panties of the day 💕 (and I'm wearing my toys) 💕 edging myself stupid 💕

Blind your eyes Steal your tongue

There's a secret art to forgery, and Moist had discovered it: in a hurry, or when excited, people will complete the forgery by their own cupidity. They'll be so keen to snatch the money from the obvious idiot that their own eyes filled in all the little details that weren't there on the coins they so quickly pocketed. All you needed to do was hint at them.

Terry Pratchett, Going Postal

WATCH OUT FOR SCAMMER CLIENTS

Eh, I'm not sure if I got scammed but clearly, I waited for a month but never a single update from the client tsskk, not sure wether they have problems on their own for not being online, but I can see em changing their discord pfp from time to time and it's sucks that you'll be taking advantage to artists that is willing to finish the art for you! As if art is easy😑!

Artists make art with their own time, sweat and effort, it was so underrated to appreciate thise things that even on their busy time theh still want to finish the commission because they don't want you to wait for such a long period of time

I am that kind of artist, I don't want to wait my clients if they paid me already, both for fairness and reasonable

I hate how I easily trust with some of yoir words, I don't even kniw why I let you give the commission without paying it full after (I am stupid on that part and clearly I had a lot of trust on you if I'll do it)

I gave you mine and yet you broke yours! So I hope you'll stop being a ghoster for artist's someday and have a nice day! (NOT!)

just realized that the reason the sun is gonna die anyway is because it's a star; no matter how bright and lively and giving to life, just like any star, it is meant to end., it is fated to stop burning

Self Respect

“You are responsible for your own emotional and mental well-being and if you have given someone else the power over your life for those two things you should immediately take back control.” ― Germany Kent

So anyways, what woke me up at around 5 am was my gf being loud in a call with someone in another room. I send her a gif asking her to shush, and then I can't sleep for another 20ish minutes. So I grab my phone and go in there telling her I'm cold and then she gets the bed that's in there ready to cuddle me. Then it's about this time, I think to myself "hmmm you know she could really take advantage of me like this in such a tired state" and then it was kind of hard to hide the fact that's exactly what I wanted teehee

We're all taking advantage of each other all the time. Isn't that, like, the human condition?'

Anna Dorn, from Vagablonde

Don’t take my vulnerability as weakness or ignorance. I’m still fully aware of what you’re trying to do.

The Burned Bridge

(This has been scheduled since July 31st to post if things go as predicted. Was right on target, therefore no reason to delete or edit this)

It must be nice to have zero responsibility. Zero accountability. Zero care for anyone for yourself unless there is some potential benefit for you and chances are, it is to help save you from something. Funny how your reintroduction after over a year of not communicating with me over something you did literally started like this.

"Sorry it took this long to reach out but I need your help."

You got it. You blew it. Time and time again.

Finding this would indicate putting in some sort of effort to use the internet outside of mobile games, political YouTube videos, and content based on the games played that you just get mad at. If I'm honest though, it's a reflection of fourteen whole months. Eight and half spent unemployed and sometimes couldn't even bother to either communicate, come with around the corner somewhere, and plenty else I'm not gonna put out there.

The worst part? Even if I torch this bridge less than two weeks from now, it doesn't mean I hate you...but there was more than bills at stake here. You knew this. You took it for granted til the very end. In fairness, I told you to have your cake and eat it too because your days are numbered. Thought maybe on principle you'd at least think of doing something different. Nope. It's fine by me. You could have been homeless. I prevented that. At what cost to me? At what cost to me and my partner who already have our own stuff to work out? Hearing daily about lack of action in multiple regards and that's without even getting into much more personal shit.

When and if you wonder why and how things got this way, I hope you find this post. Remember our conversations...which despite all you've done to tarnish this relationship, I still cared a bit to make sure you're on the right path. Gave you suggestions because you never seem to have a plan. Something that is gonna come up again before you leave and I'll help. Unless you refuse help, which I see happening due to shame. Maybe it's pride. Who knows? Once you're out, it's not up to me. It's up to you. Thing is, I'm not leaving the door open. Chances are, if things keep going this way, I'm torching the damn bridge. It's up to you.

