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qweerhet · 4 months

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i have come to realize over the past few days that a lot of bad transfeminist takes on this website are percolating in spaces where it's presumed the transfem experience is one of either attempting to be recognized as a woman socially, or wanting to be recognized as a woman socially but not attempting (with an unspoken "yet" attached), and suddenly everything coming out of those spaces about transmisogyny makes sense.

transmisogyny never applies to men because if you're a woman, you know it already. or if it does apply to men, it always benefits them, because someone who looks like a man and occupies the social role of man could never actually be a woman, at least until they start trying to occupy the social role of woman. if a woman is closeted, she'll come out eventually. people who don't chemically or surgically transition and continue to use he/him are selfishly benefiting from transmisogyny, and don't want to come out because they benefit too much from enacting violence on trans women. transfems are always treated as failed women, and never as failed men, because being transfem means trying to be recognized as a woman. nobody could ever see a real transfem as a man, only men are seen as men, and transfems do things like use she/her and wear women's clothes and go on estrogen, which means everyone knows they're transfem. transfems who are men aren't a part of this conversation. tma people who aren't women don't exist because transmisogyny comes from being perceived as a woman.

and it's like. well. i certainly know lots of people who would directly contest & cleanly disprove your presumptions here (i mean. myself being one of them, even though i do present femme full-time!), but you'll never get the chance to have your worldview shifted, because you've made your social spaces profoundly unfriendly to them!

even if you've already made an effort to decouple transmedicalism from your theory, you still have to make an effort to actually engage with & understand the material experiences of people who don't align with current narratives about transition at all. transfems who use all pronouns and grow massive beards while on e and never legally change their names or gender markers. transneutral and transandrogynous tma people. trans women who refer to themselves as women but do not want to chemically or surgically transition or publicly use pronouns other than he/him, ever. full-time female impersonators who solely use she/her and chemically and surgically transition, but still identify as men. and you have to really engage with what we say about transmisogyny, as in, listen in good faith and understand what we're expressing about its functions in our daily lives!

or you could circlejerk forever about how being a woman is the be-all-end-all of experiencing transmisogyny and personal identification is one and the same as material conditions of privilege, to the point that personal identification automatically prescribes material privilege. and shut out a solid chunk of tma people from your gender theory permanently and irrevocably. and implicitly call a solid chunk of tma people liars for talking about daily life experiences. that's cool too, definitely won't have any negative consequences for trans community and trans spaces in the broader world or anything.

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doberbutts · 1 year

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It was a year or two ago some annoying terf was harassing me because I'm a terrible evil trans man beguiling and leading gay men astray with my gross vagina or whatever

And at some point how women are born with vaginas and men are born with penises and that was that

And I replied 'what about those who are born into the space inbetween? Women with psuedo-penises? Testicles where ovaries should be? Naturally higher testosterone? Facial and body hair?'

And naturally she screeched about how I was an evil tra who throws intersex people under the bus when intersex people have asked to be left out of this conversation.

But the problem is... I was talking about MYSELF. If you're going to forcibly label me a woman because I was born with a vagina, I'm going to require you to tell me what your definition of "woman" is that doesn't inherently exclude me from being ABLE to be labeled such.

A woman is someone born with a vagina, ovaries, and a uterus? And never with testes, prostate, and penis? Well I have a little of column A and a little of column B and that is without any amount of surgery or medical procedure.

A woman is someone whose endocrine system is estrogen-dominant? Sorry, that's never been me, I've always had higher testosterone than estrogen even before I went on T.

A woman doesn't need to shave her face? My beard predates my HRT. Doesn't have an adam's apple? I've had one since puberty. Cannot penetrate a partner without the help of a toy? Can and have. Body capable of creating new life? I've got it on pretty good authority that I've been infertile since the day I was born and that if I did somehow manage to get pregnant the fetus likely would never be viable anyway.

Doctors are sure she's a female baby the moment she comes out? Well considering my name was almost Jon Roger before the doctor realized he needed to take a second glance...

Has XX chromosomes? Well since I figured out this year that I for sure am intersex I do actually know my chromosomes now... but I didn't before. XY babies with my condition usually just die and those who do survive aren't intersex so I have to be XX since I made it to 30 without dying (I mean I tried real hard tho) without medical intervention. But if we're basing it on just XX or XY then you still have to put forth the effort of figuring out where you sort all the other possible configurations such as XY babies that look identical to XX babies and were often not caught until something was medically wrong with them that required a deeper look than just what was on the surface.

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beatrixstonehill2 · 9 days

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"This is so unfair. I'm a trans girl and got put in this sorority where the only way they're letting me stay on estrogen and be a girl is if I don't be a gooner. They know trans girls are so sweet and perverted that being in a sorority is our fetishistic dream. So many sexy girls to bust a nut to, all of them bi, making out with each other, half of them so pregnant they look ready to pop. Huge boobs, fat asses, all super eager to fuck and party. And I was told by the administration office my stay at the sorority is preliminary, to see if I can behave myself. I was given a list of stuff that will prove I'm secretly just a man trying to invade girls' spaces......

Number one, no jerking off to the girls or trying to cum on them as I go about my day. WTF, the other girls rub their clits for hours on end, in the middle of the lounge and foyer, their mouthwatering pussies out for all to see. They squirt on each other for fun before class! But I can only masturbate if I'm alone? It's so unfair!

Number two, no accidental ejaculation. So no cumming in my panties or down my leg in a cute dress. No cumming in my bikini or my yoga pants. I have to keep my cock under control at all times. Never mind how many girls are fondling themselves all day long as they talk and study and shower, playing with themselves nonstop, groping their tits, their big pregnant bellies, some girls in the halls will even be talking to each other and casually fisting their own asses like it's totally normal. I'm so jealous!

Number three, sapphic fakegirls are just boys. No relationships with girls, period. ....... Never mind that literally every girl here scissors and fuck the other girls for fun. I'm only allowed to take it up the ass at the frathouse to prove I'm a girl.

Number four, no porn. I'm not to watch porn casually, with other people around, in a 'perverted and male way', because I guess girls don't blast porn and watch it in public? Oh wait, every girl does. Porn is on in the lounge 24/7, I just have to walk by and not indulge in watching it. Girls are watching porn on their phones constantly. My roommate watches videos of girls getting gangraped in public for hours every night and cums over and over. The videos sound so amazing! The girls start off complaining about being kissed and groped, to stop pulling out their breasts, how embarrassed they are for their huge tits to be pulled out in public, then the girls usually whine about being pregnant and so many cocks could hurt the babies. But the men never care, they fuck these girls soooo hard for hours in public and nobody does anything, they just watch and film, or masturbate to the carnage. Eventually, the girls wind up moaning and cumming, loving every second of it. I wanna watch these vids so bad it hurts! And my cute pregnant roommate, Stephanie, gets to abuse her pussy over and over and over, absolutely soaking her bed in her pussy juices, but I'd be the perv for doing the same.....

