#survivingnarcissism
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Rumination
It has been almost five years since leaving the narcissist. In that time I have done a lot of ruminating. I mean A LOT. Rumination has brought some reconciling with past traumas. And realizing that some of those traumas have contributed to me accepting being treated poorly.
In this time I have gone through many episodes of depression. I have reflected on past experiences and tried to see these things through more mature eyes. I have learned about forgiveness. Not only of others, but of myself. This has been the most difficult part of my journey, forgiveness.
But fast forward to now and the narcissist has been locked up for almost three years. Nothing that had anything to do with me. Just his addictions placing him in a situation that resulted in poor decisions being made. I saw him the day before he got arrested. We had an argument about him getting his life together. He had been staying between his mom and sister’s house, who were both alcoholics as well. I told him he would wind up dead or in jail if he didn’t get some help.
In the time that he has been in jail he has gotten his GED, attended several classes in anger management, sought therapy, among other positive things. In that time I have also allowed him to maintain communication with the kids. He has been very consistent in that. I however, have been mean, disrespectful and more. I have cussed him out for next to nothing and get defensive when he tries to give advice. I mean who does he think he is, right? But seriously I find it difficult to accept this change. I don’t trust it.
I find myself resenting his ascension into his higher self. All his reading, exercising, and reflection. His patience with me is unnerving. I know that this is the toxicity in me that has grown over time. I know that I remain in my lower self. I am uncomfortable with him having to pull me out of the shit he put me in. Or was I already in it? But I am proud of him nevertheless. I’d be lying if I didn’t say that I have reservations about who he will be when he gets out. Sobriety changes a person. But addiction never goes away. I would be taking a huge risk in reuniting with someone who is capable of the things that he’s done. Yet I stand conflicted.
#survivingnarcissism#narcissism#blackbloggers#blackwomenwriters#blackwriters#narcissist#black writers#the narcissist#ruminating#ruminations
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You abandoned me when I needed you.
Left me here lost, broken, and confused.
I was there, when you needed a friend.
I was there, when you needed a hand.
You took my time, energy, and love. Bundled it all up and took off on a run.
I loved you through all your stages. I seen you in every shade of color. Grey areas, black and whites, to the different shades of blue.
I picked you up when you were lost, broken, and confused. Although I didn’t cause the damage, I reaped your vengeance and resentment.
You use to say you loved me for loving you.
Truth is, you didn’t love me. You loved what I could do for you.
My light lit up your dark world. So you took my heart and tied me to you.
Each use left me darker than the last. My light dimming to nothing as you took, and took.
My light is struggling now, starless and dull. But, you just won’t stop as you take another hit. Inhaling all that I am and exhaling the left over pieces.
You abandoned me when I needed you. But, you… you just keep taking from me.
B.
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A list of narc abuse believers for all my lovely pwNPD to block <333
@dragon-master-kai
@liquid-pie
@understandingclusterb-npd
@beenthereregrettedthat
@wilwheaton (hasn't been on for a few months but oh well)
@terrified-of-life
@secretlykoishi
@lostmf (I believe)
@nothing0fnothing
@greenevergreens
@silent-t0n
@not-a-narc-apologist
@anscathmarcach (they blocked me boo hoo)
@galactic-spec-of-dust
@selkie-ifs
@internum--urbes (also hasn't been on for a while)
@daughterofanarcissistwoman
@narcissistic-abuse-blog (wow they have their own blog :0 they hate borderlines too just so y'all know)
@furiousgoldfish
@webanglikethat (not 100% sure????)
@jay7vera
@daringdaphne
@enbygunderson
@houseofdonald
@uncoveringthenarcissist
@callmecandle
@dontbestupiditsnotthathard
@soberscientistlife (doesn't really believe in narc abuse per se, but still is very anti-NPD)
@survivingnarcissism
@howtohealfromnarcissisticabuse
@healingchildhoodtrauma
@snapnarissisticabuserecovery
@narcsurvior (either the above two blocked me or their blogs don't exist anymore)
@beauspot
@cosmic0de
@howtohealfromnarcissisticabuse
@narcopathicabuse
@narcsurvivor
@actuallydiagnosedtraumagenic (says that's it's okay to say you can be a narcissist without having NPD)
To find these people I used the following tags: #narcissistic abuse #narcissistic abuse is real #raised by narcissists #surviving narcissism
This is not an argument post. If you want to argue, shoot me an ask. This is a blocklist so that pwNPD can feel safe. You don't like, block me or send an ask. I am not here to care about your feelings. This list is also not complete/definitive. If you have other people to add, again, send an ask or comment. I love you NPD's <333
#overt narc#overt narcissist#overt npd#covert narcissism#covert npd#pro npd#npd stigma#npd positivity#actually npd#npd safe#npd#narcissism#actually narcissistic#narcissistic personality disorder#It Talks#It Disagrees
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Empaths vs Narcissists
After a terrible experience with the narcissists you feel devastated, totally wounded, in a complete pain inside… then, little by little you realise that in any case they didn't break you. You "simply" have been harshly beaten. And now you need time to recover from pain and bewilderment.