You've got a lot to figure out. This could have been the easy path to success. After over a year of waiting, I simply can't any longer. Smear my name if you must. It will only work with people who don't know me. Everyone knows the simple truth. You did this to yourself and have no one but yourself to blame. I'm not sorry. This was never my choice. My choice was made taking a chance on you again after you blew it before. I'll never make that choice again. I won't even give myself the chance to. The last favor I'll do for you even after all this is not giving you a name, but anyone close to me you've tried to convince I'm the bad guy will know exactly who I'm talking about, and that's on you.

I've been through some romantic shit before. Sometimes even including housing scenarios in which I wasn't the problem but knew to take myself out of the equation to not make things awkward for everyone else. I can only count on one hand the scenarios that cut deeper than this. I took a chance that denied my parts of my happiness and some access to my best friend. Paint me as the villain of you need to because I'll never know about it. Any possibility of a comeback here is gonna require lots of effort, effort which has been proven countless times, you are not currently capable of and I'm not likely to care once you do. For your sake, I hope no one comes after you for the problems you're in denial and/or running from that go beyond anything we talked about that led to this point. Don't repeat this mistake with who you have left, if you haven't already burned those bridges as well.

In fairness, you didn't burn this one. You wanted to hold onto what we had while continuing to disrespect my partner and I in our own household. As a result, as you exit our home, I'm torching the bridge.

Having WI-FI in your car is awesome.

Paying the monthly cellular bill is necessary.

Paying Toyota a monthly charge to access it is excessive.

Paying Toyota $150 for software updates is exorbitant.

WTF Toyota??? At least my when I buy a phone the the updates are free.

Tfw someone told u they have fucking amnesia when they tried to go right back to fuckin and you didn't believe them but told them how they cut u off and they were like; "meh I don't remember it so whatever." And things have been chill and great lately but you feel bad that either you're taking complete advantage of amnesia and mental health decline or they're taking advantage of your willingness to act like nothing happened in favour of maintaining the comfortable arrangement.

Like. Things are so good now with them it's just heavenly. But in the back of my head I'm still thinking about what they said when they initially cut me off. It fucked me up good for the while it lasted. And now I don't have closure. If I'm the one taking advantage/avoiding a conversation that should be had and the amnesia is real then it could just happen again just like it did before. If I'm not careful. And if they're taking advantage then it won't happen again but on the other hand instead of apologizing for saying what they said they decided to say they don't remember it and expected me to believe it. And I do believe it, because I want to. I have no idea if it's actually true. I feel lucky as hell to get a rewind button like in a time loop. Things are the same as they always were.. right? So why are you suddenly acting more concerned toward me. Why are you asserting you care. I don't need looking out for from you. I need you to trust me to look out for myself so I can trust you to be real with me.

How much is truth and how much is fiction? And does it even matter? Probably not... even if I somehow obtained proof that this amnesia event was real or fake I would do nothing about it. If it was fake I think I'd be fucking elated. Cause this fucker went on a tangent about why they're bad for me and that would mean they reconsidered. *For me.* Either because they couldn't resist me or realized they were wrong about me and themselves. But it was FOR FUCKIN ME. And if it was real? I'd say I'd feel guilty but I honestly wouldn't. Not after what happened. Not after everything in play here. What does it even mean to take advantage if it's a mutual thing. Doesn't it cancel out? You turn a blind eye to my transgressions and I to yours. We're good in every way that matters to either of us. I will never be in love with you but I will always cherish you and lust after you. And I hope you feel the same way on the first point. But it's okay if you don't because the second can be enough for me. You have a place in my heart that was carved out from a long while of difficult times with aggressively stupid people. Talking to you is easy. Flirting with you is easy. It's so fucking easy I'm just waiting waiting waiting for the other shoe to drop. A second time. But it isn't dropping. I talk to you and I feel no apprehension, only excitement and occasionally relaxed camaraderie. I'm less scared of you than anyone else in my life; even my closest friend. Because what you and I have is so complex yet so easily defined and maintained. Like a native plant garden, it almost seems to care for itself. We don't talk for weeks, sometimes months. There is no awkwardness when we talk again. I say something I start to wonder is too much. You approach it with understanding. I listen to your fascinating life and you mine. We talk about things. We fuck about things. You are such a valuable person to me despite being monetarily and situationally useless. The circumstances of our situationship are so very strange. But it works. You start to feel guilt like you have some unwanted power and I level it on you like a crumbling city. I start to feel guilt and you erase it like it was never there to start with. It balances out.