Number five, no grabbing or playing with my cock in the restroom. I have a pretty girl that monitors me in the bathroom every time I go, to make sure I'm not gooning and jerking off. The girls chosen to watch me are so sexy and clearly only there to tempt me into breaking the rules. Only really curvy girls with thick thighs, big asses, huge boobs, and pregnant bellies sticking out so far their arms don't even reach out all the way in front of them. The girls love teasing me, telling me what a pretty girl I am, how beautiful my tits are, how much they want to suck my fat cock. But I can only sit down and pee as they watch, no touching my cock at all.... It's always dripping pee when I get up and I just have to deal with it.

Number six, no filming the other girls in perverted way. No upskirts, no following them filming their asses or tits. Nothing. It's so frustrating because the other girls do this constantly. They'll film upskirts of their friends and upload them to TikTok or Instagram all the time, even grope and pull out their tits like pervy boys.... And that's all in good fun.

Long story short, this university has one of the highest detrans rates for trans girls and I'm sad to say I cracked. It all became too much. I'm gooning soooo hard! I'm filming all these sexy girls, finally, humping the ground, playing with my cock, asking the girls perverted questions like how many babies they're pushed out or whether or not they fantasize about being raped. I can't contain it anymore. I've jerked off like a dozen times today. I'm being transferred to the frathouse..... And as of twenty minutes ago I was given my first shot of testosterone.

Sorry, mom and dad, looks like you're getting back your son. I love how this feels, jerking off in public, groping the other girls, saying lewd, nasty things to them as I stroke my cock. Fuckkkkk I really am a boy, aren't I? This sucks..... I guess playing pretend as a girl really was just a way for me to see more titties, fat asses, swollen pussies, and bellies stretched to the bursting point with babies. I really was just infiltrating, hoping to be one of them and engage in all the wonderful, perverted stuff girls do to each other. Instead I'm going to be just another musclebound creep, forcing myself on pretty girls around campus and bragging about it to all my gooner friends.... My cock is getting hard again just thinking about it.

#detrans kink #mtf detrans kink #mtftm kink #fakegirl

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spacelazarwolf · 2 years

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so i saw a tik tok (erininthemorn, go follow her on tik tok and/or twitter, she’s awesome) about how florida is trying to ban medicaid from covering trans related healthcare services, which means private insurance is likely to follow. she quite rightfully stated that this is genocide, they are trying to wipe trans ppl out of existence

unrelated to her or her video specifically, i saw a lot of comments under her post about how you can get generic hrt for cheap or find it through other ways, and i think this is a great time to remind folks that testosterone is extremely heavily restricted, more so than estrogen. estrogen is much easier to find on the black market and the material consequences for being caught with it without a prescription aren’t as severe as being caught with testosterone without a prescription

what this does NOT mean: trans women have it so easy and trans men have it the hardest ever in the world

what this DOES mean: this is an opportunity to talk about the unique ways these kinds of bills affect trans men and other trans people who need to take testosterone

what this ALSO means: stop fucking saying gross shit about testosterone while the government genocides us for needing it. take it to therapy or to a friend, but i don’t want to hear a fucking thing about how testosterone makes people “aggressive animals who can’t control themselves” or “testosterone is poison” because there are trans people who need testosterone that WILL die without it. there WILL be trans people who take their own lives because the one thing that would have made their body not feel like a prison is now completely out of reach for them

#trans community #trans man #transmasc #trans #transandrophobia

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boringkate · 4 months

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I watched Lena Dunham's Sharp Stick (2022) with a babe last month. Which I absolutely loved!!!

It's never explicitly acknowledged, but the main character is clearly supposed to be (despite the producers claiming otherwise) in some way neurodivergent. Or something. She's meek and impossibly sexually naive (to the point where me and the girl I watched it with had initially assumed the character was intended to be a child). Apparently they had approached an autism sexuality advocate to work as a consultant for the film before backpeddling.

Trans girls tend to be autistic.

The main character also had a hysterectomy (as did Lena Dunham).

Trans girls tend to be infertile.

She's shown taking estrogen.

Trans girls tend to take estrogen.

She becomes obsessed with porn and begins having one night stands with random men from the internet in hopes of finding validation by proving her sexual desirability.

Trans girls tend to do that shit.

It ends with her realizing and leaning into her impregnation fetish (while getting fucked by the one black guy she knows who had just brought over some 40s and called them homies and also while her black step sister's hands unexpectedly drift in from off screen to hold her because even when she managed to push it off to the last second Lena Dunham is incapable of being chill and normal about race).

Trans girls can't go ten seconds without making the same joke about how if you don't think you can get a trans girl pregnant then you just aren't trying hard enough (and the frequent fetishization of black men in trans and especially neighboring sissy communities can't really be denied).

Also the bartender is played by Tommy Dorfman (a trans woman) with it being her first time playing a character with a girl name.

But I'm not trying to suggest it's intentionally a movie about the tgirl excperience. That would be silly. Really the takeaway should be that (no matter how varied women's lives may be) we (trans women and cis women etc) can still always find common ground and shared excperiences. We're all in this together.

But anyways I was looking at Lena Dunham's Instagram yesterday (I've been off and on again rewatching Girls, so she's stayed on my mind).

One post features the music video she directed starring famed trans girl Hari Nef.

Another post shows that she recently read trans boy Elliot Paige's memoir Paige Boy.

Another post shows a conversation she had with Jon Bernthal (on his podcast) where she explains the word cis to him and talks about having also explained it to her husband (this is the only clip from her appearance on the podcast that she chose to post).

BTW did you know that she was an executive producer for the 2021 show Genera+ion (which I recall featuring a trans boy actor playing a cis boy character who gets a girl pregnant).

Fascinating!

Meanwhile. Ten years earlier. In 2013 (a year into my transition and a year before Time declared that we've reached the trans tipping point) an episode of Girls features a doorman telling one of the titular Girls that "a tranny walked in last time and he was just walking around the floors, but it was nothing." (lmao)

UPDATE: s05e02 features a "did you just assume my pronouns" bit. (in a way that felt reactionary and gross because the theyfab saying it was an absurd hipster barista that the audience isn't intended to sympathize with)

UPDATE UPDATE: s06e02 features the leader of a group for women entrepreneurs saying "For those of you asking on our Facebook if the group is open to trans women: The answer is: We don't know. Okay?" (which I thought was fun)

UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE: s06e03 (the literal next episode) "I even went to a couple of hookers and one of them had a dick."

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nerdygaymormon · 2 months

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A lot of rhetoric in support of anti-trans legislation to restrict gender-affirming care talks about regret and detransitioning.

Some proportion of people experience regret for any medical procedure, from chemotherapy to orthopedic surgery. Nonetheless, we don’t see a plethora of opinion pieces about the awful risks of hip replacements. It’s inevitable that some percentage of people who transition will regret it; the real question is whether the medical care is beneficial on the whole—not whether the occasional person later regrets a medical choice they made when younger.