And at the end you may even realise that in spite of their brutality, and in spite of the desperation that sometimes let you behave in a too weak way, your attitude with them was never vicious. This was and remains a great victory. It shows the value of your being.
[Quote above is taken from ig@empaths_survival]
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#survivingnarcissism #survivingabuses #toxicfamily #narcissistsurvivor #empaths #empathssurvivalguide #learninghappiness #narcissism #abusesurvivor
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i cant believe that every narcissist out there has a big cock and an incredible personality, absolute chads the lot of you
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The fourth and final installment of this week’s poem. Thank you all for letting me share this with you — this piece, in particular, has been integral to my healing process. And I am grateful for all of the love and support you have shown me this week. Ladies and gents, you are all wonderful.❤️ ..... #hallofsidney #sidneyhallpoetry #healingtrauma #creativetherapy #poetrycommunity #iwritetobreathe #iwritetoheal #iwritetofreemyself #itsokaytonotbeokayedit #youmattertoo #selfcareisnotselfish #learningtolovemyselfagain #toxicfamily #youcantsavetheworldalone #survivingnarcissism #learningtobeok #sadpoems #bleedingheartpoetry #unfilteredthoughts #allthethingsinevertoldyou #letterstomymother #mentalhealing https://www.instagram.com/p/CNIG0bRFrHN/?igshid=1rfx798vwfspd
#hallofsidney#sidneyhallpoetry#healingtrauma#creativetherapy#poetrycommunity#iwritetobreathe#iwritetoheal#iwritetofreemyself#itsokaytonotbeokayedit#youmattertoo#selfcareisnotselfish#learningtolovemyselfagain#toxicfamily#youcantsavetheworldalone#survivingnarcissism#learningtobeok#sadpoems#bleedingheartpoetry#unfilteredthoughts#allthethingsinevertoldyou#letterstomymother#mentalhealing
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Niggas
A nigga will have the most beautiful, loyal and devoted woman and slowly try to destroy her. It’s sad watching him fuck up the best thing he ever had. It’s hard to watch. His alcoholism turns him into a disgusting person. His trauma causes him to blame any and everyone but himself. The worst part about it all is that all of his suffering is at the hand of his own actions. He refused to acknowledge or see it. It’s his birthday and he thinks I’m supposed to go far out and beyond to make him feel special. But for my birthday he did absolutely nothing. NOTHING. Mother’s Day it was the same. The mother of two of his children and he couldn’t even get me a card. But he’s complaining because I wouldn’t go to the store to get liquor. He has me go downstairs to get the glasses with ice. He wants me to wash his clothes, fix his hair, cook him steak, and suck his dick. All this while dealing with the kids and cleaning the house. Now he’s acting like a little boy. I can’t keep this going. He’s pushing me towards savagery. He’s forcing me to leave him. It’s sad how delusional he is. It’s pathetic how he refuses to see how self destructive he is. He’s fucking up a beautiful situation and doesn’t even see it. He walks out the room saying, ‘I k ow you Auntie t stupid.’ As if I would be afraid to step out on him. Why would I be afraid of that? What is he giving me to hold on to?
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I searched “Is the worlds shaped by narcissism” This article is extremely informative and mind opening . I implore everyone to take the time. As always im an advocate for making mental health mainstream in the US. https://bigthink.com/design-for-good/your-culture-affects-how-narcissistic-you-are 🤙⛩👌🇺🇸💪🏯🐉🐲👍🇯🇵🎋🥋🌵☯️😁🌊❤️🌸🧠 #therealmastryota #therealwanderingdragon #lifeismyanime #makementalhealthmainstreamUSA #alanwatts #survivingnarcissism #onlyqualitypeople #lesbrown #Dr.LesCarter #honoryourself (at Mastryota) https://www.instagram.com/p/BzqrLaQFSHh/?igshid=x79lkgcto88g
#therealmastryota#therealwanderingdragon#lifeismyanime#makementalhealthmainstreamusa#alanwatts#survivingnarcissism#onlyqualitypeople#lesbrown#dr#honoryourself
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Is it narcissism or high ego?
