.

“Sorry I’m late,” Van said as he leant to kiss your cheek hello. “Phone’s fucked again too.”

“It’s fine, here. You’re gonna have to catch me up I’ve gotten through two of these,” you said as you pushed him a beer bottle across the coffee table. Beer table? He grinned, up for the challenge.

A night of thoughtless drinking ensued. Quickly, you and Van were slurring your words and getting a little closer than friends should. You sat tucked beside Van on the grimy sofa with your bare legs stretched out across his lap and his hands draped over them, rubbing soft circles on your skin with his thumb.

“Do you ever think about like, us?” he asked nonchalantly. He tipped his head back a little and the sharp line of his jaw became more pronounced.

“You mean when we dated?”

Van nodded. You rested your head down on his shoulder with a sigh. Your brain was too fuzzy to be talking about this.

“Why?”

“Did we fuck up by ending it?” he questioned.

His voice sounded strange and cloudy. You could feel his body tense beneath you and you knew he meant this more as a statement, despite putting it out there as a question.

“Don’t know. But hey, we’re here now,” you tried to sooth and steer the topic away from something so serious. You were friend’s now; you didn’t want to ruin that. You didn’t want to lose him again.

“Yeah,” he agreed, moving in his seat and bundling you tighter in his lap.

“And we are drunk as all fuck,” you laughed.

“It’s pretty sound hey?” he smiled, giving in to your attempt at lightening the mood. You nodded happily, scrunching up your face at him a little.

Van suddenly stood, lifting you up like a bride and you squealed and threw your arms around his neck.

“I’m not gonna drop ya’ love,” he chuckled, sensing your fear

“Are you sure?” you whispered into his neck.

“I’ve got you y/n, always.”

………..

Going out and getting drunk with Van became somewhat of a routine when he was home. Same place, same time, same amount of fucked. He’d go from his place, to work, to yours almost on a loop. ‘Yours’ being the pub. Another thing that became a habit, was Van bringing up your past. You were both intoxicated every time and you’d almost always end up just laughing about it. Though you couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something serious behind his words. You never talked about it sober; that topic was strictly reserved for drunk Van and drunk y/n.

A few months since the last time, you found yourself once again in the local with Van. The only thing different this time, was that Larry and Bondy had joined you.

“So, what’s happening up in The Toon?” you asked Bondy, mocking his Geordie accent.

“Nothing much,” he shrugged, sipping his lager and ignoring your bait. “Went to a good gig at The Cluny the other week though.” he added, referring to a small gig venue he was always at when back home in Newcastle.

“Anything new with you?” Bondy asked. You crinkled your eyebrows to think, then shook your head no in response.

“You sure?” he questioned, nodding his head towards Van’s arm that hung over your shoulders.

“We’re just friends,” you answered quickly.

“Riiiight,” Larry chimed in sarcastically as he came over with a tray of drinks.

You and Van shifted together uncomfortably. He removed his arm and this small act made your stomach twist. Bondy and Larry exchanged a look.

Later on in the night, Van escaped outside for a smoke while the other two played pool. Having no interest in the game, you took Larry’s jacket and followed him out into the cold night. He was stood outside the pub just by the door, his back leant against the bricks.

“You’ll dirty your coat,” you told him, as you leant beside him.

“You’ll dirty Larry’s,” he countered.

“Touché.”

Van smoked in silence, the noise from inside the pub was muffled and the only other sound was the occasional car driving past. You weren’t really sure what was going on. Neither of you were as drunk as usual and things didn’t feel as fun, alcohol aside.

“Is everything okay?” you asked, crossing your arms and turning to face him.

Van dropped his cigarette and squished it under his boot with a sigh. He swatted a moth out of his face, and you let out an exhale in place of a laugh.

“Yeah. I mean…I dunno’ I just have stuff on my mind.”

Van ran a hand through his hair then shoved it into his pocket. Seeing him like this made you uneasy. You didn’t like being serious with Van. Deciding against questioning him further, you stayed quiet and gave him space to think and continue when he was ready.

“I know we talk about it and joke about it when we’re fucked. But I just can’t get it out my head,” he began, pulling away from the wall and sounding frustrated with himself.

Your heart lurched. No, Van, stop. Please.

“Have you really not thought about it? Trying again?” he questioned, his eyes snapping to yours pleadingly.

You had thought about it, but not seriously. You’d tried once and it didn’t work; you’d accepted that. You were friend’s now and that was going just fine. The idea of being in a relationship with Van again, unearthing all the things you once felt, seemed like the scariest thing in the world.

Van’s eyes stared intensely into your own, waiting for a response of some sort. You didn’t know what to say. He looked anxious. When you didn’t reply his eyes began to dart around your face desperately trying to read your blank expression.

“Do you want to be with me y/n?”

The words fell from his mouth quietly and you reeled.

“I- I can’t decide all this now. Not in one night,” you replied, leaning further back into the wall and shutting your eyes to calm yourself. Your mind was racing a million miles an hour.

Van sighed and moved closer to place a warm hand on your cheek.

“Take all the time you need y/n, you know I’ll follow your lead.”

Van led you back inside without another world, telling himself that you’d be together eventually if your path’s kept crossing like they had been. He had no doubt about it.

………

You hadn’t spoken to Van much after the conversation outside the pub. He’d left for tour once again and you’d gotten a new job that kept you busy. You were happier in this one too and the pay was better. This meant that in the three months Van had spent away, he returned home to find you in the midst of moving.