In 2021, it was found that 13.1% of transgender people participating in the U.S. Transgender Survey reported detransitioning at some point in their lives.

The authors of this study are careful to note “these experiences did not necessarily reflect regret regarding past gender affirmation.” Family and societal pressure are the driving forces that lead many people to detransition – not because people wake up and decide they're not actually trans. All those who took part in the survey still identified as trans, thus it's presumed that the detransitioning was temporary.

Transitioning and detransitioning is complex. You can stop taking hormones and still be trans. You can regret taking steps that alienate you from your family, even as you wish your family would accept you living how you want to live. You can even regret some aspects of a treatment (any kind of medical treatment) while being grateful for the knowledge you gained by trying it out.

Detransitioning doesn't equal regret. Regret doesn’t always mean that people wish they hadn’t transitioned, it just means that there are some parts of the story that they long to change.

What’s clear from this evidence is that the vast majority of people do not experience regret, however defined, after transitioning genders. The rate of regret is still better than other treatments which don’t require national debates over their use, which really begs the question of why the health decisions of this group gets so much attention, and why so many people weigh in even though they have no medical or psychological training and aren't directly involved the treatment of transgender people.

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The study included a sample of the responses of the reasons by those who detransitioned at some point in their life. I think they are insightful.

External factors

Caregiving reasons “I was caring for my 80+ year old mother who had severe dementia, and it was just too confusing for her.”

Difficult to blend in as identified gender “I don't pass, even after FFS [facial feminization surgery] etc.”

Financial reasons “Unable to afford HRT [hormone replacement therapy]”

Lack of support “Lack of trans community at the time” “Back in 1997, virtually no one had heard of queergender people. I couldn't find a support system, and I couldn't figure out how to tell people what I was.”

Legal reasons “Social services legal pressure regarding child custody” “Forced to by going to federal prison for two years” “Family court order—part of custody award”

Medical reasons “Blood clotting from estrogen” “Pain in binding large chest”

Fertility reasons “We decided to have kids so [I] went back to testosterone long enough to bank sperm so we can do IVF [in vitro fertilization].”

Pressure from a medical health professional “Parents took me to a region with hostile doctors.” “Medical supervisor at federal facility removed regional-approved treatment because I didn't fit his idea of ‘a gay man so gay [he] wants to be a woman so it's easier to sleep with men’ after I had identified as lesbian to him.”

Pressure from a mental health professional “Mental health professional told me I am not transgender and thought I was just crazy.” “In those days you couldn't be diagnosed trans if you were also gay or lesbian.”

Pressure from a parent “Moved home after college. Had to conform for parents.” “I was facing being pulled out of school by my family.”

Pressure from the community or societal stigma “With the high level of transphobia that exist[s], life gets very lonely.” “I live in a very conservative place and was afraid for my safety.”

Pressure from my employer “There are times when my current job requires me to present [as] female.”

I had trouble getting a job “I flip flopped genders because of needed employment.”

Military-related reasons “Military forced me to detransition while in service.”

Pressure from friends or roommates “Staying with people I knew would harass me”

Pressure from unspecified or nonparent family members “Visiting conservative extended family for the holidays” “I temporarily detransition during visits with my in laws.”

Pressure from religion or a religious counselor “Religious pressure (Mormon)” “Pressure from religion”

Pressure from school “School staff harassed and abused me daily for my gender expression.” “Exclusion by Peers in School, No Mechanism for Getting Preferred Name on School Rosters”

Pressure from a spouse or partner “I began to really clearly identify as transgender … but I realized it was pushing my marriage apart. At the time, I decided to try living as my assigned gender and set these feelings aside, but they kept cropping back up.”

Wanting to find a spouse or partner “My partner of 4 years and I split up and I felt that I would always be alone as a trans person.” “Difficult to find lovers, dates”

Sexual or physical assault “Traumatized by corrective rape so recloseted” “I have become frightened of the police since being sexually molested by an officer.”

Sports-related reasons “Playing competitive sports”

Travel or relocation “North Dakota is not a friendly place for anyone outside the gender binary. When I go back home, I butch up.” “I was studying abroad in a country hostile to LGBTQ* people (Russia).”

Unable to access gender-affirming hormones “Living in rural area, couldn't get hormones” “I lost access to HRT and stopped passing.”

Internal factors

Psychological reasons “Wasn't emotionally ready, I was scared of my identity.” “Transition had to be put on hold due to mental health issues.” “suicide attempt”

Uncertainty or doubt around gender “Unsure of my exact gender identity” “Thought I might have been wrong/confused”

Fluctuations in identity or desire “My gender feels complicated and changing all the time.” “I enjoy having the ability to go back and forth between genders.”

Note: internal factors can be the result of external factors (e.g., self-doubt regarding one's gender identity in response to being persistently misgendered or rejected).

#transgender

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megabuild · 13 days

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so you like transfem etho right? how do you think she figured it out?

did pause call her a girl once and etho decided she liked it or was there more thought involved

i don't think she ever "figured it out" in the way most people would but that's mainly because i see etho as having a very weird upbringing. she was very lonely as a child and didn't really start meeting people from wider society who treated her like a human but also would inflict gender roles on her until mindcrack when she was like... mid 20s. and yeah there definitely was a bit of teasing there but i don't think it really awakened anything in her more just confused her. if you pushed him about a bit and called him a girl insultingly he'd be like ? No I'm not. Because he has lived so far detached from society he can't even conceptualise the idea of feminity being a "weakness" yet #feminist but also he was raised to play very particular roles and wear very particular masks and girl is not and never has been one of them, he is a Guy, theres no questioning that.

But then yeah of course there is because she leaves mindcrack on pretty bad terms and spends some short time alone before she gets pulled onto hermitcraft and while she's sitting alone she does eventually realise oh, people can do that, people can change. And that fucking terrifies her, so much, because she already has horrible identity issues and doesn't really fully understand it so to her it's an all or nothing 100% change of self, and that's sort of awesome in a way but also really scary because that means rejecting literally everything about herself both past and present and she goes AHHHH FUCK and puts that back in the box and then xisuma recruits her like at the end of iron man when they were setting up the avengers movie. And she goes to hermitcraft and doesn't think about any of that for a really long time despite the never ending horrors happening all the time.

In my head he sort of. Doesn't Get Over It but he comes to terms with all the weird shit that happened to him when he was younger re: 404 and the LP between HC 5 and 7 like he was away on a soul searching mission. And then HC7 has its own fresh nightmares as he comes to terms with HC5 because that was a can of worms itself but this time the difference is that he has friends around him who gets it and can help him. And this is roundabout the time she starts to think about it more because she gets quite close to grian post-mycelium resistance and grian is a trans girl who takes estrogen and everything which is like, everything etho was terrified of, and they have some very clumsy and candid conversations where grian is definitely Not the best person to talk to because she's like well you're fucking stupid. But after talking to her and maybe cleo a bit too though idk if they would have been close enough at that point and bdubs too because while he doesn't know anything about this he knows a lot about etho, she eventually realises wow this doesn't have to be a new mask or a massive upheaval this is just something i can try out on the side if i like it. And so she does! Originally just with her absolute closest friends using she/her sometimes (she ends up using he/she alternately, because she doesn't really have any problem with he/him) and while she never formally Comes Out because that's not her style it spreads until most people use it.