Watch it on YouTube 👇
https://yt6.pics.ee/3cukj6
#narcissisticabusesurvivor #narcissist #mentalhealth #awareness #staystrong #seekhelp #khouloud #toxicpeople #survivingnarcissism #narcissism #highego #ego
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Still free from the narcissist…it’s been years. But he’s grown and made some positive changes. I’ve learned that anyone has the capacity to change. It’s more about discipline and wanting more for yourself. I have not reconciled, but I have forgiven him. And understand that addiction played a major role in his behavior and perspective on things.
Anyway, check out my shop!! I’m trying to blow up. 😁.
And always remember, NO CONTACT!!
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The empty wound.
It unravel.
It open up.
It strech it hurted.
It reminded her of all the places she never wanted to be in.
She felt empty
and stood in fear.
It crumble her soul.
The pain touch her heart.
It belittle her mind.
and confuse her thoughts.
Her memory was erased.
"She became traumatized.
and cover her scars deep in fear.
She was loss
In her deepest thoughts.
The reassurance creep up.in darkness
It gave her no hope, for her pain.
All it did was made her feel uncomfortable and vulnerable.
She hated feeling that way.
It took her courage
To sit in her discomfort of her wound.
She was ashamed.
Until one day the emptiness of the wound close.
She realized the silence within did not have all the answers of her discomfort.
So she bravely, kneeled an utter of her most deepest prayers to the most high above.
God comfort her soul.
The discomfort of her emptiness were no longer unravel.
The wound heal In time.
And the scar stood bright while her strength held on.
And that how she move on.
Written By Opal Ingram
(c) 2020
#amwriting #shortreads #poetry
#BeingHuman #selflovejourney
#readwithme #writing #poems
#poetryisalive #writingcommunity
#creatingpages #authorsofinstagram
#poetsofinstagram #survivingnarcissism
#survivorofdomesticviolence
#unapologeticallyher #bettereveryday
#bravewrite #vss365
#melaninopal #supportblackwriters
#blackwomenmatter #womenarestrong
#womenmatter #werisebyliftingothers
@10fdr #bloggerstyle #nypoet #les
instagram
#melaninopal
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For your narc abuse block list:
@snapnarissisticabuserecovery
@narcsurvior
@howtohealfromnarcissisticabuse
@survivingnarcissism
@healingchildhoodtrauma (seems to generally anti-cluster b)
Added, thank you!
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Windshield isn’t the cleanest but had to share this red hued wonder. Couldn’t really call it a rainbow as it hadn’t rained but there it was amidst the haze from the burning fires aglow at sunset time. So eerily beautiful, SubhanAllah. The sky seemed to be reflecting what’s my mood on a daily basis. On one hand I go about cheerily through the day, on the other an empty feeling of sadness continues to grip my heart. Like this smokiness screaming witness to the devastation caused by the fires. Making my insides cringe. There’s fires that burn around me that so far I’m safe from. It’s the fires within that I think I’ve put out, but are somewhere still smoldering, that I fear the most. I continue to seek guidance from the One and Only to get me through all there was, is, and will be, ya Lateef 🤲🏼May Allah swt reunite me with my son so my eyes can be cooled by the sight of him and my motherly yearning can be quenched. #parentalalienationawareness #parentalalienationduringcovid #parentalalienationduringfires #whatkindaanimaldoesthis #definitelynotahuman #jalladloki #survivingnarcissism #dvsurvivor #traumacontinues #byextension #familycourtscorruption https://www.instagram.com/p/CETIOeYj32-/?igshid=tbq69q6o18bm
#parentalalienationawareness#parentalalienationduringcovid#parentalalienationduringfires#whatkindaanimaldoesthis#definitelynotahuman#jalladloki#survivingnarcissism#dvsurvivor#traumacontinues#byextension#familycourtscorruption
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Start Again
The one thing I think people know most about me, is that I don’t take shit from NOBODY. And if I get myself in a bind, I’ll more than likely get myself out. So it’s hard to understand how I got into the situation that I did. And I don’t expect anyone to understand. Just know that I made it out of a bad situation. And I am going to spend every second here after, making it up to me and my kids.
.
I could’ve opened up to someone. I could have asked for help. But I couldn’t deal with the questions and judgements that I already had for myself. I couldn’t deal with the condemnation and anger that would proceed the assistance. I don’t blame anyone for their insensitivity or eagerness to run tell that. I don’t blame anyone for not checking up on me.
.
I got myself out of it. Now I’m going to build myself back up. I’m going to do all the things I set out to do.
.
I’m tired of my shit too, y’all.
#mamawritten#blackwriters#blackbloggers#bipolar disorder#domestic violence#start again#survivingnarcissism
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empaths told me to try putting myself in other people’s places to see how they feel so i’m highjacking the narc survivor tag because they won’t stop using npd tags lol
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