He’d called you just before his flight, saying he needed to talk once he was back. He sounded serious, like he had that night he asked you to be with him. You knew he wanted to work it out once and for all. Your body filled with anxiety yet again, but you agreed to meet in the pub downstairs at lunch time two days after he got back.

You were sweaty haired and stressed out by the time it was midday and you had to go see Van. There were boxes littered around the tiny flat, your possessions spread out across the floor and some boxes in the stair well that you’d managed to drag out. You honestly didn’t know how you’d accumulated so much stuff. After taking a final glance at your not so pleasant reflection in the mirror, you thought fuck it. Van wouldn’t care how you looked anyway.

He was sitting on the sofa in the back corner, your usual spot. Dressed in his usual black skinny jeans and black denim jacket. God, you really were both such creatures of habit. His mouth twisted into a smile when he saw you and he stood to hug you hello. He pulled away leaving his hands rested on your shoulders.

“You alright?” he asked, confused at the state of you.

“Yeah, packing. Moving,” you shrugged as he looked you up and down. “Gotta be out tomorrow morning.”

Van nodded and let his arms drop.

“I can help, if you want?” he offered.

“Sure. Thanks,” you smiled. “But first, what did you wanna talk about?” You knew full well what he wanted to talk about, but you acted ignorant in hopes of putting it off for as long as possible.

“Oh, yeah,” he shook his head as if he’d forgotten. “You know what? Doesn’t matter, just wanted to see ya. How about we go get on with those boxes?”

Van followed you up the stairs to your place. It was strange that he’d somehow never been up there before after the countless nights you’d spent together downstairs. Would the pub still be your meeting place once you moved?

He glanced around the room curiously, eyeing the boxes already packed and the possessions that still lay strewn about the place.

“You weren’t kiddin’ when you said small,” he commented.

The ‘flat’ you rented was a single room with a small kitchen, dining table, bed and shelves all in the one space with a tiny bathroom set off to the side in what may as well have been a cupboard. It was simple but it had worked.

“Yeah, well not all of us have rock star pay checks,” you teased, and Van stared back at you unamused.

“Right. Well I’m currently packing all my books, clothes, whatever. If you could like, pull apart the table and chairs that would be incredible.”

Van nodded and slid out of his jacket. He threw it down on top of a box and pushed up his sleeves before turning to the dining table. You could tell he was a little confused about where to start and what to do but you just watched as he pottered about. It was cute. His face quickly turned to a look of concentration as he sorted through the tool box you had beside it. He began to take out the screws in a chair bit by bit. It was only Ikea stuff so not too difficult.

Something about seeing him be so...domestic…caused memories of your relationship to resurface. Things that you’d not thought about in a long time, that were as good as buried in your mind, suddenly floated to the top.

Stunned at your own thoughts, you quickly shook yourself and moved to the corner where you had your phone plugged into the speakers on the floor. You clicked play on your spotify and looked over to Van who smiled once he heard the music start.

You and Van spent the next couple of hours singing and dancing while loading up boxes with possessions and bits of disassembled furniture. Goofing around together was fun and your worries seemed to fade away. And it was good to hear his singing voice again. Something you used to love was how he’d sing around the house or in the shower, or just specially to you. It was something that always made you felt comforted.

The packing was almost done and you both began to drag boxes outside and downstairs ready to be packed into your car. God knows how that was going to work either. You and Van were absolutely exhausted.

“How about I get us some drinks?” Van offered, leaning down with his hands on his knees to get his breath back.

“I love that idea. Bring them upstairs?”

Van nodded and you turned to go back up. You still had to pack the kitchen crockery in bubble wrap. You laughed to yourself as you heard Homesick playing from the speaker as you walked back through your door. Spotify must have gotten to the Catfish section of your songs list. You’d not listened to Catfish in ages; you had no reason to. It was kind of weird to listen to your ex’s band? But you’d forgotten how good they were and how catchy the songs were too. You began to throw yourself around not dissimilarly to how Van would, singing along to his lyrics as well.

By the time Van came back carrying a tray of cold, icy ciders you were swaying your hips to the beat of Cocoon and singing along loudly as you rolled a mug up in bubble wrap, unaware that he had returned and was staring at you from the doorway.

“Well, that’s the cutest fuckin’ thing I’ve ever seen,” Van grinned once the song had finished, making you jump with fright.

“Jesus…lucky I didn’t drop that,” you hissed and your cheeks flushed with embarrassment.

He looked at the mug and cringed before mouthing ‘sorry’. Van placed the tray down on the kitchen bench then handed you a cider.

“And not to be ‘that guy’ but you were singin’ the words wrong,” he laughed, his voice laced with smugness.

“Well sorrrryyy, bit out of practice. Been a while since I’ve been to a show, see,” you teased with an eye roll.

“You should come to the next one we have around here, I’ll put you on the list.”

Silence fell between you and Van as you gulped down your drinks, refreshed by the coldness of the liquid after your hard work. You met Van’s gaze and he held eye contact for a little too long. He placed his drink down and leant against the counter.

“Look y/n, I was goin’ to say it before but chickened out. I know I said I’ll wait, but it’s killin’ me. I need to know. Will you be with me?”

Van’s sudden admission floored you. Your eyes opened wide and your jaw dropped slightly. You must have looked as though you’d just seen a ghost.

“I don’t know Van,” you whispered. His face fell.

He took the cider glass from your hand putting it with his and stood close to you, placing a hand on your waist. You wriggled out of his grip and crumpled down to the floor with your back against the cupboard beneath the sink. You sat with your knees to your chest, like a child.