Etho is very much a character of certainty imo, he likes rigid ideas when it comes to himself so he knows what to live up to, so i think not making her label her gender (or sexuality except that's. A different can of worms albeit a slightly less complicated one) is a bit of a character growth thing as much as it is a personal decision. Learning he can not constantly stress over the finer details or try to live up to what others decide he should be whether that's a man or a woman or something else entirely and just accepting that she's herself, and that's her own choice, is a Big Thing for her. though i don't know if she recognises that .

#anon #asks #sorry for the ramble i think about her sooo much so hard #i have no idea if she would take e i think surgery is off the table she has too much bad experience but also isn't that bothered #she might take it for a short while and then stop.. im not sure. its a fantasy world also so .

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femsolid · 8 months

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There was a talk show on french TV the other day about trans parents and their children. One of the guests was a butch lesbian truck driver and her daughter. The show's host asked the daughter if there were any telltale sign that her mother was a man and the daughter said that her mom ("dad" she called her) had interests and hobbies that were traditionnaly associated with men. I still can't believe I have to hear this shit in 2023. The mother said that she just couldn't bear the thought of being a "masculine woman". She just could NOT be a masculine woman. No way. Being a butch lesbian was unacceptable to her. Therefore she had to be a man. She said she had nothing against masculine women, that she even fell in love with one, it just couldn't be her. But sitting there on the couch... she was exactly that. She was not feminine, she was not a man either, she was a butch lesbian. She just had to pretend (and make everyone pretend with her) that she was a straight man for her to be okay with who she was. And that was pretty sad. Because in the end it means she still isn't okay with who she is. An interesting thing she said was that she only started thinking of transitioning after she heard some french idiots use the word "queer" and she looked it up on the internet and discovered all the propaganda associated and then here she was, boom, a man. An online epiphany. I'm happy she found a way to let go of the pressure of femininity and hope she's happier this way, but the thought process behind it is so incredibly regressive, sexist and homophobic it's hard to stomach.

There was also a transbro invited with his daughter. She said that she and her little brother found out about their dad by discovering his secret instagram account on which he was pretending to be a woman. She also explained that since he had started his transition he was making his children's life a living hell at home. She justified and excused it by claiming he was going through female puberty. The father nodded with a big smile on his face. Haha cute and amusing. Apparently, his doctor told him that the hormones he's taking are turning him into a teenage girl. And teenage girls are annoying, emotional and irrational of course, we all know that, so voilà. The daughter of another transbro said the same thing, that her dad was going through his teenage girl phase and was therefore crying and screaming for no reason. The show's psychologist suprisingly intervened to say it had nothing to do with being female and everything to do with the artifical hormones intake causing mood swings. I would argue that narcissism and misogyny are at play as well.

Another interesting part was when they discussed the fact that trans identified parents have often fantasized about being a member of the opposite sex for a long time but their family on the other hand typically had no idea and is shocked when they discover it. The trans identifying person rushes everything because in their perception they've been waiting for a long time. So they're like: now you know! So pretend with me and be okay with it! But to the family it's completely sudden, so to be asked to forget about the person they know, stop using their name, be an unwilling witness to their sexual changes and be just fine with it is... an impossible task.

And on the topic of sexual changes there were discussions, initiated by the psychologist, about how disturbing it is for the children to become involved in their parents' sex lives. Because through talks of phalloplasties, vaginoplasties, estrogen to induce breast growth, etc, the parents are indeed making the children a part of their sex lives and all the (now adult) daughters agreed that it was uncomfortable to say the least. Like when your dad is recovering from turning his penis into a hole or getting fake breasts you're forced to become aware and part of it. It was interesting that only daughters were present as well. Of course all of them, no matter how uncomfortable, said we should support transitioning and that was the conclusion of the show. I didn't listen to everything because I was working at the same time but. Yeah. All in all, the usual.

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schizosamwincester · 20 days

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Trans femme Dean is, to me, such a consuming headcanon just because of how despite not being intuitive, the second it's in your head it all just clicks. Once you see it, every other aspect of the character fits in perfectly. To just talk about one aspect of it—childhood signs.

Because yes, Dean would have never shown any signs of being anything other than a boy—but how could she? The stereotypical trans girl awakening is sneaking into their moms' closets to try on their shoes and dresses, and Dean didn't have a mom. There was nothing even remotely feminine she could try out because she lived with two men.

Yeah, Dean didn't play with dolls as a kid—but of course she didn't. She didn't need a baby doll. She had Sammy. She wasn't pretending to take care of kids, she actually was.

Sure Dean never asked for different clothes or toys—she didn't have very many to begin with. The few toys they had were Sam's. Her clothes couldn't be any less masculine because they all became Sam's clothes when she grew out of them. And of course, a Dean used to surviving on the bare minimum in motel rooms isn't going to be inclined to ask for much of anything at all.

Dean was around eight when the Shtriga attack happened and she learned that she could never do anything for herself or it would all fall apart. She learned to suppress every desire she had so she could be John's perfect son at eight. From that ridiculously young age onwards, everything is repressed. Everything. Always. She cannot show anything less than hypermasculinity because even if John never says anything, even if John would have been supportive (and truth be told, we have no way of knowing), Dean thinks that any outward femininity would disappoint John. John is perfect and divine, and he's a man. So Dean must also be a man to be anywhere close to as ideal as he is.

A lot of trans headcanons are about the joy of seeing yourself in a fictional character, or the beauty of embracing yourself. This is not that. This is about the tragedy of Dean Winchester. Dean, in the end, doesn't have an identity. Dean has thrown out any wants and desires of his own so he can be the person John wanted him to be. Dean doesn't allow himself to see any future besides what he already has. He doesn't dream. He doesn't want. If you make Dean a trans woman, that is just so, so much worse, because even when she connects the dots, even when she knows exactly who she is and what she wants, she is never going to take it. She needs to be the perfect hunter, and hunters are masculine. She needs to blend in when trying to get information, and she knows with her height and her shoulders and her voice, she's never going to pass.

So Dean stays in the closet. She drinks and fucks to try and distract herself from the dysphoria. And maybe on late nights when she's sure Sam is asleep, she steals his laptop and reads trans forums and fantasizes about what she could have in another life. But in this life? She's never going to do it. Her father didn't sacrifice himself so she could give up hunting and be a poor imitiation of a woman. He sacrificed himself so Dean could be a hunter and help people. To do that, she needs to keep being a man.

Trans Dean Winchester isn't about asking "could estrogen have saved her?" It's realizing that nothing ever could saved Dean because she is simply too unwilling to help herself or put herself first.