So let me cleanse you a million times more of your guilty conscience every time it bubbles up. The strange nothings that clutter your mind with unhelpful judgements. Things about me and things that aren't. You have nothing to be guilty about. I would a thousand times leverage power over you than let you really truly believe that you hold ultimate power in this arrangement. We are equal because I am not afraid to do what must be done. Because I don't have moral hangups based on what some outsider might say. You tell me not to presume to know you more than I do. I think I have a decent picture; at least of the you that you are with me. And that's the only you that concerns me. You owe me no welcome to your life. Nor do I. We talk because we want to. You like to make yourself feel bigger than me; that's okay, I get it. I Do Too. Given the opportunity I am glad to prove myself over you. This works so well because chaos is balance. And this is chaos. An intersecting, compatible kind of chaos. I never think about you except when we talk. I think about you all the time. I adore and hate you. But in a way that is so simple. We both have so many cards to play. Let's play forever.

What does it *look* like?

You know? Would it be easier or harder for someone to take advantage of my neurodivergence and the way I am if I did not… um… look like how I look like? *confusion*

I think it’s ridiculous that I have to actually make the argument to so many people that despite my education, my appearance, my social life (ok so the majority of my friends are autistic too - those are my people)… that I am neurodivergent and I have been traumatized.

Autistic people can get PhDs and also love to wear cool outfits and makeup. People with PhDs can be abused too. They can be taken advantage of. They can be systematically yelled at until their bladder is bloody from the chronic inflammation, and they’ll stay because trauma bonds are fucking real.

—

There is no greater proof that I have been abused by my ex/spouse than the drastic improvement to my health. It was immediate. Everyone can see it.

Since leaving, I have not had a UTI or a significant inflammatory flare (and I’ve definitely put myself at risk for both! I’m having a lot of sex now!). Talking about sex - my body can relax more, people kiss me back and want to engage in reciprocal care, and I don’t have to beg someone to wash their hands and genitals before we begin. I have been able to walk everyday. My physical fitness is back, and I can swim several laps for hours. I can actually smile again - it looks different now. My eyes sparkle again. My blood pressure is normal!! I can breathe better. I’m not having major panic attacks. I’m barely taking my klonopin. My cannabis use has gone WAY down (still use it for pain and anxiety, and recreationally ofc). I am able to go outside and actually enjoy my time with my friends. I CAN DO THINGS.

You give these fuckers an inch and they always take a mile.

Ch190, How good is Lau's offer?

Sure, he admits he would be lauded in his country for getting the credit, if he brought back such wonderful technology and people who can use it/ teach it to others.

But he's not being completely honest here. He doesn't just want the credit for supplying Ada, her skills, and the equipment to China. He wants control over it all... and to make a lot of money off it.

He says they wouldn't have to beg for their livings, but he's not saying they'd have to do as he says and essentially work for him, which might be more demanding than they anticipate. It could still be a grueling existence. Ada has an obvious skill that Lau can put to use, but exactly what would all those patients do for him? Plus, they would have to deal with all the culture shock.

I wonder just to what extent he can take advantage of them....

This is 💯💯💯💯 my mom passes away and the only time i hear from people is if they want something amd pretend to care about you by making small talk building up to asking for whatever it is they actually want. Get the fuck out!! 3 strikes youre out.