You knew, deep down, that your feelings for Van were there. That they’d laid dormant for a long time. If you’d never seen him again after your breakup, you could have gone your whole life without ever thinking of them. But you hadn’t; yours and Van’s lives kept overlapping and you were brought together again and again. Apart from that having to mean something, it awoke the feelings for him that you’d forgotten and then desperately tried to ignore.

“I don’t know,” you repeated.

Van fell to his knees in front of you and placed both hands on your legs.

“What do I do, y/n?” he pleaded, looking broken.

You wanted to be with Van, you did. In that moment you decided you did, theoretically. But this was not a fantasy. This was real life. The life that had driven you apart before. The life that had become so hard to deal with apart from each other for months on end. How could it work when you’d tried before and knew you were doomed to fail? You didn’t want to be heartbroken over Van McCann yet again.

You didn’t altogether understand his feelings for you either. Why and how had he so suddenly gone from being your friend, to wanting you back so desperately he’d beg? All of these thoughts and questions scared you.

“You need to leave Van,” you said suddenly, pushing him away.

Van’s face contorted into an expression of pain and confusion. He tried to pull you close again but when you wouldn’t budge, he stood up and went to take his coat. You felt sick to the stomach and couldn’t look at him, you knew you were being cruel.

“Call me if you change your mind,” he said solemnly before disappearing out your door, letting it slam behind him.

You threw yourself down on your bed that was now a mattress on the floor and let out an ocean of tears. What the fuck were you doing. You were so angry with yourself and you genuinely didn’t know what to do. Torn between hiding from potential heartbreak or just saying ‘fuck it’ and giving in.

In an attempt to distract yourself, you finished off the last bits of packing. You were staying with a friend for a few days until you could move into the new place. At least that was one thing sorted. Next, you returned the glasses and half-drunk ciders to the pub, sticking around to chat with the bartenders for a bit.

But of course, the distractions weren’t working. Back in your room, you sat down on your bed legs crossed and lip nervously bitten between your teeth. Your phone lay on the duvet at your feet and you stared at it for a long time. You weren’t sure how long; could have been minutes, could have been hours. ‘Call me if you change your mind’, Van had said. The problem was that you couldn’t make it up in the first place. With a rough groan, you pushed the phone away and flopped down onto your back, throwing your hands over your face.

After a moment, you picked up your phone and clicked back into spotify. Van’s voice echoed out of the speakers once again, hitting you right in the chest. What if he had been right when he’d said that maybe you’d fucked up by ending things? What if it worked this time? You had a home and a stable job now. He was used to his lifestyle, he’d grown up. Things were different, as much as you tried to tell yourself they weren’t.

Your mind tracked over the last year, to all the moments where you and Van had been pulled back together. You couldn’t explain it, but it felt right and you’d always known it. No matter where you were or who you were with, Van was what lay at the bottom of it all. Whether that was getting you home safely after one too many, shaking hands with your shitty ex-boyfriend when he shouldn’t have had to, or being your rock in a time of need. Not to mention all the drinks and laughs in between.

You loved Van. You didn’t want to be without him.

In a blind panic and rush of urgency, you grabbed your phone once again and shakily stopped the music before finding Van’s contact and pressing ‘call’. Your heart was beating rapidly and your skin began to turn clammy. Your breath caught in your throat more and more with each passing dial tone.

“Y/n?”

You froze. This should have been the simplest of calls, but you had no idea where to begin.

“I…”

“I know,” he said softly. You let out a deep breath and rested your forehead in your hand. Tears began to spill from your eyes.

“I’m so sorry Van,” you cried into the phone. “I want you. And I need you, I wish I hadn’t ruined things.”

“You haven’t y/n. You haven’t at all,” he soothed.

Your heart rate began to slow at his words and Van let you calm down before he said anything else.

“I’m so fucking glad you called,” he admitted once you’d stopped crying. He sounded as relieved as you felt.

“Me too,” you whispered. You wish you could hold him right now, bury your face in his chest. Kiss him.

There were a few moments of silence between you. Neither of you were ever that good at talking on the phone anyway.

“God, it really does take us to the eleventh hour doesn’t it?” Van laughed in a tone of frustrated disbelief.

“Are you quoting the Bible?!”

“What? Just mean last minute…somethin’ Dad says.”

You chuckled and nodded, forgetting he couldn’t see. Your mind was in a dizzy haze from feeling too many different things at once. After listening to each other’s breath down the phone for a few seconds, Van spoke, his tone back to its usual bounce.

“Well shall I come over then? Get them boxes in the car?”

#van #van mccann #van mccann fanfiction #catfish #catb #Catfish and the Bottlemen #johnny bond #larry lau #fanfiction #fan fiction #fanfic #vanfic #VanFiction

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thesinglesjukebox · 5 years

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HATCHIE - STAY WITH ME [8.08] The album's called Keepsake, and it's one we might want to hang on to...