#trans dean winchester #trans femme dean winchester #trans headcanon #trans headcanons #trans femme headcanon #trans femme headcanons #dean #dean winchester #supernatural #spn

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ghoultrifle · 7 months

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More trans ghoul thoughts

minor medical talk below (surgical scars, needles, routine procedures) as well as non-sexual talk about genitals.

As much as I joke about Swiss having novelty packers, he really does experience gender euphoria from packing properly. It doesn't have to be a silicone packer, sometimes a sock will do. That being said, he really feels incredible when he's wearing his 3-in-1. Knowing he can just whip it out for any purpose makes him feel like a real multi ghoul

Cirrus bringing Dew to her endo appointment for estrogen. She desperately didn't want to go alone, she was scared of needles and doctors generally squicked her out. Dewdrop held her hand as they took blood, measured her blood pressure, etc.

She was over the moon when they approved her. Her and Dew have a daily ritual where she takes her E while Dew waits for his T gel to dry. They have to be careful not to hug afterwards though or else Cirrus' E is just cancelled out, BIDMAS innit.

Mountain with healing forearm scars from phalloplasty. Rain knitted him sleeves to cover the dressings because Mountain was feeling self-conscious when walking around the abbey. Aurora dutifully helped take care of the greenhouse while Mounty was out of action, making sure even to sing to the plants like he did. He may or may not have walked into the common room, dick fully out, once the dressings came off. He knew the pack would be so happy for him and clothes were only a formality so they didn't get told off by Papa.

#trans joy <3 #trifle rambles #the band ghost #nameless ghouls #ghoul hcs #trans ghouls #swiss ghoul #cirrus ghoulette #dewdrop ghoul #mountain ghoul #rain ghoul #aurora ghoul

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batbeato · 4 days

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Someone asked me on my retrospring if I preferred the Umineko manga or VN. (I prefer the VN, for a lot of extra details and lovely prose).

But that reminded me of the manga-specific Confession chapters, which I have an incredible amount of issues with, so I'd like to talk about that a bit.

The very first problem with it is this: it goes against the fundamental principles of Umineko, not just in opening the catbox, but in how it contradicts Sayo's character.

Sayo wrote her forgeries and created her entire murder mystery to confess her crimes and try to have someone understand her feelings. They feel so much shame and guilt over everything that they are incapable of openly confessing to someone about everything and must instead use this oblique method. Even Beatrice never openly confesses everything, no matter how hard she is trying to get Battler to understand her. Even when she must use the red truth to deny witches against EVA, she asks Battler to cover his ears so that he doesn't hear it.

Why would Sayo create this direct confession of everything and then put it into the sea like all their other message bottles? Genuinely... why? They are already writing their forgeries as confessions and want someone to use those to understand them. This is what multiple characters state Beatrice's goal is and also state that someone understanding her will grant her peace/happiness.

The answer is that there is no reason besides a contrivance to:

a. have Ange (and us, the audience) learn about Sayo's backstory without having love to "see" it

b. explain why Ikuko (and thus Tohya) know everything about Sayo to be able to write their forgeries (a lesser reason, but one nevertheless, that also reduces the potential effort Tohya spent to learn more about Sayo by studying her forgeries)

Also, this manga differs from how EP7 frames Yasu as a bodiless being, one without a sense of self who takes on different "roles" - Yasu becomes Beatrice, but is also separate from Beatrice in the narration, speaking of "us" but not speaking of a self as "myself" or "me". They can become their personas, but they are not their personas directly.

In Confession, we see that everyone besides "Sayo" is just an illusion or fake, centering Sayo as "the real one".

"And when I was myself, I could actually smile and be happy" - implying that Beatrice and Kanon are not her true self, and only "Shannon" is, as Shannon isn't mentioned in the above section.

Another thing is that this chapter introduces more contradictions than just characterization ones. Nanjo mentions that Natsuhi pushed the servant and baby off the cliff.

However, how does Nanjo know this? I tried to figure this out, as someone asked me about it on here before. But no one was there at the time. They had to have guessed this, or assumed this, or else somehow overheard Natsuhi talking about it.

Was this line meant to confirm that Natsuhi did, without a doubt, push Lion off the cliff? But this was already pretty much confirmed, given Lion's existence and all the discussion about it in 5 and 7.

Also, it seems as though it's trying to confirm that Sayo is trans and AMAB, but Nanjo specifically says "though you could not bear children". Hopefully some weird translation thing... on the official translation... (@dainadjakyou checked her Japanese copy and thankfully this is a mistranslation; it's meant to be that Sayo is unable to have children in general).

But otherwise, well. It doesn't manage to even confirm that Sayo is AMAB, whether that line is a mistranslation or not, since if Sayo was born with ovaries and those ovaries were destroyed by the accident, Sayo's body wouldn't produce enough estrogen to have a feminizing puberty, which would be similar to if Sayo was born with testes that were destroyed (not enough T for a masculinizing puberty).

I should also mention that for whatever reason, even though it canonizes the fact that Sayo has a scar on their abdomen, this scar is never depicted despite the fact that we see Sayo's abdomen. Just didn't draw it. So it has internal contradictions, too.

Oh, it does confirm that apparently Jessica didn't know that Kinzo was dead. Somehow.

It also tries to confirm or at least more heavily imply that Kinzo was responsible for the Italian/Japanese fighting in EP7.

As much as Confession confirms some details, overall it contradicts Sayo's character and other depictions of them in the story while also adding some new contradictions, not managing to properly confirm several things it clearly wants to hammer in, and also contradicts itself at some points due to what I'm assuming is either artistic oversight or poorly thought out stylistic choice.

Opening the catbox didn't need to be this way. And yet, it is.

#umineko #umineko no naku koro ni #umineko spoilers #sayo yasuda #yasuda sayo

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sftly-blooming · 23 days

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Trigun (Polygun) Headcanons

warning: not exactly mature or suggestive content, but lots of discussion of bodies, genitals, etc. in terms of transness.

these aren’t like firm headcanons, just some cool ideas that i would love to use in a fic if i wrote one. this is with the idea of these four all dating each other in a closed t4t4t4t polycule.

Vash

- he/him preferred, they/them okay. technically agender but enjoys being seen as a man, so he identifies as a man.

- plant version of intersex, has both types of genitals (but they have like. petals/different color).

- had very slight boobs but never had to worry about top surgery because he got severe chest injuries and lost both tissue and nipples in the process (he would have rather kept the boobs, honestly, healing is too much work).

- he and knives were both originally raised as girls until they talked to each other about it and told rem they would rather be boys. knives will still refer to vash as his sister to purposefully misgender and aggravate him, as a result vash can’t stand being called sister or sis. in retaliation vash refuses to call knives by his real name.

- attraction confuses him because it doesn’t work the same for him as for humans, but overall doesn’t discriminate based on gender, sex, or anything else for that matter.

- doesn’t have body hair at all, very smooth and wolfwood teases him for it.

- autism + ADHD, PTSD, dissociative amnesia, amputee and usually wears a prosthetic, chronic pain from the scarring but it’s usually fairly mild.

- very pale but pretty much just absorbs sunlight. he doesn’t actually know if he can get energy from the sun but he always gets too hungry before he can find out.

- he’s about 150 but appears around 25.

Wolfwood/Nick/Nico

- he/him only. trans man. usually stealth.

- during the medical experimentation he went through rapid puberty and begged the doctor to “change him into a man.” the cross scar is from top surgery + the other experiments, and he has a second version of the vials that are gel, which serve as pain relief (chronic pain) but are also his testosterone therapy.

- muscular with some fat over so he’s squishy, huge chest muscles that he’s rlly proud of. has excellent sensation in his nipples, the surgery he got was well executed and he heals rapidly, so the grafts stuck easily. hairy chest, overall very hairy.

- no need for bottom surgery because his hormone therapy combined with the experiments mean that he had great success with bottom growth. bathrooms are annoying but most of the time there’s only one anyway in the tiny places he stops at, so it’s not a huge deal, and not worth the surgery to him. he does often wear a packer which usually doubles as an STP.

- actually loves drag and dresses, but thinks he can’t pull them off due to his hair (which he also loves). he’s wrong.

- he definitely doesn’t mind a pretty woman or anyone else, but finds himself attracted to men more often than other genders.

- autism + ADHD, cPTSD, full body chronic pain (mostly from rapid growth in his youth and his rapid healing).

- southern drawl + latino but never got to learn spanish due to being an orphan. wants to learn it but hasn’t found a good teacher yet. tans mostly but has been known to burn on occasion.

- he’s actually 21 but looks to be about 40.

Milly

- she/her only. trans woman and proud of it.

- on estrogen for some time. she’s very buff and loves to arm wrestle with wolfwood. she also shows off by carrying around his punisher. she didn’t really start gaining muscle until she was already on estrogen for a good while, because that’s when she felt comfortable enough to work out regularly.

- BOOBS. she never had top surgery, just a combination of estrogen and being buff. she has on occasion forgotten she can’t take her shirt off in public, and then gotten embarrassed when meryl pointed it out.

- her family is accepting of her, partially because they’re good people and partially because milly has a large stun gun and doesn’t take kindly to being misgendered. she won’t hesitate to shoot it at strangers who bother her either.

- sometimes she’s very loud about personal info due to her not understanding volume control or social cues. this has caused more than a few incidents of the boys + meryl having to deescalate a “why did that woman just say she has a dick” situation. she doesn’t understand why people have a problem with it though.

- she does regularly tuck, but finds it uncomfortable for long distances. in these situations she opts for leggings or compression shorts under her dresses instead.

- takes estrogen in pill form, she has to pack extra before trips and refill at local pharmacies. sometimes she has to get the pills from the black market and deal with outlaws due to lack of supply. she can take care of herself, but wolfwood makes for good scary dog privilege.

- primarily attracted to women, basically the opposite of wolfwood, but pansexual. loves the label sapphic as well, and is often grumpy about being the only woman in the quad. meryl doesn’t mind being her girlfriend for a bit though, usually.

- autistic, ARFID.

- southern accent but less thick than wolfwood. covered in freckles, tans well, has to shave her face because she was hairy before starting estrogen. now her body hair is soft and she likes to stim with it, she doesn’t shave her body hair.

- she’s 28 and the oldest human of the group.

Meryl

- she/he/they + anything used with respect. doesn’t care too much about gender. not really agender, just gender apathetic. most likely would say genderfluid if asked for a specific label due to changing presentation.

- usually gets read as a woman. he has been on a low dose of testosterone and off for years, but can’t stay on consistently due to injection supplies not being easily available. she doesn’t like being off of it because it makes her feel weird and she has bad dysphoria around her voice. it also makes their mood much worse.

- she has major issues with her height and being perceived as a weak, short woman. they carry a megaphone with them and have a deeper voice from the testosterone than they used to. he’s discovered guns and yelling get people’s attention, height aside. he’s become really good at shooting derringers, under the guidance of the other three.

- hasn’t been able to get top surgery yet but does want it, when they can afford the time off work. luckily, she has small boobs so she mostly just wears baggy clothes. sometimes they will wear a binder when they’re dysphoric, but they can’t wear it for long or in the outside heat.

- doesn’t want bottom surgery.

- he used to identify as a lesbian woman due to not liking cis men + past trauma. then they realized they just doesn’t like cis people in general, and is firmly t4t.

- ADHD, OCD, MCAS, was diagnosed with POTS but it has improved quite a bit over time especially with testosterone. she still has episodes every now and then and often has to have one of the others carry her due to lack of desert friendly mobility aids. he has a weak right ankle due to a childhood injury, but no pain. they do have a cane and a foot for it that works on sand for bad days, but that doesn’t always cut it.

- wolfwood is quitting smoking for their sake.

- japanese, pale, and burns very easily.

- 23, second youngest, but usually gets read as the youngest.

#sftly fandom #trigun #trigun 98 #vash #vash the stampede #polygun #meryl stryfe #milly thompson #nicholas d. wolfwood #wolfwood #trigun vash #trigun wolfwood #trigun meryl #trigun milly #trigun headcanons #i have a lot of thoughts about these four

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peachiseas · 1 month

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okay i am very new here, so i need a through introduction to your mcs! like eve for example, pls post his whole biography o(╥﹏╥)o

fr tho, tell me anything and everything :D

TOOK SO DAMN LONG SINCE I WANTED TO DRAW A STEP ONE REF OF EVE BUT ITS GONNA TAKE A MINUTE so here are the sketches,,, Anyways- gonna introduce the main two mcs/ocs you'll see here: Eve Cortez Williams and Aaliyah Dubious

(dont mind my ipad scribbles on the screenshot iofqiowogi) Lemme put this under a readmore actually so yall dont get slammed with a long ass post:

Starting with Eve:

He's my Tamarack MC, but I figured since uh. all my art that was a given

He has a strained relationship with Qiu in step 1 but they become besties by step 2 and by step 3, they are like family to each other. If no one got Eve, Eve knows Qiu got them, amen 🙏

He comes out as transmasc by step 2, and by step 3 he gets top surgery and starts taking testosterone and firmly identifies as a butch lesbian

He's from the southern part of Miami, Florida. He's Golden Grove's residential florida man

He practices martial arts religiously, he's a big fan of Goku and Dragonball in general so he wants to be like his idol

His story deviates a bit from the OL2 generic mc story, he did have a dad! Opal and his dad wanted a kid but they both didn't want to get married and since the two of them were best friends, they decided to have a kid together (or well two but we'll talk about that later)

What's important to note from above is that his dad isn't around anymore because his father passed away a few months ago due to a car accident and Eve was hospitalized as a result