Ian Mathers: I don't care what the lyrics say when you look them up, in the moment of listening I cannot decide each time whether "Stay With Me" starts with "it's all better, now you're gone" or "it's no better". I don't think the song can decide either. It's far from the first song to have that sort of power, just like the drum machine-and-synth, loop-and-swoop approach, while beautiful here, isn't exactly new. But I've heard dozens of songs like this (some even by Hatchie) since the last time one made me feel the way "Stay With Me" is making me feel right now. And isn't that maybe the only true miracle of pop music: that mere human beings can make "just another song," one that on the surface isn't that different than a bunch of others we merely like, and yet it can hit us just as profoundly, as heartwrenchingly bittersweet, as hopefully, as this one is hitting me right now? I could write an essay about the things in my life "Stay With Me" connects up to, people and times and places and songs, but it wouldn't make much sense to anyone else even if it wasn't incredibly, tiresomely self indulgent. But the experience I've been having with "Stay With Me" is among other things a reminder of the worth of staying connected and engaged with the world, in art as in all things, and not just going back to listen to all the things I already love instead. The chances of any other given human being having this reaction to this particular song today ("if I met you in a different moment/if I met you would I be this broken?") are small, sure, maybe even tiny. But god, I hope we all get to keep having those moments, and that we recognize the wonder of them in each other. [10]

Katherine St Asaph: I know this was written as a deliberate experiment in writing a pop song (or so they say; I too have claimed my paychecks as experiments), and thus I know the exact places the mechanics are there to get you (unending wistful chords, the yearning "Everything Is Embarrassing" vocal, with an octave jump exactly where it needs to happen), and the places the mechanics clank a bit too loud (the ending sags before the [perfect] bridge; "I'm not done / I've come undone" is kind of circular, kind of on its own nose). It's also been out for months. But the second time I heard this song it just happened to catch me at the exact moment of flood of memory, of accreted stupid unrequited crushes and breakups and failures and regrets, until I was in tears in a cab, which is really the ideal setting to hear this song. [9]

Edward Okulicz: Oh god, this hits me so hard in my heart, it hurts. "Stay With Me" would have been incredible had it been sung by someone like Foxes as a glass-shattering EDM epic, and it would have been incredible done as a shoegaze number by an alternative universe Lush, but it's also perfect as it is, midway between those two extremes. The lyrics are simple, but they're no more complicated than they need to be. It's some heavy-duty yearning but at the same time it's as light as air. I want to go dancing somewhere this is playing and stare down at my sneakers all night. [10]

Ashley Bardhan: This feels like pretty straightforward dream pop. Super soupy, drowsy vocals over a synth loop. It's very fine, very reminiscent of making out with a 23-year-old mattress boy named DYLAN. [6]

Julian Axelrod: Hatchie's ability to craft grand, immersive synthscapes is impressive, rivaled only by her commitment to pushing semi-formed lyrical conceits past the four-minute mark. [6]

Will Adams: There's a heartbreaking circularity to the lyrics ("you're the one who's won"; "I'm not done/I've come undone") that nails the sense of uncontrollable spinning that comes from an unrequited love. The vacillation between confidence and doubt, the paper-thin façade of indifference, the endless what-ifs and agonizing of what could have been had the cards fallen differently: they all add up to a devastating crush song that, despite never resolving, nonetheless sounds like a massive, necessary release. [9]

Alex Clifton: Drenched in reverb, gorgeous synths and a lovely vocal line, and feels like a beautiful dream. It sounds like the end of a movie where there's a montage of the main characters heading off into the sunset, unsure of their futures but exchanging significant looks with one another. I hope this blows up, makes it big, becomes as iconic as it sounds -- everyone needs to hear this song. [8]

Joshua Minsoo Kim: With a sturdy and prominent drum loop, "Stay With Me" brings to mind My Bloody Valentine's "Soon" and the sped-up Zeppelin sample on Chapterhouse's "Pearl." The key difference is how Hatchie's vocals are always front and center, clear enough that each word can permeate every synth pad and twangy guitar line and snappy kick drum with a melange of hopeful desperation and knowing despair. That spacious, ever-comfortable void that her voice rests inside reveals itself to be a place of unnerving contemplation. Despite this, Hatchie convinces you that this purgatorial dream state is far more desirable than the living Hell that is life spent all alone. [9]

Jacob Sujin Kuppermann: The art of the fadeout is an intentionally obscure one. It's the art of making the encroachment of silence into an instrument of its own, of stretching a song's end into a beautiful eternity. "Stay With Me" has a gorgeous fade-out, ending in a heartbeat of a drumtrack as its shoe-gaze-leaning guitars depart, but it in itself feels like a fadeout, taking the dying hopes of some vaguely sketched relationship and letting them sprawl out before you. It takes a while to get going (it didn't click for me until the bridge), but it's the kind of song that deserves your patience. [7]

Alfred Soto: So THIS is the synth pop bauble that Chvrches have failed to write for six years? It stinks of the past, peeks through v-shaped fingers at the future, and in Hatchie's sweet lies ("It's so better now you're gone") an ever-present present. [8]

Joshua Copperman: The tedious, nearly bass-less first half of "Stay With Me" surprised me, especially as so many TSJ colleagues were raving about this song. The lyrics are concise without being cliché, the production is a mostly interesting mix of Madchester drums and modern dream-pop, but I'm left living someone else's nostalgia. Like Snail Mail and other, similar acts, I'm an outsider for not having the same childhood as every other music writer. That doesn't make this a bad song: Once the live drums and harmonies kick in at 2:51, it becomes difficult not to fall in love with the song. But even that is probably because it evokes my own nostalgia -- it sounds like "Wake Up," and not the "Wake Up" indie rockers used to reference. (A bit like this pre-"Radioactive" Imagine Dragons song too, which I loved when I was 15.) And I still remain locked out; the YouTube comments claim that "listening to this song feels like being in a club on ecstasy in the 90's." But really, this feels like hearing someone else remember that oft-reminisced-upon time period, reminding me once more that things were apparently better before I got here. [6]

Vikram Joseph: From sixth form through much of my twenties, I thought I didn't really like dancing; far too late, I realised I just hated having to fake it in bleak, sticky-floored provincial or university clubs, damp with straight machismo and broken dreams. These days, I can lose my shit to "Dancing On My Own" and "Make Me Feel" in queer spaces I feel safe and happy in, and that's wonderful. It stings, though, to have missed out on a kind of transcendence I feel like I should have experienced on the cusp of adulthood, and "Stay With Me" speaks directly, powerfully to that part of me. Those "Born Slippy" synths feel soft-focus and hazy like inebriated happiness itself; Hatchie's vocals in the middle eight feel like they're grasping for something intangible and impossible, chasing every lost night and doomed love into the first glow of sunrise. This is slow-motion, tear-streaked disco-ball euphoria to remind you of nights you're not quite sure belong to you or to cinema; a fever-dream summer dance anthem that makes me believe that the perfect places we have always aspired to are eminently real, flickering in spaces that our younger selves could never have imagined existed. [9]

Iris Xie: When I review songs, I repeat them in order to sink in their atmosphere and be flooded into their sentiments, because otherwise, it doesn't come clear to me. In this discovery process, I often find myself compelled to sing and ad lib along. For "Stay With Me," at 2:50, I found myself unconsciously singing the bridge when the midpoint of the kicks off into the instrumental, specifically these two lines: "If I met you in a different moment/If I met you, would I be this broken?" I kept singing these two lines over and over again as each repeat occurs, and then I realized that the bridge is the verbal personification of the instrumental, and it is the underlying sentiment that drives all the stark, urgent confessions, so naked in their desperation and knowing that it is futile and they won't be heard, but nevertheless, they must be said. This stands in contrast with the first two lines, which put on such a brave face that contains a bitter heart: "It's all better now you're gone/It's all better on my own." When you sing these lyrics over each other, the synths are so lively and comforting in this melancholy and blend together with warm guitar strums, and solid drums to illuminate these sentiments. Hatchie is in pain from having to deal with such a broken void, and the vibrant singing of the bridge contrasts with the reluctant, forlorn sentiment of the initial verse, so it actually reads: "It's all better now you're gone/If I met you in a different moment/If I met you would I be this broken/It's all better on my own." Even though Hatchie acknowledges it feels wrong, saying "stay with me" is the balm that she settles on to ease this pain of her lover's departure because she's responsible for this pain. The beautiful part about the instrumental is that it reminds me of why music, and art overall, is so deeply important: when one is able to access the space of these heartfelt emotions, and to use the tools at your disposal to create the specific weight and textures of those experiences, it also can help give shape to those who are also feeling these certain ways, and allowing them to release and transmit it. I've shied away from my own private embarrassment and shame about this exact situation for years, and have only recently started talking about it with my therapist and supportive friends, but yesterday, I allowed myself to look through old journals and communications about that relationship. In reality, I never allowed myself to feel comfortable with the endless weight of these emotions and regrets, for I never wanted to be haphazard about the textures of this experience, even in making art about it. I feared it'd only sour the reality and aggravate my anxieties about people not taking the level of pain I had seriously and mocking it. Putting myself in that impossible situation for not wanting to mar those moments, I shut it down for the past few years. But I've had to let those similar feelings wash over me in the past few months to create art and even give justice to the reviews that I want to give on TSJ and elsewhere, so now I have to acknowledge that buried sadness. I no longer feel shame about that plaintive way to express my emotions about those situations, for this song's fuzzy, warm haze of disorientation is so familiar, and now I trust myself to just go, which is what I did with this review today. I guess that's one reason why pop is so lovely -- a salve for private hearts, not ready to debut, until they are. It's clear now. [8]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox ]

#hatchie #TSJBestof2019 #pop #music #music review #writing

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theimportanceofbeingaloof · 3 years

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5 Questions with McCaela Prentice

Why do you write?

I think I try to write my way out of things- out of breakups, out of things I can’t stop thinking about, or even just out of songs that have been stuck in my head. The song bit is probably evident in ‘Junk Drawer Heart’- Solo by Frank Ocean, She Will Be Loved by Maroon 5, and I Think Ur a Contra by Vampire Weekend are some songs I had on loop that inevitably leaked into the work. Writing and music have always been therapeutic for me. It has been a way to work through what I’m hung up on, but it never feels like a conscious thing I’m doing. I’m never like “okay time to sit down and write about ____”- it’s more like I feel compelled to keep writing as a result of the things that make my brain feel like it has too many tabs open.

Reading your pamphlet ‘Junk Drawer Heart’ I was struck by the immediacy of the poems, is that something you work hard to achieve, or does it just come naturally when you write?

My poems have always had a sense of immediacy or urgency (or so I’ve been told), but now that I’m more aware of that it’s definitely something I try to play to. It takes work to maintain it throughout a poem though. It comes naturally in the beginning, but I really have to fight my tendency to “over explain” myself and therefore lose that pulse at the end of a piece. I think the most memorable songs and poems for me are the ones that are sharp and specific- the ones that make you feel like you’ve seen something you weren’t intended to. Like a public breakup, or your co-workers kissing in the break room. I’m always trying to do that with my own writing. Just cut people out of a moment as quickly as I’ve thrown them into it.

What’s it like being a poet in New York? Who are your favourite New York poets?

I’ve officially been living/writing in New York for one year now, and so I’m definitely still getting a feel for what it’s like to be a poet in the city. Or a poet at all. I don’t always feel like I live here quite yet. I was lucky to be able to make it to a couple open mics and meet with friends who also wrote poetry before COVID. Overall it’s been great- I’ve met so many people that are also interested in writing, and everyone is so supportive. In school poetry just felt like a secret hobby I did on the side, and I didn’t ever think to share it. I definitely didn’t think anyone would want to read it. Having an entire book that people are now reading is really bizarre. It’s been such a strange thing going from only sharing my poetry with my closest friends to this in such a short amount of time. I think coming to New York has been a big part of that. My favorite New York poet is no doubt Jamie Hood. I just recently ordered Jamie’s new book “how to be a good girl”, and I’ll for sure be checking my mailbox everyday until it arrives. I also really enjoy the work of Richard Siken, who was born in NYC.