So by the time he's at Golden Grove, he's in anger stages of his grief and he doesn't want to be bothered. Which sucks cause hes neighbors with the two loudest kids on the block

Doesn't help he's a ESL speaker (English as a Second Language) and Golden Grove's population is majorly white so he has even harder of a time adjusting to it

He gets into fights in step 1... a Lot. Someone will look at him funny and they'll get punched in the face

He does adjust but he still doesn't like Golden Grove by step 3 but funnily enough, he moves away at the end of step 3 for treatment but moves back in step 4, crazy how that shit works huh

He has two emotional support bunnies; Bulma and Chi-Chi! He gets them in step 2, Qiu and Eve bond over them LMFAO

As for Aaliyah:

She's my Qiu MC, to the shocker of no one. Tamarack is also her best friend <3

Aaliyah is from New Orleans, Louisiana! She's full blooded Haitian and she has family in Haiti

She's also transfem! She passes for cis in step 1 thanks to hormone blockers and some makeup and then starts taking estrogen in step 2 and onwards

Her being black and transfemme is integral to her character and how she navigates around Golden Grove, she doesn't tell anyone she's trans until near the end of step 1. By step 3, the girl gang and Qiu knows shes trans

^^ That's because she had a very negative experience coming out to her community who previously loved her but flipped on her just as fast

So moving to Golden Grove was supposed to be a fresh start for her as herself but by that point she feels like she has to keep up her "cis-sona" lest she gets bullied again

She still gets bullied for other reasons in step 2 though (being a pretty black girl and the one person who has a crush on her is the most popular kid in school... its rough! 😭)

By step 4 though she is proud to call herself trans and will let people know!

She lovessss animals! And the animals love her back! She feeds them all the time and keeps animal food on her for that purpose when she goes to the park to read by herself, she got a flock of crows and stray cats that like to follow her

She has a cat named Kiki!!! Kiki loves everyone except Qiu though, Aaliyah doesnt know that though-

I hope that was enough of a info-dump! If anyone has anymore questions please ask i have so much lore please-

#candy girl answers #our life 2 #our life: now and forever #our life mc #aaliyah dubois #eve cortez williams

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fanonical · 10 months

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Ok fam, what's the medical transition process in trans Hyrule? We talking magic fairy stuff or good old fashioned estrogen from horse piss?

so i think medical transition really just isn’t there so much as a thing yet in Hyrule on a widespread scale as of the beginning of the story here. in my opinion, as of 100 years before BOTW, there isn’t much to really say of medical transition on like a universally recognised level. maybe there have been some chemical & surgical techniques throughout Hyrule’s history of thousands of years, like perhaps premarin like you suggested, maybe the Sheikah (or Zonai?) knew how to do that or something similar? in fact there were probably really exciting individual breakthroughs all around greater Hyrule across all of the races, but a lot of these writings & techniques have obviously been lost, recovered, relost, rerecovered etc over the many troubled millennia of Hyrule’s history

i think there have been some successful gender affirming surgeries semi-recently; medical science seems to be pretty far along in Hyrule, so i think that’s something that existed in numerous cases even before the calamity but again not on a socially recognised level that Link would even know about it, but as a science it is probably coming along well and has been for quite a long time (much like it has been in real life!) to some degree, just quietly.

i think a lot of social history & skills that require specialisation (like gender affirming surgeries) have probably been lost as of the calamity but also i expect many texts on the subject exist to some degree, just waiting to be discovered under some rubble, and by TOTK a lot of that lost history & science seems to be being relearned and recovered, so i think a lot is going to change quite fast for trans people between BOTW & TOTK — that’s always been my plans, though.

i think there are definitely some kinds of ways to magically transition in Hyrule as of BOTW/TOTK, but they are not easily accessible for most people most of the time. here’s one that i think i’ll explore:

i think that both the Sheikah & the Zonai had writings on chemical transition to some degree, and i think modern day Sheikah scientists — such as Purah and Robbie — are very interested in translating, decoding and recreating these chemical technologies.

In *FACT* I think Purah & Robbie are a T4T couple who intentionally rewound Purah’s ageing so that she could have puberty the way she would have preferred if she had the option as a child — but she underestimated how difficult it would be to reverse de-ageing when she has the temperament of a child, which is why it takes her a little while before growing into her new self (as seen in TOTK).

I think they achieve this with a combination of recovered Sheikah time magic & yes, writings about hormones! they probably synthesise hormones in a way that’s partially similar to real life, partially magical through recovered ancient Sheikah technology, as most scientific breakthroughs are in BOTW :p

#trans hyrule

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sapphire-heart-tippy · 8 months

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Beleza "Bel" Muscadine Lore

Gender: Trans masc/genderqueer/(a bit complicated, more info under the cut)

Sexuality: Gay (mlm)

Pronouns: He/Xe/They

Height: 6’2

Age (in 1989 and after “The Big Bloop”): 25/26 (one year younger than Vanilla, “one year older” than Tippy)

Star sign: Aries

Backstory below!

Bel’s backstory

They were born into a wealthy family who cared just a little too much about reputation and appearing perfect. His mother and father had met in Mexico, when his rich father decided to take their family back to Portugal. (His mother is from Mexico, his father is from Portugal) Bel was born intersex, but forced to take estrogen and was raised as his parents’ daughter. Throughout their childhood, they were preened to be a little princess for their family. They were forced to be dainty, proper, and most of all perfect. Beleza’s parents put a ton of pressure on him and would even use physical punishment on him if he strayed away from pure perfection.

If xe cried, xe would be punished. If xe did something impolite, xe would be punished. If xe wasn’t smiling, xe would be punished. If xe dared to defend ximself against xis parents, xe would be punished severely.

So Bel did the only thing he could do… learn how to lie and manipulate. He would turn out to be a master manipulator and a pretty convincing liar. He would be so convincing in fact, that he even tricked Dio into trusting him. We’ll get to that in a little bit though!

Over time, Bel had come to realize that he hated being a girl. He didn’t exactly feel like a man either, but he was definitely more masculine leaning. Bel knew better than to tell his parents that… but of course they found out and punished him severely.

It was the final straw for Beleza… They had planned an escape for years. Playing pretend with their family, putting on a facade of being a perfect, demure, darling little princess. Then one day…

SLASH!!!

Beleza sliced their arm as deep as they could to draw as much blood as possible without killing themself. The room was perfect. Their room was perfect… only perfect in a different way now. Bel had sliced up his pillows and sheets, smearing his own blood on his bed, the walls, the floor, leaving a trail out to the window. With a shaky exhale, xe dressed xis wound, and escaped the prison of perfection… but not without leaving a note xe had written with xis left hand. Bel had figured if they wrote with their left hand, which is their non-dominant hand, carefully enough, then it would look like somebody else’s handwriting. The next day, their mother opened the door to find the gruesome scene. A loud, shrill, guttural shriek left his mother’s throat. She fell to her knees as their father and siblings came running to find what their mother had found.

As Bel’s mother sobbed on her knees, their father found the note. After he had read the note, rage and mourn filled his heart.