Your house is on fire and you can only save one poetry collection. Which one do you save?

I’m for sure running out of the inferno with my copy of “The Crown Ain’t Worth Much” by Hanif Abdurraqib. I’ve been lucky enough to see Hanif read a couple times. He is spectacular. It was one of the first poetry books I couldn’t put down, and that I still pick up often.

What’s your favourite Vampire Weekend album?

I listened to their Contra and Vampire Weekend albums a ton my sophomore year of college, but I admit I haven’t really listened to their newer stuff. I think it would have to be Contra by default. I was really drawn to that song “I Think Ur a Contra” initially- I never could quite pin down what it meant, but the lyrics “I think you’re a Contra/ I think that you’ve lied” were stuck in my head all the time. I also really loved the cover art. I just got a polaroid camera that semester, and I’d been collecting a lot of memories through that. Finding an old polaroid of a person that is gone really is a special kind of ache. I thought the album and that song captured that feeling so beautifully in such faint ways.

_______________

Purchase a copy of McCaela’s Junk Drawer Heart

#poetry #interview #invisible hand press #mccaela prentice

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letithappeneverafter · 7 years

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Tame Impala’s Kevin Parker, from psych-rock stoner to disco infiltrator They may have brought psych rock to the masses, but Tame Impala’s new album channels the Bee Gees and Goan beach raves. Their frontman explains why…

It’s a few days before Glastonbury, and Kevin Parker – the 29-year-old Australian musical polymath behind Tame Impala – is in west London rehearsing for his appearance at the festival with Mark Ronson. Somewhat extravagantly, Ronson has hired out the entirety of the Hammersmith Apollo for the week as a practice room. Presumably he can afford it, though. “Have you ever heard of a little song called Uptown Funk?” jokes Parker.

While there have been odder musical pairings, at first glance it seems incongruous that Parker, a long-haired rocker who has the permanent air of a man wearing sandals, is working with a superproducer more associated with the clean-cut likes of Bruno Mars. It’s just one illustration of how far Parker’s home-produced records have taken him. “The scale that things happen on with Mark is about five levels above how we do it with Tame Impala,” says Parker.

For much of the last five years, Parker has been acclimatising to the shifts in scale that success brings. His acclaimed 2010 debut, Innerspeaker, ushered in a new wave of young psych rock bands such as Pond, Toy and Hookworms, and turned a whole new generation of fans on to the transcendental power of scuzzy, droning guitars. The follow-up, 2012’s Lonerism, gave Parker platinum album sales, award wins and a Grammy nomination. Psych obsessives the world over suddenly had a new anthem in Elephant, three-and-a-half minutes of throbbing riffs that brought joy to the hearts of Floyd and Zeppelin fans alike. Before long, Kendrick Lamar was rapping over a remix of his single Feels Like We Only Go Backwards and Parker was collaborating with his heroes the Flaming Lips.

When we sit down for a drink at a hotel near the Apollo, Parker is so laidback he’s in danger of falling off his chair. This might seem appropriate for a practitioner of woozy music, but less so for a guy noted for his obsessive perfectionism. Maybe it’s the calm before the storm. Lonerism earned Parker legions of new fans, from Ronson to the army of beards who’ll be wigging out when Tame Impala headline End Of The Road festival in September, but he’s about to ask them to follow him in an entirely new direction. His latest album, Currents, ditches the heavy wall of psych and Tomorrow Never Knows-style loops, and instead we get a collection of Michael Jackson-influenced disco. Parker denies his decision had anything to do with the genre’s Get Lucky-fuelled resurgence, or even his collaboration with Ronson. In his unflappably mellow manner, he puts it down to a more personal Damascene moment.

“I was in LA a few years ago and for some reason we’d taken mushrooms, it must have been the end of our tour,” he recalls. “I was coked up as well, and a friend was driving us around LA in this old sedan. He was playing the Bee Gees and it had the most profound emotional effect. I’m getting butterflies just thinking about it. I was listening to Staying Alive, a song I’ve heard all my life. At that moment it had this really emotive, melancholy feel to it. The beat felt overwhelmingly strong and, at that moment, it sounded pretty psychedelic. It moved me, and that’s what I always want out of psych music. I want it to transport me.”

You might think from that story, or indeed from listening to his records, that Parker spends the entire recording process tripping his nut off, locked in a shamanic embrace with his muse. However, while he regards people choosing to listen to Tame Impala under the influence as the highest compliment, he doesn’t take drugs to make music for people to take drugs to. “I’d be disappointed if I was sat there with no ideas and thought: ‘Hey, maybe if I get stoned I’ll have some ideas,’” he says. “I’d feel quite defeated. At the same time, sometimes if I’m smoking a spliff halfway through a recording session it makes things sound more potent. When I had the idea for some of my best songs I was stone-cold sober. Some of my best songs I thought of stoned and recorded stoned. There’s no correlation.”

While Innerspeaker and Lonerism lend themselves to contemplative stoner sessions, new songs such as The Moment and Disciples are more attuned to the dancefloor. Parker likes to picture Currents being played at sunrise at a Goan beach rave, or anywhere else where the music itself – and not a live band – is the audience’s focal point. Just as he blazed a trail by making psych cool again when it seemed passé, he’s confident that Tame Impala’s fans will follow him barefoot on to the sand.

Parker knew which musical direction he wanted to follow, but the lyrical content was more difficult. Parker had recently gone through a breakup with the French singer Melody Prochet of the group Melody’s Echo Chamber. His next album, he realised, would be the age-old tale of someone changing and drifting away from a relationship. Then he decided it would also be told from the perspective of the person doing the changing.

So on Currents we get songs with titles such as Let It Happen and Yes I’m Changing. Eventually is perhaps the fullest expression of the concept, though: a breakup song told from the side of the person who wants out. “I find there’s a lot of poetry, art and songs singing about the plight of someone with someone changing in front of them,” explains Parker. “It excited me to tell the story from the other side. Trying to explain that it’s not a bad thing, its just natural. Eventually is a song about someone who knows they’re about to damage someone. They’re not going to be the one experiencing the pain that’s dealt. They’re the one dealing it. Arguably, it’s just as emotionally crippling knowing that you’re gonna do that. It’s just as heavy. It’s just as torturous.”

While Parker insists the album is “completely” autobiographical, he says it’s not entirely fuelled by his most recent breakup. “It’s not necessarily about that one situation,” he says. “The inspiration to write a song comes to me when something has happened to me more than once. If it’s happened to me more than once, it’s probably happened to other people.”

It was the breakup with Prochet, however, that prompted Parker to return home to Perth from living in Paris. There, he created his “fantasy studio”, a place where he’s able to find the splendid isolation he needs to record. “It’s literally just me in a room,” he says. “I love to have everything within reach, so that it starts resembling a cockpit. I love to be able to put my hands on a keyboard, to have a guitar and a bass within reach, as well as all the effects. Then I just piece it together.”

Parker has gained his reputation as a perfectionist for good reason, and every time he makes an album there comes a point when his relationship with the record goes from idle flirtation to life-consuming obsession. “When I’ve got to finish an album in the next six months, then it’s all day, every day,” he says. “I wake up, listen to what I did the night before, then fiddle. At some point, life outside the studio fades into the distance. That’s how I know that I’m into it. If I was to stay level-headed and sane the whole time I’d probably be a bit disappointed because it would mean that I didn’t give my all; that the music wasn’t powerful enough to consume me.”

So now, with the record ostensibly finished, is he happy with it? “No!” he laughs. “There’s still things I’d change. I just have to set myself a deadline. I’ve never been 100% happy with anything at the time of doing it. You stop hearing things that people are going to hear the first time they hear it. You become deaf to the potency of a melody or a chord change and you’re just listening to how loud the hi-hat is.”

Listening to Parker talk about the struggle to capture the pristine music in his head recalls Iris Murdoch’s observation that every book is the wreck of a perfect idea. He laughs when I tell him. “That’s powerful,” he says. “I know exactly what that means.”

There must be personal cost to all this obsessiveness: relationships sacrificed, old friends left behind? “There is,” he admits, “but that’s the cost of being an artist. You sacrifice your normal life. You sacrifice that part of you to make better art. Songwriting has become such a big part of what I do that emotions and the melodies that accompany them blur into one.”

As he rallies those emotions and melodies in pursuit of the perfect sound, Parker is unconcerned about losing any hardcore fans who might have preferred him to just churn out another Lonerism.

“I don’t like the idea that I’m a one-trick pony, even if I am!” he says. “No matter what else I do, I have to make sure that Elephant isn’t Tame Impala’s biggest song anywhere”. By Kevin EG Perry | Saturday July 4 2015

#tame impala #kevin parker #currents #the guardian

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wopcalmetacritic · 6 years

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Pitchfork Review: Craving by Ariana Grande

Craving For Playing Safe: Reviewing Ariana Grande's New Album 60/100

Ariana Grande is one of the most massive hittmaker we've ever seen, and we're fine with that - she knows how and when to do it, and it always works pretty fine; and that's exactly what she've done with her new album, 'Craving' - which includes productions for major names such as Alesso, Skrillex, Poo Bear, Bloodpop and Cashmere Cat.

The album opens with a monotonous song called "Eggs & Ham", it features CupcakKe, and is a good song to dance to with your friends, but doesn't surprise us at all, it sound like something she could've done two years ago. We know, it's like her own brand, but still: you can keep your brand and still reinvent. Also, "You can do me in a box, you can do me with a fox / You can do me with a mouse, you can do me in a house" is probably the most embarrassing verse we've ever read this year so far.

"Keep Me" shows an attempt to latin reggaeton vibe, even though Ari is a italian descendent - but hey, we like a mix of cultures! "Keep Me" is the perfect song to blast into the radios and clubs, with an extremely catchy chorus and obviously, cheap lyrics: the perfect hit. Its beat is good, it makes you want to dance all night.

"Bump N Grind" is the Michael Jackson-esque moment of the album; it's a great 70's influenced song, that could fit properly into a Bruno Mars album or even a Cher's disco compilation. A looping instrumental that keeps stuck in your head for a whole day, the classic "I don't wanna be just another girl" kind of track - which is one of the verses - and a Nicki Minaj rap that goes with a "I ain’t no hoe, I’m a relationship girl / Cuz, honey, I am the type to really rock your world" kind of thing. Meh. It could've been huge, but it's flat and it loses it's shining after a few refrain loopings - which happens a LOT during the song.

"Weather" is a song to give a highlight, the 70's disco fever is still a current element but this time the beat is a little faster, a little hotter, a little catchy - the melody gets you in a dancy loving mood and the "Hot, hot, hot, hot" post-chorus gets you hard. No sexual conotations in here. Truly a great pop song!