Beleza had written that they were kidnapped by a jealous rival, and were going to be disposed of soon. Previously, Bel had made up a story about seeing strange people following them. Their parents were a little worried but didn’t think too much of it. Beleza completely fabricated this story about having a rival who would talk bad behind their back, but made sure not to get their parents too involved in order not to give themself away.

His parents would never see him again. Their hearts were broken and they mourned the loss of their poor perfect little daughter…

Beleza stole money from his parents and left to start a new life as the person we know today: Beleza Muscadine. His birth name will never be shared because that is not who he is anymore, and it is rude to ask. Bel was able to get top surgery, but couldn’t get the exact body he wanted.

One day, they found that there was somebody with a stand who could enchant transgender people to be the exact gender they want to be. The only problem was, that person lived very far underground. The only way you could get to them was if you knew somebody who knew somebody who knew how to guide you to their exact location. It was a very well kept secret, but a life saving one at that.

Bel was able to convince those people to tell him how to get there. It was a long and exhausting journey, but he was able to find this mysterious underground stand user. He was in awe at this person. They had their face covered, they were blind, they were kind to him. They were old and wise, asking Bel everything he wanted to be. Bel told them everything as they took off their face covering, revealing how ancient and how beautiful they were.

Bel was granted the transformation he always wanted; masculinity with a pinch of femininity, androgyny mixed in, both fully functioning sets of genitals (salmacian/sex neutral now, no longer intersex), a masculine jawline, and toned muscles. When they got to his chest, Beleza stopped them… he wanted to keep his top surgery scars. They really meant a lot to him, he was able to grant that for himself. The wise old stand user understood and continued with the rest. Bel awoke and looked in the mirror.

Beleza was everything xe ever wanted to be. The joy, the euphoria, xe had never felt so pleased in xis life! Unfortunately, nothing is free…

Beleza had to give a few years off of their life for this joy. The old stand user has been alive for quite a long time doing business with people.

Later on, Beleza got a job as Dio’s right hand man. Dio adored Bel and so did many of the other servants. They’re very outgoing and care a lot about their appearance and what other people think of them. Dio would whisper to Bel in their ear, “Don’t forget… you’re my favorite.”

Not only was Beleza Dio’s favorite servant, but he thought their stand, Gilded Cobra, was one of the most amazing stands he’s ever seen.

(copy and pasted from one of my rambles)

Bel was one of Dio's servants way back in the day. He was actually his first second in command before Vanilla came along. Bel immigrated from Portugal to Egypt and got a job as Dio's servant for some extra cash and a luxurious place to stay. Vanilla was taken in by Dio, fed, bathed, and given a place to stay under the condition that he will remain his servant for the rest of his life. It was Bel's responsibility to teach Vanilla the ropes and prepare him for being a servant. Vanilla learned all of the things to do, the chores around the mansion, and the daily/nightly routines to follow.

Bel was even the first to introduce Vanilla to Jonathan's head. Vanilla was horrified until Bel had explained everything. He explained to Vanilla how to care for him, what to and not to do, how to pick him up, how to place him back in his resting tank, and everything. However, Vanilla was the one to discover that Jonathan could eat food and it would disappear.

Soon he felt like he was competing for Dio's affections and praise. Bel was always the first to be praised for a job well done. Xe was well liked, xe was popular, xe had the ability to smoothly persuade the other servants beneath him to do his bidding, and most of all, xe was Dio's favorite servant. This tore Vanilla up inside. He wanted so badly to have that love and praise he was deprived of for so long.

Bel found out that Vanilla was jealous of them rather quickly. They absolutely relished in that fact, and would hang it over Vanilla's head. Bel and Vanilla would hurl childish insults at each other and make fun of each others' sense of fashion. Every now and then, they would piss each other off so badly that they would physically attack one another.

Dio, being kind of a jerk, would actually enjoy seeing these men fight over him. However, he knew that the two of them hating each other wouldn't do any good when it came to getting work done around the mansion. Dio scolded them both and told them that they needed to at least get along in public and in front of the others. Vanilla was still extremely jealous of Bel and wanted to be the center of Dio's attention. Unfortunately, his fixation on Dio's affection took a toll on his mental health as a whole.

Bel was still very popular, especially with the gentlemen. Bel could have any fella he wanted, but for the sole purpose of messing with Vanilla, he always stroked Dio's massive....... ego. Vanilla would suck up to Dio so much that the other agents and servants really disliked him. In their eyes, he was pathetic and served no other purpose being there aside from being yet another one of Dio's boy toys.

One day, something strange happened with Bel. He just... suddenly stopped caring about tormenting Vanilla. Bel started developing more of an interest in money, flashy items, and gaining power over others. Dio praised him for being greedy and prideful, but told him not to let all that power go to his head and remember who the real king is.

"Remember who the real king is..." Those words rang in Bel's ears and made xim very upset. Xe stewed in his thoughts for a few days, looking around the mansion and taking note of all the treasures. Vanilla followed xim around as stealthily as he could. Of course, Vanilla is very clumsy and trips over his own feet. Bel heard Vanilla and gave him a scolding for knocking over expensive items.

That morning, Bel waited until Dio was asleep in his coffin. There are several booby traps that they have bypassed many times before. They snuck their way into Dio's true slumber chamber. Ever so carefully, they opened the lid to his coffin. With wooden stake in hand, Bel plunged the weapon into Dio's-!!!

Hand! Dio had stopped the wood would-be vampire slayer with the palm of his hand. Dio awoke from his vampiric slumber as soon as he heard the lid to his coffin open. He had pretended to be asleep to see what would happen. If Dio hadn't been quick enough, Bel surely would've slain Dio.

They both stared at each other for a while. Bel, completely wide eyed and stunned that his plan didn't work... Dio, glaring with his glowing amber eyes straight into Bel's soul... After a few long moments of staring at each other, Dio uttered the words,

"Get out..."

Bel released their grip on the wooden stake, still stuck in the palm of their once-master's hand. They knew he didn't mean "get out of my chambers"... he meant "get out of this mansion."

Instead of killing Bel, or having the rest of his minions tear him apart, he decided to have Bel exiled. Bel was to never return to the mansion for as long as he lived. He was no longer welcome there. Not as a servant, not as a guest, nothing. Bel had very little time to get all of his things and leave. He was gone before Vanilla even woke up.

After that, Vanilla became the man everyone knows today. He picked up the slack Bel left behind. Although he is not as charismatic, attentive, or persuasive as Bel was, Vanilla still got a lot done around the mansion and then some.

Links:

Beleza

Dream about him

Full body Bel

Full body uninfluenced Bel

#bel jjba oc #beleza muscadine jjba oc #sugar crash void bash #tw blood mention #tw death mention #tw kidnapping mention #tw abuse mention #tw self harm mention #jjba oc #villain oc #jjba villain oc #oc backstory #bel my dear #let me know if this needs any more tags please!

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