"World Without Your Love", a massive worldwide hit, doesn't really need a new approval after its successful job at the charts - it's sticky, it's cute, it got us all.

Next track is "Long Distance", a sexy melody in a sad eternal kind of love composition, those kind of post-breakup love night when you know it isn't going to work out even though the love is real and you both want to work on it: the lyrics are identifiable to her young fans and true love believers - "I know those two weeks are gonna feel like forever / But timezones ain’t stopping us from being together". It's a pure Ariana song, it's good, but it doesn't show nothing but what we were already expecting.

"The Flu/Reaction" sound more like an Outro to "Long Distance" than truly a full song - it's cute... but it's basic; it's loveful... but it's cheap - "Cuz you’ve got me rollin’ / My heart has been stolen / By a heartthrob, he’s mine / Wish I could have you till the end of time", really, Ari? Fans are probably going to love it as that 'underrated song', but it simply doesn't fascinates us in any kind of way (composition, melody, lyrics), it's just... Flat. Purely and in a cute kind of way... basic.

The next one takes us to a The Weeknd album: "Nothing Without You" couldn't have a more ironic title - the album could easy go on without this song. It's a forced 80's urban gangsta-ish kind of vibe, that could easily fit into an Daft Punk album, or as already mentioned, a The Weeknd album. Is it bad? No, but neither is it good.

"Leave You", the ninth track, takes us back to when Bieber released "Sorry"... Three years ago. Ironically, he's a featuring on the song. A tropical beat with a catchy love affair lyrics, doesn't surprise us at all, but still, got us moving with Bloodpop's beat. It's cool, chill and sexy, but the classic cliché - excerpt from the lyrics include "My heart’s telling me yes, my mind’s telling me no" so... -, it's nothing that we haven't already seen in the last couple of years.

The tenth track is "Dirty Things", a piano ballad that turns into an electro midtempo track with a paused instrumental at every hook; it's a beautiful harmonization along with Ariana's beautiful vocals, the envolving melody and its pure lyrics - "I’ve had dreams of you and they have all been pleasant, they have been the only things coming to cure this desert". It's not a huge song, but it's really good, and will probably turn into a fan favorite, for sure.

"Liar" is a urban hip-hop song that comes with a flow from trap, swag and rap - and it sounds fitting for Ariana's new sound. That's what we were expecting, something new! No wonder she picked it as a single, 'cause it's fantastic: the perfect defition that sometimes less is more - the production is a monotonious rap song, but it fits perfectly to the melody and its composition - we all had some liars in our lives, didn't we?

The rap-ish kind of style remains at the next track, "In My Past", in a 90's hip-hop slow sad beat that gets you in your sad mood. "So I’ll just pour another drink, drink it down fast / Thoughts of you in my mind, giving me a hot flash" says the singer, in an honest composition that fits its slow rhythm and its pure melody. It's raw, it's human, it's good.

"Craving" brings out again the 90's inspired elements in a sadly sexy rhythm, along with another heartbroken lyrics. It might be the album title track, but it's not the best song off the album, not even close. It's an extremely personal track, which will get her fans attention and envolve their hearts through their own personal issues at love life, but it sounds like a bonus track, an outro or something that you like but you don't really give much attention - which is sad, after all it's the title track and it closes the standard edition of the album.

Thankfully, we have some deluxe tracks! "Another Lover, Pt. II" is an sad piano ballad that we've been waiting for - it's kinda true when fans say their faves put the best songs off the album as bonus tracks. "Another Lover, Pt. II" brings another personal track (Ari mentioned it'd be a personal album), in a teenage girl-ish confessional type of lyrics, but that's what makes it sound so pure. It's purely beautiful, powerful at its best and great, raw vocals. Emotional!

A Cashmere Cat production along with a Sia composition, "Quit" couldn't be better. It's powerful chorus "I can't quit you, I can't quit you" follows up to a good electro chill break with some raw instruments, bringing the vulnerable cute Ari we all love. It's not the best song, it's not the worse, and it fits perfectly as a bonus track - adorable, but not memorable.

"All That I Want" is memo to Ari's brand style, which is nice, but still no surprise. The beat is good, in a boucing smooth way, it's perfectly the piano-dancing Ariana song we all like... But completely predictable - not even the lyrics make it a little better, "I’m so glad I found ya because you’re all that I want in a man". Not great, but it's okay.

As always, Target got some exclusives, and the international editions as well, with the 17th song "Cruella Devil" and "Changed My Mind". The first one, a song we totally agree to be a limited bonus since it doesn't add a single thing to the album, its instrumental it's too repetitive even with some oriental-esque vibes, in some cheap content as lyrics - "Cuz I don’t wanna sound cocky but you know I put it down (..) / Cruella Devil, you know I keep it trill, never leave the table till I’ve finished my meal". Leave it for the 101 Dalmatians, please. As for "Changed My Mind", a smooth midtempo hip-hop beat in a typical Ariana style. No big deal, it wouldn't change much if the track was in the final tracklist or not - it's okay for a bonus track though.

'Craving' is a pure Ariana Grande album, it has the perfect elements to be a massive worldwide selling hit: catchy bubblegum songs, cute cheap lyrics and youthful moody melodies that get your heart melted to your feet. It's a good album if you don't expect nothing different from what we already know from Grande's catalog... and the past 5 years of pop music. Ariana played safe, and it's a garanteed move to the charts, but until when she'll keep playing safe with songs that sound premade and doesn't show much than what we were already expecting?

Highlights: Weather, World Without Your Love & Liar

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